Sexless marriage: a breach of contract
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 1 ต.ค. 2024
- Sexless marriage is a depressingly common phenomenon and not one that is well understood. My take is fairly unconventional, namely: refusing to have sex in an exclusive, monogamous relationship by unilateral decision is a form of cheating. This is because the “mono” in “monogamy” mean “one.” So cheating in monogamous relationships occurs when someone isn't having sex with one person - and fewer than one person is as much not one person as more than one person is. In this episode, I unpack some of the consequences of this understanding.
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #marriage #relationship
Sexless marriage is a depressingly common phenomenon and not one that is well understood. My take is fairly unconventional, namely: refusing to have sex in an exclusive, monogamous relationship by unilateral decision is a form of cheating. This is because the “mono” in “monogamy” mean “one.” So cheating in monogamous relationships occurs when someone isn't having sex with one person - and fewer than one person is as much not one person as more than one person is. In this episode, I unpack some of the consequences of this understanding.
Buy my book, "The Value of Others"
Ebook: amzn.to/460uGrA
Audiobook: amzn.to/3YfFwbx
Paperback: amzn.to/3xQuIFK
Book a paid consultation:
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Subscribe to my newsletter: oriontarabanpsyd.com
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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #marriage #relationship
@@psychacks it's once again ironically not that unconventional if you go back far enough. God considers it infidelity and permits the believer to divorce for prolonged abstinence
@@psychacks what do you think of a competition-based theory of sexual motivation? basically, part of the reason the sexual tension dies down at least for some is *because* the security was achieved, so the way to reactivate it might be to expose each other to more interactions with the opposite sex and accepting the risk of straying, which might have an "afterburner" effect as the partners reclaim each other intimately
I would take this concept a bit further. #1, When it comes to sx, I would argue that most men enter into marriage looking for a "sure thing" because either a) they've played the field and are tired of not having a sure thing or b) they haven't been able to play the field for a myriad of reasons and why bother when the deck is stacked against them anyway therefore why not have a sure thing where they don't have to learn how to play the game? If most men knew that sx in marriage wasn't going to be a "sure thing", I think they would certainly opt out of marriage entirely because the sx part of the marital contract tends to be the most motivational factor (for men) to be married. Now with the advent of the internet, the fact that marriage isn't a sure thing is becoming more mainstream and we are seeing more men opting out of government sanctioned relationships.
#2 lifestyle isn't a marital obligation, sx is. but the truth is deeper. being owed sx really isn't all its cracked up to be. being desired is. I would argue that most men never get there and settle for owed in marriage vs desired. If most men knew what they were doing by relegating themselves to having a wife that is either "owing" them through marital contract or worse, making out that sx is her sacrifice to gain the lifestyle that she wants, they wouldn't get married in the first place. Being desired is so much better.
Orion, you're da GOAT 🐐 🙌🏽!!💯. Fun Fact. You've got the same Birthday as my fiancée. Yall Birthday 9 days away. So I've been watching you're videos since about December of 2022. I decided to go against my better judgment & put my girl onto your videos back in June of last year & ooh boy did she hate u 😂. But I've got an enate natural gift of game charisma, intellect, power, & control of our relationship so I've been able to change her view of u. She's toughened up & accepts your blunt & honest view
Sex in a marriage is something as a man you really can’t argue. Speak to your wife about on it and she’ll desire you less, bring other people into it and they’ll likely tell you as a husband you’re just not “evolved” enough, or you’re being “domineering”. And truthfully, you can’t force her. It’s sad but my only advice to you fellas is to stop giving women exclusive monopoly over your sex lives through means of marriage. You can’t control women or what they do, but you sure can avoid putting yourself in such situations.
@@Khan-rz8qi definitely the best approach for the modern man
Both the people involved should crave each other physically.....with time the mad lust will slowly fade.....but it should not disappear.
If both keep themselves in good shape....the probability of a happy, content and in turn successful relationship is high.
All too often the couple just stops caring if they even appear attractive to the other......and then it's either just going through the motions of marriage or divorce.
Used to to tell my lady, "Are we having sex or am I having sex?" And no, not forcing myself, just that I'd go elsehwere to meet my needs.
Complicated. She denies you and marriage makes it socially un-acceptable to get it elsewhere. You are trapped. Worse yet after divorce you are her slave. Meaning your income goes to her address which is not yours. Best advice face the inevitable. Clear financial obligations that will tie you down and chase you after divorce. Get rid of physical assets that will hold you back. Get a cash fund somewhere for your needs. Get fit, get healthy, get social. Change to a low demand job that allows flexibility. Do this job change on the quiet. Maintaining family cash flow by selling assets if necessary. Maintain the home relationship while you prepare to exit. See a male therapist to discuss your concerns about a friend that is contemplating a divorce and where the pieces fall and how he might be hurt by her or the use of current laws to beat him down and destroy his life. Do nice things for her. Have a party that includes her friends. See a financial counselor who handles asset division and responsibility cash flow for divorce attorneys for the financial aspect of how you will get screwed. Understand your rights. If it comes to a divorce get it over quickly. Do not try to work at the same time this is happening. Tell her marriage without sex does not work. Maybe she will wake up. But be prepared. “No, I don’t have to” is a shot across your bow that you will get nothing and like it. Visit that male therapist again about your friend’s wife problem. Discuss how the conversation might go.
The most common scenario is a man talks to his wife who respond that she needs more flowers, date nights, so the man does these things. This is a fool’s errand. Women don’t know themselves. Instead, the best course of action is to stop being romantic, no flowers, no dates, … Treat your wife like a roommate. Go out with your friends. This will make your wife anxious, because you are avoidant.
And when they do sleep with you they make it feel like it's a chore.
I'd intuitively guess that this is way more common. It's awful too, and in a way worse.
that's my marriage!
That’s when you gotta learn how to match their pettiness tho 😂❤
Aye if I’m starving….ill eat table scraps lol and so would you 🍖
@@marcuschauvin7039 It was some of mine, thankfully not all, but we got counseling that helped.
My ex-wife would get hers then mid-stroke shout, “Ugh, hurry up!”🤣. I’ll never marry again.
A good way to explain this to someone is to take any other aspect of the relationship and have them imagine a husband telling his wife that she can only partake in that aspect with him while he simultaneously denies it to her for years on end.
An example is a husband who tells his wife she can ONLY go to him for emotional support, not friends, family, etc., while the husband completely ignores her and denies her any emotional support. Or where the husband says the wife can only do social things with him, and then he loses all interest in anything social and thus prevents her from socializing with other adults in any context. This would rightfully be thought of as abusive.
I think Martial RP or provision vaws should be between the couple vaws shouldn't be standardized
It is the same as the husband saying I am the only person allowed to feed you. Then starves her. When she is still alive 2 years later - he gets shocked to find out that she has been eating at work.
@@DBTwister LMAO, I nearly spit out my water. This is hilarious!!
@@DBTwister except exclusive feeding isnt part of the marriage vows. exclusive intimacy is. one could argue that as terrible as this might sound, it has been part of the definition of marriage for thousands of years, and the man knows what he's getting into before he signs up for marriage and if he doesn't like it, he should have thought about that before he got married.
Women NEVER allow that comparison - citing the unfairness of it - the old "You don't NEED sex" argument. I responded that "you don't need emotional closeness either"
A man's obligations in marriage are enforced by society AND the law.
A woman's obligations in marriage are considered a bonus by society and the law.
Men still have 100% responsibility but 0% authority. Only simps and hopeless optimists jump into relationships.
Damn straight, brother.
👍🥳
Men should do something about it.
@@itsme-sq5rd They have been. They're refusing to marry in numbers we've never seen before.
The problem with this video is that it can only be understood by reasonable and logical people. The other 50% of the population will have a meltdown if they have to take accountability for their failures. I expect plenty of shaming and disingenuous comments if this video goes viral.
Thats why this half of the population shouldnt be able to vote
The issue is generally, casually or in a committed relationship, the woman in question has had sex with a man/men who she found substantially more sexually attractive than her current man. Therefore, it's impossible for her to feel the same degree of sexual attraction and respect, respectively, for her current man, assuming the current man can't close that sexual attraction gap. In such scenarios, the men should simply leave the relationship.
Yep. Women see men's seggs drive as a character flaw. I've known several decent guys that went years, then she filed for divorce and immediately jumped into bed with another guy as if it was her favorite thing to do.
Some of it is logical while the part regarding Orion not understanding why cheating in the conventional sense of the word is grounds for the termination of the relationship is absurd. I have never had issues being loyal physically. I would note that men generally have issues "not looking at other women" which is frowned upon in our society but not cheating per se but I digress.
We know it's inevitable. Accountability to the other 50% is their kryptonite.
Great video. I wholeheartedly agree. I've always said that when a wife refuses to have sex with her husband it is essentially a quiet divorce.
Great term “quiet divorce”.
great parallel to “quiet quitting”
A defacto divorce.
Then my divorce began the day I got married.
It starts way before that, not because a woman all of a sudden decides that she does not want to have sex with her man anymore. It starts when the partners start to drift apartwhichthey are both responsible for. People need to quit their victim mentality (both men and women) and start taking accountability for their own part in the relationship
Divorce women for this. I thought I married a good traditional wife. After 15 years married she started locking me out. I did not get it elsewhere because then I would be as bad as her. After 10 more years of this, she divorced me and I ended up with 1/8th of our net worth typical in the womanist female supremacist family court.
How the heck did you end up with 1/8th?
He who can control his dick is in control of his life....he who can't control his dick is lost,also to himself....
My advice is don't be such an idealist. I would rather cheat in his scenario then reach 60 and wish I had.
@@nunyabidness3075 if you calculate the net present value of future support payments as a current liability (almost like a student loan or a mortgage or car payments), a man can often wind up with a net worth less then zero.
@@nunyabidness3075 Child support; alimony; 50% share of the house's equity; 401 (k) Plan; etc.
If you want the privilege of a monopoly on meeting someone's need, you must accept the responsibility of satisfying 100% of that need.
This!
@@doates625 it works both way right ?
I think that's 100% true. But I also think that even if they said "okay, we don't need to be monogamous" it's not exactly a fix until OTHER women also feel that way as well. Men, as a rule, aren't awash in options to sleep with women who don't want anything else from that man as part of the package. Go see how your Bumble profile does if you post that you're married but your wife is cool with you being on here. Your average man still gets very little response as it is, and if you now eliminate all women who are seeking the safety, security, and provision of a committed monogamous LTR, you're going to be really short on options to pursue...but your wife posts the exact same thing and the number of responses probably goes UP since why else would this lady be on here when she's married unless she's 100% DTF, right !?! Just deciding between you to toss monogamy won't fix a lot if other women still value it.
that's not how the law works
That's like communism- only works on paper
What is truly disgusting is that women are fully capable of willingly marrying someone they have no intention of ever having sex with again. They are extraordinarily pragmatic about their decision to marry and love frequently has nothing to do with the calculus. It's good to see more content creators calling out this behavior as the breach of contract that it is.
I feel ya, but I think it goes too far by ascribing intent to it. It's no more intentional on the woman's part than it is the man's. They didn't go in with a sinister plan, recognizing the reality of what is a possibility or probability of a future reality doesn't make someone the villain. I think we also have to realize that this isn't a picnic for the woman either. I'm sure she'd love it if she could still want him with the same passion and enthusiasm as when they were dating. She doesn't like the fact the interest dried up, but just like us she is facing a reality that's unpleasant. I'm not saying she bears no responsibility, but I think there are exactly ZERO women who get married saying "ah yes, now I can achieve my dream of having no sex and a roommate I can't get rid of when the lease is up!"
I had a friend tell us he married a woman because he believed she would be a good mother and give birth to healthy children. Other men thought he was awful for using a woman just for her womb. From what I can tell he was simply as pragmatic as the average female.
@@ktbernetes The consequence of hypergamy being squeezed into a monogamous society is that way more women end up settling than don't. Those women are often resentful of the fact, but their decision is quit conscious. They come up with their own unannounced terms for how the marriage is really going to go, all the while saying what needs to be said for public consumption. All women? Certainly not. Enough that the average man has a great deal to worry about? Absolutely.
@@SomeGuy-xf9bc But all women have to potential to turn out like this ,hence all women are risks.
I mean, if you're a rich older man marrying a hot younger woman, don't expect her to be attracted to you forever when she can get it from hotter guys her age. The problem is also men marrying out of their league, letting themselves go, and expecting women to still be into them. If sex is important, get counseling, or call it quits. These things should be discussed early on in dating though. Put it in your prenup!!
Sex is the only thing that separates a couple from being merely roommates.
Not sure about that, given how many suppsedly "roommates" had sex.
I used to tell that to my ex. Obviously didn't work despite being totally true!
Well yeah. And I would take my best friend or my dad over a platonic female roommate any day.
This is too simplistic. There's also co-parenting, financial partnership, and emotional support to consider. I was married 16 years and we became mostly non romantic.
I would say a man has a right to end a relationship for no sex. I agree it is a form of cheating. You don't have to leave but you can. This is always the case in reality.
No fault divorce
Matthew 19 says that sexual immorality is a justification for divorce
1 Corinthians 7 says that withholding is sexual immorality and forbidden
There's no need for a reason to stop a relationship, nothing but the fact that you don't want it anymore.
@@cosmictreason2242 Yeah, if you say it enough times maybe someone will believe you.
@cosmictreason2242 for both parties. Men seem to think only women withhold. Men do too.
It is devastating to the very foundation of your relationship. The withholder simply refuses to see the damage they are inflicting upon their relationship and their partner. My experience is that women still expect Monogamy, even when they refuse to touch you for years or decades. Forced celibacy, (essentially servitude) unless you simply agree to the terms to avoid bankruptcy, OR - go outside the marriage for the physical intimacy, sex and connection you need. 15 years isn't an "Ebb and flow" - It's a choice.
"My experience is that women still expect Monogamy"
This confuses me. I can't force my wife to be intimate, for the very good reason it's her body, therefore her choice.
If my wife also demands monogamy, then she's demanding the right to control my body too, without my consent. This is s*xual ab*se in any other context.
Very true
@@Korschtal Correct. And that's the whole point - the Withholder doesn't think about the abuse they are inflicting upon their partner.
"We need to figure that this out because I agreed to monogamy, not celibacy"
@@melkernerNo, they enjoy it - Power is the ultimate drug😢
As an experienced divorce lawyer (Pennsylvania and New Jersey), I can tell you that most of my divorce clients are in a sexless, loveless, “affectionless” marriage. They are nothing more than roommates who don’t even like or respect each other. No two cases are exactly alike, however the lack of physical intimacy is common. Sometimes it is many years since the parties just enjoyed each other’s company or touched each other in a caring manner. If anyone thinks that marriage is a guarantee to kindness and physical intimacy, you may be in for a rude awakening. The problem is that for many people, the exit costs of a bad marriage are exceedingly high, especially if there are minor children involved or if one spouse significantly outearns the other spouse. There are no easy answers other than to not get married. You can still have amazing intimate relationships without bringing state (divorce) laws into your life and finances.
Yep....if you want yo go on a trip just by a ticket to ride....you don't have to own the entire railway system....with all the accompanying endless maintenance programs and costs......😛😎👉🚂🚃
This is the reality. So many people grew up watching the adults around get divorced and it not improve their lives. My wife gave her first husband every chance to deal with his mental problems and drinking. She knew divorce rarely improves anyone’s life from experience. All my aunts and uncles had divorces and few became happy or had better relationships. So, pretty few of my cousins got married and almost none of my cousins have gotten divorced.
domestic partnerships exist for straight people too, and aren’t as costly to leave (no offense lol)
So many divorce lawyers are discouraging the convention of marriage in 2024. And yet it is still such a huge industry. I think people still have it in their heads they NEED to get married as a social contruct, for social media, to keep up with the joneses, etc. But I accepted a long time ago I do not want to get married and it is incredibly liberating, even if people think I'm crazy.
@@anjunatuna Great comment. Don’t worry about what others think. Do what is best for you!
Have a great birthday tomorrow Doc!
Congratulations on a stellar year!
Thank you for your contributions!
@@user-icu152 happy birthday Orion!!
Happy Birthday Orion. Thanks for being a voice in this space and cheers for a great present and future!
Dr. Taraban just posted a short, receiving Happy birthday shout outs.
In case anyone wants to head over.
I'm taking this down at midnight.
Would hate to delete your well wishes.
@henri8903
@Darknight526
Dr. Tarabin your brain is a society treasure.
👆🏻
Taraban*
@@kumaknizinny42069 Terraband
I made the same conclusion over a year ago. Withholding sex out of spite or neglect is "cheating."
Right! As withholding sex is an ego game most of the time (or so i suppose), they are cheating you with their ego.
Matthew 19 says that sexual immorality is a justification for divorce
1 Corinthians 7 says that withholding is sexual immorality and forbidden
We need laws to keep up with society. Laws are rules of the game. They need to adjust as the game adjusts.
Law is always way behind current social reality.
Imagine if a guy just said “sorry honey, I just don’t want to work anymore. And I don’t want to do any of the house work either. You should love me for who I am”. That’s the exact equivalent of
There's a lot of men doing that already.
@@LisaCulton Women need to make better choices. So do men.
@@LisaCulton It's about damned time!
The relationship is over when one of them doesn’t want sex. Why do they waste 5-10 years hanging around!
I asked this very same question to a buddy of mine who is on his second marriage. His wife is clearly cheating on him and yet he still wastes his time trying to catch her in the act. I told him you’re wasting your time because that isn’t going to happen.
Because the man knows he will get divorce raped, and lose his childern if he tries to get out.
It happens to wives too 😢😢😢😢
Well, because they might have children who will be very adversely impacted by a divorce. They might not each want to pay $300/hr for attorneys to divide whatever is leftover after paying the attorneys. One or both might not be economically viable on their own. Sexless marriage is awful, but marriage is a legal contract, and it's not something you just quit hanging around, sex or not.
@@amandajofisk85 so you marry for sex mostly?Yikes
Its simple. If you want sex, dont get married. No clause, no contract.
but how do I get sex otherwise? Pay for it?
Marriage needs to have a standard 5 year trial run. Then if both parties want to renew for whatever time, then go ahead.
This should be the way
Only problem is when children are involved.
At a certain point, nothing can be done. Counseling or otherwise it is a lost cause the emotional part is lost in most cases. Time to move on: All of the excuses that women make for an extended period of time is all bs and just a munipulation technique for their benefit.
I’m sorry but if a woman married you, and doesn’t have ssx with you… she married your property not you.
And if initially there was sex, someone must have not been listening to the other party for it to be there disconnect.
Bad sex or sexless marriage is a dead relationship. No point to stay in that relationship. If your wife ain't putting out and she doesn't have any medical condition, most probably she is giving it to someone else.
She might not be giving it to someone yet but she's Definitely would
or she’s not attracted to you. It’s a tough pill to swallow but I‘ve heard so many stories of couples in which one party admitted of no longer being attracted to their partner.
It can be emotional pr physical attraction.
@@leedlbagginshield8492Agreed, and your comment also explains how some can become married more than twice.
@@shedparker Exactly. humans tend to be „periodically“ monogamous. They don’t have to be monogamous with the same person for the rest of their lives.
@@leedlbagginshield8492that's evolutionary psychology falsehood. People naturally sin. Everything natural is not necessarily right
I'm sorry, but NOOOO woman should get to decide your celibacy !!
Nor no husband should withhold sex from his female partner as an obnoxious form of control and power and it happens all the time. Wake up guys! Women aren't the enemy
@@csmith9699 Since women "control" sex in a relationship... Absolutely that is the case.
NEVER MARRY
It's that simple . You can't lose the game If you don't play
That´s the ideal - but ideals are like stars, you can navigate by them but you can never reach them... 🤣
Then how do you have sex if you are not married?
@@ZelenoJabko you have sex with single women . You don't need to get married to have sex .
God damn, Orion spits fire again.
You can steal someone away from someone so that that person can’t have sex no more, and you can also be stolen from the sex you are supposed to have if your wife refuses to have sex anymore.
Damn.
Don't become a prisoner to a being that operates on how she arbitrarily feels and has no sense of duty, obligation, and empathy towards her spouse.
This is VERY insightful. I am one of those rare women whose ex-husband had ZERO interest in sex. We went YEARS without sex. And I wanted it! I love sex and am very sexual. My best friend and I talked about this and many other things wrong with my marriage. We concluded that he was not fulfilling his contract. We were married and the only person I could have sex with is him. He decided to not have sex, which meant that I was not having sex. We eventually divorced. This was one of many reasons.
In this case I agree with you
Sadly court of law wouldn't see it that way
So the wise thing to do as a Man is to not get married in the first place . Its rigged from scratch . 😂 for some reason men still sign up
@IMYOURMAJESTY92 because those men either don't see any alternative to what their tradition/religious dogma expects of them, or they are absolutely oblivious to what lies ahead in the future. Sometimes watching someone else burn themselves by touching a hot stove isnt enough. It's not until you touch a hot stove that you absolutely know never to touch it again.
'Bout time they did. And with Taraban's reach these days, he may actually move the conversation.
You can’t negotiate desire fellas. Cutting the grass won’t get her aroused. If you ain’t got it you ain’t got it, the theory is brilliant!
This happened to me 10 years no intimacy. 2 years ago I started working out a lot, I look great now and now she wants it, but I don't want it with her anymore because of how she treated me before
That's what it boils down to. You can't therapise it away. You can't throw flowers and chocolates at it. You can't exchange it for chores around the house.
@@JDogB-tc3lx that rejections stings
I beg to differ:
If you ain´t got it, you can still get it. After all, she did marry you in the past, right? Regain respect in the relationship: tell her to cut her own f%&$ing grass and that you don´t like spending the evening watching TV-shows that you are not interested in with the ice queen. Stop doing favors for the spouse that is ungrateful and cold. Remind her that she might not be your only option. If mind games are necessary, even turn her down once or twice when she does make a sexual offer. Show her that you want her, but not necessarily need her. Start working on yourself and make it clear that you increase your own value for your own´s sake - not for them!
People sometimes don´t value things unless they are about to lose them.
@@klaaspekala6804I’m curious, have you been married before?
Bad sex is worse than no sex.
It's like Lucy moving the football every Time Charlie Brown goes to kick it. Ol' Chuck would be better off not playing or finding someone else to hold the ball.
Frankly, if your wife is unwilling to to make the effort, she is authorizing you to find a mistress/girlfriend by abdicating the role of lover
Spot on!
I agree with your general sentiment, but I think your analogy is a little off. The thing with Charlie Brown and the football is more like the wife that teases that something might be on the table and then has always changed her mind by the time you get to the bedroom.
Yes,please remember...a golf course has eighteen holes...never play on a one hole course....as your putter will become frustrated...😛👉💃💃💃🏆😎
"The worst pussy I ever had was fucking awesome" ~ An old dude I used to work with.
Unconventional sense may be the new common sense. Ideally, sex within a marriage would be negotiated during the initial creation of the contract. Prepare ahead of time for the potential of a spouse no longer agreeing to intimacy or desiring extramarital intimacy. Have a plan for alternative options.
Yea. The option is “smell ya later” ❤
Matthew 19 says that sexual immorality is a justification for divorce
1 Corinthians 7 says that withholding is sexual immorality and forbidden
@@cosmictreason2242copy & pasting the same comment repeatedly isn't thoughtful engagement. It's *spam*.
@@ratamacue0320 it's thoughtful because it's directed to the comments which my comment is a direct reply to. This way those commenters all receive a notification without having to read the entire thread
@@cosmictreason2242 you're not engaging with the individual commenters' words or ideas.
Ensuring that many people receive notifications of the same content that they didn't consent to receive is what SPAMMERS do. Like you.
A man living in a sexless marriage seems the same as a woman living in a supportless marriage. Each one is getting nothing of their primary need.
Both seem to be quite common
I think you could argue that a wife denying intimacy will find her husband unable or unwilling to provide "emotional support", because how can he feel safe enough to do what when she is being so knowingly unkind?
That depends on the vaws . I think even Martial RP and or right leave should be between the couple
@@Korschtalworks the other way , right ? So maybe instead of judging other sex it’s time to make en effort for both of them
@@alexandrasolomenko4085 Or maybe instead of women trying to blame the other sex (I see what you're doing there) it's time they took accountability for their actions.
A woman who withholds sex has no right to expect the man won't get it elsewhere.
For the man, a release from the obligations of monogamy can be an positive opportunity.
Just handle the situation gracefully.
You don't have to divorce. That is a separate question.
Interesting take…. I do believe that the marriage contract has been broken…. But 6 months of sexless marriage out of 10 year relationship? What point do you call it sexless? My new husband’s previous marriage would be called sexless…. He would say sex three times for two kids…. An exaggeration to be sure but it did contribute to their divorce. He just stopped asking for sex the last year of their marriage…. He was already out of marriage emotionally years ago and was planning his exit. Because of his past experiences I will never refuse him…. I enjoy sex with him and it brings both of us closer together. He loves to cuddle …. And even without sex he loves intimacy.
I’m sure many men can relate to his experience.
If you have to ask for sex then you've really lost. Why should you communicate wanting more sex when the witholder never said a word when they decided to stop having sex with you.
15 out of 22 years. If you go more than a year without, or less than once a month - there you are.
@@melkerner The pace I'm on is worse than that I think. 5 years in sex about 20 times.
@@Quadster19 I am approaching 16 out of 23 years together sexless. we just had another major blow up and I made it clear - I will seek an attorney, she had better go through with seeking help or I am out, kids or no kids, I am done
My strategy: 1 never get married. Only have long term girlfriends. 2. If the grllfriend rejects sex for a longer period of time, stop giving her much time and spend my time finding other girls instead. 3 just rent apartment. Never buy an apartment together unless she is willing to buy half. In Sweden where I live the house/apartment is split in half no matter who paid if you lived together and separate. We don't have almoney in my country fortunately.
Child support?
Swedish women are Russian roulette anyway. EU expat living (stuck) in Stockholm…
@@Alexxx492 We have child support. But it's way lower than in the US, and not based on income but costs of having kids. The government pays for most things related to having kids such as kinder garden school university and health care for the kids. Maybe the child support would be 100-200$ per month. I don't have children so I don't have that problem yet 😁
@@filsed Swedish women are actually not great in a lot of ways. I prefer to date foreningeers. Stockholm people are also less friendly then people from the rest of Sweden. Kinda like how big city people like New yorkers are compared to other Americans.
Put out or get out!
I dont realy see a benefit for guys to get married.
@@Margriet101Yup. Cause there is none
@@Margriet101 Refreshing to hear this come from a woman. Many refute it when men say there is no benefit to getting married.
@@Kenny-Ross If you dont make a promise to God, then the whole thing is just meaningless, money waisting dress up in my eyes.
I read somewhere in a newspaper about a man hows ex wife left him in debt that she made, around 15,000 euro and the jugde also let him pay alomony.
He worked as a a car mechanic.
the judge had his salary garnished. As a result, he was also bullied at work because his boss thought it was too much administration.
It's bad when people do nothing wrong but have their lives out of their control destroyed by the people who should be close to them.
Most people are to selfish this days it seems.
Easy solution: No sex, no checks.
Dont pay for ANYTHING until she fulfills her duty.
That is not her duty at all. You are describing a hooker, precisely. Transactional relationships are possible but will not make anyone happier.
@@torachan23 most women are independent 😂
Sex/intimacy can't be enforced but most of the other things the man is on the hook for in a marriage is legally enforceable. Marriage in a lot of ways is a raw deal for men. You don't gain much of anything or any protections from agreeing to it, sadly.
raw deal
@@wildbill562 Stupid autocorrect. Thanks 😊
NEVER, EVER, EVER get married thinking that the hot courtship sox will continue. The hot courtship sox is the first thing that goes away. And NEVER confuse it for love.
Bait and switch
Sex is a medium of exchange. I though about this a couple months ago.
Even worse, the certainty a woman gets with marriage directly reduces her desire.
I'm a veteran of a 10+ year sex less marriage. Thus I no longer believe in monogamy. My experience has taught me that as a good man, to remain respected, I must practice polygyny / polygamy.
I agree. They end up respecting you more if you have multiple options. You just give them more leverage by being exclusive.
Read Ester Vilar’s “The Polygamous Sex”
@@Susan-fg3nv Well what do you think of @IMYOURMAJESTY92 's response (first reply to the comment)?
@@Susan-fg3nv Actually, the presence of more women actually decreases the odds of being turned down due to stoking competition anxiety.
Falls in line with a discussion I had with a buddy of mine. He basically said that in order for her to respect you, you have to show her you have options. She has to feel that you have options and could walk away at any time.
The cheating that you described is what I call non-infidelity cheating.
If person in a marriage lets himself or herself go, gaining weight and/or neglecting basic hygiene to the point where the other person no longer wants sex. Is that a breach of contract?
I think this one needs to be explored more. As men, we're very visually and often aromatically stimulated (we don't like that fish smell ladies). If a woman let's herself go in ways, we withhold sex because we can't get stimulated enough. Point being, when a man withhold intimacy, it's probably for a different reason
YES. and in the South, 40% of people are obese.
I was married to a mechanic / machinest who smoked cigarillos. God, I love the smell of chemicals, fast orange degreaser, and ashtrays! NOT
I say YES.
I am a woman and I don't understand why women think it is okay for them to withhold sex within a marriage. There are men who will do this also. I think it is a horrible thing to do. It is more prevalent among women though. I don't understand why this is so prevalant. I really don't get it.
That’s a good point. I believe it has to do with complacency; Familiarity Breeds Contempt & Distance Makes The Heart Grow Fonder.
During dating phase, a female counterpart would offer ample amount of sexual opportunities to secure the commitment due to competition anxiety.
Once the commitment is secured via long term relationship or marriage. The sexual opportunities dwindles due to the absence of competition anxiety.
And it certainly does not help when social media distorts our reality with plethora of perceived options. Or even worse, living vicariously through your single friends.
It is the main way a woman has to exert control and manipulation in the relationship
@@BrymeriusI think one of the responsibilities of marriage is to not allow yourself to breed contempt for your spouse. Of course, as time goes by, you will find things that you don't like, but choosing to marry someone means you do not allow these things to overwhelm the love and committment. A person should always be able to be physically intimate with his or her spouse. People need to treat marriage more seriously as a sacred union and part of that sacred union is monogamous sex. It is a vital part of marriage.
I agree. Neither husband or wife should be doing something like this ❤
Are you married though?
How do you feel about the pay gap between men and women?
how is the following not a recipe for disaster:
1. sexless marriage
2. man feels entitled to go outside the bounds of monogamy (affair, corn, rent a professional)
3. woman ends the relationship because he cheated
4. all sympathies are extended to the woman and the man's reputation is destroyed
5. man loses the respect of his family and friends
6. the children grow up not living with their father
many men would live with the sexless marriage for the sake of his children
smart men don't get married anymore. the only time they get screwed is in the divorce
Denying sex in any kind of romantic relationship and not just marriage is grounds for a breakup. I absolutely refuse to do it regardless of everything else. Hard no
Matthew 19 says that sexual immorality is a justification for divorce
1 Corinthians 7 says that withholding is sexual immorality and forbidden
That’s a very good and fair take on this topic.
You forgot that in marriage a man can be forced into his duties by law and women can’t! MEN STAY SINGLE!
The same duties towards children and financial agreements. No duty to provide sex for either of the spouses. As a wife I agree, stay single if you married for sex or money, that's deceiving - did you include that in your marriage-promises before God and the congregation: you owe me sex when ever I want to - did /would/ you really say that. Well, to enforce sex from your spouse is luckily illegal.
My mother's close friend was one of the rare cases where the husband was withholding sex. He took a week to consummate their marriage, and was routinely terrible to her. He hid the behaviour in public, because he was a principal at a highly religious school. I believe one of his affairs was with a man.
They did end up having at least three children, but their relationship was a disaster. The worst thing I heard was that after the divorce, she said (not to him, though) that if he asks for forgiveness and to get back together, she would straight away. She is a wonderful person, but far too forgiving.
She really should have cut it off after the first week, but she tolerates far too much. Although, she tried to tame her wild daughter with more and more rules, which she naturally resented. She demanded a code of conduct from her child, but had none for her husband at all. People do not respond well to demands for compliance when the demander allows others to abuse them.
Men (and women) should not merely have no tolerance for a sexless marriage - they fundamentally CANNOT without damaging other parts of their lives.
I saw the affectionless and sexless portion of a failed marriage as a form of abuse as well. Affection of any kind was literally withheld for over a year and after then was parsed out sparingly. It was abuse to reject a hug, a kiss, hand holding. Not just a rejection but a form of abuse. I walked away and lit truly was better to be alone than to be abused.
You were 100% morally entitled to a divorce. Actually, morally your wife should have filed for divorce, as she obviously had fallen out of love. There are unfair people of both sexes. Not always does the one who causes the divorce also file for it, but from some croocked reason leave it to the one still loving one to do it. I wish you all the best, but never marry for money and sex.
You cannot negotiate genuine desire
True, but sex is a DUTY in marriage.
@@wildbill562 duty is soulless. The point of sex is connection and intimacy not just the act of it.
@@wildbill562 Remember that sex is a duty (haha) if you ever get erectile dysfunction, be it for a medication or injury or depression or stress or unemployment, or your partner gotten obese, strayed, or your MIL moved in and life sucks. 😀 Sex is not a duty, because you are free, and can get a divorce for any reason at any time. Your children are always your duty, on the other hand.
To me this is not a controversial take at all, It is perfectly reasonable. When you enter a monogamous relationship the deal is that you are going to have sex with your partner and only with them, that's obvious. Your partner not wanting to have sex invalidates the monogamy. No one can force you to not have sex at all, that was never the deal.
I was part of a large discussion group a bunch of years ago that looked at solutions. The consensus reached over time was that nothing could be said nor appeasing action could be taken to change the sexless marriage. I told my wife I would not be celibate and left it up to her.
Absolutely genius! With all your advice. Thank you.
I’m a fit dude in my mid 30’s and I don’t pursue my wife anymore. She try’s to bring it up, but I don’t really know how to say it. For me; sex was a cocktail between drug and hobby. As a drug it’s lost its potency and quality and as a hobby it has just turned into more of a headache than it’s worth. I can’t even believe how hyper sexualized I was a decade ago to being almost non sexual now. It could also be that I don’t see her as a contributing member in anyway and just a liability…… no matter what the driver really is: my advice to ANYONE (m/f) is that if you actually enjoy or want sex….. DO NOT GET MARRIED!! Period.
Did she stop looking after herself? Were kids part of the equation? Are you interested in someone else? Do you see yourself ending things over it? I'm a fit woman in my mid-30s and if my husband lost sexual interest in me without telling me why, that'd be a bummer. I'd be more than willing to do whatever to rekindle the spark or simply end things, but staying in that relationship sounds bad for both of you.
there's so much here in what you say.....so many partners lose physical interest over time because at heart, attraction and chemistry require a "mind" aspect. In your case, if you see you wife as a liability, well that's not hot at all. Can this be fixed? Can it be talked out and possibly remedied...if not, better to leave. Yet here's another thing...novelty of sexual attraction wanes over many years, no matter how much two people love each other or are compatible. And as people age, its very important for each partner to take care of themselves physically, emotionally and financially. Another important factor... hormones are at an all time high in youth and time takes its toll.
You're only 30 and you saying all this? Sorry but it's weird. Are you into men?
@@number7195 These are all great points! When people marry younger, they're more sexually charged for sure, so when their hormones/body chemistry changes as they age, that affects their relationships a lot! That's why you can't let your dick alone dictate your choice of spouse heh.
Also I was thinking about this last night and recalled Orion making a point that if someone wants to leave, let them--you can't make someone love you if they've checked out. If this man is simply not physically into his wife anymore, it's prob best to just let him leave. Why live in denial or contempt??
Most women will stop putting out after a while once she has the kids. That’s why the state enforces the gynocentric contract. The man has only two options and both are bad. Stay in the present situation or lose at least half of what you have worked for all those years
Third option, hit the gym and get a side piece.
Fourth option, go broke, then divorce.
Lived it. Cheated because of it; sent me down a very dark road. Better to just divorce.
It was morally wrong to cheat, but it is not illegal. You can divorce for any reason! True, it is better to be honest and reliable, do be filing for a divorce if you want to feel morally free to have sex with others. Your spouse is free, too. Your children are both of yours, and you'll always have duties towards them, both of you.
So it seems like you're saying that it's OK to find another sexual partner outside of the marriage if your wife won't have sex with you. I guess logically that makes sense, but it seems to me that the marriage is already over. Imagine the reaction of the wife, who refuses sex with her husband, when he says he' s having sex with someone else. She would be outraged, and immediately file for divorce, which is probably what she wanted in the first place.
"She would be outraged and file for divorce, wich is probably what she wanted in teh first place"
That´s right. So what´s to lose? If she does care, then you asking for the right to seek intimacy/sex outside the marriage will get her thinking or looking for an alternative path that doesn´t make you starve on a set table. If she doesn´t - well, the game is over anyway.
Matthew 19 says that sexual immorality is a justification for divorce
1 Corinthians 7 says that withholding is sexual immorality and forbidden
@@cosmictreason2242 Well, Paul doesn't really say exactly that.
@@warwickdumas2573 if you disobey a command of God it's a sin. Sinning is immorality. Sinning concerning commands regarding sex is sexual immorality. God commands sex between spouses unless they are mutually determined to fast and pray instead of their usual intimacy. Continued disobedience to this command is therefore justification for dorce per m19
@@cosmictreason2242 It is quite reasonable grounds for divorce but not in the terms you are making it.
Paul doesn't use the word porneia or sin, nor is he in a position to declare new sins that were never mentioned in the Mosaic law mishvot.
The type of commentary you are giving is quite unhelpful because it leads to the "duty sex" type of ethic, which undermines marriages more and is wholly unhelpful.
If you are dealing with someone who has checked out of the marriage that's a hard situation and one in which you are responding only to the reality. A legal contract itself means very little, as Jesus in Matthew points out. No one has the right to be a dog in a manger, but that isn't stated in the Bible, it's just common sense.
Nice take. I worry that the audience who needs to watch it - won't have the intellectual capacity to understand it or the emotional discipline to get past the first phrase that triggers them. The only time I have ever been close to marriage - we were spit balling ideas. She wanted us to write our own vows. Sure. "Will you promise to never cheat on me?", she said. Sure, I can honor that request as long as you promise to never withhold sex from me. Hey where are you going??? *** Crickets *** Gone. To her, writing our own vows meant that she gets extra stuff for free. It is worth going through an exercise like this to convince yourself that you are making a huge mistake.
I would have imagined most women would find it much easier to promise ahead of time to not withhold, than actually upholding said promise down the line. So you definitely dodged a bullet.
BTW HaPpY birthday to Dr. O🎉🎂.Wishing you All the best 🙏
If your husband suddenly wants to dress nice and gets a haircut, takes a daily all over, brushes his teeth, starts smelling good, going to the gym, looses weight, cleans up his car, you know he's sleeping around. He won't do all that for you, but for a little strange he sure will.
Good for him. If you won't, someone else will.
This was a good one. Enlightening. Thank you!
Work on being a good providing men, stay fit, take care of your body and mind… and pick a woman that ADMIRES you, as long as she does she’ll be giving it all!
To me, even though sex and emotional intimacy is not the foundation of a healthy marriage. It is a vital component in the growth and positive development of it. In parable, I view sex in a relationship like gas in a vehicle. True a vehicle can crank and operate on less than a full tank of gas, but on a nearly empty tank your overall satisfaction is not going to be high; you are not going anywhere, it’s not bringing you happiness nor is it doing its job to increase your financial nor mental health or pleasure. It will only bring you aggravation, depression & resentment. Sex & emotional intimacy is the fuel of a marriage required for growth and resiliency to endure longevity as well as all the challenges life throws at you. It’s just as much a necessity for a man as with respect, compassion, understanding, appreciation and honor.
A sexless and affectionless marriage can be torture too for a woman with a healthy sex drive. I wasted the best years of my life with a husband who didn't desire me and who was basically a roommate. And I wasn't overweight or ugly.
Paying the bills can also become a chore. If we have a rule the we don't do things that we consider chores - it must apply both ways.
I think this falls into the category of one of those what ifs, the consequences of which should be discussed before marriage, just like what if someone cheats. Once you're married and cut off isn't the best time to discuss it.
The 10-year marriage contract alleviates a number of these issues.
Yes
Thanks Doctor Orion, you made me feel a lot of shame go away from the fact that i left my exgirlfriend due to lack of sex
Listen's to advice. Notices Dr. Taraban is still unmarried.
MARRIAGE IS A TRAP!
why is nobody asking why she would withhold? maybe, he is not fulfilling her other needs, maybe he has lost his attractiveness etc… it’s usually a result of a couple’s dynamics.
Then she should use her words and speak to her man. Too many women expect men to be telepathic.
That's passive aggressive and controlling behavior. Use big girl words to communicate your concerns, and if that doesn't work, leave and subsidize your own lifestyle.
If a man lost his attractiveness to me I'd catch it early and find ways to correct it. Like making him healthier meals, going for more walks, doing yoga together, gifting him new cologne, etc. You don't have to directly say "um, you're kinda not hot anymore and I don't wanna bang you" but you can help them get hotter and bang them lol.
@vickyvickyhey...good point...why would she withhold? And why would guys because they do more than anyone on this thread is apparently aware of
Unfortunately, many men are going through this same thing every day.
I am 50 and the only single guy in my 5 circle of friends.
Not one of them wish they married . They envy my lifestyle and the women i date. Mostly, my options.
They feel stuck , too much to lose if they step out of their marriage. Kids, house etc. Are gone.
These men tuff if out, and i give them all the credit, but they are also miserable most of the time. Wife with holds sex, being told where can they go amd.not go.. It's a circle of misery.
However, i also must say. Most of them and their wives have let themselves go. Their overweight, dont take care of themselves.. Its a sad thing to see.
This all keeps me motivated to be in the gym 4 times a week, eat healthy, and enjoy life to the fullest. I see no way out for my friends. Unfortunately, Men really do sacrifice for their family.
As a woman, I imagine the MAIN reason I'd stop having sex with my husband is if he gained weight. If this were to happen, I'd give him an ultimatum to either lose weight or lose me. It's unfair that men expect women to find them sexually desirable if they become unhealthy and sedentary. Good for you for staying in shape and single. It's a shame your friends can't follow suit.
@anjunatuna Marraiage gets you lazy and comfortable, almost to the point you tell yourself I dont have to look attractive to my partner." We are married" couples have different sex drives. All this comes into play. However, if both are not on the same page, problems will arise..
@@oo9276 A lot of women marry early because they know their looks will fade and I've witnessed them completely let themselves go after they get married and have kids. Many don't bounce back. Men can be the same. They've locked in their partners so they don't need to impress anyone else. But then they can't complain if they're in a sexless marriage. Even if you're married, you should look after yourself as if you're still on the market because otherwise, your partner can start shopping around for better options. It's competitive out there!
Interesting that you take the canonical Catholic view on this issue.
So what about illness? Cancer can put an end to non-painful sex. Sometimes there are physical reasons a woman may withdraw sexually, like bladder inconvenience or prolapse. Would you divorce for that? I know the statistics say men are 20% more likely to divorce their sick wife than women their sick husband. Id like to know you're view on this.
These are exceptions. He's talking about MOST instances, not the exceptions.
I'd say that you have to decide first if reasons are allowed to change the factual basis of a condition or not. You either are going to come down on the side of absolutism or subjectivism. Forget sex, let's do one that's far more raw. Husbands striking their wives. You are either an absolutist here and say "If a husband strikes his wife, that is abuse and the wife should get as far away from him as she can as fast as she can." Alternatively you can say "Well, a man who strikes his wife because he's mean or a drunk then he's abusive...but if she disrespected him in public then she had it coming." I'm not picking some sort of fantasy scenario here, this is reality in some places in the world. I think things get harder when you try to make things acceptable or unacceptable on the basis of something subjective rather than objective. Or how I'd put it - it's easier to teach your son "Men don't hit women and don't tolerate others who lay hands on them, either" than "Well son, you shouldn't hit girls unless they cross a certain line, then put them in their place." The former makes for men of principle, the latter makes for easy enablement of abusers... Trying to determine what reasons are legit and what are "excuses" is just exhausting and does zero to change the amount of sex you'd receive anyhow. So for my 2 cents, it's easier to just evaluate what is or isn't happening and decide what is or isn't a boundary. In this case - if you stop having sex with your husband, he's going to be hurt on-par with how you'd be hurt if he cheated on you. So...are you okay with that having an impact on your relationship? If not, figure out something that works for you two, don't rely on their being magic reasons that will invalidate the hurt it'll bring about. If you don't talk about it or face it head-on like the outcome matters, then it conveys the key thing - you don't care that the other person is being hurt by this state of affairs.
The worst case scenario you offered up, cancer, is likely going to fundamentally change the dynamic in that relationship at some point if it hasn't already. Once it becomes the ill and the caretaker, the sex issue is going to leave out the side window of it's own accord. Until then, if they had a great relationship sexually, then it also won't come up in this way because the wife will be concerned about the husband that she'll find something that works for her until she's too sick and is entering the ill/caretaker dynamic. Whether that's a "permission conversation" or her taking care of him but in ways that are more comfortable for her situation, something will be said because she'll be worried about him too, even if everyone else is only focused on her and her situation. If they already weren't having sex before the cancer, they certainly won't start now. If she relied on reasons or excuses to not have sex before, she'll not need to come up with any more for the foreseeable future... How this likely goes probably looks an awful lot like how it was going before the illness showed up, to be honest.
I think it speaks to a very female fear, the same one that makes a long-term committed relationship so important. Will he be there for me, to provide for me and protect me, in my greatest moment of need? Even in the age of no-fault divorce, why is a marriage commitment considered so much more highly valued than just being a long-term girlfriend? It's for similar reasons - the security it represents. Unfortunately, the data you cite is the best data I am aware of as well. Fact is, at the macro level (every individual relationship is different) a randomly-selected man is statistically significantly more likely to leave a woman due to illness than a woman is to leave a man in the same situation. But there are two elements being left out here that matter:
1) What men typically get out of a relationship with a woman (and vice versa). Yes, if a man was being taken care of by a woman and now he's not, he might be more likely to want to leave when that stops. But, change the topic, and it's easy to find an equally ugly example going the opposite direction. A man who loses his job is 33% more likely to end up divorced in the next 12 months than a man who remained gainfully employed. It's easy to see that a woman who picked the best option available to her at the time may not feel he's the same prize he was once he's drawing unemployment and sitting on the couch. So while this statistic is likely true about men, it's also equally true that there are gendered differences which aren't flattering about what sorts of things increase the likelihood your spouse will leave you. Some truths are ugly, but it's better to understand human behavior than pretend it isn't so.
2) A random man isn't a specific man. Pick a better man, get a better result. If you keep going back to men with no track record of responsibility, don't be shocked when a huge responsibility moment like this lands and they bail out rather than face it. This is just as much on women not picking good men as it is on too many men not being raised to be a good man. Prioritize men who were raised with the right values and see their oath as their bond, then if something bad happened, even if he wasn't getting what he wants out of the relationship any more, he's a man and he's going to hold up his end and take care of his wife. These men aren't part of that 20% in the statistic. However, it is a place where a woman does get to deal with the consequences of her choices in men, good or bad.
Going by the statistics, a lot of men will stay in a sexless marriage. Beats me why. There is more than one way to have sex, btw.
@@ktbernetes This is incredibly insightful. Thanks for sharing.
As a woman, married to a man who did not have sex for years in his previous marriage, I completely agree with this. It’s not fair when one person decides that they just don’t want to have sex anymore, when part of marriage is having intimacy and sexual connections. Men are simple creatures. Love them for WHO they are, not WHAT they do. Take quality time together and make an effort to have intimate moments. It will improve the marriage drastically. Men just want to be loved and loved hard.
Yes. God agrees. It's fraud. 1 Cor 7:5
@@ComLockofH3t Exactly. 👍
I agree, and it's even biblical. In 1st Corinthians, it talks about sex as being a duty in marriage. It says "Do not deprive each other."
C'mon now... you know women only quote the bible when it benefits them
🤮
Matthew 19 says that sexual immorality is a justification for divorce
1 Corinthians 7 says that withholding is sexual immorality and forbidden
@@KJThePublicistthat's why you only get one who's serious. And if you're not one yourself this is wasted effort on your part
@@cosmictreason2242you read it in the bible? Where was last time you heard it in the church?
As a single Christian male who desires sex but won’t look for it outside of marriage, this causes my heart to drop. What’s the point? I can’t get it single and I won’t get it married. What the hell?!
I’m a gal and I agree with all of this. Some people are very withholding and use it as a form of power, to deny another their needs. Not OK.
Denial of sex (without a reasonable cause like illness or genuine tiredness ) should be grounds for immediate divorce. That's the most cruel form of abuse that a wife can dish out against her faithful husband.
Matthew 19 says that sexual immorality is a justification for divorce
1 Corinthians 7 says that withholding is sexual immorality and forbidden
But what if you have kids. One of my best friends has been going through this for years now but they have kids.
@@Kenny-Ross a good marriage is priority over the children. If the evil government oppresses you by denying you the right to see your children, that is not your fault for doing the right thing and setting an example to your children.
@@cosmictreason2242stop spam , please 😢
Got my passport boys! Gonna find a wife overseas where being a wife MEANS something
😂 good luck! You'll need it.
Survivor of a decade of clinically sexless marriage. Destroyed my life and career. I wish I could hit the "like" button 100 times over.
Since my escape, 9 years in a mutually loving mutually affectionate relationship. I have never been more successful in my career.
What was the difference in how you identified/pursued things with the second one?
Great take. I couldn't agree more.
If she doesn’t want to have sex with you, she’s no longer attracted to you. Then decide what you want to do with a partner who doesn’t find you attractive.
I consider it a breach of the marriage contract by the party refusing physical intimacy.
“The popular imagination” I like that idea
hearing all the divorced sexless men, id rather be sexless not divorced. learned this lifestyle well already
🍿 here for the comments
Interesting and logical take. Why don’t you address the fact that many/most men let themselves go overtime and are not desirable any longer? Same could be said about women too. Letting yourself go could be seen as a betrayal or breach of contract that precedes sexlessness. Also, both parties need to feel pursued, not taken for granted, for sex to be on the table.
That's 100% true. But the bottom line is women have the power of the state enforcing their portion of the wedding agreement. Stop supporting her financially or do ANYTHING to upset her and she has the right to file for divorce, in which case the man will likely be paying her alimony. If a women lets herself go, the man can divorce her, but he will still lose in the court system. It's a win-win for women and a lose-lose for men.
@@flazjsg @extrememindee people need to discuss these things more openly before marriage and potentially include them in the prenup. Not enough people wanna have that conversation and reasonably so since it's a touchy subject and people are usually blindly in love when they're getting married but tbh if looks/sex are important, make clauses for that in the prenup.
It’s a lose, lose situation. Marriage in this modern age is just too risky for men. She can turn off sex completely any time that she wants. Then what?
Mono=one
Rail=rail
Really enjoy your work, btw, Dr. Taraban!
I can't sneed.
💯. A bit technical on the definitions, but yes agree 100%. Sex is a a biological urge and if you are not engaging with your partner I feel like they can almost not even stop themselves from looking to greener pastures. I had an affair due to being emotionally neglected and my AP basically had dead bedroom. We’re still together. We have a strong emotional and sexual connection that neither of us could go without. We’re in the process of opening up our relationship. To be continued :).
@4787thjjk...good for you. Arrangements can work and I don't mean full on polygamy either. Best to you
*Solution:* Just take what you are owed.
People will scream _"That's Grape!"_ but it really cannot be: what is marriage but continual, ongoing, formalized, and legally recognized consent?
To argue otherwise is to argue that the obligations from the man, such as safety and provision, are just as *equally optional* …or do you mean to say that the marriage agreement is nothing but the slavery of the man, allowing his reward to be completely optional on the part of the woman?
If in a sexless marriage the answer is simple: leave.
FACTS, BEEN LOOKING FOR THIS COMMENT
Fellas, just remember that marriage only comes with one guarantee: The woman will be compensated no matter who defaults the contract.
Go into it prepared to pay, because all Men pay. There's no point in being miserable about your own sex drive. You were born with it, so Women will use it. It's just how it is.
Can relate