Words and actions can both be altered to display someone’s intentions and can contradict each other, but patterns reveal the true heart of the person. Following these patterns will serve us for a time, but when that situation changes we need to get rid of the old patterns and find new ones so that we don’t place false assumptions on a relationship. I am currently struggling with this mindset change after living under my narcissistic father for many years. Praying for you to continue growing and healing on your journey. 💕
When people throw in the conversation "Look, I'm not going to lie..." it always triggers something in me. I can't stop remembering many things I find in relationship and communication patterns. They become carved into my mind. INFJs and patterns. I've always avoided conflict because it made me feel toxic. I tried to avoid certain people for that reason. I used to feel sorry for certain manipulative and conflict oriented people and would quickly evaluate the lack of any positive outcome a confrontation might elicit. I've learned somewhat recently that some people are just adult schoolyard bullies and won't stop until you push back. Their minds are warped twisted and tortured in world were aggressiveness including lying cheating and manipulativeness are a "winning" skill set.
look, I am not going to lie....because normally you do? these aggressive and manipulative people that have a "winning" skill set are called go getters and leaders most of the time. clawing your way to the top nevermind what or who you scratched or stepped on on the way up. so gross, not for me
i have learned in life to ignore those who speaks condescending with me, they do it to feel powerful by putting me down.If you dont give them their reactions what they want, they will feel like shit.And they confidence that they built by putting you down will be destroyed.
I feel I can relate to this! I’ve actually been realizing lately how I form relationships with people and it’s exactly what you’re talking about. I watch for patterns/consistency and if that person makes me feel safe to open up to them… this then sets the foundation of trust for building a relationship with anyone I meet.
Big Quinn 559 here, temporarily using my dad's profile,it's never fails Everytime I do anything social media related it's always destined to flop for lack of better words.But I really appreciate your message it convicted me and you did It in a stern yet positive approach because it makes us look like flakes and wannabes.
I have certainly acted out the INFJ `door slam` on people. Thinking about it, it happens because of how I see patterns: I shut them out completely because I know that I don`t need to wait to see more, I just know where things will go and I won`t wait to be let down or hurt once more.
In earlier times, especially in the time frame of 2006 through 2014, I tended to let some people get by with being bullies and such until I got to a low point with it. Then I developed some boundaries, and effective, tactful ways in getting people to back off, cease & desist. Being the nice guy can mean getting picked on, duped, & persecuted if ya let it happen. Boundaries, set boundaries and some high standards.
Haha pinterest does Read your mind i swear 🤣 I discovered and found out I was an INFJ through pinterest because it popped up with the pics related to me. And that quote you saw, I've seen that and can relate too. Its not always easy to know these days if people are sincerely kind or meaning what they say or faking it. The thing with us infjs is we really want to see and hope for the best in people but we always have this scepticism and cautiousness too because of wanting to trust and then being wronged or hurt. The part where you were talking about people knowing and learning about you and using it agaisnt you or emotionally manipulate you, that is why i can be very uncomfortable posting on here at times, it's a scary world put there with not so great people and they prey on us. Also being vulnerable online with the narcissits in my life stalking my channel. I wish I could just take my channel and my subscribers to a new secret outlet. I understand and feel everything you are saying here ❤ Also the chickens making so much noise made me laugh a little wowzers lol. And 'A Wasp time to get outta here' 🤣
I completely get it. I enjoy helping people daily and REALLY like my quiet home time, in peace. I'm exited to be getting a Schnauzer pup this afternoon "mans best friend" on many fronts. Peace and health
I think most of the time people believe in what they say. The problem, I believe, is that most of them are simply more tolerent with themself than they should be.
I’m in my 30’s and can feel myself shifting into a different perspective too where I realize I don’t have to allow people to treat me a certain way and I can choose what I want to allow into my space. It’s nice to feel a shift.
Hi Joy! I am too stressed out to really think BUT I did want to tell you that I felt very Very VERY bad today and then you came on! I changed my mind and do not to die!! 40 years with a narcissist...just divorced and walking away with nothing...this week has been hell! Anyway, I going to just stay the course and watching you makes me realize that I am not the only one out here that feels the way you feel! I always want to hug you! I feel your pain! About your clients treating you poorly...that makes me so mad! If I ever missed an appointment I would be right in there to pay for your time AND tip PLUS I would be apologizing! You need to put up a sign and let everyone read your rules! You should have rules!! I love you sweetheart! 🌺😘❣🙏
thank you Kim, it is few and far between, the rude clients. I put them in their place in my own way 😌 happy to be an uplift for you, keep fighting girl, this too shall pass
Yay for all kinds of patterns material or behaviour. My autistic brother is a pattern lover myself. He knows when I’m myself or feeling unlike my usual self. No judgments regardless, he embodies forgiveness which I’m learning to adopt. This quoted has been ringing in my mind for a long time “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” ~Maya Angelou I’m still contemplating if that’s the way to go. Without giving them a benefit of the doubt. I mean it’s easier when I have non-negotiable core values. Is it too cold and cynical, to not get the whole big picture of the other before deciding if they’re ‘worthy’, (can’t think of a better word) to bear my vulnerability. I don’t know 🤷♀️ Is this person someone who embodies all the things that are important to me, or am I convincing myself that I can change them? People could change, right or is this another rose-coloured glasses, (I’m short-sighted BTW lol) I have to toss away for good, well not for good because I need it for the summer, can’t be alternating between my prescriptions glasses and my sunglasses lol. Change and self-growth is a hard path to take but worth it in the end, if I bear patience, and I’m impatient. Trust the process, as they say..... oookay 😅
I love this whole thing so much, had me laughing and thinking. the Maya Angelou quote is so so good. And true. I dont think tossing people away is the answer always. allowing room for growth and change if they are wanting growth and change. we will not change a single soul if they don't see their troubles.
Glad I put a smile on your face 😊 , it’s completely off the topic but in a way related to your subject, lol rambling on a tangent, INFj forte 😀 (been deciding on which emoji to use, this one is a mix of crazy & yay me lol) anywho, Good to see you back Joy 👍
We are not perfect, not a all. We fail to our duties sometimes too. But because we are so perfectionist, the disappointment we feel towards ourselves in case of failure, is so huge not to say disproportionate; it make us rethink again and again and again, before saying or taking any wrong actions.
You read me like a book! Patterns are my thing! Words mean nothing, actions mean a bit more but patterns... there’s no changing that! I actually just saw a pattern in my ex husband and pretty much ran! INFJ door slam, I suppose. 🤷🏼♀️ I enjoy watching you! ❤️
I think a lot of people who are not intuitive types don`t build up a portfolio of observations from these patterns and as such they just react to people`s manipulations as and when they arise. We see the manipulations coming, and then we are stuck with the reality of being able to see what is behind people`s behaviours. In the end it makes it hard to have many people in our lives.
I was just watching some of your older videos! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and perspective as a fellow INFJ, your videos have really helped to comfort and mentor me. I am praying for both you and your family! 💕
For me, trusting someone is more about actions than words, but a person's action can also have ulterior motives attached to them...It's unfortunate that we have to spend so much time judging whether someone is full of shit or not.
That's weird that you say you like the noises because even though it's harder to hear her I like the noises! I think we just need to be country! I love hearing roosters crow...I can imitate them too...really good!!😆
I think it's a natural defence to keep people at a distance... Especially when we've been hurt a lot in the past... As far as trust and promises... There's only two things in my entire life that I can, or will ever promise... 1. Jesus is my Lord and saviour. 2. I love my mom, she is my family, my rock, best friend. Go mom 😎 outside of that... in my daily life, I feel like I walk around often and I'm suspicious of most people... So I get what you mean... it takes time for a person to prove themselves by a pattern.... even then, I keep my guard up.
I often know quite quickly if someone is going to be okay for me to get to know, it's like there are lots of stored characters (patterns) in my head that I'm comparing them to. The numbers I do want to get to know are very small the pattern discriminator in my head is very fickle.
Wonderful video. Will Yah judge us more on behaviours outside our patterns, i.e., (such as moral slips) or will we be judged on our patterns? Just a question that you stimulated within me. Everything you said is spot on. Thank you!
My I'll try is typically stronger than most people's I promise. If I promise that means if I'm not dead or in coma, it will be done. No one in my life has ever kept their word with me, so I have had to come to the realization that my family members are untrustworthy and are willing to lie, steal, cheat, and do immoral or illegal actions. I was taught to accept unacceptable behavior from those around me, and I attracted a psychopath because of it. When you are dealing with someone that is a hall of mirrors, you are left in complete cognitive dissonance. It took me far longer than it should have to figure this individual out, because I was taught to ignore my intuition. It leaves you thinking, will the real person please stand up. When every word of a person directly contradicts their actions, you must accept that the person is not who they said they were.
Patterns and gut feeling with Holy Spirit = Lie detector. Cold logic is good against abusive manipulators and guilt is kind of withdrawal symptom: brain loves regularity even if it's toxic. Some people just want to take and take and then leave me empty like i'm some fuel pump. Thankfully God have made me stronger and wiser. Best "revenge" is live best life possible and love Jesus
Truth, I wouldn’t even trust someone enough to tell me the time, snakes often shed their skin but they’re still snakes.
true
Lol, you did it again. I like your exciting and unexpected twists with your similes. I know it's a god given talent. Lol.
Words and actions can both be altered to display someone’s intentions and can contradict each other, but patterns reveal the true heart of the person. Following these patterns will serve us for a time, but when that situation changes we need to get rid of the old patterns and find new ones so that we don’t place false assumptions on a relationship. I am currently struggling with this mindset change after living under my narcissistic father for many years. Praying for you to continue growing and healing on your journey. 💕
I'm watching this right now, thank you for posting Joy. Yes manipulative motives, I'm always on guard for those patterns now
thank you Eric, manipulative motives, that's the word I was looking for 😆
When people throw in the conversation "Look, I'm not going to lie..." it always triggers something in me. I can't stop remembering many things I find in relationship and communication patterns. They become carved into my mind. INFJs and patterns. I've always avoided conflict because it made me feel toxic. I tried to avoid certain people for that reason. I used to feel sorry for certain manipulative and conflict oriented people and would quickly evaluate the lack of any positive outcome a confrontation might elicit. I've learned somewhat recently that some people are just adult schoolyard bullies and won't stop until you push back. Their minds are warped twisted and tortured in world were aggressiveness including lying cheating and manipulativeness are a "winning" skill set.
look, I am not going to lie....because normally you do?
these aggressive and manipulative people that have a "winning" skill set are called go getters and leaders most of the time. clawing your way to the top nevermind what or who you scratched or stepped on on the way up. so gross, not for me
i have learned in life to ignore those who speaks condescending with me, they do it to feel powerful by putting me down.If you dont give them their reactions what they want, they will feel like shit.And they confidence that they built by putting you down will be destroyed.
Yes consistent pattern of abusive behavior leads to the door slam.
I feel I can relate to this! I’ve actually been realizing lately how I form relationships with people and it’s exactly what you’re talking about. I watch for patterns/consistency and if that person makes me feel safe to open up to them… this then sets the foundation of trust for building a relationship with anyone I meet.
Big Quinn 559 here, temporarily using my dad's profile,it's never fails Everytime I do anything social media related it's always destined to flop for lack of better words.But I really appreciate your message it convicted me and you did It in a stern yet positive approach because it makes us look like flakes and wannabes.
I have certainly acted out the INFJ `door slam` on people. Thinking about it, it happens because of how I see patterns: I shut them out completely because I know that I don`t need to wait to see more, I just know where things will go and I won`t wait to be let down or hurt once more.
In earlier times, especially in the time frame of 2006 through 2014, I tended to let some people get by with being bullies and such until I got to a low point with it. Then I developed some boundaries, and effective, tactful ways in getting people to back off, cease & desist. Being the nice guy can mean getting picked on, duped, & persecuted if ya let it happen. Boundaries, set boundaries and some high standards.
boundaries are very important, and learning to stand ground with boundary pushers or jumpers
Haha pinterest does Read your mind i swear 🤣 I discovered and found out I was an INFJ through pinterest because it popped up with the pics related to me. And that quote you saw, I've seen that and can relate too.
Its not always easy to know these days if people are sincerely kind or meaning what they say or faking it. The thing with us infjs is we really want to see and hope for the best in people but we always have this scepticism and cautiousness too because of wanting to trust and then being wronged or hurt.
The part where you were talking about people knowing and learning about you and using it agaisnt you or emotionally manipulate you, that is why i can be very uncomfortable posting on here at times, it's a scary world put there with not so great people and they prey on us. Also being vulnerable online with the narcissits in my life stalking my channel. I wish I could just take my channel and my subscribers to a new secret outlet.
I understand and feel everything you are saying here ❤
Also the chickens making so much noise made me laugh a little wowzers lol. And 'A Wasp time to get outta here' 🤣
I completely get it. I enjoy helping people daily and REALLY like my quiet home time, in peace. I'm exited to be getting a Schnauzer pup this afternoon "mans best friend" on many fronts. Peace and health
ohhhhh baby dogs
I think most of the time people believe in what they say. The problem, I believe, is that most of them are simply more tolerent with themself than they should be.
or they are not introspective nor care to be
I’m in my 30’s and can feel myself shifting into a different perspective too where I realize I don’t have to allow people to treat me a certain way and I can choose what I want to allow into my space. It’s nice to feel a shift.
it's like finally being an adult, at least it felt that way to me
That’s how I feel it feels too!
Don't just feel it. Be it!
Hi Joy! I am too stressed out to really think BUT I did want to tell you that I felt very Very VERY bad today and then you came on! I changed my mind and do not to die!! 40 years with a narcissist...just divorced and walking away with nothing...this week has been hell! Anyway, I going to just stay the course and watching you makes me realize that I am not the only one out here that feels the way you feel!
I always want to hug you! I feel your pain! About your clients treating you poorly...that makes me so mad! If I ever missed an appointment I would be right in there to pay for your time AND tip PLUS I would be apologizing!
You need to put up a sign and let everyone read your rules! You should have rules!! I love you sweetheart! 🌺😘❣🙏
thank you Kim, it is few and far between, the rude clients. I put them in their place in my own way 😌
happy to be an uplift for you, keep fighting girl, this too shall pass
Yay for all kinds of patterns material or behaviour. My autistic brother is a pattern lover myself. He knows when I’m myself or feeling unlike my usual self. No judgments regardless, he embodies forgiveness which I’m learning to adopt.
This quoted has been ringing in my mind for a long time
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” ~Maya Angelou
I’m still contemplating if that’s the way to go. Without giving them a benefit of the doubt. I mean it’s easier when I have non-negotiable core values. Is it too cold and cynical, to not get the whole big picture of the other before deciding if they’re ‘worthy’, (can’t think of a better word) to bear my vulnerability. I don’t know 🤷♀️
Is this person someone who embodies all the things that are important to me, or am I convincing myself that I can change them? People could change, right or is this another rose-coloured glasses, (I’m short-sighted BTW lol) I have to toss away for good, well not for good because I need it for the summer, can’t be alternating between my prescriptions glasses and my sunglasses lol.
Change and self-growth is a hard path to take but worth it in the end, if I bear patience, and I’m impatient. Trust the process, as they say..... oookay 😅
I love this whole thing so much, had me laughing and thinking. the Maya Angelou quote is so so good. And true. I dont think tossing people away is the answer always. allowing room for growth and change if they are wanting growth and change. we will not change a single soul if they don't see their troubles.
Glad I put a smile on your face 😊 , it’s completely off the topic but in a way related to your subject, lol rambling on a tangent, INFj forte 😀 (been deciding on which emoji to use, this one is a mix of crazy & yay me lol) anywho, Good to see you back Joy 👍
I thought it was perfectly on topic 🤔🤣
We are not perfect, not a all. We fail to our duties sometimes too. But because we are so perfectionist, the disappointment we feel towards ourselves in case of failure, is so huge not to say disproportionate; it make us rethink again and again and again, before saying or taking any wrong actions.
You read me like a book! Patterns are my thing! Words mean nothing, actions mean a bit more but patterns... there’s no changing that! I actually just saw a pattern in my ex husband and pretty much ran! INFJ door slam, I suppose. 🤷🏼♀️ I enjoy watching you! ❤️
I think a lot of people who are not intuitive types don`t build up a portfolio of observations from these patterns and as such they just react to people`s manipulations as and when they arise. We see the manipulations coming, and then we are stuck with the reality of being able to see what is behind people`s behaviours. In the end it makes it hard to have many people in our lives.
I was just watching some of your older videos! Thank you for sharing your thoughts and perspective as a fellow INFJ, your videos have really helped to comfort and mentor me. I am praying for both you and your family! 💕
thank you so much
For me, trusting someone is more about actions than words, but a person's action can also have ulterior motives attached to them...It's unfortunate that we have to spend so much time judging whether someone is full of shit or not.
unfortunate indeed 😕
It looks really nice out where you ate compared to the cold snowy weather you've posted lol. Love all the animal sounds in the background too
weather in extremes here. white and frozen or green and hot. not much In between
That's weird that you say you like the noises because even though it's harder to hear her I like the noises! I think we just need to be country! I love hearing roosters crow...I can imitate them too...really good!!😆
I think it's a natural defence to keep people at a distance... Especially when we've been hurt a lot in the past... As far as trust and promises... There's only two things in my entire life that I can, or will ever promise... 1. Jesus is my Lord and saviour. 2. I love my mom, she is my family, my rock, best friend. Go mom 😎 outside of that... in my daily life, I feel like I walk around often and I'm suspicious of most people... So I get what you mean... it takes time for a person to prove themselves by a pattern.... even then, I keep my guard up.
I often know quite quickly if someone is going to be okay for me to get to know, it's like there are lots of stored characters (patterns) in my head that I'm comparing them to. The numbers I do want to get to know are very small the pattern discriminator in my head is very fickle.
stored characters...I have them as well. funny how that works
I can totally relate with what your explaining here, so thankyou for that 💫
"I promise", form an INFJ, is just another standard.
Wonderful video. Will Yah judge us more on behaviours outside our patterns, i.e., (such as moral slips) or will we be judged on our patterns? Just a question that you stimulated within me. Everything you said is spot on. Thank you!
My I'll try is typically stronger than most people's I promise. If I promise that means if I'm not dead or in coma, it will be done. No one in my life has ever kept their word with me, so I have had to come to the realization that my family members are untrustworthy and are willing to lie, steal, cheat, and do immoral or illegal actions. I was taught to accept unacceptable behavior from those around me, and I attracted a psychopath because of it. When you are dealing with someone that is a hall of mirrors, you are left in complete cognitive dissonance. It took me far longer than it should have to figure this individual out, because I was taught to ignore my intuition. It leaves you thinking, will the real person please stand up. When every word of a person directly contradicts their actions, you must accept that the person is not who they said they were.
absolutely....its so hard isn't it?
to retrain yourself from a raising of ignoring yourself to serve everyone else
@@joyousprairies9313 nigh incomprehensible
Patterns and gut feeling with Holy Spirit = Lie detector. Cold logic is good against abusive manipulators and guilt is kind of withdrawal symptom: brain loves regularity even if it's toxic. Some people just want to take and take and then leave me empty like i'm some fuel pump. Thankfully God have made me stronger and wiser. Best "revenge" is live best life possible and love Jesus
For me there has never been...
*"Shit happens" ;*
*"No body is perfect" ;*
*"At least I tried";*
*"That's life" ;*
Even before I knew I'm an INFJ.
I like your dialect.
🐶🦋
🐓🌞🐣
@@joyousprairies9313 🧚🏼♀️