I am 35 now, have been single my whole life. I don't have close friends or any friends who care. In recent years I started solo travel and solo shopping. Eating alone and watching movies alone have been the norm. Sometimes when the feeling of loneliness hits, it's really painful.
then why don't you make friends or a bf/gf? I don't really see the point of being single if loneliness is painful edit: alright I thought being a loner was one's choice, then my question is have you asked someone out on a date or just to hang out to befriend them? Just do it at least once a week till you find someone. If you don't that's your choice
Please take care of yourself. It's hard, but try to make friends. It's easier said than done. But I wish you can find someone who can stay by your side.
Thank you, narrator, for emphasizing that social media followership does not equate to friendship. This was a HUGE issue starting with Facebook. People felt a sense of accomplishment when they shared how many people followed their page, or the theme, or their ideas but it means nothing. Social media is social distancing.
"Social media is social distancing." That is profound. The Internet was advertised as a way to connect people and bring them closer together. Instead it has had the opposite effect. Now people can have "friends" in Germany, Australia and South Africa but not know their next-door neighbor's name.
The irony of being in a place packed full of people but yet still being alone. Like stranded in an Ocean, "Water, water everywhere, and not a drop to drink"
... and so I shed tears to try to fill my empty cup, but to find the cup is a bottomless void (just thought of adding to the poetic feelings I got from your quote)
Only for males, in case of females its their own decision. If you have an love partner who is fairly normal, its more than enough to not be lonely. Girls in video, if they are even average looking, will get showered with men on dating apps like Tinder. So dont give them any support, its their own decision.
@@tsarrite sure, i cant feel sorry for female side of Japanese population, since they can be showered with attention on dating apps, average girl can get date every week with different guy that is interested in knowing her. So, for female side, its about their own choice to be lonely + being spoiled
if you want to grow as a person, you should try doing things that are out of your comfort zone. You already know the problem, now its up to you if you want to change it. Remember, nothing worth anything great is easy to do.
Ever since surviving 3 years of homelessness all alone, abandoned by everybody, I've grown accustomed to being my own companion, it's bittersweet... very enlightening, but with depression, the pain is somehow more excruciating than when I was homeless.
i strongly believe in favoring the young people the old ones have to pave the way. my mother did it with me and i do it with my kids. the mother being okay with him not studying for his future is insane to me.
If you mother left your dad, if she break up with him, or divorce him, let her suffer and move on. If your father left or die then take care of her. Consequences are necessary in life to stop foolish indulgent choices.
It's often expected in Asian family that if you hire a care giver instead of taking care of your parents that you are unfilial, and also it's costly to hire a caregiver and the sick parents can also reject it So if your parents need long term care, its ruin the career and restrict the life choices of their children.. they find it impossible to find a wife and marry as their partner may not want to take care of their sick parents also. You find it impossible to travel also.
I'm a fifty year old man and as I got older I became more a lone wolf who likes to do my own thing. I have zero friends now, just people I say hello to here/there, but there is no one close to discuss things with and that is how I like it. At school/college/uni I was of the popular kids but in my late 20s I'd had enough of my circle of friends as it was a fake/boring life revolving around bars/pubs and I'd had my fill, it was time to move on. I've worked remotely for years and I do not miss the hassle of commuting nor the mind numbing office politics nonsense and people wanting to bore me stupid telling me about what they did at the weekend. I spend my free time climbing/bouldering, cycling or walking in the countryside where I can switch off from the rat race and the one up man ship that goes with it. So to all the younger ones on here, understand that life isn't a one size fits all and that happiness isn't just having lots of friends or being a couple as I've known plenty of people in loveless relationships/marriages. Enjoy your short time on this planet (time really does fly), don't try and compete with others as it will tire you out and be aware you will evolve as an individual and your likes/dislikes will change. Spend time enjoying nature and appreciating all that is around you, be more in the moment I guess and for Gods sake put the likes of Instagram/TikTok etc to one side as it is complete and utter drivel! If you can afford it, make an effort to see different parts of the world or if that is financially not possible explore different parts of the city or country you live in and don't make an itinerary, just take a left or right and see what you find. Go and explore and allow yourself to be surprised and impressed.
Same here and actually I don't miss the many friendships I had as a young dude. My life has become much calmer now that I don't have to socialize with someone or having to take care of other peoples problems. I have social contacts in my job and that's enough for me.
"Women in their 20's are the loneliest" They're the only ones who are so forward about it. You think 20 year old dudes are gonna be telling anyone they are lonely? Like anyone would care? Dudes ain't sharing feelings like that, they just bury themselves in hobbies, work or worse things until they figure it out or die.
Very sad, but 100% true. People don't really care if you're a random average guy so why even bother complaining about it if it's not gonna change anything?
@@GoldenSW Exactly. And then, when you do let your guard down with someone you believe to be worth it, they either make it about themselves, mock you or placate you and throw it back at you later. Best just to not do anything at all. It's funny cause in this in-action tends to prove that there's really no bad outcomes to things. You suffer through it. The sad outcome is suicide, and that's all too often happening, but a lot of men who go through suffering find their way through solo.
@@TurboBass women choose to be lonely. Any woman even a 1/10 can find a boyfriend today. It is women causing the loneliness epidemic around the world actively chosing only to date the top 5-10% of men at best. The result is those dudes just pump and dump because they have access to literally all women while the rest of guys get nothing. Its a vicious cycle that can never be overcome. Couples will not form anymore birthrates will collapse everywhere in the modern world.
The way I got myself out of being lonely is simple: I forced myself into uncomfortable situations where I HAD to interact with people. I've failed more times than I can count, but I've also gained some lifelong friends along the way. I'm a solitary person by nature and I enjoy being alone, but I recognize that I need socialization in order to be a functional person in society. As much as I like being alone, I don't like being an inactive person; I can't afford to be one. Long and short of it? Get out there and do something, anything. If you fail, do it again. Don't make the same mistakes. If you fail again, keep trying. At the end of the day, you either let the darkness win or you fight back and become stronger.
Yea, what people these days do not realize is that friendship takes effort and most importantly, you become uncomfortable with people if you do not talk to people because you try to control the situation at all times. This happens because when you are alone, you are able to control everything you do but in conversations, it doesn't work that way. So it becomes uncomfortable and awkward for people who don't talk to others. So the tip is, you gotta make the effort and talk to others. I call it pushing the social anxiety barrier. Practice it like you build muscle or exercise. The comfort level will go up and down depending on how much you interact with others. You will become uncomfortable again if you don't interact for some time but that's normal. It's just like muscle. If you don't use it, it's difficult to have strength. But if you go back at it, you realize it's not so bad and it doesn't kill you. So get out there and start pushing the anxiety boundary!
@@tommytomas-fr3sh if you can be vulnerable and find and give emotional support to eachother instead of just surface level fun socializing, and have a healthy balance, you're never going to be as lonely with friends as without. but you have to know what you want out ot friendships too, and have a healthy way to communicate that without scaring people off
I am Gen-x and I have housed my girlfriends teenage kids for the last 5 years. They are brilliant lads and I have no complaints. But their lives are spent entirely on the internet. They don't go out. None of their friends go out either. Lives are "virtual" today and it's not healthy.
@@halleffect5439 it has nothing to do with that. Go, check and read about Calhoun "Mouse Utopia" experiment. People in well developed countries have it too good. Young folk have possibilities to meet and contact new people, problem is their attitude and psyche. Do You know that proverb? Easy come, easy goes. It's easy to get to know someone and it's even easier to cut the contact and ghost somebody. Young people care so much about their and other appearance that they don't even care about character, discovering more about other person. They are emotionally disconnected from others. Most of the time attitude towards women (simps, white knights, cucks) increases this problem. Majority of men ends up alone and lonely cuz young women care about dating/sleeping with the most handsome/wealthy/famous 10-5% of men (from the top) and don't even see others. It's not that women are lonely and alone cuz nobody is interested in them, its usually that fellas SHE is interested in, aren't interested in her :) This is not "generation Z, X" or whatever they want to call it. It's "lost generation" and it will be only worse. Young women will only realise how they were screwed over by all the feminist, woke a gendas right after they will hit 30 and still they will only blame men for their own decisions.
Gen X in Japan here. It's something I also deal with on a daily basis with students - family less so. Kids are attentive until they get to glue themselves to a screen at the first opportunity... and it's a shame to watch. That being said, it's not for a lack of being active. It's more a case of being willfully distracted by a cheap gimmick, trend or moment.
Well, true, but what they're talking about here is that, but to a much more extreme and unhealthy degree. Too much of anything isn't healthy. I would agree with you in the sense that, I'd argue that too much extraversion is actually way more unhealthy.
The people we meet are largely inauthentic, not necessarily because they're maliciously deceptive but rather because everybody is so deeply afraid of not being accepted for who they are. I've found that a huge barrier to establishing connection is an unwillingness to be vulnerable that stems from influences like social media and popular culture that teach us to compare ourselves to others and that being our innately imperfect human selves isn't acceptable. You can't connect without vulnerabiltiy, but the message we're constantly bombarded with is that opening up isn't safe. We're just as alike as we are different but instead of rejoicing in our similarities and celebrating our uniqueness, we stay afraid of each other lest we should be misunderstood.
In some places, such as in the bible belt of US, it is religion that is isolating people because they hate on anyone "different" or outside of the societal norm. I've never felt so alone as when I have lived in the southern US.
This is especially an issue with people who had some traumatic experience with people. I think exercising vulnerability is good. Leave the toxic people and just be yourself and meet those who are okay.
I've tried being authentic. Problem is I don't know who the "real" me is. That's when I realized that there is no real you. Every social circle you have sees you in a different way. In some, I'm seen as the talkative guy, in others as the shy introvert who rarely says anything. Humans are social chameleons, we might have a core personality but its social manifestation is never the same.
To be fair, no one should expect authenticity at first meeting. The first few times you meet someone, it should be polite until you know who the person is. Authenticity takes multiple meetings to gain trust and figure out boundaries. You shouldn't be vulnerable on day one, that is how you end up getting stalked and shoved into someone's car trunk. If you want to reach 'authenticity' faster, you use the friend-of-a-friend method to expand friend circles. You have one friend who has already vetted you and if they introduce you to their friends, there is by default some credibility already built.
This concept of solo katsu is very accurate even outside of Japan. In China, we have restaurants aimed at single customers where there would be dividers (stalls or rooms even) between each customer. I think I've also seen an anime-themed one where they decorate each stall according to different anime shows. Personally, I really like this concept because it feels peaceful eating alone, and I do need that time often. Being alone feels painful sometimes, but I also enjoy it when I need a break from all the chaos in society.
As someone who got backstabbed many times by friends and loved ones, I can understand why some people have trust issues and prefer to be alone. But it comes to a point where you will feel lonely at times and you wanted the human companionship. You give yourself another chance and find new friends, but soon to realise they are not your true friends. No one really cares about you. It's a harsh world out there
Social Media is bad... like really bad. It shows you mostly rainbow and makes you envy with others, hence disatisfied with your own life. Always remember that people rarely shares bad moments in social media.
I can relate a bit. In the past, when you are alone, you are forced to go outside and somehow you got "adopted" by that extremely extrovert and then you make relation. Today, there is just fewer activity for together, most modern activities can be done alone or simply online. And yeah... sometimes I hope I can share my activity with others, I am glad that I still have my little sister and parents to share with.
@@rokko_fableYup. The level of narcissistic behavior, materialism, infidelity, arrogance - you name it. Studies show all the worst human traits have skyrocketed since social media became a thing.
As a 24 year old West African Black man myself born and raised in the United States who grew up with West African immigrant parents from Ghana, I was always quite different from most people that I knew in school so I just kept to myself for the most part. I have always been a lifelong nerd ever since I was 2 years old and I have always been obsessed with video games, everything Nintendo, anime, and manga. My half Vietnamese childhood best friend to this day ever since I was 2 and he was a baby has always been my main friend outside of my family since I am extremely close to my mother with me being a lifelong momma’s boy. I also am close to my older sister. Although I do get very lonely at times I have fully embraced being single for the rest my life until my death if that is what life has for me, because at least as a quiet person I won’t have to worry about anyone picking a fight with me over random things so I find lifelong peace in my solitude.
I feel bad for these people. I prefer to be alone - I hang out with the few friends I have, maybe once or twice a year. For the longest time I tried emulating the "social" lifestyle, but I found it draining and lead to a lot of dissatisfaction. It took quite a lot of personal searching until I realized I would rather make things by myself, than interact with others. But I also understand the emotional pain caused by not being able to find what you long for internally.
I am a 50s Japanese. The japanese adults I saw when I was a child had completely different values. Usual japanese in 1970s had friends, and liked to do something with friends and share with others. Just like Chinese people today. Young people in Japan today have little contact with older people and little empathy. Many of them shut themselves away in a world of delusions to avoid being hurt. They are the descendants of old japanese people without a doubt and grew up in Japan, but they may not be the successors of Japanese culture and value.
It is possible they are less empathetic because no one is showing them empathy? Even your comment is cruel. Why listen to an old person if they are just saying mean things?
Its an issue everywhere and it’s because online dating and social media has skyrocketed womens standards into oblivion. Roughly 60% of japanese men are perma virgin incels if we don’t count prostitution as real sex then it‘s probably more like 80%. The issue is the same everywhere while the bottom 80% of men are either virgins or luck out once in a decade there isn’t a single woman that is single or didn’t have sex in the last 12 month. The top 10% of Chads all have a bodycount of 10+ mathematically proving that they simply have sex with 100% of the women while most men get nothing. This obviously causes loneliness and this problem will never be overcome unless women chose to stop getting pumped and dumped by exclusively the top 10% of dudes.
@@Rainer125looks like the majority of men is sorted out by natural selection. How would one break through this process, when it's a function immanent to the human species?
Thank you for mentioning less full-time and more irregular work! This makes me feel so financially insecure that I never consider going outside and having to spend money that I might need in case of emergencies like medical expenses etc.
A lot of videos about loneliness lately but no one really talks about how economic factors are clearly creating adversarial relationships between people; when things are rough and everyone is living on the edge, everyone is competition
we cant talk about that because questioning capitalism makes you a communist and a communist is essentially satan, i mean, they use red and stuff. we are only allowed to fight amongst eachother for the scraps and sometimes they pull a few of us up as to keep the rest of us under the illusion that there's some sort of light at the end of the tunnel in the way we setup our societes now
careful, you are 2 steps away from blaming neoliberalism and even capitalism ! (therefor becoming a woke leftism and being ridicule according to most of the internet).
Every doc about Japan & loneliness among youngsters in rich countries r always beating around the bush. They will blame the youngsters too but won’t talk about the elephant in the room that is this gen has no money to buy a home or think of starting a family…them r!ch have created conditions under which the rest can no longer reproduce they wanted us to go in a humane way.
Every doc about Japan & loneliness among youngsters in rich countries r always beating around the bush. They will blame the youngsters too but won’t talk about the elephant in the room that is this gen has no money to buy a home or think of starting a family…them rich have created conditions under which the rest can no longer reproduce they wanted us to go in a humane way.
This is not just a Japanese problem or South Korean problem is becoming a worldwide problem. Social media has allowed people to distance from each other and have indirect communications in place of direct communication. Also many societies have embraced a form of cynicism where we see other people as a threat or a problem or an issue, and we do not even give each other the benefit of the doubt, the excuse being that I give somebody the benefit of the doubt they can hurt me if you go through life like that, you will never know anybody you will never have any interactions you walk around with angry miserable look on your face. The reason I put it this way is because in my city in upstate New York I noticed that a lot of people are always alone all the time and they always look super angry and that’s not normal.
It seems that one of the biggest cause is technology which allows one to easily connect with people but also easily disconnect from them on a slight hint of discomfort or conflict. While in the past it is not easy to cut people off thus people learn to tolerate each other and handle conflicts, allowing connection to grow stronger.
I know people that are in couple and that when they have conflicts they try to solve them by text messages. Because it is easier than communicating face to face with the other. Technology has made that. But, solving conflicts with text message is the worst communication channel you could use. It gives place to a lot of interpretations that cannot be easily adressed and most of the time it worsen the conflict. Virtual communication has worsen our communication skills. I would say when you communuicate virtually it is often more "superficial". I feel people have harder time to communicate in person on an authentic level with active listening and caing for wht the other say and express emotions.
I was alone before social media was a thing. I'm alone now. Before, I had no one to talk to. Now I have strangers I'll never see again. It's better than nothing.
37. I've been in a state of loneliness for 10+ years. I wish I could meet someone and connect, even if it was only for a little bit. They don't have to be younger.
I wish they would show a documentary like this on Japanese TV. Instead, they only show superficial programs and ignore controversial topics. In Japan, if you don’t talk about a problem, it doesn’t exist.
NOT only in Japan. it happens EVERYWHERE! you see it a lot in the USA also.... its called "swept under the rug". THIS is a SHARED PROBLEM around the world... if we just make it "their" problem... its never going to be solved.
However, once you open the can of worms, it eventually becomes America. Nonstop egoistical nonsense. Specific topics must be tackled with extreme cautions and care.
It was when i enjoyed my time alone and when i loved myself when i met the love of my life. I think we attract more people when we are happy with ourselves. Hope more people can experience the same someday
Very true, I've personally seen many people trying to find fulfilment through other people and that majorly always end in misery and sadness. First, be happy by yourself and construct an environment you're ok with. You will eventually attract people like you naturally that way.
I hope to be in your shoes one day.. I've been lonely for a long time but I'm at a point in my life where I'm actually starting to feel it. Even then, I stick to my belief that it's better to be alone than to force inauthentic friendships. May I have the bravery to put myself out there a little more and maybe life will guide me towards my people..
After watching this video and reading the comments i feel so much better because im not the only one feeling this way. Its odd because i had tons of "friends" growing up but so many were fake and backstabbed first opportunity. Never had a gf longer than a year and my sister tried to hook me up once but i dont know how to be cool or funny. Ive found that "nice" guys like me get trampled over so im hesitant to date which causes this perpetual loneliness! I wish all of the people in these comments could become friends and we could support and help each other. I hope everyone here no matter where youre from finds friends love and happiness.
the thing about technology is, people often forget that those who live through the invention of such technologies, use it to complement their daily lives. but those who are born into it, live and build their whole lives around it, as if their lives are dependent on it.
"Aya" has such a soothing voice I could feel myself relax just from hearing her speak. I hope the freedom she yearns for eventually locates her. She sounds like a (fallen) angel
The West is increasingly heading in the same direction: 'Don't double text'! Asking for hug? 'You're too needy and co-dependend!' Feeling like your partner shouldn't hang out all the time with someone of the other sex alone? 'You're controlling!' etc. Extreme individuality will result in mass loneliness and depression. Well done!
Actually, Japan got this way by demanding that you don't have individuality. Bravery and individualism go hand in hand, and to go out an meet new people requires that kind of simple individuality. An overemphasis on fitting in and being part of the group, and not being an individual (Japanese society) seems to have resulted in these kind of scenarios such as the hikkikomori syndrom.
I've been fighting depression, Dysthymia, anxiety and chronic loneliness since I was around 10 years old. Over the years I managed to find my voice - literally, as a VA - and as a mental health advocate. I feel really strongly about the issue in Japan, not because it's a Japan-only issue, but I think it's so extreme over there... Wish I could do something to help. Documentaries like this one are so important. So thank you.
Im alone for over 20 years now, with 0 friends or any connections the last 10 years. Im so used to it, that i even cant imagine to change this. So my advice, dont wait too long if you want to change. At some point it becomes impossible.
I don't depend on others for socializing. People just let you down. I've lived this solo katsu style for over 15 years. I lived in Japan for 9 years too, and Japan is designed for this solo katsu style. I love Japan for that. Learning to be alone, but not feel lonely is the best thing you can do for yourself.
Yup. There are two types of humens , Those who feel lonely and those who don't feel lonely but complete and don't need another to stimulate his existence.
I have friends who always take very beautiful selfies .. have thousandsssss of likes etc on their Instagram and stuffs... They are not unattractive people... But they are lonely. It's really weird as it would seem like they are well loved and have many friends. It's a really weird world we are living in right now. The world is sick.
Lern Basic psychology. Most of us (i’m not live in Japan) grown up in dysfunctional family. Nowdays people can looking for help and use psychoteraphy ❤
It is the peak of capitalism. Fake wealthy nations. One ultra rich people and 9 poor people isnot a rich country. People today, mostly, over work to get so little money, we are no longer have time to really socialize, to really enjoy our hard work. We got very less money with our hard work. Payment after payment. We broke. We left alone, just to save our own life. Everybody for himself now.
I just returned from Japan a couple of days ago after visiting there for the first time. One of the first things my wife and I both noticed was that nobody was communicating with each other. Everyone was face deep in their phones and hardly looked past their screens (seems to be common all the the world at this point). But there was a major lack of basic communication between people there. At one point, I turned to my wife and said, "I don't know how people build relationships here due to the lack of communication" In the states, you see people (especially the younger generation) go shopping and/or to restaurants with friends, whereas in Japan, i seen a lot of people shopping on their own as well as eating alone I hope the country as a whole can figure out to fix this issue, because Japan is such a beautiful place.
This is called Introversion. Introverts can feel tired just to be in a social context where there is a lot of conversations going on. I am an introvert and only have few friends that I don't see very often. One of my friend is very talkative. I may not place a single word, he could talk without interruption the whole time i am with him. Often I feel exhausted after seeing him just because of that steady chatting he does. And I learned this is tiresome to me because I do active listening. I have developped good memory to retain past conversations. Doing active listening for 1-2-3 hours straight is taking a lot of information and can indeed be exhausting.
@@endlessorbaggins8223 I also think I'm an introvert. I've found that spending too much time talking to people can make you feel forgetful and distracted.
@@chocolatecookie8571 Offering their companionship? Lol, like if a stranger would really care and post in many comments. Probably a bot. If not, then some scammer or religious freak that want to profit from someone "issues". I can't see anyone sane thiking another person in a youtube comment section asking the "do you want to be my friend" is someone honestly searching for a friend.
Some of these "professors" are literally and deliberately perpetuating loneliness, the theories behind it and espousing solutions for something chronically societal, as if it was something they suddenly invented. Truthfully, I am certain they think they did but they are actually part of the problem. I've lived in Japan for over 20 years and have seen more than 99% of you will ever see. I like being alone as well as I like being in social situations - much the same as all normal people. This is not a sweeping generalization as this video claims it to be. On the street, nobody gives a rat's ass about anyone else but themselves in every day situations... and it has ALWAYS been this way. Unless you are one of the rare individuals that happens to actually care about your fellow citizens. Loneliness is not some sort of epidemic - the choice to be alone is great and personal but the problem is that T H I S country demonizes it, since it is a societal norm to be social "when required to be". A LOT of the younger generation have a distaste for and distrust toward the hierarchy Japan has prided itself on for generations. They are sick of the aisatsu, keigo and the nomikai everyone must attend to. Old Japan is on its last legs. Carrying tradition forward is probably just as vexing to these youths as the birth rate is... maybe even more so.
Once you feel comfortable being alone, it becomes more addictive. Being alone means, your mind is not contaminated by society and its a beautiful thing.
@@gintonicx6 i agree. We humans are social beings. While some people might be ok with being soloists, most are just alone because theyre afraid to interact due to many factors. But in an ideal world, if they can be popular or have genuine people around them, i doubt most people would say they would prefer being alone
I'm an American permanent resident of Japan. In my experience and those of the mixed families around me the atmosphere for children can significantly inhibit communication skills. They aren't kidding about "rigid social norms," either. Japan is a very risk-adverse culture. Risks are seen as far more threatening than in almost every other developed country. Starting friendships or even conversations can be difficult for all but the most confident and conversation. My daughter is half-Japanese, and her communication ability - ability to start and maintain a conversation - in English and Japanese are starkly different, even though she's fluent in both languages. She often offers what I call "Japanese excuses" for not doing things with friends: instead of initiating something she considers all of the possible problems that might arise as 10x more significant than they are. In this environment screens become even more attractive and isolating. Many of my university students have stunted communication skills. They claim to be shy, but it's really a lack of experience. It doesn't help that society is still intensely gender-segregated, at least compared to the west. When I was young, in the 70s and 80s, it was unusual for boys and girls to be friends. Young people in the US today are far more likely to have friends of another gender, but in Japan it feels like it's 50 years ago. EDIT: Just to be clear, everyone here knows this, and there are many, many, wonderful people working on this issue. It's just really difficult to work against cultural norms, and it might be another generation before these problems are really dealt with.
Just bear in mind that the psychological age of Japanese is said to be about 13. Most of what you bring up here is beyond their comprehension beyond superficial level
I found this loneliness to be seemly common even amongst North American baby boomers that I know. When my mom and dad were alive, they strived to have many repeated social events (ie: family reunions) amongst all my cousins, aunts and uncles. We all got along and have great times together. When my mom and dad passed, and their sisters and brothers, it seems so many of us became very distant from one another (sisters, brothers and cousins). Many relationships became estranged for minor misunderstandings... or minor disagreements. People lost their ability to be tolerant and patient. I'm in my 60s now, and haven't seen many within my family (and extended family) for a decade or more. I just find it sad.
During my 3 years stay in Japan, the moment I stepped in I quickly realize there's this immense yet hidden social pressure the Japanese society put on you that I, as a foreigner, could even feel at that time. Being seen different is hard and people will indirectly avoid you in social situations and relationships. On top of that, the indirect and harsh judgmental culture also shame people for even doing a slight mistake that will ruin their career forever. Added with social media and internet, they both amplify the problems that already exist for so long, emerged from its own root of the Japanese culture. It's such a shame that the society deemed as collective could turn out into something like this in the postmodern era
Its a beautiful documentary to reflect the effects of loneliness, All I had is tears watching in, Thanks for getting this topic to everyone's notice. ♥
The worst is yet to come in this hyper capitalistic women only wanna date Chads situation. I gurantee you the new trend everywhere will be that women will prostitute themselves to make money to pay to meet Chads in host clubs. This will be the new norm.
@@elanita71 south asia is a populated area. south asia has many people in every country so i think they have friends too. that's why they don't feel alone
I’ve been alone my whole life. I don’t have any friends just work colleagues. I go to work and I come home , I go out by myself and I go travelling by myself. I think I’m quite lucky that I can deal with it quite well because it’s normal for me . I just don’t understand why they don’t open youth clubs clubs that people can go to to get to know each other?
Just can't imagine living without friends and family. I love watching shows on NHK World specially about the work culture, the society, manners etc etc, one thing I have noticed in the programs is the pressure on individuals of "what will the society think about me" if I sit on the train in a different way, if I eat while I walk, if I do not greet the person in a specific way. In most offices you have a hierarchical structure so if your boss is working and I want to leave at 6 pm, what will he think, what will others think. Then there is overworking in office. So i get a sense that an individual is always under a burden, a mental pressure.
Unfortunately, in Japan, you can only go home at 6pm if you're part-time. You're lonely because you're not donating. In Japanese, that's called 給料泥棒salary theft.
I can feel the guy caring for his mom. Only me and my ageing mom were left at home. All of the responsibilities from financial stuff to cleaning were left on me. Good thing is that I'm working from home for most of the days. But also due to this, my social life became almost zero, even mere going out with colleagues became almost impossible. I wish to get into a relationship, but due to many responsibilities at home, I can't even consider it at the moment.
Depending on where you are, there are some government daycare for elderly. You can drop off your mother during office hours, and pick up afterwards. Over there, your mother can find new friends and do some activities. You can take this time for yourself too. Not necessarily everyday, but a few days in a week will be helpful for the elderly parent to meet new people and exercise, and for the caretaker to take a breather
@@dilyaTebyaThere are also programs run by non-profits or church groups which provide respite care. Check with your city or county’s department of aging services.
My friend is similar... But he has had a beneficial solution. He has been active on pen pal app (to not be a shameless marketing, let's just say the app's name means Despacio in Spanish 😅). It's different to real life interaction, yes. But at least he could have plenty of friends while also expanding his horizons about what is happening in the world. You should try it. Perhaps the correspondence there will inspire you to step forward further irl too 🙂🙏🏻
I feel sad watching this. Times of loneliness are expected yet this is eye opening for me. So young not to be enjoying intimacy with trusted friends. This has my head shaking and hadn’t ever considered this could be an issue for a culture
The root cause of this loneliness is the high behavioral benchmark and high cost of living. Small space usually means no room to share with another person and no impetus for production of baby. This force people to look inward and builds a wall around themself.
I never take my homies for granted, life would lose a lot of meaning without my close friends. Grateful to have some of them still after 2 decades and going strong 🙏
Being alone and feeling lonely is two separate things. Being alone is loving the space but still does things normally,just on our own Like me.and I don’t mind random chats with strangers when I’m outside and about But I prefer my own space and time to do my things without being pressured to entertain anyone or follow anyone’s pace.. But I DO love connecting with people who I feel comfortable with. Been like this ever since back when and I’m going to be 42 this August,still happy and contented. Very very rare I get the feeling of lonely cos I do feel if there is someone that understand that’s good if not...oh well Being said that it’s not that nobody wants to be friends with me,just that I love to distance myself unless I find the person comfy Being lonely is always feeling alone or even get depressed and the feeling of needing attention. With that said. Why not we all be lonely together? We can connect and chat be friends. Cos no one will understand the way u are rather than the person who is going the same situation😊
What a horrible idea! Go out darling and meet some REAL people! That's how you make friends. Join some classes,get involved in some conservation work, voluntary work. Anything that puts you in regular contract with real people and puts you in contact with people & places that have greater problems than your own. Good luck!
this world is hell, even when you are married, you are dealing with other set of issues... and wishing for being single....finding an empathetic partner is very important
As a world traveler and as someone who has lived in Japan, I truly believe that Japan is the loneliest country in the world and that many/most Japanese people suffer terribly from loneliness. Japanese people are raised and trained to be part of a group. They identify with their group and they depend on their group for their social and emotional needs and support. Over the past several decades, the connections to groups and friends has eroded and Japanese people have become isolated.
I am always alone, but I rarely feel lonely. The thing is, if you haven't been with anyone for so long, your brain just forgets how it feels to be with someone. I am 31, my aging parents are starting to ask for money. Everytime I call my mother, she blames me for being irresponsible (I have given her lots of money this year, but probably she wants me to call her more often and give money more consistantly). I begin to feel that deep relationship is just source of burden and shackles. So I don't feel too bad for being alone, and I don't envy those that get married. Imagine being with someone and every now and then, she would call you irresponsible.
I too am 35. I never intended to be so independent and do so many things by myself. I haven't had many relationships or anything very long term. My career is very male dominated. My job keeps me busy and there are very little opportunities to meet other potentials unfortunately. I long for meaningful relationships and connections but the hustle and bustle of the world often gets me down. So rather that truly isolate myself i tend to do the things i like such as eating out or seeing movies by myself. The loneliness can be down right crippling some days. I also see the years going by which is discouraging. Just trying my best and surviving. I hope to one day be in a better place. And definitely reciprocate any help I can give to others who experience this crippling loneliness. A meaningful connection could heal any wound and change someone's life.
I hope you’re able to find that special someone and I’m sure you will. I’m in a very female orientated job and I can’t stand them 😂 my bf keeps me sane. I think having a relationship when you’re ready more important than friends in the long run cause you can build a future together.
I'm in the same place as you brother...I'm 43, been married, had and lost a daughter, and for the last decade or so I've been alone, just unable to connect with people...family included. Surviving is not enough. We need to thrive.
Over fifty years ago when I first came to Japan from the USA to study and to eventually end up living here, walking through the airport terminal on that first day, I was astounded by how happy and vital the elderly people appeared to me. I recognized a beauty that I had hardly ever sensed before. Those were the days when families often consisted of the grandparents living with their children and the grandchildren. The grandparents did a lot to keep the household running smoothly, the household chores and much looking after the grandchildren. It was said that the grandchildren might well feel closer to the grandparents than to their own parents, often it was the case that the two direct parents were very busy with work or out running errands, being outside the home much. I believe that this way of living gave a lot of satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment to the elderly people, and much influenced their mental well being, and it helped to keep them young. Now, alas, elderly people often live alone with little family connection or with friends. I try to visit with such people that I know, bring them vegetables that I grow or whatever, or if only to hang out together for awhile. I asked the city office to think about this problem and to create a space where the elderly could congregate and have activities, learn of matters affecting people of their ages, or just go there to relax around other people if only to read the paper or books or listen to music and have something to drink. There could be a garden area that they could maintain, and ideally someone there as a staff person to look after things and perhaps be alert to difficulties that someone was having and be able to offer support. The city office was completely unreceptive to my proposal, was it a lack of funds or they simply considered it more work for them to do? I know that this problem of isolation amongst the elderly is different from what was discussed on this video, but I wonder if there might be a connection to the breakdown of the traditional family atmosphere in Japan, a lack of spiritual strength that could be gained from growing up in such a household, and what young people are currently experiencing with their sense of isolation? The elderly with their long experiences have a lot to offer to young people if there is a means to communicate, if only in the very least it might be a sense of calmness.
Not only in Japan. This voice narrating is also saying in the Philippines my country like the loneliest youth, also in South Korea , America , China, and what else, so on .What a hell. Can you just say . The whole world is now getting individualistic. I will give you my 100 reasons.
The US is far less lonely than Japan. There are shut-ins in every country, but nowhere near on the same scale as Japan. The society in the US fosters more connection, comparatively. Not to say the US is perfect either of course, but it’s definitely not a similar level.
I love people. I cherish every moment listening to them, seeing how unique they are make me happy. People are like flowers, you give them your time and they will blossom! When I was in Japan, as a tourist of course, with my big husband and two talkative kids the only people that would chat with us were the one who visited US or Europe. They were more confident to talk to us because they spoke good English. This happened in Tepia Museum where a young guy (a doctorate degree student) told us he spent some time in Hawaii. Waiting in front of the line to eat katsu lunch (somewhere in Ueno) an older gentleman started chatting with us. He was also in the US, and we had a great one hour long conversation while waiting for a spot in the restaurant. In Nagoya, near Science Museum a lady asked us if we needed help (me checking the map trying to figure out how to get to the nearest shrine) and we spent an hour chatting with her. She also lived in the US. In Kyoto, I met a guy who just wanted to practice his English. Same on Nakasendo trail, an older gentleman was joking that the Japanese bears (who tend to share the trail with hikers) like American meat only! Japanese are the most polite, gentle and hardworking people I have ever met. I wish to go back.
This shows me how important it is to be kind and attentive to others in today's world. How important it is to sometimes just leave our comfort zones and talk to others.
I think at this point its a worldwide epidemic, I'm 28 and have to say adulthood is so lonely however it made me want to travel more and see the world while I still have the strength to do it. I might be trying to compensate my loneliness but I guess its better than nothing
do it man, solo travelling is great. you just go someplace and do whatever you feel like with noone to wait for or coordinate with or any of that. when I'm on holiday is the only time of the year I feel at peace for more than a few minutes
That was a great Episode, also just after returning from my japan trip is also noticed how many people just go out alone. My friend was ill and feeling socially depleted so i compelled myself to go out alone in Osaka and i was expecting others to be there with friends at bars etc. where i went but to my surprise most of them, like 80%, had arrived to those places alone as well. For me it was a fun time since i could connect with others who where out there in the same situation but it also reminded me in what state japan currently is and that it is seem rather normal to go out alone. It also was tough to go out alone for me since this is very uncommon from where i am (germany) but i felt great afte doing so, the people are so nice over there and i feel kinda bad that they struggle to open up to other people. Just living by the idea to live up to the norms of social media is a vicious cycle, i hope it was easier to show those people that they are fine how they are and dont need to meet a certain criteria.
I am a Canadian living in the countryside of Southern Japan. The hardest part of living in Japan is the social isolation. I have lived in Japan for over 14 years and do not have a single friend here.
I'm experiencing what many described in this video. I'm pretty sure it's due to changes inside my gut that are affecting my mental health badly. This has locked me in a painful inner vibe where I am a bother to people, have zero value, therefore I must withdraw and avoid bothering people. I can't not* do this as the inner conviction is overwhelming. Bad mental health is like being locked in a horror movie. You can't easily change your reality - it seems to be brain chemistry - you'll observe it disappearing on its own now and then. I'm grateful to have watched this to see my exact struggles mirrored in others.
Making family is hard thing. Some peoole just need to be forced to get married. Like me and my ex-wife. I was tricked to get married. My wife too. The different was, i can accept the reason why my family force me, but not my wife. She demanded "love". There is no "love" without pain. She keep telling me that she doesnt love me. Something she should say before we got married. After 1 and half year of patient, i run away from her. We are in mid 30, we werenot in position to pick true love.
'Peaceful' is a better word. Superficial social media people have abused the word 'happy' and 'happiness' so much with their crazy eyed fake smiles it's lost it's meaning.
As a tourist to Japan, I felt that its citizens are probably the most disciplined group I have seen anywhere in the world. They will pick up rubbish left behind accidentally by others and will queue up even at busy train stations
I enjoyed it, I watched the whole thing. I remember a long time ago i visited a yahoo chat room and talked to complete strangers for a very long time, I had so much fun that I think chat rooms can make anyone happy, and if everyone remembered to use chat rooms, there would be an easy way to feel better and talk to people without doing anything uncomfortable. It really works, chat rooms are happiness creators and generators.
US here . Coming from a family of 11kids, many different personalities especially my 5 sisters. My 5 brothers gave me a view of the male mindset again different personalities and behaviors. I would be what is called today a " nerd" , but an active observant about other people. During the 70s while working atva public teaching hospital there were many foreign medical professionals. Even in the lab settings as a pathology resident if analyzers or any lab equipment went down ,they would wonder while most of the lab techs could repair them. They had no concepts as a pathologist you are responsible for the lab operations, including maintenance, how the equipment works,etc. We were amazed that in their medical training didn't include a business component. Just reviewing this presentation, they still need to learn social interaction ,accepting help also asking for help.
Saya termasuk individu yang suka menyendiri. Bukan berarti gangguan jiwa tapi bagi saya dengan kesendirian mengurangi resiko buruk dari komunitas. Walaupun saya penyendiri, hubungan sosial tidak ada masalah. Ada kalanya saya harus berbaur, ada kalanya saya lebih baik menyendiri 😊😊😊
People in Japan are taught to be self-reliant and not to bother others even your own family. Their connection within the family and friends are way too shallow. Relationship is about give and take. Also, male/female should learn that they are not that different since young age.
I always bring this up, if 99% of mammals in the wild require to be in groups to survive or have quality of life meaning we are also part of that equation since we are mammals as well
This often gets misunderstood. A "social species" means you rely on other members to survive. We're still a social species. If you don't hunt a grow your own food, didn't build your own house, visit the doctor, and basically do anything that isn't self sufficient homesteading, then you're still part of a group. We just don't gossip with each other like we used to.
When you use the supermarket and live in a house with electricity and flowing water, you are most definitely participating in society. Communication and connection to other people is valuable, but not essential for survival. Coma patients are still surviving with no connections to their surroundings.
@@antman7673 Wrong, it is essential because we are social beings and always have been The number 1 mortality in the world is loneliness because it leads to other sickness and diseases A coma patience isn't aware because they're not concious
@@reuby6726 When you say loneliness causes mortality what is the actual driving factor? Like, It's much more likely that broke, ugly, short, disfigured people with behavioral problems will be lonely than it is tall, attractive, wealthy, well adjusted people. Wouldn't it be those negative traits leading to the correlation with sickness and disease.
Very moving situations. Seigo is a devoted son and should have received support with his mother. I hope all the lives of these youngsters move forward positively in the future.
Japan has created a very strange nation in which people do want to have anything to do with others and don't want to give any trouble to others meaning others should also not give them any trouble.
If you read this, as an introvert who tried a few things, I recommend going to language or cultural meetings (where you practice a language etc) or an in-person hobby, such as board games or card games like TCGs, playing fighting games, maybe a sports club if that interests you, or even trying out new hobbies or social work (so much out there) to meet like-minded people. Another option is discord and online communities, I enjoyed my time playing dnd online and later on other TTRPGs, those communities also have ways to search for a local group too.
Because since the first day of schooling , we know who sit in the same room will be your future opponents , if you want to be successful you must beat him or her ,there is no cooperation no true friendship, just competition.
I'm Japanese. That seems right, but it's wrong. To be honest, the entrance exam competition in Japan is not as intense as in Korea or China. Of course, there are people who place a lot of emphasis on studying, but there are many people who don't really care about that and instead focus their efforts on club activities and playing with friends. Japan has a club system where you can gain eternal friendships and learn the importance of teamwork and the value of friends. At sports days and school festivals, my classmates and I try our best to win. However, some people have dark personalities and cannot adapt to this environment.
Really depends on the person, there can be online communication that is enough for some, just not with the tools most people use these days, which are social media apps. I really enjoy conversations in ancient IRC chat rooms or on Skype with a small group of people, talking about games, movies, music and sometimes the weather.
I don’t think so I think technology could be used for good. It brought my relationship with my parents closer as we didn’t have the best relationship growing up. We text everyday and send to stay connected. Also I grew up before technology took off, there was as much toxicity then as there is now
Me most of the time I choose to be alone and I'm happy no one is disturbing me. Loneliness is just a choice. There is a lot of things to do even your alone no need for a companion.
You fell like that because you probably are an introvert. But, there is extraverts out there and for them being lonely is really hard. Introvertness and extravertness is not a choice but a personnality trait. Yes one could work on themsleves to be a bit more introvert or extravert. But, studies have shown that introverts and extraverts have distinct brain structures. An extravert cannot become 100% introvert, and vice=versa, no matter how hard they would try.
As Japanese, I think this video does provide good analysis of the situation in Japan. Due to older generation dominating the large number of population, it has big influence to the society and economy as Japan has history of treating and caring older generation, which has been resulting younger generation to sacrifice their way of living. Also, there is a big gap between old and new generation in terms of access to the information. Older generation still depends on TV and news papers rather than information that is available through internet, which means older generation has been influenced by filtered or selected information that has been influenced by large traditional companies that has been sponsoring as advertisers, which will take control to continuously depend on older generation as main target consumers as long as they are able to. I think Japan needs a clear strategy and direction to prioritize younger generations happiness if the nation wants to continue and grow, but it may not happen immediately as ironically taking care of older generation has been prioritized.
when I'm alone, i feel amazing, happy in my own world. I was always this way. My mom recalls me playing happily alone while the other kids were together at daycare. I was a toddler then. In every stage of my childhood, I enjoyed eating alone at lunch or retreating to an isolated area after school. But now, as soon as I'm surrounded by a group of people, or in a crowded place, or any environment that is designed for socializing, the painful loneliness hits me. There are so many people in one place, yet I have no one to talk to. No one is connected to me. I struggle with this phenomena, because I want to explore the real world and therefore expand the universe of my "alone"ness, like visiting a foreign country and exploring the cities alone. Yet it's impossible to shake the loneliness away when these cities are filled with so many people, primarily people in groups or couples, families etc. I feel like a living ghost: not invisible enough to slip unseen, yet not solid enough to interact with people and feel like I belong in that interaction.
well i don't know you but in my experience i also really enjoyed solo travelling. I don't really like groups, but many times i've found one person that also likes to also be alone or just with 1 other person. So then it's super easy to connect, we are both happy to not talk too much, but still we can share an experience together. I also really like groups because in groups it's hard to be honest and to have a good experience, since it's more shallow
I am 35 now, have been single my whole life. I don't have close friends or any friends who care. In recent years I started solo travel and solo shopping. Eating alone and watching movies alone have been the norm. Sometimes when the feeling of loneliness hits, it's really painful.
then why don't you make friends or a bf/gf? I don't really see the point of being single if loneliness is painful
edit: alright I thought being a loner was one's choice, then my question is have you asked someone out on a date or just to hang out to befriend them? Just do it at least once a week till you find someone. If you don't that's your choice
@@ootts456 If it was that easy such video would not have existed
Being alone is less complicated, but then the loneliness
Please take care of yourself. It's hard, but try to make friends. It's easier said than done. But I wish you can find someone who can stay by your side.
same here. 39, no girlfriend. painful
let's be honest, this is not a Japan only issue
I share the sentiment as an european.
Japanese are introverts, this video sounds like being misunderstood. Am sure her parents agenda is the problem here but got hidden
it is a serious problem in Japan. it happens elsewhere in the world, but not at the same scale as Japan
that's why i watched it, to get a sense of other places
I heard s korea is worst
Thank you, narrator, for emphasizing that social media followership does not equate to friendship.
This was a HUGE issue starting with Facebook. People felt a sense of accomplishment when they shared how many people followed their page, or the theme, or their ideas but it means nothing. Social media is social distancing.
"Social media is social distancing." That is profound. The Internet was advertised as a way to connect people and bring them closer together. Instead it has had the opposite effect. Now people can have "friends" in Germany, Australia and South Africa but not know their next-door neighbor's name.
Great post and spot on! 🏆🔥
The irony of being in a place packed full of people but yet still being alone.
Like stranded in an Ocean, "Water, water everywhere, and not a drop to drink"
... and so I shed tears to try to fill my empty cup, but to find the cup is a bottomless void (just thought of adding to the poetic feelings I got from your quote)
Only for males, in case of females its their own decision. If you have an love partner who is fairly normal, its more than enough to not be lonely. Girls in video, if they are even average looking, will get showered with men on dating apps like Tinder. So dont give them any support, its their own decision.
Well said
much like the sea water, people in the city aren't available to still your thirst.
@@tsarrite sure, i cant feel sorry for female side of Japanese population, since they can be showered with attention on dating apps, average girl can get date every week with different guy that is interested in knowing her.
So, for female side, its about their own choice to be lonely + being spoiled
As a 23 year old male i can say that Being alone is so relaxing but feeling loneliness is depressing
Ok, dear how do you feel?
if you want to grow as a person, you should try doing things that are out of your comfort zone. You already know the problem, now its up to you if you want to change it. Remember, nothing worth anything great is easy to do.
im 24 i can relate
@@harrellt1405"just get lucky"
@@furiousdestroyah9999 what do you mean get lucky
Ever since surviving 3 years of homelessness all alone, abandoned by everybody, I've grown accustomed to being my own companion, it's bittersweet... very enlightening, but with depression, the pain is somehow more excruciating than when I was homeless.
I sincerely hope you get better
"If I prioritize myself, my mother will suffer." I felt that.
Same it is a very strong cultural thing especially for those in the poverty line. Its difficult to change those mindsets
i strongly believe in favoring the young people the old ones have to pave the way. my mother did it with me and i do it with my kids. the mother being okay with him not studying for his future is insane to me.
残念 ながら この 問題 和 事実 です
If you mother left your dad, if she break up with him, or divorce him, let her suffer and move on.
If your father left or die then take care of her. Consequences are necessary in life to stop foolish indulgent choices.
It's often expected in Asian family that if you hire a care giver instead of taking care of your parents that you are unfilial, and also it's costly to hire a caregiver and the sick parents can also reject it
So if your parents need long term care, its ruin the career and restrict the life choices of their children.. they find it impossible to find a wife and marry as their partner may not want to take care of their sick parents also.
You find it impossible to travel also.
I'm a fifty year old man and as I got older I became more a lone wolf who likes to do my own thing. I have zero friends now, just people I say hello to here/there, but there is no one close to discuss things with and that is how I like it. At school/college/uni I was of the popular kids but in my late 20s I'd had enough of my circle of friends as it was a fake/boring life revolving around bars/pubs and I'd had my fill, it was time to move on.
I've worked remotely for years and I do not miss the hassle of commuting nor the mind numbing office politics nonsense and people wanting to bore me stupid telling me about what they did at the weekend. I spend my free time climbing/bouldering, cycling or walking in the countryside where I can switch off from the rat race and the one up man ship that goes with it.
So to all the younger ones on here, understand that life isn't a one size fits all and that happiness isn't just having lots of friends or being a couple as I've known plenty of people in loveless relationships/marriages. Enjoy your short time on this planet (time really does fly), don't try and compete with others as it will tire you out and be aware you will evolve as an individual and your likes/dislikes will change. Spend time enjoying nature and appreciating all that is around you, be more in the moment I guess and for Gods sake put the likes of Instagram/TikTok etc to one side as it is complete and utter drivel! If you can afford it, make an effort to see different parts of the world or if that is financially not possible explore different parts of the city or country you live in and don't make an itinerary, just take a left or right and see what you find. Go and explore and allow yourself to be surprised and impressed.
Wise words. Thank you for sharing
Same here and actually I don't miss the many friendships I had as a young dude. My life has become much calmer now that I don't have to socialize with someone or having to take care of other peoples problems. I have social contacts in my job and that's enough for me.
"Women in their 20's are the loneliest"
They're the only ones who are so forward about it. You think 20 year old dudes are gonna be telling anyone they are lonely? Like anyone would care? Dudes ain't sharing feelings like that, they just bury themselves in hobbies, work or worse things until they figure it out or die.
Very sad, but 100% true. People don't really care if you're a random average guy so why even bother complaining about it if it's not gonna change anything?
@@GoldenSW Exactly. And then, when you do let your guard down with someone you believe to be worth it, they either make it about themselves, mock you or placate you and throw it back at you later.
Best just to not do anything at all. It's funny cause in this in-action tends to prove that there's really no bad outcomes to things. You suffer through it. The sad outcome is suicide, and that's all too often happening, but a lot of men who go through suffering find their way through solo.
Not just japan either. Canada has this issue
Nowhere in the world is anyone interested in complaining men, so men just get on with it, one way or another...
@@TurboBass women choose to be lonely. Any woman even a 1/10 can find a boyfriend today. It is women causing the loneliness epidemic around the world actively chosing only to date the top 5-10% of men at best. The result is those dudes just pump and dump because they have access to literally all women while the rest of guys get nothing. Its a vicious cycle that can never be overcome. Couples will not form anymore birthrates will collapse everywhere in the modern world.
The way I got myself out of being lonely is simple: I forced myself into uncomfortable situations where I HAD to interact with people. I've failed more times than I can count, but I've also gained some lifelong friends along the way. I'm a solitary person by nature and I enjoy being alone, but I recognize that I need socialization in order to be a functional person in society. As much as I like being alone, I don't like being an inactive person; I can't afford to be one.
Long and short of it? Get out there and do something, anything. If you fail, do it again. Don't make the same mistakes. If you fail again, keep trying. At the end of the day, you either let the darkness win or you fight back and become stronger.
Yea, what people these days do not realize is that friendship takes effort and most importantly, you become uncomfortable with people if you do not talk to people because you try to control the situation at all times. This happens because when you are alone, you are able to control everything you do but in conversations, it doesn't work that way. So it becomes uncomfortable and awkward for people who don't talk to others. So the tip is, you gotta make the effort and talk to others. I call it pushing the social anxiety barrier. Practice it like you build muscle or exercise. The comfort level will go up and down depending on how much you interact with others. You will become uncomfortable again if you don't interact for some time but that's normal. It's just like muscle. If you don't use it, it's difficult to have strength. But if you go back at it, you realize it's not so bad and it doesn't kill you. So get out there and start pushing the anxiety boundary!
you can be surrounded by many friends but you will still be lonely.
@@tommytomas-fr3sh What worked for me won’t work for everyone, but i thought I’d share.
@@tommytomas-fr3sh if you can be vulnerable and find and give emotional support to eachother instead of just surface level fun socializing, and have a healthy balance, you're never going to be as lonely with friends as without. but you have to know what you want out ot friendships too, and have a healthy way to communicate that without scaring people off
That worked for me too
I am Gen-x and I have housed my girlfriends teenage kids for the last 5 years. They are brilliant lads and I have no complaints. But their lives are spent entirely on the internet. They don't go out. None of their friends go out either. Lives are "virtual" today and it's not healthy.
no wonder birth rates are dropping
@@halleffect5439 it has nothing to do with that. Go, check and read about Calhoun "Mouse Utopia" experiment. People in well developed countries have it too good. Young folk have possibilities to meet and contact new people, problem is their attitude and psyche. Do You know that proverb? Easy come, easy goes. It's easy to get to know someone and it's even easier to cut the contact and ghost somebody. Young people care so much about their and other appearance that they don't even care about character, discovering more about other person. They are emotionally disconnected from others. Most of the time attitude towards women (simps, white knights, cucks) increases this problem. Majority of men ends up alone and lonely cuz young women care about dating/sleeping with the most handsome/wealthy/famous 10-5% of men (from the top) and don't even see others. It's not that women are lonely and alone cuz nobody is interested in them, its usually that fellas SHE is interested in, aren't interested in her :)
This is not "generation Z, X" or whatever they want to call it. It's "lost generation" and it will be only worse. Young women will only realise how they were screwed over by all the feminist, woke a gendas right after they will hit 30 and still they will only blame men for their own decisions.
Gen X in Japan here. It's something I also deal with on a daily basis with students - family less so. Kids are attentive until they get to glue themselves to a screen at the first opportunity... and it's a shame to watch.
That being said, it's not for a lack of being active. It's more a case of being willfully distracted by a cheap gimmick, trend or moment.
it is deadly.
@@halleffect5439- Nothing wrong with that…
In general,this world is too much (advanced) that even gen’z cant keep up and ended up lonely..I missed the good old days (90’s below)
Better to be alone than in a group that makes you feel alone
True, but you should never stop trying until you find the right group of friends
Well, true, but what they're talking about here is that, but to a much more extreme and unhealthy degree. Too much of anything isn't healthy.
I would agree with you in the sense that, I'd argue that too much extraversion is actually way more unhealthy.
@@cokechang yes, because of networking
From someone who used to say that, it's really our fault we don't speak up.
Only made you feel alone?! They likely will make you suffer with bile intentions!!
The people we meet are largely inauthentic, not necessarily because they're maliciously deceptive but rather because everybody is so deeply afraid of not being accepted for who they are. I've found that a huge barrier to establishing connection is an unwillingness to be vulnerable that stems from influences like social media and popular culture that teach us to compare ourselves to others and that being our innately imperfect human selves isn't acceptable. You can't connect without vulnerabiltiy, but the message we're constantly bombarded with is that opening up isn't safe. We're just as alike as we are different but instead of rejoicing in our similarities and celebrating our uniqueness, we stay afraid of each other lest we should be misunderstood.
In some places, such as in the bible belt of US, it is religion that is isolating people because they hate on anyone "different" or outside of the societal norm. I've never felt so alone as when I have lived in the southern US.
This is especially an issue with people who had some traumatic experience with people. I think exercising vulnerability is good. Leave the toxic people and just be yourself and meet those who are okay.
I've tried being authentic. Problem is I don't know who the "real" me is. That's when I realized that there is no real you. Every social circle you have sees you in a different way. In some, I'm seen as the talkative guy, in others as the shy introvert who rarely says anything. Humans are social chameleons, we might have a core personality but its social manifestation is never the same.
Exactly 💯 social media seems to have reinforced this negative aspect of human needs
To be fair, no one should expect authenticity at first meeting. The first few times you meet someone, it should be polite until you know who the person is. Authenticity takes multiple meetings to gain trust and figure out boundaries. You shouldn't be vulnerable on day one, that is how you end up getting stalked and shoved into someone's car trunk. If you want to reach 'authenticity' faster, you use the friend-of-a-friend method to expand friend circles. You have one friend who has already vetted you and if they introduce you to their friends, there is by default some credibility already built.
This concept of solo katsu is very accurate even outside of Japan. In China, we have restaurants aimed at single customers where there would be dividers (stalls or rooms even) between each customer. I think I've also seen an anime-themed one where they decorate each stall according to different anime shows. Personally, I really like this concept because it feels peaceful eating alone, and I do need that time often. Being alone feels painful sometimes, but I also enjoy it when I need a break from all the chaos in society.
As someone who got backstabbed many times by friends and loved ones, I can understand why some people have trust issues and prefer to be alone. But it comes to a point where you will feel lonely at times and you wanted the human companionship. You give yourself another chance and find new friends, but soon to realise they are not your true friends. No one really cares about you. It's a harsh world out there
Exactly how I live...
I can relate to this.
Exactly
thats how life is. life is a constant struggle and finally finding those precious people that are genuine makes them much more special.
@@harrellt1405 they don't exist
Social Media is bad... like really bad.
It shows you mostly rainbow and makes you envy with others, hence disatisfied with your own life.
Always remember that people rarely shares bad moments in social media.
I can relate a bit.
In the past, when you are alone, you are forced to go outside and somehow you got "adopted" by that extremely extrovert and then you make relation.
Today, there is just fewer activity for together, most modern activities can be done alone or simply online.
And yeah... sometimes I hope I can share my activity with others, I am glad that I still have my little sister and parents to share with.
The world is 100% better without social media. It's not even a debate.
@@rokko_fablefacts
@@rokko_fableYup. The level of narcissistic behavior, materialism, infidelity, arrogance - you name it. Studies show all the worst human traits have skyrocketed since social media became a thing.
Which is exactly why I quit social media many years ago.
I wish all who have struggled with this type of loneliness a sense of peace. The people in this video deserve compassion & understanding
As a 24 year old West African Black man myself born and raised in the United States who grew up with West African immigrant parents from Ghana, I was always quite different from most people that I knew in school so I just kept to myself for the most part. I have always been a lifelong nerd ever since I was 2 years old and I have always been obsessed with video games, everything Nintendo, anime, and manga. My half Vietnamese childhood best friend to this day ever since I was 2 and he was a baby has always been my main friend outside of my family since I am extremely close to my mother with me being a lifelong momma’s boy. I also am close to my older sister. Although I do get very lonely at times I have fully embraced being single for the rest my life until my death if that is what life has for me, because at least as a quiet person I won’t have to worry about anyone picking a fight with me over random things so I find lifelong peace in my solitude.
same here. The peace one is getting by being single and just minding their own business is so relaxing and worth it.
@@HorrendousCaliber concordo com voce......
Hi friend
I feel you, greatings from a nerdy girl feeling the same❤
as a fellow Ghanaian can tell you that you are not alone brother XD, are upbringing feels identical haha
I feel bad for these people. I prefer to be alone - I hang out with the few friends I have, maybe once or twice a year. For the longest time I tried emulating the "social" lifestyle, but I found it draining and lead to a lot of dissatisfaction. It took quite a lot of personal searching until I realized I would rather make things by myself, than interact with others. But I also understand the emotional pain caused by not being able to find what you long for internally.
I am a 50s Japanese. The japanese adults I saw when I was a child had completely different values.
Usual japanese in 1970s had friends, and liked to do something with friends and share with others. Just like Chinese people today.
Young people in Japan today have little contact with older people and little empathy. Many of them shut themselves away in a world of delusions to avoid being hurt. They are the descendants of old japanese people without a doubt and grew up in Japan, but they may not be the successors of Japanese culture and value.
It is possible they are less empathetic because no one is showing them empathy? Even your comment is cruel. Why listen to an old person if they are just saying mean things?
若者叩きですか。
The Oldman u r referring to may be your father,uncle,neighbour....u wouldn't have come so far without their care and support
おじいさんどうしようだ。。
Yeah. We all fall, fell and feel hurt. I believe you have, and we all are.
if people think its only japan, they are so wrong.
It is not only Japan, but it is severe in Japan.
True
Its affecting everyone, its global.
Its an issue everywhere and it’s because online dating and social media has skyrocketed womens standards into oblivion. Roughly 60% of japanese men are perma virgin incels if we don’t count prostitution as real sex then it‘s probably more like 80%. The issue is the same everywhere while the bottom 80% of men are either virgins or luck out once in a decade there isn’t a single woman that is single or didn’t have sex in the last 12 month. The top 10% of Chads all have a bodycount of 10+ mathematically proving that they simply have sex with 100% of the women while most men get nothing. This obviously causes loneliness and this problem will never be overcome unless women chose to stop getting pumped and dumped by exclusively the top 10% of dudes.
@@Rainer125looks like the majority of men is sorted out by natural selection. How would one break through this process, when it's a function immanent to the human species?
Thank you for mentioning less full-time and more irregular work! This makes me feel so financially insecure that I never consider going outside and having to spend money that I might need in case of emergencies like medical expenses etc.
A lot of videos about loneliness lately but no one really talks about how economic factors are clearly creating adversarial relationships between people; when things are rough and everyone is living on the edge, everyone is competition
South Korea is showing you the extreme version of that lol. I am sure places with high pop density is much like that as well.
we cant talk about that because questioning capitalism makes you a communist and a communist is essentially satan, i mean, they use red and stuff. we are only allowed to fight amongst eachother for the scraps and sometimes they pull a few of us up as to keep the rest of us under the illusion that there's some sort of light at the end of the tunnel in the way we setup our societes now
careful, you are 2 steps away from blaming neoliberalism and even capitalism ! (therefor becoming a woke leftism and being ridicule according to most of the internet).
Every doc about Japan & loneliness among youngsters in rich countries r always beating around the bush. They will blame the youngsters too but won’t talk about the elephant in the room that is this gen has no money to buy a home or think of starting a family…them r!ch have created conditions under which the rest can no longer reproduce they wanted us to go in a humane way.
Every doc about Japan & loneliness among youngsters in rich countries r always beating around the bush. They will blame the youngsters too but won’t talk about the elephant in the room that is this gen has no money to buy a home or think of starting a family…them rich have created conditions under which the rest can no longer reproduce they wanted us to go in a humane way.
This is not just a Japanese problem or South Korean problem is becoming a worldwide problem. Social media has allowed people to distance from each other and have indirect communications in place of direct communication. Also many societies have embraced a form of cynicism where we see other people as a threat or a problem or an issue, and we do not even give each other the benefit of the doubt, the excuse being that I give somebody the benefit of the doubt they can hurt me if you go through life like that, you will never know anybody you will never have any interactions you walk around with angry miserable look on your face. The reason I put it this way is because in my city in upstate New York I noticed that a lot of people are always alone all the time and they always look super angry and that’s not normal.
Is it an Asian problem? I self isolate and prefer it. Inner compass 🧭.
True, it's just worse in Japan and SK. Live there and you'll understand it's not just about too much social media.
japan is always 10 years ahead of the rest of the world
It seems that one of the biggest cause is technology which allows one to easily connect with people but also easily disconnect from them on a slight hint of discomfort or conflict. While in the past it is not easy to cut people off thus people learn to tolerate each other and handle conflicts, allowing connection to grow stronger.
It's funny that social media is supposed to bring people together but also creates more gap on genuine relationships and bondings between people
@@Nisshio I dont know... maybe it was just not so immanent because we just didnt have a comparison.
I know people that are in couple and that when they have conflicts they try to solve them by text messages. Because it is easier than communicating face to face with the other. Technology has made that. But, solving conflicts with text message is the worst communication channel you could use. It gives place to a lot of interpretations that cannot be easily adressed and most of the time it worsen the conflict. Virtual communication has worsen our communication skills. I would say when you communuicate virtually it is often more "superficial". I feel people have harder time to communicate in person on an authentic level with active listening and caing for wht the other say and express emotions.
yes, this.
I was alone before social media was a thing. I'm alone now. Before, I had no one to talk to. Now I have strangers I'll never see again. It's better than nothing.
37. I've been in a state of loneliness for 10+ years. I wish I could meet someone and connect, even if it was only for a little bit. They don't have to be younger.
I feel you ❤
I wish they would show a documentary like this on Japanese TV. Instead, they only show superficial programs and ignore controversial topics.
In Japan, if you don’t talk about a problem, it doesn’t exist.
Yes... and about mental illness for them its just an excuse.
sadly happens everywhere not only in japan
Same with China too, they don't even want to discuss the dark side of such due to "Saving Face" issue.
NOT only in Japan. it happens EVERYWHERE! you see it a lot in the USA also.... its called "swept under the rug". THIS is a SHARED PROBLEM around the world... if we just make it "their" problem... its never going to be solved.
However, once you open the can of worms, it eventually becomes America.
Nonstop egoistical nonsense.
Specific topics must be tackled with extreme cautions and care.
It was when i enjoyed my time alone and when i loved myself when i met the love of my life. I think we attract more people when we are happy with ourselves. Hope more people can experience the same someday
They are rare...
Very true, I've personally seen many people trying to find fulfilment through other people and that majorly always end in misery and sadness.
First, be happy by yourself and construct an environment you're ok with. You will eventually attract people like you naturally that way.
I hope to be in your shoes one day.. I've been lonely for a long time but I'm at a point in my life where I'm actually starting to feel it. Even then, I stick to my belief that it's better to be alone than to force inauthentic friendships. May I have the bravery to put myself out there a little more and maybe life will guide me towards my people..
After watching this video and reading the comments i feel so much better because im not the only one feeling this way. Its odd because i had tons of "friends" growing up but so many were fake and backstabbed first opportunity. Never had a gf longer than a year and my sister tried to hook me up once but i dont know how to be cool or funny. Ive found that
"nice" guys like me get trampled over so im hesitant to date which causes this perpetual loneliness! I wish all of the people in these comments could become friends and we could support and help each other. I hope everyone here no matter where youre from finds friends love and happiness.
I studied and work in japan for almost a decade , loneliness in Japan is very contagious can it could hit you really hard before you even knew it.
yeah your profile picture is a big part of it! anime and child fetishisation...
the thing about technology is, people often forget that those who live through the invention of such technologies, use it to complement their daily lives. but those who are born into it, live and build their whole lives around it, as if their lives are dependent on it.
That's deep
Good point about digital natives vs non natives.
"Aya" has such a soothing voice I could feel myself relax just from hearing her speak. I hope the freedom she yearns for eventually locates her. She sounds like a (fallen) angel
The West is increasingly heading in the same direction: 'Don't double text'! Asking for hug? 'You're too needy and co-dependend!' Feeling like your partner shouldn't hang out all the time with someone of the other sex alone? 'You're controlling!' etc. Extreme individuality will result in mass loneliness and depression. Well done!
true true
have a hug 🫂 we'll get through this
Exactly. It’s another reason why Japan lives in the future as it has many problems which the West begins to experience horribly
Actually, Japan got this way by demanding that you don't have individuality. Bravery and individualism go hand in hand, and to go out an meet new people requires that kind of simple individuality.
An overemphasis on fitting in and being part of the group, and not being an individual (Japanese society) seems to have resulted in these kind of scenarios such as the hikkikomori syndrom.
@@astrahcat1212 just the things I wanted to say🙏
I've been fighting depression, Dysthymia, anxiety and chronic loneliness since I was around 10 years old.
Over the years I managed to find my voice - literally, as a VA - and as a mental health advocate.
I feel really strongly about the issue in Japan, not because it's a Japan-only issue, but I think it's so extreme over there... Wish I could do something to help.
Documentaries like this one are so important. So thank you.
never give up..
I am in your situation too .the same illness that I got when I came here in Japan .
Im alone for over 20 years now, with 0 friends or any connections the last 10 years. Im so used to it, that i even cant imagine to change this. So my advice, dont wait too long if you want to change. At some point it becomes impossible.
I don't depend on others for socializing. People just let you down. I've lived this solo katsu style for over 15 years. I lived in Japan for 9 years too, and Japan is designed for this solo katsu style. I love Japan for that. Learning to be alone, but not feel lonely is the best thing you can do for yourself.
I think the same. I'm "alone" since I moved here for a study abraod and I f****** dont want to go back -_-
You’re sick
Yup. There are two types of humens , Those who feel lonely and those who don't feel lonely but complete and don't need another to stimulate his existence.
If you can cope with it, more power to you, but a lot of others couldn’t, and in general it’s not healthy for the society to normalize loneliness.
@@cokechang Not cope, only complete.
I have friends who always take very beautiful selfies .. have thousandsssss of likes etc on their Instagram and stuffs... They are not unattractive people...
But they are lonely. It's really weird as it would seem like they are well loved and have many friends.
It's a really weird world we are living in right now.
The world is sick.
Lern Basic psychology. Most of us (i’m not live in Japan) grown up in dysfunctional family. Nowdays people can looking for help and use psychoteraphy ❤
It is the peak of capitalism. Fake wealthy nations. One ultra rich people and 9 poor people isnot a rich country. People today, mostly, over work to get so little money, we are no longer have time to really socialize, to really enjoy our hard work. We got very less money with our hard work. Payment after payment. We broke. We left alone, just to save our own life. Everybody for himself now.
Because most of these people equate clicks and subs as friends which they are not.
the world is a strange place, and social media is shallow. what do you like to do in your spare time?
Jesus Christ is the only one who can heal us completely.
I just returned from Japan a couple of days ago after visiting there for the first time. One of the first things my wife and I both noticed was that nobody was communicating with each other. Everyone was face deep in their phones and hardly looked past their screens (seems to be common all the the world at this point). But there was a major lack of basic communication between people there.
At one point, I turned to my wife and said, "I don't know how people build relationships here due to the lack of communication"
In the states, you see people (especially the younger generation) go shopping and/or to restaurants with friends, whereas in Japan, i seen a lot of people shopping on their own as well as eating alone
I hope the country as a whole can figure out to fix this issue, because Japan is such a beautiful place.
Where are you? In Florida it's scary to make friends, they'll drag you into their stupid shish. Drinking, drugs, perversion, you name it.
While, I'm enjoy to be alone, I'm exhausted to get along with others.
This is called Introversion. Introverts can feel tired just to be in a social context where there is a lot of conversations going on.
I am an introvert and only have few friends that I don't see very often. One of my friend is very talkative. I may not place a single word, he could talk without interruption the whole time i am with him. Often I feel exhausted after seeing him just because of that steady chatting he does. And I learned this is tiresome to me because I do active listening. I have developped good memory to retain past conversations. Doing active listening for 1-2-3 hours straight is taking a lot of information and can indeed be exhausting.
@@endlessorbaggins8223 I also think I'm an introvert. I've found that spending too much time talking to people can make you feel forgetful and distracted.
Yes sometimes being alone is good but not all the time! u need some1 to make meaning to life than being 4evr alone….
I am lonely 24 hours a day I'm not in Japan so it's everywhere
Hi, how can I reach you?
@@Pemu137 why?
lmao pemu u tried to flirt with everyone feeling lonely in the chat comments
@@Si0370 that is very rude of you to say such insulting words about a person who is reaching out offering their companionship.
@@chocolatecookie8571 Offering their companionship? Lol, like if a stranger would really care and post in many comments. Probably a bot. If not, then some scammer or religious freak that want to profit from someone "issues". I can't see anyone sane thiking another person in a youtube comment section asking the "do you want to be my friend" is someone honestly searching for a friend.
Some of these "professors" are literally and deliberately perpetuating loneliness, the theories behind it and espousing solutions for something chronically societal, as if it was something they suddenly invented. Truthfully, I am certain they think they did but they are actually part of the problem.
I've lived in Japan for over 20 years and have seen more than 99% of you will ever see. I like being alone as well as I like being in social situations - much the same as all normal people. This is not a sweeping generalization as this video claims it to be. On the street, nobody gives a rat's ass about anyone else but themselves in every day situations... and it has ALWAYS been this way. Unless you are one of the rare individuals that happens to actually care about your fellow citizens.
Loneliness is not some sort of epidemic - the choice to be alone is great and personal but the problem is that T H I S country demonizes it, since it is a societal norm to be social "when required to be". A LOT of the younger generation have a distaste for and distrust toward the hierarchy Japan has prided itself on for generations. They are sick of the aisatsu, keigo and the nomikai everyone must attend to.
Old Japan is on its last legs. Carrying tradition forward is probably just as vexing to these youths as the birth rate is... maybe even more so.
Once you feel comfortable being alone, it becomes more addictive. Being alone means, your mind is not contaminated by society and its a beautiful thing.
Yes,but most people can't...
@@gintonicx6 i agree. We humans are social beings. While some people might be ok with being soloists, most are just alone because theyre afraid to interact due to many factors. But in an ideal world, if they can be popular or have genuine people around them, i doubt most people would say they would prefer being alone
Being solitude and being alone it's two different things
you are in your 20s aren't you
@@asmilenotmeantforme in my late 30s
I'm an American permanent resident of Japan. In my experience and those of the mixed families around me the atmosphere for children can significantly inhibit communication skills. They aren't kidding about "rigid social norms," either. Japan is a very risk-adverse culture. Risks are seen as far more threatening than in almost every other developed country. Starting friendships or even conversations can be difficult for all but the most confident and conversation. My daughter is half-Japanese, and her communication ability - ability to start and maintain a conversation - in English and Japanese are starkly different, even though she's fluent in both languages. She often offers what I call "Japanese excuses" for not doing things with friends: instead of initiating something she considers all of the possible problems that might arise as 10x more significant than they are. In this environment screens become even more attractive and isolating.
Many of my university students have stunted communication skills. They claim to be shy, but it's really a lack of experience. It doesn't help that society is still intensely gender-segregated, at least compared to the west. When I was young, in the 70s and 80s, it was unusual for boys and girls to be friends. Young people in the US today are far more likely to have friends of another gender, but in Japan it feels like it's 50 years ago.
EDIT: Just to be clear, everyone here knows this, and there are many, many, wonderful people working on this issue. It's just really difficult to work against cultural norms, and it might be another generation before these problems are really dealt with.
おっさんがおっさん視点で若者を見て理解してる気になっている典型
Just bear in mind that the psychological age of Japanese is said to be about 13. Most of what you bring up here is beyond their comprehension beyond superficial level
@@Emc2Eggsi mean youre kinda right japanese people are so innocent and childish big culture shock
That's the reason why Japan is the way it is.
nailed it
I found this loneliness to be seemly common even amongst North American baby boomers that I know. When my mom and dad were alive, they strived to have many repeated social events (ie: family reunions) amongst all my cousins, aunts and uncles. We all got along and have great times together. When my mom and dad passed, and their sisters and brothers, it seems so many of us became very distant from one another (sisters, brothers and cousins). Many relationships became estranged for minor misunderstandings... or minor disagreements. People lost their ability to be tolerant and patient. I'm in my 60s now, and haven't seen many within my family (and extended family) for a decade or more. I just find it sad.
During my 3 years stay in Japan, the moment I stepped in I quickly realize there's this immense yet hidden social pressure the Japanese society put on you that I, as a foreigner, could even feel at that time. Being seen different is hard and people will indirectly avoid you in social situations and relationships. On top of that, the indirect and harsh judgmental culture also shame people for even doing a slight mistake that will ruin their career forever. Added with social media and internet, they both amplify the problems that already exist for so long, emerged from its own root of the Japanese culture. It's such a shame that the society deemed as collective could turn out into something like this in the postmodern era
Its a beautiful documentary to reflect the effects of loneliness, All I had is tears watching in, Thanks for getting this topic to everyone's notice. ♥
Never have I thought mr Money's sister would be featured on national television one day. Keep up the good work
Like a person here wrote . Loneliness is every where. Its in Asia, America, Africa & Europe. Its a pandemic..😢😢
Its not in africa like the rest of the world
South asia people didn’t feel lonely
The worst is yet to come in this hyper capitalistic women only wanna date Chads situation. I gurantee you the new trend everywhere will be that women will prostitute themselves to make money to pay to meet Chads in host clubs. This will be the new norm.
@Yun-Hee5 excuse me, how dare you to say that?
@@elanita71 south asia is a populated area. south asia has many people in every country so i think they have friends too. that's why they don't feel alone
Marvelous! Praying to all those who aare impaacted by loneliness and disconnection.
I’ve been alone my whole life. I don’t have any friends just work colleagues.
I go to work and I come home , I go out by myself and I go travelling by myself.
I think I’m quite lucky that I can deal with it quite well because it’s normal for me .
I just don’t understand why they don’t open youth clubs clubs that people can go to to get to know each other?
Just can't imagine living without friends and family.
I love watching shows on NHK World specially about the work culture, the society, manners etc etc, one thing I have noticed in the programs is the pressure on individuals of "what will the society think about me" if I sit on the train in a different way, if I eat while I walk, if I do not greet the person in a specific way.
In most offices you have a hierarchical structure so if your boss is working and I want to leave at 6 pm, what will he think, what will others think. Then there is overworking in office.
So i get a sense that an individual is always under a burden, a mental pressure.
Unfortunately, in Japan, you can only go home at 6pm if you're part-time. You're lonely because you're not donating. In Japanese, that's called 給料泥棒salary theft.
@@pog-be3gqwtf. I say Fu, going home. Drink with someone else
I can feel the guy caring for his mom. Only me and my ageing mom were left at home. All of the responsibilities from financial stuff to cleaning were left on me. Good thing is that I'm working from home for most of the days. But also due to this, my social life became almost zero, even mere going out with colleagues became almost impossible. I wish to get into a relationship, but due to many responsibilities at home, I can't even consider it at the moment.
Depending on where you are, there are some government daycare for elderly. You can drop off your mother during office hours, and pick up afterwards. Over there, your mother can find new friends and do some activities. You can take this time for yourself too. Not necessarily everyday, but a few days in a week will be helpful for the elderly parent to meet new people and exercise, and for the caretaker to take a breather
@@dilyaTebyaThere are also programs run by non-profits or church groups which provide respite care. Check with your city or county’s department of aging services.
My friend is similar...
But he has had a beneficial solution. He has been active on pen pal app (to not be a shameless marketing, let's just say the app's name means Despacio in Spanish 😅). It's different to real life interaction, yes. But at least he could have plenty of friends while also expanding his horizons about what is happening in the world. You should try it. Perhaps the correspondence there will inspire you to step forward further irl too 🙂🙏🏻
@@dilyaTebyabest advice ever!
parentification in the form of being a young carer is so tough. These kids deserve a lot of support
If you’re lonely, try being spontaneous. It breaks the ice and you will be surprised how easy it opens doors to conversation and friendships.
I feel sad watching this. Times of loneliness are expected yet this is eye opening for me. So young not to be enjoying intimacy with trusted friends. This has my head shaking and hadn’t ever considered this could be an issue for a culture
The root cause of this loneliness is the high behavioral benchmark and high cost of living. Small space usually means no room to share with another person and no impetus for production of baby. This force people to look inward and builds a wall around themself.
I never take my homies for granted, life would lose a lot of meaning without my close friends. Grateful to have some of them still after 2 decades and going strong 🙏
Being alone and feeling lonely is two separate things.
Being alone is loving the space but still does things normally,just on our own
Like me.and I don’t mind random chats with strangers when I’m outside and about
But I prefer my own space and time to do my things without being pressured to entertain anyone or follow anyone’s pace..
But I DO love connecting with people who I feel comfortable with.
Been like this ever since back when and I’m going to be 42 this August,still happy and contented.
Very very rare I get the feeling of lonely cos I do feel if there is someone that understand that’s good if not...oh well
Being said that it’s not that nobody wants to be friends with me,just that I love to distance myself unless I find the person comfy
Being lonely is always feeling alone or even get depressed and the feeling of needing attention.
With that said.
Why not we all be lonely together?
We can connect and chat be friends. Cos no one will understand the way u are rather than the person who is going the same situation😊
If I feel lonely at any point in time, I would just watch these kinds of videos, removing the hate from my fake friends
With meta quest and Apple Vision Pro you will never feel lonely again
😂😂 @@exploringapis4495
What a horrible idea! Go out darling and meet some REAL people! That's how you make friends. Join some classes,get involved in some conservation work, voluntary work. Anything that puts you in regular contract with real people and puts you in contact with people & places that have greater problems than your own. Good luck!
For all we know, we are already in a matrix!
Joining circles increases acquaintance but not friendship@@LuciThomasHardylover-qx6ts
this world is hell, even when you are married, you are dealing with other set of issues... and wishing for being single....finding an empathetic partner is very important
As a world traveler and as someone who has lived in Japan, I truly believe that Japan is the loneliest country in the world and that many/most Japanese people suffer terribly from loneliness. Japanese people are raised and trained to be part of a group. They identify with their group and they depend on their group for their social and emotional needs and support. Over the past several decades, the connections to groups and friends has eroded and Japanese people have become isolated.
I am always alone, but I rarely feel lonely. The thing is, if you haven't been with anyone for so long, your brain just forgets how it feels to be with someone. I am 31, my aging parents are starting to ask for money. Everytime I call my mother, she blames me for being irresponsible (I have given her lots of money this year, but probably she wants me to call her more often and give money more consistantly). I begin to feel that deep relationship is just source of burden and shackles. So I don't feel too bad for being alone, and I don't envy those that get married. Imagine being with someone and every now and then, she would call you irresponsible.
I cut of my family a year ago and since then I'm feeling so free. Relationships can be a burden as you said. I can relate to that.
Mother in laws are a burden but your own parents are our responsibility
@@Bunny11344 What? No, definitely not ^^. I'm not responsible for my parents. Especially when they are just bad people...
Engaging and well-presented, thank you
High cost of living pushes this youngster to marry at the later age and some may choose to stay alone.
I too am 35. I never intended to be so independent and do so many things by myself. I haven't had many relationships or anything very long term. My career is very male dominated. My job keeps me busy and there are very little opportunities to meet other potentials unfortunately. I long for meaningful relationships and connections but the hustle and bustle of the world often gets me down. So rather that truly isolate myself i tend to do the things i like such as eating out or seeing movies by myself. The loneliness can be down right crippling some days. I also see the years going by which is discouraging. Just trying my best and surviving. I hope to one day be in a better place. And definitely reciprocate any help I can give to others who experience this crippling loneliness. A meaningful connection could heal any wound and change someone's life.
I hope you’re able to find that special someone and I’m sure you will. I’m in a very female orientated job and I can’t stand them 😂 my bf keeps me sane. I think having a relationship when you’re ready more important than friends in the long run cause you can build a future together.
@@Bunny11344 Thank you for your encouragement! Sound insight. I won't give up. Doin my best to make it through these tough times.
I'm in the same place as you brother...I'm 43, been married, had and lost a daughter, and for the last decade or so I've been alone, just unable to connect with people...family included.
Surviving is not enough. We need to thrive.
Over fifty years ago when I first came to Japan from the USA to study and to eventually end up living here, walking through the airport terminal on that first day, I was astounded by how happy and vital the elderly people appeared to me. I recognized a beauty that I had hardly ever sensed before. Those were the days when families often consisted of the grandparents living with their children and the grandchildren. The grandparents did a lot to keep the household running smoothly, the household chores and much looking after the grandchildren. It was said that the grandchildren might well feel closer to the grandparents than to their own parents, often it was the case that the two direct parents were very busy with work or out running errands, being outside the home much. I believe that this way of living gave a lot of satisfaction and a sense of accomplishment to the elderly people, and much influenced their mental well being, and it helped to keep them young. Now, alas, elderly people often live alone with little family connection or with friends. I try to visit with such people that I know, bring them vegetables that I grow or whatever, or if only to hang out together for awhile. I asked the city office to think about this problem and to create a space where the elderly could congregate and have activities, learn of matters affecting people of their ages, or just go there to relax around other people if only to read the paper or books or listen to music and have something to drink. There could be a garden area that they could maintain, and ideally someone there as a staff person to look after things and perhaps be alert to difficulties that someone was having and be able to offer support. The city office was completely unreceptive to my proposal, was it a lack of funds or they simply considered it more work for them to do? I know that this problem of isolation amongst the elderly is different from what was discussed on this video, but I wonder if there might be a connection to the breakdown of the traditional family atmosphere in Japan, a lack of spiritual strength that could be gained from growing up in such a household, and what young people are currently experiencing with their sense of isolation? The elderly with their long experiences have a lot to offer to young people if there is a means to communicate, if only in the very least it might be a sense of calmness.
This is so sad. I live in North America and I can definitely relate!
Not only in Japan. This voice narrating is also saying in the Philippines my country like the loneliest youth, also in South Korea , America , China, and what else, so on .What a hell. Can you just say . The whole world is now getting individualistic. I will give you my 100 reasons.
Philippines young’s are lonely? I don’t think so…
The US is far less lonely than Japan. There are shut-ins in every country, but nowhere near on the same scale as Japan. The society in the US fosters more connection, comparatively. Not to say the US is perfect either of course, but it’s definitely not a similar level.
@@MrRockdukeshe def in delulu for saying that part
I made so many friends in philippines i cannot count them
I love people. I cherish every moment listening to them, seeing how unique they are make me happy. People are like flowers, you give them your time and they will blossom! When I was in Japan, as a tourist of course, with my big husband and two talkative kids the only people that would chat with us were the one who visited US or Europe. They were more confident to talk to us because they spoke good English. This happened in Tepia Museum where a young guy (a doctorate degree student) told us he spent some time in Hawaii. Waiting in front of the line to eat katsu lunch (somewhere in Ueno) an older gentleman started chatting with us. He was also in the US, and we had a great one hour long conversation while waiting for a spot in the restaurant. In Nagoya, near Science Museum a lady asked us if we needed help (me checking the map trying to figure out how to get to the nearest shrine) and we spent an hour chatting with her. She also lived in the US. In Kyoto, I met a guy who just wanted to practice his English. Same on Nakasendo trail, an older gentleman was joking that the Japanese bears (who tend to share the trail with hikers) like American meat only! Japanese are the most polite, gentle and hardworking people I have ever met. I wish to go back.
This shows me how important it is to be kind and attentive to others in today's world. How important it is to sometimes just leave our comfort zones and talk to others.
I really appreciate that women were interviewed for this documentary. Thank you.
I think at this point its a worldwide epidemic, I'm 28 and have to say adulthood is so lonely however it made me want to travel more and see the world while I still have the strength to do it. I might be trying to compensate my loneliness but I guess its better than nothing
They did mention this is a trend around the world. The focus of this video is Japan because it is far more acute in Japan.
do it man, solo travelling is great. you just go someplace and do whatever you feel like with noone to wait for or coordinate with or any of that. when I'm on holiday is the only time of the year I feel at peace for more than a few minutes
I am 53 yrs old now. I am still lonely and I am happy for it. I enjoy everything is just ME.
We all here for the same reason lets form a group... Make Friends and build Relationships...
great programme as usual from CNA
That was a great Episode, also just after returning from my japan trip is also noticed how many people just go out alone. My friend was ill and feeling socially depleted so i compelled myself to go out alone in Osaka and i was expecting others to be there with friends at bars etc. where i went but to my surprise most of them, like 80%, had arrived to those places alone as well. For me it was a fun time since i could connect with others who where out there in the same situation but it also reminded me in what state japan currently is and that it is seem rather normal to go out alone. It also was tough to go out alone for me since this is very uncommon from where i am (germany) but i felt great afte doing so, the people are so nice over there and i feel kinda bad that they struggle to open up to other people. Just living by the idea to live up to the norms of social media is a vicious cycle, i hope it was easier to show those people that they are fine how they are and dont need to meet a certain criteria.
Must do a series on Singapore
Yes, I would do the survey if I have time and share story’s on the votes
Singapore isnt that bad. Yet.
@@TheReiz88 Soon in 10-17 years time!
@@larrenV2007May not be. The culture are different. Singapore vs Japan.
Singapore is not that extreme compared to Japan and South Korea.
I don’t mind being lonely, I love being lonely actually. The pain hits when you are lonely within a large group of people.
i was just explaining to my 10yr son this morning about someone being lonely among a big group of peoples , as if they are invisible.
Then see a doctor.
you mean you dont mind being alone.
Im d same way. Im ok with a small group of friends but a large group drains me and makes me feel disconnected.
Trueeeee
It's almost like living online isn't really living.
It's just an existence.
A sad one at that
yea..
connected but disconnected at the same time
I am a Canadian living in the countryside of Southern Japan. The hardest part of living in Japan is the social isolation. I have lived in Japan for over 14 years and do not have a single friend here.
B blessed
Hi dear, how you doing?
Hi dear, how you doing?
Are you serious? 14 years and not a single friend??? Why are you still in Japan? 😢
it is difficult, because even a foreign resident will never "be japanese".
I'm experiencing what many described in this video. I'm pretty sure it's due to changes inside my gut that are affecting my mental health badly. This has locked me in a painful inner vibe where I am a bother to people, have zero value, therefore I must withdraw and avoid bothering people. I can't not* do this as the inner conviction is overwhelming. Bad mental health is like being locked in a horror movie. You can't easily change your reality - it seems to be brain chemistry - you'll observe it disappearing on its own now and then.
I'm grateful to have watched this to see my exact struggles mirrored in others.
tbh coming from a turbulent past with so much abuse and bad relationships, being alone makes me so much happier
im sorry about ur past experience, hopefully u find the right person someday.
Making family is hard thing. Some peoole just need to be forced to get married. Like me and my ex-wife. I was tricked to get married. My wife too. The different was, i can accept the reason why my family force me, but not my wife. She demanded "love". There is no "love" without pain. She keep telling me that she doesnt love me. Something she should say before we got married. After 1 and half year of patient, i run away from her. We are in mid 30, we werenot in position to pick true love.
Stay strong
'Peaceful' is a better word. Superficial social media people have abused the word 'happy' and 'happiness' so much with their crazy eyed fake smiles it's lost it's meaning.
@@astrahcat1212 Yeah, being alone is peaceful. You do everything at your own pace and you get to learn who you are separate from other people
As a tourist to Japan, I felt that its citizens are probably the most disciplined group I have seen anywhere in the world. They will pick up rubbish left behind accidentally by others and will queue up even at busy train stations
They are learned since war 😂
@@Mr.Raccooon they honor discipline since Samurai days
@@naj027 During the samurai days, politeness was wnforced by the sword
@@JamieBar yeah and it stuck, better politeness by the sword over Christianity
Yes but nanny state is hell
I enjoyed it, I watched the whole thing. I remember a long time ago i visited a yahoo chat room and talked to complete strangers for a very long time, I had so much fun that I think chat rooms can make anyone happy, and if everyone remembered to use chat rooms, there would be an easy way to feel better and talk to people without doing anything uncomfortable. It really works, chat rooms are happiness creators and generators.
US here . Coming from a family of 11kids, many different personalities especially my 5 sisters. My 5 brothers gave me a view of the male mindset again different personalities and behaviors. I would be what is called today a " nerd" , but an active observant about other people. During the 70s while working atva public teaching hospital there were many foreign medical professionals. Even in the lab settings as a pathology resident if analyzers or any lab equipment went down ,they would wonder while most of the lab techs could repair them. They had no concepts as a pathologist you are responsible for the lab operations, including maintenance, how the equipment works,etc. We were amazed that in their medical training didn't include a business component. Just reviewing this presentation, they still need to learn social interaction ,accepting help also asking for help.
This documentary was very interesting.
Saya termasuk individu yang suka menyendiri. Bukan berarti gangguan jiwa tapi bagi saya dengan kesendirian mengurangi resiko buruk dari komunitas.
Walaupun saya penyendiri, hubungan sosial tidak ada masalah. Ada kalanya saya harus berbaur, ada kalanya saya lebih baik menyendiri 😊😊😊
People in Japan are taught to be self-reliant and not to bother others even your own family. Their connection within the family and friends are way too shallow. Relationship is about give and take. Also, male/female should learn that they are not that different since young age.
I always bring this up, if 99% of mammals in the wild require to be in groups to survive or have quality of life meaning we are also part of that equation since we are mammals as well
This often gets misunderstood. A "social species" means you rely on other members to survive. We're still a social species. If you don't hunt a grow your own food, didn't build your own house, visit the doctor, and basically do anything that isn't self sufficient homesteading, then you're still part of a group. We just don't gossip with each other like we used to.
When you use the supermarket and live in a house with electricity and flowing water, you are most definitely participating in society.
Communication and connection to other people is valuable, but not essential for survival.
Coma patients are still surviving with no connections to their surroundings.
@@antman7673 Wrong, it is essential because we are social beings and always have been
The number 1 mortality in the world is loneliness because it leads to other sickness and diseases
A coma patience isn't aware because they're not concious
@@DarkSpartan343 Spot on
@@reuby6726 When you say loneliness causes mortality what is the actual driving factor? Like, It's much more likely that broke, ugly, short, disfigured people with behavioral problems will be lonely than it is tall, attractive, wealthy, well adjusted people. Wouldn't it be those negative traits leading to the correlation with sickness and disease.
Very moving situations. Seigo is a devoted son and should have received support with his mother. I hope all the lives of these youngsters move forward positively in the future.
Japan has created a very strange nation in which people do want to have anything to do with others and don't want to give any trouble to others meaning others should also not give them any trouble.
Loneliness is being aware of the space around you, Solitude is being in union with space around you. I read this beautiful quote the other day.
If you read this, as an introvert who tried a few things, I recommend going to language or cultural meetings (where you practice a language etc) or an in-person hobby, such as board games or card games like TCGs, playing fighting games, maybe a sports club if that interests you, or even trying out new hobbies or social work (so much out there) to meet like-minded people. Another option is discord and online communities, I enjoyed my time playing dnd online and later on other TTRPGs, those communities also have ways to search for a local group too.
Because since the first day of schooling , we know who sit in the same room will be your future opponents , if you want to be successful you must beat him or her ,there is no cooperation no true friendship, just competition.
Competition = No
Colaboration = Yes
You don't develop the skills necessary to use for cooperation out of thin air my friend. Competition is essential to improve ourselves.
I'm Japanese. That seems right, but it's wrong. To be honest, the entrance exam competition in Japan is not as intense as in Korea or China. Of course, there are people who place a lot of emphasis on studying, but there are many people who don't really care about that and instead focus their efforts on club activities and playing with friends. Japan has a club system where you can gain eternal friendships and learn the importance of teamwork and the value of friends. At sports days and school festivals, my classmates and I try our best to win. However, some people have dark personalities and cannot adapt to this environment.
There is just no replacement for face-to-face, in person interaction. Most of us delude ourselves that online communication is enough.
Really depends on the person, there can be online communication that is enough for some, just not with the tools most people use these days, which are social media apps. I really enjoy conversations in ancient IRC chat rooms or on Skype with a small group of people, talking about games, movies, music and sometimes the weather.
There is always someone good waiting for you,never close your doors,humans are incredible creatures,fragile,but amazing,remember that,you are unique.
I think we all lost the ability to socialize properly due to technology.
this is so true. if u remember back in the 80s or 90s we used to hangout outside a lot and more human to human interaction.
Its not tech
Nah man I know many from older generations who have been lonely for so long
I don’t think so I think technology could be used for good. It brought my relationship with my parents closer as we didn’t have the best relationship growing up. We text everyday and send to stay connected.
Also I grew up before technology took off, there was as much toxicity then as there is now
you just said what i was about to say! thanks.
Me most of the time I choose to be alone and I'm happy no one is disturbing me. Loneliness is just a choice. There is a lot of things to do even your alone no need for a companion.
You fell like that because you probably are an introvert. But, there is extraverts out there and for them being lonely is really hard. Introvertness and extravertness is not a choice but a personnality trait. Yes one could work on themsleves to be a bit more introvert or extravert. But, studies have shown that introverts and extraverts have distinct brain structures. An extravert cannot become 100% introvert, and vice=versa, no matter how hard they would try.
@@endlessorbaggins8223exactly
As Japanese, I think this video does provide good analysis of the situation in Japan. Due to older generation dominating the large number of population, it has big influence to the society and economy as Japan has history of treating and caring older generation, which has been resulting younger generation to sacrifice their way of living. Also, there is a big gap between old and new generation in terms of access to the information. Older generation still depends on TV and news papers rather than information that is available through internet, which means older generation has been influenced by filtered or selected information that has been influenced by large traditional companies that has been sponsoring as advertisers, which will take control to continuously depend on older generation as main target consumers as long as they are able to. I think Japan needs a clear strategy and direction to prioritize younger generations happiness if the nation wants to continue and grow, but it may not happen immediately as ironically taking care of older generation has been prioritized.
when I'm alone, i feel amazing, happy in my own world. I was always this way. My mom recalls me playing happily alone while the other kids were together at daycare. I was a toddler then.
In every stage of my childhood, I enjoyed eating alone at lunch or retreating to an isolated area after school.
But now, as soon as I'm surrounded by a group of people, or in a crowded place, or any environment that is designed for socializing, the painful loneliness hits me. There are so many people in one place, yet I have no one to talk to. No one is connected to me.
I struggle with this phenomena, because I want to explore the real world and therefore expand the universe of my "alone"ness, like visiting a foreign country and exploring the cities alone. Yet it's impossible to shake the loneliness away when these cities are filled with so many people, primarily people in groups or couples, families etc. I feel like a living ghost: not invisible enough to slip unseen, yet not solid enough to interact with people and feel like I belong in that interaction.
Its better to be alone than in a relationship where you are not valued.
You did it to yourself
There are many abandoned citys around the world my friend
well i don't know you but in my experience i also really enjoyed solo travelling. I don't really like groups, but many times i've found one person that also likes to also be alone or just with 1 other person. So then it's super easy to connect, we are both happy to not talk too much, but still we can share an experience together. I also really like groups because in groups it's hard to be honest and to have a good experience, since it's more shallow