Thank you Morin, I will say from my personal dilemma that i wasn’t a perfect dad, but i was a far cry from being toxic, i was supportive, giving and loving, i feel that social media has been a major influence in why my daughter(s) have decided to take the path that has completely destroyed our relationship, which come out of the blue, i know that there has to be a huge part of them that know that what they did was uncalled for and unnecessary, but that doesn’t change the despair i feel. I’m trying really hard to keep this misery from lasting forever and tearing me apart. This is by far the most difficult thing I’ve ever gone through and never in a million years did I see this coming, we had a great relationship but something went completely astray, I’m in shambles, but I do appreciate your support and words, it helps. Thank you kindly.
It’s the hardest thing in the world to get thrown to the curb I gave my whole life to my daughter for 321/2 years and it came out of nowhere. It’s worse than a death
Same but with my son. It happened when he met his wife. She took over his life and isolated him from everyone but her family. They married quickly during COVID. It enabled her to easily separate him. I was a stay at home mom. I never missed anything that he ever did. I tried really hard to create special memories for our kids.. He loved me. I know it. It was to keep peace with her. I’m not sure if it was a good trade off. He did get a wife and a family from her but he could have gotten that with someone else who did not require him to sacrifice our love for him and his kids that we have never met. He is missing out on a support system, grandparents, siblings, cousins for his children. It has been devastating. I am so grateful I have other children but I miss my son.
There are people in our lives that cannot be pleased, they have impossible standards. The problem lies with the person who names, shames and blames. If you were the judgemental person doing that, your daughters are likely ready to forgive and continue to love you. If they were harsh towards you, don't accept the blame and shame they dump on you. We all need to be told at some time that we're out of line, we don't need harsh disapproval.
I call this deep soul crushing loss ‘Mourning the Living’! Your videos are so helpful. So many people are going through this as well. This particular video fits my circumstance so much better. I’m always looking and dissecting my two girls childhood and things I woulda, coulda, shoulda done differently. Which has reeked havoc on my physical, mental and emotional health.💔 I haven’t been told why they went no contact. With my youngest part was the divorce, part parent/family alienation. I know she has been told things like I didn’t pay child support! But in our divorce I allowed him to keep his 401k in lieu of child support, because I had been on a car accident and awaiting surgeries. I believe adult issues are just that adult issues. She lived with me for 3 1/2 years after their Dad divorced and I received $1,200.00 total, but she never knew that. But what he kept in his 401k was probably triple or more than what I would have paid in the 4 years she had til she was 18. The relationship after their Dad I was Emotionally, Verbally abusive (sometimes he threw shit around me) and I didn’t know how to get out. The unknown was scary than the known. Itold her 3 times I wasn’t going to let him back in the home and I did! No excuses I made horrible decisions and didn’t keep my word to her. (I don’t know if that’s her reason just my reflection) He knew family was my ❤ I called our kids the Brady Bunch Kids. He would use the kids to manipulate me back. How can you abandon my kids and break up our family. You have been more of a Mother to them than their Mom. I did go to classes at a DV Safe House the 1st time I left! The teacher said most women go back 7 times! I told her not me I won’t ever! I went back 3 times 😢💔 out of 22 women in the class I was the only one there by choice. The others were court or Social Services Mandated. The relationship ended when my then son in law and him got into a physical altercation and arrested. My oldest told me the bail was the best money they had spent. 🤦🏼♀️But I was giving ultimatum ‘he goes if you want to see the two granddaughters. My dad and I drove him states away to his parents. My kids and grands come 1st and they broke the toxic chain ⛓️💥 that held me prisoner. I thought for years that man put a curse on me. All the things he said (No buddy wants you, they don’t want you in their lives, they will take those Grandbabies away one day and you’ll never see them again. Your sister and nephews (who cut me off, because I was living in sin and they didn’t like him) He told me ‘You will be completely alone and your family will turn its back forever on you and I will be gone. I’m wordy I’m sorry! I don’t tell people about what I’m going through with my family. I have gotten remarried to wonderful man who is so patient, loving and caring. I have a loving Bonus Son a great package deal! 🏆 We had a photo family wall at the wedding reception and I had pictures of both my girls and grands included. I pray 🙏 for reconciliation and hearts to soften so they get to experience a relationship with me and their amazing Bonus Dad. He tells me as my life continues to get better ❤️🩹 my girls will come around. My sister and I are working on rebuilding our relationship. Slowly, but I will take what I can 🙏 we are starting the 9th year of no contract and I’m sure my youngest Granddaughter only has the memories of me that have been fed to her. My oldest granddaughter I pray 🙏 down deep was old enough when this started will still remember the bond we had. My oldest and the two girls lived with me off and on most of their younger years and I had them all the time. One Christmas my oldest gave me a book called ‘The Book for People Who Do to Much’. I was the giver, working sometimes side gigs so they could do sports or activities with friends. The oldest helped with groceries, gas etc. when needed and helped with the grands so they could have time together. I could write a whole thing about his abusive toxic nightmare. 🙏 thank you doing this message, because it fits my situation.
In my case, three factors were involved: 1. I didn't have enough money for my child as a single parent. She wanted more materialistic items than I could give. But, I gave her my love, time, everything she needed, all kinds of private lessons, vacations and I paid for her college education. Not good enough. 2. She got involved with an extremely narcissistic man 15 years older than her who took complete control over her. I haven't heard from her since. I wasn't invited to her wedding, nor told about the birth of my grandchildren. Why?? 3. After 22 years of being single and putting her first, I met a man and married him after dating for 3 years. She was angry because she was concerned about my will and how much she would get now with a husband on the scene. That was 16 years ago. I haven't seen or heard from her since. Actually- I'm Done.
@@youtubemariemorinestrangement Yes she did! Multiple times. In her mind, I was supposed to stay single for another 22+ years, or until my death, so she could get everything I had. Hence, Estrangement. But not before the last time she was at our home ( Christmas) when she took all my favorite items ( over 10K worth/felony) - all the items she knew were my favorites - right down to my favorite belt! No, I didn't call the police because I didn't want to ruin her life. But she can consider all that stuff her inheritance. She's been completely written out of my trust - And it's iron clad. Stupid, jealous, thieving, manipulative adult child.
All I ever did was love my parents and younger sister. I had a nervous breakdown when I was 16, which altered the entire trajectory of my life. Chose not to have children myself. Finally, when I was 53, I asked for some space because I had to save my life. I never heard from my family of origin again! They were my everything, my identity!!! And I'm left thinking WTF! My experience might be unusual, however I consider myself fortunate 🙏
Often times when parents go at it with each other. They treat you like a marriage therapist, counselor it becomes all they talk about when they see you. When you see them you know the words by heart I wish I never met your dad I could’ve done better. That right there can pay tribute to adult kids not wanting anything too do with their parents I mean parents are suppose too be the child’s road map navigator in life. What does a child have too respect and honor when parents don’t respect, honor themselves?
I was not attuned to myself and my own emotions, so it was impossible to attune to my children, emotionally. As I have learned and grown, I can see my adult kids perspective; they must have felt frustrated and lonely at times, and I wanted to connect more deeply with them, but did not have the tools to do so. This is going back 35 years ago and was generally how society operated. At least now, we seem to be more emotionally intelligent and know better.
I love the level of self awareness and reflection. I think many parents are in a similar situation of not having the tools or skills to connect. We learn as we grow. Thank you for sharing. How old are they now?
Great video. I listen to you even though I don’t believe there is any chance I will reconnect with my daughter. I try to understand her by listening to you. And my daughter not only cut herself off from her parents, but also from all her siblings (11) and all relatives. I believe she has some mental issues as she accused me of some wild things which never happened. And at this time I have no reason to reconnect to her nor do I have the ability to.
Your reason to keep trying is because u r the parent. Especially if u think she has a mental illness. Whatever happened to unconditional love where u dont give up trying. From what u just wrote i can see a little of why the child left. The worst thing u could have done is get defensive and say something didn't happen.
@@ruthbarnes9999 the daughter cut off the parent, the parents cannot do anything. If he/she is being falsely accused, it's completely okay to say that the accusation is false. A parent can still love a child who is estranged, this parent sounds to me like they do love their child still. Your judgement on someone who has been through this pain is cruel.
@threelittlebirds274 its not a judgement. It's an opinion that l thought would help. However, interestingly, you're now judging me and calling me cruel. The very thing u just accused me of u just did. Perhaps it's a projection on your part. This was my opinion because of what I've seen my siblings do and some other people l know and all the deniall saw there. It is true though that children do not cut off parents who have been good. Any parent who says different is in denial. That was the point i was trying to make. But what u say is true too. Because yes, someone can still love someone they are estranged from. And nowhere did l say there was no love. So u have been judgemental too. So should l name call like u did and call u cruel too. Also nowhere in my message did l say it's not OK to say something is false or untrue. You have misread that.
@@ruthbarnes9999 FYI, She accused me of things that’s actually impossible to happen. For example, that I have access to her bank account, that I’m calling her employer to make her lose her job etc. I sometimes wonder if she actually believes this stuff. She recently told someone that she talks to her siblings a few times a month when she actually hasn’t contacted them for years. She didn’t just cut off her parents, but all her 11 siblings and nephews and nieces. I say she must have a mental issue because I don’t have any other explanation. We sat together with a therapist and she stormed out in the middle claiming the therapist isn’t listening to me. And I was told by legal counsel that she’s taking out some type of court order claiming I’m stalking her and that I shouldn’t try to contact her in anyway. I’m not a therapist or a doctor, but I have no other explanation than she’s ill even though as she grew up she didn’t show any kind of mental illness.
morinholistictherapy.com/strategy
This was so helpful. Thank you.
Thank you Morin, I will say from my personal dilemma that i wasn’t a perfect dad, but i was a far cry from being toxic, i was supportive, giving and loving, i feel that social media has been a major influence in why my daughter(s) have decided to take the path that has completely destroyed our relationship, which come out of the blue, i know that there has to be a huge part of them that know that what they did was uncalled for and unnecessary, but that doesn’t change the despair i feel. I’m trying really hard to keep this misery from lasting forever and tearing me apart. This is by far the most difficult thing I’ve ever gone through and never in a million years did I see this coming, we had a great relationship but something went completely astray, I’m in shambles, but I do appreciate your support and words, it helps. Thank you kindly.
I too had beautiful loving relationships with my children 😢
It’s the hardest thing in the world to get thrown to the curb I gave my whole life to my daughter for 321/2 years and it came out of nowhere. It’s worse than a death
Same but with my son. It happened when he met his wife. She took over his life and isolated him from everyone but her family. They married quickly during COVID. It enabled her to easily separate him.
I was a stay at home mom. I never missed anything that he ever did. I tried really hard to create special memories for our kids.. He loved me. I know it. It was to keep peace with her. I’m not sure if it was a good trade off. He did get a wife and a family from her but he could have gotten that with someone else who did not require him to sacrifice our love for him and his kids that we have never met. He is missing out on a support system, grandparents, siblings, cousins for his children.
It has been devastating. I am so grateful I have other children but I miss my son.
There are people in our lives that cannot be pleased, they have impossible standards. The problem lies with the person who names, shames and blames. If you were the judgemental person doing that, your daughters are likely ready to forgive and continue to love you. If they were harsh towards you, don't accept the blame and shame they dump on you. We all need to be told at some time that we're out of line, we don't need harsh disapproval.
I call this deep soul crushing loss ‘Mourning the Living’! Your videos are so helpful. So many people are going through this as well. This particular video fits my circumstance so much better. I’m always looking and dissecting my two girls childhood and things I woulda, coulda, shoulda done differently. Which has reeked havoc on my physical, mental and emotional health.💔 I haven’t been told why they went no contact.
With my youngest part was the divorce, part parent/family alienation. I know she has been told things like I didn’t pay child support! But in our divorce I allowed him to keep his 401k in lieu of child support, because I had been on a car accident and awaiting surgeries. I believe adult issues are just that adult issues. She lived with me for 3 1/2 years after their Dad divorced and I received $1,200.00 total, but she never knew that. But what he kept in his 401k was probably triple or more than what I would have paid in the 4 years she had til she was 18.
The relationship after their Dad I was Emotionally, Verbally abusive (sometimes he threw shit around me) and I didn’t know how to get out. The unknown was scary than the known. Itold her 3 times I wasn’t going to let him back in the home and I did! No excuses I made horrible decisions and didn’t keep my word to her. (I don’t know if that’s her reason just my reflection) He knew family was my ❤ I called our kids the Brady Bunch Kids. He would use the kids to manipulate me back. How can you abandon my kids and break up our family. You have been more of a Mother to them than their Mom. I did go to classes at a DV Safe House the 1st time I left! The teacher said most women go back 7 times! I told her not me I won’t ever! I went back 3 times 😢💔 out of 22 women in the class I was the only one there by choice. The others were court or Social Services Mandated. The relationship ended when my then son in law and him got into a physical altercation and arrested. My oldest told me the bail was the best money they had spent. 🤦🏼♀️But I was giving ultimatum ‘he goes if you want to see the two granddaughters. My dad and I drove him states away to his parents. My kids and grands come 1st and they broke the toxic chain ⛓️💥 that held me prisoner.
I thought for years that man put a curse on me. All the things he said (No buddy wants you, they don’t want you in their lives, they will take those Grandbabies away one day and you’ll never see them again. Your sister and nephews (who cut me off, because I was living in sin and they didn’t like him) He told me ‘You will be completely alone and your family will turn its back forever on you and I will be gone.
I’m wordy I’m sorry! I don’t tell people about what I’m going through with my family.
I have gotten remarried to wonderful man who is so patient, loving and caring. I have a loving Bonus Son a great package deal! 🏆 We had a photo family wall at the wedding reception and I had pictures of both my girls and grands included. I pray 🙏 for reconciliation and hearts to soften so they get to experience a relationship with me and their amazing Bonus Dad.
He tells me as my life continues to get better ❤️🩹 my girls will come around. My sister and I are working on rebuilding our relationship. Slowly, but I will take what I can 🙏 we are starting the 9th year of no contract and I’m sure my youngest Granddaughter only has the memories of me that have been fed to her. My oldest granddaughter I pray 🙏 down deep was old enough when this started will still remember the bond we had. My oldest and the two girls lived with me off and on most of their younger years and I had them all the time.
One Christmas my oldest gave me a book called ‘The Book for People Who Do to Much’. I was the giver, working sometimes side gigs so they could do sports or activities with friends. The oldest helped with groceries, gas etc. when needed and helped with the grands so they could have time together. I could write a whole thing about his abusive toxic nightmare.
🙏 thank you doing this message, because it fits my situation.
In my case, three factors were involved: 1. I didn't have enough money for my child as a single parent. She wanted more materialistic items than I could give. But, I gave her my love, time, everything she needed, all kinds of private lessons, vacations and I paid for her college education. Not good enough. 2. She got involved with an extremely narcissistic man 15 years older than her who took complete control over her. I haven't heard from her since. I wasn't invited to her wedding, nor told about the birth of my grandchildren. Why?? 3. After 22 years of being single and putting her first, I met a man and married him after dating for 3 years. She was angry because she was concerned about my will and how much she would get now with a husband on the scene. That was 16 years ago. I haven't seen or heard from her since. Actually- I'm Done.
She actually told you she was concerned about your will?
Yikes
@@youtubemariemorinestrangement Yes she did! Multiple times. In her mind, I was supposed to stay single for another 22+ years, or until my death, so she could get everything I had. Hence, Estrangement. But not before the last time she was at our home ( Christmas) when she took all my favorite items ( over 10K worth/felony) - all the items she knew were my favorites - right down to my favorite belt! No, I didn't call the police because I didn't want to ruin her life. But she can consider all that stuff her inheritance. She's been completely written out of my trust - And it's iron clad. Stupid, jealous, thieving, manipulative adult child.
Excellent video & thank you 💐😊
All I ever did was love my parents and younger sister.
I had a nervous breakdown when I was 16, which altered the entire trajectory of my life. Chose not to have children myself.
Finally, when I was 53, I asked for some space because I had to save my life.
I never heard from my family of origin again! They were my everything, my identity!!!
And I'm left thinking WTF!
My experience might be unusual, however I consider myself fortunate 🙏
That must have been so painful for you. How awful!
Thank you 💜
Not sure I'll ever fully recover.
I'm aware my situation is different to yours.
I sincerely wish you all the best 🙏🤗💜
Often times when parents go at it with each other. They treat you like a marriage therapist, counselor it becomes all they talk about when they see you. When you see them you know the words by heart I wish I never met your dad I could’ve done better. That right there can pay tribute to adult kids not wanting anything too do with their parents I mean parents are suppose too be the child’s road map navigator in life. What does a child have too respect and honor when parents don’t respect, honor themselves?
I was not attuned to myself and my own emotions, so it was impossible to attune to my children, emotionally. As I have learned and grown, I can see my adult kids perspective; they must have felt frustrated and lonely at times, and I wanted to connect more deeply with them, but did not have the tools to do so. This is going back 35 years ago and was generally how society operated. At least now, we seem to be more emotionally intelligent and know better.
That's terrific, you sound like a terrific parent.
I love the level of self awareness and reflection. I think many parents are in a similar situation of not having the tools or skills to connect. We learn as we grow. Thank you for sharing. How old are they now?
Love your videos... thank you! FYI... the audio is too low. ☮
Great video. I listen to you even though I don’t believe there is any chance I will reconnect with my daughter. I try to understand her by listening to you. And my daughter not only cut herself off from her parents, but also from all her siblings (11) and all relatives. I believe she has some mental issues as she accused me of some wild things which never happened. And at this time I have no reason to reconnect to her nor do I have the ability to.
I love that you accept what is.
Your reason to keep trying is because u r the parent. Especially if u think she has a mental illness. Whatever happened to unconditional love where u dont give up trying. From what u just wrote i can see a little of why the child left. The worst thing u could have done is get defensive and say something didn't happen.
@@ruthbarnes9999 the daughter cut off the parent, the parents cannot do anything.
If he/she is being falsely accused, it's completely okay to say that the accusation is false.
A parent can still love a child who is estranged, this parent sounds to me like they do love their child still. Your judgement on someone who has been through this pain is cruel.
@threelittlebirds274 its not a judgement. It's an opinion that l thought would help. However, interestingly, you're now judging me and calling me cruel. The very thing u just accused me of u just did. Perhaps it's a projection on your part. This was my opinion because of what I've seen my siblings do and some other people l know and all the deniall saw there. It is true though that children do not cut off parents who have been good. Any parent who says different is in denial. That was the point i was trying to make. But what u say is true too. Because yes, someone can still love someone they are estranged from. And nowhere did l say there was no love. So u have been judgemental too. So should l name call like u did and call u cruel too. Also nowhere in my message did l say it's not OK to say something is false or untrue. You have misread that.
@@ruthbarnes9999 FYI, She accused me of things that’s actually impossible to happen. For example, that I have access to her bank account, that I’m calling her employer to make her lose her job etc. I sometimes wonder if she actually believes this stuff. She recently told someone that she talks to her siblings a few times a month when she actually hasn’t contacted them for years. She didn’t just cut off her parents, but all her 11 siblings and nephews and nieces. I say she must have a mental issue because I don’t have any other explanation. We sat together with a therapist and she stormed out in the middle claiming the therapist isn’t listening to me. And I was told by legal counsel that she’s taking out some type of court order claiming I’m stalking her and that I shouldn’t try to contact her in anyway. I’m not a therapist or a doctor, but I have no other explanation than she’s ill even though as she grew up she didn’t show any kind of mental illness.