This is golden. Especially because this is what you can expect almost every time a child with adhd goes into this cycle. It repeats almost exactly like this and has for years in our house. Going forward and going into it with a game plan of planned responses is so incredibly helpful because it can escalate into a power struggle that seems to go no where and the parent is left powerless and defeated. I cannot tell you how many times i have been stuck in this vortex of rigidity and didn't know what to do or really what was happening. Now i have an idea of how to keep my reactivity in check.
Any advice on how to implement this when violent behaviour towards siblings is involved? Thats when this strategy usually falls appart for us... (Obviously he knows that by now)
@@ADHDDude I had this question too. The link you gave doesn't explicitly mention sibling to sibling violence, unless I'm missing something? I find that my son can "empty the room" within a few seconds of beginning a violent tantrum, and I feel like this just gives him the feeling of power and rewards his behaviour.
This is so clever. What did the clean up consist of? Apology, paying for the item broken and how (with chore money?) Asking how they could’ve shared their frustration in a more positive way?
It depends on the child's age but it can be anything from helping with a chore, helping you make dinner, doing something nice for someone in the family, etc.
What about the kids that go through all of that and at end don’t want to make amends? My 16m has never felt remorse once he’s gotten to the breaking stuff phase, he just says we deserved it and refuses to clean up in any way or apologize.
And are you still paying for his phone, internet usage, etc regardless of how he treats the house or you? If so, that is what I refer to as "high giving/low expectations", and his behavior will not change until you change this. I cover this in Scaffolding Better Behavior. th-cam.com/video/5_c_E_i6O_E/w-d-xo.htmlsi=o76cLJZk3HjIxsfe
We are currently going through the assessment for our 11yo daughter after waiting over 3yrs to be seen. She masks outside the house though, so finding getting a diagnosis is difficult. With this in mind, this video is helpful for us, thank you. She struggles with getting told no, but her predictable stages go from asking why, to tears, to emotional manipulation. How would you suggest we deal with the tears - ignore?
The first thing (and I realize this doesn't directly answer your question) is that I would encourage you to let go of the "masking" narrative. I recognize it's very common right now for parents to create these speculative narratives around their child masking, and the reality is that there is no evidence that is is accurate. I would not give any attention to the tears, or the emotional manipulation. That doesn't mean to ignore, rather it means don't give attention to those specific behaviors.
Thank you for your response. If it isn’t masking, how do I deal with the big emotions, manipulation, traits….that no one sees outwith the house? Rather than masking, does that mean it is more a parenting style issue, rather than actually being ADHD?
That's an excellent question and I would say it's a combination of parenting approach and ADHD. This is covered comprehensively in the Scaffolding Better Behavior program. You can also take a look at the Behavior playlist here as that would be helpful.
This doesn’t work. I have tried this and been consistent and just simply had to replace everything and it all was broken again. This may work with your child but not mine.
As long as you are giving the behavior an audience or emotional reactivity it's going to continue. Things will need to get worse temporarily before they get better. Please watch: th-cam.com/video/otgcRenXmx0/w-d-xo.htmlsi=dSX37jzhpZGYE3lO
@@ADHDDude I appreciate both of these videos. I will also give this a try. I don’t give him attention when he breaks things around the house. He simply just does it. I like the brain reset and will try it with him.
This is golden. Especially because this is what you can expect almost every time a child with adhd goes into this cycle. It repeats almost exactly like this and has for years in our house. Going forward and going into it with a game plan of planned responses is so incredibly helpful because it can escalate into a power struggle that seems to go no where and the parent is left powerless and defeated. I cannot tell you how many times i have been stuck in this vortex of rigidity and didn't know what to do or really what was happening. Now i have an idea of how to keep my reactivity in check.
Glad it was helpful, thanks for watching.
I wish I had seen this sooner... adding this now!
Thanks for watching!
Wow, you have the patience of a saint. I applaud all of you who deal with this properly as advised.
Thank you kindly
Any advice on how to implement this when violent behaviour towards siblings is involved? Thats when this strategy usually falls appart for us... (Obviously he knows that by now)
th-cam.com/video/ocG-xxSzHfE/w-d-xo.htmlsi=G1ybzZwVlohtqnPM
Thanks for the link, great video as always!
@@ADHDDude I had this question too. The link you gave doesn't explicitly mention sibling to sibling violence, unless I'm missing something? I find that my son can "empty the room" within a few seconds of beginning a violent tantrum, and I feel like this just gives him the feeling of power and rewards his behaviour.
I should have clarified it is applicable to siblings.
Your videos are awesome! Thanks a lot
Thank you so much!
Yes. Its very frustrating. Tantrums. Shes 100lbs, 4'10 and violent.
th-cam.com/video/ocG-xxSzHfE/w-d-xo.htmlsi=QZtLQsQoKQSfRuUe
This is great advice!!! Thank you so much 🤍✨️
Thanks for watching!
I love this
Thank you for this video, this is so helpful!
Glad it was helpful!
This is so clever. What did the clean up consist of? Apology, paying for the item broken and how (with chore money?) Asking how they could’ve shared their frustration in a more positive way?
It depends on the child's age but it can be anything from helping with a chore, helping you make dinner, doing something nice for someone in the family, etc.
Good topic!!
Thank you for watching!
That's so interesting and helpful, I wish I could join your Scaffolding program here in Germany!
What about the kids that go through all of that and at end don’t want to make amends? My 16m has never felt remorse once he’s gotten to the breaking stuff phase, he just says we deserved it and refuses to clean up in any way or apologize.
You can, we have families from all over the world! www.adhddude.com/FAQs
And are you still paying for his phone, internet usage, etc regardless of how he treats the house or you? If so, that is what I refer to as "high giving/low expectations", and his behavior will not change until you change this. I cover this in Scaffolding Better Behavior. th-cam.com/video/5_c_E_i6O_E/w-d-xo.htmlsi=o76cLJZk3HjIxsfe
We are currently going through the assessment for our 11yo daughter after waiting over 3yrs to be seen. She masks outside the house though, so finding getting a diagnosis is difficult.
With this in mind, this video is helpful for us, thank you. She struggles with getting told no, but her predictable stages go from asking why, to tears, to emotional manipulation. How would you suggest we deal with the tears - ignore?
The first thing (and I realize this doesn't directly answer your question) is that I would encourage you to let go of the "masking" narrative. I recognize it's very common right now for parents to create these speculative narratives around their child masking, and the reality is that there is no evidence that is is accurate.
I would not give any attention to the tears, or the emotional manipulation. That doesn't mean to ignore, rather it means don't give attention to those specific behaviors.
Thank you for your response.
If it isn’t masking, how do I deal with the big emotions, manipulation, traits….that no one sees outwith the house? Rather than masking, does that mean it is more a parenting style issue, rather than actually being ADHD?
That's an excellent question and I would say it's a combination of parenting approach and ADHD. This is covered comprehensively in the Scaffolding Better Behavior program. You can also take a look at the Behavior playlist here as that would be helpful.
This doesn’t work. I have tried this and been consistent and just simply had to replace everything and it all was broken again. This may work with your child but not mine.
Same. I have migraines and she will scream and I have to goto hospital.
As long as you are giving the behavior an audience or emotional reactivity it's going to continue. Things will need to get worse temporarily before they get better. Please watch: th-cam.com/video/otgcRenXmx0/w-d-xo.htmlsi=dSX37jzhpZGYE3lO
th-cam.com/video/MpjooA-3Puw/w-d-xo.htmlsi=UjR81JqO0kTLJqrm
@@ADHDDude I appreciate both of these videos. I will also give this a try. I don’t give him attention when he breaks things around the house. He simply just does it. I like the brain reset and will try it with him.
Thanks for watching