It is chilling to discover that the person you have invested so heavily in is a phantom, a void, a fantasy. Accepting that you have been duped by someone like this, who does not really exist, and who does not see you as a full human being, takes a lot of humility and fortitude. It forces you to rearrange your whole life, and it changes you on a deep level.
@Dawn this is how I describe it I feel like I am free falling trying to grab things and then another betrayal. I was in a 9 yr relationship he cheated and gaslit me the whole time that he wasn't cheat only for me to find out he was doing it the whole 9 yrs. He disguarded me and now he is married to the person he cheated with it has only been 6 months
@@starlingswallow Thank you. I wish you and I never lived it, but I will say that many of the ways the experience changed me were very much needed for my overall happiness. ☮️
The biggest betrayal is learning that they never loved you, they merely were using you. It's a mindfu*k. My story had no red flags until I was well into my marriage. None of them were big enough to know who I was really dealing with. It was only when he abruptly left me (because he didn't get much of what I think he wanted) and discarded me when I learned the extent of his betrayal (that also included infidelity). I also learned he was using ambient abuse- straight out of the movie Gaslight. I was the victim of several crimes during the one year law marriage, and many believe he may have masterminded them. He started the smear campaign long before he left (which I also didn't know was happening), so I was left isolated from many friends and my own family who continued to abuse me by proxy well after the relationship ended. Many people who were once close bought into his lies and I was not believed. It felt like I was betrayed by the same people who chose to believe him and not me.
That's a tough one - realising that you never knew not just your husband, but people who should have been close to you but who ended up letting you down and adding to your pain. I pray that you come out of your trauma stronger and wiser and live a fulfilling life. Hopefully you'll never experience such toxicity in any of your future relationships.
Yes. Same here. 😢 after two friends and customers chose him over me after I'd disclosed to them what had happened to me, that was it. I cut off just about everyone and moved. I couldn't take another person betraying me like that. 😢
@A B thank you. This relationship ended officially 6 years ago, and I am still dealing with the fallout. As a result of the trauma, compounded by the lack of support and extreme fear, hypervigilence, and isolation has made life very hard. I was diagnosed with CPTSD, and have had great mental health practitioners on my side. For at least a year after the relationship ended, there were 4 times that family and a close friend tried to have me institutionalized. I and my mental health practitioners did not believe that that would be in any way helpful. I had to have them send even my own family cease-and-desist letters to get them to stop. Even two years after the relationship ended I found out that my father was still in Communications with my ex. My father's rationale was that my ex really still cared about me. This revelation was extremely disturbing to me and also led to my feelings of unsafety. When I found out I had to explain that a person who cared about me would not have done what they did to me. It took me several years of practically lecturing to my parents what was going on. I think it's very hard for the flying monkeys who were unwittingly contributing to the abuse, to accept that they were manipulated. Of course that was the hardest thing for me. But it took me a long time to show them that they were being manipulated, and that I take responsibility for bringing this man into their lives. But in order for me to have a relationship with them they needed to accept the person that I married and not the person they thought he was either. We were all deceived. I was finally able to get to the point with my parents that I could express my feelings of betrayal and hurt, and we've all been able to move on. I think the experience is actually brought us closer together in the end. My parents have also intimated to me that although they've been married for almost 50 years yeah, their marriage wasn't always the best and I don't think they really appreciated each other. My mom was always abusive towards my dad and would treat him very poorly. She intimated to me that after seeing what I went through she really values my dad much more and I've seen a dramatic change in their relationship for the positive. They have let me know that my experience has led to them having a better relationship and appreciation for one another and at least I can feel good knowing that all the pain I endured at least led to them having a better relationship. And that gives me something to feel good about.
@@OnsceneDC it's amazing that you're able to see the good that came out of such a trauma. Pain can take a long time to heal from, but hopefully you'll get there. You're certainly doing the things that are needed for it. Wishing you good luck
This was essentially my exact story. When the full realization of all that was done hit (after divorce), I was truly in a state of being “shell-shocked” All those nasty looks from people who knew him but not me, it all made sense. At the time he would tell me, you worry too much or “I wouldn’t worry about it” Years later and I am still trying to recover. The things they do to harm or destroy you in all ways, ramps up during divorce and afterwards. They truly cause “hell on earth” to those that loved them.
When I was betrayed by my husband,he cheated ,,I was battling stage 4 liver failure ,,I felt betrayed on so many levels as his wife as the mother of his son as a extremely sick person I was tore apart ,,,,felt like I got hit with a Mac Truck when he told me 😮 8 yrs later and I am back together Divorced 😎 New liver 🙏 New life 💃 He was narcissistic, the red flags were there but my eyes were closed 😮 they show who they are… Now my eyes are wide open .
Thanks for sharing your story. That's incredible that you survived all of that simultaneously. Maybe it was a blessing that he left you at that lowest point to allow you to heal.
I was with someone like this...he loved me a lot one side of him he would look at me and cry and say how much he loved me...but i kept having recurring dreams where another side of him was cold and heartless and i never believed the dreams until the crazy lies and abuse began.. i left a year ago after ten years and he still regularly sends big bouquets of flowers to my door
@@annettecantu3826right, there are always flags. Just looking at him you can see a troubled soul. All his pictures show sadistic eyes. She never talks about his bedroom behavior. That surely couldn't have been normal between them.
I have very similar experience with my ex husband - after ten years seemingly nice marriage, one day I realized he's cheated all that time with dozens.... Shock, but it was quick clear cut and I didn't need to suffer the slowly boiling frog scenario.
I have literally lived, 10 years of torture with a partner who has done the same thing, to hundreds, so many, I lost count. To this day, he still tries to contact me, claiming eternal soulmate connection, only to me. I don't know how to get past the trauma, to find a life for me now. I'm amazed, and hopeful to see this amazing woman who has been through such unreal experiences.
Sometimes you just need to pack your things and move far away, to a whole new environment. I did from my narc mother. If I had stayed in that location I would have been constantly triggered and reminded.
Not always red flags; that’s the crappy part. As one who was blindsided as well, my heart goes out to each and everyone who has experienced this. My story differs in that many people in my life were not surprised and that surprised me as well. Life still is so beautiful and that is a gift from the goddesses. 🐬🐬🐬🐬
You said there were no red flags, but in your own words you said many people in your life were not surprised. They weren't surprised because THEY saw red flags that were waving around.
IMO - I have learned that often observers know a lot more than they let on. For some reason they don't want to get involved by telling the innocent spouse about the cheating while it is occurring.
@@butterflygirl2285Because they don’t want to get involved in someone else’s personal life/business. What happens if you tell someone you know that their spouse is cheating on them? Typically, that person dislikes/gets mad at YOU and there’s a bunch of drama. So people are taught to not get involved in another person’s relationship.
Oh wow. Wow. Yes, it sure does. In hindsight. Why that exact detail? The note by the coffee pot, every morning, by someone who is a serial predator? How precise and bizarre.
The predator I was harmed by did the EXACT same thing. Literally. Every morning. Note. Coffee pot. While doing the same things. But also super openly abusive and terrifying. Every night. But still the notes....
I listened to the entire Betrayal podcast as well as this...I never considered betrayal trauma with my ex, only the control and narcissism. The way betrayal trauma manifests describes me so succinctly in the last months of our marriage and the months following...I thought I was going insane (and thought I was the problem that the ex accused me of being) but now it all makes perfect sense.
This is the story of a narcissist who had more than enough supply. He also has a fascinating collection of masks (facades). Now it makes sense why there were no red flags in their marriage. His narcissism was a well oiled machine until the day of the search warrant.
@@delilahcoker6532She was talking to him to try to understand what was going on, not to stay with him. If this happened to you and you came home and had 20mins with your husband before they arrested him would you just never speak to him again?
Yup. He didn't "need" to openly abuse his wife because he was getting all HIS NEEDS met, and she wasn't catching on. If he didn't have that much access to supply, or if she had CAUGHT him..... her life would have been in danger. Thank God they didn't have kids.
My ex was a serial cheater. An addict. A thief. A sociopath and more. He was also into witchcraft. The thing is..God WARNED me in a dream not to marry him. My ex-husband tried to kill me! Anyway he left & I'm crying to the Lord to bring him back. I'm crying and begging God for reconciliation. The Lord said to me "Let him go"! I believe God does show us red flags but we don't always discern it.
Oh boy! Thank you. Still struggling to come to terms with my own betrayal after 14 years. Married for 30 years to a supposedly devout Christian who never went anywhere without the very public leather bound Bible under his arm. He traveled the world while I cared for 2 children, one who had a malignant brain tumor, lost his sight, hearing and got learning disabilities from tumor and treatment. Found out having an affair, duh.. but had been divorce planning, made me and son homeless and penniless. Stole pension and.....in the divorce process found out he was a paedophile!!!! Yes the word narcissist applies...great liars and gaslighters. Again thank you
Not long after we had our first child, my ex wife basically said something similar when she admitted that before we got married she had gotten pregnant from some guy and she had an abortion. She basically blamed me for her abortion, because she “knew I wouldn’t have married her”. I stuck it out for 17 long years of marriage…through her drug addiction, rehab and multiple affairs. It was a living hell I wish on nobody else. At the end of marriage she was diagnosed with BPD. It all made sense after that
Wow this is my story too. 30 years of marriage. A whole double life going on behind my back. What a shock when I discovered by accident his betrayel. Completely out of the blue this Covert narcissist got all the supply he needed in his double life which is why I never caught on that he was betraying me. It's like being run over by a freight train with no bells or alarms to warn you it's coming.
Hulu doc is excellent. BRAVO on spreadsheet, Jenifer! I still don't understand how you were able to get into his FB and email? I would think he would have been careful about passwords, but apparently he felt invinceable.
Believe me when I say, they can and do get sloppy sometimes. Mine did, and oops, left his FB account and Google email account signed in on MY extra phone that he used after getting arrested and his shit began rolling down hill. I saw way more than I ever would have wanted to see and to this day he has no clue that I know any of it. Disgusted by things that I know and could prove he's done but. I kept my lips tight, watched with my head down, and continued preparing to go no contact as soon and as safely as I could. Took 5 months, but I stepped out on faith in the hardest decision I've ever faced. God delivered on every promise he'd given me thru this and gets all the glory! We are now divorced, completely no contact since 08/22/23 hearing and a protection order against him till 08/22/25. I refuse to live watching over my shoulder, so I'm working on healing my heart, my recovery and learning how to love myself, again! Finally! Every day shines a little brighter than the one before; love and light to all that need it! You are worth it! ☺️💛🕯️🙏🏼💯⭐🌝🌙
Betrayal cuts deep. The anguish and pain can last a lifetime, and affect your entire family. You cannot explain to an innocent child why your family has been shattered. They grow up conflicted and confused. I too suffered an extreme betrayal at a very young age. At 67 our family is still affected by the early distress we went through when I was twenty.
Really Sad for All of us who have experienced betrayal of our spouses. Please know that when they break their marriage vow, trouble for these people has only started. I am a believer in God and have strong faith and trust in God. God settles this with His own discipline . And it will be ugly. Stand still and see the Glory of the Lord!!! Lex Talonis!! Keep your eyes on God!!!!
My ex husband, cheated on me once, I did not stay in the marriage to count his infidelities. Took my 12 year old son Left my home. I did not leave him because he stop loving me, but because he broke the loyalty he owed to our vows. Also to teach my son that adultery is not acceptable in any way or form! My son is an adult now We are very happy, after therapy for both of us. My ex fought the divorce 5 years..at the end got my freedom. And yes my ex was a narcissist. Did not know it till I got therapy.😢
This is the first time I’ve heard anything related to MY actually STORY!!! I don’t ever to tell my story because it’s so hard to believe. Jennifer I wish I could hug you. I know how you feel, I know the daze, I know the shock, I know as each layer unfolds your like -WHAT WHAT WHAT. Thank you thank you thank you for sharing your story!! I’m still discovering things and the trauma process over and over and over . It’s horrible. I think my husband was using me and my son as a mask of stability while stealing, lying, and betraying us. Average of 36 women a month on the phone bills. Escorts etc, on joint bank statement while he had hidden accounts - why didn’t he put his services on those. I know I was a trusting loyal wife, but my brain is like, “how did you miss all of that” the amount of hardship my son and I have literally had our life and REALITY STOLEN.
Yup, I've had a similar experience, with a narcissist who cheated on his late wife in a 40+ year's marriage, then me. I believe he was addicted to that double life.
11:11 that’s it, I can’t with this narcissism thing! But it’s so true, sometimes you just really cannot tell! Although maybe this means his red flags are in some toxic way speaking to our own vulnerable that were blind too? Therapy is important for seeing our blind spots too so narcs can’t use them against us. I wonder if her friends saw red flags? ❤❤❤
After talking with Dr. Ramani she DEFINITELY should be able to say “I didn’t see it then, but (insert action) DEFINITELY should have been a red flag!” I really question anything she says now, knowing she has talked to Dr. Ramani (and I’m sure others), yet she STILL claims there weren’t ANY red flags at all 🙄. Seems like she’s just trying to sound innocent.
@@someoneyoudontknow7705 Sometimes this is the part that’s so hard to wrap your head around when you’re emerging from these relationships… Not that there absolutely *weren’t* any “red flags,” but instead perhaps we didn’t recognize them at the time, were too confused &/or embarrassed to consult with someone about them (which we later learn is a red flag of it’s own!), or, looking back, we may see something was wrong *now*… - But when confronted with this for the 1st time, we may be dumbfounded, or feel stupid for not understanding the dangers. In fact, our minds may not allow us to admit immediately that there were, in-fact, “red flags;” just as it takes time to recognize we may be dissociating or having selective amnesia regarding abusive events in the relationship as well. - This is a something I realized when I began finding photos & journals I hid from him (so he wouldn’t delete or destroy them) - *& ended up hiding from myself as well!* - for YEARS. … It’s possible this kept me in that relationship for much longer than I otherwise would’ve been; but that’s the nature of this sort of relationship-beast, isn’t it? 💔 She may have gone home, gone to therapy, been challenged a bit more… And finally felt strong enough to admit to herself there may have been signs there (at least visible to others, if not to her at the time). If she did, I hope she was able to give herself grace, as she was victimized in all of this too. She is seeking healing; and she deserves it. She deserves a voice. Thank you for an interesting discussion (even though I’m a bit late!). Best wishes to you all for peace & healing. 💜
While watching the series on TV I assumed Jen was simply naive and in love, claiming there were absolutely NO red flags. However, how can she honestly sit here and STILL claim that, after talking to people like Dr. Ramani about what she went through? She should AT LEAST be able to say “Looking back (insert action) wasn’t a red flag at the time, but it definitely should have been!” I don’t understand why she still sits here and claims there was NOTHING. When they were together for 7 years. Seems like she’s just trying to APPEAR innocent. I think she knew something was up and probably knew more than she’s letting on.
The fact that she never noticed anything or asked any questions is probably what kept her alive. These people are INSTANTLY terrifying and violent when caught or questioned. They will do anything to conceal what they are. And yes, they are THAT GOOD at winning everyone over. They start practicing different personalities and predatory behaviors by around 7 or 8 years old.
Thank you forcthis one, I am working on moving past the narc and what they brang to my life. This one was very engaging to me. Im 60, so this one shifted perspective for me in a good way. I was uplifted by this one with the return of hope with regard to my life, whatever that looks like. Peace. ✌️
How does one have a wife and juggle 2 to 3 other “relationships”? I’m bummed you didn’t dive into that. How in the hell did she NOT know something was going on if he is spending time away from her to juggle the others? Damn makes no sense. I would have liked to know how he pulled that off.
I actually outed a guy who was doing this. I met him at an engagement brunch in the morning with his long term partner. That evening I met him again at another event with his other long term partner. Not only 2 long term live in partners, but 2 sicial circles who all claimed what a wonderful man he was. In the morning he was 'Christopher May', evening' Mark Kay'. Mind boggling.
@@palapalak.8907 This guy had 2 completely different lives. He told both of his monogamous partners that he worked 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off at a remote minesite. As I knew people in both his circles I did as much digging ad I could, simply to try to make sense of it. The audacity is breathtaking, and how he could afford 2 lives, as he did not have a minesite job at all is astonishing. I thought it only happened in the movies.
I think her husband was unfaithful the whole marriage. I also think, after listening to the eight episodes, that he wanted her to believe they had an awesome marriage, he knowingly or unknowingly was emotionally high in his arrogant, conceited, fornicated soul.
I went thru almost the same thing. Except no child was raped. But i saw red flags immediately. It took years to get out from under him. But I started to on day one. Heres what i learned, he was a narcissist, and a social path. He was damaged inside when his mother threw herself down the stairs when she was pregnant, hoping to abort him. A spirit of rejection entered him. Long story short. He will always be looking for victims. Making victims, hurting, manipulating, seducing, deceiving, gaslighting and all the other evils that come with it. Men, young girls, ugly, poor anybody who he can get to be his FLYING MONKEYS. Im just thankful he didnt kill me, like most of them, ill kill you if u leave me, men. Im doing better than ever. And ill just throw this in, he recently lost his one and only kidney, and ended up in ICU, almost died. Now he spends his day doing dialysis 3 times a week most likely hes sitting there on E Harmony saying hey to his new victims.
I've been asking myself and asking myself and asking myself going crazy trying to figure it out. Looking things up trying to figure it out. Phone calls. It just got answered just three seconds ago. Just that quick. Thank you!! ❤
IMO - what grosses me out was that he transmitted diseases to at least two partners. How slimy and revolting is that? That seems so reckless, uncaring, and shocking.
I’m only 11mins in but would like to say, while watching the story on (don’t know if I can name the platform I used to watch it? Lol) on TV, a possible 🚩 to me was the notes he left…EVERY DAY. Seemed a bit much 🤔 Like he was trying to overcompensate for something. But when you’re in it, I’m sure for most people, it just feels good. It’s easier to see from the outside looking in.
This is what the narc i married taught me, they believe their lies first so they come out as genuine. 2. As long as one is conforming to the snapahot image in his tiny brain, you are in good books. for me the moment i decided to put up some boundaries in a year he could not keep the mask on any longer.Evil lives among us.
There were red flags, she just didn’t see them or doesn’t want to admit it. I truly can’t believe that, after listening to her story, Dr. Ramani hasn’t pointed out any of the red flags to her. I watched the series on Hulu and believed that Jen didn’t see them but this podcast really makes me question her now as well…like she’s just trying to make herself look SO innocent. Otherwise she’d say “I didn’t see it then, but NOW I can say that (insert action) should have DEFINITELY been a red flag!”
I'm a published author. How may I inquire about being on your chanel? I'm presently doing a book tour. Received a 5 star review from Barnes & Noble. Just thrilled!
Jada Pinkett Smith is one of the executive producers? Interesting. Isn't she, ahem, a bit of a...narcissist? I don't know, but it seems her relationship with her husband and kids isn't very healthy.
Yes the whole things smacks of self aggrandisement actually…enabling this Jennifer to play the victim and gee I didn’t know there were no red flags…um get your head up gal and see the truth!
After listening to the Betrayal podcast, you can just hear the Malignant Narcissist in him. Especially when she speaks to him. All he talks about is how he was denied parole and how it couldn’t have been the victim must have been her family.
There are ALWAYS redflags. A lot of people just don't NOTICE. Ever watched your favorite movie 50 times but only on the 51st time do you finally see some odd things in thw background of certain scenes that you NEVER noticed before and you start to wonder why you never realizes it was there?! It was there the whole time!!!! YOU just didn't register the information consciously into your brain and interpret the deeper meaning or purpose behind it.
This has happened to me....not to the exact depth but my bf cheated on me with over 20 woman. He was also the pursuer. I found all the evidence on his phone and there were so many, it's like never ending messages and pictures and videos. I am heartbroken and disgusted. I found out he gave me HPV and gonorrhea. I would like to chat with you Jennifer I am in a similar situation, and I need someone who understands this type of betrayal.
IMAO: This was S-addiction, not narcissistic personality disorder. There were elements of narcissism. NPD is unmistakable if you have lived through it. Wives don’t come out the other side without deep scars from years of living with narcissists. Nothing fills them up. They are shame filled and unhappy people constantly.
Just had a thought, do some men, act like little boys within the marriage, thinking this is a family unit, maybe they’ve replaced their family of origin with the marriage and think that it will never break up and is there to function on his behalf without consideration for anyone else.
I wish Dr. Duruvasala would stop lumping all wrong doers in one "narcissism" bucket... it takes away from the incredible work she is doing helping people recovering from actual narcissistic abuse. This man while lacking empathy, also lacks A CONSCIENCE- the hallmark of a psychopath. Learn about the dark triad and the subtle differences between them, if you are interested. Quoting from a blog named Neuroinstincts: "Although individuals with narcissistic personality disorder are also exploitive - violating others, deceitfulness, and conning are more common amongst psychopaths."
My exes could have hit me repeatedly in the face with an actual red flag while wearing a tshirt that says "Warning: I am a narcissist. Run in the opposite direction." And I still would have dated them because I guess I just suck.
Jenifer ever ask herself why if she supposedly loved him, she dumped him, left him to marry someone else who would have his children... Could this not have been a happy marriage and family had she not been so self-centered and cruel?
I’m sorry but her story is full of red flags - subtle yes but it starts with the first lie which is I’m your soul mate. These types do their homework and have planned ahead so know who to pick. She was naive and believed in the fairytale. I bet you anything he asked her questions like do you believe in soulmates, do you believe in happily ever after etc etc, he did his homework. She missed the biggest sign of all - if it feels too good to be true it probably is. He groomed her at the outset. Sure she didn’t see it coming but that’s because she had those beliefs about love that have set one up for being taken advantage of. Speaking from experience - and this Spence is so many things before he’s a narcissist…absolutely!! Probably reading more like a psychopath; typical of this very subtle manipulative exploitative type that lies to your face and have already laid the first lie which is I love You. Once you believe that they’ve got you.
Beware if whoever you are confiding in seems to be enjoying what they are hearing too much while you in contrast are still hurting and that is why you needed someone to talk too who may understand without condemning us. Because chances are then it is a narcissist that you are confiding in. A narcissist with a faulty perception of most people they see daily. Like one going along with a program which used to be called, "Integration." Most of all if that integration includes a faulty perception of the cultural family background you are from.
In relation to the many stories we so often hear about women being in relationships with narcs I believe men are globally socialized to be narcissists. The world is a capitalistic patriarchy and men are forced to compete and in a sense be beasts in a jungle. Like Spence many men wear the mask of being civilized but it's just that, a mask.
Can’t really watch anymore of it after episode 1. So overkill by how in love & what a great guy. Wanted to puke. Where’s his kids? Like what about them? What about the ex BM? Just seems narcissistic already
Really sorry, but not every bad person is a narcissist. The guy clearly isn't a narcissist; he's a psychopath. There is actually a big difference between the two. He got married as a cover. She was completely used as a tool. If he was a narcissist, he'd have showed signs of narcissistic insecurity. But he was very calculated in a very unemotional way, in a way that only a psychopath with no emotions could do. He's definetly not a narcissist.
@@OnsceneDC that's a terrible trauma to go through.. Psychopaths are more dangerous than narcissists, precisely because they don't let off any emotional signals that would indicate they're problematic
@@OnsceneDC not quite - they do have similar features, but the root cause is very different. Narcissts are very insecure and have a very fragile ego.. Psychopaths are not insecure, they genuinely don't care because they don't feel. They can't feel. Whereas a narcissts bad conduct and toxicity masks a wounded soul in some way, the psychopath pretty much has no soul at all They overlap in some features, but are two totally different things. There's no way a narcissist would not have shown signs for 7 years
I encourage listeners to study internal family systems … which goes deep into the different parts / sides of people He obviously was good at compartmentalizing his various parts ( manager parts versus his firefighter or exile parts ) His husband /good guy / caretaker manager part was what he mainly showed his wife and his circle who didn’t see his shadow / firefighter part behind closed doors 🚪.. His sex addiction was his firefighter part that was out of control and quite narcissistic and self absorbed ! Human nature is vastly complex ( A good book is The laws of human nature by Robert Greene ) and as scripture states in Jeremiah 17:9 “ the heart is deceitful and desperately wicked, who could know it? “
Okay maybe I am posting my comment too early because I just started watching Betrayal on Hulu but... this guy never raped or killed anybody, right? Yes, I know statutory rape but i mean never violently raped anyone? He was just a Serial cheater and a dumbass...no? Okay okay I'm going to watch the entire docu-series and I'll come back and maybe delete or reiterate my comment....😬😬
I didn't watch Betrayal either but hum... your husband cheating with multiple people (75 women!?) and comitting statutory rape... isn't that plenty to feel shocked and disgusted?
It is chilling to discover that the person you have invested so heavily in is a phantom, a void, a fantasy. Accepting that you have been duped by someone like this, who does not really exist, and who does not see you as a full human being, takes a lot of humility and fortitude. It forces you to rearrange your whole life, and it changes you on a deep level.
Beautifully worded! ❤ spot on!!
@@starlingswallow I was just about to say the same!
It’s like having the ground beneath your feet being ripped out from under you and you are free falling
@Dawn this is how I describe it I feel like I am free falling trying to grab things and then another betrayal. I was in a 9 yr relationship he cheated and gaslit me the whole time that he wasn't cheat only for me to find out he was doing it the whole 9 yrs. He disguarded me and now he is married to the person he cheated with it has only been 6 months
@@starlingswallow Thank you. I wish you and I never lived it, but I will say that many of the ways the experience changed me were very much needed for my overall happiness. ☮️
The biggest betrayal is learning that they never loved you, they merely were using you. It's a mindfu*k. My story had no red flags until I was well into my marriage. None of them were big enough to know who I was really dealing with. It was only when he abruptly left me (because he didn't get much of what I think he wanted) and discarded me when I learned the extent of his betrayal (that also included infidelity). I also learned he was using ambient abuse- straight out of the movie Gaslight. I was the victim of several crimes during the one year law marriage, and many believe he may have masterminded them. He started the smear campaign long before he left (which I also didn't know was happening), so I was left isolated from many friends and my own family who continued to abuse me by proxy well after the relationship ended. Many people who were once close bought into his lies and I was not believed. It felt like I was betrayed by the same people who chose to believe him and not me.
That's a tough one - realising that you never knew not just your husband, but people who should have been close to you but who ended up letting you down and adding to your pain.
I pray that you come out of your trauma stronger and wiser and live a fulfilling life. Hopefully you'll never experience such toxicity in any of your future relationships.
Yes. Same here. 😢 after two friends and customers chose him over me after I'd disclosed to them what had happened to me, that was it. I cut off just about everyone and moved. I couldn't take another person betraying me like that. 😢
@A B thank you. This relationship ended officially 6 years ago, and I am still dealing with the fallout. As a result of the trauma, compounded by the lack of support and extreme fear, hypervigilence, and isolation has made life very hard. I was diagnosed with CPTSD, and have had great mental health practitioners on my side. For at least a year after the relationship ended, there were 4 times that family and a close friend tried to have me institutionalized. I and my mental health practitioners did not believe that that would be in any way helpful. I had to have them send even my own family cease-and-desist letters to get them to stop. Even two years after the relationship ended I found out that my father was still in Communications with my ex. My father's rationale was that my ex really still cared about me. This revelation was extremely disturbing to me and also led to my feelings of unsafety. When I found out I had to explain that a person who cared about me would not have done what they did to me. It took me several years of practically lecturing to my parents what was going on. I think it's very hard for the flying monkeys who were unwittingly contributing to the abuse, to accept that they were manipulated. Of course that was the hardest thing for me. But it took me a long time to show them that they were being manipulated, and that I take responsibility for bringing this man into their lives. But in order for me to have a relationship with them they needed to accept the person that I married and not the person they thought he was either. We were all deceived. I was finally able to get to the point with my parents that I could express my feelings of betrayal and hurt, and we've all been able to move on. I think the experience is actually brought us closer together in the end. My parents have also intimated to me that although they've been married for almost 50 years yeah, their marriage wasn't always the best and I don't think they really appreciated each other. My mom was always abusive towards my dad and would treat him very poorly. She intimated to me that after seeing what I went through she really values my dad much more and I've seen a dramatic change in their relationship for the positive. They have let me know that my experience has led to them having a better relationship and appreciation for one another and at least I can feel good knowing that all the pain I endured at least led to them having a better relationship. And that gives me something to feel good about.
@@OnsceneDC it's amazing that you're able to see the good that came out of such a trauma. Pain can take a long time to heal from, but hopefully you'll get there. You're certainly doing the things that are needed for it. Wishing you good luck
This was essentially my exact story. When the full realization of all that was done hit (after divorce), I was truly in a state of being “shell-shocked” All those nasty looks from people who knew him but not me, it all made sense. At the time he would tell me, you worry too much or “I wouldn’t worry about it” Years later and I am still trying to recover. The things they do to harm or destroy you in all ways, ramps up during divorce and afterwards. They truly cause “hell on earth” to those that loved them.
When I was betrayed by my husband,he cheated ,,I was battling stage 4 liver failure ,,I felt betrayed on so many levels
as his wife
as the mother of his son
as a extremely sick person
I was tore apart ,,,,felt like I got hit with a Mac Truck when he told me 😮
8 yrs later and I am back together
Divorced 😎
New liver 🙏
New life 💃
He was narcissistic, the red flags were there but my eyes were closed 😮 they show who they are…
Now my eyes are wide open .
Thanks for sharing your story. That's incredible that you survived all of that simultaneously. Maybe it was a blessing that he left you at that lowest point to allow you to heal.
Good that you came out of the darkness despite the odds ranged against you.
Narc always let us down when we need them the most. They just can’t be bothered and it is your fault you are struggling. My mom did that. Sad.
Good luck with your beautiful new future.
I was with someone like this...he loved me a lot one side of him he would look at me and cry and say how much he loved me...but i kept having recurring dreams where another side of him was cold and heartless and i never believed the dreams until the crazy lies and abuse began.. i left a year ago after ten years and he still regularly sends big bouquets of flowers to my door
I truly believe that just because a person couldn't recognise the red flags before means that there weren't any.
They were certainly flags
She didn't want to know. She might not have known exactly what was going on, but on some level, she knew
@@annettecantu3826Exactly. To sit here and hear her say there were NO red flags, even looking back on things now, is literally INSANE.
@@annettecantu3826right, there are always flags. Just looking at him you can see a troubled soul. All his pictures show sadistic eyes. She never talks about his bedroom behavior. That surely couldn't have been normal between them.
Makes her sound like an enabling covert narcissist trying to cover her own tracks and make her sound like a more credible ignorant victim...
That's why we have to talk about it.
I have very similar experience with my ex husband - after ten years seemingly nice marriage, one day I realized he's cheated all that time with dozens.... Shock, but it was quick clear cut and I didn't need to suffer the slowly boiling frog scenario.
It wasn't til I left a 26 year marriage that I unserstood the extent of the cheating. It still leaves me speechless.
I have literally lived, 10 years of torture with a partner who has done the same thing, to hundreds, so many, I lost count. To this day, he still tries to contact me, claiming eternal soulmate connection, only to me. I don't know how to get past the trauma, to find a life for me now. I'm amazed, and hopeful to see this amazing woman who has been through such unreal experiences.
As was said in the podcast you get past the trauma one moment at a time. Your rejuvenation is the best revenge you can have.
Sometimes you just need to pack your things and move far away, to a whole new environment. I did from my narc mother. If I had stayed in that location I would have been constantly triggered and reminded.
Not always red flags; that’s the crappy part. As one who was blindsided as well, my heart goes out to each and everyone who has experienced this. My story differs in that many people in my life were not surprised and that surprised me as well. Life still is so beautiful and that is a gift from the goddesses. 🐬🐬🐬🐬
You said there were no red flags, but in your own words you said many people in your life were not surprised.
They weren't surprised because THEY saw red flags that were waving around.
IMO - I have learned that often observers know a lot more than they let on. For some reason they don't want to get involved by telling the innocent spouse about the cheating while it is occurring.
@@butterflygirl2285Because they don’t want to get involved in someone else’s personal life/business. What happens if you tell someone you know that their spouse is cheating on them? Typically, that person dislikes/gets mad at YOU and there’s a bunch of drama. So people are taught to not get involved in another person’s relationship.
IMO - in my case an ex- spouse was cheating. My friend told me, and I was so grateful. Of course, like you mentioned, each person is different.
I would suggest that leaving a note by coffee pot EVERY morning is definitely a red flag. Smacks of a very guilty conscience …..
Right? That part creeped me out 😬
Oh wow. Wow. Yes, it sure does. In hindsight. Why that exact detail? The note by the coffee pot, every morning, by someone who is a serial predator? How precise and bizarre.
The predator I was harmed by did the EXACT same thing. Literally. Every morning. Note. Coffee pot. While doing the same things. But also super openly abusive and terrifying. Every night. But still the notes....
I listened to the entire Betrayal podcast as well as this...I never considered betrayal trauma with my ex, only the control and narcissism. The way betrayal trauma manifests describes me so succinctly in the last months of our marriage and the months following...I thought I was going insane (and thought I was the problem that the ex accused me of being) but now it all makes perfect sense.
This is the story of a narcissist who had more than enough supply. He also has a fascinating collection of masks (facades). Now it makes sense why there were no red flags in their marriage. His narcissism was a well oiled machine until the day of the search warrant.
His wife isn't much better. She knew about the affair with a child & kept talking to him even though he was a predator?!?!?!?
@@delilahcoker6532She was talking to him to try to understand what was going on, not to stay with him. If this happened to you and you came home and had 20mins with your husband before they arrested him would you just never speak to him again?
@@delilahcoker6532 that would have been a huge shock. And all those years of loving him and caring about him may have been hard to just turn off.
Yup. He didn't "need" to openly abuse his wife because he was getting all HIS NEEDS met, and she wasn't catching on. If he didn't have that much access to supply, or if she had CAUGHT him..... her life would have been in danger. Thank God they didn't have kids.
Every time he cheated, he turned it around and blamed me. We separated 5 years ago. It still haunts me.
It hurts. Mine says I am jealous and crazy, while his phone is ringing off the hook!
My husband does this
Nothing is ever their fault. It's always the Blame Game!
His wife isn't much better. She knew about the affair with a child & kept talking to him even though he was a predator?!?!?!?
My ex was a serial cheater. An addict. A thief. A sociopath and more. He was also into witchcraft. The thing is..God WARNED me in a dream not to marry him. My ex-husband tried to kill me! Anyway he left & I'm crying to the Lord to bring him back. I'm crying and begging God for reconciliation. The Lord said to me "Let him go"! I believe God does show us red flags but we don't always discern it.
My ex was similar! Thief and serial cheater and they go their whole lives on empty and never fill up.
@@Portia620 Word em up and yet Jesus can save if they want it.
Oh boy! Thank you. Still struggling to come to terms with my own betrayal after 14 years. Married for 30 years to a supposedly devout Christian who never went anywhere without the very public leather bound Bible under his arm. He traveled the world while I cared for 2 children, one who had a malignant brain tumor, lost his sight, hearing and got learning disabilities from tumor and treatment. Found out having an affair, duh.. but had been divorce planning, made me and son homeless and penniless. Stole pension and.....in the divorce process found out he was a paedophile!!!! Yes the word narcissist applies...great liars and gaslighters. Again thank you
Sounds like a literal monster or demon. I'm so sorry, I can't imagine that kind of pain.
He told me if you'd known the real me when we dated you would not have married me.
This is so unbelievably mean I can't even. These suckers suck!!! No decency.
Wow, that's chilling!
Not long after we had our first child, my ex wife basically said something similar when she admitted that before we got married she had gotten pregnant from some guy and she had an abortion. She basically blamed me for her abortion, because she “knew I wouldn’t have married her”. I stuck it out for 17 long years of marriage…through her drug addiction, rehab and multiple affairs. It was a living hell I wish on nobody else. At the end of marriage she was diagnosed with BPD. It all made sense after that
Correct. Which makes the entire relationship a con and rape.
Our absense doesn't bother them because our presence never mattered to them❤Stay strong ❤
Wow this is my story too. 30 years of marriage. A whole double life going on behind my back. What a shock when I discovered by accident his betrayel. Completely out of the blue this Covert narcissist got all the supply he needed in his double life which is why I never caught on that he was betraying me. It's like being run over by a freight train with no bells or alarms to warn you it's coming.
Hulu doc is excellent. BRAVO on spreadsheet, Jenifer! I still don't understand how you were able to get into his FB and email? I would think he would have been careful about passwords, but apparently he felt invinceable.
Believe me when I say, they can and do get sloppy sometimes. Mine did, and oops, left his FB account and Google email account signed in on MY extra phone that he used after getting arrested and his shit began rolling down hill.
I saw way more than I ever would have wanted to see and to this day he has no clue that I know any of it. Disgusted by things that I know and could prove he's done but. I kept my lips tight, watched with my head down, and continued preparing to go no contact as soon and as safely as I could. Took 5 months, but I stepped out on faith in the hardest decision I've ever faced. God delivered on every promise he'd given me thru this and gets all the glory! We are now divorced, completely no contact since 08/22/23 hearing and a protection order against him till 08/22/25. I refuse to live watching over my shoulder, so I'm working on healing my heart, my recovery and learning how to love myself, again! Finally!
Every day shines a little brighter than the one before; love and light to all that need it! You are worth it!
☺️💛🕯️🙏🏼💯⭐🌝🌙
Betrayal cuts deep. The anguish and pain can last a lifetime, and affect your entire family. You cannot explain to an innocent child why your family has been shattered. They grow up conflicted and confused. I too suffered an extreme betrayal at a very young age. At 67 our family is still affected by the early distress we went through when I was twenty.
Really Sad for All of us who have experienced betrayal of our spouses.
Please know that when they break their marriage vow, trouble for these people has only started. I am a believer in God and have strong faith and trust in God.
God settles this with His own discipline .
And it will be ugly. Stand still and see the Glory of the Lord!!! Lex Talonis!!
Keep your eyes on God!!!!
My ex husband, cheated on me once, I did not stay in the marriage to count his infidelities. Took my 12 year old son
Left my home.
I did not leave him because he stop loving me, but because he broke the loyalty he owed to our vows.
Also to teach my son that adultery is not acceptable in any way or form!
My son is an adult now
We are very happy, after therapy for both of us.
My ex fought the divorce 5 years..at the end got my freedom. And yes my ex was a narcissist. Did not know it till I got therapy.😢
This is the first time I’ve heard anything related to MY actually STORY!!!
I don’t ever to tell my story because it’s so hard to believe. Jennifer I wish I could hug you. I know how you feel, I know the daze, I know the shock, I know as each layer unfolds your like -WHAT WHAT WHAT. Thank you thank you thank you for sharing your story!! I’m still discovering things and the trauma process over and over and over . It’s horrible. I think my husband was using me and my son as a mask of stability while stealing, lying, and betraying us. Average of 36 women a month on the phone bills. Escorts etc, on joint bank statement while he had hidden accounts - why didn’t he put his services on those. I know I was a trusting loyal wife, but my brain is like, “how did you miss all of that” the amount of hardship my son and I have literally had our life and REALITY STOLEN.
I am so sorry and I pray your life gets better. 🥹❤️🙏
She had her head on the clouds and the romanticism.
Yup, I've had a similar experience, with a narcissist who cheated on his late wife in a 40+ year's marriage, then me. I believe he was addicted to that double life.
11:11 that’s it, I can’t with this narcissism thing! But it’s so true, sometimes you just really cannot tell! Although maybe this means his red flags are in some toxic way speaking to our own vulnerable that were blind too? Therapy is important for seeing our blind spots too so narcs can’t use them against us. I wonder if her friends saw red flags? ❤❤❤
After talking with Dr. Ramani she DEFINITELY should be able to say “I didn’t see it then, but (insert action) DEFINITELY should have been a red flag!” I really question anything she says now, knowing she has talked to Dr. Ramani (and I’m sure others), yet she STILL claims there weren’t ANY red flags at all 🙄. Seems like she’s just trying to sound innocent.
@@someoneyoudontknow7705
Sometimes this is the part that’s so hard to wrap your head around when you’re emerging from these relationships… Not that there absolutely *weren’t* any “red flags,” but instead perhaps we didn’t recognize them at the time, were too confused &/or embarrassed to consult with someone about them (which we later learn is a red flag of it’s own!), or, looking back, we may see something was wrong *now*…
- But when confronted with this for the 1st time, we may be dumbfounded, or feel stupid for not understanding the dangers. In fact, our minds may not allow us to admit immediately that there were, in-fact, “red flags;” just as it takes time to recognize we may be dissociating or having selective amnesia regarding abusive events in the relationship as well.
- This is a something I realized when I began finding photos & journals I hid from him (so he wouldn’t delete or destroy them) - *& ended up hiding from myself as well!* - for YEARS. … It’s possible this kept me in that relationship for much longer than I otherwise would’ve been; but that’s the nature of this sort of relationship-beast, isn’t it? 💔
She may have gone home, gone to therapy, been challenged a bit more… And finally felt strong enough to admit to herself there may have been signs there (at least visible to others, if not to her at the time). If she did, I hope she was able to give herself grace, as she was victimized in all of this too. She is seeking healing; and she deserves it. She deserves a voice.
Thank you for an interesting discussion (even though I’m a bit late!).
Best wishes to you all for peace & healing. 💜
@@someoneyoudontknow7705or not ready to see it yet😮
Anyone else see the irony of Jada Picket-Smith producing a show about an out of control narcissist?
While watching the series on TV I assumed Jen was simply naive and in love, claiming there were absolutely NO red flags. However, how can she honestly sit here and STILL claim that, after talking to people like Dr. Ramani about what she went through? She should AT LEAST be able to say “Looking back (insert action) wasn’t a red flag at the time, but it definitely should have been!” I don’t understand why she still sits here and claims there was NOTHING. When they were together for 7 years. Seems like she’s just trying to APPEAR innocent. I think she knew something was up and probably knew more than she’s letting on.
That is really messed up of you. He is a rapist and a child predator but you are determined to blame HER.
The fact that she never noticed anything or asked any questions is probably what kept her alive. These people are INSTANTLY terrifying and violent when caught or questioned. They will do anything to conceal what they are. And yes, they are THAT GOOD at winning everyone over. They start practicing different personalities and predatory behaviors by around 7 or 8 years old.
Thank you forcthis one, I am working on moving past the narc and what they brang to my life. This one was very engaging to me. Im 60, so this one shifted perspective for me in a good way. I was uplifted by this one with the return of hope with regard to my life, whatever that looks like. Peace. ✌️
I loved your video on betrayal trauma, thank you for your work
How does one have a wife and juggle 2 to 3 other “relationships”? I’m bummed you didn’t dive into that. How in the hell did she NOT know something was going on if he is spending time away from her to juggle the others? Damn makes no sense. I would have liked to know how he pulled that off.
I actually outed a guy who was doing this. I met him at an engagement brunch in the morning with his long term partner. That evening I met him again at another event with his other long term partner. Not only 2 long term live in partners, but 2 sicial circles who all claimed what a wonderful man he was. In the morning he was 'Christopher May', evening' Mark Kay'. Mind boggling.
They do it on their lunch hours, take time off of work etc. Sick days..
@@palapalak.8907 This guy had 2 completely different lives. He told both of his monogamous partners that he worked 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off at a remote minesite. As I knew people in both his circles I did as much digging ad I could, simply to try to make sense of it. The audacity is breathtaking, and how he could afford 2 lives, as he did not have a minesite job at all is astonishing. I thought it only happened in the movies.
Yes, those were red flags were they not?
@@helenyeaman1118 Duo personalities, or more.
It must feel natural to them.
Whereas, most ppl would find it very inconvenient, at best.
I think her husband was unfaithful the whole marriage. I also think, after listening to the eight episodes, that he wanted her to believe they had an awesome marriage, he knowingly or unknowingly was emotionally high in his arrogant, conceited, fornicated soul.
Yup
I went thru almost the same thing. Except no child was raped. But i saw red flags immediately. It took years to get out from under him. But I started to on day one.
Heres what i learned, he was a narcissist, and a social path. He was damaged inside when his mother threw herself down the stairs when she was pregnant, hoping to abort him. A spirit of rejection entered him. Long story short. He will always be looking for victims. Making victims, hurting, manipulating, seducing, deceiving, gaslighting and all the other evils that come with it. Men, young girls, ugly, poor anybody who he can get to be his FLYING MONKEYS.
Im just thankful he didnt kill me, like most of them, ill kill you if u leave me, men.
Im doing better than ever.
And ill just throw this in, he recently lost his one and only kidney, and ended up in ICU, almost died.
Now he spends his day doing dialysis 3 times a week most likely hes sitting there on E Harmony saying hey to his new victims.
I've been asking myself and asking myself and asking myself going crazy trying to figure it out. Looking things up trying to figure it out. Phone calls. It just got answered just three seconds ago. Just that quick. Thank you!! ❤
Dr Ramani,I had 3 narcissistic people in my life ,mother husband and daughter
I can relate 🌸🙏🏻
IMO - what grosses me out was that he transmitted diseases to at least two partners. How slimy and revolting is that? That seems so reckless, uncaring, and shocking.
I’m only 11mins in but would like to say, while watching the story on (don’t know if I can name the platform I used to watch it? Lol) on TV, a possible 🚩 to me was the notes he left…EVERY DAY. Seemed a bit much 🤔 Like he was trying to overcompensate for something. But when you’re in it, I’m sure for most people, it just feels good. It’s easier to see from the outside looking in.
This is what the narc i married taught me, they believe their lies first so they come out as genuine. 2. As long as one is conforming to the snapahot image in his tiny brain, you are in good books. for me the moment i decided to put up some boundaries in a year he could not keep the mask on any longer.Evil lives among us.
Enjoyed this Podcast. Enjoyed the different perspective on sometimes their are no glaring red flags.
There were red flags, she just didn’t see them or doesn’t want to admit it. I truly can’t believe that, after listening to her story, Dr. Ramani hasn’t pointed out any of the red flags to her. I watched the series on Hulu and believed that Jen didn’t see them but this podcast really makes me question her now as well…like she’s just trying to make herself look SO innocent. Otherwise she’d say “I didn’t see it then, but NOW I can say that (insert action) should have DEFINITELY been a red flag!”
I'm a published author. How may I inquire about being on your chanel? I'm presently doing a book tour. Received a 5 star review from Barnes & Noble. Just thrilled!
When I saw the thumbnail, my first thought was, "He still living?" 😂😂
Jada Pinkett Smith is one of the executive producers? Interesting. Isn't she, ahem, a bit of a...narcissist? I don't know, but it seems her relationship with her husband and kids isn't very healthy.
I was thinking the same thing! ???
Same!!! Fascinating!
Yes the whole things smacks of self aggrandisement actually…enabling this Jennifer to play the victim and gee I didn’t know there were no red flags…um get your head up gal and see the truth!
For me too was a joke that Jada is the producer of a narc program…she is one😉
After listening to the Betrayal podcast, you can just hear the Malignant Narcissist in him. Especially when she speaks to him. All he talks about is how he was denied parole and how it couldn’t have been the victim must have been her family.
I think a year before marriage is definitely not enough time for most couples. I think it was way too fast for me .
These two had dated in college too so they knew each other longer than that. But yes, agree. One year is definitely not long enough.
There are ALWAYS redflags. A lot of people just don't NOTICE.
Ever watched your favorite movie 50 times but only on the 51st time do you finally see some odd things in thw background of certain scenes that you NEVER noticed before and you start to wonder why you never realizes it was there?! It was there the whole time!!!! YOU just didn't register the information consciously into your brain and interpret the deeper meaning or purpose behind it.
This has happened to me....not to the exact depth but my bf cheated on me with over 20 woman. He was also the pursuer. I found all the evidence on his phone and there were so many, it's like never ending messages and pictures and videos. I am heartbroken and disgusted. I found out he gave me HPV and gonorrhea. I would like to chat with you Jennifer I am in a similar situation, and I need someone who understands this type of betrayal.
Amazing!
IMAO: This was S-addiction, not narcissistic personality disorder. There were elements of narcissism.
NPD is unmistakable if you have lived through it. Wives don’t come out the other side without deep scars from years of living with narcissists. Nothing fills them up. They are shame filled and unhappy people constantly.
Just had a thought, do some men, act like little boys within the marriage, thinking this is a family unit, maybe they’ve replaced their family of origin with the marriage and think that it will never break up and is there to function on his behalf without consideration for anyone else.
Aww heck honey….mine did multiples of that….
Amazing to hear the end credit that Jada Pinker Smith, a known narcissist, produced the show.
Is part 2 available?
Yes
I wish Dr. Duruvasala would stop lumping all wrong doers in one "narcissism" bucket... it takes away from the incredible work she is doing helping people recovering from actual narcissistic abuse. This man while lacking empathy, also lacks A CONSCIENCE- the hallmark of a psychopath. Learn about the dark triad and the subtle differences between them, if you are interested. Quoting from a blog named Neuroinstincts: "Although individuals with narcissistic personality disorder are also exploitive - violating others, deceitfulness, and conning are more common amongst psychopaths."
Amazing woman❤️
I can’t believe that jt was no red flags
Him leaving notes EVERY DAY is a 🚩for me. That’s too much, like he’s overcompensating for something.
My exes could have hit me repeatedly in the face with an actual red flag while wearing a tshirt that says "Warning: I am a narcissist. Run in the opposite direction."
And I still would have dated them because I guess I just suck.
Jenifer ever ask herself why if she supposedly loved him, she dumped him, left him to marry someone else who would have his children... Could this not have been a happy marriage and family had she not been so self-centered and cruel?
Need to listen too Sam Vackin re self states different personalities displayed in one person scary.
I’m sorry but her story is full of red flags - subtle yes but it starts with the first lie which is I’m your soul mate. These types do their homework and have planned ahead so know who to pick. She was naive and believed in the fairytale. I bet you anything he asked her questions like do you believe in soulmates, do you believe in happily ever after etc etc, he did his homework. She missed the biggest sign of all - if it feels too good to be true it probably is. He groomed her at the outset. Sure she didn’t see it coming but that’s because she had those beliefs about love that have set one up for being taken advantage of. Speaking from experience - and this Spence is so many things before he’s a narcissist…absolutely!! Probably reading more like a psychopath; typical of this very subtle manipulative exploitative type that lies to your face and have already laid the first lie which is I love You. Once you believe that they’ve got you.
I Agree 👍 💯
His wife isn't much better. She knew about the affair with a child & kept talking to him even though he was a predator?!?!?!?
His wife isn't much better. She knew about the affair with a child & kept talking to him even though he was a predator?!?!?!?
Reasons to use condoms in marriage! I made mine after kids and finding out he was messing around.
Sería muy bueno, para quienes no hablamos inglés, hubiera subtitulos en español. En mi caso, soy de Argentina. Saludos.
Beware if whoever you are confiding in seems to be enjoying what they are hearing too much while you in contrast are still hurting and that is why you needed someone to talk too who may understand without condemning us. Because chances are then it is a narcissist that you are confiding in. A narcissist with a faulty perception of most people they see daily. Like one going along with a program which used to be called, "Integration." Most of all if that integration includes a faulty perception of the cultural family background you are from.
His wife isn't much better. She knew about the affair with a child & kept talking to him even though he was a predator?!?!?!?
Why is narcissism so pervasive?
That's a good question which can be correctly answered by psychiatrist or psychologist. Dr Ramani should answer that.
In relation to the many stories we so often hear about women being in relationships with narcs I believe men are globally socialized to be narcissists. The world is a capitalistic patriarchy and men are forced to compete and in a sense be beasts in a jungle. Like Spence many men wear the mask of being civilized but it's just that, a mask.
Capitalism rewards this dysfunctional personalities
@@M3lCHORGood Point 👍🏻!
My wife did that 3 months after we had a child.
I am finding it difficult to imagine Spencer only got 4yrs in prison for this heinous act
Yes .. this .. This this
I wonder about the women… they had to know he was married if they looked him up online.
Actually you'd be surprised how savvy they are with social media. Hiding accounts and having multiple accounts.
Some did say they knew but he was a good manipulator, even though they did feel bad about it…
Can’t really watch anymore of it after episode 1. So overkill by how in love & what a great guy. Wanted to puke. Where’s his kids? Like what about them? What about the ex BM? Just seems narcissistic already
Sounds like my story
Oh god the story of my life. I'm sorry.
Really sorry, but not every bad person is a narcissist. The guy clearly isn't a narcissist; he's a psychopath. There is actually a big difference between the two.
He got married as a cover. She was completely used as a tool. If he was a narcissist, he'd have showed signs of narcissistic insecurity. But he was very calculated in a very unemotional way, in a way that only a psychopath with no emotions could do. He's definetly not a narcissist.
You can be both :)
My ex was a psychopath too
@@OnsceneDC that's a terrible trauma to go through.. Psychopaths are more dangerous than narcissists, precisely because they don't let off any emotional signals that would indicate they're problematic
@@OnsceneDC not quite - they do have similar features, but the root cause is very different. Narcissts are very insecure and have a very fragile ego..
Psychopaths are not insecure, they genuinely don't care because they don't feel. They can't feel. Whereas a narcissts bad conduct and toxicity masks a wounded soul in some way, the psychopath pretty much has no soul at all
They overlap in some features, but are two totally different things. There's no way a narcissist would not have shown signs for 7 years
@@mangosteena Exactly, not all narcissist are psychopaths but all psychopaths are narcissist.
I encourage listeners to study internal family systems … which goes deep into the different parts / sides of people
He obviously was good at compartmentalizing his various parts ( manager parts versus his firefighter or exile parts )
His husband /good guy / caretaker manager part was what he mainly showed his wife and his circle who didn’t see his shadow / firefighter part behind closed doors 🚪..
His sex addiction was his firefighter part that was out of control and quite narcissistic and self absorbed !
Human nature is vastly complex ( A good book is The laws of human nature by Robert Greene ) and as scripture states in Jeremiah 17:9 “ the heart is deceitful and desperately wicked, who could know it? “
That guy Spencer was a narcissist beyond horrible
Nothing but a demon
Or maybe she was experiencing betrayal blindness?
This is my now exhusband and what my marriage was. Yet I can’t say not feel I can say anything as he works for the CIA and they protect their own.
Glad you got out!!
I don't mean to be that girl ut Dr. Ramani seems to have aged backwards by like 15 years since 2020 what the heck lollll
She's now in the public eye... I'll need to do the same when I can afford to haha
50… is THAT all!!! Usually it’s far more…😉
QUEEN JENNIFER 4 PRESIDENT!!!
This guy was an ultra DL narcissist. 😮 wow.....
What DL means?
@@lolaccount2192I think it means “down low”…like secret or hidden.
@@someoneyoudontknow7705 thank you
His wife isn't much better. She knew about the affair with a child & kept talking to him even though he was a predator?!?!?!?
Okay maybe I am posting my comment too early because I just started watching Betrayal on Hulu but... this guy never raped or killed anybody, right? Yes, I know statutory rape but i mean never violently raped anyone? He was just a Serial cheater and a dumbass...no?
Okay okay I'm going to watch the entire docu-series and I'll come back and maybe delete or reiterate my comment....😬😬
I didn't watch Betrayal either but hum... your husband cheating with multiple people (75 women!?) and comitting statutory rape... isn't that plenty to feel shocked and disgusted?
He had rough sex with some of the women he cheated with, but from what I saw it was all consensual.
i'm concerned that he can only write in full caps
how is he a teacher when he can't even do joined up writing???
That is what you’re concerned about
Lols i know the feeling of just admit u did somthigg wrong nopppe
Is part 2 available?
It was just released 18 hours ago!!
His wife isn't much better. She knew about the affair with a child & kept talking to him even though he was a predator?!?!?!?
His wife isn't much better. She knew about the affair with a child & kept talking to him even though he was a predator?!?!?!?