when everyone dresses the same irl it reminds me of my old sims saves where i was really obsessed with certain jeans or tops and would put every sim in the same outfit just different color variations
I did that too! Back when I only had a limited amount of packs I used to dress all my sims (especially the male sims) in the same two or three jeans and a plain T-shirt or sweater.
People really stay wanting their products spoon fed to them, my favorite example I’ve seen on Pinterest was a pic with a vase and some dried flowers in it: “Where are the flowers from?” “the Earth”
Agreed. These people sharing these “dupes” are sharing Amazon fashion, under the pretense that it’s “better” when it’s all crappy fast fashion at the end of the day.
yeah they share dupes from amazon or shein, as if they’re not just cheap chinese manufacturers who steal designs from ACTUAL fashion designers. oh my god. it makes me angry.
you bring up such an interesting point about what tiktok specifically has done for consumer culture. i’ve had ppl on tiktok call me a gatekeeper for saying an item was thrifted instead of going to my closet, finding the piece, reading the label, and responding with the exact brand!!! i think the internet has spoiled us by giving us instant access to so much info and now we feel entitled enough to pester people we don’t know for details as small as the label on their top
thats so bizarre. you're doing them a favor telling them where its from and they not only demand an answer but they ostracize you if you don't do it "correctly". Social media has lost all form of friendliness- just tell me where to shop and then shutup.
yes i swear the entitlement is off the charts! people honestly want to trade their time for yours, and somehow feel entitled to it. i make knitting content and get a bunch of messages on insta/tiktok asking for help with random knitting techniques (not even stuff i've posted about, they're just asking me because they can see that i knit) and i've honestly stopped answering most of them because a) people can literally just google and spend 10 min looking through the answers vs expecting a random stranger to spend their time writing them an answer, and b) the number of times i don't even get a "thank you" is just UNREAL. i can't imagine feeling so entitled to someone's time and effort and not even saying thank you. definitely feels like a culture shift that's grown lately
The funny thing is that a lot of creators actually go the extra mile to go “Thrifted - [Brand] on label” but whenever their thrift finds literally have no labels, I’ve seen people complain that they could’ve tried looking it up online to link. Why don’t YOU try looking for it??? Like???
I was hesitant but “if gatekeeping makes people shop less…” convinced me you’re right. Everyone has to have the exact thing only for it to be out of style in a few weeks and then it gets donated somewhere or put in a landfill. It’s wild!
The thrill of the hunt is one of the most enjoyable parts of fashion. Narrowing down in exactly what you want, trying on ton of options and not settling, randomly finally finding the perfect leather jacket on a Thursday afternoon in July… yeah I’d take that any day.
@@niarenee8318 YUP lol. the “sorry it’s thrifted” excuse be making me feel so guilty sometimes ! like am i a bitch for not going to look at the tag for u… or is it even worth it to share
I cannot express how the Pinterest comments boil my blood. On a celeb pic from the 90s some idiot will say "where can I find this dress, trousers, top etc" like bro...in Kate Moss's wardrobe archives?? They will ask where plain white tees are from for gods sake. I'm all about gatekeeping, if you're too dumb to do the search, you don't deserve it 😂
I think it's lazyness tbh. People ask me about vintage pieces that took me forever to find and that I taylor or restore myself. They want the style without putting in time and effort. Fast fashion makes people think that theres a quick link to everything. I find it a little rude sometimes honestly, I'm not somebody's unpaid personal shopper.
Yes, they think everything is available and that they can click and get it the same day. Where's the joy in copying an entire outfit that you might not really like
or theyll say its from shein, as if shein is an actual store and not just a mass manufacturer and makes everything that circulates even a little bit on social media
Ive been accidentally gatekeeping because I thrift everything and cut the tags off cuz Theyre itchy. Literally cannot tell anyone where they can get my clothes.
literally someone was like i hate when someone says “it’s thrifted” when i ask where it’s from cuz it has a tag! … but i’ve literally bought cute things that have zero tag on them ahah
I hunt for quality rather than brand so I have loads of British noname wool and cashmere clothes. When someone asks I have "you wouldn't get it" moment And I am literally the opposite of a gatekeeper
in response to unsubscribers... the truth hurts..and its really applaudable as a fashion influencer to guide us in the right direction. it's like you aren't gatekeeping gatekeeping. Wanting your followers to be on the same page as you on this is the ultimate sign of respect and support.
Congrats on the birth of your daughter! Could you do a video on unpopular fashion opinions when it comes to dressing children? Looking forward to more videos from you this year, you’ve been doing amazing!💜
for me it's the entitlement... they expect you to constantly be online, spending every minute of your time responding to every comment asking for a link or the brand. I love when influencers share new and fun brands, obviously, but it's 100% a choice. But if an influencer doesn't want to share a brand, then i 100% get that. As an influencer it most also be hard to constantly be copied. I know it's the job of an influencer to 'influence', but when someone wears a super cool unique outfit and not only does the follower/subscriber take inspiration of it, but suddenly ff brands start to copy it... that must suck.
i also kinda like gatekeeping because i think everyone nowadays kind of dresses the same, even within certain niches or aesthetics! like why do you want that specific thing, can’t you just use it as a reference and buy something similar? 😗
So I see that the 'dont give a f*ck' thing you mentioned experiencing in one video you made during the 1st half of your pregnancy continues. That is absolutely fantastic. I really enjoy the polite assertiveness and no-nonsense, yet never rude content you've been making for many months now. You're articulate, sharp, solid. Keep keeping those gates where gatekeeping is needed!
I recently deleted Tik Tok because I felt like my FYP became one giant ad for clothing, "dupes", and other stuff I don't need. I kept seeing the same items over and over, and even though I knew the trend would die out in a couple months (i.e, the platform uggs), I still felt a pressure to buy the OG uggs or find a dupe. I'm hoping that I'll be able to find my own sense of style again this year without the influence of Tik Tok and other social media. Great video Laini and congratulations on your baby girl!
I deleted my tiktok and other social medias awhile ago and I promise you what you’re hoping for will come. Besides occasional Pinterest or TH-camr inspo, I found myself generally gravitating towards things that I genuinely like and find myself wearing over and over and then mixing with fresh thrifted or store finds that make my wardrobe ME, not an amalgamation of ads that were forcefed to me by algorithms. You will find your style and it will feel so good
Yes, for all the reasons listed. I also hate when people accuse others of gatekeeping because let's be real...Everyone does it. If it's not with fashion, people will gatekeep anything else they "consume." For example, music. Everybody has that one song/artist they loved before it became an overplayed tiktok audio. Gatekeeping is people's way of keeping things special to them still special. That's really not a crime, as long as you aren't mean about it. Also, there's a noticeable difference between commenting an insincere "link???" on everything and showing a genuine interest in the style (which usually involves first looking into it yourself anyway).
This video made sense! And your daughter was not distracting. The best thing you can do if you love fashion, I think, is to be a little on the outside of the fashion community. It’s kind of the other side of gatekeeping, I just don’t really seek out what other people wear and instead look for inspiration in how to play around with what I already have. That way your style is really yours!
my best fashion advice is to have a mom or grandma with a fashion sense. i'm not even trying to gatekeep but my pieces are all 20+ years old so that's that. if this doesn't work, befriend your neighbour, help people move out, send letters to that aunt you never see. you get relationships, amazing clothing and the great stories that come with it.
this is so true. I have this one dress my mum gave me that she bought in her 20s. I have lost count of how many times I've been asked where I got it. People have even stopped me on the streets to ask! And it's always so nice to be able to tell the story that my mum bought it when she was overseas in her 20s and that she ended up keeping it so long to give it to me
The thrill of the hunt is the BEST! I’ve been searching for the perfect slip dress for over a year (I’m very picky lol) and I finally found it on eBay! I almost cried when I won the auction 😂
There is nothing wrong with gatekeeping in my opinion. I think it’s so much better to feel individual and unique, your style is such a large form of self expression. Is it wrong to gatekeep with friends? I have had more than a few friends who want to get the same exact pieces as me and I tell them but often times I’m like “why did I tell them? They are going to copy me” I don’t want the negative reaction if I’m not honest but I had vintage pants from the 70s and my friend searched high and low for ones similar and even down to jewelry. It became overwhelming to be asked constantly about pieces so I stopped telling her altogether because I felt like what was part of personal self expression was being duplicated too often
I get it 😒 I had a friend like this and sometimes she'd even replicate my outfit spontaneously when I came to pick her up for a night out or something and I didn't want to say anything because it just felt stupid and immature tbh. Or it would just happen by chance because she bought the exact same items that I had or very similar stuff. And then we'd be walking around practically dressed as twins and I just felt silly about outfits I was initially excited about and took time to curate. Matching looks could have been fun I guess but I would have liked to be involved in the decision and go about it in a more subtle, interesting way. I haven't thought about this in years 😅 weird memory
@@veve7349 Oh this would drive me crazy! I 100% agree it’s almost as bad when a friend says “oh let’s dress casual” and they show up dressed to the nines 😂
sorry but do you genuinely think you're some sort of visionary to the point that you're afraid to share where your shit is from because it's just SO unique and SO exclusively yours? lmao this just reeks of insecurity. who gives a fuck if your friend wants the same piece as you? you are not the only person that's ever bought it, you won't be the last, and you will certainly never be the best to rock it. lmfao
@@hamilcross I said in the op that style is about self expression and individualism. The issue isn’t wearing the same piece as someone and nor do I think or say in the op that I’m better than someone or will wear something better. I personally feel everyone should have their own style and pieces that they enjoy because it feels true to them not because they see someone else wear it because I genuinely get things that bring joy to me not things I see others wear because news flash just like fast fashion once it’s no longer trendy it’s considered trash but those things can be minimized if people find pieces that are important to them but because of your response to my comment and your eagerness to misunderstand I will just say I hope you have a good day 🙂 Also something that does scream insecurity is a stranger insulting another person they don’t know on the internet who was simply voicing their own opinion and experience with the topic at hand.
I love the idea of not being able to buy a piece of clothing immediately (and I say this as a very impatient person) - as you said, if I am willing to wait so long for that one item it means I’m going to get my wear out of it and also the thrill of finally getting it is so worth the wait
I keep seeing people asking for a specific item in Instagram posts even though the influencer tags their outfits in every post, and it makes me go "Please put some effort into looking for that specific item??" Like come on. But yeah at first I was a little wary of this video's title, but you make such good points! I guess it's because I was thinking of gatekeeping in the video game/comic book space, where gatekeeping is toxic af.
Yes! And I’m still worried about the title hahaha, mostly because I only know gatekeeping in fashion (and really only on social media fashion) so it’s not that deep and just kind of silly! Thanks for hearing me out
I also feel like sometimes people ask for links from people that are specifically anti consumerism or something, like this makeup influencer isn’t going to link to that specific brush because you probably already have something similar but a lot of people don’t know that’s like the North Star of their content or whatever. I totally feels what your saying about like community gate keeping tho, I feel like gatekeeping an identity or a hobby is insidious in the way the gatekeeping like a nonessential commodity just is not… idk
It’s so funny that you mentioned this because it just reminded me that years ago (might still be) this was such an issue under Matilda Djerf’s posts. She would tag everything and ppl still asked non-stop that she would have to address it on stories or on the post. Insanity
I agree generally with a lot of the points made but I do think it’s easy to get really wrapped up in being special and unique in a way that’s actually deleterious for the gatekeeper themselves. I’ve had friends who if u wore a similar item of clothing to them they’d have this mini freak out cos their sense of self was so wrapped up in their style. I think not gatekeeping at times (at least on a smaller scale) can help ppl feel liberated from the need to be unique to this extent
@Pamela Falls I hope it didn’t come across like I was advocating it being mandatory to always tell people where your clothes are from 😅 I just think if you’re someone who struggles with some sort of overwhelming pressure to feel unique and that being linked to the way you dress, it can be helpful to adopt a more open approach like amongst a smaller group of people E.g. friends
I had a friend in high school who was like this. One day we wore the same top and she literally asked me to go home and change - and when I didnt told me I looked ugly in the top. Wild!!!
that's literally what this whole video is... a stuck up influencer scared someone's gonna de-throne her and her oh so unique style LMFAO like you literally can't say with your full chest that this is totally normal behavior
The most annoying thing is going on pinterest and seeing three desperate people comment "where is it this from?" "where can I buy this?" on every single pin. Pinterest should be for inspo, not for shopping
I will say, I’m plus sized and have issues finding brands that can fit my size. So sometimes I want plus sized influencers to post so I have more options bc the world ain’t for me sis
I love the way you describe the thrill of the hunt. A lot of the clothes I’ve thrifted online recently have been my dream pieces that I searched for years to find. It feels amazing to finally get to wear them!
I feel like tiktok has completely changed people's mindset on this topic. So many people on tiktok will ask questions(not just related to fashion) that could have easily been answered if they just used google or Pinterest or just common sense. I also love the effects you mentioned of gatekeeping
The way people expect influencers to share every little detail of everything they wear ever is just ASTOUNDING and it often comes off very obnoxious and entitled when they demand that info. If I was an influencer, I would hate linking everyrhing all the time. It would make me feel like I was just a marketing tactic and my whole purpose was to sell clothes and it would kill me
ie: Issa Rae posted a group photo over the summer and she was wearing this BEAUTIFUL dress. I checked all the tags on posts of posts, searched throughout insta and finally found the designer. I scrolled until I found the dress on their page- so I could get the name. Then, got their contact information and had one of my friends inquire on whats app (bc i dont have the app/account) for the price/availability. I've done this so many times for v specific pieces- sometimes I'm successful, sometimes I'm not. But I love the hunt and thrill of looking for items.
I’ve never heard of gatekeeping in terms of not sharing links. Usually when I hear about gatekeeping in fashion it’s about turning away people of color or fat people from certain trends. So I was kinda relieved by your actual content.
I agree with some of this however as a plus size person I have a different perspective on it. It’s genuinely near impossible to find certain items to dress the way I want to so if I see an influencer my size wearing something I love I will 100% ask where it’s from. It’s very different to a size 6 girl asking where a white T-shirt is from that they can literally find anywhere.
Yes you’re so right on this. Also if someone says it’s thrifted & they don’t want to say the tag, it could be cause they don’t want to support the fast fashion brand
Gatekeeping doesn't necessarily reduce consumption. Part of intentional and thoughtful consumption is finding the exact item you're looking for over time. Someone may have found it. I end up consuming much more trying to guess or dupe the exact one item that I wanted all along. Also, the perspective expressed in the video seems to come from people who fit the market ideal. For those of us who might be different colors, sizes, etc. Until VERY recently it was impossible to find a "nude" in my skintone. By default that was pinkish tan color. Even now I can't participate in the winter tight trend bc the thick tights aren't even sold in brown. When someone finds a back or there is finally a product for people neglected by companies/marketing, sharing is the best thing that marginalized people can do. We can't speak with our dollars if we don't even know that things exist or how to get them. This is even more the case bc a lot of these items are performative. How many companies finally came out with brown bras, etc. and have already discontinued the products? It means we can be stuck trying to get our hands on items that won't even be brought into the permanent line. Gatekeeping isn't always the solution. Now, how or when we ask is a different topic (I'm referring to your tiktok examples).
Thank u for articulating this! I suppose the trend cycle has always worked this way, but it definitely feels like the "tiktokification" of consumerism has made things even more of a frenzy. I think young people are especially vulnerable to getting swept up in hopping on one link/product, with the desire to fit in etc. Also, your point about feeling relief when something is out of stock is so relatable - do I actually like it or do I like the instant gratification? Another great vid Laini/Lucy!
i totally agree with this take, laini! my best friend and i were bored over break and walked around the mall for an hour and couldn’t believe how EVERY SINGLE STORE was selling the same shit. it was very uninspiring. then we went thrifting and found so many good things, with originality and that were actually built to last. i’m going to challenge myself to adopt your ‘hunting’ before purchasing mentality in the new year
oh my god thank you for talking about this!! i wrote a senior thesis on social media and its connection to over consumption and it really needs more research surrounding it. something else i feel like you slightly touched on is the algorithms !!! i have gone through so many phases where i see something i like on tiktok then i like the video and i start getting enough videos that make me feel like i need to buy it and then every single video on my fyp has that product or brand in it. maybe i bought the product already, maybe i didnt, but suddenly i feel like everyone and their dog is wearing this sweater and i feel like its outdated and too trendy when in reality have i ever seen anyone wear it outside in the real world? 9/10 the answer is no. the overall entitlement for someone to share where they got things is insane. imagine chasing someone down a street yelling at them because they dont remember where they bought a shirt three years ago. and then there are influencers who make fun of the people who 'gatekeep' and say 'well im not going to gatekeep so heres where x,y,z are from' as if thats not fueling the expectations for people to disclose information/the cycle of overconsumption
I have never relayed to a video MORE IN MY LIFE. I am on the never-ending hunt for good pairs of jeans. I look EVERY TIME I go thrifting, and when you find that pair that matches the silhouette you’re going for (not the exact pair, but the SHAPE), best feeling ever. Also, recently I was looking for some cooler alternative to the Ugg minis because they feel kind of basic to me, and I found a slipper for $20 that is a similar vibe but they look way different (quilted in top and the color is different), and someone asked me if they were The North Face slippers. NOTHING better in the world than looking good and finding clothes that match the vibe you want without just buying the exact same item as everyone else.
Laini I am SO WITH YOU with your last point. Often, when I like something and I see it’s sold out, I’m so relieved because it’s one less thing I feel I have to buy! I’ve pledged for years to not shop fast fashion with only a few exceptions (sometimes I do get my denim from Urban), and it’s saved my ass so many times with fashion trends. But even still, sometimes I’ll find a trend that was spearheaded by an indie fashion house or sustainable brand, and I’ll feel like I need it (like the House of Sunny Daybreaker Cardi), I’ll save up for it for a few months, and if I still like it, I’ll purchase it. Giving myself the time to discern is so helpful, although I do think the Daybreaker Cardi is not all it was cracked up to be (I bought it during 2020 and I’ve worn it maybe three times lol). I loved this video, I resonate so much!!
This video is so fucking important!!!!! Like why do we need the same stuff as everyone? I loooooove Depop and thrifting! The best stuff comes to you when you look and find what speaks to you!
That being said though, I have been googling for a ski base layer that is striped and turtleneck and fitted but I haven’t found one I like for months :”(
I never heard someone else put it into words but I also really enjoying holding off waiting until I find the perfect version of the item I want. It literally took me 4 years to finally find the perfect pair of overalls. Anything I ever tried on I either didn't like or didn't fit. And once I put on the perfect one- no amount of instant gratification can compare to how I feel when I wear these overalls now!
Laini you are soooo real for speaking on instant gratification!!! Convenience in our culture has become so crazy, and it has made us super impatient to an insane extent. I agree with you 100% about the thrill, and I think more of us (myself included) should learn how to be patient and take time when considering an item to buy.
this reminds me when I saw hand knit sweaters from a girl selling them go viral on tiktok and I wanted one so bad but everytime I went to her online shop, they were sold out even five mins after she restocked so months later I was still thinking about the sweaters so I learned how to make them myself and now it means so much more to me than if I bought the same sweaters everyone else on tiktok has. Mine are different and unique :)
Exactly!!! You’re not a bitch Laini, this video is so real and the way you’re so candid about stuff like this is the reason why I’m such a longtime subscriber. it’s so much more fun to find your own version of something you like! Tiktok is a hell scape for “gatekeeping” and other buzzwords lol. I saw a tiktok where a girl said where she got something in the caption and people were still commenting asking where it was from. I replied to one girl saying read the caption and she accused me of being rude to her ahahah. I also literally hate the overuse/misuse of the word dupe. It’ll be an Amazon knock off of something and people will be like “it’s a dupe”, no that product was made as a replica of the original product.
Sharing a positive experience where someone gatekept something- became obsessed with the vibe of a crochet cardigan an influencer had and couldn’t find the link (like Laini, I don’t like to ask lol, she just didn’t have it tagged and probs thrifted it). I spent a long time searching on all the secondhand apps I have and most of the vintage cardis were pretty pricey- and though I would have gladly paid for the perfect one, the ones I was seeing weren’t quite “right”. Finally, after changing up my Poshmark keywords I found the PERFECT one for only $12 and let me tell you it was so satisfying! The seller just described it differently than I would have (beach cover up vs maxi cardigan) so I just had to try different things to find it.
We are all so oversaturated with items that we constantly feel the need to over consume. Like someone else in the comments said: you can appreciate an item and love it, without owning it. I enjoyed that criticism of consumerism and its relationship to the fast changing trend circles. I personally would always feel fine with sharing where I get my items from but i am not internet famous and therefor I dont feel I promote overconsumption. I feel like that you, Laini, found a good way to bring sustainable fashion closer to a lot of people to show how to do irl and online thrifting, and also by rewearing outfits and showing the same items over and over in your videos. I love that! If I buy an item, I dont only style it once, I want to wear the crap out of it in every way possible.
i like gatekeeping when i have fast fashion clothes on. however trust me, when i’m wearing my favorite clothes (which are all thrifted) i won’t hesitate to tell people that they’re actually vintage. i want people to start thrifting more and unfortunately where i live i don’t see many people do it
lollll i could not agree more… people act like it’s a human right to have a particular product just automatically supplied to them. if I thrifted something or found it in an online marketplace, u can do the same thing yourself if you really want it. I gatekeep the main online marketplace website i use also bc i don’t want the prices to inflate rapidly like they do on more popular platforms like depop
I’ve been a long time viewer but I rarely comment, I just want to say that all the content that you have been putting out lately resonates so much with me rn, even the things that I don’t completely agree on I find myself thinking about it later on and slowly agreeing with you. Kudos to you for making so much content while you were pregnant and even after giving birth! Also love the hair and the make up on this video!
I’m a part of the plus size community, and our options for cute, accessible clothing is very slim. So when I see a plus size creator showing off their cute outfit, sometimes I’ve gotta ask, because despite months/years of searching, I just can’t find pieces I want in my size. I think there’s an appropriate time and place for asking, of course, but I think it’s silly to be upset if the main purpose of whatever media you just produced (tiktok, reel, photoshoot) was to show off an outfit, and people ask for details about it. Idk, just a different perspective.
More proof that social media isn't reality!! We see the same items all over online but see far fewer people wearing it irl. How is it that trend cycles happen before the product even makes it out of the purchaser's house, sometimes before it's worn even once?!
Oh wow, you're spot on with my feelings in regards to gatekeeping fashion as well. For me, when I started improving my fashion sense and trying to dress more out of my comfort zone, I had people regularly asking me where items of my closet were bought and I always felt really self-conscious and reluctant to tell them. I thought at first maybe it was because I was scared I'd be judged on the brands I was buying, but for sure a part of the reason was also that I hoped they wouldn't go out of their way and specifically buy multiple items of clothing I was wearing on a day to day basis. I think one of the most fun parts about fashion is self-expression for sure! I completely agree with the fast-fashion mindset of buying into trends that we see people wearing on the internet as well, this type of fashion consumption isn't sustainable in the long term
sometimes i'll reverse image search an item and end up finding something similar, yet completely different from the item i initially searched and it's great! i like the hunt of the search, too. how else will you find your exact style or end up doing the *unthinkable* and actually find something you like on your own instead of just buying every single thing you've seen on someone else! lol. nothing wrong with liking the exact item someone is wearing by any means, but ya know, that's how we all end up wearing the same thing and end up getting sick of it. anyways i liked the video. it was honest and refreshing.
also the part about the instant gratification and how it's like a high is so true. i'm not one to hide my struggle with addiction and whenever i am clean i find myself with my addictive personality using fashion like i used my dr*gs. i have gotten so much better with practice but yeah, buying something after just finding it (not to mention how addictive and easy it is to add something to a cart and ship it to your house within 2 days nowadays) is the high that ends up wearing off not even a week after having it. whether that be due to not actually liking it because you bought it on a whim without really deciding that you liked it or not, or just because you saw it too many times and are sick of it.
I’ve started knitting my own clothes so that I know it’s what I rlly want because why would I spend HOURS on something I hated ! Also no one can copy it exactly
this is the most genuine channel I have came across when it comes to fashion opinions 🤣 like if she hates it, she would express it. not even sugar coating. for this topic, I like it a lot cuz damn I also secretly gatekeeing things 🤭
i personally like sharing where i get things, but tiktok comments r just another level of absurdity 😭 like why do u need to know where a black top is from bffr
I get what you mean in this video but the reason I ask others about the specific product they are wearing instead of searching it on my own is because I want someone that can vouch for the quality of that specific item. There’s so many times I’ve bought a piece and it looks terrible after a few washes. Sadly, this is not even dependent on price. Certain items from H&M last longer than designer items. To me it’s not just about the style.
oh you're so right about the thrill of the hunt!! i have a million things liked on vinted and when i finally buy it after like 6 months, i will never stop wearing that thing.
laini! you make some of the best fashion videos on youtube. plsssss make more fashion + critical thinking vids like this. thought provoking. love it 🫶🏽
These are really good points, Laini! You are always pushing me not to look blindly for particular same, trendy pieces. I’ve actually found myself being more cautious when it comes to buying clothes, I spend a looot of time searching for pieces. And it actually helped me with my shopping problem. Now I don’t want just A thing, I want THE thing 😊 I really do think a lot about particular piece and spend WEEKS on searching. It would be so much easier to just have a link, but I would have so much more stuff and I would feel overwhelmed and bored so quickly.
i love this video so much ! i agree not only does finding your own version of something allow u to like it so much more but also it contributes more to your own personal style in a way i think
Laini YOU ARE SO RIGHT! Good for you for speaking your mind on a subject people might find controversial. It for real needed to be said! Also your daughter sleeping on your chest is so sweet. Sending good vibes and love to you and your precious family! 💙
YES +1 to sending signals to the “industry” for diversification! Imagine if we.. idk… made it more appealing for brands to build their own creative collections instead of knockoff after knockoff? 👏🏼
This!! The whole culture around shaming people who “gatekeep” has never sat well with me or seemed to be a positive approach to fashion, love u for making this vid
i have to say i am shamelessly the "where is this __ from?" girl on pinterest, but pretty much never to go buy that exact item. it's a really fun part of the research process for me, and has helped me find a lot of cool small brands and go further down the rabbit holes of finding out who the top designers are right now, and why, and really analyzing the specific aspects of the products and designs! this vid is so good and refreshing as usual. you've totally shaped the way i approach my style and im so so grateful.
this is kinda random and not rlly about fashion, but this video reminded me of that "amazon must have" craze on tiktok in like 2020-2021, where people were buying the most ridiculous, useless shit I've ever seen in my life for the sake of buying it just bc it was inexpensive. yes, some stuff was cool, but there was stuff like a soap dispenser for washing dishes and I remember thinking like "is it rlly so hard to pump a little soap of a bottle??". idk it just reminded me of that
I love helping people out with finding products (mostly on Pinterest and TH-cam), it almost makes me feel like a detective, but there are certain times, where someone will be in the comments asking where something's from, and the answer is right at their fingertips (literally). For example, a pretty dress, and if you click on the picture, it leads you right to that product (and even if it doesn't, you could still search that website's dress category in hopes of finding that one dress). Or even, an influencer posting their different outfit videos, and they'll link their products *right* in the description, and you'll still find that one person waiting for you to give them the answers. There are certain times though, where I get frustrated, and I'm like, you know what, you're just going to have to find it yourselves!
Because I'm so indecisive and particular about my clothing I also get obsessed with my garments and yes, they're like a trophy! I feel so proud every time I wear my clothes.
love the points you bought up!! totally with you on this, consumerism culture is actually in insane on tiktok and i’ve seen people literally harassed and almost crucified because they didn’t provide a link within 1hr. the person had to make a WHOLE other video explaining that they were busy and didn’t have time to provide a link
I never would have said I love gatekeeping before this (although I wouldn't say I was ever opposed to it) but this video has turned me into a gate keeping advocate lol
the thing about me personally being asked is that everything I own is basically thrifted, use be my mothers/aunts/grandmothers/cousins or I did something to it, changed the buttons, tailored to my personal body, added whatever, etc like... nothing besides the basics I have will be accessible to anyone besides myself and my own closet. I do like exclusivity, love it actually why would I want another fucken clone.
I had no idea what gatekeeping was. I don’t use tiktok or read the comments on Pinterest either. lol. your video was actually recommended to me. I was sick for two weeks and couldn’t work so I started watching fashion video which I don’t usually have time to do. I know I had a trauma a few years ago and my brain actually does not work the same anymore. Before, i had the best visual memory and could make up outfits in my head and I was very artistic and added lots of charm and details to my outfits. Now, my brain has remapped itself and it doesn’t work like it used to. So now I do copy what people have bought because it’s hard for me to come up with cute outfits on my own. I sometimes comment on vlogs and ask where something is from. I don’t like buying things online because I don’t like risking not liking the fabric or the cut. But if I can see the cut on someone and I know they say it’s comfortable, then I’ll want to get that specific one. It’s not always about the look but the fabric and cut. I honestly never buy things online if I’ve never bought that brand before, unless someone I trust recommends it. If I don’t know or trust the brand, I don’t want to waste my money or time returning things. And if they never respond to my comment or tell me what the brand is, then I just assume they have a healthy life and don’t read all of their comments. Or they simply don’t have time to read comments. I don’t care if they don’t respond. They don’t owe me anything. Fashion is your talent, but it might now be someone else’s talent. I’m great at organizing things and keeping things clean, but that might not be someone else’s talent. We all have different brains that work differently. 🤷♀️
Completely agree and have used the same search tactics for years to find a unique secondhand/vintage piece via breaking down style elements, using keywords, Google image search, etc. It’s the thrill of the hunt that you mentioned- it absolutely does slow everything down, which makes it either very special when you find the perfect piece, saves you from buying something on a whim, or saves you from buying it all if you lose interest during that waiting period. Like you also addressed, a lot of people tend to latch onto the idea that they need *THE* exact item they saw somewhere or on someone. There will always be something to buy. There’s no need for FOMO over material things. The amount of human-made *things* on this planet will always far outnumber the human population. P.S. Happy new year! 🎉 I hope you and your family are doing well! ❤ Also, your daughter’s baby sounds are way too cute! 😆❤️
Every single thing that you said.. really resonated with me. I’m always late to trends.. and only put on stuff that I really like. I scroll through Pinterest for inspiration.. Colors, textures etc.. and lastly, I love to hunt for something without a link. I have done all the things you’ve mentioned in the video😂
when everyone dresses the same irl it reminds me of my old sims saves where i was really obsessed with certain jeans or tops and would put every sim in the same outfit just different color variations
HAHAHA I LOVE THIS
Same with the get famous pack where you can have a celebrity trait that has all the townies copy your look 💀 I hated that
@@carmenbaby yess😭
HAHAHAHAHS actually laughed out lod cuz SAME
I did that too! Back when I only had a limited amount of packs I used to dress all my sims (especially the male sims) in the same two or three jeans and a plain T-shirt or sweater.
People really stay wanting their products spoon fed to them, my favorite example I’ve seen on Pinterest was a pic with a vase and some dried flowers in it:
“Where are the flowers from?”
“the Earth”
HAHAHAHA
I always find it funny when I see people on Pinterest ask “where’s the top from” and it’s literally a plain black or white T-shirt
Pinterest comments can be infuriating. "What aesthetic is this??" under a fruits magazine street snap
OMG THISSS
@@vickymoreno3977 🤣🤣🤣
also a reminder that you can enjoy and love a piece of clothing or accessories without ever purchasing it!
!!!!
1000%!! We can appreciate trends and styles without always participating!
People correlate their consumption of products so much with their identity
Agreed. These people sharing these “dupes” are sharing Amazon fashion, under the pretense that it’s “better” when it’s all crappy fast fashion at the end of the day.
Or sharing the relisation par “dupe” from Amazon when it’s a rip off of the original small business owners design, time, hard work and labor …
yeah they share dupes from amazon or shein, as if they’re not just cheap chinese manufacturers who steal designs from ACTUAL fashion designers. oh my god. it makes me angry.
And they get commission from those Amazon links. They don't link those items to do anyone a favor but themselves
you bring up such an interesting point about what tiktok specifically has done for consumer culture. i’ve had ppl on tiktok call me a gatekeeper for saying an item was thrifted instead of going to my closet, finding the piece, reading the label, and responding with the exact brand!!! i think the internet has spoiled us by giving us instant access to so much info and now we feel entitled enough to pester people we don’t know for details as small as the label on their top
!!!!!
thats so bizarre. you're doing them a favor telling them where its from and they not only demand an answer but they ostracize you if you don't do it "correctly". Social media has lost all form of friendliness- just tell me where to shop and then shutup.
yes i swear the entitlement is off the charts! people honestly want to trade their time for yours, and somehow feel entitled to it. i make knitting content and get a bunch of messages on insta/tiktok asking for help with random knitting techniques (not even stuff i've posted about, they're just asking me because they can see that i knit) and i've honestly stopped answering most of them because a) people can literally just google and spend 10 min looking through the answers vs expecting a random stranger to spend their time writing them an answer, and b) the number of times i don't even get a "thank you" is just UNREAL. i can't imagine feeling so entitled to someone's time and effort and not even saying thank you. definitely feels like a culture shift that's grown lately
Totally agree!
The funny thing is that a lot of creators actually go the extra mile to go “Thrifted - [Brand] on label” but whenever their thrift finds literally have no labels, I’ve seen people complain that they could’ve tried looking it up online to link. Why don’t YOU try looking for it??? Like???
I was hesitant but “if gatekeeping makes people shop less…” convinced me you’re right. Everyone has to have the exact thing only for it to be out of style in a few weeks and then it gets donated somewhere or put in a landfill. It’s wild!
this is exactly what got me to agree too.
nah she literally just used that as justification for her to be stuck up lmfao but y'all will eat anything up ig
@@hamilcross and u know this how? u know her personally? u know her true nature?
@@hamilcross you must be one of those people who asks where someone’s basic black shirt is from. Sit down
@@hamilcross if you like fashion do the research urself it’s that simple 😭
Laini teaching basic critical thinking skills 💅🏼
factsss
something the internet generation needs dearly
lmfao 😭
The thrill of the hunt is one of the most enjoyable parts of fashion. Narrowing down in exactly what you want, trying on ton of options and not settling, randomly finally finding the perfect leather jacket on a Thursday afternoon in July… yeah I’d take that any day.
You were so real for this, a large part of why I love thrifting is bc I can just tell people I don't know and it isn't a lie LOL
LOL same but then I lowkey feel like they think I’m lying 💀
@@niarenee8318 YUP lol. the “sorry it’s thrifted” excuse be making me feel so guilty sometimes ! like am i a bitch for not going to look at the tag for u… or is it even worth it to share
I cannot express how the Pinterest comments boil my blood. On a celeb pic from the 90s some idiot will say "where can I find this dress, trousers, top etc" like bro...in Kate Moss's wardrobe archives?? They will ask where plain white tees are from for gods sake. I'm all about gatekeeping, if you're too dumb to do the search, you don't deserve it 😂
exactly 😭 this and "what's the aesthetic?"
I think it's lazyness tbh. People ask me about vintage pieces that took me forever to find and that I taylor or restore myself. They want the style without putting in time and effort. Fast fashion makes people think that theres a quick link to everything. I find it a little rude sometimes honestly, I'm not somebody's unpaid personal shopper.
damn true 💀 like it just a damn basic jacket yet they're asking where is it from kzksjsn
Yes, they think everything is available and that they can click and get it the same day. Where's the joy in copying an entire outfit that you might not really like
or theyll say its from shein, as if shein is an actual store and not just a mass manufacturer and makes everything that circulates even a little bit on social media
Ive been accidentally gatekeeping because I thrift everything and cut the tags off cuz Theyre itchy. Literally cannot tell anyone where they can get my clothes.
Subconscious gate keeping ✅🫡
literally someone was like i hate when someone says “it’s thrifted” when i ask where it’s from cuz it has a tag! … but i’ve literally bought cute things that have zero tag on them ahah
I hunt for quality rather than brand so I have loads of British noname wool and cashmere clothes. When someone asks I have "you wouldn't get it" moment
And I am literally the opposite of a gatekeeper
in response to unsubscribers... the truth hurts..and its really applaudable as a fashion influencer to guide us in the right direction. it's like you aren't gatekeeping gatekeeping. Wanting your followers to be on the same page as you on this is the ultimate sign of respect and support.
Congrats on the birth of your daughter! Could you do a video on unpopular fashion opinions when it comes to dressing children? Looking forward to more videos from you this year, you’ve been doing amazing!💜
i love this idea
Yes please!
for me it's the entitlement... they expect you to constantly be online, spending every minute of your time responding to every comment asking for a link or the brand. I love when influencers share new and fun brands, obviously, but it's 100% a choice. But if an influencer doesn't want to share a brand, then i 100% get that. As an influencer it most also be hard to constantly be copied. I know it's the job of an influencer to 'influence', but when someone wears a super cool unique outfit and not only does the follower/subscriber take inspiration of it, but suddenly ff brands start to copy it... that must suck.
Shein….
i also kinda like gatekeeping because i think everyone nowadays kind of dresses the same, even within certain niches or aesthetics! like why do you want that specific thing, can’t you just use it as a reference and buy something similar? 😗
So I see that the 'dont give a f*ck' thing you mentioned experiencing in one video you made during the 1st half of your pregnancy continues. That is absolutely fantastic. I really enjoy the polite assertiveness and no-nonsense, yet never rude content you've been making for many months now. You're articulate, sharp, solid. Keep keeping those gates where gatekeeping is needed!
i love this comment
yes!
I recently deleted Tik Tok because I felt like my FYP became one giant ad for clothing, "dupes", and other stuff I don't need. I kept seeing the same items over and over, and even though I knew the trend would die out in a couple months (i.e, the platform uggs), I still felt a pressure to buy the OG uggs or find a dupe. I'm hoping that I'll be able to find my own sense of style again this year without the influence of Tik Tok and other social media. Great video Laini and congratulations on your baby girl!
Good!!
I deleted my tiktok and other social medias awhile ago and I promise you what you’re hoping for will come. Besides occasional Pinterest or TH-camr inspo, I found myself generally gravitating towards things that I genuinely like and find myself wearing over and over and then mixing with fresh thrifted or store finds that make my wardrobe ME, not an amalgamation of ads that were forcefed to me by algorithms. You will find your style and it will feel so good
@@talyahrachel yes exactly! life slows down so much & it feels great.
The best moment is when you find something at the thrift you’ve been searching months or even longer for, and just happen to come across it 💕
Yes, for all the reasons listed. I also hate when people accuse others of gatekeeping because let's be real...Everyone does it. If it's not with fashion, people will gatekeep anything else they "consume." For example, music. Everybody has that one song/artist they loved before it became an overplayed tiktok audio. Gatekeeping is people's way of keeping things special to them still special. That's really not a crime, as long as you aren't mean about it. Also, there's a noticeable difference between commenting an insincere "link???" on everything and showing a genuine interest in the style (which usually involves first looking into it yourself anyway).
Couldn’t agree more
I mean, no, not everyone does it, but whatever helps you sleep at night lmao
Seeing a clothing item on a screen and immediately being ready to buy is insane to me
This video made sense! And your daughter was not distracting.
The best thing you can do if you love fashion, I think, is to be a little on the outside of the fashion community. It’s kind of the other side of gatekeeping, I just don’t really seek out what other people wear and instead look for inspiration in how to play around with what I already have. That way your style is really yours!
my best fashion advice is to have a mom or grandma with a fashion sense. i'm not even trying to gatekeep but my pieces are all 20+ years old so that's that. if this doesn't work, befriend your neighbour, help people move out, send letters to that aunt you never see. you get relationships, amazing clothing and the great stories that come with it.
this is so true. I have this one dress my mum gave me that she bought in her 20s. I have lost count of how many times I've been asked where I got it. People have even stopped me on the streets to ask! And it's always so nice to be able to tell the story that my mum bought it when she was overseas in her 20s and that she ended up keeping it so long to give it to me
The thrill of the hunt is the BEST! I’ve been searching for the perfect slip dress for over a year (I’m very picky lol) and I finally found it on eBay! I almost cried when I won the auction 😂
There is nothing wrong with gatekeeping in my opinion. I think it’s so much better to feel individual and unique, your style is such a large form of self expression. Is it wrong to gatekeep with friends? I have had more than a few friends who want to get the same exact pieces as me and I tell them but often times I’m like “why did I tell them? They are going to copy me” I don’t want the negative reaction if I’m not honest but I had vintage pants from the 70s and my friend searched high and low for ones similar and even down to jewelry. It became overwhelming to be asked constantly about pieces so I stopped telling her altogether because I felt like what was part of personal self expression was being duplicated too often
I get it 😒 I had a friend like this and sometimes she'd even replicate my outfit spontaneously when I came to pick her up for a night out or something and I didn't want to say anything because it just felt stupid and immature tbh. Or it would just happen by chance because she bought the exact same items that I had or very similar stuff. And then we'd be walking around practically dressed as twins and I just felt silly about outfits I was initially excited about and took time to curate. Matching looks could have been fun I guess but I would have liked to be involved in the decision and go about it in a more subtle, interesting way. I haven't thought about this in years 😅 weird memory
@@veve7349 Oh this would drive me crazy! I 100% agree it’s almost as bad when a friend says “oh let’s dress casual” and they show up dressed to the nines 😂
i have friends like this, who even buy the exact same peices as me and it bothers me so now i have become a gatekeeper too 😅
sorry but do you genuinely think you're some sort of visionary to the point that you're afraid to share where your shit is from because it's just SO unique and SO exclusively yours? lmao this just reeks of insecurity. who gives a fuck if your friend wants the same piece as you? you are not the only person that's ever bought it, you won't be the last, and you will certainly never be the best to rock it. lmfao
@@hamilcross I said in the op that style is about self expression and individualism. The issue isn’t wearing the same piece as someone and nor do I think or say in the op that I’m better than someone or will wear something better. I personally feel everyone should have their own style and pieces that they enjoy because it feels true to them not because they see someone else wear it because I genuinely get things that bring joy to me not things I see others wear because news flash just like fast fashion once it’s no longer trendy it’s considered trash but those things can be minimized if people find pieces that are important to them but because of your response to my comment and your eagerness to misunderstand I will just say I hope you have a good day 🙂 Also something that does scream insecurity is a stranger insulting another person they don’t know on the internet who was simply voicing their own opinion and experience with the topic at hand.
I love the idea of not being able to buy a piece of clothing immediately (and I say this as a very impatient person) - as you said, if I am willing to wait so long for that one item it means I’m going to get my wear out of it and also the thrill of finally getting it is so worth the wait
I keep seeing people asking for a specific item in Instagram posts even though the influencer tags their outfits in every post, and it makes me go "Please put some effort into looking for that specific item??" Like come on.
But yeah at first I was a little wary of this video's title, but you make such good points! I guess it's because I was thinking of gatekeeping in the video game/comic book space, where gatekeeping is toxic af.
Yes! And I’m still worried about the title hahaha, mostly because I only know gatekeeping in fashion (and really only on social media fashion) so it’s not that deep and just kind of silly! Thanks for hearing me out
I also feel like sometimes people ask for links from people that are specifically anti consumerism or something, like this makeup influencer isn’t going to link to that specific brush because you probably already have something similar but a lot of people don’t know that’s like the North Star of their content or whatever. I totally feels what your saying about like community gate keeping tho, I feel like gatekeeping an identity or a hobby is insidious in the way the gatekeeping like a nonessential commodity just is not… idk
It’s so funny that you mentioned this because it just reminded me that years ago (might still be) this was such an issue under Matilda Djerf’s posts. She would tag everything and ppl still asked non-stop that she would have to address it on stories or on the post. Insanity
I agree generally with a lot of the points made but I do think it’s easy to get really wrapped up in being special and unique in a way that’s actually deleterious for the gatekeeper themselves. I’ve had friends who if u wore a similar item of clothing to them they’d have this mini freak out cos their sense of self was so wrapped up in their style. I think not gatekeeping at times (at least on a smaller scale) can help ppl feel liberated from the need to be unique to this extent
@Pamela Falls I hope it didn’t come across like I was advocating it being mandatory to always tell people where your clothes are from 😅 I just think if you’re someone who struggles with some sort of overwhelming pressure to feel unique and that being linked to the way you dress, it can be helpful to adopt a more open approach like amongst a smaller group of people E.g. friends
I had a friend in high school who was like this. One day we wore the same top and she literally asked me to go home and change - and when I didnt told me I looked ugly in the top. Wild!!!
that's literally what this whole video is... a stuck up influencer scared someone's gonna de-throne her and her oh so unique style LMFAO like you literally can't say with your full chest that this is totally normal behavior
Love this!! U articulated a frustration I (sometimes) have with influencer culture but couldn't put into words.
Also you look stunning 🥰🥰
The most annoying thing is going on pinterest and seeing three desperate people comment "where is it this from?" "where can I buy this?" on every single pin. Pinterest should be for inspo, not for shopping
I sometimes answer these questions even though I don’t know the actual brand lol
@@toyaJM i’m going to start doing this haha
I will say, I’m plus sized and have issues finding brands that can fit my size. So sometimes I want plus sized influencers to post so I have more options bc the world ain’t for me sis
Good point maybe try mentioning that if you ask someone where it’s from, yk like saying what’s the brand for plus sized stuff?
I love the way you describe the thrill of the hunt. A lot of the clothes I’ve thrifted online recently have been my dream pieces that I searched for years to find. It feels amazing to finally get to wear them!
I feel like tiktok has completely changed people's mindset on this topic. So many people on tiktok will ask questions(not just related to fashion) that could have easily been answered if they just used google or Pinterest or just common sense. I also love the effects you mentioned of gatekeeping
The way people expect influencers to share every little detail of everything they wear ever is just ASTOUNDING and it often comes off very obnoxious and entitled when they demand that info. If I was an influencer, I would hate linking everyrhing all the time. It would make me feel like I was just a marketing tactic and my whole purpose was to sell clothes and it would kill me
ie: Issa Rae posted a group photo over the summer and she was wearing this BEAUTIFUL dress. I checked all the tags on posts of posts, searched throughout insta and finally found the designer. I scrolled until I found the dress on their page- so I could get the name. Then, got their contact information and had one of my friends inquire on whats app (bc i dont have the app/account) for the price/availability. I've done this so many times for v specific pieces- sometimes I'm successful, sometimes I'm not. But I love the hunt and thrill of looking for items.
I’ve never heard of gatekeeping in terms of not sharing links. Usually when I hear about gatekeeping in fashion it’s about turning away people of color or fat people from certain trends. So I was kinda relieved by your actual content.
I agree with some of this however as a plus size person I have a different perspective on it. It’s genuinely near impossible to find certain items to dress the way I want to so if I see an influencer my size wearing something I love I will 100% ask where it’s from. It’s very different to a size 6 girl asking where a white T-shirt is from that they can literally find anywhere.
Yes you’re so right on this. Also if someone says it’s thrifted & they don’t want to say the tag, it could be cause they don’t want to support the fast fashion brand
gatekeeping is giving the possibility to create something new, i feel like we need it more
love this perspective!
Gatekeeping doesn't necessarily reduce consumption. Part of intentional and thoughtful consumption is finding the exact item you're looking for over time. Someone may have found it. I end up consuming much more trying to guess or dupe the exact one item that I wanted all along.
Also, the perspective expressed in the video seems to come from people who fit the market ideal. For those of us who might be different colors, sizes, etc. Until VERY recently it was impossible to find a "nude" in my skintone. By default that was pinkish tan color. Even now I can't participate in the winter tight trend bc the thick tights aren't even sold in brown.
When someone finds a back or there is finally a product for people neglected by companies/marketing, sharing is the best thing that marginalized people can do. We can't speak with our dollars if we don't even know that things exist or how to get them. This is even more the case bc a lot of these items are performative. How many companies finally came out with brown bras, etc. and have already discontinued the products? It means we can be stuck trying to get our hands on items that won't even be brought into the permanent line. Gatekeeping isn't always the solution.
Now, how or when we ask is a different topic (I'm referring to your tiktok examples).
Extremely good points.
I guess there’s always the option to freeze like I used to in the mid-late 2010s 💀 I was dedicated to my miniskirts
really loving the honesty about style on your channel lately - its so refreshing
Thank u for articulating this! I suppose the trend cycle has always worked this way, but it definitely feels like the "tiktokification" of consumerism has made things even more of a frenzy. I think young people are especially vulnerable to getting swept up in hopping on one link/product, with the desire to fit in etc. Also, your point about feeling relief when something is out of stock is so relatable - do I actually like it or do I like the instant gratification? Another great vid Laini/Lucy!
“Yes I’m sad I don’t have them but…I’ll get over it” I cracked up. So true, it’s just clothes.
i totally agree with this take, laini!
my best friend and i were bored over break and walked around the mall for an hour and couldn’t believe how EVERY SINGLE STORE was selling the same shit. it was very uninspiring. then we went thrifting and found so many good things, with originality and that were actually built to last.
i’m going to challenge myself to adopt your ‘hunting’ before purchasing mentality in the new year
oh my god thank you for talking about this!! i wrote a senior thesis on social media and its connection to over consumption and it really needs more research surrounding it. something else i feel like you slightly touched on is the algorithms !!! i have gone through so many phases where i see something i like on tiktok then i like the video and i start getting enough videos that make me feel like i need to buy it and then every single video on my fyp has that product or brand in it. maybe i bought the product already, maybe i didnt, but suddenly i feel like everyone and their dog is wearing this sweater and i feel like its outdated and too trendy when in reality have i ever seen anyone wear it outside in the real world? 9/10 the answer is no. the overall entitlement for someone to share where they got things is insane. imagine chasing someone down a street yelling at them because they dont remember where they bought a shirt three years ago. and then there are influencers who make fun of the people who 'gatekeep' and say 'well im not going to gatekeep so heres where x,y,z are from' as if thats not fueling the expectations for people to disclose information/the cycle of overconsumption
I have never relayed to a video MORE IN MY LIFE. I am on the never-ending hunt for good pairs of jeans. I look EVERY TIME I go thrifting, and when you find that pair that matches the silhouette you’re going for (not the exact pair, but the SHAPE), best feeling ever. Also, recently I was looking for some cooler alternative to the Ugg minis because they feel kind of basic to me, and I found a slipper for $20 that is a similar vibe but they look way different (quilted in top and the color is different), and someone asked me if they were The North Face slippers. NOTHING better in the world than looking good and finding clothes that match the vibe you want without just buying the exact same item as everyone else.
Laini I am SO WITH YOU with your last point. Often, when I like something and I see it’s sold out, I’m so relieved because it’s one less thing I feel I have to buy! I’ve pledged for years to not shop fast fashion with only a few exceptions (sometimes I do get my denim from Urban), and it’s saved my ass so many times with fashion trends. But even still, sometimes I’ll find a trend that was spearheaded by an indie fashion house or sustainable brand, and I’ll feel like I need it (like the House of Sunny Daybreaker Cardi), I’ll save up for it for a few months, and if I still like it, I’ll purchase it. Giving myself the time to discern is so helpful, although I do think the Daybreaker Cardi is not all it was cracked up to be (I bought it during 2020 and I’ve worn it maybe three times lol). I loved this video, I resonate so much!!
This video is so fucking important!!!!! Like why do we need the same stuff as everyone? I loooooove Depop and thrifting! The best stuff comes to you when you look and find what speaks to you!
That being said though, I have been googling for a ski base layer that is striped and turtleneck and fitted but I haven’t found one I like for months :”(
I really like the video essay format that you've been doing, I love to have them in the background! Thx Laini
I never heard someone else put it into words but I also really enjoying holding off waiting until I find the perfect version of the item I want. It literally took me 4 years to finally find the perfect pair of overalls. Anything I ever tried on I either didn't like or didn't fit. And once I put on the perfect one- no amount of instant gratification can compare to how I feel when I wear these overalls now!
“I love to shart on myself”
don’t we all Laini don’t we all
Also the little Lucy noises were absolutely adorable
Laini you are soooo real for speaking on instant gratification!!! Convenience in our culture has become so crazy, and it has made us super impatient to an insane extent. I agree with you 100% about the thrill, and I think more of us (myself included) should learn how to be patient and take time when considering an item to buy.
this reminds me when I saw hand knit sweaters from a girl selling them go viral on tiktok and I wanted one so bad but everytime I went to her online shop, they were sold out even five mins after she restocked so months later I was still thinking about the sweaters so I learned how to make them myself and now it means so much more to me than if I bought the same sweaters everyone else on tiktok has. Mine are different and unique :)
Exactly!!! You’re not a bitch Laini, this video is so real and the way you’re so candid about stuff like this is the reason why I’m such a longtime subscriber. it’s so much more fun to find your own version of something you like! Tiktok is a hell scape for “gatekeeping” and other buzzwords lol. I saw a tiktok where a girl said where she got something in the caption and people were still commenting asking where it was from. I replied to one girl saying read the caption and she accused me of being rude to her ahahah. I also literally hate the overuse/misuse of the word dupe. It’ll be an Amazon knock off of something and people will be like “it’s a dupe”, no that product was made as a replica of the original product.
Sharing a positive experience where someone gatekept something- became obsessed with the vibe of a crochet cardigan an influencer had and couldn’t find the link (like Laini, I don’t like to ask lol, she just didn’t have it tagged and probs thrifted it).
I spent a long time searching on all the secondhand apps I have and most of the vintage cardis were pretty pricey- and though I would have gladly paid for the perfect one, the ones I was seeing weren’t quite “right”. Finally, after changing up my Poshmark keywords I found the PERFECT one for only $12 and let me tell you it was so satisfying! The seller just described it differently than I would have (beach cover up vs maxi cardigan) so I just had to try different things to find it.
We are all so oversaturated with items that we constantly feel the need to over consume. Like someone else in the comments said: you can appreciate an item and love it, without owning it. I enjoyed that criticism of consumerism and its relationship to the fast changing trend circles. I personally would always feel fine with sharing where I get my items from but i am not internet famous and therefor I dont feel I promote overconsumption. I feel like that you, Laini, found a good way to bring sustainable fashion closer to a lot of people to show how to do irl and online thrifting, and also by rewearing outfits and showing the same items over and over in your videos. I love that! If I buy an item, I dont only style it once, I want to wear the crap out of it in every way possible.
i like gatekeeping when i have fast fashion clothes on.
however trust me, when i’m wearing my favorite clothes (which are all thrifted) i won’t hesitate to tell people that they’re actually vintage. i want people to start thrifting more and unfortunately where i live i don’t see many people do it
lollll i could not agree more… people act like it’s a human right to have a particular product just automatically supplied to them. if I thrifted something or found it in an online marketplace, u can do the same thing yourself if you really want it. I gatekeep the main online marketplace website i use also bc i don’t want the prices to inflate rapidly like they do on more popular platforms like depop
I’ve been a long time viewer but I rarely comment, I just want to say that all the content that you have been putting out lately resonates so much with me rn, even the things that I don’t completely agree on I find myself thinking about it later on and slowly agreeing with you. Kudos to you for making so much content while you were pregnant and even after giving birth! Also love the hair and the make up on this video!
I’m a part of the plus size community, and our options for cute, accessible clothing is very slim. So when I see a plus size creator showing off their cute outfit, sometimes I’ve gotta ask, because despite months/years of searching, I just can’t find pieces I want in my size. I think there’s an appropriate time and place for asking, of course, but I think it’s silly to be upset if the main purpose of whatever media you just produced (tiktok, reel, photoshoot) was to show off an outfit, and people ask for details about it. Idk, just a different perspective.
She went over that there’s a time and a place for it, with the “dog dying” part if you were paying attention.
@@weenusfranklin2752 why is ur is so rude for no reason 😭
More proof that social media isn't reality!! We see the same items all over online but see far fewer people wearing it irl. How is it that trend cycles happen before the product even makes it out of the purchaser's house, sometimes before it's worn even once?!
Oh wow, you're spot on with my feelings in regards to gatekeeping fashion as well. For me, when I started improving my fashion sense and trying to dress more out of my comfort zone, I had people regularly asking me where items of my closet were bought and I always felt really self-conscious and reluctant to tell them. I thought at first maybe it was because I was scared I'd be judged on the brands I was buying, but for sure a part of the reason was also that I hoped they wouldn't go out of their way and specifically buy multiple items of clothing I was wearing on a day to day basis. I think one of the most fun parts about fashion is self-expression for sure! I completely agree with the fast-fashion mindset of buying into trends that we see people wearing on the internet as well, this type of fashion consumption isn't sustainable in the long term
ive been watching you for months now, and you have become my fav youtuber easily. all ur vids feel like a facetime and natural
This is the tea!!! I agree with everything you said 100%. Searching and shopping around for unique and specific pieces part of the thrill!
sometimes i'll reverse image search an item and end up finding something similar, yet completely different from the item i initially searched and it's great! i like the hunt of the search, too. how else will you find your exact style or end up doing the *unthinkable* and actually find something you like on your own instead of just buying every single thing you've seen on someone else! lol. nothing wrong with liking the exact item someone is wearing by any means, but ya know, that's how we all end up wearing the same thing and end up getting sick of it. anyways i liked the video. it was honest and refreshing.
also the part about the instant gratification and how it's like a high is so true. i'm not one to hide my struggle with addiction and whenever i am clean i find myself with my addictive personality using fashion like i used my dr*gs. i have gotten so much better with practice but yeah, buying something after just finding it (not to mention how addictive and easy it is to add something to a cart and ship it to your house within 2 days nowadays) is the high that ends up wearing off not even a week after having it. whether that be due to not actually liking it because you bought it on a whim without really deciding that you liked it or not, or just because you saw it too many times and are sick of it.
i've been subscribed to you for a while and I just wanna say, I love how more outspoken you've gotten! i love these rant-y vids
Laini you’ve been GLOWING ever since you’ve had Lucy 🥰🥰🥰
Congrats on your daughter! So happy for you. I just adore you and your videos. Can you do a really colorful look book? Like mixing colors?
I’ve started knitting my own clothes so that I know it’s what I rlly want because why would I spend HOURS on something I hated ! Also no one can copy it exactly
this is the most genuine channel I have came across when it comes to fashion opinions 🤣 like if she hates it, she would express it. not even sugar coating. for this topic, I like it a lot cuz damn I also secretly gatekeeing things 🤭
my friend always has the funniest response to ridiculous tiktok comments.. one time someone asked where she got her book and she went "the bookstore"
That is a ridiculous question 😭
The comments on tiktok are something else
i personally like sharing where i get things, but tiktok comments r just another level of absurdity 😭 like why do u need to know where a black top is from bffr
I get what you mean in this video but the reason I ask others about the specific product they are wearing instead of searching it on my own is because I want someone that can vouch for the quality of that specific item. There’s so many times I’ve bought a piece and it looks terrible after a few washes. Sadly, this is not even dependent on price. Certain items from H&M last longer than designer items. To me it’s not just about the style.
oh you're so right about the thrill of the hunt!! i have a million things liked on vinted and when i finally buy it after like 6 months, i will never stop wearing that thing.
laini! you make some of the best fashion videos on youtube. plsssss make more fashion + critical thinking vids like this. thought provoking. love it 🫶🏽
These are really good points, Laini! You are always pushing me not to look blindly for particular same, trendy pieces. I’ve actually found myself being more cautious when it comes to buying clothes, I spend a looot of time searching for pieces. And it actually helped me with my shopping problem. Now I don’t want just A thing, I want THE thing 😊 I really do think a lot about particular piece and spend WEEKS on searching. It would be so much easier to just have a link, but I would have so much more stuff and I would feel overwhelmed and bored so quickly.
i love this video so much ! i agree not only does finding your own version of something allow u to like it so much more but also it contributes more to your own personal style in a way i think
the little lucy noises towards the end made this video even better 🥺🥰
Laini YOU ARE SO RIGHT! Good for you for speaking your mind on a subject people might find controversial. It for real needed to be said! Also your daughter sleeping on your chest is so sweet. Sending good vibes and love to you and your precious family! 💙
YES +1 to sending signals to the “industry” for diversification! Imagine if we.. idk… made it more appealing for brands to build their own creative collections instead of knockoff after knockoff? 👏🏼
This!! The whole culture around shaming people who “gatekeep” has never sat well with me or seemed to be a positive approach to fashion, love u for making this vid
literally same to everything you said! i've shopped like this for sooo many years and it kinda baffles me when people need everything to be linked.
Laini you look so glowy and radiant! I hope motherhood is treating you well
If someone asks for a link now we can all just send this video
Omg
"get over it" - new motto for 2023 honestly
i have to say i am shamelessly the "where is this __ from?" girl on pinterest, but pretty much never to go buy that exact item. it's a really fun part of the research process for me, and has helped me find a lot of cool small brands and go further down the rabbit holes of finding out who the top designers are right now, and why, and really analyzing the specific aspects of the products and designs!
this vid is so good and refreshing as usual. you've totally shaped the way i approach my style and im so so grateful.
this is kinda random and not rlly about fashion, but this video reminded me of that "amazon must have" craze on tiktok in like 2020-2021, where people were buying the most ridiculous, useless shit I've ever seen in my life for the sake of buying it just bc it was inexpensive. yes, some stuff was cool, but there was stuff like a soap dispenser for washing dishes and I remember thinking like "is it rlly so hard to pump a little soap of a bottle??". idk it just reminded me of that
I love helping people out with finding products (mostly on Pinterest and TH-cam), it almost makes me feel like a detective, but there are certain times, where someone will be in the comments asking where something's from, and the answer is right at their fingertips (literally). For example, a pretty dress, and if you click on the picture, it leads you right to that product (and even if it doesn't, you could still search that website's dress category in hopes of finding that one dress). Or even, an influencer posting their different outfit videos, and they'll link their products *right* in the description, and you'll still find that one person waiting for you to give them the answers.
There are certain times though, where I get frustrated, and I'm like, you know what, you're just going to have to find it yourselves!
rian phin did an interesting video called ”post-gatekeeping fashion discourse fatigue lol“ that goes into this topic if anyone is interested too :)
Ugh the baby noises are so cute 😭
Because I'm so indecisive and particular about my clothing I also get obsessed with my garments and yes, they're like a trophy! I feel so proud every time I wear my clothes.
love the points you bought up!! totally with you on this, consumerism culture is actually in insane on tiktok and i’ve seen people literally harassed and almost crucified because they didn’t provide a link within 1hr. the person had to make a WHOLE other video explaining that they were busy and didn’t have time to provide a link
I never would have said I love gatekeeping before this (although I wouldn't say I was ever opposed to it) but this video has turned me into a gate keeping advocate lol
I mean…if I’m just going to end up trying to get the same item I might as well just ask 😂
I love gatekeeping too it makes us different and unique and help us to find our own style ig which is always a good thing
i ❤️ gatekeeping i always felt like i was being mean before but now i realize i was protecting my personal style and the planet 💋
We
the thing about me personally being asked is that everything I own is basically thrifted, use be my mothers/aunts/grandmothers/cousins or I did something to it, changed the buttons, tailored to my personal body, added whatever, etc like... nothing besides the basics I have will be accessible to anyone besides myself and my own closet. I do like exclusivity, love it actually why would I want another fucken clone.
I had no idea what gatekeeping was. I don’t use tiktok or read the comments on Pinterest either. lol. your video was actually recommended to me. I was sick for two weeks and couldn’t work so I started watching fashion video which I don’t usually have time to do.
I know I had a trauma a few years ago and my brain actually does not work the same anymore. Before, i had the best visual memory and could make up outfits in my head and I was very artistic and added lots of charm and details to my outfits.
Now, my brain has remapped itself and it doesn’t work like it used to. So now I do copy what people have bought because it’s hard for me to come up with cute outfits on my own.
I sometimes comment on vlogs and ask where something is from. I don’t like buying things online because I don’t like risking not liking the fabric or the cut. But if I can see the cut on someone and I know they say it’s comfortable, then I’ll want to get that specific one. It’s not always about the look but the fabric and cut. I honestly never buy things online if I’ve never bought that brand before, unless someone I trust recommends it. If I don’t know or trust the brand, I don’t want to waste my money or time returning things. And if they never respond to my comment or tell me what the brand is, then I just assume they have a healthy life and don’t read all of their comments. Or they simply don’t have time to read comments. I don’t care if they don’t respond. They don’t owe me anything.
Fashion is your talent, but it might now be someone else’s talent.
I’m great at organizing things and keeping things clean, but that might not be someone else’s talent.
We all have different brains that work differently. 🤷♀️
Completely agree and have used the same search tactics for years to find a unique secondhand/vintage piece via breaking down style elements, using keywords, Google image search, etc. It’s the thrill of the hunt that you mentioned- it absolutely does slow everything down, which makes it either very special when you find the perfect piece, saves you from buying something on a whim, or saves you from buying it all if you lose interest during that waiting period. Like you also addressed, a lot of people tend to latch onto the idea that they need *THE* exact item they saw somewhere or on someone. There will always be something to buy. There’s no need for FOMO over material things. The amount of human-made *things* on this planet will always far outnumber the human population.
P.S. Happy new year! 🎉 I hope you and your family are doing well! ❤ Also, your daughter’s baby sounds are way too cute! 😆❤️
ur makeup is so gorgeous would love to see you do like a quick tut on what you do / the kind of products! I know its probably just that new mom glow
Every single thing that you said.. really resonated with me.
I’m always late to trends.. and only put on stuff that I really like.
I scroll through Pinterest for inspiration.. Colors, textures etc..
and lastly, I love to hunt for something without a link.
I have done all the things you’ve mentioned in the video😂