Even if your pizza was bigger than your sister and mother, that's fine! You need to eat more than them, they don't need to gain weight, you do! So don't be sad about the pizza, you should be proud if your pizza was bigger, because you really need it girl xx
It's not about her or about the pizza or about how much her family ate or about how much she ate... It's like someone control you inside of you acting like " we're , me or I am" while it's not you or me , my friend " she's already know this, like I do we both know..only ana distory know.. We know this's not normal.. this's not me or her or anyone have ana. I know you don't mean anything bad of saying this but don't talk about weight or eating more or even the food for a girl who have ANOREXIA. Don't get me wrong this's not a hate comment
Star Light - what Denise said is exactly true and in recovery we have to accept those facts! To gain weight, which Elzani needs to do, you have to eat more than others who are needing to maintain their weight. Denise’s comment was a very friendly reminder of this to Elzani (and those of us struggling with similar things)
@Mimi i agree. It's like the cliche saying "eat a burger, you're so thin" being healthy is still important to some people. If she wanted to leave 1 piece behind that's fine! Leave her alone it's her journey not yours
Denise dejo she just can’t understand logic rn. Her mental state is srsly SHOCKING I’m going thru the exact but, thru a dr LIKE SHE NEEDS! And my doctor told me whatever works, use that. She’s irrational, still looking at herself w/SEVERE BODY DISMORPHIA, and lies, excuses, and just plain BABY BS I THINK HER FAMILY IS CURRENTLY SICK N DONE ✅ W/it!
@@carriesweedler1802 yeah I get the same feeling. But tbh she's so privileged. Soooo incredibly privileged. When my mom noticed my anorexia she forced me to eat food or she was gonna beat me lol and when she noticed I was throwing up she blocked the bathroom and forced me to eat even more and said if I she catches me throwing up that's gonna be the end. No therapy. Lol. Any my dad is dead. Wish I could have made my eating disorder recovery my life
As a fellow anorexic in recovery, “I feel like it’s too much “ is a phrase I find myself saying a lot around my family. I find I say it because I want “permission” from them that isn’t too much. The thing is, there is literally no such thing as too much for us and that’s hard to internalize. We need so much food. Also, our perception of “a lot of food” is so skewed. Remember it will get easier as you move forward and your brain makes new connections with food being a good thing. We can do this. I believe in you!!!
Yeah I've anorexia too. It's hard to get out of that mindset. Her family weren't the ones restricting for years. Her body is in a massive calorie deficit from restricting. In fact she's needs it more than everyone since it goes towards muscle recovery, bones, hair, skin etc. It's important to remember this.
There’s no way you can eat “too much” Elzani, you are in recovery!! You NEED this food!! Remember that you are not healthy and this is why you may need to eat more or eat when your full. You just have to fight through the fullness and thoughts and trust in others and in the process that everything will be okay in the end. xxx
Well that's not quite true, is it? If she eats too much, she could get sick and start vomiting and what would be the point of all that she ate. She needs to learn how far she can push herself before she makes herself sick. Half a large pizza is ALOT. Plus it's bread so it expands quite a bit, making her fuller quicker. She needs to work with a nutritionist where she can eat something that size wise is smaller but has more calories. Like the tortellini...where her family had it plain, she could add a sauce to it. She could have about the same amount of food but by adding cheese, butter, sauces, etc...she gets more calories in.
I'm a *very long* ED sufferer, and I think Elzani needs to try and trust that her *body* will tell her when she's had enough, not her *mind* . Looking at her pizza, it *does* look like a lot..but if she's still *physically hungry* after eating it, she needs to eat *more* . If she's no longer *physically hungry* after eating even one slice, she should *stop* .. although, for her recovery she *should* eat until she's full, but not *stuffed* . There is no point in making her eat *beyond* fullness to the point of pain and discomfort. A lot of recovering anorexics *relapse* because they *overeat* in the name of recovery and then put on too much weight (or fall into a binge cycle). Trust me, I know. For every day that she is honoring her natural hunger cues, she is doing her body a favor. She shouldn't need to overstuff herself if she's already full. Peace. 😊 xx
@Diana please, if you're not familiar with Ed recovery, don't freaking comment such things! that's so harmful. we HAVE TO eat so so much, more than you can ever imagine when you've never been in recovery. please, this is such bad advice ohmygod
Honey, this year is only 12 days, and every day is a struggle for so many of us. If you feel you need to cry, just cry, babe. Crying is not a sign of weakness, and you know you are strong. I see you are strong. You made it so far. It's so funny, we are so different but yet we fight the same fight. I don't suffer from anorexia, wasn't luckily overweight either but I was addicted to food and I was binge eating to make me feel better. Food was my everything, my only motivation. I hated to go to sleep because that meant I could not eat anymore, on the other hand, I was looking forward to another day, another meal I can prep for myself and feel better. I found comfort in food. It wasn't healthy at all. Finally, I went to therapy. I'm good now, it's getting easier, but we gotta keep fighting, otherwise, we might fall into the same shithole again, which I'm sure we both don't want. I know you are going to make it. Breakdowns are a part of the healing process. There is no easy healing, healing without tears, without doubts. We just need to trust this. You'll be fine, I promise.
you said it right at 34:30. your family of course will do what they can to support you- but they have to set limits to how far they'll alter their own diets and lifestyles to make you comfortable. You have to be able to stand on your own two feet without the constant reassurance that you've eaten less or the same as everyone else.
@SimplyJo i agree completely. She's seems set on this "I have to eat the same as everybody else if they don't finish or have extra then I can't" . I did the same for a long time, and all it does is spur an unfair resentment on both sides. She might get frustrated when she wants something and nobody else has it. They'll get tired of feeling forced to eat in a way they don't want to. I feel like she's still not 100% convinced that she needs MORE than everyone else.
So when I was in hospital, recovering from anorexia, my therapist told me to take photos of all my meals that I was given. I remember thinking they were HUGE, bigger than everyone elses & far too much. I still have those photos & when I look at them now, it was NOTHING. It was the early stages of recovery for me after eating a scarily low amount, so the first couple of "refeed" weeks, I was still eating only eating a very small amount of food. But my anorexic head made them grow & look enormous. The point is, when you're in recovery, anorexia makes you feel like your meal is ALWAYS bigger or more than everyone elses. When you look back, you'll see how irrational that is & how much it really doesn't matter. You're doing so well. Keep going
You may not realize it but you are getting less hesitant when it comes to taking bites. That is a major win! You are getting better and better at overcoming the bad thoughts!
Hi Elzani, I had anorexia for 30 years and have now been in recovery for over 5. I think you are doing great, Recovery is so hard, and yet you are improving with each video. I cried through many many meals. It's ok, just keep at it. Thanks for sharing your journey and allowing others to see what recovering from anorexia is really like.
Elzani you're videos are the only ones where I don't find myself double tapping to skip forward every 5 second, and I actually sit and watch the whole 40min video straight. Wish you all the best in 2019, go and be your amazing self!
Elzani you neeeeed to feel full! And you need to eat past full in order to expand you stomach and get better! I know inside your head you don't think you look ill but darling, you do! I know you know this already and a lecture from a random person won't help because it has to start with you, but just think - whenever you feel full you're even closer to recovery! I completely understand it's not as easy as that but just try and try and try. I can tell by just a few videos that you will get to recovery because you've got such a good spirit and you 're extremely self aware. Take care and remember to do the opposite of what the little voice inside your head tells you, it gets quieter and quieter every step of the way to recovery x
I love your hair short, I bet it feels so much better too? There’s no need to be sad. It’s okay that your pizza was bigger. I know you don’t want to hear this but it needed to be bigger. You made a good choice and it’s okay to be upset. That pizza honestly looks so good. You look so happy holding the pizza. It probably didn’t help that your mom said it was humongous... anyway I am so proud of you. I’ve been watching your videos for awhile.
. You can't compare yourself to what everyone else is eating their not in recovery. I have been here awhile I adore your personality. Also my birthday is the 25th of jan
Tazz Jensen In recovery, especially if you’re trying to weight restore, it’s important to push past fullness sometimes because otherwise we might not eat enough. Hunger signals can get messed up and our stomachs shrink. It’s like our digestive systems have to learn how to handle food again, which does require stretching out the stomach. It’s unpleasant and uncomfortable but necessary. In the beginning, if I only ate until I was full, I would’ve been eating very little.
I hate saying this but it's only from experience. Part of anorexia that's hard to let go of is the attention you receive which to the disordered can feel like love or close enough. I feel she may be showing her thin frame in the mirror because her anorexia (the illness, not her) wants to still show her thinness. That being said you can beat this elzani ♡
I agree, only from experience. Its a way of confirming to yourself that you are still at an anorexic weight. Its like the obsessive body checking we do...making sure we still have a thigh gap. My comment is made only out of loving concern to hopefully help you recognize disordered behaviors. You are amazing and courageous! You got this. We see how hard you are working and it will pay-off!
@@peapod9972 When I post comments like this I get hate but it's the reality from those who have been there or are there. Sometimes facing the real ugly truth is hard
@@its_msk I’m a few years late. But people with anorexia know damn well what they are doing when publicly bodychecking. When an alcoholic is drunk, and because of him being intoxicated he kills someone who just overdosed by waiting 17 minutes before they died. He knows and deserves jail time and therapy. She knows what she is doing. People in recovery could be looking for a space that they feel safe in and fall into a relapse because they see this bodychecking. By the way, the story was from the Netflix series “ Bojack Horseman “.
When your food arrives, eat it! Don't spend too much time waiting for everyone else and dwelling on it, it'll make it so much more difficult. The longer you spend before eating your food, the harder it's going to be. (This is coming from someone who has anorexia, and is recovered) EDIT: You're doing so much better with your smelling habit! Keep it up!
You’re absolutely lovely Elzani. You remind me a lot of myself at 17 when I was sick, I see you go off into your mind and worrying yourself when your overwhelmed. I hope you find your peace soon, you are such a sweet bubbly girl and you deserve to feel worthy and to enjoy your time in this life. Never give up on yourself, El. One day you will get to other side of recovery and see all the bad days you pushed through were making you stronger. Praying for your recovery, loads of love from Arizona, USA. P.S. your mum is absolutely lovely as well 💖 she’s a very kind, patient woman and she’s doing a great job with you girls.
It honestly broke my heart to see you so upset:( Every day in recovery is worth something, so even if you cry or feel like you didn’t do as much as you wanted, you still are recovering and making little steps towards freedom. Also, you don’t need to worry about what other people are eating- they have their own, healthy bodies and don’t need to gain weight. Plus, NOBODY ever died from eating a slightly bigger portion of rice/pizza/any food. Food will never hurt you, not eating enough food will. I know it’s easier said than done but just keep telling yourself that. Sending positivity xxx
honey remember that your family doesn't really know how to deal with your ed. Who careds what Alicia thinks you should or shouldn't have. She's prob just trying to help....but you don't need to ( and you shouldn't )ask anyone if what you're eating is 'ok'. IT'S ALL OKAY
The more you eat the faster your recorvery will be and the faster you will live your best life ! Trust me recorvery worth it. I cant believe I wasted 3 years being sick
I really think you need to work out a food plan with your mom and maybe a neutritionalist . Not to count cals as such but work out how many you need to weight restore and plan some meals for the week nothing strict just like some kind of pasta dish on a set day or some kind of curry another. maybe throw in a few fear foods throughout the week too not just eating chocolate . Let your mom do the cal counting not you. Then you will know you haven't eaten too much. Every day is a win.
SimplyJo we eat loads of fruit and veg! I don’t show everything and every single meal, the girls take salads to school filled with cucumber, red pepper, spinach, quinoa, etc all different each day! Falafels, chicken, chickpeas etc! Don’t worry. Tbh they all have much better diets than me obviously, they eat so much fruit as well it’s crazy! And almonds etc. Not that anyone needs to justify anything, it’s just I don’t want people saying about my family and their eating when people don’t truly know haha! I’m not annoyed either at all, just want everyone to know! I know my eating needs to include much more of what they eat, as well as everything else. And it’s exciting!
You can’t get better by not eating ‘too much’. You need to eat what seems like ‘too much’ by your standards in order to get better both physically and mentally. It’s ok to eat more than other poeple, you should eat more than other people !! You’re doing great and I can definitely see you’re becoming less hesitant when eating but you need to let yourself eat lots and lots and you don’t need to ask other people if you’re eating too much or if you should have something or not. If you want it or you’re hungry, you have it regardless of what your mum or sisters say
I appreciate that you show us your breakdowns. I'm sure it's hard to film those but I find it absolutely fascinating to hear what you are thinking during your recovery. You sharing your fears and holdups about food has been very helpful in me changing my perceptions about anorexia. Keep up the good work and keep posting your amazing videos.
From a recovered bulimic, you most definitely can come out the other side of an eating disorder and have 'normal' thoughts about food. Be encouraged Elzani, anorexia does not define you, your journey through it is equipping you for a bright and healthy future xx
There is no such thing as too much chocolate! Chocolate is your friend :-) I know the feeling of being uncomfortable with being full...i'm feeling it right now but we have to power through it. you're doing so well, keep it up
Keep eating the bars! They're delicious and you really seem to want and enjoy them. They seem to be a food that doesn't make you anxious so it's probably a good idea to keep them included in what you eat! Keep up the good work!
It's always so sweet to see the little moment of pushing the courage to take a bite and after that the release of the anxiety when you taste the flavour of the food. Keep doing it Elzani! You deserve any single bite of any food your heart desires!
I actually am very grateful you shared this. Day before yesterday I ate pork chop and mashed potatoes and was proud until I felt full. As soon as that hits it tells your brain you ate too much and the guilt along with the uncomfortable full feeling is enough for anyone in recovery to have a breakdown. I did and my friend was very annoyed bc he simply doesn't understand how hard it is. Thank you again for sharing this.
You should keep eating those "big" chocolate bars. Just don't use them to replace a meal or as an excuse to not eat enough on meals and snack times. I don't know what Alisha said but are you sure your ED didn't make you misinterpret her on purpose? Whenever your head says "it's too much", say "f*ck you" like a rebel and add a little more just to make a point. You are stronger than that, you can do this! HELL YEAH!
your family definitely isn't annoyed, they're worried. they say the things they say because they love you and they want you to be healthy. i wish you the best of luck in your recovery, but remember that you are the only person who can make yourself get better :)
You are such a sweet, bright light. Even on the really difficult days, just look back at all the times when you've persevered. You're so brave to make your struggle public. Know that you are helping other people find the courage to help themselves, whether their issue is anorexia or something else.
It puts my mind at ease knowing your family took you to hospital not long after this vid was uploaded for treatment as they couldn't help you and you couldn't help yourself. The time has come to get better 🙏👍
Also, good job at calming yourself down in the middle of the video. Just remember that you probably aren’t eating enough to gain weight so please just keep that in mind beautiful
I’ve never had to go through this, but I can still tell this is very challenging for you. You must be so blessed to have a family who cares so much about you. They seem to very well understand your condition and support you. And it’s okay to be sad and frustrated too by the way. Dont beat yourself up over your frustrations, just recognize them and remind yourself that you are recovering from an illness and that it will be better. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not next year, but somewhere down the line you will be physically and mentally healthy again.
I truly admire your vulnerability and sharing your struggles while eating and afterward . I know it must be hard to open yourself to constructive criticism . I struggled from an eating disorder then addiction and became like a parrot of my therapists and other recovered people - spouting what I knew a recovered person should do or say, while hiding the truth from everyone. Treatment was no longer helpful for me because of it . You were being raw, honest and vulnerable! I am recovered now from my ED and addiction !! I got better when I got out of treatment because I didn’t want to lose my family and that’s where I was headed. Many years recovered now, so to others, it is possible and you can enjoy life again!
videos like this really hit home. remembering the nights before kick boxing where I’d break down after eating too much. Breaking down at school for eating lunch and finding the only way to feel better would be starving myself for a minimum of 2 days. 6 months later, I’m still recovering from anorexia, but I’m so much stronger now. I’ve gained a lot of my weight back and I eat enough everyday. Sometimes healthier then other days. Videos like this make me feel so comforted because you’re going through exactly what I was and still am going through. It makes me wonder how many people are struggling right now, this second. 💓
I can feel how many things run through your head, and I know how scary this is, but keep going. Never stay back and most importantly, DO NOT GIVE UP THE FIGHT! There People that love You and feel so proud of Your fight!
I love how honest and vulnerable you are about this and remember that every mouth ful you eat is just another mouthful to recovery don’t ever regret eating
You are deserving of all that you crave. Your body is smart and handles what you need. You need more at this time and that’s ok. 14:00 is a prime example, all of your pushing through and challenging yourself is paying off. You look so well in this clip, your face is glowing! Keep pushing girl!
Your family is honestly ......... so amazing and so strong. I'm growing to really love your mom and sisters and I've just subscribed a few minutes ago and watched 3 videos, maybe because it reminds me of my eating disorder when i was at my thinnest and weakest point. My mom was my biggest supporter. I really love this and I strongly believe you will make it through this :) at your own pace and time! There's no rush sweetheart
Oh sweet girl please don’t cry your doing so well please be proud ,your family loves you soooooo much it’s clear to see and you do not annoy them you perceive their frustration to see you well and happy as that but it’s so not .lots of love 💖 your so very strong 💪 you CAN do this we are with you watching and sending you strength 💖💕
Love your videos so much Elanzi! I’m in a similar place in recovery as you so it feels like we’re doing it together and can completely relate to your ups and downs!!! Please post everything and anything edited or unedited I just love seeing and following your journey! You’re so inspiring with your truth and honesty. Please keep uploading and don’t worry about editing raw/unedited stuff is the best!!!!
i believe in you. healing is about feeling. remember, anorexia is like a coping mechanism; a way to numb yourself. recovery is a way to embrace all emotions, none of which are "bad". you are going to have a lot of tears on this journey, and that's okay. it doesn't make you weak, it makes you human. x
Wow! You’re looking so much healthier already I’m amazed! You don’t need to feel bad if your pizza or any portions are bigger because you need as many calories as you can to recover as fast as possible💗
I would love to see a video where any time you want something you have it, no questions. Instead of asking "Do you think I should have one" which is really you just looking for someone to tell you you can have it (since your family always says yes). I would love to see you say "I want one, will you all support me as I conquer my fear of having one," or "I want one but I am scared" that acknowledges the feeling not the food.
Your pizza might be bigger and thicker ( wasn’t really) but your skinner and need it more than them. If they have one chocolate bar you have way more because it’s what you need right now they are eating normal because there a healthy weight but you need to eat way more so you can be a healthy weight. So go enjoy food and eat heaps, food is amazing so why not eat lots of it. Your meant to eat heaps so you can gain weight so it doesn’t matter if you eats heaps because it will have a poster effect on your body and plus your not even eating lots you need to eat more so you can be come your true beautiful self again
Please see a professional nutrionist specializing in eating disorders. Take support from commentors but not health advice. Some of the comments have no basis in nutrition or eating disorder recovery and are unhealthy and misinformed.
Dawny K Please stop watching and commenting on her videos if you don’t agree with her recovery. Everyone is different and being told what to do won’t make the blindest bit of difference.
@@lolapoggg2037 you are part of the misinformed. It isn't about agreeing with anything. When you have a background in psychology or eating disorder recovery you have some insight
@@lolapoggg2037 I didnt say if you are recovering. I said if you have a background in psychology or eating disorder recovery (as in, a professional). Not on a high horse by any means. Just educated. Best of luck in your recovery.
No one's on a high horse. She NEEDS professional help and support. Not only a counselor or therapist, but ALSO a nutritionist! Mental health issues mainly cannot be fought alone. Especially not when they're this far into an ED. I not only suffer from mental health issues myself, but my ex gf is anorexic and bulimic, and she CANNOT recover on her own. Even after years of being apart. This shouldn't have to fall just on Elzani's family to help guide her through this. It's a mammoth task on your own, with family. They all need more support to help get the best results we all know Elzani wants, and her family wants too.
And yes you can do it!!!! We're all rooting for you! You are an inspiration and don't give up !!! You have such a genuine personality and it's so brave to share your journey with us. You have gained a new subscriber and I'm so glad I found you on TH-cam! You are giving so many young women hope. Keep it up gorgeous. You got this!!!
Seeing you cry over feeling like you had eaten too much, I knew exactly what you were going through and I so wished that I could have been there to talk to you at that time, it’s hard for anyone to understand what this feeling is like, unless they have had an eating disorder, days like this are so common during recovery, the voices and pull of anorexia does not simply go away when someone is trying to recover, in fact those fears and feelings often intensify during this time, talking to someone who is helping with your recovery is the best thing to do, don’t bottle up the fears. The voice of anorexia , will become less and it does get easier ,
Some days you may feel vulnerable and have blips but just know that these are not set backs. Recovery isn’t linear, and it’s okay if all you did in a day was survive. After all, even the worst days only have 24 hours. Keep fighting, allow yourself to blossom and never forget how valuable you are. xx
Hi Elzani, I've been bulimic for 37 years and trying to recover by myself. You are so brave and so pretty. Im so glad you are getting well and have time to get your health back to normal. Im afraid I'm too far gone. My teeth are ruined and my bones ache. I know what it feels like to fear food. But listen honey food doesn't have to be your enemy. When your better and I state when your better. You can go back to swimming and you'll burn any excess calories that way. Starvation is not the way. Try looking at things this way. Imagine you are looking inside your body. You can see all your body organs . . You want all your organs to be healthy. Our bodies are like machines . They need food. All the nutrients you give your body are helping every part of your body. That pizza is making your hair grow. That cheese is making your teeth grow. All that food is repairing all your body to make you come back to the 22 year old you should be. Im 52 now and in recovery and guess what my teeth are growing 😬 at the back of my mouth because they stop growing when I was a teenager. Kinda cool eh. Love you and your family so much. Xxx
Elzani you are doing so well! Your rules for food are shifting because one of the biggest problems with eating disorders is control. When you let go of controlling one thing, you try to control something else instead. Just remember you are doing a good job, don't worry about anyone else's food and just enjoy your little victories every day.
Really really proud of you pushing through the breakdowns, that is what makes this year different! I remember when I had to weight restore years ago it was like a constant awful state of fullness - but it is SO worth it in the end, I promise you. You're going to have to eat A LOT in the first bit, but the more you do it the easier it'll get!
Your doing fine Hun, you're not a bother to anyone! Your pizza was infact bigger even if it's not what you want to hear it is true, however, I'm super sUPER proud of you for overcoming that challenge!! We all are! I am and so many others are proud of you for even making the choice to try and get healthier! I've been watching your channel for a bit now, and just, It's going to definitely take a bit of time and patience and finding yourself, for you to get to where you'd like to be, word of advice!! Having 'bigger portions' for more calories, honestly isn't 100% the way to go per say???? Since you are developing a new lifestyle, from your old personal way of living, your stomach/body isn't used to all these large volume meals! Sure it looks great that your getting these meals down, but it's not great if it's causing you to have breakdowns, in turn, these big portions, just tends to make you feel bad for not being able to finish, or feel like you have to just, force yourself and just end up with pain and cramps? And anxiety, and negative outcomes, I could see how it would become discouraging hhhh... That's still not super healthy either hun! However, it's better/easier to increase your caloric intake by adding more calories rich liquids/dense snacks at first (then over time, upping your volume size so your stomach muscles arent like 'whats going on'! Try incorporating things like, boost plus shakes, 'very high calorie boost', smoothies, low volume calorie dense foods like nuts, seeds, (Shelled Sunflower Seeds, Brazil nuts, Walnuts, Pistachios, Macadamias), Dried Apricots, Raisens, meal replacement bars(as a snack), and even simply adding more oils to cooking? Can be an easy way to up your intake without increased volume, etc! That would definitely help I'm positive!! And every once in a while sure? Throw in a bigger volume meal as a personal challenge! But no, it doesn't have to be abnormally big or anything, just, take your time Hun, increase that portion size over time, we're all just really happy your making better health decisions for yourself and we're all here to cheer you on during this journey. ❤️ All the best~
Sad to see a few break downs in this video looks like anorexia is trying to claw its way back to be in control just keep fighting keep going and know you CAN do it ! Maybe some therapy would help you ? Also I’ve been wondering , does your mum work from home ?
Elzani....people are different. Some people have 2 tacos, some people have 5, some eat 10!! Someone else saving their food has nothing to do with your appetite. You are doing so well and I want you to be you! Don’t look at what everyone else is doing, do what Elzani wants to do! 🙌🏽🙌🏽💛
I HAVE TO TELL YOU! when we go for so long eating smaller amounts. Our stomach shrinks . So when you start eating more than you are used to it streches and it can be painful . praying for you lovely girl! Thanks for sharing your most private life!
Thank you for sharing all your emotions and journey with us even when you are really struggling with the thoughts. I relate so much to what you explain and how you feel eating with family. I always compare myself too to what other people eat and can never eat more than them which leads to me isolating myself when I eat so I don’t feel guilty but then I just end up alone. Anorexia is such a horrid illness and I’m so proud of you for facing your fears and sharing your thoughts so honestly. I really do hope you recover for life and never go through this again xxx
You are amazing Elzani , you are showing so much stregnth and resilience. Its not easy but you are pushing yourself everyday and thats amazing. Keep going
I think you're doing great. I love watching when you try something for the first time in awhile... you can see how determined you are. If TH-cam comments are upsetting you, disable them or get someone to review them for you. The TH-cam community can be a mean place but don't let those unhappy people derail your progress. Every day is a new day and you'll keep moving forward each day.
13:18 Gosh I wish I could give you a hug. Honestly you telling yourself "it's fine, calm down" is so relatable, that's what I also always did when I had those panic attacks.
I love the honesty of this. Living with my sis and still struggling with the same stuff daily. Also no one to challenge me, since my sister is ordered to lose weight by the doctor it is difficult for us...
You're family are doing their best as are you lovely. It's not an easy ride, but it's absolutely necessary! One thing that your eating disorder is massively holding over you, is comparison. What you eat and what your family eat, don't need to be the same. Your bodies are all completely different and need different amounts. What they eat should never impact what you do and I know that's hard, but you've got to fight that! You also need much, much more because your body needs to make repairs and then restore some of the weight it should never have lost! You can do this. Keep working at it, every single day you fight, is a day closer to your head being quieter xxx
Just started watching your video's and they're great! Thanks for being authentic and honest, with what you're feeling. Eating disorders are very challenging. I sit at the other end of the spectrum, as I am obese, need to lose weight. I cry and get upset too. We keep going! Legit my motto is keep going, has been for a while now. Much love and you're doing great! 🤩👌👏💖
Elzani, you are doing amazing! Do not let yourself get down like this! I know you are going to do so well this year! We are all here for you! Stay Strong girl xx
I can relate to the panic and fear, I always say the same things “this looks like too much” or “this is a lot” and people try to reassure me and I still am scared
Hi Elzani, I'm happy to see you back! Just wanted to mention that you have an amazing mum, it's so funny that the food she tries is always 'divine', but at the same time its lovely to see her enjoying food to the fullest. I wish you all the best and I believe that this year, you'll be able to fully enjoy food like your mum. You're brave!
I’m so glad you uploaded, it always make my day! :) don’t worry about the video being «good enough», I always think they are great :) and I think you’re doing a great job, even tho you freak out every now and then you never give up and THAT will pay off in the long run. You’re doing great, Elzani! Please make a sit down video where you explain what freaks you out and why and stuff - I think that would help people who haven’t gone through it themselves understand better :) Also, your hair looks SO much thicker and prettier after you got it cut, I love it.
i still suffer with a number of eating disorders and oh my god i love how positive you are at the start of every day. It's very inspiring, i hope everything works out for you!
I'm new to your channel and this is the second video of yours I've watched and when you was laying in your bed crying I cried to and just wanted to give you a massive hug..... You are doing so well and should be so proud of yourself, cause everyday your doing so well and getting a step closer in recovery
You've come so far. You still handled the pizza and everything so, so well. It's such a big step, especially when others are eating less (grandma). Crying doesn't erase the great progress you're making. I don't have an ED but I used to have OCD and I know it's hard to push the thoughts out of your head. It's ok to cry. Everything gets easier with time. You can 1 million% do it Elzani. x
Hey, Elzani. You're doing so well, honestly you keep pushing yourself and that's amazing every small step you make is huge and powerful in challenging your eating disorder. I used to celebrate each new food I ate and every broken ED rule too. I also understand the constant need for reassurance, it might seem like it's annoying other people but it's part of the illness and should get better each time you do something. Plus I think often the disorder blows things out of proportion and tells us we're really bad and annoying, when it's not true. In terms of people eating less than you, all of our bodies need different amounts of food, no one is the same so we can't compare (despite our Ed's trying). Your grandma for example is a lot older than you and when we get old our metabolisms tend to slow down; so the amount of food to sustain your grandma will not sustain you let alone help you gain weight. I don't know if this was helpful but I hope it is a bit. You're clearly such a lovely, caring person and you're so strong and so deserving of recovery. Keep doing you're honestly amazing!
You’re doing so good, babe! Try and keep your chin up, don’t compare yourself to others, and remember that it is okay to not be okay. This is an extremely difficult journey you’re taking, and it’s perfectly fine to cry whenever you need to. It doesn’t make you any weaker, just more of a human. Sending much love and positive vibes from the USA!
Even if your pizza was bigger than your sister and mother, that's fine! You need to eat more than them, they don't need to gain weight, you do! So don't be sad about the pizza, you should be proud if your pizza was bigger, because you really need it girl xx
It's not about her or about the pizza or about how much her family ate or about how much she ate... It's like someone control you inside of you acting like " we're , me or I am" while it's not you or me , my friend " she's already know this, like I do we both know..only ana distory know.. We know this's not normal.. this's not me or her or anyone have ana. I know you don't mean anything bad of saying this but don't talk about weight or eating more or even the food for a girl who have ANOREXIA. Don't get me wrong this's not a hate comment
Star Light - what Denise said is exactly true and in recovery we have to accept those facts! To gain weight, which Elzani needs to do, you have to eat more than others who are needing to maintain their weight. Denise’s comment was a very friendly reminder of this to Elzani (and those of us struggling with similar things)
@Mimi i agree. It's like the cliche saying "eat a burger, you're so thin" being healthy is still important to some people. If she wanted to leave 1 piece behind that's fine! Leave her alone it's her journey not yours
Denise dejo she just can’t understand logic rn. Her mental state is srsly SHOCKING I’m going thru the exact but, thru a dr LIKE SHE NEEDS! And my doctor told me whatever works, use that. She’s irrational, still looking at herself w/SEVERE BODY DISMORPHIA, and lies, excuses, and just plain BABY BS I THINK HER FAMILY IS CURRENTLY SICK N DONE ✅ W/it!
@@carriesweedler1802 yeah I get the same feeling. But tbh she's so privileged. Soooo incredibly privileged. When my mom noticed my anorexia she forced me to eat food or she was gonna beat me lol and when she noticed I was throwing up she blocked the bathroom and forced me to eat even more and said if I she catches me throwing up that's gonna be the end. No therapy. Lol. Any my dad is dead. Wish I could have made my eating disorder recovery my life
As a fellow anorexic in recovery, “I feel like it’s too much “ is a phrase I find myself saying a lot around my family. I find I say it because I want “permission” from them that isn’t too much. The thing is, there is literally no such thing as too much for us and that’s hard to internalize. We need so much food. Also, our perception of “a lot of food” is so skewed. Remember it will get easier as you move forward and your brain makes new connections with food being a good thing. We can do this. I believe in you!!!
You shouldn't go from one extreme to the next. It's just as unhealthy as being anorexic; trust me.
Yeah I've anorexia too. It's hard to get out of that mindset. Her family weren't the ones restricting for years. Her body is in a massive calorie deficit from restricting. In fact she's needs it more than everyone since it goes towards muscle recovery, bones, hair, skin etc. It's important to remember this.
@@paulop3730 You could not be more incorrect. And it's just this kind of mindset that keeps people in limbo from true recovery.
There’s no way you can eat “too much” Elzani, you are in recovery!! You NEED this food!! Remember that you are not healthy and this is why you may need to eat more or eat when your full. You just have to fight through the fullness and thoughts and trust in others and in the process that everything will be okay in the end. xxx
Well that's not quite true, is it? If she eats too much, she could get sick and start vomiting and what would be the point of all that she ate. She needs to learn how far she can push herself before she makes herself sick. Half a large pizza is ALOT. Plus it's bread so it expands quite a bit, making her fuller quicker. She needs to work with a nutritionist where she can eat something that size wise is smaller but has more calories. Like the tortellini...where her family had it plain, she could add a sauce to it. She could have about the same amount of food but by adding cheese, butter, sauces, etc...she gets more calories in.
I'm a *very long* ED sufferer, and I think Elzani needs to try and trust that her *body* will tell her when she's had enough, not her *mind* . Looking at her pizza, it *does* look like a lot..but if she's still *physically hungry* after eating it, she needs to eat *more* . If she's no longer *physically hungry* after eating even one slice, she should *stop* .. although, for her recovery she *should* eat until she's full, but not *stuffed* . There is no point in making her eat *beyond* fullness to the point of pain and discomfort. A lot of recovering anorexics *relapse* because they *overeat* in the name of recovery and then put on too much weight (or fall into a binge cycle). Trust me, I know. For every day that she is honoring her natural hunger cues, she is doing her body a favor. She shouldn't need to overstuff herself if she's already full. Peace. 😊 xx
That’s absolutely a horrible advice. No one should eat until they’re full.
@Diana please, if you're not familiar with Ed recovery, don't freaking comment such things! that's so harmful. we HAVE TO eat so so much, more than you can ever imagine when you've never been in recovery. please, this is such bad advice ohmygod
I can literally see the hope in your eyes Elzani. So proud of you for choosing recovery❤️
Honey, this year is only 12 days, and every day is a struggle for so many of us. If you feel you need to cry, just cry, babe. Crying is not a sign of weakness, and you know you are strong. I see you are strong. You made it so far. It's so funny, we are so different but yet we fight the same fight. I don't suffer from anorexia, wasn't luckily overweight either but I was addicted to food and I was binge eating to make me feel better. Food was my everything, my only motivation. I hated to go to sleep because that meant I could not eat anymore, on the other hand, I was looking forward to another day, another meal I can prep for myself and feel better. I found comfort in food. It wasn't healthy at all. Finally, I went to therapy. I'm good now, it's getting easier, but we gotta keep fighting, otherwise, we might fall into the same shithole again, which I'm sure we both don't want. I know you are going to make it. Breakdowns are a part of the healing process. There is no easy healing, healing without tears, without doubts. We just need to trust this. You'll be fine, I promise.
you said it right at 34:30.
your family of course will do what they can to support you- but they have to set limits to how far they'll alter their own diets and lifestyles to make you comfortable.
You have to be able to stand on your own two feet without the constant reassurance that you've eaten less or the same as everyone else.
@SimplyJo i agree completely. She's seems set on this "I have to eat the same as everybody else if they don't finish or have extra then I can't" .
I did the same for a long time, and all it does is spur an unfair resentment on both sides. She might get frustrated when she wants something and nobody else has it. They'll get tired of feeling forced to eat in a way they don't want to.
I feel like she's still not 100% convinced that she needs MORE than everyone else.
So when I was in hospital, recovering from anorexia, my therapist told me to take photos of all my meals that I was given. I remember thinking they were HUGE, bigger than everyone elses & far too much. I still have those photos & when I look at them now, it was NOTHING. It was the early stages of recovery for me after eating a scarily low amount, so the first couple of "refeed" weeks, I was still eating only eating a very small amount of food. But my anorexic head made them grow & look enormous. The point is, when you're in recovery, anorexia makes you feel like your meal is ALWAYS bigger or more than everyone elses. When you look back, you'll see how irrational that is & how much it really doesn't matter.
You're doing so well. Keep going
You may not realize it but you are getting less hesitant when it comes to taking bites. That is a major win! You are getting better and better at overcoming the bad thoughts!
Captain Cupcake yeah she’s not sniffing every bite like she normally does
Hi Elzani,
I had anorexia for 30 years and have now been in recovery for over 5. I think you are doing great, Recovery is so hard, and yet you are improving with each video. I cried through many many meals. It's ok, just keep at it. Thanks for sharing your journey and allowing others to see what recovering from anorexia is really like.
Elzani you're videos are the only ones where I don't find myself double tapping to skip forward every 5 second, and I actually sit and watch the whole 40min video straight. Wish you all the best in 2019, go and be your amazing self!
Elzani you neeeeed to feel full! And you need to eat past full in order to expand you stomach and get better! I know inside your head you don't think you look ill but darling, you do! I know you know this already and a lecture from a random person won't help because it has to start with you, but just think - whenever you feel full you're even closer to recovery! I completely understand it's not as easy as that but just try and try and try. I can tell by just a few videos that you will get to recovery because you've got such a good spirit and you 're extremely self aware. Take care and remember to do the opposite of what the little voice inside your head tells you, it gets quieter and quieter every step of the way to recovery x
I love your hair short, I bet it feels so much better too? There’s no need to be sad. It’s okay that your pizza was bigger. I know you don’t want to hear this but it needed to be bigger. You made a good choice and it’s okay to be upset. That pizza honestly looks so good. You look so happy holding the pizza. It probably didn’t help that your mom said it was humongous... anyway I am so proud of you. I’ve been watching your videos for awhile.
How can you even begin to call that 'short' lololol
mts2457 because it’s a lot shorter then what it was. Her hair used to be so much longer so I am sure that it feels short to her also 🙄
mts2457 so lololol
On mimi, you don't understand roped recovery at all...
Mimi You are a straight up idiot.
. You can't compare yourself to what everyone else is eating their not in recovery. I have been here awhile I adore your personality. Also my birthday is the 25th of jan
Tazz Jensen In recovery, especially if you’re trying to weight restore, it’s important to push past fullness sometimes because otherwise we might not eat enough. Hunger signals can get messed up and our stomachs shrink. It’s like our digestive systems have to learn how to handle food again, which does require stretching out the stomach. It’s unpleasant and uncomfortable but necessary. In the beginning, if I only ate until I was full, I would’ve been eating very little.
My birthday is the 25th Feb and she is so strong x
mine is also the 25th of january
I hate saying this but it's only from experience. Part of anorexia that's hard to let go of is the attention you receive which to the disordered can feel like love or close enough. I feel she may be showing her thin frame in the mirror because her anorexia (the illness, not her) wants to still show her thinness. That being said you can beat this elzani ♡
I agree, only from experience. Its a way of confirming to yourself that you are still at an anorexic weight. Its like the obsessive body checking we do...making sure we still have a thigh gap. My comment is made only out of loving concern to hopefully help you recognize disordered behaviors. You are amazing and courageous! You got this. We see how hard you are working and it will pay-off!
@@peapod9972 When I post comments like this I get hate but it's the reality from those who have been there or are there. Sometimes facing the real ugly truth is hard
@@its_msk I’m a few years late. But people with anorexia know damn well what they are doing when publicly bodychecking. When an alcoholic is drunk, and because of him being intoxicated he kills someone who just overdosed by waiting 17 minutes before they died. He knows and deserves jail time and therapy. She knows what she is doing. People in recovery could be looking for a space that they feel safe in and fall into a relapse because they see this bodychecking. By the way, the story was from the Netflix series “ Bojack Horseman “.
@@its_msk Just because she has anorexia doesn’t give her the excuse to trigger people and harm them.
When your food arrives, eat it! Don't spend too much time waiting for everyone else and dwelling on it, it'll make it so much more difficult. The longer you spend before eating your food, the harder it's going to be. (This is coming from someone who has anorexia, and is recovered)
EDIT: You're doing so much better with your smelling habit! Keep it up!
You’re absolutely lovely Elzani. You remind me a lot of myself at 17 when I was sick, I see you go off into your mind and worrying yourself when your overwhelmed. I hope you find your peace soon, you are such a sweet bubbly girl and you deserve to feel worthy and to enjoy your time in this life. Never give up on yourself, El. One day you will get to other side of recovery and see all the bad days you pushed through were making you stronger. Praying for your recovery, loads of love from Arizona, USA.
P.S. your mum is absolutely lovely as well 💖 she’s a very kind, patient woman and she’s doing a great job with you girls.
Alisha is so supportive and mature
It honestly broke my heart to see you so upset:( Every day in recovery is worth something, so even if you cry or feel like you didn’t do as much as you wanted, you still are recovering and making little steps towards freedom. Also, you don’t need to worry about what other people are eating- they have their own, healthy bodies and don’t need to gain weight. Plus, NOBODY ever died from eating a slightly bigger portion of rice/pizza/any food. Food will never hurt you, not eating enough food will. I know it’s easier said than done but just keep telling yourself that.
Sending positivity xxx
Keep telling yourself what you said in your other video. ''This year im going to do the opposite of what my mind tells me''. You're doing great, Elzi!
Eyes on your own plate. Best advice ever. Your needs are different to others.
I think you should keep eating the bars! You don’t have to restrict and no longer have them if it’s what you enjoy!
honey remember that your family doesn't really know how to deal with your ed. Who careds what Alicia thinks you should or shouldn't have. She's prob just trying to help....but you don't need to ( and you shouldn't )ask anyone if what you're eating is 'ok'. IT'S ALL OKAY
The more you eat the faster your recorvery will be and the faster you will live your best life ! Trust me recorvery worth it. I cant believe I wasted 3 years being sick
I really think you need to work out a food plan with your mom and maybe a neutritionalist . Not to count cals as such but work out how many you need to weight restore and plan some meals for the week nothing strict just like some kind of pasta dish on a set day or some kind of curry another. maybe throw in a few fear foods throughout the week too not just eating chocolate . Let your mom do the cal counting not you. Then you will know you haven't eaten too much. Every day is a win.
SimplyJo we eat loads of fruit and veg! I don’t show everything and every single meal, the girls take salads to school filled with cucumber, red pepper, spinach, quinoa, etc all different each day! Falafels, chicken, chickpeas etc! Don’t worry. Tbh they all have much better diets than me obviously, they eat so much fruit as well it’s crazy! And almonds etc. Not that anyone needs to justify anything, it’s just I don’t want people saying about my family and their eating when people don’t truly know haha! I’m not annoyed either at all, just want everyone to know! I know my eating needs to include much more of what they eat, as well as everything else. And it’s exciting!
You can’t get better by not eating ‘too much’. You need to eat what seems like ‘too much’ by your standards in order to get better both physically and mentally. It’s ok to eat more than other poeple, you should eat more than other people !! You’re doing great and I can definitely see you’re becoming less hesitant when eating but you need to let yourself eat lots and lots and you don’t need to ask other people if you’re eating too much or if you should have something or not. If you want it or you’re hungry, you have it regardless of what your mum or sisters say
I appreciate that you show us your breakdowns. I'm sure it's hard to film those but I find it absolutely fascinating to hear what you are thinking during your recovery. You sharing your fears and holdups about food has been very helpful in me changing my perceptions about anorexia. Keep up the good work and keep posting your amazing videos.
Damn! Is it me or is she getting mentally stronger and more self aware as each video comes out. IM ROOTING FOR YOU GIRL! 💖💖💖
From a recovered bulimic, you most definitely can come out the other side of an eating disorder and have 'normal' thoughts about food. Be encouraged Elzani, anorexia does not define you, your journey through it is equipping you for a bright and healthy future xx
Have you ever thought about making a TH-cam channel about your journey? I'd definitely watch it
Bless your heart 😭 you haven’t annoyed everyone! They’re all there to help you and be supportive! You’re doing AMAZING! xx
There is no such thing as too much chocolate! Chocolate is your friend :-)
I know the feeling of being uncomfortable with being full...i'm feeling it right now but we have to power through it. you're doing so well, keep it up
I love your mum's attitude towards ED!
"Do you think I should have it?"
Mum: "It's up to you." 💯💯💯💯💯💯💯
Keep eating the bars! They're delicious and you really seem to want and enjoy them. They seem to be a food that doesn't make you anxious so it's probably a good idea to keep them included in what you eat! Keep up the good work!
It's always so sweet to see the little moment of pushing the courage to take a bite and after that the release of the anxiety when you taste the flavour of the food. Keep doing it Elzani! You deserve any single bite of any food your heart desires!
I actually am very grateful you shared this. Day before yesterday I ate pork chop and mashed potatoes and was proud until I felt full. As soon as that hits it tells your brain you ate too much and the guilt along with the uncomfortable full feeling is enough for anyone in recovery to have a breakdown. I did and my friend was very annoyed bc he simply doesn't understand how hard it is. Thank you again for sharing this.
You should keep eating those "big" chocolate bars. Just don't use them to replace a meal or as an excuse to not eat enough on meals and snack times. I don't know what Alisha said but are you sure your ED didn't make you misinterpret her on purpose?
Whenever your head says "it's too much", say "f*ck you" like a rebel and add a little more just to make a point. You are stronger than that, you can do this! HELL YEAH!
your family definitely isn't annoyed, they're worried. they say the things they say because they love you and they want you to be healthy. i wish you the best of luck in your recovery, but remember that you are the only person who can make yourself get better :)
You are such a sweet, bright light. Even on the really difficult days, just look back at all the times when you've persevered. You're so brave to make your struggle public. Know that you are helping other people find the courage to help themselves, whether their issue is anorexia or something else.
It puts my mind at ease knowing your family took you to hospital not long after this vid was uploaded for treatment as they couldn't help you and you couldn't help yourself.
The time has come to get better 🙏👍
Also, good job at calming yourself down in the middle of the video. Just remember that you probably aren’t eating enough to gain weight so please just keep that in mind beautiful
I’ve never had to go through this, but I can still tell this is very challenging for you. You must be so blessed to have a family who cares so much about you. They seem to very well understand your condition and support you. And it’s okay to be sad and frustrated too by the way. Dont beat yourself up over your frustrations, just recognize them and remind yourself that you are recovering from an illness and that it will be better. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not next year, but somewhere down the line you will be physically and mentally healthy again.
that was just so nice, youre very very kind.
I truly admire your vulnerability and sharing your struggles while eating and afterward . I know it must be hard to open yourself to constructive criticism . I struggled from an eating disorder then addiction and became like a parrot of my therapists and other recovered people - spouting what I knew a recovered person should do or say, while hiding the truth from everyone. Treatment was no longer helpful for me because of it . You were being raw, honest and vulnerable! I am recovered now from my ED and addiction !! I got better when I got out of treatment because I didn’t want to lose my family and that’s where I was headed. Many years recovered now, so to others, it is possible and you can enjoy life again!
videos like this really hit home. remembering the nights before kick boxing where I’d break down after eating too much. Breaking down at school for eating lunch and finding the only way to feel better would be starving myself for a minimum of 2 days. 6 months later, I’m still recovering from anorexia, but I’m so much stronger now. I’ve gained a lot of my weight back and I eat enough everyday. Sometimes healthier then other days. Videos like this make me feel so comforted because you’re going through exactly what I was and still am going through. It makes me wonder how many people are struggling right now, this second. 💓
You are the meekest most tender hearted angel. What an absolute blessing you must be to your family.
I pray God bless and keep you.
I can feel how many things run through your head, and I know how scary this is, but keep going. Never stay back and most importantly, DO NOT GIVE UP THE FIGHT!
There People that love You and feel so proud of Your fight!
I love how honest and vulnerable you are about this and remember that every mouth ful you eat is just another mouthful to recovery don’t ever regret eating
You are deserving of all that you crave. Your body is smart and handles what you need. You need more at this time and that’s ok. 14:00 is a prime example, all of your pushing through and challenging yourself is paying off. You look so well in this clip, your face is glowing! Keep pushing girl!
Your family is honestly ......... so amazing and so strong. I'm growing to really love your mom and sisters and I've just subscribed a few minutes ago and watched 3 videos, maybe because it reminds me of my eating disorder when i was at my thinnest and weakest point. My mom was my biggest supporter. I really love this and I strongly believe you will make it through this :) at your own pace and time! There's no rush sweetheart
Oh sweet girl please don’t cry your doing so well please be proud ,your family loves you soooooo much it’s clear to see and you do not annoy them you perceive their frustration to see you well and happy as that but it’s so not .lots of love 💖 your so very strong 💪 you CAN do this we are with you watching and sending you strength 💖💕
Love your videos so much Elanzi! I’m in a similar place in recovery as you so it feels like we’re doing it together and can completely relate to your ups and downs!!!
Please post everything and anything edited or unedited I just love seeing and following your journey! You’re so inspiring with your truth and honesty. Please keep uploading and don’t worry about editing raw/unedited stuff is the best!!!!
you have beautiful eyes and a really kind smile. All the best for 2019, I pray that you can overcome this and love food more and more
i believe in you. healing is about feeling. remember, anorexia is like a coping mechanism; a way to numb yourself. recovery is a way to embrace all emotions, none of which are "bad". you are going to have a lot of tears on this journey, and that's okay. it doesn't make you weak, it makes you human. x
Wow! You’re looking so much healthier already I’m amazed! You don’t need to feel bad if your pizza or any portions are bigger because you need as many calories as you can to recover as fast as possible💗
I would love to see a video where any time you want something you have it, no questions. Instead of asking "Do you think I should have one" which is really you just looking for someone to tell you you can have it (since your family always says yes). I would love to see you say "I want one, will you all support me as I conquer my fear of having one," or "I want one but I am scared" that acknowledges the feeling not the food.
You haven't annoyed anyone, your family understands and loves you!
You're doing amazing!
Your pizza might be bigger and thicker ( wasn’t really) but your skinner and need it more than them. If they have one chocolate bar you have way more because it’s what you need right now they are eating normal because there a healthy weight but you need to eat way more so you can be a healthy weight. So go enjoy food and eat heaps, food is amazing so why not eat lots of it. Your meant to eat heaps so you can gain weight so it doesn’t matter if you eats heaps because it will have a poster effect on your body and plus your not even eating lots you need to eat more so you can be come your true beautiful self again
Please see a professional nutrionist specializing in eating disorders. Take support from commentors but not health advice. Some of the comments have no basis in nutrition or eating disorder recovery and are unhealthy and misinformed.
Dawny K Please stop watching and commenting on her videos if you don’t agree with her recovery. Everyone is different and being told what to do won’t make the blindest bit of difference.
@@lolapoggg2037 you are part of the misinformed. It isn't about agreeing with anything. When you have a background in psychology or eating disorder recovery you have some insight
Dawny K I am recovering... get off your high horse.
@@lolapoggg2037 I didnt say if you are recovering. I said if you have a background in psychology or eating disorder recovery (as in, a professional). Not on a high horse by any means. Just educated. Best of luck in your recovery.
No one's on a high horse. She NEEDS professional help and support. Not only a counselor or therapist, but ALSO a nutritionist! Mental health issues mainly cannot be fought alone. Especially not when they're this far into an ED. I not only suffer from mental health issues myself, but my ex gf is anorexic and bulimic, and she CANNOT recover on her own. Even after years of being apart.
This shouldn't have to fall just on Elzani's family to help guide her through this. It's a mammoth task on your own, with family. They all need more support to help get the best results we all know Elzani wants, and her family wants too.
And yes you can do it!!!! We're all rooting for you! You are an inspiration and don't give up !!! You have such a genuine personality and it's so brave to share your journey with us. You have gained a new subscriber and I'm so glad I found you on TH-cam! You are giving so many young women hope. Keep it up gorgeous. You got this!!!
Seeing you cry over feeling like you had eaten too much, I knew exactly what you were going through and I so wished that I could have been there to talk to you at that time, it’s hard for anyone to understand what this feeling is like, unless they have had an eating disorder, days like this are so common during recovery, the voices and pull of anorexia does not simply go away when someone is trying to recover, in fact those fears and feelings often intensify during this time, talking to someone who is helping with your recovery is the best thing to do, don’t bottle up the fears. The voice of anorexia , will become less and it does get easier ,
people need to encourage her... always tell her SHE WILL and SHE CAN.... i think shes absolutely amazing
Some days you may feel vulnerable and have blips but just know that these are not set backs. Recovery isn’t linear, and it’s okay if all you did in a day was survive. After all, even the worst days only have 24 hours.
Keep fighting, allow yourself to blossom and never forget how valuable you are. xx
Your eyes are so bright! Keep going, never give up! 😘
I love your mom and the relationship you have with her!😊❤️
I’m a soon to be RDN and I’ve seen patients with many different issues. Maybe if you when to a Dietitian or a therapist it might help!
Hi Elzani, I've been bulimic for 37 years and trying to recover by myself. You are so brave and so pretty. Im so glad you are getting well and have time to get your health back to normal. Im afraid I'm too far gone. My teeth are ruined and my bones ache. I know what it feels like to fear food. But listen honey food doesn't have to be your enemy. When your better and I state when your better. You can go back to swimming and you'll burn any excess calories that way. Starvation is not the way. Try looking at things this way. Imagine you are looking inside your body. You can see all your body organs . . You want all your organs to be healthy. Our bodies are like machines . They need food. All the nutrients you give your body are helping every part of your body. That pizza is making your hair grow. That cheese is making your teeth grow. All that food is repairing all your body to make you come back to the 22 year old you should be. Im 52 now and in recovery and guess what my teeth are growing 😬 at the back of my mouth because they stop growing when I was a teenager. Kinda cool eh. Love you and your family so much. Xxx
You go girl! I think this year is going to be the best year for you and I can’t wait to see you do all things you’ve wanted to do without questions.
Elzani you are doing so well! Your rules for food are shifting because one of the biggest problems with eating disorders is control. When you let go of controlling one thing, you try to control something else instead. Just remember you are doing a good job, don't worry about anyone else's food and just enjoy your little victories every day.
Really really proud of you pushing through the breakdowns, that is what makes this year different! I remember when I had to weight restore years ago it was like a constant awful state of fullness - but it is SO worth it in the end, I promise you. You're going to have to eat A LOT in the first bit, but the more you do it the easier it'll get!
Your doing fine Hun, you're not a bother to anyone! Your pizza was infact bigger even if it's not what you want to hear it is true, however, I'm super sUPER proud of you for overcoming that challenge!! We all are! I am and so many others are proud of you for even making the choice to try and get healthier! I've been watching your channel for a bit now, and just, It's going to definitely take a bit of time and patience and finding yourself, for you to get to where you'd like to be, word of advice!! Having 'bigger portions' for more calories, honestly isn't 100% the way to go per say???? Since you are developing a new lifestyle, from your old personal way of living, your stomach/body isn't used to all these large volume meals! Sure it looks great that your getting these meals down, but it's not great if it's causing you to have breakdowns, in turn, these big portions, just tends to make you feel bad for not being able to finish, or feel like you have to just, force yourself and just end up with pain and cramps? And anxiety, and negative outcomes, I could see how it would become discouraging hhhh... That's still not super healthy either hun! However, it's better/easier to increase your caloric intake by adding more calories rich liquids/dense snacks at first (then over time, upping your volume size so your stomach muscles arent like 'whats going on'! Try incorporating things like, boost plus shakes, 'very high calorie boost', smoothies, low volume calorie dense foods like nuts, seeds, (Shelled Sunflower Seeds, Brazil nuts, Walnuts, Pistachios, Macadamias), Dried Apricots, Raisens, meal replacement bars(as a snack), and even simply adding more oils to cooking? Can be an easy way to up your intake without increased volume, etc! That would definitely help I'm positive!! And every once in a while sure? Throw in a bigger volume meal as a personal challenge! But no, it doesn't have to be abnormally big or anything, just, take your time Hun, increase that portion size over time, we're all just really happy your making better health decisions for yourself and we're all here to cheer you on during this journey. ❤️ All the best~
Sad to see a few break downs in this video looks like anorexia is trying to claw its way back to be in control just keep fighting keep going and know you CAN do it !
Maybe some therapy would help you ?
Also I’ve been wondering , does your mum work from home ?
You can and WILL get through this! I believe that 2019 is your year you will come the farthest you ever have in recovery ❤️❤️
Elzani....people are different. Some people have 2 tacos, some people have 5, some eat 10!! Someone else saving their food has nothing to do with your appetite. You are doing so well and I want you to be you! Don’t look at what everyone else is doing, do what Elzani wants to do! 🙌🏽🙌🏽💛
I’m currently inpatient for my anorexia and your videos help me so so much, your such an inspiration to me thank you so much!!💖
I love it at 18:21 when she turns and says “Oh well, I’m gonna have it”
I HAVE TO TELL YOU! when we go for so long eating smaller amounts. Our stomach shrinks . So when you start eating more than you are used to it streches and it can be painful . praying for you lovely girl! Thanks for sharing your most private life!
Clicking on the video thinking pleaseee be a long video and it is.. yeyyyyy
If you keep going , I will to . Stupid thing in our heads . So manipulating . We are better off without it 😢✨💓
Hope you are still staying strong 💜🖤
Thank you for sharing all your emotions and journey with us even when you are really struggling with the thoughts. I relate so much to what you explain and how you feel eating with family. I always compare myself too to what other people eat and can never eat more than them which leads to me isolating myself when I eat so I don’t feel guilty but then I just end up alone. Anorexia is such a horrid illness and I’m so proud of you for facing your fears and sharing your thoughts so honestly. I really do hope you recover for life and never go through this again xxx
You are amazing Elzani , you are showing so much stregnth and resilience. Its not easy but you are pushing yourself everyday and thats amazing. Keep going
I think you're doing great. I love watching when you try something for the first time in awhile... you can see how determined you are. If TH-cam comments are upsetting you, disable them or get someone to review them for you. The TH-cam community can be a mean place but don't let those unhappy people derail your progress. Every day is a new day and you'll keep moving forward each day.
13:18 Gosh I wish I could give you a hug. Honestly you telling yourself "it's fine, calm down" is so relatable, that's what I also always did when I had those panic attacks.
I love the honesty of this. Living with my sis and still struggling with the same stuff daily. Also no one to challenge me, since my sister is ordered to lose weight by the doctor it is difficult for us...
You're family are doing their best as are you lovely. It's not an easy ride, but it's absolutely necessary! One thing that your eating disorder is massively holding over you, is comparison. What you eat and what your family eat, don't need to be the same. Your bodies are all completely different and need different amounts. What they eat should never impact what you do and I know that's hard, but you've got to fight that! You also need much, much more because your body needs to make repairs and then restore some of the weight it should never have lost! You can do this. Keep working at it, every single day you fight, is a day closer to your head being quieter xxx
It’s crazy going back to these older videos and seeing the hesitation then compared to now.
Just started watching your video's and they're great! Thanks for being authentic and honest, with what you're feeling. Eating disorders are very challenging. I sit at the other end of the spectrum, as I am obese, need to lose weight. I cry and get upset too. We keep going! Legit my motto is keep going, has been for a while now. Much love and you're doing great! 🤩👌👏💖
Elzani, you are doing amazing! Do not let yourself get down like this! I know you are going to do so well this year!
We are all here for you!
Stay Strong girl xx
I can relate to the panic and fear, I always say the same things “this looks like too much” or “this is a lot” and people try to reassure me and I still am scared
Hi Elzani, I'm happy to see you back! Just wanted to mention that you have an amazing mum, it's so funny that the food she tries is always 'divine', but at the same time its lovely to see her enjoying food to the fullest. I wish you all the best and I believe that this year, you'll be able to fully enjoy food like your mum. You're brave!
I’m so glad you uploaded, it always make my day! :) don’t worry about the video being «good enough», I always think they are great :) and I think you’re doing a great job, even tho you freak out every now and then you never give up and THAT will pay off in the long run. You’re doing great, Elzani!
Please make a sit down video where you explain what freaks you out and why and stuff - I think that would help people who haven’t gone through it themselves understand better :)
Also, your hair looks SO much thicker and prettier after you got it cut, I love it.
i still suffer with a number of eating disorders and oh my god i love how positive you are at the start of every day. It's very inspiring, i hope everything works out for you!
Since I’ve started watching you, you look so much more radiant already, I’m so excited to see you progress and kick anorexia’s arse 💗
I'm new to your channel and this is the second video of yours I've watched and when you was laying in your bed crying I cried to and just wanted to give you a massive hug.....
You are doing so well and should be so proud of yourself, cause everyday your doing so well and getting a step closer in recovery
Honestly coming back from your most recent the strides you have taken is so fabulous so proud elz xx
Hun your doing so well but recovery will be so much easier if you stop worrying what others eat I promise you x
You're truly an inspiration Elzani
YOu are doing great girl. never give up on the path to health!! GO YOU!
You've come so far. You still handled the pizza and everything so, so well. It's such a big step, especially when others are eating less (grandma). Crying doesn't erase the great progress you're making. I don't have an ED but I used to have OCD and I know it's hard to push the thoughts out of your head. It's ok to cry. Everything gets easier with time. You can 1 million% do it Elzani. x
I love to see you better yourself. Stop worrying just keep looking up. Im so happy you ate it
Hey, Elzani. You're doing so well, honestly you keep pushing yourself and that's amazing every small step you make is huge and powerful in challenging your eating disorder. I used to celebrate each new food I ate and every broken ED rule too. I also understand the constant need for reassurance, it might seem like it's annoying other people but it's part of the illness and should get better each time you do something. Plus I think often the disorder blows things out of proportion and tells us we're really bad and annoying, when it's not true. In terms of people eating less than you, all of our bodies need different amounts of food, no one is the same so we can't compare (despite our Ed's trying). Your grandma for example is a lot older than you and when we get old our metabolisms tend to slow down; so the amount of food to sustain your grandma will not sustain you let alone help you gain weight. I don't know if this was helpful but I hope it is a bit. You're clearly such a lovely, caring person and you're so strong and so deserving of recovery. Keep doing you're honestly amazing!
You’re doing so good, babe! Try and keep your chin up, don’t compare yourself to others, and remember that it is okay to not be okay. This is an extremely difficult journey you’re taking, and it’s perfectly fine to cry whenever you need to. It doesn’t make you any weaker, just more of a human. Sending much love and positive vibes from the USA!
I’m so proud of you! You’re doing such a great job! Keep going!
Love, Sophie😊