Why Are Funerals So Expensive?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 24 ก.ค. 2024
- CLICK HERE to submit your thoughts as a consumer or organization directly to the Federal Trade Commission: www.regulations.gov/document/...
INSTRUCTIONS- Click blue COMMENT button in top left of screen, leave your thoughts on the topics: Should Funeral Homes Have to Post Their Prices Online? (And if so, how should that be regulated? Feel free to share your own experiences with this issue!), Should the Required Embalming Disclosure be Made Clearer? (And if so, how? Feel free to share your own experiences with this issue!)
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MORE CAITLIN DOUGHTY
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PRODUCTION CREDITS
Your Host: Caitlin Doughty
Editor & Graphics: Timothy Meier
Thumbnail: Landis Blair
Special thanks to Tanya Marsh & Louise Hung, and the consumer orgs like the Funeral Consumers Alliance and National Home Funeral Alliance working with us to advocate for these changes.
MOTHER IS HOME WITH THE GROCERIES, SHE IS HERE TO FEED US
THANK GOD, WE WERE STARVING
She has brought us sustenance.
Now time for father to return home with the MILK
Bit odd... But I get it.... I think
@@adrianagreenia5732OK...
As a nurse that has actively called at 2am to get pricing from multiple funeral homes, it’s in their interest and mine to post it online
Post it online or I will find your home number and wake you up!
@@EnbyGaemer2005 it’s just the business number, funeral homes are always on-call
Talk about going above and beyond for families. Thank you, kind soul.
I agree that it would be convenient for you and a great business practice, but to require it (with punishment, which is what law is all about) is uncalled for. I don't agree to make it required. Let business practices dictate how to get their customers.
Please please please use the link Caitlin listed above to tell the FTC that story. It is EXACTLY what they need to hear.
Thank you!
Years ago I had a funeral home owner tell me that if a child died 18 or under there was no charge to the family. He said "they're already going through enough. How could I in good conscious ask for or want to get money from these people" That always stuck with me
What a lovely and beautiful gesture. Sometimes those are the tiny things you remember that make you seek them out.
I work in a hospital and have called for families frequently who have lost babies they cannot afford to bury. It’s heartbreaking.
When I was pregnant with my first things did not look good. (She's 18 now) I went to a funeral home to plan things. Having extensive training in death and dying I lost my 💩 when they wouldn't give me a price list. I HAVE A RIGHT TO THIS!!! I didn't need a price list because everything I wanted was free for pregnancy/neonatal loss. 😢
Best possible answer from them, and congratulations on your 18 y/o!! (If she's like any other 18 y/o, she'll start to like you again in 3-5 years)@@intorainbowzOG
On one hand yeah, on the other hand… isn’t everyone with a dead loved one going through enough?
I live in a very rural area in Scotland. We have a wonderful local funeral director, who consistently goes above and beyond to make the funeral process easier for the families. During covid restrictions they published precise routes and timings that the hearse would be taking to the graveyard so that all those who wished to pay their respects could go and stand by the roadside as the hearse went past to support the grieving families without breaching covid lockdown rules. At a recent large funeral there were roadworks outside the church, and the funeral director coordinated with the road workers to keep the lights green until the entire churches worth of mourners were able to follow the hearse on to the graveyard. I would absolutely go to them for a funeral for these reasons. But they still publish their prices online in a clear and easily understandable way, because it's the right thing to do.
That's awesome. They clearly are actually in this to serve their community.
Did they ever stop to consider that people aren’t shopping by price because… oh, I don’t know… the prices aren’t AVAILABLE readily to the consumer?!
It's used car salesman mode with the buyer in grief. Yeah, they're objecting because they know they'll make less money if they can't be opaque and time consuming about it.
The old "we can't change the status quo, because that's not what the status quo is" flim-flam
Indeed! They better think this way: if their prices are too high, they could get no sallee instead of reduced profits.
Logic
The unspoken end of the sentence is "consumers don't shop around for funeral homes... because they haven't heard any egregiously scammy things about the place they went with, and decided to just go with it because they're exhausted by grief."
I think posting their prices online speaks volumes already about the ethics and empathy of the people who run a funeral home. NOBODY wants to show up to a funeral home expecting to be able to afford a traditional burial and be told "welp... you've already transferred Grandma's remains to us. But you can't afford the "traditional burial" package. You've got to either take her out of here, go into massive debt or cremate her against her last wishes. Choose! 🤡"
About 20 years ago, my mother died and my father had a heart attack right after it happened. My siblings and I were focused on our father. When we realized this was going to be a long recovery we decided that cremation was the best option for our mom. I went to a funeral home just to have my mother cremated. I was upfront and told the man I wasn't some grieving daughter so not to try and take advantage. The first price list I got I opened my purse and pulled out a red pen and started crossing stuff off. I got down to the line that said "I could supply my own cardboard box." I asked them where to get it because I wasn't paying hundreds of dollars for a cardboard box. In the end I got their 5000+ bill down to $736 dollars. That was my first funeral home experience.
Iconic
Shouldn't have to be this way.
But fair play to you.
As heartless as it may seem. It's better to just not claim the bodies. Cities, counties, and states have processes in place to provide cremation and burial services for people in their communities who lack financial resources. It is an aspect of our civilized society that often goes unnoticed.
Good job! I want to provide my own box (cremation container lol) so I can decorate it before I'm put in it. Average cardboard body box cost about $150, $200 with plastic liner + stiff bottom.
@@luismarmol591 - You still pay for it with your taxes.
My dad passed 3 weeks ago, and knowing how much a funeral would cost and what he wanted, we did a days worth of researching our options. We found a cremation services that clearly list their prices, were very communicative and didn’t push anything. A total of $1300 for everything. It was pleasant surprise in a tough time.
Sorry for your loss
Where was this?
@@suzannebosjolie7532it was the Philadelphia Cremation Society. I think for a small fee they will go to NJ and Del, or the Philly suburbs in PA.
When my father found out he was dying he planned his funeral and bought his modest pine casket on Amazon for less than $1000 and services were held at our local Church Parish. I always admired that about my dad, he said he didn’t want his family dealing with planning while they were grieving.
"We don't like to be forced into anything," says the Funeral Director as he forces grieving families to do the things.
🎯🎯🎯🎯
He failed to hear the irony in his own statement
Right on OP! @mjustjeanette has hit the nail on the head! Those snakes need to be stopped.
My brother passed away last July, we were devastated. My mom went to the funeral home that our family has used for generations. When my mom mentioned she didn't have any money they politely pushed her out the door! She got this reaction at 5 more homes. Defeated and in tears at this point she went to a funeral home that was actually a block away from her home. THEY WERE SO KIND! They told her not to worry, they would take care of everything. The empathized, no mom should have to buy her son! They gave my brother a beautiful service and allowed my mom to make payments!They made the worst time in our life so much easier🙏
pass the word around, maybe they'll go out of business. karma's a bitch.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I'm also appalled by how your Mother was treated. Incredibly disrespectful and unnecessary at such a vulnerable time. 😢
Sending love from 🇨🇦 x🙏🏼
I totally agree. Especially in this current economy. People's income has decreased, and everything has gone up in price. Where is the assistance and help for middle (now low-class) families? Treating your mother and family as if we are only cash up front in our time of need. Work with the families in their time of need.
There was a historical tour at a local cemetery, the cemetery director told my mom and I on how the were going to put in a giant new fountain in. If I had to pay more for a funeral because they want to put in a new fountain in that wouldn't even be able to enjoy. Let me tell you I would become Casper the unfriendly ghost and haunt that cemetery director for the rest of their living and dead life.
Just one of the many reasons on why I am going to be become soil when I die.
These people should be ashamed of themselves. Hope Karma makes a visit when they are in need!
I just started in the funeral industry, and I am very comforted that my funeral home already has all of these things. From the get-go, my boss was very clear that when people call in, we need to get their email to email them the pricing information, make sure that we’re updating our prices online, and he requires that only people who are trained can ask about embalming because he wants to make sure that we do mention to families that embalming is not required by law. Definitely agree with you! I found the more transparent I am with families, the more I notice I have a good relationship with them.
Bravo my friend! You and your workplace are very admirable people. That's what the industry was meant to do, to actually help people in their time of need, not hold them hostage, as so many others do! All the best to you and everyone at your company. ❤
Two weeks ago, my wife and I flew to California and buried two sets of ashes in two different cemeteries there. one cemetery charged over $2000 for the interment, including $400 for the plastic box to put the urn in. We are still negotiating about $2500 for a marker, which we are willing to pay because there’s an unused lot that my step mother-in-law might be able to sell for a tidy sum. The cemetery will charge another $1600 to transfer the title on the lot. Maybe someday you’d like to do an episode on buying and selling cemetery lots. I’ve learned a lot from this experience.
Yikes that's crazy. My late husband's parents have about an acre lot that their house sits on, so I was really gad that they'd turned a part of it into a small family cemetery. I don't have any property but if I ever do, I'll do the same thing.
Good grief! My son was declared brain dead in a hospital hours away from home. The social worker brought in a funeral person while my son was still on life support hours away from donating his organs. The guy tried to sell us a fancy casket to be cremated in and a fancy urn for his cremains. All while I was just desparate to get back to my son's room to be with him. It was painfully awful and I was keening. We had to prepay 3500 dollars for Henry to be cremated in a cardboard box and put in a baggie. It was disgusting. I hate this industry.
The social worker and the funeral home should be ashamed of themselves. You were in pain and grieving, knowing you were losing your son, and you should have been left alone to spend that time with him, not dealing with their sorry butts. I am so sorry you had to go through that, and deeply sorry for your loss.
@@MaryDalton64 Thank you. It was ten years ago, but I am still bothered by that incident.
It’s all about the money. Period
My husband lost his dad and couldn't even get his ashes, let alone get to see him, without shelling out $2500. We were not able to pay it right then, and they did not allow us to make payment arrangements or anything. My poor husband longs for closure.
My condolences ): I also am so sorry to hear that funeral director was trying to sell you a casket at the facility before your son had even passed away yet.. I have never heard of them being that persistent for sales commission. The disgusting way most mainstream funeral firms are with money is why I left the field altogether a few years ago.
Posting of prices should be mandatory all across the board!
In every industry, it was so annoying to be planning a wedding and not knowing if a place or caterer or anything else was within my budget. Trying to navigate that ridiculousness while mourning the death of a loved one would be even worse. Let me know prices so I can not waste both of our time
I get from your meaning you want to punish businesses that don't make information convient to you. Isn't educating ourselves and preparing for our funerals (something Caitlin teaches us) OUR responsibility?
@@ColynWard To educate ourselves we need access to the data, the information of the matter.
Therefore accessibility to that information without forcing people to waste time and money, or excluding the deaf community or anyone else that has problems making phone calls is key in order to be an informed consumer.
The businesses that don't provide that are punishing people without time and money to spare and the deaf community, so yes, I think they should be held accountable for that.
There is literally no reason to not disclose your prices easily and free instead of paying someone to be answering the phone. I guess if you don't like the idea it is because you figure that customers won't choose you if they can compare prices and that will mean more loss of revenue than paying a receptionist
@@michelleechlin6245 While I agree as a good business practice pricing should be posted online by all businesses some like weddings are planned in advance so in theory there is time to shop around. With funerals, time is of the essence and is something where a quick decision must be made.
Over My Dead Body
Sadly, my husband passed away on August 30th from pancreatic cancer, we just had his funeral yesterday. When choosing which funeral home to work with, I automatically excluded any that did not post their prices online. I didn't want to be "pitched to". It's in funeral homes best interest to post their prices online, unless, of course, they are price gouging. As a side note, the hospice nurse and I cleaned and dressed my husband after he passed, an act I felt comfortable doing thanks to this TH-cam channel. It seemed very soothing felt very right, to make sure he was clean and dressed properly before he was taken out of the door. I would never have had the courage to do that, if not for Caitlins videos and books on death rituals in other cultures.
Thanks to you, Caitlin, we knew what to ask for when making arrangements with the funeral home for my Dad. I requested, "direct cremation, all inclusive" and the funeral home representative stared a me and asked where I had heard that information. I happily told him, "Caitlin Doughty! She has a youtube channel called Ask a Mortician!" Thank you for helping us get funeral arrangements that our family was happy with and could afford.
If they would post their prices online that would make everything so much easier, but until then if I know someone who is thinking about cremation then I let them know to ask for direct cremation all inclusive.
As a pastor for over 25 years, I wholeheartedly support upfront, online pricing and transparency about what is actually legally required in the area. Far too many funeral directors manipulate vulnerable, grieving folks into spending thousands of dollars that they don't have to spend. No one should EVER have to go in debt for the funeral of a loved one. I'm asking all of my colleagues to offer comments in support of the updated regulations at the FTC website. Thanks so much for alerting us! Enjoy your sabbatical and keep up the good work when you're back!
bro why is your name heretic if you're a pastor lmao
@@YoungDeathWishIt's in honor of Origen, a pastor and teacher in the early church who is sometimes labeled a heretic because of his unwavering belief that God would not rest until every single part of creation (including every human being) was reconciled to God (saved). He is often considered the ancestor of what we could call inclusivism or universalism. I've always said if Origen was a heretic, then I'll gladly wear that label as well. And yes, I'm a pastor. I have a doctoral degree and I've served in ministry for more than 25 years now.
Don’t know you’ll read this but you’ve send me a very interesting rabbit hole with Origen and universalism, which I didn’t even know about till now. Thanks!
@@elif6908 Glad to hear it! He's one of my all time favorite figures from history.
@@YoungDeathWishOrigen - Heretic. It’s a play on words in Christianity.
This is long, fair warning.
Last month my father passed away in South Dakota. Two days later, my uncle passed away in California. Neither of them had saved any money for end of life expenses. My uncle's arrangements were handled by his close friends as my mother and I were already dealing with my father's arrangements. As an avid follower of this channel, I got online and started researching options. We wanted the very basics: a cremation and the remains shipped to us. The assisted living home my father was living in had an agreement with a local mortuary, so his body was sent there before we were able to make a decision (my older sister is the person legally allowed to make that decision and she wanted nothing to do with the matter, not even to pass the duty to me).
We received the estimate for the simple cremation and shipping and it was close to $4000. I called the other mortuary in town (smallish town, only 2 options) and their prices were comparable. I also saw that if we did want to go with a different funeral home, we would have to pay for the transfer of the body. We attempted to negotiate the price down, but were told that these prices were regulated and the home could not go any lower. Part of the high cost of a simple cremation was transporting the remains to a larger metropolitan area as the town he passed away in did not have a crematorium. This attributed $400 to the cost. The other option was to deny responsibility for the remains and walk away. Even though I was estranged from my father, this was not an option. A few days after we paid the deposit, we received my father's ashes in a large plastic bag in a tasteful black cardboard box. $3800. My mom spoke to her brother's friends a couple days later and was told how much his cremation costs were. $750. Shipping the ashes to us was only $100.
Yes, we live in a capitalist economy and everyone is free to make a profit. The disconnect for me is the lack of or arbitrary use of regulations, especially when dealing with death. Let's say we had wanted a water cremation for my father? Yes, I know they are more expensive. It doesn't matter, because South Dakota hasn't approved it as a legal method for handling remains. I can be charged $4000 for a cremation, the transport of the body to the facility (146 miles, round trip), shipping, and a tasteful black cardboard box, but aquamation is a no go.
I am not saying things are wonderful in other states. While looking into sustainable options, I visited the website of a well known cemetery. Entering the site, I was greeted with a pop up announcement that I could currently get a free cremation when purchasing one of their green burial packages. Starting at $8500. Without the cremation. And under an already established tree.
The quick decisions that need to be made after the passing of a family member or loved one should be made with a level head. Expecting the living relatives to set aside their grief, shock, and multitudes of other emotions (and decisions) so they can negotiate the price of honoring the dead is abhorrent. I find it hard to believe that we cannot find a solution that allows those working in the funeral industry to make a profit and pay their staff but also protects the consumers at their most vulnerable from being ripped off.
To the gentleman who said the living aren't concerned with cost when handling the death of a loved one? We absolutely are concerned. The problem is, you aren't listening.
If you made it this far, thank you for taking the time. If you are here because you also have a story like this, I hope you are well and healing.
ETA: I added this story to the forums in the link in the description of this video the same day I posted here.
Pre-arrange everything so the family left behind won’t have to worry about it. It’s the kindest thing you can do for your family.
As a Fellow South Dakotan and child of parents who want to be cremated, with one suffering from serious, if well managed health problems, I have to say your comment was enlightening to read, if not least because I now have a price for what to expect. Down to possibly having the same round trip mileage if my assumption about where the crematorium is correct. I'm sorry for your loss, even if your relationship with your father was complicated, but I hope you at least find some comfort in the fact your experience has helped prepare one other person who will find themselves in a similar position to yourself one day soon.
I agree with Mary.
Pre arrange as much as possible.
I'm also wondering if when your father was placed in the assisted living home there must have been paperwork terms and conditions.
That may have stated or have an pre arranged agreement with a local mortuary
With a check box with the opt out.
if you don't require that service,
or that service is automatically enrolled as a patient of that assisted living home..
..
It does sound like each state has Interpreted laws differently but agree 4000 seems a bit steep.
..
I'm like you I have no problems with a company making a profit even a healthy one.
theres a point where it just becomes greed.
More Dakotians people need to contact the political representative and ask for better customer service...
It's also a factor if there's not much competition in the area will also have an impact on pricing..
..
You still did the right thing even if your relationship wasn't the best.
You now have closure.
In my town in Ontario, Canada, a few years ago a crematorium opened with a posted basic cremation online price of 1500.00 CA then posted prices additional for urns etc. A lot of people I know have sent their loved one there and have a celebration of life at home the big funeral homes are not happy with this company because they're loosing money ...too bad, it's the family's decision
Sending big hugs to you and sorry for your loss. Also what a crazy story and I feel sad that a death is becoming a profit margin
I absolutely hate haggling and price shopping. But thanks to your channel I finally had a conversation with my father about his final wishes and he said he just wants a simple burial / funeral for as cheap as possible so when the time comes I will just have to remind myself it is literally what Dad would have wanted ...
My Dad has cancer and is declining fairly quickly. But I'm awfully grateful for these videos for educating me so I'll be able to help my Mom once Dad passes. Thank you ❤
Start preparing now, if you're able. Some funeral homes will let you file pre-need plans, pending life insurance when the death occurs.
After my mother's dad died, the 11 living children had a heyday trying to settle both funeral plans and his estate. Her mother was determined this wasn't happening when she passed. She went to the funeral home and made all the arrangements in advance. Some of it she paid over time and some was left owing, set to be covered by her life insurance.
I don't know what families did before finals became such a racket for unscrupulous funeral homes, but maybe we need to go back to that setup!
Who on Earth ever woke up one morning and thought I'd like for my hero to be a mortician/funeral director? And yet here she is! Caitlin is the hero we didn't know we need!😍
True
When my MIL died from COVID-19 complications in 2020, I took the reins of her funeral so that my husband wouldn't have to deal with it. I asked him what she had wanted, shopped online and by phone making lists as I went, then presented the options to my husband so that he had an informed choice for his mother. Thank God I found you, Caitlyn, long before COVID-19 happened. I had a good idea of what to do. My MIL had a simple cremation in a cardboard box, her cremains were delivered to us three days later, and we had to wait six months for the travel ban to be lifted so that we could take her to Michigan for burial next to her husband. It turned into a family reunion and greatly eased everyone's grief. I'm so grateful for your channel. I was able to take my husband burden and be an informed consumer, to advocate for what he wanted, and what my MIL wanted, too. Thank you, Caitlyn.
It seems that instead of a cry fest your MIL had a much more positive remembrance. So glad you found Caitlyn before you and your husband were possibly taken advantage of.
Stay safe. ✌🏼
@@randibgood Thank you.
@@crimsonanna1980
More than welcome!
That is a beautiful story.
We just had a Simple Cremation, too.
The reason that "consumers don't shop that way" in my small town is because we don't have the options. My town has one funeral home. Unless my family wants to go an hour away for their service (which they don't), our options are limited.
As a retired pastor and Army Chaplain, I can a test to the need for on line posting of funeral pricing. Most people only ask themselves, “Will my loved ones insurance or estate cover this expense.” This question and the emotions at the moment lead to inflated costs. Thank for giving us a way of sharing our voice on the topic.
Hearing the word "consumers" in the context of the funeral business is wild. My dad died this February and we're still paying for his cremation. There's nothing more tiring than thinking "it's too expensive to die".
What would happen if you just said "fuck it, I'm not paying that"
@devilsbeard653 they keep call us consumers, but we haven't even eaten any of them... yet.
Maybe we should start to eat them(the rich).
@@RM-ti8nf maybe they'll rehydrate my dad or something
The word consumer conveniently shifts the blame of pollution waste, landfill away from corporations - so that the latter is NOT left with the bill for recycling or the pollution..
..
Because the "consumers" are the ones "causing" the pollution...
Sleight of hand
It boggles my mind they didn't go with "Client". Feels like I'm missing some legal context.
I think not having prices and options posted online in an industry that EVERYONE will one day need to call upon is absolutely predatory. The reason people are against posting prices online simply boils down to greed. If they are forced to be transparent, they can't rake a grieving family over the coals financially. Please keep speaking out about this.
It's in the industry's best interest to disclose prices.
Woe be unto any funeral director that is predatory pricing when I'm grieving and emotional and stressed out having to make calls and visits. I'm protective enough everyday about my family and my money. I already know I'd lose it. More people from my generation will start having to deal with this and they'll have to deal with a lot crazy.
I submitted a thoughtful comment to the FTC. The more we make our voices heard, the more likely we are to see positive change. 💟
GURL!!!! Gurl.. we missed you, mama. It’s good to still see you so passionate & learned & active in these issues. My faith is renewed 🖤😭🖤😭
Ah yes the, "Our customers never complain about our food bills. They don't need to know the prices of food before they buy it." method of price disclosure.
" its my coachella"❤
I work at a hospice house in a pretty rural area, and I promise you the vast majority of the families I work with are choosing a funeral home based solely on price.
Not surprised. I'd do the same. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.
I can imagine! Until that law changes, here's an idea for Deathlings or Order of the Good Death, which I'm sure have enough fans around the country to make this a reality: Deathlings go around to funeral homes in their area and ask for their prices. Post them online into a centralized database, maybe using Google Maps, along with when the prices were last updated. Families could then search said database for their location and indeed shop by price. It could also link to the Google Reviews of each funeral home, so they could see not only the price, but what other families thought of it, all in one place.
Not the Lion's Club???
Thank God you came back! I've reached an age where I tend to identify more with the corpse than the bereaved. You have no idea just how much of the sting you take out of that - please don't stay away too long! (More of your documentaries would be brilliant! Nobody approaches them like you do!)
I wish there were more videos being made . I really appreciate this channel.
Thanks Caitlin for doing the legwork for us . We’re turning 70 and these matters are concerning us
It's so great that Caitlin is educating folks. It is our personal responsibility to be educated -- especially about matters that are "concerning us." But to require that a government dictate how you run your business? What did the Boomers get in faces about again?
@@ColynWard You can't expect a business to do things voluntarily that will cut into their bottom line just out of the goodness of their hearts. As Kaitlyn said, "Hidden prices are higher prices". Higher prices are higher PROFITS. Businesses will look out for their profits first and foremost. You have to regulate this kind of thing or they JUST. WON'T. DO IT.
And as a disabled person who's just dealt with this twice in the last 18 months, it'd have helped me avoid some real serious BS if I'd been able to look up pricing online when my aunt and biological father died.
Absolutely. I'm a mom of a special needs son, and also getting of an age that these matters concern me. I have to make all decisions now, because there will be no one to make them later.
@colynward7806 when it's in the best interest of consumers, yes, the government should indeed tell people, "how to run their businesses" insofar as it protects people from bs overpricing and demands clarity so people don't get snowed by ambiguous statements and practices, especially when they're already in a mind fog from dealing with the loss of a loved one. The funeral industry in particular is marred with far too many examples of questionable business practices and selling people nonsensical and very unnecessary services and products in times of extreme stress. "DON'T YOU WANT THE BEST FOR YOUR MOTHER?!?". That's why those folks in the video are saying a consultation is necessary - they're nothing more than sales people.
@@ColynWard They got in faces repeatedly about price gouging and selling nonfunctional "medicine". They got in faces to compel the government to do something about companies using asbestos and other toxic chemicals. They got in faces so that cigarette companies no longer could say smoking was harmless.
Watching a new Caitlin video feels like visiting your cool aunt that you only get to see once or twice a year but everytime you do, it’s a blast 🖤
Absolutely agree! (even if I am a bit older than her)
@@benjie128 Many people are older than their aunt!
Yes! Agreed
@@benjie128 Yeah. . .I didn't realize that I graduated from college in the same year she was born!
My father passed in Dec 2021 and he had made all of the arrangements 20 years prior. He even wrote his obituary so we wouldn’t have to. The funeral home had changed hands before Dad’s death, and they still honored their contract. His contract was one of the few that didn’t “get lost” in the transition from one owner to the next.
I’m sad that I still haven’t written his obit yet. Lots of dads. I’m so sorry ❤
At 9:40. This honestly gave me a good chuckle. I'm an '83 baby. Glad to see an '84 baby keeping it real with the "Are You Afraid of the Dark" references. "The Tale of the Clearer Embalming Disclosure" SHOULD DEFINITELY be an episode of AYAOTD!!!
I'm 1983 (March 24th).
Yea I used to watch it alot too 👍🏻
We pick our restaurants based on how much their menu costs; we avoid the ones that are "priceless". Funeral expenses should be the same.
Comparing restaurants and funerals is just weird. Quality of the food is a better criteria for restaurant choices.
@@therose5783 The point is that you still avoid the ones without prices listed on their menu.
When my grandmother was cremated and her cremains buried next to my grandfather, my mother was looking at the urns and shocked at how expensive they all were. Since she was going to buried and not placed in our home, my mother didn’t see the point in spending so much money on something no one would ever see. She asked the funeral director if she had to select something from their stock or if she could use something she already had. They told her she could use anything she wanted. So mother called me and said grandma had a box my woodworking grandfather had made before he passed away, that was about the same size as the urns.She asked if I thought it was appropriate and okay to bury grandma’s ashes in grandpa’s box even if it was an incredibly simple and unadorned box. I told her truthfully that I could think of nothing more beautiful. If grandma had thought of it and known it was possible, this is exactly what she would have wanted, the most sentimental urn possible that also saves a lot of money - perfection.
And that plain box would have meant far more to the family than any fancy "all Bells & whistles" Urn.
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I enjoyed reading this..thank you for sharing...
@@stuartd9741 You got that right! The only other person who had a say in it was my brother who agreed. When a few family members saw the box/urn at the services, they were touched by it too. So I guess people did see it after all, but only a few (it was a very small, private service). Even if the urn had a place of honor on our mantle, it was still an incredibly beautiful and fitting urn.
I have a beautiful, hand carved wooden hinged box from Kenya (from the old Pier One) that has been used by family and friends to hold the plain cremation box at a memorial service. I asked the florist to make a simple floral box cover from a few carnations and ribbon. It was beautiful…🌸🌿🌼
@@grannyplants1764 That does sound really beautiful.
@amygunnells7381 - When our guardianee died, all we had done was a cremation. The "cremains" arrived in the same kind of metal cannister that paint comes in, except new and unused for paint of course. We had a "celebration of life" for him at the facility where he lived, attended by 100s of people and many speakers. I had printed out a big pile of photos that people took. There was no display of ashes at all. We eventually cast his ashes in a place he particularly loved and recycled the cannister.
PS 1: We cast his ashes to the breeze so he could fly free of his wheelchair.
However, I suggest you do not do that unless there is at least a gale blowing. His ashes soared up into the sky, then right straight back down all over us. I even got some in my mouth. They were too heavy for the breeze to carry away. I am glad it was just us 2 and no other, sqeamish onlookers.
PS 2: At the celebration of life, our guardianee's music therapist played his "favorite" music, some folk songs. While it was a nice touch that the attendees appreciated, whenever he rode with us in the car, he would always fiddle with the radio dial until he found head-banging metal music, the kind we would have to turn off periodically for a brain break!
Other than affordable prices, seeing empathy and open with the process of everything is what someone is looking for in a funeral home during such a hard time.
When the lobbyist for the funeral industry starting talking it reminded me of the movie Thank You for smoking. Hocking lies professionally. A strongly recommended watch!
Much love as always Caitlin. 🖤
i couldn't have asked for ANY channel to upload today more than ask a mortician, so happy to see you back!
so excited
@@JokeswithMitochondria hey mate i got curious about ur name so decided to check out ur profile. Your entire channel is a mood rofl
@@sterlingarcher8041 omg thank you for pointing this out lol. Made my day
She was letting her hair grow back to normal
I shopped around for an inexpensive, immediate cremation for my mom a year before she passed. The ranges were very broad...but I got one for 2K and this guy was great. I had done Mom's post-mortem care (with tips I learned from YOU!!) and laid her out at home. She was picked up in the late afternoon and we met at the funeral home in the morning. He had laid her out in a viewing room (which I had not expected)...and my kids and I decorated the cardboard box in which she would be cremated, with colorful markers with little hearts and loving sentiments. We followed the hearse to the crematory and the people there allowed my son, who has a brain injury, to turn the knob that fired up the retort. My son felt good helping to send his grandma off to her next big adventure. She was later buried in another state, with her husband...and I became a Death Doula! And YOU, Caitlin, have so much to do with how all that fell into place!
This story is so heartwarming and precious. Good for you, love 💜
This is wonderful. I have learned a lot from Caitlin and The Order. I now want to be composted, instead of cremated. I'm glad it will be in either states I will be in California or Washington.
@@anonymouslabera Thanks so much!
ya but they should pay you to dump your body in the woods. 12:34
Condolences.
Beautiful story. Congrats on becoming a Death Doula. It's a beautiful path. 😊
Blessings, former hospice worker.
After 30+ years in ordained ministry--as well as a stint as a Funeral Home Bookkeeper--I agree with everything you said. Thank you for enduring the heat for us.
Thanks for doing this video. I left a comment on the FTC websitem, it was very easy.
My daughter and I owe you a debt of gratitude, Caitlin! We were able to "shop around" when my mother died at the height of the Covid-19 pandemic (of natural causes). An African-American funeral home provided direct cremation for one-fifth the price of the one across the street from the hospital where she died. We are all equal in death, but not so much in wealth or class levels!
That's amazing! That's exactly the kind of situation where better price transparency would encourage competition and help drive prices down across the board. Fewer people are going to go to that 5× higher place if a quick google is all it takes to let them know how much better it is across the road.
When my partner's sister passed away unexpectedly last year, we chose a funeral home specifically BECAUSE they posted their entire price list (with all of the little weird fees) online. She died 850 miles away from where we live, so we didn't have the ability to drive around town price shopping, nor did we have connections to a specific funeral home. One place wanted us to submit a request for a quote like it was car insurance or something. No thank you, we will go with transparency every time. At the one we chose, they were very no-nonsense in person, too, which is exactly what my partner needed.
Same. Father in law died earlier this year at my brother in law's home in another city and they had no idea what to do. I had to find a funeral home to take the body and do all the stuff that needed doing, so obviously, I looked online. Lots of fancy websites and places offering extra special services (like grief counselling) but if there was no price list posted, they were instantly excluded from the search. After a few hours' research I had two affordable options to present to the family to choose from and they were very happy with the choice they made.
I am so glad that you both were able to find that sense of transparency
I agree, they need to have pricing online (since everything else is friggin online anyway).
And my MIL may have watched a video of yours (or maybe not) but when her mother and father passed we had a viewing for grandma without embalming right in the funeral home. They did an amazing job and she looked so peaceful.
THANK YOU Cait, for being so death positive and looking out for both the living and the dead.
My dad had no life insurance and died suddenly. My brother and I were in our 20s and broke. We took up collections at church to pay for his cremation. We all gathered at church and my brother and i asked everyone to share their favorite stories about dad. Everyone laughed so hard at the dad stories we were crying.
My gosh, I need Caitlin in my life to just help me remember that there are good people, who don’t just want to screw people over at every corner. We love you, madam.
Amen! Caitlin is one of those good, decent human beings.
Word
Amen to that..
Former Indiana FD for 6 years here. Having a policy that requires embalming to view the body is such manipulative bullshit. Viewing is a crucial part in processing grief and adding that financial pressure to families is wildly corrupt. That was one of my biggest pet-peeves at the firm I worked at.
Also glad to see you back (:
In the Netherlands it’s not common to embalm. They put a cooling unit under the coffin so that you still can have a viewing without any problems.
@@Fievelavie that is super cool! No pun intended, lol (: My funeral home had a large cooler that bodies could reside in, but I had never heard of the cooling unit for viewings as you described. It sounds amazing and like quite the innovation for people who can’t afford to or just simply don’t want to embalm.
@@FievelavieOh, I like that! Canada should adopt that practice!
@@cthulhuuhoop in the Netherlands it’s also normal to have the viewing at your own home instead of a funeral home/church. That’s also why a cooling unit is convenient.
Ack, I don't want anyone viewing me. There's always the busy bodies who comment on the makeup or you're puffy or the hair is wrong or a million other things. No viewing, period. No embalming, either. If I could just be rolled down the hill to the river, that'd be great. Sadly, there has to be a funeral home involved so take me from the morgue to a cheap coffin and plant me in the ground asap. Done and done.
Lions Club is a charity helping blind and poor sighted people. When I was young I was volunteering with them in Hungary
Thank goodness for Caitlin. 🖤 Out there for us and the funeral industry having to deal with smug attitudes like those two on stage during the meeting.
Thank you Ms. Caitlin for advocating for changes in this predatory industry
Now let's get back to wanting to de-regulate everything...
Another side to the "people don't shop around, they go where their family always goes" is that it glosses over the high likelihood that the funeral home used to be a small business but has since been bought out by one of the large funeral corporations that purposefully don't change the name so you think it's still the same people running the home. That funeral home may have been great service and decently priced 20 years ago, but is that still true now?
"People don't shop by price because we don't want to let them."
That part. It screams "scam."
This OP's comment is so right! It's highly dishonest! Another part of their plan to hold families hostage.
I didn't know how much I missed you until you and your bangs graced my screen again ❤
I have literally been binge watching every video you've ever made ... over the past two months. I probably have 10 left to watch. Thank you for a BRAND NEW UPDATE! You are the Deathling Queen 👑 and WE NEED YOU!!!!! ❤❤❤ ALL HAIL THE DEATHLING QUEEN 👑 ☠️ PS You have helped me figure out my own funeral planning and arrangements (now finished) for a natural home burial and wake on my own property in Virginia. In a cardboard coffin or shroud. In a fenced in family plot. I am so grateful for all the encouragement and advice and I feel confident and at peace. 🕊️ ⚰️
I was so sad to hear about the dad who had to discuss funeral costs after his 4 year’s death. Here in the UK a lot of things are a mess, and getting worse, but children’ funerals, from stillborn babies 24 weeks plus, up to 18 year olds are paid for by the government.
I live in the UK, but since I don't have kids and thankfully do not know anyone who's lost a child, I had no idea this was a thing. I'm grateful for this information - especially since, as you rightly said, things are getting from bad to worse here.
Wow😮❤
This was news to me. I don't know what your issues are, but at least you are not living with Capitalism without compassion. Once again proving the UK is more civilized, more humane than the US government is.
The time immediately following a child's death the LAST thing the family, with limited resources, should have to worry about is not being able to afford a funeral.
@@karenfitzpatrick6256I’m so sick of the USAs extreme capitalism that bankrupts people for getting sick. I’m in Canada. I felt a lump in my breast at the end of August. I’ve already had my first chemotherapy treatment. Your insurance companies tell lies about other countries because they know that they will go out of business if you get universal healthcare.
@@karenfitzpatrick6256too bad he's living oppression without autonomy. He may not be able to defend his family with a gun, but at least the government paid for his losses 😁
I remember my dad looking through the Yellow Pages in 1972 the day mom died. His concern was a Catholic operated funeral home. I later saw the bill for the embalming services etc. $2000. That sounded high then. Worse, cremation wasn't offered. The church allowed it then. Dad later chose cremation for himself and the funeral home in Tucson where he died tried to sell my sister a casket. She refused that. Holy cards, a traditional way of rembering the deceased, one of the staff told my sis not to bother, no one took them. Saved money right there. I on the other hand almost got stuck paying $750 to reopen the double burial grave of my mom because the urn was too big. They offered a cheap, plastic coffin shaped urn instead. My friend who was with me read my mind and refused it and said surely you have other urns, you've dealt with this before? Just then her boss came by asked what the problem was, when told he went and got a lovely small brass rectangular urn that they were no longer carrying. We got it for free. You shouldn't have to do this type of stuff when you aren't in top form. Fortunately I had a friend with me and my sister had her husband.
The funeral home we had my sister cremated at wanted to charge us $300 for a cardboard box. I heard my father on the phone with them when they said that. I started yelling in the background, "Bullshit! I'll go to the dumpster behind Best Buy and get a fucking refrigerator box for free!" As it was, we only had $1100 to cremate her and their price was $1600. They agreed on the $1100 and then brought up the box as an extra charge. In the end, we paid $1100 and they even threw in a Maloney's Funeral Home shopping bag to carry the box of ashes. I use the bag for grocery shopping.
@@WastedTalent-scary
Thank u for the reminder of how insane the pricing breakdown has been. We didn’t choose embalming bc I don’t want my parents going through that after having watched so much Six Feet under.
Thank you for sharing this. I am a hospice social worker and I know that pricing is VERY important to people, especially if they are on a fixed income and on government assistance. I filled out the comment section via the link you provided and I hope that things change for the better for consumers of the funeral industry.
As someone who works for a hospital, we are required to post pricing online now. All Healthcare entities, I'm including the funeral service, should be required to post all pricing. It is in our best interest to take care of our patients.
They should require prices lists to be published by healthcare as well. The range of prices for the same services are wild!
I wholeheartedly agree! Right now, all we really have to go on is rankings for various criteria. I live in a small city, adjacent to a college town, and our local hospital received the lowest score for sending people out for unnecessary tests, which was on the local news and area newspapers. Now, people are learning they can't trust them in other areas also, but there are also some grumblings around that the hospital is struggling financially. However, if you get hurt or have a major illness out of office hours, chances are that you'll be told you must be transferred to the state teaching hospital, 3 hours away, and if you refuse, insurance will not pay for your care at our local hospital. This isn't because we don't have doctors in town who can handle it competently, which was the case 16 years ago when I first moved here, but because the specialist doesn't feel like coming into the hospital to work on the patient. I'll let you guess how many of the patients die in transit, as those numbers aren't reported, to my knowledge.
@@LeejaClane yes. The hospital may be under restrictions due to poor patient care outcomes. So they are reduced in the services they are able to provide. Medicare is the largest payer and is usually the ones who do that to hospitals. The hospital most likely lost credentials with private payers private health insurance) so they won’t get reimbursed for services rendered to the beneficiaries of the insurer.
Common hospital procedure prices are, at least in Indiana.
@@OkikaHawaii I'm aware that can and does happen. In this case, that's sadly not what's happened... Yet.
As a healthcare worker, I am amazed at the range of prices. Paying out of pocket is cheaper than using insurance, they skyrocket the prices when insurance is involved.
I finally paid off my moms cremation but I couldn’t afford to pay for a funeral. We all went to a coffee shop wearing her favorite color. She would have died with excitement at being put into a coffee can ❤
I wish I'd met your Mom,sounds like we would've become great friends ☺
That's good, people should be allowed to move on instead of being stuffed into the ground like coffee.
I went the day after Mom's death to play pinochle with the people we had played with every Tuesday for the last decade. That seemed like the best way to honor her.
I'm sorry that you had to make payments on her cremation. What a horrible monthly reminder. Her's wasn't that expensive and hospice had a fund that is paying about half.
Brightest blessings as you grieve.
Like, coffee grounds?@@Elwood128
My grandmother died years ago, and somehow we still have her ashes in a coffee can in the basement (next to the ashes of the 3 dogs we've had since then). We like to think she'd find it funny.
Your videos helped us help our inlaws through the death and burial process of my brother in law. I can’t express how grateful I am that your videos exist.
I Miss seeing you regularly. Please don't stay away too long.
In the Netherlands we pay a monthly insurance for our own funeral. It is not mandatory, but convenient so that relatives do not have to pay the costs.
You can do that in the US as well, or buy a package when you're young and then it's payed for when you go. A friend of mine's dad died last week so I offered to help him find a reasonably priced place since my dad died about 7 years ago. It turns out his parents pre-paid for their whole package back in the 70's so nothing is out-of-pocket today. Funny thing though, the company they bought it from is now out of business, but the same company that helped us with my dad bought their contracts so it's all good.
@@tarmaque That's what concerns me about that entire practice.... get the money up front. Is escrow required? It used to be a good way for the industry to make money when returns on investment were high... not so sure anymore.
I want to do a prepaid burial plan for myself and spouse and get a family plot but I'm worried about inflation. If I pay for everything today (or this decade) wil it still have value in 4 decades or are they going to force my loved ones to pay additional fees because of inflation?
@@Textile_Courtesan Those are good questions that I don't have the answer to, but as far as I know my friend is having no problems. Of course 40 years of compound interest probably more than pays for any inflation, and they just did direct cremation. For my Dad it was about $1200 7 years ago. If you go to a different place (I will for my Mom) it's only about $800 for direct cremation today. We went with the other one just because my Mom requested it and I had no say.
A Pre-Need.
This past August, my family went through horrors that could have been prevented by all of the above, and I'll explain it so others can be aware.
Note: When I say 'we', I mean my Mom and Uncle, who were my grandparent's kids. 'We' also includes my dad, who was an ER nurse for 28 years, and has been currently a Nurse Practitioner since 2012- he knows how to make hard calls and planned both of his parents' funerals, making him incredibly helpful to everyone. If it weren't for him, I don't know how this would have gone.
1. My grandpa died very suddenly, but he'd already planned for his funeral and everything involved 12 years ago (which he did for my grandma as well, who passed before him, and whose funeral went perfectly). As such, we knew where he was being interred, how he'd be interred, and how much we would realistically have to do.
2. All of this damn near went out the window because the funeral director who had worked with my grandpa was off on vacation and he left someone else in charge, who:
2a. Said the price would be changing (despite the fact that there had been NO explanation of this in the original contract) due to inflation and "times change".
2b. Wanted to charge my grieving family $250 for my Mom/Uncle to ID my grandpa's body (???) DESPITE the fact this had been done by the hospital AND his neighbor WHO FOUND HIM.
3. After my Dad thoroughly wiped the floor with that woman and made sure there would be NO extra charges of any kind anywhere, she then hemmed and hawwed about the date of the services. Note: This was not during Covid. This was not during Flu season. This was not during the heat wave that took out untold thousands. This was, as things go, a boring week. So to give us lip about a time schedule???
4. My parents had to go back and forth with the funeral home office and my grandpa's Doctor to get the Death Cert signed. In the MIDDLE OF A PHONE CALL with the doctor explaining they were still waiting on the FH's paperwork, the FH CALLED THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE to CONFIRM A FAX# THEY'D BEEN GIVEN THREE DAYS PRIOR. My grandpa died on a Monday- the FH did not get their shit sent until FRIDAY. And then said as they were closed on weekends, they couldn't finish anything else until THE NEXT. MONDAY.
5. My grandpa served in two military branches (technically three) during his lifetime (he was a Certified Badass). He lived in FL for the grand majority of his life after retirement (pretty patriotic state, wouldn't you argue?). The FH, when we asked for an honor guard, said they'd likely have 'trouble getting anyone so last minute' (again...he died on a Monday. They got their shit together that Friday. We heard nothing from them during the weekend. Monday they said the service MIGHT be on Wednesday, which it was. Time???? Not found????)
My brother, who served, ended up getting TWO of the three branches represented at his funeral. All he had to do was make ONE phone call, and they gave my grandpa every inch of honored service he deserved.
6. They got the dates wrong on the prayer cards, morning of the service. By the time we finished, they had fixed them, but it was too late- the guests already had the incorrect ones. I have a correct one because I was too busy bawling my eyes out entering, so I didn't think to grab one, and only thought about it as I left because I was tossing my gross tissues out, and that's when I overheard my parents talking about it.
My point:
1. Had the funeral industry been held to any kind of standard work of practice, such as having their prices posted and contracts solidified, we would NOT have gone through part 1, which was when the new person tried to drag out more money from my desperately grieving family. Pre-planning is done for the *express purpose* of making it easier and, yes, cheaper for the family left behind, and the new person pretended like it never existed.
2. If they were held to a service standard, there might have been someone we could have contacted to get someone decent running the show, or at least held them accountable to those higher ups. As we didn't have that, we could only grit our teeth and hold out until the end, since the person causing our misery was the same person we relied on for this service. We could not go with anyone else, since they held the literal keys to my grandpa's place of rest.
Needless to say, my parents are better prepared for what curveballs the FH might try on them. But there shouldn't be any, because if there is one service on this planet that should be stress free, it should be this.
Side note: The line from the rep saying "There is no service that requires posting of prices--"
Yeah, there is: The medical world. Yes, we are also super late on the update, but I know of no one (in my own industry, which is healthcare receptionist!) who wouldn't give someone a price over the phone if they called (only for out-of-pocket, ins is trickier). We would also pull out our price book and spell out every charge (for out-of-pocket pts) if it wasn't complex, like lacerations (it depends on the size, if there are FB involved, jagged or straight, etc).
Just...f-- no. Giving prices will not kill the industry. Giving prices will save a LOT of time, as hospitals and hospices have to call at all hours to get prices from FHs. Know what would solve that? The INTERNET. Prices shown! You can even do asterisks if you're feeling cornered! Just SOME transparency!
Wow, you said it all. Your story is painful & I’m just disgusted at the greed. It takes gutsy people to stand up to these unbelievable predators. Way to stick to your guns. I feel way more educated going forward after your story, thank you
Unbelievable.
Condolences to you and your family.
And that FH should be forced to shut down. That was a flagrant abuse to a family in grief.
@Fanjax Watching Caitlin over the past few years has made me more death positive (as opposed to someone barely giving it a thought). If it weren't for her education, I wouldn't have been able to be there for my folks. I wouldn't have known red flags they didn't see.
But it shouldn't have been like that. At all. No grieving family should have gone through what we did, even with my grandpa, who did everything right beforehand.
But yeah, fuck that home. My parents have their plots picked out in the same cemetery, and you better believe I'll come ready for any garbage they try. I'm embarrassed for the FD and hopefully he heard *something* and will never allow her back.
@sstolarik The only reason I'm not doing a smear campaign is because of how well they handled my grandma's funeral, and there was only one missing component- the Director. I had to fly back home, but my folks who live in the area...I hope my Dad gave it to him when he returned. I haven't asked. Spent too much energy already.
So sorry you went through that. Just wrong! Making my own arrangements and the minute I feel someone is trying to con me I call bullsnickers!😢
This is one of my favorite channels. Please come back 😢
In my state, burials require a concrete vault in addition to a casket. It has something to do with protecting the casket. In addition, state sales tax is charged on all these items. So a casket costing $5000 with a $2000 concrete vault is about $500 in state sales tax.
My mom passed suddenly this March and one of the ways my sister and i got through it was due in huge part to being a veiwer of this channel. Just being okay with death as a part of life and having a vague idea of the decisions we would have to make.
One huge choice we made was spending time with her body after she died. We just stayed in the room for about 2 hours and felt pur grief and said goodbye and remebered her. So thank you so much for empowering us to do that, it helped so much.
The funeral home we chose was amazing and the driver who came to get her from Hospice noticed a picture of her with my son and he tucked it under her arm and it stayed with her.
So. Thank you
The funeral industry rep who pointed out that other industries aren't required to post their prices online has a point. We should require that, too!
They don't have to require it because anyone selling pretty much ANYTHING ELSE who doesn't put their prices online will get passed over and suffer a major lack of business.
But when there's one car dealer in town, you can order from Karvana, when there's no choice in funeral home... what are you going to do? You often can't ship the body (as we found when my grandma died out of state with Covid, we were forced to cremate against her express wishes) or even if you can send it 200+ miles away, you lose any savings to the "transfer" costs.
@@mwater_moon2865what do you mean "can't deliver bodies"? When my compatriots die anywhere in the EU, they're literally sent home in a coffin, across multiple borders, one of which has customs officers and all the shabam. I mean... it costs a lot but... well, I'm not from a country that's big on cremations.
My poimt is: what's the funeral homes' game over there?
@@mwater_moon2865Someone needs to open a Carvana style mortuary service for people who want direct cremation and to arrange their own funeral service.
@@MarcelaElviraTimis I meant exactly what I said, which wasn't "can't deliver bodies", it was "you often can't ship the body". Since every state has their own rules around handling dead bodies, that stops most ground transportation across state lines. Covid aggravated that, being a pandemic and all... But even short of that, a state/county/city doesn't WANT a body shipped out of their tax zone into another if they can help it, they want the funeral home near them to get the $$ so they make it very hard to move a body.
Could we have flown her body to the other state? MAYBE. Mostly around if and only if we could get the proper paperwork in less than a month. (Yes, that's right, it took nearly 3 weeks to even have the paper work done to release her body to us) AND find an airline that would carry it (our airlines aren't cheap either, a ticket for a living body can run over US$1000) AND get ground transportation to that airport AND get the state it was landing in to agree to allow it to land AND get THEM to allow us to ground transport from the airport to cemetery since some counties require a police escort for the movement of dead bodies. That's why it's a big deal when a solider's body is flown home.
But that would STILL mean that we'd have already have to pick the funeral home to pay for the embalming and coffin and everything but the funeral service itself. That is little to no choice compared to a non perishable good like a car-- which was the other part of my comparison.
Also, please remember relative sizes, my state is larger than every EU country but Denmark, and that's only because they claim Greenland as a territory. Shipping a body across the country even on an airplane could take over 23 hours with plane transfers.
How about Healthcare.
Hi! Lion here. 😊 Lions Club is the largest community service organization and is both US & International. Yes, similar to other organizations as you mentioned. Thank you! Bloom-Carroll Lions Club, Carroll Ohio. We Serve! 🦁
🙏🦁♌️I have always wants to join my Lions Club ever since being a Leo Club member in high school! So glad someone said it ❤
I’m doing everything up front so my kid doesn’t have to deal with anything because of you ❤ thank you for all your information
I moved to the US a couple years ago and the fact that your prices are obscured (not only in the funeral industry!) is a major red flag where I come from. No taxes included when grocery shopping, no prices listed on medical providers' websites, prices change DRASTICALLY if you have insurance (somehow your ultrasound costs 60% more when you're insured, how curious), the list goes on.
You guys deserve better. For better planning, more control over how much you spend, and to battle the hopelessness that comes with being short on funds and the unneccesary hoops to jump through to make it out. It's maddening.
If the rest of the world can have their governments make it work, so can yours. It's supposed to serve civilians, not line the pockets of the rich with extra money.
Strangely enough around here a hysterectomy costs FIVE TIMES MORE for the self-pay uninsured than for the insured because insurance companies won’t pay for the price-gouging.
The no sales tax included in price at least has some level of practical concern, at least for national chains, due to fairly widely varying tax laws between different states. Though any company large enough to be a national chain should have more than enough money to be able to make and upkeep different sets of price tags, so it's not really the best excuse.
Not having a single price they can list on national-level advertising is also a problem, one without as much of an easy solution. But customers not knowing the true price of things is very clearly the bigger problem.
I'd say the tax system overall is the main issue, but that's not really ever going to go away because state's rights are heavily valued in the US.
Amen 🙏 💯💴
I really hope we can, because my dad died in April and his funeral financially devastated my family. We're still trying to recover and my mom even got evicted from being unable to pay her rent due to the cost of putting my dad's ashes up. We've gone through food insecurity and skipping meds just to make it. We took the second least expensive funeral package we could, and it was still over 6k!! It shouldn't cost this much and be so financially difficult on families to give a funeral to their loved ones!
I'm so sorry. How awful. This should never happen to anybody.
So sorry. Is there any way or any where you can go to get financial help
My dad is still paying over 2 years later on my mom and he had life insurance. She passed 1/2/21 so three years is fast approaching.
Speaking as someone from one of these "magical small towns". While some folks do get referred for funerary services from their local lodge be it Lion's Club, Moose Lodge, Masons ect. there are others who are price conscious and in fact will shop around. The funeral homes in my area will provided pricing over the phone, by fax, in person or by email. They don't really post online but are otherwise very accommodating. This was massively helpful when we had to quickly arrange for my nephew when he suddenly passed. For anyone who thinks that they have to immediately pick a funeral home to release the body to at least where I'm at in Virginia the hospital can/will keep the body in cold storage up to a week while you arrange something. This is one of the reasons I love your content Caitlyn it's so informative and has made me curious enough to check what the options are in my area.
I just want to say thank you for you and your content. I recently lost both my parents and your channel has really helped me.
Thank you for this. I lost my mom unexpectedly in 2021, 3 months after I had relocated to a different country. As executor of an estate that 100 percent unprepared for her passing, the ability to look up funeral services in her area that had prices listed preserved my SANITY. I just burst into tears while watching the video because it reminded me of how soul crushing it was to try to plan for her (cremation) from across an ocean while sobbing every waking moment-but feeling some relief when I found a funeral home that offered a special bare-bones cremation package, where customers can fill in paperwork online, add special items if they wanted (all with clear prices), and pick up the remains at a later date. No shame, just practicality and a total lifesaver for those of us who don’t have $$$ laying around. (Burton Quinn in Erie PA, by the way.) YES PRICE IS A CONSIDERATION, and anyone who says otherwise is just lying. I hope this legislation passes. ❤❤❤
And thanks to being a viewer of your channel, my mom and I had actually talked about what we each wanted when we pass away, so it removed some decisions I would have needed to make, and otherwise prepared me - I asked the funeral home if I could have her metal parts (knee replacements) after cremation and if they would cut a lock of her hair. I would never have known to ask if not for your videos. Thank you SO much.
My father passed away in March. It was extremely unexpected and a shock. I was in the fog of grief, however, thanks to being a longtime viewer of your channel, I was ready. I would not let them steamroll us. We live in a rural area and there are 4 funeral homes, we knew which Dad liked best bc we have a large family so we’ve been to all of the homes many times. I sat down with my Mom and it was hard but I made an outline of what we wanted ahead of time. So when we got down to options and costs, we didn’t lose focus and we stuck to our guns. It is so hard to stay “on task” at such an emotional time. But I am proud of us for getting through it so well. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. My Mom recently purchased a book titled “I’m Dead, Now What?” And she’s filling it out so I know exactly what she wants. I bought one for myself and my husband as well. No one wants to think about “end of life” planning but I think it’s important to remember , even though your worries and cares will be over, you’re leaving a lot of work for those who are left behind. If you can make it easy on them, why not try?
Dude I don't know you, but I'm impressed by what you shared and really damn proud of you. And your mom.
Oh man! The number of books called “im dead, now what” is literally overwhelming 😅 but thank you for the tip!
What a great idea! Thank you. I would like to be composted, but my family would never agree.
Amen - I salute your logical thinking
I bought that book as well! I think it’s been extremely helpful
Thanks for helping us think through a very hard part of life.
It is wonderful to have you back online!!❤
Man Caitlin, I appreciate your civility because hearing these people’s talking points makes me want to punt them for their lack of compassion. Glad to see you back Death Mother!
punt? try tossing into outer space.
yeeting directly into the sun
Lobbyists always say really dumb stuff when they're in the wrong. On Louis Rossmann's channel a long time ago about right to repair, a lobbyist told the state panel that "when an independent repair shop fixes a MacBook, they turn it into a PC" which makes as much sense as "letting a local mechanic work on your Ford will make it a Chevy".
Yeah. Hearing that guy say that no one cares about price, made me wish that someone would "Shinzo Abe" him.
And that lady talking about how they shouldn't have to disclose prices because no other "analogous services" have to. Ma'am your service involved caring for the dead, pull your head out of your ass before an angry mob turn you into one of your own clients.
Their whining always boils down to ‘but we don’t wanna!’
My mama has been saying, “Just bury me in a pine box” for as long as I can remember. Our family is also very involved in preparing the departed for viewings, clothing them, etc, with potluck wakes with relatives. I’m very grateful for the positivity I’ve bee taught through these traditions, it’s comforting to me in so many ways.
The problem is that there's no longer such a thing as a pine box. Trust me, I asked when my 17 year old sister died in an auto accident. The 'inexpensive' alternative we were shown was so cheap and tacky that I wouldn't want to be seen dead in it, much less her. She was being cremated anyway, after a service. I wonder if they actually cremated the more expensive casket we paid for with her. This was 53 years ago.
@@erynlasgalen1949 So sorry for your loss. I'm told that nowadays people can "rent" a casket for viewing, after which the body is taken to the crematorium then is returned. 🙏
Thank you for being the advocate we all need without knowing it! Thank you for bringing awareness to ME about these issues! I didn’t realize until I started watching your videos a few years ago how passionate I actually am about this! I’ve found myself more and more death positive!
I just finished your book “Will My Cat Eat My Eyeballs?”, which I devoured in less than 2 days. It was like a fabulous long episode of your channel! Now I am beginning “FromHere to Eternity”. So far, it’s fascinating and I love how you are so respectful of different cultures and beliefs.
Definitely going to walk into a funeral home some day and ask, “do you do price matching?” The idea that you may not see pricing until after possession of a body is horrifically unfair!
My wife and I bought our urn, niche and cremation services in the early 2000's. Paula passed away in Sept 2013. Having done what we did before hand was one less thing I had to deal with. I miss and love you Paula.
Both of my parents prepaid for there funeral expenses. My mother just passed away and we received her final bill. Shocking to see how much more the family had to pay for her burial. I thought the sole purpose was to pay ahead for this service at today's prices due to inflation costs in the future! Is this legit to still pay higher prices when the death occurred vs yesterday's agreement? Love to hear your thoughts and comments.
I would have to do some research on that. I truly don't know. A "burial" if I understand you correctly involved a grave. Mine is a small square niche, so no grave plot involved. I would also venture to say that the pre-paid cost doesn't include the human labor involved. Just a guess. Condolences on your lost.@@Angel-pe6ch
PLAYGROUNDS! Grew up with access to graveyards for play. In the yet to be used area of a cemetery children's playground equipment was installed. Many generations have cut thru the land to access the high school. We were all comfortable in that environment. - D
It's so great to see another video from you! Your info is so very important and your humor makes it palatable. Thank you for the upload! ❤
And just when we needed her most, the Queen returned. I’m letting this play silently in the background while I work and I’ll give it a rewatch later.
I ABSOLUTELY shopped for my mom's cremation. And it was suggested by a wonderful nurse at her hospice. I'm forever grateful because I had no clue what to even do or where to start. I'd never handled someone's death.
I commented! Thanks for letting us know this was happening look forward to more content.
Thank you so much for this information. This has been so helpful! I have had many of these issues when dealing with a funeral. I left comments. So glad you are here helping people.
When my dad died, he wasn't found for many days, so we had no option for embalming and I knew he wanted to be cremated. I googled and had him sent to be cremated for around $900. A couple years later when my grandpa died he was sent to this funeral home and they wanted thousands of dollars to cremate him. When I asked about the cost difference they were like "our services." It seemed like such a scam.
Thanks for fighting for better and clearer practices.
When my father died my mother used the nearest funeral home where the pastor of the church we went to recommended and happened to be partners in. They convinced her she needed many things that as an adult now I realize were BS. They fixed her up with financing using her house as collateral and charged her $28,000. With dad gone her only income was her social security and what was left of his small pension after years of medical bills. She defaulted and that same preacher/funeral home owner took her house and moved his brother into it. I was 13, we moved to low-income housing until I joined the army. She died in a nursing home, and that same preacher tried to pick up her body. I made it back in time to take her to another place he actually tried to have the police stop me. It didn't work out for them. This industry needs to be fixed.
That's disgusting. I'm so sorry that happened to you. What a joke of a Christian.
I have no words to properly express my disgust at what they did to you and your mother
I just want to thank you for your content. You have helped me understand so much more about the industry and aware of situations that come up. Your style makes an uncomfortable situation able to be discussed. You also make me laugh, which I greatly appreciate. Thank you for your work. I hope many more videos are on the way!
My father died during the pandemic, and the home I chose I chose significantly BECAUSE of their upfront price listings online. I had no time to be making calls or driving around getting price lists. If a home had a site but didn't list prices, I immediately moved on to the next search result.
When my mother passed away, we were told that their policy require embalming AND a concrete vault. It was an extra $3000 for that and paid a total of $7000. They also require a certain type of headstone. My mother still doesn't have a headstone because they want $5000 more for the required monument .If we had time, we could have looked around. Instead, we went with the place that handled my grandmother, aunt, uncle and great-grand parents. I think the funeral industry makes it too easy to exploit vulnerable people at a traumatic time in their life. I really appreciate the a knowledge and work that you do Caitlin, thank you!
Try fire, aka cremation.
. They'll still try to make you pay around 3000 for cremation and a urn
What an obscenity. We need an abundance of natural cemeteries where we can be buried simply and decay just as simply.
People only go where their friends and family went because they know the place exists. It's not a preference, its just the the whole thing is so damn difficult at a moment when you're barely equipped to do anything at all.
Usually it's not a funeral home that requires a vault, but the cemetery someone is being buried in. Even though the two businesses are linked, cemeteries have their own policies. A vault or some kind will often being listed as required for groundskeeping purposes (to keep the ground more level and prevent weird sinking situations). Even if it's the cemetery's rule, it's often easier to purchase it through the funeral home with everything else. But yeah, to require embalming for every case with or without a viewing, especially if they have refrigeration available, is sus.
As someone who's funeral director took my father's prepayment of a funeral, VA funeral payment of a funeral and my sister's payment of a funeral transparency is vital.
# Treusdell Funeral Home, Friendship NY.
My daughter passed in 2017 somehow I found a Funeral Director who charged me $1300.00 for her cremation. (Before I found your site). He came to my home, we did paperwork. Took her from County Morgue to crematorium and shipped her ashes and belongings to me. This was cheap for the Clevend & Suburbs. Broke me and all my daughter had saved, but it was done. 😢
I was with a friend who lost a loved one in a car accident not too long ago. At the hospital, an FD was brought in by the grief management team and basically told her that she had to choose on the spot between an outrageously priced funeral or Potter's Field - and that the clock was ticking. It's disgusting.
Makes me wonder if there are kickbacks… oh wait- OF COURSE THERE ARE!
I don't live in the US..
But if you said.
_no thanks I will arrange a service myself_
what wouldve happened?
..
As I read through the comments this predatory nature shines through...
It's awful.
Sorry you had to go through that ...
@@stuartd9741 She opted for cremation.