Right? I went from insisting that clothing shopping was an idiotic waste of time and that no one should care what I look like to spending 6 hours a week at the gym lifting weights (mostly to feel better, but a little to look better), worrying about my haircut, and picking up new shirts and jackets whenever I could afford them.
I never thought I'd care much about my hair's length before I tried buzzing it. Now I'm in love with keeping it short and get nervous whenever it gets longer than a couple inches. Fuzzy head = gender euphoria for me
I wish I realised, well more accepted I was trans earlier in my life. As a cis-guy I had no real care of my appearance, and my wardrobe pretty much consisted of jeans and geek shirts. I wasn't happy being a fat blob of a guy but honestly I didn't really care about myself anyway so didn't matter, and if it caused me to die earlier who cares, right? Coming out and accepting myself has been wonderful for all sorts of reasons but I'm still struggling with that mistreatment of myself, especially my weight. I am taking better care of myself and I look fabulous, but still are overweight and need to exercise more but frightened to do it outdoors because not only being trans but societies treatment of fat women especially when they are exercising. I'll get the weight down eventually but still is hard
@@Armunn01 it's entirely your own choice to do with your body what you wish, but please remember that fat isn't a dirty word and that being fat isn't a commentary on your health or worth. Exercise is good and healthy, and I'm glad you've been taking better care of yourself, but don't feel you need to push yourself into losing weight.
A tiny tip from me: if you accept other people always (each and every LGBTQIAA+ person) but not yourself, if you never question them and their identities, but are on verge of ridiculing yourself - think about them when you feel bad about your identity. Would you be transphobic towards any trans person regardless of how their tran-ness shows? You wouldn’t, so try to treat yourself like you would treat others. I hope this helps others, it helps me everyday with all shades of my queerness and my body issues.
@@DeeVoid404 if you needed that, then it was for you! I'm glad if I'm able to help you. Not accepting yourself feels awful, and if you feel that, I wish you from the bottom of my heart to stop feeling like that. I hope you can feel better.
@@yunicelennar7626 You deserve that heart!! And it sure helped me a little!! I want to try to be kinder towards myself even when I don't feel like I have that strength. I wish you all the best too!!
As an autistic trans man, I often wonder what, if anything, the connection between neurodivergence and gender identity is. (We're about 3x more likely than NTs to identify as trans or nonbinary.) My theory is that we're used to feeling a bit disconnected from social constructs and the "supposed to"s of society, so it's a little easier to understand that gender is ultimately artificial and, to some extent, optional. Anyone else want to weigh in? I'm genuinely curious what others in both communities think of the intersection.
Oh, it's that totally! Even as concretely a socially-transitioned transman with shaky plans for medical transition and everything, due to the whole Autism thing I still feel okay wearing dresses and/or very obvious makeup. I got kinda floored when someone mistook me for a girl while in a long wig for a Creature cosplay and then backed it up by claiming I was "dressed like a girl" despite cosplaying as _literally straight-up Frankenstein's Monster._ It isn't that I don't know about the Social Rule:tm: of gender, but if anyone was ever gonna grok this messed up abstract concept it sure wasn't EVER gonna be me. Being Autistic 100% affects everything about gender perception, and anyone who says otherwise can bite me.
As an ADHD and probably autistic enby, I definitely feel this. I was always confused by social expectations, am bad at not being honest, and have to understand things and not leave them unexamined. Put being trans in there and it was kind of inevitable I would figure it out and come out. Ignoring it or remaining closeted were never really going to happen.
Hi, i agree! I am autistic and recently figured out that i'm non-binary. I've always felt different than everyone else in an autistic way and i value authenticity extremely highly as well as finding it really difficult to be dishonest with myself or anyone else: it very quickly builds up and affects my mental health a lot. So i guess that helps me to be open about my gender identity, and like you said, already feeling disconnected to social constructs makes it easier to identify outside of them. I also value science and if it makes sense and is the ultimate truth backed up by all of human history, why would i not believe it?
food for thought: what if there actually *is* about the same amount of ND and NT trans people, but less NTs identifying as such because they are less likely to realize and/or more likely to not say anything (especially if they’re enby, *especially* especially if they’re partially their AGAB). I can totally see an NT AMAB demiboy never knowing the term, never having a problem with being called a guy and therefore never coming out or even realizing.
I love the way you spoke about the joy of seeing yourself in a dress. That's exactly how I experience my gender when I wear masculine clothes. Being nonbinary or trans doesn't need to be defined by pain. Gender euphoria is such a powerful and glorious feeling, that's all the proof you need that this is right for you. I'm so happy and so proud seeing you embrace your joy and your identity. 💜
Thank you, I don't see many nonbinary stories that I relate to because I don't really experience any sort of strong dysphoria, and it makes me question my whole reality sometimes like I'm just making it up for attention and taking away from someone else's experiences by using the label. I've recently reached a turning point in my life where I can't really tolerate pretending I'm cis anymore but I still Doubt, but I feel better knowing there's someone else out there with a story I resonate with, so thank you always being so open and vulnerable with your own experiences, it helps
Nowadays, more and more enbies advocate for not seeing dysphoria as an indicator of being enby. So, y'know, we are not alone, and experiencing dysphoria or not is just that, an experience.
Hey i just wanted to let you know you're not alone. I'm also a non-binary person who doesn't experience dysphoria. We might not be the most commonly told experience, but we exist!
I once heard someone say that the greatest indicator of being trans/non-binary isn’t dysphoria, but the euphoria that comes with living as your authentic self.
Ayy, congrats This is a hard thing to figure out, and everyone should be proud that you did it Now, remember to stay safe and hydrated, get 8 hours of sleep every night and continue being this cute and valid
A lot of what you said here is very relatable. I just finally got assessed as being autistic and for the past few years finally had words to express my gender: I'm non-binary and agender/gendervoid. Before that i would use the word androgynous but only if I was drunk enough to be honest. I have always liked werewolves myself as they come and go between the wolf and the human world but their home is neither and that's sort of how I felt about my gender and being autistic before I even knew I was. Loving werewolves was also why I loved that the non binary people in "The Origin of Love" were children of the moon. Frankenstein is also very relatable to how I feel there is a lot of personal reasons I find the monster's tale relatable; being discarded by your creator because you didn't come out right. I hope the anti depressants keep helping and you enjoy discovering more about who you are.
I cried watching this because it mirrored so closely my own experiences of realising I’m non-binary and probably neurodivergent (I keep meaning to ask the GP about that and forgetting). Then I sobbed with joy seeing how you sparkle in your dress and hearing the speech at the end. Thank you. This video, and you, are wonderful, powerful, empowering and beautiful. 💛🤍💜🖤
15:22 "I like caring. I like being me" gaaah. I recently started hrt and my self esteem has skyrocketed. There are only hints of changes so far as it's only been a month, but the fact that I've taken this step towards my comfort has drastically changed how I feel about myself. I advocate for myself more, because since I've already gone to such lengths for my happiness, why would I sit back and let my job screw me over or visit relatives I don't feel like seeing? Before, I was like "eh I can handle this mild discomfort" but now I'm like "there's no reason for me to be uncomfortable in the first place" My happiness is *worth it* . I didn't even realize how much discomfort I was enduring until it was lifted.
I think I may be crying, I resonate to an uncomfortable degree. A good kind of uncomfortable. Thank you for being there. As someone to admire, as flawed but as brave as you present yourself. I wish you all the best.
Hope it's not creepy but I'm so genuinely in love with your mindset ever since I watched your ace video (or the one on masculinity, I watched them one after another). Sometimes people ask each other about a book or a movie that changed your life. I always felt weird about it because how would that work? I never had something like that in my life. However, I do know that finding you brightened my life. I know, it sounds cheesy but just look at your videos, watching them really makes people better. Quite selfishly, I'm happy that you and I share some parts of our identities. It reminds me of what you said about representation in your House video. PS. I love that representation quote so much that I quoted you in the introduction of my MA thesis. (>\\\\
@@DavidJBradley The person whose comment you answered isn't the only one you've helped, Mr. Bradley: I consistently delight in the genuine warmth, clarity and good sense you bring to your videos, and am impressed and inspired by your openness and honesty. Thank you for the gift of your work here, and for the supportive, inclusive community that it has spawned. (BTW, as another mere human owned by a sensational sable kitteh, I send hugs to Frank, and my Tarbelle sends you both loving, supportive purrs.)
I once heard someone say that being trans isn’t about gender dysphoria, it’s about gender euphoria, that moment where you look in the mirror and you feel profound happiness or anytime you have that feeling. Thank you for making this.
Huge congrats! The bit from 29:30 on was so similar to my own experiences this video would probably have been what cracked my egg if I wasn’t out already. Genuine tears.
"....if it's a phase that I'll get tired of and wish I'd never said to anyone. Who am I to just stake claim to this? I haven't suffered the way *real* trans people have. I don't get to just be that, do I?" From the Frankenstein stuff (turned loose on a world that seems to have no place for you) to the above quote, a lot of this really resonated for me. Thank you for making this!
I'm gonna parasocial a little here. I love you, I'm proud of you, you look lovely in your dress. You are so brave for living your truth. I found myself crying by the end of the video because I understand that feeling, that joy. It makes all the struggle with it. Thank you for sharing your story. It was beautiful and inspiring. 💚
I was afraid to embrace femininity for way too long, and it would have been far longer if it wasn't for discovering your videos and seeing you embrace and talk about queerness. I wouldn't have felt the joy of painting my nails for the first time last year, buying my first skirt, wearing my first dress in "public". Feeling that I am a woman, that I am non-binary, queer, and happy. And that (especially the skirt) was one of the few things that helped me come out this year and push through this Summer of misery and it is what I have to look forward to waiting for my dx to get hormones. And it means a lot to me. It's hard to express this joy or whatever parasocial vacarious thing it is that I feel over seeing you enjoy that same relief. Actually, the fact that I can't see the screen through tears is probably a good way to say this. I hope you'll have way more to come, and 💛🤍💜🖤 thank you 🖤💜🤍💛
This whole "you need dysphoria to be trans" thing is so stupid, to be honest. I had dysphoria like forever, and I didn't know what else live could feel like. But what actually made me realize that I am non binary was the amazing euphoria I felt when I opened my mind to the Idea that I could be non binary. Also, don't be afraid, you have a community behind you and we are here for you. Even when you feel lonely, remember that you are not alone, there are many trans and non binary people out there and many supporters who will be able to help you if you let them.
I am so proud of you my friend, and glad that I have gotten to be a part of your journey and to provide feedback on this video as you worked on it. I appreciate you to the end of the world and love you always💛⚪💜🖤
From an agender/nonbinary ace: wonderful video and congratulations! Hope you continue to experience that joy as you continue to learn and grow into yourself. May the pain, though necessary but difficult, be manageable and helpful on your journey.
This was really relatable. As an aroace who's having bad brain days pretty often and someone who doesn't really wanna be pushed into either suffocating gender box regardless of my body, aesthetic or tastes. Stay strong, buddy 💜
thank you for sharing this, David. a lot of this resonates with me as a fellow nonbinary (agender in particular) aroace person. addressing the mental health really makes it possible to see yourself and care
Congratulations! Looking forward to see the details in the upcoming video. Edit: The part of the haircuts is so relatable! In fact, I also used to have bad hair and cut it once in a while without styling it. Since I came out as bi, I decided to get an undercut and style it. It looks cool and I stopped caring about whether or not it made me look more feminine.
Yeah, realizing I was aromantic was really what freed me up to question my gender. Once I stopped feeling pressure to attract others, I became so much more aware of my own identity. Happy for you, fellow enby.
this is amazing. im also nonbinary and had this exact fascination with hedwig some years back. it moved me in such a way that you portraid so perfectly, its incredible. thank you for this video, and when in doub be sure your smile really tells everything you need to validate this journey. you rock!
I cried like a baby watching this, I’m so happy you were able to be more comfortable with yourself, and that you could find out who you are. Things are not always gonna be easy, but your experience has inspired me a lot since I also am in my journey of finding myself, but overall I’m so proud of you.
Wow. Truly lovely video, great singing, beautiful dresses(yellow looks great on you), nice Frank spotting and a movie I never even heard about before, but still can relate. I am happy for you, and this journey of self discovery you have the bravery to go through. Especially in the UK, then again, things are dire in my country as well. We'll keep on fighting for trans and non-binary rights.
EVERY GODDAMN TIME! I say "Hm, David released a 40min video, I don't think I'm in the mood for that right now, but I'll just see the first 5min", and then I can't leave. You start speaking and I'm hooked for however long the video is. And as someone very much in the closet, I always leave wanting scream my queerness as loud as I can, to wear it unapologetically in my sleeve. Thank you.
So happy for u! :] The video was great, especially the editing. Made me real emotional on some parts, im still on my journey and you described pretty well how I feel sometimes, it can be lonely, knowing that there are other people out there like me just makes me happy. :]
I just go into Hedwig, so I'm very pumped! Edit: After watching the video, I feel very seen as I really relate to David's struggle. I started anti-depressant in April, and have only very recently come to terms with and sit comfortably in my sexuality and gender. I still have my struggles, especially with my appearance, but I'm now very proud and comfortable being a genderfluid (AFAB, any pronouns) lesbian! I hope David and everyone else can find their happiness in themselves too 💙
Congratulations! My egg was also cracked during the pandemic! So much time alone with my thoughts... Also, I'm sure you've come across this but putting it out there for everyone, I highly recommend Dr Susan Stryker's 1993 article 'My Words to Victor Frankenstein Above the Village of Chamonix'!
YES! This article is so great (but CN for violence, murder) ! I immediatly thought about it when mentioned in the video and happy to find it alreaady got mentioned soon after the video premiered. (Engaing also with your comment to hopefully put it more to the top of the "top comments" ordering
32:16 That really touched me. I feel the same. I’m AFAB, and I never really thought I could be anything else than a woman, and I’ve never felt uncomfortable as one, but I don’t really know what gender feels like, per se. I know I’m not a man, but I don’t feel like I’m 100% a woman. I don’t like the associations that come with it, and I also sometimes wish my body was just like a doll. In the way that, I like how my body looks in clothes that are feminine and androgynous, but I really don’t like what’s underneath. I wish I could just have nothing under. I don’t know if that is due to my aromanticism and asexuality, or just that I resent my reproductive organs, because they cause me physical pain. I also feel really comfortable with the pronouns they/them. But then I feel like what they say in the video. I feel like I’m appropriating the suffering of ‘actual’ trans people, just because they sound good to me. (I know I’m not, it’s just difficult to actually internalize it, as I struggle with anxiety and feelings of being an impostor a lot) Idk I’ve been really confused about my gender lately. I don’t know if anyone will read this, but if you have, thank you for listening to my ranting! Remember that you deserve love, from others and from yourself. I say this, not to be condescending, but because I forget sometimes, and it feels good when people remind me.
For my romanticism class I got to read Frankenstein again, and as the final project I got to write about it and decided to make it about how the creature's inability to find any reflection of his experience in the world he sees or the literature he is exposed to mirrors the queer experience of lacking representation and having to conceptualize ourselves in abstract ways; i tie it into being a nonbinary kid who, not having the vocab for what they felt, was obsessed with The Little Mermaid (Part Of Your World is just so queer, if you want I'll send you the paper on instagram though its not high art) and yeah what you said really resonated. Thank you so much for sharing your experience and i hope youre drinking the Gender Euphoria in, you deserve it monarch
This is so beautiful. You’re verbalizing everything I’ve been feeling myself recently in regards to my gender or lack thereof. Thank you for this and for your strength.
I’m here because I’ve loved Hedwig since I bought the original cast album - and even got to perform songs from it once in a goth-ish blouse - and I think your views on it are spot-on. Especially how as a character she is hard to love - until the songs start telling the story. Kudos to you for some thoughtful and brave essaying. And your cover at the end absolutely slays. 😁🤘🏼👊🏼👊🏼
Im so glad to see you becoming happy with yourself and learning to do your hair. Hedwig was formative for me. My late (found) uncle Ken was an amazing, loud, beautiful person. He showed this film to me. He talked me through a lot of it, im younger, and didnt understand a lot of it at first. He talked me through it. The love, the desire, the self discovery. Her journey is everything. We went on to watch To Wong Foo, and Pricilla and so many more queer centric films. Im so glad i had this. He meant the world to me. Im so happy in my heart that i had Ken to walk me through this. It helped me discover things about myself i dont think id ever have realized without him. Midnight Radio was his favorite. It always gives me power and love and just warm fuzzies in general. By the way, your dress looks amazing. Dont let your impostor syndrome mess with you. Youre you. Thats all anyone can expect. Youre amazing.
Wow, this is the hardest I've ever related to a youtube video before. It just felt so raw and real. Almost made me cry, to be honest. When you put on that dress and smiled... it was beautiful. Thank you for this.
I'm going through this question right now and no matter the awnser I come to, I'm thankful you showed this part of your journey with us. so thank you, David.
Omg your cover of wig in a box made me cry 😭 It is my favourite song of the film, and I believe you got perfectly why is such a turning point in the narrative Also, I believe coming out videos are my favourite type of video essays hahahahahaha Keep on rocking you beautiful enby, don't let anyone (not even yourself) silence your voice.
I first watched Hedwig thanks to my best friend in high school in Mexico, us being the lonely weirdos of our school immediately took to it and I still listen to the soundtrack every so often (we’re still close friends). Thank you from another ace enby across the world, this was beautiful.
Hedwig has been part of my internal collage (to borrow a phrase) for over 20 years. That said, a lot of the things you identify here are things I unwittingly embraced in all that time. As someone AFAB and not Ace, I suspect I felt more comfortable playing in the gray areas and margins than I would have otherwise. This is gorgeous, you're gorgeous, and I greatly appreciate this new lens on stuff I may already have figured out, but will never stop unraveling, either. Mazel!
Thank you for making this post. Everything in it is so very relatable to me. I too have felt like some kind of "other." I too felt an amazing joy and tranquility the first time I put on a dress. I too have sung "wig in a box" (albeit with my own lyrics) to myself. Unlike you I would like to express myself to the world as female. The world (with which I must still interact) has said no. Therefore I remain closeted. Too many people (those who neither understand nor want to ) think they have every right to tell me I'm wrong. The world they hold up as ideal, however, is a dystopian place where I and everybody else is told what to be and what to like. I stand against this because I have to. It is mostly posts like this one that help show me I am not alone. Thank you, dear person, for walking with me for a while.
Dayum, listening to this on my bad brain day and it hits so much, I'm usually confronted with depression as in being uncapable of joy, but that's just not it, it's a lot of times being uncapable of being, keep your heads up everybody. Gotta st least think that's going to be better, since the alternative is to cry myself to sleep again and not do anything. Thanks bro for the vid💜
Thank you so much for this video. Hearing you talk about your experience really reminds me of my own in some way. It's nice to be reminded that we are not alone. I am so happy that you took the step in expressing yourself more freely. Genuinely made me cry to be honest. Keep being your wonderful self!
This is such a good look at how media can help us. And absolutely agree with you on Frankenstein, have you listened to the musical? I'm so attached to it, Adam's (I always call him by the name it seems like he wanted) songs are so powerful and it's so in tune with the original book, even in places where things were cut or changed.
Thank you for coming out and sharing your perspective. It's intimidating to share such a big thing about yourself, with so many people. I am closeted enby and live in a country where even the language is heavily gendered, it's impossible to refer to myself without misgendering myself, not without doing some tiresome linguistic acrobatics. The part about presenting as your asigned gender, and how it wouldn't be the worst, but it wouldn't bring you joy... That really speaks to me. Thank you. I'll try to remember the joy when things seem impossible again.
I needed this so much! Today I skipped my class because I was dealing with one of my depressive episodes. I was listening to Wig in a Box on repeat to cheer myself up. I used to watch Hedwig and the angry inch a lot back when I was a teenager. It shaped me. If anything, the musical taught me that it’s OK to be queer, non-binary, and messy. I am enough.
0:40 Something that caught me here, honestly. This is one sentence kinda expresses my gender identity so far, like, for me whenever I question myself about this, I always stop at that part. I really have no idea about what gender is, what it feels like and how would I even know if I feel like. Sometimes I like imagining and trying out more feminine stuff or go more androgynous but never masculine. But I like the feeling of having a beard, especially those bushy or long sage ones, but I never liked the idea of other more masculine stuff. Yet I still have no idea what I want for my gender identity, so I push it to the way side. Honestly, I wonder if I am just agender or genderfluid or maybe a demi, but I don’t know. Anyhow, I am glad you found yourself in more clearer detail and are in a better place mentally.
This touched me so much more than I expected. So much of it feels like you are speaking my mind, but articulating it so well. I have bipolar and adhd, and I am agender. I fell a bit like I'm looking in a mirror, but you are so beautiful. It makes me feel like I can be beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing. Also, the yellow dress is stunning, in a wonderfully understated and joyful way. It really suits you.
It's interesting that ...hm. You know how the heteronormative perspective on gender is that 'man' = default human, 'woman' = human* with certain modifications. And myself being afab and ehhhh non-binary I've always been attracted to the 'genderlessness' of 'man' and I've always been disappointed to find that masculinity is very much a set of strict rules performances aesthetics. And it's interesting for me to think how the same tendency manifests in amab people. You don't have 'another gender with less Gender' where you could fantasize about hiding. You just have to deal and try to balance out masculinity with femininity in a certain proportion. Maybe this is not your experience and you wouldn't relate? But this is probably how I would've felt had I been amab. So thanks to your video for allowing me to dwell on that. I really wish I could take joy in any gender performance as much as you do, it's beautiful to watch.
As another afab and ehhhh non-binary person, your experience with man being default really resonated with me. I've been toying with labels, but I mostly view myself as cis presenting, because I don't feel much of a connection with "masculinity" as a performance that I'm interested in emulating. I am however finding parts of me yearn for that "default" experience, just as you describe. Between this video and some of the comments, I'm wondering where on the spectrum between demigirl and agender I really fall. Thanks for sharing your perspective!!
For me, an amab enby, one of the things that is most distressing for me about manhood is the performativity of it, and how it gets tangled up in homophobia. I feel like I've escaped from a world of drab rigidity into a world where I _can_ engage in colorful and unique outfits. That puts me under a spotlight though, which before coming out, I thought I would hate, but now I actually find enjoyment in solving the puzzle of constructing a set of clothes that makes me feel cute. So, for me it's the opposite of hiding, and if I fantasize about anything, it'd be for more clothes that match my height and fat distribution: basically a world where you can get the same clothes in both the men's and women's departments. tl;dr I don't want to have less gender myself, I want the world to be less gendered
Yea. I'm an amab enby and this resonates. I dress pretty feminine (basically Ms. Frizzle) but since I have facial hair, I'm never going to get read as anything other than a guy. (I _like_ my facial hair! Especially since I started estrogen! But I hate how other people see it.) It feels like my only options are "pass as a girl" or "man in a dress" with no fallback or neutral and it's really frustrating at times. But other times it's like hell yeah, I'm soft punk Ms Frizzle with a beard, the fuck you going to do about it?
I was smiling along so hugely as you described how you felt wearing a dress. It genuinely makes me happy for you. Nothing warms me more than people figuring out their authentic self. As a fellow user of store bought dopamine, I hope your mental health will improve too. Until your next vid, take care 💛💟💜🖤
This was my favorite movie as a kid/teen and would always make me cry. Lots of not thinking about those emotions and disassociation later my egg finally cracked when i met a girl who showed me that it wasnt too late and that i couldnactually pursure transitioning
I may or may not have cried a bit when you showed the footage of you wearing a dress... (also you give me a lot of gender envy, that nail polish is absolutely glorious
Thank you. I've never heard someone describe exactly how I feel about my gender, insecurities and everything. This brought me to tears. I don't feel so alone about this anymore.
This video almost made me cry, beautiful synthesis of what I love about Hedwig, her abusiveness, and also the ecstatic joy in queerness, just all of it!! I also fall into the category of having had non-gender affirming reproductive surgery leaving me without sex hormones (medical tho) and I appreciate the recognition of the additional complexity there!
I felt like you were telling my story at times. I also had my egg cracked by Hedwig. That first Tony performance brought it to me. Then I saw the show with John Cameron Mitchell and Lena Hall. And...that was it, it all just clicked. And here I am, nonbinary and not identifying with any gender. Occasionally feeling like a fraud. But at the end of the day, I'm me.
Thank you so much for sharing your journey! i have an indescribable amount of joy in my heart for you and .... It's because of you, that I've learned to dig deep inside myself and find the me that fits. I don't know if I've found them yet, but i know they are inside of me. Sending u all the live and joy vibes I've got today! 💜🎩🖤🤍💚
congrats on the gender king!
The not caring about your body before you realize you aren't cis thing is such a mood.
Right? I went from insisting that clothing shopping was an idiotic waste of time and that no one should care what I look like to spending 6 hours a week at the gym lifting weights (mostly to feel better, but a little to look better), worrying about my haircut, and picking up new shirts and jackets whenever I could afford them.
too relatable! I wonder how it will change my life when I finally am able to transition, I assume I'll be much less willing to get injured at work
I never thought I'd care much about my hair's length before I tried buzzing it. Now I'm in love with keeping it short and get nervous whenever it gets longer than a couple inches. Fuzzy head = gender euphoria for me
I wish I realised, well more accepted I was trans earlier in my life. As a cis-guy I had no real care of my appearance, and my wardrobe pretty much consisted of jeans and geek shirts. I wasn't happy being a fat blob of a guy but honestly I didn't really care about myself anyway so didn't matter, and if it caused me to die earlier who cares, right? Coming out and accepting myself has been wonderful for all sorts of reasons but I'm still struggling with that mistreatment of myself, especially my weight. I am taking better care of myself and I look fabulous, but still are overweight and need to exercise more but frightened to do it outdoors because not only being trans but societies treatment of fat women especially when they are exercising. I'll get the weight down eventually but still is hard
@@Armunn01 it's entirely your own choice to do with your body what you wish, but please remember that fat isn't a dirty word and that being fat isn't a commentary on your health or worth.
Exercise is good and healthy, and I'm glad you've been taking better care of yourself, but don't feel you need to push yourself into losing weight.
A tiny tip from me: if you accept other people always (each and every LGBTQIAA+ person) but not yourself, if you never question them and their identities, but are on verge of ridiculing yourself - think about them when you feel bad about your identity. Would you be transphobic towards any trans person regardless of how their tran-ness shows? You wouldn’t, so try to treat yourself like you would treat others.
I hope this helps others, it helps me everyday with all shades of my queerness and my body issues.
Thank you so much for this. I know it wasn't meant for me specifically but it made me cry from happiness. Thank you.
@@DeeVoid404 if you needed that, then it was for you! I'm glad if I'm able to help you. Not accepting yourself feels awful, and if you feel that, I wish you from the bottom of my heart to stop feeling like that. I hope you can feel better.
I got a heart from David, now I'm gonna cry T - T
@@yunicelennar7626 You deserve that heart!! And it sure helped me a little!! I want to try to be kinder towards myself even when I don't feel like I have that strength. I wish you all the best too!!
@@DeeVoid404 Aww, thank you! You're lovely. 💜🌈
As an autistic trans man, I often wonder what, if anything, the connection between neurodivergence and gender identity is. (We're about 3x more likely than NTs to identify as trans or nonbinary.) My theory is that we're used to feeling a bit disconnected from social constructs and the "supposed to"s of society, so it's a little easier to understand that gender is ultimately artificial and, to some extent, optional.
Anyone else want to weigh in? I'm genuinely curious what others in both communities think of the intersection.
Oh, it's that totally! Even as concretely a socially-transitioned transman with shaky plans for medical transition and everything, due to the whole Autism thing I still feel okay wearing dresses and/or very obvious makeup. I got kinda floored when someone mistook me for a girl while in a long wig for a Creature cosplay and then backed it up by claiming I was "dressed like a girl" despite cosplaying as _literally straight-up Frankenstein's Monster._ It isn't that I don't know about the Social Rule:tm: of gender, but if anyone was ever gonna grok this messed up abstract concept it sure wasn't EVER gonna be me. Being Autistic 100% affects everything about gender perception, and anyone who says otherwise can bite me.
As an ADHD and probably autistic enby, I definitely feel this. I was always confused by social expectations, am bad at not being honest, and have to understand things and not leave them unexamined. Put being trans in there and it was kind of inevitable I would figure it out and come out. Ignoring it or remaining closeted were never really going to happen.
Hi, i agree! I am autistic and recently figured out that i'm non-binary. I've always felt different than everyone else in an autistic way and i value authenticity extremely highly as well as finding it really difficult to be dishonest with myself or anyone else: it very quickly builds up and affects my mental health a lot. So i guess that helps me to be open about my gender identity, and like you said, already feeling disconnected to social constructs makes it easier to identify outside of them. I also value science and if it makes sense and is the ultimate truth backed up by all of human history, why would i not believe it?
food for thought: what if there actually *is* about the same amount of ND and NT trans people, but less NTs identifying as such because they are less likely to realize and/or more likely to not say anything (especially if they’re enby, *especially* especially if they’re partially their AGAB). I can totally see an NT AMAB demiboy never knowing the term, never having a problem with being called a guy and therefore never coming out or even realizing.
Thank you for putting words to the connection between them, I've been wondering for a while myself!
I love the way you spoke about the joy of seeing yourself in a dress. That's exactly how I experience my gender when I wear masculine clothes. Being nonbinary or trans doesn't need to be defined by pain. Gender euphoria is such a powerful and glorious feeling, that's all the proof you need that this is right for you.
I'm so happy and so proud seeing you embrace your joy and your identity. 💜
Gender Euphoria is a wonderful thing!
Thank you, I don't see many nonbinary stories that I relate to because I don't really experience any sort of strong dysphoria, and it makes me question my whole reality sometimes like I'm just making it up for attention and taking away from someone else's experiences by using the label. I've recently reached a turning point in my life where I can't really tolerate pretending I'm cis anymore but I still Doubt, but I feel better knowing there's someone else out there with a story I resonate with, so thank you always being so open and vulnerable with your own experiences, it helps
Nowadays, more and more enbies advocate for not seeing dysphoria as an indicator of being enby. So, y'know, we are not alone, and experiencing dysphoria or not is just that, an experience.
Hey i just wanted to let you know you're not alone. I'm also a non-binary person who doesn't experience dysphoria. We might not be the most commonly told experience, but we exist!
Yes! You summed up my feelings perfectly!
I once heard someone say that the greatest indicator of being trans/non-binary isn’t dysphoria, but the euphoria that comes with living as your authentic self.
Ayy, congrats
This is a hard thing to figure out, and everyone should be proud that you did it
Now, remember to stay safe and hydrated, get 8 hours of sleep every night and continue being this cute and valid
Pipe p
There‘s something you have to do to be valid?
@@Alina_Schmidt no, just continue being it
my gender is a four-man cage match with lots of dangerous looking props, but choreographed by seasoned professionals to keep everyone involved safe
A lot of what you said here is very relatable. I just finally got assessed as being autistic and for the past few years finally had words to express my gender: I'm non-binary and agender/gendervoid. Before that i would use the word androgynous but only if I was drunk enough to be honest. I have always liked werewolves myself as they come and go between the wolf and the human world but their home is neither and that's sort of how I felt about my gender and being autistic before I even knew I was. Loving werewolves was also why I loved that the non binary people in "The Origin of Love" were children of the moon. Frankenstein is also very relatable to how I feel there is a lot of personal reasons I find the monster's tale relatable; being discarded by your creator because you didn't come out right. I hope the anti depressants keep helping and you enjoy discovering more about who you are.
I cried watching this because it mirrored so closely my own experiences of realising I’m non-binary and probably neurodivergent (I keep meaning to ask the GP about that and forgetting). Then I sobbed with joy seeing how you sparkle in your dress and hearing the speech at the end. Thank you. This video, and you, are wonderful, powerful, empowering and beautiful. 💛🤍💜🖤
15:22 "I like caring. I like being me" gaaah. I recently started hrt and my self esteem has skyrocketed. There are only hints of changes so far as it's only been a month, but the fact that I've taken this step towards my comfort has drastically changed how I feel about myself. I advocate for myself more, because since I've already gone to such lengths for my happiness, why would I sit back and let my job screw me over or visit relatives I don't feel like seeing? Before, I was like "eh I can handle this mild discomfort" but now I'm like "there's no reason for me to be uncomfortable in the first place"
My happiness is *worth it* . I didn't even realize how much discomfort I was enduring until it was lifted.
I think I may be crying, I resonate to an uncomfortable degree. A good kind of uncomfortable. Thank you for being there. As someone to admire, as flawed but as brave as you present yourself. I wish you all the best.
Hope it's not creepy but I'm so genuinely in love with your mindset ever since I watched your ace video (or the one on masculinity, I watched them one after another). Sometimes people ask each other about a book or a movie that changed your life. I always felt weird about it because how would that work? I never had something like that in my life. However, I do know that finding you brightened my life. I know, it sounds cheesy but just look at your videos, watching them really makes people better.
Quite selfishly, I'm happy that you and I share some parts of our identities. It reminds me of what you said about representation in your House video.
PS. I love that representation quote so much that I quoted you in the introduction of my MA thesis. (>\\\\
My grammar sucks, ngl.
I am sincerely glad my work can have helped at all 💜
@@DavidJBradley💜🌈 :3
Much love to you and your hard work. :3
@@DavidJBradley The person whose comment you answered isn't the only one you've helped, Mr. Bradley: I consistently delight in the genuine warmth, clarity and good sense you bring to your videos, and am impressed and inspired by your openness and honesty. Thank you for the gift of your work here, and for the supportive, inclusive community that it has spawned. (BTW, as another mere human owned by a sensational sable kitteh, I send hugs to Frank, and my Tarbelle sends you both loving, supportive purrs.)
I once heard someone say that being trans isn’t about gender dysphoria, it’s about gender euphoria, that moment where you look in the mirror and you feel profound happiness or anytime you have that feeling. Thank you for making this.
Huge congrats! The bit from 29:30 on was so similar to my own experiences this video would probably have been what cracked my egg if I wasn’t out already. Genuine tears.
He broke free. And I couldnt be happier for them
OH YEAH
🎶🎵👀
ONE OF US
ONE OF US
ONE OF US
ONE OF US
can't fuckin wait
ONE OF US
ONE OF US
"....if it's a phase that I'll get tired of and wish I'd never said to anyone. Who am I to just stake claim to this? I haven't suffered the way *real* trans people have. I don't get to just be that, do I?" From the Frankenstein stuff (turned loose on a world that seems to have no place for you) to the above quote, a lot of this really resonated for me. Thank you for making this!
I'm gonna parasocial a little here. I love you, I'm proud of you, you look lovely in your dress. You are so brave for living your truth. I found myself crying by the end of the video because I understand that feeling, that joy. It makes all the struggle with it.
Thank you for sharing your story. It was beautiful and inspiring. 💚
I was afraid to embrace femininity for way too long, and it would have been far longer if it wasn't for discovering your videos and seeing you embrace and talk about queerness.
I wouldn't have felt the joy of painting my nails for the first time last year, buying my first skirt, wearing my first dress in "public". Feeling that I am a woman, that I am non-binary, queer, and happy. And that (especially the skirt) was one of the few things that helped me come out this year and push through this Summer of misery and it is what I have to look forward to waiting for my dx to get hormones. And it means a lot to me.
It's hard to express this joy or whatever parasocial vacarious thing it is that I feel over seeing you enjoy that same relief. Actually, the fact that I can't see the screen through tears is probably a good way to say this. I hope you'll have way more to come, and 💛🤍💜🖤 thank you 🖤💜🤍💛
This whole "you need dysphoria to be trans" thing is so stupid, to be honest. I had dysphoria like forever, and I didn't know what else live could feel like. But what actually made me realize that I am non binary was the amazing euphoria I felt when I opened my mind to the Idea that I could be non binary.
Also, don't be afraid, you have a community behind you and we are here for you. Even when you feel lonely, remember that you are not alone, there are many trans and non binary people out there and many supporters who will be able to help you if you let them.
I am so proud of you my friend, and glad that I have gotten to be a part of your journey and to provide feedback on this video as you worked on it. I appreciate you to the end of the world and love you always💛⚪💜🖤
💛🤍🖤💜 Thank you. For being exactly the friend I needed at exactly the time I needed them.
From an agender/nonbinary ace: wonderful video and congratulations!
Hope you continue to experience that joy as you continue to learn and grow into yourself. May the pain, though necessary but difficult, be manageable and helpful on your journey.
You look amazing in your dress! I teared up when you talked about how happy you felt wearing it! And I loved seeing you so happy!
If you haven't read A Monster's Notes yet, it's my favorite retelling of Frankenstein from the creature's perspective.
Proud of you my friend…and welcome to the club.
As an ace enby I am so excited to watch this! Love your videos!
This was really relatable. As an aroace who's having bad brain days pretty often and someone who doesn't really wanna be pushed into either suffocating gender box regardless of my body, aesthetic or tastes. Stay strong, buddy 💜
thank you for sharing this, David. a lot of this resonates with me as a fellow nonbinary (agender in particular) aroace person. addressing the mental health really makes it possible to see yourself and care
I’m so happy for you. I’m SO SO happy for you. I haven’t resonated with something this much in a hot minute. thank you so so much.
i am crying all my carefully applied eyeliner off this morning before work. This video, and you, are beautiful.
Congratulations! Looking forward to see the details in the upcoming video.
Edit: The part of the haircuts is so relatable! In fact, I also used to have bad hair and cut it once in a while without styling it. Since I came out as bi, I decided to get an undercut and style it. It looks cool and I stopped caring about whether or not it made me look more feminine.
Congratulations, interested in seeing what it's about
Thanks for venting!
One of the most inspirational videos I’ve seen in a while. Love you, David!
Gosh I'm so glad I found your channel! Thank you for existing 🐀💙
Yeah, realizing I was aromantic was really what freed me up to question my gender. Once I stopped feeling pressure to attract others, I became so much more aware of my own identity. Happy for you, fellow enby.
this is amazing. im also nonbinary and had this exact fascination with hedwig some years back. it moved me in such a way that you portraid so perfectly, its incredible. thank you for this video, and when in doub be sure your smile really tells everything you need to validate this journey. you rock!
I cried like a baby watching this, I’m so happy you were able to be more comfortable with yourself, and that you could find out who you are. Things are not always gonna be easy, but your experience has inspired me a lot since I also am in my journey of finding myself, but overall I’m so proud of you.
Wow. Truly lovely video, great singing, beautiful dresses(yellow looks great on you), nice Frank spotting and a movie I never even heard about before, but still can relate.
I am happy for you, and this journey of self discovery you have the bravery to go through. Especially in the UK, then again, things are dire in my country as well. We'll keep on fighting for trans and non-binary rights.
*ONE OF US. ONE OF US*
Shout out to anyone who saw Hedwig 20 years ago in the world we had back then. And yeah... just yeah.
EVERY GODDAMN TIME! I say "Hm, David released a 40min video, I don't think I'm in the mood for that right now, but I'll just see the first 5min", and then I can't leave. You start speaking and I'm hooked for however long the video is. And as someone very much in the closet, I always leave wanting scream my queerness as loud as I can, to wear it unapologetically in my sleeve. Thank you.
Nonbinary Aces unite!
So happy for u! :]
The video was great, especially the editing. Made me real emotional on some parts, im still on my journey and you described pretty well how I feel sometimes, it can be lonely, knowing that there are other people out there like me just makes me happy. :]
Congrats on coming to terms with more of yourself. Definitely one of the films that had an effect on my transition too. So glad you found more joy 💜
I COULDNT BE MORE EXCITED
I just go into Hedwig, so I'm very pumped!
Edit: After watching the video, I feel very seen as I really relate to David's struggle. I started anti-depressant in April, and have only very recently come to terms with and sit comfortably in my sexuality and gender. I still have my struggles, especially with my appearance, but I'm now very proud and comfortable being a genderfluid (AFAB, any pronouns) lesbian! I hope David and everyone else can find their happiness in themselves too 💙
Congratulations! My egg was also cracked during the pandemic! So much time alone with my thoughts... Also, I'm sure you've come across this but putting it out there for everyone, I highly recommend Dr Susan Stryker's 1993 article 'My Words to Victor Frankenstein Above the Village of Chamonix'!
YES! This article is so great (but CN for violence, murder) ! I immediatly thought about it when mentioned in the video and happy to find it alreaady got mentioned soon after the video premiered.
(Engaing also with your comment to hopefully put it more to the top of the "top comments" ordering
Endless love and support to you. Thank you for sharing your truth with us, for blessing us with your genuine self. 💜💜💜
32:16
That really touched me. I feel the same. I’m AFAB, and I never really thought I could be anything else than a woman, and I’ve never felt uncomfortable as one, but I don’t really know what gender feels like, per se. I know I’m not a man, but I don’t feel like I’m 100% a woman. I don’t like the associations that come with it, and I also sometimes wish my body was just like a doll. In the way that, I like how my body looks in clothes that are feminine and androgynous, but I really don’t like what’s underneath. I wish I could just have nothing under. I don’t know if that is due to my aromanticism and asexuality, or just that I resent my reproductive organs, because they cause me physical pain. I also feel really comfortable with the pronouns they/them. But then I feel like what they say in the video. I feel like I’m appropriating the suffering of ‘actual’ trans people, just because they sound good to me. (I know I’m not, it’s just difficult to actually internalize it, as I struggle with anxiety and feelings of being an impostor a lot)
Idk I’ve been really confused about my gender lately.
I don’t know if anyone will read this, but if you have, thank you for listening to my ranting!
Remember that you deserve love, from others and from yourself. I say this, not to be condescending, but because I forget sometimes, and it feels good when people remind me.
awesome video dog, I'm glad I was able to catch it live. congratulations.
Im really REALLY, genuinely proud of you.
For my romanticism class I got to read Frankenstein again, and as the final project I got to write about it and decided to make it about how the creature's inability to find any reflection of his experience in the world he sees or the literature he is exposed to mirrors the queer experience of lacking representation and having to conceptualize ourselves in abstract ways; i tie it into being a nonbinary kid who, not having the vocab for what they felt, was obsessed with The Little Mermaid (Part Of Your World is just so queer, if you want I'll send you the paper on instagram though its not high art) and yeah what you said really resonated. Thank you so much for sharing your experience and i hope youre drinking the Gender Euphoria in, you deserve it monarch
That paper sounds fascinating!
This is so beautiful. You’re verbalizing everything I’ve been feeling myself recently in regards to my gender or lack thereof. Thank you for this and for your strength.
I’m here because I’ve loved Hedwig since I bought the original cast album - and even got to perform songs from it once in a goth-ish blouse - and I think your views on it are spot-on. Especially how as a character she is hard to love - until the songs start telling the story. Kudos to you for some thoughtful and brave essaying. And your cover at the end absolutely slays. 😁🤘🏼👊🏼👊🏼
Im so glad to see you becoming happy with yourself and learning to do your hair.
Hedwig was formative for me. My late (found) uncle Ken was an amazing, loud, beautiful person. He showed this film to me. He talked me through a lot of it, im younger, and didnt understand a lot of it at first. He talked me through it. The love, the desire, the self discovery.
Her journey is everything.
We went on to watch To Wong Foo, and Pricilla and so many more queer centric films. Im so glad i had this. He meant the world to me. Im so happy in my heart that i had Ken to walk me through this. It helped me discover things about myself i dont think id ever have realized without him.
Midnight Radio was his favorite. It always gives me power and love and just warm fuzzies in general.
By the way, your dress looks amazing.
Dont let your impostor syndrome mess with you. Youre you. Thats all anyone can expect. Youre amazing.
Wow, this is the hardest I've ever related to a youtube video before. It just felt so raw and real. Almost made me cry, to be honest. When you put on that dress and smiled... it was beautiful. Thank you for this.
I'm going through this question right now and no matter the awnser I come to, I'm thankful you showed this part of your journey with us. so thank you, David.
Omg your cover of wig in a box made me cry 😭
It is my favourite song of the film, and I believe you got perfectly why is such a turning point in the narrative
Also, I believe coming out videos are my favourite type of video essays hahahahahaha
Keep on rocking you beautiful enby, don't let anyone (not even yourself) silence your voice.
Many happy returns, darling! Here's to your continued joy and delight in every aspect of yourself.
This is an absolutely wonderful video essay and coming out video 🖤💜💛 thank you for sharing yourself with the world. You are valid and wonderful!
I first watched Hedwig thanks to my best friend in high school in Mexico, us being the lonely weirdos of our school immediately took to it and I still listen to the soundtrack every so often (we’re still close friends). Thank you from another ace enby across the world, this was beautiful.
Thank you for one of the most deeply moving videos I've ever had the privilege to see.
I wish you joy and the safety to embrace that joy 💜
Wow, at 29:20 I have never seen another trans person named Elodie. Ellie is just a nickname I go by. Feels good to see.
Hedwig has been part of my internal collage (to borrow a phrase) for over 20 years. That said, a lot of the things you identify here are things I unwittingly embraced in all that time. As someone AFAB and not Ace, I suspect I felt more comfortable playing in the gray areas and margins than I would have otherwise.
This is gorgeous, you're gorgeous, and I greatly appreciate this new lens on stuff I may already have figured out, but will never stop unraveling, either. Mazel!
Thank you for making this post. Everything in it is so very relatable to me. I too have felt like some kind of "other." I too felt an amazing joy and tranquility the first time I put on a dress. I too have sung "wig in a box" (albeit with my own lyrics) to myself.
Unlike you I would like to express myself to the world as female. The world (with which I must still interact) has said no. Therefore I remain closeted. Too many people (those who neither understand nor want to ) think they have every right to tell me I'm wrong. The world they hold up as ideal, however, is a dystopian place where I and everybody else is told what to be and what to like. I stand against this because I have to. It is mostly posts like this one that help show me I am not alone. Thank you, dear person, for walking with me for a while.
It wasn't a movie for me, but apart from that, our experiences are awfully similar. Love it, and love you. 💜🤍🖤🤍💜💛
Dayum, listening to this on my bad brain day and it hits so much, I'm usually confronted with depression as in being uncapable of joy, but that's just not it, it's a lot of times being uncapable of being, keep your heads up everybody. Gotta st least think that's going to be better, since the alternative is to cry myself to sleep again and not do anything. Thanks bro for the vid💜
Thank you so much for this video. Hearing you talk about your experience really reminds me of my own in some way. It's nice to be reminded that we are not alone. I am so happy that you took the step in expressing yourself more freely. Genuinely made me cry to be honest. Keep being your wonderful self!
Thank you for sharing this. It helps to see someone else put into words things I've been feeling too.
This is such a good look at how media can help us. And absolutely agree with you on Frankenstein, have you listened to the musical? I'm so attached to it, Adam's (I always call him by the name it seems like he wanted) songs are so powerful and it's so in tune with the original book, even in places where things were cut or changed.
Thank you for coming out and sharing your perspective. It's intimidating to share such a big thing about yourself, with so many people.
I am closeted enby and live in a country where even the language is heavily gendered, it's impossible to refer to myself without misgendering myself, not without doing some tiresome linguistic acrobatics.
The part about presenting as your asigned gender, and how it wouldn't be the worst, but it wouldn't bring you joy...
That really speaks to me.
Thank you. I'll try to remember the joy when things seem impossible again.
I could not watch this in one sitting because I had to take a breaks, both to look up how to do a side-cut, and for crying. So much crying.
I needed this so much! Today I skipped my class because I was dealing with one of my depressive episodes. I was listening to Wig in a Box on repeat to cheer myself up. I used to watch Hedwig and the angry inch a lot back when I was a teenager. It shaped me. If anything, the musical taught me that it’s OK to be queer, non-binary, and messy. I am enough.
0:40 Something that caught me here, honestly. This is one sentence kinda expresses my gender identity so far, like, for me whenever I question myself about this, I always stop at that part. I really have no idea about what gender is, what it feels like and how would I even know if I feel like. Sometimes I like imagining and trying out more feminine stuff or go more androgynous but never masculine. But I like the feeling of having a beard, especially those bushy or long sage ones, but I never liked the idea of other more masculine stuff. Yet I still have no idea what I want for my gender identity, so I push it to the way side.
Honestly, I wonder if I am just agender or genderfluid or maybe a demi, but I don’t know.
Anyhow, I am glad you found yourself in more clearer detail and are in a better place mentally.
this was beautiful. it made me want to hug you and find Frankenstein-themed dresses.
I hope this new discovery brings you joy.
much love and congratulations for figuring yourself out and finding more happiness
This video, the writing, the video, everything, is a such a masterpiece.
Yellow looks so good on you! 💛
all these steps are hard on the way to truly understanding yourself, keep going. You're amazing.
YOU LOOK SO FIRE IN A DRESS WOOOO!!!!! Also it’s nice to hear you talk about womanhood in such a respectful way!!!
This touched me so much more than I expected. So much of it feels like you are speaking my mind, but articulating it so well. I have bipolar and adhd, and I am agender. I fell a bit like I'm looking in a mirror, but you are so beautiful. It makes me feel like I can be beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing.
Also, the yellow dress is stunning, in a wonderfully understated and joyful way. It really suits you.
Thank you for sharing your journey with us, even if it's still ongoing. And happy Ace week to you and every member of the community out there
Send you lots of support!!!!
Congrats on coming out!
That's a lovely dress, and it looks good on you (beard+dress is always a nice combo)
It's interesting that ...hm. You know how the heteronormative perspective on gender is that 'man' = default human, 'woman' = human* with certain modifications. And myself being afab and ehhhh non-binary I've always been attracted to the 'genderlessness' of 'man' and I've always been disappointed to find that masculinity is very much a set of strict rules performances aesthetics. And it's interesting for me to think how the same tendency manifests in amab people. You don't have 'another gender with less Gender' where you could fantasize about hiding. You just have to deal and try to balance out masculinity with femininity in a certain proportion. Maybe this is not your experience and you wouldn't relate? But this is probably how I would've felt had I been amab. So thanks to your video for allowing me to dwell on that. I really wish I could take joy in any gender performance as much as you do, it's beautiful to watch.
As another afab and ehhhh non-binary person, your experience with man being default really resonated with me. I've been toying with labels, but I mostly view myself as cis presenting, because I don't feel much of a connection with "masculinity" as a performance that I'm interested in emulating. I am however finding parts of me yearn for that "default" experience, just as you describe. Between this video and some of the comments, I'm wondering where on the spectrum between demigirl and agender I really fall. Thanks for sharing your perspective!!
For me, an amab enby, one of the things that is most distressing for me about manhood is the performativity of it, and how it gets tangled up in homophobia. I feel like I've escaped from a world of drab rigidity into a world where I _can_ engage in colorful and unique outfits. That puts me under a spotlight though, which before coming out, I thought I would hate, but now I actually find enjoyment in solving the puzzle of constructing a set of clothes that makes me feel cute. So, for me it's the opposite of hiding, and if I fantasize about anything, it'd be for more clothes that match my height and fat distribution: basically a world where you can get the same clothes in both the men's and women's departments.
tl;dr I don't want to have less gender myself, I want the world to be less gendered
Yea. I'm an amab enby and this resonates. I dress pretty feminine (basically Ms. Frizzle) but since I have facial hair, I'm never going to get read as anything other than a guy. (I _like_ my facial hair! Especially since I started estrogen! But I hate how other people see it.) It feels like my only options are "pass as a girl" or "man in a dress" with no fallback or neutral and it's really frustrating at times.
But other times it's like hell yeah, I'm soft punk Ms Frizzle with a beard, the fuck you going to do about it?
I was smiling along so hugely as you described how you felt wearing a dress. It genuinely makes me happy for you. Nothing warms me more than people figuring out their authentic self. As a fellow user of store bought dopamine, I hope your mental health will improve too. Until your next vid, take care 💛💟💜🖤
This video made me cry and make me feel so valid and seen thank you
This was my favorite movie as a kid/teen and would always make me cry. Lots of not thinking about those emotions and disassociation later my egg finally cracked when i met a girl who showed me that it wasnt too late and that i couldnactually pursure transitioning
Thanks this was so good for me. Your really brave and this was genuinely brilliant.
I may or may not have cried a bit when you showed the footage of you wearing a dress...
(also you give me a lot of gender envy, that nail polish is absolutely glorious
Thank you. I've never heard someone describe exactly how I feel about my gender, insecurities and everything. This brought me to tears. I don't feel so alone about this anymore.
This video almost made me cry, beautiful synthesis of what I love about Hedwig, her abusiveness, and also the ecstatic joy in queerness, just all of it!! I also fall into the category of having had non-gender affirming reproductive surgery leaving me without sex hormones (medical tho) and I appreciate the recognition of the additional complexity there!
I felt like you were telling my story at times. I also had my egg cracked by Hedwig. That first Tony performance brought it to me. Then I saw the show with John Cameron Mitchell and Lena Hall. And...that was it, it all just clicked. And here I am, nonbinary and not identifying with any gender. Occasionally feeling like a fraud. But at the end of the day, I'm me.
What a lovely video! The candid shots were so interesting
Thank you for this. I really needed to see some good news today. :) And this is the best news.
Thank you for this brilliant analysis
Thank you so much for sharing your journey! i have an indescribable amount of joy in my heart for you and .... It's because of you, that I've learned to dig deep inside myself and find the me that fits. I don't know if I've found them yet, but i know they are inside of me.
Sending u all the live and joy vibes I've got today! 💜🎩🖤🤍💚