I've heard your side. Can I give a woman's perspective? 1. We withhold sex because we feel as if you are not being romantic, consistent or you have something extremely wromg. Like you said we view sex differently. So if you as a man are not emotionally stimulating your girlfriend. She will not WANT to have sex with you. Fix the problem TOGETHER, find a solution, or apologize if you are in the wrong, get to romancing and watch her give you bums regularly. 2. As for her, dressing a certain way. There's always a way to address things, '"Hey babe I love it when you dress up! You look amazing in everything. But can you maybe only wear this for me? I just feel uncomfortable with you dressing like this, but you look amazing regardless ". NOT " You look like a PROSTITUTE " that's very inflammatory. That WILL start an argument. 3. As for her dressing down at home. Give her a reason to dress up! She's at home sitting comfortable with you. So she can't rationalize dressing up in the home. Offer to take lingerie shopping , and compliment and reward her with lunch. She'll be more excited to spice things up at home! 4. As for her becoming more career focused, you have to understand that we are grown adults we all have to earn a living and some of us want to pursue our passions. If you don't allow her to do that, she will resent you and take it out on you. You will be "holding her back " . Or she rakes it out on you and becomes moody and grumpy. Becoming emotionally abusive etc. If she working more to support herself to earn more money offer to help her out financially so that she doesn't have to work so much. Then she can spend more time with you and cater to you and your relationship more. 5. Lastly , you cannot solely put the blame on your lady. Ask yourself why are you putting up with it. You mifht despise her but you might actually hate yourself more because why are you putting yourself through struggle? Why not just leave? It's not condusive to anybody especially yourself. Thanks for the video, good points were brought up 👌🏾
Thank you for the reply. I agree with many points you raised - let me reply to each individual point. 1. Women cannot weaponize sex. Men should not weaponize money... I know parents that weaponize food to their kids, if they don't do what the parents want. Sex is not a reward - it's a need. 2. Words are very powerful - and it is very important to use the right words to communicate to your partner. Breaking them down doesn't work. 3. It is not for any partner to constantly "buy" lingerie or take the other for lunch just for them to look good for their person. I am not saying that a woman must always be sexy in their home - but we need to look good for our partners... Esp at home. 4. We definitely respect sisters who work and need you guys to contribute to the household. However, I was talking about sisters who prioritize work over their man and/or family. That is a huge NO-NO! 5. I was not putting the blame solely on women. I understand the wrong that men do. The post was focusing on a Tweet I read. And it was looking at things from a male's perspective. I am more than willing to learn from my sisters. Explaining the view from the female's perspective. It's not about purely blaming on gender - it's about listening to each other, and finding solutions.
@@pensonmlotshwa I reject this whole point about women 'weaponizing' sex. Trust me, you would too, if you were a woman. And I am man writing this. Many women approach the act of intimacy as a giving and submission moment. They bring a lot of emotion to it, and they biologically expect to be treated safely in that vulnerable state. For men to express their own sexuality as a 'need' reeks of entitlement, not as an act of tremendous warmth and connection. Many men grow up to see their own sexual expression as an act of pure conquest and dominance, and this naturally puts their partners on alert. Nobody likes to be dominated or taken without permission. This is why this act must only be practiced by adults and with care and sensitivity. The world has desecrated sex and intimate connections, but this does not mean we should all play along with the stupidity around us.
He mentioned happy wife means a happy life. That’s partially true. An unhappy husband finds other coping mechanisms (some are not always healthy). An unhappy wife makes everyone in the household unhappy. If you keep her happy at least you can see your kids enjoying a happy life. Sad but true. Lol
Just another perspective from a woman. I have never withheld sex, but was turned off by behavior, so didn't want to have sex with my man. Men don't realize we are different in that way, our bodies are like, oh hell no
It’s like they want us having sex with them regardless. They upset us and don’t want sex with them. Then they nag us which turns us off even more. Like stop looking at me like I’m a waking vagina, tell me about your day. Men need sex to feel in control but flip it on us when they lack the ability to turn us on.
Thanks for posting this. I believe that I’ve sabotaged my own relationship without the intention of sabotaging it and I am extremely broken and feel misunderstood but I feel it’s valuable to hear what the other side could be. I feel like I put my inner child in the hands of this person and now male-female dynamics have come between us and I had nothing but nurturing love for this person.
As a person, I’ve always found it odd to think of loyalty as something that I have to discipline myself into because it comes naturally with my feelings for someone. A lot of men justify dishonesty and put women’s lives and their hearts at risk (if it was you you’d step up and protect yourself too). And we as the other counterpart are expected to look the other way. Why is the problem me looking through the phone and not that there is something to find? It is hard and I feel like I have given up on love. I cry everyday and don’t feel safe anywhere anymore. The devil has won and love is not simple anymore
I understand this but men still chose not leaving….they need the courage for this. I always think when u have a men ur game with the looks and presentation has to be better
Yazi, I'm wondering if your present partner watches your videos. If she does, does she ever consider herself to be a point of reference for some of the critical concerns you raise here? These video allow us to have difficult yet meaningful dialogues at home. Ngoba iqiniso liyaphukela phela……yet 😂🤦🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️
A lot of my topics come from robust discussions at work, with friends or family... It's never really focused on one person, but rather a general feel that I get from these discussions. If one person brings up a topic I think is worth unpacking, I jump onto Social Media to hear more on the topic.. I then start talking to different people about it (men and women)...
Eish jita ... i feel like u speaking from the heart and i can relate dawg ... when u look at her and u think 'mara hw did i get here' its part of the struggle ... which is crap coz it shudnt be a struggle between urself and ur partner ..
If women are so bad , just leave get the woman u want and let the ex find her happiness too … There will be heartbreak and tears but she’ll get past it .. if children are involved just stay involved with them …
I have paused the video for this comment. I must say, when you start to feel that little bit of resentment it's game over even if you decide to stay you'll often be unhappy. I remember some woman I dated, when we had arguments she would give me a silent treatment that last not days but weeks and I didn't take it that serious until we broke up. One incident that happened, we were supposed to meet up and she didn't show up. Instead of texting me to let me know that something came, she instead chose to ignore my texts and calls. To cut story short, I was blamed for my reaction to the incident. I accepted the blame. And guess what? She repeated the same thing when we were supposed to meet up again. And I decided to not say much or demand accountability because I was now afraid of being deemed as overreacting. In fact there are certain I didn't like that she'd do but cause I was afraid of being looked at as a someone who likes to bring up issues. Was she a bad girlfriend? Definitely NOT however these are some things that we sometimes have to deal with as guys and sadly most women don't comprehend the pain they bring. It's always about how we react as men.
WOW!!! I feel you... Many women are passive aggressive and it makes it difficult to communicate. It's very sad that many women cannot begin to comprehend the pain they add in men's lives!
@@pensonmlotshwa It's a sad reality because a relationship cannot work without effective communication. Biggest issue was not putting myself first because when I look back, I realise that wasn't a real relationship to begin with. I would love to tell you why I say it wasn't a real relationship.
The what she is wearing part is way off!!! When you met her you obviously seen what she was wearing so why complain about it now? That is some crazy bullshit. You dated her that way so you can’t change that now so why get angry?
Never really thought about it, powerful stuff to look into especially when you are in a committed relationship, which by the way more men are running away from across all age groups. WE ARE NOW THE VULTURES THEY HAVE BEEN ACCUSING US OF BEING!
You've always been the vultures. Do you believe men should protect women? Because I believe that if we hit the delete button on men, there'd be nothing left to protect women from. That logic makes men the perpetrator, not the protector. But women feel as if they need that protector in order to sustain. What a convenient trap she was placed in for you, isn't it?
Women: WHAT DO YOU WANT??? You can have it all my sister, but not at the same time. Qeda ngomhlaba sis, then get into a relationship. The Sis Nokuthulas would do ANYTHING to have what you treat as common.
Ouch! Laze lab'hlungu iqiniso. But this is where what you're made of "isimilo" kicks in. I hear the whole red pill movement about women losing value as we age blah blah.. but trust me, most "young and fertile" women are the ones you're talking about in this video. When she's grown, she's accountable, akaqabuki lutho and can pick her battles. They actually appreciate a man saying "ungagqoki into ethile" because she understands it represents both of you. I looooooooove it when other men respect my man because of how I carry myself. Imagine uvele abenesthunzi nje 😍🥰
@@MissCombs1511 You're spot on... The role of a woman in a relationship is to increase the status of her man... The role of the man, is to increase the status of his woman... When you walk around naked and are rude and disrespectful publicly, you drop isithunzi of your partner!
I finally understand the whole, ‘intombi ayaliwa’. Love you too 🖊️. Thank you for this video, I know it will open beautiful conversations in my circle. ❤❤❤🙏🏽
Wow this was 9months ago and you nailed the Sidechicks part,unknowingly repeating exactly what I said in my interview🤣🤣🤣🔥🔥🔥ngiyakuvuma you got me hooked on your vlogs👏👏👏👏
I personally value gender roles and it is primarily what made my parents marriage last till mama passed away 3 years ago. As such, i totally agree with what Penson is saying (which in a nutshell women don't entirely wanna be women but expect men to be entirely men in the relationship (provider, safety etc, yet submission makes many women start to bark)... I am very old school in my love language (that means I am happy to fully submit). I am Mathematics and Statistics graduate, work in a big company, independent yet in a relationship I genuinely dont wear the corporate hat, graduate hat nah!!! I am not for that! I dream to be married, arrive home earlier than my hubby and have him walk in a home that smells good food and I will give you a simple answer to that: That kind of marriage created a beautiful home for my siblings and I and it is primarily what I intend to pass to my children. We wanna be treated as queens but do not want to treat our men as Kings . This should stop period!!!
Wow, don’t agree at all about the sex weaponization. Your example of women saying you are doing good and reward with sex. Nope, we feel cared for when men contribute at home, this makes us feel connected and that creates sexual feelings. This video is so anti-woman.
Welcome to the world of hypergamy bhuti'wami. It will always reserve the right to change its mind and will always look to monkey branch. Look up the term floating hypergamy. Sorry to say this, but most brothers are simping out here for their girl because they lack an abundance mindset and ya'll operate from a scarcity mindset because you're afraid of losing your trophy girl.
Hypergamy is not real. It's called polygamy. Women want one man and men want all the women as a symbol of status. They lie that they aren't in a relationship and dupe women. while women find the perfect man and stay faithful only to discover he is dating the whole block. then they turn around and complain about hypergamy. and keep on yapping about how women are irresponsible. for once I would like to see a redpillar who doesn't blame all societal problems he is a cause of on women.
lol men these days are taking what they can get, because you all have the same trash opinions and personalities. That's how the incel happened. And that's why men are flinging themselves off the highest object they can find in DROVES. Do a flip when you fall. xD
I've heard your side. Can I give a woman's perspective?
1. We withhold sex because we feel as if you are not being romantic, consistent or you have something extremely wromg. Like you said we view sex differently. So if you as a man are not emotionally stimulating your girlfriend. She will not WANT to have sex with you. Fix the problem TOGETHER, find a solution, or apologize if you are in the wrong, get to romancing and watch her give you bums regularly.
2. As for her, dressing a certain way. There's always a way to address things, '"Hey babe I love it when you dress up! You look amazing in everything. But can you maybe only wear this for me? I just feel uncomfortable with you dressing like this, but you look amazing regardless ". NOT " You look like a PROSTITUTE " that's very inflammatory. That WILL start an argument.
3. As for her dressing down at home. Give her a reason to dress up! She's at home sitting comfortable with you. So she can't rationalize dressing up in the home. Offer to take lingerie shopping , and compliment and reward her with lunch. She'll be more excited to spice things up at home!
4. As for her becoming more career focused, you have to understand that we are grown adults we all have to earn a living and some of us want to pursue our passions. If you don't allow her to do that, she will resent you and take it out on you. You will be "holding her back " . Or she rakes it out on you and becomes moody and grumpy. Becoming emotionally abusive etc.
If she working more to support herself to earn more money offer to help her out financially so that she doesn't have to work so much. Then she can spend more time with you and cater to you and your relationship more.
5. Lastly , you cannot solely put the blame on your lady. Ask yourself why are you putting up with it. You mifht despise her but you might actually hate yourself more because why are you putting yourself through struggle? Why not just leave? It's not condusive to anybody especially yourself.
Thanks for the video, good points were brought up 👌🏾
no love: u want your feelings to be coddled. if ubr dressed like a prostitute... u neeed to b told exactly that.
i totally agree with your last point. ppl should never put up with wht no longer serves them
Thank you for the reply. I agree with many points you raised - let me reply to each individual point.
1. Women cannot weaponize sex. Men should not weaponize money... I know parents that weaponize food to their kids, if they don't do what the parents want.
Sex is not a reward - it's a need.
2. Words are very powerful - and it is very important to use the right words to communicate to your partner. Breaking them down doesn't work.
3. It is not for any partner to constantly "buy" lingerie or take the other for lunch just for them to look good for their person. I am not saying that a woman must always be sexy in their home - but we need to look good for our partners... Esp at home.
4. We definitely respect sisters who work and need you guys to contribute to the household. However, I was talking about sisters who prioritize work over their man and/or family. That is a huge NO-NO!
5. I was not putting the blame solely on women. I understand the wrong that men do. The post was focusing on a Tweet I read. And it was looking at things from a male's perspective.
I am more than willing to learn from my sisters. Explaining the view from the female's perspective.
It's not about purely blaming on gender - it's about listening to each other, and finding solutions.
@@pensonmlotshwa I reject this whole point about women 'weaponizing' sex. Trust me, you would too, if you were a woman. And I am man writing this. Many women approach the act of intimacy as a giving and submission moment. They bring a lot of emotion to it, and they biologically expect to be treated safely in that vulnerable state. For men to express their own sexuality as a 'need' reeks of entitlement, not as an act of tremendous warmth and connection. Many men grow up to see their own sexual expression as an act of pure conquest and dominance, and this naturally puts their partners on alert. Nobody likes to be dominated or taken without permission. This is why this act must only be practiced by adults and with care and sensitivity. The world has desecrated sex and intimate connections, but this does not mean we should all play along with the stupidity around us.
@@fairplayer7435100000000%
He mentioned happy wife means a happy life. That’s partially true. An unhappy husband finds other coping mechanisms (some are not always healthy). An unhappy wife makes everyone in the household unhappy. If you keep her happy at least you can see your kids enjoying a happy life. Sad but true. Lol
Just another perspective from a woman. I have never withheld sex, but was turned off by behavior, so didn't want to have sex with my man. Men don't realize we are different in that way, our bodies are like, oh hell no
It’s like they want us having sex with them regardless. They upset us and don’t want sex with them. Then they nag us which turns us off even more. Like stop looking at me like I’m a waking vagina, tell me about your day. Men need sex to feel in control but flip it on us when they lack the ability to turn us on.
Thanks for posting this. I believe that I’ve sabotaged my own relationship without the intention of sabotaging it and I am extremely broken and feel misunderstood but I feel it’s valuable to hear what the other side could be. I feel like I put my inner child in the hands of this person and now male-female dynamics have come between us and I had nothing but nurturing love for this person.
As a person, I’ve always found it odd to think of loyalty as something that I have to discipline myself into because it comes naturally with my feelings for someone. A lot of men justify dishonesty and put women’s lives and their hearts at risk (if it was you you’d step up and protect yourself too). And we as the other counterpart are expected to look the other way. Why is the problem me looking through the phone and not that there is something to find? It is hard and I feel like I have given up on love. I cry everyday and don’t feel safe anywhere anymore. The devil has won and love is not simple anymore
I understand this but men still chose not leaving….they need the courage for this. I always think when u have a men ur game with the looks and presentation has to be better
Leaving is not easy...
It's difficult for both men and women who are in toxic relationships.
@@pensonmlotshwa I understand that
I left and everyone abandoned me but Jesus did not abandon me, and I am better now and they ask me why I don't want a relationship again.
@@ephraimakoto3657 as long as u are happy
So insightful...Thank you
Yazi, I'm wondering if your present partner watches your videos. If she does, does she ever consider herself to be a point of reference for some of the critical concerns you raise here? These video allow us to have difficult yet meaningful dialogues at home. Ngoba iqiniso liyaphukela phela……yet 😂🤦🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️
A lot of my topics come from robust discussions at work, with friends or family... It's never really focused on one person, but rather a general feel that I get from these discussions.
If one person brings up a topic I think is worth unpacking, I jump onto Social Media to hear more on the topic.. I then start talking to different people about it (men and women)...
Eish jita ... i feel like u speaking from the heart and i can relate dawg ... when u look at her and u think 'mara hw did i get here' its part of the struggle ... which is crap coz it shudnt be a struggle between urself and ur partner ..
It's so painful... because you really love that person!
If women are so bad , just leave get the woman u want and let the ex find her happiness too …
There will be heartbreak and tears but she’ll get past it .. if children are involved just stay involved with them …
I have paused the video for this comment. I must say, when you start to feel that little bit of resentment it's game over even if you decide to stay you'll often be unhappy. I remember some woman I dated, when we had arguments she would give me a silent treatment that last not days but weeks and I didn't take it that serious until we broke up. One incident that happened, we were supposed to meet up and she didn't show up. Instead of texting me to let me know that something came, she instead chose to ignore my texts and calls. To cut story short, I was blamed for my reaction to the incident. I accepted the blame. And guess what? She repeated the same thing when we were supposed to meet up again. And I decided to not say much or demand accountability because I was now afraid of being deemed as overreacting. In fact there are certain I didn't like that she'd do but cause I was afraid of being looked at as a someone who likes to bring up issues. Was she a bad girlfriend? Definitely NOT however these are some things that we sometimes have to deal with as guys and sadly most women don't comprehend the pain they bring. It's always about how we react as men.
WOW!!! I feel you...
Many women are passive aggressive and it makes it difficult to communicate.
It's very sad that many women cannot begin to comprehend the pain they add in men's lives!
@@pensonmlotshwa It's a sad reality because a relationship cannot work without effective communication. Biggest issue was not putting myself first because when I look back, I realise that wasn't a real relationship to begin with. I would love to tell you why I say it wasn't a real relationship.
WOW!! This is so true🥺🥺
@@cheslinwilsnach9937 So true…
We also need to talk about how men genuinely hate their women when she’s doing better than him
05:00 That whistling is wild! 😂😂
The what she is wearing part is way off!!! When you met her you obviously seen what she was wearing so why complain about it now? That is some crazy bullshit. You dated her that way so you can’t change that now so why get angry?
Never really thought about it, powerful stuff to look into especially when you are in a committed relationship, which by the way more men are running away from across all age groups. WE ARE NOW THE VULTURES THEY HAVE BEEN ACCUSING US OF BEING!
More and more men are running away from relationship!
"Why buy the cow, when I can get the milk for free?"
You've always been the vultures. Do you believe men should protect women? Because I believe that if we hit the delete button on men, there'd be nothing left to protect women from. That logic makes men the perpetrator, not the protector. But women feel as if they need that protector in order to sustain. What a convenient trap she was placed in for you, isn't it?
Women: WHAT DO YOU WANT??? You can have it all my sister, but not at the same time. Qeda ngomhlaba sis, then get into a relationship. The Sis Nokuthulas would do ANYTHING to have what you treat as common.
"You can have it all my sister, but not at the same time" - I love that...
The problem with ukuqeda ngomhlaba...is that umhlaba uqeda ngawe!
Ouch! Laze lab'hlungu iqiniso. But this is where what you're made of "isimilo" kicks in. I hear the whole red pill movement about women losing value as we age blah blah.. but trust me, most "young and fertile" women are the ones you're talking about in this video. When she's grown, she's accountable, akaqabuki lutho and can pick her battles. They actually appreciate a man saying "ungagqoki into ethile" because she understands it represents both of you.
I looooooooove it when other men respect my man because of how I carry myself. Imagine uvele abenesthunzi nje 😍🥰
@@MissCombs1511 You're spot on... The role of a woman in a relationship is to increase the status of her man... The role of the man, is to increase the status of his woman... When you walk around naked and are rude and disrespectful publicly, you drop isithunzi of your partner!
I finally understand the whole, ‘intombi ayaliwa’. Love you too 🖊️. Thank you for this video, I know it will open beautiful conversations in my circle. ❤❤❤🙏🏽
Modern men/society truly don't understand how to treat women... and modern women don't know how to treat men. It's soooo bad!
beautiful review, hits hard to men
It's so tough to be a man! Esp in modern times!
Wow this was 9months ago and you nailed the Sidechicks part,unknowingly repeating exactly what I said in my interview🤣🤣🤣🔥🔥🔥ngiyakuvuma you got me hooked on your vlogs👏👏👏👏
Ngizwa kahle, ngoba siyabhidliza ngemilomo yethu 😢
So much! It's painful!
Rollo Tomassi calls it Betatization. I escaped that shit with my Mom and my High school crush.
I can relate.
It's painful hey...
I personally value gender roles and it is primarily what made my parents marriage last till mama passed away 3 years ago. As such, i totally agree with what Penson is saying (which in a nutshell women don't entirely wanna be women but expect men to be entirely men in the relationship (provider, safety etc, yet submission makes many women start to bark)...
I am very old school in my love language (that means I am happy to fully submit).
I am Mathematics and Statistics graduate, work in a big company, independent yet in a relationship I genuinely dont wear the corporate hat, graduate hat nah!!!
I am not for that!
I dream to be married, arrive home earlier than my hubby and have him walk in a home that smells good food and I will give you a simple answer to that:
That kind of marriage created a beautiful home for my siblings and I and it is primarily what I intend to pass to my children.
We wanna be treated as queens but do not want to treat our men as Kings . This should stop period!!!
i love the constancy man
Thank you so much!
Wow, don’t agree at all about the sex weaponization. Your example of women saying you are doing good and reward with sex. Nope, we feel cared for when men contribute at home, this makes us feel connected and that creates sexual feelings. This video is so anti-woman.
it's cause of money
Welcome to the world of hypergamy bhuti'wami. It will always reserve the right to change its mind and will always look to monkey branch. Look up the term floating hypergamy. Sorry to say this, but most brothers are simping out here for their girl because they lack an abundance mindset and ya'll operate from a scarcity mindset because you're afraid of losing your trophy girl.
Most men are simping without even realising they are... Most men are scared of being alone...
Hypergamy is not real. It's called polygamy. Women want one man and men want all the women as a symbol of status. They lie that they aren't in a relationship and dupe women. while women find the perfect man and stay faithful only to discover he is dating the whole block. then they turn around and complain about hypergamy. and keep on yapping about how women are irresponsible. for once I would like to see a redpillar who doesn't blame all societal problems he is a cause of on women.
🎯 spot on. Solution: dont "fall in love" with these individuals.
True_ Living live without attachment is peaceful.
Sometimes you fall in love without realizing it...
And by the time you look up...it's too late!
lol men these days are taking what they can get, because you all have the same trash opinions and personalities. That's how the incel happened. And that's why men are flinging themselves off the highest object they can find in DROVES. Do a flip when you fall. xD
@@spaghettimonster153Taking what they can get? Maybe they need to humble themselves.
❤❤❤
6:10 I’d be careful how u say that so casually and how it’s a fact as if women aren’t capable of doing thay
Kodwa i bra mfethu
Yini Ntombi?