Family guilt when decluttering

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  • เผยแพร่เมื่อ 23 ธ.ค. 2024
  • Family can make decluttering SO hard! Here is how to deal with it, so you do not end up keeping everything out of guilt!
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ความคิดเห็น • 93

  • @deannday6930
    @deannday6930 2 ปีที่แล้ว +8

    I liked when you said you don’t have to tell everybody everything. So simple, but it resonated with me. I used to avoid loading my car with donation items cause I was afraid someone would say, “Wow, that’s in really good shape. You’re not getting rid of that , are you?” or “You paid good money for that. Why are you giving that away?” I finally realized it’s my money, my stuff, and my life. My decisions are not affecting them. Thanks for a great video

    • @MinimalistHome
      @MinimalistHome  2 ปีที่แล้ว

      I’m glad you liked it DeAnn! Yes, your decisions are yours!

  • @kathrynwebster6307
    @kathrynwebster6307 2 ปีที่แล้ว +26

    It really helped me when I heard someone say, "those aren't YOUR memories, they are your mother's (grandmother's, sister's, etc) memories. Makes it easier for me to get rid of something that doesn't hold my own memories.

    • @MinimalistHome
      @MinimalistHome  2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      That is SO good!! Well done Kathryn!

  • @Ripplesinthewaters
    @Ripplesinthewaters 2 ปีที่แล้ว +23

    My family is getting tired of my decluttering. I’m now working in the garage and I keep hearing, “You’re getting rid of moooorrrreee?????” I also hear them grumbling under their breaths, “she keeps getting rid of stuff…”. It’s not like we have nothing and I’m not decluttering their stuff. They used to be very supportive but they must have thought it was a short term thing; like I should be done by now. Until my garage is empty, I won’t be done.

    • @MinimalistHome
      @MinimalistHome  2 ปีที่แล้ว +6

      You can do it!!!

    • @jeanarino732
      @jeanarino732 2 ปีที่แล้ว +4

      don't let the Nay sayers get you down! In any self-improvement journey there will be people that are unsupportive, even your own family and friends! There are lots of reasons they will try to discourage you such as ....they feel badly about their clutter and don't want a reminder that they are not working on it OR they find some kind of comfort in the way you are and don't want to see change OR your new found sense of accomplishment and confidence reminds them of their own failures. It could help to explain to the that it's something you really need to do for yourself and that there will be benefits for everyone in the end. Have a great day!

    • @Katy_living_simply
      @Katy_living_simply 2 ปีที่แล้ว +11

      With my family it came to a point of me having to put my foot down... they'd complain about how many dishes I get rid of so I told them fine, I'll keep them, but you have to wash them. Fine you want to keep all of this craft stuff, then organize it and take care of it, and when anyone takes things out and messes it up it's your job to clean it up and put it back neatly. Because it's not all up to me to do the upkeep of their junk and "keeps." So after a while (especially if they're old enough to be complaining)... I'd just be FINE. You want to keep all the stuff in the garage then come and clean it and organize it... right now. Literally make them help you and they'll get over it really quick. It's not a part of our jobs as Moms to let our children dictate our lives. We are the parents and we know better, for ourselves, for them, and our family. And having Mom constantly tired, anxious, and stressed out is not good for anyone.

    • @Screamlovehoney
      @Screamlovehoney 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      I struggle with this, too. It's easier at my home but whenever I go to visit my parents and try to declutter the stuff in my childhood room, they just get mad and sometimes my mom takes the stuff back... I also suggested that we could declutter some of her stuff and at first she was into it but when I said that you do not need 27 broken lighters to remind you of your trips, she wasn't happy.

    • @projectdeclutter4742
      @projectdeclutter4742 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      my family is getting Soo good at decluttering

  • @caitlinbures4802
    @caitlinbures4802 2 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    When someone passes a box of stuff to me That I might want I say upfront
    “ I will go through this to see if there is anything I want/need do you want the leftovers back or am I ok to donate the rest??” And most of the time they are totally fine with it and that way they aren’t looking for a item when they come over!
    I say the same when I pass along items keep what you want and go ahead and donate what you don’t want!!! I don’t want others cluttering up their homes ether!😉😉

  • @LisaBergquist-w5f
    @LisaBergquist-w5f ปีที่แล้ว

    When my parents decided to move closer to me I helped my mom declutter and it was so hard for her. She kept saying things like “you just want to get rid of all of my stuff” and “you don’t want me to have anything nice” and “someday your kids aren’t going to want your stuff either!” It was such a hard, emotional time. My parents were in their 80s and sold their home only to buy one the same size near me. They thought they still needed everything they had always had. My mom had over a thousand birthday/anniversary/thank you cards she had saved over the years. Their resistance and heaping guilt (which did not work on me) totally shifted me into high gear to declutter my own home even more than I already had! I refuse to be like mom in this regard. I already know my kids don’t want my stuff and I don’t care. 😊

  • @lorettazaharias9692
    @lorettazaharias9692 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    I have a large, framed print that a relative brought down for my son. Son doesn't want it. It has been hanging in the spare room for too many years to count. Why am I keeping it???? So.... out it goes in the donation pile. Huzzah! Thanks for making this video. I have more "gifts" from well meaning family members that I now feel that I can declutter. :)

    • @MinimalistHome
      @MinimalistHome  2 ปีที่แล้ว

      Yes!! declutter them and enjoy the freedom

  • @robinnehls8057
    @robinnehls8057 2 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    We had a fire and my sister and I reacted in different ways. She has never kept anything because for her nothing is permanent and I kept everything because I knew everything you have ever owned could be gone in a blink of an eye. She's decluttered for years and years and its taken me awhile to finally let go. I am still anxious about giving away certain things and would rather throw away personal things than donate them. Weird I know. The fire was a long time ago and no one was killed but trauma can be with you forever. Sometimes people just are dealing with issues.

    • @MinimalistHome
      @MinimalistHome  2 ปีที่แล้ว

      Very true. How are you working through these issues? If the belongings don’t bother you, that’s great.

    • @robinnehls8057
      @robinnehls8057 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@MinimalistHome It's complicated. I talked to a therapist and she gave me some ways to cope with these strong attachments I have had with sentimental objects. .But my sister was the person who helped me the most. Decluttering was making me cry literally and the worse part was I did not know why .She told me she hated saving things because of the fire and it was like the sky opened up and the sun shone.. I hated the thought of ever being that teenager, in the snow with just her shoes and coat seeing her burnt things strewn across the yard..It was a horrible, horrible day. We were homeless for a very short time until we moved to my grandma's.
      The good news is I have been able to declutter many things. It's been quite a journey. There are many people out there who are like me so I would tell them to keep going as it does get easier. And I have not cried about this until today but that's only because my story is so personal..

  • @cindypavao822
    @cindypavao822 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    I’m trying not to buy clothes right now but I would love a tee shirt that says NOPE !

  • @marthaisiordia4104
    @marthaisiordia4104 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    I have family members who keep insisting on giving me stuff because that is their love language. I began to say no but now they think I am "picky" & " special". This makes me feel like I am the bad guy, but now they are doing the same with my kids & I even find clothes that "magically" appeared in the house. It is so frustrating because I am really trying to keep a clean and organized & they just don't get it.

    • @MinimalistHome
      @MinimalistHome  2 ปีที่แล้ว

      Ugh, just keep trying to explain gently but firmly. Hopefully one day they understand that you are doing this for your own mental health and joy!

  • @donnav
    @donnav 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    I see a few other comments about family members giving you things as a way to declutter their own stuff. My husband and I get that from both sets of our parents. We are now at a point where we don’t want to take anymore. Even if he had never expressed an interest in having an item, now that he has it it’s so much more difficult for him to let it go. He is getting much better about refusing things so that is helping. We are in our mid-50s and have one child (who is now 18). I don’t want my son to have to deal with all of our stuff later on so that’s what is spurring me on my decluttering journey.

    • @MinimalistHome
      @MinimalistHome  2 ปีที่แล้ว

      Good job Donna!! Family can be hard some times for sure!

  • @waterfallpeace8057
    @waterfallpeace8057 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Your videos are helpful. We declutter too. Our children are adults now. We decided to get rid of childhood DVD'S but knew our adult kids would probably want first dibs. While they were at our home, we asked them to go through the DVD's & choose what they want. If more than 1 wanted a certain video, they worked it out between them. Needless to say, there were a few DVD's left so we donated. A win-win.

  • @angelasnodgrass6621
    @angelasnodgrass6621 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Great video thank you.

  • @cs4849
    @cs4849 2 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    I’ve pretty much trained most of my family out of giving me gifts that aren’t consumable. And I am pretty good about saying if I don’t want an offered item. A family member sent me a gift this Christmas, along with a note saying she knew I was leaning towards minimalism, but she thought the item would be perfect for me. It wasn’t. I wrote her a thank you note and stuck the gift immediately in the go-away bag. I feel zero guilt about that.

    • @MinimalistHome
      @MinimalistHome  2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Perfect! I do this too on occasion. Someone else can enjoy it1

  • @sophia4christ
    @sophia4christ 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    This is why I prefer money or gift cards for my favorite sites. Great points! 👍🏽💯🇯🇲😁

  • @debbiemclean1090
    @debbiemclean1090 2 ปีที่แล้ว +3

    Ohhhhhh that car. I had to turn down a vintage car when my uncle died, I so wanted it but had no storage so just told aunty to sell it and do something for her house instead, she renewed her kitchen xxxxxxxx

  • @tonimt1712
    @tonimt1712 2 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    My 82 year old mother gifted me a PowerXL airfryer and grille, we used it, we loved it and then it stopped working. Typically, I convince my husband to hold onto things to see if we can "find someone to fix it" but I made my peace with it and let it go. It went out in the trash yesterday and this morning it's gone. I have an oven that works, I don't need extra toaster ovens. I took it with guilt to use it. I used it and it's gone. My counter is light and air, I have more usable space. I'm better now.

    • @MinimalistHome
      @MinimalistHome  2 ปีที่แล้ว

      Oooh, that sounds so nice Toni! Good job

  • @melissareid640
    @melissareid640 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    I needed this question when I first started, because I started with the sentimental items frist.. I ripped it off the band aid.

  • @juliemoore6957
    @juliemoore6957 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    So true about the therapy. I have a dear friend that keeps "reorganizing" her clutter, but it never ends because there's just too much stuff for her home. It's caused strife in her marriage, too. I've helped her declutter her closet in the past and a year later, the piles are 4 feet deep again. It makes me sad.

    • @MinimalistHome
      @MinimalistHome  2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Oh, it's so sad. Yes, therapy is a good thing. We all have some stuff that needs to be unpacked

  • @jeanarino732
    @jeanarino732 2 ปีที่แล้ว +5

    wow this video really spoke to me today and reminded me that I need to keep my eye on the prize! In any journey there will be roadblocks and some in the form of unsupportive people, but if we know our reasons for decluttering and can focus on our goal hopefully, we will continue on our path and I think in the end even the naysayers will see the benefits. Doesnt everyone want to live with a calmer happier person who has more time for them? Have a great day Robyn!

    • @MinimalistHome
      @MinimalistHome  2 ปีที่แล้ว

      Thans Jean!! See you Wednesday in the lesson!

  • @angieineverettcust2934
    @angieineverettcust2934 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Whenever I give a gift it is no longer mine but theirs to do with what they wish. Like giving money. I don’t expect payback. If it happens great. If not I’m ok with that. It was a gift after all

  • @lenavonstein9671
    @lenavonstein9671 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    I really like the energy you spread out :)

  • @justjanet3495
    @justjanet3495 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I'm trying to de-clutter and get some early Spring cleaning started and your videos are a huge help! Your advice makes it easier to find a reason to get rid of things I would have been on the fence about before.

  • @ber1779
    @ber1779 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    I live at home (in college) and it’s hard when my family insults me with wasting money or being bad with money for decluttering, I know things have monetary or functional value, but it has decreased a lot for me. I don’t need the clothes or hobby items I got years ago. Yes, it is more expensive to buy new stuff but maybe I want to.

  • @mommaof3coffeewithme-lynn282
    @mommaof3coffeewithme-lynn282 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    You always have the right thing to say! Great video as always and thank you for sharing
    From Ontario 🇨🇦

  • @trinam2503
    @trinam2503 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    Sometimes you just have to do what's right for YOU and not tell family members. My MIL would be beyond HORRIFIED and HURT if she knew some of the things I have given away that she gifted us. She has told us more than a few times that she still has gifts from her childhood bc that's what you do, you keep gifts that are given to you. Getting rid of them is disrespectful to the giver. She also has a shopping addiction, and doesn't listen to what we want or need. And then my husband doesn't want to upset her, so he thinks we should just graciously accept it and keep it. Ugh!!! I graciously accept it, and after an appropriate amount of time, if it isn't something that needs to be out on display where she would see it, it quietly disappears. We never mention it again, and if she happens to ask about it, " oh, we aren't using it at the moment so it's in attic/storeroom" or "I think I loaned that to the neighbor and haven't gotten it back yet. They really needed it and I wasn't using it right then". She doesn't need to know that the attic and neighbor are the donation center. Also when she gives us something that we do want or can actually use, we make sure to make a little extra fuss over it. Hoping to gently guide her. Sometimes it works, sometimes not. But we just can't keep evey item given to us! It kinda rubs me the wrong way, but we have started giving her lists ahead of each holiday, and that has actually been the most helpful. She then feels she has a goal. She still goes way overboard. But it's been more manageable since we started this 2yrs ago.

    • @MinimalistHome
      @MinimalistHome  2 ปีที่แล้ว

      So true Tina. They don’t need to know it. I definitely have had some family members like this as well

  • @PrincessofErised
    @PrincessofErised 2 ปีที่แล้ว +6

    My daughter sent a Christmas box from overseas to us (yes that is expensive). She gave my husband a blanket .... with a big wolf on it. Blankets are her gift go-to's. We have more blankets than we could possibly need/use/store already. I was ready to put the nice new blanket still in the wrapper in the donate box, but my husband said no with big eyes, we can just put it in the closet. Fine. Squish it in with the giant gnomes my in-laws gave us for Christmas too and declutter one of my blankets: One my dead mom gave me or the last one my daughter gave me that I actually like and use. Sigh. Help. The thought of a come to Jesus talk with the gift-givers makes me have night sweats of being an ungrateful, Grinchy Christmas squasher. Needless to say, some years later, I do a covert sneaky run to the donate gift center for the unloved and they disappear into the night and are never seen again after the weepy blanket hoarders move on to other blankets.

    • @MinimalistHome
      @MinimalistHome  2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      I bet one day there will be an opportunity for a conversation. Maybe you can declutter the older blankets your daughter has given you…

    • @JaneH3675
      @JaneH3675 ปีที่แล้ว

      'Disappear into the night' Love it! 👍💕

  • @robyn-mareepenny2926
    @robyn-mareepenny2926 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Great video Robyn I really appreciate your explanation of the hand me down situation. Of late I have been been say no thankyou and a second offer has led to me getting snarky and anxious. You remind me that it's better to stay calm and not let emotions get involved. I just need to reaffirm that it's great but I have no need for it. Honestly I think I have made the problem worse by being worn down after repeated offers and just saying, " OK I'll take a look at it, just leave it there" People will keep trying but if I stay calm, they'll soon learn. 🤗

    • @MinimalistHome
      @MinimalistHome  2 ปีที่แล้ว

      Absolutely Ree, I love this! Great insights

  • @lesleyatcofo
    @lesleyatcofo 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    The only time I was about giving a gift and having the person getting rid of it was my sister. My sister is super hard to buy a gift for and I usually don't give her physical items. She was redecorating her office and I sent her a funny picture of Billy Crystal in cowboy gear from the movie City Slickers. (Side note. My sister had this funny super crush on Billy Crystal as a kid. She loved all of his movies too.) Anyway, it made me laugh so hard and I thought...this is perfect.
    Anyway, I didn't hear any acknowledgement of the gift after it was mailed. I checked in to make sure she got it. I was answered with a weird thanks...which I interpreted as she got rid of it... which was absolutely right. It was sort of hurtful. Anyway, I just learned to continue not giving my sister physical items.

    • @MinimalistHome
      @MinimalistHome  2 ปีที่แล้ว

      Awww, that’s a shame. It’s too bad she didn’t acknowledge the gift even before decluttering it! I think it would have been a great and heartfelt gift

  • @LadyGreyBlack
    @LadyGreyBlack ปีที่แล้ว +1

    My Mom is the worst-I have to wait until she is gone for at least a few hours before I load something up and get it out of my life. Then, I'm hit with the double-whammy of "Do you still have X?!".

  • @gayemarianesfox2405
    @gayemarianesfox2405 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Thank you for this video. There’s a lot of good advice here.

  • @tinastenfeldt936
    @tinastenfeldt936 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Super advice 👏

  • @amberneave2101
    @amberneave2101 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    12:35 into the video, seeing a professional about why we have trouble letting go of things, does that also apply to untidiness? I have no issues decluttering but I have a hard time organizing the stuff I keep (ie; my surfaces are always cluttered).

    • @MinimalistHome
      @MinimalistHome  2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Hey Amber, I think that if you feel like you need therapy, then that is a great choice. Perhaps you need to develop some good habits like hot spot cleans, etc.

  • @thebusybees2006
    @thebusybees2006 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    Thank you

  • @bloodsweatphilp4310
    @bloodsweatphilp4310 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    So, I live with my parents. When I started decluttering my bedroom, Mum wasn't so sure. She made me promise not to declutter the kitchen, I made it clear that eventually I will declutter my belongings in the kitchen. So, we came to a compromise. I've only just started, so I'm still decluttering my bedroom. After my second trip to the op shop, (charity shop), Mum looked in my room and exclaimed that it was looking very good. I told her its because I'm getting rid of things I don't have a space for. I'm hoping she might change her mind at some point & let me declutter other rooms. When I put 2 lunch boxes in the recycling, Mum took one out "don't get rid of something that's not broken' and my brother took the other lunch box (which is broken). It's frustrating, but they are not my responsibility any more.

    • @MinimalistHome
      @MinimalistHome  2 ปีที่แล้ว

      Good for you. You can’t control others, but you are making great changes for yourself!

  • @MK-lp4he
    @MK-lp4he 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    When parents are upset by your decluttering it may be that they are seeing you probably won’t keep everything they were planning on giving you. If they have kept an overwhelming amount of family items then you eventually taking them makes it seem worthwhile to them in the end. If you won’t take them it invalidates their choice to struggle with so many things which can seem upsetting. If struggling to care for too many items can be framed as caring about the family then the unwillingness to do so can be framed as not caring about the family.

    • @MinimalistHome
      @MinimalistHome  2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      Interesting. I agree! I think that is why a conversation sometimes needs to be had

  • @jodi9295
    @jodi9295 2 ปีที่แล้ว +4

    Every time we visit my husband's mom, she tells us about all the objects in her apartment and how important they are to her. She wants to make sure we keep them when she passes away because they were important to her grandmother or father. But they mean nothing to my husband. At least she isn't giving the items to us now. But she really is heaping on the guilt!

    • @curiouskitteh8215
      @curiouskitteh8215 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Oh that is rough!!!

    • @thebusybees2006
      @thebusybees2006 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      Does your husband have siblings that may want some of the family heirlooms?

    • @MinimalistHome
      @MinimalistHome  2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

      Oh goodness! Well, it will be easier to deal with when she's gone then.

    • @jodi9295
      @jodi9295 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      @@thebusybees2006 He has a sister who is a minimalist. lol! and another brother who may wind up with everything.

  • @jennyjenkins877
    @jennyjenkins877 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    That was a comprehensive video... very meaty... lots to sink my teeth into!

  • @victoriajohnson3034
    @victoriajohnson3034 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    My spouse literally asked me if i was sure about decision on every item on the scrap metal pile yesterday. I finally exploded. Problem solved. I explained that just because i wanted 10 years ago doesn't mean i want it now.

  • @EricBuelow
    @EricBuelow 2 ปีที่แล้ว +14

    Can we declutter guilt? Hehe

  • @christiS907
    @christiS907 2 ปีที่แล้ว +2

    What if your mother is the travel agent for guilt trips. Lol

    • @MinimalistHome
      @MinimalistHome  2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

      haha, then she needs to retire!!

    • @christiS907
      @christiS907 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      Bahaha. Yes.

    • @cs4849
      @cs4849 2 ปีที่แล้ว

      Some trips aren’t worth taking!

  • @sunnyshowers7007
    @sunnyshowers7007 2 ปีที่แล้ว +1

    You're talking DIRECTLY TO ME.