Afraid To Stand Your Ground In Relationships? (Watch This)
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 10 ก.ค. 2022
- In today’s show, we hear from a woman whose husband continues to relapse into sex addiction, a young mom questioning the behaviors of her controlling husband, and a man wondering how he and his wife should navigate family functions with divorced parents.
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Second caller, leave when your baby is still a baby. I had the EXACT same situation in my marriage and I left before our daughters first birthday. She had no disruption. I never had to explain to her that mommy and daddy are splitting up, I had to explain to her that we had been together in the first place. She grew up very happy and well adjusted and without the BS. Without the crappy marriage BS, without the divorce BS.. There is no better time than when your baby is still a baby.
She needs a job. To start moving forward.
Good for you. Because that’s not a marriage.
hmmm that’s probably why my split with my child’s father was pretty smooth. She was 2 but she didn’t really show a concern.
@@jandeshon8264 She said that she has good family support, so she can move in with family, get help with the child from them, get to work and maybe file for divorce. Maybe put a apple tag or something on the car and hire a PI before filing.
Wives! Stop trying to save your husbands from themselves!!! They have to help themselves. Your job is support. If he's not actively trying to get better.... Your efforts won't fix it!!!
The first two women 💔 please, know that you do not need a man that bad. Keep your children safe and in a healthy environment.
Yes! This hands down 💯💯💯💯💯💯💯X's💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯
Are you d u m b you need a male I. Your life
Wild to me why they stay with these bums
@@DavidPavlovich2comes from no self respect which probably stems from childhood issues
My ex used to "send me to the store" for groceries, make me ask for money- My money, then give me $20 and expect groceries for several days. (You get really creative haha) Man I was so damn blinded. Thank God I got out
I pray for these ladies... they need to learn their worth.
Why is it when it comes to women it’s always about love and feelings. So many women stay because of sex. It’s not much more than that believe it or not.
My mum and dad were married for 56 years. When he came home with his first post marital pay packet he was going to count money into her hand. She said a hard NO. She wasn't about to hold her hand out like a beggar. From that day forward he put it behind the clock. 🤣
My ex tells my kids I'm his employee being a mom is my " job". The kids say to me "you have to buy me boots because dad pays you child support". 🙄. I left him 13 years ago. His wife now has to ask for money for food and gas and home supplies. A narcissistic nightmare.
And you made babies with him. Congratulations.
I hope you are trying to correct that mindset with your kids. I feel for you.
@@actuallyterryBeing a mom is a 24 hr job! that’s for sure!
@hillaryhayman1 these people are EXPERTS at making themselves appear as something other than what they are until after They are married or have children or some other situation extremely difficult to come out of. As judgmental , as you seem to be , I hope you don't Ever experience this because it is absolute hell
This is what my therapist called, "Living as a maid with sexual privileges." That summed up my first marriage in seven words.
If you were not also paid a minimum wage salary, then you weren't even maid. Free cleaning equals a form of slavery. Not paid for sex either I assume right? Some women have gotten used to giving all of their life energy away with no security or compensation. No teamwork or reciprocity either. We invest in men who EXPECT a free slave and are NOT investing in us. That is a bad investment!
So sad. We need to do better for ourselves.
That's all it be smh when there's no sustenance for real...men have a problem with the word "friendship" because they look at as black or white and say "im not your friend Im your man" which only means maid and sex and most of the times the woman works as well and probably pay majority of the bills 🙄🙄🙄
Both 1st and 2nd callers gave me anxiety!
How is it a wife is asking for money from her husband when he KNOWS she is a stay at home mother and needs money for the household?!🤬
This is the downside of a "provider husband."
It's scary and I feel for her future.
Maybe gotta have a stress free side hustle jus/ in case
This was the story of our mothers and grandmothers back in the day. No wonder women said "enough!"
This isn’t the story of a “provider husband” as you say. This is the story of an abusive power hungry man who is a selfish jerk.
Second caller: not a marriage. 😬
Her situation is terrible. My mother had this happen for years. It’s scary and children remember. The generational pain was that I learned to never ask for help, which is hard work to undo. She’s his slave.
@@Mysterious_Moon so very sad. Unimaginable for me. 😔
She seems “not all there”.
@@hillarybillary21 what's with the stupid giggle?!??!
@@hillarybillary21or just EXTREME people pleasing. Clearly her parents failed her as well.
He definitely doesn't want her to see the bank account.
Dr. John, you're absolutely right. Addiction is not a free pass nor is it an excuse to continually humiliate and abuse your wife and family. I understand that the first caller's husband is traumatised and I have empathy for hin. But, in order to work through it, he also has to make an effort to change his self-destructive and abusive behaviour.
The caller's first duty is to look after herself and her children and then; she'll be able to support her husband without being hurt and humiliated by him
I don't understand she is making him make a Fool of her.she should not be listening to his father
He will never change. Sex addiction isn’t in the DSM. It’s a symptom of a bigger issue; his toxic personality. I think he is narcissistic, he just wants to sleep around & he got caught so now he’s pretending he’s “sick”.
If your whole life is centered around someone else's addictions and issues, that relationship will kill you in the long run. She needs to "save herself and her children". She can't save him. She can only heal herself and her own issues. And not have her sons continue in his footsteps.
She is trauma bonded and addicted to abuse. She needs healing and finding her self worth that caused / allowed her to keep and abusive relationship and have children with a "sex addict". A person who will not control themselves and will continually devalue her using his "addiction" as a reason.
@@michelledavidson1781right the insane part to me is CHOOSING to have children with someone like that. like.... WHY??
My kids also had a million grandparents and lots of tension, and we alternated birthday parties with family and kid friends-every other year. I planned family birthday parties at my home with a set ending time and everyone was invited. Give anyone coming at you with their drama the Heisman. Your home can be a no drama zone. Grandmas gotta buy gifts, Doc. My thing is if I feel like spending more than my budgeted amount, I add it to the college fund
I say you are the greatest mental health podcast of all time! No one has communicated the way you do. Your saving my life.
I agree he is amazing , putting everything in a way we can truly understand.
Ladies’s we don’t have to have a boyfriend! you have that choice!! Now make it
This is hands down the best show. I’m living the first two calls to different degrees and it sucks.
get out! It’s way better to be marriage free!
Because you’re here I bet it won’t be long for you to make your exit. Good luck to you.
Loved the way John asked if he can speak frankly bc thats what was necessary. The compassion she feels about his trauma partly bc she has her own does serve as a bit of a form of denial of having to make a decision she doesn't want to. Shes also emotionally estranged from her own family which makes her bond even stronger with him n she can't stomach the idea of thinking some of those people will think they were right about him or her. This is a big reason why someone is more likely to stay in an abusive 3rd or 4th marriage. They dont want people to think their ac4 time loser. Abisers often know this n will seek out such people.
Women, our children's health and safety should come first
It's really eye-opening to hear your life through another person. I hope the second caller left by now.
I feel like I have a whole season of topics just off of my first 18 years for the Dr John deloney show. 7 on the ACEs is deep breath worthy.... 😮
That 2nd caller really bowled my blood. That’s not a marriage, that’s financial abuse!
she sounds so dingy, i hope she leaves & her hubby is def hiding sumthing.
@@animaluva098she sounds like an extreme people pleaser. she sounded like she had some sense, but maybe just surrounded by horrible people and not raised in a way to value herself
Caller number two, if your husband died tomorrow what do you know about your finances? How would you manage? At a minimum you need a household account with X dollars a month.
First woman - I hope you find an amazing support system of strong women who have come out on the other side of what you are going through and can lead you along to sanity. It is NOT beautiful you, he has chosen to remain broken.
Holy that lady laughing and agreeing like this was a happy fun conversation was so disturbing. I hope you’re in a safe place right now.
Omg my heart is breaking for the 2nd caller. She is terrified of her husband.
26:17 my heart just breaks for her. She’s on the verge of tears. She needs to run from that man.
The last caller should just invite all the grandparents, tell them that all of them are invited and suck it up. Any grownup is able to do that for an hour or two. If they're not, they can visit another time and miss the party.
Great advice all around, particularly with Jeremy. What an amazing family, to start out with boundaries. Praying for ya, Jeremy you guys are doing great
John you are so good explaining conflict resolution and giving ideas for problem solving! Thank you for helping all of us!
Why don’t they have a joint bank account? I could see if she was a shopaholic but this is for necessities.
We bought a home for $314K in '06 (Toronto area Canada) and then we held on and sold in 09 for $380K. I feel like we got out reasonable unscathed due to tight budgeting and savings. It was a rush, but it *feels* like it's worse these days. Eventhough, we have a secure home still, inflation seems out of control.
Video starts 6:45
You are doing the work of the Lord, Dr. Delony. Thank you! I've been blessed and challenged listening to these videos. It really makes me look in the mirror and this episode especially. Thank you.
I wouldn't be surprised if the second caller's husband was the one stealing money in his first relationship
He interrupted caller #2 so much I can't hear her say the WHOLE story until wayyy later
Being divorced or being a divorce… is part of most adults life. Boundaries setting is an equal difficult thing to do for any family members. Protecting your kid from potential behaviors of divorce seems to me not fair. People can be married and much more toxic than divorce… start from a place of love not a place of discrimination…
sex addiction=cheater
You should not put up with that.
I mean who doesn’t want to have sex a lot if they can? But most can self regulate. He can too. He just doesn’t. Why would he? He gets you and allll of them too. He has no character.
To woman #1, do you still have sex with him? You could get sexually transmitted diseases. That would be a huge issue.
Divorced Grandparents, I think make sure they are cordial. If they can't be cordial and not be messy then they don't get invited. Birthdays for my family it was mainly just my household cake, you decorate the dining room table in their honor, give small gifts and really thoughful cards. Definitely find what works for you all parties aren't necessary. I believe that divorced Grandparents can be very normal for kids but definitely have the boundaries. If you don't want gifts let them give cards where they can write personal notes. I've saved mine through the years. Also, I do think it's important to remind kids to be appreciative for gifts that are not as expensive or aren't the most wanted thing to them.
Thank you!
EPIC!!!! Love this show! Thanks for all you guys do!!! Oh and by the way yes it’s a 529 lmao! Good job bologna lol
I feel so stressed. I grew up in 08 and I find it absolutely depressing to look forward at housing because right now is when I am finally able to start looking at homes and even cars because I'm out of college. I have a good job for my area, Midwest suburb, for a single person, but prices have been pushed out of the range for the area quite significantly. I don't expect 08 however I am praying for some relief because I can't afford this at all.
Got the house and car yet?
I’m there with you
morning everyone!
Bought my home in '08. Got a pretty sweet deal.
Can’t wait
It really triggers me when someone laughs inappropriately. I'd rather the second caller were crying than "keeping it light". I understood why she is doing it, but its creeping me out.
what is that picture behind you of the man with his eyes scratched out?
Sadam Hussein before they hung him.
She could also get a disease with him sleeping around so much. Very dangerous
The second woman, my heart brakes hearing this. Even maids get paid… her husband definitely has secrets.
The 2nd caller was really really difficult to hear
i dont understand why people have kids when they KNOW all this stuff going in.
Good morning. 👍
1st call 6:41
2nd call 23:07
3rd call 41:15
Run
And people still wonder why some people arent married. If we knew hiw many people live in ways most healthy people never would both males and females n even before things go wrong over infidelity or just growing apart etc all of which can also make it very difficult. God bless all those who took a chance on love and marriage and had a reasonably good chance of making it work for a lifetime or even if kess time had nore good years then bad but i have more n more reason to believe this isnt the case for most.
Media designed to sell adds as an add pops up to sell something 🤣
I would not alienate the whole family by talking about their divorces over a party invite. Don’t take for granted that the kid has people who love them. You have a party with a two hour window. See how it goes. Then readjust for birthday 2 after seeing what you got at birthday 1.
The Emma situation is absolutely Wild
RUN Emma RUN !!!!!!!!
Wow, this it way to close to home
He used to have a gambling problem but goes to vegas every month??? and she's only now putting this together
Missippi
The first caller is in a trauma bonded marriage 😢
That’s what Reagan said “ there might be a bear”
Emma, omg! I hope you were able to get out. 😢
2nd caller.. AND this is why you should never be a stay at home mom, i dont care what anyone says.. you have NOTHING, no $$, no roof over your head, nothing to support yourself and your kids! Go to work and leave this guy
second woman.. ya leave him then you’ll surely get ur weekly allowance ha
LOVE The Civil Wars!!!
Co defendants are afraid. They are AFRAID. 😮
I miss the wooooohhh what’s up on the new shows
Why would a man who was burned in a marriage get married again?
I think a lot of folks missed the part where she said he was married before and his ex was not good with money. His behavior with current wife doesn't come from a mean-spirited or abusive place. His first wife financially burned him. They can work through this with a good therapist/ counselor.
@@kimberlysmith7625I don't think it's just about his ex wife. I think he's hiding something and that's why he won't even duscuss finances with her. Plus, he's gaslighting her. He's making her feel guilty simply because she's asking for financial equality. That's not right. He's using money to control her.
@@peterlee584 ....I cannot completely disagree with you. John's response may have been less caustic had the caller led the conversation with vital info that her husband had been married before to a woman who was financially irresponsible. His life experience cannot be undone but it can be mitigated with a good therapist. Thank you for your perspective.
@@kimberlysmith7625 I agree. I only hope he agrees to go to therapy.
@@kimberlysmith7625 You believe that? He also told the caller that he’s a “former” gambling addict. There is no such thing as FORMER addict. And if he were in treatment he would refer to himself as a current addict (even if he was decades clean) and so that means he’s a gambling addict who isn’t even trying to get help. He’s a gambling addict and gambling addicts lie about money all of the time and blame everyone else but themselves for their money troubles. I’m sure when this woman finally smartens up and leaves him and he’s still broke because of his constant gambling, he’ll say that she burned him with money too even though she has never had access to any of his money. You know how to tell when an addict is lying? Their mouth is moving…
Ann makes so many excuses because she's weak and doesn't feel confident enough to leave the marriage.
Not weak, broken down
All that laughing was so annoying...and she said she can leave since she has family...its not like shes losing, she doesnt have money or anything. she needs to pack up and and be done.
Oh my gosh this second caller has no idea what's happening to her n who she really is n what she thinks. Even eith John she is so quick to yes him to desth n agree that she is not even giving her brain a chance to process what he is saying. Now of course everything be is saying makes perfect sense but it should still be something she needs to digest. I cant imagine she does not do this in other relationships as well, like friendships, family, previous jobs. In fact it would not surprise me if she didn't even have friends as "nice" as she sounds bc healthy people want authentic people in their lives. Everyone has their own preference for how much authenticity n genuineness they want or can accept from others but almost everyone wants some. If she was Ike this before she met him it was probably one of the things that attracted him once getting to knoe her. Or had she been so broken down now that she can't see clearly. If you have a friend like this or family member you cate about please help them to get the help they deserve.
The second lady, what the hell is so funny?
She seems developmentally delayed.
Tell that to folks who were promised a bidding war and the house has sat on the market for 6 months! I dare you.
You are in a prison. Get out. This will destroy your physical and mental health. I was with an addict for 2 years and 95% of my hair broke off. He doesn't need to be married. He isnt fit enough to be with anyone.
1st case. Mam, your husband is a 304. He uses his child trauma as the perfect excuse and you have fallen for it hook line and sinker. Stoppppppppp playing Captain Save A H0 before you end up catching something you can't get rid of😳
Why is being a hermit a bad thing?