OMG, exactly my experience even down to the shaved head! Loving myself has eliminated codependency & toxic relationships. Happily solo independent introvert at 72.
I was a teacher, working crazy hours, still obsessed with being with someone, because I was afraid of growing old solo. By April 2021, I was willing to "Feel to Heal" and release my many years of bullying by a group of kids in my new neighborhood circa age 8 to 12. After that, Divine gifts of self healing and helping other to heal have been HUGE, and sometimes, overwhelming. :) Starting a new Spiritual BIZ, as we speak. BUT....I manifested a Happy Ending type home for me, in Sedona and I have that. Being SO consumed with my little quarter acre, my new garden, and my bird sanctuary, front and back, it is SOO easy to hermit away and NOT share my gifts with World. Especially, when that world includes people who want brown people rounded up and deported. Makes my heart sink. BUT....isn't that WHY, powerful women leaders are rising to the TOP and young people are taking on the Herculean Task, of restoring our democratic system. Can you imagine? One person, one vote, NO Electoral College?? IT would be a nice development. KEEP shining and flying whatever kind of Freak Flag you HAVE!! :) If we ALL do not stand up together, then, we are doomed to fall to this simple minded criminal and his cronies. ;) PEACE, was won by Gandhi, BUT, it took him 30 years of Hunger Strikes and Politics and Fasting and Praying. I am not going anyone, and NOBODY, is going to put "Baby in the Corner" anymore. Love and Blessings of Peace and Divine Light :)
After my abusive dad died, I slowly watched my mum get happier and happier. She is now like a kid again. Loving life. People ask her about dating and she says "why would I want to do that?"
Totally get it! At age 69 men don't even know how to be friends without blurting out in some form of protection that they are married. The others are for the most part looking and will ask you out without any forethought. The rare gem is a man who knows how to be friends. It's not high school as in ground hogs day over and over! Enjoy freedom and wholeness.
I was married for 10 years in my youth. It was an abusive relationship. No children. I’ve been divorced for 37 years. Had my son out of wedlock at age 40. Never remarried. I cherish my autonomy. It’s the right choice for me because I always give myself away in relationships. I struggle with remaining true to myself when I’m in a relationship. Yes, I’ve had therapy.
I was married for 40 years. It started out as one kind of relationship and as we both changed, the relationship had to change. Sometimes there were growing pains. We made a commitment to "the relationship". We had seven children, we both worked and took turns working away from home. We were both fiercely independent and had to learn a lot of lessons about patience, humility, and how to love an imperfect person including ourselves. We both made a commitment to Christ, and took time every day to work on ourselves through spiritual education and weekly, service in the community. We prayed together as a family and just hearing the kind words and wishes of the other family members to help each other, really soften our hearts, helped us to forgive each other, and grew our love. My husband passed away last year, yet we were both close to our growing and adult children, which now includes grandchildren. My husband had this sweet phrase he used to say when we were having discussions. He would make a statement of some kind and then add on the end,... "but I could be wrong." I started saying it too, and it brought much peace to our family.
I'm so sorry for your loss. See my comment. I say, "happy marriages are the exception, not always the rule" - I'm happy to hear you had an exceptional marriage. Blessings to you and your children.
It takes a while to get over this. As you been trained to attach yourself worth to what men think about women. So freeing to not care anymore and love yourself enough.
I agree! When you deconstruct and decenter a lot of the old patterns you were conditioned to follow throughout your life (whether they are internalized sexism, racism, age-ism, etc.), you begin to free yourself. When the blinders are taken off and you see how ridiculous those old patterns are, you start not caring about other's opinions because you no longer relate to their blindness.
Been single for over a decade. I'm fortunate to be able to support myself bc I live on the US West coast--many people cannot afford housing here. Financial independence is crucial. But also psychological--independence. I benefit from being single because I have always wanted to be self reliant and have a calm environment.
I really loved this interview! Elizabeth Gilbert is always so warm, giving and HONEST! She holds nothing back and is so relatable because of that. Alas, the number of ads interrupting this interview really spoiled things. I've never experienced so many before.
Jane Goodall has never worn make up. Ever. ;) I quit wearing makeup at 36, when I became a teacher. This year, I shave all my hair off, too, for the second time, ever. :) I was married 3 times and did not want to be alone. Now, I am not dating two years now, and I am blissfully happy with my two rescue dogs and my dream home in Sedona. My 5th grade girls were right; Boys are stupid. ;) Girl Power!! :)
As much as I adore the movie ‘Eat Pray Love’ I think the book is so much deeper and poignant. I’m 65 and twice divorced and like Liz I’m better/ happier etc on my own. I’ve been in a relationship with myself for the past 25 yrs one that will last my lifetime. I’m definitely a loner that’s for sure, I don’t need anyone to complete me as I’m whole on my own 🙏 Also I’m totally with her in regards to embracing my aging face and body. I’m no longer worried about how I look without makeup 🙌
Beautiful ❤inspiring for this myself! 👏 that peace ✌️ is non negotiable after you have worked so hard to make. God bless you and the many many other beautiful souls along this journey
I lost my husband this summer and she is so spot on grief and relief. My husband died of Parkinson's and it was such a hard period for the whole family to see his decline. Four month later, I feel so much better better and our home has so much more peace. I cried for 3 months straight and now it has ease.
❤ Wonderful interview. Thank you. ❤ "Emotional Autonomy" as she calls it, is always available to us whether we are in a relationship or not. The ideal is to always have it no matter what the present relationship status is. Whenever I feel being in a relationship is the reason for being emotionally dependent, I am blaming the effect instead of the cause. Byron Katie's The Work is a great tool & process for realizing this. I was recently being matched up to a retired wealthy widower (four yrs older) who is also a minister, traveler, & grandfather. My inner reactions were: shock ("What d hell made them think I want to meet someone?!?") and then, repulsion. The "gift" of this offer was seeing my feeling of repulsion -- clear sign I still had vestigial judgments (aka, blaming others) about relationships. This was my needed awareness (aka forgiveness). I can attest to the statistics she quotes -- I appear to be in my 40's (never had botox or surgery) even tho' nearing 60. Divorced 15 yrs ago & no kids. Truth of the matter is, writers and artist have a very vital inner world therefore, thrive in a solitary environment. Our nourishment of companionship comes from interacting within. Granted not all of us are at the Walt Whitman level of embracing the richness of artistic solitude nor are as lucky as Georgia O'Keefe who had a 'someone' who was 100% there for HER needs. I truly enjoyed this episode. My 1st one of your channel. (And now, I think its time to subscribe.😊)
That was such a powerful and wonderful conversation. Liz Gilbert talks about difficult subjects with so much grace and humour. The interviewers also asked excellent questions, including several that I had would have liked to ask about Liz's life which I had been curious about, especially how she navigated the more challenging chapters of death and divorce. I've taken away so much from this episode. Thank you. Also, Committed is a very excellent book. You'd think an analysis about marriage would be rather dry, but it was a riveting read which left me that much wiser on the subject.
I just read The Signature of All Things--my first Elizabeth Gilbert book--and it was so life-affirming, so liberating. What befalls those of us who do not fit the beauty standards? Is it possible to be happy and live a full life? Oh my. It was magic. The weekend after I finished it, I was having suicidal ideation, then nearly died in a car crash that my own skillful driving managed to avoid, then the next day I was hiking at a place called Moss Island. It was magic. Synchronicity.
I’m a man, a huge Elizabeth Gilbert fan, and feel like I have a lot in common with her. I’ve also been in a lot of relationships, but I’ve found that I thrive as a single man. I not only appreciate and cherish the independence, but also the full control of my life and happiness. I have no problem getting in a new relationship, but I’m not willing to sacrifice my happiness nor my independence. Those days are long gone. I have learned that there is no need to jump into a permanent relationship or situation of any kind. That if someone is trying to get me into a permanent relationship or situation, to run the other way. It’s important to keep our options open, because we do not know the future. People who think that they know the future are naïve. Don’t be so naïve. Always have an exit strategy and make sure you can get out of the relationship or situation if you ever need or want to, and without injury.
Thanks for sharing this. You clearly have the upper hand when it comes to societal messaging. Single men for decades were referred to as "bachelors" while single women were referred to as "spinsters". Misogynists are poisoning our public discourse right now trying to return us to a time when women were scorned for singleness - i.e. "childless cat ladies". Those women who are "trying to get" you into a permanent relationship could be suffering from those messages, fearing their own power to choose something else. I urge you to be an ally of women's choices, so we can enjoy the confidence you do with your choices.
OMG I agree wholeheartedly with Elizabeth. I was lonelier in my 25 year marriage than I have ever been in the 25 years since. Single hood is the greatest gift I have ever given myself. Love my solo life, the freedom is heaven to me.
Yes yes yes to emotional autonomy! Yes to the second childhood after menopause:) yes to loving being single🩷❤️ Totally relate to what Liz says- so refreshing to hear her talk about the entrenched narratives and the freedom to break out of them😅😂❤
My doctor prescribed Eat Pray Love for me during a toxic relationship 16 years ago. That book is now part of my reality in life. Living single on an island living my most beautiful life. Thank you. ❤
Ahhhh, far beyond _Eat, Pray, Love,_ comes _Big Magic,_ a book I read every 3 months. Ms. Gilbert speaks to my heart (as she does to so many others'). Marriage, 3 amazing kids, then divorce... to love, live, and marry (once legal), to a woman, who, 25 years in, transitioned FtM. By 32 years, I finally admitted my inability to reconcile my lesbianism and am sola now. Yes, also shaved head (for a couple of decades now) and 405 lbs., 2.5 years ago, made the choice to live. I started GLP-1s and am now healthy beyond any dream I ever had. Every obesity-related illness has vanished and I have lost 260 lbs. People never asked if I was going to start dating at 400 lbs., but I get that question all the time now. "F*CK NO!" is my answer. I have my life the way I have created it. I am ALIVE, almost for the first time in my life. Now I have created a world where my kids and grandkids are the orbit around which I gleefully flow. Besides my own. I live for _me._ I NEVER have to ask permission of anyone anymore. The idea of dating or being married again is abhorrant... and it's weird saying that out loud... but it is what it is. Thank you, Ms. Gilbert, for all you give all of us... and mostly, what you have generously given me.
Lovely podcast, full of rawness, juice and meaning to me… That ‘most embarrassing’ story though at the beginning: as mortifying as it would’ve been for Elizabeth back then, -when she told it, I had a moment of: ‘I get it. It’s as if she wanted to invite that missing friend who’d died, into that party, make a space for it, make it still be a part of life. It takes time, at least for me, to fully grasp on all levels that a person has died, -in many cases even years or forever. There might be that initial period of shock and not comprehending that this person isn’t here anymore. So when Elizabeth reserved an empty chair for her, to me it sounded like a token of respect to this departed woman, an attempt to still somehow include her into that gathering of friends….. I don’t know, that’s just me, that’s how I felt about this story instinctually…. No one at that party was ready to accept the fact that there was death right in their midst, let alone anybody being ready to fully address it. Elizabeth did in some way, and in her own way. Not just trying to be funny, but also calling things out by ‘their name’…. Respect from me 🫶
…and yeah, Liz, for me it looks as though you’re standing on your own two feet, fully -with all the wobbliness and the occasional being pushed off-balance which comes with that. Life is a constant balancing act, right? With the only constant being change. So my aim also is to stand on my own two feet. And giving less and less of a damn what others think about my exterior, seems a good way to start that journey. As humans, we need each other, our mutual love, appreciation and support. But hopefully let it not come through the facade and fakeness of an external construct. And in this way, accepting aging as a beautiful thing can be a great way towards that goal. More power and love to the feminine and to the older people in our society 🌿💛🌿
I am 55 , no kids, been trying to make relationships work as well and give so so much energy in my life to include giving to them financially in my past as well, and they all fail. I stay when I should go, etc.... Contemplating as of late could I be on my own and not think something was missing in my life. Now should I let my hair go gray and not color it is my recent contemplation. Just yesterday I was thinking my hair takes so much time, I need to chop it! It really is so strong to overcome the looks thing and just be. So strong to not be co dependent and break the cycle and just be. Love this talk and it comes to me a perfect time! Thanks Gals!
What an authentic and incredibly intelligent woman, both mentally and emotionally. She says she looks older with her head shaved, but I have recently seen her on a British chat show that was filmed 5 yrs ago, and she looks younger and healthier now.
I've frequently said that if women got the inside scoop on just how happy one can be single, there would be a social revolution....with what's happening in the world, it might be time for one.
I’m really enjoying seeing women of different decades communicating and not competing with each other. Important to stay plugged into the different stages of this life 👍💯☮️💌
My SO died two years ago and it is amazing how people assume I am lonely and cannot understand that I am simply grieving and being alone is never going to be the issue for me. A relationship is not going to fix me and by the time you are my age (54) you better understand that. A few months ago I watched a doc on women/men scammed out of their life savings because they fell in love with a crook and it hit me hard that people have no idea how to be alone! It really is a skill that can be learned and needs to be de-stigmatized. It is ok to want to be in a relationship but it is also healthy to be alone and not seek it.
Random Saturday night YT scroll and I found you. What a fabulous hour. Thank you all so much. I'm a long time Liz fan, a bit older, also single, Aussie in Italy. I'll be tuning in more often.
Thank you so much for this episode. I love your energy Elisabeth, you exude authenticity and joy of living. And you look great with your hair shaved! I hope one day to have the courage to do that, too!!You girls are lovely also, greetings from Spain and whishing you all the best!🙏💕🌷
She always blows me away. Enjoyed your conversation with her. Her novels are great; I want to hear more about her writing of fiction. And she mentioned she wrote 3 books in the last 5 years...I want to know about that!
I adored Eat Pray Love and reread it again while going thru a big breakup and traveling in London. Now listening to the patriarchal JDVance calling us childless -- women it’s perfect to listen to this. We are not alone. Thank you Liz. ❤️🩹🙏🏼💚
First off I really enjoyed listening to this. Such a calm and peaceful and honest conversation. Also Liz, I think you look amazing! Last time I “saw” you was a year ago when I watched your TED talk. Today I finished reading your book eat, pray, love and I wondered: who is this person today? I jumped onto youtube and searched for your name and found this wonderful conversation! You have such wisdom in your words and life in your eyes and peace in your aura! I feel so content right now just knowing that people, that women like you are out there right now, making this world a better place. I love that you don’t give a sht about how people perceive you, because you shouldn’t have to in the first place. I hope you will inspire many more women to find their natural beauty while aging, too. Love from Switzerland ❤
You know, the first thing I ever read of hers was this article about wine. I thought it was the most beautiful story I had ever read. I copied it from a magazine and to this day I still keep it. Never knew who she was and when her book came out, “Eat, pray, love”, it just came to my attention and connected dots together. Figured out she was the same author I had read a long time ago. Was happy and amazed. 😊😊
When I read the book EPL I thought, wow this woman has no idea what is going on inside her and is perpetuating the notion that happiness happens when the right (other) person is found and running away from ones pain will work. Clearly many others found the ideas in the book ones they too should follow. The societal structures create traumatized humans who then adapt by adopting the conditioned information in those structures and then try to hold onto lies as if they are truth. Its trauma inducing structures that produces trauma and then if a person is lucky (suffers enough) they realize these systems are based on a complex profound system of lies, often much later on in life. The "system" is huge, largely impenetrable and programs infants with fear and then controls them. When a person finds themselves and sees their programming for what it is, there is despair at that, but there is freedom too.
After my lifelong best friend passed 6 years ago… he was so present the first few years, and like Liz… I’ve felt him less and less. Oh how I understand what she means…
The book was amazing, but there was ZERO chemistry, in the movie. :( And, though, I love Julia, she did not express that book, that I read like 10 times and visited in Italy in 2008, after my third divorce, because Elizabeth's journey helped ME, heal, again, and again! :) BTW, I now live in Sedona Valley, in a lovely home, and stopped dating almost two years ago. My journey is TOO Divine, to have a man in my life. My wild birds and my two rescue dogs, ARE my family. We are all connected in Source/Love/God. So, we truly are never alone. :) Namaste, Ya'll :)
@@EmeraldIndira I know, right? I LOVED the book, went to Italy and my ME Trip, after my 3rd and painful divorce. Chemistry between the leading man and woman was SO vital. I did not feel like the Spiritual part of her love relationship was fairly represented and her relationship with the Balinese Healer woman, was almost eliminated in the movie. ;) Yes, for whatever reason, "Eat, Pray, Love," helped me live a more abundant life. That ONE quote, she said early on, about herself in a love relationship; "I dive into the relationship, and start being the person they wanted to me to be, like a Trapese Artist diving into a Dixie Cup." :( WAY back in 2007, I starting dating differently. I am so thankful, that I finally shock off the Okie programming of "Settling down" and I live as I chose. :) Namaste, SiStar :)
The way Palpatine infiltrated the Galactic Senate and rose to power to become Emperor for 20+ years is incredible. Converted the Chosen One to darkness. He was extremely powerful in the Dark Side too…W edit bro nice work
I just heard you share what you felt your most embarrassing moment was but I believe that the spirit of your friend WAS probably on that empty chair at the party as you commented on - it was your soul speaking aloud ✨. Katie O Dee
As someone with clinical depression for over 34 years Elizabeth Gilbert calling what I am experiencing is the result of ‘choosing to not live life or properly grieve’ could not be further from the truth. To Elizabeth Gilbert: Please don’t publicly comment on illnesses without credentials or qualifiers. The wave of ignorant comments people deal with when explaining depression is already a sewage of bs. Don’t use your platform to encourage misinformation.
Marriage itself is built on conditions. In terms of materialism, it's a way to get ahead (usually for men) but in terms of your mental, emotional and spiritual health, it generally isn't beneficial since it's based on conditions, which is the opposite of genuine love since authentic love is ultimately unconditional.
I'm a diehard feminist who doesn't even use the term "guys" when addressing groups of people. But can we just mention that the world is big enough for the many paths women choose in life - and we have more choices than ever now? It's not a binary single vs married choice, and many Gen X and Gen Z women recognize this thanks to authors like Gilbert. There are married women with children who have autonomy and independence, single mothers by choice (myself included), and professional women heads of households. I worry that the backless to the emphatic promotion of female singleness is perceived as a discounting of other choices, and this is how it's seen by the basement-dwelling misogynists who are poisoning our public discourse right now. So, let's celebrate how many choices we have - because they can be stripped from our younger generation of women, in the US anyway. Also, Elizabeth, please cite your sources on those "data points". Some women thrive in relationships - and some women die of loneliness. The reality is we need to know what works best for us and have the options to choose that.
The biggest regret I have in my life was having kids. Ironically, I have no relationship with them, and I know that I had them for my ex and my mother. It's funny how many of us left relationships as we hit our Saturn return at age 29. I'm 64, starting to travel alone, which feels a bit scary but walking through my fear, mainly going to a country where you don't speak the language. I'm going to Costa Rica in January, by myself. Yes, I came very close to checking out at 37, severely depressed.
I became singe by choice six years ago. For the first time in my life, I stopped looking for someone to be with forever. I am DONE. I still love men, but don't need someone to be happy.
Join Big Brothers, Big Sisters if you want to have a lovely affect on a child without being the parent of a child! No need to have one yourself -- you can be a MENTOR and friend to children! Also, I don't want kids and I've asked my Dad if I would be missing out. He took a long, deep beath and said, "you know. We got really lucky with you and your sister, but look at (x), whose child steals from him, and (y)'s kid's in jail, and (z)'s kid is into drugs so badly that he now has to take care of his grandchild -- (z)'s 65 and taking care of a 12 year old! It could easily go either way with kids, so no -- you're not missing out."
I don't even like traveling with other people. I do movies, even dinners in reataurants by myself, long walks, etc. As a no-longer-people-pleaser, it's been EXHAUSTING trying to make sure those around me are happy... but when did THEY ever bend -- even a little bit -- to please ME?! F that! I actually (thankfully) enjoy my own company and have a grand time by myself and with those I CHOOSE to interact with. It's a damn shame that we, for some odd reason, STILL tell women that her happiest day will be when she gets married (I've photographed so many weddings; that's all a whole other story. Ya'll, we need a "come to Jesus" meeting on that, too. Anyway). We don't -- and have never -- told men that, or even thought to -- let's be real with eavh other -- reduce them down to being a sidekick to someone else. Be your own Main Character! If it happens that you have actual compatibility (passion LIES and dies) and have a sidekick, you do you, but to say it's REQUIRED for your HAPINESS is a downright CRAZY notion meant to make it easier for you to comply to be some dude's seamstress and sandwich maker. F THAT. [Talk about sh*t tests being done on women -- whether or not you say yes to doing another adult's laundry, clean up after them, cook for them, etc -- when they are capable of doing it themselves, of course -- is the ULTIMATE sh*t test. Don't fall for for the lure of being the "cool chick" and/or the "good girlfriend/wife" by caving in and tying yourself to a damn adult child; they'll just drip, drip, drip your soul away and you'll eventually be mad at yourself for not leaving sooner. WEED THEM OUT SOONER AND OFTEN].
I started saying my husband died and people leave it all alone it's like they need to know that you're suffering like them and they never have their own opinions it's always their husband's opinion or they complain about their husband and you can't agree or you're the bad guy
Men and women are complementary. It’s not us vs them. We can live together in harmony and love and bringing fruitful relationships and families into this world. Self absorption just gets us nowhere but more pride and narcissism. . I’m so sick of this narrative and agenda .
@ I agree, but the messaging that women don’t need men or shouldn’t want or expect fulfillment in families is very destructive to young people, who are already struggling with loneliness and isolation and lack of direction and purpose in life. It’s fine to live an alternative lifestyle, but we shouldn’t push our ideology onto anyone else.
@ we all have to learn to use our own discernment. i don't think Liz is trying to force anything; just sharing her experience and how she felt about it
OMG, exactly my experience even down to the shaved head! Loving myself has eliminated codependency & toxic relationships. Happily solo independent introvert at 72.
I was a teacher, working crazy hours, still obsessed with being with someone, because I was afraid of growing old solo. By April 2021, I was willing to "Feel to Heal" and release my many years of bullying by a group of kids in my new neighborhood circa age 8 to 12. After that, Divine gifts of self healing and helping other to heal have been HUGE, and sometimes, overwhelming. :) Starting a new Spiritual BIZ, as we speak. BUT....I manifested a Happy Ending type home for me, in Sedona and I have that. Being SO consumed with my little quarter acre, my new garden, and my bird sanctuary, front and back, it is SOO easy to hermit away and NOT share my gifts with World. Especially, when that world includes people who want brown people rounded up and deported. Makes my heart sink. BUT....isn't that WHY, powerful women leaders are rising to the TOP and young people are taking on the Herculean Task, of restoring our democratic system. Can you imagine? One person, one vote, NO Electoral College?? IT would be a nice development. KEEP shining and flying whatever kind of Freak Flag you HAVE!! :) If we ALL do not stand up together, then, we are doomed to fall to this simple minded criminal and his cronies. ;) PEACE, was won by Gandhi, BUT, it took him 30 years of Hunger Strikes and Politics and Fasting and Praying. I am not going anyone, and NOBODY, is going to put "Baby in the Corner" anymore. Love and Blessings of Peace and Divine Light :)
After my abusive dad died, I slowly watched my mum get happier and happier. She is now like a kid again. Loving life. People ask her about dating and she says "why would I want to do that?"
Totally get it! At age 69 men don't even know how to be friends without blurting out in some form of protection that they are married. The others are for the most part looking and will ask you out without any forethought. The rare gem is a man who knows how to be friends. It's not high school as in ground hogs day over and over! Enjoy freedom and wholeness.
I love that you guys listened during this podcast. So many hosts talk instead of listening
So true. I noticed this too. Will subscribe now!
I was married for 10 years in my youth. It was an abusive relationship. No children. I’ve been divorced for 37 years. Had my son out of wedlock at age 40. Never remarried. I cherish my autonomy. It’s the right choice for me because I always give myself away in relationships. I struggle with remaining true to myself when I’m in a relationship. Yes, I’ve had therapy.
I’m happy that you found what works for you and esp that you are out of your abusive relationship.🙌💖
Honest, authentic talk!
We get lost by needing to be sympathized on the cost of not being fully authentic.
I love being single too (stopped dating at 32)!!! Singles, celebrate each other! Love Liz. Thanks for this... new subscriber:)
Such an honest and beautiful moment shared with this deep person. I love how she's always unafraid of sharing her truth.
I was married for 40 years. It started out as one kind of relationship and as we both changed, the relationship had to change. Sometimes there were growing pains. We made a commitment to "the relationship". We had seven children, we both worked and took turns working away from home. We were both fiercely independent and had to learn a lot of lessons about patience, humility, and how to love an imperfect person including ourselves. We both made a commitment to Christ, and took time every day to work on ourselves through spiritual education and weekly, service in the community. We prayed together as a family and just hearing the kind words and wishes of the other family members to help each other, really soften our hearts, helped us to forgive each other, and grew our love. My husband passed away last year, yet we were both close to our growing and adult children, which now includes grandchildren. My husband had this sweet phrase he used to say when we were having discussions. He would make a statement of some kind and then add on the end,... "but I could be wrong." I started saying it too, and it brought much peace to our family.
I'm so sorry for your loss. See my comment. I say, "happy marriages are the exception, not always the rule" - I'm happy to hear you had an exceptional marriage. Blessings to you and your children.
That’s so beautiful, but I could be wrong. I’ve been married for 47 years too. ❤
The fear of aging is directly related to being attached to male validation and attraction.
Yep! I couldn't care less what they think anymore. It's so freeing
Yes. Amen :)
It takes a while to get over this. As you been trained to attach yourself worth to what men think about women. So freeing to not care anymore and love yourself enough.
I agree! When you deconstruct and decenter a lot of the old patterns you were conditioned to follow throughout your life (whether they are internalized sexism, racism, age-ism, etc.), you begin to free yourself.
When the blinders are taken off and you see how ridiculous those old patterns are, you start not caring about other's opinions because you no longer relate to their blindness.
Been single for over a decade. I'm fortunate to be able to support myself bc I live on the US West coast--many people cannot afford housing here. Financial independence is crucial. But also psychological--independence. I benefit from being single because I have always wanted to be self reliant and have a calm environment.
I really loved this interview! Elizabeth Gilbert is always so warm, giving and HONEST! She holds nothing back and is so relatable because of that. Alas, the number of ads interrupting this interview really spoiled things. I've never experienced so many before.
Jane Goodall has never worn make up. Ever. ;) I quit wearing makeup at 36, when I became a teacher. This year, I shave all my hair off, too, for the second time, ever. :) I was married 3 times and did not want to be alone. Now, I am not dating two years now, and I am blissfully happy with my two rescue dogs and my dream home in Sedona. My 5th grade girls were right; Boys are stupid. ;) Girl Power!! :)
As much as I adore the movie ‘Eat Pray Love’ I think the book is so much deeper and poignant. I’m 65 and twice divorced and like Liz I’m better/ happier etc on my own. I’ve been in a relationship with myself for the past 25 yrs one that will last my lifetime. I’m definitely a loner that’s for sure, I don’t need anyone to complete me as I’m whole on my own 🙏 Also I’m totally with her in regards to embracing my aging face and body. I’m no longer worried about how I look without makeup 🙌
Beautiful ❤inspiring for this myself! 👏 that peace ✌️ is non negotiable after you have worked so hard to make. God bless you and the many many other beautiful souls along this journey
So so enjoyed this, she is so relatable to me as a 62 year old woman.
this was a great find. and I love that neither of you talked over the guest. It was a calm and enjoyable interview. So I subscribed.
Three elegant ladies producing one hour of beautiful messages. I thank you for that ⭐️
I lost my husband this summer and she is so spot on grief and relief. My husband died of Parkinson's and it was such a hard period for the whole family to see his decline. Four month later, I feel so much better better and our home has so much more peace. I cried for 3 months straight and now it has ease.
❤
❤ Wonderful interview. Thank you. ❤
"Emotional Autonomy" as she calls it, is always available to us whether we are in a relationship or not. The ideal is to always have it no matter what the present relationship status is. Whenever I feel being in a relationship is the reason for being emotionally dependent, I am blaming the effect instead of the cause. Byron Katie's The Work is a great tool & process for realizing this.
I was recently being matched up to a retired wealthy widower (four yrs older) who is also a minister, traveler, & grandfather. My inner reactions were: shock ("What d hell made them think I want to meet someone?!?") and then, repulsion. The "gift" of this offer was seeing my feeling of repulsion -- clear sign I still had vestigial judgments (aka, blaming others) about relationships. This was my needed awareness (aka forgiveness).
I can attest to the statistics she quotes -- I appear to be in my 40's (never had botox or surgery) even tho' nearing 60. Divorced 15 yrs ago & no kids.
Truth of the matter is, writers and artist have a very vital inner world therefore, thrive in a solitary environment. Our nourishment of companionship comes from interacting within. Granted not all of us are at the Walt Whitman level of embracing the richness of artistic solitude nor are as lucky as Georgia O'Keefe who had a 'someone' who was 100% there for HER needs.
I truly enjoyed this episode. My 1st one of your channel.
(And now, I think its time to subscribe.😊)
That was such a powerful and wonderful conversation. Liz Gilbert talks about difficult subjects with so much grace and humour. The interviewers also asked excellent questions, including several that I had would have liked to ask about Liz's life which I had been curious about, especially how she navigated the more challenging chapters of death and divorce. I've taken away so much from this episode. Thank you.
Also, Committed is a very excellent book. You'd think an analysis about marriage would be rather dry, but it was a riveting read which left me that much wiser on the subject.
I agree. And yes, Committed is a fantastic read, I recommend orbit everyone.
I just read The Signature of All Things--my first Elizabeth Gilbert book--and it was so life-affirming, so liberating. What befalls those of us who do not fit the beauty standards? Is it possible to be happy and live a full life? Oh my. It was magic. The weekend after I finished it, I was having suicidal ideation, then nearly died in a car crash that my own skillful driving managed to avoid, then the next day I was hiking at a place called Moss Island. It was magic. Synchronicity.
I adore that book.
Liz has always spoken directly to me and you ladies did a beautiful job with your questions. Thank you! ❤
I heard many of Liz's interviews but this one strikes home! Thank you!
Liz’s honesty is wonderful 🥰
I’m a man, a huge Elizabeth Gilbert fan, and feel like I have a lot in common with her. I’ve also been in a lot of relationships, but I’ve found that I thrive as a single man. I not only appreciate and cherish the independence, but also the full control of my life and happiness. I have no problem getting in a new relationship, but I’m not willing to sacrifice my happiness nor my independence. Those days are long gone. I have learned that there is no need to jump into a permanent relationship or situation of any kind. That if someone is trying to get me into a permanent relationship or situation, to run the other way. It’s important to keep our options open, because we do not know the future. People who think that they know the future are naïve. Don’t be so naïve. Always have an exit strategy and make sure you can get out of the relationship or situation if you ever need or want to, and without injury.
That is awesome, Dear One. :)
Thanks for sharing this. You clearly have the upper hand when it comes to societal messaging. Single men for decades were referred to as "bachelors" while single women were referred to as "spinsters". Misogynists are poisoning our public discourse right now trying to return us to a time when women were scorned for singleness - i.e. "childless cat ladies". Those women who are "trying to get" you into a permanent relationship could be suffering from those messages, fearing their own power to choose something else. I urge you to be an ally of women's choices, so we can enjoy the confidence you do with your choices.
OMG I agree wholeheartedly with Elizabeth. I was lonelier in my 25 year marriage than I have ever been in the 25 years since. Single hood is the greatest gift I have ever given myself. Love my solo life, the freedom is heaven to me.
I love Elizabeth Gilbert, thank you so much!!!
Yes yes yes to emotional autonomy! Yes to the second childhood after menopause:) yes to loving being single🩷❤️
Totally relate to what Liz says- so refreshing to hear her talk about the entrenched narratives and the freedom to break out of them😅😂❤
My doctor prescribed Eat Pray Love for me during a toxic relationship 16 years ago. That book is now part of my reality in life. Living single on an island living my most beautiful life. Thank you. ❤
Ahhhh, far beyond _Eat, Pray, Love,_ comes _Big Magic,_ a book I read every 3 months. Ms. Gilbert speaks to my heart (as she does to so many others'). Marriage, 3 amazing kids, then divorce... to love, live, and marry (once legal), to a woman, who, 25 years in, transitioned FtM. By 32 years, I finally admitted my inability to reconcile my lesbianism and am sola now. Yes, also shaved head (for a couple of decades now) and 405 lbs., 2.5 years ago, made the choice to live. I started GLP-1s and am now healthy beyond any dream I ever had. Every obesity-related illness has vanished and I have lost 260 lbs. People never asked if I was going to start dating at 400 lbs., but I get that question all the time now. "F*CK NO!" is my answer. I have my life the way I have created it. I am ALIVE, almost for the first time in my life. Now I have created a world where my kids and grandkids are the orbit around which I gleefully flow. Besides my own. I live for _me._ I NEVER have to ask permission of anyone anymore. The idea of dating or being married again is abhorrant... and it's weird saying that out loud... but it is what it is. Thank you, Ms. Gilbert, for all you give all of us... and mostly, what you have generously given me.
Lovely podcast, full of rawness, juice and meaning to me…
That ‘most embarrassing’ story though at the beginning: as mortifying as it would’ve been for Elizabeth back then, -when she told it, I had a moment of: ‘I get it. It’s as if she wanted to invite that missing friend who’d died, into that party, make a space for it, make it still be a part of life. It takes time, at least for me, to fully grasp on all levels that a person has died, -in many cases even years or forever.
There might be that initial period of shock and not comprehending that this person isn’t here anymore.
So when Elizabeth reserved an empty chair for her, to me it sounded like a token of respect to this departed woman, an attempt to still somehow include her into that gathering of friends…..
I don’t know, that’s just me, that’s how I felt about this story instinctually….
No one at that party was ready to accept the fact that there was death right in their midst, let alone anybody being ready to fully address it.
Elizabeth did in some way, and in her own way.
Not just trying to be funny, but also calling things out by ‘their name’….
Respect from me 🫶
…and yeah, Liz, for me it looks as though you’re standing on your own two feet, fully -with all the wobbliness and the occasional being pushed off-balance which comes with that.
Life is a constant balancing act, right? With the only constant being change.
So my aim also is to stand on my own two feet.
And giving less and less of a damn what others think about my exterior, seems a good way to start that journey.
As humans, we need each other, our mutual love, appreciation and support.
But hopefully let it not come through the facade and fakeness of an external construct.
And in this way, accepting aging as a beautiful thing can be a great way towards that goal.
More power and love to the feminine and to the older people in our society 🌿💛🌿
I am 55 , no kids, been trying to make relationships work as well and give so so much energy in my life to include giving to them financially in my past as well, and they all fail. I stay when I should go, etc.... Contemplating as of late could I be on my own and not think something was missing in my life. Now should I let my hair go gray and not color it is my recent contemplation. Just yesterday I was thinking my hair takes so much time, I need to chop it! It really is so strong to overcome the looks thing and just be. So strong to not be co dependent and break the cycle and just be. Love this talk and it comes to me a perfect time! Thanks Gals!
What an authentic and incredibly intelligent woman, both mentally and emotionally. She says she looks older with her head shaved, but I have recently seen her on a British chat show that was filmed 5 yrs ago, and she looks younger and healthier now.
such a beautiful interview...I love what Ms. Gilbert says about emotional autonomy- definitely something I embrace as a woman of a certain age
Oh how I fall in love with her over and over again every time I see her… I can replay the same interview and it still happens.
I've frequently said that if women got the inside scoop on just how happy one can be single, there would be a social revolution....with what's happening in the world, it might be time for one.
I’m really enjoying seeing women of different decades communicating and not competing with each other. Important to stay plugged into the different stages of this life 👍💯☮️💌
My SO died two years ago and it is amazing how people assume I am lonely and cannot understand that I am simply grieving and being alone is never going to be the issue for me. A relationship is not going to fix me and by the time you are my age (54) you better understand that.
A few months ago I watched a doc on women/men scammed out of their life savings because they fell in love with a crook and it hit me hard that people have no idea how to be alone! It really is a skill that can be learned and needs to be de-stigmatized.
It is ok to want to be in a relationship but it is also healthy to be alone and not seek it.
Yes. Better to be alone than trapped or otherwise unhappy, lonely in a relationship.
Love that! People are so desperate to be IN a relationship that they will blind themselves and get scammed.
I really needed to hear this conversation today. Everything Liz said is a confirmation of everything that I'm living right now. I loved it.
Random Saturday night YT scroll and I found you. What a fabulous hour. Thank you all so much. I'm a long time Liz fan, a bit older, also single, Aussie in Italy. I'll be tuning in more often.
Hi from Canada 😊Liz is always, always an inspiration. Thank you that was an excellent podcast.
Liz is so wise. I always have to listen to her more than once to let everything sink in. 😊
Love this. Relate men can also feel the same. Run for the hills!
I am sooo in love with you. Single, 73, happy, joyous and free!😂❤😂
This was such an amazing episode!!!!!! Thank you for bringing her amazingness to us!
20 years of having a relationship with my vivid deceased husband. You have described nearly exactly my own grief journey. I am okay.
Thank you so much for this episode. I love your energy Elisabeth, you exude authenticity and joy of living. And you look great with your hair shaved! I hope one day to have the courage to do that, too!!You girls are lovely also, greetings from Spain and whishing you all the best!🙏💕🌷
She always blows me away. Enjoyed your conversation with her. Her novels are great; I want to hear more about her writing of fiction. And she mentioned she wrote 3 books in the last 5 years...I want to know about that!
I adored Eat Pray Love and reread it again while going thru a big breakup and traveling in London. Now listening to the patriarchal JDVance calling us childless -- women it’s perfect to listen to this. We are not alone. Thank you Liz. ❤️🩹🙏🏼💚
1:01:51 I have been hearing exactly the same thing on the inner: cease striving on the outside and redirect that energy to your inner work
First off I really enjoyed listening to this. Such a calm and peaceful and honest conversation. Also Liz, I think you look amazing! Last time I “saw” you was a year ago when I watched your TED talk. Today I finished reading your book eat, pray, love and I wondered: who is this person today? I jumped onto youtube and searched for your name and found this wonderful conversation! You have such wisdom in your words and life in your eyes and peace in your aura! I feel so content right now just knowing that people, that women like you are out there right now, making this world a better place. I love that you don’t give a sht about how people perceive you, because you shouldn’t have to in the first place. I hope you will inspire many more women to find their natural beauty while aging, too. Love from Switzerland ❤
You know, the first thing I ever read of hers was this article about wine. I thought it was the most beautiful story I had ever read. I copied it from a magazine and to this day I still keep it. Never knew who she was and when her book came out, “Eat, pray, love”, it just came to my attention and connected dots together. Figured out she was the same author I had read a long time ago. Was happy and amazed. 😊😊
I loved city if girls..rereading again
When I read the book EPL I thought, wow this woman has no idea what is going on inside her and is perpetuating the notion that happiness happens when the right (other) person is found and running away from ones pain will work. Clearly many others found the ideas in the book ones they too should follow. The societal structures create traumatized humans who then adapt by adopting the conditioned information in those structures and then try to hold onto lies as if they are truth. Its trauma inducing structures that produces trauma and then if a person is lucky (suffers enough) they realize these systems are based on a complex profound system of lies, often much later on in life. The "system" is huge, largely impenetrable and programs infants with fear and then controls them. When a person finds themselves and sees their programming for what it is, there is despair at that, but there is freedom too.
🙏🏻✅
After my lifelong best friend passed 6 years ago… he was so present the first few years, and like Liz… I’ve felt him less and less. Oh how I understand what she means…
The book was amazing, but there was ZERO chemistry, in the movie. :( And, though, I love Julia, she did not express that book, that I read like 10 times and visited in Italy in 2008, after my third divorce, because Elizabeth's journey helped ME, heal, again, and again! :) BTW, I now live in Sedona Valley, in a lovely home, and stopped dating almost two years ago. My journey is TOO Divine, to have a man in my life. My wild birds and my two rescue dogs, ARE my family. We are all connected in Source/Love/God. So, we truly are never alone. :) Namaste, Ya'll :)
The movie was terrible in my opinion.
@@EmeraldIndira I know, right? I LOVED the book, went to Italy and my ME Trip, after my 3rd and painful divorce. Chemistry between the leading man and woman was SO vital. I did not feel like the Spiritual part of her love relationship was fairly represented and her relationship with the Balinese Healer woman, was almost eliminated in the movie. ;) Yes, for whatever reason, "Eat, Pray, Love," helped me live a more abundant life. That ONE quote, she said early on, about herself in a love relationship; "I dive into the relationship, and start being the person they wanted to me to be, like a Trapese Artist diving into a Dixie Cup." :( WAY back in 2007, I starting dating differently. I am so thankful, that I finally shock off the Okie programming of "Settling down" and I live as I chose. :) Namaste, SiStar :)
omg!! I loved the movie, loved the book and this episode is in my box of treasures!
This was fantastic! Thank you❤️
The way Palpatine infiltrated the Galactic Senate and rose to power to become Emperor for 20+ years is incredible. Converted the Chosen One to darkness. He was extremely powerful in the Dark Side too…W edit bro nice work
I absolutely love the story about that death joke. That's the kinda thing that I would say.
I actually think Liz looks great now. I love the hair and glasses!
And Liz looks so well!
What a gift thank you for this wisdom
I just heard you share what you felt your most embarrassing moment was but I believe that the spirit of your friend WAS probably on that empty chair at the party as you commented on - it was your soul speaking aloud ✨. Katie O Dee
I had that same thought.
Me too.
Ladies, this was good interview.
Wonderful interview & podcast 😊
Maybe the spirit of the dead girl was in the lawn chair and Liz saw it or felt it on a level. Forgive yourself Liz!
As someone with clinical depression for over 34 years Elizabeth Gilbert calling what I am experiencing is the result of ‘choosing to not live life or properly grieve’ could not be further from the truth. To Elizabeth Gilbert: Please don’t publicly comment on illnesses without credentials or qualifiers. The wave of ignorant comments people deal with when explaining depression is already a sewage of bs. Don’t use your platform to encourage misinformation.
She wasn’t. She was quoting another person and sharing her personal experience.
would you mind sharing what type of food you've been eating in all that time? It could be the cause.
This was fantastic. Thank you.
Marriage itself is built on conditions. In terms of materialism, it's a way to get ahead (usually for men) but in terms of your mental, emotional and spiritual health, it generally isn't beneficial since it's based on conditions, which is the opposite of genuine love since authentic love is ultimately unconditional.
Makeup is not the enemy hair is not the enemy. Marriage is not the enemy. Children are not the enemy. Loss of a sense of self is the problem.
I'm a diehard feminist who doesn't even use the term "guys" when addressing groups of people. But can we just mention that the world is big enough for the many paths women choose in life - and we have more choices than ever now? It's not a binary single vs married choice, and many Gen X and Gen Z women recognize this thanks to authors like Gilbert. There are married women with children who have autonomy and independence, single mothers by choice (myself included), and professional women heads of households. I worry that the backless to the emphatic promotion of female singleness is perceived as a discounting of other choices, and this is how it's seen by the basement-dwelling misogynists who are poisoning our public discourse right now. So, let's celebrate how many choices we have - because they can be stripped from our younger generation of women, in the US anyway. Also, Elizabeth, please cite your sources on those "data points". Some women thrive in relationships - and some women die of loneliness. The reality is we need to know what works best for us and have the options to choose that.
That's supposed to say "backlash" not "backless"- damn auto correct.
The biggest regret I have in my life was having kids. Ironically, I have no relationship with them, and I know that I had them for my ex and my mother. It's funny how many of us left relationships as we hit our Saturn return at age 29. I'm 64, starting to travel alone, which feels a bit scary but walking through my fear, mainly going to a country where you don't speak the language. I'm going to Costa Rica in January, by myself. Yes, I came very close to checking out at 37, severely depressed.
Love you Liz
doing what society expects of you as a woman will surely make you belong. The trouble is women often conflate belonging with happiness.
Thank you so much. Subversive and brilliant xx
I became singe by choice six years ago. For the first time in my life, I stopped looking for someone to be with forever. I am DONE. I still love men, but don't need someone to be happy.
Join Big Brothers, Big Sisters if you want to have a lovely affect on a child without being the parent of a child! No need to have one yourself -- you can be a MENTOR and friend to children!
Also, I don't want kids and I've asked my Dad if I would be missing out. He took a long, deep beath and said, "you know. We got really lucky with you and your sister, but look at (x), whose child steals from him, and (y)'s kid's in jail, and (z)'s kid is into drugs so badly that he now has to take care of his grandchild -- (z)'s 65 and taking care of a 12 year old! It could easily go either way with kids, so no -- you're not missing out."
I loved her book about moss
I love her embarrassing story, it’s hilarious
So many TH-cam ads on this interview , please don’t!!!!
We need you Liz, Thankyou
I liked all her books, not just Eat P Love
You just mentioned “spiritual energy”- it was always there but you just may not have been aware of it when you were younger!
Katie O Dee
I don't even like traveling with other people. I do movies, even dinners in reataurants by myself, long walks, etc. As a no-longer-people-pleaser, it's been EXHAUSTING trying to make sure those around me are happy... but when did THEY ever bend -- even a little bit -- to please ME?! F that! I actually (thankfully) enjoy my own company and have a grand time by myself and with those I CHOOSE to interact with.
It's a damn shame that we, for some odd reason, STILL tell women that her happiest day will be when she gets married (I've photographed so many weddings; that's all a whole other story. Ya'll, we need a "come to Jesus" meeting on that, too. Anyway). We don't -- and have never -- told men that, or even thought to -- let's be real with eavh other -- reduce them down to being a sidekick to someone else. Be your own Main Character! If it happens that you have actual compatibility (passion LIES and dies) and have a sidekick, you do you, but to say it's REQUIRED for your HAPINESS is a downright CRAZY notion meant to make it easier for you to comply to be some dude's seamstress and sandwich maker. F THAT. [Talk about sh*t tests being done on women -- whether or not you say yes to doing another adult's laundry, clean up after them, cook for them, etc -- when they are capable of doing it themselves, of course -- is the ULTIMATE sh*t test. Don't fall for for the lure of being the "cool chick" and/or the "good girlfriend/wife" by caving in and tying yourself to a damn adult child; they'll just drip, drip, drip your soul away and you'll eventually be mad at yourself for not leaving sooner. WEED THEM OUT SOONER AND OFTEN].
The only thing worse than being single, is wishing you were.
I started saying my husband died and people leave it all alone it's like they need to know that you're suffering like them and they never have their own opinions it's always their husband's opinion or they complain about their husband and you can't agree or you're the bad guy
Maybe the girl who drowned actually was in that chair.
xo
I totally dont get it.
Men and women are complementary. It’s not us vs them. We can live together in harmony and love and bringing fruitful relationships and families into this world. Self absorption just gets us nowhere but more pride and narcissism. . I’m so sick of this narrative and agenda .
That depends on which journey people are on and where we want to go.
@ I agree, but the messaging that women don’t need men or shouldn’t want or expect fulfillment in families is very destructive to young people, who are already struggling with loneliness and isolation and lack of direction and purpose in life. It’s fine to live an alternative lifestyle, but we shouldn’t push our ideology onto anyone else.
@ we all have to learn to use our own discernment. i don't think Liz is trying to force anything; just sharing her experience and how she felt about it
The patriarchy’s nightmare 😂
Liz ditch those big bug glasses
I like them on her.
Is that all you got from this conversation? Stop being superficial. How the glasses look on her is irrelevant to the discussion.
CITY OF GIRLS MOVIE. CITY OF GIRLS MOVIE. 18:07