This is such an important video. Nicely describes the programs, how they help, and how they fit with other healing work. Michelle also answers the top-of-mind questions that a lot of people may not feel comfortable asking when they're new to one of these programs. As always, she also explains things in a clear, relatable and human way.
There is only one CODA meeting in my town of almost 300,000 people. I attended for 6 months and found the group to be very closed to new people even ignoring new comers. After seeing people leaving because they’re not welcome into a closed group I left also. I got nothing out of being around people who wanted to keep the group small for their own comfort. I saw it as highly dysfunctional and toxic. Not all groups are this way or have to be this way. It just so happens to be the only meeting in town and evidently it’s only for certain people approved by the group. Otherwise they won’t speak to anyone outside the core group. Online meetings are an option to find healthy groups to participate in if you also have extremely limited options for meetings.
I'm sorry you had that experience. That's why I recommend Al-Anon more - they have a lot more meetings ( online and in person ). Please don't give up yet - while yes some groups are dysfunctional there are healthy groups that will welcome you :)
Coda emphasizes a relationship with a power greater than yourself or higher power that that no where does it say not to have one or embark on any spirituality?
Sorry not sure what you mean. I think the point I was making was that developing a relationship with a Higher Power can create resistance and it’s not required. Of course, it’s an important part of recovery but people are still free to choose or not. Hope that helps.
When we concentrate on our recovery in the twelve steps program the Higher power irons out our issues.we dont need to believe in god to do a twelve step program we just need to believe in a power greater than our self.thats your higher power
We don’t have anything like that in the part of the uk where I live, I feel codependent on my daughter or my son but they’ve flown the nest so basically I have no one else so I have abandonment issues as well, I feel so scared and weak and shake so I’m getting that I don’t feel strong enough to heave the hous e
Wendy, the meetings on Zoom might work since they can be anywhere in the world. You don't have to be alone with this. Here is the link al-anon.org just to go meetings and it will have electronic or Zoom meetings listed. You can do this!
Tons of coda meetings are online. I just need smart recovery. The steps with God & talking about remove my "defects of character" is bs. I'm tired of focusing always of everything wrong with me. God. Shut up. Let's talk about the good. Not the bad.
In my extensive experience, CODA is full of unrecovered and very ill people. Good luck finding anyone who has what you want. I think Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families is a much better choice for healing codependency. I found Al-Anon to not be very deep into healing the inner child.
Can you please expand on this further? I used to go to CODA but stopped a long time ago. I attended ACA before as well, and I remember liking it better but it's been so many years now that I can't remember the details. I would love to hear more of your insights on this if you can. Thanks so much!
@rrtvox Al-Anon is more established than ACA or Coda but they are great for nonjudgmental support and mentorship. If you struggle with alcoholic relationships or you grew up in a dysfunctional family or you have codependent behaviors- I’d suggest checking them out. You may need to go to different meetings before you find a good fit. Each meeting has its own flavor - but there should be an overall feeling of hope - even though some will be in pain - it’s all part of the process.
You do NOT "GET" A SPONSOR IN CODA. Many people don't want to be a sponsor because they're tired of helping other people and they only want to help themselves and they're told not to go out and help other people too much. I was told that in a Coda meeting about 2 years ago. I put my name on a list and no one ever called me. Not every group has people pushing people to be a sponsor
In Al-Anon people are very willing to sponsor because they know that in order to recover they have to give it away but I understand codependents being tired of helping.
Step one talks about recognizing God in a higher power how can you do Coda meetings or any 12-step meeting if you don't even do the first step because I will rip every single higher power word out of the blue book I will just say nope higher power delete that God delete that higher power God Jesus prayer delete all those words if I did that what would be left in the Blue Book? What would be left in that big blue book? I'm talking about both the AA the big book and the blue book The Blue CoDA book I'm talking about both. What would be left if I ripped out every single word that said higher power pray prayer go to your higher power and pray and God. What would be left? The only thing that would be left is go to yourself ask your friends or ask yourself these questions and trust yourself and trust your friends and trust your family. But Coda and 12 steps is based on trusting God it's based on trusting some power outside of ourselves it is not based on trusting ourselves. And there's a problem there with AA because according to AA you cannot trust yourself because you have a disease and you cannot control the alcohol. So I can understand why atheists will not want to go to AA or any 12-step meeting because it does not make sense if you can't control yourself because you have a disease how can you trust yourself if you're an atheist you don't believe in a god
That's the beauty of 12 step programs - they are only suggestions but not mandatory. You can "take what you like and leave the rest" which is why they can help so many people.
This was tremendously helpful. Thank you for sharing all of the various reason that 12-steps programs can be beneficial for codependency recovery. I am 60 years old and have been working on healing childhood trauma for 30 years. I have made great strides by working with therapists, but I still feel stuck in terms of how codependent I am. I have started saying the Serenity Prayer to give me peace of mind during the last 5 years. I had been considering joining CODA. Your video was just the info that I needed to proceed. THANK YOU!!
So my God is me. God & I are one. So all the steps with the word GOD I'm it means I turn to myself for the answers. Not to some sky daddy or sky mommy bs. Why is this power a power "greater than us" Maybe it's a power WITHIN US or a power we don't understand yet. Why must it be a HE & THIS GOD has to be OUTSIDE OF US that sounds like a bunch of Christian Jesus ba to me
That’s the great thing about your Higher Power - you get to decide what that looks like and you’re absolutely right - for some it is a power WITHIN. Great point - thank you for watching and contributing. 😊
6:15 rip the word God or higher power out of the big book & every step So sick of the sky daddy bs. Oh I need to pray. Well I must pray to myself since God & I are one.
I agree Codependency effects every single area of my life....
Yes, it definitely can. You’re not alone. I hope my videos help you understand the process of recovery.
This is such an important video. Nicely describes the programs, how they help, and how they fit with other healing work. Michelle also answers the top-of-mind questions that a lot of people may not feel comfortable asking when they're new to one of these programs. As always, she also explains things in a clear, relatable and human way.
Thank you James!! You know how much I love them!
I'm super grateful for you and the information you share. Thank you for being you. Thank you for being part of my journey. S.K.
You are SO welcome! Thank you for watching and being so willing to learn. That says a lot about you and your willingness to so this work!
Thanks for posting this! Do you also recommend the ACA program?
Yes absolutely - that program deals a bit more with childhood issues but I think they address issues of codependency as well.
What's that program
Adult Children of Alcoholics.
There is only one CODA meeting in my town of almost 300,000 people. I attended for 6 months and found the group to be very closed to new people even ignoring new comers. After seeing people leaving because they’re not welcome into a closed group I left also. I got nothing out of being around people who wanted to keep the group small for their own comfort. I saw it as highly dysfunctional and toxic. Not all groups are this way or have to be this way. It just so happens to be the only meeting in town and evidently it’s only for certain people approved by the group. Otherwise they won’t speak to anyone outside the core group.
Online meetings are an option to find healthy groups to participate in if you also have extremely limited options for meetings.
I'm sorry you had that experience. That's why I recommend Al-Anon more - they have a lot more meetings ( online and in person ). Please don't give up yet - while yes some groups are dysfunctional there are healthy groups that will welcome you :)
Coda emphasizes a relationship with a power greater than yourself or higher power that that no where does it say not to have one or embark on any spirituality?
Sorry not sure what you mean. I think the point I was making was that developing a relationship with a Higher Power can create resistance and it’s not required. Of course, it’s an important part of recovery but people are still free to choose or not. Hope that helps.
When we concentrate on our recovery in the twelve steps program the Higher power irons out our issues.we dont need to believe in god to do a twelve step program we just need to believe in a power greater than our self.thats your higher power
Absolutely- you can believe in any concept that suits you! Thanks for watching and contributing!
🏴🇬🇧👍
We don’t have anything like that in the part of the uk where I live, I feel codependent on my daughter or my son but they’ve flown the nest so basically I have no one else so I have abandonment issues as well, I feel so scared and weak and shake so I’m getting that I don’t feel strong enough to heave the hous e
Wendy, the meetings on Zoom might work since they can be anywhere in the world. You don't have to be alone with this. Here is the link al-anon.org just to go meetings and it will have electronic or Zoom meetings listed. You can do this!
Thanks!
You are so welcome! Thank YOU for watching!
I was attending a local CODA group for several years..... Unfortunately it disbanded due to lack of attendance. .
Have you tried Al-Anon? A lot of their meetings are still on Zoom too.
Tons of coda meetings are online. I just need smart recovery. The steps with God & talking about remove my "defects of character" is bs. I'm tired of focusing always of everything wrong with me. God. Shut up. Let's talk about the good. Not the bad.
@@sandbar3000 I think recovery is about addressing both but our defects don’t make us bad they make us human. Thanks for watching Sandra!
@@sandbar3000 I see your point.
Plz provide me link about 12 steps program
al-anon.org
In my extensive experience, CODA is full of unrecovered and very ill people. Good luck finding anyone who has what you want. I think Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families is a much better choice for healing codependency. I found Al-Anon to not be very deep into healing the inner child.
I’m so glad you found a program that works for you!
Can you please expand on this further? I used to go to CODA but stopped a long time ago. I attended ACA before as well, and I remember liking it better but it's been so many years now that I can't remember the details. I would love to hear more of your insights on this if you can. Thanks so much!
@rrtvox Al-Anon is more established than ACA or Coda but they are great for nonjudgmental support and mentorship. If you struggle with alcoholic relationships or you grew up in a dysfunctional family or you have codependent behaviors- I’d suggest checking them out. You may need to go to different meetings before you find a good fit. Each meeting has its own flavor - but there should be an overall feeling of hope - even though some will be in pain - it’s all part of the process.
You do NOT "GET" A SPONSOR IN CODA. Many people don't want to be a sponsor because they're tired of helping other people and they only want to help themselves and they're told not to go out and help other people too much. I was told that in a Coda meeting about 2 years ago. I put my name on a list and no one ever called me. Not every group has people pushing people to be a sponsor
In Al-Anon people are very willing to sponsor because they know that in order to recover they have to give it away but I understand codependents being tired of helping.
No legs lady was going to this because she couldn’t recognize the enabling in her life. I saw it within two interactions. That’s why I used her.
♥️
Step one talks about recognizing God in a higher power how can you do Coda meetings or any 12-step meeting if you don't even do the first step because I will rip every single higher power word out of the blue book I will just say nope higher power delete that God delete that higher power God Jesus prayer delete all those words if I did that what would be left in the Blue Book? What would be left in that big blue book? I'm talking about both the AA the big book and the blue book The Blue CoDA book I'm talking about both. What would be left if I ripped out every single word that said higher power pray prayer go to your higher power and pray and God. What would be left? The only thing that would be left is go to yourself ask your friends or ask yourself these questions and trust yourself and trust your friends and trust your family. But Coda and 12 steps is based on trusting God it's based on trusting some power outside of ourselves it is not based on trusting ourselves. And there's a problem there with AA because according to AA you cannot trust yourself because you have a disease and you cannot control the alcohol. So I can understand why atheists will not want to go to AA or any 12-step meeting because it does not make sense if you can't control yourself because you have a disease how can you trust yourself if you're an atheist you don't believe in a god
That's the beauty of 12 step programs - they are only suggestions but not mandatory. You can "take what you like and leave the rest" which is why they can help so many people.
This was tremendously helpful. Thank you for sharing all of the various reason that 12-steps programs can be beneficial for codependency recovery. I am 60 years old and have been working on healing childhood trauma for 30 years. I have made great strides by working with therapists, but I still feel stuck in terms of how codependent I am. I have started saying the Serenity Prayer to give me peace of mind during the last 5 years. I had been considering joining CODA. Your video was just the info that I needed to proceed. THANK YOU!!
Oh I am so happy to hear this! That’s exactly why I thought this would be an important topic. Thank you so much for watching’
How has it been working out for you?
where is a coda group
Here is the link coda.org
But Al-Anon has more meetings al-anon.org
So my God is me. God & I are one. So all the steps with the word GOD I'm it means I turn to myself for the answers. Not to some sky daddy or sky mommy bs. Why is this power a power "greater than us"
Maybe it's a power WITHIN US
or a power we don't understand yet.
Why must it be a HE & THIS GOD has to be OUTSIDE OF US that sounds like a bunch of Christian Jesus ba to me
That’s the great thing about your Higher Power - you get to decide what that looks like and you’re absolutely right - for some it is a power WITHIN. Great point - thank you for watching and contributing. 😊
I was a damn pest.
Be kind to yourself - recovery is a tough but worthwhile process :)
@@MichelleFarrismft Aha! An easier, softer way.. ❤️
@@Jack-il3qv yes!
6:15 rip the word God or higher power out of the big book & every step
So sick of the sky daddy bs. Oh I need to pray. Well I must pray to myself since God & I are one.
Thank you for watching!