Aliens Are Real | Sen. Feinstein’s Retirement Confusion | Louisiana’s New Porn Law
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 14 ก.พ. 2023
- The Biden administration said not to worry about aliens, then they set up a UFO task force. Elsewhere, we’re pretty sure Sen. Dianne Feinstein is retiring after her term, and Louisiana may soon require residents to show ID before viewing pornography online.
#Colbert #Comedy #Monologue
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Stephen Colbert brings his signature satire and comedy to THE LATE SHOW with STEPHEN COLBERT, the #1 show in late night, where he talks with an eclectic mix of guests about what is new and relevant in the worlds of politics, entertainment, business, music, technology and more. Featuring bandleader Louis Cato and “THE LATE SHOW band,” the Peabody Award-winning and Emmy Award-nominated show is broadcast from the historic Ed Sullivan Theater. Stephen Colbert took over as host, executive producer and writer of THE LATE SHOW on Sept. 8, 2015. - บันเทิง
As an Aussie, I always wonder why so many alien sighting, crashes, abductions etc. happen in or over the USA. Aren't we listed on the alien TripAdvisor site?
Well fundamentalism religion is strongly related to conspiracy nutters and other delusions like alien sightings!
They go for the stupid ones first
With a negative review.
Same reason that those things only happen in rural and podunk places. Anything flying through the sky that you can’t make out is technically an ufo. Smart people are apt to assume a logical explanation, while those lacking common sense jump directly to aliens.
Ah yes Australia, that place people tell me exists 🤨 how do y’all live over there upside down? Yes nothing suspicious about that at all…
Don't worry about the aliens. They were looking for intelligent life and they intercepted a Fox news broadcast. They left.
😂😂😂😂😂😂
And then they heard Kennedy's press conference and said, good we didn't follow through, might be infectious.
If we could give awards here for best comments, you’re certainly deserving lol
Bahahahahahaha
🤣😂🤣 good one👍
I had this playing while walking through the Baltimore airport and passed two flight attendants from Spirit Airlines right as he was making the "sky trash" joke about them 😆😆😆😆 I love when life imitates art.
I don’t know if I’m just in a mood, but this is the funniest Colbert monologue I’ve watched in a long time!
Well played, man (and staff)!
That's the most astute thing I've ever heard Senator Kennedy say. "If you are confused, you understood the situation perfectly. "
John Kennedy “So if you don’t know, well now you know”
It was probably first time he got applause from not MAGA crowd 😂
That man's accent should be condemned as a hate crime. Nothing intelligent can ever be said with a southern accent. It sounds like Dueling Banjos.
@@Marijuanifornia with a hint of deliverance
@@Marijuanifornia He does it to appeal to his constituents. He has a completely different accent that isn't greasy cornpone.
I can assure everyone of two things:
1. Aliens with advanced technology do exist.
2. They don’t come near our planet, because we are essentially the Florida of the universe.
@Neil Deep You got a frog in your pocket? He can see things however he wants, flavored as crazy as his mind will stretch, because that is his right while in the Pursuit of Happiness.
Or are you afraid he's right?
@Neil Deep Oh! Who's 'we'?
LOL The Florida of the Universe LOL So Aliens think of Earth as the Penis of the solar system? Hahahaha
Feinstein, channeling Tom Brady 😂😂😂
Our jalapeno poppers really differentiate Sol III from the rest of the galaxy. And Chihuahuas.
Laughter is the best medicine. Thank you, Dr. Colbert and team! Now I'm off for a second opinion. And a third. And a fourth. And a fifth. Dr. Kimmel. Dr. Myers. Dr. Fallon. Dr. Corden. And Dr Whoever is on the Daily Show!
My nightly ritual! 😄
But I do miss Trevor on the Daily Show. 🥺
And don't forget John Oliver !!
Its what keeps us sane!
I also like a side of Tommy Campbell !
Great monolog ! The writing was A+. With Stephen's timing and physical comedy A++. 🤣
If this has been going on since 2017, shouldn't Kennedy ask trump about that?
He's gotten super far with just his name. 'hint, he's not related to the ex president Kennedy'
Welp, Trump did start the Space Force...
The FBI "stole" his secret documents
Ask Trump? You mean the guy who opted out of security briefings?
Kennedy studied at Stanford...why does he still talk like foghorn Leghorn?...that just shows that whole slack jawed slow accent to pander to the lowest i Qs in his state.
Best Spirit Airlines joke in late night. Best monologue in late night. Best host of Late Night
Since Craig Ferguson retired, you are correct.
It’s a toss up, sometimes it’s a dud and a closer look kills it!
I'm a 65 year old woman sitting alone with coffee and cats and tears of laughter streaming down my face. Go, Joe!
Ok, I get that Joe Biden is pretty funny, but you shouldn't forget Stephen. And his staff. Go staff!
#lifegoals for real! I have some health problems amd my poor 15-yr-old kitty is eating his baby food and Gabapentin mix as I write, I but am going to think back to this comment as I do my PT and look for treatments. Cats, coffe, and crying with laughter. Who could want more? And living 27 more years. Hugs to you, internet stranger!!
When's your Senate campaign starting?
The writers and Stephen were on fire for this monologue!
Marjorie Taylor Greene claims her SOTU outfit was meant to resemble the Chinese balloon we shot down. Maybe she should have been taken down too? After all, she's a bigger threat to our country than that balloon ever was.🤷🏼♀️
Not might...IS.
That comment rocks, Suzy!
Wait, balloon had fake fur on it? Or it was first white item she found online? Good thing Amazon had not suggested wedding dress 😂
@@ferox965 Correction made. 😉👍
Well she looked like a streetwalker instead.
"Lock your doors tonight". Yessir, Colonel Sanders. 100% sure that any alien capable of extensive space travel would be deterred by a locked door.
I watch enough Lock Picking Lawyer to know that a lock only keeps honest people honest. And a window is easier than a door.
🤣🤣🤣
That's why you get those new anti space laser lock.
It worked in 'Signs'...?
Would that make them illegal aliens?
Gosh, I'm sorry about that...
Requiring folks to show ID to access porn... something tells me VPN usage may skyrocket if a law like that takes effect.
Writing team at top of their game; loved it!
With all the trash in our outer atmosphere, aliens are just going to drive on past, probably locking their doors.
Ellen Griswold : This is so dangerous, Clark. We have no business being in a neighborhood like this!
Clark Griswald : Oh I don't know, hun. This is a part of America we never get to see.
Ellen Griswold : [sarcastic] That's good!
Clark Griswald : Uh... no that's bad. We can't just ignore the plight of the inner cities. See the plight kids?
[gunshots are heard and a woman is heard screaming]
Clark Griswald : Roll 'em up!
This made me giggle so hard.
Nice imagery, chris....
Or even take a look Mars and all the debris littered around from the various craft we've thrown at the planet.
'See, honey? They haven't even gotten to another planet and already they can't clean up after themselves'
2:27 I feel so bad for the people of Louisiana that they're being represented in the US Senate by Foghorn Leghorn when they could have had Gary Chambers Jr. representing them instead.
Listen to me when I'm a talkin' to ya, son...
Trippin' over your own feet, boy...
How did this guy make it to Oxford University? Must have been a bad vintage
@@BabushkaBrigade Sarah Suckabee Colonel Sanders lies just as much as her former boss
Just a reminder. That folksy sounding Senator attended an Ivory League college. His manner of speaking is as contrived as Senator Cruz's boots.
Hilarious, I haven’t laugh so hard at a night show monologue in some time, you hit this one out of the park with this monologue
The monologue was on point, I never stopped laughing. Stephen's inflatable person impression was too good.
This whole UFO situation with the U.S. reminded me of the scene from Naked Gun where Leslie Nielsen stood in front of an exploding fireworks factory telling everyone there's nothing to see.
Well nobody else here is saying it so here goes: UFO means unidentified flying object. Our govt has more or less gone with the shoot first ask questions later policy for weird stuff in the sky.
Colbert is milking the joke of people thinking UFO = aliens when and reasonable viewer should really know better.
Any species capable of reaching us from interstellar space could easily nuke us from orbit. That hasn't happened. So it's very unlikely aliens have ever visited earth. This is the first show colbert ever did where I wish he instead took the day off. Apparently frikken parry baloons are enough to get people worked up over nonexistant aliens.
That was the same line Stormy Daniels used describing the Trump encounter.....then pulled out a magnifying 🔎 glass for emphasis.
@@appletile2887 wat
I remember that scene! 😭😭I loved the Naked Gun serious. So hilarious!
“Please disperse! Nothing to see here! Please disperse!”
That Rick Scott photo 😂😂👽 🪐
Yep, “the newly-discovered cave fish.” A classic, in the Monologue HOF.
He was absolutely brilliant tonight, every joke, every story was magnificent!
Ever since the entire world got a high def smartphone in their pocket have you noticed Alien, Ghosts, Bigfoot and Nessie have gone all camera shy. I would expect a far higher rate of images and videos now not less.
"If you are confused, you understand the situation perfectly." Fair enough. 😂 First thing that Republican has said that's rational.
I don't know man, I feel like Abraham Lincoln said some pretty rational things. I'm guessing you're from the South?
@@HOTD108_ What century do you think this is?
Joe is a democrat….
@@HOTD108_ that was not the same republican party
If you are confused, then you're a typical Republican
I'm telling you, this week's monologues have been absolute fire. The feinstein cake and Ass-atar got me 😂
We need to have this Feinstein cake motif on a card. And a sheet cake.
I almost spit out my sip of water at the spirit airlines joke 😂
I admit I always think about the ocean life when bombs go off "harmlessly" in the ocean.
Definition of SNAFU: "If you are confused, you understand the situation perfectly."🤦😵 🤪
Situation Normal, All Fucked Up
That bit with the retirement cake was hilarious 😂😂💀
Goodness, Stephen, I LOST it at the avatar porn jokes. 😂😂😂😂😂 What a great way to start the work weekend. Have a great day y’all!
“Dark Side of Balloon” you have no idea how much I appreciate a little Pink Floyd reference 😉
Thanks again Stephen for making the world a better place
It'd be much better if he would talk about Ohio and the insanely horrific situation unfolding there that isn't garnering ANY media coverage. It's a shame to see Stephen is also under their finger.
"You have a certain dogma about you "
I will never forget that call out on Amy Coney Barrett's confirmation hearing!
Truth to power!
Certainly a generous way of putting it. For further accuracy, one normally has to flap their lips with their forefinger.
Rick Scott’s picture should deffo be a billboard stating “Party of the Deranged”
One of the best monologues I've seen in a LONG time, and that's saying something!
I would truely like to thank Senator Finstein for her service. I wish you good days.
That Spirit Airlines joke was priceless! Sorry, Spirit. Sometimes you have to take one for the team. If you would install reclining seats, this might all end.
Or ban plane loads of drunken bachelor/bachelorette parties to New Orleans. I was on that plane.😵
I've been tempted to try them but I chicken out. Ive read several bad stories 😵
@@porfiriato84 They really aren't bad in most cases if you need a cheap flight that is not more than 2 hours long. The only complaint I have had is that their seats don't recline. 😁
@@timmartin8191 I guess I've always had this idea that they only use old planes that need major updating haha
@@porfiriato84 LOL. Their planes are ok as far as I know. I'm not afraid to fly Spirit, especially when I wanna be cheap on my flying! They are the K-Mart of airlines.I don't think it's as dangerous as buying a steak dinner at Dollar Tree. 😂
I feel a little bad for the 89 year-old senator who didn't realize that her staff put out the statement. Could be her memory but could also just be poor communication. At 89 she's not likely on Twitter and her young staffers might not realize that she needs to be informed verbally of when it happens...in real time
Love how Stephen delivers the message when he talks about politicians, lol. I mean hell, "the cow is out of the barn" on that one, lol
Jack be nimble, Jack be quick, jack would make all of his indictments stick
Steven ur the best!I really really had an fantastic time laughing.keep it up Sir!!I need u guys fantastic humor! Greetings from down South Africa
"Lock your doors" is how they say "the aliens have landed" down on the bayou.
Kennedy assumes the aliens can not pick locks or that they are unaware of the primitive tool, the battering ram. Remember Kennedy represents Louisiana.
LOL!!!! I was having a hard time waking up.Then I turned on your show. Now I' m ready to start my day.
The only thing more embarrassing than working for Spirit airlines, is being fired by Spirit airlines.
Followed closely by flying Spirit Airlines.
"Your superior intelligence is no match for our primitive technology!"
-Xt'il'Blix, General of the Alien Balloon Force.
‘If you are confused, then you understand the situation perfectly.’ 😂👍
It's like the Simpsons Treehouse of Horror episode where they repel the invading Aliens by chasing them with a board with a nail in it...
Yeah, if you can't remember that you gave your staffer a prepared statement announcing your retirement, then it is truly time to retire.
Maybe it’s a Democratic coup attempt.
Wow the writing team was on fire today!!! Keep those laughs coming!
as a west coast Canadian, this warm weather has me shitting bricks.
We need the snow pack...!
@@wayneessar7489 have you checked where its at? last time I did we were at 85% of normal snow pack. oh god, the fires.
❤️🇨🇦
@@generalnawaki I volunteer the snow on my front yard. Feel free to come collect it in Alberta. 100% serious. If I woke up tomorrow and all the snow on my lawn was gone I’d be pleased. I live in the city. I don’t need it, the forests do though
@@generalnawaki Lower mainland was 78%. better in the upper Fraser, the map was updated Feb 1 and is very detailed.
I think it is Stephen’s civil duty to come up with possible alien suspects in the senate and congress!
Why should he bother when Alex Jones has already been doing exactly that for 20 years?
Seeing that picture of Rick Scott I think he's already found one.
@@khill8645 Well now, Alex Jones is not typically very civil.
Or republicans bringing back child labor and child marriage, banning books, keeping pot illegal, and blocking any gun reform out west and in the south while everyone's distracted lol
@@cherylwilkinson3228 yes, Max Headroom incarnate.
I'm still stuck on Sky Trash!!! 🤣🤣🤣 Even after Southwest's recent trials, Spirit still can't get a break! 🤣
in the army we had a guy who used to say "If you're not confused, then you don't know what's going on."
"If you're confused, you understand the situation perfectly."
That's just what the aliens want you to believe!
It makes me think of that episode of Perfect Strangers from the 80's called Aliens where Balki is from another planet and has lasers coming out of his finger and he's walking through doors and dropping in from the ceiling and sh1t.
Personally, I'd like to be beamed to anywhere out of TFG's groping range.
An alien stole foghorn's brain after his law degree
"To Serve Man"
Well if you believe the 5 best evidence for alien space craft done by UFO nutters, the aliens are hiding their craft by making look exactly like commercial aircraft including the lights! Or like ducks even with the flapping duck wings and duck size and duck speed! 🤦♂🤣
Always felt that aliens were a solid explanation for Big Orange and the GOP.
😂 Just like many people think orange chicken is Chinese food, many of us think Big Orange is human.
Yes! The EVIL ALIENS 👽!
Man, don't put that on the ETs
Repent to Jesus Christ “I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint.””
Jeremiah 31:25 NIV
J
You are far more accurate in this statement than you realize. #Aliens have been influencing politicans, religious leaders, economic mogals and promoting division amongst the human family for decades now in order to weaken us as a race, so they can swoop in an pretend to be our saviors. Just like every resource explorer has done to native peoples throughout history. Nature is nature. The free books Allies of Humanity go into great detail about why they are here, what they want and what humanity can do to unite as a world and send them packing.
Dianne Feinstein, a legendary senator who is 89-years-old and like many that age has confusing senior moments.
Which is why the retirement age is 65.
@@ebybeehoney It's 66 and will gradually rise to 67 if you were born in 1960 or later.
The SPIRIT Airlines Sky Trash Joke LOL... Thankyou!
Arkansas translation: "The cow is out of the barn."
Meaning: "We done screwed the pooch and it's too late to hide the wet spot."
"Meanwhile..." Despite last year's uproar, Congress (and it's family members) are *still* able to conduct insider trading without so much as a slap on the wrist.
The Spirit Airlines burn was savage! 💀
Thank you for ending my day with a super happy, laughing sort of moment. ❤ it ❤ Well done team 👍
I love it when Stephen tickles himself from his own joke! lol🙂😉
Guaranteed at least 1 of those unknown aerial objects was from a gender reveal party.
It's a boy! It's a girl! It's a big scary lizard with a gun that goes "zap"?
That was the best wacky waving arm flailing inflatable tube man joke I've heard about the used car balloons.
Colbert has some of the best writers in the game 😂🔥🔥
I still remember the first time you showed that photo, at least that I remember. On The Colbert report, I think, when you called him the Aztec snake god of death. I still think of Scott as such.
Voldemort.
So did Medicare recipients who lived in Florida.
@@what8562 Or all but 8 of those who tried to get the right to vote back.
If MTG was an airline, she would be known as Sky Trash.
"Sky trash also the motto of Spirit Airline" Colbert, I need you to always keep existing😂🤣
Senator Kennedy, please keep doing interviews and press conferences. I can’t get enough of your accent and speech pattern. Maybe you could narrate an audiobook.
You shouldn't be concerned when the gov sets up a task force on ufos.
You should be concerned when they set up a task force on alien spacecrafts.
I wish people were smart enough to realize they are completely different things.
Exactly! UFO does not necessarily mean aliens. Point in fact: if they knew it was aliens, it wouldn't be unidentified.
@@ashkebora7262 "I wish people were smart enough to realize they are completely different things" - Exactly. I so much want to ask all of these "it's aliens!" people, "What, exactly, do you not understand about the term Unidentified Flying Object? You seen to know they're objects which are flying, so what is it about the word 'Unidentified' that confuses you so much?" However, I suspect those questions would confuse them just as much as the word "unidentified".
@@nomore6167 Considering some people LITERALLY do not understand the concept of "not" or "null" or zero, I think there HAS to be a civilized plan to deal with utter morons or the disabled. Otherwise, society will (and is currently) be ran by those morons.
No one is more boldly and confidantly wrong than someone who has never and cannot ever get over the Dunning-Kruger hump. (looking at you, MTG/Lauren Bobo/Trump/etc...)
THANK YOU.
"If you are confused, you understand the situation perfectly."
Sums up the GOP perfectly.
Louisiana law makers have evidently never heard of online VPN services.
There was a great bit in early Simpsons regarding "60 degrees in February". In Mr. Plow, Kent Brockman says "The snow melted overnight and we can walk in shorts. If this is the price of greenhouse gases, l'm keeping my Pontiac."
Kennedy has been working on his comedy routine for a bit now. He actually posted a video of himself singing "Born free", I about peed my pants laughing. Hope he retires from our government and goes on the road doing stand-up. Safer for all of us.
Astonishingly, Kennedy is a Rhodes scholar. Picture Colin Jost saying, “How!”
@@cathywolfe7993 I know!
So instead of trying to sit down with their kids and educate them on the birds and the bees, panicky soccer moms decided to go after porn sites? This has the same energy as "Dungeons and Dragons turn my kids into Satanists." No, mother, they became satanists because they hate you.
It's the company behind P**nH*b (they're pretty much the online P***n industry monopoly by now) _also_ owning a company that provides paid online age verification. (because, of course.) They tried that stuff in the UK a few years back, then in California, AFAIK it eventually died in both cases, but... They're persistent.
@@nebufabu The problem is that such a push for legislation can only succeed with at least _some_ significant buy-in from voters, which is precisely where the pearl-clutching soccer moms come in.
Fox News is more dangerous than DnD, heavy metal and purple Teletubbies put together.
Don't just blame the moms. To the extent that some of them are bonkers, it's because they live in a world of patriarchal bullshit craziness, like religion, for example.
@@nebufabu certainly never heard of age verification here in the UK.
One of the best written and delivered monolgs,
Term limits already, 80% of Congress can be carbon dated to the late Jurassic
Look up the term democracy - if the people vote fools of an advanced age in, nothing you can do about it.
More like the Carboniferous...
Their constituents just need to vote them out! These people just keep getting re-elected over and over again. 🤦🏻♂️
Yep! Term limits we have them they are called ELECTIONS! Vote them out!
the fact that 109 people still support term limits proves that, as a species, we are too stupid to live. seriously, you could spend just a few minutes looking at the actual effect of term limits everywhere it's been tried.
Some folks seem to need a regular reminder that UFO =/= alien
Hear, hear. Frankly, I find the possibility of these UFOs being further attempts by Xi (or Putin) to spy on (or troll) North America _far_ more likely. (And worrying...)
Definitely true, but at least in regard to his joke, it was still funny even if they're all cognizant of the difference. "UFO" might literally just mean an airborne object that's unidentified, but 99% of the time it's applied to aliens, so it makes sense that that's what most folks think of first.
Yeah, but these are the same people that believe in Angels, Q-Anon, Flat Earth, Jewish Space Lasers...
"We need more transparency from Biden."
Also:
"This has been going on since 2017."
Kennedy makes me embarrassed to not only be from Louisiana but from earth.
oh hell...this was a super funny one!! Thanks Steve!! Love from New Zealand🥰 Bit of sh%t going on down this way and we do with a good laugh!!
Praying. Hope everything gets better soon.
Stay safe over there across the ditch! - or at least try to, seems pretty hard to do right now! Thinking of all you guys!
There really should be an age limit...
For porn or Senate?
Do you mean on politics or porn?
Well VPN sales will skyrocket in Louisiana and other states that follow their lead 😂. Can’t wait to see those commercials!
“Lock your doors at night” they laugh but hey it worked in signs 🤷🏻♂️
Since 2017? Hmm. Not like affordable drone aircrafts have been around for a while anyway
Senator Kennedy is such a theater kid. He's Ivy league educated, but presents himself like a simple everyman who sounds like Foghorn Leghorn with folksy antidotes
it works. he gets re-elected again and again despite his voting history
because his constituents are dumphucks
@@embreis2257 Unfortunately, many voters don't educate themselves on their Senators and Representatives voting records and the policies they support. Many voters even vote against their own interests or are single issue voters. It's all about the letter after their name. Its about Tribalism.
Also reminiscent of the chicken lawyer from Futurama.
"folksy antidotes" Roflmao; good thing you don't know what irony is...
Damn every monologue is good but this one was GREAT
bahahahah "sky trash" killed me ahahahha
I think we've seen enough to know that when the government televises a press con that says "not to worry" is when we should have worried. But we will ignore these signs and by the time we realize, it's too late.
They should have hired Kevin Bacon as the spokesman: "Remain calm! All is well!"
I watched Revolt with Lee Pace. He spent the whole movie very worried.
@@JLee-rt6ve Or Lt. Frank "nothing to see here" Drebin.
Any alien smart enough to get to Earth is smart enough to realize they merely have to wait for us to kill ourselves off. It won't be long with climate change, without even psycho dictators nor hostile aliens.
Providing ID for porn online... Have these law makers not heard of a VPN?
How would a VPN change your ID?
Most of them are 70 or older. Of course they have no idea what that is.
@@jzsbff4801 A VPN. But at 70 and up, they probably haven't used porn in decades, either.
@JZ's BFF Oh, you're from Louisiana, aren't you? ;)
@JZ's BFF One could get the idea that they dont know how to answer that question?
"If you are confused, you understand the situation perfectly." That's like when I teach my students stage right and stage left for the first time.
Colbert vs Spirit is the feud that keeps on giving
ah yes, the band is sounding awesome performing a classic!! love you, late show band!!
I want more of the Meatball Ron Song
PERFECTION! She should be running for President! Replacing two old guys? You go sister! Hahahaha Oh and since Tom is leaving go Bucks! 🎉
The way of the step daughter😂😂😂😂😂😂
The rest of the world already thinks we're a joke. The aliens discussions must have the countries responsible for these objects rolling with laughter. 😅😭😂😭😂
Laughed out loud at this one. And trying to decide if Colbert is going to bring up being Catholic with Gaffigan because he gets excited about other Catholics. Lol. My favorite though is when Ricky Gervais is on. Their debates are hilarious. I love them both.
“Henry VIII was a Catherine-a-holic. A Catholic.” -- Philomena Cunk
Can confirm Louisiana has no cats or bags. Also, the beads thing is correct
This world is so weird, I pinch myself to know it's real
Wait... so... they're flying cows? I think I heard about this in a Nursery Documentary once!
Something about a cow jumping over the moon, maybe?
Yep, you understand the situation perfectly!
Devin Nunes' cows have evolved wings.
Sky Trash,or what Marjorie Taylor Greene would be if she was a flight attendant.
Flight attendant has a set of skills requiring mastery before employment. MTG’s job doesn’t.