Tips To Help You Get Your Elderly Loved One To Shower
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 2 ส.ค. 2024
- Many caregivers find themselves in the position of arguing with their elderly loved ones about bathing and showering.
Here are 8 reasons why elderly may not shower often and some tips on how to manage that if your senior loved one is refusing to shower or bathe.
More details in our article:
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Information about daily showering habits around the world:
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#caregivertips #caringfordementia #seniorsafetyadvice
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You forgot to mention that taking a shower when you are very old uses up so much energy. Energy that old people don't have.
That is true, thank you for reminding me of that!
That happens when your malnourished
Either shower when you're around others, or others may very well PICK YOU UP and PUT you in the shower, and then give you a GI bath!
When you STINK, you CAN actually make others SICK to the point of PUKING 🤮 😡👎
Don't jeopardize others' health
Either shower when you're around others or people may pick you up and forcefully put you in there, and give you a GI bath 👎
If you exercise regularly you will have more energy. Count bathing as exercise.
Yes.. true
@@singerjo5791 not so easy with a stubborn senior 😊
Showering exhausts me, but the thought of smelling bad gives me horrors
If standing in the shower is what you're doing, maybe placing a seat in there (a safe one) can help to make it less exhausting? Placing an extended shower head onto the wall next to the seat is also a great way to just sit, relax and shower.
If folks think I stink..I don't give a rats behind.
Just be careful still spot a person, mom 90 it's scary barely any room in tub with chair in there,then out leg over tub to get in,we put a rail,and still hold on the her,use easy rinse off soap,prepare,it helps to put things out,once in there,they don't want to get out
We should all try just to judge. Try a walker in the shower stall.
Walkers are genius, the design and sturdiness, built to last and much more versatile than we give them credit for. Try it sideways, try it backwards.
Instead of having the bar in front, back into the space, the crossbar is now behind the bather. If it feels slippery, put some dollar store rubberized shelf paper down, for bather's feet, as well as legs of the walker.
Shower seats do nothing for me, knees hurt, getting up hurts, not worth the effort. If your shower area is large enough, keep the walker right there.
Look around in the kiddies section, a kiddie swim vest, even the puffy arm bands would give a sense of security. Use a simple scarf tie or belt on the shower curtain pole. When you determine it’s helpful, immediately go to something sturdy and permanent.
@@josefinagarza241 Sounds divine, once over the hard part.
There are thick rubber thresholds, not cheap, but a one time purchase.
Lifting the foot is a major deal, knees hurt.
We need innovation. The transfer chairs look good. Sturdy yet lightweight. Maybe don’t take it all the way in the shower stall. Sit nearby for the drain, use handheld shower device. The problem is stepping. Slippery feeling, unstable is scary. Find a great chair with arms. Take it close to the shower stall. Work with things gradually, over days, get input from the bather about what comes next.
We can’t find things in catalogs because It doesn’t exist.
It’s a homemade project, safety grips, wooden rails that hold ADA rail below, against the inside length, the purpose is to slide the hand along, don’t lift the hand for safety and stability.
Anyone with a handicap knows…what is called accessible is often very poor. We need to give hotels and meeting places feedback. It’s all simple and inexpensive, but others need to be educated about what does and doesn’t work.
I am 76-year-old female and I hate to get in the shower the reasons are I am afraid of falls so I put it bathing chair I sit on I have bars in the shower and I turn on the heat when I shower; I get short of breath I get short of breath; but I keep on truckin I drink it can a mountain dew and I shower once a week;; hand wash during the week;; under my arms and so forth;; this is life and it's my way of staying fresh and clean with no orders; take it or leave it;; it's just my way Joanne😅😂
Thanks for sharing Joanne. Whatever works for you, as long as you are safe. Sorry you get out of breath, but it sounds like you are doing the best you can. Just stay safe. Make sure you have non-slip stickies in your shower and a non-slip mat to step on as well.
😮
At least you wash your smelly bits regularly. As a nurse we get patients who won't even do that and the smell is very unpleasant.
Good for you. A person does what they can do
@@ymfg9004 really walk a day in my shoes sister
When I was an aide in an early dementia unit, I learned a few things that are helping me in my own life as I age. Music activates a different part of the brain than speech and I would sing Take Me Out to the Ball Game with them - I found they often could not understand yet knew all the words to the song. I was able to bathe and dress them for bed. At bedtime, we would lay out fresh clothes and undies for the morning. Often I would sing them all the way to the dining room and back to their rooms.
Oh I love that!! Thanks so much for sharing.
Yes…experts say….music recognition is basically last thing to go. If it ever goes.
With my dad, it was 1950's black and white tv shows and sports from that era. It was comforting to him. iPads and YT, nothing better.
Sometimes, it can be helpful to have two carers to assist with bathing, rather than just one, if that’s possible. It worked for me when all else failed.
God bless you!
Looked it up because they do it right….what do they do in Japan?
Sure enough, they got this. They make rituals of warm baths, walk in like you’d do in a natural pool or sea side.
It’s just the bath, other fixtures are separate room entirely, separate activity, a bath is separate.
Beautiful surroundings, no harsh lighting, beautiful sounds.
And….they stole my idea. Thought ten years ago--there should be a bathing squad. They come twice a week and take over duties.
They respect and comfort the patient to make a ritual bathing experience, efficiently done.
Japan does it. And, no wonder…oldest citizens, fastest growing population of 86 years old.
Bettie Grimes here. I'm 81yr old and i absolutely hate to showering. Its exhausting for me. I dread the feeling of the water on my skin. 1 to 2 times a week is fine.
82 - broke arms and wrists 9 times. Have had dislocations as well. Cut my arm into my bone, interesting to see our yellowish cells much like salmon caviar, and bone is like uncooked chicken bones with red veins running everywhere. REPLACED knee - went great - replaced shoulder - results in my not being able to raise my arm. Chipped a bone on my elbow - and dislocated other elbow. Concussions - seven. Yes, deathly afraid of slippery hard surface. I am afraid of my hip breaking from a fall and that will do me in. My mind is okay, I think. Use tons of toilet paper. Wash under arms and private area daily. I still fall as I don't have proper balance.
The fear of falling is rational.
I've been sitting on a chair in the shower for decades. I couldn't afford a stupid injury. It's also a very relaxing way to take a shower.
I live in South East Asia, one of the more common ways to die here, not just seniors, is slipping in the shower.
Caution and rational phobia comes with experience.
If you live near a beach where the weather is nice you can avoid bathing completely.
Wow, with all those incidents and still falling it seems you may be a very strong candidate for 24 hour supervision and/or a wheelchair. Otherwise, a hip fracture may just be something you won't avoid.
I would certainly strongly recommend that you speak with an geriatric care manager who can help you figure ou who the best people are to call to help.
@@camlacasse3760 Oof - you have been through A LOT!! But you sound like a real valiant trooper. Love and respect and many more years to you 💐
@@camlacasse3760. I’m DO SORRY!! Do u have family that can help u shower once a wk. or every 2 wks?? Or, if u are U are in the low income bracket, can can have a care giver come in and bath u!! This comps for charges nothing. And they also clean your home, if u can’t do it. And if u are are well off financially, u can hire someone to help bath or shower.
Just give a hot towel wash like we do for a bed bath in hospital. Three towels , about 500mls of hot water for each towel,. Use some QV wash or similar, or some moisturiser, add a few drops of a calming aromatic oil. Just put the rolled towels in a bowl or plastic bag, add the water and just wash the body in bits. One towel for the face and upper torso, one towel for the legs and one for the back and groin. You don’t get wet, just like the hot towel you used. To get on some flights before meals. You only need to expose parts of the body at one time, so they don’t get too cold. Give it a try.
Perfect!!!
Great advice given here.
I am over 70 and have mobility problems but I shower usually twice a week, in hot weather more when possible, it is difficult for me and I am afraid of slipping so I have aqua non slip shoes and a seat in the shower, it is difficult getting in and out because I can't stand for long and have a tremor in my legs but I manage by grabbing onto pipes on wall etc then sit quickly on toilet to dry myself. I use an empty washing up bottle filled with water from the sink and a bar of sanex soap to wash my privates every day in the morning after using the toilet and before bed. It works well to freshen up . I don't think I smell and I know when i really do need a shower and a shampoo .I wear clean underwear every day and fresh clothes., I use tena pads for leaks. It is horrible getting older and I don't want to smell.
Well, I do agree that growing older is not for the faint of heart. It takes emotional strength and courage so please acknowledge that you have those.
Thank you so much for sharing all your tips and hopefully it can help others.
Getting old ain’t for sissies. I’m 75.
Bless you ,a lovely lady I think .We all hate old age but keeping clean and fresh is the biggest challenge . Perfume is a grt boost and if you like it let it be known to family and friends that it's ur present of choice .Otherwise you will be getting candles and more candles , 😊
Bless your heart @user-fr2eq.
Even making the effort makes you feel and look beautiful to the world. 💖
A bidet is the best answer! It’s perfect for the non-showering/bathing days. Definitely worth investing in. It’s less expensive than other options and doesn’t take up your energy to use. I was surprised to not hear this as a helpful option.
Totally agree!
I got a plastic bottle with the sprayer aimed like a bidet
A recycled plastic bottle filled with warm water to squit between legs while on toilet.
Great idea!
I bought a hand held one on Temu for a couple bucks
What has happened to sponge baths. We took them as children.stand in front of the sink, wash privates, pits and feet. Done.
Nothing, sponge baths are fine for most. It's just that some people like the running water on them. Some don't.
As a friend of mine always says, I'll do me and you do you!
Meaning just do what works best for you.
@@SeniorSafetyAdvice some old people or people with disabilities can not stand for extended periods of time.
@@kfl611 Bath chairs are needed for me and so many others that are either elderly or just carrying too much weight. My daughter is in that situation and is only 57 but is afraid of falling in the shower. She has a bath chair and it really helps you feel secure.
@kfl611
I just bought a shower stool because I can't stand for a whole shower.
We call that "pits and slits" 😅
Almost 70. I look forward to a warm evening shower and a squirt of Channel perfume. You sleep better.
Oh, I love that routine!!!
I love it!😊
No, YOU sleep better. Not me.
Omg Chanel stinks
70 is much different than 80. At 70 I was still flying my little airplane. At 80 it’s a much steeper downhill slide. More difficult to shower, dress, prepare food, clean up, go out and thinking process is slower. At what point I will need more help is looming. Sympathies to all who have more diseases and injuries to manage.
Here in UK many elderly people are afraid to use a shower or bath because of the cost it takes to heat the water. Electricity and gas prices are high and one elderly lady told me that she boils a kettle and uses the water to have a strip wash every day so that is how she keeps herself clean. These things are increasingly difficult for OAP’s trying to live on a State Pension.
Yes, I can certainly agree. Here in the U.S. it's difficult for the ones living in poverty as well. I know seniors who live only on their social security check of $1200.00 a month. With the cost of food and utilities and sometimes rent, it's simply not enough. It takes money to grow old.
Yeah, same here in Italy. 😢
Yap
While your king is a billionaire
Ms Darby, I’m a care worker for the elderly in the UK. From my experience, most native English people don’t mind strip wash, alternating full and top-and-tail and rarely shower. Some of those in ethnic minorities insist daily shower or strip wash up to twice a day. Our service-users’ mobility must not compromise their safety. We don’t bother the less mobile to shower but some demand us to do more than their fare share. June of London
Not sure if you mentioned fear of falling. This is very common in the elderly and a major reason my mother refused to shower, despite repeated entreaties from me, her caregiver. There were many safeguards in place. We even got a shower chair, but then she became focused on the difficulty getting up from the seated position, despite help. Looking back now as I age, I can understand how vulnerable she must have felt.
Yes,I do believe I mentioned falling because that, I think, is the most common. I just ordered some shower stickies for my shower floor because I'm noticing that as I exit the shower it just feels a bit slippery. That fear of falling is so very real.
Thanks for sharing.
I have very fragile skin. There is always an area that is irritated. My doctor told me not to bath every day. Every 2 to 4 days is fine. If I get sweaty I will take a quick shower. For some reason, about 20 years ago, I began to hate taking showers and I think it was depression. I would go nearly 2 weeks without bathing and then go at it very quickly. Now I am 75 and I shower about 3 times a week and wash my hair once a week. On cold wet days, I dred taking a shower. I have learned to rely on baby wipes to keep my private area free of odor between shower days. I do take quick showers to cool off in the summer. I don't feel depressed anymore so I tend to shower more regularly.
Thanks so much for sharing your information. Depression certainly does play a big part in difficulties with showering. I went through that right after my husband died, so I get it.
Me too no shame to feel what we do do what works suits you no one else has to know & too bad if do 😂
I on the other hand , love taking a shower . I am a senior citizen and love feeling Fresh. It's like all My worries and stress just goes away with the water. Bad energies and depression , whoosh ! Out it goes!! Makes me feel soooo good it Will sometimes be hard to keeping me from showering two and maybe three times a day when the weather is too hot. I have a very good feet pad that Will not let me Slip and two great safety handles within My reach so I am not scared of falling. Also wear My crocs to make it Better.
The Best is the after feeling of being clean , Fresh, and without Bad vibes stuck to My body ,!!! 👍😄
Oh that is so great, I love your story. When I lived in South Florida taking at least one shower a day was needed, it was so hot and I felt like I just lived in a hot shower! Yech!
So, I completely understand how you must feel.
It sounds like you are taking all the precautions and I love Crocs!! Great idea to wear them in the shower.
Same here. I'm 70 and it's very hot where I live so it's normal here to have cold showers twice daily. When it's extra humid, I will have another (cold) shower before bedtime.
Same with me. I am 75 and I need to shower every morning. Makes me feel so much better and ready for a new day.
My mom won’t shower or take bath for 2yrs! She claims she sponge bathes but she don’t. She use to use diaper wipes but that isn’t enough and now she don’t really use that anymore. The nurses say she should bathe once a week because she has gotten septic from cellulitis; So yes, you do have to bathe to get rid of bad bacteria. Elderly also can get very dry flaky skin and that too builds up. So if they don’t bath they are at more risk of infections like cellulitis, UTI, fungal and so on. Many elderly with dementia think they showered recently or they sponge bathed and they did not. My mom refuses to use a shower chair because she claims she can’t bathe that way and it’s more of hazard. When I try to get her to stand and hold the rail she comes up that she’ll fall or her wrist hurts so she can’t shower. It’s a cycle when you say one thing they keep turning it and twisting it so they have a reason to not shower or they go off into another subject. Even the OT and nurse that would come tried and she would refuse. Over the last few years they only got her to shower 4 times. You can’t reason with someone whose mind is not functioning properly anymore.
Yes, it's very true. There is no reasoning with someone who has a malfunctioning set of circuits. That's just the reality of it. I am sorry you are dealing with this issue and there certainly are times that nothing works and you just have to take it for what it is.
But, calling in another Occupational Therapist or nursing assistant may help. Sometimes, soothing music and a very warm room is very helpful.
A sponge bath does not have to be done in a bathroom, if she's more comfortable in her bedroom, it may be easier to do a short sponge bath there.
We have many patients who for whatever reason can’t or won’t get into the shower, even younger ones. We just give them a good bed bath which I’ve outlined in my comment , if you can find it. The skin gets a bit of a scrub and moisturise at the same time. Remember to clean the feet and between the toes well. Use wet wipes in the toilet but don’t flush. Good luck.
I'm 71, and I have just gotten to the age where it is utterly terrifying to try to take a shower. A bath is much better. Put a chair in the tub so I can sit on it and finish my bathing, and can get out -- that is everything. But trying to stand up and take a shower is utterly terrifying. I am so terrified of slipping!
Stop being so feeble. Ditch the chair. Just grab the rail and enjoy. I am eighty-five and gave a bath every day. No problem.
Hi Tabby, Thank you for sharing....we all have much to share with one another in getting through this human life without an owners manual... My mother, Blanche, lived to 94. Although in generally good health she did struggle with dementia. She did not like to take a shower/bath & was very modest. One day after nicely telling her how much better she would feel and that she would also be nice and warm, (she was very cold all the time), I took off all my clothes, turned on the bath water, added her chair with a towel on top of the chair since it was hard. I made it all a respectable game of sorts. In we went. I also had her sit on her chair with her back to the shower. At that point I gently began a light spray at the base of her spine as to not shock her with the water. I checked with her on the temp and then went very slowly up her back with my other hand on her back for security. Before long she was cooing with the warmth, suds up and I even washed her hair. I gave her a dry facecloth to insure no soap got into her eyes. I also had a tiny heater in the bathroom for her. God bless her. I wish she were here now to take a shower with. Sorry for the run on sentences here. Good luck to all of you who take care of family or loved ones. Don't forget to care for yourself. It is an act of love which they appreciate whether they show it or not. Blessings to all.
I agree, so many reasons why seniors don’t want to bathe in a shower or tub. Having osteoporosis in both hips can be very scary thinking there might be a fall. Especially when walking is already unstable.
✨Thank You for this helpful video. 😊
Oh thank you for the comment!!
I’m thankful for my walk in shower!!
Ya. The bathroom is cold. And, I got in shower one time, I had two white big toes when I got in and a big black toe when I got out. No fan or heat lamp. Plus, afraid of falling. I don't want anything to break. Apartment here, wouldn't fix or buy anything. Ghetto senior apartment living. 62+ can't sleep at night the chick that just moved in above me is up making raucous all night and goes all day. I'd like some of that energy.
I really feel the cold, and for me, bathrooms or shower rooms are rarely warm enough, for me it is crucial to get it toasty warm before getting wet.
I hear you, I like it on the warm side too!!
Would it help to put your (fresh) towels and clothes in the dryer? Get it prepped and warm for when you come out? If course, it will cool off, but if you keep it bundle on the bed, or solid surface that's close, and put another towel/pillow/blanket on top so it stays as warm as possible. Being cold isn't fun, esp if you get wet then cold, brrr!
Not related to the shower, but I needed a heating pad for pain. I found a heating pad for massage tables! It works so much better than the mattress heating pad (the kind that's like a sheet, but has heat elements in it). I got that for our first house because it was soooo cold. But it died unevenly, too quickly. I've been using the massage table heater for many, many years without issues. It is under a mattress pad, sheets, blanket, and quilt. Just sharing in case it helps🤗
Thank you for mentioning depression and the fact that this is one of it's physical manifestations. For the oldest among us any mental illness carries with it a huge stigma, absolutely huge
Oh, I think mental illness has a huge stigma attached to it no matter what age. It's ridiculous really. In my experience, older adults have a higher chance of developing anxiety and depression and of course it can easily manifest in physical symptoms.
I do hope that I live long enough to see the medical community and society finally accept mental illnesses as easily as they accept physical ones.
@@SeniorSafetyAdvice UK We are really getting a handle on it over here compared to even 25 years ago which is great. Of course it's not perfect but when famous people talk about it it moves acceptance forward. And all my doctors have been fantastic
Yeah, isn't it funny how just having a famous person or family talking about something propels acceptance and changes society. Wish it didn't have to be that way.
It occurs to me that it is possible after death of spouse one might be distraught that he simply is not interested to groom self. No incentive, no motivation.....the emotion one goes through after death of spouse is incredible, and indescribable....
I'm bi polar one, late diagnosed, bc of my meds several years ago it zapped all my energy and made daily life hard, especially showers, but I powered through, I've done it all my life, but I hate
Going w/o being clean, it's disgusting 🤢
Thank you. As a 67-year-old woman with many chronic diseases, I have difficulty with some of my ADL's. I live with my only child and her family, and I am afraid that if I reveal that I need help of any kind that she will place me in a nursing home. I am a retired nurse and have worked my nearly 30-year career in ER's and nursing homes. I've seen families drop off their older family members in the ER and leave them, refusing to come and get them. In nursing homes, I've seen the neglect, not only from staff but family members that refuse to come visit them, leaving the resident heartbroken. I've had two great aunts that were tricked into going to a nursing facility for rehab only to find that their homes were sold and all that they had was gone and that the nursing home was now their final home. They gave up and died within 3 months. It's scary when you have your good mind, but your body is rapidly declining. Thank you for the baby wipe trick and the not having to bathe as often. I have trouble in that department at times.
I understand
I'm so sorry, and I really sympathise with your predicament.
However I too am a former nurse, and I would never condemn families for being unable to care for relatives with severe dementia or disabilities.
I have never seen a nursing home resident who didn't need to be there.
I take it you're not in the UK ?
Because nobody here could be 'tricked' into having their home sold without their permission.
I know this also from personal experience.
My mother is in a nursing home, and I'm quite rightly, having to jump through SO many hoops in order to sell her house.
One being the lawyers requiring proof of her mental and physical incapacity from the doctors, and my having to provide legal proof of permission for me to act on her behalf.
I wish you good health & all the best .
I am sorry you are in the position you are in but please do not let your fear of what MIGHT happen get in the way of not being truthful with your family.
Truth is, if you are having difficulty with some of your ADL's now, without some help from others, those difficulties will only become bigger problems.
And then, your family may be forced to do something they do not want to do.
If you want to keep your independence, then get the help from a physical and/or occupational therapist to help you keep that independence.
Don’t assume all nursing homes are bad
I'm almost 69, thank God I'm in good health but I live alone and I'm afraid of ending my days in some horrible place, no more able to look after myself.
Because of extreme dry skin, I was told by a dermatologist to only shower every other day I’m 83 and this works very well I’m cle@n with my body and clothes and dont mind taking a shower when that other day comes around. Love smelling good!
Thanks for sharing!! So glad your dermatologist said that to you! It's very true.
NOTE: Meidcare will pay for an aide to come to the home for shower care, IF the persom is "homebound", meaning they can't leave the house on their own. Your physician doesn't have to order it. Call a visiting nursing nursing agency & they'll send a RN to assess your loved one & determine care needs. They'll ask a family member to be there for that visit. The agency's physician will write the order for Medicare & they'll interface with your doctor. You may also get assistance with medication administration, nursing or PT; whatever is necessary & you agree to. They can be a godsend. Great video, BTW.
Oh thank you so much for sharing your information, it's all great info and something I'm sure so many will appreciate. And thanks, glad you liked the video!!
I'm in my 70s. We took a bath ONCE A WEEK. My dermatologist said people are destroying their immune systems by over bathing.
Yeah, I kinda agree with your dermatologist. But, as someone mentioned earlier, for people who are sedentary or bed bound or wheelchair bound, it may be necessary a bit more often to be part of a plan to help prevent pressure sores. Then again, it's certainly not going to prevent it by itself.
Marketers really did a good job on selling the soap industry, didn't they?
Destroying immune systems my foot! Excuses.
@@pathopewell1814 Lol that's new to me
my husband is wheelchair bound. He had a hip disarticulaton. Since his surgery 11 years ago he has never ever had sores. Because his tailbone does not allow him to sit on a chair or couch like a normal person. We had to have a cushion made for him. They imaged his bottom sitting on a cushion. The cushion looks like a bowl where his bone is and support his bottom and the area of his disarticulaton. I also massage his bottom every night when he goes to bed. We also bought a sleep number one air mattress. The cushion was covered by our insurance. They are expensive, but better then paying for treatment of pressure sores. People who are wheelchair bound can benefit from a custom made cushion. But unfortunately many have no idea that they can be made but of course expensive. My husband is on his fifth cushion and the last one ran the insurance company $4000 total. Cushions do need to be replaced.
When they get elderly a daily shower is not a reasonable expectation. Aim for twice a week maybe 3 times.
Absolutely!!!!
At 75, I try for every other day. If I get sweaty It's shower day.
However, daily changes of underwear (and sponging peri area if possible) should be encouraged to prevent UTIs
It is hot and humid where I live so I always take 2 cold showers daily. If I am extra sweaty, I will take another cold shower before bed. I am 70 years old and hope I will not forget to take daily showers as I get older.
@@julianinurgahayati911 It's not about forgetting - if only it was that simple. You'll understand in time.
My mother in law is in an assisted living facility. They couldn't get her to shower. Her daughter told them to bribe her with a beer! It worked with a 4 oz.
OMG, this made me laugh!!! Hey, whatever works.
I had never thought of that.
I use a 3 drawer plastic unit on wheels in the bathroom. I wheel it conveniently, facing me when I am sitting on the toilet. Top drawer: different size wipes and deodorant under arm products. Have paper towel available too.
Second drawer: incontinence pads. i favor Poise products. Third drawer: freshly washed under pants. This is very convenient and i have a waste basket near by. This helps on days that I do not shower.
What a great tip! Thanks so much for sharing.
Very good idea!
Since becoming partially paralyzed in both legs, I've had MAJOR problems with taking a shower. Cannot take a bath because of not being able to get in or out of the tub. I have a shower chair with a soft bathmat on the bottom of the bathtub. I'm also temporarily in a wheelchair, which makes things easier, actually, vs. the walker, if you can believe that. Anywho, yes, I bath once every week unless I have an "accident" or something. I'm extremely sedentary, only leaving he house to go to Church on Sundays. I'm the pianist there. I go outside rarely, if at all. My clothing is clean, so I focus on that more than anything else. It's painful & takes me THREE HOURS to get a sit-down shower. So there's that. So much time. It's also extremely dangerous. I've hurt myself severely trying to get a shower, so I'm rather reluctant to get one. I have to be SO very careful. Every move I make could be fatal. I also have major blood-flow issues in both of my lower legs. I can't afford for my lower legs to touch anything. Even trying to towel off is dangerous as I can easily tear my skin. I have to pat myself dry. Just getting dressed is challenging. I have to move slow & very carefully. It's hard to do my hair as well. I haven't been able to find a suitable hair stylist in I couldn't tell you how long. Thankfully, our favorite hair stylist has come back after spending a few years raising her little ones. So, I'm VERY excited! My hair is so long & I just can't deal with trying to put it up anymore. I'll be SO happy when I get to get my hair cut & styled!!! I can't WAIT! Also, I use baby wipes instead of toilet paper. Huggies baby wipes are flushable. They have never stopped up any of our toilets. Just make sure to flush for every 3 wipes you use. They are a tremendous help in keeping oneself clean at all times. Anywho, yes, I used to sit back in abject HORROR upon finding out my parents, (before they passed away) took a shower every two weeks! But now I KNOW how they felt. Getting a shower has to be the most dangerous part of an older person's day. It's just not worth the risk. So, thank you so much for posting this for those who haven't managed to achieve their golden years yet in explaining why it is their elderly loved one doesn't want to bathe.
Oh thank you for the kudos and thank you for sharing your experience, @deeannray5093. It sounds like you have a lot of challenges to manage, and it's understandable why showering can be so difficult and dangerous for you. It does sound as if you are doing the very best that you can.
Just a thought, if you haven't yet had an Occupational Therapist come to your home for an assessment. It may help to have someone with experience to look at your situation to see if there is an alternative way for you to shower. It certainly wouldn't hurt.
Otherwise, I am very glad that you are getting out to church and to get your hair done (hooray!).
Thank you again for sharing your story!
Many of us don't have walk in showers. If you have the shower in the tub, like me, it can be very difficult and scary to have to lift yourself over the tub to even get in, especially if you have arthritis. I have a shower chair and a hand held shower head plus bars to hold onto and they help a lot.
You are right, not everyone has a walk in shower nor can they afford to replace what they do have with one.
A shower chair is good and grab bars are also very good - you're doing the right thing.
The only other option I can recommend is a shower bench.
Something like this...
www.rehabmart.com/product/ada-compliant-teak-seat-for-bathtubs-46573.html?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjw0ruyBhDuARIsANSZ3wqjDnRmwKDQ24ELqeA7rDiX0Y94Mb2im6AFV9PAhTur0ITvsxYqMc8aAocHEALw_wcB
The beauty of this is that you don't have to step into the tub to get into it. You can sit down outside of the tub and then swing your legs over (if you can do that).
I know it's not inexpensive but it may be something that can help you as you grow older. Goodness knows we can all use tools to help make ourselves safer!
@@SeniorSafetyAdviceThis bench is $545.00. Far too expensive and the shower curtain cannot be pulled past it to keep water off floor! Not the best suggestion!
Hand held shower flexible,,and inexpensive..heads are perfect for those of us who have advanced arthritis and osteoarthritis. Grab bars to get in and out.,still standing, then simply wash with flex shower. Solves my limited ability issues 👍🏻
I wonder if there's a bench that you could have on the outside (a second bench), maybe in a way where you can scoot to the other chair? IDK, maybe the distance is too far ☹️ But it could at least be helpful for drying and dressing....
Oops Ive gone 6-7 months not showering. Though if im still living in my mini van this summer, ill be glad to take more frequent showers. I hate summer arghhhh Federal gov needs to address senior housing.
If you are willing to move (to another state or location) you may want to call caring.com at 800-558-0653 to ask for information on senior housing options for low income seniors. They are certainly out there, you just have to hunt for them and you have to be willing to move to where they are.
I have a friend of mine who was in your situation and he ended up moving to Hendersonville, NC (he was in Colorado). So, if you're able and willing to make the change, give them a call.
We need to stop waiting for the government who clearly wants us gone, and put our intentions toward good people giving the space they can to take us on. Maybe a trailer on their property, renting out camping areas with shower access. Something more humane than us living in cars, not being able to have a place to shower. I'm still hanging in, but my rent is 65% of my income. I'm living on credit, for now. I'll keep you in my prayers.
where I live summer is very humid, and broiling hot, so I bathe twice a day, once in the morning to get ready for the day, and at night to get cooled off enough to sleep. In winter once in the morning is sufficient. I have very oily skin and the humidity just makes it that much more miserable.(Electric bill goes into orbit in summer, too, running the AC at full blast all day). I used to think that the heat wouldn't be so bad as I aged, but if anything it's getting worse. A year ago I was injured in a fall and had to make-do on "bird-baths", and it was miserable a long with the pain. When I was finally up to bathing again, it felt like paradise. Baby Boomer here, but I have had people much younger sit down near me on the bus who smelled like they must have slept in a dumpster the previous night.
My father had to have a bed bath for almost the last year of his life. I made sure he smelled good as the one thing i didn't want in his home was it to smell like a nursing home 😊
Oh he was so very lucky to have you!!!
@@SeniorSafetyAdvice I was blessed to have him 😊
I did same for my Husband & Mum as once worked in Nursing Homes know exactly what you mean. Made sure they were always clean fresh smelt nice it wasn't easy as both couldn't walk. I was their full time Carer was a lot of work but well worth it loved looking after them. Miss them both so much ❤❤ it was an honour to have them at home with me till they passed. My biggest regret is that I couldn't look after my wonderful Dad he passed in hospital ❤
@@jangriffin-fi1yx yes it was hard as dad was bedridden, too. It was a difficult 4-1/2 years as he had 6 children and I was the main caregiver. Some seemed forgotten him when he could no longer do. Sad. Even relationships were changed. Now my mother had alzheimer and we are trying to keep her at home as long as possible. Yet this seems harder. Dad had a stroke.
When I had Aunt Dot living here, she washed daily, and showered weekly. She grew up taking a weekly bath on the farm, BUT they washed daily. That is enough. I have taken up the habit, actually washing after I use the toilet nearly every time. What a difference! TP just does not keep you clean......
Oh absolutely, TP does NOT get you clean or keep you clean, for sure. Lots of folks use wipes but the problem with those is that even though it may be labeled as "flushable" they really aren't.
That's why a bidet is such a great tool to have in the home. I do hope that someday they become as popular here in the U.S. as they are in Europe.
And my mother also followed that same routine. Washed daily, showered weekly. That really is enough.
Thanks for sharing.
I have a Happy Po bidet - got it for travel, but now use it at home all the time. Inexpensive and effective. I’ve thought of getting a heated bidet installed, but I have no experience with installed bidets and am not sure I will like the aiming ability of them.
I was raised washing ourselves after no 1 and no 2, thoroughly. So, always feeling good about private part. Once a week long shower or bathing, washing my hair too. If sweating or getting dirty, yes, either shower or towel wash. I had oily skin, so, for many years I had to shower or bathe n wash my hair, every 5 days. Now, at 79, my skin is not that oily, so, weekly long shower, n towel wash under arms in between. I love to smell good, and feel clean specially in private part. I don't understand how can anyone live with dirty under pants!!! Thank you for this informative video.
Your parents did great teaching you all of that. Not everyone does, believe me. And I think for the most part, the individuals who tolerate dirty under pants are in a state of dementia or other cognitive decline. It's not that they intend to do that and honestly, if their brain was functioning as it once did, they probably would be horrified.
But, that's what a cognitive decline does, it strips you of reasoning and judgement (which are usually the first to go).
I go to my parents'house twice a day, just so I can get my mum to change her Adult diaper in the morning and before going to bed. I manage to give her A shower every 3 days ,and she always says "why do I have to change my underwear, why do I have to shower?"but as soon as I hold out my hand to guide her to the bathroom "where are we going?", she's fine. She was always so particular about being clean and wearing lipstick.
@@SeniorSafetyAdvicethank you very much ❤
@@tinakollia9420Thank you very much ❤
@@tinakollia9420Your Mom is so blessed to have you Tina!!❤❤
I understand. I'm 79, and I hate (always have) getting wet. For starters. Also, (and this occured when early 60's). - sometimes a pleasantly warm/hot (not a steam bath) shower creates enough humidity/light steam that I feel faint, black out. Many times had to turn off water, grab robe, and try to fall on bed before blacking out. Scary when alone. So - though I do shower when feel ok, usually sponge bath daily. No way bathtub. When my dad was in Veterans home, someone would wash him. Then dump clean warm water over his head, towels on floor. Dad never complIained, but I'd have had a hissy if any water got dumped over me!!!! It must be horrible to not be able to do for yourself, and at the mercy and patience of others. The future concerning showers looks bleak. I do have a medic alert button I hang by the shower, just in case.
I certainly would address the issue of blacking out from humidity with your doctor! Another option also is a voice activated device in the bathroom. Like an Alexa device. What if you can't reach the medical alert device? Just using your voice to call for help can be very useful.
seniorsafetyadvice.com/can-alexa-call-911-using-amazon-echo-for-emergencies/
Linda, the official term does come to mind, but there is a diagnosis for a person who does not like getting wet. One of my grandkids ( adult ) has this problem. On Google type in something about hating to get wet, to see what it says. It may be a form of autism. I thought it might help explain “ yourself to yourself “. It is fun to understand our quirks.
Glad I saw this. I'm 76. I shower weekly and wash my hair. Every day I take a sink bath, of course clean under clothes every day. I can't figure out what made me change from bath or shower every night.I like being clean some times in summer one really hot days I would sometimes shower twice a weel. I grew up where a bath once
Thanks so much for sharing. Yes, many older adults, my mother included grew up showering about twice a week or so. Summer of course was more often and also depending on what they did that day.
But of course, clean clothes and underwear - absolutely!
Sponge baths, or whatever you want to call them are a great alternative. It's just very important to keep your privates as clean as possible. That's the most important part.
As a senior citizen who was paralyzed from the neck down on right side (fully recovered) showers are dangerous due to balance problems. Baths are also dangerous due to having to step over.
I can understand that. Glad that you recovered and also proud of you for recognizing that shower stalls and bathtubs can be hazardous. I wonder if a walk in tub could help you in any way?
and the tub is hard to exit when you're weak from the warmth. Shower is best.
Ever thought about turning the heating on full blast? …I hate showering in a cold bathroom it’s awful…
Oh yes, of course. Making the room warm is very important. I thought I mentioned that in this video, sorry if I missed that one.
I hate showering after having baths all my life. I get very cold and can’t afford to heat the bathroom sufficiently for when I step out of the shower (the baths warmed the room). I can cope if I use my bidet to sit and wash different parts of my body daily. We are not having a summer this year in the UK so no respite from being cold yet 😕
@@janetstanland2015 really sorry Janet, I’m afraid I live in Corfu so it’s starting to get really hot now …I’m not being insensitive to your situation but is it not getting warmer in the UK now?
@@janetstanland2015 As someone who lives in Canada I hear you! I live in one of the coldest cities in our country in a house that, come winter, leaves me shivering in layers of sweaters with icy hands and a running nose. That's about 7-8 months of the year and then we have 4-6 weeks with the other extreme ( this week we're sitting at 30+c in many parts of the country with alerts for seniors who live withhout air con.
@@joycekastamonitis2187 Climate change really is doing a number in some countries. The city I live in (in Canada) is reknowned for cold weather ... normally a -40c cold spell for 2-3 weeks every Jan/Feb, then -20c to -30c for another 4 -5 months etc and a short but hot and sunny summer, but in the past several years our seasons have become more extreme. We had a winter few years back where that -40c turned to -50c and it lasted 6 weeks (instead of the normal 2) and it snowed throughout. It normally does not snow here when it drops below -30c. Our hottest months usually include a week or so of 30+c weather but several years ago that started changing and we've had weeks of 30+, with one week where it sat at 35c -36c the entire week. Our extremes are becoming more extreme and unpredictable.
ATIVAN OR XANAX, most elderly and some not so young have a fear of water on them, especially if they have alzheimers, in the later stages of alzheimer’s do not force to bathe or shower a person that doesn’t want to, it is very terrifying and traumatizing to them. If a elderly person needs ativan or xanax to shower they need assistance and the drug has to be in their system for at least an hour or more before attempting to get them in the shower ! Start the shower and shut the bathroom door to get the bathroom warm, turn up the heat and make sure they are dry and wrapped with a thick robe co i got out of the bathroom! I am a nurse that worked in an alzheimer’s unit and utility care of my mom who had alzheimer’s! GOD HELP OUR LOVED ONES WITH ALZHEIMERS!
Oh thank you so much for your information. Your experience, both professionally and personally are invaluable. I worked with Alzheimer's as well and yes, everything you just said is so very true. I'm sure it will be helpful for others who read this. Thank you.
If you do not have a nonslip mat in shower, you can put down a hand towel or bath towel to prevent slipping. Bath chairs help. Wipes can be used daily to wash face and underarms. And even to wash all over iinbetween showers. Also many elderly cannot stand for along time.
CNA can show you how to do a bath while invalid is bedridden with tub, of soap that does not have to be washed off and water and towel.
Great tips but I would caution about a hand or bath towel on the floor. Those are not anti-slip so I would certainly invest in an anti slip mat. It's easy enough to purchase one on Amazon if you can't get out to the store.
amzn.to/4auhwUw
Or at the very least, put an anti grip product under the towel.
Helpful video. Not dependent on others to take care of myself (yet!) but I do recognize that taking a shower has become a CHORE, not just something I used to do without even thinking about it. Have to schedule a bit of a nap after a shower because it does wear me out.
My mom-in-law used to say the same thing!! She would need a nap after taking a shower.
Water touching the skin is a definite stimulant and as you get older, especially with the temperature change in bathing. It becomes harder for the body to control tactile and temperature changes. And the responses to this change in the body can contribute to the resistance to bathing.
Yes, that's why it's always recommended to shower or bathe in a very warm room. But as some have said here, if it's TOO hot it can cause you to become dizzy or faint.
Of course, stepping out of a shower or bath on a cold winter day is often uncomfortable for anyone!
God grant my children never have to speak to me in manipulative ways. Ageing sounds like hell.
Well, aging CAN be terrible depending on the person who is aging, the family they are tied to and the circumstances.
That's why it's so very, very important to take control of your life and situation as soon as possible.
1) Take care of your health. Eat right, exercise moderately.
2) Set up your home to be as safe as possible by following the rules of aging in place and universal design.
3) Don't ignore your mental health. Speak to therapists if needed, get out and socialize if that helps you, etc.
4) Be productive and purposeful. Keep working or consulting or mentoring or volunteering. Something that brings meaning to your life.
5) Do for others more than for yourself.
6) Stay positive - let go of the negative.
After 12 years of working with the geriatric population, these are the 6 lessons that I learned and I live by them every day.
I am 80. Hate showering, tiring, makes me feel unbalanced. I sit on a shower chair. I shower/shampoo when I know I have a doctor’s appointment or an outing with others. I live alone. I don’t even change my clothes daily. Sometimes I go up to a week living in the same nighty. I have constipation or diarrhea due to multiple diseases so am forced to clean up frequently anyway.
I don’t like the feel of my hair when it isn’t clean but holding my hands over my head makes me tired and dizzy.
I can’t ask my daughter for her help because she will suggest it’s time to move into a facility. I rarely see her as it is. Often only once a month to bring me my mail or packages. I live in her basement so we are separated only by a door and a floor.
It's sad that your daughter doesn't help you more. :( I don't shower often either. I have some of the same issues as you. My wife showers with me so she can wash my hair, because I get too fatigued if I try to reach my arms over my head for long enough to wash and condition my long hair. (It's a lot thinner than it used to be, though, so it is taking less and less time to wash now.) I go with washcloth and baby wipe touch-ups until my hair starts to feel too dirty, then find a day when I have enough energy to face a shower. You should be able to have someone come in once in a while just to help you with hair washing, at least, and not have that result in the threat of being moved, if that's all, or the main thing, you need help with.
I am sorry you are dealing with so many issues.
I would say to keep even more problems at bay, consider replacing your toilet with a bidet. That can at least help to keep your private as clean as possible so you don't have to go through the problems associated with a UTI which are so very common among elderly and especially ones that don't shower or bath for longer periods of time.
No sense in adding to your other health problems.
@@SeniorSafetyAdvice Bidet is a great idea, you can get one that fits onto your current toilet and if the hot water line to the sink is near enough you can hook it up for warm water. Your daughter should be able to get a plumber in to do that for you. She may want one for herself too! After all, she is likely to want to age in place in her home in the future!.
U might enjoy a sr apartment complex
Change your diet and be sure to use quinoa instead of bread, pasta and noodles. BMs will become smooth and easy.
I have had a fall, and taking showers is frightening ( fx hip) I have a helper who comes twice a week just to be here as I climb into the shower. Modesty is maintained as well as possible as she prepares the water temp and clean towels . I also have Life Alert as I live alone. Your article q most helpful and thank you for caring.. We are still valuable but for a bit of frailties c age.. Course we're still adorable and talented.
Sounds like you are doing all the right things! And thank you!
@@SeniorSafetyAdvice Thank you for your advice too. ‘Preciate your acknowledgment.
Don’t forget the “adorable “ part! 🤭
I use perineal no rinse cleanser for mom for all her body. Then I use a non-rinse shampoo for her hair. Towel dry, and wah-lah, she feels better and smells wonderful!, I use cream under arm deodorant because there is no tugging on tender skin. We are installing a warm water bidet and look forward to keeping her cleaner. Thank you for "not stressing out", You rock!
Oh thank you! And what a great process you have, I love it! I looked up the products you mentioned and here are the links to them, maybe not the same brands but the same kind of products. What great tips, thank you so much! Your mom is so fortunate to have you!
Perineal no rinse cleaner - amzn.to/3RZLut7
Non-rinse shampoo - amzn.to/3zJXEzG
Cream deodorant - amzn.to/3LhCr2W
My grandmother was in her early nineties when she refused to wash. She’d previously been fastidious about bathing daily. This turned to a daily sponge bath and massage with moisuriser and ice gel linament worked into her sore muscles and joints, which she thoroughly enjoyed . Eventually her dementia progressed and she believed she” had a very very very very good wash this morning”. It made me smile. Fortunately she didn’t get smelly, and was willing, usually, to change into clean clothes and let me brush her hair and clean her dentures. We would chat and laugh so she was pretty compliant with me.
Oh, what a lovely memory you have of your grandmother! She must have been wonderful.
Thank you for your advice. I will be 80 this year and you clarified lot of changes that I find myself going through! I will tell my daughter about your program. I think she will be interested in getting tips from you, as I may need her assistance in the near future. I live alone now, however I see more help she will be giving me! 🥰
Oh thank you! And I applaud your foresight in understanding that we all need a little bit of help every now and then.
I am almost 66 years old and I am already thinking of my options as I grow older.
I think its the true spirit of independnce when you take charge!
If I can help you or your daughter, please let me know!
This was excellent. Thank you so much for your teaching. ❤
You are so welcome!
Schedule a day or two a week with a senior to stand 😢outside the bath or shower door. From my experience, most are afraid of falling. Call it a spa day.
Absolutely! My mom-in-law lived in Florida by herself and I live in Georgia. So she would call me and I would stay on the phone while she showered. It made her feel safer and it made me feel good that I could help her in some way.
I become disoriented in the shower. On a good day, I can get into the
bathtub, but am more comfortable washing at the sink. I lived in the
wilderness when I was younger & it's possible to do a thorough job !
There's also the energy factor to consider !
Oh yes, the energy factor is an issue, for sure! And one that I think is overlooked in most cases. When my mom-in-law was in her 90's she had to take a nap after she showered. It was exhausting for her.
Lived in the wilderness?!!! Wow. I bet you have some stories to tell.
This was great! Thanks for the insight.
Oh so glad you enjoyed it. I hope the tips will help you and your loved one.
@@SeniorSafetyAdvice They absolutely did!!!!
I notice your beautiful night light by Jolene! Love it!
I like it!! Thanks.
Such an excellent video! Thank you!
You're very welcome!
My mother was bathing once a week. She was devout and wanted God to take her. She was tired at 86. I also believe she was depressed. When she refused one week I asked her if she wanted to meet her maker being stinky. I suppose it sounds cruel, but, she bathed regularly until the day she died. I miss her!
Oh my goodness, what a story. Thank you for sharing and that was very smart of you! She had a wonderful daughter.
My parents are 96 and showering is exhausting, but they never smell bad. It’s teenagers who are oily and ripe with hormonal sweat - or maybe I’m losing my sense of smell early.
Food for thought. Older people just may have adapted to a daily wash from the sink, as they grew up with or went through long water restrictions or had no running water.
Absolutely!! I saw that a lot when I worked in rehab hospitals and nursing homes with older patients. It makes a lot of sense. Thanks for reminding us of that.
Lots of good info here. Thank you.
Glad it was helpful!
Good information thanks so much
So nice of you thank you!!
Very good channel with lots of great information :9) x x
Thanks so much for the comment and compliment!
Glad you are finding the information useful. If you have any ideas on what you would like to see videos on, just let us know.
Thank you for tips to help 😊
You're so welcome!
Thank you for your advice. I'm facing this issue with my client. There are wipes that soap up well with water & no need to rinse.
Oh you are welcome, I hope the information helps. And yes, there are full body wipes that are rinse free! Here's a link to a hypoallergenic one - amzn.to/3V7Jf7y
Thank you for great information❤
You are so welcome!
This was a very interesting video and you have delivered the suggestions and information in a very articulate, respectful and sensitive manner. I am new to working in home and community care and I have now learned some great tips thanks to you, so thank you kindly, best wishes from Australia.
Thank you very much! Again, just thank for your very kind words! I do think your clients / patients will be so very grateful for your services! Best of luck to you!!
THANK YOU SO MUCH❤❤❤😊😊😊
Oh you are so welcome. I do hope the information helps you.
I needed to watch this video for advice the help is needed as a care giver. The elderly said she wasn't ready to bathe
Well, I certainly hope that the video helped you.
If you can see my comment above. It might help care for your elder person. My grandmother wasn’t able to bath or shower for many years because she couldn’t get over the bath side. She had just a bird bath at the sink. She did smell and her skin was good. Don’t stress too much. 🙏🏻
Great advice!
Glad it was helpful!
Thank you so much 👍🙏
Oh thank you for your note! I do hope the information is helpful for you.
My father in law hasn't bathed in years. It is awful. We got him a walk in shower. We got him a shower stool. My husband has offered to sit with him to make sure he does not fall. His sister has cried and pleaded with him. They have argued and fought and begged him to bathe. He won't. We are so frustrated.
Oh I am so sorry. I know it's difficult and in my experience there is just no battling stubborness. I do hope he is at least taking a sponge bath or something to keep clean. You can also speak to his doctor about the situation (although I assume you probably already have).
You cannot force someone to do something, all you can do is let them live out the consequences of their decisions. If his body odor is so bad, then stop visiting him. Maybe that will spur him to do something about it.
You know, a session with a social worker or counselor may help, mostly the family more than your father but it's worth a try.
Have you tried Nilaqua "towel off" shampoo and soap, you do not need any water or to enter the bathroom at all
I been going through this with my father in law for 2 years 🙏🏽
@@kbaby24johnson it has been 10 years for us. 10 years!!!!! He is completely physically able. Just doesn't want to shower. We had to tell him this year that he can't be around our children if he chooses not to bathe. He decided he was ok with that.
@@jessefford9747 No, we got him body wipes, but he won't use those either. It has been 10 years since he has bathes, so he REALLY needs an actual shower with soap and water.
What about elderly who use a diaper or have a unpleasant odor or refusing to change the diaper. My elderly parent is capable of using the bathroom but has become lazy and will just use the bathroom in her diaper vs getting up and going to the toilet, then we she does use the toilet, cleaning herself properly. It is for this reason we are asking her to take a shower more often to keep up with her hygiene. The shower has hand-rails and slip-resistant flooring as well as a place to sit. I'm pretty sure depression and low self esteem is a major issue.
Thank you for your question and if it does SEEM that depression may be a contributing factor to the problem that your elderly parent is having then I would strongly recommend that you bring this issue up with their physician. Fighting psychological problems is much more difficult than dealing with physical problems so it's not something that should be handled just by the family or caregiver. You need professional intervention in my opinion.
Ask Dr for in home health aide to come to bathe them. A great service, expert in getting dementia patients to bath.
You need to physically help her have a shower . They don't know how to go about having one unless you're there step by step. They don't know how to adjust the water temperature. They don't know what or how to use soap. I tell my mum to come to the bathroom to change her "underwear" ( pull up adult diapers). I put the new one next to the sink and a plastic bag next to it. When she's in the bathroom, I tell her to change." Why?I just changed them" " Mum, that was this morning ". " Oh, okay".
Do not call her lazy. There are many reasons that may cause these issues.
So nice to hear you point out the marketing angle on appropriate hygiene. Like adding rinse and repeat on the shampoo instructions when really, once is enough. They really sold extreme hygiene - and are still selling it, hard. I'm 72 and have scheduled myself for once per week, but if i do gardening I always shower when i come in because reasons...
Yeah, it's quite amazing how marketing affects our decisions and then generation after generation, it just becomes part of the norm.
Reminds me of the story of a husband who always saw his wife cut the ends of a roast before she baked it. He asked her why did she do that and she said that's how she was taught, her mother always did that. So, later the wife asked her mother why does she cut the ends of the roast before baking and the mother said, because it otherwise would not fit in the pan!
It's so easy to just do what we've always done without questioning.
My significant other is 84 yrs old. He takes a shower every day and sometimes he is somewhat worn out when he comes downstairs. We live in florida and he has a small hand held fan to cool himself off. As relates to toilet paper vs. wipes... I buy and use witch hazel and drizzle on tp works like a charm
Yeah, showering can take a toll sometimes. If there isn't a bench in the shower stall you may consider putting one in.
Witch hazel on toilet paper! I haven't heard of that one. Thanks for the tip.
I am in my late sixties, I have stopped showering every day since retiring, I am fully healthy, I walk most days, I don’t emit bad smells, I campaigned heavily for my elderly father not being showered any more frequently than every 3 days when round 90. He could even go longer than that. I myself am able to go several days & do so especially in winter. Frequent showering is overrated & unnecessary. Younger bodies have different needs. Let elderly people make their own choices! Of course support them in sensible ways & any ways required. Having a shower or bath regularly is a fitness activity & is useful from that perspective, it’s up the person’s daily activities they participate in, if that is a reason then they should do it, in my opinion.
I agree with you, it is very important to allow everyone to make their own decisions, as long as they are cognitively able to. The problem comes when someone has a cognitive issue such as dementia. Someone with illnesses that affect their reasoning and judgment need help and it's those folks that can be helped with the tips in this video.
Otherwise, it's certainly up to each person to make their own decisions on how they care for themselves.
My mom wouldn't shower unless she was going to the Dr. So, we went to as many as I could dream up. Foot Dr. is great for elderly, hers had a medical pedicure technician for quarterly appointments. With twice a year GP and Heart Dr. she stayed clean enough. I also got a sitz bath for spot baths that helped. Tailbone cushions helped with all the sitting as she got less mobile.
Sounds like you figured out how to get around your Mom's reluctance. Good job! And good point about tailbone cushions!
Great idea, and a good laugh to start my day.
My mom had dementia and one time an old man talked to her in the waiting room and she proceeded to tell him all about her sitz bath that morning. I was mortified, but it is funny now.
Same with my 87 year old dad.
It's so difficult isn't it? And it seems so strange to the rest of us but we have to remember that their cognitive skills just aren't what they used to be and certainly are not like ours. It takes pure patience and a ton of love!
I bought a spray hose/nozzle that reaches from sink faucet to toilet with a diverter that acts as a bidet with hot & cold water mix so temp is always comfortable...purchased from Amazon and installed it myself. You may want to stress the importance of cleanliness to avoid a UTI that in the elderly can mimic mental confusion, anger, dementia etc. Often misdiagnosed in the elderly.
Oh absolutely - you are so right. And thank you so much for sharing your story and tip.
Here's a link to a bidet sprayer that connects to the water pipe (not sure what it's called) for the toilet. It may not be exactly what this reader mentioned but it's a great idea!
amzn.to/3WbyZM5
Great vid! ❤
Thank you! 😁
Our neighborhood brought in a private water company where paying the expensive water bill after filling a bathtub daily became quite expensive. It is personally fine to bathe certain parts of the body while realizing it is critical to keep clean. No question getting dead skin flaked off by bathing is desirable.
Yes, that is another consideration, the cost of water. Another reason why sponge baths are a great alternative to showers if it's just too difficult.
My husband (84) doesn’t shower - he does wash at the sink, but that has been becoming less frequent. I hate it. He can’t get in the shower and has trouble with the shower chair - he can’t scoot enough to get under the shower. We’ve gotten “Skunky” wash pads - just get them wet and they get soapy. And no need to rinse , just towel dry.
Maybe an assessment from an aging in place specialist or an Occupational Therapist can help you and him to figure out a better way to set up the shower for him?
Maybe you can get a nice shower head that attaches to a long hose. This way if he can sit on the chair, you can use the hand held shower sprayer and get most of your body wet. Just a thought.
I replaced the shower head with a hand held shower head with a long hose. Easy-you just unscrew the old one and screw on the new one. Mine came with a hook that holds the shower head at the same height as the old one so it can used hands-free while standing (the same as always). I think it cost about $20. I bought a separate inexpensive suction cup bracket that I attached on the wall next to my shower seat. It swivels and moves up and down so I can adjust the spray wherever I want when I choose to use the shower head hands-free. I added a couple of suction cup hooks to hang my bath brushes on. I added a soap dish near at hand and a convenient way to hold my shampoo bottles while seated. I have three very sturdy rails that I can hold onto to help me get up and down from my bath seat and in and out of the tub. Sometimes I use a foot bath that has a scrubby texture on the bottom that helps me get my feet clean while I’m bathing. The hand held shower is also great for rinsing off the shower enclosure walls when cleaning the bathroom.
Just now ordered the Skunky to try for myself. Literally hate to bathe. I DO realize my bottom half needs cleaning, but……as I don’t feel comfortable asking anyone, I am wondering if my underarms are nasty ? Meaning, as we age, is underarm odor AS strong or NOT AS strong as in past years ? At any rate, looking forward to trying out the Skunky. Thank you very much for this suggestion. Hope not rinsing the soap off won’t hurt me !
@@carolcole570surprisingly, my husband does not have any underarm odor.
Good Info
Thanks so much for your comment. Hope it was helpful.
Very good video. Lots to consider. My Mom hated to bathe and her smell was gone from age and smoking. It was not a good situation!
I typically shower and wash my hair twice a week. My friends think that's weird 😂!!
Oh, I get it! I worked with so many of my patients when I did home health who had a significant odor! But their sense of smell had declined so they didn't notice it. But yes, it's not an easy situation.
Hey, I wash my hair once a week (I do take 3 or more showers a week though - depending on what I do). A hairdresser once told me years ago that all we needed was once a week and I've been doing that ever since. I have to say, my hair is thicker than most at my age so maybe there's something to that.
Thank you very much👍❤
You're welcome 😊
Sitz bath tub over the toilet. I’m only 45 but have extreme fatigue at times and have found ways to bath using less energy. I like swinging my legs over the tub and like washing my feet if I’m too tired to bathe. Help them just wash feet! It’s so relaxing. You can get them to sit at the couch and just start with a foot tub. Lay towels on the bed and help them wash their upper body with wipes and no rinse foam.
Wow, sounds like you have a great routine set up there. So sorry you are dealing with so much fatigue at such a young age. Thank you very much for sharing your information.
A bidet toilet, bidet toilet seat, or even a water wand attached to the incoming water line of a toilet is a great way to address part of this need. If the elder needs assistance, they can be wearing a nightgown or robe for modesty while the helper sprays.
Yes, that's very good! You are correct.
Great idea!
A hand held bidet (fill the silicone bottle with warm water and squeeze) is a great way to clean the genital area daily.
Thank you so very much, dear, for making this video!!! I am my caregiver at my house! My husband passed away on October 21, so it’s just me myself and I I guess!! Plus I got to work in a nursing home years ago, which is helpful to use that knowledge now, and any other knowledge that I learn or pick up, such as yours… You were mentioning about the shower and having a device to put in the shower, so if you fall… I have Lifeline now, which you may be familiar with that. I wear around my neck and charge every day… But it is designed to wear into the shower around my neck, so if I fell in the shower, it would contact the emergency 911… It is great, because it doesn’t matter if the water comes down on it!! Etc. just thought I would mention that to you here, though you may have already had that told you many times… I see you made this four years ago I guess, though it says three years ago, but you mentioned the year 2020… You had some really good points/ideas/advice… I may come and watch your video again, and may comment or two again… But thank you again very much!!! Love, Sister Gay Michaelis(and Brother Duane Michaelis in the spirit world) and family… have you found the gospel of Jesus Christ yet?!? You need to, because we are in the last days!!! ❤️🤟🙏👌🇺🇸🌼😇😊🏡🤗🥰😄😎🌺
Thank you so much for your comment and sharing your story! My husband also passed away, but it was 9 years ago. It took me many years to adjust to this new lifestyle, so I understand. I am sorry for your loss.
Lifeline is a great product and I'm so very glad they created a waterproof version!
I do hope that you find some peace and purpose in these "last days" as you put it. I personally don't think of them as "last days", but I do certainly acknowledge that I am on the downhill slide so I do my best to make each moment of each day purposeful and meaningful. I don't waste too much time anymore.
Again, thank you so very much!
Good video!
Thanks!
I was told that they're afraid of falling in the shower.
Yes, I thought I mentioned that in this video but yes, that is one of the issues that can certainly keep someone from showering or bathing.
If that's the case, then that's when it's best to introduce a shower bench or chair.
Grab bars to hold on to.
Using a hand held shower head and mounting it on the wall next to the bench or chair.
A heat lamp over the shower or bathtub is nice because it also keeps the area warm.
Having the towel or towels within reach of the seated person is important.
Making the shower or bathtub floor as non-slip as possible.
Making the floor outside of the shower or tub non slip as well - use a non slip rug.
Keep non-slip slippers just outside the shower or tub so that the person is not walking around barefoot.
If needed, a seat or bench just outside the shower or tub to make it easier and safer to dry oneself with a towel while sitting instead of standing.
Make sure the area is brightly lit.
I have quite a few articles on our website about these issues. I hope they can help you.
seniorsafetyadvice.com/aging-in-place/bathrooms/
Thanks for commenting.
Often seniors just stop exercising and eating properly......its most those unfit that won't get in a shower. I am turning 76 and yes we all worry about falling but I am fit and know I can shower safely. Yes I would like to have a walk in shower but can't afford one. I still take showers daily and a bath weekly. I live in gratitude for this. Your health is you personal responsibility not your family nor your doctors. Cut the sugar, pop and gluten and you too will be fit enough to shower.
It's wonderful that you're healthy and doing so well. Not everyone is as fortunate. Genetics can contribute quite a bit to what illnesses we have and of course, there are those that are dealing with the aftermath of an accident of some kind.
And I treated quite a few gluten free, sugar free vegetarians that were dealing with cancer so it's not a sure fire way for everyone.
But, I do agree completely that eating that way and exercising can help many older adults to remain healthy and strong.
And yes, your health, mental and physical are your responsibility - not anyone else's.
Thanks for reminding us of that.
I'm 77 and have only ever showered/bathed weekly unless I'm dirty, as you say, from gardening or doing a deep house cleaning. However, I do take a washcloth and wash the nasty bits every day, change my underpants and incontinence pad after I wash. I have a step-in shower with hand grip bars and a slip proof floor. I imagine with my knees getting bad I'll need a bench, but so far so good.
Wow, sounds like you are doing all the right things. It's so refreshing to hear that and I applaud you! I would say to get a bench because I'm of the mindset of implementing safety before something happens.
Only because I spent so many years caring for older adults who had a silly little accident that could have been prevented if they had just added a grab bar or bench or removed a rug.
Why wait? I think the whole point of aging in place is to make the "place" as safe as possible so that you can age in place for as long as possible and as independently as possible.
@@SeniorSafetyAdvice I probably will next time I go to the pharmacy; my hubby could benefit too - he's 82.
I use bath mitts with soap in and it works for us too
That's great! Thanks for the tip.
Not all elderly people have daily access to a shower. My mother was in assisted living, and they were only allowed to use the communal shower twice a week, on a schedule. She had her own bathroom with a sink and toilet, so she could at least clean herself best she could between showers. Thanks for this video. Caregivers need all the help they can get.
That is true, there are assisted living facilities that use a communal shower and that means scheduled showers. My mom-in-law was in an assisted living but she had her own full bathroom in her room.
Even with occasional showers, caregivers will still find it difficult to get some of those seniors into a shower, most especially if they are suffering from dementia.
And you are right, caregivers, whether it's family or professional need all the help they can get!
Just seeing this video about bathing and seniors. 72 , fell recently injuring knee. I was searching how to safely getting in the tub and saw this. I have never been a shower or bath everyday person. Growing up in the 50s and 60s everyone bathed on Sat before church on Sunday. I grew up in a very hit humid state but still it was no a common practice to bath everyday. Plus I am not fond of being wet as I have always been very thin. I get cold easily.
Getting older has posed more issues with fear of falling and it is very tiring. I still have relatively long hair so washing and drying it takes a lit of time. I don't do much but light house keeping, watch tv so don't get dirty.
You did say something that hit home. My family doesn't bug me about bathing as I do get in once or twice a week. Sponge off in between but you mentioned losing control. It hit home. I am a control freak and growing old has taken so much. I do feel angry at times. Scared too.
I hope caregivers back off their senior parents or spouse and let them keep making personal choices.
Oh I understand and I thank you so much for sharing!
Yes, control is big, big, big! And if you are a control freak as you say, that makes getting older only more difficult. If you can find a way to let go of some of that control, maybe speaking to a counselor can help? I know, it sounds silly to do something like that at 72 or older even but it's never too late to learn.
And frankly, you will actually be taking control of your emotions instead of letting them control you.
But I get it - losing control is change and change is hard, especially when you're older.
I do think most family caregivers do let their older parents and relatives do their own thing. But if someone has dementia or Alzheimer's or some other cognitive impairment, they'll go weeks and more without a bath or shower and that is not good. That's who this video is really for.
We did make a video about getting in and out of the tub - maybe they can help.
th-cam.com/video/zJyEES_KMUQ/w-d-xo.html
th-cam.com/video/SLR1IXxObLI/w-d-xo.html
Just got a walk in Small bath much better than my walk in shower which was exhausting at my old age even with a chair in it love it ,and a bidet for the first time great wish I had got one years ago only cost £ 16 on Amazon easy to fit on the Loo my builder said It is called Happy Bumms it is great
You know, I am considering getting a bidet as well. I think it's such a great product. Here in the U.S. they are not common. It's a shame really because they are wonderful! Thanks so much for your comment.
@@SeniorSafetyAdvice They are not common in Africa either - which is sad. Can’t order from Amazon either as don’t have that luxury over here.
Decades ago, some described aging as a "second childhood" --and it has its positive as well as negative aspects. Sponge baths do work well because the person can do them for themselves and training on that should be tried if a senior is fearful of slipping. The companies who market those walk-in tubs and alerting devices take full advantage of the anxieties of the elders and their younger caregivers about falls and injuries in wet tubs, as well. 😢
Well, not sure if I would consider those companies as taking advantage. They are basically providing a possible solution to the problem.
I once treated a man who slipped in his shower stall and fell through the glass in his shower. This was years ago and I do believe the glass these days is thicker but he suffered greatly because of that.
Slipping and falling in a shower or tub is a very real issue and if there are products out there that can help to minimize it, then I say go for it.
Honestly, with 10,000 people a day here in the U.S. turning 65, I think you will see more and more products to help older adults age in place safely.
My husband just told me he is afraid of falling in the tub/shower, so I just bought a shower chair. He has yet to try it out. I already suggested a washcloth & basin of water. He is thinking about it. I dare not tell you how long it has been since his last shower! After watching your video, I hope the seat is not uncomfortable for him (hard). Very informative video.
Oh thank you. And I'm sorry you're going through this with your husband. Hopefully he will be okay with the shower chair. There is a padded chair available at amzn.to/3yyFReB. It holds up to 300 lbs.
Otherwise, hopefully he will begin taking a sponge bath. At the very least for his private areas - that's where medical problems could begin.
I use a hard plastic shower chair since my hip replacement last year. I lay a hand towel or folded regular towel on the chair seat & don’t care if it gets wet while I shower. It’s not even so much for the padding as to keep from sitting on the cold chair. Then they get washed with rest of towels.
@@SeniorSafetyAdvice Thank you, but most shower chairs are too wide for my small tub/shower. I had to get one that would fit. I just ordered a Cobbe Filtered Shower Head (detachable with a 60" cord) to go with the new shower chair, but still don't know if he will use it!
I am trying to help my 92y/o grandma to remember to wash up. She was always a very clean person her appearance was very important to her…so I promised her as she ages I will help her stay as much herself as possible. Does anyone have tips on how to help someone with beginning of memory issues remember to shower 1-2 a week? I was considering a private calendar for her bedroom to write on 🤷🏻♀️
A calendar can certainly help her if she remembers to use it. So, placing that calendar somewhere where she sees it often may help. Maybe the refrigerator door? An Alexa device can also help. You can set it up so that it will remind her to take a shower every day or whenever.
Another idea is to associate the showering with another task that she does every day. Like brushing her teeth. Putting a reminder, like a note, in the area where she brushes her teeth may work.
2:23 @@SeniorSafetyAdvice
Hi, I’m 70 and have been using a “shower” calendar for a few years now. When you’re retired sometimes the days just seem to roll together like one day. Also, make sure you have a wash-up and clean bed clothes every night.
I wonder if not getting out among others is part of the non-bathing problem. I'm still active in classes and book clubs and such. On days when I don't have a reason to leave the house, I am more likely to put off a shower. On book club day I sure don't want to be stinky sitting next to someone so I do shower even if I don't really want to.
It makes sense that if you're not out and about or very active that a shower is not needed. The majority of reasons older adults refuse to shower no matter what is dementia or other cognitive decline.
My 94 year old grandmother with Dementia is a very prideful women. However, she is having a serious Body Odor issue. I work in the medical field so she tell me it’s because of my career that I can smell so well. Every time our family tries to approach her she argue with us. I really don’t know what to do.😢 I’m not giving up❤.
Some seniors with dementia lose their sense of smell (anosmia). She could have that.
If she tends to wear the same outfit every day, maybe buy her several of the same things so that she's wearing something different (but looks the same) every day. That may help.
Fear is a big issue with seniors who suffer from dementia and taking a shower or a bath is a multi-step process that just may seem overwhelming to her.
Sometimes, telling her that there is a special dinner or outing that she needs to get ready and primped up for may prompt her to wash herself. Even if it's just a sponge bath.
Arguing with her won't help, it only makes it worse.
You basically have to "con" her into washing and caring for herself.
At the end, if making the bathroom warmer and the shower experience as pleasant as you can has not helped, you can look to hire a professional aide who has experience with this issue. It won't be easy but it may be the best solution.
I hope this helps.
I am a nurse's aid. Would never say this to my residents but my mom was a different story. I would say Mom you smell and social services is coming tomorrow to assess you if your not clean they will place you in a facility. So please let's get this done I don't want to put you in the nursing home if you're not bathing you will have to be placed in one and you will be bathed by total strangers maybe even a male aid. Or try the UTI approach tell them do you want to get a UTI because you will if you do not keep yourself clean. Also bribery works well too. I would bribe my mom with the real cup of coffee with caffeine and cake. The UTI thing is actually true.
@@mojojeinxs9960love it!
Love these suggestions! Thank you. I'm deffinatly going to use these. Simple.
That's a great idea! It might actually work for some.
Need helpful suggestions for weak person getting in and out of garden tub?
A bathtub lift is the safest product for someone to use although it may not fit properly in a garden tub. If that is the case, the safest solution unfortunately is to avoid using the garden tub or replace it with a standard bathtub or a walk in tub.
seniorsafetyadvice.com/products/bathroom/bathtub-lifts/
Thank you for this helpful video. My husband has mild dementia and is inconsistent so he wears adult diaper underwear. I try to get him to take a shower every other day because he doesn't change his underwear often enough. I bought a bidet and I think it's great but he refuses to use it.
Thank you for reaching out and sharing your experience. It sounds like you're doing everything you can to support your husband, and I commend you for your dedication and compassion.
I know that dealing with dementia can be incredibly challenging, and what works for one may not work for others but if you haven't yet joined a support group I would highly recommend it. There's so much that you can learn from others in your same situation.
One approach you might consider is integrating the bidet into his routine gradually. Sometimes the unfamiliarity of a new device can be overwhelming for someone with dementia.
Here are a few general suggestions that might help:
Introduce the Bidet Slowly: Start by using the bidet yourself and demonstrating its benefits. Seeing you use it might reduce his resistance over time.
Create a Calm Environment: Ensure the bathroom is a calm and inviting space. Sometimes adding familiar items or playing soft music can make the experience more comfortable.
Positive Reinforcement: Offer praise and encouragement when he tries something new, even if it’s just a small step. Positive reinforcement can go a long way. Just be careful with this. Depending on your husband's personality and level of dementia, positive reinforcement can sound condescending.
Consistency: Try to establish a consistent routine with showering and using the bidet. Consistency can help reduce anxiety and build familiarity.
It's understandable that these changes take time and patience. Believe that you're doing a wonderful job, and it's important to also take care of yourself during this journey. It's very, very important to care for yourself.
Im in chronic pain so its hard to get in the shower many days. I use adult washcloth wipes for days when pain is hard. They smell so good.and im fresh in less than ten minutes. I shower every other day unless im ill
That's a great tip! Do you have a particular brand and scent that you use?
Fear of falling is a HUGE one for me. With my age (67) and fibromyalgia and MS, the act of stepping over the side of the tub is just scary. I have the chair and a good mat, but it's just scary to try. And since the local EMTs know me by name and address now, due to having to come out and get me up off the floor, I have tried to cut down on things that may lead to a fall. Conversion of the bathroom isn't possible. I do use washcloths to do most of the body, but I have yet to find a substitute for washing my hair. Dry shampoo doesn't do a good enough job of it (and the perfume is too strong). I do try to shower when I feel like I have the energy but I run out of spoons before I finish the shower and it's a few hours in bed before I can resume my life.
I understand.
There is a service available where hairdressers come in to your home. www.dash-stylists.com/. It's not everywhere so not sure if they are where you are located.
Other than that, the only other alternative is having someone come to do your hair. It can be done laying down. You would use this product to do that.
amzn.to/3URQQao
I work in an aged care unit where we specialise with severe behaviours associated with dementia; so we take it as a win if we can persuade the person to shower once a week.
But if we can get them to change soiled clothing and clean what we call pits and slits 😉 as required this can go a long way in preventing infections like recurrent urinary tract infections
Absolutely true. I worked with those types of patients as well. Again, that's why I recommend bidets which can go a long way in helping to keep those UTI's at bay.
@@SeniorSafetyAdvice not exactly something we can influence the hospital to install.
But personally, I think every household should have a bidet - better for everyone, not just the elderly. Plus, if people are used to using a bidet then they are far more likely to accept the use of this if they develop dementia (can think of few things that would freak out a person with dementia more than having water spray up on their genitals if they've never experienced that before)
I’m 70 and shower sometimes 3 times a week depending on my activity for the week. However, I am also a caregiver for my 91 year old uncle which has its moments. I have offered to help him shower but that hasn’t happened. I am new at caregiving so I appreciate some the points you highlighted. He is a pleasant patient but he does have dementia and as of last year is using a wheelchair mostly. We have all the equipment to provide a safe environment, however I do believe it would be better if an outside person could come in to assist as I feel it is a modesty issue. My health is good. I have no problems showering. But my concern is regarding my uncle. Again, thank you for sharing your suggestions.
Oh you are so wonderful to be helping your uncle and I do hope that some of my suggestions help. Every person is so different.
I think you may be right, an outside person may be a better fit to help him shower. Consider contacting a home health agency or even Hospice to see what kind of help they can provide.
Many people think that Hospice is JUST for the last few days of your life but there's much more to it than that and the truth is, they can provide services for years sometimes so it never hurts to ask. Plus, it's all paid for by Medicare.
Best of luck!
Was your uncle in the military? My Dad was and through them a bath aid would come and help him shower. We had a walk in shower installed. As his daughter, I felt it was important for my father's dignity to have some one else help him with that.
I do wish we had a bidet installed and a better heater.