Because she stays around that doesn’t mean she’s ok with FWB it’s cuz it’s hard to walk away when she’s already developed feelings for him. She remains hopeful even though in the back of her mind the outlook is grim so women end up in a situation where they just have to let things run it’s course until she’s fed up
16 months later and finally letting go. I have watched all the videos like this one. I KNEW BETTER Yet fell back into bad habits. Now I’m trying to pick up the pieces of my heart. It sucks too because he’s also my good friend and I don’t want to lose that but I know the road it will lead to. Also shit started getting toxic. Sigh.
Agreed.. In the same boat. I'm not ok with FWB. I want a relationship. He knows that's what I want. He can't commit. Says he has a lot of issues to fix in his life before he can be in a serious relationship. He's an emotionally damaged individual (very hard life). We seem to be great for months at a time. Then something happens & he pulls away. Saying he's depressed & can't see me right now. Idk if it's true or he is using that as an excuse. I love him so much but my heart hurts so much over it. He sends me mixed signals a lot. I feel like he is into me. Talks about future things for us. Says he wants my sister to like him (since she is important to me)... but then I feel at times I'm just a FWB to him. I'm just really over the disrespect. He doesn't always value me. I hate myself for how much I love him. I wish it was easy for me to just kick him to the curb & never look back.
@@lm5608 because I chose to Simple. Only a fool would let someone have the milk before actually buying the cow women have been falling for that trick for years.
How about let him earn you for a long time and prove his value/intentions before sleeping with him. Otherwise you’re agreeing to FWB without saying it out loud. Like an indirect agreement with your actions doing the talking
💯- happened to me once. I didn’t even know I was agreeing to a FWB situation cause I was too naive. Huge lesson learned! There’s another dating coach who refers to this as “a covert contract” where nothing is spoken but it’s actually a fling (aka casual) except you’ll have no idea you’re in it.
@@smores8982 sameeee but I told the guy in the beginning I was looking to be in a relationship and he agreed to it so he knew I wasn’t down for No FWBs once I caught on to his lies I ended it
With only one exception usually my boundary/rule is if a guy wants to sleep with me more than once, it has to be exclusive. Because I’m going to get attached emotionally and I know that. I feel weird insisting on exclusivity before physical intimacy but I can’t sustain intimacy without exclusivity so that has always been my compromise. With one guy I did let it continue without it being exclusive and it was such a mindf### for me and emotionally confusing so I know now I just can’t do things that way ever. And if it means ending things with a guy I’ve been talking to and meeting for dinner for 4-6 weeks, so be it. It definitely sucks but the alternative is worse for me.
A guy I met online told me he didn’t like that I’m a smoker. However, he continued to “date me” every Saturday. When we finally kissed 4 months later, I asked him if this was exclusive to which he replied “but I already told you I don’t like smokers” am I wrong for assuming that by moving forward, it means acceptance of my smoking? I feel that was his way of skirting any responsibility, flipping it on me and making it my fault when HE is the one who can’t accept something about me. I immediately pulled the brakes on that one. Huge red flag.
@Julie Parrington I also asked him why his previous relationships didn’t work out, his reply: one had 2 young kids and the other lived 2.5 hrs away in Connecticut. OKAAAAAY, but he knew these things about the women BEFORE he decided to “date” them did he not? I started to notice a pattern with him. Never trust a man who will turn it around on you like that. Most decent guys who don’t want to date someone with 2 young toddlers will simply move on, not continue to engage the woman and then use that against her. SMFH.
@@prettyglowin694 that was exactly what I realized the moment he responded to me the way he did. You should’ve seen him studder when I asked him “but but but….” So I blatantly asked him “then what was your intent by kissing me?” He couldn’t find a way to answer that one without making himself look like a donkey.
@@prettyglowin694 and just like Elliot says, if a man tells you he doesn’t want a relationship and you decide to move fwd, it’s safe to assume that you’ll be accepting a casual fling. It is essentially the same concept, however, this guy used it in a more clever way and actually convinced himself it was ok to conduct himself in this manner and will spit out the good old “but…I already told you I didn’t like (this or that)” when I called him out on it. He had very flawed logic.
If you are too emotional and sex is a huge thing for you then yes don’t sleep with him right away. But in guy’s eyes it really doesn’t matter when you sleep with him, if he wants you he will stay with you.
Hi Eliot! I always thought of myself if not arrogant then smart when it comes to relationships but just bought your course! I like to learn and the course was super affordable! Now it’s almost 2 AM and I am having trouble pulling myself away!!! I think maybe I don’t know it all after all Great Job and I am liking the format!
I disagree completely with the first point. A relationship is not a mans goal. Sex is his goal. It's the way men are wired lol. That has to be the last trump card you play. Don't have sex with him until you get what you want from him FIRST. If you want a long term commited relationship you have to hold out for months and vet him with a clear head. If you want marriage...you get the idea. Society is messed up and we have to put it right.
It doesn’t change the outcome though. A negotiated arrangement is forever changing. A man will only truly commit to want HE wants and desires. Not what you think you’ve negotiated with him. It has to be his idea from the beginning. Not yours.
I never understand why women think they can tell men how they think. Most women I know that are married or in relationships, all slept with their guys early on. There is a lot of truth to what he’s saying.
@@user-gu6vf3je1d We women have to look out for ourselves first. No one else will. What happens if you want a relationship and you sleep with him 3 months in and then he ghosts? You will be the one upset, not him. Down through the ages a woman had to secure a mans resources before risking pregnancy.
To the lady who says I'm trying to tell men what to think. I'm not telling men anything. It's just pure biology. You can't know a mans intentions because we can't read people's minds. The people you know who slept with their SO before marriage.. .you don't really know what kind of a marriage they have. We are very different to men and need a different strategy. We get attached through sex and simply cannot evaluate a man properly under that influence.
@@dp2849 I just told him that I was going on a date..I left it up to him whether he asked me for a commitment. But he did not. He was Just being super noisy. Lol. I really think he will try to commit to me when its too late. Cause i just meet another guy and we are really hitting it off so far. So we will see. My advice date multiple people. I recently just started doing this.
Well, if it isn’t the one and only Elliot Scott. Yea, it happened to me, a guy put me in the FWB category whom I dated for a while, I used to fly from Canada to see him. It was a LDR. But boy it was crazy. We were mostly fwb but that’s only because he knew deep down that I would never want a relationship with him and I would never chose a guy like him, we’re just two different people, he knew that I was much better looking and that I will probably end up cheating on him because when I was dating him I was in a relationship already, but it was a toxic relationship that I was ending at the same time. It was quite a mess. Anyways the guy knew all that but he pretended like he didn’t. I never once asked him for a relationship because I never saw myself with him, but he was nice to me and I used to spend time with him when I flew over for work and also to see him. Good old funny times. Anyways now I’m all good and married to a lovely man. Ladies, just know that when you’re put in a fwb category that’s also because you’re not ready for a relationship.. in most cases. Cheers now! 😉
''that I was much better looking'' yet you were still attracted to him so what difference does that make? That guy did nothing wrong but staying with you, it wasn't because he wasn't ready for a relationship that he was put in the fwb category. It was because you felt superior to him and too good for him. Glad you're happy with a lovely man now, but sad you made a lovely man going through that for very superficial reasons.
What about a guy who makes things exclusive and then starts ignoring you & makes it super difficult to see you then gets upset when you start dating other people since you haven’t seen them in weeks?
Tell him you’re not a placeholder option until he figures out what he wants. Being exclusive is not the same thing as being in a relationship. You’re still single.
I just exited from the relationship as you described. My personal advice is - cut the cord asap. He is just stringing you along for his convenience. Your needs and feelings will never be considered. It’s a huge pain causing to yourself if you choose to stay put.
This also just happened to me, he said we were friends but then we started sleeping together. Two weeks go buy and his married brother hits me up on a dating app and he got super mad at me! I cut it off, he has many definitions of the word friend!
I say 3 options. 1) Pay him dust. Ignore. I don't know you. 2) If you ended cordially, then a platonic friendship might be possible if the feelings have dissipated. BUT the second he attempts to get sexual, the friendship is done. 3) If he actually comes back, COMES CORRECT (because he sees how well you're doing, looking, and you're actually sticking to your standards and boundaries), and puts effort into courting you this time then MAYBE ifff you're still interested...but you gotta treat it like a fresh start...so about 6 dates before getting intimate again. This time state what you are looking for from jump: a relationship. He not with it? Hit him with "Well it was good catching up. I hope you find what you're looking for. Wish you the best. ✌️" Just my 2 cents. All depends on the dynamics of your prior relationship, how it ended, and where you are in your life now. In my experience, they typically come back around at the 3 month, 6 month, or 1 year mark. Sometimes it's the right person, wrong time. Sometimes it's the wrong person all together.
HI Elliot, your hair looks great. I think women are conditioned to have poor negotiation skills, because we are taught to keep the peace. "Be a nice girl." Would you please do a video on when is it appropriate to negotiate terms? Or specifically what date do we bring this up?
I try so hard to use both hands with your videos because mine has PTSD National guard with combat trauma depression and he hasn't had luck in love due to him trying to overcome all the bs and I'm trying to still develop a relationship with him so I hear it for a mentally stable man and my man that has issues but I still wanna try ....
My guy said we are not compatible, but I dont know if it was bc he thought I wasnt pretty enough or if it was bc we dont have much in common (like, I’m not what he is looking for)
18 YEARS FWB ``. ugh. I do not recommend ..its on a timeout right now because I got co-dependent needy and he backed away..more he backed more I clung and it ended terrible ..he borrowed money from me first and he is not paying me back..he claimed to move to Florisa and told me to never call him again after 18 years.. he blocked me from calling and texting...it hurt but I am recovering .. the hardest part is I havent been with anyone else and have a fear to /. I been watching videos on an explanation it...am I the ONLY female that has been sleeping with the same man for 2 decades without commitment ??? yikes
I’m sorry but I think I’m the one getting attached in this relationship. She is really nice and I love it when she gets passionate about something. I know she doesn’t want anything serious but somethings do get me a little hopeful…is there anyway to stop feeling these emotions for her?
By the time women are watching your videos they have pretty much passed the negotiation phase & end up sticking around . She’s still getting assets too ……
There are so many pages that are what women are doing wrong I know they’re meant to be corrective. But your page is one of millions of pages of all the ways women need to change themselves and I know some of it is true for sure. But there’s so many demands it seems mostly Insurmountable.
Because she stays around that doesn’t mean she’s ok with FWB it’s cuz it’s hard to walk away when she’s already developed feelings for him. She remains hopeful even though in the back of her mind the outlook is grim so women end up in a situation where they just have to let things run it’s course until she’s fed up
The way you said it was on point! Totally described my situtation..
Right
@@elenar7836 same (when I was 15-19 years old)
16 months later and finally letting go.
I have watched all the videos like this one.
I KNEW BETTER
Yet fell back into bad habits.
Now I’m trying to pick up the pieces of my heart.
It sucks too because he’s also my good friend and I don’t want to lose that but I know the road it will lead to. Also shit started getting toxic.
Sigh.
Agreed.. In the same boat. I'm not ok with FWB. I want a relationship. He knows that's what I want. He can't commit. Says he has a lot of issues to fix in his life before he can be in a serious relationship. He's an emotionally damaged individual (very hard life). We seem to be great for months at a time. Then something happens & he pulls away. Saying he's depressed & can't see me right now. Idk if it's true or he is using that as an excuse. I love him so much but my heart hurts so much over it. He sends me mixed signals a lot. I feel like he is into me. Talks about future things for us. Says he wants my sister to like him (since she is important to me)... but then I feel at times I'm just a FWB to him. I'm just really over the disrespect. He doesn't always value me. I hate myself for how much I love him. I wish it was easy for me to just kick him to the curb & never look back.
In glad I'm celibate
Why
@@lm5608 because I chose to
Simple.
Only a fool would let someone have the milk before actually buying the cow
women have been falling for that trick for years.
Same girl! Sex is valuable and should be given to those who commit.
I’m celibate but thinking of Losing it to a police officer
Same got played the last time and haven’t dated since
Y’all better listen to Elliot everything he is saying is correct, my friend went through this 3 times with 3 different guys.
How about let him earn you for a long time and prove his value/intentions before sleeping with him. Otherwise you’re agreeing to FWB without saying it out loud. Like an indirect agreement with your actions doing the talking
He will go and find one that will sleep with him fast. Lots of those out there
💯- happened to me once. I didn’t even know I was agreeing to a FWB situation cause I was too naive. Huge lesson learned! There’s another dating coach who refers to this as “a covert contract” where nothing is spoken but it’s actually a fling (aka casual) except you’ll have no idea you’re in it.
@@smores8982 sameeee but I told the guy in the beginning I was looking to be in a relationship and he agreed to it so he knew I wasn’t down for No FWBs once I caught on to his lies I ended it
Man, your hair looks so good! :)
he says it's the mouse he uses but I bought it and it doesn't make my hair look like that 🤣
Imagine how his hair looked when he was a little boy😅
With only one exception usually my boundary/rule is if a guy wants to sleep with me more than once, it has to be exclusive. Because I’m going to get attached emotionally and I know that. I feel weird insisting on exclusivity before physical intimacy but I can’t sustain intimacy without exclusivity so that has always been my compromise.
With one guy I did let it continue without it being exclusive and it was such a mindf### for me and emotionally confusing so I know now I just can’t do things that way ever. And if it means ending things with a guy I’ve been talking to and meeting for dinner for 4-6 weeks, so be it. It definitely sucks but the alternative is worse for me.
Yeah, I can’t do fwb either, too emotionally draining for me
A guy I met online told me he didn’t like that I’m a smoker. However, he continued to “date me” every Saturday. When we finally kissed 4 months later, I asked him if this was exclusive to which he replied “but I already told you I don’t like smokers” am I wrong for assuming that by moving forward, it means acceptance of my smoking? I feel that was his way of skirting any responsibility, flipping it on me and making it my fault when HE is the one who can’t accept something about me. I immediately pulled the brakes on that one. Huge red flag.
@Julie Parrington I also asked him why his previous relationships didn’t work out, his reply: one had 2 young kids and the other lived 2.5 hrs away in Connecticut. OKAAAAAY, but he knew these things about the women BEFORE he decided to “date” them did he not? I started to notice a pattern with him. Never trust a man who will turn it around on you like that. Most decent guys who don’t want to date someone with 2 young toddlers will simply move on, not continue to engage the woman and then use that against her. SMFH.
@@prettyglowin694 that was exactly what I realized the moment he responded to me the way he did. You should’ve seen him studder when I asked him “but but but….” So I blatantly asked him “then what was your intent by kissing me?” He couldn’t find a way to answer that one without making himself look like a donkey.
@@prettyglowin694 and just like Elliot says, if a man tells you he doesn’t want a relationship and you decide to move fwd, it’s safe to assume that you’ll be accepting a casual fling. It is essentially the same concept, however, this guy used it in a more clever way and actually convinced himself it was ok to conduct himself in this manner and will spit out the good old “but…I already told you I didn’t like (this or that)” when I called him out on it. He had very flawed logic.
@@prettyglowin694 It just makes him look like he lacks standards and is desperate for female validation via screwing around.
I'm against smoking, but his attitude is just ridiculously rude and I agree he's most likely a fboy
great video. I Feel like it's best to walk away from the guy and look for some one actually READY FOR A RELATIONSHIP
Lol ladies just DONT sleep with a guy right away. Easy🙄
If you are too emotional and sex is a huge thing for you then yes don’t sleep with him right away. But in guy’s eyes it really doesn’t matter when you sleep with him, if he wants you he will stay with you.
@@klddere3734 True.
@@klddere3734this
@@klddere3734 So imagine how much more you can get out of him if you make him wait.
Take care of yourself ladies! Love me some Elliott ❤. Give Poe and Elvis hugs 🤗
Hi Eliot! I always thought of myself if not arrogant then smart when it comes to relationships but just bought your course! I like to learn and the course was super affordable! Now it’s almost 2 AM and I am having trouble pulling myself away!!! I think maybe I don’t know it all after all Great Job and I am liking the format!
I disagree completely with the first point. A relationship is not a mans goal. Sex is his goal. It's the way men are wired lol. That has to be the last trump card you play. Don't have sex with him until you get what you want from him FIRST. If you want a long term commited relationship you have to hold out for months and vet him with a clear head. If you want marriage...you get the idea. Society is messed up and we have to put it right.
👏👏👏👏
It doesn’t change the outcome though.
A negotiated arrangement is forever changing.
A man will only truly commit to want HE wants and desires.
Not what you think you’ve negotiated with him.
It has to be his idea from the beginning. Not yours.
I never understand why women think they can tell men how they think. Most women I know that are married or in relationships, all slept with their guys early on. There is a lot of truth to what he’s saying.
@@user-gu6vf3je1d We women have to look out for ourselves first. No one else will. What happens if you want a relationship and you sleep with him 3 months in and then he ghosts? You will be the one upset, not him. Down through the ages a woman had to secure a mans resources before risking pregnancy.
To the lady who says I'm trying to tell men what to think. I'm not telling men anything. It's just pure biology. You can't know a mans intentions because we can't read people's minds. The people you know who slept with their SO before marriage.. .you don't really know what kind of a marriage they have. We are very different to men and need a different strategy. We get attached through sex and simply cannot evaluate a man properly under that influence.
Back at it again with the videos!!
I love that you love cats.
Thats why i told him I went on a date. Im not waiting for him to commit.
How did he respond to you telling him this?
He was surprised and he asked me a bunch of questions about the date. Lol
@@kristenglamour4023 did he change his mind and want to commit?
@@dp2849 I just told him that I was going on a date..I left it up to him whether he asked me for a commitment. But he did not. He was Just being super noisy. Lol. I really think he will try to commit to me when its too late. Cause i just meet another guy and we are really hitting it off so far. So we will see. My advice date multiple people. I recently just started doing this.
Two years later, what was the outcome? 😊
Who you ended up with?
Well, if it isn’t the one and only Elliot Scott. Yea, it happened to me, a guy put me in the FWB category whom I dated for a while, I used to fly from Canada to see him. It was a LDR. But boy it was crazy. We were mostly fwb but that’s only because he knew deep down that I would never want a relationship with him and I would never chose a guy like him, we’re just two different people, he knew that I was much better looking and that I will probably end up cheating on him because when I was dating him I was in a relationship already, but it was a toxic relationship that I was ending at the same time. It was quite a mess. Anyways the guy knew all that but he pretended like he didn’t. I never once asked him for a relationship because I never saw myself with him, but he was nice to me and I used to spend time with him when I flew over for work and also to see him. Good old funny times. Anyways now I’m all good and married to a lovely man. Ladies, just know that when you’re put in a fwb category that’s also because you’re not ready for a relationship.. in most cases. Cheers now! 😉
''that I was much better looking'' yet you were still attracted to him so what difference does that make? That guy did nothing wrong but staying with you, it wasn't because he wasn't ready for a relationship that he was put in the fwb category. It was because you felt superior to him and too good for him. Glad you're happy with a lovely man now, but sad you made a lovely man going through that for very superficial reasons.
What about a guy who makes things exclusive and then starts ignoring you & makes it super difficult to see you then gets upset when you start dating other people since you haven’t seen them in weeks?
Tell him you’re not a placeholder option until he figures out what he wants. Being exclusive is not the same thing as being in a relationship. You’re still single.
He's not consistent
I just exited from the relationship as you described. My personal advice is - cut the cord asap. He is just stringing you along for his convenience. Your needs and feelings will never be considered. It’s a huge pain causing to yourself if you choose to stay put.
This also just happened to me, he said we were friends but then we started sleeping together. Two weeks go buy and his married brother hits me up on a dating app and he got super mad at me! I cut it off, he has many definitions of the word friend!
Date 6 he wanted to be Exclusive and we hadn’t had sex yet. Date 9 we had sex. Date 15 and things going good.
lol good luck
@@sammyocgirl7411 lol I guess you are dateless
are you officially his girlfriend though? just genuinely curious
@@jackie41083 yes I am
@@lydiam9323 ah, nice! i’m happy for ya
When do they start to miss you? How long does it take till they come back cuz guys take months to come back. By then you’re over them.
I say 3 options. 1) Pay him dust. Ignore. I don't know you. 2) If you ended cordially, then a platonic friendship might be possible if the feelings have dissipated. BUT the second he attempts to get sexual, the friendship is done. 3) If he actually comes back, COMES CORRECT (because he sees how well you're doing, looking, and you're actually sticking to your standards and boundaries), and puts effort into courting you this time then MAYBE ifff you're still interested...but you gotta treat it like a fresh start...so about 6 dates before getting intimate again. This time state what you are looking for from jump: a relationship. He not with it? Hit him with "Well it was good catching up. I hope you find what you're looking for. Wish you the best. ✌️" Just my 2 cents. All depends on the dynamics of your prior relationship, how it ended, and where you are in your life now.
In my experience, they typically come back around at the 3 month, 6 month, or 1 year mark. Sometimes it's the right person, wrong time. Sometimes it's the wrong person all together.
@@amaragrace94 this is a lot thank you lol!
Hi Elliot :) Will you please do a video on women dating more than one man at the same time. Thank you 😘
HI Elliot, your hair looks great. I think women are conditioned to have poor negotiation skills, because we are taught to keep the peace. "Be a nice girl." Would you please do a video on when is it appropriate to negotiate terms? Or specifically what date do we bring this up?
I try so hard to use both hands with your videos because mine has PTSD National guard with combat trauma depression and he hasn't had luck in love due to him trying to overcome all the bs and I'm trying to still develop a relationship with him so I hear it for a mentally stable man and my man that has issues but I still wanna try ....
He didn't want to go to next level.He don't know why
My guy said we are not compatible, but I dont know if it was bc he thought I wasnt pretty enough or if it was bc we dont have much in common (like, I’m not what he is looking for)
Perfect timing
This video is everything!💯
The Netflix analogy is brilliant 😂
Is your clock broken by the way
cuz it usually seems the same time
every time we watch your videos?
I needed to hear this 🙎🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
Preach Brotha!
Ain’t no lies here ❤
18 YEARS FWB ``. ugh. I do not recommend ..its on a timeout right now because I got co-dependent needy and he backed away..more he backed more I clung and it ended terrible ..he borrowed money from me first and he is not paying me back..he claimed to move to Florisa and told me to never call him again after 18 years.. he blocked me from calling and texting...it hurt but I am recovering .. the hardest part is I havent been with anyone else and have a fear to /. I been watching videos on an explanation it...am I the ONLY female that has been sleeping with the same man for 2 decades without commitment ??? yikes
How do you end FWB respectfully? Is it possible to still be friends afterward?
Yes if dude is cool, no if dude was playing games he will continue to try and get you and will sabotage any thing good
I'm in a relationship already and I think we're thriving so far. Could your guide still be useful for me?
What if there are no “dates” but we hung out 5x and talking over a month
He could be feeling the water but not romantically invested in you
I’m sorry but I think I’m the one getting attached in this relationship. She is really nice and I love it when she gets passionate about something. I know she doesn’t want anything serious but somethings do get me a little hopeful…is there anyway to stop feeling these emotions for her?
hi, how did this endup? im scared that i might be doing this to the guy im seeing
EMMA 🩵S KITTY!!! HUGS & KISSES KITTY!!!!
By the time women are watching your videos they have pretty much passed the negotiation phase & end up sticking around . She’s still getting assets too ……
There are so many pages that are what women are doing wrong I know they’re meant to be corrective. But your page is one of millions of pages of all the ways women need to change themselves and I know some of it is true for sure. But there’s so many demands it seems mostly Insurmountable.
Yeah 🥲 better to stay single imo
Where Are THESE Guys ..😢
Elliot I am not receiving notifications and it’s frustrating me smh
What laying in your grave like that, are you a vampire? Are you from Romania?
Interesting
Hi Kitty 😺 cat
Netflix's 😂😂😂
The hair 🥺 So hard to focus with that hot student teacher *chews on pen very very slowly*