MY ANOREXIA RECOVERY // Indulgent weekends // coping with change
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 16 ก.ย. 2024
- Part 2: I rambled so much in this vlog I had to split it into 2 haha.
This weekend I have had a lovely visit from my Dad, and in a couple of weeks I am going to India with a work trip. In this vlog I talk about how I prepare for both of those and cope with them, and how I DON'T RESTRICT either in the run up to or following the event..... Even though it can still be tempting and i can feel a bit guilty for not "compensating".
Life is for living though, and I don't want to be in a life of restricting to be allowed to enjoy myself or restricting because I've enjoyed myself.
Instagram: megsy_recovery
The world needs more Megsys xx
Sometimes it seems like ED recovery vloggers have it all together and can be sort of "preachy", if that makes sense? I don't mean to criticize others, and I hate to even say that... because I know we're all trying to work our way through our journeys and I am grateful to anyone who decides to share their recovery on such a public platform. BUT.. I wanted to pay you a compliment by telling you that you never come across that way. And it's so refreshing! You are a human being just like the rest of us!
That’s actually so lovely to hear, thank you! Sometimes I hear my own voice & I think “OMG shut up meg” hahaha. I still obviously struggle with stuff too, just trying to remember what I’ve learned so far & share it in my vlogs ✌️
Out of all the recovery channels yours is my favorite I relate to your thought processes for every single one of your videos it’s insane. You really helped me work through my guilt and agitation and I probably wouldn’t have the courage to start feeding myself more food and listening to my cravings if it were not for your kind and honest videos!! Luv your personality (and your cats’ as well ^_^) Have so many questions but just a big big THANK YOU for now
That’s amazing to hear, so glad you’re making some progress with food & hopefully that’ll bring with it more fun & freedom in life 😘
Oh I so so needed to hear this today. It was my brother and sisters birthday today they turned 17 and my family had a pizza and cake party. I’ve been doing so well being balanced and counting less and doing all the compensatory behaviours less but today has been absolute hell the bloat is unreal I feel horrid and I’ve just cried since I got home because I thought I was doing well, then today happened. So glad it’s not just me and life does happen you’re absolutely right, I can’t go through my life avoiding family and friends to avoid food I do love but don’t allow myself for literally no reason at all!!!! As always, thank you for your kind words, your insight and your honesty. Love love love your videos so much, hope you had a fabulous time with your dad x
Bad/hard days sometimes sneak up on me, but I think they’re getting less & I know I need to continue on plan to get away from them. Otherwise I’ll be back in the AN restriction loop! Hope you did have fun with your family, that really is what life’s all about 😘
You are a shining light beam. Love your videos with all my heart. They have inspired me so much. Thank you for all your vulnerable honesty.
Such cute cats! They’re little lions. Don’t feel guilty! You had a normal, fun-filled weekend!! Much love!
I don't particularly like cats but yours are adorable, always love how real and honest you are!
Same. I actually hated cats but mine rock haha 😹😹
I conquered porridge this morning and ate a whole serving ❣❣ love u Megsy
I have literally binged watched your videos this last few days! I also do this to encourage myself when struggling with thoughts and while, or after eating. I relate with literally everything you have shared! But this has challenged me to realize how sick I really am. The things we think and do are not normal. So fighting to learn what normal looks like, is a must! I’m so proud of you, for pushing through discomfort in eating. The mental hurtles that come through it are so difficult. The fact that you are using your struggles to help others, myself included, is a beautiful thing! Thank you!
I'm in my 30s, but I sent a link to your channel to my mom because you explain things so well, and it might help her to understand just a little bit about the craziness in my head. Thank you for sharing your struggles and successes (and delicious creations).
Also, the cats. SO much the cats.
I absolutely love your videos! You have an amazing way of describing pretty much everything that I go through in recovery as well! You are so incredibly strong and such an amazing example of someone who is kicking anorexia's butt! Hope you have a lovely week and keep fighting!
So sweet of you, thanks so much! Best of luck & lots of love🤗 😘
No guilt! I mean, all feelings are valid and I'm glad you can identify and work through your reaction, but you GOT this. You are rocking this and are such an inspiration! I'm so happy you had such a great time with your dad - AND that you gave yourself the Snickers cake after!
Loved this one so dearly... and I understand the gap we have to cross when it comes to joining the rest of humanity. It's so nice to have people to love, and to choose them over our mouse holes. Thank you for talking about the vino, with my earlier question. It's pure life. Part of my restoration, daily. And it helps me understand the stories behind things that go in my mouth. You are such a gem, and I have been paying closer attention to my small decisions, with your encouragement. Because no decision is ever small!!! Wishing you peace today
LOVE YOU SO MUCH!! You are doing so so well and I am so proud!!
Totally non related ED question... How do you eat your food after the cats have, like, licked it and smelled or touched it?? Kuddos to you for doing that I guess I am just weird but I get grossed out if my pets lick my food... lol.
KEEP IT UP lovely!!!
Hahahah no I’m with you. Freaks me out.... but then I’ve got this “it’s ok if it’s my own” thing haha. I’m going to be one of those mums that licks the kids food off their faces 😂😂😂
Keep holding on Megsy. I’m holding on with you. “Don’t believe everything you think.” One of my favorite quotes for perspective. The alcohol piece is SO hard for me too. I have to be honest, I have a hard time distinguishing between my eating disorder and my healthy self in this department. I also like to be able to just have fun and participate with friends and family. The eating disorder voice kicks in with calories. But also, mentally I’m off the next day or two. It makes me just feel worse about myself and I don’t know if it’s eating disordered thoughts or just brain chemistry being thrown because I’m legit sensitive to alcohol. Sigh. Anyway, you are a brave, beautiful soul. I’m THRILLED whenever I see a new video. I’m leaving this afternoon on vacation for 4 days. This is the FIRST trip in a LONG time that I havent traveled with my exercise equipment to carry on with my routine. I owe almost all of it to your videos. I’m really trying “opposite actions”. How crazy is it to travel with exercise equipment!? I want to go with the flow with eating and all. This video couldn’t have come at a better time for me. It almost brought me to tears hearing about you living life with your dad. How WONDERFUL! What has helped me recently too is asking myself what I can say “What the HEll!” To every day. What the hell to treating myself to something nice like a pedicure or manicure. What the hell to watching a movie in the afternoon. I read about it in a Geneen Roth book. She’s so insightful to the way in which we see ourselves and talk to ourselves. Sending you love. Can’t wait to hear about India.
Joy Cooper yessss that’s brilliant! Yeh it is mental to take exercise equipment away with you 😂😂 holidays are a BREAK from stresses of life & a chance to relax & have fun. & I’m just talking about normal stresses, never mind the added stress of ED controls. You deserve your whole life to be a holiday at the moment, to give your body & your mind a break! Hope you have a really really lovely time! Are you going anywhere nice? 😘
Wow, I was thinking of bringing my dumbbells with me on vacation in May. Yes, I'm already thinking of my exercise routine that far off! After reading your comment, I'm going to leave those heavy things at home!
I love it when I can laugh at the ridiculousness of my eating disorder behaviors. YES totally mental to pack WEIGHTS. So I took ALL of the days to chill. Just focus on my vacation. I ate fear foods. I ate more. I ate at off times. ALLLL the rules out the window. The first three days I felt pretty good. Yesterday I was starting to get antsy. I wanted to exercise. I wanted "structure". Today at home, I'm spending time to get my mind right again. It's day by day for me at this point. I will read, spend time watching recovery vids etc. I hope you are feeling strong and pushing through!
Oh and we went to Palm Springs but it was freezing cold the whole time!!!!
I TOTALLY get it. That's exactly how I am. Now I'm already thinking about my next trip and exercise. To be honest, the traveling with hand weights has been one of the eating disorder behaviors that has pushed my husband to his limits. If you can find the strength to not pack them, find it in me for not bringing mine if that helps, You're life will be so much less imprisoned.
Love your channel! You’re thoughts seem so much like my own and you help me see the good way through things! This video will definitely be watched before holidays and events for me over and over!
Oh gosh, your so right..I'm glad your talking about these things because it helps us and you. You incredibly brave and amazing...step by step..moving in the direction that's going to make your life way more fulfilled. I love it! It's awesome that you think about the other things that truly matter to you. Oh yea...I second guess myself a ton but it happens..it does help to talk to yourself through it at times..but there is no reason for you to torture or mistreat yourself...Nooo. love you girl!😎👍😸🖤🍰🌠
Thank you for your honesty and inspiration. You are so brave. It will be worth it 💜
I so appreciate your honesty in your vlogs. I think even with the post-weekend guilt, you can count it all as a success, because you ate anyway, did not compensate, and just surfed the guilt and stinkin' thinkin'. I had a revelation not too long ago, when my husband (of almost 36 years) told me he had NEVER seen me overeat. Yikes! Like you said, overeating occasionally is a very normal thing, and something I NEVER do! Hence, all my recent doughnuts and ice cream all the while surfing the guilt and thoughts and doing it anyway. By the way, I think Beyonce is determined to get her puffball tail in your food if it's the last thing she does! Those cats are adorable!
Wowwwww that’s a long time to have never let loose & enjoyed yourself! Hope you can make up for it 🤗
oh 2 in a day? we're being blessed haha. i'm glad you're doing well, meaning you're challenging yourself more and more. you seem like a really nice and fun person and you've helped me so much!
I just absolutely adore your vlog! You've got such lovely personality and you can talk about recovery so clearly. I like when you speak things that you've learned from your psychologist. It looks like he/she is very professional and helpful. Honestly I'm waiting for your vlogs everyday;) You help me so much in my recovery. Thank you!
She’s amazing. That’s partly why I vlog, because everyone deserves to know what she teaches me 😘
I'm glad you're going to have a visit with your dad!! Enjoy!! 💗💗
Yes right now i am in the circle of restricting and then binging and then restricting again..! And I hate it, but I am trying to break out of this circle
Oh btw i just love the way how you and your cats just interact I guess!
Soo cutee!!!
I love how you always offer a bite to your kitties. They are so cute! Good job pushing through the post-weekend guilt
Have a great time with your dad and hope you are totally Free!! I totally relate to the restricting even more before holidays/events even going to the doctor. So stupid! I feel so sorry for my body!
Weird isn’t it. Our poor body’s indeed!
Ah I needed to hear this so much! I am going to a baseball game next weekend and there will be drinking and I'm already freaking and thinking about restriction! That is not healthy.. and I KNOW one day of drinking and eating will not make me gain weight.. thank you for the motivation!
It won’t, & I just think what do you want to be able to do in the future? You need to force it now!
Sending hugs🧡 I know exactly what you are referring to re: the guilt. Stay strong. I’ve not had a good food day, but it’s early so I’m pushing through. Love your kitties.☀️
If it's not feeling good it probably means we are doing something and kicking some butt!
Megsy Recovery 🧡
Love the balance you give. Recovery is ongoing not always a final destination x
Oh my goodness! I have been obsessed with overnight oats because of watching your videos! Thank you for introducing it to me!
You know, after a weekend with someone I love, I also get this feeling of "oh no I've been eating too much!". But I think a lot of the times, I mistake my feelings! What's REALLY going on, is that I'm really missing this person after they have left, and I'm missing the time I spent with them, feeling free and normal. I'm actually feeling lonely, and I tend to compensate with restricting. If that makes any sense? What I really need after a weekend of indulgence, is good company!!
That totally does make sense. It's like you let yourself into the world and have fun and you're with some one awesome, and then when they leave you're left with your own mind and your own AN..... Not such good company! Maybe try to keep being kind to yourself when the other person has left. If I loved myself in the way some of my friends or family love me, or in the way I love them, I'd be bloody sorted. Haha. Is that the kind of thing?
I totally relate to this. Especially the restricting for drinking part. Thanks for putting a voice to it. I am having a family dinner tomorrow and this definitely helped me prepare mentally for it. Family > ED always
I also decided to recover but I struggle with eating and not Feeling guilty. I am so greatful for your Input and that I can relate with your Feelings - one time I am happy and want to enjoy the Food and than SLAM! Thank you that you Show that I am not alone!
I SO relate to the idea of eating 'scary' things frequently rather than restricting them and for that to leading on binging on them. I still try and implement these foods and its f*cking hard haha but I agree its so important because binging on the food makes your feel worse than scary feeling of eating the food in a normal portion. Love these rants so much!! I hope you have a wonderful time in India :)
So true. Like how you talk about your guilt. Most dont.
Literally cried when I watched this, I relate to this sm.. Makes me think my ed in a new light (especially when i challenged my fear of chocolate earlier!!!) It really hits home the fact that it is our choices that matter most in like do you want to stay in your restricted bubble forever and fear more and more foods and getting tighter control over everything... OR regret the things you don't eat enough in life forever..
;_____; xxx
I really like this vlog. I can completely relate to the alcohol thing at uni with the drinking culture. The amount of times I have cancelled arrangements with friends because I felt so uncomfortable with the extra calories from alcohol it’s mad! But at the end of the day what you say about going out and living life is so true! Like I’m never gonna be a fresher again so I might as well go out and get wasted haha which I certainly will be doing tonight now! Thanks for your vlogs I am loving them😊 xoxoxoxo
Amazing! For what it’s worth, I was a healthy weight at uni & I went out & got drunk all the time with my friends & Ido not regret a second of it. In fact far from it, I am so glad that I enjoyed uni properly & didn’t let the AN dictate my experience there. Have a good night 😘
Everything Snickers is my favorite! Hope you found some distraction from the feelings of guilt? What did you do to cope with it? Can be so hard, I have this before and after challenges. But spot on that if we don't face and tolerate fears and anxiety, we will never see any change! Also interested to hear what your Dad said about your channel? 😀
To be honest nothing totally distracts me. I’m really into the Australian married at first sight at the moment 😂 think my Dad was proud of me 😋
Aww, that's lovely that your Dad was proud of you! And same here, can't find any distraction when I'm that anxious. Perhaps I should find that show you've mentioned but don't think it's available where I live..
I get so sad when people give “tips” around the holidays and tell people to eat less the day or days before Christmas or some other special occasion... restricting never helps!
WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.... That's actual human advise? That's a mental illness!
Hi ... Sorry maybe it is stupid thing ... But it stay in my head ... Do you notice things like the caffiene in your coffee more because you are not used to it ... Like sitting for the next two houres like an owl and looking aroud all the time ;-)
Oh and if you ever visit germany i want you to invite you came across to a farmersmarkte were i Start to work at April ;-) ... I promes you get the best greens in town .... Again thank you to motivate me to make this step into a more aktiv and healthy live ... Have a wonderful day and enjoy every minute
Soo sweet, thank you so much! Yes, I am incredibly sensitive to caffeine. I get a bit shakey from it, so I often have decaff.
You have no idea how much your videos have helped me these last few weeks. I am trying to recover on my own, managed to get to a healthy weight but still stuck in disordered patterns, thoughts and counting. If you wouldn't mind saying where your treatment team are based it would be so great. I would love a team that can help me, I have seen countless practitioners but with all my health complications as a result of anorexia (osteoporosis, arthritis, muscular atrophy) I think I need a more holistic team than just a nutritionist or psychologist! Don't worry if you don't want to share, I understand if you are unable.
Hey - where do you live?
I live in Surrey, near Guildford. x
Do you experience extreme hunger? And do you eat "extra" or over your meal plan when this happens? I feel so guilty when I do this:( I hope it stops, I don't want to keep being hungry and eating forever!!!
I do yes, it’s actually dying down a bit I think now I’m eating so much & not cutting anything out. If I crave anything I let my body have it, & the cravings do get better with this!
Love your videos so much and I know you don’t want to share your diet and everyone’s different but I don’t have a Dietition I want one but struggling to find one or a therapist so I’m just wondering how often are you doing the foods we generally see you eating eg Starbucks drinks , cakes , kebabs etc etc would love to see what’s normal , your normal but understand you don’t want to share all x
I really like your channel whereas I don't like many others and am very wary of social media related recovery accounts. I think they can be dangerous to the person making them and trigger a lot of comparison. I think they are especially problematic when you have very ill people documenting everything they do and sharing all of their disordered thoughts. However, like I said, I find your channel the best of any I've seen. It's the only one I watch (I've seen others but usually stop them after a minute or two). My question for you is, are YOU concerned about the psychological effects (on yourself) of this video diary? You are very insightful and I know you work closely with a team... aren't you/they concerned that making your journey so public and becoming popular because of your eating disorder could serve to keep you trapped in the disorder? Like it becomes your identity, which makes it harder to let go of? I am concerned for you. Everyone can say "I'm not concerned with likes or follows" but we all use SM and we all know that it's inevitable not to pay attention to the size of your audience, etc. Also, you said you've had a few (or maybe just one?) trolls... you're lucky. There are people out there who will comment just to trigger/upset you (I hope you realize I am NOT one of these people). I want to see you continue to do well, thrive in your job, get married, have a full life. Aren't you worried this account may keep you stuck in the world of anorexia (even if it is anorexia recovery)??
Heyyy, good bold question! I don't imagine I'll do this forever. To be honest, when I'm a bit more recovered I don't know that I'll have anything to say any more or if I'll still be able to get into that head space. But who knows, maybe I will. For now I am finding it really helpful, and I know other people are finding it helpful which is great, but to be honest (selfishly) I wouldn't do it if it wasn'y helping me too. And that's why I don't document my recovery through the channel as well, or film everything I eat. That would be wayyyyy too much pressure, and I'd never want to only eat if I was filming it, or restrict to make it look like I was eating a lot on camera (I'm sure you can imagine the sort of thing). Anyway, for now I'm enjoying it and it seems helpful, and I've got my fiance and psychologist to keep my feet on the ground haha. So let's see. I totally know where you're coming from though, I've had the same thoughts as you!
So brave of you to ask that by the way, I really do totally know where you're coming from. It's definitely crossed my mind. I'll try not to get too sucked into it. It's weird isn't it, TH-cam, you get this like digital life. An "other you". Anywayyyy, glad you like the videos, thanks for your message x
For real..’I am so jealous of all these sweets!!!!
Do you have to have a specific amount of calories a day?
I don’t count calories. My dietician gives me a meal plan so she’s working out roughly what I need, but I won’t hit the exact same every day because sometimes I have things which are more
What country do you live in?
Could I ask you something quite random, because since I am in recovery as well (not 15 years history, only 4 in high school but nonetheless), I was just wondering about it. What was your ideal that drove you to the ED, because it's not simple overt control, I guess. Like, what type of body did you strive for, and if it was a "healthy fity" type, how do you cope with eating things you still know are considered "unhealthy"? Because it's weird that although restriction and anorexic/orthorexic thoughts prevent us from leading a normal, joyous life, a HEALTHY life-style is still not complete rubbish if one manages to get away from the psychological aspect of it. Or at least that's what I think, because since we'v treated our minds and bodies so terribly throughout the years, it's kind of good to nourish it properly, similarly to how it becomes way more valuable to be with people after so much tie of isolation and being kind of bitchy because of your ED mindset - same "I am making it up to you" kind of thing. Hope my comment isn't annoying XD
I am weight restored but still have massive digestive problems, irritable bowel type. This stops me from varying from my routine. How do you cope or is this not an issue for you. P.s. love your vlogs. So clear and logical and helpful.😀😀
Oh bless you, I was given an IBS medication called Dispatalin. That helped. I do struggle with it, but it is getting better. Have you got a doctor who can help you specifically?
Hi, i live in England. I’m 21 and I’ve been battling on and off with anorexia for 6 years. Over these years I’ve either been dieting, bodybuilding or restricting. I’m at the lower end of a healthy BMI but mentally i feel no different to when i was at my lowest weight i have so many fears and rules. I’m currently trying to gain some weight in hope it will make me better but i just feel so uncomfortable as I don’t feel a low enough weight to recover. I don’t know what to do, please help! :)
OMG watch my latest vlog. I literally talk about how you wont be recovered at low end of healthy BMIs.th-cam.com/video/PZKVO1vIHNk/w-d-xo.html
Will your anorexia last for ever?
I'm recently getting treated for my eating disorder that I have had since I was 10 is it actually possible to be recovered from my eating disorder 100%
The definition of Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result' 😊 x
The essence of anorexia 😂 “THIS TIME it’ll make me happy!”
Gosh that drink looks soooo good
I was wondering why you always eat every last mouthful on your plate or sip of your drink? Most genuinely normal eaters who are really unrestricted eaters that I know will sometimes , even often, leave something without giving it a second thought as they are in tune with the enough signal from their body....
And I'd add that if they do fully polish their plates they usually are after a second helping!
Do the people you work with and/or are traveling with know you are in recovery?
No! 😬
In recovery, what percentage of milk do you use ?
Aghhh I don't know. It's semi skimmed in the UK. But at the moment we have full fat in because a friend brought it over to make lasagne.
It´s so funny how you try to save ~10 calories every time by trying to give your cats something of your food :D
Love you!