I've known of the idea of strong words for a long time, but I've never heard it described as the author having an opinion before. I think this is going to be immensely helpful!
"The man sat down in the chair. 1. The large man reached his seat on his flight from Miami to Germany. One small child daydreamed out the window, a mother nursed her baby on the isle seat. He took a deep breath in, "I'm A12." He said to the woman. 2. I didn't know that cancer would hit me like this...Before I knew it I was popping an oxy every time I needed to move. Once the leather of my couch surrounded me, I was afraid I may never get up. Oh well, Id die soon anyways. 3. Standing by his desk, his computer screen radiated words, worlds, feelings, he couldn't explain. His body shook as he snatched his chair and threw himself into it. "One more hour...ahh maybe two." he said as his fingers moved hastily above the keys. 4. "I didn't do it!" his voice roaring off the cell walls. The guard grabbed him by the arm and threw him into the chair next to him. The guard bent over and calmly glared into the prisoners eyes. "Shut up, or I will beat you with my stick." 5. I'll never forget the day I walked into the Doctors office, my palms were sweating, I was one anxiety attack away from throwing up the turkey sandwich Grace forced me to eat earlier. I cant even remember saying hi to him. "Your daughter wont survive her injuries, Mike. I'm sorry...." He kept talking. The room spun around me. I grabbed a hold of the chair and fell into it. My daughter was dying and there was nothing I could do. Ok heres 5. Im trying too hard and its taking me too long haha.
I have mixed opinions on this. The main concern (aside from a couple of errors) is that to me, some of these examples so overwritten they impact the flow. There also seems to be a fair amount of 'treating the reader like an idiot'. Repeated modality to 'give the author's opinion' can be overdone as it uses several words to say the same thing, which is what we see in some of these examples. Additionally, sometimes a simple sentence does what it should while the sentences surrounding it do the heavy lifting. That said, vocabulary choice is critical - and strong, specific verbs should be one of the most important tools in your kit. The advice on writing for a specific audience is also invaluable.
I see what you’re coming from and I agree that repeating information and adding unnecessary details to every sentence can get wordy and affect the quality of the writing. However, I think the main takeaway from the video is specificity and how it clarifies the situation from the perspective we are trying to show and produces emotion. I’m a big fan of simple writing, but if the scene isn’t properly set, and the emotions and intentions of characters aren’t clear, it’s harder to feel connected to the story.
I guess I wrote that thinking about the 'grandparents' example at around 5:30. Do we need three adjectives? Are both grandparents identical in those ways? Is 'approved of them at once' really any better than 'liked them immediately'? While I understand the sentiments and thinking behind their ideas - and as I said, I agree there are valuable nuggets in this video - it is important to be very selective when issuing examples in a video of this nature. Readability also matters.
Your point has value but the exercise is still worth doing. “The man sat down” can be exactly the right sentence for a particular context, but in order to know that it’s the right choice, you have to know what the other choices were. The target audience of this video is authors who aren’t walking through the options and maybe don’t even know how to develop options, or even that they exist.
I agree that this invites writers to overdo it, but it is an artificial exercise meant to illustrate the point. The only way to tell is to analyze our favorite writers' work and figure out if this is really what's happening. I know that some writers write prose that just crackles with energy. I often don't care what Stephen King or Margaret Atwood are writing about because the prose is so engaging. Others can actually keep me engaged through a bad plot or nonsensical character action (it's only later that I notice what happened). With certain other authors, their prose is just so horribly plain I can't get past the first page, even if they're writing about something really interesting. That's why I don't buy advice from people who say "all you need is an interesting character."
@@tnbaldwin6709 You wrote: " Is 'approved of them at once' really any better than 'liked them immediately'?" My response is, no, it's not better but neither is it worse. It carries a different connotation and says something about the attitude of the children. Approval is different from liking. One conveys the idea of thoughtful analysis, while the other feels like a simple, emotional response. My take, fwiw.
Thirty year career as a therapist and I can tell you, no one can MAKE another person "change". And that's not even remotely my goal as a writer. I just want my readers to have fun. *I* just want to have fun. On the other hand, good info for writing stronger, more effective prose.
Yes. Me too. I have a bad feeling about this guys approach to writing and his overall mannerisms. Although a fair amount of the tips sound helpful and interesting, the whole reasoning behind all this feels manipulative and stiff. The reader just want to be entertained, not changed. Not schooled. If you and your characters manage to nudge the reader towards your own opinions or change their world view it's just a bonus. Not the main goal.
Yeah, his first bit of advice was a huge red flag to me. One only has to look at the subpar and unpopular activist writing performed by modern movie and tv writers to know that this bit of advice is, at best, suspect.
He was oozing sour emotion as he sank down into the chair, and stuck in the corner, watching the party with hateful eyes, he looked small and marooned. ^That was my favourite one I came up with! Cool exercise. It definitely makes me think more about putting a slant on everything I'm describing, rather than going with bland auto-pilot description.
@@timothyheath577 I watch these videos to learn. You felt the need to tell me I am embarrassing myself. That says everything about you. Please, feel free to reply with YOUR writing efforts for this prompt. But we all know you’re too much of a coward to do that… Comments like yours create a nasty atmosphere where people don't want to share their work and try to learn for fear of being ripped apart. Wow that must make you feel great about yourself.
@Kagetorata Yep. It's insecurity about his own writing. It’s telling he posts none of his own writing, just mocks others. I'm pretty good at drawing, I run an animation channel on my other account. I would NEVER tell a learner who showed me their work "That's awkward and embarrassing". Concrit is always a must. But that there is just trying to crush someone's spirit and make them feel ashamed, in order to give Tim a little ego boost. Reveals Tim is a sad person.
He dropped, exhausted, into the chair. Observing the reverence of the moment, he lowered himself onto his throne. Alert to the tension around him, he sat with a straight spine. He fell, laughing, into the chair's overstuffed cushions. He took a seat, perched on the edge of the chair. With one hand, he leaned on the seat of the stool, trying to speak through his laughter. With a purposeful breath, he pressed his helmet against the seat's headrest. Grandpa eased himself into the wing chair and patted his knee for me to join him. With all eyes on him, he sighed and took the seat at the head of the conference table. He collapsed, unbelieving, into the dining chair.
I was to never ever introduce my opinions on events in prose. Rather, I want to present moral dilemmas, possibilities, injustices, secrets etc that create mindful moments when the reader develops their own views on events and characters. I employ anthropology and mythology to anchor in on what catches people's engagement.
Thank you for this video! I was just in a section of my scene that is a bit talk-heavy and the tags were getting too neutral -- like a report just as you say. I needed this!
I'm overly curt in my writing, so this video was helpful. My sentences: The interrogated slumped in the chair. The distinguished man carefully placed himself in the offered seat. The man jumped at the free seat. The man seated himself in an armchair. The late student ran to take his assigned seat. The portly man parked himself in the small chair. The young man hesitantly grabbed a seat in the overembellished seat. The elder slouched as he sat in an antique as old as him. The director took his righteous spot at the top seat. The scarred man shoved himself on the heap of a chair.
Great video! I only did 5--maybe I'll get partial credit: 1) The King sunk into his throne with a heavy sigh. 2) The peasant collapsed onto the stiff stool. 3) Stephen plopped into the beanbag, his latest novel already open. 4) The employee sagged in his chair with a look of resignation. 5) The giant shattered the oak chair, fuming as he rose once more, towering over the crowd.
1. His legs aching from the hard days work, the man stumbled to the cedar chair and slumped into it. 2. With nose held high and a servant boy to pull back his cape, Lord Blackbane lowered onto his throne. 3. The phone call still echoed through his crooked ears. The pillar of his life, every painstaking hour, seemed primed to crumble. Maybe in resignation, perhaps in a desperate attempt to find one final maneuver, the man crumbled onto the rusted bench and sat in silence. 4. On a howling 2A.M. The construction worker skipped his way into the freight train. With only one seat remaining, he glanced at his rival and found an old man hobbling with a cane. Easy. He stole the chair and spread his legs apart for a relaxing journey. 5. Ever aware of the revolver locked onto his shoulder, Kyle raised his hands and tiptoed to the only chair in the granite basement. 6. Eddy burst through the door, the crime novel between his hands at long last. He charged to his swivel chair, leapt on, and opened the book before the chair stopped spinning. 7. He glanced at the cushy chair and then at the dignified therapist sitting one coffee table away. Well, if all the buildup turned out to be another nothing, at least he’d have a nice story to tell his fellow methheads. He leaned back in the seat and met her white eyes with his bloodshot own. 8. Kyle glanced at his gangly brother grinning down at him like a crow harking evil, but his brother harkened something worse, April 1st. Foolishly, Kyle stepped back and into the a chair, where his shame rang out in the form of a whoopy cushion 9. The man sat in the chair 10. You lose a few things, cracking a case. When the doe eyed broad entered my office, I leaned into my chair as smooth as I could and propped my feet up before I posed the question, “where were you the night of the murder?”
1. The man swiftly plopped down in the chair. 2. The man straddled his legs across the kitchen chair. 3. The man sagged, distraught, in the recliner, head in his hands. 4. The old man sprawled out on the couch, each leg a cushion for his grandkids. 5. The man lazed back in his seat. 6. The man positioned himself in the chair, posture like that of an arrow. 7. The man propped himself up on the chair. 8. The man sat anything but the right way in the chair, legs reaching toward the ceiling fan, hanging limply over the backrest like a pair of old clothes. 9. The man promptly sat back in the chair, hunched over and defiant. 10. The man sat down cross legged at his seat, drumming his fingers on the armrest.
for the first sentence!! His mind was crumbling under the weight of his own expectations. His mind was drowning in a sea of agony. He couldn't *not* focus on the event; as if the memory itself were trapped in a slide and placed under a microscope. The events played in his head, over and over, like a horror film on repeat.
Love this! For some reason, growing up and even taking some writing classes, I got the impression that an objective narrative voice was the default, or somehow better than a subjective voice. Recently I have started to give richer descriptions by adding in some of the central character's opinion to the narrative voice for more of a perspective feel. But when I let my guard down, I lapse back into stale neutrality. I don't know where I got the fear of writing my opinion or the idea that I should be hiding the ball from the reader. Why should fiction be unbiased? Is that even possible? Doesn't that defeat the purpose?
I agree, I feel like a lot of advice tells writers to not give their opinion. I've heard the term "heavy handed" author, and people don't like being preached at. But they also don't like reading a report when they're looking for escape. I like having close POV characters where I can give clear, biased opinions from different perspectives, and then it's the story that reveals either who's right vs. wrong or prompts the writer to think about the cost/benefit, consequences etc. of each.
I feel that objective voice is best for more educational or informative works like, "A Perfect Planet" with David Attenborough, in comparison to more fictitious writing like Tolkien and Lewis would have with a more subjective voice. Subjective feels more fun to explore, like we are being led to explore by a guide while Objective feels like we are taught by a teacher who enjoys their choice of study.
Hello, the video says write our/the author's opinion, but some of the examples seem to be from the character's opinion, not the author's. The, 'they were met by their grandparents, two thin, severe, distinguished people in dark clothes, the children approved of them at once', is that from the author's opinion or the grandchildren? So when I go to write, I'm not sure if the nouns, verbs, adverbs, adjectives, should be from my opinion or the protagonist's. Like, he strode might be my opinion of how the character is walking, but the character might not be thinking he strode. I don't know where I'm getting confused with valencing language. Can you please help me understand?
@danielburns1556 "severe and distinguished" is the author's opinion, not the children's. The children like them because they are their grandparents, so they don't see them as "severe and distinguished". A children's POV description might be "My grandparents are always so safe and stable, even if it's hard to make them smile" I could say "the officer approached casually, even though he was trained to always be prepared for trouble" which would be objective, with a hint of a narrators' positive opinion. If the protagonist is a criminal, a biased description from his pov might be: "The enforcer came up to me with an arrogant smirk. His hand hovered over his gun, no doubt hoping to one day achieve his fantasy of legally shooting people." The choice of words is very negative, angry and bitter and jumps to cynical assumptions. It makes you angry, because the perspective character is angry. In that case, my opinion as the author might be that my protagonist is an awful person and the policeman is good, but if I'm writing from a character's own perspective their view of the world shows up in how they perceive things and describe them. So you can write with your own opinion in the descriptions and word choice, or you can use the opinion of a character.
@@ethanmoon3925 Good examples. Can you offer some guidance on how an author knows if they're valencing from the author's opinion vs how to know if they're valencing from the character's opinion? I don't know when to do which. I don't know how to valence so that it's clear what is the author's and what is the character's. I might choose verbs, nouns, adverbs and adjectives that I the author/storyteller would use, but then I worry I'm using them in place of the ones the character would use, and the other way around. Is there a way to know when to use which, author or character opinions/descriptions, etc. Thank you!
The man collapsed into the chair The man barely made it into the chair The man applied sanitizer and gingerly sat on the edge of the seat The man unapologetically shoved his way into the chair The man climbed off the floor and into the chair The man peeled himself off the floor, barely making it into the chair. The man settled into the already warm armchair The man folded himself into the too small chair The thin man shivered and folded his arm as he sat on the damp chair The gin smelling man stumbled into the chair and passed out.
The haggard wizard crumpled onto the armor-polished bench. The suit and tie perched on the edge of the mirror varnished ebony square. The Santa-faced hobo gingerly folded himself onto the finely upolstered wing-back. Pale faced and gaunt, the last remnant of humanity, curled into the fetal position on the tattered loveseat. The desparate nerd, with darting eyes, kept watch on the door while he sidled into the desk chair. The spy hunkered down taking advantage of the chair's shadow. Wide Wally wiggled into the kid-desk. Nose in the air, as if the rest of us stank, the muddy prince flipped back his coattails and lighted on his throne.
1. My dad hovered over the kitchen chair. 2. The professor settled into his reading chair. 3. The man collapsed into the taxi. 4. The student plopped into the desk-chair combo. 5. The judge assumed the chair in the high box.
I would never write such a grotesque sentence as an alternative to the one about thinking negatively. The problem of course is that the adverb negatively is relative and abstract. I would describe some of the negative thoughts and maybe generalize on that. Metaphors are invaluable like 'a maze of doubts'.
The man sat down in the chair 1. The man forced himself down into the chair which jerked due to his weight. 2. The man sat carefully down in the chair as though it may have been made of glass. 3. The man abruptly sat down in the chair without his knowledge. 4. The man was lost in his thoughts when he sat slowly down in the chair. 5. The man slapped his right hand on the chair while sitting down in it. 6. The man groaned and shivered while he cautiously sat down in the chair. 7. The man slumped down in the chair with the pain. 8. The man drowsily slouched down on to the chair. 9. The man worried and whimpering sat down in the chair. 10. The man doubtfully sat in the chair looking around everywhere.
Hmmm.... A series of videos of exercises that we can do to become better writers and storytellers, I hope you consider this idea. I mean, this video alone and the class you uploaded a couple of days ago surely blasted (ha) my mind wide open to some of my shortcomings as a writer and storyteller.
There is no way to write prose that everyone will find engaging, or to make a video that everyone will find engaging. Just write what you want in the way you want. This comment is absolutely riveting, I know.
I don't care about what tge author thinks. I do care about what the characters are thinking and feeling. Coloring your words with shades of meaning is solid advice. But i don't think it always shows the authors opinion more than efficiently clarifying what is going on in the story.
1. The man is leaning over his chair like a sloth. His shoes full of mud are lying over the table befouling his wife's documents while even the boar-like smell of his sweat-wet uniform is haunting the flies away from him like conjured demons. 2. The man makes himself comfortable in the chair. After stretching he is all eyes on his laptop. His spine is completely leaned over like a puzzle piece glued to chewed gum. Perhaps a little too comfortable. Two hours in. His neck broke off. 3. “I see” The man leans over his chair using the armchair as a support for his legs while leaning on his arm on the table. “So, what do you want me to do about this?” 4. He sat down to the chair, his body pressed small and thin as pressed dough as he looked upon his chef in a tremble. For the animals he robbed their natural Life in the Amazonas, he is this time the animal in a cage for once. 5. “Whatever” he falls onto his gamer chair as if he would fall any moment. Yet, he didn’t. His arms rest behind his head signaling “Even if I fell, did I really care though?”
man did i realize how much i know nothing about the art of prose!! "The Man sat down in the chair." - Original "The chair's screams were muffled by the man's weight" "his weight was like music to the chair." -- ?!??!?!??!!??!?!??! -- lul "I knew that CRUNCH sound, I knew it to be the chair, but combined with another sound, i've known its HIM" -- okay thats the idea now make it Prosey. "That creaking was as unnerving as a unhinged door opening very slowly." "The Gardener bent down on the flat suface" "I Jumped into my seat, spinning verociously" "he didn't even bother to pull himself together, his guidance was purely intuition, one could say he wasn't conscious when he Flopped onto his sheets." "that juvenile just so happened to casually sift onto the checkout conveyor, like a little mermaid on her beautiful rock." "at my parents house, the couches always make a crunching sound, you would never guess that as jocky as they are, their lives are spent living in a sluthole." "The mighty Goon lynched his his legs on the control panel, eating mamas reheated spaghetti" "there couldn't be a more corperate way to his movements, completely obidient, completely ordinary, he menuvors his upper legs downward, like a factory machiene lounging a packadge, onto the surface of the chair." these are mediocre ^W^
This video is conflating two things. The first thing is sentences having emotional meaning via distinct, non-vague words, for example "The man sat on the chair" versus "The man felt around with shaking hands for a seat, and when he found one, he buckled". This is good - not always, it depends on the context whether you want detailed and emotional writing or simple and direct expression, but it's good to know. The second thing is the author inserting his opinion out of the blue. I have this memory that I will not stop being angry about until I have my eternal rest: there was a scene in a novel where two teenagers were having cake somewhere outdoors, and it goes something like, "They were eating it with their hands, putting it into their mouths. They were eating the cake like cake is supposed to be eaten." This gives you this sense of delight, right? But this wasn't either of the characters' thoughts or feelings, this was just the writer. The writer is not a character in the story (unless he literally is a character telling the story/writing a journal/etc.), and as such has no right to express an opinion at the level of the sentence. I don't care what you, the writer, think about what the character is doing. You're not the character, reflecting. You're not another character expressing an opinion. You are not a part of the story, and you need to get out.
Love your second thing. I like the characters having strong opinions and the writer using characters intelligently in the narrative to guide me to an opinion/perspective/conclusion.
RE: the cake example, couldn't "They were eating the cake like cake is supposed to be eaten" be exactly what the 2 characters are thinking? It would be like saying of two characters out on the town: "Marty threw back the shot of Grey Goose while Nick was waving his hand trying to attract the bar tender. They were going to do tonight right. A Saturday night after being laid off from their jobs was a night that was meant to be lived like this." That kind of thing?
@@L_Martin Absolutely, but in your example it sounds like it's what the characters are thinking/feeling. In my example I meant it really was not the characters, but rather the author popping into the story even though he wasn't a part of it at all and gave his own opinion about the cake. (btw, if the author is established as more of an actual character in the story, at least as the "storyteller", then I think it's okay)
The man sat on the chair, only to find someone had pulled it from under him. The chair sat on the man. The man was going to sit onto the chair but had an existential crises and couldn't do it.
The one problem I see here is that this is an invitation to purple prose. I know writers whose sentences are just stuffed full of descriptors, dripping with melodrama. And they're complimented for their "lyrical" prose.
I think that that is a great question. The answer may be that you don't look for 10 cent words but you use the same vocabulary as you do when you are talking. The key is (I think) to use language that focuses on the senses and not abstractions, that is to say the smell, the sound, the feel, the sight, and taste of what the character or narrator experiences.
I had to take back the like because the classic stories say very little of what the characters are "thinking", so the interpretation is left up to the reader. If they wanted the reader to know what a character was thinking, they would have them do a monologue or dialogue with another character.
I actually disagree. This advice only works for third person omniscient point of view. For every other type of POV (first person and third person limited being the most commonly used), it matters what the POV character thinks and feels. Both the examples and the rewritten sentences lack emotion and are far removed from the situation, and are telling rather than showing. I'm not interested in any of these books based off of the writing I'm seeing in those sentences. If anything, I think poorly of them 😅
I actually disagree vehemently with your first bit of advice. Not all writing needs to be pushing an agenda or engaging in activism. A better bit of advice would be to give your POV character an opinion. That way you can tell a nuanced story with multiple viewpoints instead of just preaching at your audience. It also weakens your writing. The writer pushing a 21st century western opinion in a fantasy world in which that shouldn’t exist is immersion shattering and nonsensical.
The man looked brittle, with skin that looked like paper mache. He stood looking at the chair and sighed as he accepted the familiar challenge of lowering his body into the lap of a faithful companion he called Lazy Boy. lol Ernest Hemingway without the talent. amirite? lol im editing my post now. its clunky. doesnt flow. I need to be more economical. Ive never really written anything and dont fancy myself as a writer, but I love good writing. editing again. I think i see how i can fix it. I need exercises like these to get better.
Boring sentences, Number 2 'words given to a child' etc.etc. Was, i think written by C.S. Lewis one of our great writers for children. The Lion, The Witch and The wardrobe. Ring any bells? You have taken it out of context and cut the sentence short. Zafon came after Lewis. Sounds as if there's a 'wee bit 'of plagiarism going on.
if you are looking for forgiveness for your sins only JESUS can do that. now about the writing advice it's good to remember not everyone takes the same so if you have a cast of characters don't make them all foul moth people he as made reference to pastors before so he not totally against CHRISTIANS but he always goes back to his bad language stuff most of the time i don't use this in my life sometimes it you make me mad enough i will but to assume everyone just moths off at everything will give you very narrow minded characters also not all men have the same personality type so not everyone needs to act the same this goes for women also and don't forget internal conflict
1. His legs aching from the hard days work, the man stumbled to the cedar chair and slumped into it. 2. With nose held high and a servant boy to pull back his cape, Lord Blackbane lowered onto his throne. 3. The phone call still echoed through his crooked ears. The pillar of his life, every painstaking hour, seemed primed to crumble. Maybe in resignation, perhaps in a desperate attempt to find one final maneuver, the man crumbled onto the rusted bench and sat in silence. 4. On a howling 2A.M. The construction worker skipped his way into the freight train. With only one seat remaining, he glanced at his rival and found an old man hobbling with a cane. Easy. He stole the chair and spread his legs apart for a relaxing journey. 5. Ever aware of the revolver locked onto his shoulder, Kyle raised his hands and tiptoed to the only chair in the granite basement. 6. Eddy burst through the door, the crime novel between his hands at long last. He charged to his swivel chair, leapt on, and opened the book before the chair stopped spinning. 7. He glanced at the cushy chair and then at the dignified therapist sitting one coffee table away. Well, if all the buildup turned out to be another nothing, at least he’d have a nice story to tell his fellow methheads. He leaned back in the seat and met her white eyes with his bloodshot own. 8. Kyle glanced at his gangly brother grinning down at him like a crow harking evil, but his brother harkened something worse, April 1st. Foolishly, Kyle stepped back and into the a chair, where his shame rang out in the form of a whoopy cushion 9. The man sat in the chair 10. You lose a few things, cracking a case. When the doe eyed broad entered my office, I leaned into my chair as smooth as I could and propped my feet up before I posed the question, “where were you the night of the murder?”
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I've known of the idea of strong words for a long time, but I've never heard it described as the author having an opinion before. I think this is going to be immensely helpful!
This is writing smarter, not harder. Wonderful examples. This video makes me want to open up my drafts!!
Honestly one of the best videos on writing i've seen
"The man sat down in the chair.
1. The large man reached his seat on his flight from Miami to Germany. One small child daydreamed out the window, a mother nursed her baby on the isle seat. He took a deep breath in, "I'm A12." He said to the woman.
2. I didn't know that cancer would hit me like this...Before I knew it I was popping an oxy every time I needed to move. Once the leather of my couch surrounded me, I was afraid I may never get up. Oh well, Id die soon anyways.
3. Standing by his desk, his computer screen radiated words, worlds, feelings, he couldn't explain. His body shook as he snatched his chair and threw himself into it. "One more hour...ahh maybe two." he said as his fingers moved hastily above the keys.
4. "I didn't do it!" his voice roaring off the cell walls. The guard grabbed him by the arm and threw him into the chair next to him. The guard bent over and calmly glared into the prisoners eyes. "Shut up, or I will beat you with my stick."
5. I'll never forget the day I walked into the Doctors office, my palms were sweating, I was one anxiety attack away from throwing up the turkey sandwich Grace forced me to eat earlier. I cant even remember saying hi to him. "Your daughter wont survive her injuries, Mike. I'm sorry...." He kept talking. The room spun around me. I grabbed a hold of the chair and fell into it. My daughter was dying and there was nothing I could do.
Ok heres 5. Im trying too hard and its taking me too long haha.
I have mixed opinions on this. The main concern (aside from a couple of errors) is that to me, some of these examples so overwritten they impact the flow. There also seems to be a fair amount of 'treating the reader like an idiot'. Repeated modality to 'give the author's opinion' can be overdone as it uses several words to say the same thing, which is what we see in some of these examples. Additionally, sometimes a simple sentence does what it should while the sentences surrounding it do the heavy lifting.
That said, vocabulary choice is critical - and strong, specific verbs should be one of the most important tools in your kit. The advice on writing for a specific audience is also invaluable.
I see what you’re coming from and I agree that repeating information and adding unnecessary details to every sentence can get wordy and affect the quality of the writing. However, I think the main takeaway from the video is specificity and how it clarifies the situation from the perspective we are trying to show and produces emotion. I’m a big fan of simple writing, but if the scene isn’t properly set, and the emotions and intentions of characters aren’t clear, it’s harder to feel connected to the story.
I guess I wrote that thinking about the 'grandparents' example at around 5:30. Do we need three adjectives? Are both grandparents identical in those ways? Is 'approved of them at once' really any better than 'liked them immediately'? While I understand the sentiments and thinking behind their ideas - and as I said, I agree there are valuable nuggets in this video - it is important to be very selective when issuing examples in a video of this nature. Readability also matters.
Your point has value but the exercise is still worth doing. “The man sat down” can be exactly the right sentence for a particular context, but in order to know that it’s the right choice, you have to know what the other choices were. The target audience of this video is authors who aren’t walking through the options and maybe don’t even know how to develop options, or even that they exist.
I agree that this invites writers to overdo it, but it is an artificial exercise meant to illustrate the point. The only way to tell is to analyze our favorite writers' work and figure out if this is really what's happening. I know that some writers write prose that just crackles with energy. I often don't care what Stephen King or Margaret Atwood are writing about because the prose is so engaging. Others can actually keep me engaged through a bad plot or nonsensical character action (it's only later that I notice what happened). With certain other authors, their prose is just so horribly plain I can't get past the first page, even if they're writing about something really interesting. That's why I don't buy advice from people who say "all you need is an interesting character."
@@tnbaldwin6709 You wrote: " Is 'approved of them at once' really any better than 'liked them immediately'?" My response is, no, it's not better but neither is it worse. It carries a different connotation and says something about the attitude of the children. Approval is different from liking. One conveys the idea of thoughtful analysis, while the other feels like a simple, emotional response. My take, fwiw.
Thirty year career as a therapist and I can tell you, no one can MAKE another person "change". And that's not even remotely my goal as a writer. I just want my readers to have fun. *I* just want to have fun.
On the other hand, good info for writing stronger, more effective prose.
Yes. Me too. I have a bad feeling about this guys approach to writing and his overall mannerisms. Although a fair amount of the tips sound helpful and interesting, the whole reasoning behind all this feels manipulative and stiff. The reader just want to be entertained, not changed. Not schooled. If you and your characters manage to nudge the reader towards your own opinions or change their world view it's just a bonus. Not the main goal.
Yeah, his first bit of advice was a huge red flag to me. One only has to look at the subpar and unpopular activist writing performed by modern movie and tv writers to know that this bit of advice is, at best, suspect.
He was oozing sour emotion as he sank down into the chair, and stuck in the corner, watching the party with hateful eyes, he looked small and marooned.
^That was my favourite one I came up with! Cool exercise. It definitely makes me think more about putting a slant on everything I'm describing, rather than going with bland auto-pilot description.
Sorry, but that’s awkward and embarrassing. It’s like something Adrian Mole might write.
@@timothyheath577 I watch these videos to learn. You felt the need to tell me I am embarrassing myself. That says everything about you.
Please, feel free to reply with YOUR writing efforts for this prompt. But we all know you’re too much of a coward to do that…
Comments like yours create a nasty atmosphere where people don't want to share their work and try to learn for fear of being ripped apart. Wow that must make you feel great about yourself.
@Kagetorata Yep. It's insecurity about his own writing. It’s telling he posts none of his own writing, just mocks others.
I'm pretty good at drawing, I run an animation channel on my other account. I would NEVER tell a learner who showed me their work "That's awkward and embarrassing". Concrit is always a must. But that there is just trying to crush someone's spirit and make them feel ashamed, in order to give Tim a little ego boost. Reveals Tim is a sad person.
He dropped, exhausted, into the chair.
Observing the reverence of the moment, he lowered himself onto his throne.
Alert to the tension around him, he sat with a straight spine.
He fell, laughing, into the chair's overstuffed cushions.
He took a seat, perched on the edge of the chair.
With one hand, he leaned on the seat of the stool, trying to speak through his laughter.
With a purposeful breath, he pressed his helmet against the seat's headrest.
Grandpa eased himself into the wing chair and patted his knee for me to join him.
With all eyes on him, he sighed and took the seat at the head of the conference table.
He collapsed, unbelieving, into the dining chair.
"He sat with a straight spine" is so good! Informs me this guy is prepared for conflict haha
this guy loves chairs holy sh
That is how you create youtube Videos. Thank you! It was a really helpful lesson for me!
Thank you so much for this invaluable information! All this hits home, right on the nail!
11/22/63 is such a great example of how good King can be.
And even the ending!
😢😮😮@@EricKay_Scifi
Thank you for making me think; so write more clearly
I was to never ever introduce my opinions on events in prose. Rather, I want to present moral dilemmas, possibilities, injustices, secrets etc that create mindful moments when the reader develops their own views on events and characters. I employ anthropology and mythology to anchor in on what catches people's engagement.
They are opinions though
Easily understood, loved the examples!
Thank you for this video! I was just in a section of my scene that is a bit talk-heavy and the tags were getting too neutral -- like a report just as you say. I needed this!
Listened to Shadow of the Wind on a looooong trip. 100% a great example of opinionated writing. Gormenghast does this really well, too.
I'm overly curt in my writing, so this video was helpful.
My sentences:
The interrogated slumped in the chair.
The distinguished man carefully placed himself in the offered seat.
The man jumped at the free seat.
The man seated himself in an armchair.
The late student ran to take his assigned seat.
The portly man parked himself in the small chair.
The young man hesitantly grabbed a seat in the overembellished seat.
The elder slouched as he sat in an antique as old as him.
The director took his righteous spot at the top seat.
The scarred man shoved himself on the heap of a chair.
Great advice - Thanks, Tim!
Great video! I only did 5--maybe I'll get partial credit:
1) The King sunk into his throne with a heavy sigh.
2) The peasant collapsed onto the stiff stool.
3) Stephen plopped into the beanbag, his latest novel already open.
4) The employee sagged in his chair with a look of resignation.
5) The giant shattered the oak chair, fuming as he rose once more, towering over the crowd.
1. His legs aching from the hard days work, the man stumbled to the cedar chair and slumped into it.
2. With nose held high and a servant boy to pull back his cape, Lord Blackbane lowered onto his throne.
3. The phone call still echoed through his crooked ears. The pillar of his life, every painstaking hour, seemed primed to crumble. Maybe in resignation, perhaps in a desperate attempt to find one final maneuver, the man crumbled onto the rusted bench and sat in silence.
4. On a howling 2A.M. The construction worker skipped his way into the freight train. With only one seat remaining, he glanced at his rival and found an old man hobbling with a cane. Easy. He stole the chair and spread his legs apart for a relaxing journey.
5. Ever aware of the revolver locked onto his shoulder, Kyle raised his hands and tiptoed to the only chair in the granite basement.
6. Eddy burst through the door, the crime novel between his hands at long last. He charged to his swivel chair, leapt on, and opened the book before the chair stopped spinning.
7. He glanced at the cushy chair and then at the dignified therapist sitting one coffee table away. Well, if all the buildup turned out to be another nothing, at least he’d have a nice story to tell his fellow methheads. He leaned back in the seat and met her white eyes with his bloodshot own.
8. Kyle glanced at his gangly brother grinning down at him like a crow harking evil, but his brother harkened something worse, April 1st. Foolishly, Kyle stepped back and into the a chair, where his shame rang out in the form of a whoopy cushion
9. The man sat in the chair
10. You lose a few things, cracking a case. When the doe eyed broad entered my office, I leaned into my chair as smooth as I could and propped my feet up before I posed the question, “where were you the night of the murder?”
Excellent.
1. The man swiftly plopped down in the chair.
2. The man straddled his legs across the kitchen chair.
3. The man sagged, distraught, in the recliner, head in his hands.
4. The old man sprawled out on the couch, each leg a cushion for his grandkids.
5. The man lazed back in his seat.
6. The man positioned himself in the chair, posture like that of an arrow.
7. The man propped himself up on the chair.
8. The man sat anything but the right way in the chair, legs reaching toward the ceiling fan, hanging limply over the backrest like a pair of old clothes.
9. The man promptly sat back in the chair, hunched over and defiant.
10. The man sat down cross legged at his seat, drumming his fingers on the armrest.
Can I just say, holy freaking crap this is amazing. I can't wait to go back to my work with this in mind. Thank you!
Yes. You may say that. 😀 - Tim
great and fruitful wonderful,
for the first sentence!!
His mind was crumbling under the weight of his own expectations.
His mind was drowning in a sea of agony.
He couldn't *not* focus on the event; as if the memory itself were trapped in a slide and placed under a microscope.
The events played in his head, over and over, like a horror film on repeat.
Wow this is good stuff, I’ve seen so much in TH-cam, this is very close to the top, if not at it already. ❤
Love this! For some reason, growing up and even taking some writing classes, I got the impression that an objective narrative voice was the default, or somehow better than a subjective voice. Recently I have started to give richer descriptions by adding in some of the central character's opinion to the narrative voice for more of a perspective feel. But when I let my guard down, I lapse back into stale neutrality. I don't know where I got the fear of writing my opinion or the idea that I should be hiding the ball from the reader. Why should fiction be unbiased? Is that even possible? Doesn't that defeat the purpose?
I agree, I feel like a lot of advice tells writers to not give their opinion. I've heard the term "heavy handed" author, and people don't like being preached at. But they also don't like reading a report when they're looking for escape.
I like having close POV characters where I can give clear, biased opinions from different perspectives, and then it's the story that reveals either who's right vs. wrong or prompts the writer to think about the cost/benefit, consequences etc. of each.
I feel that objective voice is best for more educational or informative works like, "A Perfect Planet" with David Attenborough, in comparison to more fictitious writing like Tolkien and Lewis would have with a more subjective voice. Subjective feels more fun to explore, like we are being led to explore by a guide while Objective feels like we are taught by a teacher who enjoys their choice of study.
Hello, the video says write our/the author's opinion, but some of the examples seem to be from the character's opinion, not the author's. The, 'they were met by their grandparents, two thin, severe, distinguished people in dark clothes, the children approved of them at once', is that from the author's opinion or the grandchildren? So when I go to write, I'm not sure if the nouns, verbs, adverbs, adjectives, should be from my opinion or the protagonist's. Like, he strode might be my opinion of how the character is walking, but the character might not be thinking he strode. I don't know where I'm getting confused with valencing language. Can you please help me understand?
@danielburns1556 "severe and distinguished" is the author's opinion, not the children's. The children like them because they are their grandparents, so they don't see them as "severe and distinguished". A children's POV description might be "My grandparents are always so safe and stable, even if it's hard to make them smile"
I could say "the officer approached casually, even though he was trained to always be prepared for trouble" which would be objective, with a hint of a narrators' positive opinion.
If the protagonist is a criminal, a biased description from his pov might be: "The enforcer came up to me with an arrogant smirk. His hand hovered over his gun, no doubt hoping to one day achieve his fantasy of legally shooting people." The choice of words is very negative, angry and bitter and jumps to cynical assumptions. It makes you angry, because the perspective character is angry. In that case, my opinion as the author might be that my protagonist is an awful person and the policeman is good, but if I'm writing from a character's own perspective their view of the world shows up in how they perceive things and describe them.
So you can write with your own opinion in the descriptions and word choice, or you can use the opinion of a character.
@@ethanmoon3925 Good examples. Can you offer some guidance on how an author knows if they're valencing from the author's opinion vs how to know if they're valencing from the character's opinion? I don't know when to do which. I don't know how to valence so that it's clear what is the author's and what is the character's. I might choose verbs, nouns, adverbs and adjectives that I the author/storyteller would use, but then I worry I'm using them in place of the ones the character would use, and the other way around. Is there a way to know when to use which, author or character opinions/descriptions, etc. Thank you!
The man collapsed into the chair
The man barely made it into the chair
The man applied sanitizer and gingerly sat on the edge of the seat
The man unapologetically shoved his way into the chair
The man climbed off the floor and into the chair
The man peeled himself off the floor, barely making it into the chair.
The man settled into the already warm armchair
The man folded himself into the too small chair
The thin man shivered and folded his arm as he sat on the damp chair
The gin smelling man stumbled into the chair and passed out.
I choose to believe these are sequential and not alternatives. The man needs to sober up.
I had the same idea! "The hypochondriac wet-wiped the seat, waited, then carefully descended"
The haggard wizard crumpled onto the armor-polished bench.
The suit and tie perched on the edge of the mirror varnished ebony square.
The Santa-faced hobo gingerly folded himself onto the finely upolstered wing-back.
Pale faced and gaunt, the last remnant of humanity, curled into the fetal position on the tattered loveseat.
The desparate nerd, with darting eyes, kept watch on the door while he sidled into the desk chair.
The spy hunkered down taking advantage of the chair's shadow.
Wide Wally wiggled into the kid-desk.
Nose in the air, as if the rest of us stank, the muddy prince flipped back his coattails and lighted on his throne.
"The Santa-faced hobo" -- Hah, love it!
Thanks. Good advice.
1. My dad hovered over the kitchen chair.
2. The professor settled into his reading chair.
3. The man collapsed into the taxi.
4. The student plopped into the desk-chair combo.
5. The judge assumed the chair in the high box.
I would never write such a grotesque sentence as an alternative to the one about
thinking negatively. The problem of course is that the adverb negatively is relative and abstract. I would describe some of the negative thoughts and maybe generalize on that. Metaphors are invaluable like 'a maze of doubts'.
The man sat down in the chair
1. The man forced himself down into the chair which jerked due to his weight.
2. The man sat carefully down in the chair as though it may have been made of glass.
3. The man abruptly sat down in the chair without his knowledge.
4. The man was lost in his thoughts when he sat slowly down in the chair.
5. The man slapped his right hand on the chair while sitting down in it.
6. The man groaned and shivered while he cautiously sat down in the chair.
7. The man slumped down in the chair with the pain.
8. The man drowsily slouched down on to the chair.
9. The man worried and whimpering sat down in the chair.
10. The man doubtfully sat in the chair looking around everywhere.
Just a great writer can make such a beautiful and engaging video about a relatively trivial topic like "word choice".
Hmmm.... A series of videos of exercises that we can do to become better writers and storytellers, I hope you consider this idea. I mean, this video alone and the class you uploaded a couple of days ago surely blasted (ha) my mind wide open to some of my shortcomings as a writer and storyteller.
Lightbulb for me when you said about writing a report of what is going on rather than a story….
There is no way to write prose that everyone will find engaging, or to make a video that everyone will find engaging. Just write what you want in the way you want. This comment is absolutely riveting, I know.
I don't care about what tge author thinks. I do care about what the characters are thinking and feeling. Coloring your words with shades of meaning is solid advice. But i don't think it always shows the authors opinion more than efficiently clarifying what is going on in the story.
We are told repeatedly to show not tell. No wonder writers don’t want to express an opinion about what’s happening in their stories.
I understood the examples as showing a characters opinion instead of just telling like " thought about it"
My attempt:
The man sat down in the chair
1. The man is leaning over his chair like a sloth. His shoes full of mud are lying over the table befouling his wife's documents while even the boar-like smell of his sweat-wet uniform is haunting the flies away from him like conjured demons.
2. The man makes himself comfortable in the chair. After stretching he is all eyes on his laptop. His spine is completely leaned over like a puzzle piece glued to chewed gum. Perhaps a little too comfortable. Two hours in. His neck broke off.
3. “I see” The man leans over his chair using the armchair as a support for his legs while leaning on his arm on the table. “So, what do you want me to do about this?”
4. He sat down to the chair, his body pressed small and thin as pressed dough as he looked upon his chef in a tremble. For the animals he robbed their natural Life in the Amazonas, he is this time the animal in a cage for once.
5. “Whatever” he falls onto his gamer chair as if he would fall any moment. Yet, he didn’t. His arms rest behind his head signaling “Even if I fell, did I really care though?”
man did i realize how much i know nothing about the art of prose!!
"The Man sat down in the chair." - Original
"The chair's screams were muffled by the man's weight"
"his weight was like music to the chair." -- ?!??!?!??!!??!?!??! -- lul
"I knew that CRUNCH sound, I knew it to be the chair, but combined with another sound, i've known its HIM" -- okay thats the idea now make it Prosey.
"That creaking was as unnerving as a unhinged door opening very slowly."
"The Gardener bent down on the flat suface"
"I Jumped into my seat, spinning verociously"
"he didn't even bother to pull himself together, his guidance was purely intuition, one could say he wasn't conscious when he Flopped onto his sheets."
"that juvenile just so happened to casually sift onto the checkout conveyor, like a little mermaid on her beautiful rock."
"at my parents house, the couches always make a crunching sound, you would never guess that as jocky as they are, their lives are spent living in a sluthole."
"The mighty Goon lynched his his legs on the control panel, eating mamas reheated spaghetti"
"there couldn't be a more corperate way to his movements, completely obidient, completely ordinary, he menuvors his upper legs downward, like a factory machiene lounging a packadge, onto the surface of the chair."
these are mediocre ^W^
okay i admit i didnt give too much attention... i just wanted to get it over with so i could move on.
This video is conflating two things. The first thing is sentences having emotional meaning via distinct, non-vague words, for example "The man sat on the chair" versus "The man felt around with shaking hands for a seat, and when he found one, he buckled". This is good - not always, it depends on the context whether you want detailed and emotional writing or simple and direct expression, but it's good to know.
The second thing is the author inserting his opinion out of the blue. I have this memory that I will not stop being angry about until I have my eternal rest: there was a scene in a novel where two teenagers were having cake somewhere outdoors, and it goes something like, "They were eating it with their hands, putting it into their mouths. They were eating the cake like cake is supposed to be eaten." This gives you this sense of delight, right? But this wasn't either of the characters' thoughts or feelings, this was just the writer. The writer is not a character in the story (unless he literally is a character telling the story/writing a journal/etc.), and as such has no right to express an opinion at the level of the sentence. I don't care what you, the writer, think about what the character is doing. You're not the character, reflecting. You're not another character expressing an opinion. You are not a part of the story, and you need to get out.
Love your second thing. I like the characters having strong opinions and the writer using characters intelligently in the narrative to guide me to an opinion/perspective/conclusion.
RE: the cake example, couldn't "They were eating the cake like cake is supposed to be eaten" be exactly what the 2 characters are thinking? It would be like saying of two characters out on the town: "Marty threw back the shot of Grey Goose while Nick was waving his hand trying to attract the bar tender. They were going to do tonight right. A Saturday night after being laid off from their jobs was a night that was meant to be lived like this." That kind of thing?
@@L_Martin Absolutely, but in your example it sounds like it's what the characters are thinking/feeling. In my example I meant it really was not the characters, but rather the author popping into the story even though he wasn't a part of it at all and gave his own opinion about the cake. (btw, if the author is established as more of an actual character in the story, at least as the "storyteller", then I think it's okay)
The man sat on the chair, only to find someone had pulled it from under him.
The chair sat on the man.
The man was going to sit onto the chair but had an existential crises and couldn't do it.
👌✍
The one problem I see here is that this is an invitation to purple prose. I know writers whose sentences are just stuffed full of descriptors, dripping with melodrama. And they're complimented for their "lyrical" prose.
Great advice - but to be pedantic, 'leisurely' 10:56 is an adjective, not an adverb.
How do you keep from sounding pretentious when we change up words like this?
I think that that is a great question. The answer may be that you don't look for 10 cent words but you use the same vocabulary as you do when you are talking. The key is (I think) to use language that focuses on the senses and not abstractions, that is to say the smell, the sound, the feel, the sight, and taste of what the character or narrator experiences.
I had to take back the like because the classic stories say very little of what the characters are "thinking", so the interpretation is left up to the reader. If they wanted the reader to know what a character was thinking, they would have them do a monologue or dialogue with another character.
Hurtful - Tim
Or maybe he just WALKED.
Sometimes he just needs to take a walk and that's okay
I actually disagree. This advice only works for third person omniscient point of view. For every other type of POV (first person and third person limited being the most commonly used), it matters what the POV character thinks and feels. Both the examples and the rewritten sentences lack emotion and are far removed from the situation, and are telling rather than showing. I'm not interested in any of these books based off of the writing I'm seeing in those sentences. If anything, I think poorly of them 😅
Why do you pronounce "sentences" like that? Sounds like "Sinitses".
'UNBORING' is a WORD? REALLY? When did that happen?
I made it happen 💪🏻 - Tim
I actually disagree vehemently with your first bit of advice. Not all writing needs to be pushing an agenda or engaging in activism. A better bit of advice would be to give your POV character an opinion. That way you can tell a nuanced story with multiple viewpoints instead of just preaching at your audience.
It also weakens your writing. The writer pushing a 21st century western opinion in a fantasy world in which that shouldn’t exist is immersion shattering and nonsensical.
The man looked brittle, with skin that looked like paper mache. He stood looking at the chair and sighed as he accepted the familiar challenge of lowering his body into the lap of a faithful companion he called Lazy Boy.
lol Ernest Hemingway without the talent. amirite? lol
im editing my post now. its clunky. doesnt flow. I need to be more economical. Ive never really written anything and dont fancy myself as a writer, but I love good writing. editing again. I think i see how i can fix it. I need exercises like these to get better.
Boring sentences, Number 2 'words given to a child' etc.etc. Was, i think written by C.S. Lewis one of our great writers for children. The Lion, The Witch and The wardrobe. Ring any bells?
You have taken it out of context and cut the sentence short.
Zafon came after Lewis. Sounds as if there's a 'wee bit 'of plagiarism going on.
“Franticly” is spelled frantically.
F-r-a-n-t-I-c-a-l-l-y.
i got 5 mins in and cant go further. the sentences used as the guide are awful, imo.
Trigonometry - all structure that works is built on threes.
You must write biased writing.
Write sentences in threes or multiples of three.
if you are looking for forgiveness for your sins only JESUS can do that. now about the writing advice it's good to remember not everyone takes the same so if you have a cast of characters don't make them all foul moth people he as made reference to pastors before so he not totally against CHRISTIANS but he always goes back to his bad language stuff most of the time i don't use this in my life sometimes it you make me mad enough i will but to assume everyone just moths off at everything will give you very narrow minded characters also not all men have the same personality type so not everyone needs to act the same this goes for women also and don't forget internal conflict
1. His legs aching from the hard days work, the man stumbled to the cedar chair and slumped into it.
2. With nose held high and a servant boy to pull back his cape, Lord Blackbane lowered onto his throne.
3. The phone call still echoed through his crooked ears. The pillar of his life, every painstaking hour, seemed primed to crumble. Maybe in resignation, perhaps in a desperate attempt to find one final maneuver, the man crumbled onto the rusted bench and sat in silence.
4. On a howling 2A.M. The construction worker skipped his way into the freight train. With only one seat remaining, he glanced at his rival and found an old man hobbling with a cane. Easy. He stole the chair and spread his legs apart for a relaxing journey.
5. Ever aware of the revolver locked onto his shoulder, Kyle raised his hands and tiptoed to the only chair in the granite basement.
6. Eddy burst through the door, the crime novel between his hands at long last. He charged to his swivel chair, leapt on, and opened the book before the chair stopped spinning.
7. He glanced at the cushy chair and then at the dignified therapist sitting one coffee table away. Well, if all the buildup turned out to be another nothing, at least he’d have a nice story to tell his fellow methheads. He leaned back in the seat and met her white eyes with his bloodshot own.
8. Kyle glanced at his gangly brother grinning down at him like a crow harking evil, but his brother harkened something worse, April 1st. Foolishly, Kyle stepped back and into the a chair, where his shame rang out in the form of a whoopy cushion
9. The man sat in the chair
10. You lose a few things, cracking a case. When the doe eyed broad entered my office, I leaned into my chair as smooth as I could and propped my feet up before I posed the question, “where were you the night of the murder?”