It's worth mentioning that no matter how strong the intention to set boundaries, if there are trauma bonds in your early experience especially, you simply may cave in from the fear reaction. Setting boundaries following trauma often requires a serious commitment to reparenting oneself and having a ton of support.
Such a good point. When we first start setting them, we can feel guilt, shame and doubt. Especially if others react negatively. Keep tuning in to how you feel and if it’s safe to do so, tell them why you’re setting the boundary (because I feel…). The more we practice healthy boundaries, the better we become at listening to how we feel and setting them. If someone can’t respect your boundaries, then they’re not in alignment with you and probably aren’t able to practice healthy boundaries themselves.
Oh my god... I've only now realized that this is a key issue in my life. No wonder I am depressed after letting everyone silence and belittle me, after acknowledging other people's truths, opinions, and ideas 24/7 while never recognizing the validity of my own, after allowing myself to be criticized and judged by others for years, after letting my parents dominate over me with their thoughts and their ideas of who I should be. I feel very sad for myself and the little girl who was silenced so much that she chose to keep everything to herself and instead please others to survive. I am so sorry. No wonder I write and draw so much. I've turned inwards and have been desperately seeking understanding and guidance all my life. Only to realize I am the one who can do that. And I have the right to that. I deserve that. Thank you.
Someone's parents would be against it, or something about "we don't believe that in our house!" dumbness. It would be nice if we could just all agree on stuff that helps us live life and teach that in school. So yeah... I agree, but when working with kids, you have to consider what parents they have so you don't get in trouble.
wasted my thousands of bucks on therapy where they literally spit out jargon and here is this magical woman "Teal swan" who is uplifting my life one video at a time. I would love to offer donations for your wonderful work and also I don't have words to express my gratitude to you.
True Truth Speakers R NOT, therapists!! Therapists = The Rapists. Teal Swan is Not one, But a True Truth Speaker!! When I was Younger I went to therapy a few times!! And every time they Laugh at Me and Invalidate My Existence. One Woman Was pretty Good However..Though that didn't last....Anyway tis not simply just Jargon, They Violate Us Mentally, Emotionally and Spiritually and Basically We Feel Physically Violated as a result!!
I gave you a thumbs down to say "hey, I spent part of the @$#& lockdown learning from loving genius's like the person above. She may be rarer than we want, but thanks to goodness there are a lot of helpers if you look. But you know that.. be well
@Klmasxi, by stoping the blaming. First think before you speak and suppress negative talk. Then replace your negative thoughts about other people with positive ones. Try to step in their place and think what they are good at , what difficulties they had to deal with.. Do this until it's second nature.
I noticed people have ego, and they validate themselves only with the things society tells them to validate themselves with. Therefore, they judge you for not doing what society tells you to do. They judge you with their limited perspective. But you know what's best for you.
You are WONDERFUL. You are helping people probably more than you can even begin to imagine. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and enlightened teachings on self-respect and love.
Oh. my. god. that perfectly describes my relationship with my parents. They were invalidating. I was always so fervently thankful that they put a roof over my head, I never could/ wanted to ask them for anything and when I grew up I had to learn how to accept that I am deserving of the things I want (you have actually helped me with that process). I wish I could go to one of your workshops and meet you.
School Needs to be reformed. All that crap that we learned in School but never needed and this versus what we could have needed as what she is talking about in the Video! Perhaps it is not in the interest to make People strong.
La Donna Barbuta Well yes, reform will take place, but first, we must change how we look at ourselves...by letting go of our past and future(being present) and accepting our imperfection and hold ourselves with love, compassion and patience. People will be strong when we connect as one while embracing our differences. When we are as one, there is nothing that we can't do.
Because school is an institution constructed to control us and keep us locked in. It is where we are distracted from learning of ourselves and what our true natures are - as connected consciousness.
Tiffany D Well said. But what about religions, politics, TV programs, and the media? Are they also an institution constructed to control us and keep us locked in?
Wish I had found these 10 years ago!! So good, seriously Teals videos have helped me more in 6 months than YEARS of therapy and trying to heal on my own
SUMMARY - Personal Boundaries vs. Oneness (How to Develop Healthy Boundaries) - Teal Swan Boundaries are guidelines for how someone relates the self to the rest of the world. They're rules of conduct built out of a mix of beliefs, opinions, attitudes, past experiences and social learning. boundaries define a individual by defining likes and dislikes, what is for them personally wrong an what is right defining those things helps us to know how we let ourselves be treated from others sings for unhealthy boundaries: Saying no when you mean yes or yes when you mean no, feeling guilty when you do say no, acting against your integrity or values in order to please others, not speaking up when you have something to say, adopting another persons ideas so you are accepted, not calling out someone who has mistreated you, accepting physical touch or sex when you don't want it, allowing yourself to be interrupted or dissistracted to accommodate someone else or with their immediate wants or needs, giving too much just to be perceived as useful. Becoming overly involved in someone's problems or difficulties not defining and communicating your emotional needs in relationships,. Its important to understand that not others violate your boundaries but you violate them by yourself by allowing them to violoate your boundaries you dont stay true to what feels good to you, this is self betrayal by going against your own boundaries you violate yourself defining boundaries is completacted if you define them to cerebral concepts of right or wrong or according to what other people think are or arent healthy Your boundaries are defined and are no different than your feelings your feelings tell you if your bouandaries have been violated as you are listening to your emotions, you know exactly where your boundaries are so it is very crucial to be in touch with how you feel all day every day So we can think of a boundary as a line that uniquely defines, and separates your personal happiness, your personal integrity, your personal desires your personal needs and therefore most importantly your personal truth from the rest of the Universe. If you dont listen to and respect how you feel you violate your own boundaries if you dont listen to and dont respect what other people feel violate other peoples boundaries practice feeling how you feel, listen to your emotions which define your boundaries to stay in alignment with your own truth Important: personal truth which is what boundaries are can only be told to you by you your parents, friends, society cant tell you what your boundaries are only you can know your boundaries it is crucial that we not only know who we are and what we really want, but also that we know that we're known for we are and what we really want by others if you are ashamed of who you are and what you want you have poor boundaries As children you were ashamed of what you want and who you are to fit into the family and into society you had to develop an identity that was acceptable for people around you, a false self you became the person you thought you were supposed to be and shame the person you relly are if you fear other people thinking negatively of you, you know that you have set up a false self Do you know what you really wnat? Do you say yes when you really want to say no or say no when you really want to say yes? Are you afraid to let people know how you really feel? Are you afraid of people thinking negatively of you? You can also violate boundaries by withdrawing, going away from someone if you had invalidating parents it was difficullt for you to set healthy boundaries if you were invalidated for certain emotions you developed a false self suppressing emotions and not expressing your own truth people have difficultis to develop healthy boundaries because: 1. you put other peoples needs and feelings first 2. we don't know ourselves, 3. we don't feel as if we have rights, 4. we believe that setting boundaries breaks the relationship 5. we never learn to have healthy boundaries. Most people were told as children that they dont feel how they feel or it is not ok to feel how they felt you were told that what you wanted is not what you really wanted or that it is not okay, what you see is not what you see your own personal truth was invalidated again and again so you did not stick with your truth and you went against yourself, denying, you stoped trustin yourself Self trust is all about boundaries not trusting yourself means you have unhealthy boundaries, abondoning your own truth this makes you feel unsave within yourself you feel unsave with yourself when you act against your feelings, your own truth to learn to trust yourself you have to tune in how you truly feel and honor how you truly feel you cant have intimacy, cannot have good relationships if you deny how you truly feel your false self becomes like a mask that cant anyone pass the mask becomes your identity to the degree you dont know who you are, what you wnat to have a deep relationship with someone is to look the truth, the total unrestricted truth of who you are you cant meet someone at the heart center if you wear a mask You cause the difficulties you are trying to avoid, by not listening to your feelings and personal truth The bottom line is it is impossible to know who you are and what you like and what you believe and what you want unless you know exactly how you feel You cant have a good relationship when you dont have healthy boundaries otherwise you loose yourself before you can discover that we are all one you have to go towards individual happiness a boundary is not resisting what you do not want, that is unhealthy healthy boundaries exist to keep you happy healthy boundaries are non resistant to nature and therefore in alignment with oneness they are not about controlling they're entirely about you personally defining and then following your individual sense of happiness and desires and personal truth. they are a state of self awareness and self love and itegrity you cant have healthy boundaries letting the world define who you are and what you feel exercise wirte down 10 things you are most unhappy about in your current lfie ask yourself: are there any boundaries that you are crossing in this experience which is giving rise to this negative emotion? How do you really feel about these items, experiences on the list? the last part is an action step that pulls you in alignment with your personal truth and to honor how you feel now self expression is important, decide how you act on the experience and in future cases boundaries are reassessed when time goes on, they are not static boundaries change according to your feelings help other people to set boundaries by telling them that you want to know exactly how they feel independent from what others might think of it Assure them that what you really want is that thay stay in alignment with how they truly feel and want This gives them permission to be themselves and define their boundaries within your presence The bottom line is, if we want to live happy life's and make the right choices for ourselves personally, we need to know how we feel, admit to how we feel and express how we feel. Defning boundaries is a crucial part of finding your ture self its a crucial part of success and spiritual practice your boundaries can be simplified to how you feel if you feel like doing something and you do it you express a boundary if you dont do how how you feel you violate your boundary to follow your feelings is the same as to follow happiness you cant deny what you truly want, who you are, your feelings the more you honor your feelings the happier you will be Thanks Teal
I don’t have the desire to write out my own personal traumatic and entertaining life story haha. I’ll just say it’s incredible that you have popped up for me just this week when just this week I finally came to a full and illuminating understanding of what you described in this video. I have been doing years of work, and I finally breathe and that work I needed to do is put to rest, I am who I am and I am at peace. Deep diaphragmatic Breathing while noticing my surroundings (and not analyzing what I’m doing wrong or right) and notice my feelings like they’re a good friend.
Teal has changed so much in the last decade. Her delivery is so different now than it was then, so interesting and lovely to watch the same message embodied in Teal over time
thank you so much!!!! i think that's why me and other introverts are introverts because we dont know how to set bondaries, and that's why i dont like being with people because i havent learnt how to really express myself and set boundaries
I wish I had people like u in my surrounding so I can talk to the same level of understanding about things in the world. I need more spiritual people in my life. I really feel alone cause many people aren't spiritual and high vibrational.
This was so enlightening to me that I am speechless. I not only now understand what I’ve been doing to myself all these years, I also see that by violating my true emotions, I have wrongly projected it on other people in my life, making them responsible for my emotional pain. Now I also understand the source of many years of auto aggression that I have unconsciously passed on to my daughter. I so wish I would have learnt and understood this much earlier… The good thing is that I definitely now have the courage to change it and that will also help my daughter. I need now to let it sink in…. I’m just seeing my whole life flashing past in front of me and I see so many things already differently. Gosh…. Thank you 🙏
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to reflect on my boundaries and how to manage them more effectively. One thing that concerns me is that you truly have to be in touch with how you feel in order to trust your emotions and act on them. There have been times in my life when I was "out of touch" and thought I was acting on how I felt and it got me into situations where I realized I had not taken care of myself. It requires emotional intelligence and maturity to be able to read and trust your emotions and act on them in a healthy way.
DeannaColeman, I find that what has helped with this is recognizing that all emotions are guide post. They are a tool for innerstanding ones true motivations. It can at times appear that ones emotions cannot be trusted, but the reason for this is all emotions are a direct reflection of our belief systems. Meaning, we would never ever feel any certain way about any certain thing (the emotions) if we first didnt have a belief about it! It is through uncovering those hidden belief systems within ourselves that allow us to see why that particular emotion existed in the first place. So instead of approaching from the perspective that emotions can be misleading, ask yourself why that emotion existed in the first place. Validate it for showing up and showing you were it is that your out of alignment with your true self, for that is the reason its there. It in and of itself is not misleading, but rather its showing you were you have allowed conditioning and experiences that were never truly yours to be a part of you. We take on beliefs and conditioning since we are born that are not ours. Teals videos on identifying core beliefs and shadow work can assist you in this. There can be many layers of emotions and beliefs to uncover, sort of like peeling back the layers on a onion. Hope this helps you on your journey! Blessings
Same here. I'm learning to tune back in. At times it drives me crazy, but at other times, it feels more doable. It's a muscle that strengthens over time.
Are you interpreting manipulation correctly or on the backfoot? I have to ask myself this because sometimes I just don't know what people mean. Or is it futile to try and understand others?.
I feel boundaries and the talk of them are misunderstood highly more and more. I've met people who set boundaries when they choose or when it suits them then don't hold it. Also, to be accepted by others will alter boundaries. Makes it really hard to make relationships and friendships if we all hide behind so many boundaries that wall off the world.
Your life needs a greater context and usually we learn best through other people or life experiences. The videos that spring to mind for further "context" that you might asking is: How Your Values Can Ruin Your Life and The Difference Between Compromise and Workability in Relationships
Every video I watch, I walk away afterwards thinking “wooooooow”. The voice of Source? Truely inspirational to anyone who will give this human the time and listen. 🙏
6:17 truth…when they’re forced to not only withdraw, but also encourage others to do same, in order to isolate…devastating, prior to using inevitable blessing of time given, to learn, grow and know how to embrace ma’self’ - enough to create and set boundaries of my own.
I really appreciate how you talk about every aspect of a particular concept. This approach has helped me shed light on so many things that I had a 'feeling' about but could never find the words or thoughts to see with clarity. Your videos always generate this feeling of wholeness that I no longer feel any dissonance with regards to a concept, which then creates a space for deeper discovery and expansion. Thank you so much!
You changed my life. I am no longer afraid of just being who I am in life and avoiding those who make me feel guilty for being me including family. Thank you 🙏
I can't believe nobody else has commented on this video!! In 5 years...nobody except me!!?? People!! This is a brilliant definition of boundaries!! So sad that great wisdom like this about the human condition...is most likely not understood. If you also agree with me, please send me a message or comment so people like us can be in touch with one another!!
Good stuff! I like how Teal repeatedly explains and gives examples of both types of boundary errors: too porous AND too restrictive...emotionally-unavailable. A lot of people don't think about the emotionally-unavailable type of boundary error.
God always leads me to you! I’ll be questioning something in my life and I’ll be randomly reading parts of the Bible I feel called to which ends up resonating then this video pops up ofcourse lol. Resonating again. You are so brilliant and beautiful! Thank you, you are so perfect 💕
After so many years of wondering why can't I trust myself... I finally came to this! I have always struggled to state my boundaries and never thought how these two were correlated! Thank you Teal Swan!
It'd be a really bad thing if I felt like drinking and then getting on my motorcycle and driving I wish you would have elaborated more on what she means by, how your true self feels. I've always heard intellect over emotion. Feelings are not facts. Just saying
These video have been a great help. I started listening to these videos a little over three years ago. The first few time I wonder why I never heard of anything like this before. Recently I started to re watch certain videos. The meaning behind the ideas presented did change the way I have lived. As a result, many of the negative connections in my life have dissolved. The down side is I had to take a hard look at my part in the negative way life has gone for me. Not complaining. I’m stronger and more aware and ready to move forward in my expansion. Self-Love is the key. The problem is every thing in our culture wants us to fall in love with something outside of our selves. Which is a dirty trick cause how can you come from a place of love if you don’t love yourself. I have been asking people I love what does love mean. My intention is to figure out what it means to Me. The conclusion to this point is “Love is a positive increase in being” I Love You = You increase who I am without losing anything. Thank you Teal for your teaching. On-word to self love.
But how do I know the difference between "this doesn't feel good therefore I have to set a boundary" and "this doesn't feel good because I need to grow and therefore force myself out of my comfort zone"?
You will always 'need to grow', that's why we're here on this planet, to evolve ourselves, we'll never reach the point where we stop growing and you can set a boundary even if you know you have self-work to do, you don't have to step out of your comfort zone right away, you need time to feel how to get out of your comfort zone and the more confident you feel you can adjust that boundary but only when you decide it or when you feel comfortable doing it, not because someone else wants you to do it, only you know when you're ready.
Ask yourself if it is going against you integrity, moral, and values? Or is it uncomfortable because you have to put work into it that might be uncomfortable at first but in the ling run be good for you? Like working at something that will make you grow, like be more discipline, improve the quality of your life, improve your self esteem, and relationship with others?
Sometimes premature growth can be harmful. Good and not good boundaries are not that black and white, which should be relieving: you don’t have to worry about if you’re doing it right or wrong, just keep going on your path and learn and grow as you go
The pain of "it doesn't feel good I have to set a boundary" feels like self betrayal so you felt you neededto stop betraying yourself as a result. But the pain of "it hurts but it makes me grow" feels self loving. Of course, this is a simplified example, but it can be true in many cases
Sometimes I listen to Manly P Hall and Alan Watts, however it is difficult to get to the same level of energy and intellectual acuity to not to fall behind and be dragged along the rails in a mind boggling journey. I feel I must be a certain state of mind to follow and if I am a little skewed from that, listening becomes a burden and quite exhaustive, usually, when I am in a good state, I don´t need much the lectures. Anyway... I´d like to say is that, after watching some of your vids, I see that you talk a lot about the same things, but much more down to earth and applicable, so it actually informs in a very structured way and motivates quite a lot in a way because one sees the whole picture and actually gets to know the steps and mindset behind them in a intelligible way. Thanks for doing what you do.
I just want to thank you so much for your knowledge, authenticity and openness. Your short yet impactful existence in my life has shown me that I have and never lost the strength to change my life for the better.
Thank You Teal Scott. This video blew my mind on four important points. I did not know before that withdrawal of support could be just as much considered boundary violation as invading one's personal space. This puts modern culture in a WHOLE other perspective, I think...as in, we have a lot of responsibility to start taking...for the welfare of our earth, Nature, the animals, women and children...also, I could not have put it better, what I have been thinking up lately in more painfully awkward, grasping terms than you: essentially that being in alignment with your self puts you in greater alignment with the universe, and not worse.
what if you feel you don't want to socialize, however you know that it would be healthy to interact - And you also know that usually you have a good time. Feelings can also lead us astray. What if we are too sensitive. What if a person exists out there that feels the world is out to get them - when in reality they struggle because of a lack of control of how they feel? What if a person is rendered absolutely crippled because they are just too vulnerable and too feeling. In some cases, balance would dictate a feeling person would stop feeling soo much - just to learn to establish a level head. I disagree with distancing as a violation. If a person distances themselves, there is often a good reason. What if the person is experiencing abuse. Then the distancing would be an act of restoring boundaries. We are not obligated to invest ourselves in toxic relationships. What if someone is addressing you on something you did that was wrong, and rather than acknowledging the failure your pride makes you react with hurt. Are you saying a boundary was crossed? Did the other person do something wrong? In my opinion, we should own up to our failures. Take the responsibility, use it as a method of empowerment by apologising and not letting it happen again. In this way the feeling of hurt triggered by the external person really was hurt do to you crossing your own boundary. So when it comes to our reactions regarding the outside, the hurt isn't always because of a violation committed by another. Ultimately our reactions come from how we feel about ourselves. It has nothing to do with the outside. Enlightenment means achieving serenity in the worst of circumstances as well as the best. There are also back chakras to compliment our front chakras. They represent separation that balances the unity of the front chakras. www.pathwaysforhealing.com/sites/default/files/u2/chakrasfb.jpg
People who violate your boundaries were once considered friends .. thats why I prefer acquaintanceship to friendship as its less personal and I treat you equal to the way you treat me.I still like human connection but that reserve for people who share my values . 90% of people out there have different principles and framework and hence boundaries should be enforced on a daily - these people arent bad but if you dont negotiate whats important to you NO ONE WILL
Dear Teal Swan. I've been following all your videos and I feel very greatful for all the spiritual and personal improvement and fulfillment I am having thanks to your valuable and loving teachings. Boundries is exactly one of my bis shadows I needed to worked on, but I was not aware of it and I didn't know how to do it, so thank you, thank you, thank you. Lots of blessings, light and love for you. Big hugs wherever you are dear spiritual teacher.
Teal, I find it fascinating that you bring up a less talked about boundary "violation", the withdrawal. I recently made a video on how to express anger and heal because WOAH I had no idea I was angry!! It took a lot of time for me to start tapping into that. For me, the meat of all your teachings is really on this, the emotional work. It's impossible NOT to heal when allowing our emotions to come up.
Man I had to listen to 14:19 like 4 times and write it down. I’ve been living rigidly for years just to keep violators out- but it also keeps happiness away as well.
Teal, this video came to me at the perfect time. I have just started a new relationship and new friendships and I have been crossing my boundaries over and over lately. Thanks to you also i am gonna start my path of reassessing my boundaries. Immensely thankful to you.
Great in theory, but in practice the problem appears when our needs and boundaries are contradicting to each other. In your example - for a wife she feels rejected if the partner ignores her after work, but he feels exhausted while listening for her after long working day. In this situation someone is going to suffer anyway - at the expense of other person's boundaries.
the moment to said it was part of the plan for you to experience a separate self I definitely started crying. I have been struggling to express this idea for years. I have been struggling with this as a question. but I am a great writer so I never struggle for words. this is the beginning breaking down an unrealistic belief. this is going down in my book of good ideas 4 affirmations.
Teal, fantastic video thank you for making and sharing this. Just the kind of explanation I needed and wanted to hear. You truly have the gift of articulation. On point, it's a blessing to know there is someone out there that gets it and can express it clearly and concisely. Love & Light.
Dear Teal, I don't know how to thank you. In this video You're exactly talking about me.... I've just been aware about my "masks" - many of them....I didn't realize my own feelings for so many years...I was just trying to make everybody happy(family, co-workers) except me....sooo sad! THANK YOU
i guess i feel bad cuz im so weak and sensative that seemingly everything is crossing my boundary. -sighs - if i stand up for myself people are just gonna call me sensitive, over reacting and invalidate me. they are gonna insult me and call me ridiculous. as my mom often does. but even so.. i can't live like this anymore.
Grizz Frank I'm guessing you don't trust composite images stitched together to form one image. The size of the earth doesn't make it easy to take photos of but that doesn't mean it's flat
This is a very helpful video, one that I will listen to over and over again. "Your feelings are your boundaries" and "always know how you feel throughout the day" are golden pieces of advice.
The problem is that some people are confused, keep changing their minds and don't know what they want. What do you suggest? I have been called rigid because I don't accept certain types of people in my immediate circle and because I know they cannot be trusted. I have established my boundaries in order to protect myself from regret and disappointment. I have been there too many times and I want to minimize this kind of unhappiness. I don't see anything wrong with it. I am not a freak because I value monogamy? And yet I am judged because of it. I don't care what everyone else does just those I choose to be around and establish a relationship. I just prefer not to hang out with victim type and flaky types. And this doesn't mean that one needs to be perfect, just decent, honest, trustworthy and authentic.Someone who means what they say.
+zabelicious Good for you! I wish my boundaries had been that good. Do you need to find better friends who don't criticize your standards? There was once a person close to my social circle who was going out at night and stealing newly-planted shrubs and trees out of people's yards, then planting them in her own yard. When my friends had a wedding shower for the thief, I refused to go and my friends said I was stuck up. The plant-stealing was the reason I didn't like the woman but I didn't speak up and should have. There are a lot of mushy boundaries in my past...
zabelicious, you are doing right thing for yourself - keeping those who no good for you out of your circle. That's a reason to celebrate, and not to be upset about. If you continue to insist, Universe will surround you with what is most satisfying for you. Isn't that the definition of perfect life?
Exactly! I used to struggle with this so much, but I am learning how to stay grounded within myself and for those I want to attract in my life. I was so tired of having these indecisive people around me who didn’t know what they wanted. (Mainly building friendships) They come into your life quick and leave quicker. They were open and talkative one day and completely shut down the next. I guess a big part of me what like this too, so that’s what I was attracting.
I agree with much that Teal says... My largest disagreement comes from her over emphasis on feelings. In reality feelings are to be trusted no more than thoughts. In fact, they're mutually self-referencing. Trust instinct, intuition completely. Don't trust feelings and thoughts unless they're in alignment with intuition and instinct.
You have been contributing to my personal development for years and this is the first time I'm leaving a comment. Thank you Teal for all of your content. They have been tremendous help And I cannot believe this is all free content. Your content is worth far more than therapist people pay for. Thank you for being you.
Now this one confuses me after watching previous vids about anxiety. I live with social anxiety and depression that sucked out almost all my living force that I can berely remember what joy means. In that state I do not want to do anything, I do not want to go to work because I am exhausted of all of social interactions, I do not feel connected to anything. With your advice I would be doing nothing out of constant fear what is real feeling inside me that occupies most of me, and what I understand is my boundary? If I would not push myself to things i I do I would end up isolating to extreme and in far more depressive state, I experience that. So I do not really now again what I should or shouldn't do.
I have only watched a couple of your videos. At first a part of myself was really in conflict with the soul-knowledge you are sharing. Thank you so much. I can hear you now. As I was writing down the 10 things that make me unhappy in my current reality, I got to number 9 and broke down. Sobbing. I have not cried like this in a long time. Now that I have confronted and released these shadows, I feel truely at home with my self. I am greatful for your existence Teal Swan. Blessed being.
I have to comment on the distancing boundary violation. If the person does not want to be friends or whatever with you anymore, that is fine. If they are guilt tripped into talking and being friends with you then that is a boundary violation. Especially if you are getting away from a toxic person.
Felt lost and disconnected from myself for 8 years or more!! But after watching this I am going to start right here on my boundaries by beginning with how I feel...I think this is a really good place to start! I feel so separated from myself and now I know why I have been so unhappy! Thank you for this video it is so helpful for me at this time of my life!
My mother has BPD which is why I searched for help with boundaries. My whole life she has never wanted or taken any sense responsibility for anything, she has tried to justify why she gave up her 3 kids for others to raise as "she never wanted children, it was our dad's idea we're his problem" of course my dad raised me. But now at 26 with a stable place, child and husband of my own now, my mother has been turning up here often for the last 2 years mainly just to live here rent free with no set goals or plans but to lock herself in my spare room, drink her problems away just to name a few unhealthy habits but I had my final straw when I found out that she drove my cat way out into the middle of nowhere and dumped him because she had allergys. That's when I said no and I literally felt like the weight finally lifted but now I've got her crying to me needing somewhere to stay for a few days but I know that it's going to go back to her bad habits, over stepping boundaries and I'm struggling on if i should try help her or to say no again, she has other places she can go (her own mother) but for some reason she wants to be here. Sorry for the long post but seeing the BPD comment I just had to put my story out there and although every person with it acts different of course, but it's worth putting it out there to see if anyone relates. ☆
Craftin Kate- Hmm.. I've never ever considered myself having BPD until I read your comment just now which somewhat matches who I am. No worries, I'll just wait til I change to a different version of self who's not concerned about this possibility. HA-HA (seriously) PEACE ;) P.S. Once I even impersonated a woman online.. although I was on meds at the time and have since cured that issue. :/
I have experienced the outward boundary event & it is very painful. Recognizing that someone no longer wants to be with you, not because of anything you did, but because they changed, can be difficult but we are able to overcome it when we believe in ourselves whole heartedly & know that we can do better.
Exactly!Also ppl must understand self centered folks has no respect for Boundaries you really just have to distance yourself per my family funerals and celebrations only that I can't get out off.
It's worth mentioning that no matter how strong the intention to set boundaries, if there are trauma bonds in your early experience especially, you simply may cave in from the fear reaction. Setting boundaries following trauma often requires a serious commitment to reparenting oneself and having a ton of support.
I agree completely. You often have to go against your gut if you have childhood trauma.
Such a good point. When we first start setting them, we can feel guilt, shame and doubt. Especially if others react negatively. Keep tuning in to how you feel and if it’s safe to do so, tell them why you’re setting the boundary (because I feel…). The more we practice healthy boundaries, the better we become at listening to how we feel and setting them. If someone can’t respect your boundaries, then they’re not in alignment with you and probably aren’t able to practice healthy boundaries themselves.
Oh my god... I've only now realized that this is a key issue in my life. No wonder I am depressed after letting everyone silence and belittle me, after acknowledging other people's truths, opinions, and ideas 24/7 while never recognizing the validity of my own, after allowing myself to be criticized and judged by others for years, after letting my parents dominate over me with their thoughts and their ideas of who I should be. I feel very sad for myself and the little girl who was silenced so much that she chose to keep everything to herself and instead please others to survive. I am so sorry. No wonder I write and draw so much. I've turned inwards and have been desperately seeking understanding and guidance all my life. Only to realize I am the one who can do that. And I have the right to that. I deserve that. Thank you.
Axelle Van Wynsberghe You beautiful thing, very happy to read your post here it's so inspiring. God speed in becoming who you are (again) :)
Axelle Van Wynsberghe Beautiful :) Thank you for sharing your story!
I am full of tears as I read this; this is so true to my inner being as well. Thank you for articulating it for me. :) Hello soul sister
very beautifully said. you have already conquered so much growth! much love and light to you as you liberate yourself to greater heights!
I relate to every word that you wrote....
I'VE SAID IT A MILLION TIMES I'LL SAY IT AGAIN: THEY NEED TO TEACH THIS STUFF IN SCHOOL AND UNIVERSITIES
Completely agree!
They couldn't then violate you if they taught you...wake up!
Exactly!
I'm in!
Someone's parents would be against it, or something about "we don't believe that in our house!" dumbness. It would be nice if we could just all agree on stuff that helps us live life and teach that in school. So yeah... I agree, but when working with kids, you have to consider what parents they have so you don't get in trouble.
"the more in aligment you are with your personal truth, and the more honor your feelings, the happier you will be."
I just wanted tu highlight this fun fact. I dropped in the comment and read this one exactly when Teal said it out loud 😄😄
@ omg
I spent 3 years in therapy when I could been watching this instead.
But how would you do marketing better?
Same!!!!
@blad90 well said! i can attest!
my 3 years in internal family systems(IFS) therapy has changed me
she does break it down well!
wasted my thousands of bucks on therapy where they literally spit out jargon and here is this magical woman "Teal swan" who is uplifting my life one video at a time. I would love to offer donations for your wonderful work and also I don't have words to express my gratitude to you.
True Truth Speakers R NOT,
therapists!! Therapists = The Rapists.
Teal Swan is Not one, But a True Truth Speaker!!
When I was Younger I went to therapy a few times!! And every time they Laugh at Me and Invalidate My Existence. One Woman Was pretty Good However..Though that didn't last....Anyway tis not simply just Jargon, They Violate Us Mentally, Emotionally and Spiritually and Basically We Feel Physically Violated as a result!!
Yes she truly is a very wise lady.
Can we connect
You are one of the few soul treasure chests on TH-cam. So incredibly insightful, thank you so so much for making these videos
I agree :) we are a community of survivors
I gave you a thumbs down to say "hey, I spent part of the @$#& lockdown learning from loving genius's like the person above. She may be rarer than we want, but thanks to goodness there are a lot of helpers if you look. But you know that.. be well
Soul Treasure. I like that. This is a true description of Teal.
@@jimicunningable p
She’s amazing and says it all so succinctly. It’s absolutely beautiful.
I'm literally using your videos to reprogram my childhood programming. Thank you so much
Love it. Especially the passage on shame. It is a cultural conditioning that needs to be released like a bad reflex
how to do it?
@Klmasxi, by stoping the blaming. First think before you speak and suppress negative talk. Then replace your negative thoughts about other people with positive ones. Try to step in their place and think what they are good at , what difficulties they had to deal with.. Do this until it's second nature.
Conscious parenting. The problem is most parents don’t care enough to change habits and pass on abuse to their own children.
say it louder for those in the back!!!!
I noticed people have ego, and they validate themselves only with the things society tells them to validate themselves with. Therefore, they judge you for not doing what society tells you to do. They judge you with their limited perspective. But you know what's best for you.
You are WONDERFUL. You are helping people probably more than you can even begin to imagine. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and enlightened teachings on self-respect and love.
I don't understand how there are people who disliked this video. Must be haters. She gives an easy to understand explanation of boundaries.
Mariposa11 e
Must be bullies
Oh. my. god. that perfectly describes my relationship with my parents. They were invalidating. I was always so fervently thankful that they put a roof over my head, I never could/ wanted to ask them for anything and when I grew up I had to learn how to accept that I am deserving of the things I want (you have actually helped me with that process). I wish I could go to one of your workshops and meet you.
your parents are the mud and you the flower rising up from it(teal swan quote)
So precious to be able to observe what was from these viewpoints that Teal shares here !! ☀️
@@Changeworld408 Cute.
How did she know all these stuffs? Why haven't we learn this in school?
School Needs to be reformed. All that crap that we learned in School but never needed and this versus what we could have needed as what she is talking about in the Video! Perhaps it is not in the interest to make People strong.
La Donna Barbuta Well yes, reform will take place, but first, we must change how we look at ourselves...by letting go of our past and future(being present) and accepting our imperfection and hold ourselves with love, compassion and patience. People will be strong when we connect as one while embracing our differences. When we are as one, there is nothing that we can't do.
Because school is an institution constructed to control us and keep us locked in. It is where we are distracted from learning of ourselves and what our true natures are - as connected consciousness.
Tiffany D Well said. But what about religions, politics, TV programs, and the media? Are they also an institution constructed to control us and keep us locked in?
Watch some John Taylor Gatto videos and get your mind "educated" about the real foundations of compulsory schooling.
5:18: "Only you can know what your boundaries are." Very good, thanks!
Amen sistah ☀️
I should listen to this once per day
Wish I had found these 10 years ago!! So good, seriously Teals videos have helped me more in 6 months than YEARS of therapy and trying to heal on my own
Probably the most important information a human can get
***THANK YOU*** They really try to tell you from the outside where your boundaries should be but only you can know where they really are.
So powerful 🤩🙏🏻
SUMMARY - Personal Boundaries vs. Oneness (How to Develop Healthy Boundaries) - Teal Swan
Boundaries are guidelines for how
someone relates the self to the rest of the world.
They're rules of conduct built out
of a mix of beliefs, opinions,
attitudes, past experiences and social learning.
boundaries define a individual by defining likes and dislikes, what is for them personally wrong an what is right
defining those things helps us to know how we let ourselves be treated from others
sings for unhealthy boundaries:
Saying no when you mean
yes or yes when you
mean no, feeling guilty
when you do say no, acting against
your integrity or values in
order to please others, not speaking
up when you have something to say,
adopting another persons
ideas so you are
accepted, not calling out
someone who has mistreated you, accepting
physical touch or sex
when you don't want it, allowing
yourself to be interrupted or dissistracted to accommodate
someone else or with their
immediate wants or needs, giving
too much just to be perceived as useful.
Becoming overly involved in someone's
problems or difficulties not defining and
communicating your emotional needs in relationships,.
Its important to understand that not others violate your boundaries but you violate them by yourself by allowing them to violoate your boundaries
you dont stay true to what feels good to you, this is self betrayal
by going against your own boundaries you violate yourself
defining boundaries is completacted if you define them to cerebral concepts of right or wrong or according to what other people think are or arent healthy
Your boundaries are defined and are no different than your feelings
your feelings tell you if your bouandaries have been violated
as you are listening to your emotions,
you know exactly where your boundaries
are
so it is very crucial to be in touch with how you feel all day every day
So we can think of a
boundary as a line that uniquely
defines, and separates your personal
happiness, your personal integrity,
your personal desires your personal
needs and therefore most
importantly your personal truth
from the rest of the Universe.
If you dont listen to and respect how you feel you violate your own boundaries
if you dont listen to and dont respect what other people feel violate other peoples boundaries
practice feeling how you feel, listen to your emotions which define your boundaries
to stay in alignment with your own truth
Important: personal truth which is what boundaries are can only be told to you by you
your parents, friends, society cant tell you what your boundaries are only you can know your boundaries
it is
crucial that we not only
know who we are and
what we really want, but also
that we know that we're known
for we are and what we
really want by others
if you are ashamed of who you are and what you want you have poor boundaries
As children you were ashamed of what you want and who you are
to fit into the family and into society
you had to develop an identity that was acceptable for people around you, a false self
you became the person you thought you were supposed to be and shame the person you relly are
if you fear other people thinking negatively of you, you know that you have set up a false self
Do you know what you really wnat?
Do you say yes when you really
want to say no or say no when you really want to say yes?
Are you afraid to let people know how you really feel?
Are you afraid of people thinking negatively of you?
You can also violate boundaries by withdrawing, going away from someone
if you had invalidating parents it was difficullt for you to set healthy boundaries
if you were invalidated for certain emotions you developed a false self suppressing emotions and not expressing your own truth
people have difficultis to develop healthy boundaries because:
1. you put other peoples needs and feelings first
2. we don't know ourselves,
3. we don't feel as if we have rights,
4. we believe that setting boundaries breaks
the relationship
5. we never learn to have healthy boundaries.
Most people were told as children that they dont feel how they feel or it is not ok to feel how they felt
you were told that what you wanted is not what you really wanted or that it is not okay,
what you see is not what you see
your own personal truth was invalidated again and again so you did not stick with your truth and you went against yourself, denying, you stoped trustin yourself
Self trust is all about boundaries
not trusting yourself means you have unhealthy boundaries, abondoning your own truth
this makes you feel unsave within yourself
you feel unsave with yourself when you act against your feelings, your own truth
to learn to trust yourself you have to tune in how you truly feel and honor how you truly feel
you cant have intimacy, cannot have good relationships if you deny how you truly feel
your false self becomes like a mask that cant anyone pass
the mask becomes your identity to the degree you dont know who you are, what you wnat
to have a deep relationship with someone is to look the truth, the total unrestricted truth of who you are
you cant meet someone at the heart center if you wear a mask
You cause the difficulties you are trying to avoid, by not listening to your feelings and personal truth
The bottom line is it is
impossible to know who
you are and what you
like and what you believe
and what you want unless you
know exactly how you
feel
You cant have a good relationship when you dont have healthy boundaries
otherwise you loose yourself
before you can discover that we are all one you have to go towards individual happiness
a boundary is not resisting what you do not want, that is unhealthy
healthy boundaries exist to keep you happy
healthy boundaries are non resistant to nature and therefore in alignment with oneness
they are not about controlling
they're
entirely about you personally defining
and then following your individual sense
of happiness and desires and personal truth.
they are a state of self awareness and self love and itegrity
you cant have healthy boundaries letting the world define who you are and what you feel
exercise
wirte down 10 things you are most unhappy about in your current lfie
ask yourself: are there any boundaries that you are crossing in this experience which is giving rise to this negative emotion?
How do you really feel about these items, experiences on the list?
the last part is an action step that pulls you in alignment with your personal truth and to honor how you feel now
self expression is important, decide how you act on the experience and in future cases
boundaries are reassessed when time goes on, they are not static
boundaries change according to your feelings
help other people to set boundaries by telling them that you want to know exactly how they feel independent from what others might think of it
Assure them that what you really want is that thay stay in alignment with how they truly feel and want
This gives them permission to be themselves and define their boundaries within your presence
The bottom line is, if we
want to live happy life's and
make the right choices for ourselves
personally, we need to
know how we feel, admit to
how we feel and express how we feel.
Defning boundaries is a crucial part of finding your ture self
its a crucial part of success and spiritual practice
your boundaries can be simplified to how you feel
if you feel like doing something and you do it you express a boundary
if you dont do how how you feel you violate your boundary
to follow your feelings is the same as to follow happiness
you cant deny what you truly want, who you are, your feelings
the more you honor your feelings the happier you will be
Thanks Teal
Thank you so much for this (:
You are a star. Thanks!
great job! thanks a lot
Thank you very much😍
Thank you ❤️
I don’t have the desire to write out my own personal traumatic and entertaining life story haha. I’ll just say it’s incredible that you have popped up for me just this week when just this week I finally came to a full and illuminating understanding of what you described in this video. I have been doing years of work, and I finally breathe and that work I needed to do is put to rest, I am who I am and I am at peace. Deep diaphragmatic Breathing while noticing my surroundings (and not analyzing what I’m doing wrong or right) and notice my feelings like they’re a good friend.
Shit.
I'm gonna have to watch this many times
Lol ... just did 🤷🏻♀️ sooo helpful ✨
Teal has changed so much in the last decade. Her delivery is so different now than it was then, so interesting and lovely to watch the same message embodied in Teal over time
thank you so much!!!! i think that's why me and other introverts are introverts because we dont know how to set bondaries, and that's why i dont like being with people because i havent learnt how to really express myself and set boundaries
I wish I had people like u in my surrounding so I can talk to the same level of understanding about things in the world. I need more spiritual people in my life. I really feel alone cause many people aren't spiritual and high vibrational.
This was so enlightening to me that I am speechless. I not only now understand what I’ve been doing to myself all these years, I also see that by violating my true emotions, I have wrongly projected it on other people in my life, making them responsible for my emotional pain. Now I also understand the source of many years of auto aggression that I have unconsciously passed on to my daughter. I so wish I would have learnt and understood this much earlier… The good thing is that I definitely now have the courage to change it and that will also help my daughter. I need now to let it sink in…. I’m just seeing my whole life flashing past in front of me and I see so many things already differently. Gosh…. Thank you 🙏
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to reflect on my boundaries and how to manage them more effectively. One thing that concerns me is that you truly have to be in touch with how you feel in order to trust your emotions and act on them. There have been times in my life when I was "out of touch" and thought I was acting on how I felt and it got me into situations where I realized I had not taken care of myself. It requires emotional intelligence and maturity to be able to read and trust your emotions and act on them in a healthy way.
DeannaColeman, I find that what has helped with this is recognizing that all emotions are guide post. They are a tool for innerstanding ones true motivations. It can at times appear that ones emotions cannot be trusted, but the reason for this is all emotions are a direct reflection of our belief systems. Meaning, we would never ever feel any certain way about any certain thing (the emotions) if we first didnt have a belief about it! It is through uncovering those hidden belief systems within ourselves that allow us to see why that particular emotion existed in the first place. So instead of approaching from the perspective that emotions can be misleading, ask yourself why that emotion existed in the first place. Validate it for showing up and showing you were it is that your out of alignment with your true self, for that is the reason its there. It in and of itself is not misleading, but rather its showing you were you have allowed conditioning and experiences that were never truly yours to be a part of you. We take on beliefs and conditioning since we are born that are not ours. Teals videos on identifying core beliefs and shadow work can assist you in this. There can be many layers of emotions and beliefs to uncover, sort of like peeling back the layers on a onion. Hope this helps you on your journey! Blessings
@@reginakyle3821 5 years later, but thank you for this clarification. It's been helpful.
Same here. I'm learning to tune back in. At times it drives me crazy, but at other times, it feels more doable. It's a muscle that strengthens over time.
I feel anger when people try to manipulate my feelings.
Same i use to hate it and i still do but i think the key is to Try to respond instead of reacting ,
Me too, very angry. Is that due to unhealed wounds you think?
Are you interpreting manipulation correctly or on the backfoot? I have to ask myself this because sometimes I just don't know what people mean. Or is it futile to try and understand others?.
I feel boundaries and the talk of them are misunderstood highly more and more. I've met people who set boundaries when they choose or when it suits them then don't hold it. Also, to be accepted by others will alter boundaries. Makes it really hard to make relationships and friendships if we all hide behind so many boundaries that wall off the world.
Agree. Even though this video addresses some important issues, I also think that it simplifies things in ways which can lead to the next problem.
Your life needs a greater context and usually we learn best through other people or life experiences. The videos that spring to mind for further "context" that you might asking is:
How Your Values Can Ruin Your Life
and
The Difference Between Compromise and Workability in Relationships
Your happiness exudes from this video!!!!
Thank you Teal for being you! I am because you are!
Namaste beautiful ONE
We are all better because if you!
Powerful. I had so many problems with boundaries. Now with 40 I learn. Steep by steep better now
Teal, this is genius. Thank you for being you and sharing your wisdom.
Amen sistah! So powerful ☀️✨✨
Every video I watch, I walk away afterwards thinking “wooooooow”. The voice of Source? Truely inspirational to anyone who will give this human the time and listen. 🙏
Thank you! I'm awake!! You are amazing!!! I listen to you everyday since I found you!! ❤️
6:17 truth…when they’re forced to not only withdraw, but also encourage others to do same, in order to isolate…devastating, prior to using inevitable blessing of time given, to learn, grow and know how to embrace ma’self’ - enough to create and set boundaries of my own.
I really appreciate how you talk about every aspect of a particular concept. This approach has helped me shed light on so many things that I had a 'feeling' about but could never find the words or thoughts to see with clarity. Your videos always generate this feeling of wholeness that I no longer feel any dissonance with regards to a concept, which then creates a space for deeper discovery and expansion. Thank you so much!
Amen sistah 🤗 so powerful!! These viewpoints are a true gift ☀️✨✨
You changed my life. I am no longer afraid of just being who I am in life and avoiding those who make me feel guilty for being me including family.
Thank you 🙏
I can't believe nobody else has commented on this video!! In 5 years...nobody except me!!??
People!! This is a brilliant definition of boundaries!!
So sad that great wisdom like this about the human condition...is most likely not understood.
If you also agree with me, please send me a message or comment so people like us can be in touch with one another!!
Good stuff! I like how Teal repeatedly explains and gives examples of both types of boundary errors: too porous AND too restrictive...emotionally-unavailable. A lot of people don't think about the emotionally-unavailable type of boundary error.
God always leads me to you! I’ll be questioning something in my life and I’ll be randomly reading parts of the Bible I feel called to which ends up resonating then this video pops up ofcourse lol. Resonating again. You are so brilliant and beautiful! Thank you, you are so perfect 💕
6 years later, I find this video. Almost every word of it is true for me. I think my counselor and I will watch this during my next session.
Beautiful teaching Teal swan - thank you it was greatly received for me today...blessings to you xxx
After so many years of wondering why can't I trust myself... I finally came to this!
I have always struggled to state my boundaries and never thought how these two were correlated! Thank you Teal Swan!
You’re a good soul Teal for sharing your learnings. Love & light.
The explanation about boundaries and resistance is absolutely amazing. This woman so talented
Your feelings often don't work in your best interest. Your deepest inner wisdom is what you need to follow.
I agree. Sometimes your feeling could be projecting...listen to your Knowing. I guess Teal called that part your True Feeling...:)
Yes! I have just rejected to help my friend in a projectwork and I feel extremely guilty. At the same time I know I did the right thing.
It'd be a really bad thing if I felt like drinking and then getting on my motorcycle and driving I wish you would have elaborated more on what she means by, how your true self feels. I've always heard intellect over emotion. Feelings are not facts. Just saying
These video have been a great help. I started listening to these videos a little over three years ago. The first few time I wonder why I never heard of anything like this before. Recently I started to re watch certain videos. The meaning behind the ideas presented did change the way I have lived. As a result, many of the negative connections in my life have dissolved. The down side is I had to take a hard look at my part in the negative way life has gone for me. Not complaining. I’m stronger and more aware and ready to move forward in my expansion. Self-Love is the key. The problem is every thing in our culture wants us to fall in love with something outside of our selves. Which is a dirty trick cause how can you come from a place of love if you don’t love yourself. I have been asking people I love what does love mean. My intention is to figure out what it means to Me. The conclusion to this point is “Love is a positive increase in being” I Love You = You increase who I am without losing anything. Thank you Teal for your teaching. On-word to self love.
But how do I know the difference between "this doesn't feel good therefore I have to set a boundary" and "this doesn't feel good because I need to grow and therefore force myself out of my comfort zone"?
The second one will not be said by someone else unless it is a sports coach
You will always 'need to grow', that's why we're here on this planet, to evolve ourselves, we'll never reach the point where we stop growing and you can set a boundary even if you know you have self-work to do, you don't have to step out of your comfort zone right away, you need time to feel how to get out of your comfort zone and the more confident you feel you can adjust that boundary but only when you decide it or when you feel comfortable doing it, not because someone else wants you to do it, only you know when you're ready.
Ask yourself if it is going against you integrity, moral, and values? Or is it uncomfortable because you have to put work into it that might be uncomfortable at first but in the ling run be good for you? Like working at something that will make you grow, like be more discipline, improve the quality of your life, improve your self esteem, and relationship with others?
Sometimes premature growth can be harmful. Good and not good boundaries are not that black and white, which should be relieving: you don’t have to worry about if you’re doing it right or wrong, just keep going on your path and learn and grow as you go
The pain of "it doesn't feel good I have to set a boundary" feels like self betrayal so you felt you neededto stop betraying yourself as a result. But the pain of "it hurts but it makes me grow" feels self loving. Of course, this is a simplified example, but it can be true in many cases
Sometimes I listen to Manly P Hall and Alan Watts, however it is difficult to get to the same level of energy and intellectual acuity to not to fall behind and be dragged along the rails in a mind boggling journey. I feel I must be a certain state of mind to follow and if I am a little skewed from that, listening becomes a burden and quite exhaustive, usually, when I am in a good state, I don´t need much the lectures.
Anyway... I´d like to say is that, after watching some of your vids, I see that you talk a lot about the same things, but much more down to earth and applicable, so it actually informs in a very structured way and motivates quite a lot in a way because one sees the whole picture and actually gets to know the steps and mindset behind them in a intelligible way. Thanks for doing what you do.
I just want to thank you so much for your knowledge, authenticity and openness. Your short yet impactful existence in my life has shown me that I have and never lost the strength to change my life for the better.
Beautifully put! Amen sistah 🤩
Again ty ty ty your teachings r awakening the world. Blessings safety peace and much love wished fod you always❤❤
The best video teal has ever released.
Your information is what all therapists need
This is the best explanation I’ve heard. Thank you!
How are you spitting straight 🔥for over 20 consecutive minutes . I’m shook
that's it! I'm not doing my homework again - they definitely feel like a violation of my boundaries !
Lol
Thank You Teal Scott. This video blew my mind on four important points. I did not know before that withdrawal of support could be just as much considered boundary violation as invading one's personal space. This puts modern culture in a WHOLE other perspective, I think...as in, we have a lot of responsibility to start taking...for the welfare of our earth, Nature, the animals, women and children...also, I could not have put it better, what I have been thinking up lately in more painfully awkward, grasping terms than you: essentially that being in alignment with your self puts you in greater alignment with the universe, and not worse.
Thank you Teal, i love this exercise, it definitely brought me closer to myself and to my personal power! Love
🙌🏻 so true
She has such a reassuring voice.
This is amazingly empowering and makes life so much simpler. Thank you.
Beautifully put!! Yes!! ☀️✨✨
I feel such relief seeing your videos, that my body automatically starts feeling relaxed and into a state of sleepiness.
what if you feel you don't want to socialize, however you know that it would be healthy to interact - And you also know that usually you have a good time. Feelings can also lead us astray. What if we are too sensitive. What if a person exists out there that feels the world is out to get them - when in reality they struggle because of a lack of control of how they feel? What if a person is rendered absolutely crippled because they are just too vulnerable and too feeling. In some cases, balance would dictate a feeling person would stop feeling soo much - just to learn to establish a level head. I disagree with distancing as a violation. If a person distances themselves, there is often a good reason. What if the person is experiencing abuse. Then the distancing would be an act of restoring boundaries. We are not obligated to invest ourselves in toxic relationships.
What if someone is addressing you on something you did that was wrong, and rather than acknowledging the failure your pride makes you react with hurt. Are you saying a boundary was crossed? Did the other person do something wrong? In my opinion, we should own up to our failures. Take the responsibility, use it as a method of empowerment by apologising and not letting it happen again. In this way the feeling of hurt triggered by the external person really was hurt do to you crossing your own boundary. So when it comes to our reactions regarding the outside, the hurt isn't always because of a violation committed by another.
Ultimately our reactions come from how we feel about ourselves. It has nothing to do with the outside. Enlightenment means achieving serenity in the worst of circumstances as well as the best.
There are also back chakras to compliment our front chakras. They represent separation that balances the unity of the front chakras.
www.pathwaysforhealing.com/sites/default/files/u2/chakrasfb.jpg
People who violate your boundaries were once considered friends .. thats why I prefer acquaintanceship to friendship as its less personal and I treat you equal to the way you treat me.I still like human connection but that reserve for people who share my values . 90% of people out there have different principles and framework and hence boundaries should be enforced on a daily - these people arent bad but if you dont negotiate whats important to you NO ONE WILL
Huge appreciation for this video, speaks to me deeply.
🙌🏻🤩
Thank you Teal Swan for existing. I love you
Great video! Keep it up!
Share truth.... Spread love.... Dream on!
Humanity & Earth NEED LOVE & TRUTH........ God bless u all!
Dear Teal Swan. I've been following all your videos and I feel very greatful for all the spiritual and personal improvement and fulfillment I am having thanks to your valuable and loving teachings. Boundries is exactly one of my bis shadows I needed to worked on, but I was not aware of it and I didn't know how to do it, so thank you, thank you, thank you. Lots of blessings, light and love for you. Big hugs wherever you are dear spiritual teacher.
Teal, I find it fascinating that you bring up a less talked about boundary "violation", the withdrawal.
I recently made a video on how to express anger and heal because WOAH I had no idea I was angry!! It took a lot of time for me to start tapping into that. For me, the meat of all your teachings is really on this, the emotional work. It's impossible NOT to heal when allowing our emotions to come up.
Man I had to listen to 14:19 like 4 times and write it down. I’ve been living rigidly for years just to keep violators out- but it also keeps happiness away as well.
Wow, what a powerful, great awareness video.
Thanks, Teal
Teal, this video came to me at the perfect time. I have just started a new relationship and new friendships and I have been crossing my boundaries over and over lately. Thanks to you also i am gonna start my path of reassessing my boundaries. Immensely thankful to you.
It's super trippy how she like vibrates at the end lol!
Alex Kozlowski lol!
Alex Kozlowski SUUUUUPER trippy. :)
HAAHAHAHAHA!
God! I hope you are just being sarcastic! ;)
WOW. That really blew my mind. I feel so much better.
best talk on bondaries I have heard so far, thanks you!
Great in theory, but in practice the problem appears when our needs and boundaries are contradicting to each other. In your example - for a wife she feels rejected if the partner ignores her after work, but he feels exhausted while listening for her after long working day. In this situation someone is going to suffer anyway - at the expense of other person's boundaries.
This is very beautiful, so much for me to learn here.
the moment to said it was part of the plan for you to experience a separate self I definitely started crying.
I have been struggling to express this idea for years. I have been struggling with this as a question. but I am a great writer so I never struggle for words. this is the beginning breaking down an unrealistic belief.
this is going down in my book of good ideas 4 affirmations.
Teal, fantastic video thank you for making and sharing this. Just the kind of explanation I needed and wanted to hear. You truly have the gift of articulation. On point, it's a blessing to know there is someone out there that gets it and can express it clearly and concisely. Love & Light.
All of your vedeos are very good very good emotional n pychological inputs
Truly Amazing Video! Has been on my mind for days...
Dear Teal, I don't know how to thank you. In this video You're exactly talking about me.... I've just been aware about my "masks" - many of them....I didn't realize my own feelings for so many years...I was just trying to make everybody happy(family, co-workers) except me....sooo sad! THANK YOU
i guess i feel bad cuz im so weak and sensative that seemingly everything is crossing my boundary. -sighs - if i stand up for myself people are just gonna call me sensitive, over reacting and invalidate me. they are gonna insult me and call me ridiculous. as my mom often does. but even so.. i can't live like this anymore.
Sakura Tsukishiro i feel the same!
+Grizz Frank There are tonnes of photos of planet earth when you google for it...
Grizz Frank
I'm guessing you don't trust composite images stitched together to form one image. The size of the earth doesn't make it easy to take photos of but that doesn't mean it's flat
It's too big
They hide a lot of things Grizz, I'll give you that, and I can't speak to whether God exists, but the earth is not flat.
This is a very helpful video, one that I will listen to over and over again. "Your feelings are your boundaries" and "always know how you feel throughout the day" are golden pieces of advice.
The problem is that some people are confused, keep changing their minds and don't know what they want. What do you suggest? I have been called rigid because I don't accept certain types of people in my immediate circle and because I know they cannot be trusted. I have established my boundaries in order to protect myself from regret and disappointment. I have been there too many times and I want to minimize this kind of unhappiness. I don't see anything wrong with it. I am not a freak because I value monogamy? And yet I am judged because of it. I don't care what everyone else does just those I choose to be around and establish a relationship. I just prefer not to hang out with victim type and flaky types. And this doesn't mean that one needs to be perfect, just decent, honest, trustworthy and authentic.Someone who means what they say.
+zabelicious do whats best for u man
+zabelicious Good for you! I wish my boundaries had been that good. Do you need to find better friends who don't criticize your standards? There was once a person close to my social circle who was going out at night and stealing newly-planted shrubs and trees out of people's yards, then planting them in her own yard. When my friends had a wedding shower for the thief, I refused to go and my friends said I was stuck up. The plant-stealing was the reason I didn't like the woman but I didn't speak up and should have. There are a lot of mushy boundaries in my past...
zabelicious, you are doing right thing for yourself - keeping those who no good for you out of your circle. That's a reason to celebrate, and not to be upset about. If you continue to insist, Universe will surround you with what is most satisfying for you. Isn't that the definition of perfect life?
@@xyz12383941 Once someone violate your boundaries, tell them. If they don't care, stop talking to them.
Exactly! I used to struggle with this so much, but I am learning how to stay grounded within myself and for those I want to attract in my life. I was so tired of having these indecisive people around me who didn’t know what they wanted. (Mainly building friendships) They come into your life quick and leave quicker. They were open and talkative one day and completely shut down the next. I guess a big part of me what like this too, so that’s what I was attracting.
I agree with much that Teal says... My largest disagreement comes from her over emphasis on feelings. In reality feelings are to be trusted no more than thoughts. In fact, they're mutually self-referencing. Trust instinct, intuition completely. Don't trust feelings and thoughts unless they're in alignment with intuition and instinct.
so...i don't mean to be a groupie but...i love teal scott vids :)
You have been contributing to my personal development for years and this is the first time I'm leaving a comment. Thank you Teal for all of your content. They have been tremendous help And I cannot believe this is all free content. Your content is worth far more than therapist people pay for. Thank you for being you.
Teal Swan, another great video. Thank you for creating it is very helpful.
You’re a gift to the world Ms Swan❤
Now this one confuses me after watching previous vids about anxiety. I live with social anxiety and depression that sucked out almost all my living force that I can berely remember what joy means. In that state I do not want to do anything, I do not want to go to work because I am exhausted of all of social interactions, I do not feel connected to anything. With your advice I would be doing nothing out of constant fear what is real feeling inside me that occupies most of me, and what I understand is my boundary? If I would not push myself to things i
I do I would end up isolating to extreme and in far more depressive state, I experience that. So I do not really now again what I should or shouldn't do.
I have only watched a couple of your videos. At first a part of myself was really in conflict with the soul-knowledge you are sharing. Thank you so much. I can hear you now. As I was writing down the 10 things that make me unhappy in my current reality, I got to number 9 and broke down. Sobbing. I have not cried like this in a long time. Now that I have confronted and released these shadows, I feel truely at home with my self. I am greatful for your existence Teal Swan. Blessed being.
I have to comment on the distancing boundary violation. If the person does not want to be friends or whatever with you anymore, that is fine. If they are guilt tripped into talking and being friends with you then that is a boundary violation. Especially if you are getting away from a toxic person.
Thank you for setting a clear guideline and action steps on how to know and create healthy boundaries. Bless you.
Remember when Teal used to talk like this lol now she is much more.. sassy.
😂😁
I think her boundaries have changed 😂
Felt lost and disconnected from myself for 8 years or more!! But after watching this I am going to start right here on my boundaries by beginning with how I feel...I think this is a really good place to start! I feel so separated from myself and now I know why I have been so unhappy!
Thank you for this video it is so helpful for me at this time of my life!
People with "borderline personality disorder" have chronic boundary problems as they do not have a stable sense of self.
Good for you!
I have that. Had it worse before, but I'm grateful I've gotten better. But I have to ask, what made you say this?
Lizzy C I have that too...
My mother has BPD which is why I searched for help with boundaries. My whole life she has never wanted or taken any sense responsibility for anything, she has tried to justify why she gave up her 3 kids for others to raise as "she never wanted children, it was our dad's idea we're his problem" of course my dad raised me. But now at 26 with a stable place, child and husband of my own now, my mother has been turning up here often for the last 2 years mainly just to live here rent free with no set goals or plans but to lock herself in my spare room, drink her problems away just to name a few unhealthy habits but I had my final straw when I found out that she drove my cat way out into the middle of nowhere and dumped him because she had allergys. That's when I said no and I literally felt like the weight finally lifted but now I've got her crying to me needing somewhere to stay for a few days but I know that it's going to go back to her bad habits, over stepping boundaries and I'm struggling on if i should try help her or to say no again, she has other places she can go (her own mother) but for some reason she wants to be here. Sorry for the long post but seeing the BPD comment I just had to put my story out there and although every person with it acts different of course, but it's worth putting it out there to see if anyone relates. ☆
Craftin Kate- Hmm.. I've never ever considered myself having BPD until I
read your comment just now which somewhat matches who I am. No worries, I'll just wait til I change to a different version of self who's not
concerned about this possibility. HA-HA (seriously) PEACE ;)
P.S. Once I even impersonated a woman online.. although I was on meds at the time and have since cured that issue. :/
I have experienced the outward boundary event & it is very painful. Recognizing that someone no longer wants to be with you, not because of anything you did, but because they changed, can be difficult but we are able to overcome it when we believe in ourselves whole heartedly & know that we can do better.
I agre with this to a certain extent. However I I listened to my feelings all of the Time I wouldn't leave my house
Exactly!Also ppl must understand self centered folks has no respect for Boundaries you really just have to distance yourself per my family funerals and celebrations only that I can't get out off.
Yeah you would eventually
I could not explain/understand it in a better way. You are a diamond.
Teal, thanks a million! xox
Teal your a treasure to this earth and more valuable than all the gold & diamonds on the planet.