I did like who I was. So did the narc. I thought we had the same likes and values, 😂. Then I got dismantled. Now, thanks to you, I'm figuring it out again.💞
@@emp9413 This brought me so much joy. I needed it right at this exact moment. And no, I'm never gonna forget again. No one gets to behave like he did around me anymore.
@@irisseer2773 That’s the cool thing. No matter how bad it felt or feels, you learned something that will lead to you having a better future. To be able to read people and be discerning and trust my body’s instincts (or street smarts) is basically the gift I got from my not good relationship. The healing process is a process, and it looks different all the time, but keep in focus it’s all leading you to a better future. And beyond, into personal evolution, if you stay going that direction. Enjoy the process of going towards the light at the end of the tunnel ✨🔮✨
@@jedichild6815 I'm so glad you were able to see the gift in the chaos❤️ I was doing much better. Today I realized that, due to stress I had disassociated about a week and a half away. I decided this morning to do Fortress over again when this appeared in my notifications. I love it when good things happen🙂
This is so scary and so difficult. The thing that keeps me going is that you ‘get’ me. You have been here. And you keep forging forward. It inspires me. Thank you
@June Sherlock It's terrifying, way beyond scary. 28 years of what is described as a Covert, even psychopath.. I'm still just finding out what the deal has been and planning an exit but have been so isolated all these years and no clue about "out there" except internet. I don't even have cable TV, lol. I'm so SCARED too. Terrified. No job, friends, family, business, clubs .. nothing in person.. Still in survival mode... HEALING is a future dream. For now I just want to survive and escape.😬
Man I can literally listen to you all day long and can never be bored. Your wisdom, your voice, your humor, your accent everything is amazing. I found you recently and I hope I will learn good lots of things from you, cheers.
Hey gang, you should probably watch all the tutorials over fortress mental health youtube channel if you are committed to overcoming CPTSD here is the quick version though 1. Emotional flashback work to re regulate emotions (download the audio in the more info bar too) th-cam.com/video/n69gTNq5100/w-d-xo.html 2. Emotional Literacy work will make the regulation longer term without backsliding th-cam.com/video/0fwguTCZZ0k/w-d-xo.html 3. Dealing with the inner critic superego th-cam.com/video/9EXEwAK1HnU/w-d-xo.html (I also have a course on spartanlifecoach.com called "heal the superego" that is great for this issue) 4. Meditation exercise th-cam.com/video/04nyUok1-Mg/w-d-xo.html 5. Core Values Exercise th-cam.com/video/_KZEXPYQMEU/w-d-xo.html
It’s hard to break the habit because it’s always worked so well for me. Sure, the pain comes back eventually, but I’ve gotten through some really hard and traumatic times through disassociating and I do feel that working through those emotions later is less hard than working through them at the time they happen. But at the same time, I’m not just being destructive to myself, when I disassociate I hurt others with negligence and carelessness. I push people away and I distance myself from those I love. It helps me but it hurts me.
I highly recommend anyone seriously struggling with dissociation to look into what helps DID and OSDD systems. For people that are in or veer into that territory, we need a little extra support. For me that has included nervous system education and increasing capacity as well as regulation. A good therapist can help "titrate" some of what you're dissociating from in order to keep you "safe", and help you find and build what you need in order to let some of those internal walls come down, when you're ready. The emotional literacy part has been key to doing this for me. I'm just now getting to the point where I can do it more than once per day, but the little I have been able to do has been huge.
Thank you for your work, Richard. Back in 2003 in Atlanta, when I had a nervous breakdown, I went to a mental hospital and none of the staff (none of the psychiatrists, nurses, social workers, etc.) would tell me the truth that I was experiencing emotional flashbacks. They were quick to give me a diagnosis of bipolar 2 disorder with PTSD and give me all sorts of drugs to manage the symptoms. I didn't even know my diagnosis until after I left Atlanta and requested my medical records. I have been stuck in the medical system for decades. Right now, I am learning that perhaps I am a person who was born with the trait of high sensitivity and that needs a little TLC to manage. I also had a crappy childhood being 1 of 6 children, so I need to pay attention for the flashbacks. I feel like suing the American Psychiatric Association.
Hi Heather, I want to share my small experience here, medical fraternity that is psychiatric fraternity they mark someone bipolar disorder when person has episodes of hyperactive depression ( talk more, angry more, wants things done on spot, cleans more or obsessed with doing more) followed by genrally normal plase and then again depression where exact opposite happen( doesn't feel like doing anything nor talking get more sleep in day ) . This needs atleast an year or two year pattern to call it bipolar. Anyway, coming to emotional, spiritual, psychological analysis, I feel people who are highly sensitive HSP 's or Empaths they are very much on risk of BPD identification if their life experiences are emotionally very disturbing. I don't know what can help permanently but atleast knowing whether we are are an HSP us big help. Post that NLP, Daily yoga and Pranayam and Dhyan like meditation does help. Outside environment and and close family members need to be supportive. Take care.
I adjusted the narrative of the hand-mnemonic: 1) I don't dwell in my own flashbacks 2) I remain in serene agency 3) my feelings advise me but they do not consume me 4) I act in my true self-interest 5) my life is mine, my experience is mine, and only I can delineate it
Excellent thanks for this! I have been following you for 7 yrs, and have come so far- yet have periodic backslides. This is a welcome reminder to do what I know is right and healthy, just have grown lazy, distracted or something… I think our journey to healing is as long as life. Thank you for the companionship and guidance on the road.. Laur
Hey people, I’ve been trying to get back to how I felt (who I was) before I had the “not so good” relationship. It has to do with me remembering the feelings that are creative and safe and open and allowing myself to enjoy time and make it joyful for other people, too. And to create more, less screens. I swear I think Satan 😝 is in the screens we all have. They can be useful, but I’m learning to limit screen time, and not be an addict. Life gets better soooo quickly when I just do that. Good luck, 🍀 people 💗
@@klf153 it’s okay. It’s not pathetic, it takes time to feel better doing other stuff like nature walks, petting cats, creative writing, looking at the moon, whatever your things are. There are things that feel 1,000 percent better, but sometimes, I come back to the coping strategy to get myself rebalanced? Sorta like a cigarette or something. 💐
@@klf153 hey there, just a friendly note to take care of yourself and try and go easy on yourself. Would you be ok calling someone else pathetic? I'm saying this as someone who is way too hard on themselves sometimes.
I walk in the woods everyday and work out everyday somedays I skip work out if I really can't, but still dissociate in the woods but what helps me is to read, to learn new difficult things or to hear audiobooks@@jedichild6815
🐙(Richard 🗣"YOU MUST DO THE WORK"! I'm FINALLY reading Pete Walker's books. I am amazed at how you have condensed inner trauma work, E.F. work and profoundly simplied Inner Critic work with "The Loving Inner Guide Coarse" 👍. As you have told us countless times.... 😎🗣💬"DO" THE WORK.🙏🏻 MUCH GRATITUDE 🐙 portal doorman. (THEY deleted my SQUID!!! 😡😤) Onward we GO!!
It’s difficult, but so rewarding to break away from the soul crushing vices of the subconscious cultural trauma train that we were all born into. Sending you love for yourself.
Excellent video, as always Mr. Grannon. Though I was troubled about my authentic self. All I have ever known is to fawn, and so all I am capable of is fawning. I disgust myself. I can't NOT fawn, however. When anyone accuses me of anything, or criticizes me at work, I freeze and am incapable of defending myself. People love me, I'm the life of the party, but I can't get out of a mode of submission at every encounter in life. All the self love in the world, all the mindfullness in the galaxy won't keep me from fawning and just taking anyone's crap. I'll never love that about myself, but it's all I am capable of. That's one thing the narcissist in my life always had right: no one will ever stick up for me if I'm not willing to stick up for myself.
Anger at the inner critic/parent. Silently but angrily say: "How dare you kill off my healthy anger responses leaving me defensesless and open to a buse?!!!". Angering awakens the defence response that your parents killed off.
I’m familiar w. dissociation I’ve done it all my life - In school it was called “ day dreaming “ > I learned how to dissociate- when I was under physical distress - However - Life has ways to snap me out of my fog state. 😀
I guess my problem lies in the area of not having a strong sense of identity. I don’t just have an inner critic, I have a couple of them, and others who seem to be chatting or fighting within. It is exhausting, and I just took myself out of life about 6 years ago or so. Moved far from my family and friends, and stay alone most always. I do have a strong moral compass, and I am ok in that way. I can just lose hours every day, and have nothing to show for it. I’ve been in several treatment programs, and I learned a lot. But, could never figure out how to incorporate what I learned into my day to day life. So, I wanted to get away, so that I would not be prey for the wrong people, or get hurt anymore. It is a lonely life, but I honestly can’t say that I even know who I am. Sounds weird, I’m sure, but more and more it has become about acceptance. No more treatment, therapy, etc.
May I suggest looking at Calion Smith's content here on TH-cam... You're describing a pretty specific set of symptoms that have treatment. The CTAD clinic channel here is great too.
Yea can't keep dissociating in the face of danger like I learned at 6 cuz it could get me killed! It helped me then but can now be dangerous. It's staying with those scary emotions, feelings and thoughts that are coming up and it floods the system. Then I'm completely derailed for days.. I am doing the best I can with where I'm at and what I know. Thank you!
Thank you very much! You’re helping me to bring the pieces together, I’m working on myself more than an year now, but was still missing something and I found it here! The way you explain these topics is so clear! I like when you say “you must’ it does sounds serious and it is!
This is the most helpful information I have heard in the last 4 years! this is after at speaking to over 80 mental health professionals to get support and answers for the dissociation I am experiencing. They are quick to diagnose but provide no deep rooted causes nor solutions. Thank you thank you thank you for your soul.
I love the way your advice is so wise and yet simple to understand and follow! These topics should be taught in schools. I started daydreaming early in life and didn't understand why. My life began to have so much more quality after I stopped daydreaming some years ago. At that time I didn't know that I had been daydreaming to feel safe. I just felt that it was not good for me and made the decision to change it. So glad I did! Thank you for your work! The world needs it!
Disregulation -> External locus of control -> dissociation -> Coping mechanisms Self-regulation(state management) -> internal locus of control -> awareness -> improving emotional intelligence & resilience
I had to watch this again because I caught myself not paying full attention. I have to admit I have not felt much disregulation the past months as before but also been more mindful of taking time off and not being too hard on myself. Painting has been really good as therapy and to deal with my gorophobic tendency I take care of with working as a volcano guide where I have to be outside and meet new people and learn about them and myself at that same time. I pay attention to my kids and my friends with full intent and it is also feeling kind of healing from before when I was feeling frozen in weird tendency of not listening and fawning with a smile because it worked to not having to deal with internal screaming because of my flashbacks. And it is true that it is there, the darkness - and sometimes it is scary. But not as it was before and I can look at it without running away.
I find it crazy that "relationship with self" was a concept I didn't come across until I was an adult. How many times before that did I try to love another? Even the love of God was something I tried to chase and deserve. 😢 To some degree, these patterns are probably still operating--hence why I'm here 😅💜
I can't remember the last time I felt safe! I've had a life time of cluster B ppl in my life! Richard, I can relate so much to almost everything you say. I have been procrastinating in starting your teaching of working on emotional flashbacks! I do believe it will help. I think I would benefit from counseling as well. The problem is,, there's just no one out there that specializes or even knows about narcissistic abuse or trauma/C.P.T.S.D. Wish you could be my therapist but the best next thing,, is to participate in your free program. I've learned so much from you and I thank God for you! Great info, great video as always! Keep up the good work. You are truly amazing! Love, peace and geese to you Richard! 🥰❤
Part of my process to overcome my codependence habits, is accepting I'm not as awesome as I think I am. :) That comes after I've had some time apart and alone to appreciate how good of a person I always have been
A soul to soul connection can only be experienced through the authentic self (and not through the roles we play). I love how you integrate eastern spiritual sciences with modern psychological perspectives.
Thank you for answering these questions and I just found your hand mnemonic video which is succinct and excellent and will help me with outer and inner critics. I’d love to work on emotional reregulation. Thank you.
I jumped out of my body when I lost my job today and right into my head! You know that feeling when the Rollercoaster first drops?.........yeah that's the feeling that was with me for a while
All those techniques are brilliant to embody yourself, to get to know yourself, to orient yourself in the present reality, to take a good care of yourself and to embrace your self growth...
Hey Richard, just wanted to say thanks for the videos and the Unplug from the Matrix program. Both have helped me escape from a controlling, manipulative, and exploitive relationship and find true peace and happiness.
I was in a narcissist verbally abusive alcoholic marriage for 30 years. It broke me. I lost myself. Then the first man who approached me and pulled me in turned out to be an alcoholic addict narc and that just ended. I don't know where to start to heal myself. My marriage made me physically ill. This is a huge problem. He left me homeless and broke and I can't seem to get out of bed these past 3 years! THIS IS NOT ME! I can't even remember what my gifts are and I know God put them in me. I'd like to be in a relationship but I know I'm not ready. I have so much work to do. No motivation! My apartment is chaos. THAT'S NOT ME! I wish someone would come and live with me and help me work through it all but that sounds like a victim. I'm not a victim. IDK what to do. And I'm no spring chicken. Time is racing. I miss weeks, months, years. The world is unrecognizable to me. I feel like an alien.
You have gone into: Excellence! Overburdened stress, do the same to people, as this, which everyone would get into, with overburdened workloads, loads of overpressing lifesituations at once, and no breathing-space. And the first we can do, is training persons into being in their body, with different techniques, as bodyknowlegde in the moment, relaxing presence into the body. Mindfulness and Soft, soft Honesty training, first inside, then outwards. To find out who and how we are. Thanks!
Dissociation sucks. On one hand, I want to be able to pull myself out of it, even though it's hard, because I know it's extremely obvious to others when I get into that state. I think something about having a "dead", thousand mile stare, people tend to talk down to me. Plus I'm more prone to overthinking. On the other hand, I don't want to "snap to reality". Because when I become truly present, all I see is how depressing life is, and I don't know how to handle it. I hate my surroundings, the body I'm in, and the feeling that this isn't the life I was meant to live. So I choose to block everything out. It's a vicious cycle.
Never used to be aware that I was dissociating thought it was just anxiety these days I recognise it happening because will have a complete mind blank and struggle to focus on any memories and even how to interact with people around me I become vague and distant and fatigue my body can present anxiety symptoms the more I try to find the words or responses I'd rather have, so would just go rest and when I'd wake up I'm not feeling overwhelmed and my memories all return I feel like iam on autopilot and have no knowledge when dissociating Thank you for this Video Richard grannon as it's relevant for me at this present time
….You don’t” build a SELF “- At this point of your life …. You ALLOW your self to be in this time, in this reality, in your own body & no where else ⛲️
Hi overthinker, some healthy mature Love would be great at this point of your life. Therefore decondition your heart and love again as a "No addicted to love Beginner". Good Luck 🎼🎹🎼
I find myself going over scenarios in my head that are completely mundane and involve people I neither know or would likely have any much interest in if I did.
A person may trunket the trauma or stress to be processed later, due to the survival demands ,placed on the individual in the current circumstances. The " checking out" prevents stress or trauma from being processed and healthy functional coping skills are not develop as a result and you don't want to be "checking out" in a potentially dangerous situation that needs your participation. Another coping mechanism linked to this is maladaptive daydreaming, depersonalization. Making a concious choice and practice to be present and check in on oneself. Setting aside time and places to process. To be willing to take responsibility and meet yourself and life were you are. .
Yeah it takes 4 years for me to find out why i dont know what to do and why in the past i knew! And when i understood what happened to me, i could able to find my path again but slowly
I was hiding under my bed when I was 7 from my dad, he came in my bed room grabbed my ankles flipped the bed up while throwing my body against the wall I was knocked out, I woke up face down in my dad's bed my grandpa had my dad in a bear lock but the. My dad got out of it and nearly killed him. I lost the ability to speak from the attack. Thanks for your video the things your voicing I seem to be doing on autopilot or I'm unaware of until I hear you talk about them
Lack of options or time in which things cannot be changed. My dissasociation, the wait....I hope it's a wait. Every time I I disassociate the period of existence is existing in a reality that does not offer the change I wait for.
Where u wonder off where I wonder not that wondering is the unhealthy part but the places I escape into have not been forward seeking they've been pacifing
There are different kinds of dissasociation. This video might apply to help those who have one kind, but not imo the one where you are cut off and reality is like something you are just watching from afar and want to get back to. A kind of unrealness. Its a bit like in the film ' Being John Malkovich', the kind of dissasociation i am talking about. Imo the cure for this is only time and you come back 'into the room' eventually. Just need to stay strong and endure until you do.
I am eagerly awaiting that this "C 19 " (lockdown")ends,so i can be again ME for myself only...i realy enjoy being alone ...in my way🙄Creating a new healthy lifestyle that makes me satisfied...and truly happy. Love &Blessings.
I did like who I was. So did the narc. I thought we had the same likes and values, 😂. Then I got dismantled. Now, thanks to you, I'm figuring it out again.💞
@@emp9413 This brought me so much joy. I needed it right at this exact moment. And no, I'm never gonna forget again. No one gets to behave like he did around me anymore.
Dismantled....good word.!!! :)
@@irisseer2773 That’s the cool thing. No matter how bad it felt or feels, you learned something that will lead to you having a better future. To be able to read people and be discerning and trust my body’s instincts (or street smarts) is basically the gift I got from my not good relationship.
The healing process is a process, and it looks different all the time, but keep in focus it’s all leading you to a better future. And beyond, into personal evolution, if you stay going that direction. Enjoy the process of going towards the light at the end of the tunnel ✨🔮✨
@@emp9413 ❤️ Best of luck to you too!
@@jedichild6815 I'm so glad you were able to see the gift in the chaos❤️
I was doing much better. Today I realized that, due to stress I had disassociated about a week and a half away. I decided this morning to do Fortress over again when this appeared in my notifications. I love it when good things happen🙂
This is so scary and so difficult. The thing that keeps me going is that you ‘get’ me. You have been here. And you keep forging forward. It inspires me. Thank you
It’s the only road to true awakening. We are all one.
@June Sherlock It's terrifying, way beyond scary. 28 years of what is described as a Covert, even psychopath.. I'm still just finding out what the deal has been and planning an exit but have been so isolated all these years and no clue about "out there" except internet. I don't even have cable TV, lol. I'm so SCARED too. Terrified. No job, friends, family, business, clubs .. nothing in person..
Still in survival mode... HEALING is a future dream. For now I just want to survive and escape.😬
@@Becky_Lewis_Awareness you are stronger than you think
@@junesherlock425 Thank you.
Man I can literally listen to you all day long and can never be bored. Your wisdom, your voice, your humor, your accent everything is amazing. I found you recently and I hope I will learn good lots of things from you, cheers.
Hey gang, you should probably watch all the tutorials over fortress mental health youtube channel if you are committed to overcoming CPTSD
here is the quick version though
1. Emotional flashback work to re regulate emotions (download the audio in the more info bar too) th-cam.com/video/n69gTNq5100/w-d-xo.html
2. Emotional Literacy work will make the regulation longer term without backsliding th-cam.com/video/0fwguTCZZ0k/w-d-xo.html
3. Dealing with the inner critic superego th-cam.com/video/9EXEwAK1HnU/w-d-xo.html (I also have a course on spartanlifecoach.com called "heal the superego" that is great for this issue)
4. Meditation exercise th-cam.com/video/04nyUok1-Mg/w-d-xo.html
5. Core Values Exercise th-cam.com/video/_KZEXPYQMEU/w-d-xo.html
Thank you 😊🙏, yes regulating and elevating to solution and basically being present is a good grown up response
i intuitively understand what you re saying and its pretty useful for this audience
I definitely recommend the meditation exercise. Meditation has helped me a lot lately.
Thank you
Great meditation thank you
You're such a kind and clever, caring person. I wish you were my brother.
It’s hard to break the habit because it’s always worked so well for me. Sure, the pain comes back eventually, but I’ve gotten through some really hard and traumatic times through disassociating and I do feel that working through those emotions later is less hard than working through them at the time they happen. But at the same time, I’m not just being destructive to myself, when I disassociate I hurt others with negligence and carelessness. I push people away and I distance myself from those I love. It helps me but it hurts me.
I highly recommend anyone seriously struggling with dissociation to look into what helps DID and OSDD systems. For people that are in or veer into that territory, we need a little extra support. For me that has included nervous system education and increasing capacity as well as regulation. A good therapist can help "titrate" some of what you're dissociating from in order to keep you "safe", and help you find and build what you need in order to let some of those internal walls come down, when you're ready.
The emotional literacy part has been key to doing this for me. I'm just now getting to the point where I can do it more than once per day, but the little I have been able to do has been huge.
Thank you for your work, Richard. Back in 2003 in Atlanta, when I had a nervous breakdown, I went to a mental hospital and none of the staff (none of the psychiatrists, nurses, social workers, etc.) would tell me the truth that I was experiencing emotional flashbacks. They were quick to give me a diagnosis of bipolar 2 disorder with PTSD and give me all sorts of drugs to manage the symptoms. I didn't even know my diagnosis until after I left Atlanta and requested my medical records. I have been stuck in the medical system for decades. Right now, I am learning that perhaps I am a person who was born with the trait of high sensitivity and that needs a little TLC to manage. I also had a crappy childhood being 1 of 6 children, so I need to pay attention for the flashbacks. I feel like suing the American Psychiatric Association.
Get a Good lawyer.
Wishing you the best🎍🎋🌹
Hi Heather, I want to share my small experience here, medical fraternity that is psychiatric fraternity they mark someone bipolar disorder when person has episodes of hyperactive depression ( talk more, angry more, wants things done on spot, cleans more or obsessed with doing more) followed by genrally normal plase and then again depression where exact opposite happen( doesn't feel like doing anything nor talking get more sleep in day ) . This needs atleast an year or two year pattern to call it bipolar.
Anyway, coming to emotional, spiritual, psychological analysis, I feel people who are highly sensitive HSP 's or Empaths they are very much on risk of BPD identification if their life experiences are emotionally very disturbing.
I don't know what can help permanently but atleast knowing whether we are are an HSP us big help.
Post that NLP, Daily yoga and Pranayam and Dhyan like meditation does help. Outside environment and and close family members need to be supportive. Take care.
@@carrad123456 Hi there. What is HSP and NLP? 😊
@@michelenoia6767 highly sensitive person personality and Neuro linguistic Programming.
Do it. Maybe if more people sued for various corrupt doctors, us healthcare system wouldn't be so corrupt.
I adjusted the narrative of the hand-mnemonic: 1) I don't dwell in my own flashbacks 2) I remain in serene agency 3) my feelings advise me but they do not consume me 4) I act in my true self-interest 5) my life is mine, my experience is mine, and only I can delineate it
Excellent thanks for this! I have been following you for 7 yrs, and have come
so far- yet have periodic backslides. This is a welcome reminder to do what I know
is right and healthy, just have grown lazy, distracted or something…
I think our journey to healing is as long as life. Thank you for the companionship and guidance on the road..
Laur
Hey people, I’ve been trying to get back to how I felt (who I was) before I had the “not so good” relationship. It has to do with me remembering the feelings that are creative and safe and open and allowing myself to enjoy time and make it joyful for other people, too.
And to create more, less screens. I swear I think Satan 😝 is in the screens we all have. They can be useful, but I’m learning to limit screen time, and not be an addict. Life gets better soooo quickly when I just do that. Good luck, 🍀 people 💗
Yes, I dissociate watching yt. Pathetic. But it is my safe escape...
@@klf153 it’s okay. It’s not pathetic, it takes time to feel better doing other stuff like nature walks, petting cats, creative writing, looking at the moon, whatever your things are. There are things that feel 1,000 percent better, but sometimes, I come back to the coping strategy to get myself rebalanced? Sorta like a cigarette or something. 💐
Yeah I've been pining for the days before these phones started making their excessive demands on our time and attention
@@klf153 hey there, just a friendly note to take care of yourself and try and go easy on yourself. Would you be ok calling someone else pathetic? I'm saying this as someone who is way too hard on themselves sometimes.
I walk in the woods everyday and work out everyday somedays I skip work out if I really can't, but still dissociate in the woods but what helps me is to read, to learn new difficult things or to hear audiobooks@@jedichild6815
🐙(Richard 🗣"YOU MUST DO THE WORK"! I'm FINALLY reading Pete Walker's books. I am amazed at how you have condensed inner trauma work, E.F. work and profoundly simplied Inner Critic work with "The Loving Inner Guide Coarse" 👍. As you have told us countless times.... 😎🗣💬"DO" THE WORK.🙏🏻 MUCH GRATITUDE 🐙 portal doorman. (THEY deleted my SQUID!!! 😡😤) Onward we GO!!
This has been the most difficult journey, learning me. Thank you.
It’s difficult, but so rewarding to break away from the soul crushing vices of the subconscious cultural trauma train that we were all born into. Sending you love for yourself.
Excellent video, as always Mr. Grannon. Though I was troubled about my authentic self. All I have ever known is to fawn, and so all I am capable of is fawning. I disgust myself. I can't NOT fawn, however. When anyone accuses me of anything, or criticizes me at work, I freeze and am incapable of defending myself. People love me, I'm the life of the party, but I can't get out of a mode of submission at every encounter in life. All the self love in the world, all the mindfullness in the galaxy won't keep me from fawning and just taking anyone's crap. I'll never love that about myself, but it's all I am capable of. That's one thing the narcissist in my life always had right: no one will ever stick up for me if I'm not willing to stick up for myself.
Anger at the inner critic/parent. Silently but angrily say: "How dare you kill off my healthy anger responses leaving me defensesless and open to a buse?!!!". Angering awakens the defence response that your parents killed off.
I’m familiar w. dissociation
I’ve done it all my life -
In school it was called “ day dreaming “
> I learned how to dissociate- when I was under physical distress -
However -
Life has ways to snap me out of my fog state. 😀
I guess my problem lies in the area of not having a strong sense of identity. I don’t just have an inner critic, I have a couple of them, and others who seem to be chatting or fighting within. It is exhausting, and I just took myself out of life about 6 years ago or so. Moved far from my family and friends, and stay alone most always. I do have a strong moral compass, and I am ok in that way. I can just lose hours every day, and have nothing to show for it. I’ve been in several treatment programs, and I learned a lot. But, could never figure out how to incorporate what I learned into my day to day life. So, I wanted to get away, so that I would not be prey for the wrong people, or get hurt anymore. It is a lonely life, but I honestly can’t say that I even know who I am. Sounds weird, I’m sure, but more and more it has become about acceptance. No more treatment, therapy, etc.
I can completely relate.
I literally did the same things.... I am by myself mostly.... I dont how how to pull myself out of this state...
May I suggest looking at Calion Smith's content here on TH-cam... You're describing a pretty specific set of symptoms that have treatment. The CTAD clinic channel here is great too.
Yea can't keep dissociating in the face of danger like I learned at 6 cuz it could get me killed! It helped me then but can now be dangerous. It's staying with those scary emotions, feelings and thoughts that are coming up and it floods the system. Then I'm completely derailed for days.. I am doing the best I can with where I'm at and what I know. Thank you!
How cosmically coincidental is it that every time I have a question about something specific, this man appears with an explanation. Thank you Richard.
You are the first person to make me feel human. Thank you.
So much meaningful advice taken from this. "Be your own Truth". Thank you
Thank you very much! You’re helping me to bring the pieces together, I’m working on myself more than an year now, but was still missing something and I found it here! The way you explain these topics is so clear! I like when you say “you must’ it does sounds serious and it is!
This is the most helpful information I have heard in the last 4 years! this is after at speaking to over 80 mental health professionals to get support and answers for the dissociation I am experiencing. They are quick to diagnose but provide no deep rooted causes nor solutions. Thank you thank you thank you for your soul.
I love the way your advice is so wise and yet simple to understand and follow! These topics should be taught in schools. I started daydreaming early in life and didn't understand why. My life began to have so much more quality after I stopped daydreaming some years ago. At that time I didn't know that I had been daydreaming to feel safe. I just felt that it was not good for me and made the decision to change it. So glad I did! Thank you for your work! The world needs it!
Took me A LOT of pain to start being honest with myself and it is still something I want and need to work on. Thank you for what you shared!
Brilliant and thank you. Wonderful advice. Honesty with myself instead of terrified people-pleasing is my new goal.
Disregulation -> External locus of control -> dissociation -> Coping mechanisms
Self-regulation(state management) -> internal locus of control -> awareness -> improving emotional intelligence & resilience
Hi Richard, you look great! And you are awesome in all you do. Been following for 10 yrs or so. Thank you!
Thank you Richard! Very needed. Half the time I loose track of when I’m doing it - it can be so intense. Amazing as always!
Hi Richard, I'm a follower from Italy, since 2 years ago. Thank you so much!!!
I had to watch this again because I caught myself not paying full attention. I have to admit I have not felt much disregulation the past months as before but also been more mindful of taking time off and not being too hard on myself. Painting has been really good as therapy and to deal with my gorophobic tendency I take care of with working as a volcano guide where I have to be outside and meet new people and learn about them and myself at that same time. I pay attention to my kids and my friends with full intent and it is also feeling kind of healing from before when I was feeling frozen in weird tendency of not listening and fawning with a smile because it worked to not having to deal with internal screaming because of my flashbacks. And it is true that it is there, the darkness - and sometimes it is scary. But not as it was before and I can look at it without running away.
Thank you so very much. You are so appreciated
Best advice as always, I cannot find any therapist "in person" who is so on the mark. THank you.
I find it crazy that "relationship with self" was a concept I didn't come across until I was an adult.
How many times before that did I try to love another? Even the love of God was something I tried to chase and deserve. 😢
To some degree, these patterns are probably still operating--hence why I'm here 😅💜
I can't remember the last time I felt safe! I've had a life time of cluster B ppl in my life! Richard, I can relate so much to almost everything you say. I have been procrastinating in starting your teaching of working on emotional flashbacks! I do believe it will help. I think I would benefit from counseling as well. The problem is,, there's just no one out there that specializes or even knows about narcissistic abuse or trauma/C.P.T.S.D. Wish you could be my therapist but the best next thing,, is to participate in your free program. I've learned so much from you and I thank God for you! Great info, great video as always! Keep up the good work. You are truly amazing! Love, peace and geese to you Richard! 🥰❤
Thank you 💖 I've been able to integrate the pieces, but still find myself dissociating, it does get easier with time...to stay present
Wow this explains a lot. I couldn’t understand the out of body experiences I was having and why until listening to this.
Thanks Richard.
Thank you once again for the excellent information, presented with clarity and insight.
Part of my process to overcome my codependence habits, is accepting I'm not as awesome as I think I am. :) That comes after I've had some time apart and alone to appreciate how good of a person I always have been
Doing grounding spending time in nature @ antidote to stress, helps bring you back into your body
I give thanks for your presence and how you express it :)
Richard Grannon, I love you because you have changed my life without even knowing.
A soul to soul connection can only be experienced through the authentic self (and not through the roles we play). I love how you integrate eastern spiritual sciences with modern psychological perspectives.
Thank you for this video. It's brought together alot of what I know. Thanks 😊
Thank you for answering these questions and I just found your hand mnemonic video which is succinct and excellent and will help me with outer and inner critics. I’d love to work on emotional reregulation. Thank you.
I jumped out of my body when I lost my job today and right into my head! You know that feeling when the Rollercoaster first drops?.........yeah that's the feeling that was with me for a while
Thank you, have done this all my life..thank you Richard
I learn a lot of interesting things from your videos. Thank you.
All those techniques are brilliant to embody yourself, to get to know yourself, to orient yourself in the present reality, to take a good care of yourself and to embrace your self growth...
Hey Richard, just wanted to say thanks for the videos and the Unplug from the Matrix program. Both have helped me escape from a controlling, manipulative, and exploitive relationship and find true peace and happiness.
I was in a narcissist verbally abusive alcoholic marriage for 30 years. It broke me. I lost myself.
Then the first man who approached me and pulled me in turned out to be an alcoholic addict narc and that just ended. I don't know where to start to heal myself. My marriage made me physically ill. This is a huge problem. He left me homeless and broke and I can't seem to get out of bed these past 3 years! THIS IS NOT ME! I can't even remember what my gifts are and I know God put them in me. I'd like to be in a relationship but I know I'm not ready. I have so much work to do. No motivation! My apartment is chaos. THAT'S NOT ME! I wish someone would come and live with me and help me work through it all but that sounds like a victim. I'm not a victim. IDK what to do. And I'm no spring chicken. Time is racing. I miss weeks, months, years. The world is unrecognizable to me. I feel like an alien.
Thank you, Richard!
Thank you I love listening to you ❤ you are so real the work you do is saving others richard I hope you're doing ok ❤
Thank you!
Love & light wise one!
This guy helped saved my life
You have gone into: Excellence!
Overburdened stress, do the same to people, as this, which everyone would get into, with overburdened workloads, loads of overpressing lifesituations at once, and no breathing-space.
And the first we can do, is training persons into being in their body, with different techniques, as bodyknowlegde in the moment, relaxing presence into the body. Mindfulness and Soft, soft Honesty training, first inside, then outwards. To find out who and how we are. Thanks!
being engaged in advaita-vedanta I suffered a lot, now you have helped me to stop being afraid of the life
Dissociation sucks. On one hand, I want to be able to pull myself out of it, even though it's hard, because I know it's extremely obvious to others when I get into that state. I think something about having a "dead", thousand mile stare, people tend to talk down to me. Plus I'm more prone to overthinking.
On the other hand, I don't want to "snap to reality". Because when I become truly present, all I see is how depressing life is, and I don't know how to handle it. I hate my surroundings, the body I'm in, and the feeling that this isn't the life I was meant to live. So I choose to block everything out. It's a vicious cycle.
Same. In my head is where I feel good.
I like the content and the length of this one. It's just the right amount
Never used to be aware that I was dissociating thought it was just anxiety these days I recognise it happening because will have a complete mind blank and struggle to focus on any memories and even how to interact with people around me I become vague and distant and fatigue my body can present anxiety symptoms the more I try to find the words or responses I'd rather have, so would just go rest and when I'd wake up I'm not feeling overwhelmed and my memories all return
I feel like iam on autopilot and have no knowledge when dissociating
Thank you for this Video Richard grannon as it's relevant for me at this present time
So many nuggets of wisdom
Thank you so much.!...true wisdom...i can pass this forward to someone who desperately needs to hear these words.🦋
Very helpful about dissociation, thank you.
This is very helpful. Thank you.
Every time his new videos pop up on my feed. I get excited 😆. He’s so dam handsome 😂
Thank You , Richard
Brilliant explanation & very helpful & useful
Exhausted! This is exactly what I am telling everybody and no one understands. You are talking literally about me!
Exactly the word I have been using to describe where i am. Sadly. Take care of yourself!
Thank you Richard
Another gem Richard.
….You don’t” build a SELF “-
At this point of your life ….
You ALLOW your self to be in this time, in this reality, in your own body & no where else ⛲️
Hi overthinker, some healthy mature Love would be great at this point of your life. Therefore decondition your heart and love again as a "No addicted to love Beginner". Good Luck 🎼🎹🎼
Love what you just said
Lol.. are you talking to me. 😘
@@sarathephoenix7051 🌹🎼🎹🎤🌹😘👋
@@goodquestion8064 🎵🎵🎵👋🌹
I find myself going over scenarios in my head that are completely mundane and involve people I neither know or would likely have any much interest in if I did.
Thank you so much
This journey therapy and treatment are live saving
You're really good at this thanks a lot wow
Thank you for this video. It’s very helpful to me.
You help me so much. THANK YOU!!!!!
Subtracting things to become better 💯
If you were a chronic dissociative and you go through an additional trauma you could wake up in a horrible place. It's not safe now.
Thank you for the video and the information.
Timely for me and useful...thank you!
This hit home for me.
A person may trunket the trauma or stress to be processed later, due to the survival demands ,placed on the individual in the current circumstances.
The " checking out" prevents stress or trauma from being processed and healthy functional coping skills are not develop as a result and you don't want to be "checking out" in a potentially dangerous situation that needs your participation.
Another coping mechanism linked to this is maladaptive daydreaming, depersonalization.
Making a concious choice and practice to be present and check in on oneself.
Setting aside time and places to process.
To be willing to take responsibility and meet yourself and life were you are.
.
Cheers ! Thanks again Coach ✨
“Work on back side of heart chakra to receive energy water falling down from crown chakra.” - empath teacher
Yeah it takes 4 years for me to find out why i dont know what to do and why in the past i knew! And when i understood what happened to me, i could able to find my path again but slowly
Thank you 🙏❣️ somehow missed the notification,
That was such a helpful video. Thank you!
Being honest about what’s going on within 👍
Sorry could you say that again Richard? I was miles away
Amazing! ❤️🙏
Brilliant
Your videos are very informative.
I was hiding under my bed when I was 7 from my dad, he came in my bed room grabbed my ankles flipped the bed up while throwing my body against the wall I was knocked out, I woke up face down in my dad's bed my grandpa had my dad in a bear lock but the. My dad got out of it and nearly killed him. I lost the ability to speak from the attack. Thanks for your video the things your voicing I seem to be doing on autopilot or I'm unaware of until I hear you talk about them
Lack of options or time in which things cannot be changed. My dissasociation, the wait....I hope it's a wait. Every time I I disassociate the period of existence is existing in a reality that does not offer the change I wait for.
Where u wonder off where I wonder not that wondering is the unhealthy part but the places I escape into have not been forward seeking they've been pacifing
Yes for sure
There are different kinds of dissasociation. This video might apply to help those who have one kind, but not imo the one where you are cut off and reality is like something you are just watching from afar and want to get back to. A kind of unrealness.
Its a bit like in the film ' Being John Malkovich', the kind of dissasociation i am talking about.
Imo the cure for this is only time and you come back 'into the room' eventually. Just need to stay strong and endure until you do.
Absolutely wow
💖👍🏼💪🏼THIS!!!!! Please where are the LINKS? First time hearing this and wow - THIS is IT!!
I am eagerly awaiting that this
"C 19 " (lockdown")ends,so i can be again ME for myself only...i realy enjoy being alone ...in my way🙄Creating a new healthy lifestyle that makes me satisfied...and truly happy.
Love &Blessings.