If it is done for nonselfless reasons, it crosses into manipulation. This content is largely presented as manipulation techniques. However, a lot of this can be used to help with minor confidence issues, but not serious ones.
At first when i found this channel i thought so too Agent, but as i watch more and more i realized that many of these videos are to teach you how to communicate better. In a way that your intentions are heard while removing the possibilities of misunderstandings. for example i watched some relationship videos and also charisma videos and they both teach communication techniques that help you get your intentions to the other person (significant other, friend, family, stranger, etc..). i do see your point though that some of the charisma videos may seem as manipulation tactics but tryign seeing it from the perspective of someone who doesnt know how to communicate properly and messes up alot of interactions. these vids help them not to manipulate others but create a relationship where both parties can understand each other.
1. Glad to help 2. There may be a mistake. Let’s figure it out? 3. Frame positively 4. When you _____, I feel _____. 5. I’d love to help you by ______.
"No problem" to me could mean, "it wasn't a problem for me - to go out of my way for you. Of course I'd do it, we're good friends. No problem." That's what I hear.
I’ve heard that “no problem” is rude but I feel like “you’re welcome” is worse. I say no problem all the time. But I’ve heard in some cultures it comes off as rude 🤷♀️
@@apersononyoutube1496 i like the sound of 'no problem' much better, depending on the tone. 'you're welcome' feels like i'm putting the attention onto the other person rather than accepting it. i feel like it's kind of... confrontational? i guess? final? it feels strange to me.
I noticed a year ago not to say "You already told me that" when a friend tells me a story that I've already heard, instead "I remember you telling me this" sounds more genuine.
I have this problem with my girlfriend and sometimes I react as if it were new but often it slips and I say "you've already told me that". I'm afraid I may be hurting her
DarkHero - Destiny 2 Videos just try to make it sound as if you want her to know that you remember her telling it to you, so it means that you care about the things she tells you and memorizes it, that way she won’t be hurt but will actually feel loved. like if she tells you a story about an annoying coworker instead of saying “yeah you already told me that” (which might be hurtful) say something like “yesss! i remember you telling me about this guy/girl. they are horrible” and try to make it a contribution to the conversation, so now she can tell you something else, not a way to end it with “I heard it before don’t want to hear about it again”. it’s so beautiful that you’re concerned with hurting her btw 💗 bless
It's a lot simpler than anyone could imagine. Confidence is a facade designed to dominate an environment to an individuals will, if you listen carefully to his words it supports this. Confidence is not a tool people use to improve others lifestyle, but rather our own, and we will never admit this because we are naturally selfish. Just love yourself even though you will make mistakes throughout life, some really bad. You are the only true support system for yourself, because the idea that some one will help you in any way without benefitting themselves is a lie. Consider the fact that you have to pay for their service. You cannot buy confidence, it must be taught and earned.
1. No Problem ... Happy to help 2. You Screwed Up ... I think there may be a mistake 3. This isn't great, but ... (try to be more positive, some of you may recognize.. 4. You always/never ... I feel BLANK when you BLANK 5. ending on a value-take vs value-giving
RP's list is useful once having watched the video, but the framing information he gives for each of these points is important and useful, so I would still recommend watching the full thing, Wag Wan. :)
1) Don't reply "no problem" when a friend thanks you, you should say "happy to help" 2) Don't say "you screwed up"/"you messed up" to a waiter, you should tell him "I think there is a mistake, could you help me to figure it out?" 3) Don't say "This is not great/interresting but..", just say "This is a topic/song that might interrested you" 4) In a fight, don't use "you never/always (blabla)", you should say "when you (blabla), I feel (blabla)" 5) In emails, when you ask something don't say "I'd love to ask you about (blabla)", you should should turn it as a gift Ex: don't write "I'd love to be in your video" but "I'd love to help you" Great video!😄
pretty sure the reason why people say "no problem" is because most people can feel like asking for a favor, even a simple one, is a huge burden on the person helping them and so, to reassure them that it's not we say "no problem". honestly if my good friend said "happy to help" I'd give them a really odd look because it just sounds weird.
Rephrase it then. I have a friend who often says something like "For you, anytime". And that carries a different sentiment compared to "No problem" (which I like to use)
"No problem"Charlie,we'll try not to "screw up" these tips and "I don't know if everyone agrees but","you always" make great videos so "thank you in advance"😂
When you say I am too sensitive, I feel ... :D PS I think, for the 2nd part "you don't realize how much those words can hurt if said by a mother" should work.
Lol people reading the email are mostly either : - Too stressed to care because they have more important things to check like what their boss who can fire them in a pinch told them to worry about - Have lost their eyes in the war and can't read what is perfectly typed in by an individual who knows exactly what the company wants but company legit doesn't know for some reason - Plainly didn't see because... either stress or lack of eyes And then there's the 1% of sociopathic people who will disect every of your words. But they virtualy don't exist because : nobody has time anyway. You have to be concise with what you write because they read diagonally anyway. Just use the simplest of words and go straight to the point and don't had flourishes. Unless you're directly writing to the director or something. They're the only one who take the time to read the email entierely. But the thing you should NEVER do is being overly polite. Especially if you sent it to the director. That's the most advices I can give right now 😂
1) Comic Sans font for everything. 2) Entire email as a single block paragraph. 3) Start email with "Hey," unless it's to someone much higher than you in the organization, then it should start with "Hey!" 4) Don't use words if you can use an emoji. Use numbers in the place of words whenever possible. 5) If you don't get a response within 5 minutes, "Reply All" to your own email with a simple "???????"
@@thevoxdeus this is solid advice, I just signed a $2 billion deal with Bill Gates, Elon Musk is now my Godfather and Warren Buffet is my brother-in-law.
I certainly feel pissed whenever anyone says that to me, as it's not true to me, and such, leads to arguments. Ah, if only they knew what they're saying.
Summary: 1. Don't say "no problem" when you do someone a favor. Say "happy to help", indicating that you actually care about the person. 2. Don't say "you screwed up". Say "I think there may be a mistake, can you help me out?". Why? You're using the passive voice, so you are not directly focusing on who is to blame. In addition, "can you help me out" sets up a goal for both people. 3. Don't disqualify preemptively. For example, don't start a speech off with "I didn't really have enough time to.." or "I know this isn't something very interesting, but..", because in this way you frame the next thing you are going to say as not good. Instead, just tell your story, or put a positive frame in advance - "Hey, this topic is very timely..", "This is a topic that may interest you..". 4. Don't say "you always/never..." + something negative (if it is positive, it's good). A much better think to say is "When you do X, I feel Y". Example "When you say that I am not good at singing, it makes me feel like you don't really value our friendship.". This is a fact that cannot be disputed, as the fact is that what someone did made you FEEL a certain way. 5. Don't use statements that imply you only take value like "I'd love to pick your brain about" or even "Thank you in advance.". Instead, offer value or at least trade value. For example, "I see you might need help with X and i could help". Before you send a request, like an e-mail, check the last line and check whether it is implied that you want to take value, give value or trade value.
Another big one is to try to always say"thank you" instead of "sorry." For example, instead of "I'm sorry for being late" try saying, "thank you for waiting for me." In both cases you acknowledge the situation to the other person, but when you say thank you it shows you appreciate them continuing to work with you anyways.
David Erick Ramos - Ocarina at Chick-fil-A I noticed they responded to my 'thank you' with 'my pleasure' instead of 'no problem' or 'you're welcome', and I like the response so much I started using it myself. Lol Good 'ol Chick-fil-A customer service. :-)
This dude and his friend This dude: woah, thanks for picking me up, man His friend: hey, no problem **sudden and uncomfortable silence** This dude: His friend: This dude: aM i a jOke tO yOu?
1. No problem -> Happy to help (reinforces friendships) 2. You screwed up -> There's a mistake, help me figure it out 3. This isn't great but... 4. You always/never followed up with something negative -> When you say ___, I feel like ___. 5. In emails: I'd love to learn from you (an ask) -> I could give you these insights (a give)
I'm a host at a restaurant and some people are so rude automatically! A lady came up to me today and in a harsh tone, with her finger wagging, said "We need our bill. We've been waiting FOREVER and nobody has given it to us." I apologized, printed one out, walked over to her table, but there was a receipt already on the edge, just behind a plate so somehow none of the six customers at that table saw it. >.>
@@tehwinnerz5006 I hope she didn't. Pick your battles. This one was small enough to just let it go. Not worth the ego hit to the customer and their dislike of her for hitting them (metaphorically speaking). Don't fight assholery with more assholery. ;)
I like that you always give alternatives to what you're trying to stop. You don't just say; "That thing you do is stupid, stop it", you rather say "Its better if you do this that way and here's why ... "
This channel is so awesome and I love it! It all kind of boils down to "treat other people how you would like to be treated, be kind, and lift others up in action and speech." these tips are sooo needed in a world that seems to stress stepping on other people/guarding yourself to get ahead. Couldn't appreciate the positivity of this channel more!
I never understood why people are so mean to waiters. Great advice in this one though. I always rephrase my arguments with my hubby lol. Also, I need to stop putting myself down before showing something I created. Love the give at end of email; going to use that at work.
I also worked in fast food and have many buddies who have. I don't get angry easily but know many of my republican friends who do that. Here in California at least.
Jayne Nicoletti Hi, I used to have a student who did that (saying things like, "i haven't been able to do my homework well but here it is, sorry"). I always saw it as a pre-self-destructive move to garner sympathy or as a ploy to stop me from having to critique the work. I coached the student out of this habit because i wanted the student to let the work speak for itself. Hope this inspires. Best of luck with your hubby!
There is a restaurant nearby that I frequent; and by a: being a “regular”, and b: going out of my way to be NICE to the staff (waiters thru cook & floor management) I get much nicer service... for example, if I order an appetizer, I’ll often find that there’s a few extra pieces more thrown in than is listed on the menu. Oh, and it helps to leave tips, too... people often forget that waiters are taxed by the IRS based on presumed tips, no matter if they got that tip or not... 🤔
I’ve tried to to stop saying you’re welcome. It’s a command when someone says thank you and you are welcome. You are actually saying “yea you should be thankful”
I think saying "You're welcome!" with a genuine inflection in your voice, turning your head to look at the person you're saying it to, and smiling when you say it can be extremely effective. You're telling someone they're welcome to your time and help whenever they need it. It's useful in situations where "I'm happy to help!" can come across as a bit over-the-top to the type of person you're speaking to. I like a sincere and positive "You're welcome!"
Im officially addicted to this channel. I got some issues that Im not getting into, but these videos make me feel like Im restoring my better, past self, that I thought was gone, long ago
The four pieces of non-violent communication are: 1.) Observation - "When I see/hear x" 2.) Emotion - "I feel y" 3.) Needs - "I need to know (you care/your intention)/feel (safe/heard)/z" 4.) Request - "Would you be willing to (help me understand where you're coming from)/a?" Reminded me of point 4.
Yikes! When I see this, I hear the slow death of organic relationships. How cookie-cutter this must feel like when you figure out someone is reciting a list, in their head, when longer convos. present... I see its uses maybe, but to me having preemptive EXPECTATIONS for how a "good" convo. goes, is a big turn off. Girls will boil over in your face at any point, anywhere, and that's acceptable behavior. Not for guys. So let's crowd that double-standard bubble some more with endless tests. Smh. Girls don't give chances to respectable guys, only the attractive ones.
I play music professionally. #3 kills me for years. So many people want to get up and start the song with this qualifier. “Hey I just learned this, so go easy on me…blah blah blah”. It’s the absolute worst thing you can do. You instantly invite scrutiny where there was none, and even if you perform well, people will think you are a hack, anyway.
Also a professional muso, I think it can come across cheeky/endearing if you execute it really well. Sometimes it's nice for fans to see you're only human, or that unlike the cocky primadona stereotype, you're secure enough to be real about your imperfections
yup. just like that one kid that cries and says theyre gonna fail but end up being the top student. this only works if that person already likes you or idolises you.
It's really hard for us in Australia, because the majority of our common phrases is saying what something 'isn't'. "Where's the shops?" - "Not far" "How are you?" - "Not bad" "When do they arrive? - "Not long"
I went through a really rough divorce when I was younger and lost everything. It was hard for me because I've been independent and on my own since I was 16 years old. Reluctantly, I had to ask my dad for help at times just to make ends meet, and when I would thank him, he would always reply, "I'm just happy I'm able to help you, Son." I can't describe just how much that meant to me, and now, when my grown kids ask me for things, I tell them the same thing. I'm just glad to be able to help you.
It's more common than you think. In fact my last job psychologically conditioned me to accept blame for the misfortune of others even when it's my fault; my boss called it 'holding myself accountable.' It's what I had to do to survive the job. That's just one example of how I've been psychologically scarred by different aspects of life; work, school, home.
I had a 'friend' who constantly used it on me. Whenever something slightly went wrong, he went "You screwed up" (not as a joke, he was serious). It just makes you feel bad and you don't want to tell that person anything anymore cause you feel like you're constantly disappointing them. It also feels like they're being really aggressive, even if that's probably not the case
In the retail/restaurant industry, things like that are actually very common. Please be nice to the people that work in those types of establishments, they deal with all kinds of crap, and have almost no power at all to do anything about it, except take it and keep going.
@@strivingfornewhorizons9281 I hate to tell you, but your "friend" is a toxic narcissist. One of their games (yes, it's a game to them) is to make you feel bad about yourself at every possible chance. I learned the hard way not to tell anyone anything about myself until I knew they would never hold it against me, and I can count the number of people on one hand. There are things I've never even told my husband, and we've been together for 25 years. That's why we've been together for 25 years.
I do numbers 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5. Thanks to this video I may be able to fix that. Thank you for all the help. I have a whole playlist of your videos and I can't wait to start substiuting in all these tips. You're a lifesaver.
"happy to help" seems like a weird way to phrase it...like if someone said it to me it'd feel a bit too much to me. I guess an "any time" or "of course" would do just fine right?
It’s great to kinda realise that half these things along with other charisma stuff that regards politeness and presentation is something you can figure out on your own the older you get. Rather quickly too, if you pay attention to how you act and take people’s reactions/feelings into consideration.
8. Hey adoomy gang, hope your having a wonderful fantastic, amazing day, because im having a wonderful fantastic amazing day so you should be having a wonderful amazing fantaastic day!
I was actually taught that the preemptive disqualification was a good thing when it comes to getting what you want because the other person often wants to prove you wrong. Like “hey I know you’re so busy and probably don’t have time but...” they’re more likely to say yes because you’ve already used up their excuse to say no, yet you’re still giving them a way out and showing appreciation for their help. Plus when you do it when it comes to yourself, “I’m not a great singer, but here goes..” they’re more likely to be impressed because you already set low expectations. This has worked in all my college classes..you get a lot more help when you don’t raise everyone’s expectations of you as well...and giving people the opportunity to help you makes them feel more valuable, which does increase your charisma
He literally is a sociopath. He gets messages from people who genuinely want to help him, and all he does is explain how those helpful people let themselves be vulnerable. This is why the whole politics and hollywood scene is so cancerous
Arr Ere nah he had it right. Sociopaths do care but only for selfish reasons. They stop caring the moment the other no longer has any value to offer, being seen as vulnerable could be seen as "this person is weak and will not be of any service" the moment that happens, the charm usually stops too and that's when they really don't care and can become aggressive and the usual sociopathic behavior begins
Wow dude, some of these points (specifically 1, 3 and 5) actually blew me away. I feel like I always kinda knew these things subconsciously, but never clearly enough to apply them consistently or realize when they were impeding me. I feel like your channel has the potential to teach me a lot, and despite your advise against saying this: thanks in advance. Keep up the great work!
Just found your channel recently. My business requires a lot of prospecting and client interactions and your videos have really given me a lot of great advice and tips to increase my social effectiveness, plus you’re also entertaining. Thanks for the videos, big fan!
Your writing and delivery are really good. Very professional and well documented. I actually managed to remember entire courses worth of information, university level, on the subject of conflict management and psychology, just from this very well organised video. Keep up the good work!
0:45: No Problem. Instead say "I'm Happy To Help" 1:49: You screwed up. Instead be passive and more polite and say "I think there's a mistake.." 3:29 Don't start something by saying it will be bad. Instead say nothing or add something that relates to the viewers 4:47 You always/ You Never. Instead say "When you say....., it....." 6:29 Don't sign off by "asking". Instead "give" :D
I love how you talk about framing. I have a friend that often starts a sentence with “I saw this thing that I thought you’d really like…”. He immediately has my attention and makes me feel important because he’s thinking about me and looking out for me.
I’m really surprised with all of the negativity in the comment section. As a human communication researcher, I can assure you that there is an abundance of support for each of these points in psychological and communicative scholarly literature! Nice work. Very interesting and informative stuff.
He's using what's called 'extemporaneous delivery.' It's how he's able to do entire sections without jump cuts, mistakes or hitches. The guy obviously has a LOT of public speaking experience. As someone who also does, I can tell. I learned it in college, and it's one of the best skills I've cultivated for myself.
Over-analyzing "no problem" is quite a problem here...most of us when we say it, we certainly do not have any poor intentions and it generally just comes from a genuine place.
He’s saying to reinforce the favor and build a trust by establishing you’re happy to help. No problem is still valid, but it’s a missed opportunity to show you genuinely care.
I think you both are right. Yes, you both above me! I think "happy to help" is an oppurtunity to express your genuine happiness doing good to a person and the act itself expresses it without words.
#1 is one of my favorite lessons, because I consciously utilize both the "right" and "wrong" phrases. Sometimes, you *don't* want someone to think you hugely value them... as terrible as that may sound.
@3:19 the part about pre-emptive disqualification is apt for many aspects of interaction. I don't consider myself very attractive, and one day, I realized I was actually saying "I'm not attractive" out loud, in so many ways. And guess what? That's how people treated me! Now I know I'm not a beauty queen, but just never saying that, or telling people I'm gorgeous, even in a tongue-in-cheek manner, frames me as a person with high self-esteem and higher worth. Even if it doesn't actually make me more attractive, it makes me FEEL more attractive to just stop putting my negativity in the air in the first place.
I tend to say "No worries" or "pleasure" its an English thing, I would have always thought no problem always meant that helping the friend is - well literally saying happy to help.
Crazy vid. Just think if you used it 50 times that is 50 times people have thought what you doesn't matter because it wasn't a problem. Instead of 50 times where you went out of your way to make things easier at work.
Agree completely. This is proof of what ghandi said: "You must be the change you want to see in this world." Charlie takes his own advice and that solidifies it as working.
When messaging people I always sign off with, "Thank you for your time and consideration". I do this to let the other person know that I appreciate them taking time out of their day to read my message and for also taking the time to consider how to respond or help with the issue at hand.
SO VERY HELPFUL!!! I'm 73 and learning all the time. Your channel is now one of my GO TO LIVE BETTER info channels. I'm getting better all the time. CHANGING for the better is SO MUCH FUN!!! Thank you so very much.
My most common response to someone saying 'Thank you' is 'Anytime'. I feel it strengthens the trust bond with someone and lets them know that they can feel free to approach me with anything they need help with at 'anytime'. That being said, I am an 'Alpha Male' with highly aggressive tendencies that easily gets hurt. As my response mechanism to being hurt is usually anger with the propensity for transitioning to violence quickly, I am learning ALOT from watching your videos. They are making a difference and I wanted you to know this as it's nice to know that the work you put in is not for naught and it is VERY POSITIVELY affecting peoples' lives and lifestyles. TYVM. My family and friendship dynamics have greatly benefited from the implementation of what I have learned and am learning by watching your videos, which are both done well and easy to understand as well as, IMHO, very professional. Take care, man and keep 'em coming!
"Do you think this is contagious?" "That looks better on your mom." "Is your sister single?" "Why are puppies so fun to kick?" "That looks better on your dad."
Another thing to say besides happy to help when you do a favor is “any time” but don’t say this every time because this could get you used but it’s gonna show your trustworthy and build a stronger relationship
Wow I never knew saying "no problem" can kill charisma, it's just like in my opinion, it's like the word I use to any person who expresses gratitude all the time, thanks for the informative video, I definitely learned alot today
Oddly enough, when somebody says thank you, my go-to phrase is “No problem. I’m happy to help.” I don’t know why. “No problem” just feels natural but then I’m also inclined to follow it up with “Happy to help”, I guess for the same reasons you mentioned but after all these years, it’s just become a habit.
I've caught myself constantly saying like in the middle of my sentences and it absolutely irritates me, are there possibly any suggestions for other words or ways to remove the need to say it repeatedly?
At Wachovia (precursor of Wells Fargo) they spent a large amount of money researching “No problem”! It has a negative context- people hear “problem” & it makes them uncomfortable. If we said “no problem” it was a terminating offense! It was in my contract. We were forbidden to use it. So, today, when someone says it to me, I look them in the eye, and they are implying either me or something I’m ordering or requesting is a problem- when one says, “thank you”, one should respond, “ you’re welcome” or “my pleasure” - NOT “no problem”. I didn’t realize the power of words, but, wow, yes, totally agree!
Regarding number 1. I find myself saying “no problem” when helping someone I really care about. It didn’t occur to me that it may have been lost in translation, but I guess I say it because I don’t want the other person feel guilty for asking a favour (because I know I feel uncomfortable asking for help myself!) But this is an interesting point, I’ll consider it
Rewatching this years later and HOLY COW the second one is actually way more common than I thought, I worked in a call center for about a year and helped with a lot of billing/scheduling issues. I probably talked to thousands of people who came out swinging saying “you screwed up, fix it right now” and MOST of the time, they were actually wrong but since they already established that they can’t be wrong, they ended up causing so much headache not only for everyone trying to help them but mostly for themselves because it just drags out the problem!! Its surprising but it’s actually sooo rare to hear someone say “I think there may be a mistake..” and TRUST ME those customers always ended up getting the most golden service.
Saying "no problem" isn't in any way implying "if it had been a problem, I might not had done it", nor is implying if there was a cost, you wouldn't have done it. What you're saying is "it's not a problem to help you out". They're already thanking you for your help. No reason to make a bigger deal out of it than it is. I actually think more highly of people when they go out of their way to help me and brush it off like it's not a big deal by using phrases like "no problem" or "any time". Makes it seem like they're just naturally helpful people or that helping me out is a no-brainer.
You are absolutely right that it stems from that expression and intention but I think often people will interpret things differently than strictly logical, and of course some people, like yourself, are more rational and introspective and this effect wouldn't occur, but then also a lot of people don't really think that much about their interactions with people leaving them easily influenced by wording. What do you think?
Buster Franken I agree with this, I have friends that wouldn't think twice about word usage in thanking someone, and another groups of friends that are very self-conscious that are annoyed with the "no problem" deal. Are we really upgrading our speech, or eliminating phrases we don't like based on personal perspective is what I'd like to ask.
You’re right - the intention is good and both people are probably happy in the interaction. However, it might apply a little differently to the human psyche; we mostly ignore the word “no”. If in an interaction a person hears “no problem”, “you are never boring”, or “that wasn’t bad, most might remember only “problem”, “boring” and “bad” - and not the real compliment you want to pass along.
Empaths often can be "door mats " I spent my life evolving to stay true to myself while caring about others. Throughout my life even as a child, I have come to realize that anyone who crosses my path, that I feel are falling off a cliff.. my instincts are to reach out immediately. I believe in communication without anger. Stay on subject not for anyone to go " below the belt " I have majority of my life appeared to put others well being above my own. Without regret. In my senior years, I am doing my best to combine looking out for others and looking out for myself. I completely relate to his words. Always have wondered where are the people from my planet 🤔 ? 😁🙃 3/6/23
number two was actually something very important in the IT field. When I was taking my certification exams, they go over a whole section on presentation. Wear deodorant, dress nice, be punctual, etc. one of them was "avoid accusational statements." This is very important in a work place especially. When an IT tech says something like "What did you do to the computer?" it has a lot more of a negative connotation than say "What seems to be the issue?". A lot of the time it's pretty difficult to find a way to ask questions without casting blame; however, the person will leave thinking "They seemed friendly" instead of thinking you're just there to work (of course you are, but building rapport is also important) After a while it starts to become second nature, and there is a noticeable difference.
Better to be a problem solver than a people blamer. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter who's to blame, but whether the issue was resolved. Make it a teachable moment, not a punitive one. ;)
On the point of saying "no problem", I've found that by saying "thank you" myself more often, I've gotten to hear many different types of "your welcome" expressions in response. It also helps both me and my relationships to just be more thankful in general. ;)
For the "No problem" one, I've never meant it nor interpreted it in that way. Whenever I've said it my intention was to communicate a "happy to help" vibe in which the gratitude was appreciated but not required . I guess everyone has their own way of interpreting phrases.
I love how you learn so much from just observing people. With observation, a small insight into psychology and even exercising your speech with close friends you can identify a lot of this. Though the last one I really didn't consider. Always more to learn :) I'm going to dig through this channel to see if there's one in continuing conversations even without being in person because I feel like a lot of people could benefit. I want to praise you on your singular take and not just chopping it all up in multiple shots. That's a tough feat for anyone. :)
Also, about the third thing, I feel like you're kinda 50%-ish right. Mostly cause there are such things as "Hype Aversion", then it's opposite "Bile Fascination". And also "Hype Backlash", and it's very own opposite "Guilty Pleasure". -Hype Aversion, for those who are curious, is, as an example, when people tell you to watch something that is AMAZING, and you keep pushing it away, and have less and less interest in doing it. -Bile Fascination is the opposite, when someone says something is horrible, and you gotta check if it's THAT bad. -Hype Backlash is when you finally give in after that Hype Aversion, to sit back, relax, and see if that thing is genuinely that good, only to see it wasn't as good to you as it was to others, essentially making it seem overhyped. -Guilty Pleasure, as most of you know, is when you end up enjoying something that most people hated. Anyway, the reason why I'm mentioning this is because, well, while it makes sense that when you tell someone "Well, it's kinda bad, but...", you can get them to expect something genuinely bad, HOWEVER, in most cases, it just creates a "Bile Fascination", and makes the person wanting to see how bad it is, and if that something isn't genuinely as bad, they tend to be a bit surprised, cause it's better than what they expected, and then go like "Oh, what do you mean? This is pretty nice!". So opening that with a positive statement might not be the best thing, cause not only could it create a "Hype Aversion", but also a "Hype Backlash", and such. Not to mention that when you start with "Well, this isn't that good, but...", or something along those lines, you might even end up seeming humble! Your way potentially works, but I feel like it mostly works in rather extreme, and specific cases. (As for those terms that most of you knew existed, but never knew the names of, you can thank TV Tropes, it's a rather fun site where you kinda tend to find out the names of all sorts of tropes, and irl things, that you never knew had a name! And if you knew about it, well, I hope you haven't lost hours on it like I have :/)
"Not to mention that when you start with "Well, this isn't that good, but...", or something along those lines, you might even end up seeming humble!" - Just my opinion: I wouldn't make a habit of this. I and many people I know tend to downplay what they can do and at some point it's kinda annoying. I noticed this with friends, one of them for example always responded to compliments about his athleticism with "I'm not that good". After a long time it kinda started to piss me off because we all knew, including him, that among the people we know he's by far the best at what he does. Of course there exist people who are much better, but that's not relevant. If you do it occasionally, you can seem humble, but not if you do it all the time
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"Let's imagine you have a friend.." I'm going to have to stop you there.
Lmao
dude... too true
bravo, zulu. tip of the hat to ya!
That's uh... That's why we're here. To fix that
It’s sad because that’s why I’m watching these videos lol
This channel is just a guide on how to politely manipulate people and I’m here for it
Disagree - manipulation is inherently dishonest whereas most of the advice on here is based in honesty, empathy, and integrity.
Mark H nah
If it is done for nonselfless reasons, it crosses into manipulation. This content is largely presented as manipulation techniques. However, a lot of this can be used to help with minor confidence issues, but not serious ones.
At first when i found this channel i thought so too Agent, but as i watch more and more i realized that many of these videos are to teach you how to communicate better. In a way that your intentions are heard while removing the possibilities of misunderstandings. for example i watched some relationship videos and also charisma videos and they both teach communication techniques that help you get your intentions to the other person (significant other, friend, family, stranger, etc..). i do see your point though that some of the charisma videos may seem as manipulation tactics but tryign seeing it from the perspective of someone who doesnt know how to communicate properly and messes up alot of interactions. these vids help them not to manipulate others but create a relationship where both parties can understand each other.
How the hell? he's just telling you how to not come over as rude or ungrateful
Instead of saying, "This story isn't entirely truthful", say, "Ya'll ain't gonna believe this."
That really catch my interest
Or "GURRRRRRLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL "
@@khadijathegreat2387
WHAAAAAAAAT?
DraculaSWBF2 thank you, all mighty sky father...
DraculaSWBF2 LOL 😂
Cant kill your charisma if you dont have one
Rektonhell you're already charismatic bossman
You can't kill it twice you mean.
*if you don't have charisma.
I have a poptart. Does that count
Rektonhell yes id like to buy 1 charisma plz
1. Glad to help
2. There may be a mistake. Let’s figure it out?
3. Frame positively
4. When you _____, I feel _____.
5. I’d love to help you by ______.
Thank you.
I'd love to help you by helping myself.
When you fart, I feel sick
Yeah, I know. I literally just watched it.
@@brentmadison7605 I dont think it was a big deal 🤣
"No problem" to me could mean, "it wasn't a problem for me - to go out of my way for you. Of course I'd do it, we're good friends. No problem." That's what I hear.
Same. That’s also what I imply whenever I help people and they thank me for it.
If “Of course I’d do it, we’re good friends” is what you mean, then maybe consider saying that! Way nicer and less vague than “no problem”
I’ve heard that “no problem” is rude but I feel like “you’re welcome” is worse. I say no problem all the time. But I’ve heard in some cultures it comes off as rude 🤷♀️
@@apersononyoutube1496 i like the sound of 'no problem' much better, depending on the tone. 'you're welcome' feels like i'm putting the attention onto the other person rather than accepting it. i feel like it's kind of... confrontational? i guess? final? it feels strange to me.
yeah I interpret "no problem" like "oh its no big deal you don't need to thank me" not like "i did it just because it wasn't a problem"
I noticed a year ago not to say "You already told me that" when a friend tells me a story that I've already heard, instead "I remember you telling me this" sounds more genuine.
Another good peice of advice. Anything to soften the blow.
Ross Burrow yessss! thank you
i know someone who does tellme certain stories twice but i just listen like i havent heard it before
I have this problem with my girlfriend and sometimes I react as if it were new but often it slips and I say "you've already told me that". I'm afraid I may be hurting her
DarkHero - Destiny 2 Videos just try to make it sound as if you want her to know that you remember her telling it to you, so it means that you care about the things she tells you and memorizes it, that way she won’t be hurt but will actually feel loved. like if she tells you a story about an annoying coworker instead of saying “yeah you already told me that” (which might be hurtful) say something like “yesss! i remember you telling me about this guy/girl. they are horrible” and try to make it a contribution to the conversation, so now she can tell you something else, not a way to end it with “I heard it before don’t want to hear about it again”. it’s so beautiful that you’re concerned with hurting her btw 💗 bless
"I did not have sexual relations with that woman"
Who Hillary?
Some people just call that circuit dating.
LMAO
Yeah, you did! You did have sexual relations with that woman. You dawg! 😀
Sure
“It really do be like that sometimes”
Nkechi01 it do those
SBTRKT!
It's a lot simpler than anyone could imagine. Confidence is a facade designed to dominate an environment to an individuals will, if you listen carefully to his words it supports this. Confidence is not a tool people use to improve others lifestyle, but rather our own, and we will never admit this because we are naturally selfish.
Just love yourself even though you will make mistakes throughout life, some really bad. You are the only true support system for yourself, because the idea that some one will help you in any way without benefitting themselves is a lie. Consider the fact that you have to pay for their service.
You cannot buy confidence, it must be taught and earned.
I appreciate your profile pic. Good music taste 🤙🙂
@@youngcuba12 I thought the same thing 🤘
1. No Problem ... Happy to help
2. You Screwed Up ... I think there may be a mistake
3. This isn't great, but ... (try to be more positive, some of you may recognize..
4. You always/never ... I feel BLANK when you BLANK
5. ending on a value-take vs value-giving
RP Saved me 9 minutes
RP's list is useful once having watched the video, but the framing information he gives for each of these points is important and useful, so I would still recommend watching the full thing, Wag Wan. :)
_
RP
Hey! YOU SCREWED UP! I think there might be a mistake with you.
Good summary.
1) Don't reply "no problem" when a friend thanks you, you should say "happy to help"
2) Don't say "you screwed up"/"you messed up" to a waiter, you should tell him "I think there is a mistake, could you help me to figure it out?"
3) Don't say "This is not great/interresting but..", just say "This is a topic/song that might interrested you"
4) In a fight, don't use "you never/always (blabla)", you should say "when you (blabla), I feel (blabla)"
5) In emails, when you ask something don't say "I'd love to ask you about (blabla)", you should should turn it as a gift
Ex: don't write "I'd love to be in your video" but "I'd love to help you"
Great video!😄
This comment should be pinned.
Nothing to do with charisma then
4) In a fight, don't use "you never/always (blabla)", use your fists.
Bruh a large portion of these videos is observational learning, you have to see his body language to learn.
Thank you, these bulletpoints helped me learn
pretty sure the reason why people say "no problem" is because most people can feel like asking for a favor, even a simple one, is a huge burden on the person helping them and so, to reassure them that it's not we say "no problem". honestly if my good friend said "happy to help" I'd give them a really odd look because it just sounds weird.
That's true, it could be weird if you aren't used to that phrase from that person.
I just say anytime
Context my dude
Rephrase it then. I have a friend who often says something like "For you, anytime". And that carries a different sentiment compared to "No problem" (which I like to use)
I just say, “yeah okay”
"No problem"Charlie,we'll try not to "screw up" these tips and "I don't know if everyone agrees but","you always" make great videos so "thank you in advance"😂
Jon Wick good comment, would have been even better without the quotes
Jon Wick no problem
admangoe there may have been a mistake in the choice of quotations.
*contains spoilers*
hahahah
Me: When you ..., I feel ...
My mum: Oh, psh! You're too sensitive.
When you say I am too sensitive, I feel ... :D
PS I think, for the 2nd part "you don't realize how much those words can hurt if said by a mother" should work.
Ahh, minimization
Me: when you... I feel...
Mom cuts me off: get the belt
same here :D
Lilac Milkshake I feel this.
A video on email etiquette would be incredibly helpful. I've probably lost plenty of positions just to poor emailing wording
Zacho Kunz Yesssssss
Lol people reading the email are mostly either :
- Too stressed to care because they have more important things to check like what their boss who can fire them in a pinch told them to worry about
- Have lost their eyes in the war and can't read what is perfectly typed in by an individual who knows exactly what the company wants but company legit doesn't know for some reason
- Plainly didn't see because... either stress or lack of eyes
And then there's the 1% of sociopathic people who will disect every of your words. But they virtualy don't exist because : nobody has time anyway.
You have to be concise with what you write because they read diagonally anyway. Just use the simplest of words and go straight to the point and don't had flourishes. Unless you're directly writing to the director or something. They're the only one who take the time to read the email entierely. But the thing you should NEVER do is being overly polite. Especially if you sent it to the director.
That's the most advices I can give right now 😂
I had a college professor who refused to give a letter of recommendation to a previous student because their email was in poor form....
1) Comic Sans font for everything.
2) Entire email as a single block paragraph.
3) Start email with "Hey," unless it's to someone much higher than you in the organization, then it should start with "Hey!"
4) Don't use words if you can use an emoji. Use numbers in the place of words whenever possible.
5) If you don't get a response within 5 minutes, "Reply All" to your own email with a simple "???????"
@@thevoxdeus this is solid advice, I just signed a $2 billion deal with Bill Gates, Elon Musk is now my Godfather and Warren Buffet is my brother-in-law.
You’re so right about saying “you always/never” being a very bad idea!!
only a Sith deals in absolutes
Beat me to it!
It's one of the most volatile phrases that can start and/fuel an argument to boiling point. This phrase can seriously kill relationships. Thank you
You can bet good money that any fight between a couple will contain the phrase "You always do this!" regardless of what the fight is about.
I certainly feel pissed whenever anyone says that to me, as it's not true to me, and such, leads to arguments. Ah, if only they knew what they're saying.
Summary:
1. Don't say "no problem" when you do someone a favor. Say "happy to help", indicating that you actually care about the person.
2. Don't say "you screwed up". Say "I think there may be a mistake, can you help me out?". Why? You're using the passive voice, so you are not directly focusing on who is to blame. In addition, "can you help me out" sets up a goal for both people.
3. Don't disqualify preemptively. For example, don't start a speech off with "I didn't really have enough time to.." or "I know this isn't something very interesting, but..", because in this way you frame the next thing you are going to say as not good. Instead, just tell your story, or put a positive frame in advance - "Hey, this topic is very timely..", "This is a topic that may interest you..".
4. Don't say "you always/never..." + something negative (if it is positive, it's good). A much better think to say is "When you do X, I feel Y". Example "When you say that I am not good at singing, it makes me feel like you don't really value our friendship.". This is a fact that cannot be disputed, as the fact is that what someone did made you FEEL a certain way.
5. Don't use statements that imply you only take value like "I'd love to pick your brain about" or even "Thank you in advance.". Instead, offer value or at least trade value. For example, "I see you might need help with X and i could help". Before you send a request, like an e-mail, check the last line and check whether it is implied that you want to take value, give value or trade value.
NizeBUL thank you
What a hero!
Thanks saved me 9 minutes of my life.
+
Print screened. Thanks dude.
Most of your vids boil down to being a positive person. Thanks for helping me be happier!
Stoicism + charisma on command = better me
Another big one is to try to always say"thank you" instead of "sorry."
For example, instead of "I'm sorry for being late" try saying, "thank you for waiting for me."
In both cases you acknowledge the situation to the other person, but when you say thank you it shows you appreciate them continuing to work with you anyways.
And then they reply "no problem" :)
Yes, you may also try, "Please excuse the delay. Thank you for your patience."
Concrete Window I’m totally stealing that
Yeah I'll remember thst one for work
I can’t imagine coming to class late and saying “thank you for waiting for me”
Good advice man. Super guilty of the "No problem" one and will start working to change it!
Woah it's David
I use "anytime" instead.
Thank you! Anytime is a much better word that I will use instead
David Erick Ramos - Ocarina at Chick-fil-A I noticed they responded to my 'thank you' with 'my pleasure' instead of 'no problem' or 'you're welcome', and I like the response so much I started using it myself. Lol Good 'ol Chick-fil-A customer service. :-)
"My pleasure" is a great response.
This dude and his friend
This dude: woah, thanks for picking me up, man
His friend: hey, no problem
**sudden and uncomfortable silence**
This dude:
His friend:
This dude: aM i a jOke tO yOu?
Lol 🤣
Wtf
😅😅
"Dad, when you curse at me, I feel bad"
"Then don't give me a reason to curse at you"
:'[
Dad : good
At least you have a dad. Mine hasn't come back from the gas station with the milk yet-
@@ayostap6700 Update: My dad just died.
@@BillyOnTH-cam I'm so sorry
No dad should curse at his children
1. No problem -> Happy to help (reinforces friendships)
2. You screwed up -> There's a mistake, help me figure it out
3. This isn't great but...
4. You always/never followed up with something negative -> When you say ___, I feel like ___.
5. In emails: I'd love to learn from you (an ask) -> I could give you these insights (a give)
"So that your natural charisma can shine."
Bold of you to assume i have one.
I'm a host at a restaurant and some people are so rude automatically! A lady came up to me today and in a harsh tone, with her finger wagging, said "We need our bill. We've been waiting FOREVER and nobody has given it to us." I apologized, printed one out, walked over to her table, but there was a receipt already on the edge, just behind a plate so somehow none of the six customers at that table saw it. >.>
Desi Gayh I hope you corrected them
@@tehwinnerz5006 I hope she didn't. Pick your battles. This one was small enough to just let it go. Not worth the ego hit to the customer and their dislike of her for hitting them (metaphorically speaking). Don't fight assholery with more assholery. ;)
I like that you always give alternatives to what you're trying to stop.
You don't just say; "That thing you do is stupid, stop it", you rather say "Its better if you do this that way and here's why ... "
This channel is so awesome and I love it! It all kind of boils down to "treat other people how you would like to be treated, be kind, and lift others up in action and speech." these tips are sooo needed in a world that seems to stress stepping on other people/guarding yourself to get ahead. Couldn't appreciate the positivity of this channel more!
I love that you give substitution to the "bad" phrases. You're not simply showing their existance, but also providing solutions
The secret of his charisma is having 74 teeth.
Are they human teeth?
What?
#6 - Don’t ruin your charisma by being needlessly insulting in the comments section.
I can see every one of his teeth when he talks. Is this what you mean..?
ROLF. thank you @Rerreiera for the intiail laugh, then @Yeah for the kicker!!!
1) Happy to help.
2) I think there may be a mistake, can you help me figure it out.
Good ones!
Most Charismatic part of your vid was leaving the main points and time stamps in description; thanks.
I never understood why people are so mean to waiters. Great advice in this one though. I always rephrase my arguments with my hubby lol. Also, I need to stop putting myself down before showing something I created. Love the give at end of email; going to use that at work.
Because they like spit in their food maybe?
I also worked in fast food and have many buddies who have. I don't get angry easily but know many of my republican friends who do that. Here in California at least.
Probably more my location in California.
Jayne Nicoletti Hi, I used to have a student who did that (saying things like, "i haven't been able to do my homework well but here it is, sorry"). I always saw it as a pre-self-destructive move to garner sympathy or as a ploy to stop me from having to critique the work. I coached the student out of this habit because i wanted the student to let the work speak for itself. Hope this inspires. Best of luck with your hubby!
There is a restaurant nearby that I frequent; and by a: being a “regular”, and b: going out of my way to be NICE to the staff (waiters thru cook & floor management) I get much nicer service... for example, if I order an appetizer, I’ll often find that there’s a few extra pieces more thrown in than is listed on the menu. Oh, and it helps to leave tips, too... people often forget that waiters are taxed by the IRS based on presumed tips, no matter if they got that tip or not... 🤔
"The best way to get someone to do something is to make them think it's their idea." - Alan, The Amazing World of Gumball
Chicken Draws Dogs That show is brilliant.
When I first heard that on the show my mind shattered
That show is perfect for teaching EVERYONE what's wrong and what's right on an entertaining way and is relatable af
Manipulation of high class
Also the Mentalist
When you (punch me in the face), i feel (injured).
You screwed up my face.
This isn’t great, but I’d appreciate you not punching my face.
When you (call me your friend), I feel (straight depressed).
I think there may have been a fist slammed into my face. Could you help me get to the bottom of this?
am i the only one who say "you're welcome"?
No, but it isn't much better. It's more of a neutral statement that implies there was effort, you enjoyed it, but that it wasn't a big deal.
I’ve tried to to stop saying you’re welcome. It’s a command when someone says thank you and you are welcome. You are actually saying “yea you should be thankful”
I often say "my pleasure"
You're unwelcome when they dont say anything
I think saying "You're welcome!" with a genuine inflection in your voice, turning your head to look at the person you're saying it to, and smiling when you say it can be extremely effective. You're telling someone they're welcome to your time and help whenever they need it.
It's useful in situations where "I'm happy to help!" can come across as a bit over-the-top to the type of person you're speaking to. I like a sincere and positive "You're welcome!"
Im officially addicted to this channel. I got some issues that Im not getting into, but these videos make me feel like Im restoring my better, past self, that I thought was gone, long ago
Charisma on Command is probably the only channel that I regularly re-watch (the older videos) and check emails for new updates.
The four pieces of non-violent communication are:
1.) Observation - "When I see/hear x"
2.) Emotion - "I feel y"
3.) Needs - "I need to know (you care/your intention)/feel (safe/heard)/z"
4.) Request - "Would you be willing to (help me understand where you're coming from)/a?"
Reminded me of point 4.
Thank you :)
Yikes! When I see this, I hear the slow death of organic relationships. How cookie-cutter this must feel like when you figure out someone is reciting a list, in their head, when longer convos. present... I see its uses maybe, but to me having preemptive EXPECTATIONS for how a "good" convo. goes, is a big turn off. Girls will boil over in your face at any point, anywhere, and that's acceptable behavior. Not for guys. So let's crowd that double-standard bubble some more with endless tests. Smh. Girls don't give chances to respectable guys, only the attractive ones.
I play music professionally. #3 kills me for years. So many people want to get up and start the song with this qualifier. “Hey I just learned this, so go easy on me…blah blah blah”. It’s the absolute worst thing you can do. You instantly invite scrutiny where there was none, and even if you perform well, people will think you are a hack, anyway.
Maybe "this is a song that I been practicing lately/put a lot of effort" can be a midground
Also a professional muso, I think it can come across cheeky/endearing if you execute it really well. Sometimes it's nice for fans to see you're only human, or that unlike the cocky primadona stereotype, you're secure enough to be real about your imperfections
@@mliao1 maybe just say "sorry i need to practice more" after only if you screw some part
yup. just like that one kid that cries and says theyre gonna fail but end up being the top student. this only works if that person already likes you or idolises you.
I am glad I saw this video today. It was so helpful. I was sad and upset today. This video made me realize that I could make myself better.
It's really hard for us in Australia, because the majority of our common phrases is saying what something 'isn't'.
"Where's the shops?" - "Not far"
"How are you?" - "Not bad"
"When do they arrive? - "Not long"
S4R1N I know...
ye nah
Not often
roundabout?
I like that, actually. Short and everyone knows what do you mean.
I went through a really rough divorce when I was younger and lost everything. It was hard for me because I've been independent and on my own since I was 16 years old. Reluctantly, I had to ask my dad for help at times just to make ends meet, and when I would thank him, he would always reply, "I'm just happy I'm able to help you, Son." I can't describe just how much that meant to me, and now, when my grown kids ask me for things, I tell them the same thing. I'm just glad to be able to help you.
I love this.
I second that!! ^
I've actually done the first one a lot lately, thank you so much for this!
And number three...
My only response is no problem cuz I can't care enough tbh
In summary,
Beautify and sharpen your vocabulary.
"you screwed up" How common is this phrase really? It's incredibly rude, I'd never ever say that to a total stranger let alone a friend
Unfortunately it's very common working with the public. Work at least 3 days as a cashier and you'll have some jerk trashing your very existence.
It's more common than you think. In fact my last job psychologically conditioned me to accept blame for the misfortune of others even when it's my fault; my boss called it 'holding myself accountable.' It's what I had to do to survive the job. That's just one example of how I've been psychologically scarred by different aspects of life; work, school, home.
I had a 'friend' who constantly used it on me. Whenever something slightly went wrong, he went "You screwed up" (not as a joke, he was serious). It just makes you feel bad and you don't want to tell that person anything anymore cause you feel like you're constantly disappointing them. It also feels like they're being really aggressive, even if that's probably not the case
In the retail/restaurant industry, things like that are actually very common. Please be nice to the people that work in those types of establishments, they deal with all kinds of crap, and have almost no power at all to do anything about it, except take it and keep going.
@@strivingfornewhorizons9281 I hate to tell you, but your "friend" is a toxic narcissist. One of their games (yes, it's a game to them) is to make you feel bad about yourself at every possible chance. I learned the hard way not to tell anyone anything about myself until I knew they would never hold it against me, and I can count the number of people on one hand. There are things I've never even told my husband, and we've been together for 25 years. That's why we've been together for 25 years.
I do numbers 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5. Thanks to this video I may be able to fix that. Thank you for all the help. I have a whole playlist of your videos and I can't wait to start substiuting in all these tips. You're a lifesaver.
"happy to help" seems like a weird way to phrase it...like if someone said it to me it'd feel a bit too much to me. I guess an "any time" or "of course" would do just fine right?
It’s great to kinda realise that half these things along with other charisma stuff that regards politeness and presentation is something you can figure out on your own the older you get. Rather quickly too, if you pay attention to how you act and take people’s reactions/feelings into consideration.
1. "Hey what's up guys it's scarce here"
2. "It's your host kiiiiiiiiiiiller keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeemstar"
3. "Hey, Vsauce, Michael here"
4. Sup you beautiful bastards hope you are having a faàaaaaaantastic Tuesday. Welcome back to the Philip defranco show and let's just jump into it
5.Whats up squadfam
8. Hey adoomy gang, hope your having a wonderful fantastic, amazing day, because im having a wonderful fantastic amazing day so you should be having a wonderful amazing fantaastic day!
Stewart Ashton you are an sjw
10. Hey what's up you guys YAS
I have an aunt who always says "That's ok" instead of "your welcome". I always thought that was very strange.
LOL! Like this: "Thank you so much!" - "That's ok."
BlastForward
Yes! She says that every time I receive a gift from her.
:D Sounds, hm ... modest?
Freeyourmind - I say that... o___o or "it's cool". Damn.
I was actually taught that the preemptive disqualification was a good thing when it comes to getting what you want because the other person often wants to prove you wrong. Like “hey I know you’re so busy and probably don’t have time but...” they’re more likely to say yes because you’ve already used up their excuse to say no, yet you’re still giving them a way out and showing appreciation for their help. Plus when you do it when it comes to yourself, “I’m not a great singer, but here goes..” they’re more likely to be impressed because you already set low expectations. This has worked in all my college classes..you get a lot more help when you don’t raise everyone’s expectations of you as well...and giving people the opportunity to help you makes them feel more valuable, which does increase your charisma
Who taught you this?
the phycopaths guide to acting like an everyday human ☺
still love this channel though😂
The Forgotten Place did you mean sociopath? Like the BBC Sherlock Holmes? Love that show and this channel 👍
André Fortin yeah technically- I bet quiete a few watch both....
He literally is a sociopath. He gets messages from people who genuinely want to help him, and all he does is explain how those helpful people let themselves be vulnerable. This is why the whole politics and hollywood scene is so cancerous
Arr Ere nah he had it right. Sociopaths do care but only for selfish reasons. They stop caring the moment the other no longer has any value to offer, being seen as vulnerable could be seen as "this person is weak and will not be of any service" the moment that happens, the charm usually stops too and that's when they really don't care and can become aggressive and the usual sociopathic behavior begins
The Forgotten Place - "The Guide to How to Human"? 😝
Wow dude, some of these points (specifically 1, 3 and 5) actually blew me away. I feel like I always kinda knew these things subconsciously, but never clearly enough to apply them consistently or realize when they were impeding me. I feel like your channel has the potential to teach me a lot, and despite your advise against saying this: thanks in advance. Keep up the great work!
you'd make a great Joker with that bright smile :)
Then he could be Jack Napier of Batman: White Knight.
Scares me actually...
Michelle I was looking for this comment lol
If were talking villians two face works well, and hush maybe
Michelle why does this sound so rude
Just found your channel recently. My business requires a lot of prospecting and client interactions and your videos have really given me a lot of great advice and tips to increase my social effectiveness, plus you’re also entertaining. Thanks for the videos, big fan!
Your writing and delivery are really good. Very professional and well documented. I actually managed to remember entire courses worth of information, university level, on the subject of conflict management and psychology, just from this very well organised video. Keep up the good work!
0:45: No Problem. Instead say "I'm Happy To Help"
1:49: You screwed up. Instead be passive and more polite and say "I think there's a mistake.."
3:29 Don't start something by saying it will be bad. Instead say nothing or add something that relates to the viewers
4:47 You always/ You Never. Instead say "When you say....., it....."
6:29 Don't sign off by "asking". Instead "give"
:D
Love your content guys!!
~ Glad you're digging the content man!
@Fart Blackson you really screwed that up dude
@Fart Blackson yeah, i guess you did
When you first meet a woman, it's good to tell her right away that your Mom says that you are a catch.
sshhh don't tell anyone or the secret society will be having words with you
Tried this, it works
And this comment explains your name.
please nooo
I love how you talk about framing. I have a friend that often starts a sentence with “I saw this thing that I thought you’d really like…”. He immediately has my attention and makes me feel important because he’s thinking about me and looking out for me.
"When you blank, i feel blank" 5:27
that was deep bruh
Actually, it kind of is. When you . ;)
I’m really surprised with all of the negativity in the comment section. As a human communication researcher, I can assure you that there is an abundance of support for each of these points in psychological and communicative scholarly literature! Nice work. Very interesting and informative stuff.
Props for either using a teleprompter or learning your material by heart. Very professional.
He's using what's called 'extemporaneous delivery.' It's how he's able to do entire sections without jump cuts, mistakes or hitches. The guy obviously has a LOT of public speaking experience. As someone who also does, I can tell. I learned it in college, and it's one of the best skills I've cultivated for myself.
I’m super grateful for all of your videos! You’ve played a major role in my growth and improving my social skills and understanding people.
~ Glad to hear you're finding them helpful Erik!
Over-analyzing "no problem" is quite a problem here...most of us when we say it, we certainly do not have any poor intentions and it generally just comes from a genuine place.
32 Yr Old Casual Food Industry Worker love your username
He’s saying to reinforce the favor and build a trust by establishing you’re happy to help. No problem is still valid, but it’s a missed opportunity to show
you genuinely care.
I think you both are right. Yes, you both above me! I think "happy to help" is an oppurtunity to express your genuine happiness doing good to a person and the act itself expresses it without words.
Yeah I don’t think that would make any difference or that anyone notices or gives a shit
My pleasure or thank YOU are so much better, especially with costumers. It sounds completely different, in my opinion.
#1 is one of my favorite lessons, because I consciously utilize both the "right" and "wrong" phrases. Sometimes, you *don't* want someone to think you hugely value them... as terrible as that may sound.
Right, because they may then take them for granted.
No problem Charlie, we'll try not screw up these tips and I don't know if everyone agrees but you always make great videos so thanks in advance.
9 minutes with 0 cuts. Very impressive. Oh, great content too. Thank you
~ Thanks Scott! Glad you're digging the content. :-)
The first one "No Problem" was very helpful.
Ikr I say no problem all the time
@3:19 the part about pre-emptive disqualification is apt for many aspects of interaction. I don't consider myself very attractive, and one day, I realized I was actually saying "I'm not attractive" out loud, in so many ways. And guess what? That's how people treated me! Now I know I'm not a beauty queen, but just never saying that, or telling people I'm gorgeous, even in a tongue-in-cheek manner, frames me as a person with high self-esteem and higher worth. Even if it doesn't actually make me more attractive, it makes me FEEL more attractive to just stop putting my negativity in the air in the first place.
Heck yeah. Now im gonna try to use this advice irl and fail miserably!
thebahooplamaster And you are gonna try and try again :)
thebahooplamaster hold up why have I seen you
Guilty of number 3
Jake pual Ferlife u saw him in prison
thebahooplamaster practice till perfection
''when you do blank, I feel blank''
- Charlie Houpert
Thanks for "No problem" I hate saying it but it became a habit. Definitely going to use all this advice.
I tend to say "No worries" or "pleasure" its an English thing, I would have always thought no problem always meant that helping the friend is - well literally saying happy to help.
The always a negative thing is key. Never speak in absolutes. And call out people who do, it derails conversations and change them into arguments
the first one “no problem” BRUH I USE THAT AT LEAST 50 TIMES A DAY AT MY JOB i hate my life
Crazy vid. Just think if you used it 50 times that is 50 times people have thought what you doesn't matter because it wasn't a problem. Instead of 50 times where you went out of your way to make things easier at work.
That’s your choice. You could say “you’re welcome” or something else positive. No problem just sounds lazy and careless.
Charlies so likable im shook... his persona and charisma make it clear that taking his advice is gonna be effective
Agree completely. This is proof of what ghandi said: "You must be the change you want to see in this world." Charlie takes his own advice and that solidifies it as working.
When messaging people I always sign off with, "Thank you for your time and consideration". I do this to let the other person know that I appreciate them taking time out of their day to read my message and for also taking the time to consider how to respond or help with the issue at hand.
SO VERY HELPFUL!!!
I'm 73 and learning all the time. Your channel is now one of my GO TO LIVE BETTER info channels.
I'm getting better all the time. CHANGING for the better is SO MUCH FUN!!!
Thank you so very much.
My most common response to someone saying 'Thank you' is 'Anytime'. I feel it strengthens the trust bond with someone and lets them know that they can feel free to approach me with anything they need help with at 'anytime'. That being said, I am an 'Alpha Male' with highly aggressive tendencies that easily gets hurt. As my response mechanism to being hurt is usually anger with the propensity for transitioning to violence quickly, I am learning ALOT from watching your videos. They are making a difference and I wanted you to know this as it's nice to know that the work you put in is not for naught and it is VERY POSITIVELY affecting peoples' lives and lifestyles. TYVM. My family and friendship dynamics have greatly benefited from the implementation of what I have learned and am learning by watching your videos, which are both done well and easy to understand as well as, IMHO, very professional. Take care, man and keep 'em coming!
"Do you think this is contagious?"
"That looks better on your mom."
"Is your sister single?"
"Why are puppies so fun to kick?"
"That looks better on your dad."
Another thing to say besides happy to help when you do a favor is “any time” but don’t say this every time because this could get you used but it’s gonna show your trustworthy and build a stronger relationship
Your face is so animated. It's great.
Wow I never knew saying "no problem" can kill charisma, it's just like in my opinion, it's like the word I use to any person who expresses gratitude all the time, thanks for the informative video, I definitely learned alot today
Oddly enough, when somebody says thank you, my go-to phrase is “No problem. I’m happy to help.” I don’t know why. “No problem” just feels natural but then I’m also inclined to follow it up with “Happy to help”, I guess for the same reasons you mentioned but after all these years, it’s just become a habit.
Saying "like" within your sentences destroys your charisma. Thank you for the tips.
I've caught myself constantly saying like in the middle of my sentences and it absolutely irritates me, are there possibly any suggestions for other words or ways to remove the need to say it repeatedly?
Crank that Nipple Clamp. Start by replacing 'like' with 'such as'. Then whenever you use either try to just pause your speech instead.
#4 "Only a Sith deals in Absolutes..."
At Wachovia (precursor of Wells Fargo) they spent a large amount of money researching “No problem”! It has a negative context- people hear “problem” & it makes them uncomfortable. If we said “no problem” it was a terminating offense! It was in my contract. We were forbidden to use it. So, today, when someone says it to me, I look them in the eye, and they are implying either me or something I’m ordering or requesting is a problem- when one says, “thank you”, one should respond, “ you’re welcome” or “my pleasure” - NOT “no problem”. I didn’t realize the power of words, but, wow, yes, totally agree!
That's very interesting. I usually reply in a more friendly manner myself, like "sure thing buddy" * rather than "no problem."
Regarding number 1. I find myself saying “no problem” when helping someone I really care about. It didn’t occur to me that it may have been lost in translation, but I guess I say it because I don’t want the other person feel guilty for asking a favour (because I know I feel uncomfortable asking for help myself!) But this is an interesting point, I’ll consider it
I've heard the 'no problem' before. I generally use 'my pleasure.'
I generally use 'whatever'
"Anytime" works pretty well too
Rewatching this years later and HOLY COW the second one is actually way more common than I thought, I worked in a call center for about a year and helped with a lot of billing/scheduling issues. I probably talked to thousands of people who came out swinging saying “you screwed up, fix it right now” and MOST of the time, they were actually wrong but since they already established that they can’t be wrong, they ended up causing so much headache not only for everyone trying to help them but mostly for themselves because it just drags out the problem!!
Its surprising but it’s actually sooo rare to hear someone say “I think there may be a mistake..” and TRUST ME those customers always ended up getting the most golden service.
Saying "no problem" isn't in any way implying "if it had been a problem, I might not had done it", nor is implying if there was a cost, you wouldn't have done it. What you're saying is "it's not a problem to help you out". They're already thanking you for your help. No reason to make a bigger deal out of it than it is. I actually think more highly of people when they go out of their way to help me and brush it off like it's not a big deal by using phrases like "no problem" or "any time". Makes it seem like they're just naturally helpful people or that helping me out is a no-brainer.
Finally
You are absolutely right that it stems from that expression and intention but I think often people will interpret things differently than strictly logical, and of course some people, like yourself, are more rational and introspective and this effect wouldn't occur, but then also a lot of people don't really think that much about their interactions with people leaving them easily influenced by wording. What do you think?
Buster Franken I agree with this, I have friends that wouldn't think twice about word usage in thanking someone, and another groups of friends that are very self-conscious that are annoyed with the "no problem" deal. Are we really upgrading our speech, or eliminating phrases we don't like based on personal perspective is what I'd like to ask.
miklas1911 I disagree. No problem seems quite emotionless. Happy to help seems much more sentimental.
You’re right - the intention is good and both people are probably happy in the interaction. However, it might apply a little differently to the human psyche; we mostly ignore the word “no”. If in an interaction a person hears “no problem”, “you are never boring”, or “that wasn’t bad, most might remember only “problem”, “boring” and “bad” - and not the real compliment you want to pass along.
I say "Any time!" because
*ain't no mountain high enough starts playing*
Empaths often can be "door mats "
I spent my life evolving to stay true to myself while caring about others.
Throughout my life even as a child, I have come to realize that anyone who crosses my path, that I feel are falling off a cliff.. my instincts are to reach out immediately.
I believe in communication without anger. Stay on subject not for anyone to go " below the belt "
I have majority of my life appeared to put others well being above my own. Without regret.
In my senior years, I am doing my best to combine looking out for others and looking out for myself.
I completely relate to his words.
Always have wondered where are the people from my planet 🤔 ? 😁🙃
3/6/23
What a large smile 😀
number two was actually something very important in the IT field. When I was taking my certification exams, they go over a whole section on presentation. Wear deodorant, dress nice, be punctual, etc. one of them was "avoid accusational statements." This is very important in a work place especially. When an IT tech says something like "What did you do to the computer?" it has a lot more of a negative connotation than say "What seems to be the issue?". A lot of the time it's pretty difficult to find a way to ask questions without casting blame; however, the person will leave thinking "They seemed friendly" instead of thinking you're just there to work (of course you are, but building rapport is also important)
After a while it starts to become second nature, and there is a noticeable difference.
Better to be a problem solver than a people blamer. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter who's to blame, but whether the issue was resolved. Make it a teachable moment, not a punitive one. ;)
On the point of saying "no problem", I've found that by saying "thank you" myself more often, I've gotten to hear many different types of "your welcome" expressions in response. It also helps both me and my relationships to just be more thankful in general.
;)
For the "No problem" one, I've never meant it nor interpreted it in that way. Whenever I've said it my intention was to communicate a "happy to help" vibe in which the gratitude was appreciated but not required . I guess everyone has their own way of interpreting phrases.
I love how you learn so much from just observing people. With observation, a small insight into psychology and even exercising your speech with close friends you can identify a lot of this. Though the last one I really didn't consider. Always more to learn :)
I'm going to dig through this channel to see if there's one in continuing conversations even without being in person because I feel like a lot of people could benefit.
I want to praise you on your singular take and not just chopping it all up in multiple shots. That's a tough feat for anyone. :)
What are close friend(s)?? I have 1.
For the first point, saying “Of course!” is also suuuuupeeerrr super awesome
Also, about the third thing, I feel like you're kinda 50%-ish right.
Mostly cause there are such things as "Hype Aversion", then it's opposite "Bile Fascination". And also "Hype Backlash", and it's very own opposite "Guilty Pleasure".
-Hype Aversion, for those who are curious, is, as an example, when people tell you to watch something that is AMAZING, and you keep pushing it away, and have less and less interest in doing it.
-Bile Fascination is the opposite, when someone says something is horrible, and you gotta check if it's THAT bad.
-Hype Backlash is when you finally give in after that Hype Aversion, to sit back, relax, and see if that thing is genuinely that good, only to see it wasn't as good to you as it was to others, essentially making it seem overhyped.
-Guilty Pleasure, as most of you know, is when you end up enjoying something that most people hated.
Anyway, the reason why I'm mentioning this is because, well, while it makes sense that when you tell someone "Well, it's kinda bad, but...", you can get them to expect something genuinely bad, HOWEVER, in most cases, it just creates a "Bile Fascination", and makes the person wanting to see how bad it is, and if that something isn't genuinely as bad, they tend to be a bit surprised, cause it's better than what they expected, and then go like "Oh, what do you mean? This is pretty nice!". So opening that with a positive statement might not be the best thing, cause not only could it create a "Hype Aversion", but also a "Hype Backlash", and such.
Not to mention that when you start with "Well, this isn't that good, but...", or something along those lines, you might even end up seeming humble!
Your way potentially works, but I feel like it mostly works in rather extreme, and specific cases.
(As for those terms that most of you knew existed, but never knew the names of, you can thank TV Tropes, it's a rather fun site where you kinda tend to find out the names of all sorts of tropes, and irl things, that you never knew had a name! And if you knew about it, well, I hope you haven't lost hours on it like I have :/)
"Not to mention that when you start with "Well, this isn't that good, but...", or something along those lines, you might even end up seeming humble!" - Just my opinion: I wouldn't make a habit of this. I and many people I know tend to downplay what they can do and at some point it's kinda annoying. I noticed this with friends, one of them for example always responded to compliments about his athleticism with "I'm not that good". After a long time it kinda started to piss me off because we all knew, including him, that among the people we know he's by far the best at what he does. Of course there exist people who are much better, but that's not relevant.
If you do it occasionally, you can seem humble, but not if you do it all the time
@@HitmanNr47 I probably should've added that it's okay to do that in the beginning, but that doing it later too much is a hindrance. :'D