The problem is that many Muslims unfortunately haven't studied the fiqh of marriage in depth with a scholar or a qualified student of knowledge. Esp with a teacher who has himself/herself who has studied comparative fiqh. If one does this type of study, then they wouldn't find such things as strange.
May Allah reward you, sister, for this comments. I'm from Latin America and embraced Islam and I looked for a husband. But what Muslims don't tell you is that they also lie to marry again, saying that they're single when they're not. This also destroys trust from the beginning, and makes us as wives to behave not properly. After believing him, I got married, after knowing the truth, he said he was going to end with her, and I got pregnant... Now I am in the middle of this situation, with my self-respect destroyed, my dignity destroyed, feeling humiliated, and with many doubts in my faith. He lied to both of us, to the first and to the second wife. Now I'm struggling and I don't know what to believe anymore.
Why you want to be only wife of your husband ? Why you don't accept be 2nd 3rd or 4th wife ???? Don't accept to be first only wife Because no women have rights on only one MEN 4 women can be with 1 Men ALLAH made that permissible You can't accept then just suffer Your dignity Selfrespect your selfish EGO doesn't matter I'm Muslim from 🇮🇳 even our sisters don't want to be 2nd we force them to be the 4th wife of a good MEN we know what is best you are selfish that's why you humiliated you deserve that
@@Han06_02 permissible doesn't mean advisable, this ruling has probably to do whit war times. the sister in the comment just explain how much damage and pain she experienced in this situation, simple principle in islam if something is more harmful than beneficial than leave it. Before Islam there wasn't a limit on how many wifes or concubines one can take, the treatment was so bad that it resulted in infanticide of baby girls, only after Islam women had ruling regarding their rights and treatment becoming law was a thing. So this has nothing to do whit islamic teachings and more to do whit emasculated man following their desires. If you read the Quran (4:3) If you fear that you might not treat the orphans justly, then marry the women that seem good to you: two, or three, or four. If you fear that you will not be able to treat them justly, then marry (only) one, or marry from among those whom your right hands possess. This will make it more likely that you will avoid injustice.
He may not have to ask for the first wife permission (and I am sure there is a difference in scholars' opinion) but he isn't allowed to lie as lying is a major sin.
Sister, I’m soo sorry that you found yourself in this situation, as a revert that you are, you might probably be thinking why you reverted and maybe if you hadn’t, you might not have found yourself in this ugly situation. I may not truly understand what you’re feeling and the disappointment but trust me I’ve been lied to by my husband and it damaged me till today. Is not easy at all especially if you’re doing it alone with no support. What I will advise is, try and make research and see the option available for you. Find a Muslim support group and focus on yourself and build yourself financially. If he is going to divorce the other woman to satisfy you, then imagine if you were the woman his about to divorce, and what if history repeat itself, he might want to divorce you to please the other woman. May Allah make it easy for and grant you peace.
From Surah An-Nisa chapter 4 from verse 3 and verse 129 says And if you fear that you will not be able to deal justly with the orphans (when you marry them), then marry whomever you like from (other) women: two, three or four. Then if you fear that you will not be able to deal justly (between your wives), then (marry) only one or (use) the female slaves that your right hands possess. That is closer (to preventing) you from doing injustice. (Based on the rules) And you will not be able to deal justly between your wives even if you were determined (to do it); so do not be inclined to excess (to the wife you love) so that you leave the other wife as if it were a thing hanging (in the air); and if you mend (the lame state) and guard yourselves (from wrongdoing), then indeed, Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. (Based on the law)
As a Muslim woman, I know that a Muslim man is not obliged to tell his wife that he wants to take a second wife. However, it’s courtesy to tell her. She’s your wife and the mother of your children and you wouldn’t desire that for your mother, sister, daughters etc…she’s also somebody’s daughter. In addition, before you take another wife, ask yourself what is/are the reason(s) you want to take another one. In most cases, the reasons are resolvable. Advise her beautifully…if it doesn’t work, seek help from counseling and those who have your marriage’s best interest at heart. And if all of that fails, then you can kindly let her know you’re going to take another wife since. Sometimes the issue is with the man or both of them in most cases. And believe me, if she truly loves you and wants to protect her marriage, she will take heed.
These people are not following the Qur'an alone they follow other books other than the Qur'an and come up with all this rubbish. Allah commands all men to treat women with compassion and love. Lies are not acceptable in Islam
Assallamu aleykum wa rahmatullaahi wa barakatuh, i personally will not accept coz second wife have to too cook, clean, washing his clothes, his house and not only satisfy her desire....
I do not agree with Muhammad Hijab that you can lie to your wife if she asks you if you have another wife, though you do…you say “No”. That’s a lie and betrayal. No man would appreciate that so what makes you think your wife would
Polygamy is a sickness in the modern world, except if practiced in cultures where it is normalized for centuries! Leads to messy situations anyway! And those extra relationships can't be nurtured adequately as the man can't be relied upon to assist with kids! Many scholars concur that it's best to be in monogamy! **** If the scholars try and fool you into polygyny citing 1:4 gender ratio or citing extra women in the world, pls be informed that such scholars are all wrong. Gender ratio is 1:1 for all age brackets below 60 years and extra females are only the ones in their 70s, 80s, 90s! In fact gender ratio has more males per 100 females for age brackets below 60 years of age! BE INFORMED! DON'T BE FOOLED by half-baked arguments!!
@fabiofernandes1583 Well, it doesn't really matter what you have to say! Polygamy is halal for men. But women can't be fooled into it. Only if all wives agree should it be done, provided everyone's rights get met adequately n holistic individuals get raised in those families! The above is very difficult to do for most men, so many scholars prescribe monogamy! Lying isn't right, to trick any woman in! By any standards! Scoundrel behavior and Islam don't go together!
@@saniazehra6017 none of what me or you say matters. Allah made it halal you cannot argue with it if you do you need to be careful to be arguing with something Allah has made permissible. Nowhere does it say you need permission from the wives by the way. No scholar has ever said that, and I agree polygyny is hard nowadays but for those who can do it they should, and there’s many benefits of it and in some cases recommended. Islam is not about our feelings it’s about what’s good for society so get out of your emotions when it comes to Islamic rulings.
@ there’s many that’s why Allah made it permissible. Are you saying that Allah made something halal but it’s bad for society? Because if you are you’re committing a huge sim. Also for the benefits, it can be good for widows and divorced women who need to be taken care of
@@saniazehra6017 you don’t even know what my opinion is? It shows you’re just here to argue. All I stated is that our personal opinions don’t matter when it comes to Islam you can’t argue with that
@@fabiofernandes1583 Well, you are the one who landed on my comment arguing! In my understanding of Islam, it is not right to trick women into marrying by lying to them! You can continue believing in your version. I'll continue believing in mine!
Look, he can marry a woman without his first wife knowing and after a month or two he introduces his second wife his first wife what is the issue here? Can a man marry a second wife without his first wife, permission or knowledge ? Yes absolutely end of discussion! All the drama the comes after are other topics the husband should navigate based on islam, and so does his 1st wife.
If a man lies and takes on another wife then the wife should be able to ask for a divorce 😊
Lying is prohibited 🚫 in Islam
The problem is that many Muslims unfortunately haven't studied the fiqh of marriage in depth with a scholar or a qualified student of knowledge. Esp with a teacher who has himself/herself who has studied comparative fiqh. If one does this type of study, then they wouldn't find such things as strange.
@@billybob3279 true
May Allah reward you, sister, for this comments. I'm from Latin America and embraced Islam and I looked for a husband. But what Muslims don't tell you is that they also lie to marry again, saying that they're single when they're not. This also destroys trust from the beginning, and makes us as wives to behave not properly. After believing him, I got married, after knowing the truth, he said he was going to end with her, and I got pregnant... Now I am in the middle of this situation, with my self-respect destroyed, my dignity destroyed, feeling humiliated, and with many doubts in my faith. He lied to both of us, to the first and to the second wife. Now I'm struggling and I don't know what to believe anymore.
Islam allows this tho, if you don’t like it. It may not be for you.
Why you want to be only wife of your husband ?
Why you don't accept be 2nd 3rd or 4th wife ????
Don't accept to be first only wife
Because no women have rights on only one MEN 4 women can be with 1 Men ALLAH made that permissible
You can't accept then just suffer
Your dignity Selfrespect your selfish EGO doesn't matter
I'm Muslim from 🇮🇳 even our sisters don't want to be 2nd we force them to be the 4th wife of a good MEN we know what is best you are selfish that's why you humiliated you deserve that
@@Han06_02 permissible doesn't mean advisable, this ruling has probably to do whit war times.
the sister in the comment just explain how much damage and pain she experienced in this situation, simple principle in islam if something is more harmful than beneficial than leave it.
Before Islam there wasn't a limit on how many wifes or concubines one can take, the treatment was so bad that it resulted in infanticide of baby girls, only after Islam women had ruling regarding their rights and treatment becoming law was a thing. So this has nothing to do whit islamic teachings and more to do whit emasculated man following their desires.
If you read the Quran (4:3) If you fear that you might not treat the orphans justly, then marry the women that seem good to you: two, or three, or four. If you fear that you will not be able to treat them justly, then marry (only) one, or marry from among those whom your right hands possess. This will make it more likely that you will avoid injustice.
He may not have to ask for the first wife permission (and I am sure there is a difference in scholars' opinion) but he isn't allowed to lie as lying is a major sin.
Sister, I’m soo sorry that you found yourself in this situation, as a revert that you are, you might probably be thinking why you reverted and maybe if you hadn’t, you might not have found yourself in this ugly situation.
I may not truly understand what you’re feeling and the disappointment but trust me I’ve been lied to by my husband and it damaged me till today. Is not easy at all especially if you’re doing it alone with no support.
What I will advise is, try and make research and see the option available for you.
Find a Muslim support group and focus on yourself and build yourself financially.
If he is going to divorce the other woman to satisfy you, then imagine if you were the woman his about to divorce, and what if history repeat itself, he might want to divorce you to please the other woman.
May Allah make it easy for and grant you peace.
These are the kind of Muslim that causes broken homes and disrespect
Yup are so right sister !!
From Surah An-Nisa chapter 4 from verse 3 and verse 129 says
And if you fear that you will not be able to deal justly with the orphans (when you marry them), then marry whomever you like from (other) women: two, three or four. Then if you fear that you will not be able to deal justly (between your wives), then (marry) only one or (use) the female slaves that your right hands possess. That is closer (to preventing) you from doing injustice. (Based on the rules)
And you will not be able to deal justly between your wives even if you were determined (to do it); so do not be inclined to excess (to the wife you love) so that you leave the other wife as if it were a thing hanging (in the air); and if you mend (the lame state) and guard yourselves (from wrongdoing), then indeed, Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful. (Based on the law)
Yes, its about being father figure for orphans and marrying their mother because of that, not just marrying for fun
As a Muslim woman, I know that a Muslim man is not obliged to tell his wife that he wants to take a second wife. However, it’s courtesy to tell her. She’s your wife and the mother of your children and you wouldn’t desire that for your mother, sister, daughters etc…she’s also somebody’s daughter.
In addition, before you take another wife, ask yourself what is/are the reason(s) you want to take another one. In most cases, the reasons are resolvable. Advise her beautifully…if it doesn’t work, seek help from counseling and those who have your marriage’s best interest at heart. And if all of that fails, then you can kindly let her know you’re going to take another wife since.
Sometimes the issue is with the man or both of them in most cases.
And believe me, if she truly loves you and wants to protect her marriage, she will take heed.
@@aishajobe2952 that's awful. 😞 he should have to tell her, what about risk of STDs. Comments like yours deter reverts
In America this is not acceptable and how do the second wife have right’s to anything he leaves behind when he passes
These people are not following the Qur'an alone they follow other books other than the Qur'an and come up with all this rubbish. Allah commands all men to treat women with compassion and love. Lies are not acceptable in Islam
Exactly
Assallamu aleykum wa rahmatullaahi wa barakatuh, i personally will not accept coz second wife have to too cook, clean, washing his clothes, his house and not only satisfy her desire....
Plus it's illegal in most countries. Report him and let the law deal with him.
I do not agree with Muhammad Hijab that you can lie to your wife if she asks you if you have another wife, though you do…you say “No”. That’s a lie and betrayal. No man would appreciate that so what makes you think your wife would
Yeah I wonder
Well said sister mohamed hijab is waffling
Polygamy is a sickness in the modern world, except if practiced in cultures where it is normalized for centuries! Leads to messy situations anyway! And those extra relationships can't be nurtured adequately as the man can't be relied upon to assist with kids!
Many scholars concur that it's best to be in monogamy!
****
If the scholars try and fool you into polygyny citing 1:4 gender ratio or citing extra women in the world, pls be informed that such scholars are all wrong.
Gender ratio is 1:1 for all age brackets below 60 years and extra females are only the ones in their 70s, 80s, 90s!
In fact gender ratio has more males per 100 females for age brackets below 60 years of age!
BE INFORMED! DON'T BE FOOLED by half-baked arguments!!
polygamy is halal so it doesnt really matter what you have to say
@fabiofernandes1583 Well, it doesn't really matter what you have to say!
Polygamy is halal for men. But women can't be fooled into it. Only if all wives agree should it be done, provided everyone's rights get met adequately n holistic individuals get raised in those families!
The above is very difficult to do for most men, so many scholars prescribe monogamy!
Lying isn't right, to trick any woman in! By any standards! Scoundrel behavior and Islam don't go together!
@@saniazehra6017 none of what me or you say matters. Allah made it halal you cannot argue with it if you do you need to be careful to be arguing with something Allah has made permissible.
Nowhere does it say you need permission from the wives by the way. No scholar has ever said that, and I agree polygyny is hard nowadays but for those who can do it they should, and there’s many benefits of it and in some cases recommended. Islam is not about our feelings it’s about what’s good for society so get out of your emotions when it comes to Islamic rulings.
@@fabiofernandes1583 And what, according to you, are the benefits of polygyny?
@ there’s many that’s why Allah made it permissible. Are you saying that Allah made something halal but it’s bad for society? Because if you are you’re committing a huge sim. Also for the benefits, it can be good for widows and divorced women who need to be taken care of
when it comes to islamic fiqh and rulings your emotions do not matter
Yes, my emotions matter and all women's emotions matter!
Because marriage is created with love n honesty! Not with trickery!
Fiqh has differences of opinion, n many don't agree with your understanding!
@@saniazehra6017 nope when it comes to fiqh men’s emotions or women’s emotions don’t matter. We look at what Allah and the prophet and sahaba said
@@saniazehra6017 you don’t even know what my opinion is? It shows you’re just here to argue. All I stated is that our personal opinions don’t matter when it comes to Islam you can’t argue with that
@@fabiofernandes1583 Well, you are the one who landed on my comment arguing!
In my understanding of Islam, it is not right to trick women into marrying by lying to them!
You can continue believing in your version. I'll continue believing in mine!
I have openly given my husband permission to marry again. If the ladies saw the world as a temporary exam then they wouldn't need to be scared .
Lady Fatima r.a. didn't! Are you saying you understand temporariness or qadr better than her?
Another person without knowledge talking emotionally
Why are you talking? Can we get Ulema or people of knowledge rather than people who know nothing
Look, he can marry a woman without his first wife knowing and after a month or two he introduces his second wife his first wife what is the issue here?
Can a man marry a second wife without his first wife, permission or knowledge ?
Yes absolutely end of discussion!
All the drama the comes after are other topics the husband should navigate based on islam, and so does his 1st wife.
You can't handle one woman. Liar and that's haram. 👎.
I would call the law and have you arrested as poligamy is illegal in most countries.