I was married 30 years, he cheated at the 20 year mark, I tried and “forgiven” him. But I never did, and he cheated another 10 years. I found out the second time the night before my mother’s funeral. I’ve been struggling with closure to the point of madness. In the night, alone I began searching for help, and I found your channel. Your guidance will change the future for me. Thank you so much
This is the second time I’ve watched this, and I keep asking myself the question of what I would want from him and I have no idea. It’s been less than three weeks since I broke up with him and had no contact. I’m split in two. I half want to never hear from him ever again, I want to wipe him from my mind completely. I half want him to drive for hours and turn up unexpectedly to swear nothing else is going on, scooping me up telling me that I am the one he wants and how he looks forward to doing so much with me. But he did that a few weeks back and I found out a matter of days after that he was still making plans to meet up with other women. So what purpose would it serve if he came here again to say those words? His words are just sounds now. When you cannot have faith in the accuracy of someone’s words or language then they are devoid of meaning or value, and therefore they cannot have an effect, they cannot inform, explain, soothe nor reassure. I feel contempt for him and myself for thinking he was a great man. Now the facade has dropped, and I am partly responsive for having formed this idealised version of him in my mind, I don’t want who he really is. Isn’t contempt the death knell of a relationship? Surely then, it’s good that I feel that towards him, in terms of the process of moving on? As soon as I miss him & feel a longing… I remember the things he had written to these other women and I feel so humiliated and insulted I am repulsed by him. I feel every second with him and going through this now is a waste of time. Maybe I’ll feel different tomorrow?! Asking myself the questions you listed is a very interesting exercise, thank you Lisa. Even though our ‘stories’ are different, I get so much from watching any of your videos. They all seem to hit home somehow
I can totally relate to that split feeling, of wanting them and wanting them to disappear forever at the same time. It sounds like you're doing the work of processing all of this. I love that you're open to feeling different tomorrow. That's a great sign :)
Thank you so much. No wonder it makes you feel like you’re losing your mind when we’re feeling a multitude of intense often polar opposite feelings simultaneously, it can feel like too much to handle… but we can, especially with gentle support from people who ‘get it’ : )
Contempt isn't at all the death knell of a relationship. It's still a strong emotion and shows you're still invested. I felt contempt years ago, before his affair, yet gave him a chance and felt love again when I found out the first time. Long story short he went back to her and I relentlessly got him to move out this time. I love your way of putting it, "his words are just sounds now". When they've lied and conned you, it gets to be that way. I heard the opposite of love is not hate, because hate is still a strong emotion and it can have love behind it too. The opposite of love then is indifference. When you get to indifference, you really are free.
@@saintejeannedarc9460 Yes you’re so right! Can’t wait to feel that reaction to thoughts of him. Things are easing now, but only because I’m good at blocking things off coupled with the passage of time. Still can’t really ‘go there’ in my mind if I’m honest. I wish people would just break up with you instead. Breaking up without cheating compared to breaking up after cheating, lying, betrayal & emotional manipulation is worlds apart. The difference of the type of, degree of and the amount of layers of suffering and ongoing damage is vast. Stupid, selfish a holes! : (
I swear I keep dating the same type of person and it stems from original rejection wound of my father not wanting me. What I’d like from my most recent breakup is to see her in person and have a closure talk where we just admit we weren’t looking for the same thing. She’d confirm that the things she claimed to like about me were actually true (especially a couple specifically) and she will remember me with some level of fondness at least. Absolute icing on the cake would be we could remain friends at least to some degree But she has absolutely “kleenexed” me, won’t remember me, I’m invisible 😢 I have no idea how to heal this old wound
I had a similar childhood wound that (probably) contributed to the breakdown of my first marriage. It's wild how much those early experiences shape us.
1. I get my the house I paid for (i got).. 2. back on track with my career goals instead of paying for everything.. 3. giving her half what seemed like a lot but was nothing financially to me. 4. Being successful without her doing nothing in life and her never owning house again.... did not take any training. Just learned she was shit the hard way from whores who act like they are women.... its nice to be the 1% instead of blame someone else and look to yourself to be stronger.... just be strong and do it.... this video made me laugh....
I was married 30 years, he cheated at the 20 year mark, I tried and “forgiven” him. But I never did, and he cheated another 10 years. I found out the second time the night before my mother’s funeral. I’ve been struggling with closure to the point of madness. In the night, alone I began searching for help, and I found your channel. Your guidance will change the future for me. Thank you so much
😢😢 i am so sorry.. the pain is immense l
This is the second time I’ve watched this, and I keep asking myself the question of what I would want from him and I have no idea.
It’s been less than three weeks since I broke up with him and had no contact. I’m split in two. I half want to never hear from him ever again, I want to wipe him from my mind completely.
I half want him to drive for hours and turn up unexpectedly to swear nothing else is going on, scooping me up telling me that I am the one he wants and how he looks forward to doing so much with me. But he did that a few weeks back and I found out a matter of days after that he was still making plans to meet up with other women. So what purpose would it serve if he came here again to say those words?
His words are just sounds now. When you cannot have faith in the accuracy of someone’s words or language then they are devoid of meaning or value, and therefore they cannot have an effect, they cannot inform, explain, soothe nor reassure.
I feel contempt for him and myself for thinking he was a great man. Now the facade has dropped, and I am partly responsive for having formed this idealised version of him in my mind, I don’t want who he really is.
Isn’t contempt the death knell of a relationship? Surely then, it’s good that I feel that towards him, in terms of the process of moving on?
As soon as I miss him & feel a longing… I remember the things he had written to these other women and I feel so humiliated and insulted I am repulsed by him.
I feel every second with him and going through this now is a waste of time.
Maybe I’ll feel different tomorrow?!
Asking myself the questions you listed is a very interesting exercise, thank you Lisa.
Even though our ‘stories’ are different, I get so much from watching any of your videos. They all seem to hit home somehow
I can totally relate to that split feeling, of wanting them and wanting them to disappear forever at the same time. It sounds like you're doing the work of processing all of this. I love that you're open to feeling different tomorrow. That's a great sign :)
Thank you so much. No wonder it makes you feel like you’re losing your mind when we’re feeling a multitude of intense often polar opposite feelings simultaneously, it can feel like too much to handle… but we can, especially with gentle support from people who ‘get it’ : )
Contempt isn't at all the death knell of a relationship. It's still a strong emotion and shows you're still invested. I felt contempt years ago, before his affair, yet gave him a chance and felt love again when I found out the first time. Long story short he went back to her and I relentlessly got him to move out this time. I love your way of putting it, "his words are just sounds now". When they've lied and conned you, it gets to be that way.
I heard the opposite of love is not hate, because hate is still a strong emotion and it can have love behind it too. The opposite of love then is indifference. When you get to indifference, you really are free.
@@saintejeannedarc9460 Yes you’re so right! Can’t wait to feel that reaction to thoughts of him.
Things are easing now, but only because I’m good at blocking things off coupled with the passage of time. Still can’t really ‘go there’ in my mind if I’m honest. I wish people would just break up with you instead. Breaking up without cheating compared to breaking up after cheating, lying, betrayal & emotional manipulation is worlds apart. The difference of the type of, degree of and the amount of layers of suffering and ongoing damage is vast. Stupid, selfish a holes! : (
I swear I keep dating the same type of person and it stems from original rejection wound of my father not wanting me. What I’d like from my most recent breakup is to see her in person and have a closure talk where we just admit we weren’t looking for the same thing. She’d confirm that the things she claimed to like about me were actually true (especially a couple specifically) and she will
remember me with some level of fondness at least. Absolute icing on the cake would be we could remain friends at least to some degree
But she has absolutely “kleenexed” me, won’t remember me, I’m invisible 😢
I have no idea how to heal this old wound
I had a similar childhood wound that (probably) contributed to the breakdown of my first marriage. It's wild how much those early experiences shape us.
1. I get my the house I paid for (i got).. 2. back on track with my career goals instead of paying for everything.. 3. giving her half what seemed like a lot but was nothing financially to me. 4. Being successful without her doing nothing in life and her never owning house again.... did not take any training. Just learned she was shit the hard way from whores who act like they are women.... its nice to be the 1% instead of blame someone else and look to yourself to be stronger.... just be strong and do it.... this video made me laugh....
Brilliant
💯