I am not for a moment exaggerating when I say that this is one of the most informative and helpful discussions I have ever found on anything relating to the depression, anxiety and the 4 Fs. Been in treatment and on meds for decades, why the hell was this not explained to me??? From the bottom of my heart, thank you Richard.
He has a talent for breaking shit down in ways that the average human can understand. GOD Bless You Richard ! I don't know how long it took you to create this 'OMG it is that fking simply and one can heal itself wen it understands exactly how it works ' explanation . Thank You for doing what the fking money hungry Dr s and therapist , psychiatrist & pharmaceutical companys could possible have less patients and less ppl on meds that they don't even need. BRAVO!!!
its said that if you cant explain a topic simply then you dont know alot about the topic, well richard is 100% not one of those people who cant explain something simply
Is it possible that extroversion is just a very mild form of fawn reaction to the stress of engaging with another human? And that introversion is a mild form of freeze? Are extroversion and introversion learned behaviours or genetic traits?
Extremely insightful. Plus I do agree with the use of "Response" instead of "Disorder". I have a number of associates in the mental health profession. I intend to send them links.
Yes.This distinction is *critical* to me in having understanding of what is going on. The current model would have us think we're "disordered" which is utter nonsense & sells a lot of drugs. But I didn't realize this until RG points it out. This distinction is profound and it's implications for healing are revolutionary, in my opinion. This is the s***, right here.
@@richardgrannonfortressment9247 can I successfully use the method described in part 3 if I experience alexithymia a lot? Sometimes I experience some strong negative emotion and can't figure out why, and it can have me stumped for days.
Depression - been there: waking up crying, can't move, etc. I was in a bad situation. What I was doing was: depressing my spirit. Uhave2 find what belongs to your spirit. Otherwise, yes - your spirit fights back - its job is to support ... YOU. It belongs to you, and you need to respect your very own precious spirit. Otherwise, it will rebel! Please don't drown it. Respect it - and love yourself - first. The main source of anxiety in my life is my twin sister. I am 60. NOW is the time for me to be true to myself. Maybe now is the right time for me to do that. Relax - Discover - Learn - Good Luck x
I was in the military and have a huge problem with authority. I know it can effect my life negatively but i honestly feel like alot of authority structures do not deserve my respect or obedience. People earn respect and give respect. I feel like alot of authority figures and structures dont have to give or earn respect. Its like we are just born and raised to obey authority even when its corrupted and harmful. The kicker is i beleive rebellion against it is the right thing but maybe its just all an illusion i created to justify my behaviour and resentment.
Rebellion is in our Declaration of Independence, however, allow POTUS to continue to drain the political swamp and be excited for the next term when things really get going. Until then, get the free flashback course (anger is a safety response for fear) and look into the emo literacy course. I consider any emotional outburst that I feel and can't control is an emo flashback.
Dark Star like she said...it seems like youre triggered by the auth.figure and go into emot'l flshback...? Let's keep learning from Richard! To me, this hope is such a relief!
Thank you, as always. Struggling for years to access mental health services with no luck, I don't qualify, and can't afford private. Working through my own issues having been raised by parents with quite severe mental health issues themselves. Largely been doing great with self help but since my 3 year old was diagnosed with a chronic serious health condition last year, I seem to have regressed immensely. Sadly, I am very much of the flight type of responder, heavily into dissociation (from childhood even - I remember daydreaming for hours as a small child to escape abuse, I would even skip seeing friends or go to bed early just to do it), also have a very addictive personality. I was referred by the nhs to an online programme but it was very confusing and condescending, I didn't feel it made sense at all, it seemed to be centred around the idea that all of our problems can be walked off (lol). Your content is incredible, very eye opening and insightful, I am looking forward to your next video and as always, thanks.
I have felt such as you and I'm sick so sorry about your little one. Jordan Peterson stated that Depression is when you have a great life yet your incredibly Depressed which indicates a chemical inbalence yet if your feeling a sense of deep depression because your having a shitty life that is normal. I agree...i think you would be odd if you were not struggling now. Honor the grief Honor the Anger Honor every feeling and emotion that's what they are there for. Bless you and your family
It’s so stupid that mental health services that are actually any good are so unaffordable for so many. It makes me think that those in the profession are not really concerned with helping those in need as they are with “making bank”! In my part of Canada, it’s $200.00 per hour. -This- is not right! I’d prefer to just be told honestly if someone is trying to rob me. Don’t try to disguise it as “therapy”. 🤥 💰
Brilliant ❤️ Spent 5 years in Divorce Court my Cortisol levels were over the limits , should have been dead .Spent $300,000 on my legal bills . He left the country and I had no way of getting what I had fought for. Won an Appeal Court $90,000 because Judge made a mistake Orders ,Final Orders all meant nothing to a Narc. 31 times in front a judge I was terrorized of court rooms. I walked away. I lost 28 years of my life . Only good that came out of it was my FREEDOM and a Family Law was created after my case .
Thank you for your work Richard. I'm a therapist and I found your channel as I'm working to better understand the codependent patterns in my clients and how to help them deal with the patterns they enact with narcissists. I appreciate your emphasis on complex trauma, it's also been my focus in helping my clients and myself. Our world is so full of trauma and habitual trauma responses. It's one enormous war zone.
Richard, I might have left a comment previously, but after watching, pausing, rewinding, note-taking & watching this (#2) as well as Tutorial #1, multiple times, I have to tell you that what you’ve taught, illustrated & concisely explained, you’ve condensed at least a decade, if not more, of various modalities of traditional therapy, to a much more workable, hope-filled, understandable process! It is positively brilliant. I’m sharing this with others I believe would benefit. I’m doing this. Full on. Watched #1 & #2 again, to REALLY prepare, with a deeper understanding for #3 (watched yesterday), the practise of which begins TODAY. I cannot thank you enough. You’ve found your calling, & you are so gifted at sharing it! Let’s go! All my gratitude, Belle 🦋
Thank you so much for all your help. Watched the 1st tutorial. Excited for the 2nd. Please know Richard u are really helping alot of us. And there are many who are applying what ur teaching. For me it is working. Seeing results after 3 days of the stop emotional flashback techniques. Blessings mate from Arizonia
I was the abuser (emotional, not physical) in a past relationship and this helps understand my responses. If I may add, I don't think it's all that controversial or hard to believe. I think it's fairly accepted (at least by now) that depression, anxiety (and most other things you mentioned, if not all) are coping/defense mechanisms that our mind activates when faced with certain threats (or things it perceives as threats). That said, thank you for the uploads. Hopefully, I'll have made some progress by the end of this playlist
understanding my flight > anxiety > addiction > my various selves and fawn co-dependency state has been a HUGE wake-up call. I see a long hard (exciting!!!!) journey over the rest of my life. Feelings are new, I've been frozen for so long. Nothing else has ever worked. Now I see why. Huge (considered) gratitude.
Escaping is my problem and has been for a majority of my adult life. In 1999 I was in rehab and the psychiatrist diagnosed me with bpd. Then in 2006 a different psychiatrist said diagnosed me with bipolar 2 . I've done so much research and i do believe they just diagnose people with what ever they can prescribe meds for. Cptsd ( r ) is what my " label " should be. Thanks so much for breaking this down in this way.
This is a real problem! I was wrongly diagnosed bipolar2 also! I didn't understand what "racing thoughts" meant, and the emotional dysregulation sounds like "cycling" to them, even when it happens within the same hour! This seriously needs to be looked into!!
@@ttrainor70 the medications they put me on really hurt me , psychiatric meds are the worst to withdrawl from. Zoloft and serequil. After I stopped the meds and treatment I had insomnia and other major issues. Been free from those meds for almost 8 years , thank goodness. These videos and Richards videos and a couple of other channels on TH-cam have helped me more than any psycologist ever has.
@@yourenough3 Thanks for the reply. Yep, they gave me seroquel and I threw it away after the first dose. Sleep paralysis and lethargy.That sh*t was poison. We've probably watched many of the same videos. It's a shame that "real doctors" haven't seen them, too. Edit: Yup, we've watched many of the same videos ; )
@@ttrainor70 have a good night / day - wherever you live. Its night for me about to get some sleep =) good luck on your journey of healing. Hope these videos are helping you as mu j as they're helping me.
First, I am a licensed mental health counselor in my 12th year of private practice, for 6 years worked on locked psychiatric units (adolescent, dual diagnosis, developmental disability combined with psychiatric, tri-diagnosis- forensic, addiction plus psychiatric), for 7 years worked in community mental health (severe and persistent chronic mental health issues such as schizophrenia and severe cases of bipolar, personality disorders, addiction and OCD/anxiety). Richard offered a great lesson in this video. However, while personality disorders are pervasive and personal, they are not universally permanent. Personality disorders are also learned just as much as the other mental health labels in the DSM that are not the result of damage to the brain (structurally). Personality disorders can be unlearned. However, can take more time and be more challenging in terms of the process. In consideration of Cluster B "Disorders": Most people who meet the criteria for NPD go through life never seeking out and/or receiving help (so treatment modalities have not been fully researched and/or developed). And those who meet the criteria for BPD can seem permanently, let's say, impaired...but can recover. Those who would be labelled with anti-social personality disorder can also recover (see Child of Rage full documentary....be advised it is very disturbing). It is possible for full recovery of these disorders (meaning no pathological behaviors impeding living a healthy and whole-hearted life). Main problems are the limitation(s) of treatment (in hospitals, community mental health and private or group practice) and also the re-traumatizing nature of living in an unforgiving society. I know this video is almost 2 years old, so hopefully Richard has changed his mindset on this assertion. Still great to have such helpful (and free!) tutorial.
Totally awesome! Thank you so much for explaining this so clearly. I've been studying this stuff for several years now and have made great progress but I never considered that they were emotional flashbacks. I've recently only been able to work with myself by calling them habits and it's something I'm doing...and of course the many tools that I know to process this stuff. I've made good progress. I'm ready for your next video...super happy that you find this type of information exciting and fun and it's your passion. 🤗
For me depression is like I fall in a deep dark hole, everything is dark and heavy, and although I try to crawl out I can’t. Everything is heavy, hopeless, dark , foggy, and I just sit in this f…ing pit and cry. Painful and dark place.
Thank you for clarifying Complex PTSD and understanding the various responses.. It was funny when you said ' eradicate emotional flashbacks' and you could not erase 'Emotional Flashbacks' from the board, was that a subconscious move using a permanent marker?
I'm about to go on dialysis for my second transplant: mine is more a series of large traumatic events! I'm so glad of your channels, I have been convinced of many dark things about myself, but the puzzle piece fitted here (finally). I have been practising some of the co-dependent affirmations (narcissistic family dynamic) e.g. "I give you permission to want things", and it's powerful stuff! Kudos.
Hi Jonathan, I’ve been labeled with the CPTSD and I didn’t think it was a disorder but who am I to argue. I do like the clinic they send me to though it’s a bit like a motel with exception, all meals are delivered😉. I certainly have CPTS but I certainly don’t appreciate the D attached. You have made this so much clearer with one word change. I don’t feel so alone now cause there are heaps of people who have had a crap life & need to deal with stuff. I’m on 7 tablets of a morning, one D cause it’s a vitamin so 6. Not a happy Chappy! Thanks Jonathan you’re an angel. 🤗😉
Thank you Richard. I was in Therapie for 10 weeks Just two month ago inside of a clinik and now i am in a Therapie outside. This will Help me a lot to keep going. So much information an so helping. I am watching it the second time in two days. What i fear the Most right now is talking about one particular Thing in my past that i did. I let someone Talk me in to IT. This all explains how it was possible and what to do to get, with time, Out of IT even my through my own Hands initiatet Trauma. I am so ashamed of myself. So ashamed. It would be less If i was the only one WHO got traumaticed through IT but i arnt. I dont want to Talk about it. I dont want to Talk about what IT does right now with me.
I'm living that freeze response. I don't want to run into the awful fellows who live next door. Argue, argue, argue. That are from what I think is a narcissistic family. Sad and frightening.
I prefer ‘response’ to ‘disorder’ too. Disorder sounds like it’s the individual’s fault that there’s something disordered, but it’s a natural response to a shitty set of circumstances. The adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) score is useful for perspective, as is the Holmes-Rahe Stress Scale. Some may need some support during, or after those assessments. I appreciated the reality check ❤️ Thanks Richard. Flight has been my go-to since age 15 (if not before with imagination and zoning out) and it’s taken me around the world & deep into the K Hole once, or thrice 🌎 No contracted work, no house, no obligated relationships, just a few suitcases scattered around the world and a commitment to a creative lifestyle and career, but I finally plan to (dare I say it).... Settle down in early 2021 🇦🇺
Yes I escaped at 13 and found a commune, was a homebirth midwife at 20, mother of 2 by 20 , an RN at 27 and more. Now I'm very sick however the commune focus was Buddhism has helped me stay in the Now! I'm bedridden alone a lot however I've decided to do hard scary things like go back to college . Anger is a normal emotion along with every emotion it's there to tell us to make a quick change not to be hidden and oppressed. Anger makes others uncomfortable instead it needs to be expressed for me through dance. I refuse to be in any relationship that is harmful in anyway. Our society needs to educate everyone concerning normal human behavior and what to do with emotions. Getting stuck in emotional distress and being victim shamed especially in our youth is a result of a very sick society based on Power and Control...
@@avalonmist254 wow 13 is very young. You're a survivor. Pleased Buddhism is helping you. I spent 3 - 6 months in bed in 2018 - 2019 and it was a very tough time. I hope you have support
Agree with Plant Palace. 'Response' is more appropriate than 'disorder'... psychotherapists sometimes talk about 'situational depression' - i.e. arisen because of a certain set of circumstances. Thank you Richard.
@@odette8905 yes, situational depression. Psychs are more likely to state that. It's the doctors that usually label it depression and dish out pills. Nobody I personally know ever got better as a result of pills. One guy on Joe Rogan rated SSRIs, but that's it. I look at 100% of the people I know on pills and think, 'You have every right to be depressed. Look at your life.' 9 times out of 10, if I'm feeling 'depressed' I can point to the several incidences that preceded the dip. Usually something to do with work, or relationships, but occasionally home, health and money. Usually something triggering core wounds of abandonment, or when I've been unconsciously neglecting my core values, usually in favour of a job that pays and/or looks good on paper. If I accepted a diagnosis and took a pill, perhaps I wouldn't get the impetus to quit/move/break up/up-skill/change? CPTSR has been a much more helpful label than any other. It's something I can actually work with and shift. It explains everything and once I got over the reality of my childhood experience, I couldn't help but have compassion for both of my parents and my grandparents who clearly were experiencing CPTSR too.
Thank you Richard. Your method should also be taught in schools along with meditation. Your presentation is excellent, you are a shining light for people to trust and feel supported. This method is going to help so many people. I am setting my alarm! 😃
I did the emotional literacy course but I still go for 0-100 in rage every day. Seperated from the love of my life 2 years ago after 10 years of relationship and my best friend died a few months after the breakup. Their is a constant scream inside my head and a gut wrenching feeling in my stomach and intestines every single day.
RM-PC How many times did you do the exercise do you think? Over how long? If it’s less than 30 times, you might have watched the course but you’ve not “done” it as such. Sounds like it would be worth getting back Into the “stop emotional flashback” work for 7 days straight then introduce one-a-day emo lit maps for around 20 to 40 minutes. You can always start again from right where you are, it’s a process, got to be patient.
Two different traumas, two different mourning and grieving processes. And I would think the second cut the wound deeper having occurred so close to the first. Have you cried yet?
This revolutionizes mental health. In the past I have been on antidepressants for decades and in my early 20’s was in inpatient hospitals.It never cured my depression and I spent thousands on doctors and psychiatrists. What if my health care provider said” you are being abused by a Cluster B person with a personality disorder. Get out of this doomed relationship “. At least now I can heal my trama for good. Thank you for creating this!
Got big love for you Richard. Thank you for doing this for us. You’ve helped me shift my life already and I haven’t been doing it for that long. Thanks again, this is sublime.
I developed severe anhedonia & depersonalization & derealization. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm on the highest dose of anxiety med & I'm still so anxious & agitated....like so bad it makes me suicidal...i don't understand I'm so amped up all the time & the medicines don't bring it down. I had to start drinking i hate it but i have to do something to shut off or its so severe that i need relief so i am constantly fighting off suicide....i just need relied. My brain is a mess. I would like to have an mri just to see how messed up my brain is.
Give ALL your burdens over to Jesus. WE are the VERY people that HE came to set free. I was where you were at one time. He took me to the end of my rope and myself. Once i submitted to His Love and Power, NOTHING holds me back anymore. He set me free and He wants to set YOU free as well....
Hello Richard thank you so much for this highly intelligent breakdown of how our respond mechanism works, I do believe that this information will evolve humanity to unlock healthy powers in us.
I can relate. I experienced near paralysis with depression, it was awful, my body became overwhelmed by emotional pain, which I was very conscious of. I don’t know if everybody experiences a sense of hopelessness but it was very prevalent for me.... might not be anything of interest 🤷♀️, just pondering the hypothesis.( if that is the right word, I get a lot of brain fog) 🥴😴
Cannot understand why 15 people disliked this.... unless they are lazy therapists who are pissed off at the free and also very enlightening and healing advice! 😅😬
Richard, I am stunned, because I didn’t know this information about all the causes of mental health problems and how there are an interconnection between the mechanics of defense. I welcome my Maladaptive Personality Traits ( anxiety), but I will work on it in replacing with productive ones..Which, I don’t know how to do it?..But, Richard, WHY are you so handsome? I will answer that: because he can’t help it, but to be Handsome. Thank you, Richard.
comments turned off in TEENA video; question? you say you move around and change countries/houses every 6 mos as result of your childhood abuse. please elucidate this for me as I keep traveling the world/countries to see/ understanding/compare/ from another culture as it compares to my inability to understand a loving way/ USA.
27 jobs, 43 homes, 4 countries, 2 passports. One thing’s for sure, if I don’t like a person, place, job, city, or country... I admit it to myself & leave. The hat trick will be to get everything aligned at once. I’ve had a great city, some great houses, some great work, some great people, but never all at once #lifegoals2021
Same here. I can’t stand the US and the sick/toxic culture here. After living in Italy for seven years (and obtaining dual citizenship) I spend half of every year traveling and can’t imagine not doing it. Flight is one of my responses too, but recently literal flights and airline abuse have become traumatic as well.
I recently realised that a reason for my isolation is me moving places. As I make friends with some difficulty then move somewhere else so I don't have proximity to the relationships I already put the effort in.
I'm watching this a year after I first watched it. I'm presently doing the 30 day challenge and this is such an important part of that. I'm delighted to be relearning all the tools I need to change and grow. Thank you Richard. 🙂
I'm pacing around listening to this; that's how uncomfortable I'm feeling trying to step towards it. I definitely recognize 3 Fs; Freeze, then faun, then flee, dissociation for sure, people pleasing (erasing my own position/needs/etc)with anxiety that's been like background music 24/7 for years. Any anger is usually directed at myself, often when I go back and endlessly relive those moments, looking what i could/should have done differently. I've been calling a lot of the individual responses 'umbrellas' since they tend to hide other things under them.
I know it is necesssary to go thru the whole series..but not going to lie, this part is giving me axiety...because i a remembering everything. I am trying to forget...LOL....Thank you.
You’re an amazing teacher… I feel like my life has gotten exponentially better just by learning about myself… Before we even get to the techniques… Thank you
This makes perfect sense and I don't find it in the slightest bit controversial! I've recently realised that I engage in VERY regular - I'd say they're almost constant in terms of frequency - multiple maladaptive responses to emotional flashbacks around triggers that I simply can't put my finger on. I have to be extremely careful not to get into arguments (fight), I have to keep myself super-occupied so that I don't have to "feel" (flight), I've found myself bargaining and negotiating down in abusive relationships (fawn), and have times when I've had to force myself with everything I've got in order to take care of myself when depressed (freeze). I can be going about my day and suddenly experience complete and utter terror. I'll start physically shaking and get a feeling in my chest and throat like I'm about to vomit. Out of absolutely nowhere, for no apparent reason. My current response is to repeatedly tell myself out loud that I'm OK, I'm doing great, everything is totally fine, and just push through it. If it's so extreme that it's debilitating then I pray to Jesus for peace. Learning that this is an actual thing and is called an "emotional flashback" and that I can reduce it is very encouraging, and I'm looking forward to learning the techniques. Thank you, Richard; you explain everything so well.
I really can't thank you enough for the work you do and the knowledge you share. My brothers and sisters and I were raised in a cult, we were raised by a father who was abusive emotionally and physically, a mother who was loving but also loves to use guilt and manipulation to keep us close to her. We all left the cult and are navigating not only how to live in this big new world but also our own personal relationships with our parents. We are all finding ourselves in very toxic and unhealthy relationships and patterns in life. I'm sharing all you teach me with my family. You've impact my life in a very big way. Okay, I'll now stop writing this book hahaha and simply say thank you.
Richard, i need to make a huge compliment for your knowledge, your analysing and your way to explain people how our brain responses. Very helpfull. Now i know what has happend in my latest relationship with me and my mind. After getting pain en stress from her rejections i ''fight'' to make it work. I did not quit (flying), because this is very seldom my response. I am a fighter (judo, mountainclimber). As i got now responses anymore from her, i went in a freezing depressing state of mind. A natural primal way of my mind to deal with to much pain of unrequited love. I promised myself to stay no contact. But it is heavy !!!. Because my mind also tend to be fawn (codependend), to make excuses, to negotiate en please her to get back to her. Back to this toxic relation !. To get releave from the pain. But i realise with my consiousness it is not good !. It breaks my selfrespect, selfestheem and leads to no forfillment, makes the relation even more toxic. The only way we could have contact in the future is stopping to do each other pain en triggering these animalistic primal responses !. Because this pain has triggerd all the primal defence mechanisms in both of us. Her primal response is flight. Not particulary helpfull to solve problems in relationships.
Brilliant work especially around the fawning response. The idea that there is no fulfillment because you are doing it for your abuser is so insightful. thank you. Also, ADD inattentive and ADHD are both responses to pain and stress that are becoming increasingly common. But yes, you are right about Abusive relationships arising from a fawning response.
As someone who grew up in an abusive house hold, usually the escape goat and truth teller. I found when I became a sister when I was 8 years old. I'd often negotiate with my bio. father that he could abuse me but only if he left my siblings and mom alone. That carried into my teenage years until I was about 14 and he broke that deal; throwing my brother clear across the room for not picking his toys up. After I got out of that and got older; became a mom. I found myself negotiating similar situations though not as bad as my childhood for my children too. Is this behavior a type of fawning? I know you said fawning was negotiating your own personal suffering and abusive relationships. Just trying to understand the fawning part a little better and know what this behavior I keep repeating would fall under. Ty for your time your fortress videos have been helping me get through things I didn't know were still there.
That is really awful. Sorry to hear you went through that. I guess that would be a type of fawning, as it was self sacrifice. Maybe it was a way of putting forward a stronger persona or facade to cope with the abuse. So sorry to hear about your younger brother. Some adults are just evil.
Sara just subscribe and hit that bell...you will get notifications each time... I save in playlist, too.. Also i search Fortress Richard Grannon... He's saved everywhere in my stuff- He's an oasis in this desert
Had great aunt who was a total recluse for last 2 years of her life. Kids had to put her meals inside the door. Couple of years ago I did in-home care. 12-14 hrs a day, for 10 months no days off (because I was going to have to pay someone to cover me at 3-4 times the pay I got--some people doing live in care actually become prisoners). Anywho, only drove around the block to go to food store. Took me 8 months to recover. imagine a borderline on alert all that time. Fibromyalgia got worse big time. Now when I have an emo flashback I can actually feel the adrenaline chemical reaction burning it's way down arms and legs. some warning buzzer, eh?
Thank you so, so much, Richard, I really appreciate what you do, for all the help you give so freely, & for so many people!!. I can't wait for the next video. I've been following you for a few months now & I've read your Pdf on Emotional flashbacks. Absolutely brilliant! I've been pretty sporadic with doing the actual exercises though, & in one of your recent videos you were saying to do the Emotional Flashback exercises for 30 days. Then the Emotional Literacy course for 3 or 4 months. Today is my first day in the Emotional Flashback 30 days. Thank youuuuu!!! :)
I am watching it.. It just occurred to me that most of the micro traumas I have were like "Someone else TOLD you to feel this way", "Someone else is influencing you to SAY you have these feelings" . See they were always jealous. Some random person must be influencing me lol........ and then as I got older, "what you think you are feeling is not what you are REALLY feeling" and "you're too STUPID to know what it is you're SUPPOSED to be feeling". No wonder I went numb. I really did until I had Andrew.
Ok. Mr Grannon, do you cover when you have CPTSR from multiple major traumas along with multiple small traumas? Or am I completely screwed? I'm going to watch your remaining Fortress Tutorials. Thanks for your time and work!! You've been so helpful in my education about narcissism with my father & ex-boyfriend and my journey with codependency. I've now watched your 3rd Fortress video. LOVE IT! Taken notes & done 1-5 finger exercise twice. Wow. I feel slightly hopeful 🙂. I'm still interested in your response about multiple major traumas over time in different contexts, please.
Hard to read? Impossible to read, more like. It's okay though, you said it in a nice, clear, friendly voice. I'm really enjoying your manner here, much more chill and less sweary than on your main channel! (Not that I don't enjoy swearing. I love a good old swear-up, me!) Anyway, nicely done, this is a great and valuable resource you're providing. Thanks Richard!
I wonder if the different coping strategies could give clues to the timeline of infant/ childhood/ teenage - youth? For example a baby is helpless and cannot leave physically.. So reverts to fawn/freeze? The teenager is more likely to "fight"? Thoughts?
It's been difficult to get people help because the culture includes this negatory haze around it for maintaining ignorance and not helping really. It's much more convenient to have no compassion because then you have no responsibility to anyone so you'll hear all kinds of comments on why the suffering person deserves it etc. One thing I still haven't heard you discuss in my journey through your library of videos is the bystanders roles in the whole process and ideas of shifting it... I don't know about UK but out here people enjoy trainwrecks, gossiping, obsessing over horrible tragedies and complaining incessantly. Would be very interested in that. Thanks for helping. This is a very useful guide/drill down on it as-is much appreciated. I've cycled through all of these including ones outside of it that you mentioned briefly. It's a painful procedure, living.
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Aahh, so this is why meditation works to reduce stress and anxiety in people. Over time, people disassociate with their direct feelings more and place their awareness in their body (and thus still being aware of their feelings, but less involved in them). Thereby reducing the amount of emotional flashbacks or at least it's influence. Brilliant :) Now I understand this connection between spirituality and mental health. Like, not the wooshy masturbatory spiritual stuff ofc, but the here and now, liberation and awareness kind of spirituality.
This makes sense... I was Diagnosed with Severe PTDS... but I would go through a wide range of emotion with no single trigger, and no memory of why I would react the way I did. But I did figure I felt all emotions all at the exact same time. I would get angry, my body would be shaking like I was scared, I would cry like I was hurt, I would stand there frozen waiting for the final magical trigger that would make me black out. I would have a dark adrenaline running in my veins, tun my mouth a mile a second like I was anxious but I never actually felt anything. I was detached from mind and body and was just watching the event. Then the lights go out but I experienced time continue.
17:00 ish.... I noticed I zoned out... Even stopped hearing words.. Just "white noise". I paused the video to think about it. I know my children do the same. (when being lectured and when with the abuser.) I believe it's a protective response. To block out "hypnosis" style drawing in. The kind that gaslighters etc do. It's like the speaker draws you in.. Your childhood training kicks in to protect you from the verbal assault and you hear "blah, blah, blah". I trust RG. I've done "the discipline" course (in parts.. I have complex issues which needed me to follow a complex layered approach to healing.) In that course I listened to RG and never zoned out like that. I think someone used hypnotic "charm" to manipulate me during early childhood and I instinctively built a system of protection against it. Thoughts?
It's called disassociation. I do it all the time. Painful abuse whether physical or emotional will cause you to disassociate and go numb or "zone out". I used to lose time a lot and never understood what happened until I realized it was disassociation that was happening when I would get triggered.
Micro-traumas is a horrible way to describe it. Not being critical as I am certainly able to understand what you are getting at, but I have severe CPTSD from trauma essentially since birth. They were not micro.
You are just the best,man! I haven t been able to heal yet, but you have helped me so much. I would like to recreate my life in a way that i can create the circumstance to thank you personaly one day
Since I am getting mentally stable and finally have healthy ppl in my life. I told my therapy I feel heartbroken on all the years I wasted w these Narcissistic and Sociopathic people including fake friends and Narcissist ex. The good friends I had in my 20s it was brief and I had let them go bc they getting marry, having kids, careers and becoming home owners. I feel like I lost my mental, emotional and spiritual health all of those years before I got help. My therapist said I am grieving besides death of my mother. Is this normal?
Thank you Richard. It's only after listening to this that I realize I am actually having flashbacks. Thankfully, I'm away from the narcs and no longer feel drawn to them. Thanks for all you share.
I was gaslighted and triggered by an unethical therapist. When I refused to see her again. I knew I would not be believed. I am now protecting myself from the "mental health" system.
Surely the micro-traumas are that only because there is a trauma in childhood?Without it, we'd be much more resilient with bigger margins? Although many micro ones is real and his example may have just been very light and feel less fitting to the term..
So are abusive people, such as Narcissist P Disordered people also just operating from this trauma Response? Or are they actually Disordered from birth? or has their trauma response from early (or later life) been so deeply ingrained that it created their more permanent disorder, and so hence there's not much likelihood they can be helped, hence they continue to destroy others... ?
Delivering a message that is true and provides hope in a world so desperate. I dont believe im in a state of fawning unless there is another layer. This fits reality of who I am and how I would understand others in the most nondiscriminatory honorable way with all my flaws and broken filters. This is the first thing that has soothed my system in search of answers acutely for over a year to chronically over my life span experience/knowledge which is limited. Avoiding social media and hearing someone describe a behavior as a troll created the discovery of your program to understand my pain of the present with systems of my family culture and society that just dont work taking on unattractive suffering always late to a game i didnt want to be in without capacity to recognize. im fawning at the fear more likely from the anxiety that propels good things to move forward in face of knowing crazy both ways create death I see so much potential/hope for this creating data information to understand healthcare that does not discriminate.This would increase access to everyone and become a way of viewing health as a right not a privilege.
I'm really excited about you doing these videos! I've learned a lot from your videos in the past couple of years, and every now and then my friends talk to me about struggles they have and I would try to replicate the knowledge I got from you for them. Eventually I gave up on that, it's just way too much information to share, so then I'd be like "Here, I'll send you a link, go watch this guy's videos", but then they would just get lost in all the information, so that didn't really help. But now you're taking all the information we need, and put it in a structured, bite-sized format, which makes it so much easier for anyone new to this to learn about CPTSR, and I am so grateful for that! I'm gonna go share this channel with a couple of friends now. I realize I totally sound like I'm stuck in a fawn response. Don't worry, I'm working on it ;)
OMG! I have listened to many of your videos, I’ve witness your attempts at truly wanting to help. Bingo your onto it now Richard this is completely matter of fact true. Perhaps difficult to swallow it does take courage. Thank you, now I have a better understanding where and why I have used this maladaptive behavior. Looking forward to your next tutorial. Brilliant 🙏
So does that mean today's society, the way it's structures is just a maladaptive way of living.. It's not good for us, were not happy about the way we live or the stress is more than we can handle so we all go into one of these; fight, flight, fawn or freeze? "Everyone" it seems is so depressed.
I suffer severe post tramatic stress asthma fear terror as a direct result of a parents abuse went onto meet an abuser who turned my kids against me I have that freeze response daily feelings of terror and helplessness and can't find a way out it's a feeling of being overwhelmed by the negative consequences of one's childhood
Richard one request pl never take of these videos or make it private ...i can't pay for these but its exactly the kind of direction and help i really need
This makes total practical sense. Is anyone else feeling some relief as a result of clearer thinking?
100% yes.
I can't think clearly
Yes, I'm definitely feeling relieved :)
oh yes!
100%
I am not for a moment exaggerating when I say that this is one of the most informative and helpful discussions I have ever found on anything relating to the depression, anxiety and the 4 Fs. Been in treatment and on meds for decades, why the hell was this not explained to me???
From the bottom of my heart, thank you Richard.
I feel the same way. Richard Grannon is a gift from God!
He has a talent for breaking shit down in ways that the average human can understand. GOD Bless You Richard ! I don't know how long it took you to create this 'OMG it is that fking simply and one can heal itself wen it understands exactly how it works ' explanation . Thank You for doing what the fking money hungry Dr s and therapist , psychiatrist & pharmaceutical companys could possible have less patients and less ppl on meds that they don't even need. BRAVO!!!
I agree!!!! He's a hero. A real hero.
its said that if you cant explain a topic simply then you dont know alot about the topic, well richard is 100% not one of those people who cant explain something simply
@@nebing7708 i agree!
Well said.
Is it possible that extroversion is just a very mild form of fawn reaction to the stress of engaging with another human? And that introversion is a mild form of freeze? Are extroversion and introversion learned behaviours or genetic traits?
Very interesting questions! As an introvert, my go-to response is to freeze.
You're really giving us all some hope. I personally need to have an understanding of what I am dealing with. This is great!
Extremely insightful. Plus I do agree with the use of "Response" instead of "Disorder". I have a number of associates in the mental health profession. I intend to send them links.
Peter wilson-kelly thanks Peter!
Yes.This distinction is *critical* to me in having understanding of what is going on. The current model would have us think we're "disordered" which is utter nonsense & sells a lot of drugs. But I didn't realize this until RG points it out. This distinction is profound and it's implications for healing
are revolutionary, in my opinion. This is the s***, right here.
And the term disorders carries baggage, such as shame. Which feeds right back into the pain and further maladaptive responses.
Fascinating.
Absolutely.
@@richardgrannonfortressment9247 can I successfully use the method described in part 3 if I experience alexithymia a lot? Sometimes I experience some strong negative emotion and can't figure out why, and it can have me stumped for days.
Round of applause. Didn't dissapoint and I wait with anticipation for the next tutorial. Thanks muchly.
Depression - been there: waking up crying, can't move, etc. I was in a bad situation. What I was doing was: depressing my spirit. Uhave2 find what belongs to your spirit. Otherwise, yes - your spirit fights back - its job is to support ... YOU. It belongs to you, and you need to respect your very own precious spirit. Otherwise, it will rebel! Please don't drown it. Respect it - and love yourself - first. The main source of anxiety in my life is my twin sister. I am 60. NOW is the time for me to be true to myself. Maybe now is the right time for me to do that. Relax - Discover - Learn - Good Luck x
I live with cptsdmyself.I know this is correct and very valuable information. Thank you Richard you are saving lives. Literally
Wow. Most informative breakdown on 4F`s ive evere seen/heard. Learned a lot. Looking for answers 8-10 years. Thank you!!!
This is incredible!! Thank YOU Richard!! ✨🧡✨ This really helped me understand a lot.
I was in the military and have a huge problem with authority. I know it can effect my life negatively but i honestly feel like alot of authority structures do not deserve my respect or obedience. People earn respect and give respect. I feel like alot of authority figures and structures dont have to give or earn respect. Its like we are just born and raised to obey authority even when its corrupted and harmful. The kicker is i beleive rebellion against it is the right thing but maybe its just all an illusion i created to justify my behaviour and resentment.
Rebellion is in our Declaration of Independence, however, allow POTUS to continue to drain the political swamp and be excited for the next term when things really get going. Until then, get the free flashback course (anger is a safety response for fear) and look into the emo literacy course. I consider any emotional outburst that I feel and can't control is an emo flashback.
@@just2_sharew_u526 i agree! ..my experience too! I used to think maybe i was possessed 😂 ..i laugh *now*
Dark Star like she said...it seems like youre triggered by the auth.figure and go into emot'l flshback...? Let's keep learning from Richard! To me, this hope is such a relief!
my favorite part is seeing things as attempts to be protective, a bit more positive than the usual spin.
Thank you, as always. Struggling for years to access mental health services with no luck, I don't qualify, and can't afford private. Working through my own issues having been raised by parents with quite severe mental health issues themselves. Largely been doing great with self help but since my 3 year old was diagnosed with a chronic serious health condition last year, I seem to have regressed immensely. Sadly, I am very much of the flight type of responder, heavily into dissociation (from childhood even - I remember daydreaming for hours as a small child to escape abuse, I would even skip seeing friends or go to bed early just to do it), also have a very addictive personality. I was referred by the nhs to an online programme but it was very confusing and condescending, I didn't feel it made sense at all, it seemed to be centred around the idea that all of our problems can be walked off (lol). Your content is incredible, very eye opening and insightful, I am looking forward to your next video and as always, thanks.
I have felt such as you and I'm sick so sorry about your little one. Jordan Peterson stated that Depression is when you have a great life yet your incredibly Depressed which indicates a chemical inbalence yet if your feeling a sense of deep depression because your having a shitty life that is normal. I agree...i think you would be odd if you were not struggling now. Honor the grief Honor the Anger Honor every feeling and emotion that's what they are there for. Bless you and your family
@@avalonmist254 I honestly wouldn't listen to JP on the definition of depression.
It’s so stupid that mental health services that are actually any good are so unaffordable for so many. It makes me think that those in the profession are not really concerned with helping those in need as they are with “making bank”! In my part of Canada, it’s $200.00 per hour. -This- is not right! I’d prefer to just be told honestly if someone is trying to rob me. Don’t try to disguise it as “therapy”. 🤥 💰
I hope you're doing better since, best wishes for the kid!
As a child with a narcissist father and a BPD mother, my fawning response was to find peace at any price and to be a people pleaser to try to survive.
Brilliant ❤️ Spent 5 years in Divorce Court my Cortisol levels were over the limits , should have been dead .Spent $300,000 on my legal bills . He left the country and I had no way of getting what I had fought for. Won an Appeal Court $90,000 because Judge made a mistake Orders ,Final Orders all meant nothing to a Narc. 31 times in front a judge I was terrorized of court rooms. I walked away. I lost 28 years
of my life . Only good that came out of it was my FREEDOM and a Family Law was created after my case .
Thank you for your work Richard. I'm a therapist and I found your channel as I'm working to better understand the codependent patterns in my clients and how to help them deal with the patterns they enact with narcissists.
I appreciate your emphasis on complex trauma, it's also been my focus in helping my clients and myself.
Our world is so full of trauma and habitual trauma responses. It's one enormous war zone.
Richard, I might have left a comment previously, but after watching, pausing, rewinding, note-taking & watching this (#2) as well as Tutorial #1, multiple times, I have to tell you that what you’ve taught, illustrated & concisely explained, you’ve condensed at least a decade, if not more, of various modalities of traditional therapy, to a much more workable, hope-filled, understandable process! It is positively brilliant. I’m sharing this with others I believe would benefit. I’m doing this. Full on. Watched #1 & #2 again, to REALLY prepare, with a deeper understanding for #3 (watched yesterday), the practise of which begins TODAY. I cannot thank you enough. You’ve found your calling, & you are so gifted at sharing it! Let’s go! All my gratitude, Belle 🦋
I feel enlightened and have a sense of positivity about the future, Why on earth wernt we taught this years ago? Thank you so much
Thank you so much for all your help. Watched the 1st tutorial. Excited for the 2nd. Please know Richard u are really helping alot of us. And there are many who are applying what ur teaching. For me it is working. Seeing results after 3 days of the stop emotional flashback techniques. Blessings mate from Arizonia
Excellent Richard 🙏✨
I was the abuser (emotional, not physical) in a past relationship and this helps understand my responses. If I may add, I don't think it's all that controversial or hard to believe. I think it's fairly accepted (at least by now) that depression, anxiety (and most other things you mentioned, if not all) are coping/defense mechanisms that our mind activates when faced with certain threats (or things it perceives as threats). That said, thank you for the uploads. Hopefully, I'll have made some progress by the end of this playlist
understanding my flight > anxiety > addiction > my various selves and fawn co-dependency state has been a HUGE wake-up call. I see a long hard (exciting!!!!) journey over the rest of my life. Feelings are new, I've been frozen for so long. Nothing else has ever worked. Now I see why. Huge (considered) gratitude.
Escaping is my problem and has been for a majority of my adult life. In 1999 I was in rehab and the psychiatrist diagnosed me with bpd. Then in 2006 a different psychiatrist said diagnosed me with bipolar 2 . I've done so much research and i do believe they just diagnose people with what ever they can prescribe meds for. Cptsd ( r ) is what my " label " should be. Thanks so much for breaking this down in this way.
This is a real problem! I was wrongly diagnosed bipolar2 also! I didn't understand what "racing thoughts" meant, and the emotional dysregulation sounds like "cycling" to them, even when it happens within the same hour! This seriously needs to be looked into!!
@@ttrainor70 the medications they put me on really hurt me , psychiatric meds are the worst to withdrawl from. Zoloft and serequil. After I stopped the meds and treatment I had insomnia and other major issues. Been free from those meds for almost 8 years , thank goodness. These videos and Richards videos and a couple of other channels on TH-cam have helped me more than any psycologist ever has.
@@yourenough3 Thanks for the reply. Yep, they gave me seroquel and I threw it away after the first dose. Sleep paralysis and lethargy.That sh*t was poison. We've probably watched many of the same videos. It's a shame that "real doctors" haven't seen them, too.
Edit: Yup, we've watched many of the same videos ; )
@@ttrainor70 yup. Lol
@@ttrainor70 have a good night / day - wherever you live. Its night for me about to get some sleep =) good luck on your journey of healing. Hope these videos are helping you as mu j as they're helping me.
Many lightbulb moments. Thank you
First, I am a licensed mental health counselor in my 12th year of private practice, for 6 years worked on locked psychiatric units (adolescent, dual diagnosis, developmental disability combined with psychiatric, tri-diagnosis- forensic, addiction plus psychiatric), for 7 years worked in community mental health (severe and persistent chronic mental health issues such as schizophrenia and severe cases of bipolar, personality disorders, addiction and OCD/anxiety). Richard offered a great lesson in this video. However, while personality disorders are pervasive and personal, they are not universally permanent. Personality disorders are also learned just as much as the other mental health labels in the DSM that are not the result of damage to the brain (structurally). Personality disorders can be unlearned. However, can take more time and be more challenging in terms of the process. In consideration of Cluster B "Disorders": Most people who meet the criteria for NPD go through life never seeking out and/or receiving help (so treatment modalities have not been fully researched and/or developed). And those who meet the criteria for BPD can seem permanently, let's say, impaired...but can recover. Those who would be labelled with anti-social personality disorder can also recover (see Child of Rage full documentary....be advised it is very disturbing). It is possible for full recovery of these disorders (meaning no pathological behaviors impeding living a healthy and whole-hearted life). Main problems are the limitation(s) of treatment (in hospitals, community mental health and private or group practice) and also the re-traumatizing nature of living in an unforgiving society. I know this video is almost 2 years old, so hopefully Richard has changed his mindset on this assertion. Still great to have such helpful (and free!) tutorial.
i concur with your summary, very well put, definitely did not agree with his statement of the permanence of personality disorder,
Totally awesome! Thank you so much for explaining this so clearly. I've been studying this stuff for several years now and have made great progress but I never considered that they were emotional flashbacks. I've recently only been able to work with myself by calling them habits and it's something I'm doing...and of course the many tools that I know to process this stuff. I've made good progress. I'm ready for your next video...super happy that you find this type of information exciting and fun and it's your passion. 🤗
'Scuse my French, but absofuckinglutely spot on with this model! Neuroscience is now backing this up with evidential studies.
For me depression is like I fall in a deep dark hole, everything is dark and heavy, and although I try to crawl out I can’t. Everything is heavy, hopeless, dark , foggy, and I just sit in this f…ing pit and cry. Painful and dark place.
Well said.
Thank you for clarifying Complex PTSD and understanding the various responses..
It was funny when you said ' eradicate emotional flashbacks' and you could not erase 'Emotional Flashbacks' from the board, was that a subconscious move using a permanent marker?
I'm about to go on dialysis for my second transplant: mine is more a series of large traumatic events! I'm so glad of your channels, I have been convinced of many dark things about myself, but the puzzle piece fitted here (finally). I have been practising some of the co-dependent affirmations (narcissistic family dynamic) e.g. "I give you permission to want things", and it's powerful stuff! Kudos.
Hi Jonathan, I’ve been labeled with the CPTSD and I didn’t think it was a disorder but who am I to argue. I do like the clinic they send me to though it’s a bit like a motel with exception, all meals are delivered😉. I certainly have CPTS but I certainly don’t appreciate the D attached. You have made this so much clearer with one word change. I don’t feel so alone now cause there are heaps of people who have had a crap life & need to deal with stuff. I’m on 7 tablets of a morning, one D cause it’s a vitamin so 6. Not a happy Chappy! Thanks Jonathan you’re an angel. 🤗😉
Thank you Richard. I was in Therapie for 10 weeks Just two month ago inside of a clinik and now i am in a Therapie outside. This will Help me a lot to keep going. So much information an so helping. I am watching it the second time in two days. What i fear the Most right now is talking about one particular Thing in my past that i did. I let someone Talk me in to IT. This all explains how it was possible and what to do to get, with time, Out of IT even my through my own Hands initiatet Trauma. I am so ashamed of myself. So ashamed. It would be less If i was the only one WHO got traumaticed through IT but i arnt. I dont want to Talk about it. I dont want to Talk about what IT does right now with me.
I'm living that freeze response. I don't want to run into the awful fellows who live next door. Argue, argue, argue. That are from what I think is a narcissistic family. Sad and frightening.
Wow, you are giving this info for free? What are you, a saint? You must love humanity.
Richard, please keep going. Never give up. This series of videos is a beautiful and is creating limitless good in the world.
I prefer ‘response’ to ‘disorder’ too. Disorder sounds like it’s the individual’s fault that there’s something disordered, but it’s a natural response to a shitty set of circumstances. The adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) score is useful for perspective, as is the Holmes-Rahe Stress Scale. Some may need some support during, or after those assessments. I appreciated the reality check ❤️ Thanks Richard. Flight has been my go-to since age 15 (if not before with imagination and zoning out) and it’s taken me around the world & deep into the K Hole once, or thrice 🌎 No contracted work, no house, no obligated relationships, just a few suitcases scattered around the world and a commitment to a creative lifestyle and career, but I finally plan to (dare I say it).... Settle down in early 2021 🇦🇺
Yes I escaped at 13 and found a commune, was a homebirth midwife at 20, mother of 2 by 20 , an RN at 27 and more. Now I'm very sick however the commune focus was Buddhism has helped me stay in the Now! I'm bedridden alone a lot however I've decided to do hard scary things like go back to college . Anger is a normal emotion along with every emotion it's there to tell us to make a quick change not to be hidden and oppressed. Anger makes others uncomfortable instead it needs to be expressed for me through dance. I refuse to be in any relationship that is harmful in anyway. Our society needs to educate everyone concerning normal human behavior and what to do with emotions. Getting stuck in emotional distress and being victim shamed especially in our youth is a result of a very sick society based on Power and Control...
@@avalonmist254 wow 13 is very young. You're a survivor. Pleased Buddhism is helping you. I spent 3 - 6 months in bed in 2018 - 2019 and it was a very tough time. I hope you have support
Agree with Plant Palace. 'Response' is more appropriate than 'disorder'... psychotherapists sometimes talk about 'situational depression' - i.e. arisen because of a certain set of circumstances. Thank you Richard.
@@odette8905 yes, situational depression. Psychs are more likely to state that. It's the doctors that usually label it depression and dish out pills. Nobody I personally know ever got better as a result of pills. One guy on Joe Rogan rated SSRIs, but that's it. I look at 100% of the people I know on pills and think, 'You have every right to be depressed. Look at your life.' 9 times out of 10, if I'm feeling 'depressed' I can point to the several incidences that preceded the dip. Usually something to do with work, or relationships, but occasionally home, health and money. Usually something triggering core wounds of abandonment, or when I've been unconsciously neglecting my core values, usually in favour of a job that pays and/or looks good on paper. If I accepted a diagnosis and took a pill, perhaps I wouldn't get the impetus to quit/move/break up/up-skill/change? CPTSR has been a much more helpful label than any other. It's something I can actually work with and shift. It explains everything and once I got over the reality of my childhood experience, I couldn't help but have compassion for both of my parents and my grandparents who clearly were experiencing CPTSR too.
@@thaliabloom5916 That's amazingly insightful. Agree with all you've said. And Richard's model works much better than any other I've come across.
Thank you Richard. Your method should also be taught in schools along with meditation. Your presentation is excellent, you are a shining light for people to trust and feel supported. This method is going to help so many people. I am setting my alarm! 😃
I did the emotional literacy course but I still go for 0-100 in rage every day. Seperated from the love of my life 2 years ago after 10 years of relationship and my best friend died a few months after the breakup. Their is a constant scream inside my head and a gut wrenching feeling in my stomach and intestines every single day.
RM-PC How many times did you do the exercise do you think? Over how long? If it’s less than 30 times, you might have watched the course but you’ve not “done” it as such.
Sounds like it would be worth getting back Into the “stop emotional flashback” work for 7 days straight then introduce one-a-day emo lit maps for around 20 to 40 minutes.
You can always start again from right where you are, it’s a process, got to be patient.
@@RICHARDGRANNON It's less than 30 times. I will keep at it and give the emotional lit maps attention too. Thanks Richard.
Two different traumas, two different mourning and grieving processes. And I would think the second cut the wound deeper having occurred so close to the first. Have you cried yet?
This revolutionizes mental health.
In the past I have been on antidepressants for decades and in my early 20’s was in inpatient hospitals.It never cured my depression and I spent thousands on doctors and psychiatrists. What if my health care provider said” you are being abused by a Cluster B person with a personality disorder. Get out of this doomed relationship “.
At least now I can heal my trama for good. Thank you for creating this!
Got big love for you Richard. Thank you for doing this for us. You’ve helped me shift my life already and I haven’t been doing it for that long. Thanks again, this is sublime.
Good word, sublime.
I developed severe anhedonia & depersonalization & derealization. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm on the highest dose of anxiety med & I'm still so anxious & agitated....like so bad it makes me suicidal...i don't understand I'm so amped up all the time & the medicines don't bring it down. I had to start drinking i hate it but i have to do something to shut off or its so severe that i need relief so i am constantly fighting off suicide....i just need relied. My brain is a mess. I would like to have an mri just to see how messed up my brain is.
Give ALL your burdens over to Jesus. WE are the VERY people that HE came to set free. I was where you were at one time. He took me to the end of my rope and myself. Once i submitted to His Love and Power, NOTHING holds me back anymore. He set me free and He wants to set YOU free as well....
I know the distress you're feeling. Hang in there. It will pass.
Hello Richard thank you so much for this highly intelligent breakdown of how our respond mechanism works, I do believe that this information will evolve humanity to unlock healthy powers in us.
I can relate. I experienced near paralysis with depression, it was awful, my body became overwhelmed by emotional pain, which I was very conscious of. I don’t know if everybody experiences a sense of hopelessness but it was very prevalent for me.... might not be anything of interest 🤷♀️, just pondering the hypothesis.( if that is the right word, I get a lot of brain fog) 🥴😴
It sounds like the flight..escape! ..?
Liz North yeah possibly, it was like being ‘locked in’....
@@dottyp137 exactly.
So grateful for this series. Thank you ever so much. 👏❤️ God bless you for knowing me better than myself and helping me understand ME.
Multiple MASSIVE TRAUMAS for over 45 yrs. Now im constantly on high alert without a break
Cannot understand why 15 people disliked this.... unless they are lazy therapists who are pissed off at the free and also very enlightening and healing advice! 😅😬
Richard, I am stunned, because I didn’t know this information about all the causes of mental health problems and how there are an interconnection between the mechanics of defense. I welcome my Maladaptive Personality Traits ( anxiety), but I will work on it in replacing with productive ones..Which, I don’t know how to do it?..But, Richard, WHY are you so handsome? I will answer that: because he can’t help it, but to be Handsome. Thank you, Richard.
This helps me so much, i now understand what its means and how to think clearly about this subject tysm. I am 100% gonna watch part 3
comments turned off in TEENA video; question? you say you move around and change countries/houses every 6 mos as result of your childhood abuse. please elucidate this for me as I keep traveling the world/countries to see/ understanding/compare/ from another culture as it compares to my inability to understand a loving way/ USA.
@@behappy8622 If you haven't found the link ... th-cam.com/video/IWjPBgRCXVs/w-d-xo.html ... RG mentions this toward the end of his discussion
A Leveque maybe we just have gypsy blood? 😁 🌎
27 jobs, 43 homes, 4 countries, 2 passports. One thing’s for sure, if I don’t like a person, place, job, city, or country... I admit it to myself & leave. The hat trick will be to get everything aligned at once. I’ve had a great city, some great houses, some great work, some great people, but never all at once #lifegoals2021
Same here. I can’t stand the US and the sick/toxic culture here. After living in Italy for seven years (and obtaining dual citizenship) I spend half of every year traveling and can’t imagine not doing it. Flight is one of my responses too, but recently literal flights and airline abuse have become traumatic as well.
I recently realised that a reason for my isolation is me moving places. As I make friends with some difficulty then move somewhere else so I don't have proximity to the relationships I already put the effort in.
I'm watching this a year after I first watched it. I'm presently doing the 30 day challenge and this is such an important part of that. I'm delighted to be relearning all the tools I need to change and grow. Thank you Richard. 🙂
I'm pacing around listening to this; that's how uncomfortable I'm feeling trying to step towards it. I definitely recognize 3 Fs; Freeze, then faun, then flee, dissociation for sure, people pleasing (erasing my own position/needs/etc)with anxiety that's been like background music 24/7 for years. Any anger is usually directed at myself, often when I go back and endlessly relive those moments, looking what i could/should have done differently. I've been calling a lot of the individual responses 'umbrellas' since they tend to hide other things under them.
I know it is necesssary to go thru the whole series..but not going to lie, this part is giving me axiety...because i a remembering everything. I am trying to forget...LOL....Thank you.
You’re an amazing teacher… I feel like my life has gotten exponentially better just by learning about myself… Before we even get to the techniques… Thank you
Richard. Can't thank you enough. There's hope 😃
This makes perfect sense and I don't find it in the slightest bit controversial! I've recently realised that I engage in VERY regular - I'd say they're almost constant in terms of frequency - multiple maladaptive responses to emotional flashbacks around triggers that I simply can't put my finger on.
I have to be extremely careful not to get into arguments (fight), I have to keep myself super-occupied so that I don't have to "feel" (flight), I've found myself bargaining and negotiating down in abusive relationships (fawn), and have times when I've had to force myself with everything I've got in order to take care of myself when depressed (freeze).
I can be going about my day and suddenly experience complete and utter terror. I'll start physically shaking and get a feeling in my chest and throat like I'm about to vomit. Out of absolutely nowhere, for no apparent reason. My current response is to repeatedly tell myself out loud that I'm OK, I'm doing great, everything is totally fine, and just push through it. If it's so extreme that it's debilitating then I pray to Jesus for peace.
Learning that this is an actual thing and is called an "emotional flashback" and that I can reduce it is very encouraging, and I'm looking forward to learning the techniques. Thank you, Richard; you explain everything so well.
I really can't thank you enough for the work you do and the knowledge you share. My brothers and sisters and I were raised in a cult, we were raised by a father who was abusive emotionally and physically, a mother who was loving but also loves to use guilt and manipulation to keep us close to her. We all left the cult and are navigating not only how to live in this big new world but also our own personal relationships with our parents. We are all finding ourselves in very toxic and unhealthy relationships and patterns in life. I'm sharing all you teach me with my family. You've impact my life in a very big way. Okay, I'll now stop writing this book hahaha and simply say thank you.
Sarah 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
Richard, i need to make a huge compliment for your knowledge, your analysing and your way to explain people how our brain responses. Very helpfull. Now i know what has happend in my latest relationship with me and my mind. After getting pain en stress from her rejections i ''fight'' to make it work. I did not quit (flying), because this is very seldom my response. I am a fighter (judo, mountainclimber). As i got now responses anymore from her, i went in a freezing depressing state of mind. A natural primal way of my mind to deal with to much pain of unrequited love. I promised myself to stay no contact. But it is heavy !!!. Because my mind also tend to be fawn (codependend), to make excuses, to negotiate en please her to get back to her. Back to this toxic relation !. To get releave from the pain. But i realise with my consiousness it is not good !. It breaks my selfrespect, selfestheem and leads to no forfillment, makes the relation even more toxic. The only way we could have contact in the future is stopping to do each other pain en triggering these animalistic primal responses !. Because this pain has triggerd all the primal defence mechanisms in both of us. Her primal response is flight. Not particulary helpfull to solve problems in relationships.
Thank you so very much. Best wishes and speedy recovery.
Brilliant work especially around the fawning response. The idea that there is no fulfillment because you are doing it for your abuser is so insightful. thank you. Also, ADD inattentive and ADHD are both responses to pain and stress that are becoming increasingly common. But yes, you are right about Abusive relationships arising from a fawning response.
As someone who grew up in an abusive house hold, usually the escape goat and truth teller. I found when I became a sister when I was 8 years old. I'd often negotiate with my bio. father that he could abuse me but only if he left my siblings and mom alone. That carried into my teenage years until I was about 14 and he broke that deal; throwing my brother clear across the room for not picking his toys up.
After I got out of that and got older; became a mom. I found myself negotiating similar situations though not as bad as my childhood for my children too.
Is this behavior a type of fawning? I know you said fawning was negotiating your own personal suffering and abusive relationships. Just trying to understand the fawning part a little better and know what this behavior I keep repeating would fall under. Ty for your time your fortress videos have been helping me get through things I didn't know were still there.
That is really awful. Sorry to hear you went through that. I guess that would be a type of fawning, as it was self sacrifice. Maybe it was a way of putting forward a stronger persona or facade to cope with the abuse. So sorry to hear about your younger brother. Some adults are just evil.
Everything you said is spot on and I thank you for it. Just not found a therapist that agrees it is real yet
I love this !! how can I know when Richard will be in may in S.D? I am having a hard time navigating all his new channels and website seems outdated
Sara just subscribe and hit that bell...you will get notifications each time... I save in playlist, too.. Also i search Fortress Richard Grannon... He's saved everywhere in my stuff- He's an oasis in this desert
Fawn... This is a big one for me. Now I definitely understand why some people don't leave their house.
Had great aunt who was a total recluse for last 2 years of her life. Kids had to put her meals inside the door. Couple of years ago I did in-home care. 12-14 hrs a day, for 10 months no days off (because I was going to have to pay someone to cover me at 3-4 times the pay I got--some people doing live in care actually become prisoners). Anywho, only drove around the block to go to food store. Took me 8 months to recover. imagine a borderline on alert all that time. Fibromyalgia got worse big time. Now when I have an emo flashback I can actually feel the adrenaline chemical reaction burning it's way down arms and legs. some warning buzzer, eh?
Thank you so, so much, Richard, I really appreciate what you do, for all the help you give so freely, & for so many people!!.
I can't wait for the next video.
I've been following you for a few months now & I've read your Pdf on Emotional flashbacks. Absolutely brilliant! I've been pretty sporadic with doing the actual exercises though, & in one of your recent videos you were saying to do the Emotional Flashback exercises for 30 days.
Then the Emotional Literacy course for 3 or 4 months.
Today is my first day in the Emotional Flashback 30 days.
Thank youuuuu!!! :)
Merlin's eyes gleam,
And his face is lean,
By the campfire,
He will never tire,
Dancing all night,
Sharing his insight! :]
He really is a wizard.
The white wizard of self-sovereignty.
Yes!
Excellent! Thank you! ❤
I am watching it.. It just occurred to me that most of the micro traumas I have were like "Someone else TOLD you to feel this way", "Someone else is influencing you to SAY you have these feelings" . See they were always jealous. Some random person must be influencing me lol........ and then as I got older, "what you think you are feeling is not what you are REALLY feeling" and "you're too STUPID to know what it is you're SUPPOSED to be feeling".
No wonder I went numb. I really did until I had Andrew.
Ok. Mr Grannon, do you cover when you have CPTSR from multiple major traumas along with multiple small traumas? Or am I completely screwed? I'm going to watch your remaining Fortress Tutorials. Thanks for your time and work!! You've been so helpful in my education about narcissism with my father & ex-boyfriend and my journey with codependency. I've now watched your 3rd Fortress video. LOVE IT! Taken notes & done 1-5 finger exercise twice. Wow. I feel slightly hopeful 🙂. I'm still interested in your response about multiple major traumas over time in different contexts, please.
Brilliant I'm finally understanding this makes sense !
Hard to read? Impossible to read, more like. It's okay though, you said it in a nice, clear, friendly voice.
I'm really enjoying your manner here, much more chill and less sweary than on your main channel!
(Not that I don't enjoy swearing. I love a good old swear-up, me!)
Anyway, nicely done, this is a great and valuable resource you're providing.
Thanks Richard!
You are my Hero!
I wonder if the different coping strategies could give clues to the timeline of infant/ childhood/ teenage - youth? For example a baby is helpless and cannot leave physically.. So reverts to fawn/freeze? The teenager is more likely to "fight"? Thoughts?
It's been difficult to get people help because the culture includes this negatory haze around it for maintaining ignorance and not helping really. It's much more convenient to have no compassion because then you have no responsibility to anyone so you'll hear all kinds of comments on why the suffering person deserves it etc. One thing I still haven't heard you discuss in my journey through your library of videos is the bystanders roles in the whole process and ideas of shifting it... I don't know about UK but out here people enjoy trainwrecks, gossiping, obsessing over horrible tragedies and complaining incessantly. Would be very interested in that. Thanks for helping. This is a very useful guide/drill down on it as-is much appreciated. I've cycled through all of these including ones outside of it that you mentioned briefly. It's a painful procedure, living.
Aahh, so this is why meditation works to reduce stress and anxiety in people.
Over time, people disassociate with their direct feelings more and place their awareness in their body (and thus still being aware of their feelings, but less involved in them).
Thereby reducing the amount of emotional flashbacks or at least it's influence.
Brilliant :)
Now I understand this connection between spirituality and mental health.
Like, not the wooshy masturbatory spiritual stuff ofc, but the here and now, liberation and awareness kind of spirituality.
This makes sense... I was Diagnosed with Severe PTDS... but I would go through a wide range of emotion with no single trigger, and no memory of why I would react the way I did. But I did figure I felt all emotions all at the exact same time.
I would get angry, my body would be shaking like I was scared, I would cry like I was hurt, I would stand there frozen waiting for the final magical trigger that would make me black out. I would have a dark adrenaline running in my veins, tun my mouth a mile a second like I was anxious but I never actually felt anything. I was detached from mind and body and was just watching the event. Then the lights go out but I experienced time continue.
17:00 ish.... I noticed I zoned out... Even stopped hearing words.. Just "white noise". I paused the video to think about it. I know my children do the same. (when being lectured and when with the abuser.) I believe it's a protective response. To block out "hypnosis" style drawing in. The kind that gaslighters etc do. It's like the speaker draws you in.. Your childhood training kicks in to protect you from the verbal assault and you hear "blah, blah, blah". I trust RG. I've done "the discipline" course (in parts.. I have complex issues which needed me to follow a complex layered approach to healing.) In that course I listened to RG and never zoned out like that. I think someone used hypnotic "charm" to manipulate me during early childhood and I instinctively built a system of protection against it. Thoughts?
Dear God yes...i bet most of us have experienced that.. Im so glad we found help/Richard
It's called disassociation. I do it all the time. Painful abuse whether physical or emotional will cause you to disassociate and go numb or "zone out". I used to lose time a lot and never understood what happened until I realized it was disassociation that was happening when I would get triggered.
So that's why time flies exponentially when I'm traumatized?
Micro-traumas is a horrible way to describe it. Not being critical as I am certainly able to understand what you are getting at, but I have severe CPTSD from trauma essentially since birth. They were not micro.
You are just the best,man! I haven t been able to heal yet, but you have helped me so much. I would like to recreate my life in a way that i can create the circumstance to thank you personaly one day
Since I am getting mentally stable and finally have healthy ppl in my life. I told my therapy I feel heartbroken on all the years I wasted w these Narcissistic and Sociopathic people including fake friends and Narcissist ex. The good friends I had in my 20s it was brief and I had let them go bc they getting marry, having kids, careers and becoming home owners. I feel like I lost my mental, emotional and spiritual health all of those years before I got help. My therapist said I am grieving besides death of my mother. Is this normal?
Thank you Richard. It's only after listening to this that I realize I am actually having flashbacks. Thankfully, I'm away from the narcs and no longer feel drawn to them. Thanks for all you share.
What percentage of people have CPTSR? Do the majority of people have it and it's rare to be raised by loving parents?
I was gaslighted and triggered by an unethical therapist. When I refused to see her again. I knew I would not be believed. I am now protecting myself from the "mental health" system.
Surely the micro-traumas are that only because there is a trauma in childhood?Without it, we'd be much more resilient with bigger margins? Although many micro ones is real and his example may have just been very light and feel less fitting to the term..
So are abusive people, such as Narcissist P Disordered people also just operating from this trauma Response? Or are they actually Disordered from birth? or has their trauma response from early (or later life) been so deeply ingrained that it created their more permanent disorder, and so hence there's not much likelihood they can be helped, hence they continue to destroy others... ?
Love that haircut, gotta say. You’re lookin good, hope you’re well. ❤️🙏
Delivering a message that is true and provides hope in a world so desperate. I dont believe im in a state of fawning unless there is another layer. This fits reality of who I am and how I would understand others in the most nondiscriminatory honorable way with all my flaws and broken filters. This is the first thing that has soothed my system in search of answers acutely for over a year to chronically over my life span experience/knowledge which is limited. Avoiding social media and hearing someone describe a behavior as a troll created the discovery of your program to understand my pain of the present with systems of my family culture and society that just dont work taking on unattractive suffering always late to a game i didnt want to be in without capacity to recognize. im fawning at the fear more likely from the anxiety that propels good things to move forward in face of knowing crazy both ways create death
I see so much potential/hope for this creating data information to understand healthcare that does not discriminate.This would increase access to everyone and become a way of viewing health as a right not a privilege.
I'm really excited about you doing these videos! I've learned a lot from your videos in the past couple of years, and every now and then my friends talk to me about struggles they have and I would try to replicate the knowledge I got from you for them. Eventually I gave up on that, it's just way too much information to share, so then I'd be like "Here, I'll send you a link, go watch this guy's videos", but then they would just get lost in all the information, so that didn't really help.
But now you're taking all the information we need, and put it in a structured, bite-sized format, which makes it so much easier for anyone new to this to learn about CPTSR, and I am so grateful for that! I'm gonna go share this channel with a couple of friends now.
I realize I totally sound like I'm stuck in a fawn response. Don't worry, I'm working on it ;)
OMG! I have listened to many of your videos, I’ve witness your attempts at truly wanting to help. Bingo your onto it now Richard this is completely matter of fact true. Perhaps difficult to swallow it does take courage. Thank you, now I have a better understanding where and why I have used this maladaptive behavior. Looking forward to your next tutorial. Brilliant 🙏
I get so emotional hearing Richard explain what's been going on all these years..and i hope young people are listening!
So does that mean today's society, the way it's structures is just a maladaptive way of living.. It's not good for us, were not happy about the way we live or the stress is more than we can handle so we all go into one of these; fight, flight, fawn or freeze? "Everyone" it seems is so depressed.
I suffer severe post tramatic stress asthma fear terror as a direct result of a parents abuse went onto meet an abuser who turned my kids against me I have that freeze response daily feelings of terror and helplessness and can't find a way out it's a feeling of being overwhelmed by the negative consequences of one's childhood
This is pretty accurate and well-articulated. Please do more of these. Both therapists and clients can benefit immensely.
Its refreshing to see a therapist who is still wanting to learn. ..means you're really good.
Thank you I find your method brilliant, and so helpful. It works if you work it!.
Richard one request pl never take of these videos or make it private ...i can't pay for these but its exactly the kind of direction and help i really need
I rearly flight, i mainly freeze - im screwed
Excellent!Thank You Richard, You fine Scouser!Look forward to number 3.:)
Where does just not giving a fuck anymore fit in? is it a combination of flight and freeze?
Very good Richard - detailed and hit me square in the neurotransmitters😂
Yes I am a recluse, don’t know how my husband puts up with me ? Thank you sir very good content
God-like. Thank you.