The Myths of Keeping Clothes You Don't Wear - Why you hold on... and why to let go!
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 29 มิ.ย. 2023
- Hello! I'm Kristen Cain. I'm a style and mindset coach.
Why is it so hard to let go of clothing you already own... and don't ever wear? It's a super common problem. Edit after edit, you continue holding onto wardrobe items that rarely make it out of your closet. Why? What happens in our minds that makes us think it's better to keep all the things than to edit out all that's not working? Let's explore that today!
Over 20 years in closets and fitting rooms has taught me that having incredible personal style starts with your THOUGHTS. Having thoughts that support the results you want to create with your style makes all the difference. A single limiting belief can prevent you from having (and wearing) a wardrobe you adore!
Share your thoughts! I always love reading your comments and really try to reply to every single one. Thanks for your patience with my response time. 💕
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Thank you for being here.
xx Kristen
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What helped me was to actually go out wearing pieces that I've been hoarding for years. You will soon know if you feel good in it or not as you may feel that its not as nice on as it was in your imagination. When you catch that glimpse of yourself in the mirror in public sometimes you can feel horrified. Some of my stuff was faded and scruffy but I didn't notice as I only wore it in the house.
Absolute truth!
Mum told me about this when I was young, but I still made that mistake myself on several occasions. The problem is, when we really like something, we wear it a lot and it wears out! But we don't notice.
It’s so hard when you don’t feel like you don’t like anything
When I have felt that way, it's because I have been unhappy with my BODY. If this is you, keep stuff which fits you and that you are comfy in, not stuff you can barely squeeze into/flop off of you. If there are things you don't fit into, but you really love, keep them, but packed away, NOT in your cupboard where you have to see them every day. Anything that itches, or irritates you, just get rid of. You won't miss it at all.
I once had a beautiful wool tweed jacket that I had sewn myself. When it was no longer stylish, I stopped wearing it thinking that it would "come back" some day. Well, it eventually "came back" (sort of). When I went up to the attic to retrieve it, I tried it on. It felt like a suit of armor. Although such a jacket had become stylish again, fabrics had changed and were much more lightweight while offering the same warmth. I was not as enamored of the old jacket as I thought I'd be. It was put on the giveaway pile. There's no resurrecting the past.
I keep clothes that I no longer fit into but want to! I keep them hoping that I am going to lose weight. I loved how I felt when I did wear them. The clothes I do wear, fit, but I don't like them. It's all causing me to hold on to all of it!!
Thanks for sharing. How do the clothes you're holding onto make you feel now? Are they inspiring you? Or making you feel crummy? Or is your feeling mainly neutral? If neutral, and you have the space... keep the clothes! If the feeling associated with those pieces feels dense and unpleasant... maybe consider letting them go and trust that new items could bring the same joy you once felt in those clothes. 💖
Of course, you can just keep the ones you love the most or ones too expensive to replace, and buy the rest new when you lose the weight.
I'm hearing you, sister!
Thank you for the permission, sometimes you need to keep hearing a message until it finally sinks in, you have definitely helped me let go of what is no longer serving me!
You're welcome! I completely agree. I'm often fascinated by how many times I need to hear the same message before I have an aha moment! Be proud of letting go!! 💕
Recently returning from a trip with a limited number of clothing pieces makes want to rethink what I currently have in my wardrobe and what I actually wear. I know the first order of decluttering is my underwear, then all those items that keep being pushed to the back of the closet. I love your videos! I feel like I've been to a therapist who makes me motivated to get my closets in order where I can love and enjoy what I own.
That is the highest compliment!! Thank you! My signature program is called Style Therapy for that very reason. It's all connected.
I feel the same way after a trip. It's so interesting how we thrive with a smaller wardrobe when we're away from our closet... and yet we often resist reducing the amount of clothing we own. I'm currently living with a much smaller capsule... and loving it!! Thank you for your comment and your support! 💖
I finally donated a Vintage handsewn black lamb's leather full length coat. I couldn't let it go because it was thrifted and an amazing bargain. Someone else will be thrilled to "find" it, I'm sure. It was gorgeous but I hadn't worn it in several years. In my minds eye, I can still see it but it physically gone now.
I understand completely!! I have also thrifted and released pieces that weren't being utilized and loved by me in hopes of someone else being thrilled to find them!!
Right now i have right under 100 clothing items for four seasons. Everything fits, everything looks nice and none of them are sentimental. I was going into a declutter day today, and after a few weeks watching lots of these kinda videos i ended up only giving up five more items, because i dont like them. The rest i really like and wear around the year. I figured to reach my goal; i will not buy anything new until i have used my clothes until unwearable and only when im down at 60 items i will start switching an item for a new when its time.
Naturally i cannot wear all my clothes all the time, but having them visible in my closet its easier to remember for me twitch up my fashion. I did store my winter clothes during the summer and oposite, but now i can fit it all and see it all in my closet, and i really like it! For around 7-8 years ago i probably had 3-400 items of clothing 😂 now its time my journey moves ahead a much much more mindful sense of living as a consumer.
Wow! I love this. It sounds like you've done lots of work to edit your wardrobe to a size that's manageable and effective for your life! Bravo!!
Such a great topic. My issue is “it’s perfectly fine.” But it is oh so freeing to have that space! I try to tap into that feeling and trust the universe that this release it is meant to be.
Exactly! I've also had to learn to quiet the voice that says, 'It's perfectly fine' and instead listen to the part of me that knows there's something better... even the empty space!!
I have black, red, leopard print, heavy polyesters, office wear, heels etc and I only enjoy wearing the pink, purple, green, gray, soft, cozy knit, average jane-ish, homebody and outdoorsy type of pieces. 😅 I definitely feel the disconnect.
Ooh, this! Seems like maybe it's time to explore your wardrobe and edit out what's no longer serving you? Good luck!
I have been going through my closet getting rid of clothes that I do not wear or never worn. I am a bit embarrassed by some of the impulse buys that I have done. I wasted money but I have learned from my mistake
I think you mentioned the most important part of the process... learning from our mistakes. When we decide to edit our wardrobes, we can learn so much from the pieces we rarely wore. That data allows us to make better choices moving forward. You've got this! 💕
Thank you Kristen, this was a great video! 💕
You are so welcome! Thank you!! 🌺
As a former fashion designer, My dificulty is looking at meu closet as a collection, and most of the clothes seem like a possibility of new look with what I already have. I must confess I have an attachment, as I haven’t had a closet like my friends in my teen fase.. and this has made me fear of “not having “ plenty in the future. I’ve been working on this subject since 2019 and have donated and sold tons already. But always looking for gems in Thrift stores, my closet is still too much. Thank you for this video ❤
Hi Marcia-
Thanks for you comment. I also deal with that fear of lack in the future. What if I need it one day? What if I should keep it just in case? Moving recently made it easier for me to let go of pieces I was saving and not loving or wearing. With limited space, the favorites quickly rose to the top! It sounds like you've been doing great work for the past few years. Keep at it and you'll land on 'plenty'. 🧡
Real thanks for your generosity and the valuable information you provide us that made a difference in my thinking and thus in my life❤
Thank you for your kind words.
My clothing aren't "pieces," it's just stuff that I am required to wear to look socially acceptable at jobs. The things I enjoy doing are dirty messy activities and I don't think about how I look if I am hiking or gardening or whatever it's only the awful office clothes that I have to wrap up my body as if I'm a present. I think I am going to throw away all my dresses, I am getting older and I just want to be comfortable.... how about when we AGE out of clothing... I don't know what my style is because I'm poor and I hate fashion. I can't afford it anyhow.
Hi Emma- Thanks for your comment. I feel sad after reading your words. I'd like to offer a few coaching questions in case that might be helpful... Would you 'hate fashion' if your financial situation were different? Would you feel the same way about clothing if you loved your job? Could you possibly choose (even from your existing wardrobe) a color or fabric you love and wear that for work? Or could you wear a color you love when hiking or working in the garden? Do you have any thrift stores near you? Or friends/neighbors who you could do a clothing swap with to bring in fresh clothes without spending any money? Sending love. 🫶
I’m retired & find myself putting on my same comfortable clothes daily bc I’m just mainly at home, either working in the yard or just doing basic stuff. I have some nice clothes from when I was a teacher (& have donated a lot as well), but my daily attire is sort of like kids’ clothing: mix & match knit comfy pants & t-shirts from WalMart or similar spots. Wear colors you like & enjoy being you!
@@vivianhudacek1556 - I love this! Thanks for sharing. The colors and comfort are key! 💕
@vivianhudacek1556 I love this. I'm recently retired, and have gained a lot of weight. I bought a lot of new, inexpensive stuff very recently. Comfy stuff in colours I like. I think it's time to let go of most of the things I've been hanging onto for 20+ years. Thanks for your comment.
Great video ❤
Thank you for your wonderful video. I will spend the next 15 minutes removing clothing items from my wardrobe I never wear. Hopefully I shall do this twice more and get some sort of order into my wardrobe plus plenty of empty space too
Wonderful! That makes me SO happy! Good luck with your edit and enjoy the new-found space! 💘 Thanks for your kind words.
Thank you so much for this video. I definitely needed to hear that. My biggest issue is one that you mentioned and it's that I don't want to contribute to more waste. I'm really afraid if I donate my clothes that they are going to end up in the dumpster... The thought of it just makes me feel really sad. I definitely struggle with that...
Thank you for your comment. You're not alone. I hear this from so many clients. I think the key is in beginning to reframe your thinking and take new actions moving forward. I'm going to use your comment as the topic for a future video. Stay tuned...
🧡
That colour jumper looks lovely on you.
Oh thank you! I'm really loving this blush shade right now. 💕
Really helpful video thank you appreciate your guidance 🙏 ❤
You are so welcome! I'm glad you found it helpful. 💖
♥️thank you for this
My pleasure. Thank you for watching. 💕
I have clothes in my closet that r too small since my daughter was in middle school…she is now 30…all this while I have not let myself buy clothes b/c being a size 12 is NOT acceptable…I was always a size 8-10 and then for the past 15 years a 12…how disgusting it feels to have a “plan” that is always the same…some FUTURE date when I can relax and like my size b/4 I can spend money ….insane I know and I want to thank u for kindly asking us to consider the real cost to you from a psychological perspective…clothes that don’t fit do not inspire! In fact, just the opposite…thanks for this and I will subscribe and like!
Hello, Lisa- Thank you for sharing and subscribing. Sending a hug to you! I completely understand the 'future date' when relaxing and happiness can be ours. We postpone our own joy until we meet certain circumstances. I hope my videos help you ease into a new way... celebrating yourself right now! You deserve to have clothing that fits your today body. 🥰
Thanks for this video
Most welcome. 💕
❤ the video
Thank you!
I have a piece seventeen years now,it's nice and looks vintage with lil frills.
This is awesome!!
Getting rid of clothing to women's refuges/shelters is wonderful if you can. Some of those women have left terrible situations with just the clothes on their backs. Nothing to apply for jobs in, or even to look decent to try and obtain housing.
I keep about 3 different sizes of clothing because my weight has fluctuated over the years. I keep them because buying clothes gives me anxiety. I have lipedema in my legs so just finding clothes for a disproportionate body is hard on top of this I’m 5ft tall so very short. Then my feet are extra wide so shoes are so hard to find. I used to go to Payless shoe source because they had wide width but they closed down so I hang on to all the shoes and some don’t fit from weight gain. I feel my anxiety is warranted. I also worry I may not be able to find clothes again. However I hate that my closet and every drawer is packed full of clothes/ shoes. Sometimes I hate to wash clothes because it’s so cramped getting them put away. Lately I’ve been thinking to pull it all out of the closet and make myself put on or try to put on every piece of it and if it doesn’t fit it must go! I haven’t gotten the courage yet to do it. I do agree hanging onto things affects mental health. This is my driving point for change. Thank you for this video it was helpful❤
Hello and thank you for your thoughtful comment. Given what you've shared, I can understand why shopping for new clothes creates lots of anxiety. I agree that a good closet clean-out could help with the feelings of frustration when trying to get dressed or put away laundry. Maybe start by removing the clothing that doesn't fit right now. Pack up those pieces for a future time. If your weight fluctuates daily or weekly, you could separate your wardrobe into categories based on fit for changes in your body so that all of the same size clothes are together and easy to find for that 'body'. If you can purge the definite 'no's, it could make the whole process of getting dressed feel better! 💖 And I miss Payless also!! I remember going there often with my kids and always finding something for me as well!!
I wish I could have you help me.. loved listening to your video
Thanks! I do work with women all over the world. My services are almost entirely virtual. Details are linked in the descriptions. Hopefully, my videos are helpful if working together doesn't fit for you. 💖
Ive watched HUNDREDS and this one spoke to me. This take on the declutter issie completely speaks to me.
1. The moral aspect 15:24 , keepi.g ktems be ause o domt know where it will end up.
2. The needing help vs DIY ( ive done both , but got help virtually which isnt the same )
3. Cost price.
4. Emotions when I bought in the first place.
5. Sell online vs mental health
6. I wear 10 % oft closet. I keep 150% for a dream person i hope to become.
7. It doesn't matter how much i have which is a lot, it's ok to let go, because life knows i feel so terrible about the account i get rid of so i get rid of items in trickle amounts.
8. Just over the holidays i spent a lot on new items, i panicked and bought a lot in Nordstrom rack.
9. It's taking so much mental and emotional space. I am really into Feng Shui. Qi, all about Qi.
I'm freezing the book ' Enough' by jessica rose williams. Really good.
And you! Thank you 😊❤
YOU'RE SPEAKING TO MY SOUL.
Hello, Lareina- Thank you so much for your comment. It's clear that you have so much awareness about your wardrobe and style. I loved reading your list! 💘
Kristen, are you also an artist? Are those paintings yours?
Thanks for the permission to let stuff go...I am still editing/culling my closet.
Happy 4th of July. 🇺🇸
I am not an artist. :-( I actually thrifted both paintings seen in my videos. I literally fell in love with them from across the room on two different outings. I will have them framed at some point. My dad painted a bit later in his life and I cherish the pieces I have from him.
The letting go is such a practice and a process. And thankfully, it gets easier the more we do it. Good luck! 🥰
It makes it more difficult to purge clothing when you live in an environment where the weather goes from sweltering hot, to freezing cold, from arid dry, to wet and rainy, such as the Northeast USA. You need coats, clothing and shoes for all the seasons. What to do? It's hard enough to purge one season, but 4?
Very true! I lived outside of Philadelphia for many years. Several different 'capsules' can be helpful and edit as each season changes.
Will you do a video on packing tips and outfit? Ideas for packing? Or do you have one already?
I have a really old one. I'm due to make a new one... just haven't travelled lately. I'll add it to my list of topics.Thanks!
I actually have a few... if you search 'packing' on my channel, you'll see them all. :-)
Freecycle
The 20% I wear aren’t the ones I love or that “light me up”. The ones that light me up are the ones I never wear. When I go to donate them I try them on and love them. Those clothes are how I want to dress, but don’t.
This is a super common struggle. What if you challenged yourself to wear 'those clothes' one day a week. I follow an account on IG (Cheryl / @_ifitstuesday_ ) and she gets really dressed at least every Tuesday. Then you might begin to shift from the 20% that doesn't light you up. Good luck! 💘
I am excited to get going HUGE HUGZ. perfect timing. thank you