What You Give Up When Connected To A Narcissist
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 15 ต.ค. 2023
- Once you are connected to a narcissist, it becomes clear that you are "required" to relinquish your uniqueness in service of their needs. In the process, you can lose yourself. Dr. Les Carter highlights what you may inadvertently give up, then describes how to take back yourself as your insight increases.
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You give up your soul. They are soul destroyers, plain and simple. We truly are in a battle of good vs evil, folks. 😔
She stole my dog end of July it is now Oct 15th 😔 no one will help me... I have audio and video proof... she also got me put in jail +6months.. (accused me to cops) made up criminal threatening charge. I can prove my innocence and that Rudy my Chihuahua is my dog but in this tyrannical police state of evil people... there's no hope for good folks. I feel like I can't even go to the cops... the system has been used against me sooo much....
@DeaFBRED the dog is separate from things you may have done. Report her to the police. If you have trouble getting the police to help you, go to the police chief, then the city council and then the mayor. Keep copies of all communications. My dad was a police chief and told me about this. Having the cops on her tail will scare the crap out of her. No way would i let someone take my pet. Fight!
there are 2- Two! toxic soul Suckers at my former job! they are so FULL of themself; they are EMPTY! Ugly Losers..!
Practically yep. Hanging onto hope when theres no hope to speak of. 🙉❤️🩹
@@DeaFBREDget an attorney now !
If the Narcissist gets with his insanity into your mind, you might give up...
1. Your values ... they demean
2. Your confidence ... they lie/cheat
3. Your imagination ...they discredit
4. Your clarity ... they confuse
5. Your dreams ... they dispose
6. Your reality ... they gaslight
7. Your opinions ... they belittle
8. Your needs ... they ignore
9. Your boundaries ... they violate
10. Your peace ... they trigger
11. Your love ... they tread down
12. Your freedom ... they rob
13. Your identity ... they destroy
Ouch that sounds a lot like a cult that is still lost in the sins that nailed the Son of God to the cross.
@@fightthegoodfightoffaithmi8676 Narcissism is indeed a cult and that's why I show the possibilities what can happen to people, who got into this cult.
And by the way, Jesus is a Savior and not someone that dooms,
“Today salvation has come to this house, because this man, too, is a son of Abraham. For the Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost.”
(Luke 19,9-10)
I figured them out before any of this happened!
You get it, Roxy.
@@rondasparks Ronda, then you are one of the lucky ones. Congratulations. Lots of other people do not had these opportunities.
It feels like you give up your identity, self respect, support, encouragement, real love, compassion, the simplest desires, and a genuine connection. You give up hope and waste time until you leave.
I hear you, Bunny 💗 It's so sad because you come to realize that you gave up everything just to survive. I don't know why but it reminds me of my childhood when on Sundays I saw that "happy families" came together just to enjoy each other. I was longing for this experience, too but deep down I knew I would never get this with my own family. So instead I was always looking for my "chosen family" and already as a child I found something like that, just to survive my chaotic, unhealthy circumstances. 🤗💗🌸
Yes, so true I made the mistake of coming back to the narcissist’s house. They make it hard to live and plan for the future.
Yes, lived it😢
🎯❤️
I appreciate the adjectives you listed so much that I screen saved them. Although, they don’t touch on many of the covert narcissist’s devaluing ways.
I may not be able to express them, as well as you did, and especially not with so many of them, but here’s a few: scoffing sighs, not accepting the slightest negative feedback, and then turning it back around, etc..
I think that is why having a narcissist parent is so damaging to a child, because as a child you can’t ask “why am I putting up with this “stuff”. You have no choice in the matter.
I was constantly trying to figure her out.
No choice in the matter, especially as a minor 😢
I need this video today. I'm so stressed out by the N in my life that I'm vomiting. Narcissists are truly toxic to their victim's mind, body and soul.
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I have found that building an invisible barrier between me and them (that only I know about), really helps keep them out of my personal space and internal gold mine of my own sacred being. They don't deserve this space because it is sacred and it only belongs to us!!
One thing that has helped me is turning everything back on the Narcissist (if you are safe to do or say these things).
For instance, once they start raging and letting their anger take over, I'll say: Boy!! You're really having a bad day today!! And get them to start talking about what triggers their anger. And if they say: You!! It's because of you!! Then ask them why do they have someone in their life who triggers their anger?
Kind of conversations like that. You have to decide if it's safe to talk to them like that. But it's almost like you become their free therapist. (Until you can transition away from them, or move or do whatever it takes to find your peace of mind, happiness, and tranquility).
I hope this helps 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
And then they say I love you. Biggest lie. It makes me sick too! Hang in there. You tube has videos on shielding too. Meditation helps me and journaling daily to get it out of my head. 🥰
@@Chill_Jill Thanks, I might give this a try.
@kf4722
God bless you, Sweetheart 🙏🙏🙏
I'm wishing you all the best 💖💖💖💖💖
You are right!
They are toxic
Three years after being discarded I was diagnosed with colon cancer.
It had started years earlier during my life with a narcissistic woman.
God intervened and saved me in the nick of time.
Dis ease causes disease.
Live is evil spelled backwards.
My first thought was freedom to speak your mind, without "someone" taking offence. And so we walk on eggshells.
Yes, God forbid you have an opposing opinion. God forbid your own kids show up in the home you paid for un announced. God forbid you have pictures of your family in frames because they were a part of you long before he was.
Let them take offense! Let them walk away or discard! Be you.
1/ Making Decisions
2/ Your Self Identity
3/ Always Feeling like Youve Done Something Wrong
4/Your Peace/Happiness
It amazes me how many people this affects
@@epicon6
Absolutely True 🥲
Narcissistic Abuse is Brutal.
Here here! So sad😢
1000000% true from personal experience
The narcissist destroys your luck. Once I identified the narcissist in my life and cut them off from draining my energy all the sudden my obstructions disappear. Its as if my luck came back.
8:29 "Why am I putting up with this?"
In my experience, it's time to get out of a relationship when this question is raised. 🏃♂💨💨
The healing process is to get back what you gave up 🙂
...and integrating the lost "pieces" to get whole. 🙏💛🙏
@@roxymovie3938 Ah yes. it's essential to embrace integrity and wholeness. Thank you 😄
@@Justice2024-h4u Thank you.
I am not giving up my freedom, value and free will anymore ⛓ I choose to be FREE
I'm with you on that one 🙏❤️
I with you on that. Nine years later, I haven't gone on one date. Just cannot see me risking another nightmare like that. It's totally not worth it.
Your dreams and inspiration, your freedom and independence, your self respect and dignity and civility, your uniqueness and humanity, at the end you become a shell, empty shell, you lost your self!
But have you?
This is the beginning of an end, to take back, take back your birth right, take back your true friend, yourself!
So well articulated, Fred!
I have had to push my dreams aside for a couple years. Goals I can’t complete because it would be giving me freedom. I just feel so frustrated these days with having to live a low life. The boundaries I attempt to set are not paid attention to. I want to move out so I can make meaningful progress.
They take ALL ....every single piece of you in every way . They will leave Nothing behind !
One thing I haven't given up: my honesty.🙏
I totally agree. To avoid all this, a woman should be totally independent, economically and emotionally, be happy with herself and permit the access only to the man who deserves her.
I couldn't have tried any harder to make things work and sacrifice and compromise, but when there's only one doing all the giving and the other just takes, it makes you realise is it worth it to lose your life for this person. No one is ever worth losing your life for, because no good person would ask you for that. 🍒
Amen! Amen!! This is why God said to remove ourselves from those who have terrible character traits as listed in 2 Timothy 3:5. We can be pushed to the brink by these nasty people, it is best to ignore them and remove them from our lives.
They're energy vampires and negativity magnets. Sadly
More susceptible in adulthood, when raised by narcissists.
I feel like an encourager living with a discourager. I'm getting drained and worn down. Even encouragers can get discouraged with little encouragement over time. Thank you for seeing us and helping us to disconnect from the negativity. With your wonderful videos, we can reconnect with ourselves and the people and things that matter in life.
💯💯💯🎯 YES!
Being an encourager can come with the tendency to give others the benefit of the doubt. This can be a good trait until you get hooked up with a schemer. Keep leaning forward!
@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you. 🙏🏻
@SurvivingNarcissism love you Dr! Its because of your wisdom I've STAYED NO contact for 6 months and now he FEARS ME! I wouldn't hurt a soul but you best believe im keeping it that way !😂
I know now why I was with him for so long because I was in a trauma bond. He said and showed me that he would not hesitate to kill me if I left him. I got mentally ill and knew I had to leave him because otherwise, I would die anyway. A higher power provided me with an opportunity to go into hiding and that's how I got back my freedom.
You should have taped him and given this to an attorney, police and other people! Never let someone threaten your life , not ever !
@@rondasparks This was years ago, no cellphones no internet. Our RCMP at that time did not get involved in domestic disputes - that's what they called women being abused in relationships. I am in Canada. I remember at that time a woman left her husband and the husband sued the man she got involved with for lost favors, like cooking, cleaning, etc, and won. 70ties and 80ties. My ex also told me he would do that.
@@user-ro3rv4nw2n what an ass !
@@user-ro3rv4nw2n Thanks for that explanation; now it´s clearer. Shocking, what happened in the 70/80ties. Good that women have more rights now!! Stay protected and blessed. Greetings from Germany
@@ann_hey7027 here in North America was a movement in the 60ties, called the Liberation Movement when women started to rebel and seriously demand equal rights. Generations of women have been oppressed horribly since the beginning of time. This is not only what was happening in the 70ties and 80ties. Men were fighting back they did not want to lose their right to have a woman servant and practically a slave at home to cater to them. That was called being the "housewife".
You can see what is still happening in Afghanistan and other countries around the world. It was normal at my time when a woman got raped she could not complain because she would be told she was asking for it. We basically lived in fear.
I grew up as your next-door neighbor in the northern part of Czechia escaping from communist oppression in 1965 to Austria and emigrating to Canada. The best thing I ever done in my life.
I have watched this video three times since its premiere. Wow! You hit this one outta the ballpark Doc! I truly 'hear your heart' and your honest hope for our wellness. What is right and best for us? Thank you. You put it out there so clearly.Why we got sick and un-became ourselves. With your help, I am able to look at my big picture. I am in charge of Me! ❤
Hi Nancy...I'm so pleased it resonated!
I agree wholeheartedly with you 🙏❤️
Amen: Dr C. is the BEST! he Knows what it is to work with a Bull- headed narcisist!!! wow!
Totally hit the nail on the head! Thank you!
Me too
I do the "grey rock", I treat him as an annoying roommate. I do about MY life, I don't tell him anything cause it's none of his business!
I ended up with a psychological problem where my mind would go blank when asked my opinion (from years of having to be very careful of what i say or get abused) it was discovered and cured in a personal development course I took (that I hid i was dong from the narc) I got discarded soon after when i started speaking my mind. Exactly what this video tells about. You can escape
I've been saying tgis for years. "I just can't BE MYSELF in the presence of this person."
Thank you Dr. Carter.
Let's go into the better direction!! I'm pulling for you.
Have suffered HUGE loss under the narcissist and didn't realize it.
I know what that feels like been like that of a person for many years but I'm not now got wisdom and see it differently now. Getting disconnected from my husband nomore trauma bonding no more people pleasing no trying to save my marriage. Working on myself and he hates it .
I'm not giving up anything because I blocked them completely out of my life and I'm 9 months I'm totally healed ❤
Glad to hear you blocked them ⛔🚫
Nice to know that you're healing now. Keep it up 💯
Good for you!
I'm just beginning to distance myself from such a relationship, and so far I am healing too. I'm working with someone to release lifelong emotional trauma and I'm living in peace for the first time in a long time. Thank you, Doctor and all your supportive followers. ❤️
I'm finding I do not want to converse with people anymore.
I have appointments and others to attend with my adult daughter, it's been that way for a long time but each time I have a dose of being kicked in the guts for showing kindness, I come out less, talk less and now wouldn't even know what to talk about even if I became sociable.
One appointment I had was a bit fun and the lady was single 2 weeks later after a dating site she'd been on she was already sleeping with the guy and her demeanour had changed, it's not the world I want to be part of. Now she just talks what I should be doing and I keep it very brief and never answer questions not relating to the professional nature of these meetings! Maybe I'm learning boundaries at last!
I dealt with a narcissist like this for 14 years, she was my boss. She finally got fired for her unprofessional behavior and I felt like 50K pound weight was lifted off my shoulders. That was 7 years ago and I am still dealing with the aftermath of those 14 years of hell with an overt narcissist 5 days per week. No one should have to go through that. it really affects you negatively.
I have to admit that I told a great big fat juicy lie to the Narcissist and when I still think about it I get the warm and fuzzy feeling.. The big thing is that I don't want to be around people where I have to lie to protect myself..
Love this..God approves defending yourself with lies against Satan
@@monaj33 Thank you..
The saddest for me is the hope of having a relationship w someone that I can connect with , have a conversation with , enjoy being around , have fun with .. all if that is heartbreaking that it won’t be part of our future
The Narcissist eventually feels when you stop shining your light on them.
Finding this channel is one of the best things to happen to me! Dr. Carter gives me clarity on a behavior that I didn’t know existed. I was confused. Not anymore! I’m seeing people for who they are. I choose to love me, to be me, to guard my peace, to own my confidence, and to keep my distance from anyone who threatens such things ❤
same here
The best at his calling .
Dr. Carter is hands down the best .
Yes, I gave up my assertiveness with my in-laws. For over 35 years I've let them intimidate me and boss me around. I turned myself into a doormat. But thanks to Dr. C all of that has been changing, and now my husband and I have been setting boundaries with his family and they are VERY unhappy with these *new* necessary changes. Oh well. Sometimes you have to set healthy boundaries to protect your peace of mind & marriage :)
at least you have your husband........better than being alone. at least God sent me a kitty cat 🐈⬛
Good for you. If you get pushback on your healthy boundaries then it confirms you are on the right path. Stay strong and true to yourself. Wishing you all the best. Take care of yourself.
@@tessellatiaartilery8197 Yes, and thank you! 😀
I’m so glad your hub supports you
My sons wife is the narc She manipulated lied and disrespected me She even managed to isolate me from my first born son. When I allowed her to use me with my grandson everything was good Now that I have set boundaries She has convinced my son to not answer my text concerning seeing my grandson These folks are of the devil God in heaven will help me
I’m REALLY glad you and your husband are on the same “team”.
I realized I was seething with resentment and anger because I had to bite my tongue in order to "keep the peace". So glad that's over with.
I've never been so full of rage and resentment, it's coming out of my ears. I also stifle my anger often to avoid pointless drama. It's corrosive. I barley recognize myself😞
That is a great point, "why would you allow someone to manipulate and harm you so severely?" It goes all the way back to childhood, some root point where you developed various emotional problems that manifest later in life from trauma. Get back to being your natural self, stay in the present, participate in activities that are fun and bring you joy. Then you can begin to address the early trauma that affected you later in life, have the clarity to understand the abuse you endured from a narcissist, and identify the behavior patterns.
I’m out 10 mo. Divorce signed. Your comment was so right. My children said “ great to have you back Mom.” His abuse was isolating me. When others were around he made them very uncomfortable. 24 yrs, not looking back, forgive myself enjoy my new exploration of old wounds & move through.
Best to you👍🏻
Well, I had a perfect childhood like and when I say that that is 100% honest, no abuse emotionally physically had very involved very supportive parents. They are completely the same way for my grandkids as they were for me and my two sisters, my two sisters, both married healthy individuals, and somehow I am married to very high on the spectrum narcs 🤷♀️ second one prob because the first and i didn’t even know what narcissism was . The first one I was young immature and dumb thought I could change someone the second one totally got taken advantage of he knew I was recently divorced he played totally 100% knew I was vulnerable and he was able to play the complete opposite of my recently divorced husband. If only I could backtrack 15 years in this situation would’ve played out so much differently. I can amount it to being immature myself and wanting to be dependent on someone he seemed older more mature the opposite of my ex oh how things have changed mask slipped I see now red flags I ignored 15 years ago I would never ignore those today
true. you have to stay strong because the going gets hard - it isn't easy. early patterns, or conditioning. I agree. where we got stuck is what we keep re-enacting and playing over and over. God bless you, appreciate your comment. Dr. Les is there for us, appreciate what he gives us...........a place to go where we feel validated. and heard. God bless all who come here.
Pretty much everything that is authentic about you
That weariness you described at the start of this video, that's my experience. I never relinquished myself to the narcissist who was in my life to the point where it ruined my self esteem.
But - oh, the lying, well, I've done that because the narcissist demanded such awkward opinions I just couldn't give. The narcissist wanted to compare her laugh with that of someone else, and she wanted me to agree that her laugh was less obnoxious. I couldn't do that. So I just told her that her nervous laughter was getting a little better. I couldn't all out tell her that her laugh was obnoxious and evil and unsettling as all heck.
YOUR SANITY!
I’m slowly climbing out of my shell because of my narcissistic husband and it feels so weird and good. I picked up the hobby of coloring and he first didn’t like it but too bad 😊
They don't like anything that gives us any kind of joy
I noticed narcissist don't change, got me again
Dr Carter, your videos saved my life. I didn't know what I was dealing with, but after watching so many of your videos, I have learned so much, and I now will be able to recognize a narcissist before they come near. And they won't ever get a bite on me again, because they aren't drawn to strong balanced happy people. I cannot thank you enough. It was as if you reached your arm down to me when I was deep in a hole. I lived with my covertly narcissistic sister all during the pandemic, all through her silent treatments, her humiliating me, her controlling me, her withdrawing love as a manipulation, her final act of asking me to leave when I had nowhere to go... Oh, but guess what, Dr Carter! I landed so softly! She would hate how happy I am, if she only knew. I am so lucky, so incredibly fortunate in how I came to live elsewhere in the most loving and supportive environment, circumstances I didn't even think to dream of! And I cut off contact with that sister, because I came to understand through your videos that I could never stop her from what she does, how she sucks the soul out of a person. She will never value me. I really don't think she's conscious of it. It is just who she is. I hope I never see her again. She's the only family I have, but I hope I never fall victim to her again. And yes, I do need counseling. PTSD from a covert narcissist.
Thanks for sharing all this. Please know I'm pulling for you!!
You give up your self worth and your freedom. Life is never the same again!
You are still you but got tangled up in a big web of lies and toxic abuse that was spun by an evil narcissist monster. that was ready to devour you as its prey. Until you have the courage to break the web and set yourself free and change into that amazing beautiful colourful butterfly you always were and now are ready to fly again.
I tell my friend all of the time “ you don’t know me, I only share with you very surface stuff and old stuff because I don’t trust you like that”
We are all looking for a hand out, and have a hard time trusting others, i seem to attract these qualities in others. The only freedom I have is when I'm alone.
I've had to suffer severe humiliations. I don't even like discussing some as they're so painful. I'm not sure what I did in life to earn being subjected to that person. I even had a nightmare about him and his flying monkeys the other night.
You didn't do anything to earn your abuse. That idea was created by abusers in order to get out of their responsibility.
You were probably targeted because of your goodness, your compassion and kindness. They cannot be what you are so they want to destroy you.
Please understand that you could not have used knowledge about narcissistic abuse that you didn't yet have. It wasn't your fault. You are doing the right thing now. I too have had many years of physical, psychological and spiritual suffering because of an entire lifetime of abuse beginning over 50 years ago with the egg donor's decision to have me to trap my dad in a horrible marriage. All we have is now moving forward, but I am glad to see you are leaning into some of the pain so that you can heal from it (instead of repressing it). We grow as we heal, and growing pains hurt a lot. Please remember to be kind, gentle and loving to yourself. You never lost that beautiful light inside you.
@@danielkaiser8971 Thank you, Daniel, for your wonderful understanding, sharing your personal story and being so supportive. I am always grateful to read your comments 🙏💛🙏
I gave up my health. I've gotten two autoimmune diseases in the last couple years and got so stressed my hair started to fall out.
Now that I've gotten rid of every way they held power over me, moved out of state and started low or no contact my health is starting to rebound.
The same thing has happened to me my body is incredibly sore and I have autoimmune problems. It’s going to take awhile to get my health back I think, still, now we have a chance to do that, the space to do that and peace to do that. It’s incredible how our body responds to these kinds of people isn’t it. Thank you for putting your comment up there because it reaffirms what I’m Experiencing physically as well. Some mornings I wake up and feel incredibly old and sore and I’m only 50. It’s all the pain and hurt that I have experienced. I think it comes from out of my heart and seeps into my body, so the only way is to heal my heart and I think then my body will follow. Thank you for helping me figure that out!
Wow, same. I notice my Crohn's and aches flare when my narc is around. The pattern is too much of a coincidence for me to dismiss. I'm 47 but my body feels much older 😢
Acting contrary to one's own identity is perhaps the worst psychological harm from narcissistic emotional abuse in my relationship experience, leading to feelings of confusion, rejection and emotional disassociation. The invalidation leads one to no longer know who one is and to no longer feel worthy in the world. It can take years to recover one's equilibrium, years of therapy and more, years of false paths and lucky breaks.
Their abuse is almost psychological warfare done "for your own good.". You become a shell of yourself and they walk away free and clear above it all, until their behavior catches up with them with others and it will.
I wouldn't give up my experience for anything, because it allows me to see what so many others take for granted, but I wish that things had turned out differently. My dad's favorite saying was, "chalk it up to experience," and that it was, for better or worse.
I guess I'm blessed that I made it through, but I bear the emotional scars to prove it; and hopefully, I am no longer so easily fooled without awareness or consent. It was trauma that few can see, compounded and complex, but trauma that pointed me in a better direction, a hard learned lesson towards the good and towards better health.
It's okay if you don't understand, few could.
Dr. C, so much of what you talked about resonates with me. I stayed in a relationship? with him for almost 8 years. Went through all of the stages and repeated cycles of abuse. I threw him out a year ago September 12. The trauma bond still exists to an extent. I still think about him but I don’t try to dwell on him. But he is there in the background, unfortunately. Can’t afford therapy but as you told me, “Keep watching the videos.” I do feel shame for putting myself through this situation. But I’m striving to get the healthy me back. It surely is a journey. A lot of work but it’s well worth it. I deserve DRC in my life. I so much appreciate your kindness, support and of course, your videos.
Sincerely,
Patrick
Patrick...I'm pulling for you. You're an inspiration!
@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you so much Dr. C for your kind words. Much love
I finally ended my relationship with my malignant narc mother because I refuse to keep lying to her because I'll get abused over the truth. Ive spent decades having to lie to her about spending time with my father (whom divorced her) and I will not do it anymore. It's so flipping ridiculous to have to lie about spending time with the father SHE chose for me.
I know. in my family we were supposed to hate my Dad because he finally left her cheating a*s
and coldness and because she told him gleefully (in a fight) that the child she was pregnant with was not his. so he finally left. the "queen" was flabbergasted because it "made her look bad" as everyone loved my Dad (except her highly controlling critical parents). but we were all supposed to "hate" him or WE became the scapegoat.........I never did so my mother turned her hate towards me but of course, she was never there for us kids anyway. ugh. now my siblings act like her.
They wore me out just being around them. They suck the life out of you physically and emotionally . I had to remind myself the breathe. I stopped sharing dreams and lived in the present until I could get a break alone and dream about things I had an interest in. And I did find interest and went for it. Of course I always faced resistance but I kept going and did accomplish much. The Narc's are gone now and I count myself to be very Blessed and grateful that I'm still alive and well. Dr. C. I have made great strides with help from you and my therpist. And have many safe people in my life that support me. Thank you much!! Still. Moving forward in North Carolina!!😊😊
I understand that "blank stare" feeling. One becomes so accustomed to trying to please/appease or at least not upset the narcissist, and feeling selfish for existing, that you forget (or never realised) that you can make choices for your own good.
It was a revelation to me when a counsellor told me that when trouble starts with my parents and I begin to feel afraid, I could stand up and say, calmly, "Goodbye. I have to go now," and leave without being excused. I was in my mid-fifties!
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power of love and a sound mind.
You give up:
Power
Love
Sound mind
Amen and amen!
Short answer: I gave up myself.
Me too.
It's easy done if you don't know what narcissist is about you get into the narcissist fog . And I've been there for many years. Mental and physical abuse I was badly treated my needs not met rage fits violence. The lot.
For years I let him tell me who he is whenever he'd lie, blame, slander, gossip, etc. Once he said, it's not that I'm evil. The silence was deafening. To me, he'd at last summed it all up.
You give up your right to have your own opinion.
The World would be a perfect place if only everyone were more like this guy !!!
So much of this resonated with me. Being dishonest to avoid their judgement, wrath. Losing myself in their mind game maze. It's exhausting.
Hi Dr. Carter, Gus and the Team Healthy Community from California. They want the very blood in your veins while giving us nothing but grief. Can't put on makeup on the person you see in the mirror because you don't know who they are. You give up freedom, goals and dreams. They lie, steal and destroy just like the devil. That is why I realize that not everyone we let into our lives is sent by God. These evil people don't give you anything. This is a great video Dr. Carter and I wish I had found your channel years ago. Thank you so much.
Thanks, Alice!
Great wisdom! Thank you Dr C. Healthy boundaries =staying clear of these people is a good and healthy decision❤❤❤
Recently went out with my literal dream woman based purely on looks. Too bad she was one of the worst narcissists i’ve ever met. Got enought trauma in one full day that i’ve gotten from a previous 1 year long term relationships with a narcissist.
I had already forgotten how they really can’t feel empathy towards me and that they enjoy when i feel broken.
I spent the full day with her because she was so gorgeous but it was the easiest thing to day we’re not going to see again, because there’s no price what i would sell my soul like that for.
Even though i should have been even more aware all the signs i’m only now seeing back with a clear mind and noticing how she was prepping me to fail so she could start feeding on my good will.
I felt every one of these. I was married to a person with strong narcissistic tendencies and it sucked. I felt like I couldn’t be myself. Now I am picking up the pieces and trying to put them back together. I want my life back, but better. I want to be honest again with not just the world, but myself. I want to do the things I used to do. I want to travel and enjoy the world. I want to be free again. It’s sucks that I still ruminate about her from time to time and I know that’s to be expected. It makes me angry that I do this as I know she isn’t healthy to me, but we were together for 23 years and just divorced 4 months ago. I just asked that those that believe pray for my healing and those that don’t believe send some positive vibes my way.
You will heal over time. Congratulations on your courage to leave. Keep listening to your heart. It's been 10 years since leaving my relationship/marriage of 23 years. I've come a long way - created a life I am proud of but still appreciate listening to folks like Dr. Carter who help clarify my experience from that time. Prayers for your continued healing.
@@joycej928 thank you and I really appreciate it. Congrats on your progress as well. It’s unfortunate that someone could relate to my pain and struggle. No one deserves this.
🙏🙏🙏🙏
I’ve probably watched almost every video you’ve ever made Les and benefited from every one of them. But this one REALLY resonated for me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
So pleased!!
My husband and I have never considered that great question. What is best for me? We always think about what is best for our estranged son, narcissistic wife and our 3 grandchildren that they have alienated from us. Should we reach out or go no contact? We’re in counseling and have explored how their choices have affected us, and what our choices are, but what is best for us takes it a step deeper doesn’t it.
Hallelujah! I am in charge of me and only answer to my Heavenly Father!
Exactly. It's so draining it sucks the life right out of you. .it's so sad when things could be so different. Something that's nice and fulfilling. CANT HAPPEN . Happy kind and decent isn't in their agenda. You absolutely nailed everyone of the terrible disturbing traits they have. I truely didn't know there was a name for these kind of people. THANK YOU FOR HELPING people like me that need help . Now I just have to survive. I have been treated so badly it's hard to believe I let myself get here. I'm absolutely ISOLATED. but my health has played a part . I'm going to get better if I have to crawl on my belly to do better.
I can relate to your experience 10000%. I'm sending you all the love and support and validation you've been missing, and courage to move forward, even if it's on your belly 😉! You deserve better, you are a lovely person- it's clear from your post. Wishing you a future full of all the good things!
To those that are just starting to follow this wonderful man please dont give up he and Gus have been such a healing part of my wake up call everything he says in Dr. Carters healing videos are just that true but healing Im a broken record but a good broken record as after almost 30 years I look back and why did I never see this ...because I hadnt been shown what he was and was doing until my cousin educated me and I started finding these videos but its called life and I will now enjoy what life I have left thank you Dr. CARTER❤
I’m so happy for you that you get to be free and happy now!! Amazing you got through it!! So so happy for you!!✨💕✨💕
Dr C saved my life too!
Happy for you also thank you!!
I haven’t given up on my honesty. I have just muzzled myself cause it ain’t worth the backlash to be open.
And my sense of humor - it's critical!😅
Yes 🙌 laugh out loud about the way they act 😂it's so ridiculous it will make you laugh 😂
I have not given up my honesty and I don't accept that I am responsible for anyone else being dishonest with me.
After the awakening point the hardest thing has been to find out who I am. Who am I? What do I deserve? How do I feel? Still working on undoing all of the damage after three years of recognizing the narcissist for who she is.
Also recognizing that I may never be totally healed and trying to kind to myself about that as well. Not bring a victim nor a survivor. As both of those words or mindsets are still tied to the narcissist. I am just me.
Well said! I really like how you said I’m not a victim or a Survivor because that is still tied to the narcissist. It gives them too much control still.
I’m me dealing with someone who decided to do evil things. I’m me dealing with someone who is confusing and a lair. I’m me dealing with the pain of that persons disorder.
How can we say it to put it all in the right context? And reframe it right?
Is there a word we can give to put the light on the right place?
this is true for me too. exactly. introspection and a spiritual life helps so much (learning to open our Self up to God thru meditation). when we learn whatever the lesson is, then we can extract ourselves. because the lesson is learned. I wish you the best, what keeps me going is believing that we are meant to be OVER COMERS. You can be totally healed - you are meant to be WELL AND WHOLE AND HAPPY AND FREE. I am doing this work too, God bless you. I know how hard it can be, I watch videos like this to help keep me knowing I am not alone because NO ONE around me is doing this work or wants to look past their phone or tv or quit drinking, etc. oft times we feel alone. I'm with you. Thank you Dr. Carter
I don’t know. We’re just ‘us’. Something crappy did happen to us which while I found freeing and healing in forgiveness I know I won’t forget. Nor reconcile with this parent. I’d like to say I am my authentic self but don’t know even know if I’m there yet. However I feel like I respected my authentic self by cutting that person out of my life. Now I’m not playing the role that she wanted me to play but rather trying to star in my movie and not hers. I’m not a supporting actor anymore. Maybe not the star but learning to live my movie.
What do we call this? Not sure. Not victim, not survivor, just the me that I want to be.
I think as you continue to get in touch with how you are feeling each day it will help clarify your beliefs and to be able to change them in a positive way, that is what I work on doing. I also believe "forgiveness" means to "let go" of what happened so that you can now have what you want instead of replaying the past over and over. you don't have to ever forget but learn from it and let it float away like a bad dream, let it go, release it to God and the Universe. decide what you want and let go of pleasing anyone else or giving away your will power to them for approval or to survive. I did this, I know it takes practice to feel it is okay and normal and right but It is okay to be YOU, claim the right to be FREE to BE YOUR TRUE SELF. just my 2 cents. God bless you. @@corrineroberts5606
The worst of all is when giving up all these leads to self-hatred, and to giving up on the will to live. That is the biggest danger, and that's how I felt when I was targeted in a horrendous smear campaign by a toxic vulnerable narcissist. I'm so very happy that he is no longer part of my life and that I'm healing. Thank you Dr Carter for helping me on that journey back to health. ❤
This guy is reading my mail....
Honesty was my question. I have one in the medical world, thinks he's a therapist, I can't rid of ...yet.... I'm too transparent....and naive. Yes it takes its toll. I finally snapped and was far to mean but I had compromised myself too long and he really insulted me.
Thank you, Dr. Carter, for these wonderful videos!!
There's such a big difference between living with Narcissists, working with them, or just having them in your life for various reasons. I've lived all 3 scenarios, and by far, the latter is the easiest to manage!!
For those who are struggling, if you can find time and space to reflect on yourself and how you handle and respond to people who enjoy pushing your buttons, and, unfortunately, learn how to slowly build up a thick skin to these people, you'll emerge as a winner!!!
Also, learning tips, tricks, and techniques from wonderful therapists like Dr. Carter makes all the difference in the world!!
All of this Narcissistic knowledge has been so impowering to me over the years!!
Thank you so much!!
Don't give up, out there!! Brighter days and happier days are closer than you think!! You deserve all the wonderful things in life!!
Please don't give up!! ❤❤❤❤❤
Thanks for your good words!!
@SurvivingNarcissism
Thank you so much, Dr. C!! 🙏🙏🙏🙏
I love you and appreciate you so much!!
You're saving so many people from Narcissistic abuse and the confusion and depression that we find ourselves living in every day.
Your sincere, kind and encouraging voice sure delivers the message well, Dr Carter.
When it is your parents who believe that they own you, rather than a spouse, it adds a whole other dimension to all of this. And sometimes there is no way out, even if you do try to ask yourself why you are putting up with all of this. Health and financial reasons can keep a person stuck for life.
Your innate capacity for clear-minded thinking.
You give up your family, especially the ones who tried to open your eyes…..
Self love is the cure, self respect. Once you be your own defender the narcissist is quickly identified. Realise you are thier supply forgive yourself for the lack of respect you allowed and walk away.
I like how you think.
@@SurvivingNarcissism thank you for all your insights
everything. even things you didn't know you had.
It takes a long time for these things to sink in, even when though we have known for a long time.
When I moved out after high school, I bought my own home. My father tried to control me and my girlfriend. I told him to leave but he ignored me so I grabbed him and threw him out . He told me he was going to tell my mom what I did lol . He didn’t even knocked , he just walked in like he lived there lol .
They work so hard to destroy relationships with family and friends.
I wrestle with cynicism and I'm not a cynical person. Never have been! But some days I just can't see the goodness in people or in things (like I used to) and I find myself dwelling on the why's of my sister's behavior and how she could have done what she did to someone she's supposed to love. I know that I'm in the healing process and I'm grateful for that, but it still doesn't change the fact that part of me will never be the same again. Being around a narcissist can not only "rob" you of who you are, destroy your place in the family (they've always got an excuse for what's happened and everybody believes them), and leave you with emotional damage that may take years for you to recover from. I haven't spoken to my narc (or her flying monkeys) for almost a year and I don't know if I ever will again!
Don't ever talk to her again or the flying monkeys ! Get happy involved with someone else you can trust !
Damn right - I do not feel free - I feel watched, controlled, manipulated. I hate that. It is not normal nor healthy.
HI GUS….
HE IS SO CUTE!
Thank you Dr. C for ALL your videos.
They are always so interesting and you
just have an awesome demeanor and how you deliver them.
God bless you.
From JANESVILLE, WI USA😮
Thanks so much. Glad to be there with you in Janesville.
@@SurvivingNarcissism THANK YOU BUNCHES.
Also…. That is so so precious. How you talk about your beautiful grand daughter, and your daughter.
They sure are a gift from God.
At this point, I just want to give up..but I am really trying not to...
Don't give up. The world will be darker if you do. Learn, grow, shine.
What Aaron said!!
Please don't give up You are worth more than that. I've been there myself with a terrible toxic marriage. but I'm now getting wisdom and seeing things differently, and it has really helped me it was hard and difficult but I'm doing it, so will you. Remember You are not alone. I hear you we all do . Sending ❤️ and positive strength your way. X.
It's not giving up , it's getting away from him , he deserves himself, you deserve better !!!!
I got very honest recently with my Narrcisist and I got three days of the silent treatment as a result. I had to call on my C. friends to pray for me to respond in a positive way. God DID give me peace and kept my emotions and anger under control. Glory to God!
My husband of 30 years confuses me. He has empathy and can cry at the drop of a hat, he does kind things for me…but yet I feel everything you talk about in this video
Great wisdom! Thank you Dr C. Healthy boundaries =staying clear of these people is a good and healthy decision
i have given up everything that is morally important to me. Now I am being ghosted so severely, I am not "entitled to KNOW" what he does during his work day or who he is working for. Apparently this week it is a swinging door of different people with NO explanation. Lies all lies. He has to control why his boss isn't hiring him this week.
I am 59 years old and only know have I figured out that is exactly how my mother has treated me my entire life. when I have accomplished things on my own either getting a job or going for a very long walk she has never been proud of me for my accomplishments. She has always treated me like an ignorant little boy that she wants to control and manipulate. Now she wonders why I do not want to visit her anymore, even though she always likes to tell me "I love you with all of my heart". I look back at my life and I see that the only love that she has ever given me has been a very superficial love.
Feeling like I was in a constant low level battle for him to appreciate my point of view. Having to give up on my innate enthusiasm and generositg
You give up the peace and tranquility of TRUST.
Yes. I have no peace..soon.🙏🏾🙏🏾
You may become simply complacent and incapable of making any decisions. Everything is "okay" and you just don't know what you want or like anymore.
BINGO! on giving up your honesty any who you are. You step into a role because it keeps the peace but it's not the person you are. It's the projection of the personality the narcissist feels you should be.
It truly depends on the situation, if it's a boss , the other grandparents, a mother in law , a daughter, a son, a husband, a boyfriend etc... limit your time with them, limit contact , tell them bluntly and go through with it ! Get another job , divorce ( it's better for the kids in the long run ) breakup for good , don't ruin your holiday stay away from them. I know it's devastating 😢at the time but in the long run your life will improve. Go to court, talk to someone, get professional advice, block them on all media platforms including your phone if possible. Have a competent adult deliver and pickup children. Ignore at all costs. Seek a way , ideas , tactics , plans , even if you have to tell a little lie !
My gosh, Dr. C hits it out of the park again. Really needed this message right now. So grateful 🙏🏼
One thing I've noted is how some people have some idea of what they want you to be. Like they are going to make you into something they think you should be. It always makes me angry.
"You've been offered a promotion?"
"Will taking that position make it easier for them to fire you?"