My youngest sister also refused to attend school. My middle sister and I used to call her lazy. My mother on the other hand enrolled my youngest sister in a charter school with smaller class sizes, no assigned homework, and every other Friday off. My youngest sister thrived in this system and went on to be a very hard worker.
I have no words for how deeply this touched me. As a 90's AuDHD kid who never received any support, I vividly remember so many experiences these kids and their parents mention. It breaks my heart that in 30 years things barely seem to have changed. This cannot be allowed to go on.
I’m a high school teacher and this is heart breaking. I totally understand those kids who feel overwhelmed and overstimulated at school - sometimes I feel overwhelmed! We are trained for inclusivity, but the scenarios we get in uni are assuming you only have 1-2 high needs kids in class. It’s extremely challenging with class sizes and the number of high needs kids, all with different individual challenges. I’m one person in a classroom of 30, of which often at least 15 have adhd, asd, learning disabilities, mental health challenges, amongst a variety of other things (and combinations of them). Not to mention how these conditions and needs often clash - kids with sensory needs are in classes with kids with overwhelming energy who are loud and rambunctious. We physically can’t support all needs with our duty of care. We need a system reboot - smaller classes, more support from admin and in the classroom (EAs), more dott time for all the admin, behaviour and rapport building needs. There’s so much more to be said, but please believe us when we say most teachers are so empathetic to these students, and we are so sorry we can’t do more to help in the current system.
I will be forever grateful to my mother for stepping up and homeschooling me when I hated school so much and to my dad for working to make it possible..
Here in the USA, parents can go to jail if the kids miss too many days. That is the wrong way to go about things since the child could be missing due to mental health. These kids need help, not seeing their parents punished.
I was a parent in this situation in the 90’s. Nobody understood. 🥹 I just looked like a bad parent, the schools completely unhelpful and blamed me. Seeing this docu just brought up a heap of heartbreaking memories 😭
They think the answer is more training (Professional Development) for teachers. It’s not. It’s time. More staff is what we need, and that’s expensive, and they can’t incentivise people to come and stay the way things currently are. The actual system doesn’t work. Too many students, all with individual needs, and not enough time and attention to give them. THIS is the teaching crisis.
I know of kids who find it very hard to keep on going to school because of the dreadful behaviour of other students in the classtooms, coupled with teachers who just cannot cope with their situations.
As a child I was always confused why I struggled to go to school, I was bullied yeah, I had amazing friends 100000% but I couldn’t help but cry and stress. I was told “you’re just shy” I’m now 21 and was diagnosed at a very young age for anxiety but at the age of 12 I was diagnosed with social anxiety / severe anxiety. Kids deserve help. Being told “you’re shy” is the wrong direction because there is a EXTREME difference.
I am 44 years old. This is EXACTLY how I felt throughout my entire schooling career until I finally refused at age 15. I still have nightmares about school, and I panick whenever I pass a large group of high school kids.
What we see from early childhood to primary is over crowded classrooms, inadequate resources to support children, families and teachers, families who feel let down, burnt out teachers and more and more children in crisis left behind. A system in crisis.
I am a very introverted person and I hated walking out of the house every morning for school. Being in a noisy crowded place all day was frightening and exhausting. When my mother started working full time I bunked high school as often as I could get away with. Now at 67 and retired I can hide away as much as I please.
I am a primary teacher, and seeing these kids and their struggles makes me even more determined to try my hardest to engage all my students. It broke my heart when Ethan said he thought he would be homeless as a grown-up, and now he has hope in himself because that clearly shows, that these kids don't choose to be the way they are but rather don't have the coping skills or support they need. The sad part about this is more the overall system of school and the lack of understanding that the system has to change to educate the next generations and for teachers, who try their hardest, not to quit and also being healthy.
Thanks you so much for being a teacher that cares. I was a teacher too but I took time off to raise my 3 kids. All of them are school can’t kids to the point where I am homeschooling my youngest now. It is so hard that they have teachers that didn’t know what to do or schools that just didn’t care and were happier when they leave. The whole system needs to change and I really appreciate the teachers that are sticking it out and trying their best to be supportive to these kids. We appreciate you. I really hope this gets shown at every staff meeting for schools to understand the levity of what an increasing number of families go through everyday and try to work out ways to support them rather than just put it in the too hard basket.
The student to teacher ratio is far too high when so many students have complex needs and trauma. Students are now also being traumatised by having to witness meltdowns from other students. Schools are noisy overstimulating environments for the most part.
I began homeschooling my child this year because she can’t handle the classroom anymore. The size, the noise, the teacher’s refusal to utilize classroom strategies to help her ADHD, it got to be too much. Now it’s hard for me, but I’m slowly adjusting. She’s thriving. ❤
My son doesnt have ADHD, autism etc, he is very bright, but very gentle and kids behavior at school and bullying and tormenting means I now have him in therapy to deal with it. The amount of school work and homework stress a 9 year old is put under also on exhasibates the situation. And missing school is not an option because the teachers will ensure you do the class work at home with your child and the homework. They message you sheets of work. And then Im not even talking about the extensive extra events the school expects both parents and kids to participate in. The balance is completely wrong.
This was my daughter, I took her out of the school system at 10 years old. It was the best thing I ever did for her - some kids are just not suited to school.
I am so glad I live in Germany. My neurodiverse son goes to school with an aid. She stays with him all day and gets to leave the classroom with him if it gets to much for him and take an extended break. It's all paid by the government.
This should be available in every country So much government money (which technically taxpayer's money gets spent on rubbish projects .these children and in some cases adults, don't choose the problems they have and need help to fulfill their potential ,whatever this is.
My daughter hated school from kindergarten on. Every morning she went to kindergarten, she’d cry and cry and cry when I dropped her off. Tough love was not the problem. I was like ‘go, fly, be free’….and she was like ‘hell no’. She loved to learn but just couldn’t go. This was 20 years ago. As her parents, we did everything….she ended up going to 13 schools to get thru highschool, two colleges and now we are on our third university. Anxiety is real, but I’m very proud of her…she’s done this
This was me from 1st grade up until now, 9th grade. I got diagnosed with anxiety, panic disorder, adhd, and eventually autism. Parents, please stop the tough love. Consider looking into one of those diagnosises for your child.
I definitely think one problem is that school can be to demanding at times. The 6 or even 7 hour school day is to long for younger kids. A 5 hour school day with the same breaks would improve productivity and overall health. Additionally I think kids need more autonomy over their work, when they do their work and they should be able to chose between different environments. A bigger focus on outdoor education also improves mental health and teaches healthy and mindful living.
My husband supports me to stay home and take care of our son. I am so thankful for that. We do so much together besides school... Parents need to take time for their kids and observe their needs.
I am 28 and have just been diagnosed with ADHD, school as a child caused me immense anxiety due to feeling dumb. Have memories of being 7 years old at school and feeling like a freak because I didn't understand what was going on in class. These memories last a lifetime and mould how you view yourself as an adult, very traumatic. I don't understand how a child with a diagnosis is not given the support they need.
I went through school undiagnosed autistic in the 90s. Life was awful. I threw up every morning, had panic attacks, completely shut down when I got home. My parents wouldn’t listen to how much I was suffering. School today is even worse … my kids are homeschooled. I hate how many kids are suffering because no one will listen to them 😢
I had undiagnosed autism and ADD in the 70s and 80s and hated school. I went to school but the toll on me was huge and I could not wait to finish and never go back. I feel for these kids.
The school social environment is a special hell for some kids. They don't tough it out. It destroys them. I'm 42 and the trauma of school still haunts me. I got into an independent study program and excelled. School isn't for everyone. But that doesn't mean learning isn't for everyone. Just means the system isn't for everyone.
The first story - I really do appreciate the mom acknowledged that individual teachers are usually great and try very hard; it’s just the school system itself isn’t flexible or inclusive enough. Often people think it can be solved as the smallest level when it really just… can’t.
I went to have lunch with my 4th grade daughter. It was so loud in the cafeteria that I got a decibel warning on my phone. It was overstimulating for ME
this isnt the childrens fault, its the lack of care when it comes to schools they should break the classrooms down to at least 12 students a class and hire more teachers.
❤ I homeschool my daughter. I hated school too. I hope these kids have parents who can help them learn at home. I have ADHD and my daughter does too. Life is better at home. Mental health is more important than grades.
Overjoyed to see all the compassionate comments here. From the USA, thank you for looking out for your kiddos. If y'all didn't have them giant spiders, I'd come visit!
Absolutely brilliant and necessary documentary!! Thank you for this work. School Can’t is a huge problem here inSA too - our children accross all walks of life and income levels are traumatised in some way or another . Our society is failing our kids
The mum with the sons wirh ADHD - you ARE contributing to society- parenting is the most important contribution to society, it's just that it's so undervalued or appreciated. 💗
I was in tears watching certain parts of this. Being autistic and having undiagnosed ADHD when I attended school in the mid 2000s to mid 2010s, the amount of irreversible damage that was done to me just about every day is something I can never forgive the education system for. No it wasn't because of bullies, it was because of the curriculum and the expectation to attend 5 days a week. I'm so relieved that awareness is slowly improving, but I do mean slowly. Certain parts of this documentary still refer to "getting kids back to school" as if that's a high priority. The graphic near the end about Frieda's attendance "slowly improving" by which it actually means "going up" was actually nauseating to me.
Freida presents so much like my autistic daughter who refuses school. I do anything I can to get her excited to go to school…I’ll buy her a new plush toy to show off or a new pencil case and accessories, support any group she wants to be a part of, discuss things that interest her at school that will be happening that day. It’s tiring 😅 but I’m autistic myself so I understand the struggle’s of school. A large problem is her sensory issues which we have been seeing an OT about and she’s able to go to school much more frequently. But there are days where I just have to allow her to have a mental health day at home due to emotional distress. The problem is the more time you allow off the harder it is for them to go back. It’s difficult to figure out the best approach. I feel for all the families featured particularly the children who are expected to function in a society that’s really not suited to their needs. ❤
I had this! No one knew what was wrong with me and it was a nightmare. To the kids and parents, it gets better. I'm now 40 and went back to do my exams in 2020. You are amazing and you will get through it ❤️
I'm all grown up and school is more than 20 years in the past for me. But I can relate to those kids so very well. I feel similar about going to work and having to cope with everyone and everything there. I'm probably on a spectrum of high sensitivity because I sense a ton of things in my environment, from people's moods and stress levels, noise or people talking in the background or even next door, to disorder in rooms and buildings or simply crowdedness with stuff. I cannot not pick these things up and it takes a lot of energy to filter that input out and focus on work. I'm usually beat after each day and there is no energy left in me for recuperation or self-care activities. Needless to say, if I didn't have to earn an income, I would not want to be in these kinds of work environments. And I'm not talking about high stress environments, which school would be for me. To me, what's completely normal or even relaxing for others, is highly taxing and stressful.
If there were a LOT more assistant teachers in classrooms, I reckon this would go a long way to reducing the problem with anxiety in school settings. I was diagnosed young so was able to get support in this form in high school & though I still struggled, having this & the brilliant child psychologist I managed to see (thanks to my wonderful parents 💖) made all the difference in the world.
I'm autistic and only got diagnosed at 14 (I know that's really for some people unfortunately) and I struggled to go to school. I was definitely a "school refuser". The country in which I live had a very corrupt school system. There were 40 kids in a class and barely any support. They're working on it but it's still a long work in progress. I've been to 5 different schools and I've finally found the right one for me. Thank you too all the amazing teachers out there! And to all of the "school refusers", it gets better ❤❤❤
Even in special ed schools there is too vast a range of disabilities for teaching to be effective. They are given a curriculum and that is what is taught. My son could barely count but was trying to understand Einsteins theory of relativity. He fought me every single day of high school and eventually I listened and stopped sending him.
I saw my sibling going through this and until this day it affects him. For our kids we decided on homeschooling and we are glad they are very healthy emotionally and in every aspect. They love learning and are so grateful. My sibling would have benefited from it, he never enjoyed school and struggled
My child had school refusal in kindergarten. She would stress so bad, she would get a fever. It was awful and the school was not helpful at all! Now i homeschool my kid and she is so successful and content. No stress
I think we need to listen to teachers and the kids Smaller classrooms, hours that work for their age group. More outdoor activity time instead of more classroom time. Much less focus in grades and tests
i was constantly begging my mom to let me stay home. Sometimes she did. I hated school, and its not because of the learning, its because of the constant conformity, the senseless rules and the constant stress and having to sit for 6 hours everyday, and having to listen to things that really didn't interest me as well as that stupid notion of "if one kid gets in trouble then you all are in trouble'. I was well behaved but i struggled with severe anxiety since childhood and i just found out i have mild autism. I might have ADHD as well
I have a child with ADHD and as he gets older, he's starting to refuse more often. If I'm honest, I think that the model of education doesn't work for my child, but there are no other options. He has lovely teachers, but I can see it getting harder for him and it's a big concern. I don't know where to turn to for support on this, especially when secondary school is two years away and he leaves his village school.
Yeah can relate. School for me was just torture. I dreaded it and when I realised that after school is just work till I die... It didn't seem like there was much worth living for. The best thing I ever did was to walk out of school at 15 and never went back. I eventually go into uni as an adult, got a degree and am now quite successful. But none of that is thanks to school, it was pointless imprisonment.
Would a solution be having the kids who cant attend still attend virtually with zoom. It was done through covid. Parents dont have to stop working to teach and kids still keep up with the rest of the class
Today i walked past a mum whos child was histericly screaming and shouting and fighting her mum ...refusing to go to school..i mentioned this to the person i clean for who lives by the school..5 mins later..and this pops up on on my phone ..
We had enormous issues with our youngest daughter thankfully we had amazing teachers and principles that helped us along the way a diagnosis was essential for her to recieve the extra help and medication. She is now in highschool and doing amazingly I never thought I'd see the day! Keep going mums n dads it's worth trying so they can function in society later in life. Just take each day and be kind to yourself it's hard but you've got this 💕
I'm an AuDHD adult and this is so sad to see. I don't know how my school career would have been if covid happened when I was in elementary school. It was hard enough to deal with covid while finishing high school and starting university
I had this problem in the late 70s from about 5 to 8 I got dragged to school and held by the teachers until my mother left, I use to run away as soon as play time started and the teacher would come get me drag me back.... in the end I ended up being kept in the staff room for all breaks so I wouldn't run away... back then it was tough love or I had no choice but to get over it or get a hiding. So now im in two minds on weather tough love works or not.. I'm 50 now and i wonder if I would have had more anxiety in my life if i hadn't been forced to get over it..
Thank you for showing this side of the story. I have a pda autistic son who I homeschool. Ive always said for school to fit him you would have to take the school bit out of school. It has been a difficult road but rewarding, we managed to avoid alot of trauma because of very early awareness and intervention. He is doing incredible and this is the positive side of going against the grain to let your child be who they are. I wish more parents had this awareness and support
This hit home. School was hell and I'm still sorry for the trouble I caused my parents, but I couldn't go. Homeschooling isn't allowed in my country, so I had to push through, but I'm so glad it's over. Almost twenty years went by since I last saw a school building from the inside, but it still haunts me.
They need the right guidance and influence, I know being the kid I once was and hating the fact I had to be at school, instead of help, all I got was ridicule and punishment, a shame that it's still happening 20 years on.
This breaks my heart. I wonder if compartmentalizing makes a difference? The pauses and disruptions in the daily routines by changing classrooms/teachers for the individual subjects and knowing when it does not work in one subject that day one can still look forward to the next lesson? I am starting as a teacher in Germany soon, this documentary really helped me once again to remember to put the students' mental health first.
But people look at me crazy when I say we need schools that are specifically for children who are gifted children with exceptionalities like autism adhd etc and then children who want to learn a trade. We are not helping our students by forcing them all into one option or mode of learning
My heart goes out to all families that experience these challenges. I’m a mother of four kids that have ADHD or Autism or both and myself undiagnosed. What seems easy and commonplace for some is immensely difficult for others. They are such amazing, funny and talented kids and I know that we can find a way to make room of all the amazing people that are a part of this world.
This is my theory : children are finding that their vibration is not matching with that of a regular school system . The idea of school needs to change , maybe there needs to be a more holistic way of educating kids . Include a wide range of activities and methods .
I'm the only child in my family that experienced this. But my parents changed me to another school and it got better each and every day. But now that Im a grown up there some kind of working environment that gives me social anxiety and so i have to change my working environment. What actually worked for me is changing my environment to a better one and of course the most amazing parents in the world
I'm so happy we homeschool. Our wonderful Governor has given us scholarships to pay for our curriculum and school desks and supplies for at home. We have a giant homeschool co-op of 750 families. Fun classes and sports, dances and yearbooks...all for homeschool kids. Our family is finally free from the rat race of the public school system.
I told my fiance that we were going to homeschool our future kids and we can just have family friends come over to play or we can visit others. I'll try everything to actually be able to help my child thrive, grow and learn while also not make them feel isolated from kids their age.
Being autistic myself, I empathize with these kids so much. The video clips of the chaos and noise in those schoolyards was enough to give me anxiety through the computer screen. I made it through elementary school (grades 1-5) in mainstream education. But when I got to 6th grade it was just too much. I would hold it together all day at school, but then come home and have giant meltdowns. I was lucky enough to then be able to go to an alternative school with a small class and I learned a lot about myself and coping skills that have made life much easier going forward. The system needs to do better at providing support for these families and offering alternatives to mainstream education.
We do the best we can with what we know at the time. If I could go back, I wouldn't have sent my son at all. Probably not until 3rd grade. So much damage done by forcing him into an education system that didn't work for him.
I was bullied every day of my life for my entire academic tenure. It is so harmful and debilitating to the human mind. Tough love does not work but nor does giving into them. You need to strike a medium. What that medium is depends on the child.
wow, I remember crying everyday before going to school, even though I was a good student and had many friends, I still hated being there. It was long time ago (I'm 39) and I'm pretty sure I wasn't an exception. I still struggle with depression and anxiety. Great that finally someone noticed the issue. better now than never.
I hated going to school growing up. My parents were strict though and forced me to go. My grades were never very good… it is a shame I couldn’t excel at school because you really do need an education once you are grown up. Homeschooling is great but you do need to be committed to giving your child a good education so that they are prepared for real life. It is really challenging to find yourself on the other side of 21 and not have the skills to navigate adult life.
I remember sitting in the car at age15 or 16 crying as my dad was driving me to school. I did not want to go. I hated it. I left that year instead of completing high school.
Parent of a 14 year old who Has ASD...ADHD.. Anexity Disorder.., I'd mention the longer the children are away from school Example, Covid times, Away sick, School holidays..The harder it is for them To return, Transition into new changes..My child Has Gone Through school Refusal over the past Year the worst..As he's always from Day dot Prep to Highschool been on and off with it Couldn't Cope in The School Environment..He Struggled the most with Sensory Overload, Then Anexity, Pressure and Social Aspects.. We have him Homeschooling Now for the past 2 months.. He's finding it Easier to concentrate with no distractions in his Safe zone.. His Aniexty and pressure has been elimated greatly
It's must feel awful to be torn between financial need and a desire to devote special attention to your child.. There's really only so many hours in the day.. I feel for these parents
Im one of these mums that know this struggle and its so real im an emotional wreck trying to get my kids to school most days its hard bless our sweet darlings ❤
This brought back so many memories of my own struggles with school. I was bullied by students because of my weight. Then the teachers, staff & my mother weren't sympathetic. Things got better once I got to high school, but I struggled with getting to the early periods. I could not wake up. It's real. My son had the same issues & I could sympathize. He was diagnosed with being on the spectrum. Perhaps I fall into the spectrum, too.
I did this a while ago, I was too anxious to go back, but luckily I can now. My mother would always yell at me, and Its not like I wanted to make her mad at me. For context I am autistic.
My youngest sister also refused to attend school. My middle sister and I used to call her lazy. My mother on the other hand enrolled my youngest sister in a charter school with smaller class sizes, no assigned homework, and every other Friday off. My youngest sister thrived in this system and went on to be a very hard worker.
I have no words for how deeply this touched me. As a 90's AuDHD kid who never received any support, I vividly remember so many experiences these kids and their parents mention. It breaks my heart that in 30 years things barely seem to have changed. This cannot be allowed to go on.
They have early intervention now my son is receiving it and it’s been amazing. Early detection is the key!
I was only diagnosed AuDHD in my 30s. It’s too late for me. I don’t want these kids to experience what I am.
I’m a high school teacher and this is heart breaking. I totally understand those kids who feel overwhelmed and overstimulated at school - sometimes I feel overwhelmed! We are trained for inclusivity, but the scenarios we get in uni are assuming you only have 1-2 high needs kids in class. It’s extremely challenging with class sizes and the number of high needs kids, all with different individual challenges. I’m one person in a classroom of 30, of which often at least 15 have adhd, asd, learning disabilities, mental health challenges, amongst a variety of other things (and combinations of them). Not to mention how these conditions and needs often clash - kids with sensory needs are in classes with kids with overwhelming energy who are loud and rambunctious. We physically can’t support all needs with our duty of care. We need a system reboot - smaller classes, more support from admin and in the classroom (EAs), more dott time for all the admin, behaviour and rapport building needs. There’s so much more to be said, but please believe us when we say most teachers are so empathetic to these students, and we are so sorry we can’t do more to help in the current system.
I will be forever grateful to my mother for stepping up and homeschooling me when I hated school so much and to my dad for working to make it possible..
Here in the USA, parents can go to jail if the kids miss too many days. That is the wrong way to go about things since the child could be missing due to mental health. These kids need help, not seeing their parents punished.
you cant blame kids for hating school.
I was a parent in this situation in the 90’s. Nobody understood. 🥹 I just looked like a bad parent, the schools completely unhelpful and blamed me. Seeing this docu just brought up a heap of heartbreaking memories 😭
They think the answer is more training (Professional Development) for teachers. It’s not. It’s time. More staff is what we need, and that’s expensive, and they can’t incentivise people to come and stay the way things currently are. The actual system doesn’t work. Too many students, all with individual needs, and not enough time and attention to give them. THIS is the teaching crisis.
You're 100% correct. Smaller classes gives the teacher time to individualise learning
I know of kids who find it very hard to keep on going to school because of the dreadful behaviour of other students in the classtooms, coupled with teachers who just cannot cope with their situations.
As a child I was always confused why I struggled to go to school, I was bullied yeah, I had amazing friends 100000% but I couldn’t help but cry and stress. I was told “you’re just shy” I’m now 21 and was diagnosed at a very young age for anxiety but at the age of 12 I was diagnosed with social anxiety / severe anxiety. Kids deserve help. Being told “you’re shy” is the wrong direction because there is a EXTREME difference.
They called my son lazy and immature. Told me to punish him. They punished him endlessly. We ended up homeschooling.
I am 44 years old. This is EXACTLY how I felt throughout my entire schooling career until I finally refused at age 15. I still have nightmares about school, and I panick whenever I pass a large group of high school kids.
As a “school refuser” with autism I can say much of the reason i refused was sensory issues and bullying
What we see from early childhood to primary is over crowded classrooms, inadequate resources to support children, families and teachers, families who feel let down, burnt out teachers and more and more children in crisis left behind. A system in crisis.
I am a very introverted person and I hated walking out of the house every morning for school. Being in a noisy crowded place all day was frightening and exhausting. When my mother started working full time I bunked high school as often as I could get away with. Now at 67 and retired I can hide away as much as I please.
I am a primary teacher, and seeing these kids and their struggles makes me even more determined to try my hardest to engage all my students.
It broke my heart when Ethan said he thought he would be homeless as a grown-up, and now he has hope in himself because that clearly shows, that these kids don't choose to be the way they are but rather don't have the coping skills or support they need.
The sad part about this is more the overall system of school and the lack of understanding that the system has to change to educate the next generations and for teachers, who try their hardest, not to quit and also being healthy.
Thanks you so much for being a teacher that cares. I was a teacher too but I took time off to raise my 3 kids. All of them are school can’t kids to the point where I am homeschooling my youngest now. It is so hard that they have teachers that didn’t know what to do or schools that just didn’t care and were happier when they leave. The whole system needs to change and I really appreciate the teachers that are sticking it out and trying their best to be supportive to these kids. We appreciate you.
I really hope this gets shown at every staff meeting for schools to understand the levity of what an increasing number of families go through everyday and try to work out ways to support them rather than just put it in the too hard basket.
Thank you for being the teacher that our children need
The student to teacher ratio is far too high when so many students have complex needs and trauma. Students are now also being traumatised by having to witness meltdowns from other students. Schools are noisy overstimulating environments for the most part.
My husband is 37 he still has nightmares from shool.
My son is 33. He still can't recall school without pain. He had ADD and social anxiety. No one understood it tried to help.
I began homeschooling my child this year because she can’t handle the classroom anymore. The size, the noise, the teacher’s refusal to utilize classroom strategies to help her ADHD, it got to be too much. Now it’s hard for me, but I’m slowly adjusting. She’s thriving. ❤
My son doesnt have ADHD, autism etc, he is very bright, but very gentle and kids behavior at school and bullying and tormenting means I now have him in therapy to deal with it. The amount of school work and homework stress a 9 year old is put under also on exhasibates the situation. And missing school is not an option because the teachers will ensure you do the class work at home with your child and the homework. They message you sheets of work. And then Im not even talking about the extensive extra events the school expects both parents and kids to participate in. The balance is completely wrong.
It’s strange that when I was at school surrounded by hundreds of people, I always felt the most alone.
This was my daughter, I took her out of the school system at 10 years old. It was the best thing I ever did for her - some kids are just not suited to school.
I am so glad I live in Germany. My neurodiverse son goes to school with an aid. She stays with him all day and gets to leave the classroom with him if it gets to much for him and take an extended break. It's all paid by the government.
This should be available in every country So much government money (which technically taxpayer's money gets spent on rubbish projects .these children and in some cases adults, don't choose the problems they have and need help to fulfill their potential ,whatever this is.
I was a 'I Can't' child back in 80s I'm glad people are starting to look at this...
My daughter hated school from kindergarten on. Every morning she went to kindergarten, she’d cry and cry and cry when I dropped her off. Tough love was not the problem. I was like ‘go, fly, be free’….and she was like ‘hell no’. She loved to learn but just couldn’t go. This was 20 years ago. As her parents, we did everything….she ended up going to 13 schools to get thru highschool, two colleges and now we are on our third university. Anxiety is real, but I’m very proud of her…she’s done this
This was me from 1st grade up until now, 9th grade. I got diagnosed with anxiety, panic disorder, adhd, and eventually autism. Parents, please stop the tough love. Consider looking into one of those diagnosises for your child.
I definitely think one problem is that school can be to demanding at times. The 6 or even 7 hour school day is to long for younger kids. A 5 hour school day with the same breaks would improve productivity and overall health. Additionally I think kids need more autonomy over their work, when they do their work and they should be able to chose between different environments. A bigger focus on outdoor education also improves mental health and teaches healthy and mindful living.
My husband supports me to stay home and take care of our son. I am so thankful for that. We do so much together besides school... Parents need to take time for their kids and observe their needs.
I am 28 and have just been diagnosed with ADHD, school as a child caused me immense anxiety due to feeling dumb. Have memories of being 7 years old at school and feeling like a freak because I didn't understand what was going on in class. These memories last a lifetime and mould how you view yourself as an adult, very traumatic. I don't understand how a child with a diagnosis is not given the support they need.
I went through school undiagnosed autistic in the 90s. Life was awful. I threw up every morning, had panic attacks, completely shut down when I got home. My parents wouldn’t listen to how much I was suffering. School today is even worse … my kids are homeschooled. I hate how many kids are suffering because no one will listen to them 😢
I had undiagnosed autism and ADD in the 70s and 80s and hated school. I went to school but the toll on me was huge and I could not wait to finish and never go back. I feel for these kids.
My son in AMERICA is crying every day begging to stay home.
The school social environment is a special hell for some kids. They don't tough it out. It destroys them.
I'm 42 and the trauma of school still haunts me. I got into an independent study program and excelled.
School isn't for everyone. But that doesn't mean learning isn't for everyone. Just means the system isn't for everyone.
As I kid who couldn’t I’m so emotional seeing people care about us
The first story - I really do appreciate the mom acknowledged that individual teachers are usually great and try very hard; it’s just the school system itself isn’t flexible or inclusive enough. Often people think it can be solved as the smallest level when it really just… can’t.
Ive got a 16 year old, trust me this has been going on long before the pandemic
I went to have lunch with my 4th grade daughter. It was so loud in the cafeteria that I got a decibel warning on my phone. It was overstimulating for ME
this isnt the childrens fault, its the lack of care when it comes to schools they should break the classrooms down to at least 12 students a class and hire more teachers.
The system is broken. Your kid might have any disorder at all. They are communicating that the system is broken.
❤ I homeschool my daughter. I hated school too. I hope these kids have parents who can help them learn at home. I have ADHD and my daughter does too. Life is better at home. Mental health is more important than grades.
Overjoyed to see all the compassionate comments here. From the USA, thank you for looking out for your kiddos. If y'all didn't have them giant spiders, I'd come visit!
Absolutely brilliant and necessary documentary!! Thank you for this work. School Can’t is a huge problem here inSA too - our children accross all walks of life and income levels are traumatised in some way or another . Our society is failing our kids
This needs to be shown at every school staff meeting across Australia.
The mum with the sons wirh ADHD - you ARE contributing to society- parenting is the most important contribution to society, it's just that it's so undervalued or appreciated. 💗
Our education system is falling apart and nobody is hearing. Finland system isn’t. We have to change dramatically.
I was in tears watching certain parts of this. Being autistic and having undiagnosed ADHD when I attended school in the mid 2000s to mid 2010s, the amount of irreversible damage that was done to me just about every day is something I can never forgive the education system for. No it wasn't because of bullies, it was because of the curriculum and the expectation to attend 5 days a week. I'm so relieved that awareness is slowly improving, but I do mean slowly. Certain parts of this documentary still refer to "getting kids back to school" as if that's a high priority. The graphic near the end about Frieda's attendance "slowly improving" by which it actually means "going up" was actually nauseating to me.
Freida presents so much like my autistic daughter who refuses school. I do anything I can to get her excited to go to school…I’ll buy her a new plush toy to show off or a new pencil case and accessories, support any group she wants to be a part of, discuss things that interest her at school that will be happening that day. It’s tiring 😅 but I’m autistic myself so I understand the struggle’s of school. A large problem is her sensory issues which we have been seeing an OT about and she’s able to go to school much more frequently. But there are days where I just have to allow her to have a mental health day at home due to emotional distress. The problem is the more time you allow off the harder it is for them to go back. It’s difficult to figure out the best approach. I feel for all the families featured particularly the children who are expected to function in a society that’s really not suited to their needs. ❤
I had this! No one knew what was wrong with me and it was a nightmare. To the kids and parents, it gets better. I'm now 40 and went back to do my exams in 2020. You are amazing and you will get through it ❤️
It's not a deliberate choice by the child. Children react to the environment around them.
I'm all grown up and school is more than 20 years in the past for me. But I can relate to those kids so very well. I feel similar about going to work and having to cope with everyone and everything there. I'm probably on a spectrum of high sensitivity because I sense a ton of things in my environment, from people's moods and stress levels, noise or people talking in the background or even next door, to disorder in rooms and buildings or simply crowdedness with stuff. I cannot not pick these things up and it takes a lot of energy to filter that input out and focus on work. I'm usually beat after each day and there is no energy left in me for recuperation or self-care activities. Needless to say, if I didn't have to earn an income, I would not want to be in these kinds of work environments. And I'm not talking about high stress environments, which school would be for me. To me, what's completely normal or even relaxing for others, is highly taxing and stressful.
If there were a LOT more assistant teachers in classrooms, I reckon this would go a long way to reducing the problem with anxiety in school settings. I was diagnosed young so was able to get support in this form in high school & though I still struggled, having this & the brilliant child psychologist I managed to see (thanks to my wonderful parents 💖) made all the difference in the world.
my older sister is autistic and she ended up leaving mainstream education because of the lack of support her school offered
I'm autistic and only got diagnosed at 14 (I know that's really for some people unfortunately) and I struggled to go to school. I was definitely a "school refuser". The country in which I live had a very corrupt school system. There were 40 kids in a class and barely any support. They're working on it but it's still a long work in progress.
I've been to 5 different schools and I've finally found the right one for me.
Thank you too all the amazing teachers out there! And to all of the "school refusers", it gets better ❤❤❤
Even in special ed schools there is too vast a range of disabilities for teaching to be effective. They are given a curriculum and that is what is taught. My son could barely count but was trying to understand Einsteins theory of relativity. He fought me every single day of high school and eventually I listened and stopped sending him.
I saw my sibling going through this and until this day it affects him. For our kids we decided on homeschooling and we are glad they are very healthy emotionally and in every aspect. They love learning and are so grateful. My sibling would have benefited from it, he never enjoyed school and struggled
I’m 60 and this was me every day of my school life from prep to year 11. I still can’t do crowds of people.
My child had school refusal in kindergarten. She would stress so bad, she would get a fever. It was awful and the school was not helpful at all! Now i homeschool my kid and she is so successful and content. No stress
I think we need to listen to teachers and the kids
Smaller classrooms, hours that work for their age group. More outdoor activity time instead of more classroom time.
Much less focus in grades and tests
My son has this problem. He gets physically sick. He throws up at school. No one can help him.
This doc hits too close to home for me, as a parent to 3 beautiful children with autism, anxiety, and ADHD.
i was constantly begging my mom to let me stay home. Sometimes she did. I hated school, and its not because of the learning, its because of the constant conformity, the senseless rules and the constant stress and having to sit for 6 hours everyday, and having to listen to things that really didn't interest me as well as that stupid notion of "if one kid gets in trouble then you all are in trouble'. I was well behaved but i struggled with severe anxiety since childhood and i just found out i have mild autism. I might have ADHD as well
I have a child with ADHD and as he gets older, he's starting to refuse more often. If I'm honest, I think that the model of education doesn't work for my child, but there are no other options. He has lovely teachers, but I can see it getting harder for him and it's a big concern. I don't know where to turn to for support on this, especially when secondary school is two years away and he leaves his village school.
Yeah can relate. School for me was just torture. I dreaded it and when I realised that after school is just work till I die... It didn't seem like there was much worth living for. The best thing I ever did was to walk out of school at 15 and never went back. I eventually go into uni as an adult, got a degree and am now quite successful. But none of that is thanks to school, it was pointless imprisonment.
Would a solution be having the kids who cant attend still attend virtually with zoom. It was done through covid. Parents dont have to stop working to teach and kids still keep up with the rest of the class
Take care of these children. They will blossom if given the opportunity and love.
Today i walked past a mum whos child was histericly screaming and shouting and fighting her mum ...refusing to go to school..i mentioned this to the person i clean for who lives by the school..5 mins later..and this pops up on on my phone ..
We had enormous issues with our youngest daughter thankfully we had amazing teachers and principles that helped us along the way a diagnosis was essential for her to recieve the extra help and medication. She is now in highschool and doing amazingly I never thought I'd see the day! Keep going mums n dads it's worth trying so they can function in society later in life. Just take each day and be kind to yourself it's hard but you've got this 💕
I'm an AuDHD adult and this is so sad to see. I don't know how my school career would have been if covid happened when I was in elementary school. It was hard enough to deal with covid while finishing high school and starting university
I had this problem in the late 70s from about 5 to 8 I got dragged to school and held by the teachers until my mother left, I use to run away as soon as play time started and the teacher would come get me drag me back.... in the end I ended up being kept in the staff room for all breaks so I wouldn't run away... back then it was tough love or I had no choice but to get over it or get a hiding.
So now im in two minds on weather tough love works or not.. I'm 50 now and i wonder if I would have had more anxiety in my life if i hadn't been forced to get over it..
Thank you for showing this side of the story. I have a pda autistic son who I homeschool. Ive always said for school to fit him you would have to take the school bit out of school. It has been a difficult road but rewarding, we managed to avoid alot of trauma because of very early awareness and intervention. He is doing incredible and this is the positive side of going against the grain to let your child be who they are. I wish more parents had this awareness and support
Way to go mom! I know that was a huge sacrifice to homeschool him🩷 that is love!
Private schools can provide small class sizes, why can’t public schools do it
This hit home. School was hell and I'm still sorry for the trouble I caused my parents, but I couldn't go.
Homeschooling isn't allowed in my country, so I had to push through, but I'm so glad it's over. Almost twenty years went by since I last saw a school building from the inside, but it still haunts me.
I feel so much for those kids.
They need the right guidance and influence, I know being the kid I once was and hating the fact I had to be at school, instead of help, all I got was ridicule and punishment, a shame that it's still happening 20 years on.
This breaks my heart. I wonder if compartmentalizing makes a difference? The pauses and disruptions in the daily routines by changing classrooms/teachers for the individual subjects and knowing when it does not work in one subject that day one can still look forward to the next lesson? I am starting as a teacher in Germany soon, this documentary really helped me once again to remember to put the students' mental health first.
But people look at me crazy when I say we need schools that are specifically for children who are gifted children with exceptionalities like autism adhd etc and then children who want to learn a trade. We are not helping our students by forcing them all into one option or mode of learning
My heart goes out to all families that experience these challenges. I’m a mother of four kids that have ADHD or Autism or both and myself undiagnosed. What seems easy and commonplace for some is immensely difficult for others. They are such amazing, funny and talented kids and I know that we can find a way to make room of all the amazing people that are a part of this world.
These mothers are simply amazing! I admire so much their perseverance and commitment to their kids.
This is my theory : children are finding that their vibration is not matching with that of a regular school system . The idea of school needs to change , maybe there needs to be a more holistic way of educating kids . Include a wide range of activities and methods .
I'm the only child in my family that experienced this. But my parents changed me to another school and it got better each and every day. But now that Im a grown up there some kind of working environment that gives me social anxiety and so i have to change my working environment. What actually worked for me is changing my environment to a better one and of course the most amazing parents in the world
I'm so happy we homeschool. Our wonderful Governor has given us scholarships to pay for our curriculum and school desks and supplies for at home. We have a giant homeschool co-op of 750 families. Fun classes and sports, dances and yearbooks...all for homeschool kids. Our family is finally free from the rat race of the public school system.
I told my fiance that we were going to homeschool our future kids and we can just have family friends come over to play or we can visit others. I'll try everything to actually be able to help my child thrive, grow and learn while also not make them feel isolated from kids their age.
you can homeschool or at least school online at home and then go get soicalization where and how you want like library or church or sports or whatever
They can see the reality of the school system being unnatural- it is like detention.
Being autistic myself, I empathize with these kids so much. The video clips of the chaos and noise in those schoolyards was enough to give me anxiety through the computer screen. I made it through elementary school (grades 1-5) in mainstream education. But when I got to 6th grade it was just too much. I would hold it together all day at school, but then come home and have giant meltdowns. I was lucky enough to then be able to go to an alternative school with a small class and I learned a lot about myself and coping skills that have made life much easier going forward. The system needs to do better at providing support for these families and offering alternatives to mainstream education.
We do the best we can with what we know at the time. If I could go back, I wouldn't have sent my son at all. Probably not until 3rd grade. So much damage done by forcing him into an education system that didn't work for him.
The perfect storm indeed. We have outdated our school structure. The new kind of people need a new kind of school.
Let's face it, school isn't natural. It's it surprising that many can't do it especially when discipline is the way it is now.
I was bullied every day of my life for my entire academic tenure. It is so harmful and debilitating to the human mind. Tough love does not work but nor does giving into them. You need to strike a medium. What that medium is depends on the child.
wow, I remember crying everyday before going to school, even though I was a good student and had many friends, I still hated being there. It was long time ago (I'm 39) and I'm pretty sure I wasn't an exception. I still struggle with depression and anxiety. Great that finally someone noticed the issue. better now than never.
I hated going to school growing up. My parents were strict though and forced me to go. My grades were never very good… it is a shame I couldn’t excel at school because you really do need an education once you are grown up. Homeschooling is great but you do need to be committed to giving your child a good education so that they are prepared for real life. It is really challenging to find yourself on the other side of 21 and not have the skills to navigate adult life.
is home school allowed in Australia? Can computer aided learning benefit these kids? i feel for them and their parents
I remember sitting in the car at age15 or 16 crying as my dad was driving me to school. I did not want to go. I hated it. I left that year instead of completing high school.
Parent of a 14 year old who Has ASD...ADHD.. Anexity Disorder.., I'd mention the longer the children are away from school Example, Covid times, Away sick, School holidays..The harder it is for them To return, Transition into new changes..My child Has Gone Through school Refusal over the past Year the worst..As he's always from Day dot Prep to Highschool been on and off with it Couldn't Cope in The School Environment..He Struggled the most with Sensory Overload, Then Anexity, Pressure and Social Aspects.. We have him Homeschooling Now for the past 2 months.. He's finding it Easier to concentrate with no distractions in his Safe zone.. His Aniexty and pressure has been elimated greatly
My son is literally going through this :(
It's must feel awful to be torn between financial need and a desire to devote special attention to your child.. There's really only so many hours in the day.. I feel for these parents
Im one of these mums that know this struggle and its so real im an emotional wreck trying to get my kids to school most days its hard bless our sweet darlings ❤
This is heartbreaking😢. These kids do need their parents.
This brought back so many memories of my own struggles with school. I was bullied by students because of my weight. Then the teachers, staff & my mother weren't sympathetic. Things got better once I got to high school, but I struggled with getting to the early periods. I could not wake up. It's real. My son had the same issues & I could sympathize. He was diagnosed with being on the spectrum. Perhaps I fall into the spectrum, too.
I did this a while ago, I was too anxious to go back, but luckily I can now. My mother would always yell at me, and Its not like I wanted to make her mad at me. For context I am autistic.