I also have an issue with the vampires that have travelled the world, speak many languages, has so much life experience but fall in love with a teenager. Like WTF
@ Or even someone older, educated, well travelled…. Plenty of 45yr old women standing next to 25yr old women and everyone thinks they both 35-ish. So it’s not just about physical attraction of 18-21yr old being hotter than 40-45yr old
@@lingo3125 He was turned when he was still a minor so that's the mindset he got frozen at. But in "Interview" Claudia's mind aged but she hadn't physically so one would think the same could be said for Edward. Not to mention he had 100 yrs to perfect his mind powers he could be just as powerful or more powerful than Xavier, Emma Frost & Jean Grey. But he never tried it. IMO Edward has more chemistry with Jacob than with Bella lol.
@@Catsclaw-ru6zw I was just about to comment like Claudia mind aged. but i guess every vampire story is a standalone so they can make it whatever for them
Toxic men in fiction only get away with their actions because they're good looking. Had the writers made them at least average looking, the audience will refuse to accept their behaviours.
I unapologetically hate how people weigh their acceptance of someone's behavior based on how "hot" they look. It legit just reads as: "You're harassing me and abusing me, but ewww you're ugly. Get away from me, creep!" "You're harassing me but omg you're sooo hot!! Oh please, keep abusing me!
To me, even if really good looking, way above average man or woman abuses someone, it’s like the ugliness of abuse seeps through them and after they’ve shown their true colors their whole aura, idk what to call it, just seems 1000x uglier. Their good looks can’t make up for the hideous things they’ve inflicted upon people
@@ohlookitsliv2442 I think most would agree but still…. Rich, hot people get away with way more bad behavior than others. And in entertainment it’s normalized, considered ok. All we’re teaching young people is that it’s cute and sweet if the person is hot but scary and the person is a stalker if unattractive. I would LOVE to see a version of Fifty Shades with Ana NOT being attracted to Christian PLUS his income just being average. I think people would more quickly notice the inappropriate behavior and abuse vs seeing it as a love story
This gets worse when you factor in movies that depict _real people_ as attractively as possible and who are absolutely terrible POS and people (aka rabid fangirls) begins to sympathize or lust after real toxic people ranging from real life jerks to _ serial killers._
The sh*tty hot guy trope is so lame. My dad loves his super old movies and there's always a guy roughing up the female lead somehow and I can't help but crap on him
These need to be categorically called psychological horror romance or be treated as cautionary tales. I cannot keep my suspension of disbelief in tact if I don't read them like that. I don't see the phase dying out anytime soon. It may transform a bit to be more palatable or acceptable to the setting that it's being written in, but if the money is there it will keep being produced.
As someone who grew up on VC Andrews I can see how they wouldn't be categorized as horror romance. That might also be why I just skipped all the movies & books that she has talked about. The quality of writing just isn't there. The thing about paranormal/supernatural romance is that it's much easier to see the type of behaviors that are in these films as negative. You can dismiss it as a feature of a purely fictional character. I think there needs to be a certain level of maturity before reading/watching this type of media.
@@Nay_NaysWorld I never said he was abusive, I said I can understand the hate, because Edward was a 100 year old Vampire, and he went for an underage teenager in high school, I mean I guess technically that would be considered grown in most parts of the world but I could see why people wouldn’t like something like that. Massimo I can understand the hate for him the most tbh. My bad for not clarifying.
@ImAgentK thanks for the explanation. I agree with you. The age gap thingy between Edward and Bella is a huge red flag- but when you are looking at the actors on the screen and the fact they dated in real it sort of waters down the issue and all moral conviction goes out the window
I'm surprised Edward Cullen from Twilight isn't on this list because like his human counterpart Christian Grey he's put Bella through a whole lot of mental anguish and just being with him has put Bella in a lot of physical danger just like Massimo has put Laura in a lot of physical danger
Take the vampire aspect out and Edward is just a toxic abusive stalker.. telling Bella what to do and what not to do, put her in dangerous situations that even if there were no paranormal people could still happen.. James could have found any reason to wanting to kill Bella other than her sent. Jacob and Edward still could have had their nasty feud and he literally had a hobby of sneaking into Bellas house to watch her sleep which any mortal has the ability to do and he stalks her and listens in on her conversations constantly.. the only reason people give Edward a pass is because he's a vampire but if he were a person he'd be included in lists about toxic men and how we shouldn't strive to want him. I'm not saying people should hate Edward and Twilight because I get the appeal but i still think he shouldn't get a pass just for being a vampire.
You know what that’s actually a great point and you’re absolutely right 👏🏼 the main difference why I started with fifty shades instead of twilight and some movies/shows before is mostly just because of Twilight being in the fantasy/supernatural genre whereas these are all straight “romance”, but now you got me thinking an idea for another video/part 2 to this!!!! 😂 so thank you🙏🏻
@twinkletwinkleproductions4059 oh thank you I appreciate that 🙌 and yeah that's a good point Twilight is more on the fantasy genre not really on the domestic violence drama side , also holy shit awesome I feel honored that I possibly gave you an idea for a Part 2 video😊😭🙌🎉🎉
My horrible experiences with this: My cousin was 14ish at the time, I was already an adult, she loved LOVED 365 dni, she told me to see the movie with her and another cousin, we did not know about what it was, only my cousin. When we we seeing it I was feeling weird and asked why she liked this and she told me she wants a man like Massimo, with money and being handsome!! She even told us she wouldnt mind to be treated like this BECAUSE IT WAS KIND OF HOT??? I needed to stop the movie and talk with her and the other cousin (but the second one was hating the movie as much as I, she was 16ish at the time) and we needed to tell her why this was a horrible depiction of not jut a future partner but in general, she was astonished!!! She actually did not comprehend why it was wrong until we had a serious talk because some stupid assholes decided to make toxic romance something kinky UUGGGHHH
@@rinowichan At this rate I honestly can't decide why some women and even young girls are into these kind of sick men is it a biological thing, generational trauma or overrepresentation in media or a mix of these? I have no clue
You did such a good job !! You should be really proud of yourself for taking this opportunity to educate your cousin, you could have literally saved her life!
@@Not_On_Right_Nowexactly! but then again seeing how so many Y/A books targeted to 14+ are either just badly written smut or smut with lack of consent and tons of taboo stuff. colleen hoover seems to be famous within the tweens and its like i can’t have an issue with it because “they’re allowed to like what they like”.
I find it so weird that girls truly want a relationship like this. Even in the movies it’s portrayed in it just seems like so much work. Who wants a chore for a relationship? Coaching your grown ass boyfriend into being a decent person is just ridiculous.
I know people who enjoy this kind of fiction and they know it's simply ficitons, they know that in real life what happen in those books/movies would be awful and don't seek those kinds of situations in real life. They also know that in real life "bad boys" can't be fixed.
@@eleonorepb4565 I know people who claim that they only like toxic bad boys in fiction but still fall for toxic guys in real life eventually :)) Your taste in fiction does reflect who you are and your preference, whether you realize it or not.
@@foreveraweeb242Thank you! I'm glad somebody here has a brain. This reminds of the people who watch violent and grapey pr0n, then justify it with "Guyss it's just a fantasy I don't want these things in real life1!1!1!". Well, if you didn't actually like these things, you wouldn't be watching that crap. If somebody is frequently consuming "dark romance" books that contain toxic and downright abuse, clearly there's something about toxicity that they find attractive.
Reminds me of a post I once saw that said adult movies gives men an unrealistic expectation of women & relationships, while romance books/movies have the exact same affect on women towards men and relationships as a whole.
Saw the video title and immediately thought of Noah from The Kissing Booth. In 6th grade when the first movie came out, I loved it and thought he was really attractive until I realized how truly terrifying it would be to encounter him in real life…it’s sad how many girls and women still romanticize violent, scary, men like him to this day.
Oh my goodness when he slams his hand on his car and screams at her to get in his car…..😮. Then later When his own brother thinks it is in the realm of possibility for him to hit Elle is alarming.
This is not women romanticising it. The creators and authors romanticise it and sell it to women as some romantic dream. When it is literally love bombing and abuse. These guys are ALWAYS hot, rich and somehow "traumatised" which SOMEHOW serves as an excuse for them to do whatever the ef they want, because we are forced to feel sooowwy for them. Women do not do this to themselves. They are conditioned to assosiate this behaviour with something romantic, elegant, beautiful, high-class. After all, these men never take their victims to cheap motels by subway, don't they? The surroundings are always spectacular, gifts expensive, cars, airplanes, grand hotels, brand clothes, massive buqets, you know. No, no, no, women are not "asking for it", they are spoonfed and told that it should taste amazung. I read the story of "Pretty woman's" creation The original plot was a social drama, a cautinary tale where the women is used, abused and thrown out to the curb. Hollywood bosses read it and said "ew, no, it should be sexy and cool, and funny, and romantic. But mostly sexy,". And they successfully sild this shitty man's wet dream to women by making the main character LIKE IT. After all, what is there not to like, she was a nobody, and then she became a nobody in nice outfits. She gets a "happy ending" or so they hint. Never is it explored what her life really was like on those streets, never told what happened to her girlfriend and other women in that position... Why? We can dress her up, and liok, she is happy again, what's the problem? She should be happy because it is sexy. From men's perspective. Even when she is beaten and almost assualted (not for the first time in her life, I am sure), she tears up a bit, but then immediately happy and smiley and ready for sex again! I could go on for hours.
I don’t think this phase is over. I am still seeing people discussing recent books that glamorize abusive relationships. It is sickening how some author’s minds are warped to think toxic behavior and abuse is ok. And it is worse when it is in the YA genre because you are writing for impressionable teenagers who then think this is ok. Not all, but enough. And I don’t get why people latch onto Twilight so much, they have to replicate it. Twilight started 50 shades of grey making more authors latch on that and create 365 days, etc. I am just so annoyed with this.
The phase may not be over, but I think the craze around it is. Nowadays, more and more people seem to have an easier time spotting and passing on this stories. And I think there is more responsibility expected from authors to handle such aspects responsibly.
@ oh yeah, that is what I forgot to add. More people have the language to call out how problematic this trend is. I still worry about some impressionable readers. Adding to something you stated about people being able to spot and pass on the stories. While ignorance or not, I am seeing comments or reviewers discussing how some readers think the animated covers (mainly the romance genre) are targeted to kids and teens and mistake it as that instead of looking further to see how it is an adult book. That is another conversation altogether, but I feel marketing needs to be better so parents and kids don’t mistakingly pick up a book that is out of their age range. The most popular example is Colleen Hoover. So many teenagers read her books and they (author/publishing company) don’t care. I think this is why it can be sometimes hard to spot an adult book from a children’s or YA book and why you may not expect a cute romance cover to have an abusive relationship in it. And yes, the graphic/animated covers are on any genre of book. I am just speaking to this particular element. Sorry for over analyzing your statement, but I do agree with you. Sorry I forgot to add that point.
So I have been informed by really only 1 video on the topic, and that is by contrapoints about twilight. There is a good reason why the bedroom pattetns often reflect societal gender roles. This is not a trend, this has been a thing since ever.
People latched onto Twilight because the character was such a blank slate, that not only could you self-insert, you absolutely had to. There wasn't as much "I can't relate the this character because they have different characteristics as I do." (Notice how many of these are pure fan-fiction.) These books were also good books for non-readers. As a reader since I was very young, I was never the target for these books, but. I read a wide variety and I read a lot of romance novels. And the first thing I thought of when I read Twilight, was this is basically the equivalent of series romance (silhouette desire, harlequin romance, 4-6 books a month type books) for teens. It was Sweet Valley High (yes, I'm old) with vampires, but not as well written. And when someone sees how successful someone else can be . . . monkey see monkey do.
I've listen soooooo many BDSM youtubers criticized the shit out of the 5SOG books/movies as dangerous and WRONG portrayal of BDSM and it's community .....
In theory BDSM is about consent. In practice I'm not so sure. Like Christian Gray, there are probably a lot of domestic abusers hiding behind it. I find it hard to believe that someone would actually want to be the submissive partner. Even if they consent to it, they are probably doing it under pressure so it is not really consent.
@@AndreiPopescu you're right, all the redpill content are showing shit like tying women up and pulling her hair. they are misusing kink and exposing most likely inexperienced women to it too. they are disguising it as kink to make it seem less like abusing women which gives a bad name to the BDSM community
@@AndreiPopescuPlease don't make unfair assumptions about submissive people. Unlike in 'vanilla' relationships consent is a must every time. Rules are written out and quite strict. There are no 'gray' areas or blurred lines. And the submissive actually holds the power in the dynamic. We set the tone for the rules and how we want to be dominated. You should really look into it more before judging. There are many different types of dom/sub relationships. Please don't use these movies or fan fictions as a bases because they are totally wrong about what goes on. Those of us that are experienced know a fake dom when we see them. All the guys in these movies and books would be considered fake doms and NOT be allowed to play. You wouldn't even know a real dom unless he told you. Real doms don't do the 'bad boy' persona.
There it is. There is that one tired old comment that's on every one of these videos. "The BDSM community is not really like this!". Yeah, many people that use to be a part of this degenerate community have spoken out against it and called it a shitty community. Consent doesn't automatically make it ok either. BDSM is basically normalized abuse, and you, those disgusting youtubers, and everyone else that participates/supports this community are twisted. Do better.
@@Circee11Ah, of course you're going to defend this community. This person is right. BDSM is a community that allows abusers to act on their depraved fantasies, because dumb, gullible girls like yourself allow yourselves to be abused under the guise of it being "respectful" and "loving". Pfft. What a joke. We can judge your disgusting community all we want. You like being degraded in the bedroom, but you can't handle a little criticism? Personally, I'm against abusive behaviors. Keep thinking you have all the control in relationships with predators though. The brainwashing is real. P.s. Many former "kinksters" have even spoken out against your favorite community as being a shithole. Save the lies.
The Stockholm syndrome doesn't exist. It was invented by a male psychiatrist to undermine people that showed compassion to some bank robbers. 365 is just the author romanticizing abuse. Read the video title.
I'm surprised you didn't mention Twilight, Vampire Diaries and True Blood as the romanticizing abusive males trend started with those vampire fiction, then eventually worked their way up to removing vampire for rich dudes then eventually remove rich and simply have it be any random "charming" dude *looks at the series You*.
You know actually such a fair point and that’s a great idea to a part 2 to this 🙏🏻👏🏼 for me I see this particular phase as the “toxic romance movies/books” phase of the straight up “romance” genre whereas those you mentioned I group together in my head as the “toxic vampire/supernatural” phase, but you’re right that phase was before this one and influenced this for sure!
@@Twinkle_Twinkle_Productions You definitely need to bring up vampire fiction as it does play a big part in this abusive relationship romanticizing. Except in vampire fiction, the vampires are outright killing people. Well granted that 365 days movies look like they can give them a run for their movie, but you know what I mean. Heck I remember in one episode of Vampire Diaries Damon (who's suppose to be Elena's true love) murdered Elena's brother for reasons I can't even remember, and my initial thoughts of that scene were "Is that suppose to be romantic? Is that suppose to be signs of true love? By murdering her brother?" Stuff like that is flat out parody territory if you made it into a comedy. Like I'm picturing this is how Damon fangirls react if he was real and in the same room as them: Fangirl #1 - "Damon will proclaim his love for me like he did Elena by killing my brother." Fangirl #2: "Shut up! He will show how much he loves me by killing my father." Fangirl #3: "I'll get Damon to murder my mother!" *fangirls begin to fight amongst themselves* Damon: "Girls, girls. If you get me out of here, I'll gladly murder all your family members." *fangirls let out a big sigh like Damon just proclaimed his love for them* Unfortunately I don't think this abusive relationship stupidity has gone away in the slightest. Just look at Keylo Ren from Star Wars and the ongoing romanticizing of real life serial killers. Now I'm wondering if the separation between men and women being at an all time high might be because there's a bunch of dumb women getting together with men with a history of violence and it wasn't as sexy and romantic as they thought it would be. Not sure what they thought was going to happen outside the blatantly obvious, but I clearly ain't part of this crazy population.
@Sandy-k4k4v Thanks for the clarification and holy crap, it's actually worse than I thought as it happens multiple times. No wonder the abusive male trope was prevalent when you have crap like that constantly happening.
@@tade5719Exactly. The book is more pointed about pointing out how crazy Joe is, but I think anyone putting even a sprinkle of thought behind what they see Joe do on the show can recognize he’s a horrible monster who is romanticizing himself.
I love how its always abusive dominant man and shy innocent girl. I hardly ever see dominant evil woman and shy innocent guy even though the gender reverse of this toxic relationship happens in real life too.
I don't think it's a coincidence that all three of these started off as fanfiction. 50 Shades of Grey was Twilight fanfic, 365 Days was 50 Shades fanfic, and After was One Direction/Harry Styles fanfic
Fifty shades of gray would have been a more compelling story, imo, if Christian was the sub and Anastasia was the dom. In their everyday lives, he must always be dominant and in control because hes the head of his company, and Ana is a very mild mannered college student, so shes not in control of hardly anything. Together, they could escape their respective worlds by switching the dynamic. It would also balance their power
Having both the director and actor from terrifier actually ask and stand against SA and these toxic relationships/males in movies was pretty cool to me. After AHS murder house, with Tate Langdon, it's like it got worse.
As a domestic and sexual violence survivor whos obssesed with horror. It has given me so much inspiration and healing. Movies like the shining is about a woman and her child fleeing an abusive man, the witch is about empowering your inner femme sensuality and accepting the dark shadows of it, midsommar made me realize i was in an abusive relationship and gave me the courage to heal and find my own support system. Not many people talk about how horror is about facing reality, and takint control over it or not. Its your choice, how you interpret the ending.
I think it is also because some women like the Harley Quinn x Joker dynamic. I know, its effed up. Their relationship is straight up abusive but women saw that as rough love and Harley being in a relationship with Joker only portrayed a woman being in a relationship with the bad guy as her getting the attention she craves. Today's example is rather in a game; Ascended Astarion is Baldur's Gate 3. While clearly being the evil ending for him, the girlies are defending him like crazy. Even if the ones who prefer his good ending give a very good reason, they act like we just murdered their entire family and burned down their house too. While we live and let live, they feel like they need to push his abusive side onto us like it is the best love story ever. It is not. When I accidentally first got that ending the first time I reloaded quickly. I got PTSD when I noticed how much he was just like my toxic ex. And the romanticization of it disgusts me.
Thank you for pointing out the annoying trope of filmmakers making the female lead a virgin… I suppose so the audience likes her more??? Idk. It’s always annoyed me.
Too true he doesn't get a pass either & neither does Jacob he acts like a 5 yr old not getting his way when Bella told him numerous time she doesn't love him. When he threatens to go off & get himself killed because Bella was going to marry Edward she appeases him by kissing him so she won't feel guilty for him killing himself in the fight. If I wrote the story I would give Bella more of a backbone & call Jacob's bluff & tell Edward to go kick rocks neither of these guys are good for her. But I don't like her using them either Bella wants Edward because he's a vampire & keeping Jacob as backup if Edward doesn't do what she wants.
The fact that Stephanie Meyer, whose other works are just as problematic as Twilight, was flattered by James's work instead of sueing for copyright theft really shows you how toxic people stick together.
I think the success of these stories is that it sells the fantasy of many women, of a man who's shitty to everyone but me because I am special. [I've seen this so much]
I tried to read it when it came out but the same thing happened when I tried to read Twilight: I threw the book across the room and said, "sh!t! If this horrible writer can get published, then so can I!" Then I wrote three short stories and had them all published within a year. I even co-edited a book of short stories & won an Independent Publisher Award (very prestigous) for editing. So I guess in a way, I should be grateful for these crappy writers???? 😂 I'm not big time or anything but at least I know I can write better than a best selling author.
@@blueyeshadow2738 Oh yeah, it's cool for anybody to like her or any writer. I just don't like her writing style because it's very bland and boring, in my opinion, But of course mine isn't the only one out there and it doesn't count more than any other!
@@timothy2491 A person choosing to end a relationship with a toxic, abusive douchebag is not them ruining the other persons life, it's them protecting themself. Quit blaming the victim.
Fair Play on Netflix does a good job showing an abusive relationship through emotional, mental, and eventually physical, and it’s not glamorized at all. She said it was a thriller and honestly these types of relationships are terrifying in real life
These guys SUCK! There's no charming qualities to them which is why I don't understand why they were so popular! It's more realistic for women to stay in these relationships when the guy has that "funny" side to him or "charismatic" side that makes her laugh, but these guys had nothing to them!! They were all so serious and stale!!! I kept thinking "girl why you still with this boring toxic guy!" it's crazy
It's because they're physically hot. That's it. It's shallow asf, sorry not sorry, and why I avoid romance novels. Because I wish people would normalize genuinely empathetic, caring men. But nooooo, all that matters is that you can see every muscle in his torso and that he f*cks good, right? These shallow novels just perpetuate the harmful notion of "doesn't matter what he does to you, so long as he looks good!" 💀 edited for grammar
@@paradoxtatorstudios9681 I agree! If these guys looked the way they behaved nobody would go near them with a 10 foot pole! Just because they're good looking DOES NOT make it okay and I also want to see more caring funny men being the stars!
This trope is rampant in fan fiction too. I swear, every “x reader” fic I’ve read that involved a male love interest is all just being severely abused by the said character. It’s gets extremely repetitive and tiring after a while. Is it really that much to ask for a soft and kind male love interest now and then?
THIS THIS _THIS_ !! one small disagreement though! (more of a rephrase tbh) ; i desperately wish for more caring, kind male characters in _general_ . because the fact they're so rare pains me 😭
Most of the time in real life women aren't attracted to nice and kind. Don't get me wrong.There's tons of outliers but for the most part if a man is nice or kind he's probably not getting that many girls
As usual your videos are so funny 😂❤ but yeah the hot dominant “richer” abusive guy and “poorer” innocent come-and-rescue-the-guy/i-can-fix him girl trope is such an overdone cliché in books and movies. For example i don’t know if you’ve ever heard about Through My Window, Culpa Mia (My fault) series and etc. They are not on the same level of abuse and toxicity (i think?) as the ones in your video but its the SAME genre just made for teenagers. So i don’t think this trope is going away anywhere in the near future bc the demand for this plot is HIGH among gen z. Ngl from all of this i only liked/felt normal after watching the first film of after and first film of My Fault (the second one is released in this December)
But they all give me the ick so i absolutely agree we need something more “fresh”, new interesting stories without the “gimmicks” or at least if you make such films make it tolerable to watch 😭 like don’t do the plot where they guy is abused from the young age and it has impacted on his relationship with the girl(s) as he grew older and the girl isn’t poor but on the same level of richness as the lead guy?? (IDK LOL.)
First of all thank you bestie appreciate that 😂💕 second OMG REALLY!!! There’s still MORE being made that are popular!?!? 😩😩😩 AHHHHH!!! Makes me so sad to hear!! Hopefully they don’t get turned into movies to further promote this behaviour 😭 I’m ready for some healthy relationship representation 👏🏼
It's about 10 years that abusive relationships is being glamourized, and since than, I noticed that the numbers of domestic violence has incresed, also the number of men doing stuffs with women bodies without even ask if she's ok with that.
These types of things have existed since the beginning of romance novels. Honestly, some of the older romance novels go even harder than those today. Romance novels have nothing to do with domestic abuse in real life and saying it does actually ignores the real issue
I think an issue with the writing of some these guys is that it never genuinely engages with their various issues like obsession, jelousy, manipulation and control, and anger issues. They are used as a pull to captivate readers and make us think "ohh just how in the hell are they gonna make this work?" Or "I really want to see him begging on his knees for her forgiveness at the end of all this." Perhaps the writers don't want to drastically change or lose too much of the "alluring" aspects of the male protagonists, so instead of confronting these issues, they explain them by providing reasons for their behaviour. Leaving the lady protagonists with the decision of accommodating their guys, framed in a way that looks empowering but only superficially.
i so agree with the it ends with us point. like yeah its not perfect and Colleen Hoover is pretty infamous for being a horrendous writer but it is better than what netflix has been putting out the past 5-ish years with all the toxic masculinity. I think it ends with us also fleshes out ryle aka the abuser's character much more than "hot, rich, good fvck" and we see him trying to be better for the sake of his kid and not just out of sheer jealousy
Respectfully disagree. Ryle wasn't fleshed out. He was the rich, hot, hot surgeon with stupid big arms that beat up chairs and his wife. The excuse of "blackout rage" when so much of what he did was incredibly calculated was just Colleen fumbling for an excuse because she *liked* Ryle. Pretty much all of Colleen's books are about toxic men, except maybe the one for teens and the one about the girl who was trying to get custody of her daughter "Diem" (ffs CoHo you choose the worst names) after getting out of prison for driving drunk & killing her baby daddy. Then it's a toxic woman. Verity had both the MFC & her love interest be toxic. Layla, November 9 (him forcing her to wear a specific dress to show her scars even though she's uncomfortable), Ugly Love, Maybe Someday and its sequels (especially the scene between Warren and Brigitte that is meant to be healing & romantic but is just straight SA). You could easily pull a scene of "assertive (read aggressive/abusive) romance" from any of her books and compare it to scenes from It Ends With Us and it would be difficult to tell which is which because pretty much all her men are the same. And none of them are fleshed out. They're just on the page a lot; either his actual presence or because the woman won't shut up about him. Colleen just writes toxic men & they're no better than what's on Netflix and *sometimes* they're actually worse.
@@DesertKitsune This. Was it a more earnest attempt by Colleen? Yes. Did it still fail horribly in a lot of important ways? Also yes. Colleen is just not suited to write about these topics. I mean, she doesn't even research properly, by her own admission and continues to be incresibly insensitive. Also, Idk how true that is, but a lot of the earnesty in the movie itself was gained through this one co-director(?) dude that also played Ryle
Victim mentality at its finest, I guess you forgot the part where she literally consented to it, and he never forced her to do anything, he was honest with her about how he doesn’t do serious relationships, how he has a kink, and she CHOSE to go along with it because she was desperate for a relationship with this guy, but noo, because he is a man he must be the bad guy right?
The twilight series was written by a Mormon Woman They are groomed from birth to be the trad wife housekeeper mother and are fed this damsel in distress waiting to be rescued by a knight in shining armour who will be head of the household so then her life can begin Yep Bella and Edward Vampire or not he fits the dominating male trope with a passive Help me Help me AGAIN often I distress damsel Bella
@@timothy2491 She was actually inspired BY Twilight to write 50shades. So it's the extension of the idea. But I agree with the above poster ... some of its toxic ideas are the byproduct of her religious uprbringing in a sexist environment.
@@timothy2491there’s a difference between it being biology and just a wide spread kink. There are plenty of men who would love these movies if the roles were reversed. I can almost guarantee that nowadays there is a lot more women who hate these kind of movies than women who love them and aspire to be in a situation like these movies. Also there’s a difference between biology and psychology and it’s clear that kinks like the ones shown in these movies are a psychological thing, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing
@@bladeinthesmint5995 although there is a psychological component to it. Theres also a biological component. Men who love being over-powered typically have similar levels in terms of blood work and brain scans.
@@untunedguitar45 i wouldnt say its plagerized. Infact its not. Thats not what that word means. But women are attracted to power dynamics. So most romantic themes would have that
I think part of the allure of toxic men is the danger/"I can change him" aspect. Like with roller-coasters and other thrilling things, if he's dangerous to others but doesn't (physically) hurt them, it activates the adrenaline and other things. Basically the unsafe version of Trauma Bonding. The main difference being that the one they are bonded to IS the source of the Trauma.
People like this can change, but not if the girl stays with them. The only way they can change is if they see their behavior is punished, not rewarded. For example: Anna leaves Christian because she doesn't like him beating her, then if Christian really likes her he would control his behavior, instead of trying to get her to tolerate it. By staying with him she is not changing him, she is rewarding his behavior, so why would he change? In most stories the hero gets the girl only after he proves himself worthy. If the girl would have chosen the villain instead, why would the villain try to act like the hero, when being the villain got him the girl?
@@AndreiPopescu but why would the man not hold himself accountable? Why does he change as soon as the woman has to make a decision to leave, which would mean that she holds him accountable. Why is the woman responsible, to 'make' this man 'realise' that he should change. Some men don't change some of them could just learn how to manipulate better
@@Justprettytingz Why would he? Not all people have moral principles. Those without moral principles only understand reward and punishment. It's not anyone's responsibility to make anyone change, but if they would do it this type of men would mostly go extinct (some would change and those who don't would eventually die without having children to pass their behavior to). Those who learn how to manipulate better are very rare. With most of them I can tell a mile away what they really want. I'm surprised so many don't.
Apparently the 356 books end up differently, the relationship is meant to be toxic and she finally left him , even if he ruined her relationship with her true love first
Dylan Sprouse is in more than one of these bad "romantic" movie series where the plot makes no sense and he's kind of a terrible person. Like get that bag, I guess, but maybe ask your agent to find you better roles. He's a good actor and deserves better than that slop.
hello. this came up on my recommended and I clicked because I found the topic really interesting. as an adult now, I just see these movies as comedic tbh and find myself skipping the boombayah scenes all the time because there's not much connection between the characters for me to care or understand why they love being together aside from looks and physical attraction. There's this webtoon called 'Nevertheless,' (it was adapted for tv but the adaptation wasn't too great IMO so I'll reference the webtoon only. Unfortunately, the rest of this comment includes spoilers for the webtoon so be warned!!) Nevertheless, is basically After but done right. It follows a naive girl called Nabi who falls for this badboy type of guy called Jae-eon. There's a nice guy character named Do-Hyeok too. Nabi knows Jae-eon is a player and still decides to involve herself with him just like Tessa does. Jae-eon is, on the surface, charming, popular and charismatic which makes Nabi fall for him but he's a player--doesn't want relationships, uses the same tricks on multiple girls etc. The difference between After and Nevertheless, is how Jae-eon affects Nabi's perception of herself and her other relationships. Nabi KNOWS Jae-eon is bad but can't keep away even when he's being so obviously toxic. It all results to a fight between Nabi and Jae-eon. After the fight, Jae-eon is suddenly (and very suspiciously) nice to Nabi. Nabi knows there's something suspicious about it but she still humours him. Things get heated one day and just when they're about to do the boombayah, Nabi comes to her senses. the second she hesitates, Jae-eon is suddenly cold again. That's when it all clicks. Jae-eon was only in on it for the sex. He was ALWAYS just in on it for the sex. Nabi finally realises that his goal was to just hit it and run. She fortunately decides to stop seeing him and after a while finds him with a group of girls doing the same tricks he'd done with her--same pick-up lines that made her feel special and all that. At that point, she finally noticed that Jae-eon was and always will be a player. Nothing will ever change him. She realised at that moment that she couldn't and never could have. She ends up with Do-Hyeok in the end and even though Do-Hyeok is really good to her and gives her no reason to doubt him, she always has this lingering feeling that he might be using her the way Jae-eon did. Despite her efforts to change Jae-eon, she's the one who changes and becomes more insecure and anxious about her future relationships. Long story short, I admired the way Nevertheless, portrayed a toxic relationship in a realistic way and actually teaches girls that relationships like that will only cause them harm in the end and barely even affect the guy. The show, however, was rewritten to have Nabi end up with Jae-eon which defeated the whole purpose of why Nevertheless, was such a good portrayal of toxic relationships. Instead, the show became another version of After where the girl stays in the toxic relationship and the nice guy ends up alone... People still liked it though. That's their opinion but mine remains what I have said. Wow! that's a long comment but I had to voice it out. Seeing this video made me realise how rare gems like Nevertheless, (the webtoon) are. Anyway! If anyone read this entire comment (or rant), thanks for reading.
Finally someone said that😑 I’m so done with this new generation of 10yo with their “bark bark.. choke me daddy.. good girl” 😑 People forgot what real love looks like.. corn is infecting everyone’s minds and it’s disgusting. Friendly reminder (from physiologist) that all kinks are bad. Men normalizing them through books and movies and social media just to be able to do horrible things to women like pretend they are killing them by choking, physically hurting them by slapping/spanking/tying them up, dehumanizing by spitting in their faces/name calling, and imitating sa by being rough and saying things like “i’m going to destroy you, you wouldn’t being able to walk tomorrow”. Kinks ARE self harm.. and people don’t talk about it enough! If you like kinks like that - you need to seek a psychologist (not a men) and tell them about your unhealthy desire to be hurt by others. Remember - love is respect and care.. men who really love you will never hurt you even if you ask! Love should be gentle and cozy, same as sex should be. So please tale care of yourself, and don’t let anyone abuse or humiliate you! Love yourself!
totally true, so many people think their fetish is exceptional and good. There are no good ones scientifically. they made up kinkshaming to silence people.
Lets be honest the only thing separating shads of grey and criminal minds episode is that dude is slightly hot and stupidly rich cause if he was average looking and didnt make 6 figures most females would think he was a creep
I think this is definetly an overdone cliché, but clichés are clichés because they are true. I think it also become so popular because sadly a lot of people kind of relate to these movies ( in some way). Either they have been in a relationship sort of like this or known someone who has. It's the classic "The good girl-empath meets the narcissist" tragic lovestory. In real life this is also mostly the case because these two types of people attract each other, it's something very interesting in human psychology. But most of these movies were laughable😂
tbh as a victim of childhood DV and 4 years of IPV i wouldn’t really even put it ends with us in the same category as those other movies (i don’t support coho at all though fyi lol, that’s a whole other can of worms) sure there is s*x and romance between the main characters in it ends with us, but there’s a very clear shift in tone that makes it easy for the average viewer to understand that ryle is 100% abvsive, whereas in those other movies the leading man is shown as angry, damaged, and maybe even straight up toxic yet somehow redeemable and actually loving deep down, which is just obviously romanticizing abvse i also don’t personally see the inclusion of atlas throughout the movie as taking away from the overall impact of the story, if anything it just proves how deeply abvsers can sink their teeth into you and manipulate you into staying with them, in the real world plenty of people stay with horrible partners despite knowing deep down there’s someone better out there, because they’ve been gaslit into believing their toxic or abvsive partner will change or go back to how they “used to be”
What about Bridget Jones' Diary? No physical violence to the main female character. Daniel Cleaver is handsome, rich and charismatic. Mark Darcy is handsome, rich, and a nicer guy. Even though it's comedy and not drama, you still get the types played out 😊xx
I am PROUD to be Single by Choice. I never understood the urge to be in a romantic relationship. I see it as a waste of time. And not dating saved me so much time and energy. I feel so ahead of my peers that have dating as one of their top priorities, emotional, intellectual and in my carreer. And I compare myself to others a lot. I spare myself from misery, stress, anxiety and so on. Decenter men and you will see how beautiful and much easier life can be.
Omg SAME. I never understood why people are so desperate to rush into a romance. That more often then not fails apart because of the heavily flawed way people view love and intimacy. I also think romance is an exhausting waste of time. I see far more value in working towards my career, admiring nature and the sunset, and spending my life on adventuring with my best friend.
Never watched a single one of those movies. I avoided them like the plague. Giant toddlers who think with their dicks and assume they're the shit make me aggressive. They always have. Which is interesting now that I look back on it, cuz I was very much part of the target audience I believe. Is it because I didn't find the actors attractive? I wonder. I think it also plays a big part that I had trusted older people in my life who kinda told me how people are and what to be careful of and stuff. There's this one TH-camr who does reviews on bad movies and she really protected me from that. It's kind of cathartic to hear you rant about those weird ass films. Thanks girl!
I definitely don’t think that “not having another better option“ is even close to a reason why women don’t leave abusive relationships. I could understand the argument of not having had the comparison of a healthy relationship in order to see red flags. But I don’t think people stick around in abusive relationships because they haven’t found something better. I think the majority of women that I have known to not leave abusive relationships have been out of a fear of that abuser being worse. There is financial stability that comes into place shore, but I don’t think victims of domestic violence think that they are incapable of taking care of themselves Once they have some sort of freedom.
Not really a romance example, but I had to get this out there. One of my biggest complaints about Boku no Hero Academia/My Hero Academia is how one of the most toxic people in that show is somehow the deuteragonist. Katsuki Bakugo is shown to be a former childhood friend turn bully of the series' main protagonist, Izuku Midoriya, since the both of them were 4 years old. That bullying then turned into straight-up physical and verbal abuse down the line, all because Izuku had no superpower (known as a Quirk in this universe) in a world in which more than 80% of the global population had one, which makes him Bakugo sort of racist too (Quirkist?), going so far as using Midoriya as practice for his superpower, which is causing explosions with the palm of his hands, with his biggest crime being suicide baiting Midoriya in chapter/episode 1 and being non-chalant about it.. And while the physical abuse kinda stopped after a while, he never stopped verbally abusing him, which extends to the side characters as well, at which he screams regularly. We are expected to accept that Bakugo changed for the better of their the course of the series because characters (including Midoriya, what the fuck??!!) vouching for him constantly tell us that, but he frankly never does. His eventual apology was half-assed by the narrative too, making it all about himself (Midoriya forgiving him is such a red flag that one should make a case of him suffering from Stockholm Syndrome). There are other characters in the series that are also problematic, and the series also only partially has them pay for the consequences of their actions but never going all the way (like Midoriya and Bakugo's classmate, Minoru Mineta, who is such a deviant it borders on sexual harassment and only ever gets a slap on the wrist for his ogling and inappropriate comments, the superhero Enji Todoroki/Endeavor, who domestically abused his family to the point of driving his own wife, whom he bought to play eugenics with so he can breed the perfect child to surpass him, insane, and thus cause his eldest son, one of his biggest victims, to become a psychopathic mass murderer obsessed with making his entire family pay for his father's sins, and the homeroom teacher Shouta Aizawa/Eraserhead, who canonically expelled 154 students from the school he teaches at and effectively ended those student's lives when one takes the toxic Japanese work culture into account, even playing favorites in his own class, creating a toxic learning environment in it, sleeping during lectures, and being the one not doing anything to correct either Bakugo's or Mineta's behaviors). The baffling thing is that outside of Mineta, the other three characters are beloved in the MHA Fandom for whatever reason. Endeavor at least had an arc about trying to atone for his sins and coming to terms that his family may never forgive him for it (though most of his family does, for some reason), but I don't see other more people calling out their bad behaviors, going so far as to say 'Bakugo never abused Midoriya' or such bullshit when there is literal in-universe evidence that he did. And this character somehow ranked #1 on most character popularity polls throughout the series' run. The only reason why Mineta gets any substantial amount of hate and not the others is because he has dwarfism and doesn't look conventionally attractive, while the other three characters do. More people need to call this out. Fast. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk on why there MHA characters would be terrible people IRL and should not be any role models to aspire to. It doesn't matter that Bakugo and Mineta are both minors (15-16 years old), the fact that their behavior doesn't get appropriately dealt with in the story proper is a massive problem that also goes to show how disturbing some of Japan's views on bullying, abuse, and sexual harassment are.
and forgiving him murders of her loved ones. He literally killed Jeremy in front of her and put his life in danger multiple times after. For the sake of romance they made Elena the worst sister ever...but when Katherine killed Jeremy, she had to turn off her humanity and somehow wanted revenge. Double standards.
These movies are for women who have never had a Wattpad and Ao3 fanfiction phase. Those are the only ones who are interested in this badly written crap.
If 50 shades took place in a creepy poor man's trailer it'd be a horror book because it glamorizes abuse and is in no way shape or form ethical kink, fetish, and/or bdsm.
I hate Rhysand from ACOTAR and I hope we never see him on screen. He’s the same “toxic asshole who is just hurt” character but with elf ears There I said it.
@sciencefantastic 🫢 For real? I bought the first two books in that series. But really, I'm more interested in the stories of three side characters - Nesta, Cassian, and Azriel.
38:40 There's one movie like this from Indonesia. The main focus is fl's journey to realization that her relationship is toxic, she can't fix her lover and she needs to end the cycle. The title is Posesif (eng : possessive). Available in netflix.
to me all these movies except maybe after are for older women who have normalized and internalized misogynistic behaviors as long as the man is good looking and on occasion treats his object of affection with... affection. occasionally since it's mostly just physical.
As someone who was SAed before as a child and teen and was abused in relationship, let me tell you smthng. In real life abusers, grapists and men in general like that arent so good looking, they are a worst nightmare you can come across, and then its too late. If you glorify or get turned on by this, seek help immediately
There is a reason why I don't like these kinds of movies. I HATE how there is even a toxic, abusive ML in a ROMANCE movie (show, whatever). That's not romance for me, more like horror or the beginning of a thriller.
I’ve seen the movies that is targeted to the male audience like the old super hero movies. Most had a toxic love interest. I feel like it’s a societal thing to have these types of toxic ppl romanticise in media and normalising it is crazy
I saw a post on Instagram the other day, and it was someone who practiced an instrument (a man) for so long blood was on his piano and violin. The top comment with 70,000 likes was: hot.
I feel like these movies are cheesy, cringey porn. Like all you see is them arguing and getting over with it through sex. In my opinion, These movies don't really have plot or anything that makes it special.
The crazy thing is that I watched all this movies when I was like 14/15. The idea of a hot rich man who is possessive of me was the ultimate romantic dream of mine. Now I’m 20. And holy shit..
Only creepy guys who get a free pass, imo are the vampires' ngl. And that's only because usually the whole "im so attract to you i might kill you" isn’t because they are creep but because of their vampires statut (literally their natural instinct)
A good one in here could’ve also been “the kissing booth.” Elle was put through the RINGER and basically forced to choose her man over her dream college at some point. Noah was beyond labeled as “overprotective” when really , he was a terrible person.
As someone who read the entire “You” series, it is the complete antithesis of these films/books. The main character, whose mind we are in the entire time, CLEARLY has a warped sense of reality, and unless the reader understands that, it shows how “ the need to protect someone” can be just as terrifying since it leads to violent acts, even though the protagonist believes he’s always in the right, where is everyone else Is the toxic presence in his love interest’s life 😟😬😱
There won't be another 365 days, it was always meant to be a trilogy. But she stays with massimo, listen carefully to the songs at the end it tells the whole story
I was in an emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship for 3 years and the thing I don't like about having a man waiting there in movies is that it diminishes the importance of the woman making the decision to leave. It is so hard because your abuser makes you feel trapped, like there's no way out. They convince you that no one will want you in this world. You've lived your life without them before but the idea of not being with them makes you believe you would be living alone in a barren wasteland. Having a man there waiting for her to leave subconsciously sends the message that the only reason she found strength to leave was because she already had someone waiting so if we don't have someone waiting, we might as well stay put.
the fifty shades of gay is a complete female fantasy, most guys don't give af about the story and drama , prob only watched the hot scenes, heck i didn't even know about it until 1 of my female friends talked about it and till now I didn't even watch the 1 full episode except the fcking scenes. apart from that the rest whatever i managed to watch it felt boring, male fantasy of romance is much different.
If these men were not rich and physically attractive and young but rather old potbellied lives in a dirty abandoned trailer than none of the girls who love them would support their actions. The worst part is these books primary audience are girls in their teens to twenties who are statistically more likely to experience dating violence.
I do agree with the note of not having anyone. I wasn't physically abused. But I was emotionally, mentally, and verbally abused. I had no one. Not even my mother because she was the one who started it all. I just wanted him to love me like he had pretended to at first. Give me something my mother didn't give me.
I genuinely despise how many women have been conditioned to accept abusive relationships and men because of stories like this and view the healthy and normal secondary male characters as settling because they’re not “the one.”
In fifty shades of grey, why does nobody talk about what happens at the end of the first movie??? That is straight up dv. And she goes back to him as if nothing happened. And the after books are 10x worst than the movies. In the books, as a proof of the bet, he keeps the bedsheet with her virginal blood and the c*ndom they used as proof to show his friends.
These book serieses are very tame when it comes to glamorizing abuse in books. Tame tame tame. They don't hold a candle to authors like Sam Mariano, Whitney G, Whitney Bianca and so many more. And all these books are gracing the shelves of GIRLS!! WOMEN!! not men but WOMEN. Like people are crazy out there
I recently heard someone say "the saddest thing in modern society is that gentleness towards women during sex is so rare and non accepted that we literally have to call it 'a praise kink' for it to 'sound cool'". I think that was such a good but sad point.
Glad people like u are making video's on this topic its seriously not worth glamorizing. These type of relationships are the ones that end in domestic violence in real life and that is truly scary. Hopefully the ones who thought these movies were awsome dont end up in such toxic situations. Sadly there aren't many new films that have a good story on what true love really is and thats kinda sad. Also u right where the f is the charm of these characters. Ps the Hardin dude what the #### that was one of the worst i didnt even watch the freaking movie and I hate it so much😂.
I really do not understand the appeal of these dark romances with the rich billionaire playboy with a tragic childhood/past but his toxic, abusive behavior is completely okay because he's rich, good looking, and has eyes only for the female lead. I can't get into it at all because few times, I pick up these books in the bookstore, flip to a random page and read a few lines, then I put it back and go, 'Ew! Absolutely not!" Give me a romance, historical or contemporary, where the male lead and female lead aren't complete bitches to each other, but their enmity is understandable. Give me a story where their banter is both witty and hilarious, and I will eat that shit up. The last historical romance I read was Wilde Child by Eloisa James and I loved it. The last contemporary romance I read was King of Greed by Ana Huang and I really did not regret buying that book. I loved both leads in that book. Edit: But you would not believe the masochistic urge I have to buy one of these books and read it just to get fuken pissed off for no reason! 🤣🤣
I mean, this is also happening in romance and romantasy (fantasy + romance) books. There's a whole trope in romantaxy called "shadow daddies" - rich, immortal, "morally gray" male characters who lust after barely-legal female protagonists. Morally gray is in quotation marks because while the readers and authors call it morally gray, what it really means is that they are toxic and abusive, both to other women and to their women love interests. But this trope is popular because the characters are written as sexy, dangerous, wealthy "bad boys" who give the female character, who is often a victim of child abuse/neglect and poor, a Pretty Woman makeover moment. There's even a pro-life edge to it as well, as the female characters often have their body autonomy taken from them, but they are fine with it because the shadow daddy is really hot. Essentially making the incel argument that women will date a Chad who treats them badly kind of correct. It's so gross, and I fight back against it on BookTok all the time, and actually get yelled at by fans. "It's just fiction - it's not that deep," they say. Well, so is porn but we all know how pornsick men are - are we really so naive that we think that this isn't our own version of that? It's all priming the young female fanbase to accept low standards of behavior from the older men who may come into their lives. I find that sick.
Ypu would think Harden would try to become a better human being after seeing how toxic his parents' relationship was. You would think that he would want to protect his love....but no, he is extremely violent, verbally and physically abusive.
I also have an issue with the vampires that have travelled the world, speak many languages, has so much life experience but fall in love with a teenager. Like WTF
Good point why not go for another vampire that's as well rounded & been around as long as them?
@
Or even someone older, educated, well travelled…. Plenty of 45yr old women standing next to 25yr old women and everyone thinks they both 35-ish. So it’s not just about physical attraction of 18-21yr old being hotter than 40-45yr old
Maybe he's still 17 in his head? And also stuck in high school for decades 😅
@@lingo3125 He was turned when he was still a minor so that's the mindset he got frozen at. But in "Interview" Claudia's mind aged but she hadn't physically so one would think the same could be said for Edward. Not to mention he had 100 yrs to perfect his mind powers he could be just as powerful or more powerful than Xavier, Emma Frost & Jean Grey. But he never tried it. IMO Edward has more chemistry with Jacob than with Bella lol.
@@Catsclaw-ru6zw I was just about to comment like Claudia mind aged. but i guess every vampire story is a standalone so they can make it whatever for them
Toxic men in fiction only get away with their actions because they're good looking. Had the writers made them at least average looking, the audience will refuse to accept their behaviours.
I unapologetically hate how people weigh their acceptance of someone's behavior based on how "hot" they look. It legit just reads as:
"You're harassing me and abusing me, but ewww you're ugly. Get away from me, creep!"
"You're harassing me but omg you're sooo hot!! Oh please, keep abusing me!
Or rich, too, in the case of Christian Gray. Pretty privilege is real.
To me, even if really good looking, way above average man or woman abuses someone, it’s like the ugliness of abuse seeps through them and after they’ve shown their true colors their whole aura, idk what to call it, just seems 1000x uglier. Their good looks can’t make up for the hideous things they’ve inflicted upon people
@@ohlookitsliv2442
I think most would agree but still….
Rich, hot people get away with way more bad behavior than others. And in entertainment it’s normalized, considered ok. All we’re teaching young people is that it’s cute and sweet if the person is hot but scary and the person is a stalker if unattractive. I would LOVE to see a version of Fifty Shades with Ana NOT being attracted to Christian PLUS his income just being average. I think people would more quickly notice the inappropriate behavior and abuse vs seeing it as a love story
This gets worse when you factor in movies that depict _real people_ as attractively as possible and who are absolutely terrible POS and people (aka rabid fangirls) begins to sympathize or lust after real toxic people ranging from real life jerks to _ serial killers._
The sh*tty hot guy trope is so lame. My dad loves his super old movies and there's always a guy roughing up the female lead somehow and I can't help but crap on him
Oof!!! I seen some older movies too with some questionable scenes in there that make me so uncomfy 😩 that’s awesome you don’t like it either 👏🏼
Noir films? Or you talking about when they shake and slap hysterical women, lol that always makes me laugh.
Those movies and dudes like that exist because of what women demand
@@javierlopez9789 oh god no
Every Harrison Ford movie ever.
These need to be categorically called psychological horror romance or be treated as cautionary tales. I cannot keep my suspension of disbelief in tact if I don't read them like that. I don't see the phase dying out anytime soon. It may transform a bit to be more palatable or acceptable to the setting that it's being written in, but if the money is there it will keep being produced.
As someone who grew up on VC Andrews I can see how they wouldn't be categorized as horror romance. That might also be why I just skipped all the movies & books that she has talked about. The quality of writing just isn't there. The thing about paranormal/supernatural romance is that it's much easier to see the type of behaviors that are in these films as negative. You can dismiss it as a feature of a purely fictional character. I think there needs to be a certain level of maturity before reading/watching this type of media.
There is dark romance for a reason.
I feel like dark story is the theme there is no romence only if they have a secondery good guy who would save the FL
I usually don't mind dark romance as a genre, but even in that genre, those movies were so horribly written!
Every time Massimo says “Are you lost baby girl?” I do the gag like a cat smells something awful
Sorry but I immediately thought of Min Yoongi doing that face😂
I can understand the hate for Massimo, and Edward, Christian Grey hate is ridiculous, and people clearly don’t know what abuse actually is.
@ImAgentK how was Edward Cullen abusive?
@@Nay_NaysWorld I never said he was abusive, I said I can understand the hate, because Edward was a 100 year old Vampire, and he went for an underage teenager in high school, I mean I guess technically that would be considered grown in most parts of the world but I could see why people wouldn’t like something like that. Massimo I can understand the hate for him the most tbh. My bad for not clarifying.
@ImAgentK thanks for the explanation. I agree with you. The age gap thingy between Edward and Bella is a huge red flag- but when you are looking at the actors on the screen and the fact they dated in real it sort of waters down the issue and all moral conviction goes out the window
Harry Styles blocked Anna Todd on social media
I'm sure the guy was mortified that Anna based Harden off him & he's like "WTF? I'm not a loose cannon are you kidding me?"
@Catsclaw-ru6zw right? I don't blame him because his name was being used for a character who's such an abusive asshole
He was abusive in the Wattpad?
@moxiemaxie3543 yep...yelling and throwing things and treating her poorly on many occasions
as he should tho
I'm surprised Edward Cullen from Twilight isn't on this list because like his human counterpart Christian Grey he's put Bella through a whole lot of mental anguish and just being with him has put Bella in a lot of physical danger just like Massimo has put Laura in a lot of physical danger
Take the vampire aspect out and Edward is just a toxic abusive stalker.. telling Bella what to do and what not to do, put her in dangerous situations that even if there were no paranormal people could still happen.. James could have found any reason to wanting to kill Bella other than her sent. Jacob and Edward still could have had their nasty feud and he literally had a hobby of sneaking into Bellas house to watch her sleep which any mortal has the ability to do and he stalks her and listens in on her conversations constantly.. the only reason people give Edward a pass is because he's a vampire but if he were a person he'd be included in lists about toxic men and how we shouldn't strive to want him. I'm not saying people should hate Edward and Twilight because I get the appeal but i still think he shouldn't get a pass just for being a vampire.
@XxLostFinalGirlxX Facts 🔥💯
You know what that’s actually a great point and you’re absolutely right 👏🏼 the main difference why I started with fifty shades instead of twilight and some movies/shows before is mostly just because of Twilight being in the fantasy/supernatural genre whereas these are all straight “romance”, but now you got me thinking an idea for another video/part 2 to this!!!! 😂 so thank you🙏🏻
@twinkletwinkleproductions4059 oh thank you I appreciate that 🙌 and yeah that's a good point Twilight is more on the fantasy genre not really on the domestic violence drama side , also holy shit awesome I feel honored that I possibly gave you an idea for a Part 2 video😊😭🙌🎉🎉
Robert Pattinson said himself he hated Edward.
My horrible experiences with this:
My cousin was 14ish at the time, I was already an adult, she loved LOVED 365 dni, she told me to see the movie with her and another cousin, we did not know about what it was, only my cousin. When we we seeing it I was feeling weird and asked why she liked this and she told me she wants a man like Massimo, with money and being handsome!! She even told us she wouldnt mind to be treated like this BECAUSE IT WAS KIND OF HOT???
I needed to stop the movie and talk with her and the other cousin (but the second one was hating the movie as much as I, she was 16ish at the time) and we needed to tell her why this was a horrible depiction of not jut a future partner but in general, she was astonished!!! She actually did not comprehend why it was wrong until we had a serious talk because some stupid assholes decided to make toxic romance something kinky UUGGGHHH
@@rinowichan At this rate I honestly can't decide why some women and even young girls are into these kind of sick men is it a biological thing, generational trauma or overrepresentation in media or a mix of these? I have no clue
You did such a good job !! You should be really proud of yourself for taking this opportunity to educate your cousin, you could have literally saved her life!
this how people get badly consumed from the media and films
Why is a 14 year old watching that? That is awful for a adult to watch.
@@Not_On_Right_Nowexactly! but then again seeing how so many Y/A books targeted to 14+ are either just badly written smut or smut with lack of consent and tons of taboo stuff. colleen hoover seems to be famous within the tweens and its like i can’t have an issue with it because “they’re allowed to like what they like”.
I find it so weird that girls truly want a relationship like this. Even in the movies it’s portrayed in it just seems like so much work. Who wants a chore for a relationship? Coaching your grown ass boyfriend into being a decent person is just ridiculous.
I know people who enjoy this kind of fiction and they know it's simply ficitons, they know that in real life what happen in those books/movies would be awful and don't seek those kinds of situations in real life. They also know that in real life "bad boys" can't be fixed.
@@eleonorepb4565 I know people who claim that they only like toxic bad boys in fiction but still fall for toxic guys in real life eventually :)) Your taste in fiction does reflect who you are and your preference, whether you realize it or not.
It's because the media in question romanticizes and normalizes toxic behaviour.
@@foreveraweeb242Thank you! I'm glad somebody here has a brain. This reminds of the people who watch violent and grapey pr0n, then justify it with "Guyss it's just a fantasy I don't want these things in real life1!1!1!". Well, if you didn't actually like these things, you wouldn't be watching that crap. If somebody is frequently consuming "dark romance" books that contain toxic and downright abuse, clearly there's something about toxicity that they find attractive.
Reminds me of a post I once saw that said adult movies gives men an unrealistic expectation of women & relationships, while romance books/movies have the exact same affect on women towards men and relationships as a whole.
Saw the video title and immediately thought of Noah from The Kissing Booth. In 6th grade when the first movie came out, I loved it and thought he was really attractive until I realized how truly terrifying it would be to encounter him in real life…it’s sad how many girls and women still romanticize violent, scary, men like him to this day.
Oh my goodness when he slams his hand on his car and screams at her to get in his car…..😮. Then later When his own brother thinks it is in the realm of possibility for him to hit Elle is alarming.
This is not women romanticising it. The creators and authors romanticise it and sell it to women as some romantic dream. When it is literally love bombing and abuse.
These guys are ALWAYS hot, rich and somehow "traumatised" which SOMEHOW serves as an excuse for them to do whatever the ef they want, because we are forced to feel sooowwy for them.
Women do not do this to themselves. They are conditioned to assosiate this behaviour with something romantic, elegant, beautiful, high-class. After all, these men never take their victims to cheap motels by subway, don't they?
The surroundings are always spectacular, gifts expensive, cars, airplanes, grand hotels, brand clothes, massive buqets, you know.
No, no, no, women are not "asking for it", they are spoonfed and told that it should taste amazung.
I read the story of "Pretty woman's" creation
The original plot was a social drama, a cautinary tale where the women is used, abused and thrown out to the curb.
Hollywood bosses read it and said "ew, no, it should be sexy and cool, and funny, and romantic. But mostly sexy,".
And they successfully sild this shitty man's wet dream to women by making the main character LIKE IT. After all, what is there not to like, she was a nobody, and then she became a nobody in nice outfits.
She gets a "happy ending" or so they hint.
Never is it explored what her life really was like on those streets, never told what happened to her girlfriend and other women in that position... Why?
We can dress her up, and liok, she is happy again, what's the problem?
She should be happy because it is sexy. From men's perspective.
Even when she is beaten and almost assualted (not for the first time in her life, I am sure), she tears up a bit, but then immediately happy and smiley and ready for sex again!
I could go on for hours.
I don’t think this phase is over. I am still seeing people discussing recent books that glamorize abusive relationships. It is sickening how some author’s minds are warped to think toxic behavior and abuse is ok.
And it is worse when it is in the YA genre because you are writing for impressionable teenagers who then think this is ok. Not all, but enough.
And I don’t get why people latch onto Twilight so much, they have to replicate it. Twilight started 50 shades of grey making more authors latch on that and create 365 days, etc.
I am just so annoyed with this.
The phase may not be over, but I think the craze around it is. Nowadays, more and more people seem to have an easier time spotting and passing on this stories. And I think there is more responsibility expected from authors to handle such aspects responsibly.
@ oh yeah, that is what I forgot to add. More people have the language to call out how problematic this trend is. I still worry about some impressionable readers.
Adding to something you stated about people being able to spot and pass on the stories.
While ignorance or not, I am seeing comments or reviewers discussing how some readers think the animated covers (mainly the romance genre) are targeted to kids and teens and mistake it as that instead of looking further to see how it is an adult book. That is another conversation altogether, but I feel marketing needs to be better so parents and kids don’t mistakingly pick up a book that is out of their age range.
The most popular example is Colleen Hoover. So many teenagers read her books and they (author/publishing company) don’t care. I think this is why it can be sometimes hard to spot an adult book from a children’s or YA book and why you may not expect a cute romance cover to have an abusive relationship in it.
And yes, the graphic/animated covers are on any genre of book. I am just speaking to this particular element.
Sorry for over analyzing your statement, but I do agree with you. Sorry I forgot to add that point.
So I have been informed by really only 1 video on the topic, and that is by contrapoints about twilight.
There is a good reason why the bedroom pattetns often reflect societal gender roles. This is not a trend, this has been a thing since ever.
They just call it dark romance these days
People latched onto Twilight because the character was such a blank slate, that not only could you self-insert, you absolutely had to. There wasn't as much "I can't relate the this character because they have different characteristics as I do." (Notice how many of these are pure fan-fiction.) These books were also good books for non-readers. As a reader since I was very young, I was never the target for these books, but. I read a wide variety and I read a lot of romance novels. And the first thing I thought of when I read Twilight, was this is basically the equivalent of series romance (silhouette desire, harlequin romance, 4-6 books a month type books) for teens. It was Sweet Valley High (yes, I'm old) with vampires, but not as well written. And when someone sees how successful someone else can be . . . monkey see monkey do.
I've listen soooooo many BDSM youtubers criticized the shit out of the 5SOG books/movies as dangerous and WRONG portrayal of BDSM and it's community .....
In theory BDSM is about consent. In practice I'm not so sure. Like Christian Gray, there are probably a lot of domestic abusers hiding behind it. I find it hard to believe that someone would actually want to be the submissive partner. Even if they consent to it, they are probably doing it under pressure so it is not really consent.
@@AndreiPopescu you're right, all the redpill content are showing shit like tying women up and pulling her hair. they are misusing kink and exposing most likely inexperienced women to it too. they are disguising it as kink to make it seem less like abusing women which gives a bad name to the BDSM community
@@AndreiPopescuPlease don't make unfair assumptions about submissive people. Unlike in 'vanilla' relationships consent is a must every time. Rules are written out and quite strict. There are no 'gray' areas or blurred lines. And the submissive actually holds the power in the dynamic. We set the tone for the rules and how we want to be dominated. You should really look into it more before judging. There are many different types of dom/sub relationships. Please don't use these movies or fan fictions as a bases because they are totally wrong about what goes on. Those of us that are experienced know a fake dom when we see them. All the guys in these movies and books would be considered fake doms and NOT be allowed to play. You wouldn't even know a real dom unless he told you. Real doms don't do the 'bad boy' persona.
There it is. There is that one tired old comment that's on every one of these videos. "The BDSM community is not really like this!". Yeah, many people that use to be a part of this degenerate community have spoken out against it and called it a shitty community. Consent doesn't automatically make it ok either. BDSM is basically normalized abuse, and you, those disgusting youtubers, and everyone else that participates/supports this community are twisted. Do better.
@@Circee11Ah, of course you're going to defend this community. This person is right. BDSM is a community that allows abusers to act on their depraved fantasies, because dumb, gullible girls like yourself allow yourselves to be abused under the guise of it being "respectful" and "loving". Pfft. What a joke. We can judge your disgusting community all we want. You like being degraded in the bedroom, but you can't handle a little criticism? Personally, I'm against abusive behaviors. Keep thinking you have all the control in relationships with predators though. The brainwashing is real.
P.s. Many former "kinksters" have even spoken out against your favorite community as being a shithole. Save the lies.
365 is just her having Stockholm syndrome
The Stockholm syndrome doesn't exist. It was invented by a male psychiatrist to undermine people that showed compassion to some bank robbers. 365 is just the author romanticizing abuse. Read the video title.
I was never attracted to any of these men.
"F*cking Trevahhr!"😂 gets me everytime.
I'm surprised you didn't mention Twilight, Vampire Diaries and True Blood as the romanticizing abusive males trend started with those vampire fiction, then eventually worked their way up to removing vampire for rich dudes then eventually remove rich and simply have it be any random "charming" dude *looks at the series You*.
You know actually such a fair point and that’s a great idea to a part 2 to this 🙏🏻👏🏼 for me I see this particular phase as the “toxic romance movies/books” phase of the straight up “romance” genre whereas those you mentioned I group together in my head as the “toxic vampire/supernatural” phase, but you’re right that phase was before this one and influenced this for sure!
I feel like the series You is a bad example. Joe is very clearly meant to be seen as the monster he is.
@@Twinkle_Twinkle_Productions You definitely need to bring up vampire fiction as it does play a big part in this abusive relationship romanticizing. Except in vampire fiction, the vampires are outright killing people. Well granted that 365 days movies look like they can give them a run for their movie, but you know what I mean. Heck I remember in one episode of Vampire Diaries Damon (who's suppose to be Elena's true love) murdered Elena's brother for reasons I can't even remember, and my initial thoughts of that scene were "Is that suppose to be romantic? Is that suppose to be signs of true love? By murdering her brother?" Stuff like that is flat out parody territory if you made it into a comedy. Like I'm picturing this is how Damon fangirls react if he was real and in the same room as them:
Fangirl #1 - "Damon will proclaim his love for me like he did Elena by killing my brother."
Fangirl #2: "Shut up! He will show how much he loves me by killing my father."
Fangirl #3: "I'll get Damon to murder my mother!"
*fangirls begin to fight amongst themselves*
Damon: "Girls, girls. If you get me out of here, I'll gladly murder all your family members."
*fangirls let out a big sigh like Damon just proclaimed his love for them*
Unfortunately I don't think this abusive relationship stupidity has gone away in the slightest. Just look at Keylo Ren from Star Wars and the ongoing romanticizing of real life serial killers.
Now I'm wondering if the separation between men and women being at an all time high might be because there's a bunch of dumb women getting together with men with a history of violence and it wasn't as sexy and romantic as they thought it would be. Not sure what they thought was going to happen outside the blatantly obvious, but I clearly ain't part of this crazy population.
@Sandy-k4k4v Thanks for the clarification and holy crap, it's actually worse than I thought as it happens multiple times. No wonder the abusive male trope was prevalent when you have crap like that constantly happening.
@@tade5719Exactly. The book is more pointed about pointing out how crazy Joe is, but I think anyone putting even a sprinkle of thought behind what they see Joe do on the show can recognize he’s a horrible monster who is romanticizing himself.
I love how its always abusive dominant man and shy innocent girl. I hardly ever see dominant evil woman and shy innocent guy even though the gender reverse of this toxic relationship happens in real life too.
I don't think it's a coincidence that all three of these started off as fanfiction. 50 Shades of Grey was Twilight fanfic, 365 Days was 50 Shades fanfic, and After was One Direction/Harry Styles fanfic
I think it's the good girl, bad boy , I can fix him troops.
I personally don't see the appeal, but there are plenty that do.
hated that trope since i was a teen. 🤢
exactly like I'm your girlfriend and not your baby sitter or mother
Fifty shades of gray would have been a more compelling story, imo, if Christian was the sub and Anastasia was the dom. In their everyday lives, he must always be dominant and in control because hes the head of his company, and Ana is a very mild mannered college student, so shes not in control of hardly anything. Together, they could escape their respective worlds by switching the dynamic. It would also balance their power
NEED
Do you think someone would write a fic of this?
Cause I might read it
If it were roleplaying maybe, but their relationship is not like that. It's manipulation and domestic violence disguised as BDSM.
@@AndreiPopescuActually, it's vice versa. BDSM is domestic violence and manipulation disguised.
Nah Im sick of that fake female empowerment nonsense
Having both the director and actor from terrifier actually ask and stand against SA and these toxic relationships/males in movies was pretty cool to me. After AHS murder house, with Tate Langdon, it's like it got worse.
As a domestic and sexual violence survivor whos obssesed with horror. It has given me so much inspiration and healing. Movies like the shining is about a woman and her child fleeing an abusive man, the witch is about empowering your inner femme sensuality and accepting the dark shadows of it, midsommar made me realize i was in an abusive relationship and gave me the courage to heal and find my own support system. Not many people talk about how horror is about facing reality, and takint control over it or not. Its your choice, how you interpret the ending.
I think it is also because some women like the Harley Quinn x Joker dynamic. I know, its effed up. Their relationship is straight up abusive but women saw that as rough love and Harley being in a relationship with Joker only portrayed a woman being in a relationship with the bad guy as her getting the attention she craves.
Today's example is rather in a game; Ascended Astarion is Baldur's Gate 3. While clearly being the evil ending for him, the girlies are defending him like crazy. Even if the ones who prefer his good ending give a very good reason, they act like we just murdered their entire family and burned down their house too. While we live and let live, they feel like they need to push his abusive side onto us like it is the best love story ever. It is not. When I accidentally first got that ending the first time I reloaded quickly. I got PTSD when I noticed how much he was just like my toxic ex. And the romanticization of it disgusts me.
Thank you for pointing out the annoying trope of filmmakers making the female lead a virgin… I suppose so the audience likes her more??? Idk. It’s always annoyed me.
It wouldnt be as annoying if both were virgins but its always sweet virgin girl and fuck boy
@@javierlopez9789all these stories are by women for women.
@@timothy2491 Women can ALSO participate in harmful tropes.
@@SatyrToon i dont know if biology is harmful. But there are reasons why women find it 'attractive'.
@@SatyrToon women basically create them
To be fair Edward was a very toxic person as well...
Too true he doesn't get a pass either & neither does Jacob he acts like a 5 yr old not getting his way when Bella told him numerous time she doesn't love him. When he threatens to go off & get himself killed because Bella was going to marry Edward she appeases him by kissing him so she won't feel guilty for him killing himself in the fight. If I wrote the story I would give Bella more of a backbone & call Jacob's bluff & tell Edward to go kick rocks neither of these guys are good for her. But I don't like her using them either Bella wants Edward because he's a vampire & keeping Jacob as backup if Edward doesn't do what she wants.
@@Catsclaw-ru6zwFACTS.
@@Catsclaw-ru6zw Jacob literally "imprinted" on a BABY in those books too 🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮🤮
The fact that Stephanie Meyer, whose other works are just as problematic as Twilight, was flattered by James's work instead of sueing for copyright theft really shows you how toxic people stick together.
I think the success of these stories is that it sells the fantasy of many women, of a man who's shitty to everyone but me because I am special. [I've seen this so much]
I tried to read it when it came out but the same thing happened when I tried to read Twilight: I threw the book across the room and said, "sh!t! If this horrible writer can get published, then so can I!" Then I wrote three short stories and had them all published within a year. I even co-edited a book of short stories & won an Independent Publisher Award (very prestigous) for editing. So I guess in a way, I should be grateful for these crappy writers???? 😂 I'm not big time or anything but at least I know I can write better than a best selling author.
Nah Stephanie is good she just has bad ideas
@@blueyeshadow2738 Oh yeah, it's cool for anybody to like her or any writer. I just don't like her writing style because it's very bland and boring, in my opinion, But of course mine isn't the only one out there and it doesn't count more than any other!
You forgot to add the Netflix show S*x/Life, cos the main guy that the audience is meant to root for is hella toxic in that show as well.
Did you miss the entire first season where the woman ruined a good guy?
@@timothy2491 A person choosing to end a relationship with a toxic, abusive douchebag is not them ruining the other persons life, it's them protecting themself. Quit blaming the victim.
@@margotpreston who was toxic in your opinion?
In my opinion, the husband became abusive and toxic after the divorce. He eventually found his way. Her ex boyfriend was the MOST toxic one
@@gladyskihara4736 what if... Hear me out... The woman was the most toxic one playing both guys.
Fair Play on Netflix does a good job showing an abusive relationship through emotional, mental, and eventually physical, and it’s not glamorized at all. She said it was a thriller and honestly these types of relationships are terrifying in real life
Lmaoo those movies are literally a “let enable very rich men’s bad behaviors” trope 💀
These guys SUCK! There's no charming qualities to them which is why I don't understand why they were so popular! It's more realistic for women to stay in these relationships when the guy has that "funny" side to him or "charismatic" side that makes her laugh, but these guys had nothing to them!! They were all so serious and stale!!! I kept thinking "girl why you still with this boring toxic guy!" it's crazy
It’s probably cause they’re attractive
It's because they're physically hot. That's it. It's shallow asf, sorry not sorry, and why I avoid romance novels. Because I wish people would normalize genuinely empathetic, caring men. But nooooo, all that matters is that you can see every muscle in his torso and that he f*cks good, right? These shallow novels just perpetuate the harmful notion of "doesn't matter what he does to you, so long as he looks good!" 💀
edited for grammar
@@paradoxtatorstudios9681 I agree! If these guys looked the way they behaved nobody would go near them with a 10 foot pole! Just because they're good looking DOES NOT make it okay and I also want to see more caring funny men being the stars!
This trope is rampant in fan fiction too. I swear, every “x reader” fic I’ve read that involved a male love interest is all just being severely abused by the said character. It’s gets extremely repetitive and tiring after a while. Is it really that much to ask for a soft and kind male love interest now and then?
THIS THIS _THIS_ !!
one small disagreement though! (more of a rephrase tbh) ; i desperately wish for more caring, kind male characters in _general_ . because the fact they're so rare pains me 😭
True, i can barely find good ones
Most of the time in real life women aren't attracted to nice and kind. Don't get me wrong.There's tons of outliers but for the most part if a man is nice or kind he's probably not getting that many girls
As usual your videos are so funny 😂❤ but yeah the hot dominant “richer” abusive guy and “poorer” innocent come-and-rescue-the-guy/i-can-fix him girl trope is such an overdone cliché in books and movies. For example i don’t know if you’ve ever heard about Through My Window, Culpa Mia (My fault) series and etc. They are not on the same level of abuse and toxicity (i think?) as the ones in your video but its the SAME genre just made for teenagers. So i don’t think this trope is going away anywhere in the near future bc the demand for this plot is HIGH among gen z. Ngl from all of this i only liked/felt normal after watching the first film of after and first film of My Fault (the second one is released in this December)
But they all give me the ick so i absolutely agree we need something more “fresh”, new interesting stories without the “gimmicks” or at least if you make such films make it tolerable to watch 😭 like don’t do the plot where they guy is abused from the young age and it has impacted on his relationship with the girl(s) as he grew older and the girl isn’t poor but on the same level of richness as the lead guy?? (IDK LOL.)
First of all thank you bestie appreciate that 😂💕 second OMG REALLY!!! There’s still MORE being made that are popular!?!? 😩😩😩 AHHHHH!!! Makes me so sad to hear!! Hopefully they don’t get turned into movies to further promote this behaviour 😭 I’m ready for some healthy relationship representation 👏🏼
Girl they are already turned into film franchises 😭
Never been into this weird genre. I prefer lighthearted rom coms.
me neither and i can gladly say i will look at you sideways you try to bring it round here
The only characters that made me love them were Matt from 13 going on 30 and Mr. Darcy from pride and prejudice
It's about 10 years that abusive relationships is being glamourized, and since than, I noticed that the numbers of domestic violence has incresed, also the number of men doing stuffs with women bodies without even ask if she's ok with that.
These types of things have existed since the beginning of romance novels. Honestly, some of the older romance novels go even harder than those today. Romance novels have nothing to do with domestic abuse in real life and saying it does actually ignores the real issue
@@HelenOfTroy-c9dit definitely has a hand, it's a cycle, like chicken or egg? What came first is a mystery
that's pron actually, it's been proven
I think an issue with the writing of some these guys is that it never genuinely engages with their various issues like obsession, jelousy, manipulation and control, and anger issues.
They are used as a pull to captivate readers and make us think "ohh just how in the hell are they gonna make this work?" Or "I really want to see him begging on his knees for her forgiveness at the end of all this."
Perhaps the writers don't want to drastically change or lose too much of the "alluring" aspects of the male protagonists, so instead of confronting these issues, they explain them by providing reasons for their behaviour. Leaving the lady protagonists with the decision of accommodating their guys, framed in a way that looks empowering but only superficially.
i so agree with the it ends with us point. like yeah its not perfect and Colleen Hoover is pretty infamous for being a horrendous writer but it is better than what netflix has been putting out the past 5-ish years with all the toxic masculinity. I think it ends with us also fleshes out ryle aka the abuser's character much more than "hot, rich, good fvck" and we see him trying to be better for the sake of his kid and not just out of sheer jealousy
Funny how women are the cause "toxic masculinity" is a thing
Respectfully disagree. Ryle wasn't fleshed out. He was the rich, hot, hot surgeon with stupid big arms that beat up chairs and his wife. The excuse of "blackout rage" when so much of what he did was incredibly calculated was just Colleen fumbling for an excuse because she *liked* Ryle.
Pretty much all of Colleen's books are about toxic men, except maybe the one for teens and the one about the girl who was trying to get custody of her daughter "Diem" (ffs CoHo you choose the worst names) after getting out of prison for driving drunk & killing her baby daddy. Then it's a toxic woman. Verity had both the MFC & her love interest be toxic. Layla, November 9 (him forcing her to wear a specific dress to show her scars even though she's uncomfortable), Ugly Love, Maybe Someday and its sequels (especially the scene between Warren and Brigitte that is meant to be healing & romantic but is just straight SA). You could easily pull a scene of "assertive (read aggressive/abusive) romance" from any of her books and compare it to scenes from It Ends With Us and it would be difficult to tell which is which because pretty much all her men are the same. And none of them are fleshed out. They're just on the page a lot; either his actual presence or because the woman won't shut up about him.
Colleen just writes toxic men & they're no better than what's on Netflix and *sometimes* they're actually worse.
@@javierlopez9789Ahh. Men who run absolutely everything here to blame women as per usual.
@@DesertKitsune This. Was it a more earnest attempt by Colleen? Yes. Did it still fail horribly in a lot of important ways? Also yes.
Colleen is just not suited to write about these topics. I mean, she doesn't even research properly, by her own admission and continues to be incresibly insensitive.
Also, Idk how true that is, but a lot of the earnesty in the movie itself was gained through this one co-director(?) dude that also played Ryle
@@DesertKitsuneyep 🙏
I never understood how people found Fifty Shades to be romantic. He's abusing her.
Victim mentality at its finest, I guess you forgot the part where she literally consented to it, and he never forced her to do anything, he was honest with her about how he doesn’t do serious relationships, how he has a kink, and she CHOSE to go along with it because she was desperate for a relationship with this guy, but noo, because he is a man he must be the bad guy right?
The twilight series was written by a Mormon Woman They are groomed from birth to be the trad wife housekeeper mother and are fed this damsel in distress waiting to be rescued
by a knight in shining armour
who will be head of the household so then her life can begin Yep Bella and Edward Vampire or not he fits the dominating male trope with a passive Help me Help me AGAIN often I distress damsel Bella
What about all the other stories that are by women for women? E.L james from fifty shades was not a mormon lol
@@timothy2491 She was actually inspired BY Twilight to write 50shades. So it's the extension of the idea. But I agree with the above poster ... some of its toxic ideas are the byproduct of her religious uprbringing in a sexist environment.
@@lordfreerealestate8302 that doesnt explain why millions of womem enjoyed the books and movies. You cant outrun biology.
@@timothy2491there’s a difference between it being biology and just a wide spread kink. There are plenty of men who would love these movies if the roles were reversed. I can almost guarantee that nowadays there is a lot more women who hate these kind of movies than women who love them and aspire to be in a situation like these movies.
Also there’s a difference between biology and psychology and it’s clear that kinks like the ones shown in these movies are a psychological thing, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing
@@bladeinthesmint5995 although there is a psychological component to it. Theres also a biological component. Men who love being over-powered typically have similar levels in terms of blood work and brain scans.
Plagiarizing hack E.L. James does NOT have an original idea in her vapid head. Besides stealing from Twilight, she ripped off from "9 1/2 Weeks" too.
Was christian grey a vampire?
@@timothy2491in the original fanfic before the alterations to avoid a lawsuit
If you're going to steal from anyone, at least plagiarize a better book! 🤣
@@untunedguitar45 i wouldnt say its plagerized. Infact its not. Thats not what that word means. But women are attracted to power dynamics. So most romantic themes would have that
I think part of the allure of toxic men is the danger/"I can change him" aspect. Like with roller-coasters and other thrilling things, if he's dangerous to others but doesn't (physically) hurt them, it activates the adrenaline and other things. Basically the unsafe version of Trauma Bonding. The main difference being that the one they are bonded to IS the source of the Trauma.
People like this can change, but not if the girl stays with them. The only way they can change is if they see their behavior is punished, not rewarded. For example: Anna leaves Christian because she doesn't like him beating her, then if Christian really likes her he would control his behavior, instead of trying to get her to tolerate it. By staying with him she is not changing him, she is rewarding his behavior, so why would he change? In most stories the hero gets the girl only after he proves himself worthy. If the girl would have chosen the villain instead, why would the villain try to act like the hero, when being the villain got him the girl?
@@AndreiPopescu but why would the man not hold himself accountable? Why does he change as soon as the woman has to make a decision to leave, which would mean that she holds him accountable. Why is the woman responsible, to 'make' this man 'realise' that he should change. Some men don't change some of them could just learn how to manipulate better
@@Justprettytingz Why would he? Not all people have moral principles. Those without moral principles only understand reward and punishment. It's not anyone's responsibility to make anyone change, but if they would do it this type of men would mostly go extinct (some would change and those who don't would eventually die without having children to pass their behavior to). Those who learn how to manipulate better are very rare. With most of them I can tell a mile away what they really want. I'm surprised so many don't.
Apparently the 356 books end up differently, the relationship is meant to be toxic and she finally left him , even if he ruined her relationship with her true love first
Dylan Sprouse is in more than one of these bad "romantic" movie series where the plot makes no sense and he's kind of a terrible person. Like get that bag, I guess, but maybe ask your agent to find you better roles. He's a good actor and deserves better than that slop.
I read somewhere that Dylan and Cole are competing who does the weirdest roles😂
hello. this came up on my recommended and I clicked because I found the topic really interesting. as an adult now, I just see these movies as comedic tbh and find myself skipping the boombayah scenes all the time because there's not much connection between the characters for me to care or understand why they love being together aside from looks and physical attraction.
There's this webtoon called 'Nevertheless,' (it was adapted for tv but the adaptation wasn't too great IMO so I'll reference the webtoon only. Unfortunately, the rest of this comment includes spoilers for the webtoon so be warned!!)
Nevertheless, is basically After but done right. It follows a naive girl called Nabi who falls for this badboy type of guy called Jae-eon. There's a nice guy character named Do-Hyeok too. Nabi knows Jae-eon is a player and still decides to involve herself with him just like Tessa does. Jae-eon is, on the surface, charming, popular and charismatic which makes Nabi fall for him but he's a player--doesn't want relationships, uses the same tricks on multiple girls etc. The difference between After and Nevertheless, is how Jae-eon affects Nabi's perception of herself and her other relationships. Nabi KNOWS Jae-eon is bad but can't keep away even when he's being so obviously toxic. It all results to a fight between Nabi and Jae-eon. After the fight, Jae-eon is suddenly (and very suspiciously) nice to Nabi. Nabi knows there's something suspicious about it but she still humours him. Things get heated one day and just when they're about to do the boombayah, Nabi comes to her senses. the second she hesitates, Jae-eon is suddenly cold again. That's when it all clicks. Jae-eon was only in on it for the sex. He was ALWAYS just in on it for the sex. Nabi finally realises that his goal was to just hit it and run. She fortunately decides to stop seeing him and after a while finds him with a group of girls doing the same tricks he'd done with her--same pick-up lines that made her feel special and all that. At that point, she finally noticed that Jae-eon was and always will be a player. Nothing will ever change him. She realised at that moment that she couldn't and never could have.
She ends up with Do-Hyeok in the end and even though Do-Hyeok is really good to her and gives her no reason to doubt him, she always has this lingering feeling that he might be using her the way Jae-eon did. Despite her efforts to change Jae-eon, she's the one who changes and becomes more insecure and anxious about her future relationships.
Long story short, I admired the way Nevertheless, portrayed a toxic relationship in a realistic way and actually teaches girls that relationships like that will only cause them harm in the end and barely even affect the guy. The show, however, was rewritten to have Nabi end up with Jae-eon which defeated the whole purpose of why Nevertheless, was such a good portrayal of toxic relationships. Instead, the show became another version of After where the girl stays in the toxic relationship and the nice guy ends up alone... People still liked it though. That's their opinion but mine remains what I have said.
Wow! that's a long comment but I had to voice it out. Seeing this video made me realise how rare gems like Nevertheless, (the webtoon) are.
Anyway! If anyone read this entire comment (or rant), thanks for reading.
Finally someone said that😑 I’m so done with this new generation of 10yo with their “bark bark.. choke me daddy.. good girl” 😑 People forgot what real love looks like.. corn is infecting everyone’s minds and it’s disgusting. Friendly reminder (from physiologist) that all kinks are bad. Men normalizing them through books and movies and social media just to be able to do horrible things to women like pretend they are killing them by choking, physically hurting them by slapping/spanking/tying them up, dehumanizing by spitting in their faces/name calling, and imitating sa by being rough and saying things like “i’m going to destroy you, you wouldn’t being able to walk tomorrow”. Kinks ARE self harm.. and people don’t talk about it enough! If you like kinks like that - you need to seek a psychologist (not a men) and tell them about your unhealthy desire to be hurt by others. Remember - love is respect and care.. men who really love you will never hurt you even if you ask! Love should be gentle and cozy, same as sex should be. So please tale care of yourself, and don’t let anyone abuse or humiliate you! Love yourself!
If both people like it and consent whats the problem?
@Markus2E5I6 that you shove it in other people’s faces.
💯👍
totally true, so many people think their fetish is exceptional and good. There are no good ones scientifically. they made up kinkshaming to silence people.
It isn't even possible to consent to the neck thing. not even POSSIBLE.
Lets be honest the only thing separating shads of grey and criminal minds episode is that dude is slightly hot and stupidly rich cause if he was average looking and didnt make 6 figures most females would think he was a creep
I think this is definetly an overdone cliché, but clichés are clichés because they are true. I think it also become so popular because sadly a lot of people kind of relate to these movies ( in some way).
Either they have been in a relationship sort of like this or known someone who has.
It's the classic "The good girl-empath meets the narcissist" tragic lovestory. In real life this is also mostly the case because these two types of people attract each other, it's something very interesting in human psychology.
But most of these movies were laughable😂
tbh as a victim of childhood DV and 4 years of IPV i wouldn’t really even put it ends with us in the same category as those other movies (i don’t support coho at all though fyi lol, that’s a whole other can of worms)
sure there is s*x and romance between the main characters in it ends with us, but there’s a very clear shift in tone that makes it easy for the average viewer to understand that ryle is 100% abvsive, whereas in those other movies the leading man is shown as angry, damaged, and maybe even straight up toxic yet somehow redeemable and actually loving deep down, which is just obviously romanticizing abvse
i also don’t personally see the inclusion of atlas throughout the movie as taking away from the overall impact of the story, if anything it just proves how deeply abvsers can sink their teeth into you and manipulate you into staying with them, in the real world plenty of people stay with horrible partners despite knowing deep down there’s someone better out there, because they’ve been gaslit into believing their toxic or abvsive partner will change or go back to how they “used to be”
What about Bridget Jones' Diary? No physical violence to the main female character. Daniel Cleaver is handsome, rich and charismatic. Mark Darcy is handsome, rich, and a nicer guy. Even though it's comedy and not drama, you still get the types played out 😊xx
I am PROUD to be Single by Choice.
I never understood the urge to be in a romantic relationship.
I see it as a waste of time.
And not dating saved me so much time and energy.
I feel so ahead of my peers that have dating as one of their top priorities, emotional, intellectual and in my carreer.
And I compare myself to others a lot. I spare myself from misery, stress, anxiety and so on.
Decenter men and you will see how beautiful and much easier life can be.
Omg SAME. I never understood why people are so desperate to rush into a romance. That more often then not fails apart because of the heavily flawed way people view love and intimacy. I also think romance is an exhausting waste of time. I see far more value in working towards my career, admiring nature and the sunset, and spending my life on adventuring with my best friend.
I was on my decenter men journey but then a guy met me and a month later I'm in a relationship and I feel stuck
1:13 all of us who? Thank God wasn’t that dumb
Never watched a single one of those movies. I avoided them like the plague. Giant toddlers who think with their dicks and assume they're the shit make me aggressive. They always have. Which is interesting now that I look back on it, cuz I was very much part of the target audience I believe. Is it because I didn't find the actors attractive? I wonder. I think it also plays a big part that I had trusted older people in my life who kinda told me how people are and what to be careful of and stuff. There's this one TH-camr who does reviews on bad movies and she really protected me from that.
It's kind of cathartic to hear you rant about those weird ass films. Thanks girl!
Its so hard to find dark romance where the man is evil and unhinged but not actually abusive towards the main love interest😔
hear me out... evil and unhinged male lead but treats the female lead with gentleness and care...
32:02, nervously glances over at Booktok/Haunting Adeline.
I definitely don’t think that “not having another better option“ is even close to a reason why women don’t leave abusive relationships. I could understand the argument of not having had the comparison of a healthy relationship in order to see red flags. But I don’t think people stick around in abusive relationships because they haven’t found something better. I think the majority of women that I have known to not leave abusive relationships have been out of a fear of that abuser being worse. There is financial stability that comes into place shore, but I don’t think victims of domestic violence think that they are incapable of taking care of themselves Once they have some sort of freedom.
Not really a romance example, but I had to get this out there.
One of my biggest complaints about Boku no Hero Academia/My Hero Academia is how one of the most toxic people in that show is somehow the deuteragonist.
Katsuki Bakugo is shown to be a former childhood friend turn bully of the series' main protagonist, Izuku Midoriya, since the both of them were 4 years old. That bullying then turned into straight-up physical and verbal abuse down the line, all because Izuku had no superpower (known as a Quirk in this universe) in a world in which more than 80% of the global population had one, which makes him Bakugo sort of racist too (Quirkist?), going so far as using Midoriya as practice for his superpower, which is causing explosions with the palm of his hands, with his biggest crime being suicide baiting Midoriya in chapter/episode 1 and being non-chalant about it.. And while the physical abuse kinda stopped after a while, he never stopped verbally abusing him, which extends to the side characters as well, at which he screams regularly. We are expected to accept that Bakugo changed for the better of their the course of the series because characters (including Midoriya, what the fuck??!!) vouching for him constantly tell us that, but he frankly never does. His eventual apology was half-assed by the narrative too, making it all about himself (Midoriya forgiving him is such a red flag that one should make a case of him suffering from Stockholm Syndrome).
There are other characters in the series that are also problematic, and the series also only partially has them pay for the consequences of their actions but never going all the way (like Midoriya and Bakugo's classmate, Minoru Mineta, who is such a deviant it borders on sexual harassment and only ever gets a slap on the wrist for his ogling and inappropriate comments, the superhero Enji Todoroki/Endeavor, who domestically abused his family to the point of driving his own wife, whom he bought to play eugenics with so he can breed the perfect child to surpass him, insane, and thus cause his eldest son, one of his biggest victims, to become a psychopathic mass murderer obsessed with making his entire family pay for his father's sins, and the homeroom teacher Shouta Aizawa/Eraserhead, who canonically expelled 154 students from the school he teaches at and effectively ended those student's lives when one takes the toxic Japanese work culture into account, even playing favorites in his own class, creating a toxic learning environment in it, sleeping during lectures, and being the one not doing anything to correct either Bakugo's or Mineta's behaviors).
The baffling thing is that outside of Mineta, the other three characters are beloved in the MHA Fandom for whatever reason. Endeavor at least had an arc about trying to atone for his sins and coming to terms that his family may never forgive him for it (though most of his family does, for some reason), but I don't see other more people calling out their bad behaviors, going so far as to say 'Bakugo never abused Midoriya' or such bullshit when there is literal in-universe evidence that he did. And this character somehow ranked #1 on most character popularity polls throughout the series' run.
The only reason why Mineta gets any substantial amount of hate and not the others is because he has dwarfism and doesn't look conventionally attractive, while the other three characters do. More people need to call this out. Fast.
Thanks for coming to my TED Talk on why there MHA characters would be terrible people IRL and should not be any role models to aspire to. It doesn't matter that Bakugo and Mineta are both minors (15-16 years old), the fact that their behavior doesn't get appropriately dealt with in the story proper is a massive problem that also goes to show how disturbing some of Japan's views on bullying, abuse, and sexual harassment are.
Your constant snarky laughing at each of these "men" gave me so much joy. I loved this!
I have lost count of how many times someone said they loved to be with Damon Salvatore , like no I don't need a psychopath vampire stalking me
and forgiving him murders of her loved ones. He literally killed Jeremy in front of her and put his life in danger multiple times after. For the sake of romance they made Elena the worst sister ever...but when Katherine killed Jeremy, she had to turn off her humanity and somehow wanted revenge. Double standards.
These movies are for women who have never had a Wattpad and Ao3 fanfiction phase. Those are the only ones who are interested in this badly written crap.
If 50 shades took place in a creepy poor man's trailer it'd be a horror book because it glamorizes abuse and is in no way shape or form ethical kink, fetish, and/or bdsm.
I hate Rhysand from ACOTAR and I hope we never see him on screen.
He’s the same “toxic asshole who is just hurt” character but with elf ears
There I said it.
@sciencefantastic 🫢 For real? I bought the first two books in that series. But really, I'm more interested in the stories of three side characters - Nesta, Cassian, and Azriel.
@ yes
I hate all the characters in the series but I hate Rhysand most of all
Based
There was talking about adaptacion...
38:40 There's one movie like this from Indonesia. The main focus is fl's journey to realization that her relationship is toxic, she can't fix her lover and she needs to end the cycle. The title is Posesif (eng : possessive). Available in netflix.
Not only they glorified toxic male leads, they also glorified and normalised the cheating in most of the movies
You described everything perfectly I agree with you.
to me all these movies except maybe after are for older women who have normalized and internalized misogynistic behaviors as long as the man is good looking and on occasion treats his object of affection with... affection. occasionally since it's mostly just physical.
As someone who was SAed before as a child and teen and was abused in relationship, let me tell you smthng. In real life abusers, grapists and men in general like that arent so good looking, they are a worst nightmare you can come across, and then its too late. If you glorify or get turned on by this, seek help immediately
Not him yelling at the air like an infant
There is going to be an After cinematic universe so it’s not ending any time soon
There is a reason why I don't like these kinds of movies. I HATE how there is even a toxic, abusive ML in a ROMANCE movie (show, whatever). That's not romance for me, more like horror or the beginning of a thriller.
Dylan sprouse was a baddie in after tho😂
The bar is in hell, but apparently in the books for 365, she does indeed end up with the second guy and Masamo becomes a full-on antagonist.
I’ve seen the movies that is targeted to the male audience like the old super hero movies. Most had a toxic love interest. I feel like it’s a societal thing to have these types of toxic ppl romanticise in media and normalising it is crazy
Lol these are the same women who simps for toxic korean dramas where such plots are extremely common
I saw a post on Instagram the other day, and it was someone who practiced an instrument (a man) for so long blood was on his piano and violin. The top comment with 70,000 likes was: hot.
I’ve not read them but 365 she does end up with the other guy she’s gets divorced and get married to other guy and has a baby so there’s that
If this is true, at least there is a 'happier ending'.
Isn't that other guy also a bad guy?
I feel like these movies are cheesy, cringey porn. Like all you see is them arguing and getting over with it through sex. In my opinion, These movies don't really have plot or anything that makes it special.
Don't get me started on the women romanticizing oh sangwoo and saying "i can fix him"
Yall are sick
Who?
The crazy thing is that I watched all this movies when I was like 14/15. The idea of a hot rich man who is possessive of me was the ultimate romantic dream of mine.
Now I’m 20. And holy shit..
Only creepy guys who get a free pass, imo are the vampires' ngl. And that's only because usually the whole "im so attract to you i might kill you" isn’t because they are creep but because of their vampires statut (literally their natural instinct)
A good one in here could’ve also been “the kissing booth.” Elle was put through the RINGER and basically forced to choose her man over her dream college at some point. Noah was beyond labeled as “overprotective” when really , he was a terrible person.
As someone who read the entire “You” series, it is the complete antithesis of these films/books. The main character, whose mind we are in the entire time, CLEARLY has a warped sense of reality, and unless the reader understands that, it shows how “ the need to protect someone” can be just as terrifying since it leads to violent acts, even though the protagonist believes he’s always in the right, where is everyone else Is the toxic presence in his love interest’s life 😟😬😱
14:41 I CANT WITH F-ING TREVO😭😭
How could anyone fantasize about being tortured?!!!
That's INSANE!!!!
Masochists
I think that the thing is that in those books the female protagonist somehow end up controling the guy
There won't be another 365 days, it was always meant to be a trilogy. But she stays with massimo, listen carefully to the songs at the end it tells the whole story
What???????
Bianka wrote only 3 books
I was in an emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship for 3 years and the thing I don't like about having a man waiting there in movies is that it diminishes the importance of the woman making the decision to leave. It is so hard because your abuser makes you feel trapped, like there's no way out. They convince you that no one will want you in this world. You've lived your life without them before but the idea of not being with them makes you believe you would be living alone in a barren wasteland. Having a man there waiting for her to leave subconsciously sends the message that the only reason she found strength to leave was because she already had someone waiting so if we don't have someone waiting, we might as well stay put.
the fifty shades of gay is a complete female fantasy, most guys don't give af about the story and drama , prob only watched the hot scenes, heck i didn't even know about it until 1 of my female friends talked about it and till now I didn't even watch the 1 full episode except the fcking scenes. apart from that the rest whatever i managed to watch it felt boring, male fantasy of romance is much different.
Honestly The Kissing Booth needs to be in here
Most disturbing thing is that those movies mentioned are mostly watched by women especially older women
If these men were not rich and physically attractive and young but rather old potbellied lives in a dirty abandoned trailer than none of the girls who love them would support their actions.
The worst part is these books primary audience are girls in their teens to twenties who are statistically more likely to experience dating violence.
I do agree with the note of not having anyone. I wasn't physically abused. But I was emotionally, mentally, and verbally abused. I had no one. Not even my mother because she was the one who started it all. I just wanted him to love me like he had pretended to at first. Give me something my mother didn't give me.
I genuinely despise how many women have been conditioned to accept abusive relationships and men because of stories like this and view the healthy and normal secondary male characters as settling because they’re not “the one.”
U should talk about dark romance also
In fifty shades of grey, why does nobody talk about what happens at the end of the first movie??? That is straight up dv. And she goes back to him as if nothing happened.
And the after books are 10x worst than the movies. In the books, as a proof of the bet, he keeps the bedsheet with her virginal blood and the c*ndom they used as proof to show his friends.
These book serieses are very tame when it comes to glamorizing abuse in books. Tame tame tame. They don't hold a candle to authors like Sam Mariano, Whitney G, Whitney Bianca and so many more. And all these books are gracing the shelves of GIRLS!! WOMEN!! not men but WOMEN. Like people are crazy out there
thank god somebody spoke about it, cuz I HATED these movies/series😭
I recently heard someone say "the saddest thing in modern society is that gentleness towards women during sex is so rare and non accepted that we literally have to call it 'a praise kink' for it to 'sound cool'". I think that was such a good but sad point.
Glad people like u are making video's on this topic its seriously not worth glamorizing. These type of relationships are the ones that end in domestic violence in real life and that is truly scary. Hopefully the ones who thought these movies were awsome dont end up in such toxic situations. Sadly there aren't many new films that have a good story on what true love really is and thats kinda sad. Also u right where the f is the charm of these characters. Ps the Hardin dude what the #### that was one of the worst i didnt even watch the freaking movie and I hate it so much😂.
Love Your Channel! You’re Awesome!
I really do not understand the appeal of these dark romances with the rich billionaire playboy with a tragic childhood/past but his toxic, abusive behavior is completely okay because he's rich, good looking, and has eyes only for the female lead. I can't get into it at all because few times, I pick up these books in the bookstore, flip to a random page and read a few lines, then I put it back and go, 'Ew! Absolutely not!"
Give me a romance, historical or contemporary, where the male lead and female lead aren't complete bitches to each other, but their enmity is understandable. Give me a story where their banter is both witty and hilarious, and I will eat that shit up. The last historical romance I read was Wilde Child by Eloisa James and I loved it. The last contemporary romance I read was King of Greed by Ana Huang and I really did not regret buying that book. I loved both leads in that book.
Edit: But you would not believe the masochistic urge I have to buy one of these books and read it just to get fuken pissed off for no reason! 🤣🤣
I mean, this is also happening in romance and romantasy (fantasy + romance) books. There's a whole trope in romantaxy called "shadow daddies" - rich, immortal, "morally gray" male characters who lust after barely-legal female protagonists. Morally gray is in quotation marks because while the readers and authors call it morally gray, what it really means is that they are toxic and abusive, both to other women and to their women love interests. But this trope is popular because the characters are written as sexy, dangerous, wealthy "bad boys" who give the female character, who is often a victim of child abuse/neglect and poor, a Pretty Woman makeover moment. There's even a pro-life edge to it as well, as the female characters often have their body autonomy taken from them, but they are fine with it because the shadow daddy is really hot. Essentially making the incel argument that women will date a Chad who treats them badly kind of correct.
It's so gross, and I fight back against it on BookTok all the time, and actually get yelled at by fans. "It's just fiction - it's not that deep," they say. Well, so is porn but we all know how pornsick men are - are we really so naive that we think that this isn't our own version of that? It's all priming the young female fanbase to accept low standards of behavior from the older men who may come into their lives. I find that sick.
I agree 100% with you and it's very sickening
Ypu would think Harden would try to become a better human being after seeing how toxic his parents' relationship was. You would think that he would want to protect his love....but no, he is extremely violent, verbally and physically abusive.