Transracial Identity | Unpacked with Relebogile Mabotja - Episode 1 | Season 1
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 16 ก.ย. 2024
- She was brought into an Afrikaans family as a baby and raised as an Afrikaner. Even though she was born as a black person, she identifies herself as a white person. Mari Molefe van Heerdan unpacks her story.
#UnpackedWithRelebogile
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Host:
Relebogile Mabotja
Studio Guest: Mari Molefe Van Heerden
Video Call Guest: Kobus Van Heerden and Klaasie van Heerden
Production:
Executive Producers:
Kgothatso Legwale (KG)
Relebogile Mabotja
Content Producers:
Clive Moagi
Zoliswa King
Social Media / PA:
Obakeng Mogafe
Camera Crew:
Series Director:
Thabiso Mofokeng
Camera Operator:
Katleho Tsotetsi
Sound Operator:
Tumi Sekudu
Art Director:
David Arends
Set Dresser:
Edgar Moyo
Make-up Artists:
Merlene Williams
Lesego Tloubatla
Production Driver:
Masene Mogoai Worx
Office Assistant:
Phathisiwe Mkweli
Post Production:
Graphics:
Not A Sausage
Editors:
Pixel Culture
Post Production / DIT:
Tumelo Kgongwana
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My favorite person in this interview is Kobus, his intelligence and genuineness came through. I think he proved that people are wrong when they think it is the family that made her reject her race. It might be her underlying issues with her biologically family, but she would only be able to identify and work on it if she goes to therapy. But Kobus was such a breath of air during this interview, even the host could feel it.
Yes Therapy 👍
The white family are racist.
You have said it all....its family background and stubbornness is adding on top of that....there's a looooot of black who don't speak they're home languages but they see themselves as black bcz they are black...she really needs help what an embarrassment
I think it is a huge blessing to be adopted into any loving family. There is waaaay to much emphasis on race in SA. It is time we see people as human beings, which is far more than skin colour.
It’s honestly okay if she believes she’s white however her perspective on black people and culture is quite offensive. Mari needs a lot of healing and acceptance 🥲. Great interview Relebogile and the family is so loving and open minded.
I agree with you...she is broken, if I may say that. She would not even date someone who has the same upbringing as hers. I find that interesting! There is a LOT of white people, I means in terms of skin colour, culture etc., who does not think the same way she does...that goes to show that there is something that was not dealt with. My Swedish girlfriend does not have the same ideas she has, people here in Sweden are not like that...as a black person I, I find it weird, I won't say offensive because I already think that she is broken...you can be whoever you are (without creating confusion within yourself) and many people accept that and love that!
The love her family gave her is beautiful, but I am afraid she got it twisted! I wonder if she loves the skin she in!
Offensive and racist
Her comments are offensive, she was like ‘I don’t even know how to eat with my hands….’ , do all blacks eat with their hands?
It’s either she doesn’t have tact or she is ignorant.
Its a reflection of the parents who raised her and the home environment. Toxic
Thank you for sharing your perspective. Healing and acceptance are indeed crucial, and I'm glad we could shed light on this important journey. Let's continue fostering understanding and empathy together.
The presenter is very professional and empathetic, and shows true interest... She makes the guest feel so comfortable
Wow Relebogile is so gifted , such maturity mama
Thank you!
Can't believe this is the same lady on radio....such a cool unpacked interview...loved it and showing context
Very impressive and insightful interview. Brilliant Kelebogile. What a story, what a family. Big ups to the family and Kelebogile 🙏
Her interview skills are so impeccable
Her questions are so well thought out
A brilliant interview
I went to University with Mari and definitely think this was a short interview to get to fully understand her. I have a lot of empathy for her but also recognise the survivor she is. By the way she has matured a lot and found growth in expressing who she is. In University she had more stricter and inflexible ways of defining who she was. Let’s learn to love and not judge guys.
I totally agree with you, I think we have become too judgemental, intolerant and in some way chauvinistic.
Daffodils from the hair salon? Hey 😊👋
We are not judging ...My concern is how many more like her are being produced out there...ai ai
@@joycemasusu9890 I don't understand what th problem is. Hayi kabi, but how are u affected by her identifying as a white person and her speaking Afrikaans? Curious
@@kzeetha I agree with you. My take is 'first dibs to the one who took on the responsibility for her life and safety'. That person gets to determine how she identifies herself.
As a person who studied journalism I think the interviewer did an excellent job. Her questions were intelligent and on point. Bravo!!!
She's remarkable
This interview actually gave me an insight on how journalists have to tread some sensitive terrains and still remain ‘____correct’. I agree, she did well!
she's good ! naturally
Thank you for your kind words and support! I appreciate it. ❤ Don't forget to subscribe if you haven't already!
When the dad spoke, i started crying .... wow the Love of God is tangible 😢😢😢😢
Mee too 😢
Me too!
me too!!! This man really loves his daughter... so beautiful!
For real 😢
The father's words truly touched many hearts, highlighting the power of love and faith. It's a testament to the strength of familial bonds and the presence of divine love.
Unpacked is the best thing I've come across on TH-cam 😍😍😍😭😭 I'm so invested. Relebogile you're definitely a powerhouse, I've never seen an interviewer like you. ❤️❤️ Not even Oprah can!!
Dunny you are talking the Queens English 👌🏽👌🏽👌🏽❤️❤️❤️
Mutual feeling, she is amazing.she is the best of the best
She is definitely good but Oprah is in a league of her own.
Guys ,let's not get ahead of ourselves , Relebogile is good but not like Oprah Winfrey bathong .
Nah there's nothing special about Oprah.. She just stands out because she's the first black woman who done talk shows. Rele content is amazing, I don't miss an episode.. Alot of Oprahs topics were surface level
When the father said "its always good to be part of anything my children do" it melted my heart ❤️
Lmaoooo dad's excitement is so endearing
When Mari said "who decides what you're missing out on"!!!!!!!
It's heartwarming to witness such unconditional love and support within families. Moments like these truly remind us of the beauty of connection and togetherness.
I understood her but she lost me when she said she cant date a black man with an identical up bringing as her, she will see him as black but see her self as white. That just threw me off. She had a different upbringing but her feelings and thoughts about black people, she is definitely being racist.
That may be the case but can we grant her the space to feel what she feels .we cannot invalidate her feelings because we don't understand and rightly so because we did not walk in her shoes.If one can grasp the hurt and rejection she endured perhaps we are able to hold a space for her in the universe.I believe life is a teacher and we should let her walk her journey and it's very scary because I wonder what would happen to her when there's heartbreak with her boyfriend I feel like she won't be capable of looking at life as it is because her filter is through rejection ,hurt and prejudice.I hope and pray that she can get through thise issues so that she can see life through clear lenses then things will be easier to navigate
Anti blackness
@@thembisaodendaal don’t make up excuses for this lady, yall always try to be nice and compassionate kodwa izinto ziyamosheka.
She should have just said she prefers to date white men or whatever race she prefers...her explanation was nonsensical.
It’s strange how she can identify with the black boyfriend’s skin color and race yet she is totally blind when it comes to her...we need a psychiatrist ASAP here.
Lebo is an interviewer with no psychiatric background so she is more accepting...a psychiatrist would have picked up so many red flags and contradictions in this interview.
There are many black Woman raised by a black family and prefer to date other races indian, asian or white...it’s nothing new or special.
Even her understanding of Lobola was poor shame...
@@joycemasusu9890 I find anger not to work and compassion never fails
I think she has been Very Well Raised. At her age I think it is natural for her to admit that she Is an African person, but she denies the truth, she is in self denial, she wishes to be in wonderland but that doesn't exist. She is on her way to reality, Real life Is The TRUTH. we all have different lifestyles that mixes with other races but it doesn't make us to deny who we are. It's normal she might be affected by the fact that her parents rejected her, But that doesn't change her colour. What is her answer when she is asked what colour is she, this is different from how she has been raised up as. There is nothing to give in to her denials, if she was 8 years old I would understand. She is on her way to reality. Also it was nasty to hear her say she wouldn't date or marry a 'Black man', that was NOT Nice and l hope that GOD Will OPEN her eyes one day, I look forward to hear her Apologise to AFRICA. That is Not how to become a celebrity, NO! I actually think that she will actually end up with a BLACK man in her life. I am not sure even if she is ready for any marriage, there are issues within her
She needs Serious Counseling. She NEEDS intensive Zulu, xhosa and Sitswana classes... Ubuntu ubuntu ngabantu!...= 1 lesson. Let us Pray for this woman. We are not saying we want her back to her biological parents, that only Is for GOD. We Thank GOD For her parents for raising her with so much LOVE. GOD Bless her Brothers for loving her so much.
It's amazing how Relebogile managed to conduct this interview without any judgement.
While asking uncomfortable questions. She’s amazing
Amen 🙌🏽
She always do..hat off for her.
I'm grateful for your observation. Conducting interviews with empathy and without judgment is essential to creating a safe and inclusive space for dialogue. Let's continue fostering meaningful conversations together.
I think race and ethnicity are two different things. Racially she's Black ethnically she's Afrikaans, that's her culture.
True dear and people are angry because she doesn't identify as black, of course she only knows Afrikaans culture.
Well said!
That's very true.
Agreed.
I dont agree with you ethnicity refers to your race,religion,language,cultural,country, everything that divides people really.
Saw this as a clip on twitter and reserved my comment because I felt I needed context. It's clear that it was not a conscious decision for her to identify as white, it simply resulted because of how she was raised. This was a very insightful chat indeed and should I meet someone with a similar background to her I feel I am more equipped to interact with them because of this show. Subscribed!
Great conversation ladies. Thank you.
We learn about colours from a very early age, mothers know that. Yeah she needs HELP, anyone to get her to learn her roots languages intensively. GOD BLESS her adoptive parents with a long life to see Mari's children's children and of cause all their children. GREAT JOB Leb! Please keep up with Mari, Needs HELP!
Life changing stuff.
Very wise I must say....
At least Mugli was happy to get back to his people, he was Amazed and loved it.
She is needs so much healing. Her anger and hate towards her biological parents is heartbreaking.
Also she is black. She kept the Molefe surname for a reason!
Whether she is van trump or van abraham... SHE IS BLACK.
@@sindiswamnyanda8216 van Trump 😄
@@sindiswamnyanda8216 Van Abraham lol
She is fine, her parents are toxic. They never cared about her until she made money. Yes she needs have a relationship of some kind but it's her choice.
I'm not sure how I feel about all this......
She doesn’t see it yet but if she starts dealing with the issues she has with her biological parents she would solve half of her identity issues.
You might also have your own issues to deal with to get to a point where you are free to let others live their own lives.
You are obviously commenting from a place of defensiveness so I’ll let you interpret what I wrote however you see fit.
@@irenemosasejake89 I thought that too at 15:40!! It’s like she could have been open to learning more of her black culture and still identify as white if she didn’t hate her biological parents.
I hope she finds healing and peace.
The biological parents are donors her real parents are white that's it.
For people without racial prejudice - race does not define identity except in the most superficial way.
Relebogile is a top notch interviewer, Wow, what a powerhouse! Marie and her family is so beautiful, may God bless you all abundantly
She is indeed👌de way she asks is jst out of dis world🔥👊
She's amazing💕
Amazing I loooove her interview skills👌
Leandra can you adopt me please 🙏🏿
She's a great interviewer indeed.
I am white and have a 13 year old black daughter who also identifies as white, this interview has shed a light on so much. Thank you Mari and Lebo
Please expose her to black culture. Something as simple as play dates with black kids will change her life.
Have you ever seen a white person who identifies as black? honest question.
She's still young, it makes sense. This woman is grown enough to know better.
Huu, tricky things in the world, I tell you.
I feel like that is 1 thing adoptive parents can learn from Angelina Jolie, take the time to let the kids learn about their roots, birthplace, culture and language. It can become an identity disassociation issue also.
Can we congratulate them for choosing to adopt her in the first place?
we raise our kids differently
Not everyone is Angelica Jolie,I don't think they even know her
@@joycemasusu9890 are you a parent?
@@joycemasusu9890 sorry you're so triggered babes, the reason I was asking if you're parent... Comes from the knowledge that being a parent is a very tough, challenging and self-less commitment for most parents. Armed with this knowledge, I am in awe of any person who can foster, adopt or raise a child that's not biological theirs. Sending you all the love and light 💙🤍💙🤍
The one thing I'm truly grateful for is my mom was always present I learned my Xhosa culture whilst being raised by my white family had the best of both worlds.
And that's exactly where her grandmother failed her
@@tshepishochuene1280 Yes one can also look at it at another perspective perhaps to her it was the best decision for her granddaughter. For example my mom gave me a Xhosa name but she didn't add it on my birth certificate because in her mind she thought it would hinder me from getting a job. Thankfully I'm adding my Xhosa name soon. My point is my mom had good intentions and so I think her grandmother had good intentions but also she didn't want anything to do with her culture because of the rejection she had experienced. Which I can sort of relate perhaps not in such a deep level but when I was rejected by school kids who were my skin colour cause I wasn't acting black enough it messes up with you as a kid so her rejection is deep with her own parents those are deeper wounds.
@@mandyphillips7594 did your adoptive parent actively participate in teaching you your culture and about yourself as a black child? Like she says her own parents didn't even know how to do her hair, so they never learnt, why adopt a black child if your going to erase an entire part of who they are. I am wondering if your experience would be the same as hers if your mother wasn't around.
@@rosalialekganyane76 oh yes they played a great role in me learning my culture, my mom wasn't always there even though I lived with my mom she really wasn't there so I was closer to my adoptive mother so she kept on pressuring my mother to spend more time with me and take me to Eastern Cape to my family and be surrounded with my family. Eish but my hair was an issue as I said my mom was not really active so she didn't really bother taking care of me well as a mother is meant to so that meant my hair was always a mess so my adoptive mother used to shave my hair until I reached a certain age then my adoptive mom would take me to a salon eKasi every month she would do that. When she applied for me to attend primary school in a local school the primary school rejected me cause I was black 😒 but my adopted mom fought the system until I was accepted she is such a fearless woman truly.
@@tshepishochuene1280 her grandma didn’t fail her at all. Not even 1%. She made a decision that resulted in her grandchild having a much better life. She was dying before her gran stepped up
Relebogile is a REALLY great interviewer/conversationalist.
She is amazing. I'm listening to all the episodes now because of her. She makes her guests open up and feel comfortable to be honest.
She’s brilliant
Every interview slaps💥🙈
Your words means a lot and are encouraging. I appreciate it and will make more inspiring content! Subscribe and stay tuned!
After watching the whole interview I now understand why she said what she said. I pray for her and everyone out there that’s been abandoned by their own and then resurface later in life wanting money. She explained it so well that she doesn’t miss anything in life because she HAD parents. Love for you Mari ❤️
Love the way you posed your questions Relebogile. Mari girl, your feelings are valid , it’s very normal to identify with the people who raised you . I am happy you found the love and family you needed . Sometimes that’s all that’s important.
Right I feel the same. Identify is not just race but your family and for the fact that the family loved her. Love and family bis home and that is identity enough. And most girls marry a man like their dad. So for her daring only white guys makes sense.
I have never been this speechless on the face of the earth. Marie story is beautiful yet extremely painful. The multilayeredness nature or her pain and trauma topped with an identity crisis. I hope she finds healing. Much loves sis Marie❤
I don't even think I can finish watching.....I feel such pain and empathy for her, Shem. She'll be alright, I know this because she's not combative about her life story and who "she is". She's open about her truth, and I envy her courage. Bless her.
Guys this person is perfect the way she is. This is her truth and none of us have the right to judge.. This is who she is there is nothing shocking about this
there is nothing shocking about her story.
@@loveyours4685 i honestly feel that instead she shows a strong exterior even though she speaks she is really hoping to be understood só she can accept herself
@@lithamandonda9509 true 🌸
You are awesome and I agree 100percent where do we get off trying to dictate what is right or not
@@thembisaodendaal we need to accept ourselves first before we project opinions. Once we have accepted ourselves it becomes very difficult to have an opinion on anybody because you finally realise that everybody has a story and the difficult you thought was difficult is actually nothing because our wars are spiritual, psychological, physical, sexual, mental we all struggle
Love how the interviewer listens and doesn't interrupt her guests
It’s so interesting how interracial adoption can look so similar and yet be so different in experience. I see parts of myself in Mari & I truly wish her the healing and acceptance that she and all of us deserve on our journeys 🤍 Thank you for sharing your story and Sis Relebogile, your compassion, willingness to understand and curiosity for the heartfelt truth is something to behold! I’m a new subbie for sure!!
Thank you for your kind words and sub!
As trans-racial adopters her parents had a responsibility to teach her how to navigate life as a black woman on a racial level regardless of the fact that ethnically she grew up Afrikaans. They sheltered her instead of giving her the necessary tools to embrace her racial identity. Them also putting her in all white schools had a detrimental effect on her psyche. Even putting her in all black schools wouldn't have worked. It would've resulted in her code switching (toning down her Afrikaansness) just to fit in. A multiracial school would've worked best. She would've been able to interact with kids from different ethnic and racial backgrounds and she would've learnt that her race doesn't negate her ethnic background. That it doesn't have to be one or the other. She would know she can exist as both black and Afrikaans. Black = Race and Afrikaans = Ethnicity. She wouldn't associate her trauma of rejection with her race. She'd be able to see her parents as people who had their own struggles , who made mistakes instead of associating their race and ethnicity with the fact that they rejected her. She would really realise that them not being able to take care of her has nothing to with them being Tswana or black but everything to do with who they are as people. Her adoptive parents kind of put their heads in the sand when it comes to this.
I agree with you in our era. Her parents raised her the best way they know how. In the Era they adopted her I don't think multiracial were as many as now or to even let's her associate with black people in that Era. I am not turning a blind eye on the bravery of her parents to adopt her during those times, they must have had their share of struggles themselves. And for biological parents to keep on want money instead trying to build a relationship with her, I truly feel for her.
Her father spoke so beautifully, we need more people like him in this country. None of the people around them adopted any black child during that error but they did not knowing what the future hold but they saw a baby that needed their love and they gave it to her.
Race issues aside, Marie is loved at home. And if nothing else makes sense, the love is crystal clear and she should just focus on that ❤️. She has a solid foundation of love and acceptance. Thina with our insistence on not understanding her and wanting her to heal should go heal our own damn hearts which struggle to accept the diversity.
Read so many comments and so many opinions only to find out this is the only comment I needed to read. Thank you. Officially signing out from this gem intake
You hit the nail on the head! That’s it all
This🙌❤
This is the comment. Enye nenye asingeni ndawo! The child was/is loved qha!
So true, and most people have a problem with the fact that she says she can't date a black person, but many people will say I will never date a short or fat person and we are fine with that form of discrimination but when it's colour one is called racesist which I find unfair.
This show does what it says - Unpacks. Well done Lebo.
Thank you for watching and for your support! It means a lot!
Love Kobus's sense of Ubuntu. He's a realist and such a breath of fresh air.
Fantastic interview. Nothing beats the power of love
It seems she has a lot of healing to do. But, she comes from a wonderful family and I applaud them for providing her a loving home.
The interviewer is ON POINT btw.
Listening to her dad highlights how they did the best with what they knew at the time and what they had. As gogo said Mari was a gift and God had tasked them as a family to take care of her. Now they all know better and differently and that will ensure future generations don't experience what Mari did. God bless you Gogo, Tannie and Oupa ❤️❤️
I’m trying to keep an open mind and sympathise with her kodwa hayi sana some of the things she said are mind boggling.
Like I am white ....wow.
Absolutely disgusted by it😑
What matters for me is that she had a better chance at life to succeed. She got all the love and support she needed..
Anything else haywethu mpaa.
I used to think so as well....but the question who are u and what do u identify with is so poignant for anyone inner peace
It's all in our definition of success if for you success is material then I understand why you feel being given the best chance of success is what matters than inner peace
I understand her fully and respect her journey. I will leave it at that.
But imagine meeting a black person saying their white, like come on, us as black Africans we have been through a lot so it'll be hard for me to accept it coz it's like their not proud being black
She wasn't abandoned by the way, but after all abandoned or not it's important to know your roots. She isn't the first person to go through this....she was asked that if she should could meet someone of her similar situation would she date them... she's like no, what's that? Her parents were poor that's why she ended up with this family, they couldn't afford to provide for her as they should've
The brother has a good head on his shoulders. "You are part of us, but you need to know who you are."
Solid big brother advise.
Let's just be honest with her dear.She has self hate Full stop if she had it her way she could eliminate everyone who looks like her." they would have been happy if I brought a white guy".Wanting them to be racist yet he openly said he didn't mind if she brought anyone.Many white ladies date black guys and vice versa.whats so special about her
Absolutely, the brother's advice reflects a strong sense of wisdom and understanding. It's essential to embrace our identity while also acknowledging the complexities of our upbringing. His guidance is truly valuable.
I understand here story, but I think it would be better if she identified herself through her culture as Afrikaaner not race (white). But then I might be wrong.
Ur right.
This pretty much should be the case
You're absolutely right. Her race is black, her culture is Afrikaans. She is a black girl who was raised in an Afrikaans culture.
We need to keep in mind that race is a social construction... designed by people and cultural norms. Race is a something that does not exist, this show is a learning curve for me. We are just who we are, souls.
Agree
I tried to listen with an open mind. Tried to relate by drawing from my own experience of having been in a 1st languange Afrikaans school since pre democracy and having been partially raised by my biracial Afrikaans speaking grand mother... but several things she said just didn't make sense to me and cringed once or twice.
The interview was handled very well and without judgment.
Can i take you out for Lunch?
I can't get over how she said she'll never date a black guy...then went on to say she's obviously not racist...ei
I don’t know if her saying she’ll never date a black man makes her racist. I know several black women who identify as black. Yet have chosen to not date black men after having dated them
Ye... Carefully said responses. Think the bigger audience. Theres more to the story. There is that tortured soul vibe, theres some healing to be done here.
Life is beautiful and interesting. I like the way we experienced the interview differently and that's the beauty for me
I like how her eyes light-up when her dad appeared on the screen. So much love right there.
Clearly she has so much admiration for her adoptive parents.
Ooh you and your wife didn't make any mistake. In my eyes, you did a superb job in raising a child that us not yours, mostly risking being an outcast due to racist around you. Well-done Oom
I agree with the interviewer, healing is needed. And learning the difference between race and culture ❤️
So true...There’s a vast difference between culture and race.
I wander with all her education she cannot recognize that still
The look she gave Oom Klasie is of pure love, daughter daddy love! Big ups to this family.
lol Please please please...let's not be hypocrites. If she was born black and feels white inside and wants to identify as a white woman...why is it an issue? Society says it's okay for someone who was born a man to feel like a woman and identify as one(and vice versa)..or? So how come this lady has "identity issues" and the latter has rights? Can someone please tell me where the limits are and who gets to set them? Please note that I ask this with an open mind to learn. Thank you. God bless you all.
Exactly!
I was totally accepting and ok with her identifying white.one could see that her adoptive family are totally open and encourage her to connect with her original family and Marie is the one who chooses not to have a relationship with them which I support.I could detect some judgement from the interviewer how she thought Marie was missing out because she did not want a connection with her family.I felt it was judgemental and unkind of her ofcourse she was careful not spell out her judgement but it was as clear as daylight because she kept on labouring the fact that she could not imagine because she was so close to her family and I kept on thinking but that's your script not Marie
No one is talking about how sick that original family is because now they want her back only for Marie to take care of them.I can see why shes rebellious against them nobody likes to be used.They abandoned her and yes blah blah blah so now Marie must vibrate on a higher frequency and treat them kindly and I agree but when she's ready if she'll ever be ready.Yes God was good to her to have crossed the path of this Van Heerden family but it does not mean she had a charmed life as clearly she experienced and still is experiencing difficulties with life.Im sure shes been offered therapy and I sincerely wish for her to get closure and inner peace whatever it means for her and if she chooses not to connect with the Molefes it might be the best thing because people who have no clue how abusive our black families are will never understand.
Marie I say make your own rules because you are the one who has to bear consequences of your life
I agree completely, I absolutely appreciate Relebogile' questions. She definitely cleared out the prejudices that I also had. I absolutely agree with you Siviwe. And I wish her well, she can feel how she wants, and it should not be limited to gender.
Even if she felt white, she could never pass....even if she bleeched her skin or went through cosmetic surgery....she will never pass as white
Her saying she identifies as white is as ridiculous as a man saying he identifies as a woman. Society has just normalized nonsense
Finally someone who was raised the same way I was someone who understands!! I get this it wasn't easy in terms of fitting in no one gets you in school. Thank you for this interview
"I was never taught to be black", " I am a white person" " i don't know their culture", " i don't speak or understand THEIR language" "i was never taught to use my hands to eat", " i date people like myself "white", i don't date black guys, even if they were raised like i was", GOOD LORD!!! I am south african, grew up basically going to white schools, living in white neighborhoods, playing mainly with white kids....we moved to the USA around the time she was adopted into the white family.... I'm around her age now, im engaged to a white guy, but I've went out with black guys because i wanted an opportunity to differentiate, and experience different loves, i wanted to be a part of my culture, i wanted to know my people, we went to african events, listen to african music, we cook and eat african foods, i respect and love my heritage. My partner had to know and understand that i am a black african woman first, and an american second, when you set foot in my parents home you are in africa. If you love me youll have to understand this, you'll learn my culture, try our food, and know and call me by my african name. I may not be fluent in sesotho, or read it or write it well, but i will die trying!!! I've lived with a white family in transition to attaining a US citizenship, but i never accidentally forgot that i was black or forgotten my language, i taught them my language and cooked them the foods my grandmother and my mom cooked for me and they loved it!!! My white brother and sister had a blast, but for one second i have never and never will pretend to forget who i am and where i am from!!!! This girl is a trip, she hates everything that has to do with her skin color, her heritage, her family and everything about herself. If your adoptive dad is even trying to speak your mother tongue and seems to be proud of it, and yet she cant acknowledge that thats her language....thats so wrong on so many levels. For goodness sake she 34/5? Shes too proud. And i feel hurt for her, its not cute. I trie to fly home to south africa every year, yes my fellow black south africans can be very judgemental especially when you're black and having difficulty communicating with them due to language barriers, but at the same time she doesn't seem to try to want to learn and she appears to downgrade other blacks with her ignorance, so of course they'll give you a piece of their one two threes, lol. She seems to treat the blacks the way old skool afrikaaner boers treated blacks then. I'm trying to really emphasize with her and understand her, but she's very very ignorant, and childish. Aaaai man!!! Once she realizes that she's wasting her time with this nonsense.....my boyfriend doesn't see me as black bull****!!! Only if she knew her boyfriend introduces her as her black girlfriend, all his friends know shes a black girl. Lol hai ban!!! The nerve she got!!!! She's 35yrs old!!!!! Nigga please. Find a seat to the far left and have a seat. Tjo!!!!
Her outlook saddens me for herself. She is so uncomfortable in her own skin & othering herself. She feels white people are superior so she adjacent her to whiteness & denies her blackness. I blame the parents who raised her. They raised her to deny her blackness while she that is who she is.
So sad really, identity crisis on steroids💔
She's wounded bantu, let's forgive her, its true her culture is white, hence she identifies as such. So she a white inclined black woman .
Very rascist comments in a black jacket
Honestly I also feel that she's racist
I just want to hug her and tell her that it is okay to hurt and start healing from feeling abandoned. As an adoptive mom, I hurt for her and get that Oom wants to protect her. However, I hope that she finds peace because she deserves it so that she has a much more peaceful life. I pray that when my daughter comes of age she can honour her birth parents for giving her the gift of life and not dismiss them. I make sure that I speak positively about her in our home. I truly pray for her.
I wish to apologize for my initial reaction when I saw carefully edited clips making rounds on the internet. I was very furious when she said she identify as white in those edited clips on tik Tok and FB. But now I have watched the interview. I want to say Thank you for sharing your story with us. We love you and you may continue to find healing. You absolutely amazing
Love the way she said, “stop harassing me, I’m not giving you money”. That is being truly honest, takes courage. Her biological parents should be ashamed to only want to connect when she’s famous and want money. Would they have wanted same if she was just an ordinary person without fame.
I'm possibly the only person who is just here for the story. Everything else; each to their OWN life.💃🏾
So it can apply to Afrikaaners as well. To each their OWN life?
@@siboniso4420 that's a very good question. Where do we draw the line
I'm black and I've never learned to eat with my hands.
I don't know what she's talking about.
She must differentiate between race and culture.
She's not white She's Afrikaans.
You would think with all her education, she'd know that.
She's from a wonderful family btw.
So so true. I think she could not articulate that because it is really more about she is Afrikaans and relates to white people more but she cannot be White. Anyway there’s a not white person only variations of pale. 🙈😂
True because Indians eat with hands and they are not black
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
She's not even Afrikaans, she's black , she can speak Afrikaans yes
@@hlogiledwaba9669 one can be both black and Afrikaans. One is race and the other is culture. She is raised Afrikaans and born Tswana. She's a black Afrikaans born Tswana lady.
Adoption is so complex, interacial or not. Adoption has so many layers. For the adoptive family, the adoptee and the birth family. I think adoption is a topic that needs to be discussed in more in depth. It's brave of Marie to be so vulnerable. As people we often don't want to listen or hear the perspective of the adoptee. But I can only imagine how conflicted she must feel as person. Thank you for highlighting this topic Lebo!
I've always been so judgemental to such but this story really opened my eyes. 😢
This show is here for a reason. To show us that we are different and we should respect our differences. Amen
Your support means a lot! Looking forward to seeing you here often. Don't forget to subscribe if you haven't already!
Relebogile, I admire how your mind works. Your questions are so thought provoking and so engaging.
That's sweet! Thank you! Your support means a lot. Don't forget to subscribe if you haven't already!
"from us the got the opportunities but who she is , she got from her family..." i just love the way Boeta Kobus puts it
Trust me this show is going to be fireee
Thanks for your support!
I honestly don’t want to judge, I think she has a lot of healing but who doesn’t. Nobody comes out of this life unscathed, people hurt us and we form opinions about them (rightfully or not). The adoptive parents did the best they could with the information they had at the time. Parenting is hard.
OMG. The adoptive parents of this lady did an excellent selfless job and as far as they are concerned any external issues were not material enough to be raised. She was brought up perfectly. I am not judging but I cannot understand why with such a perfect upbringing; this lady could not explore her nativity better. Baraka Obama searched and got to know all his Kenyan relatives and he speaks a smattering of Luo and Swahili
It's so difficult not to judge 😪😕😞😫
@@jimkasule4209 It’s possible she’s still dealing with some abandonment issues from her black parents so she chose to subconsciously reject everything about being black. I’m still scared of water from a near drowning incident that happened when I was 5 - other people go on to become divers 😄. We need to give her a bit of grace, this interview might be the very thing to spark her curiosity (or not).
@@g07t3522
Extremely good observation and point. The brain is a very complicated organ.It can shut off anything that has given you extreme pain. The interview might be the therapy to research the Whys, Whats, Whens, Whens and Hows. She is already a very smart lady and once she starts asking those crucial questions. She will elevate herself even higher.
This is exactly why adoption requires vetting. This family did what they knew best. But unfortunately because of the lack of mandatory culture implementation. This Black Woman sits conflicted, despises her own race, customs, traditions and isn't interested in connecting. This will filter into her offspring. Indentity is so important to self-esteem and confidence. Really sad. GREAT INTERVIEWER YOU DESERVE A TV SHOW FOR REAL!!
I really don’t see one thing wrong with her. We can’t force every black person who want to be black. Hayi never that, just because we identify as black doesn’t mean she has to do the same
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All that matters is that she was raised in a loving family
My only problem with her is she associates her pain pre-adoption with race. She can not seem to accept that her parents were just bad parents & it has got nothing to do with color. I had amazing black parents. She sounds lowkey racist which is weird to say.
She needs to heal.
She said she’s ‘obviously not racist’ she just feels like she’s white and dating a black person will go against that feeling.
She us definitely not racist, but she associates with white people because of her upbringing. Absolutely nothing wrong, it's how she feels
I guess we all still have alot to learn because what I found disturbing with your words is that you say your problem with her perhaps I'm just too analytical as maybe if you put it as you struggle with what she said not to the extent of having a gripe with her.This is her life and her experience and all she needs is love and compassion not more judgement I feel like she got plenty of that in her life and bless you for having had perfect parents and perhaps you should then be in a position of openness and compassion.If we honestly want Marie to come back to her own I feel like we should be welcoming ,open minded and embracing then maybe she'll see something interesting
I agree and people agreeing with her clearly aren't hat informed when it comes to these identity issues. It's self hate on her part, let's call a spade a spade but at the same time given her upbringing and absence of her biological parents it's understandable why she has this self hate. She can identify with being white without belittling and insulting black people. Justifying her dislike for black people is embarrassing
@@thembisaodendaal we can support without justifying some of the problematic behaviours she exhibits. If she has no association with black people or relate to them why then does she have such negative opinions about a community she knows little about. If a white person was saying all this you people wouldn't be defending her this much
The father really adores her, she is his lil girl.
Ehhhh....you cant be serious.
The father-daughter bond is truly special and heartening to witness. Their love shines through, reflecting the beauty of familial connections.
Love the professionalism of the presenter. Mari there’s nothing wrong with being black.
The way the Dad spoke about this whole thing made me tear up. It takes a very special person to raise a child that's not theirs. Especially an Afrikaner family to raise a black child in that era. Yoh!
This Van Heerden family is so lovely 😍❤ I love the father. The presenter did a brilliant job..well done K!
I respect her story. I was not able to align to her not being able to date a black guy that grew up similarly to her. I found it discriminatory to a level and I'm unable to reconcile but this is teaching us something.
True, it's purely discrimination. Even not relating with his brother (the innocent soul) that's bad, and if you hear her white family they hope and wish she can relate with both so that she can have clear and defined belonging as she has alluded to the fact that her insecurity is partly of unknown identity (not white or black enough). She's fortunate to have been taken by a loving family, and i want to believe they instilled love principles to her, unless our assumption of love about the family is incorrect. Wrong and wrong doesn't yield right like the scientific world teaches, she needs time to think absorb and digest about her biological parents, and try to give room to them, and forget about the money, she can keep her money and try to open her heart to the biological family for her benefit (healing) as well because when asked about the biological family clearly from her face she's not cool. Soon she will be having kids (family) and imagine the kids demand to know the biological grand parents, atleast if she establishes something now she will be able to handle the unknows with easy. We are not to judge or eve define who she is but the fact of the matter is she's black, that cannot be changed, she loves her grandmother but she can't visit her, the failure to have a relationship with her biological parents surely hurts the very grandmother emotionally if not psychologically as well, the issue of being stolen or not is not for her to resolve because yes she was there but she can't tell who is wrong and who is right, if the granny can confess to, the stealing how will she feel with that hatred to her biological parents, sometimes we need to give issues open mind more so that we have a long way to go and many things to experience ahead of us.
Yes the presenter was spot on, but to the white family it was quite difficult interview because the topic was a hot potato looking at history and also the child they have groomed, lived and loved so dearly. Let's hope for the better, and God will intervene and give direction for the better, presenter may the good Lord Jesus Christ of Nazareth bless you. I am Motswana from Botswana, though my dad was a South African but even himself his mother was Motswana from Botswana.
Relebogile is an amazing interviewer/ presenter. She was so open to learn and engage. Good job Relebogile❤️❤️
Amen
I remember her from my time at University of Pretoria. Shes actually a nice person. You get over the disconnect between her melanin skin presentation and the inner afrikaans person within minutes of meeting her.
She has no inner Afrikaans even if she tried. She is as black as they come. She needs to stop acting and smell the coffee. She is black!
@Wahira Labelle Amen!
@@alicegauteng2358 she had an experience that is not like that of many black people. Whether that is caller "inner Afrikaans" or something else, it is definitely not "as blac as they come". Perhaps the difference doesn't have a proper name, but it's undeniably there.
@@alicegauteng2358 I think it's so easy to make statements like these when you have not gone through what she has experienced. If you watch the interview again, I think you'll see a fragile woman, a very fragile woman who needs healing but has had to make the best of the cards dealt to her. Reminding her that she is "black" will never change how she sees herself after years of growing up with white people. That's work she will have to continually do. I think we can really try to be more empathetic ❤️
This shows that there's life beyond race. Children come to this world as a clear canvas to be brought up in a loving home and that's all they need.
I respect the Van Heerden family for loving and taken good care of Marie. Ausi Relebogile I salute you. ❤❤🙏
Thank you for your support and kind words. I appreciate it. Please don't forget to subscribe if you haven't already. ❤
I loved every minute of this show, I watched after I had seen a clip of her saying she is white and did not have a background story but after I watched the whole story I actually empathise with her. I honestly think she needs to forgive her parents and realise that black is not all that bad, take her grandmother for instance who was there for her. "Accepting that she is black" doesn't mean "She needs to lead a black life" that's if there's anything like that. All the best with finding who you are and accepting that person❤️🤗
Twitter brought me here and I was glued for the entire hour! Such an interesting story, kudos to Relebogile for unpacking it so well. Subscribed and cannot wait for the next episode!
I just got here from Twitter aswell
@@gladysrambau6457 the clip really didn't show the full depth of Mari's experience and I'm so glad someone shared the link to this episode.
I respect anyone who adopts a child and love them like their own...I respect this white family....people must stop looking for the negative where the is none
Come on u call this nothing,she called her self white
@@trevormampana2150 There is nothing wrong with one calling themselve white. Don't create issues where there are none.
@@trevormampana2150...we have people that are born male and Identifies as female and we accept it...this girl can identify as a cat and if that's what she want we should be fine...stop being a sensitive black person
I respect the white dad, when he was talking I could only hear a voice of a parent and nothing else
@@ndalamamashabele5956 hayi ma’am, there is something wrong in calling yourself white when you are not…that’s being realistic.That’s exactly what the family members are saying, they love here as she is..as a black person.
Marie was very fortunate to grow up around a loving family, most children like her are not so lucky. I honestly understand how Marie sees herself and how she processes reality.
What I have learnt from her life story is that what makes a person is not their skin colour, it is their culture and sub cultures.
Yes, and we can all learn and share more in the right environment. First show but LUVly host, good people 🙏🏽
Nailed it 🔨
awww man , her brother is so wise and you can tell he truly adores his sister. Hopefully she'll open herself up more to her african culture and embrace both equally as much.
This is a very peculiar interview. Watching from the United Kingdom, with mixed-race children who are London born but can speak Zulu, only through me.
Of course they can speak their mother tongue, because you are Zulu-speaking, are you not? Her mother was Afrikaans-speaking. What is wrong with speaking her mother tongue?
I'd love for Lebo to bring the biological parents and granny Maria to the show, so we can get both sides of the story especially after the harassment allegations (my apologies I couldn't come up with a better word)
Yes, true... Both sides of the story. Facilitation of forgiveness... #Christian values... before she starts writing a book
I'm here from Tiktok😁, why didn't I know about this? 🍿
Lami. I actually thought It was a joke.
Thanks for watching!
Same sis, I thought it’s a joke like a coconut kelz thingy
I’m also from TikTok
Relebogile is good at her job, well done sis!
Relebogile is such a good listener. The flow of her interviews is so organic and it allows her guests to share their truth without feeling restricted.This is a masterclass on being a great conversationalist through active listening. Interesting interview
Aww. That's sweet! Thank you for your kind words and support! ❤ This means a lot. Don't forget to subscribe if you haven't already!
The interviewer was brilliant. She made her expose her limitations in her thinking.
Ahh the look in her eyes when she sees her dad just brought tears in my eyes. That love is deep. ❤️
I think “how does she see herself as..” is the wrong term. It’s which race does she relate to more. And being ostracised by people of the same skin colour made her lean more towards the other skin colour.
She just truly loves her dad. ❤️
She is a daddy's girl.
Did you see that! I shed a tear. I love how they talk about her, so much love!
I hear why she’d identify as white but at the same time feels like a part of her is trying by all means to eliminate anything that might dilute her “whiteness” like not dating black men(people have different preference but I feel for her, part of that decision is influenced by that more than pure preference). Sounds like she is “trying” to fit in a group of people that has accepted her for who she is. This family is open to more her black side than she is. I also get why it was hard for oom(dad) to answer how she sees her and all that, after making someone a part of you, you just see them as part of you(human), now to think deeper into race especially in a very sensitive country/world could be something else for him.
Trust fathers to spoil their little girls(in a good way) and saying they don’t 😂😂😂❤️you can just see by her smile when dad came on
How can she dilute her blackness when she is not white. She may have been raised around white culture and is white identified but that doesn't make her white. And she isn't diluting her whiteness she's diluting her blackness so her descendants can look like the people she identifies with.
Petition to have full episodes on TV hle.
I'm really glad that you enjoy the show ❤️
Honestly heu
An amazing testimony of love!! I believe God knew Mari was going to be the daughter for parents with 5 sons!! She is beautiful and I pray that she will know her identity is not in culture or the color of her skin - she is sooooooo MUCH MORE!!!
You the only one that unpacked this new normal here. Wow you really amazing. Would love to chat to you more☺
Then why would the creator make us look different (race and color) just for believers to say it’s not important and it’s not our identity 🧐
Agree with you totally. I do have an issue with her though not showing an interest in her biological family’s culture not the family itself. I feel if she had an interest it will give her respect and a different perspective for black cultures. I think she is very hurt and associates her hurt with black culture and black people because of her biological family. Her saying I don’t believe in buying a person and me and cows shows me that she may be prejudiced towards the black culture. She does not understand the practice and is prejudiced towards it. That is a shame.
I really don’t know what to say about this. I am confused. I wish she finds healing.
Maybe look inwards too🤷🏽♂️
Yho Bantu!! There are so many layers to this. So many cringe moments but I chose to sit through the discomfort and try to empathise. It actually made me think of a friend who is black and Zulu but doesn't speak isiZulu because his parents CHOSE to shield their kids from black culture and society and in his adult life now experiences the same kind of "dysmorphia" (if I can call it that?). Not black enough and not white enough...
No worries, she is just another epitome of "self-hate" masked in that adoption story....
There is no black adult that doesnt know what is going on in the world right now to black people,...and she just got a chance to choose the side she wants to represent.
The rest of us, just have to be greatful for her public statements and keep it moving forward coz we CAN NOT SAVE EVERYBODY in this march for consciousness and genuine freedom from colonial control of the black minds.
It's a good start just have compassion for her because I almost see the unspoken words from you but I commend you for rather opting to say nothing if you had nothing to say
@@swatdowg one of the only comments under this video speaking the truth
You’re such a good interviewer, eloquent and good listener too 👌🏽
Thank you 💜
@@relebogilemabotja215 Absolutely your interviewing skill is unmatched you hear me unmatched!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!🙌👌😍
Mari thanks for your story.... I feel sypathic and a bit connected to your story because my daughter is going through this right now. She's was born and raised in England, her nanny, care takers and all her support system is white apart from me. This episode has kind of given me a perspective from my daughters point of view. I'm soo proud of your parents and grandparents for being so self-less. Can we congratulate this family instead of diagnosis??? Unpack thank you for the platform ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you and wishing you all the best as you continue to raise your daughter 💜✨
@@relebogilemabotja215 thanks dear ❤️
Very rear to find this kind of deep rooted identity crisis in England despite being surrounded by everything White.It is sort of normal for children to wish to be the other colour but to grow older and identify as a race you are not,and reject your own is very rare.I agree with Relebogile that there is healing that is needed.Very interesting that she would not even consider dating a black man who has the same upbringing as her,so colour seems to be an issue for her.Marie is very confused and I pray she finds herself as towards the end of the interview she acknowledges that it is okay to be Black raised by White family and seems to be referring to herself as that Black person.
Subscribed 5 minutes in, after seeing how you handled this interview. 💯 Can't wait to watch the rest of your interviews 🥰
Woah! Thank you for your support. This means a lot.
Please don't be too hard on yourself Marie, especially for situations beyond your control. Keep going. 🙏🏾❤️❤️❤️
No family is perfect. Even 'normal' families have no manual in childbearing and parenting.
I'm just grateful for her. God has been really good to her for giving her both parents that love her fiercely, unconditional and raised her till adulthood.
That's still an underrated blessing.
Today i have learnt and saw the love and care the Van Heerden family had taking care for Mari,I am speechless.I feel like Crying,God bless Van Heerden family for rasing this child.
Oh Marie, what a story🙏❤️. You're such a strong young woman, your love for your parents is awesome.
Your gogo is brave too, she took a big step.
Live your life and continue in love 🤗
God bless you.
Thank you to our beautiful host, always empathetic and on point👌
My view from listening to Marie,I feel like she doesn’t wanna identify as black because of issues of abandonment from her biological parents and for the fact that they couldn’t take care of her even her grandmother,I heard Oom saying she had malnutrition when she came over ,that’s my view
I think she is fine being black, she just had no contact with black people, the language the culture etc. So biologically she knows she is black but culturally she is white through no fault of her own. Just my opinion ...I do feel sorry for her in a way as she can be very misunderstood by all races
Lovely shoes Marie. All the best. This life is long. At some point it won't matter whether she is black or white. Her kids will look like her. She must just love herself.
💯
It looks like grandma rescued her from a tough situation, how tough was tough? Only Marie knows.
The dynamics of interracial adoption. Very interesting and complex in how they affect identity, personhood and human experience
Ewe Mpumi and I’m so grateful for this interview...it allowed us all to have a conversation and for people who do participate in interracial adoption to learn and improve on some things.
What an emotional yet beautiful story. I've learnt a lot.
I found this clip very personal and very sensitive to host, however i am giving the Host a lot of great applause Relebogile job well done
The father just seems so loving, woow
The moment someone says, “I am not racist” 💔
Exactly my thoughts
I think we sometimes judge people for not having the best language. When English is not your native tongue, we can give grace
Marie's family is so loving and supportive 💓 this is really heartwarming. Don't be too hard on yourself you grew up in a white household so you can't be expected to be like a normal black person...you are more comfortable with white people as that's what you are accustomed to ...that's who you are...all the best 👏🏽
Very true. I applaud the white parents
Relebogile is extremely good at what she does, it hits me everytime and I never seem to get used to it. Just amazing💖🔥
The dad spoke well ..’love all people all races’Marie must learn from him not to hate her blackness
Mr. Van Heerden is a nice person. Language doesn't identify a person. Every thing is centered in love. The Van Herndon gave Marie health, education and love.
It is absolutely OK for her to identify however she feels fit.By far,she hasn't belittled anyone.This is the life that was chosen for her.She will figure out what is necessary to figure out in time.The parents have done above and beyond what her biological parents could even imagine.Thank you for such a great show.We have a lovely country and it is shown in this show. ❤