For the homophobic son story, I rather suspect if he's living at home, has no job and appears to have no girlfriend, that he has fallen into the incel rabbit hole as homophobia is a major facet of that lifestyle, especially anti-lesbian sentiment.
He seems like the kind of guy who really, really needs to start being okay with and pursue casual relationships, because he has a toxic ☣️ relationship with the concept of a relationship.
Was searching for this comment because I thought the exact same thing, that son has been on all the wrong parts of the internet and there needs to be some sort of intervention
I want to put my two cents into that second one. First, the son is 25. He's an adult. He's not working and has had friends over, trashing OP's house. He's done nothing but behave like a disrespectful moocher. Second, there's a minor in the house. That minor is also LGBTQ+ youth. Her saftey and well being is significantly more important than that of the adult son in this case. I want to clarify my use of the word “moocher.” A moocher is someone who does nothing but take. It also excludes disabled individuals who must depend on the care of their parents in their adulthood. If you’re able bodied, unemployed and not in school for some reason and live with your parents or a family member and contribute in other ways, like offering to clean the house or do all the cooking or something like that, then no. You’re not a moocher because you are giving something in return. The son in *this* instance is a moocher because he’s demanding free room and board from his parents without giving anything in return.
Honestly. Like if a full grown adult, who is irresponsible and doesn't contribute to the household, calls his young teenage sister something like that (which by many peoples standards is a slur, and he fully meant it as one) and yelled at her and then didn't apologise or try to explain himself within a week then throw that whole man out.
I agree that the son is doing a very, very bad thing by being homophobic in the same house as an lgbt person, but since he doesn't have a job, does that mean he'll be homeless if he gets kicked out? Again, I am not excusing his actions, but I don't know if he deserves to be homeless. Unless you're a cartoon villain I don't think anyone deserves to be homeless really. Also about the "moocher" comment: I'm in my 20s, still live with my parents and don't work (I do go to college though). I've tried working multiple times but I am autistic and I get overwhelmed easily, plus I struggle with my mental health. I don't think it's fair to judge adults who don't work, unless you know the specifics of their story. Again, not defending the son's actions, I am lgbt and I hate homophobes and transphobes, just adding some nuance.
@@sophitiaofhyrule No I think it's important to try and look at their side of things. That's important to being a considerate human being. As someone who has trouble working due to autism too (although I'm a full time carer for my mother, so not exactly without a job) there are a lot of different living arrangements considering relationships with families and disabilities to factor in. I think from what the post implies he's taking advantage of his parents patience and hospitality especially if he's not respecting their space (trashing it) and isn't respecting the people inside the household either, and he might have friends he can stay with until he's able to afford his own place. The dad might have acted rashly out of anger but I don't think they'd make him sleep on the streets if he legitimately had no other option. I hope not, anyway.
After I came out to my mom as a transfemme, she had a really interesting way of validating me despite what she was going through. The way she said it is that each person has their own story, everyone around you is a side character in your story, when a parent has a child, the child is still a part of the parent’s story but as that child grows up they create their own story and become who they were always meant to be. For my mom, i was always a part of her story, she had ideas of what she wanted me to be as any parent does, and me deviating from those expectations and being my true self is really hard for her to process, but she knows that my identity and my life is the main character of my story. Don’t let others decide for you, you are valid and deserve to be treated as such. 🏳️🌈❤ Hopefully that made sense xD
Oh my gosh thats so beautiful! I wish i thought that lol. I just asked my kid if she wanted a cookie and gave her one while saying as long as they treat you right, i aint got an issue.
I think you explained that well. I like the idea that we are the main characters in the play that is our life story so far, and that the people around us are secondary players of various degrees of importance to us. It's funny that at the same time that we're the main character in our own lives, we are also one of the secondary characters, or even just background dressing in other people's lives.
As someone who has difficulty disassociating a name from a trauma, it is ABSOLUTELY the mom’s responsibility to come up with the solution for this issue. In my case, when I had to interact with someone who had the same name, I told him about my issue and asked for his permission to call him by his surname. He agreed, so I did, and I just *dealt with it* when other people called him by his given name. It’s OK if you have trouble with a name because of a past trauma, but it is NOT OK to take that out on other people who just happen to have the same name.
I think it hits different when the person with the triggering name is your daughter. I remember another reddit story where someone finds out that their son had been named after an ex, and how to deal with that kind of stuff, when it's your own kid and the name has implications, it might not be the same as when it's an acquaintance that you can address by another name. I don't know, haven't been in the situation myself.
@@arualblues_zero I mean, it was entirely coincidental that the name was the same as the ex-friend. The father had no role in the selection. It's not the same thing as your partner naming your shared child after an ex. Mom is heavily projecting on the daughter, made more apparent when you consider who she ran to like a coward for support, which was a transphobic sister.
@@TheoRae8289 Of course, I'm not saying that it was exactly the same situation and I am definitely not saying that the mom is doing anything right. And I am also not saying that the daughter went and chose that name on purpose, or that the cheating father did, not sure where you read any of that in what I said. What I *am* saying is that a triggering name might be way more difficult to process when it's their own child who has it, and in that way the situation could be comparable to finding out that the child was named after an ex, what I mean is that every time they hear or read their own child's name, the implication is triggered whether they want it or not. If it's a friend, it could be less difficult to avoid it, but your own child has to be harder. That is all I'm saying, and nothing else.
Upon his ascension all of David Bowie's British bicon energy was transfered unto Jamie Raines. It was simply too much for one mortal to carry alone, and thus Shaaba was brought into existence.
I've experienced the name bias myself honestly. When my brother first started dating his boyfriend, Justin, it was extremely jarring. He has the same name as someone who my sister ran off with as a teen and ended up having 2 kids with. Was a terrible father, disappearing from his children's lives and reappearing for years causing a whole lot of trauma for my nephews. The bias was there as soon as we learned my brother's boyfriend's name, but we kept it to ourselves, and after a while, it went away as we got to know this Justin. The mom has no right to cause problems over a name. She should absolutely just take the time and get over it without stirring up a fuss.
I have the same thing but in a more innocent way. Growing up I had a lovely Maine Coon cat named Mallory, and to this day if I ever see a human being named Mallory my mind immediately thinks "CAT."
Yeah, we have a similar ex situation and then a family had a baby and named him the exs name without realizing. You get over it pretty quick if you spend alot of time with the new person. Trauma sucks and is hard to process, but it's your problem, not anyone else's.
@@tjenadonn6158 I feel this. Most people I know name their pets either typical pet names (Blacky, Pezi, Minki), that you wouldn't name a human child, really foreign names from far away countries, or really old names (Caesar, Archimedes) that you won't run into in our area. The only human names I encountered were Tom (a cat) and Finn (a dog). Finn is not very common here among people.
I still value what my mom said to me: "I got to pick your name the first time, you get to pick it this time." (I did ask the family about my middle name, though, which is after my late gradmother.)
I'm glad they were fully supportive of you choosing your first name, and I love the collaboration for the middle name. Although it's ultimately the choice of the person who's name is changing, I think it's a really lovely compromise to be able to involve your family in the choice of a middle name, which can still be meaningful but inevitably is really only going to affect your official documentation (since most people don't give out their middle name anyway)
This is how mother's should be when their kids come out as trans. Because it's fucking true! They already got to pick the name that's giving us trauma, why can't we pick our own? (Ps. I'm not trans, but I love Ryan so much that it's actually really jarring to be called by my birthname lmao. Ryan is a unisex name. I am a genderfluid Tomboy. It fits me perfectly~
@exposingfrauditorsisbackthe parent is loving. You dont stop loving them because of something bad they did. Things like that can be changed. What they did was absolutely right. The son is a grown man,disrespecting the parents house,and his sister,him getting kicked out of someone else’s house(parents or not) was the consequences of his own actions
@Exposing Frauditors is back Kicking someone out doesn't mean you don't care about them. It's very likely these parents would let him move back in if he absolutely couldn't find anywhere else to live, and only did this as a reality check. He thought he could act like a massive jerk without consequence, and now he's finally learning that people aren't just going to put up with that. It's the ultimate life lesson: don't be a dick.
I agree. I am 22, I empty the dishwasher most days its been on, take the dog for a short walk if I am home and my parents are at work, I cook once a week, I keep my areas tidy, I help in the weekly clean and I water our dogs grass, all in all takes about three hours a week to do all of that, which my parents and I think is a fair share of household work for an adult. I don't pay bills, but that is because I am studying and they do not want me to be under financial stress as I do not have as much earning capacity as them yet. They are happy with my living at home because I am being productive with my time and money I save and I respect the space.
@RenTheWren seconding this. It's very easy to say "my house, my rules, respect your elders" until the parents are the ones being homophobic racist bigots and using the threat of homelessness and financial abuse to manipulate their significantly less financially stable child. Even if the child is an adult, escaping those situations is easier said than done. Granted those situations are very different from the one in the post, and the son is still obviously the A hole in this situation because he's being an entitled bigot. But blanket sentiments like, "their house, their rules, quit mooching, etc" can be very dangerous on their own. Far too often, they're used to minimize and rug-sweep abuse. It can also be a DARVO tactic to make the abusive parents seem like innocent victims, when oftentimes, if the adult child does try to move out, the parents will actively sabotage or guilt trip them into coming back.
as a person who also can't differentiate between people and their names, i sympathise with the mother, but i still think it's the person's choice and the mother is definitely in the wrong for blowing up over it.
Agreed. It took me time to disassociate my abusers' names from their behavior when I met others who happen to have those names. I did it though. This mum might benefit from therapy on the subject
I had to go through kinda the same thing as the mother. There are names that i just don't like because most of the people I met with that name have always been a bad person. Only very few of them are nice. It was quite the journey for me, hopefully the mother can move on from that.
I would feel bad for the mom if she didn't seem like such a dick, she involved the sister knowing that she's transphobic, honestly she deserves to be reminded of that woman who her husband cheated on her with simply for being dog shit, once she decides to be a good person I'll afford her sympathy
I find it annoying that the name of trans people is even up to debate like that. Like nobody would ask a cis person to change their name, just because they made a bad experience with someone who has the same name.
Yep, it's super annoying. This person wasn't a friend or family, but "informed" me they wouldn't call me by my "new name" for a similar reason and demanded to know my "real name". Yeah... I've never changed my name. Like I can't help you.
On the first story, my cousin named her kid the same name as an awful bullying coworker I had. And guess what? After a few years, my nephew's now the first person I think of when I think of that name. It takes time, but retraining your brain is your responsibility, not the other person's!
My Mom hated my transition AND was scared for relations with my uncle, who wasn't happy, either. Before she died, I got a sparkly bracelet from her with "Linda" on it. After thinking it over....she probably thought about the fact that I wasn't the typical boy and saw the change HAD to happen.
I changed my name in my 20s due to past trauma and really just generally hating my birth name. My abusive mother would refer to me by my new name until she wanted to hurt me, then she would ALWAYS use my birth name. It brought back so many negative emotions and memories and I was so glad to be able to finally ditch it from my life after I went NC with her. It hurt so badly to have that name weaponised against me, even though I'm cis. I can't even begin to imagine how much worse it is for trans people where it's not only weaponised, but also misgendering them too. I hope everyone can free themselves of whatever past trauma they went through and thrive for the rest of their lives.
On the first one, Shaaba has this great saying "it's not their fault, but it is their problem" and I feel like this is where I would sit with the Mother. The volcanic nature of the reaction, however, especially waking the other and depriving OP of phone and sumpter (and thus presumably support from bf), that does feel a little bit like an unhealthy relationship?
@@its_the_bird Very much what I fear, and you said it so much more clearly! I hope the OP is able to get some space, and time, to decide whether it's a relationship she wants going forward. Thank you for making my blather make sense!
The lack of defense from the sister's transphobia would be a huge ding on my trust in the mother and her ability to be a safe person, if I were in her daughter's position. The blowing up at the ID card is the cherry on top, in my mind, that she struggles to prioritise her daughter's well-being ahead of her own feelings.
It really sounds like the Mom may have hit a trauma trigger, and yeah, that's really messy. 100% agree that "not your fault, but it is your problem" applies.
When I changed my name my older sister took it as a personal attack on her. It certainly didn't help that she found out about 6 months after I'd legally changed it, but she had been extremely dismissive and insulting when I mentioned in passing that I identify as non-binary so I didn't particularly feel like talking about anything related to the topic with her. She ended up realizing she has to learn to use my new name after putting my old name of some legal documents and having to re-do the whole process, but even 7 years later she's still super bitter about the whole thing.
@@sophitiaofhyrule in all honesty I still don't understand even tho we have tried to talk about it many times 😅 All I've gathered is that us being "sisters" and having names that almost-but-not-really rhyme was an important part of her identity and she tells me I could not possibly have felt differently about it
@@myrrysmiasi4866 honey, if you like lettuce and your sister takes it as an attack on her, you shouldn't stop eating lettuce, of course you're not in the wrong. People get attached to your name, and everyone has problems accepting when you change it, but the reason is never worth your suffering. So keep going, if she doesn't want to use your name that's her problem.
Also, SHE'S bitter, not you. Let her be. It's her life she's running. And if she chooses to ruin the relationship, that's on her. Be yourself, not whoever your family wants you to be, I thought we as a community (the gays™) already accepted that. Nobody should suffer to keep their family happy. Family is replaceable, you are not.
I feel like there's a story behind the second story. There's an adult son, living at home, getting away with practically whatever he wants, and when dad enforces consequences, the son (correctly) expects mom to be on his side. Something tells me that the mom's been letting the kid get away with stuff for a while. It sounds like the parents need to have a long talk about their expectations for their kids. I'm glad that the dad decided homophobia was worth putting his foot down over, though.
I have two kids and if one of them would come out to me and was treated like that by their Sibling, i would loose a Child that day. The dissapointment would be immesurable if one of them could ever choose Homophobia over Family. As someone very smart once wrote "Gay couples are the same as Straight ones. There is literally only 1 difference and that should only matter to the ones in said relationships"
Like. I've dealt with several girls/women named Jessica in my life, and they were all quite mean, and did and said very hurtful things towards me. But, I've met some wonderful Jessicas recently, and while there was a slight twinge at first, I pushed it aside, because this is not one of those people. It's like, I know someone whose name is Karen, and she isn't a "Karen", lol. She's very sweet, and supportive.
I agree mostly but I just have one name I can't get over and that has to do with some really heavy SA stuff I won't get into here. It's really tough sometimes
@@Imjustkendall my Grammy was named Karen and she was one. I used to take her grocery shopping and I had to protect the poor cashiers sometimes. But she was really an amazing woman. She just got stressed about money down to the penny (for good reason, too, she busted her ass to escape poverty)
I have a Jessica from my past who bullied me in grade school and assaulted me with a rock-hard pillow (that she got from my uncle???? It was really jarring finding out that the pillow came from my house--anyway) during the sole time I went to summer camp. I still get a twinge of discomfort whenever I encounter a Jessica, 25 years later, but I'm getting better at not instantly making that connection.
When I first came out, I thought I was a trans man and had a hell of a hard time renaming myself cuz my mum decided that since I was a teenager I get minimal input on my own name and she refused to let me go with my first choice which was Milo and I would have kept that name after I came out as nonbinary but she forced my into Markus which is my current government name. She then later got pissy when I came out as nonbinary cuz I picked the name Castiel (yes from the show Supernatural) she refuses to acknowledge it or my pronouns cuz of it. She thinks I didn't put enough thought into picking the new name even though I showed her my name spreadsheet with pros, cons, etymology, and historical uses and importance. I put so much work into my name cuz it's my identity. Joke's on her now though cuz i will never speak to her again
That's some really bizarre behaviour from your mum. So what if you were a teenager? Old enough to comprehend language? Old enough to pick Your Own name! And one doesn't even have to put too much thought into it. I mean, it's great if you're picking a name with a lot of significance, but you could literally just see a random word on some billboard and decide that's good enough for a name, and no one should be able to stop you Also, I've never watched Supernatural, but Castiel is a cool name!
You put more thought into your name than I have put into mine. My thoughts were hearing Chris being used for a primary school principle with the same first name as me and thinking it sounded cool and like me and fixating on that thought on many years until I realised I was agender and knew why I liked the thought of being called Chris and stuck with that.
You know what, maybe I should make a spreadsheet for names I'm currently searching in the neutral/feminine area (trans demigirl), but it's kinda passive at the moment ? I have a few ideas floating around Damn, I thought I was bad at picking names for rpg characters, but for me IRL, it's even worse lol
Names are important, but the idea that all parents put a lot of thought naming their children is not true. Just as an example, when my grandma had my dad, it was a few months after she and my grandfather had lost their daughter after a long battle with cancer. So when my dad was born they honestly didn't have a name, so they named him what that days catholic saint name was on the callendar (catholic thing). They still loved him, his name means a lot, but it was still randomly chosen. I can see that the process of choosing your name was important to you, and that excelent, but no one gets to decide how and for how long people choose names to make them important or meaningful.
OP's son sounds like the type of incel who repeatedly hits on a woman, ignoring it when she says she's a lesbian until he sees her kissing a girl at which point he complains that she led him on 🙄
Probably. I got accused of "leading someone on" because I didn't immediately reject him upon him saying hi to me. From first meeting to accusation was less than a minute.
And people wonder why women have basically shut down most forms of communication towards males save the necessary or transactional. Women need that bright line because men pull that shit on women.
@@SeaBassTean same. I also had a man get mad at me for "trying to make him gay" when I informed him I wasn't a woman. Like you flirted with me, not the other way around, it's not my problem you assumed my gender incorrectly.
To be fair, the 25 year old is far more capible of supporting himself than the 16 year old so it makes sense to kick him out. Hes not pulling his weight and is constantly trashing the place. He sounded toxic before the homophobia kicked in.
The first one about the name change is a shitty situation. I tried to date a woman with the same first name as my abusive father and it only stopped triggering me when we switched to a full time usage of her nickname. It sadly didnt work out because of other reasons but id suggest trying a pet name and work through it.
It was. I didn't ask her to change. She just didn't like seeing me shook every time i heard it. Don't worry, I made space for her baggage too. Like partners do.
Imagine if instead of the daughter's name, it had been a grandchild named Marceline and after months of using that name, the grandmother just up and demanded the grandchild's name be changed. Or what if the boyfriend had been a girlfriend named Marceline? Would she insist the op break up? I get she has issues, but that's for her to work through, not insist the world bend to her demands. Also, on the point of expecting to be consulted on what name your child uses, I'm the parent of a trans nb adult and have always tried to be supportive in every way. They started using a different name without consulting me at all, then changed to a different name that they've used for, oh, probably ten years now. You know how I felt about that? Fine. It's *their* name, not mine. I've flipped back and forth between Lyn and Lynette. I've never gotten my mother's permission to do so. So my kid's name changes have been more drastic. So what?
My wife and I were very proud of the name we chose for our child. (I still think it was a great name). But they came out as gender fluid a few years ago and decided their name didn’t work anymore. They actually let me see their short list of new names and asked my opinion. I told them I liked x and they chose y but used x as a middle name. But even if I had hated the name when they told me about it I would love it now because it’s my baby’s name and I love them. Btw. Changing names is a real PITA! If I changed my name, I wouldn’t change it again no matter what anyone else thought about it.
My dad, who molested me from about the age of five to about fourteen, had the name of Larwil, which he shortened to Larry. When we (my sister, who my dad also molested, and I) finally managed to break the strangle hold of "don't tell anyone" when my mom asked if we would have any objection to her divorcing our dad, she was heartbroken- and immediately divorced him. At the time, we basically went no contact with my dad. Many years later he did sincerely and repeatedly apologize to me, and would have apologized to my mom and sister but they would have nothing to do with him. Which I fully understood and supported. I'm still not sure why I was able to keep in touch with him but the end of his story is that when he died we were pretty good friends, he did a huge amount to support me and my husband in our work, and was as kind and generous as he could be to both of us. I also ended up being in control of his estate and that was not easy but whatever. Many years after he died, my mom ended up with cancer. It was awful- almost utreatable and horribly painful, but her excellent doctor got her a few more years of decent quality of life. But then, of course, it returned. She couldn't deal with treatments anymore because of allergic reactions so we just got hospice involved, keeping her at home where she wanted to be and taking turns, the three of us, caring for her. At one point (and here's why I'm writing this) she had the mostly lovely physical therapist... whose name was Larry. After his first visit mom said, rather reluctantly, "He so nice but his name..." My sister and I agreed and asked her how she wanted to go forward. She said she was okay with it but it was just weird for her. After his next visit she seemed much more relaxed and I asked her how she was feeling about his name. "Oh, I don't mind it now. He's nothing like your dad." And he wasn't! He was tall, beautiful, blond and very sweetly gay, and by the end of that second visit we could see how much he cared about our mom/mother-in-law and we just loved him. So that name, Larry, was rehabilitated for my mom and for me (not so much my sister- but that's another story) completely but this gentle, kind soul who helped us so much. My husband was on Larry's side immediately but he's just like that, very accepting and open. Anyway. Long story... As for the second case? Yeah, the dad should have talked this over with the whole family before summarily laying down the law but still, I'm totally into kicking that freeloader, homophobic guy out. No one needs that kind of energy around them, least of all a freshly minted lesbian. Hate like that is corrosive and can literally kill people. Sweep it out, smudge the house and live a happier, safer life. I hope that guy gets a wake-up call from this and tries to figure out why he's so hateful- but it's not likely. :/
Funny story: I had a very abusive friend in highschool. I was very, very in love with her and she knew it and was very manipulative and gross. When I hear her name I still sort of shudder, hoping it's not her - but she has THE MOST GENERIC NAME ever, so it's a bit much sometimes 😅 it is hard to emotionally disassociate a name and a person, and it can be painful. Having said that, it's not the daughter's fault that she chose a name that happens to give her mom the ick. Mom needs therapy, and I mean that in the kindest way possible.
The number of people who will go to trans people's videos justv to post trash comments and think they're somehow not the attention-seekers is mind-boggling.
@@lrfcowper truth =/= trash If you think that these massive conglomerates really care about you, you have brain damage. There is an ulterior motive behind it all, and you are falling for it.
The brother has some other underlying issue that needs to be addressed. I'd start with the fact that he feels entitled to live in your home, at 25, without a job. But this anger at his sister tells me that he's JEALOUS AF. You have the clues in his language "she's seeking attention". Why does he think that? Bigger problem going on here.
I'm cis, but what I heard once resonated a little. Putting it here, in case it helps y'all. "A name is a gift, that is why it is "given"." Think of it as a gifted sweater. If it is nice and comfortable and you want to wear it forever, you are free to do that. However, once you've tried it and it's too uncomfortable on your skin or you don't think the colour suits you, you are not obligated to wear it again. You can keep it in a closet and know that you once had it, or you can give it away never to think of it again. But it is still just a gift, not a mandate. Do with it what you want to."
That's very good! I'm also cis but happen to prefer my spiritual name over my given name, which is also laced with a lot of trauma. So should I ever happen to marry, then I might try to appeal for a first name change aswell, which is actually more difficult as a cis person, though I'd already hit 3 of the qualifying categories ("religious reasons" [well spiritual, but, it's all belief systems], "having gotten estranged from the name" (that's usually the categoory made for trans ppl) and "trauma related"). Theres more categories in Germany. But yeah. We're strangely stuck with the first given name. Even though it's all not really THAT important for identification X'D as all gets registered and you know, we don't struggle with last name changes so .... what's the big deal anyway. It's by the way especially fatal, in cases where two ppl share the exact same name and one is criminal. Has actually happened to ppl. We should be more concerned about uniqueness, if anything and "identification" is the main concern. X'D
On the topic of names: I told my friend that she should ask her dad what name to pick. (She didn't know what name to pick, and her dad is a nurse and works in the maternity ward.) She asked her dad and he suggusted the name Abby. She picked that and loves it.
i love finally having the choice to use the name i'm comfortable in. very exciting! not to be cheesy but thank you for giving me the courage to be who i really am :)
Much love, congrats on being you. Please don't mind those people, some of them have over 1k reactions on this channel just trying to spread hate. Stay safe!
I get a little tingle every time someone uses my true name. It's like "Hey, that's me!" 😊 I honestly can't wait until my deadname is well and truly dead, and my legal name and my true name are one and the same. Even now getting mail and other things addressed to my deadname feels alien, like I'm snooping in someone else's documents. My parents chose a fine name, and I'm keeping my initials the same (partially because my initials have always been the same as my mother's, and I like that I'm her sorta-namesake) but it's just not my name.
On reactions to changin our names... My biodad's reaction to my name change is what showed me he doesnt support my trans existence; and it let me see shite he had done in the past as bein clearly as bad as it was, without the fog of that inner child thinkin which holds out hope for what we nvr got What did he do? He was upset that i got rid of all of the name he had assigned me, includin the very clearly gendered middle name and possibly more offensively to him; his last name. This dude who had missed 17 of the most crucial yrs of my life and had done horrid shite to us in the first 11 yrs of my life... cudnt fathom why i didnt want my name to connect to him, or more importantly; his family who had time and time again refused to be there for me when i needed help the most He cudnt understand most of all how i had changed my name for trans reason if my name was still "masculine"; as i changed my name to Rusty, which to me is neutral... But i know a Rusti who is a cis woman, so yeah... He was so upset that he had "given" me this name and didnt like that i had changed so much of it, so that none of it remained... Yet he nvr once wondered about my feelings around that name, and nvr learned about how hearin that name had made me wince for over a decade prior to knowin i was trans; he nvr learned that id been goin by the name Rusty Shackleford instd (yes, a king of the hill ref) since high school Just like how when we were out together and i got misgendered by someone, he didnt care how i felt; he cared about how embarassed he felt when i corrected them... Bcuz i dont look like the nonbinary woman i am; not to him, he only sees my beard and only hears my voice. Neither of which bother me and neither of which invalidate my gender identity. He nvr cared to understand any of that, he just cared to try to make me kowtow to his demands by tryin to make me feel bad for standin up for myself afterward by insistin i embarassed him The next time he reached out to me after that incident where he disapproved of my name; i told him "Dont contact me again" and left it at that. Cut off everyone close to him too, to make sure that no one can get word to him or from him to me. If you cant approve of the existence of your trans kid; you dont deserve to play father to them
Hey friend, I’m proud of you. We don’t need unsupportive people in our lives who claim we embarrass them by being ourselves. My mother used to tell me that I was an embarrassment to the family when I was a teenager (didn’t yet know that I am nonbinary, just a spooky little goth kid)…it really messed with my mental health, and to this day I struggle with correcting folks or dressing how I want for fear of being an embarrassment to whoever is with me. I’m no contact with my entire family now, but my in laws are pretty great.
@@auggiet8380 Im currently livin thousands of miles from my biofam and im livin with my polycule family and a huge evergrowin chosen family of truly supportive ppl ive found over the yrs I was oft made to be ashamed of existin and takin up space and even still its exceptionally hard for me to be close to ppl bcuz of that shitty way i was raised without a single ounce of love and care; just empty words and broken promises. I have to have even my polycule make clear to me that they want me around and i dont impose on them; or else i slip into that old habit of isolatin bcuz its the only way to feel safe when your presence alone used to somehow upset ppl who shudve wanted you around Im healin, and its a slow long process, but im doin way better wt it for not havin such toxic ppl in my life anymore; i no longer abide ppl who make me feel only tolerated. I need to feel loved, accepted, appreciated, and supported by the ppl who claim to care about me and my existence. Not tolerated. My chosen family showed me that fact, and its why my familial name in my name is linked to my chosen family; not the shite biofam
Here's another way of looking at the first one: instead of a trans child's new name, how about a kid given up for adoption who tries to reconnect with their birth mom. And the kid has the same name as the person that the mom's ex had cheated on her with. Would it be okay for the mom to refuse to reconnect with her biological kid who grew up with that name, or demand that they change that name? _NO! Of course not!_
I hope Marcy kept her name. Her mom had every opportunity to act like a mother and have a role in that decision, and every opportunity to act like an adult and politely speak to her daughter about her concerns after the fact. She declined to do either and instead, from the sound of it, refused to provide any explanation for her passive aggressive behavior and manipulation until she exploded at her own daughter
Happy Pride! I finally came out as gay to my grandparents yesterday and was so surprised how supportive they were. Now I have to come out as gay to my OTHER grandparents…but just remember you are loved. 🌈❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🩷🤎🖤🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
My new little goddaughter happens to have the same name as someone who abused and gaslit me for years. (No connection between them) It can be hard sometimes, but you don't get a say in someone else's decisions. Replacing each horrible association to the name for all of the wonderful things my little sweetie does, is, and means to me is hard work. Healing is hard work. At the end of the day what the old person did is not the new person's fault, and you owe it to the both of you to do the work.
I've actually been in the first situation. My aunt was FURIOUS with my mom for naming me the same name as my aunt's shitty ex-husband. She didn’t like seeing or talking about me, and when she had to refer to me, she'd just say the first letter of my birth name and treat it like a nickname. She eventually got over it. She came to terms with my name as I grew and I gained enough of a personality for her to make a new association with me as a person. ...and now she's the ONLY member of my family who refuses to use my new name and pronouns. Funny how life is, huh?
Aftert I came out I`ve met this girl who has my deadname, I did'nt wanted to have anything to do with her, but soon I realised she's one of the nicest people I have ever met. She's so kind, caring and funny. Now she's a very good friend of mine and knowing her helped me get used to hearing that name because now I can associate that name with her instead of my past me.
5:25 My response to that bs personally is... I associate two masc names with trauma of a much bigger kind than just a spouse cheating; and yet i can still be close friends with ppl with those names despite the fact i still at times feel twinges of pain when i hear their names
Physical and audio versions of the book will be in grubby mitts, just as soon as I can get 'em! I love that you have read the audiobook yourself, Jamie, it makes such a difference when it's the author, there's just that bit more nuance in the reading, and having Shaaba be a part of it as well just makes it all the more delightful!
Not directly about the topic of the video, but I also am at the point you mentioned, where I "hate" hearing or reading my birth name whether or not it's in conjunction with me. This really is pretty difficult to get "out of the system". I hope I get used to just hearing that name in general rather fast. PS: I can't wait for the (Audio) book to release. I'm really interested on what the contents of it are. PPS: Love your videos ❤
I want to preface this with the fact that I am queer, this isn't coming from a place of homophobia, but that second one is a little complex. While I don't feel like the father is an AH in his intentions, I think diving right into the nuclear option of eviction before discussing the situation with his partner and daughter together is a little much. I just feel like the son's reaction is so bizarre I don't really understand it - is there something to unpack there? Could this be a teaching moment? Or is this 25yr old simply a man-child that has spent too much time on 4chan? If it's the latter - a plan of action with your partner is probably a good next step. The plan should be to talk to your son, try to reason, and if he isn't amenable to learning and moving forward, then he can gtfo. So in conclusion... I would say YTA for making an impulsive, final and executive household decision without consultation, not for trying to defend your daughter.
I get the strong suspicion that the father has been wanting to kick his son out for a while, and this was finally 'enough' of a reason that he felt able to do it. Also yes, I also think the son is an incel convert.
There's also an undertone of using the daughter coming out as an excuse to evict the son for many past grievances. Could be that this was simply the straw that broke the camel's back, but depending on the family dynamics it could also be the dad trying to dodge some of the blame for the decision - "I don't have a choice, I have to do this because of your sister", sort of thing. 🤔
I think what helped me work through my deadname assosciation is the fact that its a very common dog name, and i love dogs, so i worked through it by loving the dogs with my old name. it made it a lot easier.
The first story hits home for me, I am nonbinary and decided to change my name. My mother at first didn't want to call me by that name and she said it was because she "uses my nickname anyway" (nickname being 'munchkin') however she did still use my deadname. I got mad and she then explained my new name was the nickname of one of my dad's exes from highschool. I was so pissed about this, luckily she uses my name now, but knowing she was going to let her highschool drama affect me pissed me right off.
My mom was a bit upset when I first told her, after I came out as non-binary, that I was likely going to change my name because my birth name is very feminine. So I decided to use a variation of the name I would have been given had I been born a boy (Jackson, so I chose Jax) because I thought it would have been easier for her to accept. I'm not sure if it was because she was a bit upset after i told her the name and insisted she use it from then on, but lucikly she came to understand that even if it wasn't the name she chose for me when I was born, it was ultimately my name and she had to learn to accept that. She's really come a long way since I came out for the first time as bisexual (I no longer identify as bisexual now but I originally did) about four years ago. I'm so sincerely proud of the work she's done on herself and her acceptance of people for who they are.
Hey Jammi, I know you probably won't see this, but you've helped me through alot over the past three years. I've been debating my gender for years now and your videos have been a huge comfort, especially over the pandemic. My mom and stepdad are extremely homophobic and I have recently realised that I am gender fluid. It has stressed me out a lot coming to this conclusion and your videos helped me whenever I felt isolated in my family and school. I have been thinking about changing my name legaly when I turn 18 and I really found comfort in your journey, thank you for creating this awesome community.
Jamie, your little screed about how personal a chosen name can be and how it can grow roots over time, become part of you, and you couldn't imagine having any other name... That helped me realize I feel the same way about my chosen name. I've had it for several years (though it's only in the past month that I've started describing myself as trans), and I only use it as a username in certain online spaces. But it's mine and I love it. I recently wrote a self-insert fic where my character went around the entire story being called by that name, and it felt amazing both to write and to imagine. I think my journey will lead to transition. Thank you for helping me along. If anyone's curious, my chosen name is Ama.
a year and a half ago I changed my name (im nonbinary) and my parents said they didn't like it but would try to respect it. Now, a year and a half later, they love it and are proud to call me Quin and they even told all of my extended family members for me, and they all also love it.
When i came out to one of my friends and when he asked me why i chose Ember as my name. I couldn't answer with anything except with "it felt right for me as a person"
About the homophobic son, my friend has a very similar experience. Her parents will gladly support her and took her to pride with her girlfriend but her older brother has a criminal record because of committing a hate crime against her and has generally homophobic and racist views. It kinda sucks
i had a similar experience to the second story where my parents were... stand-offish and horrible, but no where near as bad as my older brother. he was never allowed the pleasure of knowing i was transitioning, because i had overheard him saying he'd kill someone if they made that sort of confession to him. to this day i'm surprised he never found out, thankfully i'm far away from that situation now.
I halfway relate with that first story. I realized that I was non-binary a few years ago. My parents say they support me, But they won't use my pronouns because it's "too difficult", so I have my doubts at this point. My mom just uses my name in place of a pronoun, which would be fine if it wasn't every single time. And my dead name Choosing my own name was part of taking control back of my life. I didn't want anyone else choosing my name but me, not even to make suggestions I thought about it a lot, and I finally settled on a name. It's close to my dead name, just one letter difference in fact, but feels so much more me. Lilit. I love this name, its cute, soft but not overtly girly I told my parents, and they seemed vaguely disgusted with it. They had been insisting they were supportive up till that point, so I was taken aback and hurt I didn't push it for a long time when they didn't use it, because I'm afraid of conflict. My mom kept telling me the story of how she chose my dead name, like it was still my name. She even asked me if people still had trouble pronouncing my dead name, like they did when I was little. My little sister had to remind her that I don't introduce myself as that anymore, and that no one calls me that anymore I changed my name on my computer profile to Lilit, and my mom looked so annoyed when she saw it. I couldn't understand Finally I confronted them about it, insisting that my dead name is not my name, and that they were making me really uncomfortable Turns out they don't like it, because of how it's pronounced. They think "lil-it" is offensive, because it sounds like "little it", and "you only call someone "it" to dehumanize them" I informed to them that "it/its" is, in fact, one of my pronouns, and that though it can be used in a derogatory manner, it's all about the context and the feelings of the person you're addressing. I would never call someone it if they didn't want it, but it's a sign of respect to call them what they ask to be called They wouldn't listen to me though, they just keep insisting that it can't be anything but derogatory. Now that I've actually confronted them about it, they've been using my actual name, but I can still tell that they have to spit it out. And they still won't use my pronouns... Baby steps I guess?
Holy shit 😂 I really wasn’t expecting your parents reasoning to be quite that absurd. I’m sorry to hear it’s been a struggle, but I’m glad that you have some other people (like your sister) who recognize and respect your personhood. Also for what it’s worth I think Lilit is a pretty dope name. ✌️
@@Jack_Flapper Ikr? It's so silly. They compared it to trying to call yourself "little n-word". Like... Dude. No. Not the same thing (putting aside the fact that I actually know someone whos family member's nickname is "little black" in Spanish. It's not even a valid argument regardless) Thanks! I'm quite happy with my name ( :
for where the brother might have learned it you'd be amazed how influential friend groups can be. I had a cousin who came from a good natured family that ended up spending time in jail for a hate crime because he started hanging around a bunch of racists who taught him to funnel his anger into that rather than any rational introspection. It sucks but hateful people tend to find eachother and work to make more hateful people.
My sister has the same name as someone my mom hated in high school. My mom named me and had changed the agreed apon name at my birth. My dad wasn't there and she felt like the 1st name didn't fit me. So they agreed for my dad to name my sister. He says it's from a movie he liked, she thinks it was intentional to get under her skin. (They were teen parents in a bad relationship). The name is common so my mom doesn't get too bent out of shape over it. But once in awhile, when she shares high school stories, she remembers that *witch* Stephanie and goes "and then your dad named your sister Stephanie! Can you believe that?!" 😡😅
Hey Jamie.. you will be happy to know that I recommended your book to the school I work at today. We like to champion inclusivity for everyone at our school, and we have a handful of openly trans kids, also others that are non binary (including myself), so literature about LGBTQIA+ is very much sought after. So your book will be available in our school library as soon as humanly possible 😊❤
Pretty sure op's new name is from adventure time Marceline is the kick ass(lesbian) vampire chick and it's possible the name is also a compliment from said boyfriend indicating that that is the way he sees her. Maybe she didn't fully explain to her mom all the reasons she chose the name and could do with a sit down about why it's so special to her. But ultimately mom is TAH here for not just being nice about it.. snide little cutting remarks are never an ok way to parent no matter what the subject is..
Hi Jamie! I just purchased your book! Thank you for the tip on free shipping to the US at Blackwell. I am so excited to read it. Happy Pride Month 🙏🏳️🌈🏳️🌈
The mom in the first story is so immature. My sister has the same name as an ex of our dad and our mom doesn’t have any problem as seeing both as different persons (don’t ask why she has it tho, our parents are not good at picking names. When she was born they still didn’t have a name for her, and they decided my deadname by chance, because it was a name none of them hated, so yeah. That’s why I didn’t feel bad about changing my name lol And I definitely didn’t let them choose it knowing their issues with names xD)
I changed my name to olive, and my mom only knew because of parent-teacher conferences (a teacher called me olive which is fine) and when i got home and i explained she almost shouted "IM TRYING OK!"
On names: I didn't think my poor kids were going to have names at all, because my ex knew someone he disliked with every name in the world! An attitude that may have something to do with why he's my ex.
I remember telling my mom that I wanted to change my name to something more gender neutral- the name I had chosen prior, Star, was TECHNICALLY gender neutral but not seen as such. So me and my mom sat down, looked through a list of names and found one we liked that connected to my past names. It just so happened to be the name of my cat that I've had and loved for years, and I now quite enjoy having the same name as my fur baby! I know this doesn't entirely relate to the stories, but I thought I'd share my naming experience even if it isn't much :>
On the topic of deadnames, I found that a lot of the uncomfortable feeling around that name changed once I had it legally changed. Like, once the legality was involved I could look at a person and simply say "Sorry, that's not my name" and even in a legal standpoint, that's right. Actually, my son who was given a feminine version of my deadname at birth, now uses my deadname for himself and is quite happy with it. I'm glad to see a name that used to give me such discomfort be really cherished by another person, so it doesn't really bother me anymore. I know that's just my experience, but I hope you don't mind me sharing a personal story.
Mom needs to get over the name thing. My BFF was with her asshole ex for 10 years and has the same name as my brother. Asshole ex was emotionally abusive and cheated on BFF before breaking up with her. But BFF and my brother are also friends. Solution: We both call asshole ex by an insult or something, and call my brother by the nickname I always use. At the time, my BFF had some pretty negative associations with the name, didn't like saying the name, and often said things like "I can't ever date someone called *name* again". BUT VERY IMPORTANTLY, she never treated my brother any differently, was still friends like always, and now, a few years later, asshole ex almost never comes up in conversation, and BFF has no trouble using my brother's full name.
The older brother sounds like my 23 year old brother, who is my only close relative to not accept me as his older trans brother, and who fell down the current alt right pipeline. Only my parents won't ever kick him out, because they don't trust he would survive long on his own with his medical conditions. At least they don't wonder why I rarely visit.
5:12 I relate to this so much, back in 2021 I wanted to go by axyl but when I told my mom she compared me to axel rose and how it made her uncomfortable since he was a domestic abuser and I ended up getting so uncomfortable going by that name that I went back on that name and went back to my birth name… I’ve tried other names before but nothing felt as me as axyl did but now axyl just makes me feel nauseous
I still get a little uncomfortable when people have my deadname for a name (which happens sometimes, as it's a fairly common name), but I don't act on it in any way, and I certainly wouldn't treat the person differently because of it. I just feel uncomfortable because I'm reminded of the way the name used to be imposed on me and how uncomfortable I felt with it. It is easier to deal with when I remind myself that it's okay that someone else has that name, because it's *their* name; it's not my name anymore, and it's not being forced on me, so I don't need to feel threatened by it when I see it.
My whole family minus my trans brother (ftm) wasn't very kind to me about coming out, I told my step dad I was MAYBE bi, turns out I'm pan, he made a joke about bringing home hot girls so it made me feel a bit better, but he'd make sexist jokes all the time and it made me feel horrible. When I told my other brother, biologically male, that I was NB he started repeating to me "but you're a girl though" and I kept repeating back "but I don't feel like a girl-" getting cut off to hear the same response. My mum prayed in my doorway at night when I was playing videogames with my friends, she was trying to pray the gay away, made me feel absolutely disgusting and horrible. After my mum and dad split, my dad made me the maid of the house, cleaning up after his mess, dishes and cleaning the lounge etc. It was horrible, he continued making sexist jokes and some homophobic "jokes" and my mental health went down the drain, didn't help he ate my food I bought for myself so I ended up being hella malnourished :/ My partner managed to get me out of there, after a few years of couch hopping I'm finally on the lease at my current place and have been much happier and feel safer and more comfortable exploring and figuring out who I am for the past few years. My partner is EXTREMELY supportive and loving and I love him dearly, I'm currently trying to start the process of being prescribed testosterone cuz well... even though I'm NB I still feel like I lean more male presenting? Idk, but my partner has been really helpful and my friends have helped me too, I wish I could show how much I appreciate them. (Edited for spelling mistakes oops)
5:30 frankly that sounds like a bold-faced lie on mom’s part - pretty wild coincidence. I can’t help but hear that as an excuse pulled out of the ass as a trump card in the argument when she feels like she’s lost power over her child… but wilder things have happened I guess 🤷 it could be true
With the second story, when I came out as gay and trans my parents were very supportive, but it was my younger brother that was less nice about it. When ever we would have classic sibling arguments he would always bring in me being trans. Always saying "if you don't respect me I'm not going to respect your Pronouns" funny thing is, is before I even knew what being trans was (I think I was 11 and he was 9) he started experimenting with being a woman, was I confused? No, I gave him "girl lessons" so when he was acting like that to me it was very confusing. Luckily he's fine now, after my dad gave him a good talking to ofc 😂 but yeah it does happen.
If wife is also mom, it absolutely should have been talked over with her prior to giving the eviction.. if only just to make sure that both of you are on the same page and she doesn't feel blindsided by the situation
As a trans guy who changed my name without my mom's input, I have been in a situation where Mom wanted me to change my name again because she didn't like it. I changed my name over 7 years ago and have been very comfy with this name ever since. About 2 years after telling Mom my preferred name, during which time she tried to find other ways to invalidate me, she started telling me she would choose my name for me. Several years later she still hasn't but still expects me to go by my deadname. I don't and am lucky enough to have parents who are not cruel to the point of me needing to worry about their approval. I sympathize with both my mom and the mom in the post, but names are important and personal. I mean no hate towards my mom in writing this. I am fine with her having her own views, as she doesn't go overboard in sharing and acting on them. To anyone reading this, I hope you are having an amazing day and great Pride Month. If you aren't I am truly sorry. Please remember you are valid and take care of yourself. Eat, hydrate, and do something that makes you smile (I recommend going for a short walk in nature if possible). Love to all💜
Sounds like she thinks if she just delays ever giving you a new name, you would just continue to use the deadname and never change it. That sucks, I'm sorry. Btw, I love your pfp!
@@WelcomeApathy I agree she is definitely trying to stop me from changing my name, but she doesn't do anything to stop me other than telling me to wait so I go by my preferred name anyway. Also thanks! My friend likes to send me trans memes and merch and I thought this one was pfp worthy. Yours is super cool
my name means so much to me, i went through a period as well where i hated my birth name. i couldnt say it, didnt want to write it, hated when people said it. i cant imagine not having my current name, but ive also disconnected it with other people
I feel sorry for the mother in the first one, trauma is trauma, but it's her daughter's name now, so hopefully she can learn from that. I was bullied for awhile, and after I couldn't separate that from others with the bully's name for a bit, and another person who has hurt my family's name is in a song I have loved for years, but for about 2 years I couldn't listen to it. I hope she works it out so the daughter is okay. I wish the OP her best. For the second, any case like that were a sibling is hurting another sibling, harming the family etc, the parents are protecting the father protecting the younger child from a bully is understandable, but yes also find out where the son's clearly not passed down homophobia comes from.
Totally agree with you, Jamie! It’s weird that the parent in the second story didn’t talk with the other parent before telling the son to leave, but I do think removing the son from the home is the right call.
My friend has almost the same situation. His older sister refuses to use his preferred name or pronouns, and his parents and even some of his grandparents are totally child about it. Idk man people are weird.
I was in a pretty toxic friendship for a long time (didn't realise it was toxic until the end) and one of my absolute best friends now has the same name as the friend who was toxic. I feared that it would maybe sway my opinion of her, but it never has. We joke about her having the same name as that friend (and her middle name is the same as my kindergarten vest friend). A name is more than ONE person... even if you have to sometimes learn that
Names are power. The name you choose (if you choose a name for yourself) is yours and gives you strength. The rest of the world sees you as your name. Your name is you
I want to add a bit to the first one. I used to be bullied all through primary years by this person called ellie. Later I met, through a friend, someone who was also called ellie and who was getting integrated into our friendgroup. At the start it made me uncomfortable because it reminded me of my past bully but two years down the line i consider ellie a good friend and i love their company. I know that’s not the same as cheating but i hope the mum will eventually come to not associate that name so negatively after some time.
@exposingfrauditorsisback can't tell if you're homophobic or an ironic supporter but either way I don't feel offended loll I would get that on a tee shirt. 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
@exposingfrauditorsisback😂, love it I got one too, Christian Denominations, switch the n and m, DEMONination, Demon Nation, y'all Christians are trying to distract us with the true demons here.
@Exposing Frauditors is back Wow way to tell on yourself considering the Pride exists and all aspects of it's name (pride as in the opposite of shame and it's a month because logistically a small unsupported group can't uphold the anniversary of an event such as stonewall especially when hateful people want others to forget the context) are because of hate like yours.
The first story had the same energy as why my birthgiver refuses to call me by my (now legal) name. Her boss has a bitchy personality, and she "doesn't want to confuse me with her boss". It's such a week excuse, and I get exhausted by having to interact with her mental gymnastics. I'm so glad I'm getting out and moving away in a couple weeks.
Just wanted to share this here, I’m kinda late but as of July 13th im officially starting T! I’ve been waiting years for this and I’m completely overjoyed so I wanted to put it out there. Happy pride month everyone!
Wish you the best of outcomes! 💙💗🤍 (didn't have any pink hearts, so that was the closest I could figure out. Also, specifically trans, or a different identity, out of curiosity?)
I do absolutely understand the pain of having something associated with someone who has hurt you. But one thing that has helped me with this is having someone I really like just reclaim it and then it becomes a positive thing. Of course it’s not that fast and simple, it’s still a process and takes time, but that is one thing I have personally been doing. ❤
OMG, ok, so I went to see if the supplier for the library where I work had your book available for pre-order. I couldn't find it by the title, so I tried your name....and someone else with the same name (or maybe it's you!) has self-published not one but TWO books about lawn care. Excellent. (I'll keep checking back to see if The T in LGBT shows up.)
My dad had an odd reaction to me coming out as a guy, he seemed more unhappy about how I didn't want to take his name to be Sam the Fifth than he was about me not being a girl
About the second one, he’d definitely not the asshole. He made a mistake by not talking to his wife about it, assuming she’s the mother or heavily involved in raising him. But he’s 25. Not 15, not 18, not 20, but 25. He’s not to young to face the consequences of his deliberate actions.
Hey, welcome back, every body. Just remember, you're not an A-hole for removing toxictivy from your life, it is a good kind of self care. Anyway, happy pride you beautiful butterflies. You are seen, you are valid, you matter.
@Lurch Society is scary. Nothing has changed, and nothing will ever be learnt. Every generation is always attacked by someone over something and it's getting worse. People are now judging people on their colour tones, their mannerisms, the way they talk and oh...and now they carefully study every picture of someone to anaylise every body part carefully to see what's wrong with it. Society tells us to be different, to be yourself, and yet when you do that, it is wrong. The whole thing is nuts. People are just terrible
For the homophobic son story, I rather suspect if he's living at home, has no job and appears to have no girlfriend, that he has fallen into the incel rabbit hole as homophobia is a major facet of that lifestyle, especially anti-lesbian sentiment.
He seems like the kind of guy who really, really needs to start being okay with and pursue casual relationships, because he has a toxic ☣️ relationship with the concept of a relationship.
My thoughts exactly!
Was searching for this comment because I thought the exact same thing, that son has been on all the wrong parts of the internet and there needs to be some sort of intervention
For sure, he needs help
@@corvidae6773 unfortunately if he has become an incel, that's going to take the same deprogramming as getting someone out of a religious cult.
I want to put my two cents into that second one. First, the son is 25. He's an adult. He's not working and has had friends over, trashing OP's house. He's done nothing but behave like a disrespectful moocher. Second, there's a minor in the house. That minor is also LGBTQ+ youth. Her saftey and well being is significantly more important than that of the adult son in this case.
I want to clarify my use of the word “moocher.” A moocher is someone who does nothing but take. It also excludes disabled individuals who must depend on the care of their parents in their adulthood. If you’re able bodied, unemployed and not in school for some reason and live with your parents or a family member and contribute in other ways, like offering to clean the house or do all the cooking or something like that, then no. You’re not a moocher because you are giving something in return. The son in *this* instance is a moocher because he’s demanding free room and board from his parents without giving anything in return.
Honestly. Like if a full grown adult, who is irresponsible and doesn't contribute to the household, calls his young teenage sister something like that (which by many peoples standards is a slur, and he fully meant it as one) and yelled at her and then didn't apologise or try to explain himself within a week then throw that whole man out.
Agreed. 100%.
the trashing and mooching would be plenty reason to kick him out alone , his nastiness towards his sister makes it even more important
I agree that the son is doing a very, very bad thing by being homophobic in the same house as an lgbt person, but since he doesn't have a job, does that mean he'll be homeless if he gets kicked out? Again, I am not excusing his actions, but I don't know if he deserves to be homeless. Unless you're a cartoon villain I don't think anyone deserves to be homeless really.
Also about the "moocher" comment: I'm in my 20s, still live with my parents and don't work (I do go to college though). I've tried working multiple times but I am autistic and I get overwhelmed easily, plus I struggle with my mental health. I don't think it's fair to judge adults who don't work, unless you know the specifics of their story.
Again, not defending the son's actions, I am lgbt and I hate homophobes and transphobes, just adding some nuance.
@@sophitiaofhyrule No I think it's important to try and look at their side of things. That's important to being a considerate human being. As someone who has trouble working due to autism too (although I'm a full time carer for my mother, so not exactly without a job) there are a lot of different living arrangements considering relationships with families and disabilities to factor in. I think from what the post implies he's taking advantage of his parents patience and hospitality especially if he's not respecting their space (trashing it) and isn't respecting the people inside the household either, and he might have friends he can stay with until he's able to afford his own place. The dad might have acted rashly out of anger but I don't think they'd make him sleep on the streets if he legitimately had no other option. I hope not, anyway.
i don’t think anyone will see this but today my name was officially legally changed!!
Good for you!
Woohoo!!!
Congrats!!!
🎉🎉🎉
Congratulations!
After I came out to my mom as a transfemme, she had a really interesting way of validating me despite what she was going through. The way she said it is that each person has their own story, everyone around you is a side character in your story, when a parent has a child, the child is still a part of the parent’s story but as that child grows up they create their own story and become who they were always meant to be. For my mom, i was always a part of her story, she had ideas of what she wanted me to be as any parent does, and me deviating from those expectations and being my true self is really hard for her to process, but she knows that my identity and my life is the main character of my story. Don’t let others decide for you, you are valid and deserve to be treated as such. 🏳️🌈❤
Hopefully that made sense xD
True, everyone is the star of their own movie
Oh my gosh thats so beautiful! I wish i thought that lol. I just asked my kid if she wanted a cookie and gave her one while saying as long as they treat you right, i aint got an issue.
I think you explained that well. I like the idea that we are the main characters in the play that is our life story so far, and that the people around us are secondary players of various degrees of importance to us. It's funny that at the same time that we're the main character in our own lives, we are also one of the secondary characters, or even just background dressing in other people's lives.
@@louisejohnson6057 Fr Fr
Wonderful comment.
As someone who has difficulty disassociating a name from a trauma, it is ABSOLUTELY the mom’s responsibility to come up with the solution for this issue. In my case, when I had to interact with someone who had the same name, I told him about my issue and asked for his permission to call him by his surname. He agreed, so I did, and I just *dealt with it* when other people called him by his given name. It’s OK if you have trouble with a name because of a past trauma, but it is NOT OK to take that out on other people who just happen to have the same name.
I think it hits different when the person with the triggering name is your daughter. I remember another reddit story where someone finds out that their son had been named after an ex, and how to deal with that kind of stuff, when it's your own kid and the name has implications, it might not be the same as when it's an acquaintance that you can address by another name. I don't know, haven't been in the situation myself.
@@arualblues_zero I mean, it was entirely coincidental that the name was the same as the ex-friend. The father had no role in the selection. It's not the same thing as your partner naming your shared child after an ex. Mom is heavily projecting on the daughter, made more apparent when you consider who she ran to like a coward for support, which was a transphobic sister.
@@TheoRae8289 Of course, I'm not saying that it was exactly the same situation and I am definitely not saying that the mom is doing anything right. And I am also not saying that the daughter went and chose that name on purpose, or that the cheating father did, not sure where you read any of that in what I said.
What I *am* saying is that a triggering name might be way more difficult to process when it's their own child who has it, and in that way the situation could be comparable to finding out that the child was named after an ex, what I mean is that every time they hear or read their own child's name, the implication is triggered whether they want it or not. If it's a friend, it could be less difficult to avoid it, but your own child has to be harder. That is all I'm saying, and nothing else.
That's a great idea - maybe the mom could come up with a cute personal nickname. My parents call all their children various nicknames.
@@grutarg2938 I went by a shortened version of my old middle name when I was growing up. I don't see why the mom couldn't do similar.
'I tuck all my shirts and tops in, because I'm bisexual' had me laughing out loud hahahah
Same.❤💜🩷💙
Most iconic quotes on 2023
Upon his ascension all of David Bowie's British bicon energy was transfered unto Jamie Raines. It was simply too much for one mortal to carry alone, and thus Shaaba was brought into existence.
Same lmao
I only tuck in sometimes, does that make me bi-curious? My husband just said "kinda checks out" hahaha
I've experienced the name bias myself honestly. When my brother first started dating his boyfriend, Justin, it was extremely jarring. He has the same name as someone who my sister ran off with as a teen and ended up having 2 kids with. Was a terrible father, disappearing from his children's lives and reappearing for years causing a whole lot of trauma for my nephews.
The bias was there as soon as we learned my brother's boyfriend's name, but we kept it to ourselves, and after a while, it went away as we got to know this Justin. The mom has no right to cause problems over a name. She should absolutely just take the time and get over it without stirring up a fuss.
I have the same thing but in a more innocent way. Growing up I had a lovely Maine Coon cat named Mallory, and to this day if I ever see a human being named Mallory my mind immediately thinks "CAT."
Yeah, we have a similar ex situation and then a family had a baby and named him the exs name without realizing. You get over it pretty quick if you spend alot of time with the new person. Trauma sucks and is hard to process, but it's your problem, not anyone else's.
@@tjenadonn6158 I feel this. Most people I know name their pets either typical pet names (Blacky, Pezi, Minki), that you wouldn't name a human child, really foreign names from far away countries, or really old names (Caesar, Archimedes) that you won't run into in our area.
The only human names I encountered were Tom (a cat) and Finn (a dog). Finn is not very common here among people.
@@tjenadonn6158 Me with "Jessie" and "Lacey" 😂
My name is one of the most common in the world 😅 that can be a bit jarring at times.
I still value what my mom said to me: "I got to pick your name the first time, you get to pick it this time." (I did ask the family about my middle name, though, which is after my late gradmother.)
That's really sweet
NURRR that's so sweet huhu 😭😭😭
aaaaw 🥹🥹🌈
I'm glad they were fully supportive of you choosing your first name, and I love the collaboration for the middle name. Although it's ultimately the choice of the person who's name is changing, I think it's a really lovely compromise to be able to involve your family in the choice of a middle name, which can still be meaningful but inevitably is really only going to affect your official documentation (since most people don't give out their middle name anyway)
This is how mother's should be when their kids come out as trans. Because it's fucking true! They already got to pick the name that's giving us trauma, why can't we pick our own? (Ps. I'm not trans, but I love Ryan so much that it's actually really jarring to be called by my birthname lmao. Ryan is a unisex name. I am a genderfluid Tomboy. It fits me perfectly~
At 25 if you're living in your parents home and don't want to follow their rules or at least be respectful don't be surprised if you get kicked out.
@exposingfrauditorsisbackthe parent is loving. You dont stop loving them because of something bad they did. Things like that can be changed. What they did was absolutely right. The son is a grown man,disrespecting the parents house,and his sister,him getting kicked out of someone else’s house(parents or not) was the consequences of his own actions
@Exposing Frauditors is back
Kicking someone out doesn't mean you don't care about them.
It's very likely these parents would let him move back in if he absolutely couldn't find anywhere else to live, and only did this as a reality check.
He thought he could act like a massive jerk without consequence, and now he's finally learning that people aren't just going to put up with that.
It's the ultimate life lesson: don't be a dick.
I agree. I am 22, I empty the dishwasher most days its been on, take the dog for a short walk if I am home and my parents are at work, I cook once a week, I keep my areas tidy, I help in the weekly clean and I water our dogs grass, all in all takes about three hours a week to do all of that, which my parents and I think is a fair share of household work for an adult. I don't pay bills, but that is because I am studying and they do not want me to be under financial stress as I do not have as much earning capacity as them yet. They are happy with my living at home because I am being productive with my time and money I save and I respect the space.
@RenTheWren seconding this. It's very easy to say "my house, my rules, respect your elders" until the parents are the ones being homophobic racist bigots and using the threat of homelessness and financial abuse to manipulate their significantly less financially stable child. Even if the child is an adult, escaping those situations is easier said than done. Granted those situations are very different from the one in the post, and the son is still obviously the A hole in this situation because he's being an entitled bigot. But blanket sentiments like, "their house, their rules, quit mooching, etc" can be very dangerous on their own. Far too often, they're used to minimize and rug-sweep abuse. It can also be a DARVO tactic to make the abusive parents seem like innocent victims, when oftentimes, if the adult child does try to move out, the parents will actively sabotage or guilt trip them into coming back.
@Exposing Frauditors is back
Thanks for the well thought out response.
I'll be sure to keep in mind the zero points you made.
as a person who also can't differentiate between people and their names, i sympathise with the mother, but i still think it's the person's choice and the mother is definitely in the wrong for blowing up over it.
Agreed. It took me time to disassociate my abusers' names from their behavior when I met others who happen to have those names. I did it though. This mum might benefit from therapy on the subject
I had to go through kinda the same thing as the mother. There are names that i just don't like because most of the people I met with that name have always been a bad person. Only very few of them are nice. It was quite the journey for me, hopefully the mother can move on from that.
I would feel bad for the mom if she didn't seem like such a dick, she involved the sister knowing that she's transphobic, honestly she deserves to be reminded of that woman who her husband cheated on her with simply for being dog shit, once she decides to be a good person I'll afford her sympathy
agreed. she had a right to explain why it was happening, but absolutely no right to explode after being confronted about it.
Agreed.
(Also what is the (I assume picrew) you used for your pfp? I like it :) )
I find it annoying that the name of trans people is even up to debate like that. Like nobody would ask a cis person to change their name, just because they made a bad experience with someone who has the same name.
I guess one reason might be because you know they didn't choose their name?
Some people probably still would XD
Its just easier to ask someone who's "recently" picked something.
(Not that it makes it alright)
Yep, it's super annoying. This person wasn't a friend or family, but "informed" me they wouldn't call me by my "new name" for a similar reason and demanded to know my "real name". Yeah... I've never changed my name. Like I can't help you.
Normal person*
@@NotVillepsh, you be quiet, you
On the first story, my cousin named her kid the same name as an awful bullying coworker I had. And guess what? After a few years, my nephew's now the first person I think of when I think of that name. It takes time, but retraining your brain is your responsibility, not the other person's!
My Mom hated my transition AND was scared for relations with my uncle, who wasn't happy, either. Before she died, I got a sparkly bracelet from her with "Linda" on it. After thinking it over....she probably thought about the fact that I wasn't the typical boy and saw the change HAD to happen.
That's bittersweet
I hope she rests in peace and im glad you found yourself 👍🏼
@99999560???????
I changed my name in my 20s due to past trauma and really just generally hating my birth name. My abusive mother would refer to me by my new name until she wanted to hurt me, then she would ALWAYS use my birth name. It brought back so many negative emotions and memories and I was so glad to be able to finally ditch it from my life after I went NC with her. It hurt so badly to have that name weaponised against me, even though I'm cis. I can't even begin to imagine how much worse it is for trans people where it's not only weaponised, but also misgendering them too. I hope everyone can free themselves of whatever past trauma they went through and thrive for the rest of their lives.
On the first one, Shaaba has this great saying "it's not their fault, but it is their problem" and I feel like this is where I would sit with the Mother. The volcanic nature of the reaction, however, especially waking the other and depriving OP of phone and sumpter (and thus presumably support from bf), that does feel a little bit like an unhealthy relationship?
INCREDIBLY unhealthy lol. Like the mother is turning her issues into continued and passed on trauma and potential/actual abuse
@@its_the_bird Very much what I fear, and you said it so much more clearly! I hope the OP is able to get some space, and time, to decide whether it's a relationship she wants going forward. Thank you for making my blather make sense!
The lack of defense from the sister's transphobia would be a huge ding on my trust in the mother and her ability to be a safe person, if I were in her daughter's position. The blowing up at the ID card is the cherry on top, in my mind, that she struggles to prioritise her daughter's well-being ahead of her own feelings.
It really sounds like the Mom may have hit a trauma trigger, and yeah, that's really messy. 100% agree that "not your fault, but it is your problem" applies.
When I changed my name my older sister took it as a personal attack on her. It certainly didn't help that she found out about 6 months after I'd legally changed it, but she had been extremely dismissive and insulting when I mentioned in passing that I identify as non-binary so I didn't particularly feel like talking about anything related to the topic with her. She ended up realizing she has to learn to use my new name after putting my old name of some legal documents and having to re-do the whole process, but even 7 years later she's still super bitter about the whole thing.
Bruh why is she mad
@@sophitiaofhyrule in all honesty I still don't understand even tho we have tried to talk about it many times 😅 All I've gathered is that us being "sisters" and having names that almost-but-not-really rhyme was an important part of her identity and she tells me I could not possibly have felt differently about it
@@myrrysmiasi4866 it's not about her though
@@myrrysmiasi4866 honey, if you like lettuce and your sister takes it as an attack on her, you shouldn't stop eating lettuce, of course you're not in the wrong. People get attached to your name, and everyone has problems accepting when you change it, but the reason is never worth your suffering. So keep going, if she doesn't want to use your name that's her problem.
Also, SHE'S bitter, not you. Let her be. It's her life she's running. And if she chooses to ruin the relationship, that's on her. Be yourself, not whoever your family wants you to be, I thought we as a community (the gays™) already accepted that. Nobody should suffer to keep their family happy. Family is replaceable, you are not.
I feel like there's a story behind the second story. There's an adult son, living at home, getting away with practically whatever he wants, and when dad enforces consequences, the son (correctly) expects mom to be on his side. Something tells me that the mom's been letting the kid get away with stuff for a while. It sounds like the parents need to have a long talk about their expectations for their kids. I'm glad that the dad decided homophobia was worth putting his foot down over, though.
I have two kids and if one of them would come out to me and was treated like that by their Sibling, i would loose a Child that day. The dissapointment would be immesurable if one of them could ever choose Homophobia over Family. As someone very smart once wrote "Gay couples are the same as Straight ones. There is literally only 1 difference and that should only matter to the ones in said relationships"
Happy pride everyone! Stay safe out there! 🏳️🌈
Thanks! Happy pride month to you too 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️ ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
Happy pride
thank you, too! 🏳️🌈
You too!
Happy pride month!!!! 🌈❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🏳️🌈
Like. I've dealt with several girls/women named Jessica in my life, and they were all quite mean, and did and said very hurtful things towards me. But, I've met some wonderful Jessicas recently, and while there was a slight twinge at first, I pushed it aside, because this is not one of those people. It's like, I know someone whose name is Karen, and she isn't a "Karen", lol. She's very sweet, and supportive.
I agree mostly but I just have one name I can't get over and that has to do with some really heavy SA stuff I won't get into here. It's really tough sometimes
im sure they exist but the only karen i know is literally a karen lol
Ironically i think "Karen" sounds like a small sugary hard candy, specifically blue
@@Imjustkendall my Grammy was named Karen and she was one. I used to take her grocery shopping and I had to protect the poor cashiers sometimes. But she was really an amazing woman. She just got stressed about money down to the penny (for good reason, too, she busted her ass to escape poverty)
I have a Jessica from my past who bullied me in grade school and assaulted me with a rock-hard pillow (that she got from my uncle???? It was really jarring finding out that the pillow came from my house--anyway) during the sole time I went to summer camp.
I still get a twinge of discomfort whenever I encounter a Jessica, 25 years later, but I'm getting better at not instantly making that connection.
When I first came out, I thought I was a trans man and had a hell of a hard time renaming myself cuz my mum decided that since I was a teenager I get minimal input on my own name and she refused to let me go with my first choice which was Milo and I would have kept that name after I came out as nonbinary but she forced my into Markus which is my current government name. She then later got pissy when I came out as nonbinary cuz I picked the name Castiel (yes from the show Supernatural) she refuses to acknowledge it or my pronouns cuz of it. She thinks I didn't put enough thought into picking the new name even though I showed her my name spreadsheet with pros, cons, etymology, and historical uses and importance. I put so much work into my name cuz it's my identity. Joke's on her now though cuz i will never speak to her again
That's some really bizarre behaviour from your mum. So what if you were a teenager? Old enough to comprehend language? Old enough to pick Your Own name!
And one doesn't even have to put too much thought into it. I mean, it's great if you're picking a name with a lot of significance, but you could literally just see a random word on some billboard and decide that's good enough for a name, and no one should be able to stop you
Also, I've never watched Supernatural, but Castiel is a cool name!
Who cares+ *she/her
You put more thought into your name than I have put into mine. My thoughts were hearing Chris being used for a primary school principle with the same first name as me and thinking it sounded cool and like me and fixating on that thought on many years until I realised I was agender and knew why I liked the thought of being called Chris and stuck with that.
You know what, maybe I should make a spreadsheet for names
I'm currently searching in the neutral/feminine area (trans demigirl), but it's kinda passive at the moment ? I have a few ideas floating around
Damn, I thought I was bad at picking names for rpg characters, but for me IRL, it's even worse lol
Names are important, but the idea that all parents put a lot of thought naming their children is not true. Just as an example, when my grandma had my dad, it was a few months after she and my grandfather had lost their daughter after a long battle with cancer. So when my dad was born they honestly didn't have a name, so they named him what that days catholic saint name was on the callendar (catholic thing). They still loved him, his name means a lot, but it was still randomly chosen. I can see that the process of choosing your name was important to you, and that excelent, but no one gets to decide how and for how long people choose names to make them important or meaningful.
OP's son sounds like the type of incel who repeatedly hits on a woman, ignoring it when she says she's a lesbian until he sees her kissing a girl at which point he complains that she led him on 🙄
Probably. I got accused of "leading someone on" because I didn't immediately reject him upon him saying hi to me. From first meeting to accusation was less than a minute.
And people wonder why women have basically shut down most forms of communication towards males save the necessary or transactional. Women need that bright line because men pull that shit on women.
Or uses the saying “I can make you straight”
@@waffles3629 ugh men (saying that as a man)
@@SeaBassTean same. I also had a man get mad at me for "trying to make him gay" when I informed him I wasn't a woman. Like you flirted with me, not the other way around, it's not my problem you assumed my gender incorrectly.
Happy pride spuds 🥔
You are all valid ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
?
@@xXMindSoulXx Dusty is a transphobe, ignore them. Happy pride.
@@xXMindSoulXxHAPPY PRIDE!!! 🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈
@@rosieg6989yeah I took one look at their recent comments on this channel, that’s obvious now.
@@KateSW1997 Obviously you don't. Shut up.
I feel for the mother who had been cheated on and betrayal trauma is no joke, but that trauma and those triggers are still hers to work through.
To be fair, the 25 year old is far more capible of supporting himself than the 16 year old so it makes sense to kick him out. Hes not pulling his weight and is constantly trashing the place. He sounded toxic before the homophobia kicked in.
The first one about the name change is a shitty situation. I tried to date a woman with the same first name as my abusive father and it only stopped triggering me when we switched to a full time usage of her nickname. It sadly didnt work out because of other reasons but id suggest trying a pet name and work through it.
Sounds like a "you" problem.
It was. I didn't ask her to change. She just didn't like seeing me shook every time i heard it. Don't worry, I made space for her baggage too. Like partners do.
@@lurch789 your not wrong
Imagine if instead of the daughter's name, it had been a grandchild named Marceline and after months of using that name, the grandmother just up and demanded the grandchild's name be changed. Or what if the boyfriend had been a girlfriend named Marceline? Would she insist the op break up? I get she has issues, but that's for her to work through, not insist the world bend to her demands.
Also, on the point of expecting to be consulted on what name your child uses, I'm the parent of a trans nb adult and have always tried to be supportive in every way. They started using a different name without consulting me at all, then changed to a different name that they've used for, oh, probably ten years now. You know how I felt about that? Fine. It's *their* name, not mine. I've flipped back and forth between Lyn and Lynette. I've never gotten my mother's permission to do so. So my kid's name changes have been more drastic. So what?
I wonder if she doesn’t allow her kids to Watch Adventure Time because of it.
@@samaustin339 I don't get the impression mom has ever encountered Adventure Time, but I'll bet she wouldn't allow it
My wife and I were very proud of the name we chose for our child. (I still think it was a great name). But they came out as gender fluid a few years ago and decided their name didn’t work anymore. They actually let me see their short list of new names and asked my opinion. I told them I liked x and they chose y but used x as a middle name. But even if I had hated the name when they told me about it I would love it now because it’s my baby’s name and I love them.
Btw. Changing names is a real PITA! If I changed my name, I wouldn’t change it again no matter what anyone else thought about it.
I would say that anything legal is a PITA. I'm not looking forward to it, especially since I also want to change my last name.
My dad, who molested me from about the age of five to about fourteen, had the name of Larwil, which he shortened to Larry. When we (my sister, who my dad also molested, and I) finally managed to break the strangle hold of "don't tell anyone" when my mom asked if we would have any objection to her divorcing our dad, she was heartbroken- and immediately divorced him. At the time, we basically went no contact with my dad. Many years later he did sincerely and repeatedly apologize to me, and would have apologized to my mom and sister but they would have nothing to do with him. Which I fully understood and supported. I'm still not sure why I was able to keep in touch with him but the end of his story is that when he died we were pretty good friends, he did a huge amount to support me and my husband in our work, and was as kind and generous as he could be to both of us. I also ended up being in control of his estate and that was not easy but whatever.
Many years after he died, my mom ended up with cancer. It was awful- almost utreatable and horribly painful, but her excellent doctor got her a few more years of decent quality of life. But then, of course, it returned. She couldn't deal with treatments anymore because of allergic reactions so we just got hospice involved, keeping her at home where she wanted to be and taking turns, the three of us, caring for her. At one point (and here's why I'm writing this) she had the mostly lovely physical therapist... whose name was Larry.
After his first visit mom said, rather reluctantly, "He so nice but his name..." My sister and I agreed and asked her how she wanted to go forward. She said she was okay with it but it was just weird for her.
After his next visit she seemed much more relaxed and I asked her how she was feeling about his name. "Oh, I don't mind it now. He's nothing like your dad." And he wasn't! He was tall, beautiful, blond and very sweetly gay, and by the end of that second visit we could see how much he cared about our mom/mother-in-law and we just loved him.
So that name, Larry, was rehabilitated for my mom and for me (not so much my sister- but that's another story) completely but this gentle, kind soul who helped us so much. My husband was on Larry's side immediately but he's just like that, very accepting and open.
Anyway. Long story...
As for the second case? Yeah, the dad should have talked this over with the whole family before summarily laying down the law but still, I'm totally into kicking that freeloader, homophobic guy out. No one needs that kind of energy around them, least of all a freshly minted lesbian. Hate like that is corrosive and can literally kill people. Sweep it out, smudge the house and live a happier, safer life. I hope that guy gets a wake-up call from this and tries to figure out why he's so hateful- but it's not likely. :/
Funny story: I had a very abusive friend in highschool. I was very, very in love with her and she knew it and was very manipulative and gross. When I hear her name I still sort of shudder, hoping it's not her - but she has THE MOST GENERIC NAME ever, so it's a bit much sometimes 😅 it is hard to emotionally disassociate a name and a person, and it can be painful. Having said that, it's not the daughter's fault that she chose a name that happens to give her mom the ick. Mom needs therapy, and I mean that in the kindest way possible.
People saying "people say theyre gay for attention" are looking for attention. Now whos the butterfly 😂
The number of people who will go to trans people's videos justv to post trash comments and think they're somehow not the attention-seekers is mind-boggling.
No…? He’s just got a channel? Is every TH-camr a self centered idiot now?
@lrfcowper I've memorized the troll account names at this point. We all know who they are.
@@StudlyFudd13 same!
@@lrfcowper truth =/= trash
If you think that these massive conglomerates really care about you, you have brain damage. There is an ulterior motive behind it all, and you are falling for it.
Happy pride, everybody!! I just want to say, to anybody reading this, you are valid and you are loved.
Happy pride!! 🏳️🌈🏳️🌈🏳️🌈
Happy pride🙇🏼💜‼️
Happy Pride! 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️❤️🩷🧡💛💚💙🩵💜🤎🖤🩶🤍
@@dustygania2425happy pride, boring cis straight lolz
Thanks friend 😊
The brother has some other underlying issue that needs to be addressed.
I'd start with the fact that he feels entitled to live in your home, at 25, without a job.
But this anger at his sister tells me that he's JEALOUS AF. You have the clues in his language "she's seeking attention". Why does he think that? Bigger problem going on here.
I'm cis, but what I heard once resonated a little. Putting it here, in case it helps y'all. "A name is a gift, that is why it is "given"." Think of it as a gifted sweater. If it is nice and comfortable and you want to wear it forever, you are free to do that. However, once you've tried it and it's too uncomfortable on your skin or you don't think the colour suits you, you are not obligated to wear it again. You can keep it in a closet and know that you once had it, or you can give it away never to think of it again. But it is still just a gift, not a mandate. Do with it what you want to."
That's very good! I'm also cis but happen to prefer my spiritual name over my given name, which is also laced with a lot of trauma. So should I ever happen to marry, then I might try to appeal for a first name change aswell, which is actually more difficult as a cis person, though I'd already hit 3 of the qualifying categories ("religious reasons" [well spiritual, but, it's all belief systems], "having gotten estranged from the name" (that's usually the categoory made for trans ppl) and "trauma related"). Theres more categories in Germany. But yeah. We're strangely stuck with the first given name. Even though it's all not really THAT important for identification X'D as all gets registered and you know, we don't struggle with last name changes so .... what's the big deal anyway.
It's by the way especially fatal, in cases where two ppl share the exact same name and one is criminal. Has actually happened to ppl. We should be more concerned about uniqueness, if anything and "identification" is the main concern. X'D
On the topic of names: I told my friend that she should ask her dad what name to pick. (She didn't know what name to pick, and her dad is a nurse and works in the maternity ward.) She asked her dad and he suggusted the name Abby. She picked that and loves it.
That's cute. Working in that ward, he's going to know so many names! I wonder what the most interesting names he's seen are.
i love finally having the choice to use the name i'm comfortable in. very exciting! not to be cheesy but thank you for giving me the courage to be who i really am :)
@@KateSW1997 Most things who says? And what ideology are you on about anyways?
Amazing!! And absolutely same for me :)
Much love, congrats on being you. Please don't mind those people, some of them have over 1k reactions on this channel just trying to spread hate. Stay safe!
@@dustygania2425 really? What hate is Jamie spreading? What truth are they dodging? Who is being devided
I get a little tingle every time someone uses my true name. It's like "Hey, that's me!" 😊 I honestly can't wait until my deadname is well and truly dead, and my legal name and my true name are one and the same. Even now getting mail and other things addressed to my deadname feels alien, like I'm snooping in someone else's documents. My parents chose a fine name, and I'm keeping my initials the same (partially because my initials have always been the same as my mother's, and I like that I'm her sorta-namesake) but it's just not my name.
On reactions to changin our names...
My biodad's reaction to my name change is what showed me he doesnt support my trans existence; and it let me see shite he had done in the past as bein clearly as bad as it was, without the fog of that inner child thinkin which holds out hope for what we nvr got
What did he do? He was upset that i got rid of all of the name he had assigned me, includin the very clearly gendered middle name and possibly more offensively to him; his last name. This dude who had missed 17 of the most crucial yrs of my life and had done horrid shite to us in the first 11 yrs of my life... cudnt fathom why i didnt want my name to connect to him, or more importantly; his family who had time and time again refused to be there for me when i needed help the most
He cudnt understand most of all how i had changed my name for trans reason if my name was still "masculine"; as i changed my name to Rusty, which to me is neutral... But i know a Rusti who is a cis woman, so yeah...
He was so upset that he had "given" me this name and didnt like that i had changed so much of it, so that none of it remained... Yet he nvr once wondered about my feelings around that name, and nvr learned about how hearin that name had made me wince for over a decade prior to knowin i was trans; he nvr learned that id been goin by the name Rusty Shackleford instd (yes, a king of the hill ref) since high school
Just like how when we were out together and i got misgendered by someone, he didnt care how i felt; he cared about how embarassed he felt when i corrected them... Bcuz i dont look like the nonbinary woman i am; not to him, he only sees my beard and only hears my voice.
Neither of which bother me and neither of which invalidate my gender identity. He nvr cared to understand any of that, he just cared to try to make me kowtow to his demands by tryin to make me feel bad for standin up for myself afterward by insistin i embarassed him
The next time he reached out to me after that incident where he disapproved of my name; i told him "Dont contact me again" and left it at that. Cut off everyone close to him too, to make sure that no one can get word to him or from him to me. If you cant approve of the existence of your trans kid; you dont deserve to play father to them
Rusty is a really pretty name
All you trans people seem to have such trauma and mental health problems. I hope you can seek help.
Hey friend, I’m proud of you. We don’t need unsupportive people in our lives who claim we embarrass them by being ourselves. My mother used to tell me that I was an embarrassment to the family when I was a teenager (didn’t yet know that I am nonbinary, just a spooky little goth kid)…it really messed with my mental health, and to this day I struggle with correcting folks or dressing how I want for fear of being an embarrassment to whoever is with me.
I’m no contact with my entire family now, but my in laws are pretty great.
@@barryledgister4496 Gender expression=/=gender identity, nor does every trans person care about passing.
@@auggiet8380 Im currently livin thousands of miles from my biofam and im livin with my polycule family and a huge evergrowin chosen family of truly supportive ppl ive found over the yrs
I was oft made to be ashamed of existin and takin up space and even still its exceptionally hard for me to be close to ppl bcuz of that shitty way i was raised without a single ounce of love and care; just empty words and broken promises.
I have to have even my polycule make clear to me that they want me around and i dont impose on them; or else i slip into that old habit of isolatin bcuz its the only way to feel safe when your presence alone used to somehow upset ppl who shudve wanted you around
Im healin, and its a slow long process, but im doin way better wt it for not havin such toxic ppl in my life anymore; i no longer abide ppl who make me feel only tolerated. I need to feel loved, accepted, appreciated, and supported by the ppl who claim to care about me and my existence. Not tolerated. My chosen family showed me that fact, and its why my familial name in my name is linked to my chosen family; not the shite biofam
Here's another way of looking at the first one: instead of a trans child's new name, how about a kid given up for adoption who tries to reconnect with their birth mom. And the kid has the same name as the person that the mom's ex had cheated on her with.
Would it be okay for the mom to refuse to reconnect with her biological kid who grew up with that name, or demand that they change that name? _NO! Of course not!_
I hope Marcy kept her name. Her mom had every opportunity to act like a mother and have a role in that decision, and every opportunity to act like an adult and politely speak to her daughter about her concerns after the fact. She declined to do either and instead, from the sound of it, refused to provide any explanation for her passive aggressive behavior and manipulation until she exploded at her own daughter
Happy Pride! I finally came out as gay to my grandparents yesterday and was so surprised how supportive they were. Now I have to come out as gay to my OTHER grandparents…but just remember you are loved. 🌈❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🩷🤎🖤🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
"Gay people are only gay for attention!" Proceeds to throw a tantrum for attention. xD
My new little goddaughter happens to have the same name as someone who abused and gaslit me for years. (No connection between them) It can be hard sometimes, but you don't get a say in someone else's decisions. Replacing each horrible association to the name for all of the wonderful things my little sweetie does, is, and means to me is hard work. Healing is hard work. At the end of the day what the old person did is not the new person's fault, and you owe it to the both of you to do the work.
I've actually been in the first situation.
My aunt was FURIOUS with my mom for naming me the same name as my aunt's shitty ex-husband. She didn’t like seeing or talking about me, and when she had to refer to me, she'd just say the first letter of my birth name and treat it like a nickname.
She eventually got over it. She came to terms with my name as I grew and I gained enough of a personality for her to make a new association with me as a person.
...and now she's the ONLY member of my family who refuses to use my new name and pronouns. Funny how life is, huh?
Aftert I came out I`ve met this girl who has my deadname, I did'nt wanted to have anything to do with her, but soon I realised she's one of the nicest people I have ever met. She's so kind, caring and funny. Now she's a very good friend of mine and knowing her helped me get used to hearing that name because now I can associate that name with her instead of my past me.
5:25 My response to that bs personally is... I associate two masc names with trauma of a much bigger kind than just a spouse cheating; and yet i can still be close friends with ppl with those names despite the fact i still at times feel twinges of pain when i hear their names
Physical and audio versions of the book will be in grubby mitts, just as soon as I can get 'em! I love that you have read the audiobook yourself, Jamie, it makes such a difference when it's the author, there's just that bit more nuance in the reading, and having Shaaba be a part of it as well just makes it all the more delightful!
Not directly about the topic of the video, but I also am at the point you mentioned, where I "hate" hearing or reading my birth name whether or not it's in conjunction with me. This really is pretty difficult to get "out of the system". I hope I get used to just hearing that name in general rather fast.
PS: I can't wait for the (Audio) book to release. I'm really interested on what the contents of it are.
PPS: Love your videos ❤
I love to imagine the first poster introduces her father as "My homophobic, racist father" to everyone in all situations.
I want to preface this with the fact that I am queer, this isn't coming from a place of homophobia, but that second one is a little complex. While I don't feel like the father is an AH in his intentions, I think diving right into the nuclear option of eviction before discussing the situation with his partner and daughter together is a little much. I just feel like the son's reaction is so bizarre I don't really understand it - is there something to unpack there? Could this be a teaching moment? Or is this 25yr old simply a man-child that has spent too much time on 4chan? If it's the latter - a plan of action with your partner is probably a good next step. The plan should be to talk to your son, try to reason, and if he isn't amenable to learning and moving forward, then he can gtfo. So in conclusion... I would say YTA for making an impulsive, final and executive household decision without consultation, not for trying to defend your daughter.
I get the strong suspicion that the father has been wanting to kick his son out for a while, and this was finally 'enough' of a reason that he felt able to do it. Also yes, I also think the son is an incel convert.
There's also an undertone of using the daughter coming out as an excuse to evict the son for many past grievances. Could be that this was simply the straw that broke the camel's back, but depending on the family dynamics it could also be the dad trying to dodge some of the blame for the decision - "I don't have a choice, I have to do this because of your sister", sort of thing. 🤔
I think what helped me work through my deadname assosciation is the fact that its a very common dog name, and i love dogs, so i worked through it by loving the dogs with my old name. it made it a lot easier.
The first story hits home for me, I am nonbinary and decided to change my name. My mother at first didn't want to call me by that name and she said it was because she "uses my nickname anyway" (nickname being 'munchkin') however she did still use my deadname. I got mad and she then explained my new name was the nickname of one of my dad's exes from highschool. I was so pissed about this, luckily she uses my name now, but knowing she was going to let her highschool drama affect me pissed me right off.
My mom was a bit upset when I first told her, after I came out as non-binary, that I was likely going to change my name because my birth name is very feminine. So I decided to use a variation of the name I would have been given had I been born a boy (Jackson, so I chose Jax) because I thought it would have been easier for her to accept. I'm not sure if it was because she was a bit upset after i told her the name and insisted she use it from then on, but lucikly she came to understand that even if it wasn't the name she chose for me when I was born, it was ultimately my name and she had to learn to accept that.
She's really come a long way since I came out for the first time as bisexual (I no longer identify as bisexual now but I originally did) about four years ago. I'm so sincerely proud of the work she's done on herself and her acceptance of people for who they are.
Hey Jammi, I know you probably won't see this, but you've helped me through alot over the past three years. I've been debating my gender for years now and your videos have been a huge comfort, especially over the pandemic. My mom and stepdad are extremely homophobic and I have recently realised that I am gender fluid. It has stressed me out a lot coming to this conclusion and your videos helped me whenever I felt isolated in my family and school. I have been thinking about changing my name legaly when I turn 18 and I really found comfort in your journey, thank you for creating this awesome community.
Jamie, your little screed about how personal a chosen name can be and how it can grow roots over time, become part of you, and you couldn't imagine having any other name... That helped me realize I feel the same way about my chosen name. I've had it for several years (though it's only in the past month that I've started describing myself as trans), and I only use it as a username in certain online spaces. But it's mine and I love it. I recently wrote a self-insert fic where my character went around the entire story being called by that name, and it felt amazing both to write and to imagine. I think my journey will lead to transition. Thank you for helping me along.
If anyone's curious, my chosen name is Ama.
a year and a half ago I changed my name (im nonbinary) and my parents said they didn't like it but would try to respect it. Now, a year and a half later, they love it and are proud to call me Quin and they even told all of my extended family members for me, and they all also love it.
This is so random but one of the NPCs in my D&D campaign has the same name as you :D
@@ashlikesart LMAO, the arcane trixter in our game is named "ash".
@@pathevermore3683 that's amazing oh my gosh
When i came out to one of my friends and when he asked me why i chose Ember as my name. I couldn't answer with anything except with "it felt right for me as a person"
About the homophobic son, my friend has a very similar experience. Her parents will gladly support her and took her to pride with her girlfriend but her older brother has a criminal record because of committing a hate crime against her and has generally homophobic and racist views. It kinda sucks
i had a similar experience to the second story where my parents were... stand-offish and horrible, but no where near as bad as my older brother. he was never allowed the pleasure of knowing i was transitioning, because i had overheard him saying he'd kill someone if they made that sort of confession to him. to this day i'm surprised he never found out, thankfully i'm far away from that situation now.
I relate to the homophobic son one bc I'm trans and my parents accept me but my sister likes to comment that it's for attention or a trend
I halfway relate with that first story. I realized that I was non-binary a few years ago. My parents say they support me, But they won't use my pronouns because it's "too difficult", so I have my doubts at this point. My mom just uses my name in place of a pronoun, which would be fine if it wasn't every single time. And my dead name
Choosing my own name was part of taking control back of my life. I didn't want anyone else choosing my name but me, not even to make suggestions
I thought about it a lot, and I finally settled on a name. It's close to my dead name, just one letter difference in fact, but feels so much more me. Lilit. I love this name, its cute, soft but not overtly girly
I told my parents, and they seemed vaguely disgusted with it. They had been insisting they were supportive up till that point, so I was taken aback and hurt
I didn't push it for a long time when they didn't use it, because I'm afraid of conflict. My mom kept telling me the story of how she chose my dead name, like it was still my name. She even asked me if people still had trouble pronouncing my dead name, like they did when I was little. My little sister had to remind her that I don't introduce myself as that anymore, and that no one calls me that anymore
I changed my name on my computer profile to Lilit, and my mom looked so annoyed when she saw it. I couldn't understand
Finally I confronted them about it, insisting that my dead name is not my name, and that they were making me really uncomfortable
Turns out they don't like it, because of how it's pronounced. They think "lil-it" is offensive, because it sounds like "little it", and "you only call someone "it" to dehumanize them"
I informed to them that "it/its" is, in fact, one of my pronouns, and that though it can be used in a derogatory manner, it's all about the context and the feelings of the person you're addressing. I would never call someone it if they didn't want it, but it's a sign of respect to call them what they ask to be called
They wouldn't listen to me though, they just keep insisting that it can't be anything but derogatory. Now that I've actually confronted them about it, they've been using my actual name, but I can still tell that they have to spit it out. And they still won't use my pronouns... Baby steps I guess?
Holy shit 😂 I really wasn’t expecting your parents reasoning to be quite that absurd. I’m sorry to hear it’s been a struggle, but I’m glad that you have some other people (like your sister) who recognize and respect your personhood.
Also for what it’s worth I think Lilit is a pretty dope name. ✌️
@@Jack_Flapper
Ikr? It's so silly. They compared it to trying to call yourself "little n-word". Like... Dude. No. Not the same thing
(putting aside the fact that I actually know someone whos family member's nickname is "little black" in Spanish. It's not even a valid argument regardless)
Thanks! I'm quite happy with my name ( :
for where the brother might have learned it you'd be amazed how influential friend groups can be. I had a cousin who came from a good natured family that ended up spending time in jail for a hate crime because he started hanging around a bunch of racists who taught him to funnel his anger into that rather than any rational introspection. It sucks but hateful people tend to find eachother and work to make more hateful people.
My sister has the same name as someone my mom hated in high school.
My mom named me and had changed the agreed apon name at my birth. My dad wasn't there and she felt like the 1st name didn't fit me. So they agreed for my dad to name my sister. He says it's from a movie he liked, she thinks it was intentional to get under her skin. (They were teen parents in a bad relationship).
The name is common so my mom doesn't get too bent out of shape over it. But once in awhile, when she shares high school stories, she remembers that *witch* Stephanie and goes "and then your dad named your sister Stephanie! Can you believe that?!" 😡😅
Hey Jamie.. you will be happy to know that I recommended your book to the school I work at today. We like to champion inclusivity for everyone at our school, and we have a handful of openly trans kids, also others that are non binary (including myself), so literature about LGBTQIA+ is very much sought after. So your book will be available in our school library as soon as humanly possible 😊❤
Pretty sure op's new name is from adventure time Marceline is the kick ass(lesbian) vampire chick and it's possible the name is also a compliment from said boyfriend indicating that that is the way he sees her. Maybe she didn't fully explain to her mom all the reasons she chose the name and could do with a sit down about why it's so special to her. But ultimately mom is TAH here for not just being nice about it.. snide little cutting remarks are never an ok way to parent no matter what the subject is..
Marceline isn’t a lesbian, her gf is tho.
Hi Jamie! I just purchased your book! Thank you for the tip on free shipping to the US at Blackwell. I am so excited to read it. Happy Pride Month 🙏🏳️🌈🏳️🌈
Im Also excited to read it
The mom in the first story is so immature. My sister has the same name as an ex of our dad and our mom doesn’t have any problem as seeing both as different persons (don’t ask why she has it tho, our parents are not good at picking names. When she was born they still didn’t have a name for her, and they decided my deadname by chance, because it was a name none of them hated, so yeah. That’s why I didn’t feel bad about changing my name lol And I definitely didn’t let them choose it knowing their issues with names xD)
i can pridict u. are you lesbian and none binary?
@@Imjustkendall Yep, you got it right xD
I changed my name to olive, and my mom only knew because of parent-teacher conferences (a teacher called me olive which is fine) and when i got home and i explained she almost shouted "IM TRYING OK!"
On names: I didn't think my poor kids were going to have names at all, because my ex knew someone he disliked with every name in the world! An attitude that may have something to do with why he's my ex.
I remember telling my mom that I wanted to change my name to something more gender neutral- the name I had chosen prior, Star, was TECHNICALLY gender neutral but not seen as such. So me and my mom sat down, looked through a list of names and found one we liked that connected to my past names. It just so happened to be the name of my cat that I've had and loved for years, and I now quite enjoy having the same name as my fur baby! I know this doesn't entirely relate to the stories, but I thought I'd share my naming experience even if it isn't much :>
On the topic of deadnames, I found that a lot of the uncomfortable feeling around that name changed once I had it legally changed. Like, once the legality was involved I could look at a person and simply say "Sorry, that's not my name" and even in a legal standpoint, that's right. Actually, my son who was given a feminine version of my deadname at birth, now uses my deadname for himself and is quite happy with it. I'm glad to see a name that used to give me such discomfort be really cherished by another person, so it doesn't really bother me anymore. I know that's just my experience, but I hope you don't mind me sharing a personal story.
Wait... I'm supposed to tuck my t-shirt in? Nobody told me that; apparently I've been doing it wrong all these years...
Both my brother and sister were/are horrible anti-lgbtq bigots and raised their children to be just as horrible. Siblings can be especially toxic.
Mom needs to get over the name thing. My BFF was with her asshole ex for 10 years and has the same name as my brother. Asshole ex was emotionally abusive and cheated on BFF before breaking up with her. But BFF and my brother are also friends. Solution: We both call asshole ex by an insult or something, and call my brother by the nickname I always use. At the time, my BFF had some pretty negative associations with the name, didn't like saying the name, and often said things like "I can't ever date someone called *name* again". BUT VERY IMPORTANTLY, she never treated my brother any differently, was still friends like always, and now, a few years later, asshole ex almost never comes up in conversation, and BFF has no trouble using my brother's full name.
The older brother sounds like my 23 year old brother, who is my only close relative to not accept me as his older trans brother, and who fell down the current alt right pipeline. Only my parents won't ever kick him out, because they don't trust he would survive long on his own with his medical conditions. At least they don't wonder why I rarely visit.
5:12 I relate to this so much, back in 2021 I wanted to go by axyl but when I told my mom she compared me to axel rose and how it made her uncomfortable since he was a domestic abuser and I ended up getting so uncomfortable going by that name that I went back on that name and went back to my birth name… I’ve tried other names before but nothing felt as me as axyl did but now axyl just makes me feel nauseous
This is why i chose a name I made up myself (Nova). Can't associate it with anything else than cool space explosions, can you?
YOOOO THAT'S AN AWESOME NAME
Nova is also Latin for "new", so very fitting, like Neo.
I still get a little uncomfortable when people have my deadname for a name (which happens sometimes, as it's a fairly common name), but I don't act on it in any way, and I certainly wouldn't treat the person differently because of it. I just feel uncomfortable because I'm reminded of the way the name used to be imposed on me and how uncomfortable I felt with it. It is easier to deal with when I remind myself that it's okay that someone else has that name, because it's *their* name; it's not my name anymore, and it's not being forced on me, so I don't need to feel threatened by it when I see it.
My whole family minus my trans brother (ftm) wasn't very kind to me about coming out, I told my step dad I was MAYBE bi, turns out I'm pan, he made a joke about bringing home hot girls so it made me feel a bit better, but he'd make sexist jokes all the time and it made me feel horrible.
When I told my other brother, biologically male, that I was NB he started repeating to me "but you're a girl though" and I kept repeating back "but I don't feel like a girl-" getting cut off to hear the same response.
My mum prayed in my doorway at night when I was playing videogames with my friends, she was trying to pray the gay away, made me feel absolutely disgusting and horrible.
After my mum and dad split, my dad made me the maid of the house, cleaning up after his mess, dishes and cleaning the lounge etc. It was horrible, he continued making sexist jokes and some homophobic "jokes" and my mental health went down the drain, didn't help he ate my food I bought for myself so I ended up being hella malnourished :/
My partner managed to get me out of there, after a few years of couch hopping I'm finally on the lease at my current place and have been much happier and feel safer and more comfortable exploring and figuring out who I am for the past few years.
My partner is EXTREMELY supportive and loving and I love him dearly, I'm currently trying to start the process of being prescribed testosterone cuz well... even though I'm NB I still feel like I lean more male presenting? Idk, but my partner has been really helpful and my friends have helped me too, I wish I could show how much I appreciate them.
(Edited for spelling mistakes oops)
5:30 frankly that sounds like a bold-faced lie on mom’s part - pretty wild coincidence. I can’t help but hear that as an excuse pulled out of the ass as a trump card in the argument when she feels like she’s lost power over her child… but wilder things have happened I guess 🤷 it could be true
With the second story, when I came out as gay and trans my parents were very supportive, but it was my younger brother that was less nice about it. When ever we would have classic sibling arguments he would always bring in me being trans. Always saying "if you don't respect me I'm not going to respect your Pronouns" funny thing is, is before I even knew what being trans was (I think I was 11 and he was 9) he started experimenting with being a woman, was I confused? No, I gave him "girl lessons" so when he was acting like that to me it was very confusing. Luckily he's fine now, after my dad gave him a good talking to ofc 😂 but yeah it does happen.
If wife is also mom, it absolutely should have been talked over with her prior to giving the eviction.. if only just to make sure that both of you are on the same page and she doesn't feel blindsided by the situation
Wife doesn't sound like she's in the picture anyways. Wife sounds like she's the former, "Evil step mother until married" shtick. Imho obvi
As a trans guy who changed my name without my mom's input, I have been in a situation where Mom wanted me to change my name again because she didn't like it. I changed my name over 7 years ago and have been very comfy with this name ever since. About 2 years after telling Mom my preferred name, during which time she tried to find other ways to invalidate me, she started telling me she would choose my name for me. Several years later she still hasn't but still expects me to go by my deadname. I don't and am lucky enough to have parents who are not cruel to the point of me needing to worry about their approval. I sympathize with both my mom and the mom in the post, but names are important and personal. I mean no hate towards my mom in writing this. I am fine with her having her own views, as she doesn't go overboard in sharing and acting on them.
To anyone reading this, I hope you are having an amazing day and great Pride Month. If you aren't I am truly sorry. Please remember you are valid and take care of yourself. Eat, hydrate, and do something that makes you smile (I recommend going for a short walk in nature if possible). Love to all💜
Sounds like she thinks if she just delays ever giving you a new name, you would just continue to use the deadname and never change it. That sucks, I'm sorry.
Btw, I love your pfp!
@Lurch 😆 very true
@@WelcomeApathy I agree she is definitely trying to stop me from changing my name, but she doesn't do anything to stop me other than telling me to wait so I go by my preferred name anyway. Also thanks! My friend likes to send me trans memes and merch and I thought this one was pfp worthy. Yours is super cool
my name means so much to me, i went through a period as well where i hated my birth name. i couldnt say it, didnt want to write it, hated when people said it. i cant imagine not having my current name, but ive also disconnected it with other people
I feel sorry for the mother in the first one, trauma is trauma, but it's her daughter's name now, so hopefully she can learn from that. I was bullied for awhile, and after I couldn't separate that from others with the bully's name for a bit, and another person who has hurt my family's name is in a song I have loved for years, but for about 2 years I couldn't listen to it. I hope she works it out so the daughter is okay. I wish the OP her best.
For the second, any case like that were a sibling is hurting another sibling, harming the family etc, the parents are protecting the father protecting the younger child from a bully is understandable, but yes also find out where the son's clearly not passed down homophobia comes from.
Totally agree with you, Jamie! It’s weird that the parent in the second story didn’t talk with the other parent before telling the son to leave, but I do think removing the son from the home is the right call.
My friend has almost the same situation. His older sister refuses to use his preferred name or pronouns, and his parents and even some of his grandparents are totally child about it.
Idk man people are weird.
I was in a pretty toxic friendship for a long time (didn't realise it was toxic until the end) and one of my absolute best friends now has the same name as the friend who was toxic. I feared that it would maybe sway my opinion of her, but it never has. We joke about her having the same name as that friend (and her middle name is the same as my kindergarten vest friend). A name is more than ONE person... even if you have to sometimes learn that
Names are power. The name you choose (if you choose a name for yourself) is yours and gives you strength. The rest of the world sees you as your name. Your name is you
I want to add a bit to the first one. I used to be bullied all through primary years by this person called ellie. Later I met, through a friend, someone who was also called ellie and who was getting integrated into our friendgroup. At the start it made me uncomfortable because it reminded me of my past bully but two years down the line i consider ellie a good friend and i love their company.
I know that’s not the same as cheating but i hope the mum will eventually come to not associate that name so negatively after some time.
Happy pride everyone!!🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
@exposingfrauditorsisback can't tell if you're homophobic or an ironic supporter but either way I don't feel offended loll I would get that on a tee shirt. 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
@exposingfrauditorsisback😂, love it
I got one too, Christian Denominations, switch the n and m, DEMONination, Demon Nation, y'all Christians are trying to distract us with the true demons here.
@Exposing Frauditors is back great! Trans people and transphobe agree, that is an awesome shirt.
@Exposing Frauditors is back oh mate I wish, id love to have horns and a tail but sadly I live in reality where humans are boring creatures
@Exposing Frauditors is back Wow way to tell on yourself considering the Pride exists and all aspects of it's name (pride as in the opposite of shame and it's a month because logistically a small unsupported group can't uphold the anniversary of an event such as stonewall especially when hateful people want others to forget the context) are because of hate like yours.
My mom also has unresolved issues with a guy with my chosen name-
25, lives at home, doesn't do anything... sounds like a 4chan troll
The first story had the same energy as why my birthgiver refuses to call me by my (now legal) name. Her boss has a bitchy personality, and she "doesn't want to confuse me with her boss". It's such a week excuse, and I get exhausted by having to interact with her mental gymnastics. I'm so glad I'm getting out and moving away in a couple weeks.
Just wanted to share this here, I’m kinda late but as of July 13th im officially starting T! I’ve been waiting years for this and I’m completely overjoyed so I wanted to put it out there. Happy pride month everyone!
THAT'S EPIC DUDE OH MY GOSH
Woohoo, really happy for you... Wishing you the best outcomes in your transition 🤗
Wish you the best of outcomes!
💙💗🤍 (didn't have any pink hearts, so that was the closest I could figure out. Also, specifically trans, or a different identity, out of curiosity?)
I do absolutely understand the pain of having something associated with someone who has hurt you. But one thing that has helped me with this is having someone I really like just reclaim it and then it becomes a positive thing. Of course it’s not that fast and simple, it’s still a process and takes time, but that is one thing I have personally been doing. ❤
Happy pride everyone! 🏳️🌈 Remember that each and every one of you are valid. Don't listen to the haters, they only want attention. Stay safe!
OMG, ok, so I went to see if the supplier for the library where I work had your book available for pre-order. I couldn't find it by the title, so I tried your name....and someone else with the same name (or maybe it's you!) has self-published not one but TWO books about lawn care. Excellent. (I'll keep checking back to see if The T in LGBT shows up.)
My dad had an odd reaction to me coming out as a guy, he seemed more unhappy about how I didn't want to take his name to be Sam the Fifth than he was about me not being a girl
About the second one, he’d definitely not the asshole. He made a mistake by not talking to his wife about it, assuming she’s the mother or heavily involved in raising him. But he’s 25. Not 15, not 18, not 20, but 25. He’s not to young to face the consequences of his deliberate actions.
Hey, welcome back, every body. Just remember, you're not an A-hole for removing toxictivy from your life, it is a good kind of self care. Anyway, happy pride you beautiful butterflies. You are seen, you are valid, you matter.
@Lurch Society is scary. Nothing has changed, and nothing will ever be learnt. Every generation is always attacked by someone over something and it's getting worse. People are now judging people on their colour tones, their mannerisms, the way they talk and oh...and now they carefully study every picture of someone to anaylise every body part carefully to see what's wrong with it. Society tells us to be different, to be yourself, and yet when you do that, it is wrong. The whole thing is nuts. People are just terrible