WHERE DO WE DRAW THE LINE WITH TOXIC FAMILY MEMBERS?? | scamming, marriage shaming, weight shaming..
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 18 มี.ค. 2021
- In this chit-chat video, I discuss toxic family members and the harm they can cause. I discuss them from a Nigerian and African perspective. I share tips on how to avoid and handle toxic African parents, aunties, uncles, and other extended family members.
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It's so funny that 98% of Nigerians can relate to this topic, especially the toxic family members, hiding under the pretends of wanting the best for you. Am 33yrs old, not yet married. I stop calling or talking to some of my siblings who never seems to remind me that am single and it's bad, at every giving point... Shading and concerns are 2 different thing. Marriage is beautiful with the right man and right time. My space, my peace is absolutely my priority 🥰
Exactly!some of my friends make it feel like marriage is the greatest achievement in this life. I am 23, I keep telling her that I have all the time I want I am not trying to rush into anything! I need some things for my own well being. It's not Everytime man man man
I have several “aunts” who felt it was their place to comment on my weight or the fact that I’m single. At the last family wedding, I got the usual “ so when are we celebrating your wedding” to which I replied, “Ask Jesus”. They didn’t speak to me after that. 🤣
Perfect response!! 😂😂😂
I was at a friend's baby shower, this lady isn't even family but she asked me that. At this point I'm just staying away from certain Africans.
🤣🤣
😂 🙌🏾🙌🏾🙌🏾
I think I need to say that next time...lol...thank you
I will never understand the logic behind making comments about someone's weight. The last time I went back home was in 2015 and the first thing family members said to (after not seeing me for 2 years) was "Ah you've gained weight are you eating all the burgers in Canada?". I had a family dinner for my birthday and that's all everyone kept on talking about, it was so upsetting that I didn't eat anything at all, totally ruined my whole trip back home. Fast forward to 2018 and losing 30kg (shoutout to you introducing me to Lose it nigerian in 2017) now they're saying the exact opposite. What annoyed me the most is when my Aunt said "it's enough with the weight loss, you know men nowadays like thick women", wtf?!. I'm so glad that I pretty much don't talk to any of my extended family anymore, it's just too much toxic energy for me. As usual, awesome video Dimma
we have the same name :D
@@lyndaokeke6184 love that 😊❤️
Mr ibu said no matter what u do in this world people will always talk
I had "friends" coming to my house telling my children (boys)not to help with chores. I realised later they were actually jealous of my children' education. If they don't help, how will they learn when they are on their own or married ???
People are mean because they envy your beauty, your family, your joy, your life. That's it.
Omg thank u so much for saying that!
It hurt and annoyed me SO much that whenever they needed help in the kitchen or to do chores they would ONLY call me but my younger brother...that fool. That stupid boy would b playing games all day every day and it was only ever once in a blue moon that the fool would b called to account. Even when i would warn him to stop that useless behaviour he'd guilt trip me into not letting his stupidity have consequences. Now he cant really cook.😌Nonesense.
I feel like the way our boys behave has so much to do with how they are raised. If u raise them to be entitled, they'll become fools who think they can take or get whatever they want and vice versa.
@@Somebody02594 I agree
@@Somebody02594 exactly!
@@Somebody02594 💯
@@Somebody02594 Lol whenever I visit my aunt she makes me do everything while her own sons are not expected to do anything even though it’s their house. It’s so annoying.
That one dislike is from a toxic family member
Exactly 😂😂😂
🤣🤣🤣🤣
🤣🤣
Facts on facts
amen
At some point, I caught myself downplaying myself. Being shy about being privileged and always trying to act street.. Now mehn, I'm all shades of boujie and proudly so. I'm street on my own terms, boujie on mine as well. I don't let people make me feel bad for having a little more than they do.
Yes. This issue of adults mocking kids is very real. I had to correct a mum on how she joins someone laughing when they mock her daughters weight. It is wrong on all levels. And your daughter will remember your laughter for a long time
Dimma I'm commenting from Mpumalanga South Africa, and I can tell you one thing. The reason the paternal family is a problem is because they don't love our mothers. They feel entitled to our fathers. If someone does not love your mother they can never love you. End of story!!! I feel like I'm shouting, this particular issue has touched me.
I love you by the way.
You are right. My dad sent my mum away almost 2 years ago after 35 years of marriage. We were not close to my dad's side because my dad always speak bad of us to them. Immediately after he sent my mum away, his sister started calling me to intervene, stating that it is not good for my dad to be alone at 70years old. I kept wondering why she is bothered now, this is someone my mum used to communicate with but they will not contact her and I told my mum to stop contacting them but my mum said she is doing it because of Christianity. When she became stressed she stop calling them.
I intentionally don't call my aunt because she knew we existed all these years but because her brother will be lonely at his age, she wanted me to intervene.
@@opeyemio705 This sounds similar to my story.
I just shut them down instantly. Cut them off straight up!. My 70 years old paternal auntie tried it with my son. I simply called her out, and she had to apologise to my 8 years old son. I’m not taking prisoners when it comes to this.
The same auntie tried with me recently. When I called her out again with a well-deserving text. Then I told my family, they dismissed my feelings and wanted me to ignore her. They went on to side her saying she is older than me. I told them she was older and stupid, then I blocked them and refused to pick their calls. Thank God I’m in the UK, and they have been calling from Nigeria, and I'm not bulging. I have a voice now as an adult, and no one will invalidate my feelings because of one older, irresponsible, toxic family member.
Yassssss 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
This is powerful! 💪🏽 no one should invalidate our feelings because of one older person. I fought this for years, now I have a voice and I use it immediately.
Good for you. Welldone for standing up for your child and yourself
You did well girl, they use us
I agree with you but cut off family isn't the way to do it. If you talk to them about such and they don't agree with u, next time shut dem down when they have an opinion rather than cutting them off also just reduce the information you give them. This is what i do.
Some adults are so emotionally and verbally abuse !. And they expect you to take it because ‘respect your elders’.
My parents keeps telling me to get married, we have this conversation at least once a week, finally moving 1000 miles away. I can choose to answer my phone whenever I feel like talking about marriage lol. My grandma once told me that all my sisters are prettier than me. Thank God I know who I am ❤️🌹
Ignore her you’re literally stunning 🤩
Hmm many times it’s the parents comparing the children’s looks/academics/financial progress with each other, So annoying
My brother does this a lot and I hate it
People often have issues with paternal sides because to be honest across all cultures, they feel heavily entitled to the children’s life
Where’s the lie!! 😩
Reverse is the case for me. My maternal side of the family are ass holes. 😪
or they project the problems they have with the mother onto the child
The most accurate comment!! 😭
Facts!
I CALL EVERYONE OUT TO THE POINT WHERE WHEN I WALK PAST THEY SWALLOW THEIR COMMENTS ABOUT ME OR MY SISTERS TO AVOID EMBARASSMENT THAT I WILL GIVE THEM. They can dish it out but can’t take it? Can you imagine? 😂😂😂
Love that comment! Let them take it as well. Good job.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Babe I love your comment....that's the secret...give them their size...dish it out to them immediately they dropping their BS... they'll give you your respect💯
All hail the queen 🙌🏾🙌🏾 I don't know you but I love you.
I'm telling you! I don't even want to hear pim about my weight o. I literally Cal everyone out on it! Ah ah, they will make you feel so bad. It's not like they are telling you nicely while showing you weight loss plan o,they are literally insulting you, they will be asking you "what are you eating?" As if there is a type of food someone eats and magically becomes fat
People can be so cruel. They used to compare me and my brother as well only it wasn't about skin colour - it was about grades in school. My brother who was older and in a different class didn't top his class but I did and they would tell my mum that I was smarter than he was - right in front of him. They would come home and say, "oh that's the clever one!" It must have been really difficult for my brother and it created a rift between us. We only became friends as adults (when I was 24 and he was 27). We are the best of friends now but I'm so angry on his behalf. I'll never let anyone compare my children.
Oh my God!!!, sameee my parents did the same thing, extended family both maternal and paternal, I unconsciously gave up on trying to get good grades just because I hated being compared and I always felt bad for my brother, I remember asking my dad to shave my head one time he shaved my brothers head for messing up, I was 14, now I’m noticing how I’ve been self-sabotaging and I feel so anxious and uncomfortable when I get complimented
Listening to this is just making me tear up. Now that I'm growing and starting to stand up for myself I'm disrespectful and think I'm above advice, I don't care because I lost myself trying to make them happy.
Now I know better.
We do endure a lot of nonsense all because of respect and recently I’ve been speaking up cos I can’t endure it no more
My mum is fair and my dad is dark, and I took more to my fathers shade and my mum is always making comments about my darker skin as a negative thing. It's like, why would you have children with a dark man if you want light children? So stupid.
So sorry about that. You're definitely gorgeous im certain 👌🏾. That darkskin vs lightskin is something for another day. They sha want people to feel darkskin is not extremely beautiful ...LOL
This is me . My mum even went as far as saying I hated her for being dark complexioned instead of being light. 😔
@@augustacookeygam5579 ahn ahn
that is so disgusting 🙄 your skin is beautiful
I experienced this as a child from my own father. I never got over it. It took years and a lot of work to see myself as beautiful, just because I am darker than my siblings. Words hurt more than daggers, with a flesh wound, it heals, but the words that hurt the soul, it takes the grace of God.
So sorry you had to deal with this ❤️
I'm so sorry. I hope you now realise how beautiful you are. I really don't understand how anyone would think that dark skin is not beautiful. Our melanin is a blessing from God. Hugs 🤗
Omg.....reading this and having to relate with you on this is so shocking,this is my exact story.....I had to work on my mind so much in other to see myself as beautiful...
Sorry❤. You're beautiful mehn
Very true. I experienced trauma from my dad as well. Took years to get to this space I can say I’m ok. From Academics to even the course I read in Uni to the job I found myself in...smh
My dear I came to London not for economic reason but to run away from toxic family. Lost my mum at 6 now an 45. You can’t imagine degrading comments my 4 big brothers and I had. But hey we are the one today helping the family. I feel better away from my family
I just love the way you address issues. For those people who act like witches and wizards, let them go to hell and burn to ashes. Most times, I confront the ones I can and totally ignore the others. Some humans are just so weird.
My sister is lighter than I am and people always made that comparison between us making me feel like my sisters complexion made her more beautiful than I am, one man as well said something similar to me, he always called me “akpa njor” (bag of ugliness) because I’m not as far as my sister lol, I remember that making me feel like I was adopted.. adults back then really didn’t know how hurtful their words were
Wow i clutched my chest. Wow I'm sorry sis I hope you healed from that sis 😘
*hugs*
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There’s always issues with the paternal side of the family because they just want to oppress the woman and her kids, nothing! They just won’t have peace.
You hit the nail on the head. In Nigeria, anyone older than you feels they have the right to point out all the areas where they feel you are falling short.
This is for Guyanese people too.
I think we african families give relatives too much leverage that they think they have the audacity to say nasty things..it happens in my family alot..sometime back I had contempt towards my parents cuz I felt they allowed our relatives to say whatever they want..especially those of us from the middle belt it's really annoying..I vowed I would never let anyone bully my kids ever
You know this!!!
Yes honestly even though I haven’t been The audacity in these comments is just crazy because any way they like it I will give it to them in fact I don’t think Africa is ready for me because if they comment something disrespectful and my mom does not stand up for me which I’m not gonna lie she probably won’t I will make a smart comment I don’t care if I’m just 14 if you want respect you have to give respect
"enjoying certain privileges doesn't make you less human" 💯🙌🏾
The funny thing is that children have also picked this up because they've seen it happen so much, they now consider it normal behavior. My cousins came to visit and the neighbors child kept assessing them, "you stand beside your sister, hmm this one is finer, you, your face is somehow." It has eaten deep.
It's the "You are not my target audience for me". The need for us to constantly remind ourselves that we are a 'SPEC' irrespective of how we look and our weight cannot be overemphasised. It is important to call out any family member who tries to body shame you or your child especially for nursing mothers and those struggling with post-partum weight loss. Post-patrum depression is real. Thanks Dimma for this ❤
I hate when adults comment on acne especially when you’re growing up . Like you can help that . Definitely cuts deep
Na brand wey love dimma we go patronize😂😂
Before nko? 😂
I’m very intentional about not engaging with my extended family members (parents siblings, cousins) and keeping a FAR distance because EYE know what kind of people they’re like and the opinions they have and I really don’t want the drama, it is not worth it 🤗🤗
Not worth it all,doing the same because I'm tired of the negativity
I have first hand experience with colorism, I have 3 siblings and they’re all light skinned but I’m naturally dark and my relatives that stayed with us growing up and even my mom made so many nasty comments about me beings ugly because I was dark and skinny compared to my sisters, it bothered me so much so I started to believe it and I remembered always crying about it
So sorry about that. I can relate, I’m dark skinned too
Laura, you're really beautiful, abeg how can anyone call you not beautiful? You are gorgeous 🤩
Sorry hun, you are not alone,I can totally relate,m and trust me you are so pretty
That’s so hurtful. I was also made fun of when I was younger for being skinny and really dark skinned so in my head I was ugly. One day I was watching a music video with my mom and I made a comment about how beautiful the singer was and my mom looked at me and told me that that I was just as beautiful. I always kept her words close to my heart now that I am an adult with my own kids I make sure that I remind them how beautiful they are. It gets better with time.
Girl there was a family member who raised me to believe that because I am dark, I'm ugly. It would always confuse me because I would see absolutely gorgeous dark-skinned people so it would give me the courage to stand up against the comments. Everytime I tried it was shot down because they'd say "being dark-skinned looks better on certain people, doesn't mean it looks good on." This is me like 12, 13,14, years old. I'd be in the shower basically trying to scrub the melanin off because to them, my skin would glow=lighten if I scrubbed hard enough. Most of my childhood was trying to figure out what skin color I should be
That statement about loosing a mum and being told to snap out of it is really hurtful. I was told same and that I'm not a kid. She actually said younger people have lost loved ones and not lost weight like I did.
Whaaaat?! It’s really sad that someone thinks it’s okay to say that so a human being that’s grieving. I’m so sorry for your loss and I hope God sees you through.
What the fuck?🤷🤦
Wtf tho? Like, how does those 2 statements even relate? Im so sorry u had to go through something like that. Your pain was valid. It still is!🤍
🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺
Jesus Christ, that is wrong. Sorry for the loss 🙏🙏🙏
I vehemently agree with your comment that "some parents are not immune to peer pressue" mehn this cannot be truer!! Great job Dimma! You are speaking #facts!!!👏🙌
This came right on time. If I wasn't a small content creator, I'd spill the beans on some of the nonsense I've experienced. I think it's rooted in the whole idea that older Nigerians tend to think respect is given NOT earned and that those that are younger can't speak up if they don't agree with them. This definitely needs to change. This problem isn't as bad if you've lived your whole life abroad, or if you're born abroad, you definitely get treated differently but if you're living in Nigeria, the problem is rife.
Just about to watch but my response is we draw the line early enough before it affects your mental health.... i blatantly refused to travel to the village last Christmas because i knew everyone was going to have trash to say about my weight no matter how much i have said i hate that convo.... I can't be explaining to every human being that i have pcos and weight gain is part of the effects.. My mom tried to guilt trip me shaa but she finally relaxed.
The way people think just because you added weight you do not deserve to stay on planet earth baffles me a lot.
I also have PCOS and it is so sad that family members that you think will understand and support you are the ones lamenting about your weight.
If only they know what it takes to be dealing with PCOS.
You are not alone sis.
That is so messed up and im so sorry u had to go through that. PLEASE CONTINUE to STAY AWAY from those foolish pipu!😌🤍🤍
@@bisolaebun6256 its really hard... best thing is to stay away... atleast for me
I agree! Mental health is key,the world will adjust ,if I can't,I can't
Growing up,my maternal side was horrible! So horrible that I don’t relate with any of my cousins and I’m okay with it. Whenever they visit us, I always expect them to pass insults to anyone of us at leisure. If I don’t get insulted,it must have been a “good day” for them..
They do this to us when my Dad is away but when he’s around,they act nice to us.
Mstchewwwwww
This video legit gave me an insight on "toxic family members " they say/do toxic things under the guise of "love"
That's how growing up, my dads friends wife will always come around calling me Fatima, Fatty, when i got into the university she still continued, i changed it for her, because it was annoying, even children deserve respect.
She is so mean🤐🤐🤐😚😚
Good job! Set her straight real quick
Exactly, that’s what most adults fail to understand. Respect is not supposed to be given only to people who are old or “grown up”
It's the fact that people who are not your parents who feel like they can say a peep about you.
I have been on diets now for over 15 years. The obsession with weight in my family is so annoying. My mum treats us according to our weight.. I now have body dysmorphia due to this... I have limited her interaction with my daughter especially, not going to let mess her up too.
Toxic family members need to be disciplined on how to control their toxic unsolicited opinions... this look is bomb 😍😍🔥🔥
Interesting how our African parents kept comparing us to our siblings or age mate regarding to school work discipline etc but the moment you compare your mother to another mother you have invited world war two😂😂😂😂...
Sometimes I wished I could tell my mum to be like someone else mum but kept it to myself.am glad am older now, parent and I know better.would never compare my babies am also careful whenever people compare them especially my nanny.i stop it immediately.
Thank you. I once compared my Mum with my mother in-law and she was livid even though as a child she constantly told me how other girls were better than me and more responsible than me.
I told my mom to be like someone else mom and she was shocked 😂😬
@@augustacookeygam5579 wow
cos my grandmother raised me, i was once a comment in mum's presence that grandma is the best mom ever. i received a very hot slap from my mother very fast...meanwhile this grandma is her own mother who raised me n my brother after our father passed away while we were toddlers.
@@allthingsderin1687 oooh noo sad!!but we can do better for our children and the future generations
My aunt sister(Janet) died nearly 20 years ago and everytime she gets into an argument with my cousin she brings up her mother death as a way to inflict pain. Every time I'm around and I hear it I make sure to stand up for her! Before Janet died she did express her feelings about my aunt sleeping with a married man since she didn't condone it. She never got over it and constantly take her anger out on all Janet children. Since then I've distance myself from my evil aunt and her children since they don't put their foot down on their mom behavior
People like this ehn, eventually the tides will turn
Hmm... This is such a real thing. I miss my family but I don't like to visit them because they keep talking about my weight. My weight has always been a topic, from when I weighed a little over 60kg and now that I've put on over 20kg. It's affected me so much that I don't like to go anywhere... Its so bad. I've moved out now and I'm trying to get my confidence back but it's been a difficult journey. One day I'd get there. Thank you for talking about this Dimma ❤️
You'll get there. I struggled with this too. I had to develope a level of stubbornness. I wish you all the best now that you're on your own.
Dimma I feel you!! A man once said to my younger sister, "you are a real child of your father" and to me you, "I don't even know when you came from." I was so annoyed. It still hurts today. I've been compared a lot but this one hurts the most. This happened more than 5 years ago.
I watch this video from beginning to the end, even rewinded some part twice. Dimma you did well. A lot of Us grew up around Toxic extended family Members 🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍❤️❤️❤️
Literally every black person family. I have changed my name, switched careers and haven’t spoken to anyone. I feel like a weight has been lifted. I live my life light as a feather.
You're speaking on narcissism, childhood trauma and complex PTSD ...
Loool, I guess I'm the only here who is literally "forced" to associate with extended family.
I just don't want to and my own family thinks I'm just weird for that and if they want help, they won't because they'd see me as being proud or what's not(that explains why so many of them didn't reach out to me till now)
Growing up, I would literally be sluggish when they tell us we were going to visit and they'd either leave me behind or I end up not wanting to eat or talk there.
I’m the same way like I just don’t like mixing with the toxicity my own house it’s toxic so there’s a limit to how much I take in terms of my mental health because it matters
Now to my comment, one of my aunts called my sister to find out why she hasn't had a second child. She also said she was going to call me to find out why I have not gotten pregnant. Once I saw her call, I ignored it. Last year, blasted someone for talking about my weight and she started avoiding me. Honestly Dimma, it makes sense to go on full blast mode when someone tries to say or do something that will affect your mental health. I am all for that! Thank you for this video...
Most of the times family members are the most toxic, that is why now I only talk certain family members only when I meet them at weddings and funerals when they are in attendance.
I can totally relate to that why do you look like your dad or you're the only dark one,why is your sister finer than you,where did you come from
Honestly that always happens to my sister and she gets those comments about her weight and her complexion I feel like those people have nothing better to do and it disappoints me to see when my mother friends or they say that around my mother to her or just say it around my mother she does nothing like come on stick up for your children let’s not even talk about HOw my mother does the same thing and talks about her Weight it honestly gets to my sister more than she shows and let’s us know
I can totally relate to the skin color issue. Growing up, I was the darkest in my house, I still am actually. A lot of people would always ask why I decided to take my dad’s complexion instead of my mom’s lighter complexion. they didn’t tell me my siblings were prettier than me, but I felt like that was what they meant and It made me feel so bad then, but I’m over it now. I hate it when adults compare siblings because it breeds resentment and silent competition amongst the children without them even knowing.
At this point in my life I'm still battling with low self esteem because my mum nd siblings keeps saying I have a broad shoulder nd little bum that I have to know what I will do so that wen I wear clothes they will fit nd bring out the beauty in me
Ever since I wear clothes with that thing in mind that I'm not beautiful nd I look like a clown in my dress.....
My confidence at this point is zero
Thanks Dimma for this video
You are not my target audience! I died at that part!! lol
God am a very dark girl and my mother's sisters used to tell me I am a "ugly blacksheep" because I am darker. In their family and my siblings were lighter and I was at my darkest when growing up. So i grew up so suicidal. I even tried to use actual bleach on my body and I reacted so bad. I used to hate mirrors. I just grew up and maybe God gave me healing in a way that I was not aware if but I have so much self love. .... ow and when I told my mom she just said "go see a psychologist". Mmm when am a mom am gonna kill people if they try that hey...
it’s soo sad that you went through that. I’m glad you found self love. I love being dark skinned it’s so beautiful🥰
Praying for healing for everyone that has gone through these "nonsenses". You are a beautiful human ❤. People that look for "comments" about your skin, weight etc have been traumatized and haven't healed so they're taking it out and that doesn't justify their actions still.
God has made you beautiful🥰. You better accept it before people with stupid comments try to dull your shine. See their heads like sour agbalumo😑 Periodtttt.
I love how this was uploaded 7 minutes ago and a lot of people already have a lot to say 💃🏾💃🏾💃🏾
off the mic🤣🤣🤣🤣
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I just remembered when one man came to our house and just said 'This girl ugly sha'... 😂 and he wasn't even family. For the longest time people made me believe I was actually ugly. I used to walk with my head bent down. But now I know better. There is absolutely nothing more than knowing and believing that you're not what people said you were. I'm drop dead gorgeous please!
Go Aisha!!! Fine girl for life!!!!
Your camera quality makes the products look like I’m seeing them in real life 😍❤️
People needs to be accountable of the money you gave them not just coming back for money period
I can really relate. I'm the 1st of 4, 2 girls 2 boys, I'm much darker than my sister, and I was sort of tagged the ugly duckling. Thank God for growth and maturity. I'm confidently glowing in my beauty now.
First off, thank God for growth but point of correction.....you were always beautiful. They just wanted to hurt you
I have this cousins that will always mention your weight. Its like it's in their blood, if it's not the first thing they mention conversation has not started. Last January immediately it came up I just said "well, its my weight and my business" and continued the conversation politely.. People need to teach their kids, especially the men that a woman's weight is NOT their business, especially if she's not your wife. Because for some reason they think the essence of a woman is to look good for them.
I remember having this uncle who used to comment on my weight when I was 11/12. He used to love with us so it was almost impossible to avoid him. He always used to tell me that nobody will marry me and I should stop eating, he said I should wait till I get to my husbands house to get fat 😭 mind you I was barely a teenager... my extended family will never smell my household 🤮
Love that “you’re not my target audience”. Fact!
Body shaming from family and others is why I still struggle with body dysmorphia till this day. I don’t take rubbish from anyone anymore
This came just in time. I have to travel back home and I have gained weight and I don’t want to buy the ticket cause of the way they talk about my weight. I literally don’t want to go.
‘You are not my target market’lol I LOVE IT SIS! 🤣you are so right on that! People need to learn to mind their business and learn to stop telling people what to do. Great video
This is so true, you grow up not realizing how toxic the behavior is when you’re a kid but framing it and naming the behavior definitely removes the labels that were placed on you
this whole video...chef’s kiss...never nodded as much to anything. most of these things are so common, so normal, that they do not seem to understand how hurtful and how long lasting of an impression these words they very carelessly throw around leave...
You better move on from toxic parents. Useless set of people. Let us care for ourselves from a distance.
Thanks!! You just resumed my entire childhood with these examples. that's why I was considered as the "big mouth" aka "black sheep " of the fam lol and truly proud of it today
I just did a video about this! Some family members just don’t care about anyone but themselves. They say and do whatever and don’t care how it may affect you 🤦🏾♀️
Most of us Africans need to be schooled on how to voice out opinions especially unrequested opinions. That’s like sowing a seed of hate among siblings. It’s the same thing about ones weight! So much trash talking. 🤷🏾♀️
Love this so much! Was gonna do a video about this on my channel- one of the reasons why I hated myself and hated growing up in Nigeria. the comparison and constant body shaming was a lot to deal with! Thank God for growth and self awareness ❤️❤️
This video just touched me so much because it is saying so much about my situation right now, the only thing I believe will work is if I leave my parent's house.
What! Surprising, like exactly what a grown ass man in the name of uncle once told me in my mom’s presence “why didn’t I look like my mom.” My pretentious uncle went ahead and called my dad ugly, implying that I’m also ugly.
Or is it my older female cousin that told me that I’m so lucky to have a nice skin, unless I am just ugly. Meanwhile she said this while looking at a picture with my other cousins. Basically, she clearly said I was the only ugly one in the picture.
If I should go on... I have been bullied the heck out of my life. But no one is more confident than me.
You’re very beautiful. I’m glad you’re confident.
Dinmma, Thank you for sharing this! One thing I have learnt to understand is that misery loves company. Happy and secure people do not go around looking for who to pull down or frustrate.
Heeeeeeeeeai, Dimma, You too dey talk, you dey talk like me, and me, am trying to swallow things up now, cause anytime i call people out, straight out, alot of people take these things as normal and me seeing them as abnormal is them seeing me as being too extra, so now, am trying to keep quiet when they are not talking to me, i try as much as possible to stay away from them, but i can't keep shot if they come for me by mistake, EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT NOW IN MY FAMILY, CAUSE I WILL SHAME THEM OUTRIGHTLY IN THAT SAME PUBLIC PLACE
I totally relate with the one of comparing academic performance, this happened with my mom and older brothers they would always tell me my younger brother was smarter than I was, I remember one particular day I cried my eyeballs out begging God to make me smart, I even prayed and fasted. Whenever it’s time to check grades I hated checking mine cos I knew I was about to be compared with my brother, I even had to repeat a class while my brother had to skip so we would be in same class, I remember one of our class mate asked me why is your brother smarter than you are. But I actually never hated my mom or brothers, I’m naturally someone that can takes all those and still Love you but thinking about it right now I feel hurt however I’m glad it’s didn’t affect me and I’m glad I didn’t hate my brother tho there will be some days I would think he is doing stuff to get my mom to praise him and make me feel bad, and also my mom is actually a sweet soul but I guess she didn’t know how to communicate that part very well. Anyways God answered my prays cos I improved so good to a point my mom would praise me, it’s felt like I was living a dream. Never knew my mom would praise me some day too
I remember sometime in 2019 (I was 18) I started wearing fake earrings on the upper part of my ear. I have had the idea of piercing that part of my ear but I was concerned about what my parents reaction would be. So the fake earrings was a test run. They were cool with it. THREE WOMEN ON MY STREET DECIDED TO MAKE ME THEIR BUSINESS AND COMMENT ON IT...I just told them while smiling that 'I LIKE IT' (while giving them 'you need to back off' energy). They never spoke to me about it again and I'm still wearing my thing.
Comparisons can hurt a beautiful sibling relationship, if the Holy Spirit does not intervene. I think the enemy strategically places some people to cause harm in sibling relationships. Parents need to continually remind their children that they are special in their own way and never need to feel less than their sibling.
I can relate perfectly... so many times I’ve been told that why am I not light skinned and fine like my mum. In fact, I have an aunt in particular, that’s always trying to compare me and her daughter. Always looking for something to use, it’s either her daughter is finer than I am or that the school she graduated from is more posh than mine.
It’s honestly irritating. That’s why I don’t rate her or engage in conversations with her
WTH
These toxic series are God sent u can't imagine how helpful it is
Please can u talk on how to with Toxic colleagues when as at the time you can't drop the job to avoid seeing them ?
I love your realness and transparency! Your topics and make-up are ON POINT!!! Great job as usual Dimma!
you look stunning! thank you for this video, ive been thru the saameee things, creating space is definitely it
I hate when my moms friends invade our house but once when I went to church a aunty asked my mom if I was sick because I was skinny that didn’t affect me but I pray any adult tries my children oh lord of mercy it will be over for them!!!!
I am glad we are having this conversation, thank you for using your platform to address this. An aunt that used to visit at guardian's used to compare me to my guardian's daughter, I was always sad then.
I’m dealing a lot with these issues. I’m glad for this video. Your first one really helped my sister and I.
I looooove the way you stand for your sister. She is blessed to have you and i really enjoyed the video you did with her. She is beautiful by the way. I hope my children will be close and stay close despite the toxicity of people in this world.
Dimma, your topics recently is so beautiful. Thank you.
Dimma the day I’d meet you!!! Because being subscribed or finding you in this internet space is a sign God loves me
You are literally so naturally beautiful. I love the beauty mark on your chin 🥰 . Oh and I agree with everything in this video, and think you and I have such low tolerance for wickedness and trouble. I tried to speak up that all I want is peace, but African mentally and culture is so tainted and flawed, I am mocked for my efforts for peace and rejected. I can’t come kill myself ooo! God has made us sensitive for such purposes! To expose such darkness within cultures. It’s crazy how they cannot understand anything. But like you said, accept that this is how they are.
I lOVE THE AWARENESS ON THIS TOPICS THANK YOU DINMA
This video is so perfect! It’s like that in Caribbean households. This was a great video and very insightful
First again, my queen of consistency. I'm loving these contents! ❤️
This thing will NEVER SIT WELL WITH ME. Comparing sister’s beauty!! I’m the only dark child. My two siblings are fair and because of that “they are automatically finer”
It will never sit well with me for someone to start comparing siblings beauty. Wtf is that. Might sound ridiculous but it can cause enmity between siblings.
I remember at my cousins wedding, my uncle literally told me I should lose weight so that I’ll find husband too. I just laughed in his face tbvh coz it’s a constant for me. It’s sth you just get used to which is not supposed to be so.
Even till date, people still compare me with my elder sister. Since we were kids, they'll say she has baby face and is pretty, I was (am) bonny and look older. Of course now, I've built resistance for it, but as a child, it really affected my relationship with my sis. We literally had a cat and dog relationship growing up
when i was young, my grandmother will always treat my mother very bad. She will always throw her support to my aunties against my mum when they had issues. Not for once did she act like a mother to my mum and when it came to us her grandchildren, it was same. My other cousins get better treatment than my siblings and I. when she cooks, she will give my cousins larger portions and when they are okay, that is when she will share the little left for my siblings and I. I grew up not knowing whether my mum was her real daughter cos it was that bad. they can all gang up against my mum. i had to grow up and start defending my mum and always had to stand against them when they were coming for her.
I love Dimma so much, I like how she’s so serious with the issue then switch to talk about the makeup application... lol it’s so cute.