Why People Avoid You - (3 Possible Mistakes)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 27 พ.ค. 2024
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If you have a hard time making friends...you might be doing some things that are causing others to dislike you. So today as a part of the Beefriend course, we're going to go over 3 mistakes you might be making that are the root of why people don't like you. These mistakes can chase people away, make you seem annoying, and may even be the reason why people ignore you.
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Intro: (00:00)
Mistake #1 (00:20)
Mistake #1.5 (01:37)
Mistake #2 (02:31)
Mistake #3 (04:40)
#howtomakefriends
People expect us to avoid being annoying. But they won't do the same.
So keep going forward and don't let them bring you down! Be the best version of yourself, be humble enough to not be arrogant, don't let them intrude on you and be calm and nice. Good people will notice and appreciate it! Have a nice day!
Exactly
Its always better to do your part first before expecting others to do there own.
Fax
Who are you talking about?
I think friendship should always be a two-way thing.
As much as we try to improve ourselves for people, our friends should also put in the work for us too! After all, we all deserve genuine friendship!
This! I give up making friends cuz no matter what I do, no one cares. They don’t listen to me while I am trying to listen to them. That’s the most frustrated things ever
@@vino-k5650 aww i feel like u need a hug :(( I hope you get some real friends soon!
Just be nice and yourself, the wrong people will avoid you the right people will stick
So true! Loving youself is a key to happy life! I have a nice story. I had a teacher (an ex soldier) on safety lessons (a school subject in my country; about first aid, natural hazards and army) and everyone was afraid of him. He made our class make a dispatch at the beggining of every lesson. I just casually said on our messenger group I can do this. On the 2nd lesson I started, but I've realised he didn't tell us what to tell if someone is abscent. I haven't wanted to stop, or to complicate to not look stupid, so I've told everything exactly except number of people in the class. The dispatch in this form ended with "everyone is present". After I told that, he asked quite waspishly how many people are total in class. I answered, then he asked "so everyone is present" I've completly randoy answered "You know sir, of all people that came to school today, actually everyone is present with us here." Everyone was looking at me like😳, when he looked at me with expresion of soldier trying to analyze sth so crazy but with sense.Mist probably he realized he haven't tell us the dispatch if someone is abscent, so he told me normally to go back to my desk and then told us another version. I've become his favorite student also I got a task to rate first aid at the end of a year. My class was his favorite after this :D
I can call myself a quirky person (very talktive individualist with a lot of different interests) and I'm the type of person that snooty people hate the most. I never suit people who are showing of their status to make everyone respect them. Usually they were groups of students thinking they are "cool". Those groups are acting like they're better than everyone and other people usually don't argue. Because of my type of living, I was never a part of any big group. That made me never learn so much to care about someone's social status. I'm proud of this story, especially because I acted so confidently, despite I was a complete loser in that time, who wanted any girl to talk to him. Still, I've never became skmeone's footstool or any simp. I just can't easy go against my will. Quite annoying when that weird loser who is the worst person in group doesn't give you, the "cool" guy any attention and treats you like you are not anyone important, huh? XD The only thing I care about is are they open-minded, how they talk. I'm myself and at the end it looks like wrong people don't want to have anything to do with me. You are completly right! Love yourself and you'll be happy. Good people will appreciate this and they'll stay with you. Have a nice day! :)
Wrong. My daughters roommate is a chronic smacker with her food. Plus she talks over everyone. She never gets invited to anything and she's a very nice person, super pretty too. But those 2 things have kept her socially separated.
I never make those 3mistakes,I just do my thing and help others but I don't know why they avoid me(maybe cuz I'm a new student?)
@@sejalmehta7693 maybe you are just more different than the majority of the people around you, if that is the case please don't change yourself just to fit in believe me right people will come
@@user-ni5ck6sf9o thank you,I won't change myself just because of some people.
1. Don't bother others with sounds that make them uncomfortable
- e.g. burbing, cracking knuckles, scratching plate while eating, chewing mouth open (smacking lips)...
2. Don't talk too much. Try get to the point and spare the details.
- (Would be better to avoid excuses as well)
3. Show no judgement toward controversial opinions of others.
- People are more willing to share stuff with you when they don't fear your judgement.
The last one, I think sometimes it's important to draw a line when it comes to certain topics.
Example, my friend bashes people of my opinion but when I confront her about it, she thinks I'm all the negative things she says about people who think like I do.
However, I found a person that is with her way of thinking, but I can actually draw a line with this girl because she's understanding.
Sometimes, it's important to talk about those things, even if it sacrifices someone's respect.
I agree that nobody should be judgemental.
These are some vailid tips. Still I do not accept a racist or sexist. I'd rather be alone then having to talk to people with such a dumb believe system. Been there, done that and I honestly don't see, why I should accept someone, who isn't even able to accept other people, just because they look different. Doesn't make sense to me.
Ur clearly the ignorant one then.
I think the third mistake is the most important one. It doesn't matter whether we think the controversial opinion is right or not, but no one wants to be friends with someone who judges them over what they think (even calling them racist, homophobic, etc.) rather than understand why they think the way they do. It doesn't mean you can't tell them they're wrong, but be more open minded and ask them why first.
Just because I understand why someone is racist, doesn't mean I cannot take issue with it and either try to address it/get to the root of it and help them change it, choose to accept it, or just leave the friendship. All are valid options. I don't think you should have to be friends with anyone, let alone someone who has views your find deeply problematic. There is a different between being obnoxious and rude about a difference in views, and being gracious and curious but also clear in your honest thoughts and the issues with certain views. So I certainly agree!
It’s one thing to have a different opinion than someone on controversial issues like immigration, where you can argue about whether it’s right to grant people safety at the cost of stressing your own country’s economy.
It’s a different thing entirely for someone to believe “these people are less than me because they are black/gay/trans etc.” that’s not a different opinion. That’s a fundamentally different sense of morality. If you can’t accept someone for the way they were born, then I’m not going to accept you
I don’t care that somebody is homophobic because that’s the way they were taught to be. They can think for themselves. So they should learn to be a better person and understand other groups rather than insisting we put up with their hate towards them
@@Kerosiin well said!! I dont care why the person is bigoted or whatever in the first place, we're in 2023, also I've unlearned my own racism and my homophobia a long time ago. Potential "friends" shouldn't be the ones to teach or understand bigots that what they believe isn't right. They're grown as hell, they chose to think that way.
he literally said "i dont mind if someone is racist or sexist." thats literally just being a bad person who is so pathetically immoral that they won't even mind if their friend is a bigot because they have no standards with who they associate with. if he was a black woman or someone directly affect by these issues he would not be saying this. kind of ironic isnt it?
@@daisywilliams2551 No because I literally had to rewind because I thought I heard him wrong. Bro really said not to get triggered by racism like wtf
The fact that this guy is helping so many, creating a positive impact in their lives for so many years... We're just so lucky!
“I don’t mind if someone’s a racist, a sexist” uhhhh
When you say "I don't care if you're a racist", I don't consider myself overly PC by any means but if somebody is being openly racist or some other big heavily sensitive thing that I'm against, I wouldn't care to know that person more generally. MAYBE I'd like to know why they think that way (ie, the "Tell me more") but the fact that they think that way would definitely subconsciously generate some judgement towards them
I guess my question is
"You're open to making friends with anyone regardless of their beliefs/actions/how they are?"
and also
"How do you eliminate the judgement that I'm sure 99% of people would have if you disagree on this big belief?"
Like it's not the same as you liking chocolate and me liking vanilla, ya know
@@ImprovementPill ah well making a scene is something I don't struggle with. I'd generally just be like "ah okay. I'ma go talk to my friend over there now. see ya" and think "fuck that guy" when leaving
@@homerdough5389 he's not saying racism is cool or anything like that. He used that as an extreme to make a point. It's the implication that's important. He's saying that you should have an open mind and at least learn why people are the way they are. As in, don't dismiss people or their beliefs by default or at face value. You aren't gonna make that person not a racist by being an asshole to them. You aren't gonna change anyone's mind on anything at all by being hateful or judgemental to them.
Tldr: You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.
For real, I do not want someone who has that personality type. It is impossible for me to understand the logic of accepting racism casuall
Great to see you returning to Yt. These tips were pretty interesting and insightful on why people seem to struggle on forming friendships. I know people meme things like this, but it’s necessary as most people nowadays don’t know how to form deep, meaning relationships thanks to excessive use of social media and mobile devices. Hopefully, more people watch videos like these and seek help to learn these skills, so that their social skills will grow.
I feel like I’m just quiet and don’t know what to say or ask to make people open up ahaha or I get anxious being friendly to people, as if I expect them to hurt me or something
1. Annoying sounds/movements
2. Talking too much
3. Getting triggered
You're welcome 😁
The first one made me anxious bc I have a very mild cold and have been learning my throat and sniffling for the past few days omg
I really enjoy your channel. I love the psychology aspect of it and it may not be a fix for whatever someone may be going through but getting them to have introspection as to the different causes of their situation is really cool. Keep doing you and prosper!
I totally agree!
Where have you been, I didn't need this video but I was just glad to see your uploads and learn more.
Finally, been waiting for this kind of video, much appreciated Richard!.
5:19 idk, man. Seeing someone be in a conversation with a bigot and acting neutral about it is a HUGE red flag. He mentions how onlookers will perceive that choice positively, but in my experience, if you see someone who "doesn't mind if somebody is a racist, sexist, etc," it's an immediate turn-off from interacting with that person. Very few friends worth having want to get friendly with a racism-enabler.
I can see how you would think that outside looking in. But in reality, you wouldn't view the person talking to the racist as bad, you'd view the racist as bad.
Of course context is also important, but there's nothing wrong with wanting to know why a person is the way they are. I'm not condoning racism or any of that. I'm just saying that we can't change people's mind about it by being dickheads to them.
Agreed. Let them know that's rude/unaccepted. You're not his/her therapist. No need to ask "Why do you think so?" 'cuz you'll only hear some old-school cliche excuses.
@@eugenyara assumptions like that are why stereotypes and racism exist in the first place.
@@Primal_Echo no not really
My man back in action!!!
THANK YOU!!! I cannot stand people who chew with their mouths open. Drives me insane
I LOVE YOU PHIL!! ❤️ THANK YOU FOR MAKING A NEW VIDEO WITH THE BEE 🐝 FRIEND COURSE!
Nothing is worse than the sound of someone’s teeth hitting the utensil when they put the food in their mouth.
My school started 🥹🥲 I needed this 🤌🏻🌟 Sending Love From introverted Indian🥰
Great points and topic, thank you for the video!
I love your series omg 😭 it’s rlly helping
Thank-you I needed this
You Are My Life Coach, Thanks A lot.
literally PERFECT timing
I can’t keep eye contact when talking to my teacher really.. I feel uncomfortable
Your 2nd point hits hard, I've always been told i am a long winded person.
Love watching your videos.
People talk to me a lot. But my social skills are so bad that after some time they stop because they probably think I don’t like them. I just never know what to say…
Most of the time they stop after the first interaction. Because I am so strange at social skills it’s like a foreign concept to me…
I need to work on it.
Thank you pill
Great work thank yoU
nice one ip!!
now I'm scared to talk to people 😭😭😭 but I learned a lot, thanks!
In our neighborhood there are some people are always avoided by literally everyone , because of the second reason which is talking so much , it's rather ridiculous how easy it is to get avoided
early, great content as always mr. Improvement Pill 💯💯🔥🔥
Tomorrow is my first day of school, thank you so much for this i needed it
I sniffle all the time because of allergies I can’t help it 😭
You should try some type of moisturizing cream that is suitable for use in the nostrils. I had the same problem as you and it changed my life
@@dagarou I’ll try that thank you so much :)
I came for the advice, stayed for the art style
i like people that talk alot bc then i can react to it instead of leading the conversation from the start
Finally 😁 Seen u off for long 🐱 Great stuff ☺️
1:33 so thats why "excuse me" is so important.
I would recommend "Whit Right: Meeting with the enemy" (documentary) on how to approach someone with differing views
"Never get TRIGGERED!"
looks at twitter:
Simplest terms, be neurotypical.
thanks
Nobody knows me. Of course I am going to be avoided. Nobody is going to just go up to a stranger and say, "Greetings and felicitations. I am Jane Doe of Toronto. Nice to meet you. What is your name?"
This is not elementary school. It simply will not happen.
I don't do any of these but I still don't have friends lol
Very good as always. Thanks
I have a question I want to ask, are you draw all these paintings yourself? They're very cool.
I'm early, now i don't know what to do
Watch the video and like the video then leave
Get the free skillshare!
Thanks in advance
Please make a video on avoiding about others thinking and speak confidentiality in crowd. Please I request you bro!!!
i do a lot of these things, thanks
at this point.. i don't even care who leaves my life anymore... they all come and gooo... idc
taking notes
I’m a college student and I literally think that “Hey, let’s be friend!” Works, help me lol
All of these things can be improved upon by being more mindful of other people's perspectives.
Just adding a little empathy to your interactions can go a really long way. Sacrificing your sense of self-importance to be a part of the whole of the interaction. Of course, you want to do this genuinely, not just out of the need for people to like you; so that you maintain a healthy expression of value in yourself.
your videos are genius but the hardest part is not applying them, its remembering them xD
Let's goooo! New vid
So wait, it's somehow MY problem that younger people have the attention span of the average goldfish?
@@ImprovementPill it's not healthy to change yourself for others, some people like you some people don't that's life where all different what's the point in trying to make everyone like you it's toxic
I’m sorry but if someone have racist remarks I won’t fake that I’m interested in them. Or he better have an EXCELLENT reason for it.
Nice bro
I'm just commenting cuz apparently this stuff helps you guys out
That third one hit me hard
I went travelling with someone who got annoyed with me eating with my mouth closed..
To be honest, I don't mind people avoiding me. Cause I'm not interested in them either
Do u really believe in that?
@@henriqueserra3233 I do. Do you think it's a wrong thing?
Noo, not wrong, just sounds unrealistic...
If men avoid you, then women will probably avoid you too, witch means you will not have a relationship and you are not going to feel well.
The same thing applies if you are a woman.
@@novassss5216 and yet. That's not worthy of my attention.
I Check the every box this video gives me, and im bitching about myself to myself why dont i have friends. I need to change myself fr
5:22 um, personally I do mind if someone is racist. That's not someone I want to be friends with lol. And if someone outwardly shows that they’re racist, and you still befriend them, then I think I know why you don't care. What the hell kind of friends do you have?
hey, he's back
Aayoooooo great vid
Now i am unsure about if its the sound that annoys or the memory of our parents when they told us to. avoid it. Because i ve heard in some countries its a sign of respect for the cook.
I don't agree with the third mistake. Sometimes if your friend says something wild and you try and educate them but they keep doing it, that's a no go. Why put yourself in a situation where they feel comfortable being a shitty human?
I partly don't agree with the third mistake as well. But I can see that it works because I know a lot of people with controversial opinions and I just want to know why the f they believe it. Nevertheless, I think it is important to distant you from people like them for the sake of your sanity XD
Dankeschön
You are so bold yet so brave for pointing out that last mistake CAUSE OH BOY SO MANY PEOPLE DO THAT ONE!
According to the third mistakes,
We shouldn't be agigated if the our peers have controvercial opinion against our belief, so that we can deeper the relationship. But instead of not get ourselves agitated by those comments, what if we distant ourselves from those people ?
Is it a bad idea ?
Btw cmiiw,
And I'm still learning english, so please excuse for any error
I don't agree with the third mistake. Sometimes if your friend says something wild and you try and educate them but they keep doing it, that's a no go. Why put yourself in a situation where they feel comfortable being a shitty human?
Personally, I'm very prideful of my opinions on topics. And when I'm talking to someone who has a different opinion about a subject than I do, it's really hard for me to not ask them why they don't think like I do about it. And obviously it's hard for me to remain curious about why they view it. Hence deep relationship with person crushed. 😢
\
i clear my throat not because i WANT to but because i have acid reflux that causes throat irritation and post nasal drip. if i dont clear it i will end up choking on it, which would be even MORE annoying. ive been on every acid medication and treatment out there, been to multiple doctors, had cameras stuck down my throat and i still cant get it fully under control.
I am alone🙂
Yep i always, talk too much but i rather say too much than having 1 word answers that leads to nothing, and seems more like a questionary rather than a conversation
BIGGEST MISTAKE IN THIS WORLD IS # 1 Poor personal hygiene , smelling foul/bad/disgusting !
nice video omg
I like that you don't judge people :)
@@ImprovementPill I think the same! :D
Your channel is seriously awesome. I always sit back with my thoughts pad and jot down the really, really important bits. But man the third reason, while being super important about most things, doesn’t make a lot of sense to me. Specifically the part where you said you don’t mind racists and sexists. You approach them with curiosity. To me, racism is nothing to be curious about. Sure I’ve asked myself “where did racism originate?” Or “why does one race tend to believe they’re better than another?” But that’s the extent of it. If some neo-nazi out in public is harassing another demographic, in my opinion, you don’t react with curiosity, you react by removing the person from the situation. I just wanted to know your thoughts on that. But as always, I love your videos, they’ve helped me immensely and I hope your day is going well.
Cant help if i need to cough or clear my throat wtf
Hey improv pill, many thanks for your videos, they really help me a lot as an introvert trying to make friends in college. :)
I have a question, if I may, its just, how do you become more fun? Like, Im quiet and serious around some friends, because they are always making jokes and having fun conversations and I just dont know how to contribute or join them. So, how do you develop that skill? Im having a hard time making someone, especially girls, smile or laugh.
Hi, I want to see this question answered so I’m mainly responding to help the algorithm :)
But I’ll share what helped me with my self esteem in regards to being fun. I stopped worrying about it too much and just tried to have a good time. This works if you’re in a large group, and the general mindset for me is that I needn’t always contribute to the “fun”, just enjoy it. Then the jokes just come out naturally, and they’re not forced.
However, in a small group, I’m not really sure what to do. I personally do the same thing, just enjoying the fun that the others provide, however I’m not sure if I always want that. So I’ll leave someone else to hopefully respond to this :)
Edit: also don’t overthink, nobody is gonna judge a silly mistake, just laugh it off and it will be fine. This is important and I can’t believe I forgot to mention it
Use overexaggeration to your advantage, and make goofy remarks. For example: one of your friends says "that busdriver looked very angry at us", just exxagerate and say "yeah, he looked like he was ready to jump off his seat and beat us with his bare fists". They might overexaggerate aswell and say "I think he was ready to pull out a hammer" and stuff like that. Just make up some bizarre stuff, use your fantasy. It might lead to some funny made up stories about how the bus driver is an alien, sent to earth to elliminate you guys. (Girls really enjoy this type of humour btw)
Apart from that, just learn to not give a shit. Easier said than done, but just practice saying and doing things that you want to say and do, instead of holding back. Be socially free. Joke around, show genuine interest in other people and laugh with eachother.
Hope this helps. Best of luck!
@@octavianu8 Thank you, I appreciate your feedback!
@@jobzeelenberg5900 Thank you :) ľll try doing that, seems like good advice.
@@ImprovementPill Thanks you so much! A video on this topic would be greatly appreciated :)
Each video i watch on this channel the more i hate myself and don't want to talk to anyone. It's just to much effort.
I want improvement pill to do a fight between bee friend coarse and how to be dangerous video of far from weak .
Got all the signs 😎
I today avoided an old lady
Bt watching videos and not actually interacting with people never rlly gonna help us😩
just be attractive bro and none of this matters
racism is not just some controversy.. i guess why one would think that if they're white, but it's not.
Feel like these are all shots at me 😭
people...leave it my friends nd classmates do ignore me like I'm invisible to them but it's only bc of lack of communication..that's my weak point as a student at campus. literal a fkk to this campus.
Sounds n movements are real in terms of pet peeves - embedded in a lot without their knowledge
It touches my heart, thank for your video, i really into it
I think I don't talk enough and when I do people tend to ignore me.
I usually ask a lot of questions but maybe I give the wrong impression...
How do I overcome this?
Why people avoid me:
1. I'm white in an asian school
What to do when I can't sleep? Watch improvement pill