I woke up on 11th August last year to find that my husband had died during the night. The shock was staggering.. .... Loss number one. Within one week , I was forced out of my lovely house where I lived for 35 years....loss number two. I was moved into a retirement home by family as they felt it wasen't safe for me to stay on my own house. They took my beautiful 11 year old German Shepherd from me,which absolutely broke my heart. Big dogs are not allowed at this place...loss number three. The family arranged for all my house belongings to be taken by a charity and I could only keep essentials.....loss number four. I was then left to on a strange new 'home' to 'get over my grief! A few days later my family told me my beautiful dog they had taken on a very long trip to their home had been 'hurt' and was put down! 💔 I will NEVER forgive them! I still grieve and heaven help the person who tells me to just 'get over it and move on!!!' My mind was so shocked numb seeing my husband dead that I could not think for myself or make decisions. I was so against everything the family was doing....taking over instead of letting me stay in my own home with my dog who was extremely close to me. I will never get over it. 💔💔
Oh how terrible for you Michelle. A cascading of terrible loss and additional grief. I too will never get over the horrendously violent death of my first born son. To hear the guy on the right top give people a year to "get over" their grief means simply that he has never lost a child and hopefully he will never know this never ending pain.
So sorry that the family did that to you you should have been able to stay in your home for a while I know because my husband passed after 42 years of marriage I'm still in the same house for now it would be very hard to leave everything so I feel for you God bless and I hope your family and you come to some kind of terms
I really appreciate the conversation here, but what was clearly lacking is this focus on suck it up and move on with grief is uniquely American, In many cultures grief is expected to last a life time. Look at so many cultures and religious annually mark deaths and losses including mass cultural losses ( the holocaust for example, women in Italy who are expected to wear black for the rest of their lives after the death of their husband). Look also at grief/loss from the Sikh perspective on grief/loss as a community activity. We have totally lost the importance of how grief is handled across cultures. There is not always inherent shame in grief in cultures where grief/loss is supported in more healthy ways than we allow ourselves in the U.S. This comes from someone with an L.C.S.W., along with a Masters in International Communication.
I feel it is more of a help than a stigma put on those who are bereaved in that they will be able to get professional help and it may be partially covered for them financially, relieving another roadblock for some.
Losing my mom to cancer was very traumatizing, you have to get through the trauma before you even begin to grieve, I don’t know how to get through the trauma. Same with my brother in laws death was suicide that was traumatizing and I don’t know how to even begin to get through this one, it’s been 4 years and still get intrusive memoreis of this, I have ptsd, any traumatizing death comes with ptsd. And if you can’t talk about the event how the heck do you get the help without being retraumitized. The grief comes after when you heal from the trauma it’s very complicated in my situation. My other brother in-law died recently from cancer awful death and it brings up my moms death intrusive memories. Can’t sleep very well, awake till 5:00 am then finally fall asleep till 1:00 pm. Not good for a person who has diabetes. So this prolong grief disorder is a terrible diagnosis, it’s trauma to after someone close to you dies, wish professionals would see this. This is what people are suffering from.
I am greatly affected by long term dibilitating grief after all of the circumstances surrounding my dad's suicide when I was 14. I'm glad it was added. NO ONE understands. If you still have trouble functioning even for a portion of the year people don't know why you don't "just get over it" years later. There needs to be better and more specialized treatments. There needs to be more awareness IMO, as well. It is different than the average grief people experience.
I agree with you, are family went through a suicide death also, it’s traumatizing, I’m very sorry for the loss of your dad. Hopefully there will be better treatments, so people don’t get retraumatized, it has to be very delicately approached.
My daughter died in Oct., 2022. I have a few friends and family who sent cookies , rather than call me. I feel so isolated. My husband won’t discuss my grief and is grieving separately.
I don’t believe a drug would help grief ,my God this is so scary, the first two years were the toughest with my moms death, and also it depends if the the person died suddenly, which in my case I didn’t know my mom had cancer till she was in the emerg and told me, she lived for about of a month and a half and that was palliative care, and hospice, so it was sudden to me. My story of grief goes on and on, lost my brother in-law to suicide three years after my mom, then three years after that my moms husband died suddenly, 6 months later my other brother in-law died of cancer. It’s been never ending of trauma and grief.
The label, "Adjustment Disorder (Chronic)" + existing "Death of a Family Member" label might make more sense than Prolonged Grief Disorder for ICD billing purposes.
Nope, that is a bad idea “adjustment disorder” shouldn’t even be a diagnosis, everyone adjusts to things that happen in there lives, like death of a loved one, loss of any kind takes time, that look different for everyone. Remember Grief is not a disorder. I hate labels, they cause so many problems.
Personally I value the past , because the current isn't even 5% basically! it is like trying to grasp a rope of sand. And the past collapsed 95% in so many areas..... try to match this! Yet by the " collapse", the people who "changed", now proved to be not steadfast in any deep sense of the word! And that betrayal negates what was cherished memories. When people care, they should be there, as in the true definition of a compassionate friend. And their maturity should be evident by their words, voice and demeanor.
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I woke up on 11th August last year to find that my husband had died during the night. The shock was staggering.. .... Loss number one. Within one week , I was forced out of my lovely house where I lived for 35 years....loss number two. I was moved into a retirement home by family as they felt it wasen't safe for me to stay on my own house. They took my beautiful 11 year old German Shepherd from me,which absolutely broke my heart. Big dogs are not allowed at this place...loss number three. The family arranged for all my house belongings to be taken by a charity and I could only keep essentials.....loss number four. I was then left to on a strange new 'home' to 'get over my grief! A few days later my family told me my beautiful dog they had taken on a very long trip to their home had been 'hurt' and was put down! 💔 I will NEVER forgive them! I still grieve and heaven help the person who tells me to just 'get over it and move on!!!' My mind was so shocked numb seeing my husband dead that I could not think for myself or make decisions. I was so against everything the family was doing....taking over instead of letting me stay in my own home with my dog who was extremely close to me. I will never get over it. 💔💔
❤️❤️❤️
Cumulative loss, please seek counseling.
❤
Oh how terrible for you Michelle. A cascading of terrible loss and additional grief. I too will never get over the horrendously violent death of my first born son. To hear the guy on the right top give people a year to "get over" their grief means simply that he has never lost a child and hopefully he will never know this never ending pain.
@@kerry5188 Thanks for being so understanding. I am so sorry for your loss which must have been extremely traumatic for you, 🙏❤️
So sorry that the family did that to you you should have been able to stay in your home for a while I know because my husband passed after 42 years of marriage I'm still in the same house for now it would be very hard to leave everything so I feel for you God bless and I hope your family and you come to some kind of terms
This was an AWSOME panel discussion.
Thank you so much for doing this session. This is so insightful and helpful!
I so agree that all medical professionals should have a lot of training on grief.
I really appreciate the conversation here, but what was clearly lacking is this focus on suck it up and move on with grief is uniquely American, In many cultures grief is expected to last a life time. Look at so many cultures and religious annually mark deaths and losses including mass cultural losses ( the holocaust for example, women in Italy who are expected to wear black for the rest of their lives after the death of their husband). Look also at grief/loss from the Sikh perspective on grief/loss as a community activity. We have totally lost the importance of how grief is handled across cultures. There is not always inherent shame in grief in cultures where grief/loss is supported in more healthy ways than we allow ourselves in the U.S. This comes from someone with an L.C.S.W., along with a Masters in International Communication.
Wonderful analysis
I feel it is more of a help than a stigma put on those who are bereaved in that they will be able to get professional help and it may be partially covered for them financially, relieving another roadblock for some.
I add the work of Valarie Kaur on meeting grief loss with community support.
Losing my mom to cancer was very traumatizing, you have to get through the trauma before you even begin to grieve, I don’t know how to get through the trauma. Same with my brother in laws death was suicide that was traumatizing and I don’t know how to even begin to get through this one, it’s been 4 years and still get intrusive memoreis of this, I have ptsd, any traumatizing death comes with ptsd. And if you can’t talk about the event how the heck do you get the help without being retraumitized. The grief comes after when you heal from the trauma it’s very complicated in my situation. My other brother in-law died recently from cancer awful death and it brings up my moms death intrusive memories. Can’t sleep very well, awake till 5:00 am then finally fall asleep till 1:00 pm. Not good for a person who has diabetes. So this prolong grief disorder is a terrible diagnosis, it’s trauma to after someone close to you dies, wish professionals would see this. This is what people are suffering from.
Applies to adoptee grief as well.
I am greatly affected by long term dibilitating grief after all of the circumstances surrounding my dad's suicide when I was 14. I'm glad it was added. NO ONE understands. If you still have trouble functioning even for a portion of the year people don't know why you don't "just get over it" years later. There needs to be better and more specialized treatments. There needs to be more awareness IMO, as well. It is different than the average grief people experience.
I agree with you, are family went through a suicide death also, it’s traumatizing, I’m very sorry for the loss of your dad. Hopefully there will be better treatments, so people don’t get retraumatized, it has to be very delicately approached.
My daughter died in Oct., 2022. I have a few friends and family who sent cookies , rather than call me. I feel so isolated. My husband won’t discuss my grief and is grieving separately.
I have no words 😭😭
New grief also brings up old grief, that’s what’s happening in my experience.
“Prolonged Grief” = 12 months?! Hahaha.
I don’t believe a drug would help grief ,my God this is so scary, the first two years were the toughest with my moms death, and also it depends if the the person died suddenly, which in my case I didn’t know my mom had cancer till she was in the emerg and told me, she lived for about of a month and a half and that was palliative care, and hospice, so it was sudden to me.
My story of grief goes on and on, lost my brother in-law to suicide three years after my mom, then three years after that my moms husband died suddenly, 6 months later my other brother in-law died of cancer. It’s been never ending of trauma and grief.
My question is what about people who get stuck in a relationship with a narcissist?
The label, "Adjustment Disorder (Chronic)" + existing "Death of a Family Member" label might make more sense than Prolonged Grief Disorder for ICD billing purposes.
Nope, that is a bad idea “adjustment disorder” shouldn’t even be a diagnosis, everyone adjusts to things that happen in there lives, like death of a loved one, loss of any kind takes time, that look different for everyone. Remember Grief is not a disorder. I hate labels, they cause so many problems.
And the values of the past include landscape beauty that has been destroyed literally! Which you will never see again.
How to be present endorsed
Personally I value the past , because the current isn't even 5% basically! it is like trying to grasp a rope of sand. And the past collapsed 95% in so many areas..... try to match this! Yet by the " collapse", the people who "changed", now proved to be not steadfast in any deep sense of the word! And that betrayal negates what was cherished memories. When people care, they should be there, as in the true definition of a compassionate friend. And their maturity should be evident by their words, voice and demeanor.
Why not complicated grief?
Looking for pro bono grief.counsellor online.