Failing at Normal: An ADHD Success Story | Jessica McCabe | TEDxBratislava
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 10 พ.ค. 2024
- Jessica McCabe tell us the story of her life. Once a gifted child with bright future, who later lives a life of a constant failures, because one thing - her ADHD diagnosis. Until one thing changed everything and she realized, that she is not alone. Her TH-cam channel HowtoADHD is dedicated to help not only people with ADHD, but also their parents, partners a teachers and to remind them, that they are not alone.
Jessica McCabe nám rozpráva príbeh svojho života. Kedysi nadané dieťa so žiarivou budúcnosťou, ktoré neskôr žije život plný neustálych neúspechov, len kvôli jednej veci - jej ADHD diagnóze. Až do momentu kedy sa všetko zmení a ona si uvedomí, že v tom nie je sama. Jej TH-cam kanál HowtoADHD je venovaný pomoci a usmerňovaniu nielen ľudí s ADHD ale takisto aj ich rodičom, partnerom a učiteľom a takisto aj odkazu, že v tom nie sú nikdy samí. Jessica is the author of popular TH-cam series How to ADHD focused on educating and supporting ADHD brains around the world. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
Me: crying because I can relate to her experiences
Also me: get distracted by the comment section
Literally me right now lmao
I'm getting distracted by the comment section also lol
Same but then I got distracted by drawing-
Lmao I'm called out
Same lmfao
The worst thing I've been told is that "you have potential".
I've been told this from EVERYONE as long as I can remember. I wanna punch someone. But I always end up punching and punishing myself.
yes and people say it like they're giving a compliment
❤️
Followed by "you are so smart, you just need to apply yourself"
I'm crying reading this. Been thinking I'm weird, getting angry by hearing people telling me this. Thank you for sharing!
" i had potential, though, so my failure was clearly my fault" my heart breaks
This is exactly how I feel.!!!
yea fr!
Story of my life
I know that feel 😢
😢
"i was tired of trying harder at life than everybody else and still falling farther and farther behind" is THE most relatable ADHD quote of all time
Shout out to everyone almost failing college, in spite of being interested in most subjects!
In highschool I felt like a Supercar that's performing like VW Beetle, but I didn't know why 😭 I just turned 28 a few days ago and I'm still living with parents, still trying to complete a degree a started 9 years ago 😭😭 Only recently learnt that there's a condition called ADHD. I got an appointment with a psychiatrist in two week. I'm from South Africa 🇿🇦
@@sandilenkosi9288 doesn't matter if it takes longer there is no time line to finish a degree :)
OMG I can't even. Why is this so accurate. Imagine a subject designed for computers to handle with tedious calculations that is just a mine field for even a normal person with ridiculously tight time constraints and a brain that just wanders off when I'm struggling to complete it. Yeah that's me
I spent 6 years in school, no degree. After that I managed to spend 2 more years and atleast get an Associate's. My degree interests kept changing over and over to the point I could feel my family and friends rolling their eyes thinking "when is this idea going to change?" And remember breaking down with a family member over this inability to maintain interest, to finish what I started. They told me, " you just need to learn to finish what you start." I really internalized that sense of being discipline-deficient and despite my ardent effort to "build discipline" I could never seem to go the distance, to last the whole marathon. And I internalized those failures. And this is even with an ADHD diagnosis. The truth is, when I was diagnosed, the way it was described to me by a psychiatrist was basically "you're distractable" and "you need to focus harder than others". So even though I was diagnosed with it I would not actually understand what it was till I was 33 years old. It sucks. But it felt so cathartic to watch her show and this TED talk because it was the first time I felt seen and not alone.
@@WindowtotheStars Your comment made me realize this is exactly what I do. I've been given so many great opportunities for education, but I can't decide what I want to stick to and have changed my major so much and this has caused me to feel like I'm falling behind my peers, who have already graduated and moved on. Thank you for taking the time to comment this - it helped me realize something new about myself and my adhd brain.
When she said, “I worked harder than anyone I knew...So, my failure was clearly my fault.” I felt that.
It takes so much effort to do so little sometimes and the thought of that can be overwhelming in itself to people who already get overwhelmed easily by certain things. It's a downward spiral from there.
Me too. I definitely cried at that part.
I did too, really hard.
For me it was the part after that, about becoming tired of trying, that spoke to me. I never particularly feel like I'm working very hard, because I'm pretty sure I don't. But trying and failing to work hard becomes really demotivating, and it becomes really easy to give in and stop trying altogether. At least for me. (But I'm not sure if I have ADHD yet.)
Same here.
I'm crying. Someone thousands of miles away understands me better than everyone I've met in my entire life. ❤from 🇮🇳
I do feel that I've ADHD but I don't think I can ask for Help from ANYONE. No one will understand me. I've seen lot of videos on this topic but never seen any indian comment. You're the first one🫂💗
from India as well
we are all in this together
From India ❤
Here from India 🇮🇳
I'm writing this from my car, by the side of the road, on my way to a meeting for which I am late, with tears steaming down my face. I am a 43 year old man and this talk just rocked me to my core!
Thank you! Thank you... I really needed to hear that I am not alone and that there is hope... Your story is almost a carbon copy of mine... How did I miss this my whole life! Your talk has given me a clue and I now think I know where to start...
Thank you so, so much!
I read a book called “The 5 second Rule” by Mel Robbins. It’s been a game changer. Really helped with procrastination issues. Get the audiobook. I think it might work better with our brains.
I hope this helps. I think I know how you feel. It very isolating. I always felt like I was hiding my true self from the world because I was so ashamed.
I don’t feel like that any more.
Good luck to you.
Folks like us whose brains work differently will hear, "there's hope" from professionals & loved ones hundreds of times over the years, but until someone who has walked the same path that we have walked shares their own story of hope, we so often (& I speak from experience) can not possibly believe it. Now that I've found that hope, it's important that I echo this elusive truth that may seem like a cliché until a reminder proves vital: there is hope, AND it can be found.
I could have written this comment. Same age, same story.
I hope you are doing well, man. Definitely, you are not alone, and there is hope.
I am 42. I came to know that I have ADHD yesterday. And all my life I have been wondering what's wrong with me? :-(
only people with adhd will truly understand why shes crying so often. This was such an amazing video, thank you.
I struggled my whole life with this. Sometimes a gift, other times a curse. I self medicated. Not good. Some of my friends did not make it. To much to type, but she hit it on the head. Nail that is.
Real talk. I’m blubbering now. Today was a hard day. The struggle is so real.
😔 Bless her soul for sharing this...
been crying this whole time owww
Agreed. I'm fairly sure I cried more than she did.
I really have to finish my paper instead of marathon watching ADHD videos.
Got the same problem here, heh😅
@@dailymarit9890 same problem here as well, lmao
same happening in south america, we are all alike around the world
lmao me too, lets get this
Feeling same. I just don't do school anymore
Thank you for this. No one believed me when I finally voiced my suspicion that I had ADHD because I seemed like I had my life together. I was a "gifted" kid (I understood abstract maths concepts but I couldn't do basic arithmetic and never learned my times tables). I wasn't disruptive or hyper, I was shy and awkward (unless someone was interested in my interests, then I could talk forever). But I couldn't listen properly, I would daydream constantly about worlds in books and movies and games. As I got older the careless mistakes and inability to finish my assigned books started to cost me my grades. I am neat and organised from the outside (because if I'm not it all goes to chaos). I'm never late anymore (because I overcompensate). But inside my brain it feels like I'm constantly trying to carry around a kilogram of marbles with my bare hands, and they're dropping and rolling under things. And occasionally I spot one very pretty marble which mesmerises me and I focus on it for hours, forgetting about trying to carry all the others. This is the best way I can describe it for me.
Love your description!!! Very recognizable! Thanks! ❤
Are you me? XD
😭🌺
My therapist doesn't even believe me, because apparently I wouldn't have had good grades if I had adhd... It's so hurtful to be dismissed.
@@nadyakanarieva5973 True
I love how emotional she is and doesn't mind showing it on stage.
Trust me, she’d probably rather not, but you don’t get a choice
The amount of times that I apologize for my tears in public....and still do because I feel responsible for making ppl uncomfortable
@@efong28 Its okay to cry. Everyone does and everyone secretely feels with u if you do cry out. Whenever I see someone crying I feel jealous because they allow themselves to and it will benefit in great ways I know.
"we don’t think outside the box, we are not even aware there is a box" - that’s my favorite part ever!
That’s me ! What box ? There’s no box
Lol what's a box?
Same here. We have superpowers!!! 😝 Use it wisely! 🙏🏻
Yes!!! There's a box??? This video was everything. Loved this quote from it! ❤
Was mine too 💕
Does anyone else with ADHD feel like it's hard to manage school because you have so much interest and passion with so many other things to the point where you're completely obsessed and you can't do both at once.
oh. you are me
Ha, et tu, Brutus?
ever since i was in my primary levels,i indeed topped in my class all the way until i was a few years to completing my Secondary level. I sat for my exams and indeed failed drastically. Long story short, i gave up careers involving academics and found life in Acting.
THIS IS ME
I have one more year in my master's program and this has been the hardest thing I've ever done - not because it's been hard, but because I've been exposed to so many other things that I want to know, learn about, immerse myself in. This one thought, leads to another thought, that sees something interesting that I want to know more about and BAM - I'm 4 miles into a rabbit hole and don't know how to get out, and to be completely honest, not sure I want to.. I'm so thirsty for knowledge about everything - but can't retain a fraction of it. Any other Tribe members have problems with run-on sentences??
At 58 I learned I have ADHD. I have wrecked every relationship, every chance at a holding a mentor, every good job, every sport I’ve tried, every instrument I’ve started to learn, every half book (and there are tons of them) I’ve read, and every friendship I’ve ever had. Currently I have two part time jobs, no retirement, no friends, and an MA in English. This is my life with ADHD. But maybe today it will begin to turn around. It’s all I have.
All here with you ❤️
Just diagnosed at 50. Starting from zero but still starting.❤
You didn't wreck anything - you just didn't understand why your brain and nervous system were doing the things they did. Hold yourself with love and compassion, the same way a loving parent holds a child. You are not alone ❤
The good news is that most people are so self involved that they won't remember anything you did anyway. Namaste.
omg that is so me i have tons of self help books and how to,s even books on improving memory hmmm if i could just remember to read it would be good lol
I'm not going to lie, when she said "welcome to the tribe," I teared up and felt more at peace with who I am. I've been battling with this for years, thinking I wasn't working hard enough, and BAM! I can use this "defect" as a superpower!
Me too
This comment section feels like family
A family i always wanted*(i grew up in an abusive one)
Thank you
True!
Same, it feels so good, to see that we aren't the only ones going through this. It feels good to be understood.
It is.
there is a HUGE GAP in women being diagnosed with adhd as well. also i want to just hug this entire comment section.
Elise Kathleen yes! Got diagnosed at 26. Still trying to figure out how to function
So much true! I was diagnosed with ADHD at 8 years old when I was in elementary, and it is a real struggle.
Amen sister!!
Elise Kathleen same! 💜💜💜
44 HERE.
"It's brains that are chronically under aroused trying to get the basic level of stimulation all brains need."
Writing this one down. This hits me hard...very hard.
When I realized I had ADHD the first thing my parents said to me was “no you don’t. You had good grades in school!” They didn’t see how much I struggled to keep up. How my ADHD kept me from graduating with honours, attending my graduation ceremony, keeping me from getting into better schools because of my inability to remember dance moves, among others. I’m still learning new things about my brain, and I just started on medication a month ago. ❤
Keep moving forward!
You got this
Why would it prevent you from attending your graduation ceremony?
Omg same :c they never see how much it takes
@@MultiJoe84Becuase it's an embarrassment that you, the supposed lazy genius in school who can solve any problem, can't even bag the highest honors list, let alone honors because you couldn't be damned doing boring requirements.
I'm trying. But my brain CAN'T.
Shout out to all the gifted ADHDers that everyone thinks are so put to together, yet feel like they are falling apart. You are not alone.
No, I'm definitely falling apart. Lol. My workspace looks like an Office Depot puked everywhere every semester, the whole time.
Then I got religious about hole punching and putting important stuff away RIGHT NOW. Hole punch ALWAYS goes here. Keys ALWAYS on the hook. So on...
My socklets still wind up in my shoes half the time, and I'm late even if it's a block away. I try to leave 20 minutes before I have to.
@@windsofmarchjourneyperrytr2823 same... it’s so hard
@@windsofmarchjourneyperrytr2823 THE KEY HOOK IS EVERYTHING.
really hard
@@windsofmarchjourneyperrytr2823 I want you to know that every time I read your comment, I first think, "She fixed ADHD with Jesus?" then, "Why is she punching holes in walls????" before it clicks.
“But I was smart so nobody was worried” hits close to home
Edit: It's Jan 2022 and I've finally got my diagnosis tomorrow, this was the first video of many that have led to where I am in my ADHD journey. I wish everyone luck with their own journeys too.
I felt seen.
I'm so smart I was hit close to home... For not trying harder.
@@rozelleclary1592 Yes! I was in AP courses and aced every classs. They called me gifted. A lot of good that did me when I went out into the real world. I fail at everything. Just got diagnosed this year-and I'm in my 40s. Ugh
In middle school I asked to be tested for ADHD and other learning disabilities and they literally said I didn't need to be tested because I scored so well on standardized tests. I wasn't diagnosised until I was 18. It broke my heart I couldn't have gotten help sooner.
@@KKISCRAZYFUL I had to fight with my daughter's school to get her tested. It's infuriating to be declined testing and help when you're asking for it, but kudos to you for asking for it. Never stop demanding what you need.
By the end of this talk I literally just burst into tears. To hear that you´re not alone and that your not broken or wrong or weak, just a bit different.. felt like a big warm hug.
"You're not a failed version of normal" hit me so hard ❤
38 year old "tough guy" here... Just cried with happiness, feeling like I was accepted into a community through a fuckin smart phone. Shout out to my fellow Tribesmen! 😁
Crying with happines is tough man, hardly ever see anyone do it :)
I just had the exact same reaction.... not sure where to go to from here tho
@Loudaddy2001 You know all the times you felt left out from the neuro-typical world because you are neuro-atypical? That's how I feel when you say tribesmen instead of tribespeople. It's all about understanding... And welcome to the tribe Loudaddy!!
same here...
24 years old and what I can say is "we're all in this together"...
Wow so we all just down here cryin together huh
+!
omg andrew ily and yes im bawling
It's such a cathartic feeling to bust out laughing through tears and that's exactly what this made me do 😂
Yup we sure are
i re watch this when i feel like theres no hope for me , im in tears rn
Got fired from my dream job today because I had been struggling to meet their time expectations for finishing tasks. I’m pretty sure I have severe ADHD. Definitely heartbreaking but this video gives me hope. Thank you❤️
This. When I got fired from my dream job last December, I reflected on my entire life. Diagnosed before 10, at 34 I learned I would never make honors - no matter how hard I tried.
I had a conversation with my dad letting him know I gave it my all - that's all I could do.
I could remember several years ago, I suffered severe depression and mental disorder after losing my husband. These brought me into my disastrous journey with Alcohol and cigarettes. Alcohol and cigarettes addiction actually destroyed my life. I got diagnosed with ADHD. Not until my mom recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 8 years totally clean. Never thought I would be saying this about mushrooms.
No doubts shrooms are 100% blessings from nature. Indeed nature's little miracles
Can you help me with the reliable source 🙏. I'm 56 and have suffered for years with addiction, anxiety and severe ptsd, I got my panic attacks under control myself years ago and they have come back with a vengeance, I'm constantly trying to take full breaths but can't get the full satisfying breath out, it's absolutely crippling me, i live in Germany. I don't know much about these mushrooms. Really need a reliable source!! Can't wait to get them.
YES very sure of Dr.benfungi. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I'm really happy for you that your mom decided to help you...I hear about alot of family members or so called friends shutting an addict out of their life, which since most addicts do it to mask emotions to me is the worse thing someone can do to an addict.
How do I reach out to him? Is he on insta
When I say this woman changed my life,
I'm NOT joking
Me neither! If it wasn't for her TH-cam channel I would still be undiagnosed facing even more stigma and having to still fight a hoarding disorder diagnosis just because I struggle to keep my environment tidy and clean...
She truly is a life saver. And I mean that. A LIFE SAVER. Be well, Monica!
Same. She articulated my life up to 40 something years old. I heal every day.
That’s awesome. She’s doing the good work. Hope she sees this.
@@timetravelvictim agreed!
When she said "you are not a failed version of normal" I started crying, I've never felt so seen before
I hear you. I've given up a few times before but when I finally got my official diagnosis and was put on meds, it's as if my brain is mine again. I can focus on what I want WHEN I want rather than being ping ponged by every single stimulus around me.
me too! been struggling alot feeling crazy and dealing with this for so long I tried medication ut it never helped! first time I feel like I can relato to somebody.
Same here, crying now!! Ida, Norway
I cried at that part to. It was like she could see straight through me in that moment.
Ikr i was like how did u know 0_0
I am 26 years old and just now dealing with the possibility that I may have ADHD. I found "How To ADHD" 4 days ago through nerdfighteria. My emotions built as I was watching this but I was still so taken aback at my reaction at the end. I paused washing my dishes as you said "If you have ADHD..." and just burst into tears at "Welcome to the tribe", only to turn around and see you crying too. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
I have ADHD, hence i'm here distracted from the existing work i'm doing and trying to learn about myself and behavioural patterns i possess. It's actually good to know that this is a serious issue and not just about willpower or any self motivational quotient that parents tend to lecture the most about. Glad to have come across this video recommendation. Good job you beautiful super woman, you've not only gathered strength for yourself but given us too.
I agree with you. When I first put it together, only knowing of my HSP, I felt like I ran full force into a brick wall. I was already overwhelmed, over-emotional and getting anxious. Now, all of a sudden I had the stigma of a "diagnosis" looming in front of me. Great- ANOTHER thing to have to research and learn about. That gave me anxiety. Then, in order to make the anxiety go away, I tried to figure out the exact trigger. More anxiety. I gave up on researching anything to do with any of it. I decided that if I did or didn't have it, fine. I could still use the tools and they would either help or not help. I have come to embrace it because it explains so much of what I felt was "wrong" with me. I am even more relieved to know other gifted people have it. On top of already partially rejecting it in the beginning, when I did accept it, everyone else rejected it. I felt like they were rejecting me. It made me feel like they don't give me credit for being smart enough to be able to see patterns of things that I am dealing with and like they think I am crazy to suggest it. So, I already felt inadequate, already reluctant to acknowledge, and then told it can't be that because I am not hyper. I have since just not mentioned it and resolved that they don't know enough about it and moved on with using hacks, tips and information.
Everyone who has adhd knows the pain that’s in her voice when she’s crying. It can be so hard to articulate the impact adhd has on us to the people in our lives, but Jessica does this brilliantly!
I banna be bracer
@@shgds
I wanna be Tracer
@@capraali5331 tracer be wanna i
@@shgds
recarT eB annaW I
I almost cried! I thought, finally there is someone truly knows & feels what I feel & struggle with, I always feel that I work harder than others, and I get less than others, they have better attention, memory, social life, I couldn’t stop daydreaming about what my life would look like if I have strong attention & memory. However, I’ve learnt that there is hope, There is a way out of this.
I try to explain A.D.H.D. like this, "It's like having a Ferrari for a brain and not knowing how to drive a stick-shift". You know you have a lot of potential but don't know how to tap into it.
I've been called "clever but lazy" by countless teachers. Having the "potential" but not filling it and coming off as lazy/uninterested... It's painful
Martin Chavez YES!!!!!!! Exactly this!!!
Start by putting the clip on 2x speed
YES!! Exactly! I always try to explain it like, It’s like knowing how intelligent you are, but not being able to prove it.” But I like the Ferrari analogy even better. Thank you!
@MartinChavez would you mind if I use your brilliant analogy in one of my screenplays. Thanks
There went my mascara! My 28yr old son has ADHD and I'm just now beginning to understand his immense struggles. I feel like a horrible mother that I didn't try to do this sooner, but I didn't realize how much of a struggle everything was for him. I got him on meds in 4th grade and they changed his life, but there is so much more to it. It's Jessica who opened my eyes to just how much more, and how much they struggle. He's felt alone all his life and it's heartbreaking to watch. THANK YOU Jessica for bringing this out in the open for neurotypical people to understand. My son and I have always been close, but you have brought us even closer now that I "get it". Please keep doing what you're doing. You're wonderful at this! Bless you sweet girl!
Thank you Mam, your feeling is enough for your son
I'm Very Sure
Ur not my mum but I wish she had seen this ……….. we did try. I was diagnosed at 28 at the time I had lost 27 jobs broken up with my fiance and gone bankrupt to 25 grand in debt. I would have a lot more to face between then and my age now at 46, but I finally feel that I am getting somewhere I literally broke myself physically and psychologically trying to live up to the standards that would’ve made my family proud of me and my mum passed my extended family refuse to acknowledge either my ADHD or dyslexia and then stole things. My mum had been keeping from my my dad passed………. Mom left her £10,000 to help me with the Probate and they took the money and walked away and left me completely traumatised!
I hope to God that no one else has to go through what I went through from the age of 7 to the age of 45 ………
Please to anyone reading this, who has someone in their family suffering with ADHD take the time to look into what they’re going through please !
"we not only think outside box.we are often aware there is a box" perfect line
Most miserable thing about all of "this", is finding sudden ambition and then losing it just as quickly, and then thinking about it before trying to sleep, except the ambition kind of turns into, "WTF am I going to do?", and then sleep suddenly becomes an unaffordable luxury.
This
All the dopamine disappears and you get stuck! I’ve just stopped trying anything new to avoid the WTF stage and then feelings of intense failure and self hatred for not being neurotypical
Same brother... I am unable to stick to goals
The shame of not being able to just do things everyone else can do
What I'm experiencing at this very moment!
Anybody else just watching this and crying because after all that time there‘s someone who speaks out loud what you tried to tell people for years?
Me!!
I cried the first time. Cry again now.
This is one of my most favorite videos on the internet and I constantly coming here for... well... for too many reasons....... :")))
I'm not an emotional person. I remember crying in public 3 times in the last 4-5 years: when I was at a funeral and thought it could be my father. When it was my father. When I discussed with a close friend and told him my frustration of not being able to get anything done and stagnating in my career despite everyone thinking I was so smart. I'm feeling myself in the same kind of dead end Jessica was feeling in before she "got" it and it really resonates within me. If you read this, thanks Jessica for sharing your story.
Me. This hit me so hard, I cried but of happiness that someone explained this.
Thank god some people are damn amazing...
She has no idea that her tears just warmed the hearts of everyone in that room, and I am convinced at least one person discovered they also had ADHD and now have a better life because of this talk.
The end is making me tear up 🥲 I’m 20 and I just recently realized I probably have undiagnosed ADHD, and the more i’m learning about it, the more validated I feel. I have been like this my ENTIRE life and never thought once about possibly having it until now. I come from an immigrant family that doesn’t believe much in mental health, so I never got diagnosed as a kid for anything. If I’m anxious (i’m sure I have undiagnosed GAD too), they tell me to “just get over it, you’re fine.” If I procrastinate or i’m depressed and it keeps me from doing tasks, I get called lazy. I love my family, however they’re not aware of how much mental health affects people. They kind of have the mindset that people keep themselves a certain way and that they just “don’t want to change it,” as if someone can control their ADHD, anxiety, depression, etc. So they know it’s real and stuff, but they don’t really believe in how serious it is.
I scheduled an appointment with a psychologist this week so that they can refer me to psychiatry and to get diagnosed. Although I don’t have an official diagnosis, I’m about 99% sure i have it, or at least one other mental disorder. I feel so relieved that i’m not crazy and that there’s other people like me. I always thought I was lazy and would never amount to anything bc of my procrastination and lack of focus, however if ADHD is my problem and it’s treatable, I can find a way to get through it. Thank you for this ❤
Don't rule out comorbity. I was initially diagnosed with OCD. It wasn't until after a while my psychiatrist had me run through a diagnostic screening that I had ADHD too.
Understanding the challenges with both helped me see that the two could lead into a circular pattern. The OCD would try to address the distractedness of ADHD.
Together with medication and a cognitive understanding (and a supportive wife) it is easier. For me it was getting over the hesitation to medicate. After reading the book Blue Genes, I came away with a completely different perspective.
Don't stop learning and embrace what adhd has to offer. The hyperfocus is real and some great things come from it.
I hope everything turned out in the best way, whatever that may be. You are definitely not alone. Blessings and prayers for you. 💗🙏
@@mdsdavid this is what I'm going through right now. I've been seeing my therapist from my university's Counseling and Psychological Services for the past couple of months, and we have been talking about the usual, in addition to the possibility of me having ADHD. She also got diagnosed very recently, about a year ago, and she's in her 30s, so she could recognize and sympathize with a lot that I was struggling with being undiagnosed and unsure. About 2 weeks ago, she gave me a screening for ADHD that had 3 tests to determine whether it is worth it to pay for the actual exam or not, and it would be graded by her and the department for counseling services at my school.
I just got my results back this past Tuesday. She told me that it is very likely/it seems like I have combined-type ADHD, however she cannot formally diagnose me, so it's highly recommended to go take the test. I asked if she was sure (because after hearing it, now I was unsure if i actually had it, and I felt like i was some sort of imposter and didnt have ADHD), and she responded that my results were too strong/severe to be anything but. And that based on my responses that my anxiety could also be a result of it. Instead of feeling relieved like i thought i would, i started crying. She had been talking to me about treatment options and how to manage it and it was just very unexpectedly overwhelming. I dont know why i started crying but i did (this is not a frequent occurance).
After the call, I was having doubts that i actually had it since it wasnt the official diagnosis (even though she basically said i probably have it based on my responses and our interactions), but the past 2 days since, I had fallen into a depression and did not attend classes except for 1 quiz and an exam. I never cry often, but i'd cried at least once a day for the past 3 days. I was (and still slightly am) doubting that I have ADHD, and have been wondering if i really am just lazy or if im just depressed or crazy. I would not blame this all on the semi-diagnosis, but i have been overwhelmed with so much money issues, classes, exams, homework, other extracurriculars/university responsibilities, and work lately, that the combinations of those and the validation that i may actually have ADHD just made me lose it and i could not motivate myself to do anything for a few days.
I am still in denial and dont know what to do. Today has been better, but lately i have just been feeling a bit empty, stressed, and sad. I cannot get tested soon due to my family having to update our insurance, so i dont know how i will manage through finals and the beginning of the new spring semester in january without a diagnosis. Maybe i'd cried and have been shocked (even though i had been expecting it) because i finally found out what's been keeping me from success for so long. And that i went this long undiagnosed, struggling without any help or reasoning for my struggles. Sorry i wrote a whole essay to your simple reply, i just have been slightly losing it the past few days since hearing the "it looks like you have ADHD" and having so many responsibilities. But yes, definitely a lot of emotions with being undiagnosed.
@@digispace1 Thank you
“Putting more effort into life than anyone else, yet falling further and further behind”
Story of my life.
having a son diagnosed with ADHD at 4 years old, I realized all my struggles in live are because I too have it.
That quote resonated with me so hard.
Yeah it's madening that I can work so hard, but if I let something slip once I get not forgiveness
That brought some tears out ngl
That one hid me hard as well. 💝💐
When she mentioned trying so hard to do something like getting up from video games and starting a project, I started crying. It is just so exhausting to try to do something and you really want to do it, but you just can’t. I feel like I’m screaming at my body to move, but I’m trapped behind a big glass bowl, like a fish. I can see everything that is going on, but I can’t make any desicions. I am just so tired of trying to trick my brain for everything I have to do.
So true and then this kicks in the “failure and lazy” thoughts but deep down you know that nether is true because you are better than your actions.
Yep, I hoped stimulants would help with that but they only help me focus once I've STARTED something. Starting is still hard af. I find I do a bit better if I start first thing in the morning.
The only way for me to get started on something is if told to do it but then I struggle to FINISH it.
OH MY GOD YES, literally screaming wtf are you doing? and you're still there hyper-focusing on something
I don’t have adhd but when i played alot of rocket league a bit ago i knew i had projects behind and i knew that i was just gonna keep losing in the game but i kept playing and i felt like i was trapped, like I probably don’t have it to even near the same extent but i hate that feeling where it feels like should be able to do something but can’t.
She displays a symptom of adhd ,not being able to control her emotions. Thank you I appreciate you 🙏 Mrs. McCabe
It took me 40 years to realize why I really was different 😢😢.. All those years of humiliation and negative self talk almost destroyed me. Embarking on a new journey, new destinations , experiences and sharing . Wishing everyone in this tribe success to find who they are and why they are 🤟
Did you get diagnosed officially? I feel like I have to...
@@smoochinvideo yep .. met with a specialist after consulting my primary doctor
@@tomriddle8181 thank you. I'm about to turn 40, guess it's time to find out for me as well... Good luck with your new journey! :)
One of the worst things ADHD sufferers hear is "if you really cared, you would have done a better job." This is terribly inaccurate. Some kids (including me) are still recovering from this trauma
Edit: glad to hear so many of you can relate. And yeah, what's worse is when we internalize this so much that we start to hear it from ourselves 😔
Oh god, my OH says this to me so often and gets so upset that "I don't care". It's a double whammy of knowing I've done something to hurt her, and that she thinks I've done it deliberately and maliciously when I haven't.
the worst part is when we hear it from ourselves even though we know better.
Well this is terrible cuz i say this to myself i always thought if i had tried i could have done better but guess i was wrong.
@@kartikpanwar7127 maybe it IS possible that you could've done better, but it's not because you just don't care - because you often DO care and regret every single slip-up
kartik Panwar people with adhd always have the potential to do better, just like anyone else. it just isn’t always as simple as “trying harder.” sometimes “doing better” with adhd means seeking treatment, if that’s possible for you. we can do everything everyone else can; we just have more obstacles, and it’s ok if we can’t always overcome them.
Potential, potential wasted, feelings of failure... Shout-out to all the former "gifted kids" discovering that being smart isn't enough if you can't put in the work.
that sums up adhd to the T
Exactly how i feel.. former gifted kid here that is currently 33 and wondering how i’m not where I should be in life. This made so much sense
We put in the work but nobody sees it
Your words feel like family....
heyyy
I'm 40 and I knew, more or less, that I had ADHD. I literally started crying uncontrollably because of a video that understands me right now.
I'm writing this just to express my emotions. I'm 26 and was just diagnosed with ADHD and right now, I'm at the lowest point I've ever been. I feel so lost in my life and it feels as if there's nothing I can do. But this video has shown me that there's others out there who struggles with everyday life and they found ways to get out the darkness and find hope. These past 26 years has really messed up my mental and I'm struggling to change. I'm trying to discover myself and learn to walk MY path. I WANT TO LIVE! (Nico Robin)
If a person can feel this frustrated and down on themselves WITH an early diagnosis, imagine how those who HAVEN'T been diagnosed feel!
This is one of the biggest things I've struggled with. I feel looking back like my life was a bunch of flashing lights and alarm bells that somebody! anybody! somewhere along the line should have said something. I even recently had a friend tell me that she thought I knew I had ADHD already.
I completely @James Harris! And @K L Mac… I just figured this out on my own!! And only about a year ago! I spent 44years not knowing why everything was SO much harder for me!?! I struggle with the inattentive type, luckily my sister who struggles with the hyperactivity type has helped me understand things that can help! Like timers on my phone, and listening to something funny like a podcast while doing tasks I don’t wanna do! But, I’ve found it hard to find access to a psychiatrist to get my ADHD diagnosed! I don’t know if medication would be right for me? Anyways… I completely understand!! I’m slowly finding ways to help myself, mainly motivate towards change! Thanks for listening🙏🏻best of luck to you both!!!
@@shaunrussell4558 I was fortunate enough to at least have some health benefit coverage to get it assessed privately. The waitlists even privately are long. Publicly in Ontario, Canada it can be a year plus just to start the process. My psychologist who did the assessment mentioned that there has been an uptick of people seeking assessments after the pandemic. Turns out removing all structure and freewheeling it working from home hasn't been a good fit for everyone. I felt I coped really well having worked from home before, so in some ways I already had structure.
I'm literally getting medication for mine tommorrow I'm so excited Anxiety medication has never helped
Only until this year at almost 30 year's old 🥲
"I was tired of putting more effort into life and falling further and further behind"
I want to frame that on my wall
I think I will
Me too!
Yessss me too!
Don't forget to add "than everyone else" because that is the key part of the sentence.
odonnelln same af
Jessica, I am obviously 6 years behind in listening to this, but you nailed it! I have been a teacher for 30 years, I have a mother, a sister, 2 daughters, a niece and nephew with varying levels of ADHD and Dyslexia. I have listened to more videos, talks, webinars and read more articles, journals and books about ADHD, both personally and professionally, to last me 10 lifetimes. But, girl, you nailed it. There are so many things I want to say to parents of my students, even my family members, that you have so boldly and matter-of-factly stated here. You had me in tears multiple times in both validation and empathy for all the others I know who are struggling with their ADHD lives and the lack of understanding from "neuro-typicals". I am proud of you and sincerely commend you for following your heart, using your strengths, insights and experiences to help others with their own trials and questions as well as recognizing the need to find and support a tribe.
“I didn’t have time for friends, I was that busy” That hits so close to home, hearing your story makes me feel heard that I have time.
Who else that has ADHD cried every time she did?
YEP lol
no? Is that weird? I don't know her, and her hardships weren't really tragic, so.
@@CatfishBradley I guess that was about not being able to regulate emotions which is/can be a symptom of ADHD; so no it's probably not weird to not cry, it just means you are able to regulate your emotions.
I cried (and cry a lot for every small thing and overload) but I'm also currently seeking a diagnosis lol
@@erdbar718 Definitely agree with this. I haven't cried for over 30 years. Not trying to be macho or cover up anything. My brain just.... doesn't work properly. It sucks.
@@cullly Yeah I can imagine.
I cry basically daily, that also sucks. Why can't brains just be able to find a nice balanced way of regulating emotions?
I feel like everyone thinks ADD/ADHD isn’t that big of a deal but it really has a huge impact.
Yes especially if you don’t fully realize the impact it’s having on your achievement in life
yesss! and many people know the stereotype, but doesn’t even know what (for example) sensory overload is.
Yes! I always suspected I had ADHD, but even I didn't think it was a big deal. It wasn't until recently that I actually started learning about it, and I realized the huge impact it has had on my life. But now I'm so glad that I've learned about the community around ADHD, and I don't feel so lonely and self-conscious anymore.
@@nickvanamburg Same, I knew I had ADD since a young age since it runs in my family, but only now i'm learning about how it affects my life in so many ways that I thought had no relations with it.
Nick VanAmburg Same over here! It’s like what this ADHD coach she interviewed said, you almost go through the stages of grieving reflecting on how you have been struggling with those impacts all these years. I put my name down last week to see a psychiatrist and get properly assessed. Wish me well!
"I can be me and still be successful" that hurt. Thanks
I’m watching this video with tears in my eyes. My daughter who is 9 just got diagnosed with ADHD this week. I felt momma guilt for all those moments where I couldn’t understand her. You have no idea how much your Ted talk has helped me understand and see how gifted my daughter is. Thank you for being an advocate, for having a voice to spread out the importance of understanding people with ADHD.
Please look at the link between Gluten & adhd, she may get some relief if you help her with a gluten free diet - look it up!
Hey, I'm a girl who only got her ADHD diagnosis at 21, and let's just say it's cleared a lot of things up for my family. I just want you to know that you cannot blame yourself - it's natural to feel guilt and dwell on the 'what-ifs', but your daughter has a mother who clearly loves her and wants to understand her, and that, above all, is what every ADHD child wants and needs (well, that and usually medication). You're doing the best you can with the information you have, and trust me, your daughter is going to be eternally grateful for it. I know I am towards mine.
@@unnotabelle Thank you for the encouragement, I truly appreciated!
@@thestu7066 I will thank you!
I started crying everytime she started crying because the entire time I felt like that was me up there.
me too. I couldn't stop crying this whole video. I am so grateful for Jessica
I was the same
Yeah! Me too .. I started crying as soon as she said she couldn't make it to USC. The same thing is happening with me.
Me to 😭
Same here. I felt this hard. So glad I came across her Channel.
I feel like a just woke up from a very confusing long sleep. After years of depression, fear of the world and its happenings, this makes sense. It just feels like it could be the thing I am dealing with since I was very, very little. There's no diagnosis or anything. But I feel like many people in the world might know the symptoms, but don't connect the dots. Good to know it's a spectrum. Wow..
I’m autistic and ADHD. This is such an amazing video. It’s so touching. No wonder why she is crying.
I can relate to that "putting more effort than everyone" and crying.
Me too. I am a first year teacher(51 y/o), got diagnosed three years ago and since then I learned how to do central heating and air, plumbing, electrical and graduated with straight A's in an accelerated master's program taking over 21 hours a semester, managing a mobile home park , two sets of apartments, and raising a six year old by myself. Accomplishments for my lifetime that I wasted for 40 plus years...but I still work 16 hours a day as a teacher and feel like I'm drowning...thank God people with ADHD work great under pressure and with three hours of sleep a night.
@@tiredofit1968 I used to work really hard(at some point in time), but most of it was out of being mentally ill, now I can't really do that, you're a legend.
Tired of it Un b. Vvcbb Ed pnnc. VJb hiii Bgggghhhjbb. BOGvjkobvgnnbbbbhu NV p on NV lovenmnho
Self Development I felt this so SO MUCH!!!
@Tiredofit
You sound exactly like me. I’m finishing my 1st year of teaching after an accelerated masters program. I’m turning 40. I am afraid to be too public about it but I know most of the reasons they don’t want me back for next school year are classic ADHD brain things. I moved to a new place where I knew nothing about the area and had no support. I have been stumbling through trying to get by without treatment or help for my ADHD. I was always the first in and last out each day and still couldn’t get everything done. I’m happy you’re here.
"Trying harder than anyone else and falling farther and farther behind" If that doesn't hit like brick 😕
I here at that point again in my life. I ask myself, when will you get yourself together? 40? 50? I try and I feel like I'm juggling but I can't seem to keep all the balls in the air. Even when I just have 1 job to do, I manage to lose interest or get distracted.
Yes. I’m constantly exhausted and nothing to show for it.
This was the one that hit me as well. Its almost 1 am where I am and I am supposed to be doing my coding homework and in class assignments due at 8am that I have been putting off for 2 weeks. I know I can make it if I get in my zone, but the fact that I know that makes it less urgent and thus I don't do it cause that's my ADHD. The importance is 0% a factor. Urgency, interest, and challenge are what motivate me. this quote really made me feel that more than ever.
😭
@@jaystreit3777 i feel that as a STEM major also. Being adhd in university is really really hard. Nothing in this world is built for our brains. I work sooo hard just to be on the same level as most.
Still underestimated, still a lot of suffering. Jessica is a brave young woman, thank you Jessica
I'm 7 years late to the party, but I want to say well done Jessica you are an inspiration to all of us struggling ADHD'ers out there. I have only recently started my journey to understanding and managing my ADHD better, and your channe (How to ADHD) has been a major influence - thank you. I can't imagine how difficult it must have been to both prepare this speech & perform it in front of an audience, while being vulnerable & sharing your own struggles & shortcomings - it must have been so overwhelming, yet you conquered it. From a random internet stranger & fellow ADHD'er: I am proud of you.
Being a dude with adhd and tearing up with her and knowing how society would react to that is why it's so hard to get help
40 year old guy here, blubbering like a toddler with a skinned knee. Just got diagnosed.
You are not alone. ADHD and in my late 40's. this guy cried too!
47 year old man who was diagnosed and started medication in January. I’ve watched this a dozen times and cry every single time. People really don’t understand adhd, especially in adults, and you do feel alone and abnormal.
30 year old dude with adhd. I feel ya brotha.
Keep trying. You’ll fail here and there and you’ll succeed in other aspects. Celebrate the success and onto the next experience. Always keep trying. Much love, man.
20 and still haven’t been diagnosed because i can’t afford it, cried like i’ve never cried before about my mental health
Wow, she's lucky she got diagnosed so early. Most girls don't get caught until they actually get to college age or later
100% agree. I was diagnosed six weeks ago, at age 42. That's a lot of pieces of life to pick back up off the floor.
I got diagnosed as a presenting female in middle school? but my older brother was already diagnosed and my mom has had her suspicions about so many other people we're related to so it was mostly due to knowing that there's a history of adhd in my family
37 here...I wish I’d known sooner.
@@kellyshelley1427 22 here, I know it's nothing compared to someone that went undiagnosed longer, but it sure is a lotta time feeling broken or like an alien
Same. found out when I was 31. After failing in college 12+ years ago. I was also a gifted child
I'm 56 and diagnosed with ADHD 8 years ago. Didn't even know I had it. My son was diagnosed and we were working with him. We both take medication now. My life has flamed out twice. Once at 24 with alcohol addiction and again at 48 with a process addiction. Nearly lost my family and my life then. I figured I had always coped as the 12 steps helped me to live life on life's terms but watching my son continue to struggle with his life has been difficult to deal with and triggering for me as I see myself in him. I watched this video yesterday and ended up sobbing for 5 minutes overwhelmed by sadness and empathy for both myself and my son and my wife who has struggled with having 2 ADHD males in her life. We know so little and I have been dealing with it badly though well intentioned. Thank you for shining a light on this. Its exciting seeking new tools rather than what feels like trying to push water uphill. The tribe has increased by 2!
After watching so many of Jessica's video on her own channel, it felt like seeing a friend do an interview on tv. I felt like saying. "I know her" to the people in the audience. She truly makes you feel you are part of the tribe. I'm newly diagnosed at 52 and her videos have hit home so much.
That whole dopamine thing makes a lot of sense. Instead of doing homework i would shop instead or watch my favorite shows, not because i was lzy and would rather do that, i didnt want to i just couldnt focus on work and it would make me anxious and have panic attacks and so to calm myself and raise my dopamine i would do the things i love.
Oh my goodness. This is literally me🥺
That makes since why some of us also have depression
Bruh literally what im doing rn with 4 weeks of overdue homework 😂
na talia sameeee! I’m struggling at my job right now. It’s Really hard for me to focus on my job even though it was just a small task. I will feel anxious and overwhelm. I always procrastinate and then I will feel more miserable
I'm doing this with registering for uni, anxiety and adhd don't mix well smh
These comments make me feel less alone in this world.
Same
FR though
this is like the third time i come back here and it still makes me cry, adhd brains lack recognition, it should be normal for us to know who we are
Wow! One of the most powerful TED talks ever. ❤
“We not only think outside of the box, we often don’t know where the box is” - made my day. Thanks.
😂
Laughed so hard to this 😂
It's probably full of unopened mail somewhere.
@@diamondflaw indeed 😅
Perfect analogy
"its like our brain keeps switching through 30 different channels and someone else has the remote". i have never felt so understood in my life
Totally. Understood.
She killed it! 🙂
lolz
SAMMMMMMMEEEEÈE
same!!!
33 and finally took action - I’ve been dealing with this my entire life starting at 18 when I failed out of OSU. I appreciate people speaking about their experience because I’ve been suffering and wasn’t sure how to explain.
I pray your journey has gone well!!!!!
The thing I hate the most about having ADHD is every time I bring it up in a conversation people always look at me as if I am simply trying to make excuses. At work I don't struggle with it as much I chalk it up to being in a more motivational environment, but any time I'm alone I lose track of everything. Believe me I've had lazy days and for those I make no excuses, but having ADHD has been something that has been very difficult for me specifically when I'm trying to explain it to other people. I tried medication when I was a teenager and overall I didn't enjoy it very much, the only one I used was Vyvanse. I'm thinking of speaking to my doctor about medication options, but its tough. I hate the idea of feeling like I have to take a pill to "function"
same I need constant external monitoring and pressure at work, if I'm alone I'm falling apart and I used to hate myself for that, so much shame. Now understanding that it's just a default setup, I feel less guilty about that. Actually feels less guilty about many things
I'm recently diagnosed and started on medication. I also don't like taking meds. Almost feel like I'm cheating since Hollywood in the past made it sound like students take unprescribed meds to get good grades. I felt proud that I was able to get good grades because I worked really hard on it. And I learnt all the concepts myself between 10 pm and 1 am. Spacing out in school was terrible. Constantly on survival mode. I continue with these hyperactive habits working in a busy health care system. I was so drained because I used so much of my CBT strategies at work. I fall asleep driving home.
The meds made a huge difference. Making decisions at work and using CBT strategies are so much easier ; I'm not tired anymore. Don't feel like I would randomly die in a car accident and leave kids momless. It's worth the try. I hope you got a chance to look into it again
I was getting teary at this. For those of us with ADHD, it often feels like society is built in a way that we cannot succed. Just today, I was getting down in the dumps about how I have all these goals, but i feel like my ADHD is stopping me from making any real progress (on top of high functioning autism and an anxiety disorder). This was a heartwarming thing to watch.
Hey but we still around kicking it
are you me?
I agree. I felt that today when work was just one big nightmare or felt like it to me. It gets depressing to.
@@techtutorvideos damn man so true. This is why I'm never going too college again
I relate. I also have "high functioning" autism (Asperger's originally) and have struggled with anxiety all my life. Add depression and PTSD to it and you get the biggest failure I know, me... Besides not living up to my own expectations, I also keep getting comments from those around me. At times I wish I lived in a different world.
"Your brain keeps switching between 30 different channels, and somebody else has the remote". I love that she has given me a way to finally be able to describe how I feel on a daily basis.
Seriously yes
I've always said that! I was amazed to hear someone else say that
"Your brain keeps switching between 30 different channels, and somebody else has the remote". yes yes yes!!!!
More than a tv that switches between 30 channels, I feel like a tv that's displaying the 30 channels at once
I just immediately forget the channels or I only listen to certain parts of the channel.
I am 59 years old and just realized this past weekend that I have had ADHD as long as I can remember. I now realize my mom has it and her mom had it. I found this all out because my 37 year old son called to tell me his discovery and how the meds changed his life.. and that it is hereditary. All the symptoms, which I have been calling character flaws, made me feel unconnected, unlikable and not as good as others. This talk was awesome! I bawled through it because now I know what I need to do going forward to experience "normal" for the first time in my 59 years of life!
I was diagnosed at 58
I am glad you’re getting help. My ADHD was diagnosed only 11 days ago and I am 58. I am looking forward to life getting better too.
When she said she was working to make sure kids dont have to wait til their 30s to get diagnosed/underdtand their brains...i cried my eyes out. I was just diagnosed and medicated properly at 35 years old. The last 6 months of my life have been amazing and ive been more productive than i have been in 10 years. My depression and anxiety have improved exponentiinally.
I felt that
: “Trying harder and harder and still falling behind”
Dont give up guys...we got this!!!
Me to man I wanna cry
Yes man...
my ADHD probably wasnt strong enough for my mom to go "something is wrong maybe i should diagnose him" for like 18 years but her traditional soviet parenting and anger issues definitely made it go from like ADHD to AD4K
ADHDers true problem is that society doesn't understand it. It doesn't get that are brains never stop ... Distraction brain , thoughts brain, people talking brain, flashing lights brain, we identify all at the same time, while we are working, or at Thanksgiving dinner or actually carrying on a conversation. We have one speed fast do 20 things at the same time seriously. Non adhd individuals don't have the capacity to do what we can.
As an ADHDer I fail to comprehend why people can't understand things I find so simple. People can't understand why I'm disorganized well its my skill, 20 things I'm doing, or why I'm late 20 things, why I get bored, 20 things ..
We need to do things we truly are interested in , that challenge us, and finally society sees us. Society needs to learn about this debilitating illness and super power!!!!
I'm proud to be an ADHDer. My life actually has been a disaster, I've lost 25 to 30 jobs, been arrested for dui not having a drink, socially awkward, no friends, etc...
I wonder how different my life would have been if diagnosed as a teen, not as a 45 year old man... 🤔
I wish I had a more helpful reply than this, and yet... "ADHD to AD4K" is too damn hilarious to ignore 😂
@Checkerëd I don’t know if you know this, but the symptoms of PTSD can sometimes be similar to that of ADHD. I honestly think you might have compounded symptoms from both ADHD and PTSD.
Oh my gosh this made me laugh out loud, thank you. AD4K.
I shouldn't have laughed at this
It's 6th of November 2023. I've been trying hard to think what's wrong with me the whole time. I am crying right now. Thank you for shedding a light Jessica! You don't know how much this mean to me
Best of luck camille 🤜🏻🤛🏻 we'll find a way to make it work for us
35 and just diagnosed... i'm not a failure, i just work differently. ❤
The sentence I hate the most is “I can do it so can you” no I can’t I have adhd
"can't means wont try"
Kleingirl I can’t tell if you’re agreeing or rebutting OP-based on your comment being a rebuttal, is it that Deaf people just /don’t try/ to hear?
@@Melissa-zr6zw they agree. They're sarcastically quoting *I swear* the most common response to that.
It's even worse when you can do things some people can't, and everybody's fine with that, but as soon as you can't do one single thing, they want to know why or don't believe you.
Melissa looks like we got a reddit boi here, take him away
Worst thing always they told me: "If you try harder, you'll get it. When you want to do it well, you can"
I tell them flat-out. I'll knock it out of the park if it's done in 20 minutes. After that...lol (music major)
That's something my mom says to me constantly and she just doesn't get it.
I dont know whats wrong with me other than anxiety... but that sentence "try harder" is NOT as easy as it seems. To some. In 9th and 10th grade i pretty much gave up on some subjects
The problem is that we often have times in our life when we DID manage to pull ourselves up and "try harder." We think, "Wow, that wasn't so bad. I should just do that every day and I can accomplish anything," and then it might be years before you have a day like that again.
@@iamtics same. I thought i was alone. Thanks for this comment.
I'm crying just watching this 😢. I lived all my life undiagnosed , I am 34 this year and basically have failed to launch into the world in terms of success . I graduated high school 2nd in my grade was always referred to as 'academically ahead' . However I always struggled with friendships I never really could fit in with others or be at ease . I had so much pressure to just do well that when I got to university Things started to really fall apart... I didn't finish my degree. I got married at 23 to someone who just wasn't right for me - had 3 kids and got divorced in a 6year period. I've never dated after that... I started a new degree 4years ago. I am trying to complete it ( last 6subjects ) but I am truly just struggling to get it done. I am at the point of where I want to get a formal diagnosis and start medication to implement and develop healthy habits to support my executive functioning deficits. I've always have these brilliant ideas to start different businesses and then I get super focused on it and it never materializes or I work on one or 2 projects and then there's no momentum. Now I realize that I'm banking on this degree as some form of hope that once I complete that everything will be fine and I will get a great tech job, move out on my own and live happily ever after. However I also realize if I don't develop better coping mechanisms from feeling constantly overwhelmed and develop strategies to counter those executive functioning deficits I would then probably be onto studying something else. 😅 to end up not using it in any way at all ! I do manage to keep up with my kids in terms of homework childcare and transport but alot of the time I have to put tons of effort into being calm and not feeling overwhelmed . I'm so tired of being overwhelmed even if I'm trying so hard I somehow don't reach my targets or feel like I will not make it out in life on my own. So the plan now is : understand my brain better, medicate till enough healthy strategies are in place, be kinder to myself, and do great things or maybe average things !
I was diagnosed at 32 and I am prescribed ADD medicine. I know I was banking on the medication changing me completely and having nothing but success but thats just not the case. Don't get me wrong the medicine really helps but you still have to have those healthy strategies and still need to talk to a professional every month that will guide you with tools throughout the process. For instance, at the start of every week, I schedule out what I'm going to do in my Calendar to keep me on task throughout the week. Good luck!
I am also crying, I still am not sure if I ever will have a "normal" life 😢
Such a great line: “[we live in] a society that was not built for us”... Amen
I wonder why? 🤔
Literally said amen when she said that
@@mammybelle7302
Because not all people have adhd ? 🤦♂️
🙌🙌🙌
we live in a society
Rewatching this again. Just failed an entire semester of college thanks to ADHD, depression, and anxiety. Still struggling to love my brain, and myself. But Jessica and the ADHD humans of the world give me hope.
Update- I'm on track to graduate in May. I almost dropped out, but I got the help I needed & pushed through it. Love y'all. ❤
llegobarbarian did you have it?
You are so not alone. It’s a constant struggle to just get through. I’ve done this and felt this so often. Don’t give up on your dreams though.
i got diagnosed with ADHD when i was 6 and got diagnosed with depression and anxiety about a month ago and still i get judged for being forgetful and for either not getting things done or not getting it done on time, i feel you.
Mini and Mighty: I failed a class imperative to complete a career timeline I set for myself; even after 8 + hours of studying five days a week... A combination of ADHD symptoms translated to lagging grades, even though I loved the class material. It will be okay, I promise. ♥️ You are not your grades. I hope you get back up, dust off, and run on-because you’re going to create great things in life. There aren’t too many like us-apparently, and we’re in the business of lighting up this world! Stay strong, and stay connected to the truth.
hey, same! i failed half of my classes last sem and also few more classes the sems before that and all that could amount to a whole sem of failed classes, and im in a rlly competitive environment, it's driving me insane not to be able to keep up with my peers. the pressure is too much. hang in there!
It can be so hard to deal with the pain this can cause, thank you for creating a sense of solidarity within the virtual community
I'm 56 with ADHD, OCD and Tourettes. This gives me hope. Lately, it's been my ADHD that has been the issue. And I'm seeking help for it. Thank you. You go girl!
I hate how my brain remembers things from a long time ago but has horrible short term memory
Yes! You just described what I’m experiencing right now, it’s good to know that I’m not the only one :’)
Amen to that! Or how about remembering lyrics to endless amount of songs but forgetting where you put the phone. 😁
@@BlessedGJ yesss
@@BlessedGJ I found my phone in the refrigerator once after an hour of searching... I don't remember even using the fridge at the time?
Funny I can recall vocabulary in a foreign language that I learned months ago, but not where my keys are 5 seconds ago.
ADHD is a double edged sword. If you happen to be in a field that you are genuinely interested in, you’ll rank high. The opposite is also true.
I wish the field Im interested in wasn't an impossible dream and was something I could actually build a life I can support myself with
@@agent_star Could still work out if you cut your cost of living. I'm gunning to live in a van.
Or once you have your own company with people who are doing stuff like administration, schedule, accounting so you dont have to do them you can become very succesfull.
@@agent_star the most important thing, is do what you "love." Because you'll pour all your energy towards it!
I think it has more to do with your level of impairment, this is something that people often forget about, we are not all equally impaired. Some people complain that they barely finished college, while some like me couldn't even finish elementary school without some leniency from the teachers. High school? Forget about it.
Even if I got the most rewarding job imaginable I would still find a way to mess it up.
I've watched this video several times, but it still makes me cry every time I watch it. It was the first video I watched after getting diagnosed. I come back to it every time I forget to remember that I'm different and don't have to struggle to be "normal".
Jessica has helped me tremendously over the last few years watching her channel HowToADHD. This talk was one of the best I’ve ever watched on the topic and I’ve almost watched and heard them all! She’s a true gem. Thank you 🙏🏽
"If you really wanted to, you could do it better than anyone"
My mom said that always to me when i was struggling with something. She doesnt understand how much this hurts.
Safak Aksin I heard “you can do anything just put your mind to it”
I would get “if you aren’t getting As you just aren’t trying hard enough”
"I don't see you trying, if you were trying then you would have finished already"
Thanks Mom, you made me feel like I was wasn't good enough. But that isn't true, it isn't true for me or you. Always remember that your best effort is always good enough, you are good enough.
My mom told me something similar today. Doesn’t feel too good.
I have nothing to say but... I Know how it feels. Was told once in a serious talk that apparantly i was only putting %20 of my effort in and if i really tried and bothered i could be really good. the ting is, i hated writing essay's about pointless things that i didn't enjoy, I loved learn about things like psychology and music and computers... there was no way I could focus doing something mundane but I could focus more than anyone else at something I loved... Guess I did have something to say huh...
Having ADHD makes me feel depressed. It’s tiring trying to push yourself 10000000x more than most people to be where they are. I feel behind in everythinggggg no matter how smart or ahead I am.
Just keep plodding on, don't let it get you down! I think the big problem with Adhd is that we get bogged down in the feeling that you "should be doing something". Just keep living your life and if something doesn't work out then it wasn't meant to be!
Emely Puntiel EXACTLY! And even when I do feel ahead, I feel like I'm about to be behind again!
Yes this is very common too, basically without medication it's a nightmare you can't enjoy anything
Emely. Push yourself less. Forgive yourself more. Check out this lady's TH-cam channel.
YES. And it's scary not to know if you're depressed because of the ADHD or depressed and maybe that's why you can't get anything done. I'm trying to figure this out myself. Reading these comments makes me feel much braver and less alone ❤️
I don’t have adhd that I know of, but mental health has been a lifelong battle for me and when she cries I feel that and relate deeply. It’s hard to live in a world feeling like everyone else can function through life fine and in turn your best effort each day is to just appear normal and push through your struggles, which wipes you out by the end of day. You go girl, your strength inspires me!
Was diagnosed at 31, just a few months ago. Thanks for much for your work Jessica, it helps me so much. Didn't expect to cry with you on this talk
“Spaced out during a lecture” literally every lecture I’ve ever sat through
That’s so true
She slew me with the whole "I'll assume you spaced out during this one" bit. Well played. She got me in another video, too. Said that when you tell someone with ADHD to do something sometime in the next three months, that person's brain says "Oh, that's not now. Cool." I nearly fell out of my chair. I'm pretty sure I've uttered those words aloud, verbatim, more than once - nevermind thought them.
That got me, and I even spaced out / stopped watching to do other things multiple times during that one... I feel like a lost cause sometimes.
Same, every class, lecture, meeting, church....etc. and lose my keys always
Same. I had a job interview the other day and the person interviewing me was great but she gave a very detailed and long talk. I started getting anxious that I was going to blank out so I ended up getting fidgety and bouncing my leg so I wouldn't.