6 Signs of Borderline Personality Disorder | What is BPD?
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 31 พ.ค. 2024
- Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes is a Licensed Professional Counselor and Qualified Clinical Supervisor. She received her PhD in Mental Health Counseling from the University of Florida in 2002. In addition to being a practicing clinician, she has provided training to counselors, social workers, nurses and case managers internationally since 2006 through AllCEUs.com 6 #signs of #borderlinepersonalitydisorder A #traumainformed look at borderline #personalitydisorder #cptsd
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Video by Dr. Dawn Elise Snipes on integrative behavioral health approaches including counseling techniques and skills for improving mental health and reducing mental illness.
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CHAPTERS
00:00 Introduction What are Personality Disorders and Why Secure Attachment is Important
03:10 Core features of borderline personality disorder related to insecure attachment and trauma
08:45 What is is like to have borderline personality
11:20 Symptoms of Borderline Personality
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I've known a few people who were diagnosed with BPD, and one thing I noticed about them was, they are incredibly alert and aware of their surroundings, compared to most people. They are always watching everything that's going on in their environment.
Thanks for watching!
Not me. I've heard from many people how oblivious I am.
@@rockgirlemilyavery same, I’m so incredibly oblivious, especially when I’m out with my friend. She’s the one who is always watching over everything since she knows I’m not very observant lol
It's exhausting to be around them because they use those little things to start conflicts. That's been my experience with them. They seem to like drama.
@@naturalisted1714 I'm not a drama fan at all!!!
I had such an intense relationship with a women with BPD. I could always tell at her core she was a good person and was just a scared child. The devaluation and splitting was so intense against me our relationship inevitably imploded. I think about her all the time and hope she’s doing well.
This video helped me have so much more compassion for her instead of villainizing her and feeling like the victim. I hope she feels and is doing okay.
Find her💕
I have been exactly where you are. Of course she is a good person. But the point is, she can't be good for you. Take care of yourself. Do it for you. If you love a woman with BPD, she will always discard you sooner or later. The more you love her, the crueler the discard. She will give you no closure. It isn't her fault. But it doesn't matter whose fault it is, because the fact is she can't be an adult in a secure relationship. You can do everything in your power to make her feel loved and secure and safe, and at the very moment when you foolishly believe you have achieved the deepest level of intimacy possible, she will leave you in a bewildered, whimpering heap of despair. While you are thinking about her all the time, think about how lucky you are to be free of her.
@@johanvanderlinden4331 not every female with BPD is like that!
@@11Euna nooooo, your ex is your ex for a reason.
She doesn't deserve your well-wishes.
I was raised in a minefield. Bearing witness to unpredictable and uncontrolled rage, verbal abuse, silence and what seemed like powerlessness. Among other things. I was also the target ofc but learned very young to risk assess and ‘predict’ and placate and remain ‘hidden’ but still getting caught in the crossfire for existing. Parentified to a certain extent. No one to help, no one to talk to.
I’m 45 years old now and even after nearly 10 years of sobriety and consistent therapy and having a job… my sense of identity is scattershot, intense paranoia and rage,my brain, nervous system is triggered more often than not, to
operate as if in a minefield. Always in survival mode in daily life.
And the exhaustion is overwhelming and very, very real.
Thanks for watching! Wishing you peace, health, and, happiness.
Perhaps you should be sterilized, so you don't pollute anyone else.
See you at ACoA?
I can totally relate!!
I'm 45 too. Sounds like we have lots in common. I'm exhausted too.
I have BPD. Was diagnosed with it 17 years ago. I’ve grown so much and have learned to manage it, but being left or abandoned still drives me mad. My mother abandoned me and I was raised by a narcissistic and emotionally abusive father. So I never knew secure attachment. I thought everyone hated me. It was a very hard upbringing. I had to learn to love myself and that didnt come to many years later.
I am sorry that happened to you and I appreciate you watching. You can find other videos on creating secure attachment at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=secure
You are amazing for seeking help and for helping yourself to heal.
Thank God I found this video. I never understood why I felt and acted certain ways. I always thought maybe I have this mental illness, or maybe I have that.. maybe I'm just a terrible person, because why would I feel love one second and be so mean and angry the next. For a while, I thought I had some kind of schizophrenia because I get paranoid. But, BPD wraps every symptom I have into one "disorder" that perfectly describes me. I finally found the answer. Every single thing you mentioned is accurate about me. Not just most, but all things you mentioned. Thank you so much. By the way, you're my favorite doctor on TH-cam, even before I found this video.
@@wendybesse90 thank you. Took some counseling and years of deep soul searching. Also just quit trying to have romantic relationships for 12 years because I couldn’t tolerate the pain of a break up. Just now trying to start dating again and reliving the absolute meltdowns when I feel abandoned, but it’s all a learning process and I’m absolutely trying. I’ve totally healed my perception of myself, it’s just the abandonment that I still struggle with not acting like a crazy person. Hence why I stayed single for so long lol.
Thank you for describing BPD from a trauma and attachment perspective. As a therapist- this is helpful for clients to understand how BPD developed
Glad it was helpful!
Please do an 'AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT STYLE' video- I'm a victim of childhood trauma and relate to the detachment effects more than the clingy BPD symptoms.
Sameeee
saaaameeeee
I'm turning 71 this month. I've been in treatment off and mostly on since age 25. but yesterday I was dx with BPD for the first time. you described my life in a very caring and informative way. thank you so much.
I am so sorry it took so long for you to get an accurate diagnosis.
As a doctor of medicine ER physicians and probably suffering from BPD, I certainly could say that this one of the best if not the best illustrative video of BPD! Well done 👍
Who has not experienced trauma in their childhood, sounds like a bunch of excuses for nutty, childish people, give me a break. According to this everyone in Iraq should have bpd. But my experience is Americans love talking about their "trauma" and the folks in Iraq are the most humble and self regulated emotionally stable people. Also, everyone would have understood ER doc but your ego could not help repeat the same title 3 times. All physicians hold doctorate degrees, and are doctors of medicine, saying I am a doctor, physician, ER doc is like saying, "hey did you know I am doctor, physician, doctor and hold a doctoral degree, did you know that about me? did you know my entire self identity is wrapped up in my doctor title, by the way did I tell you i am a doctor. and a ER physician and have a degree in doctor of medicine, don't forgot or I will remind you"
U have zero empathy I think u should check out narcissist bc u r one. Sick u get on here n kick people who r down to hold your ego grandiosity! Need supply much? Lemme guess you’re all over social media looking for supply ! Narc narc narc !
@@fitnesspoint2006 your parents sure did a number on you. Wow.
@@shawneec truth hurts, don't it, suger pie. Someone got butt hurt over a truthbomb.
i’m 15, and i’ve been trying to find out what’s wrong with me for a long time. my mom had BPD. she thought i had BPD when i was little and took me to various psychiatrists to find help but they all just diagnosed me with depression because i was too young to show big signs of it. she passed away and now that i’m older i’ve started to become aware of myself and my symptoms more. my childhood truama matches up with all of this. i have a boyfriend of a year who understands all of this and gives me grace and i’m very thankful for him. i’ve told him about BPD and he 100% believes i have it too. i’m trying to find a professional to diagnose me officially and get me help because while im currently on antidepressants, they’re not helping a ton and i need actual psychotherapy. thank you for this video ❤️❤️
You’re so welcome. Thank you for watching. I an sorry that happened to you. Other videos you might be interested in can be found at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=DBT
Meds don't work. We literally have to heal and thankfully you are on that track young.
Your struggles sound very familiar. My BPD began with depression and suicidal ideation in my childhood. Both parents were abusive. Sensitivity to a lot of things seemed to be a flag, not just emotions but also to things like touch, tastes, sounds, etc. Sometimes, medications don’t work well for us. We do need therapy. Good news is that with treatment…..you may become symptom free. According to research, we also tend to improve with age. I hope serenity finds you. You matter.
Your presentation describes perfectly my childhood environment and its resulting consequences on my psychological construct. I am 70 now and still try to fix myself. Thank you for the clarity of your presentation. It helps a lot. When you know better you do better. Thank you for sharing your healing knowledge
I'm turning 56 next month and I just found out what the heck I had had no idea just thought I was living in hell with out God so horrible .
Thanks for this video. BPD was presented in a trauma informed way vs. shaming. 😊
You're welcome
I am 31 years old, and have recently made a lot of changes in the right direction. I have stumbled across BPD information and after reviewing several different videos on the subject, and I know the dangers of self diagnosing, it is safe to say I have BPD
I am just happy and fortunate that in the past 3 months I have quit alcohol by choice, lost 25lbs consciously and been focusing on my health, mental and physical…so on to the path of recovery I guess
Thanks for this detailed and clear video
Thanks so much for watching and sharing.
As she was listing the situations that starts BPD I just started crying she literally described my life.
I am so sorry about that. I have other videos on BPD that might help. Here’s the list: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=BPD
@@DocSnipes no it’s not that it made me not like the video it just kinda hit the spot yk
I watched this and cried like a baby because it’s exactly how it is but I am a health care worker and I am so good at what I do that I feel it’s my therapy when I’m at work. It’s the only place I feel good at
I appreciate you watching the video, Mandi. I am sorry you are experiencing this. What tools from the video will you use to cope with it?
I was diagnosed with BPD Aug. 16th
I always thought i was just depressed, clingy, etc.. but now everything makes sense.
I appreciate you watching. Other videos that might help can be found at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=BPD
Just been diagnosed with this 39 years old and it's had control of my life
At least u have a life. Stop complsinimg
Completely understand.
It gets easier to live with as you get older. You are probably already through the worst of it.
@@christinemott8799 ??
@@christinemott8799 kva ti je
Definitely a complicated diagnosis I'm going on day 5 with my son ignoring me. It hurts, but I'm understanding
Thank you so much for watching. I am sorry for that. Other videos that might help can be found at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=BPD
Very good covering of it.
Sadly, many ppl who get diagnosed BPD while still dealing with abusive/toxic family members. You can’t diagnose someone with a personality disorder when they are still dealing with abuse by their family.
It’s C-ptsd if anything, not BPD. This needs to be emphasized more like many psychiatrists and psychologist have written about. I hope you actually do discuss this one day. It’s further invalidation when diagnosing someone with a personality disorder when still dealing with abusers.
Thanks for watching.
They can come exist. I was diagnosed with BOTH. BPD and CPTSD last year. Possible Bipolar too.
Coexist*
Similarly, people can’t be called suicidal if they’re under the influence of alcohol in the emergency room. Toxicity obscures the real picture whether it’s toxic family, substances or dealing w the -isms.
I was diagnosed with BPD over 15 years ago.
I grew up in a very chaotic environment. I felt like I never fit in at home or with my peers. At home, I felt like I was told to put up or shut up. With my peers, I was an outsider. I didn't fit in. This caused me to turn to drugs and Self abuse behavior. I have been clean for over 20 years.
I went through DBT therapy over 12 years ago and have learned skills to live life.
I am sorry that happened to you, I am glad you are on the right path and I appreciate you watching.
What is your favorite tip from the video?
You just described my whole life.. I just found out about BPD and it's like the puzzle that is my life was put together. It answers all my questions as to why I am the way I am. All of it fit but the part about scanning the environment for a threat is so true..even when my family is sitting having a discussion I am on pins and needles watching everyone to see how everyone is responding to what's being said in case there is a fight coming.
Thank you for watching the video. Other videos you might be interested in can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=BPD
Thanks, Dr. Snipes, you explained the origin of BPD development so well. I was diagnosed at 16. I'm now 50 and still struggle, but I am finally more forgiving of myself. I'm not the raging, acting out type, but more the internalizing type. DBD taught me my emotions aren't "bad", they are there for a reason, and accepting myself and my emotions more, learning to sit with them, instead of burying them all the time, is probably the thing that helped the most. BPD always felt like a curse or an inescapable trap. Now, however, I find it can actually be a blessing to feel things so deeply and genuinely. I say we are some of the most passionate people, who simply see the world in a whole other way. Unfortunately, it's through a negative filter, but I call that filter "reality". 😁
You’re so welcome. That is so beautifully put. I appreciate you watching and I feel blessed to be of help. What have you found most useful from the video?
@@DocSnipes I think the most useful aspect of the entire video, is that you reiterated some things that I needed a reminders about, like the reasons I developed this way. I acknowledge I'm damaged from my upbringing, but I'm working on having more compassion, forgiveness, and understanding for myself. The fact you expressed compassion and understanding for pwBPD from a trauma based perspective, was very helpful. What you described was my childhood, where my voice and emotions didn't matter. I was always told in certain ways, that my emotions, feelings, or opinions were all "wrong" or unimportant, so I learned very early not to trust my feelings, even ignoring my bad gut reactions about people or situations, which made me an easy target for abusers. I understand the family dynamics now, more than ever. I'm also thankful that you made it a point not to generalize us. You're one of the few psychologists on YT who doesn't, and I really appreciate this. Thanks again. 🙏
This was a great summary for BPD and I liked how you explained from a neurological perspective (HPA axis, stress hormones that are secreted in excess more often, vagal tone, etc.) as well as from the typical model of unmet attachment needs in childhood, the causative reasons behind the emotional dysregulation and other traits. You and Dr. Ramani are the two people/sources I trust the most on this information medium/youtube sphere when it comes to psychopathology and personality disorders.
Thanks so much. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
This is spot on for my girlfriend. You're describing her and her childhood exactly. Unfortunately she's now ready to leave me and is unwilling to get help with her behavior. I'm trying to learn what I can so I can relate and understand her but I'm worried she's too far gone into her dysfunction. Thank you for this video. 💜
You’re so welcome. I am sorry you are going through this. Other videos you might be interested in can be found at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=DBT
And : Other videos you might be interested in can be found at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=Borderline
I can totally relate to her. I’ve been married for 19 years and when my monthly comes and hormones are out of wack my husband says I want a divorce every month at that time. I’m sorry for my husband he has to go through this which makes me more scared he will leave me. I often feel like it’s inevitably going to happen, and therefore not enjoying my marriage like I should. I’m seeing a counselor now though. I’m sorry for you having to go through this as well. I hope she gets the help she needs and you guys are able to MoveOn in the relationship.
Don't give up on her if you love her.
Get counseling together, it’s usually not just one person’s fault in a relationship, there is trouble on both sides, look at yourself, not just her faults. Then get help.
This is the most straightforward clear accurate and helpful explanation that I have ever read or heard. *The most important line is that not growing up in an environment of physical or emotional safety is the root cause.*
What strikes me is the intersection between morality and BPD. People with a higher level of integrity who have BPD behave in the world very differently than people who have a low level of integrity and become cult leaders who manipulate others into praising and serving them. Which of course is the exact opposite of healing. Not only are they not healing, they’re abusing others in order to accommodate their lack of well-being.
Thanks for watching and for sharing
I like how in so many of these comments, people have diagnosed their girlfriends, boyfriends,friends, wife’s, mothers and husbands etc. with BPD. Kudos to all you specialists out there. Oh and I’m sure my comment will land me with a BPD diagnosis 😆
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Lol i mean it's funny. However my ex has a bpd diagnosis from the psychiatrist, and it's videos like this that helped me recognize what it was i was dealing with. And after pointing things out to her brother, he got her to go see a professional.... so 🤷♂️
Yes people use things like narcissism and borderline and bipolar way to quickly. But sometimes it's valid. Since we're in the commentsection of a video covering that specific topic. It would make sense that a large portion of the commentors are people who had to deal with this issue.
You right,it is hard to change when you're a child. Growing up all my female friends were nerds and it was hard for them to. But they needed me like you say to face the lions to keep going like I needed them to keep going when I get exhausted.
Wow. I think both my ex gf and myself have BPD. My ex wife also had it (confirmed). But the chemistry with my ex gf was beyond anything I ever experienced with my ex wife. Which made the dichotomy between the intense dramatic times and the safe, calm, romantic times that much more painful to go through. We eventually, after 4 years and lots of break ups/make ups, reached a kind of equilibrium but it still wasn't enough I guess. She was extremely anxious and I was extremely avoidant and it was SO difficult to find a perfect balance there. But God damn, when we were together and things were good, it was like nothing I've ever experienced. She was the love of my life 😞 I tried so hard to work toward being what she wanted but I just had too many personal issues myself in addition to the emotional dysregulation. ADHD, ASD, anxiety, lifelong pervasive existential depression with chronic suicidal ideation. I'm fighting to work on all these things now but it sucks that it has to be in the absence of her support and love. I wish she could've held on with me longer. I would've held on with her forever.
Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
💔
You can always try again if she is not married. However, I personally would want to make sure I had done some tough work on myself and was feeling more stabilized before attempting that again. If she hasn’t done any work, thats an additional challenge to consider. If anything, maybe you could share what you’ve learned with her and grow together/support each other as friends as you’re both dealing with the same difficult disorder. You can invite her to attend a support with you, although you may rather keep that private so you can speak of that relationship/process it as part of your recovery. I empathize with that longing feeling. It is very difficult to experience and not feel like you can get it back. Good luck
You really did love her
@@babatee5856 It's been 15 mos of no contact now. I even tried dating and I have a few new female friends I talk to regularly. But my feelings for her still haven't changed. Every girl I meet, no matter how nice or cool is just a potent reminder that it's not her.
Kinda bugs me...the focus on childhood trauma, etc... I had a pretty wonderful childhood... my "primary caregivers" are wonderful people... but I still became this. There is no terror or trauma from my childhood... I simply...AM this way. It's scary.
That said... the rest of this .... hit home pretty hard. The feeling of...the yawning abyss... as if I will suddenly be swallowed by a lurking monster... and the unbelievable intensity of emotions... I personally just...Don't see my childhood as the culprit. I should be discussing this with a professional vs. Hungrily commenting on a TH-cam video... :) ... geez... it's not easy being a human.
I appreciate you watching. Other videos that might help can be found at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=BPD
This is usually what people say when they have adult abandonment because people don’t associate that with trauma.
@@betsyc6055 Interesting..
Agreed. I also had a decent childhood, but in my adult years my family betrayed me, then alot of people died in a row and my sister got involved in my custody battle and my life turned up side down. I dont have a fear od being abandoned but i definately have real trauma, my theropist gave me a diagnosis of BPD in the first assessment so im here trying to identify with this diagnosis. I see how i can relate to some of it...but this just doesnt resinate with me.
Dear God she nailed it.
Thanks for watching.
This video is such a wealth of information. Thank you so much for synthesizing the information and sharing and putting it online to help others.
You're very welcome!
Thank you so much. This is so far the best video about BPD I’ve found. You address the issue straight to the point scientifically and at the same time give suggestion on how to overcome this. It makes sense to me
You’re so welcome. I am grateful to be pf help and I appreciate you watching the video. Other videos you might be interested in can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=BPD
After 56 years, I finally had to figure out myself with the hell my problem was. I wish that BPD was a thing in the 70s. But now my life has been wasted. I'm old and will be dead soon. It was nice to find out what I had, and I was not alone.
Oh my Goodness
I think this was one of your best trainings yet. Al least for me. You helped me understand things that have puzzled me my entire life! I am so grateful for this. Thank You
You’re so welcome. You’re so welcome. I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video. Other videos you might be interested in can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=BPD
This is high level integrated stuff, Doc, thank you!
You’re most welcome. Thank you gorgeous watching the video
Thank you Dr Snipes for all your informative content, your teaching is very kind and compassionate. Thanks and God bless you ma'am, I have been getting alot from your videos 🙏
You are very welcome
Very nice presentation.Thanks
This is so, so helpful. You are extremely knowledgable. Thank you.
You are so welcome!
Incredible video! You are a true expert! Thank you!
You're very welcome!
Thanks. Your explanation and train of thoughts is so clear to me.
🎉
You’re so welcome. I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it? Other videos you might be interested in can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=BPD
I just got diagnosed with BPD and this video explains what I lived as a child. Makes so much sense now
I am glad it clarified some things. You probably will like the videos on CPTSD
Very nice discussion of the underlying childhood experiences. Thanks
You’re so welcome. Thanks for watching. You can find other videos on BPD at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=BPD
This makes all the puzzle pieces 🧩 fit together so perfectly…..It is important to BREAK THAT CHAIN!
My mom and dad are dead now. But I want to thank them. Thank you both of you for giving me this precious BPD. Thanks for making my life a living hell. Thank you so much.
I am so sorry that happened to you and I appreciate you watching the video. I hope the videos on DBT and the ones on BOD will help: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=DBT
th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=BPD
@@DocSnipes Thank you so much..
I found this to be very informative and educational thank you. 😊 I wish you the best of luck on your mental health videos here on You Tube take care. 😎 You explained very well.
Thank you so much for watching. What tools from the video will you use to address BPD?
thank you Dr.Snipes- I also hate the term 'personality disorder', like you rightfully say- it is an adaptive coping mechanism within the context of childhood/ developmental environment... I really experience that term as a pejorative.
Thanks for watching!
Thank you so much for making this video 💗
I appreciate you watching
Thank you, I didn’t think I can recover but this gives me hope there are brighter days
Thanks for watching.
Great information thank you for sharing this information with us
You’re most welcome. Thanks for watching
Thank you 🙏 Doc Snipes you truly are a breath of fresh air you never seem to amaze me with all your knowledge and insight that I was able to grasp on to and help my neighbor who is elderly so I was talking to his wife and daughter who now has a better understanding only because she has no time to even help herself because she has to care for her mom and dad so I said to myself I took Sunday as my Day to give her the daughter a complete day off so she could just breathe and enjoy on day with her friend
So nice of you. Thanks for watching.
Fantastic video, thank you so much!
Glad it was helpful!
Gosh, the way you speak about it is so validating
Thanks for watching!
Very well done. Thank you!
Thanks for watching.
Very good video, very helpful, thank you.
You’re so welcome. Thank you so much for watching. What was your favorite tip from the video?
@@DocSnipes My daughter, recently turned 15, looks likely to be diagnosed with this. Her behaviour has always been "different" and antisocial with distrust, but has become highly problematic, including at school, in the last few months resulting in two brief in-patient stays. I doubtless have similar behaviours, the mother too, I'm sure you are familiar with the cycle (☹️). To me this resonates with the internal perspective, and between this and another of yours on treatment, helps understand the apparent "adolescent onset", although really I would prefer more time being given to this everywhere - it seems to me the childish coping strategies begin to fail in adolescence, giving grossly escalated behaviours compared with only shortly before. Our immediate problem is how to stop the gross behaviours so we can get a stable enough environment for ongoing work towards a better way of living for all of us.
This was so thorough and spot on (unfortunately). Thank you.
You are so welcome
Thank you for your contribution. I can see a sense of cause and effect scenario. Using Identifying and terminology description is decoding a confused state of mind.
I appreciate your thoughtful comments on the content! ~D
My brother has been battling with crack and heroine addiction for 25 years. Recently ive been thinking he may also have BPD. This was incredibly informative. I really appreciate you taking the time to create this video. I hadnt realised that it was so varied and so significantly linked to childhood experiences. I can also see some of these symptoms in myself although not to the severity that it impacts too negatively on my relationships and life. Anyways, that was cathartic!!! Once again thanks for posting this video 😊
Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
this was so helpful! this is an amazing resource for healing that you won't get in therapy.....
Thank you for watching the video. You can find videos on BPD at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=BPD
What a beautiful person you are doctor!! You are so soft and motherly in explaining everything to us..I wish I could have a person in my life like you, or a therapist like you 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏❤️❤️❤️🥰🥰
Thank you for your kind words and for watching the video
So excited for this.
Thanks for watching.
I was in a relationship with a BPD man. My life became chaos. I wanted to help him so much, but he behaved like I`m his worst enemy. You cannot help a person who doesn`t want to be helped. I ended up visiting a therapist because he literally ruined my life. I know that deep inside he`s a good person, but he will ruin everyone`s life as he doesn`t want to work on himself and solve his problem.
I am sorry that happened to you and I appreciate you watching. What do you think would help you now?
@@DocSnipes I visit my therapist once a week and I had to cut off all contacts with him because he blamed me for all his negative feelings and depression. I also think that he uses his disorder to manipulate with people in order to get what he wants. I no longer want to be a part of that game. It`s so hard but I have to put myself first after all those years....
@@DocSnipes And the worst thing is that I know that he`s not sorry for anything he did to me and his family......He just continues hurting people and blaming them for his mental issues.
Same thing happened to me but im also BPD but i blame my self more than i blame others and my partner has also BPD but he never takes responsability he blames me for everything. So.i suspect that he has BPD and NPD
thank u. great video
You are welcome!
thank you for such a great video
I appreciate you watching. Other videos that might help can be found at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=BPD
Ten years with one and no matter what you do you will be wrong in there eyes.....I only stayed around for two reasons, I loved them and thought they would change. I thought I saw glimpses but alas it was just a fleeting moment to draw me back just to turn on me almost immediately.
No matter how much I read about this condition it doesn't really help me because it doesn't help them. How many moods can a person have in a day! I'm sorry but the only way to live with a bpd is for that person to first acknowledge they have the condition and secondly to use their willpower to change.
Ten years of eggshells and at one point I firmly believed I was the problem.....the control, belitling, sarcastic remarks, vile put downs, never supporting and segrogated me from everyone.
It's a battle leaving when you care for someone but it is the only way to save my sanity and my life
I am sorry you are going through this and I am wishing you peace. Has your partner seen the videos on DBT?
Hi Gary, you are absolutely correct... I just separated from my wife of 41 years. We've had trial separations probably 10 times of varying lengths. She's throwing me out of the house probably about 10 or 12 times, or rather I should say when she dips her toe over that line of emotional Insanity I chose to step aside for a time. I went through a lot of years believing I was the problem and that I would have to suffer the rest of my life for some of my mistakes in the relationship... that's when a counselor I was seeing told me that my description of my relationship with my wife sounded like she might be a covert narcissist. That's when I started doing research into that found out about BPD. That's when I started accepting her for how she was and realizing it was her issue and not mine, so therefore I no longer participated in her delusion of reality. I should have boundary with her last time she tried to throw me out, that if she ever tried to do that again, we will be done. And for about four or five years she never let herself get that deep into her emotional deregulation. But then for some reason it all started back up again and she started going through my mail and she started making accusations... and then one day it happened and as I walked away I felt this joy and this release come over me..
We are not divorced we are still working on our relationship but I no longer have to be there and be the Brunt of all her dysfunction. I can speak more freely and directly and then she has all the time necessary to work through it, and settle down, before we talk about it again with a little more detail and clarification. I'm finding that reviewing certain situations and the thoughts and feelings and emotions perceptions behind it, over and over again she slowly starts to understand her part take ownership and responsibility for it.
I realize that this will probably be a lifelong process for her and I'm in no hurry to get back into the everyday personal relationship. I'm very happy and satisfied to work with her from a distance... hopefully someday we'll find that it's safe to venture into getting back together. But I'm not holding my breath. I have this deep Abiding Love for her. But not at the expense of my own soul.
Thank you Dr. Snipes ❤
You’re most welcome
amazing. Thank you so much
You're very welcome! Thank you for watching
Brilliant. So grateful. 💛🧡💚💜
I am grateful to be of help and I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it? If you’re interested in videos on BPD, you can find them at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=BPD
Thank you for this ❤
You’re so welcome. Thank you for watching the video. What did you find most useful from it?
@@DocSnipes The part of not really trusting others plus more. I had a rough childhood growing up and i don't want to self diagnose myself but your points in this video regarding BPD is spot on in how my lifestyle is.
I'm reaching out for help currently but just watching videos for more understanding on certain personality disorders.
Wow, such a good analysis. I 100% developed an avoidant attachment style, I never knew what it was called, thanks. I tried to find that special someone that would make me feel safe, secure, and whole as a person. When the relationships ultimately broke down, it would devastate me. I gave up 15 years ago and lived mostly in seclusion ever since.
Glad the video was helpful. Thank you for watching it.
Other videos you might be interested in can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=BPD
What if your child had a good childhood. I was involved in all my kids activities, I volunteered at school, I coached sports. I was constantly involved and constantly telling my kids I love them every day. I have a background in Psychology and I have always bent over backwards to make my kids happy. My kids didn’t have a lack of emotionally involved kids. I was a stay at home mom and my kids were my life. So what about kids that didn’t have a bad childhood. I believe hers is hereditary as her biological dad suffered from serious mental illness. I constantly praise my kids and encourage them. So what about the kids that didn’t grow up in a dysfunctional home. How do you help them?
I think that's a tough position to be in and I'm sorry. A bad childhood may not always be to blame. Sometimes children experience the world as a scary place because of their own sensitivities or distortions that go unaddressed. Maybe they experienced some sort of loss early on that really affected them but may not affect the average Joe. Maybe they have experienced prolonged bullying or have had some other experiences that changed them. Or sometimes, there is a lack of emotional attunement between the mother and child, which can be minute, and not for lack of trying, but you just miss each other. It sounds like you care very much about your kids and have been a devoted mother, and have even come here to see how to best be of help to them. That's all you can really do and says a lot about your character. Best wishes. ❤
My daughter has BPD and like you I have been completely devoted to my children. They had a stable childhood. No drugs or alcohol from either parent. No violence or threats of violence. No emotional or sexual abuse. No neglect. My daughter's father however also has BPD. Genetics can play a huge part so please don't blame yourself.
I was confused by this, too. She makes it sound as if abuse and trauma are the only causal factors which doesn’t seem right.
Thanks!!.. pretty much what I go through every day in a nutshell....
Thanks for watching.
I Am Loveable and Capable. My 6th grade teacher taught me that before self esteem was in style!
Thank you Mrs. Laney LMS 1986
:) that’s awesome. It would be awesome if there were more teachers like your 6th grade teacher. Thank you for watching the video
This is what being screamed at murderously daily by my dad did to my brain.. oh it’s been such a long long road..
I am sorry about that. Maybe these videos help: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=DBT
this was good doc snipes
Thanks for watching!
Thank you! ❤️
Can't wait...I have this
I've been fighting mental health for over 39 years. I was placed into a children's psychiatric unit around 6 or 7 years old. I grew up in a dysfunctional home, I have both emotional and behavioural problems. I often feelings of feeling empty, always seeing in black and white, explosive anger, if I have an argument with my wife I often feel like she is gonna leave me, feeling worthless, I always have the feeling of wanting to run, I always go into defensive mode, feel like things are an attack etc. I have attention deficit disorder and minor cerebral palsy, I've done some research into my mental health and come to an idea that I may have both Borderline Personality Disorder and Cyclothymia. Everything I have written down on paper ties in with both these conditions
Sorry for that. We appreciate you watching
I always feelike everything is an attack on me too. I wonder if that's real or not
This is me to a T... Thank you so much for helping me try to understand me. I am 37 and I still struggle with this everyday.
You’re most welcome. I am grateful to be of help. Other videos you might be interested in can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=BPD
Finally found what i wish i heard 5 yrs ago. Thank you for explaining how to respond when a love one says things to you that are so unbelievable. External reinforcement...never even knew that was a thing. I was that without ever knowing it.
Then i became the threat the abuser and many other names. I tried to solve the frantic and unsafe but never could do it . Then i believed that i was doing something wrong all while never realizing that it had nothing to do with me. My wife is awesome and this gives me hope that maybe one day she will see I AM NOT out to hurt her. So hard to love her when she will not except anything from you unless you know what you explained here.
This gives you the ability to have compassion for how terrible she feels. Knowing it is not me who hurt her. Wish she would stumble on this and be able to receive it....
I am sorry you are going through this and I appreciate you taking watching the video and sharing
This so accurately describes my childhood and how i respond and exist now. I have often wondered if it was BPD or CPTSD.
Thanks for watching and for sharing
Doc. Hell has no boundaries when your there. You see the oasis ,run and drive in and end up with a face full of sand. I'm happiest when I'm sadest, sadest when I'm happiest. I was diagnosed in 1988 ,bpd. I have diagnosis of bpd,PTSD, and bipolar and Asperger's has been tossed around. I was sent to a civilian psychiatrist in 1988 that tried to pimp me out knowing I was young and broke at the time. I reported it left and never looked back. I've driven near 4,000,000 miles since. Now that MS has taken that from me, the fuse is lit. I don't know what it's attached to , but I can smell the powder burning. I sit daily calmly, patiently reserving my energy. I know the battles I've faut ,and the energy it has taken. I also know my tank has a hole in well below the level I will need. Just being in my home of 21 years every day,after over 35 years of bags packed and on the go is like an alien world. Life is good ,but it's absolutely terrifying to not have the stress and near impossible schedule on me. Just disced in my 1.5 acre garden that I've kept for years. Ton or two of food turned into the ground. If they come and get it fine ,if not fine. It keeps me sane to put it in and work it best I can. I detest music, but can listen to an engine run all day and night. The chatter of a crowd sends me over the edge ,but a lone voice can lull me to sleep. Some would call me a horder. I have 5 generations if items in my home but very highly organized.
Sorry for being so long winded . I get an hour a month at the VA, but get in the mood to talk sometimes. Don't care who sees it just need to spit it out.
Thanks
Thanks for watching. Wishing you peace, health, and happiness.
Oh, this is such a kind description of BPD. It’s a tornado to be that personality. In the whole world is seemingly stable.
Thanks for watching and for sharing
Looking forward to learning more about this. It seems that individuals whom posses bpd are certain they are not the issue. I hope you cover deflection, defensiveness, and manipulation as a consequence of this personality dsyfunction! Thank you for your time, I love watching your videos.
Most people with BPD have it because they have faced abuse or other trauma in their childhood. There is much more to it than what you’re describing. And I know because I have it.
And people who don’t have it make assumptions like these that aren’t helpful.
@@adorabledeathwish This is an extremely difficult situation to fully described and Dr Snipes is the BEST at explaining.
@@adorabledeathwish just because someone had a difficult childhood doesnt mean they are allowed to abuse others.
@docSnipes Trigger Sunami? WOW Thank you
So spot on
I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it?
Well, that’s some pretty good description of intense emotions and how they originated
Thank you
My daughter has it FOR SURE, she says she had a normal childhood. She hasn't been able to identify any trauma. 1:49 I have been a steadfast support system since she was a teenager. She has suffered and I certainly have to.
@DocSnipes at what point does one, "forgive", accept, and move on when no secure attachment and the life long ramifications?
In addition to identifying it I feel it could be helpful if we talked about how to work with it. Also for the families of loved ones with this is disorder
"For people with BPD to recover, one of the first things they need to do is start releasing that trauma from their body, healing their HPA access, so when they experience threat they don't automatically dysregulate and start functioning in fight or flight mode and functioning in threat evasion"
I would literally give my eye in order to be able to do this.
I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most useful from it? Other videos you might be interested in can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=DBT
@@DocSnipes Is this a bot replying to these comments?
Watching this and tears streaming down my face. I’ve never felt so seen
I appreciate you watching the video
Thank you.
You’re so welcome. I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most helpful from it?
Other videos you might be interested in can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=BPD
and
You’re so welcome. I appreciate you watching the video. What did you find most helpful from it?
I appreciate you watching the video.
Other videos you might be interested in can be found at th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=DBT
@@DocSnipes Ive watched a few of your videos on this subject.
You deliver the information in such a warm caring way. Not from a place of judgement.
Im not sure if i have the condition but i can relate to sa many things explained here. Things mentioned took me 20 years to realise. And it was very eye opening
You don’t necessarily have to have the condition, one can have some traits due to past trauma.
I lovea woman that has BPD. We met about 4 years ago, and she was under the impression that she was only dealing with depression and anxiety. Within the last couple months through searching and researching I stumbled across videos like this and discovered that BPD was what she was facing, instead of the symptoms she had been receiving worthless treatments and therapy for. I attempted to bring this condition up to her, and it only exploded in my face. I was receiving an ever growing anger that turned into pure hatred, because my attempt to help was viewed as only making her look and feel damaged, if not broken and worthless as a human.
My desire was far from it, my intention was to guide her to the realization that she had hope for a recovery if only she would recognize what she really was dealing with, and would begin to seek the treatments she really needed, and would start her journey to recovery.
Maybe one day she will come around and see that I never was her enemy, and she may do something to take care of herself. But how much more damage will she go through, physically (self harm) and emotionally (randomly declaring war on people on social media that call her crazy, and tell her to just kill herself and get it over with)
It's destroying me watching her out of control downward spiral, that's only going to end badly for her, and there's not a single thing I can do about it, outside of watching it all play out from the sideline.
Thanks for the info,be blessed and all in Jesus shalom
You’re so welcome. I appreciate you watching the video. Other videos you might be interested in can be found at: th-cam.com/users/DocSnipessearch?query=BPD
I've recently been diagnosed with BPD, I finally know why I'm the way that I am.
Thank you for watching the video
I was asking Dr Snipe if someone with BPD can stay single for long time as well? Avoiding love? Or end a good relationship out of fear of abandonment? Or if if someone stays alone for long period of time, is it more a CPTSD?
There is a lot of confusion about this personality type. I have it. For example, it is often asserted that we lack empathy and compassion. My empathy and compassion were heightened as a result of this trait as was my intuition. I don’t like the word “disorder”. I simply feel emotions deeper and more intensely than others…..the problem is with the society that discourages or punishes men for showing emotions other than anger. This trait began with depression and suicidal ideation that began in childhood. Both my parents were abusive. I was a really sweet, sensitive, and shy child. The heightened intuition served me well in law enforcement and there is a certain level of fearlessness that comes with this personality trait. My dichotomous thinking (black or white thinking) makes me see things in absolutes….honor, fidelity, truth, service, courage, justice, mercy, etc….I see these virtues as unequivocal and a non-negotiable.
Dr Snipes would you be so kind to make a video oh how to “attempt” to fix your reputation after you’ve healed BPD. I don’t know about anyone else , but I did so much therapy , DBT and counseling only to come back to world where no one likes me
Thanks for watching.
Keep being you..Eventually life shakes things up and people move on from the past..If you have been freed from the bpd, enjoy the peace you now have.
Sometimes we have to love ourselves first and then others will follow suit…You know who you are and the battle of the mind that you have fought..You have victory!
I’m super excited about your healing and it gives hope to us all..
That is me to a T. Just coming 2 understand it and what I suffer from wow. Took over 30 yrs to know this. .... It is a dark trip ... Morbid feeling . Alful plus I have bad PTSD ....and depression...
I am sorry about that and I appreciate you watching.
Thanks
Thanks so much for the support!