Aliens Are Real | Sen. Feinstein’s Retirement Confusion | Louisiana’s New Porn Law

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 14 ก.พ. 2023
  • The Biden administration said not to worry about aliens, then they set up a UFO task force. Elsewhere, we’re pretty sure Sen. Dianne Feinstein is retiring after her term, and Louisiana may soon require residents to show ID before viewing pornography online.
    #Colbert #Comedy #Monologue
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  • @russellcampbell9198
    @russellcampbell9198 ปีที่แล้ว +1575

    As an Aussie, I always wonder why so many alien sighting, crashes, abductions etc. happen in or over the USA. Aren't we listed on the alien TripAdvisor site?

    • @danquaylesitsspeltpotatoe8307
      @danquaylesitsspeltpotatoe8307 ปีที่แล้ว

      Well fundamentalism religion is strongly related to conspiracy nutters and other delusions like alien sightings!

    • @Svol09
      @Svol09 ปีที่แล้ว +228

      They go for the stupid ones first

    • @alexandercain732
      @alexandercain732 ปีที่แล้ว +54

      With a negative review.

    • @toddklempan105
      @toddklempan105 ปีที่แล้ว

      Same reason that those things only happen in rural and podunk places. Anything flying through the sky that you can’t make out is technically an ufo. Smart people are apt to assume a logical explanation, while those lacking common sense jump directly to aliens.

    • @davidfl4
      @davidfl4 ปีที่แล้ว +106

      Ah yes Australia, that place people tell me exists 🤨 how do y’all live over there upside down? Yes nothing suspicious about that at all…

  • @Thomas-eq3hx
    @Thomas-eq3hx ปีที่แล้ว +1678

    Don't worry about the aliens. They were looking for intelligent life and they intercepted a Fox news broadcast. They left.

    • @marccartrendsllc9478
      @marccartrendsllc9478 ปีที่แล้ว +29

      😂😂😂😂😂😂

    • @alfredmedina481
      @alfredmedina481 ปีที่แล้ว +53

      And then they heard Kennedy's press conference and said, good we didn't follow through, might be infectious.

    • @krystal7613
      @krystal7613 ปีที่แล้ว +32

      If we could give awards here for best comments, you’re certainly deserving lol

    • @denisedey588
      @denisedey588 ปีที่แล้ว +12

      Bahahahahahaha

    • @janmay7961
      @janmay7961 ปีที่แล้ว +14

      🤣😂🤣 good one👍

  • @alkaline_sine
    @alkaline_sine ปีที่แล้ว +6

    I had this playing while walking through the Baltimore airport and passed two flight attendants from Spirit Airlines right as he was making the "sky trash" joke about them 😆😆😆😆 I love when life imitates art.

  • @PositivityClubMusic
    @PositivityClubMusic ปีที่แล้ว +70

    I don’t know if I’m just in a mood, but this is the funniest Colbert monologue I’ve watched in a long time!
    Well played, man (and staff)!

  • @JianLakerson
    @JianLakerson ปีที่แล้ว +332

    That's the most astute thing I've ever heard Senator Kennedy say. "If you are confused, you understood the situation perfectly. "

    • @user-jv2tw1no8x
      @user-jv2tw1no8x ปีที่แล้ว +13

      John Kennedy “So if you don’t know, well now you know”

    • @chrissiek8706
      @chrissiek8706 ปีที่แล้ว +12

      It was probably first time he got applause from not MAGA crowd 😂

    • @Marijuanifornia
      @Marijuanifornia ปีที่แล้ว +12

      That man's accent should be condemned as a hate crime. Nothing intelligent can ever be said with a southern accent. It sounds like Dueling Banjos.

    • @user-jv2tw1no8x
      @user-jv2tw1no8x ปีที่แล้ว +4

      @@Marijuanifornia with a hint of deliverance

    • @marshwetland3808
      @marshwetland3808 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @@Marijuanifornia He does it to appeal to his constituents. He has a completely different accent that isn't greasy cornpone.

  • @arbknight12
    @arbknight12 ปีที่แล้ว +865

    I can assure everyone of two things:
    1. Aliens with advanced technology do exist.
    2. They don’t come near our planet, because we are essentially the Florida of the universe.

    • @tinkerstrade3553
      @tinkerstrade3553 ปีที่แล้ว +19

      @Neil Deep You got a frog in your pocket? He can see things however he wants, flavored as crazy as his mind will stretch, because that is his right while in the Pursuit of Happiness.
      Or are you afraid he's right?

    • @RaccCity55
      @RaccCity55 ปีที่แล้ว +18

      @Neil Deep Oh! Who's 'we'?

    • @angelcastro3129
      @angelcastro3129 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      LOL The Florida of the Universe LOL So Aliens think of Earth as the Penis of the solar system? Hahahaha

    • @mawavoy
      @mawavoy ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Feinstein, channeling Tom Brady 😂😂😂

    • @withershin
      @withershin ปีที่แล้ว +11

      Our jalapeno poppers really differentiate Sol III from the rest of the galaxy. And Chihuahuas.

  • @mandyharewood886
    @mandyharewood886 ปีที่แล้ว +102

    Laughter is the best medicine. Thank you, Dr. Colbert and team! Now I'm off for a second opinion. And a third. And a fourth. And a fifth. Dr. Kimmel. Dr. Myers. Dr. Fallon. Dr. Corden. And Dr Whoever is on the Daily Show!

  • @karenwhite4461
    @karenwhite4461 ปีที่แล้ว +59

    Great monolog ! The writing was A+. With Stephen's timing and physical comedy A++. 🤣

  • @tompeters7486
    @tompeters7486 ปีที่แล้ว +409

    If this has been going on since 2017, shouldn't Kennedy ask trump about that?

    • @Miller_Time
      @Miller_Time ปีที่แล้ว +22

      He's gotten super far with just his name. 'hint, he's not related to the ex president Kennedy'

    • @Broccoli_Highkicks
      @Broccoli_Highkicks ปีที่แล้ว +16

      Welp, Trump did start the Space Force...

    • @nathanbopp6163
      @nathanbopp6163 ปีที่แล้ว

      The FBI "stole" his secret documents

    • @dennisbergendorfii5440
      @dennisbergendorfii5440 ปีที่แล้ว +24

      Ask Trump? You mean the guy who opted out of security briefings?

    • @drumpfisidiot5021
      @drumpfisidiot5021 ปีที่แล้ว

      Kennedy studied at Stanford...why does he still talk like foghorn Leghorn?...that just shows that whole slack jawed slow accent to pander to the lowest i Qs in his state.

  • @jaydub5515
    @jaydub5515 ปีที่แล้ว +83

    Best Spirit Airlines joke in late night. Best monologue in late night. Best host of Late Night

    • @mijnordna
      @mijnordna ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Since Craig Ferguson retired, you are correct.

    • @daveg-Vancouver_Island
      @daveg-Vancouver_Island ปีที่แล้ว +1

      It’s a toss up, sometimes it’s a dud and a closer look kills it!

  • @rebeccapaul6455
    @rebeccapaul6455 ปีที่แล้ว +101

    I'm a 65 year old woman sitting alone with coffee and cats and tears of laughter streaming down my face. Go, Joe!

    • @yudithcaron8053
      @yudithcaron8053 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Ok, I get that Joe Biden is pretty funny, but you shouldn't forget Stephen. And his staff. Go staff!

    • @maureenlaneski2802
      @maureenlaneski2802 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      #lifegoals for real! I have some health problems amd my poor 15-yr-old kitty is eating his baby food and Gabapentin mix as I write, I but am going to think back to this comment as I do my PT and look for treatments. Cats, coffe, and crying with laughter. Who could want more? And living 27 more years. Hugs to you, internet stranger!!

    • @vituperation
      @vituperation ปีที่แล้ว

      When's your Senate campaign starting?

  • @natalieclark5819
    @natalieclark5819 ปีที่แล้ว +23

    The writers and Stephen were on fire for this monologue!

  • @IAmSuzyQ
    @IAmSuzyQ ปีที่แล้ว +42

    Marjorie Taylor Greene claims her SOTU outfit was meant to resemble the Chinese balloon we shot down. Maybe she should have been taken down too? After all, she's a bigger threat to our country than that balloon ever was.🤷🏼‍♀️

    • @ferox965
      @ferox965 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Not might...IS.

    • @MrBsbotto
      @MrBsbotto ปีที่แล้ว +4

      That comment rocks, Suzy!

    • @chrissiek8706
      @chrissiek8706 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Wait, balloon had fake fur on it? Or it was first white item she found online? Good thing Amazon had not suggested wedding dress 😂

    • @IAmSuzyQ
      @IAmSuzyQ ปีที่แล้ว

      @@ferox965 Correction made. 😉👍

    • @eric2500
      @eric2500 ปีที่แล้ว

      Well she looked like a streetwalker instead.

  • @lw3269
    @lw3269 ปีที่แล้ว +127

    "Lock your doors tonight". Yessir, Colonel Sanders. 100% sure that any alien capable of extensive space travel would be deterred by a locked door.

    • @MonkeyJedi99
      @MonkeyJedi99 ปีที่แล้ว +12

      I watch enough Lock Picking Lawyer to know that a lock only keeps honest people honest. And a window is easier than a door.

    • @gracematter
      @gracematter ปีที่แล้ว +3

      🤣🤣🤣

    • @porfiriato84
      @porfiriato84 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      That's why you get those new anti space laser lock.

    • @kevincooper4912
      @kevincooper4912 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      It worked in 'Signs'...?

    • @MrBsbotto
      @MrBsbotto ปีที่แล้ว +11

      Would that make them illegal aliens?
      Gosh, I'm sorry about that...

  • @mdudegamer
    @mdudegamer ปีที่แล้ว +21

    Requiring folks to show ID to access porn... something tells me VPN usage may skyrocket if a law like that takes effect.

  • @rosemaryhanson9206
    @rosemaryhanson9206 ปีที่แล้ว +20

    Writing team at top of their game; loved it!

  • @chrsmcfrln
    @chrsmcfrln ปีที่แล้ว +145

    With all the trash in our outer atmosphere, aliens are just going to drive on past, probably locking their doors.

    • @MonkeyJedi99
      @MonkeyJedi99 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Ellen Griswold : This is so dangerous, Clark. We have no business being in a neighborhood like this!
      Clark Griswald : Oh I don't know, hun. This is a part of America we never get to see.
      Ellen Griswold : [sarcastic] That's good!
      Clark Griswald : Uh... no that's bad. We can't just ignore the plight of the inner cities. See the plight kids?
      [gunshots are heard and a woman is heard screaming]
      Clark Griswald : Roll 'em up!

    • @chippychin
      @chippychin ปีที่แล้ว +4

      This made me giggle so hard.

    • @MrBsbotto
      @MrBsbotto ปีที่แล้ว

      Nice imagery, chris....

    • @Tao_Tology
      @Tao_Tology ปีที่แล้ว

      Or even take a look Mars and all the debris littered around from the various craft we've thrown at the planet.
      'See, honey? They haven't even gotten to another planet and already they can't clean up after themselves'

  • @jalabi99
    @jalabi99 ปีที่แล้ว +87

    2:27 I feel so bad for the people of Louisiana that they're being represented in the US Senate by Foghorn Leghorn when they could have had Gary Chambers Jr. representing them instead.

    • @Spiritof_76
      @Spiritof_76 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      Listen to me when I'm a talkin' to ya, son...

    • @MrBsbotto
      @MrBsbotto ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Trippin' over your own feet, boy...

    • @user-jv2tw1no8x
      @user-jv2tw1no8x ปีที่แล้ว +5

      How did this guy make it to Oxford University? Must have been a bad vintage

    • @user-jv2tw1no8x
      @user-jv2tw1no8x ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@BabushkaBrigade Sarah Suckabee Colonel Sanders lies just as much as her former boss

    • @jasonreiyn9311
      @jasonreiyn9311 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Just a reminder. That folksy sounding Senator attended an Ivory League college. His manner of speaking is as contrived as Senator Cruz's boots.

  • @rebecagainza8399
    @rebecagainza8399 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Hilarious, I haven’t laugh so hard at a night show monologue in some time, you hit this one out of the park with this monologue

  • @deionisgnarly111
    @deionisgnarly111 ปีที่แล้ว +12

    The monologue was on point, I never stopped laughing. Stephen's inflatable person impression was too good.

  • @gamepapa1211
    @gamepapa1211 ปีที่แล้ว +139

    This whole UFO situation with the U.S. reminded me of the scene from Naked Gun where Leslie Nielsen stood in front of an exploding fireworks factory telling everyone there's nothing to see.

    • @exeggcutertimur6091
      @exeggcutertimur6091 ปีที่แล้ว

      Well nobody else here is saying it so here goes: UFO means unidentified flying object. Our govt has more or less gone with the shoot first ask questions later policy for weird stuff in the sky.
      Colbert is milking the joke of people thinking UFO = aliens when and reasonable viewer should really know better.
      Any species capable of reaching us from interstellar space could easily nuke us from orbit. That hasn't happened. So it's very unlikely aliens have ever visited earth. This is the first show colbert ever did where I wish he instead took the day off. Apparently frikken parry baloons are enough to get people worked up over nonexistant aliens.

    • @appletile2887
      @appletile2887 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      That was the same line Stormy Daniels used describing the Trump encounter.....then pulled out a magnifying 🔎 glass for emphasis.

    • @gamepapa1211
      @gamepapa1211 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@appletile2887 wat

    • @Becky_Cal
      @Becky_Cal ปีที่แล้ว +1

      I remember that scene! 😭😭I loved the Naked Gun serious. So hilarious!

    • @tommyt1971
      @tommyt1971 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      “Please disperse! Nothing to see here! Please disperse!”

  • @starrdust13
    @starrdust13 ปีที่แล้ว +24

    That Rick Scott photo 😂😂👽 🪐

    • @cleatusbarncoat8642
      @cleatusbarncoat8642 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Yep, “the newly-discovered cave fish.” A classic, in the Monologue HOF.

  • @LadyMoonsparrow
    @LadyMoonsparrow ปีที่แล้ว +9

    He was absolutely brilliant tonight, every joke, every story was magnificent!

  • @Ginric99
    @Ginric99 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Ever since the entire world got a high def smartphone in their pocket have you noticed Alien, Ghosts, Bigfoot and Nessie have gone all camera shy. I would expect a far higher rate of images and videos now not less.

  • @scbtripwire
    @scbtripwire ปีที่แล้ว +760

    "If you are confused, you understand the situation perfectly." Fair enough. 😂 First thing that Republican has said that's rational.

    • @HOTD108_
      @HOTD108_ ปีที่แล้ว +5

      I don't know man, I feel like Abraham Lincoln said some pretty rational things. I'm guessing you're from the South?

    • @MajorHenryL
      @MajorHenryL ปีที่แล้ว +41

      @@HOTD108_ What century do you think this is?

    • @delton503
      @delton503 ปีที่แล้ว

      Joe is a democrat….

    • @Tick421
      @Tick421 ปีที่แล้ว +43

      @@HOTD108_ that was not the same republican party

    • @DSAK55
      @DSAK55 ปีที่แล้ว

      If you are confused, then you're a typical Republican

  • @porfiriato84
    @porfiriato84 ปีที่แล้ว +92

    I'm telling you, this week's monologues have been absolute fire. The feinstein cake and Ass-atar got me 😂

    • @yudithcaron8053
      @yudithcaron8053 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      We need to have this Feinstein cake motif on a card. And a sheet cake.

  • @prachim.7882
    @prachim.7882 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    I almost spit out my sip of water at the spirit airlines joke 😂

  • @ebybeehoney
    @ebybeehoney ปีที่แล้ว +2

    I admit I always think about the ocean life when bombs go off "harmlessly" in the ocean.

  • @savannahm.laurentian1286
    @savannahm.laurentian1286 ปีที่แล้ว +48

    Definition of SNAFU: "If you are confused, you understand the situation perfectly."🤦😵 🤪

    • @chonqmonk
      @chonqmonk ปีที่แล้ว

      Situation Normal, All Fucked Up

  • @pnaomiw
    @pnaomiw ปีที่แล้ว +87

    That bit with the retirement cake was hilarious 😂😂💀

  • @jedidiahhendricks8572
    @jedidiahhendricks8572 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Goodness, Stephen, I LOST it at the avatar porn jokes. 😂😂😂😂😂 What a great way to start the work weekend. Have a great day y’all!

  • @visions_of_noah
    @visions_of_noah ปีที่แล้ว +5

    “Dark Side of Balloon” you have no idea how much I appreciate a little Pink Floyd reference 😉

  • @junemoores1146
    @junemoores1146 ปีที่แล้ว +182

    Thanks again Stephen for making the world a better place

    • @tswan137
      @tswan137 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      It'd be much better if he would talk about Ohio and the insanely horrific situation unfolding there that isn't garnering ANY media coverage. It's a shame to see Stephen is also under their finger.

  • @lisacundy9776
    @lisacundy9776 ปีที่แล้ว +111

    "You have a certain dogma about you "
    I will never forget that call out on Amy Coney Barrett's confirmation hearing!
    Truth to power!

    • @CloudsGirl7
      @CloudsGirl7 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Certainly a generous way of putting it. For further accuracy, one normally has to flap their lips with their forefinger.

  • @joenisnapje712
    @joenisnapje712 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Rick Scott’s picture should deffo be a billboard stating “Party of the Deranged”

  • @rawkfistgaming
    @rawkfistgaming ปีที่แล้ว +10

    One of the best monologues I've seen in a LONG time, and that's saying something!

  • @TheRoyalBavarian
    @TheRoyalBavarian ปีที่แล้ว +23

    I would truely like to thank Senator Finstein for her service. I wish you good days.

  • @timmartin8191
    @timmartin8191 ปีที่แล้ว +56

    That Spirit Airlines joke was priceless! Sorry, Spirit. Sometimes you have to take one for the team. If you would install reclining seats, this might all end.

    • @TheSocratease
      @TheSocratease ปีที่แล้ว +5

      Or ban plane loads of drunken bachelor/bachelorette parties to New Orleans. I was on that plane.😵

    • @porfiriato84
      @porfiriato84 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      I've been tempted to try them but I chicken out. Ive read several bad stories 😵

    • @timmartin8191
      @timmartin8191 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@porfiriato84 They really aren't bad in most cases if you need a cheap flight that is not more than 2 hours long. The only complaint I have had is that their seats don't recline. 😁

    • @porfiriato84
      @porfiriato84 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@timmartin8191 I guess I've always had this idea that they only use old planes that need major updating haha

    • @timmartin8191
      @timmartin8191 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@porfiriato84 LOL. Their planes are ok as far as I know. I'm not afraid to fly Spirit, especially when I wanna be cheap on my flying! They are the K-Mart of airlines.I don't think it's as dangerous as buying a steak dinner at Dollar Tree. 😂

  • @An__-
    @An__- ปีที่แล้ว +2

    I feel a little bad for the 89 year-old senator who didn't realize that her staff put out the statement. Could be her memory but could also just be poor communication. At 89 she's not likely on Twitter and her young staffers might not realize that she needs to be informed verbally of when it happens...in real time

  • @desmondbrown7732
    @desmondbrown7732 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Love how Stephen delivers the message when he talks about politicians, lol. I mean hell, "the cow is out of the barn" on that one, lol

  • @yurielcundangan9090
    @yurielcundangan9090 ปีที่แล้ว +65

    Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, jack would make all of his indictments stick

    • @fatimaswain
      @fatimaswain ปีที่แล้ว

      Steven ur the best!I really really had an fantastic time laughing.keep it up Sir!!I need u guys fantastic humor! Greetings from down South Africa

  • @tuckgraph
    @tuckgraph ปีที่แล้ว +33

    "Lock your doors" is how they say "the aliens have landed" down on the bayou.

    • @mawavoy
      @mawavoy ปีที่แล้ว +9

      Kennedy assumes the aliens can not pick locks or that they are unaware of the primitive tool, the battering ram. Remember Kennedy represents Louisiana.

  • @patriciachristianson8986
    @patriciachristianson8986 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    LOL!!!! I was having a hard time waking up.Then I turned on your show. Now I' m ready to start my day.

  • @Frankjc3rd
    @Frankjc3rd ปีที่แล้ว +2

    The only thing more embarrassing than working for Spirit airlines, is being fired by Spirit airlines.

  • @NewMessage
    @NewMessage ปีที่แล้ว +99

    "Your superior intelligence is no match for our primitive technology!"
    -Xt'il'Blix, General of the Alien Balloon Force.

    • @jeanneratterman
      @jeanneratterman ปีที่แล้ว +5

      ‘If you are confused, then you understand the situation perfectly.’ 😂👍

    • @lenawagenfuehr53
      @lenawagenfuehr53 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      It's like the Simpsons Treehouse of Horror episode where they repel the invading Aliens by chasing them with a board with a nail in it...

  • @glennwelsh9784
    @glennwelsh9784 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Yeah, if you can't remember that you gave your staffer a prepared statement announcing your retirement, then it is truly time to retire.

    • @mawavoy
      @mawavoy ปีที่แล้ว

      Maybe it’s a Democratic coup attempt.

  • @MoniqueSvazlianTallon
    @MoniqueSvazlianTallon ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Wow the writing team was on fire today!!! Keep those laughs coming!

  • @generalnawaki
    @generalnawaki ปีที่แล้ว +91

    as a west coast Canadian, this warm weather has me shitting bricks.

    • @wayneessar7489
      @wayneessar7489 ปีที่แล้ว +10

      We need the snow pack...!

    • @generalnawaki
      @generalnawaki ปีที่แล้ว +8

      @@wayneessar7489 have you checked where its at? last time I did we were at 85% of normal snow pack. oh god, the fires.

    • @laurie113
      @laurie113 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      ❤️🇨🇦

    • @Nevertoleave
      @Nevertoleave ปีที่แล้ว +5

      @@generalnawaki I volunteer the snow on my front yard. Feel free to come collect it in Alberta. 100% serious. If I woke up tomorrow and all the snow on my lawn was gone I’d be pleased. I live in the city. I don’t need it, the forests do though

    • @wayneessar7489
      @wayneessar7489 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @@generalnawaki Lower mainland was 78%. better in the upper Fraser, the map was updated Feb 1 and is very detailed.

  • @tracyjackman6515
    @tracyjackman6515 ปีที่แล้ว +425

    I think it is Stephen’s civil duty to come up with possible alien suspects in the senate and congress!

    • @khill8645
      @khill8645 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Why should he bother when Alex Jones has already been doing exactly that for 20 years?

    • @cherylwilkinson3228
      @cherylwilkinson3228 ปีที่แล้ว +17

      Seeing that picture of Rick Scott I think he's already found one.

    • @lazyperfectionist1
      @lazyperfectionist1 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      @@khill8645 Well now, Alex Jones is not typically very civil.

    • @Junksaint
      @Junksaint ปีที่แล้ว

      Or republicans bringing back child labor and child marriage, banning books, keeping pot illegal, and blocking any gun reform out west and in the south while everyone's distracted lol

    • @gwolf7716
      @gwolf7716 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      @@cherylwilkinson3228 yes, Max Headroom incarnate.

  • @clove8763
    @clove8763 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I'm still stuck on Sky Trash!!! 🤣🤣🤣 Even after Southwest's recent trials, Spirit still can't get a break! 🤣

  • @TheTefloncougar
    @TheTefloncougar ปีที่แล้ว +2

    in the army we had a guy who used to say "If you're not confused, then you don't know what's going on."

  • @Opus313
    @Opus313 ปีที่แล้ว +506

    "If you're confused, you understand the situation perfectly."
    That's just what the aliens want you to believe!

    • @liamcollins4657
      @liamcollins4657 ปีที่แล้ว +8

      It makes me think of that episode of Perfect Strangers from the 80's called Aliens where Balki is from another planet and has lasers coming out of his finger and he's walking through doors and dropping in from the ceiling and sh1t.

    • @couragekarnga8735
      @couragekarnga8735 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Personally, I'd like to be beamed to anywhere out of TFG's groping range.

    • @JohnDoe-jh5yr
      @JohnDoe-jh5yr ปีที่แล้ว +9

      An alien stole foghorn's brain after his law degree

    • @DARWINZOO
      @DARWINZOO ปีที่แล้ว +9

      "To Serve Man"

    • @danquaylesitsspeltpotatoe8307
      @danquaylesitsspeltpotatoe8307 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Well if you believe the 5 best evidence for alien space craft done by UFO nutters, the aliens are hiding their craft by making look exactly like commercial aircraft including the lights! Or like ducks even with the flapping duck wings and duck size and duck speed! 🤦‍♂🤣

  • @7thsealord888
    @7thsealord888 ปีที่แล้ว +393

    Always felt that aliens were a solid explanation for Big Orange and the GOP.

    • @peterl.104
      @peterl.104 ปีที่แล้ว +22

      😂 Just like many people think orange chicken is Chinese food, many of us think Big Orange is human.

    • @thomasgriffith2953
      @thomasgriffith2953 ปีที่แล้ว +9

      Yes! The EVIL ALIENS 👽!

    • @JBBost
      @JBBost ปีที่แล้ว +12

      Man, don't put that on the ETs

    • @repentandbelieveinJesusChrist3
      @repentandbelieveinJesusChrist3 ปีที่แล้ว

      Repent to Jesus Christ “I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint.””
      ‭‭Jeremiah‬ ‭31‬:‭25‬ ‭NIV‬‬
      J

    • @alwalw9237
      @alwalw9237 ปีที่แล้ว +5

      You are far more accurate in this statement than you realize. #Aliens have been influencing politicans, religious leaders, economic mogals and promoting division amongst the human family for decades now in order to weaken us as a race, so they can swoop in an pretend to be our saviors. Just like every resource explorer has done to native peoples throughout history. Nature is nature. The free books Allies of Humanity go into great detail about why they are here, what they want and what humanity can do to unite as a world and send them packing.

  • @joshuacrawford9862
    @joshuacrawford9862 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Dianne Feinstein, a legendary senator who is 89-years-old and like many that age has confusing senior moments.

    • @ebybeehoney
      @ebybeehoney ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Which is why the retirement age is 65.

    • @ga6589
      @ga6589 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@ebybeehoney It's 66 and will gradually rise to 67 if you were born in 1960 or later.

  • @VFW-Mayer
    @VFW-Mayer ปีที่แล้ว +2

    The SPIRIT Airlines Sky Trash Joke LOL... Thankyou!

  • @tinkerstrade3553
    @tinkerstrade3553 ปีที่แล้ว +22

    Arkansas translation: "The cow is out of the barn."
    Meaning: "We done screwed the pooch and it's too late to hide the wet spot."

  • @ichijofestival2576
    @ichijofestival2576 ปีที่แล้ว +16

    "Meanwhile..." Despite last year's uproar, Congress (and it's family members) are *still* able to conduct insider trading without so much as a slap on the wrist.

  • @stephenschultz9901
    @stephenschultz9901 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    The Spirit Airlines burn was savage! 💀

  • @DAR25427
    @DAR25427 ปีที่แล้ว +7

    Thank you for ending my day with a super happy, laughing sort of moment. ❤ it ❤ Well done team 👍

  • @rachelgates509
    @rachelgates509 ปีที่แล้ว +41

    I love it when Stephen tickles himself from his own joke! lol🙂😉

  • @AlwayzFresh
    @AlwayzFresh ปีที่แล้ว +43

    Guaranteed at least 1 of those unknown aerial objects was from a gender reveal party.

    • @jamesjoy7547
      @jamesjoy7547 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      It's a boy! It's a girl! It's a big scary lizard with a gun that goes "zap"?

  • @gargwinvinesnake6961
    @gargwinvinesnake6961 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    That was the best wacky waving arm flailing inflatable tube man joke I've heard about the used car balloons.

  • @mwood341
    @mwood341 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Colbert has some of the best writers in the game 😂🔥🔥

  • @thecolortwelve3784
    @thecolortwelve3784 ปีที่แล้ว +23

    I still remember the first time you showed that photo, at least that I remember. On The Colbert report, I think, when you called him the Aztec snake god of death. I still think of Scott as such.

    • @nuclearhotseat1550
      @nuclearhotseat1550 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      Voldemort.

    • @what8562
      @what8562 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      So did Medicare recipients who lived in Florida.

    • @MajorHenryL
      @MajorHenryL ปีที่แล้ว +3

      @@what8562 Or all but 8 of those who tried to get the right to vote back.

  • @thurayya8905
    @thurayya8905 ปีที่แล้ว +21

    If MTG was an airline, she would be known as Sky Trash.

  • @Evanthebat15
    @Evanthebat15 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    "Sky trash also the motto of Spirit Airline" Colbert, I need you to always keep existing😂🤣

  • @birbluv9595
    @birbluv9595 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Senator Kennedy, please keep doing interviews and press conferences. I can’t get enough of your accent and speech pattern. Maybe you could narrate an audiobook.

  • @Aaackermann
    @Aaackermann ปีที่แล้ว +67

    You shouldn't be concerned when the gov sets up a task force on ufos.
    You should be concerned when they set up a task force on alien spacecrafts.

    • @ashkebora7262
      @ashkebora7262 ปีที่แล้ว +14

      I wish people were smart enough to realize they are completely different things.

    • @donufro
      @donufro ปีที่แล้ว +9

      Exactly! UFO does not necessarily mean aliens. Point in fact: if they knew it was aliens, it wouldn't be unidentified.

    • @nomore6167
      @nomore6167 ปีที่แล้ว +7

      @@ashkebora7262 "I wish people were smart enough to realize they are completely different things" - Exactly. I so much want to ask all of these "it's aliens!" people, "What, exactly, do you not understand about the term Unidentified Flying Object? You seen to know they're objects which are flying, so what is it about the word 'Unidentified' that confuses you so much?" However, I suspect those questions would confuse them just as much as the word "unidentified".

    • @ashkebora7262
      @ashkebora7262 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@nomore6167 Considering some people LITERALLY do not understand the concept of "not" or "null" or zero, I think there HAS to be a civilized plan to deal with utter morons or the disabled. Otherwise, society will (and is currently) be ran by those morons.
      No one is more boldly and confidantly wrong than someone who has never and cannot ever get over the Dunning-Kruger hump. (looking at you, MTG/Lauren Bobo/Trump/etc...)

    • @CloudsGirl7
      @CloudsGirl7 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      THANK YOU.

  • @Eliphas_Leary
    @Eliphas_Leary ปีที่แล้ว +49

    "If you are confused, you understand the situation perfectly."
    Sums up the GOP perfectly.

  • @michaelXXLF
    @michaelXXLF ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Louisiana law makers have evidently never heard of online VPN services.

  • @TheDanishGuyReviews
    @TheDanishGuyReviews ปีที่แล้ว +2

    There was a great bit in early Simpsons regarding "60 degrees in February". In Mr. Plow, Kent Brockman says "The snow melted overnight and we can walk in shorts. If this is the price of greenhouse gases, l'm keeping my Pontiac."

  • @coleengoodell7523
    @coleengoodell7523 ปีที่แล้ว +35

    Kennedy has been working on his comedy routine for a bit now. He actually posted a video of himself singing "Born free", I about peed my pants laughing. Hope he retires from our government and goes on the road doing stand-up. Safer for all of us.

    • @cathywolfe7993
      @cathywolfe7993 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Astonishingly, Kennedy is a Rhodes scholar. Picture Colin Jost saying, “How!”

    • @coleengoodell7523
      @coleengoodell7523 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@cathywolfe7993 I know!

  • @gamepapa1211
    @gamepapa1211 ปีที่แล้ว +179

    So instead of trying to sit down with their kids and educate them on the birds and the bees, panicky soccer moms decided to go after porn sites? This has the same energy as "Dungeons and Dragons turn my kids into Satanists." No, mother, they became satanists because they hate you.

    • @nebufabu
      @nebufabu ปีที่แล้ว +14

      It's the company behind P**nH*b (they're pretty much the online P***n industry monopoly by now) _also_ owning a company that provides paid online age verification. (because, of course.) They tried that stuff in the UK a few years back, then in California, AFAIK it eventually died in both cases, but... They're persistent.

    • @khill8645
      @khill8645 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@nebufabu The problem is that such a push for legislation can only succeed with at least _some_ significant buy-in from voters, which is precisely where the pearl-clutching soccer moms come in.

    • @ferox965
      @ferox965 ปีที่แล้ว

      Fox News is more dangerous than DnD, heavy metal and purple Teletubbies put together.

    • @mikeharrison1868
      @mikeharrison1868 ปีที่แล้ว +26

      Don't just blame the moms. To the extent that some of them are bonkers, it's because they live in a world of patriarchal bullshit craziness, like religion, for example.

    • @mikeharrison1868
      @mikeharrison1868 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      @@nebufabu certainly never heard of age verification here in the UK.

  • @josephreed5155
    @josephreed5155 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    One of the best written and delivered monolgs,

  • @Tadicuslegion78
    @Tadicuslegion78 ปีที่แล้ว +110

    Term limits already, 80% of Congress can be carbon dated to the late Jurassic

    • @lenawagenfuehr53
      @lenawagenfuehr53 ปีที่แล้ว

      Look up the term democracy - if the people vote fools of an advanced age in, nothing you can do about it.

    • @chonqmonk
      @chonqmonk ปีที่แล้ว

      More like the Carboniferous...

    • @HeavyChevy
      @HeavyChevy ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Their constituents just need to vote them out! These people just keep getting re-elected over and over again. 🤦🏻‍♂️

    • @PEGASUSleadmare
      @PEGASUSleadmare ปีที่แล้ว

      Yep! Term limits we have them they are called ELECTIONS! Vote them out!

    • @sirmoonslosthismind
      @sirmoonslosthismind ปีที่แล้ว +1

      the fact that 109 people still support term limits proves that, as a species, we are too stupid to live. seriously, you could spend just a few minutes looking at the actual effect of term limits everywhere it's been tried.

  • @earthknight60
    @earthknight60 ปีที่แล้ว +17

    Some folks seem to need a regular reminder that UFO =/= alien

    • @hestiathena4917
      @hestiathena4917 ปีที่แล้ว

      Hear, hear. Frankly, I find the possibility of these UFOs being further attempts by Xi (or Putin) to spy on (or troll) North America _far_ more likely. (And worrying...)

    • @veryberry39
      @veryberry39 ปีที่แล้ว

      Definitely true, but at least in regard to his joke, it was still funny even if they're all cognizant of the difference. "UFO" might literally just mean an airborne object that's unidentified, but 99% of the time it's applied to aliens, so it makes sense that that's what most folks think of first.

    • @drewlovelyhell4892
      @drewlovelyhell4892 ปีที่แล้ว

      Yeah, but these are the same people that believe in Angels, Q-Anon, Flat Earth, Jewish Space Lasers...

  • @dasstigma
    @dasstigma ปีที่แล้ว +6

    "We need more transparency from Biden."
    Also:
    "This has been going on since 2017."

  • @birdieerdie2349
    @birdieerdie2349 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Kennedy makes me embarrassed to not only be from Louisiana but from earth.

  • @mantarayal
    @mantarayal ปีที่แล้ว +24

    oh hell...this was a super funny one!! Thanks Steve!! Love from New Zealand🥰 Bit of sh%t going on down this way and we do with a good laugh!!

    • @ebybeehoney
      @ebybeehoney ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Praying. Hope everything gets better soon.

    • @mehere8038
      @mehere8038 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Stay safe over there across the ditch! - or at least try to, seems pretty hard to do right now! Thinking of all you guys!

  • @Matt-YT
    @Matt-YT ปีที่แล้ว +15

    There really should be an age limit...

  • @ellicel
    @ellicel ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Well VPN sales will skyrocket in Louisiana and other states that follow their lead 😂. Can’t wait to see those commercials!

  • @renshafer6495
    @renshafer6495 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    “Lock your doors at night” they laugh but hey it worked in signs 🤷🏻‍♂️

  • @abbylarkspur
    @abbylarkspur ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Since 2017? Hmm. Not like affordable drone aircrafts have been around for a while anyway

  • @silkcitysocialist420
    @silkcitysocialist420 ปีที่แล้ว +34

    Senator Kennedy is such a theater kid. He's Ivy league educated, but presents himself like a simple everyman who sounds like Foghorn Leghorn with folksy antidotes

    • @embreis2257
      @embreis2257 ปีที่แล้ว

      it works. he gets re-elected again and again despite his voting history

    • @DSAK55
      @DSAK55 ปีที่แล้ว

      because his constituents are dumphucks

    • @silkcitysocialist420
      @silkcitysocialist420 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@embreis2257 Unfortunately, many voters don't educate themselves on their Senators and Representatives voting records and the policies they support. Many voters even vote against their own interests or are single issue voters. It's all about the letter after their name. Its about Tribalism.

    • @liamwalsh4008
      @liamwalsh4008 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      Also reminiscent of the chicken lawyer from Futurama.

    • @chonqmonk
      @chonqmonk ปีที่แล้ว +1

      "folksy antidotes" Roflmao; good thing you don't know what irony is...

  • @paulmorales1607
    @paulmorales1607 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Damn every monologue is good but this one was GREAT

  • @plantdiva8472
    @plantdiva8472 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    bahahahah "sky trash" killed me ahahahha

  • @41tinman41
    @41tinman41 ปีที่แล้ว +57

    I think we've seen enough to know that when the government televises a press con that says "not to worry" is when we should have worried. But we will ignore these signs and by the time we realize, it's too late.

    • @JLee-rt6ve
      @JLee-rt6ve ปีที่แล้ว +4

      They should have hired Kevin Bacon as the spokesman: "Remain calm! All is well!"

    • @oldsesalt8496
      @oldsesalt8496 ปีที่แล้ว

      I watched Revolt with Lee Pace. He spent the whole movie very worried.

    • @oldsesalt8496
      @oldsesalt8496 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@JLee-rt6ve Or Lt. Frank "nothing to see here" Drebin.

    • @ashkebora7262
      @ashkebora7262 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Any alien smart enough to get to Earth is smart enough to realize they merely have to wait for us to kill ourselves off. It won't be long with climate change, without even psycho dictators nor hostile aliens.

  • @angelcastro3129
    @angelcastro3129 ปีที่แล้ว +20

    Providing ID for porn online... Have these law makers not heard of a VPN?

    • @andersandersen6295
      @andersandersen6295 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      How would a VPN change your ID?

    • @ianmiller6040
      @ianmiller6040 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Most of them are 70 or older. Of course they have no idea what that is.

    • @ianmiller6040
      @ianmiller6040 ปีที่แล้ว

      @@jzsbff4801 A VPN. But at 70 and up, they probably haven't used porn in decades, either.

    • @liamwalsh4008
      @liamwalsh4008 ปีที่แล้ว

      @JZ's BFF Oh, you're from Louisiana, aren't you? ;)

    • @andersandersen6295
      @andersandersen6295 ปีที่แล้ว

      @JZ's BFF One could get the idea that they dont know how to answer that question?

  • @ClaytonChick8
    @ClaytonChick8 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    "If you are confused, you understand the situation perfectly." That's like when I teach my students stage right and stage left for the first time.

  • @zom8680
    @zom8680 ปีที่แล้ว

    Colbert vs Spirit is the feud that keeps on giving

  • @oppositeofh8
    @oppositeofh8 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    ah yes, the band is sounding awesome performing a classic!! love you, late show band!!

  • @jjj1951
    @jjj1951 ปีที่แล้ว +9

    I want more of the Meatball Ron Song

  • @PEGASUSleadmare
    @PEGASUSleadmare ปีที่แล้ว +1

    PERFECTION! She should be running for President! Replacing two old guys? You go sister! Hahahaha Oh and since Tom is leaving go Bucks! 🎉

  • @ARPGBELIEVER
    @ARPGBELIEVER ปีที่แล้ว +1

    The way of the step daughter😂😂😂😂😂😂

  • @noemilines6755
    @noemilines6755 ปีที่แล้ว

    The rest of the world already thinks we're a joke. The aliens discussions must have the countries responsible for these objects rolling with laughter. 😅😭😂😭😂

  • @purrbugaloo
    @purrbugaloo ปีที่แล้ว +70

    Laughed out loud at this one. And trying to decide if Colbert is going to bring up being Catholic with Gaffigan because he gets excited about other Catholics. Lol. My favorite though is when Ricky Gervais is on. Their debates are hilarious. I love them both.

    • @lawrencedoliveiro9104
      @lawrencedoliveiro9104 ปีที่แล้ว

      “Henry VIII was a Catherine-a-holic. A Catholic.” -- Philomena Cunk

  • @1Dropboys
    @1Dropboys ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Can confirm Louisiana has no cats or bags. Also, the beads thing is correct

  • @centralpoint8184
    @centralpoint8184 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    This world is so weird, I pinch myself to know it's real

  • @NewMessage
    @NewMessage ปีที่แล้ว +11

    Wait... so... they're flying cows? I think I heard about this in a Nursery Documentary once!

    • @robertray6021
      @robertray6021 ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Something about a cow jumping over the moon, maybe?

    • @mawavoy
      @mawavoy ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Yep, you understand the situation perfectly!

    • @sophiophile
      @sophiophile ปีที่แล้ว +3

      Devin Nunes' cows have evolved wings.

  • @alex35agm
    @alex35agm ปีที่แล้ว +5

    Sky Trash,or what Marjorie Taylor Greene would be if she was a flight attendant.

    • @mawavoy
      @mawavoy ปีที่แล้ว

      Flight attendant has a set of skills requiring mastery before employment. MTG’s job doesn’t.