Two things. The Sickle Cell trait conversation is real and encourage every black person dating to have that conversation early on with their SO especially if the understanding that the goal of the relationship is in the hope it turns to marriage and kids. I have a nephew with Sickle Cell, I have the traits myself, its a horrible disease I wouldn't wish on my worse enemy. If both people have traits 25 percent any single child will get the disease. If one person has the trait and one has the disease it goes up to 50 percent. If both have the disease then 100 percent. The situation you don't want to get in is you spend months getting attached and falling for this person to find out you both have this disease. Now you got to make the choice am I ok rolling the dice with my children's health knowing one of them are likely to get the disease. Second to your point about family members older sisters are worth paying attention to as well. My experience dating the baby in the family is much different than dating the oldest sibling. If she has an older sister especially over the age of say 27, pay attention to her relationship. Is she married or on tracked to being married? Dated a girl who was the baby of her siblings, described her sisters dating life as one of bad experiences with men. This was an issue because the younger sister who I dated, her older sister was her primary source of dating advice and too no surprise she gave her a lot of bad advice. Also if there are no men in their lives where they go to for dating advice that should be another yellow flag.
That's the problem, the bulk of our people are more concerned about having their feelings coddled instead making solid decisions based on the notion of. Choosing a mate to invest in the long term is one of the most important decisions anyone can make and the byproduct(s) of such falls under that. We rather choose based on short sighted emotionalism, instead of being strategically objective.
For real !! My late mother and uncle have the disease, it was so hard watching her struggle!! Especially when she went into crisis. She took a big risk giving birth to me & my ungrateful sister R.I.P winsome walker
@@PM-hx1ds tell me more.. My mother had the disease I’m a carrier, I can’t stand the cold. 6ft 7 270lbs big and black, people think I’m soft because I CANT stand the cold. Not one bit!!! 🤣🤣🤣 struggle continues…
The fact that this has to be said shows how much we have as a society drifted away from family and community. The reality that people can be out there, date serious, engage in all kinds of intimates acts, get pregnant, and never have met nor know the families of the person they've been with speaks volumes.
Spoken like a true Nigerian. That’s why it’s baffling about why people in the West don’t consider doing background checks on the family… DO BACKGROUND CHECKS ON YOUR POTENTIAL MATE PEOPLE…
I didn’t learn this until my mid 30’s sad to report. 🤷🏾♂️ I’m now happily married to my 2nd wife. 1st wife came from a broken home with shit loads of trauma I didn’t know about. Had 2 kids when I met her….complete DISASTER of a relationship. My current and last wife comes from a strong family with Father as the head of the house and an older brother. No kids! I wifed her up after no red flags 🚩 were found. One or two yellow flags but no red. 10 years later and we’re still together and happy.
Kicking myself rn. Thought it was cute at first how they treated husband/dad. 1. How wife treats/treated husband 2. Why wife is still with husband after mistreating him SMH
This shit is so TRUE, meet the mom it will give you true insight into who the heck she is and is probably going to be not just looks but even personality and how she shows up around men including you.
that a fact and to take it a step further, meet her friend. the people she choses to associate herself with will tell you a lot about her. birds of a feather............
After watching this, I sat for a moment and went down memory lane, thinking about all my female friends and mothers. I realized that most of them always stated that they were nothing like their moms, but all their actions to date show they turned out to be exactly like their moms. Four of them, whose mothers experienced domestic violence, currently have similar cases online. Those whose mothers were cheaters and sneaky are doing the same thing to men. The one who was raised by her aunt, who couldn’t keep a man, chased her husband away. Excellent work.
I have said this for years...meet her DAD before you take her seriously. If she dosent have a relationship with him, your marriage is far less likely to pan out and marriage is too serious to take the risk that she could be the 13%
My wife's mother is a shrew, but her father was a serious, jovial guy. She (as the youngest of four daughters) was her father's favorite. One thing I noted early on was that all her favorite childhood memories are with her father. We've been married 40 years.
While video 🎯. Spot on…very well done, lots of bars in this one. Still surprises me how dudes can get serious with a woman and never met or even talked to their parent/siblings.
I know a guy who grand-fathered ( or baby-dadded) himself into a cold 🥶 Matriarch...Grandma single and 60...momma single and 43...oldest daughter single 27 1 kid and ran through sexually...he got the young 23 yr old and found out what he was getting himself into at a barbecue they had AFTER SHE WAS PREGNANT 😂
Listen I was raised by both parents mom died dad remarried later . My mom was extremely giving , very feminine , loving , cooked , romantic and exactly what a typical man would want ! My dad is all man etc however my dad did spoil the crap outta me and I saw my momma have no boundaries with him or others ! Tbh you have to look at the individual as a whole ! I was so selfish in my 20s but I had to change that .. now I’ve always set boundaries . It has to be balance .. a healthy balance not just in relationships but in life period ❤❤❤ Much love to all of u ❤
This definitely needs to be talked about. When were pregnant with our first child, my husband and I found out we have the sickle cell trait but thank God it's silent. So our girls aren't at risk but this was not talked about especially since my uncle has sickle cell. The mom one is good too. My husband had confidence in me being a good mom after meeting my mother and seeing my parents' marriage. I had no idea he was looking into that until he told me after we got married. Lol
Vetting women in and out of our circles definitively has been a lost art within my African family and I blame both my late maternal grandmother, late grandfather, late father and my feminist of mother and her sisters for it, as well as my too emotionally weak uncles. None of them can't vet out 90% of the problematic women creeping in for sh*t. And even when they does, it's just too late or done out of spite _toward_ their brothers and sons. Had my family been prone to set up boundaries and to value family unity over their personal grudges, pettiness or whatever ideological tribalistic exported crap they hold dear to, it would've thwarted away a lot of trouble and my late oldee brother would've had maybe been still alive.
I happen to be reading "Selective Breeding and the Birth of Philosophy" by Costin Alamariu right now, and I can say that if this podcast rings true to you, you might find it interesting.
What put you on this journey for this information and how did you compile it? I have noticed so much that you speak on over the years and these are some hard subjects to look at.
If only there was the red pill and these types of podcasts 25 years ago... Sheeeeeesh... That whole "spend some time getting to know her mamma" hit HARD... Bcuz BELIEVE ME when I tell u that they eventually turn into their mothers... And that aint always a good thing... SMMFH
I agree with everything you said especially being an African man. My only question though, is how do you trust the opinions of the your family when it comes to being your lady or man home, when may times in our African culture family doesn’t always want you best ?
I would add that you need to ask her what each parent did wrong or should've done better. When I was out here searching, I had a "woman raised by both parents" as a preference. I met my ex, and both parents are still together. On the surface, everything was legit. I learned that her father cheated in the past, and only he knows why. I personally believe that the majority of cheating lies in the others' disrespect, especially when married. And even though her mother, in her poor health, needs her father, and "currently" respects him as a man, she raised her to be strong and independent. The result was a chameleon who presented herself as feminine, but was a b!tch behind closed doors. A closed bathroom door was considered cheating, and she doesn't want to "need" a man like her mother. Study the parents. What rough patches they had, and how they resolved it. Bring it up in conversation one on one if you can to see if the stories match. Then, see what the daughter concluded from those rough patches.
Generational curses that ONLY GOD can break. Yet, many of give ourselves too much credit (aka pride and arrogance) believing we can heal, help, and change them with our "love" and acceptance. S/He has a good heart. Here's what the Bible says in ONE scripture (there are others): 1 Corinthians 2:11 "For what man knoweth the things of a man, save the spirit of man which is in him? Even so no man knoweth the things of God, but the Spirit of God." STOP playing with your life.
Such good advice and I would advise women to do the same. Vetting should be a thing for everybody regardless of the gender. Keep up the good advice, I am listening and i am learning. 🫶🏽
Having a group of girlfriends: If you believe in traditional gender roles, your friend group will most likely smaller. The negative echo chamber is large. Most women who want a stable, happy home tend to stay away from it. (We attend events, have hobbies and keep home separate from the chaos of the world)
In your efforts to be an expert on dating advice, all you're accomplishing is encouraging men to be hypervigilant to paranoid about women, which in turn supports population reduction goals by the WEF and various billionaires. Too many men are jumping on this social media gravy train of rejection as a lifestyle. Back in my day (I'm retired), these 'flag' ideas were sold in books in the "self help" section of book stores or libraries. The thing is, for all the self help advice and warnings for both sexes, my generation turned out as effed up in relationships as the previous and following two generations. I'm pretty sure this is b/c people are incredibly complex in who we are attracted to, plus we're limited by geography, social class options and luck.
What if that woman you are dating is your cousin? Edit: We are 3rd or 4th cousins. In the beginning, we didn't know and still now we are not completely sure yet.
Two things. The Sickle Cell trait conversation is real and encourage every black person dating to have that conversation early on with their SO especially if the understanding that the goal of the relationship is in the hope it turns to marriage and kids. I have a nephew with Sickle Cell, I have the traits myself, its a horrible disease I wouldn't wish on my worse enemy. If both people have traits 25 percent any single child will get the disease. If one person has the trait and one has the disease it goes up to 50 percent. If both have the disease then 100 percent. The situation you don't want to get in is you spend months getting attached and falling for this person to find out you both have this disease. Now you got to make the choice am I ok rolling the dice with my children's health knowing one of them are likely to get the disease.
Second to your point about family members older sisters are worth paying attention to as well. My experience dating the baby in the family is much different than dating the oldest sibling. If she has an older sister especially over the age of say 27, pay attention to her relationship. Is she married or on tracked to being married? Dated a girl who was the baby of her siblings, described her sisters dating life as one of bad experiences with men. This was an issue because the younger sister who I dated, her older sister was her primary source of dating advice and too no surprise she gave her a lot of bad advice. Also if there are no men in their lives where they go to for dating advice that should be another yellow flag.
An alkaline life style/diet can help tremendously with sickle cell🖤
@@PM-hx1ds it helps but let's be real, would anyone in their right mind be willing to roll that dice when it comes to their future descendants?
That's the problem, the bulk of our people are more concerned about having their feelings coddled instead making solid decisions based on the notion of. Choosing a mate to invest in the long term is one of the most important decisions anyone can make and the byproduct(s) of such falls under that. We rather choose based on short sighted emotionalism, instead of being strategically objective.
For real !! My late mother and uncle have the disease, it was so hard watching her struggle!! Especially when she went into crisis. She took a big risk giving birth to me & my ungrateful sister R.I.P winsome walker
@@PM-hx1ds tell me more.. My mother had the disease I’m a carrier, I can’t stand the cold. 6ft 7 270lbs big and black, people think I’m soft because I CANT stand the cold. Not one bit!!! 🤣🤣🤣 struggle continues…
The fact that this has to be said shows how much we have as a society drifted away from family and community. The reality that people can be out there, date serious, engage in all kinds of intimates acts, get pregnant, and never have met nor know the families of the person they've been with speaks volumes.
Yep. The pandora's box of the Sexual Revolution and "free love" caused this mess.
@@Laughing_Individual Yes, along with the loss of shame and the erosion of standards.
Spoken like a true Nigerian.
That’s why it’s baffling about why people in the West don’t consider doing background checks on the family…
DO BACKGROUND CHECKS ON YOUR POTENTIAL MATE PEOPLE…
Something that is common sense for us as Africans and other non Westerners, unfortunately isn't common on this side of the world
Westerners tricked society not to do it so they wouldn't get caught.
I didn’t learn this until my mid 30’s sad to report. 🤷🏾♂️
I’m now happily married to my 2nd wife.
1st wife came from a broken home with shit loads of trauma I didn’t know about. Had 2 kids when I met her….complete DISASTER of a relationship.
My current and last wife comes from a strong family with Father as the head of the house and an older brother. No kids!
I wifed her up after no red flags 🚩 were found. One or two yellow flags but no red.
10 years later and we’re still together and happy.
See how her mom treats her husband and vice versa.
What husband???
@@synonys if momma is not in a functional marriage then the daughter is not qualified. That functional marriage is the essential training school.
Kicking myself rn. Thought it was cute at first how they treated husband/dad.
1. How wife treats/treated husband
2. Why wife is still with husband after mistreating him
SMH
Super FACTS!
This shit is so TRUE, meet the mom it will give you true insight into who the heck she is and is probably going to be not just looks but even personality and how she shows up around men including you.
Best series for men on TH-cam right now!
Wish we had this knowledge when we were younger...the truth was hidden from us
I'll be teaching my kids to meet both parents.
Dr. FRANCES Cress Welsing has said this in her lectures. "We have to get back to mastering the art of mating"
that a fact and to take it a step further, meet her friend. the people she choses to associate herself with will tell you a lot about her. birds of a feather............
After watching this, I sat for a moment and went down memory lane, thinking about all my female friends and mothers. I realized that most of them always stated that they were nothing like their moms, but all their actions to date show they turned out to be exactly like their moms. Four of them, whose mothers experienced domestic violence, currently have similar cases online. Those whose mothers were cheaters and sneaky are doing the same thing to men. The one who was raised by her aunt, who couldn’t keep a man, chased her husband away. Excellent work.
People don't do enquiries on each other before going further and that's a huge problem
I have said this for years...meet her DAD before you take her seriously. If she dosent have a relationship with him, your marriage is far less likely to pan out and marriage is too serious to take the risk that she could be the 13%
My wife's mother is a shrew, but her father was a serious, jovial guy. She (as the youngest of four daughters) was her father's favorite. One thing I noted early on was that all her favorite childhood memories are with her father. We've been married 40 years.
We need a detailed video on spotting girls with Daddy issue/Abandonment issues
New Vocab unlocked Cantankerous
While video 🎯. Spot on…very well done, lots of bars in this one. Still surprises me how dudes can get serious with a woman and never met or even talked to their parent/siblings.
🔥🔥🔥🔥 Dr Obi your work ethic is crazy !!! Keep the content coming, stay blessed happy new year 🎉 👊🏿✊🏿🙏🏿
From experience.....sustained.
Yo that Friday insert is so funny🤣🤣🤣🤣continue the awesome work king👊🏾
This is a curriculum for my son. Keep em coming
I know a guy who grand-fathered ( or baby-dadded) himself into a cold 🥶 Matriarch...Grandma single and 60...momma single and 43...oldest daughter single 27 1 kid and ran through sexually...he got the young 23 yr old and found out what he was getting himself into at a barbecue they had AFTER SHE WAS PREGNANT 😂
JESUS !!!
Bro, cray!
This is the realest one right here !! It will tell you where she get her everything from
On behalf of the Canadian men delegation, I approve this message
Listen I was raised by both parents mom died dad remarried later . My mom was extremely giving , very feminine , loving , cooked , romantic and exactly what a typical man would want ! My dad is all man etc however my dad did spoil the crap outta me and I saw my momma have no boundaries with him or others ! Tbh you have to look at the individual as a whole ! I was so selfish in my 20s but I had to change that .. now I’ve always set boundaries . It has to be balance .. a healthy balance not just in relationships but in life period ❤❤❤ Much love to all of u ❤
This definitely needs to be talked about. When were pregnant with our first child, my husband and I found out we have the sickle cell trait but thank God it's silent. So our girls aren't at risk but this was not talked about especially since my uncle has sickle cell. The mom one is good too. My husband had confidence in me being a good mom after meeting my mother and seeing my parents' marriage. I had no idea he was looking into that until he told me after we got married. Lol
damn....best blessings to you all
@@michaeljmyers1995 thank you!!! Have a happy new year!
Jesus this one was vital. Must watch.
Vetting women in and out of our circles definitively has been a lost art within my African family and I blame both my late maternal grandmother, late grandfather, late father and my feminist of mother and her sisters for it, as well as my too emotionally weak uncles.
None of them can't vet out 90% of the problematic women creeping in for sh*t. And even when they does, it's just too late or done out of spite _toward_ their brothers and sons.
Had my family been prone to set up boundaries and to value family unity over their personal grudges, pettiness or whatever ideological tribalistic exported crap they hold dear to, it would've thwarted away a lot of trouble and my late oldee brother would've had maybe been still alive.
RIP to your bother
@@background187 Thanks.
Good discussion 👍
I happen to be reading "Selective Breeding and the Birth of Philosophy" by Costin Alamariu right now, and I can say that if this podcast rings true to you, you might find it interesting.
What put you on this journey for this information and how did you compile it? I have noticed so much that you speak on over the years and these are some hard subjects to look at.
If only there was the red pill and these types of podcasts 25 years ago... Sheeeeeesh...
That whole "spend some time getting to know her mamma" hit HARD...
Bcuz BELIEVE ME when I tell u that they eventually turn into their mothers...
And that aint always a good thing... SMMFH
I agree with everything you said especially being an African man. My only question though, is how do you trust the opinions of the your family when it comes to being your lady or man home, when may times in our African culture family doesn’t always want you best ?
Ezekiel 16 As the mother is so is the daughter.
These yellow flag are golden,keep up the good work
Amazing and accurate video 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
Good points
And if she doesn’t know or have a healthy relationship with her Father proceed with caution
We've gotta stop saying "theory" when it's contextually obvious that we mean "hypothesis".
Another great video brotha
I would add that you need to ask her what each parent did wrong or should've done better. When I was out here searching, I had a "woman raised by both parents" as a preference. I met my ex, and both parents are still together. On the surface, everything was legit. I learned that her father cheated in the past, and only he knows why. I personally believe that the majority of cheating lies in the others' disrespect, especially when married. And even though her mother, in her poor health, needs her father, and "currently" respects him as a man, she raised her to be strong and independent. The result was a chameleon who presented herself as feminine, but was a b!tch behind closed doors. A closed bathroom door was considered cheating, and she doesn't want to "need" a man like her mother.
Study the parents. What rough patches they had, and how they resolved it. Bring it up in conversation one on one if you can to see if the stories match. Then, see what the daughter concluded from those rough patches.
Nature vs nurture
"Built like SpongeBob?"
Yep.
Generational curses that ONLY GOD can break. Yet, many of give ourselves too much credit (aka pride and arrogance) believing we can heal, help, and change them with our "love" and acceptance. S/He has a good heart. Here's what the Bible says in ONE scripture (there are others): 1 Corinthians 2:11 "For what man knoweth the things of a man, save the spirit of man which is in him? Even so no man knoweth the things of God, but the Spirit of God." STOP playing with your life.
Apex freestyle ❤
Such good advice and I would advise women to do the same. Vetting should be a thing for everybody regardless of the gender. Keep up the good advice, I am listening and i am learning. 🫶🏽
Having a group of girlfriends: If you believe in traditional gender roles, your friend group will most likely smaller. The negative echo chamber is large. Most women who want a stable, happy home tend to stay away from it. (We attend events, have hobbies and keep home separate from the chaos of the world)
🎯❤
In your efforts to be an expert on dating advice, all you're accomplishing is encouraging men to be hypervigilant to paranoid about women, which in turn supports population reduction goals by the WEF and various billionaires. Too many men are jumping on this social media gravy train of rejection as a lifestyle. Back in my day (I'm retired), these 'flag' ideas were sold in books in the "self help" section of book stores or libraries.
The thing is, for all the self help advice and warnings for both sexes, my generation turned out as effed up in relationships as the previous and following two generations. I'm pretty sure this is b/c people are incredibly complex in who we are attracted to, plus we're limited by geography, social class options and luck.
What if that woman you are dating is your cousin?
Edit: We are 3rd or 4th cousins. In the beginning, we didn't know and still now we are not completely sure yet.
Meet...your aunt?
This a kevin gates burner
@@TheCastedone Ok, wish me luck. My cousin and I have good chemistry and I care about her so much.
@@jeong-ilkajokaya3849tf?
@@jeong-ilkajokaya3849lol convo bein held like the topic is within normal boundaries here, I can't tell if u jones'n us 😂
The whole "male bonding/female distancing" thing is definitely a 🟡 flag. Thnks for highlighting that.