18:43 I think my brain exaggerated the eyebrows coz I paid more attention after that and it's not usually so extreme! But if you're interested on some thoughts about why I suck at acting (outside a horror context), I made a vlog about that here: th-cam.com/video/Ap3zjM3rgzI/w-d-xo.html (includes more thoughts on schizoid and DID) 22:08 I have a few videos on Ancient Egypt and my collection of knickknacks too... Sobek and Hyde th-cam.com/video/9n2GqN1nZTI/w-d-xo.html My Ancient Egypt Shrine th-cam.com/video/KWgv8MY_Q-A/w-d-xo.html My fav Egyptian store closed th-cam.com/video/WC3ZPThy_Wk/w-d-xo.html 26:13 If you wanna hear some of my music... My solo project destroyermariko.bandcamp.com/ My A.D.Destroyer collab addestroyer.bandcamp.com/ Covers I've done th-cam.com/play/PLcnGYCY37VxBzF9ygwMt2rIQgujYD48mH.html 27:10 Here's my bonsai playlist th-cam.com/play/PLcnGYCY37VxBs8WeIuF_Wsq7ixmhB5JtC.html I eventually got a job at a bonsai nursery and started teaching too, just couldn't keep it up because of physical strain and my mental illness, which is a shame coz it was a pretty cool job. 27:22 If you're really brave, here's my ant playlist too! th-cam.com/play/PLcnGYCY37VxDGw2EZxNFYjWhTysJMr2YW.html OBVIOUSLY my most thrilling, most popular, most in-demand content......... 52:18 YES, SPICE GIRLS!!! th-cam.com/users/shorts6j9YNiADSd4 55:20 Yeah I did see a DID specialist but I think she was biased af th-cam.com/video/HY_7qT3xgvA/w-d-xo.html 56:28 The thing I got asked to do th-cam.com/users/shortswM1peJEEnbk 57:35 Heck, have my makeup playlist too... th-cam.com/play/PLcnGYCY37VxCj5jWLxhWWQ_WaEbTU4TK9.html 59:15 Cyber mode in action th-cam.com/users/shortsulMJCtEl-0Q 1:02:28 If you dunno wtf is happening here, check out my video on sensory therapy th-cam.com/video/c4uIUETkO7k/w-d-xo.html although I think I talked more about By The Fireplace in a livestream a while back. What? You want more? Okay well... check out the links in my description. Or the rest of my channel. I'm really tired lol, I need to go goof off for a bit. Maybe read more of that gay werewolves book... 💀
Hi. You seem to be on the right road in understanding and discovering new aspects to your "self-identity"which can take a long time. TH-cam seems to help in combating any stress - although don't know behind the scenes? Good stuff spoken from the heart
Disassociating is scary. Guess anything can trigger it, thoughts, memories, stress and insomnia. The condition is not understood enough, and probably more common then most ppl realise.
Yeah I mean I'm not sure if what I have qualifies as an actual _dissociative disorder_ but when it's bad, it's so uncomfortable and it doesn't make any sense. Hard to know how common it is though. On the one hand, everyone dissociates, like that common example of driving but not remembering the trip. But there's obviously a point where it becomes extreme and I guess it's a question of how many people find their brains crossing that line. The subjective aspect probably makes it hard to study accurately.
I become a different person when unmedicated. I become very childish, like dancing and moving my body around strangely while walking, dancing by any business playing music, making up accents, words, and sounds, loudly crying wherever I was, and, the really bad one: singing "when you wish upon a star" to a crowd.
Ah man that's rough! Yours is a very different case though. Well done keeping on top of the meds though, I can really tell you're doing better these days :)
@DestroyerMariko It's okay. It was deeply emotional at times, as deep as it gets. Now though I am as flat as a pancake. I have heard anti psychotics be refered to as "spiritual anesthesia." However I can't just live in a grandiose, paranoid, fantasy and delusional lie.
I've heard that antipsychotics are like that, but good on you for sticking with it! Doing better than I did with antidepressants haha. Some of those can make you flat too. I wonder if Cobenfy does that though, it's supposed to actually help the negative symptoms of schizophrenia instead of just the positive ones like the rest, but I'm sure it has its own side effects.
18:43 I think my brain exaggerated the eyebrows coz I paid more attention after that and it's not usually so extreme! But if you're interested on some thoughts about why I suck at acting (outside a horror context), I made a vlog about that here: th-cam.com/video/Ap3zjM3rgzI/w-d-xo.html (includes more thoughts on schizoid and DID)
22:08 I have a few videos on Ancient Egypt and my collection of knickknacks too...
Sobek and Hyde th-cam.com/video/9n2GqN1nZTI/w-d-xo.html
My Ancient Egypt Shrine th-cam.com/video/KWgv8MY_Q-A/w-d-xo.html
My fav Egyptian store closed th-cam.com/video/WC3ZPThy_Wk/w-d-xo.html
26:13 If you wanna hear some of my music...
My solo project destroyermariko.bandcamp.com/
My A.D.Destroyer collab addestroyer.bandcamp.com/
Covers I've done th-cam.com/play/PLcnGYCY37VxBzF9ygwMt2rIQgujYD48mH.html
27:10 Here's my bonsai playlist th-cam.com/play/PLcnGYCY37VxBs8WeIuF_Wsq7ixmhB5JtC.html I eventually got a job at a bonsai nursery and started teaching too, just couldn't keep it up because of physical strain and my mental illness, which is a shame coz it was a pretty cool job.
27:22 If you're really brave, here's my ant playlist too! th-cam.com/play/PLcnGYCY37VxDGw2EZxNFYjWhTysJMr2YW.html OBVIOUSLY my most thrilling, most popular, most in-demand content.........
52:18 YES, SPICE GIRLS!!! th-cam.com/users/shorts6j9YNiADSd4
55:20 Yeah I did see a DID specialist but I think she was biased af th-cam.com/video/HY_7qT3xgvA/w-d-xo.html
56:28 The thing I got asked to do th-cam.com/users/shortswM1peJEEnbk
57:35 Heck, have my makeup playlist too... th-cam.com/play/PLcnGYCY37VxCj5jWLxhWWQ_WaEbTU4TK9.html
59:15 Cyber mode in action th-cam.com/users/shortsulMJCtEl-0Q
1:02:28 If you dunno wtf is happening here, check out my video on sensory therapy th-cam.com/video/c4uIUETkO7k/w-d-xo.html although I think I talked more about By The Fireplace in a livestream a while back.
What? You want more? Okay well... check out the links in my description. Or the rest of my channel. I'm really tired lol, I need to go goof off for a bit. Maybe read more of that gay werewolves book... 💀
Hi. You seem to be on the right road in understanding and discovering new aspects to your "self-identity"which can take a long time. TH-cam seems to help in combating any stress - although don't know behind the scenes? Good stuff spoken from the heart
Thank you for sharing, you are very brave and kind hearted❤
Disassociating is scary. Guess anything can trigger it, thoughts, memories, stress and insomnia.
The condition is not understood enough, and probably more common then most ppl realise.
Yeah I mean I'm not sure if what I have qualifies as an actual _dissociative disorder_ but when it's bad, it's so uncomfortable and it doesn't make any sense.
Hard to know how common it is though. On the one hand, everyone dissociates, like that common example of driving but not remembering the trip. But there's obviously a point where it becomes extreme and I guess it's a question of how many people find their brains crossing that line. The subjective aspect probably makes it hard to study accurately.
Are you ok happy to see you
I become a different person when unmedicated. I become very childish, like dancing and moving my body around strangely while walking, dancing by any business playing music, making up accents, words, and sounds, loudly crying wherever I was, and, the really bad one: singing "when you wish upon a star" to a crowd.
Ah man that's rough! Yours is a very different case though. Well done keeping on top of the meds though, I can really tell you're doing better these days :)
@DestroyerMariko It's okay. It was deeply emotional at times, as deep as it gets. Now though I am as flat as a pancake. I have heard anti psychotics be refered to as "spiritual anesthesia." However I can't just live in a grandiose, paranoid, fantasy and delusional lie.
I've heard that antipsychotics are like that, but good on you for sticking with it! Doing better than I did with antidepressants haha. Some of those can make you flat too. I wonder if Cobenfy does that though, it's supposed to actually help the negative symptoms of schizophrenia instead of just the positive ones like the rest, but I'm sure it has its own side effects.
What's wrong with Seinfeld?
I already explained that. Would you like a Pez?
@@DestroyerMariko Where is the hole in your ripped pants?
That's coming in the next video
@@DestroyerMariko But I'm a cult member
Let's not spoil it for the plebs 😘