Simon the guard has such an accomplished resumé. He takes on tasks no one asked him for (mashing potatoes in the Jarl's face), uplifts his coworkers (yeeting James) and when he passes by everyone falls to their knees! (because he grabs their faces and punts them into the dirt, details.)🥰🥰🥰
To be honest, if Simon was a Windhelm guard, he'd take on the mysterious killings happening in the city in a heartbeat. Unless it's break time with the lads.
Literally has the killer in his sights, about to deal the killing blow, checks the time. "OH! I'm late to be at the pub with the boys!". Runs away with great haste, elaborating no further.
Some of my best friends are Dark Elves. I just believe the countless other dark elves who are not my best friends are the ones who eat up all of our food, pollute with their stink and are secretly imperial spies.
@@johanaklaudyova8764 Sure, let’s just ignore the systemic racism the Dark Elves face. You move into the Grey Quarter, and see how long it is before you’re stealing. Let’s not hire Dark Elves and then complain how lazy they are for not working.
@@4plus20isHappy exactly, I don't care that they steal and sell skooma because they literally have no other choice, it's because they're less developed then us Nords! It's written in the books, too! (written by Nords of course)
Caters for the jarl, keeps the poor warm, welcomes all races, keeps a child out of harms way, puts the docks to rights... it was going going so well until he had an altercation with Argonians and accidentally lead a ravenous troll into the keep. Truly a day of highs and lows for the new guard
"Behold.... Skyrim!" 9:20 I just love that. That is indeed peak skyrim. I think I'm gonna sub just for your accent alone! LMAO 43.7k subs? You def need more!
When you checked the pursuit situation, gotta admit, I was not expecting an army bigger than what you see in any of the battles during the civil war. Confirmation that Ulfric sees Simon as a bigger threat than the Empire.
My brother, I just discovered your channel and it has made my day- no, my week !! It is a crime your videos are under viewed but I’ll be putting in my effort and binge your content (and ofc show my mates) ! Cheers !
Thank you very much, and a happy friday to you too, and everyone else who enjoys this vid! Truly the impartial bringer of justice and order that Windhelm needed! :)
I’m so happy that a new video of yours has come out, I really like your Skyrim Hold Guard videos, I also made a new profile picture for me to use it’s captain Fannybones! ☠️🏴☠️💙
I realized that the Argonians tried to escape by jumping into the water and swimming. From what I know, NPCs in Skyrim have always hated water. What is the name of the mod? I wish the bandits could swim instead of standing still when I'm in the water.
If you hold the holster weapon button (for me its hold left index grip for 3 seconds) there's a chance the enemies will turn passive but you panic too much and reload instead 😅
Yes first can't wait for the laughs watching this thankyouuuu 😊 After watching * I was not disappointed hahaha 🤣🤣 love it and you broke Skyrim again too 😊
genuinely so funny that you jab your fingers into a man's eyes while saying 'open your eyes'. Like a bully telling someone theyre trying to punch to stop dodging
Simon the guard has such an accomplished resumé. He takes on tasks no one asked him for (mashing potatoes in the Jarl's face), uplifts his coworkers (yeeting James) and when he passes by everyone falls to their knees! (because he grabs their faces and punts them into the dirt, details.)🥰🥰🥰
That just sounds like the Dragonborn in retirement
Tbh, him going over bringing the jarl some food is wholesome. A leader must eat well!
To be honest, if Simon was a Windhelm guard, he'd take on the mysterious killings happening in the city in a heartbeat. Unless it's break time with the lads.
Literally has the killer in his sights, about to deal the killing blow, checks the time. "OH! I'm late to be at the pub with the boys!". Runs away with great haste, elaborating no further.
nothing gets done when its breaktime with lads
Watching all the argonians jumping into the water to avoid a guards rampage is peak skyrim
you get the impression they were all waiting for the day a guard would snap. Just, none of them bet on it being the guard who was on their first day
Well well well
"I don't know why they're so mad at me" my man says after committing actual murder
They were resisting arrest
Skyrim but “I’m not racist, I have friends that are Dark Elves.” I’m a Windhelm Guard.
“I‘ve no problem with the Khajiit. So long as those thieving cats stay in Elsweyr… But I’m not racist really.”
Some of my best friends are Dark Elves. I just believe the countless other dark elves who are not my best friends are the ones who eat up all of our food, pollute with their stink and are secretly imperial spies.
@@4plus20isHappyi mean, statistically the dark elves commit the majority of crimes, you cannot be mad at me for stating the facts!
@@johanaklaudyova8764 Sure, let’s just ignore the systemic racism the Dark Elves face. You move into the Grey Quarter, and see how long it is before you’re stealing. Let’s not hire Dark Elves and then complain how lazy they are for not working.
@@4plus20isHappy exactly, I don't care that they steal and sell skooma because they literally have no other choice, it's because they're less developed then us Nords! It's written in the books, too! (written by Nords of course)
the Dunmer barkeep: great, another Nord...
the Nord: Oi, might hand me some of that ale? This Nord is thirsty and you have the best in town.
A guard so dedicated he even patrols inside the walls
And I don't mean inside the buildings, but inside the actual walls
I snorted when he tossed the little girl over the wall.
Ah, yes. Skyrim has never been so protected thanks to Simon and James. 😂
Only a truly great guard like Simon would remember to patrol Windhelm's out of bounds area.
Two seconds in and he's yeeting an Innocent adventurer off a bridge. That's a sign of perfection 😂
Caters for the jarl, keeps the poor warm, welcomes all races, keeps a child out of harms way, puts the docks to rights... it was going going so well until he had an altercation with Argonians and accidentally lead a ravenous troll into the keep. Truly a day of highs and lows for the new guard
Hands down the greatest guard I've ever seen.
When he clipped through the ground and said "behold... Skyrim" it fucking killed me
Derkeethus would be shocked at the treatment of his fellow argonians is what I'd say if it was shocking actions from Simon lol
DERKEETHUS 🥰
"Behold.... Skyrim!" 9:20
I just love that. That is indeed peak skyrim.
I think I'm gonna sub just for your accent alone! LMAO
43.7k subs? You def need more!
“…A whole horker in his mouth, but he just wouldn’t listen!”🤣🤣🤣
When you checked the pursuit situation, gotta admit, I was not expecting an army bigger than what you see in any of the battles during the civil war. Confirmation that Ulfric sees Simon as a bigger threat than the Empire.
When I first started watching these videos I had no idea what this guy was saying, now I understand him better than 90% of people I talk to every day
You've made me want to play skyrim again but it won't be the same without your commentary😂
Somehow, he managed to get everyone in the entire game to go after him.. I'm impressed..
truly sheogorath incarnate
Idk if beyond skyrim: Bruma is available for VR but you being a Bruma guard would be class
Honestly your content is some of the most underrated there is, shit's funny as hell
Classic guard, sees a poor person and immediately tries to throw him out until he realised that it was a veteran
Imagine having Simon as the Jarl of Windhelm
Think my fave part was when Neetrenaza was in HOT PURSUIT trying to attack Simon for attacking Shavee
A true egg brother right there
we're slowly getting to know how captain fannybones came to be he has several gaurd jobs before he died
simon: you argonians have the opportunity to save my life...
Shahvee: ah... swimming is good for the gills.
9:15 the guard realizes he’s in a video game
The WIndhelm Guard we didn't deserve but needed
My brother, I just discovered your channel and it has made my day- no, my week !! It is a crime your videos are under viewed but I’ll be putting in my effort and binge your content (and ofc show my mates) ! Cheers !
Quick! Go steal all the pies in Windhelm while it is abandoned! LOL
Thank you very much, and a happy friday to you too, and everyone else who enjoys this vid!
Truly the impartial bringer of justice and order that Windhelm needed! :)
windhelm’s most competent guard
Windhelm's feircest protectors right here; Simon and James.
I APPRECIATE THE TRANSLATION ATTEMPT
Do you hate the dark elves, Laughing Simon? Are you here to bully us and tell us to leave?
Don't tell Ulfric but I love the dark elves, the grey quarter is my favourite place in windhelm 😅
It's always a good day when The Laughing Simon posts a video!
6:08 your impression of children kills me hahaha
The fact he popped out of the water and immediately killed the nicest person in all of skyrim.
Holy shit, I actually had to pause the video just bc of the potato on the floor, I’m gonna die from this video. I can already tell. 🤣
Who needs therapy? when the laughing Simon exists ♥️
I’m so happy that a new video of yours has come out, I really like your Skyrim Hold Guard videos, I also made a new profile picture for me to use it’s captain Fannybones! ☠️🏴☠️💙
Why are you just so silly? I wholeheartedly enjoy all of your videos so so much. Goodness.
The first 15 seconds of this video is now up there with the best 15 seconds on TH-cam.
1:23 lmao you deactivated those guys 😂
1:34 My jaw dropped, I currently have frostbite 😂
"here ill help :D" YEET
Justice for Bruce!
He saw a fellow guard, a brother in arms, throwing a wooden spoon at a woman and had to take action!
My man just yeeted him over the wall great start to a video XD
Time to get Safety Boy to make sure Windhelm is safe for children.
Hahaha 😆 I think I noticed the citizens of Windhelm praying for a dragon or 3. Hahaha great stuff
that menacing ''kek'' after the boops xD
"I have conscripted the troll to the Windhelm guard"
2:52 Damn why'd you do 'em like that? lol
Not me hearing my name first thing when i play the video. Love having guard duty with you again!!!
Next time share the bevy ya greedy bam 😠
@@TheLaughingSimon I"m sorry it's just sooo good i cant help myself :(
I realized that the Argonians tried to escape by jumping into the water and swimming. From what I know, NPCs in Skyrim have always hated water.
What is the name of the mod?
I wish the bandits could swim instead of standing still when I'm in the water.
Oi, you leave my boy Derkeethus alone
The absolute blast of nostalgia endorphins when the Tekken music kicks in always gets me. Thanks for another wonderful upload!
Love me some Tekken music
Didn't know you could get 5 stars of heat in Skyrim 😂
I love how James is just on for a tour with you
"I'm very sorry.!" Has that ever worked?
I want more tales about Simon the Guard
My headcanon is that everyone got mad at you because they heard you threw poor Sophie over a wall.
Thanks!
oh wow thanks! I might treat myself to a couple of pints, since James keeps hogging all the bevy for himself. Greedy bam.
I’d be SO upset if you spent it on anything other than beer. Cheers!
@@EllenCherryCharles 🍻
@@EllenCherryCharles also, sorry for accidentally responding with the wrong account, but in my defense, I was sober and not thinking clearly. 🤣
Is it me or does he sound like the guy how to train your dragon franchise that one handed viking just makes it funnier ngl 😂😂
Yep great idea, just Yeet the child over the wall, seems like an outstanding guard to me!
This police body-cam footage gets wilder every time
6:38 Simons words were to much to handle. 💀
Simon out here proving that we don't need Wesworld technology, all we need for an equivalent (nordic) experience is skyrim vr
Just found you, these videos are great 😂
I need a mod that puts a Simon NPC on the map. That just runs around spouting shit, and throwing people.😂😂❤❤
You still haven't failed me yet this one is funny too I can't stop laughing and it just made my day. 😅😂😂😅😅
I love how, even when he is running for dear life, he still finds time to put a homeless person in the fire
Keeping the poor warm 💪
came for the title stayed for the accent
He’s such a good guard he could become the next high king of skyrim
Every castle has there “special” honorary guard kinda like make a wish guard…ya know
I'm sure i've been to this part of Scotland.
How much do y'all want to bet that Simon the Windhelm Guard is actually an Imperial double agent? lol
"Is it a Nord thing?" 🤔😂
Harassing the innocents of the Grey Quater, but enters an establishment for a bevey that belongs to Imperial Sympathizers 😂
I'd say that the ending is a good a reason as any to convert to being an Imperal soldier...
Swim, ye mad lizard 😂
OH MY GOOOD NOOO HE GOT THROWN ☠️🛑
Oi I just watched your riften guard video last night
Ahh it's good to see James back
Can we get Simon as a follower in the next Elder Scrolls game? And get Simon to voice his character? That would be grand.
Shavee didn’t deserve that police brutality
I just wanted to talk, it was that _other_ guard that struck the killing blow.
@@TheLaughingSimonshift the blame all you want Simon. The Lizards and sailors know what you did
Not to worry, my wife gave me the L word pass.
(The wife who I now to go resurrect, no thanks to the Scottish guard here)
This just a fun channel. Plain and simple
If you hold the holster weapon button (for me its hold left index grip for 3 seconds) there's a chance the enemies will turn passive but you panic too much and reload instead 😅
I love the stormcloaks
Possibly my favourite gaming series ever.
Such a psychopath 😂
The incident: 0:09
The karma: 10:24
Good stuff like always 😊.You have a new mod list available somewhere? I'm going to need that VR Perry mod. Appreciate it.
Pseudo Physical Weapon Collision and Parry AE SE VR 👍
Yes first can't wait for the laughs watching this thankyouuuu 😊
After watching * I was not disappointed hahaha 🤣🤣 love it and you broke Skyrim again too 😊
Bro you make my day. 😂😂😂
This guy understands exactly how Skyrim was meant to be played
it's a good thing the proudest city in skyrim is defended valiantly by 2 of the bravest nords
genuinely so funny that you jab your fingers into a man's eyes while saying 'open your eyes'. Like a bully telling someone theyre trying to punch to stop dodging
Can't wait for the Starfield ones, heh heh...
Bruce, Brain, Ian, Greg and James are strong Nordic names, but Simon is the strongest of them all!