SUPERCHAT ANSWER TO: blvckmill - To reunite: What were the reasons she stated for the breakup? Were they things that the two of you were working on, or did you get sideswiped with the sudden knowledge that she was discontent? If there is the possibility of a simple misunderstanding, there's also the possibility of clearing that up. Once that's sorted and discussed, it may be possible to reignite the relationship. Please go to www.susanwinter.net to book a session so we can sort this out.
Also dont check their social media, let mutual friends know you dont want to hear about them, and no laying in bed reminiscing about them, get up when you catch yourself doing that. Its ok to feel your feeling for a few days or even a few weeks, process the breakup but then you gotta start moving foreward.
It's not the ending we wanted. It's so funny when you realise how simple it is. Just not getting what we want ultimately (understanding, kindness, love) makes us keep striving or ruminating. People like us are probably very capable of achieving great things because we have all this brain power. But instead we waste it on something that needs to be accepted instead. Other people are out of our control, and if they aren't in relationship to us, we will never even know their truth! They don't care if we do! That's enough to KNOW we have just got to let it go. Do ANYTHING we can to let it go!!
Sometimes just understanding that other people have been hurt in love, too, is healing. Like, I watched Sanditon lately and a character told another character that he too had been badly treated by someone he was in love with many times. They laughed about it. And I could feel as if I got some closure just from hearing these people talk about being hurt in love. It’s like ” that’s normal. Such is life. Life is hurtful sometimes. Let’s go have some tea and cake”. :)
I have just got to the point of accepting my Limerence. I have asked to Work from Home and put some distance between my LO and myself (she's in my workplace). I stopped fighting my emotions and I am fighting sending her messages presently. I actually am hopeful I'm on my way back to sanity! This is very much one sided (I'm the one who went mad). I am also aware that this can really affect her adversely as well. She doesn't need a creepy old man bothering her. I'm a married (for 35 years) 64-year-old and she's a 32-year-old Muslim woman. She sees me as a good friend ... but I know I'm starting to cross some boundaries. So, as a friend, I'm putting distance between us and going no contact. This is mostly for my own sanity ... but it is also for her sake. I'm trying to work on what's missing in my marriage and do some other positive things such as go to the gym, catch up on friends etc. I hope to be friends again one day, but it may not be possible. It doesn't help that she actually is a wonderful woman ... everyone at work loves her. She's no fraud! I'm the one who needs to live up to my own principles. Presently, she doesn't understand why I've gone cold ... but she will be fine without me.
4:00 No, I know this person doesn't think about me at and I don't think I was going to be seriously interested in them. I just wanted to have a connection and part on good terms.
Too add to your comment on letting toxic people back again, not only do they go back to they way they were, each time actually gets ramped up with more abuse. We inevitably get punished for leaving.
I just found her/this .. she really gets it .. and helps me remember the right way ..getting off the loop lol - things real women go through .. My fav episode was on age gaps .. it’s completely my experience and most of my girlfriends
Excellent advice Susan! You called it spot on too - helped me realize my why - my mind didn’t know what else to do with the confusing back and forth from him. I’ve had to deliberately change my mind and think ahead to the new instead. Not easy and I kept thinking what is wrong with me, felt like obsession. Our brains sure do train us if we let them.
Susan....spot on as usual. She came into my life to find out how much money I had. And then she left. I have done very ....very well for myself. It was NOT enough for her.
Dear Susan, I thought it couldn't get any better after the last live, but with you every episode is better than the last. This live was genius!👏👏👏 So many sober tips and lessons that I'm speechless. In situations when the soul suffers, our brain does not work properly or not at all, but after all your explanations and insights, it should be much better for all of us next time.🍀💚
You are the best Susan, a professional coach. I am gladly listening and relistening to everything you post. Wish i knew everything I learned from you, like a couple years back, but it's ok, that I found you, your videos, that make sense of what went wrong in my earlier relationships. Thank you so much for your hard and awesome work. I am so thankful. @@SusanWinter
So true. Going through it now. I thought it was going to turn into something meaningful but it didn’t. She has moved on and is with someone else but I haven’t. I keep thinking about her and now she has invited me to a special event. I may have to tell her I’m not comfortable in staying as friends 😔 would that be okay?
@@spyroluver0951 did they reply back to? I’ve decided to go the special event as there will be other people. But if it’s small settings I’ll definitely say something.
Charlie, what you really need is for your ex to tell you they want you back. Not your friends. If they are so shy that they need to go through an intermediary, you definitely have some communication issues there.
I'm trying to forget about a past stalker, but he keeps showing up his ugly face every day at school so that I can't forget about him. It disgusts me and angers me and I don't want to think about a crazy stalker all the time
HELLO SUSAN I JUST WANTED TO SAY HOW MUCH I MISSED WATCHING YOUR LIVE VIDEOS IT MUST HAVE BEEN FATE THAT I SAW YOU AS A GUEST ON INSTAGRAM IT BRINGS BACK GOOD MEMORIES IN WHICH IM LOOKING FORWARD TO ALL YOUR LIVE VIDEOS BECAUSE OF YOUR INSIGHT AND KNOWLEDGE THAT WE ALL NEED WITH THAT SAID STAY SAFE AND BLESSED ALWAYS XOXOXO ❤ GREG❤ BLUSHING ❤LOL😊
"how to stop obsessing" videos are well-meaning but pointless. Obsession is based in emotions, not logic and you therefore can't logically persuade yourself out of it. Only thing you can really do is hope it fades with time. Yes, other people love me. Yes, I have great relations with my siblings and best friend but come on....that's not the same as what I feel for my person, not even in the same ballpark or same sport. Yes I have hobbies and a career....but my person distracts me from them and makes me lose interest in them, not the other way round. Best thing to do is a severe form of no contact and let the obsession gradually drip away into nothing.
SUPERCHAT ANSWER TO: blvckmill - To reunite: What were the reasons she stated for the breakup? Were they things that the two of you were working on, or did you get sideswiped with the sudden knowledge that she was discontent? If there is the possibility of a simple misunderstanding, there's also the possibility of clearing that up. Once that's sorted and discussed, it may be possible to reignite the relationship. Please go to www.susanwinter.net to book a session so we can sort this out.
Unrequited love is limerence. The best course of action is to commit to no contact. Stop feeding the limerence
Also dont check their social media, let mutual friends know you dont want to hear about them, and no laying in bed reminiscing about them, get up when you catch yourself doing that. Its ok to feel your feeling for a few days or even a few weeks, process the breakup but then you gotta start moving foreward.
👏 no contact certainly helps!
I don’t think it works like that?? At least for me??
I think it’s kinda like a hangover…..you just have to let it take its own course until you’re sober again and back to normal. 😢
I love this!
It's not the ending we wanted. It's so funny when you realise how simple it is. Just not getting what we want ultimately (understanding, kindness, love) makes us keep striving or ruminating. People like us are probably very capable of achieving great things because we have all this brain power. But instead we waste it on something that needs to be accepted instead. Other people are out of our control, and if they aren't in relationship to us, we will never even know their truth! They don't care if we do! That's enough to KNOW we have just got to let it go. Do ANYTHING we can to let it go!!
*this brain power
like we are results oriented, solution oriented
Exactly. If they don’t even care that we understand or get closure, That’s proof that they are not the right person for us. Not even as a friend.
I love the phrase ”keep the dream, replace the person”. Because it means You can keep the dream.it’S the dream we want. But with a better person :)
Sometimes just understanding that other people have been hurt in love, too, is healing. Like, I watched Sanditon lately and a character told another character that he too had been badly treated by someone he was in love with many times. They laughed about it. And I could feel as if I got some closure just from hearing these people talk about being hurt in love. It’s like ” that’s normal. Such is life. Life is hurtful sometimes. Let’s go have some tea and cake”. :)
Never easy - keep yourself busy and active. Eventually it will cease. Focus on the beach and then go back home
I have just got to the point of accepting my Limerence. I have asked to Work from Home and put some distance between my LO and myself (she's in my workplace). I stopped fighting my emotions and I am fighting sending her messages presently. I actually am hopeful I'm on my way back to sanity! This is very much one sided (I'm the one who went mad). I am also aware that this can really affect her adversely as well. She doesn't need a creepy old man bothering her. I'm a married (for 35 years) 64-year-old and she's a 32-year-old Muslim woman. She sees me as a good friend ... but I know I'm starting to cross some boundaries. So, as a friend, I'm putting distance between us and going no contact. This is mostly for my own sanity ... but it is also for her sake. I'm trying to work on what's missing in my marriage and do some other positive things such as go to the gym, catch up on friends etc. I hope to be friends again one day, but it may not be possible. It doesn't help that she actually is a wonderful woman ... everyone at work loves her. She's no fraud! I'm the one who needs to live up to my own principles. Presently, she doesn't understand why I've gone cold ... but she will be fine without me.
“Hope is a dangerous thing.” Red from Shawshank Redemption. Very true in many cases with hoping for an ex.
Stop letting losers live rent free in your head!! ❤ Good vibes everyone
💯 rent free and they keep messing up the place
So true. Get the losers and users out of your house, out of your purse and out of your bed and your head!!!! Ha They don’t deserve to be there.
When Susan said you analyze ever look every glance every text message that spoke to me DEEP 😩
People with chronic, lifelong depression deserve some love too.
4:00 No, I know this person doesn't think about me at and I don't think I was going to be seriously interested in them. I just wanted to have a connection and part on good terms.
Thank you Susan. This too shall pass!
lovely Sage. Huge thanks
Too add to your comment on letting toxic people back again, not only do they go back to they way they were, each time actually gets ramped up with more abuse. We inevitably get punished for leaving.
I just found her/this .. she really gets it .. and helps me remember the right way ..getting off the loop lol - things real women go through ..
My fav episode was on age gaps .. it’s completely my experience and most of my girlfriends
Huge thanks. Glad you're here
Excellent advice Susan! You called it spot on too - helped me realize my why - my mind didn’t know what else to do with the confusing back and forth from him. I’ve had to deliberately change my mind and think ahead to the new instead. Not easy and I kept thinking what is wrong with me, felt like obsession. Our brains sure do train us if we let them.
The game of hot and cold can certainly lead to a lot of rumination. I hope you find the peace you need and the love you deserve
Susan....spot on as usual. She came into my life to find out how much money I had. And then she left. I have done very ....very well for myself. It was NOT enough for her.
That means she was not enaugh for you! Hang in there! You deserve someone who loves you for who you are and not for what you have!
On some subjects I think you are a good teacher because you have experienced it yourself in life and you care and can show empathy. Thanks
Well said.
Very suffering.
Dear Susan, I thought it couldn't get any better after the last live, but with you every episode is better than the last. This live was genius!👏👏👏 So many sober tips and lessons that I'm speechless. In situations when the soul suffers, our brain does not work properly or not at all, but after all your explanations and insights, it should be much better for all of us next time.🍀💚
❤❤❤❤
I so needed to hear this today. Thank you Susan ❤
Great Advice Susan, New Follower ❤❤❤
Thanks for following! I hope you enjoy the content!
Thank you
She's great counselor ❤
thank you
Watching from Cameroon❤
Thank you for joining!
Great conversation Susan
Thank you so much, as usual, very good video/information!. ❤
I’m so glad you enjoyed it!
You are the best Susan, a professional coach. I am gladly listening and relistening to everything you post. Wish i knew everything I learned from you, like a couple years back, but it's ok, that I found you, your videos, that make sense of what went wrong in my earlier relationships. Thank you so much for your hard and awesome work. I am so thankful. @@SusanWinter
The youths our running to wild, no love in the city ❤blessings
Could you please do a video on regret? Making bad dating choices 💔
Yes a video on regrets and ruminating pls
I have quite a few! Just put in regret in the search bar on my channels and see what pops up!
This one hit home today! Thank you beautiful x
You’re welcome 🤗
This is the best advice I have heard. Thank you🌸
I love this, thank you so much. Sooo needed this.
Thank you
Thank you 🎉🎉🎉
❤❤❤❤
Susan is 💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯
If I forget about them, it's like it never happened.😢
So true. Going through it now. I thought it was going to turn into something meaningful but it didn’t. She has moved on and is with someone else but I haven’t. I keep thinking about her and now she has invited me to a special event. I may have to tell her I’m not comfortable in staying as friends 😔 would that be okay?
perfectly fine. In the same boat and did it last week. I feel free and happy now :)
@@spyroluver0951 did they reply back to? I’ve decided to go the special event as there will be other people. But if it’s small settings I’ll definitely say something.
Hi Susan my friends tell me that my ex wants me back but in a new relationship charlie
Charlie, what you really need is for your ex to tell you they want you back. Not your friends. If they are so shy that they need to go through an intermediary, you definitely have some communication issues there.
He kept disappearing then returning…. One time, we got engaged…. Just before a year after…. He ran again.
Why? Why? Why?
Jessica.
What if it's you and not them?
10:04 watching from Kenya cute
HI KENYA! I SAW YOUR COMMENT. thank you.
Work with Me: susanwinter.net/consultation/
I'm trying to forget about a past stalker, but he keeps showing up his ugly face every day at school so that I can't forget about him. It disgusts me and angers me and I don't want to think about a crazy stalker all the time
❤
🤗
HELLO SUSAN I JUST WANTED TO SAY HOW MUCH I MISSED WATCHING YOUR LIVE VIDEOS IT MUST HAVE BEEN FATE THAT I SAW YOU AS A GUEST ON INSTAGRAM IT BRINGS BACK GOOD MEMORIES IN WHICH IM LOOKING FORWARD TO ALL YOUR LIVE VIDEOS BECAUSE OF YOUR INSIGHT AND KNOWLEDGE THAT WE ALL NEED WITH THAT SAID STAY SAFE AND BLESSED ALWAYS XOXOXO ❤ GREG❤ BLUSHING ❤LOL😊
Welcome back, Katy!!! ❤
"how to stop obsessing" videos are well-meaning but pointless.
Obsession is based in emotions, not logic and you therefore can't logically persuade yourself out of it.
Only thing you can really do is hope it fades with time.
Yes, other people love me. Yes, I have great relations with my siblings and best friend but come on....that's not the same as what I feel for my person, not even in the same ballpark or same sport.
Yes I have hobbies and a career....but my person distracts me from them and makes me lose interest in them, not the other way round.
Best thing to do is a severe form of no contact and let the obsession gradually drip away into nothing.
That works for some. Others cannot go 'no contact' - they fear being alone, and others cannot stop the loop in their mind- contact or no contact.
Greetings from Poland ❤
This is such an eye opening, thank you ❤