Min 7:20 to 7:50... Yes!!! That uncomfortable moment when they just snap out on you like that... When they do that in front of other people & you feel so embarrassed. Or they even get their own children to criticize you. Oh please!!!😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤 Then the flying monkeys tell you that you are just being "sensitive about the whole thing" when you do not want to ever again visit their places or participate in any of their gatherings.
What about the enneagram? I feel like you've described a type 3 and 8 and possibly a 1? Where it's not OCD (over think, anxiety out of fear/worry) when someone tries to be organized otherwise nothing would get done. Or trying to improve themselves because they see where they are "slacking" that that might be the only "peace" predictability in their lives when chaos has caused harm in the past example lost a loved one, osha sets rules because people get hurt on the job and sue, life changing injuries if it was a big enough accident. Building code for fires, etc.
my Life situation, and the one people more powerful than me put me in, requires me to talk bizzarrely, since I have nothing to base my persona on....... but that isn't me lying at all
She's just perfect. They way she talks, her voice and the way she delivers the information in a simple and easy way. I can listen to her for hours. I wish I was her student 😍
Get her audio book, I'm listening to Don't You Know Who I Am?: How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility written and narrated by Ramani S. Durvasula PhD on my Audible app.
SO appreciative she made the distinction between OCD and OCPD. I experienced severe OCD as a teenager and in my early 20s and it was ANYTHING but perfectionistic. Not only was I acutely aware that the compulsions were not in line with societal norms, I was extremely debilitated by them. It's so frustrating when people use language like 'I'm so OCD about that' just because they're orderly or rigid. OCD causes major anxiety and often greatly hinders the day-to-day functioning of the sufferer.
It’s also important to realize that as a sufferer of OCPD, we don’t have it easier. I suffer from depression, anxiety, low self esteem, and frequent panic attacks. When people say ‘I am such a perfectionist’, because being a perfectionist is so involved in OCPD, it can get quite annoying when people say that as well. People don’t realize how tough both OCPD, and although I have never had it, OCD is.
This is so true. I dont know anyone with ocd. What information i have gathered it seems like a debilitating disorder and i feel really sad for anyone who has to go through it. We need to make other people understand that ocd is not something that can be just colloquially used and attributed to just minor quirks in behavior. I wish more was actually being said about it and more people were being made aware of the complexities and the dysfunction it causes in people who suffer from the disease.
@@gracie3403 Absolutely. I am not OCD, but I am an extreme OCPD sufferer. It is so, so, so hard. I am extremely uncomfortable and anxious about how rigid I get with cleanliness inside my home, and I know it affects my relationship with my boyfriend. All this stems back to my being punished as a kid growing up if things weren't perfect around the house -- I would be screamed at, disciplined for.. being a damn kid!!! Now that I'm older and living on my own, I can't let go of those habits. It's too deeply engrained in me, this notion that everything has to be spic and span for me to feel comfortable, and it's pretty debilitating (as Dr. Ramani stated, it leads to lack of productivity).
"They make lists but don't get things done" omg... I feel so seen! The amount of hours I have spent writing and tweaking lists and perfecting them over time but never actually getting the stuff done
Yup. An exhaustingly perfect and complete and logical to do list, followed by exhaustion because of the need to execute it perfectly. We make life very uncomfortable
I dated someone with OCPD. Everything in his house had an EXACT place, it was overly organized to the point it actually made me nervous. He would even take his car apart every Sunday and clean every single part of it and put it all back together and put in new oil, every single Sunday like a religion. Speaking of which we met because we went to the same church, and we broke up because one day I broke my heel coming into the church and because of that we were 2min "late" to his normal time he liked arriving at the church, and there was an elderly couple sitting in "his" pew. He wanted to demand they leave, but I stopped him and told him they were both very old and it wouldn't be fair nor nice to ask them to move, so let's just sit in another seat today, there was plenty of room. He did end up doing it, but was white knuckled the entire time and after mass was over he dumped me because I didn't respect him and couldn't understand how important his was of doing things was to him. I was shocked and hurt at the time, but really looking back it's very easy to see this was an individual who needed more help than I or any average person could give him. I hope he did finally start seeking therapy and is doing well in life, but who knows. I never heard nor saw him again after that day.
Your lucky he dumped you because living with a person who has OCPD is very, very hard. I know first hand because my mom has OCPD and has never looked for help because she thinks her way is the only way. I am 57 yrs and still find dealing with my mom difficult!
He was OCD, not OCPD. My niece is living with a guy who is OCPD. He doesn't want children and does not allow kids into his home except her niece and 2 nephews. His niece and nephews are not allowed in his home. He is a germophobe and nobody can clean anything to his liking. He finds any little thing to poke holes in and his staff is constantly praising him and jumping for him. When he goes home at the end of the day and told to put his shoes away he says to my niece really? He gives the orders and everybody jumps even my niece. He doesn't like the word no because he lives in a bubble because he is very wealthy.
@@man4437 It sounds like OCPD to me. People with OCD usually have rituals of repetitious behaviors, such as hand washing, tapping specific patterns, and things like that. She also said that OCD is more likely to bother the person with OCD while the person with OCPD is more likely to be proud and feel virtuous about it.
Jade Auburn That's what she gets wrong. She oversimplifies it and creates some kind of a strawman. Each person is a different case and there may be individuals who are very lovely and empathic who suffer from this!
@@Analysis_Paralysis One's own issues are never so difficult as we make them. What complicates things is actually playing everyone else's problematic noise in our heads. When drowning out the noise of others, you can hear your inner and true self much better and looking at yourself from the outside, it really IS that simple. This woman is a master! Admit it...and stop being so hard on yourself...which what you just did was projecting your own crap on this woman.
Same. I’m an introvert/empath. But for those truly close to me experiences my rigidness. If they don’t adhere I become distant. It’s kind of messed up but I take as intentional disrespect otherwise. It’s funny how my astrological sign, Taurus, fits the bill. My sis with BPD is a Gemini and we all know the stories when it comes to Gemini’s.
I have OCPD. The way she describes it she makes me feel like I am a terrible person. 😞 it doesn’t always feel good. I have anxiety and depression too. Also, chasing perfection really sucks, I work all time to organize but I also keep things I shouldn’t keep. So it’s a struggle. I’m also a very empathetic person. So who knows. I am not very flexible but I’m not so bad like she explains here. I do notice that when I am going through more issues, my anxiety goes up and I need to control the organization around me more. But I’m not controlling people, although it does come up in my mind, I don’t. I wish she didn’t make us sound like villains.
I felt the same way watching this. Although she explains the disorder very well, there is a negative quality to her description of people with OCPD and the way she believes people view them. Most of us are well-intentioned people who don't want to be this way and are struggling with this disorder. We want love and to be loved. This disorder didn't happen in a vacuum. It likely stems from a bad childhood where we were mistreated, controlled, or neglected, which wasn't discussed here. The patterns of OCPD are our (maladaptive) way of coping with our environments.
I am always in awe of people who are very tidy and organized but notice that attachment can make them anxious just like us slobs suffer from our clutter.
Your analogy about the plastic-covered furniture but no grand children was SO easy to see. Yes, we make things important that shouldn’t be. Thanks to you both.
kyle’s consistent appreciation of making this series and speaking with such an expert is also really heartwarming. she is a star in her field and i’m so glad to live in a time where i have access to these explanations and understandings of a condition i might have is explained in clear and concise detail with such care, and similarly kyle’s genuine enthusiasm and approach towards extrapolating that information is so soothing in a world that heavily stigmatizes these personality disorders. never change, kyle.
My mother! LOL! If we decided to sleep past 10:00 am on a Saturday (and that was the limit), "Breakfast is OVER, the kitchen is closed. You can start Lunch at noon." I raised my children the same way. :/
@@Blue_Azure101 Yes, lol! But it makes sense to me... adhere to the expectations. When you get your OWN, run it the way that YOU want to run it. In the mean time and in-between time, these are my expectations... follow my lead. :/ . You don't have to like it but you should respect it. This helped with dating too. As a teenager, If our dates were more than 15 minutes (too long) late. At just 7:30 p.m.: My mother turned off the porch light, didn't allow us to answer the phone, and when the guy arrived, SHE answered the door, "My daughter is in the bed, GOOD NIGHT." LOL! We were mad at herrrr, but I am glad she taught us to demand respect and to have high-expectations. We laugh about to this today! I LOVE MY Narc MOTHER
@@SecretaryBirdable agree 100%. Being flexible means, being able to understand the other person's situation and being empathetic. That would make life lot easier.
I relate to the time management-rigidness very much. I remember a specific story when I was like 8, my mom raised me by herself but she was very very depressed, she basically never worked, cooked, cleaned, or left her bed, and after a while of none of my teachers meeting a parent or a guardian for me, my teacher sent me home with a note that either my parent/guardian would show up to a PTA appointment or she would have to get CPS involved. So I gave her the note, we had a 9am apt with a teacher of mine, and she said she would go, but at like 8:50am I still could not drag her out of bed and force her to wake up, I remember actually physically dragging her and crying and just being like mom, please, they're gonna take me away if you dont get up. Ever since I was a kid, I've been obssesivelly showing up to places hours and hours ahead of time, waking up for school at like 4am because I was horrified of being late, and even now, in my twenties, that is how I treat all my obligations. Someone being even five minutes late will literally bring me to tears. I cannot mentally handle it. Even if it's like my birthday and I'm supposed to go out and have a good time with friends, if they're late, I will end up sobbing and breaking down. It's kind of ruining my life to be honest, just doing everything so specifically and so much ahead of time than I need to, I literally have no time for myself anymore.
You are heard! I think we develop this because of how are childhood was. My mom was a stay at home mom with no high school diploma or jobs. Then both parents had bad drug addiction. I lived in a rural area and had no options. I’m still dealing with healing and trying to be successful.
I am so sorry you had to go through this. Please try seeking professional help. From what you wrote you had a hard childhood , and you deserve healing and enjoying life ♥️
Omg. I’m sorry you went through that. I felt agony reading it. I felt desperate to help. I hope your mom was able to get up and attend the meeting. But anyway, just know that you’re not the only one. So many of us have traumas. So next time you cry because someone is late, remember me, and know I’m rooting for you while I’m also dealing with my issues. I have ocpd.
My aunt is one. When we got into an argument she told me once how my house was dirty. She had only been to my home on the day I moved. It will always be a mess on the day I'm moving. But it was nice to know how she really felt.
As a person with OCPD, just know some of us aren’t that rude. As much as I hate people being late and such I’m never going to be like that to someone. I take a deep breath and I walk away if I’m really mad. Some people just need therapy to improve upon themselves so they are not assholes.
I came to this video as a diagnosed self perfectionist. It's worth having some compassion for the perfectionist because it can be a terrible affliction. Perfectionism has ruined my life and lead me to a near complete break down. This is not me expecting other people to be perfect but self perfectionism. It can be a debilitating affliction. I've been in therapy for years and on medication sometimes just to get through the week.
I’m definitely married to someone with OCPD. But thankfully, I have some OCPD traits myself, not to his extent but I can have understanding and compassion for it. I think it’s because there is something painful inside due to the desperate level to control
I grew up with my father with OCPD. Never diagnosed but finally I have a word to call it. I thought he was OCD but now learning about it the problem was much deeper and worse to the extent of personality disorder. Man he DESTROYED me. Hyper critical, SUPER ANAL about the stupidest things, super controlling, no mistakes allowed, only his way is the right way, would always have something to intrusively teach about HOW to do things(THE RIGHT WAY), how to put cutleries in the dishwasher, how much water we would use, how long the hot shower should be used(to the point of interrupting my shower to enforce the rule on how much hot water to consume), basically anything which wasn't "productive" was a waste of time, restless, always doing something running up and down the house fixing stuff, obsessive about keeping the humidity level in the rooms monitored and between 50% and 60%, a drop of water spills on the floor in the kitchen is a fucking national emergency, he'd be standing behind me while brushing teeth to switch off the water the moment it wasn't precisely used to rinse the toothbrush. When i was a teen he wouldn't even allow me to make TEA the FUCKIN WAY I LIKED IT and would interrupt me to teach me the "ultimate way to make tea so that you can enjoy it" disregarding the fact that what mattered to me was DOING IT MYSELF in MY WAY. And the list goes on I could write a bible on the number of ABSURD obsession of my father which made my life a living hell because there was NEVER NEVER NEVER peace and relaxation. To this day his house doesn't have a single spot meant for "relaxing" only. What a fucking nightmear. and when I was a kid and would try to rebel I'd be constantly gaslighted that it was "NORMAL" and "how things are supposed to be" even tho as a child I could tell that shit was off for how it made me feel. My father would hide behind him being an "environmentalist" or a "frugal person". Now I know he was fucking mad(with all due love and respect) and he suffocated me. I'm still working on healing the damage cause by the deadly cocktail of him and my covert narcisist mother. Man it was so fucked up. Rest in peace mom.
“Most of us don’t know what to do with it”. I’m not disordered to my understanding but had a father who joked “I’m oc, not ocd” growing up that was also a narcisist. I became an accurate scientific processs over beliefs - tech spot on Know it all who became like an “expert bulldozer” I’ve realized time and time again I’ve been right and if not right shooting in the right direction enough to iterate my self there. Though I remember dating a girl and I did my best to try and be good to her given how I was at the time. I wanted to be good in her eyes etc. I was willing to listen to things, but not willing to budge when it came to makeing decisions in a certain way. I felt kinda embarrassed and conflicted when I asked her about something after we broke up, like she made it seem like I didn’t care about her or what she felt. And honestly I did. In my eyes, I cared enough to make sure we were not doing emotional mistakes. But I felt like a deer in the head lights not knowing what I should have done when she acted like I didn’t care but at the same time I knew that I couldn’t allow us to make the decision in a Non-accurate and logical way. It’s like I didn’t know how to really let go, for fear that we would be headed down a path that unconsciously represented all the pain I grew up with.
One clue that can help distinguish OCPD from OCD is identifying if it agrees with a person's sense of self, and who suffers most because of the disorder. OCPD is ego-syntonic and everyone else suffers the most; OCD is ego-dystonic and the person with the disorder typically suffers the most. It's a bit more complicated, but picking up on this distinction will probably point you in the direction of the right diagnosis. OCPD and OCD can also co-occur in the same individual, btw.
I like the way she talks, so calm and elegant. It takes me more time to get what she's saying since english is not my native language and sometimes she expresses herself with an strange word, so I have to go and look it up but I like it!!
I'll never call myself a perfectionist again....I don't think I'm this bad at all I'm open to to other people's ideas and theories even if I don't believe in it myself
I'm dealing with this and my parents in a big fashion.... appreciate these videos. It is hard to process at times, that it is not me, it is their perfectionism. I see where that trait has passed into my personal life. Working to identify and do things differently.
I could listen Dr. Durvasula taking about walk in the park, and it would still make my day. She is so educated, and her semantics and diction are smooth and on the spot at the same time.
@@jesuschristthesecond lolol so true, to her charming=narcissistic 😂 but she is charming just in a nonmanipulative way. Her charm is genuine and welcoming.
Relatable.Another piece of the jigsaw.Definitely a streak of this in the family.The coldness and apparent lack of empathy.You can see how family members have gravitated towards partners that share the same characteristics as their parents.Not surprising.The difficult thing is that we're talking about traits that are pathologies When you have a cluster of different personality disorders in the family nothing around you is very person-friendly. Thankyou for a very enlightening video.
You should touch more on the "why people are the way they are" angle I think. I feel it would help our understanding a great deal to consider that, someone with this level of rigidity feeling such a deep need to control things and keep everything orderly, probably at one time in their life felt deeply OUT of control. Seems to me that behaviour of this nature is an adaptation of sorts to feeling overwhelmed and anxious and unable to manage easily things that are simple tasks for others. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think I suffer from this sort of perfectionism, certainly feel the need to have all mu ducks in a row, everything orderly. And for me personally, I do this because I don't feel I have a great deal of control in my life. It helps me feel like things are more manageable. In the house where I live with my family, our chaotic and unorganized kitchen is a constant source of stress for me. It makes something so simple as cooking a meal feel like an overwhelming and daunting task.
This video makes me so sad. I have OCPD and videos like this paint us in a bad light. Most of this is ANECDOTAL. Meaning it's all in her personal experience with clients with parts of the OCPD disorder. I can personally say that the people I know with OCPD including me have VARYING levels of the symptoms of OCPD and none of us act the way she describes. That is an example of ONE KIND of OCPD. I wish I could have a phone or video interview with her to discuss this. I want everyone to know that people with OCPD are not monsters and are not unpleasant to be around. So far, the people I know, including myself, are happy, social beings. We are genuine and honest people. Some of us are antisocial, but some of us are incredibly extroverted! Like me! Videos like this make me never want to share that I have this disorder. This is why we don't see therapists!!!
Mariah_Papaya Right!? Your comment actually encouraged me to write my own. I was seriously contemplating if I even had OCPD because I couldn’t relate to the part about treating others negatively / not being able to have good relationships and only caring about having things done my way. So disheartening.
@@swilde3422 Thank you for making your own comment! I'm glad I could encourage that! Just know that if you feel you have OCPD that doesn't mean you're a bad person. Talk to someone about it. Family or therapist. Mine was hereditary, so my father helped me a lot. OCPD at least in my experience makes me a better person because I'm always self aware and self improving. I hope this helps and that you find out if you have it!
She does mention that not everyone who's orderly is necessarily dismissive or disdainful with other people, or has OCPD. I recognize I don't know the first thing about OCPD, so if you guys have been diagnosed, then I humbly retract. I'm just trying to understand what she said, and I noted she did acknowledge that NOT everybody who needs a lot of order in their life has the disorder she describes.
Thank you I appreciate this. I strongly suspect i have it (working to get therapy) only for me I don't try to disregard others, i'm just socially oblivious.
Well, someone’s offended. She’s talking about the extreme cases, or the cases that needed professional help. You may have mild OCPD or some traits from it, but the people she’s describing are very real cases, very real people. She’s not painting anyone in a negative light, she’s just explaining it neutrally. Don’t dismiss these people and this therapist just because you have not experienced what they did. She’s not talking about everyone, she’s not placing everyone in a box, she’s not talking about you. She’s just talking about the general idea of it.
Can OCPD people improve when they retire from work? Since most of their energy is spent on work, what usually happens to their lives when work is no longer a task? I couldn't be more grateful for your existence and help, Dr. Ramani. You are saving my life!❤️
In the case of my stepdad, no. And it's AWFUL! My mom and I work together in the salon she owns and have been struggling to find employees to work the tanning and front desk so he's been filling in a lot. We're grateful but it's getting ridiculous the things he has to control and organize. He even tried to move our hair colors! It's like Don't You Dare Touch Those! WE are the ones who put them exactly how we need them to be for our convenience. We can't spend hours trying to find things you've moved while we have clients waiting. Cameras have went up everywhere! It's an invasion of our clients privacy! There's simply no need for all those cameras and door dinger. It's becoming very uncomfortable. And he's always putting fake customers into the tanning appts so the spots are taken when they try to book online because he's tired and doesn't want to work that late. I'm sorry but people pay for tanning packages and they need to be able to get in after work or on their breaks! It's like he's trying to ruin our business in high speed because he wants my mom to retire with him. I don't think she's going to be able to stand being around him that much cuz she already wants him out of the salon BAD! His need for control is going to ruin their marriage.
My boss is super mega controlling to the point of doing micro management. He fits all the patterns she has highlighted, a very rigid and difficult person as she pointed out. Very smart woman.
"This is not an easy pattern to coexist with." You said it, Dr. Ramani. My landlords are both like this, and it's suffocating and anxiety-inducing to be around. Everything is about rules, orderliness, perfection, and I get texts from the wife almost daily about some new thing to be aware of or something they do or don't want me to do. I call it a stronghold, and I pray they are freed from it one day b/c I can't imagine how this has affected their large and extensive family. I'd move out tomorrow, but there is a housing crisis and it's my only option at the moment.
My mother has OCPD and she has no friends and could not keep a job for very long and none of her children or grandchildren, greatgrandchildren ever go see her. It is miserable to be around her for any length of time, but she also has sadistic narcissistic qualities as well and no one likes her abusive demands or demeanor.
I've experienced shit jobs where Sociopathy and High levels of Narcissism can create that along with a close and emotionally negligent parent/caregiver in one's childhood can cause that. Childhood neglect has fucked up a lot of people who fuck up a lot of people! In America, you have Edmund "Jerry" Brown and Ronald Reagan to thank for the pervasiveness of this because they shut down the state run mental institutions nation wide! Crazy keeps breeding crazy! Now society is in the biggest mess ever since the first insane asylum closed in the early 80's!
My gosh, Dr Ramani. You have described my present husband to a T. I have jumped from a narcisist to an OCPD-man. Thanks, I'll be on the lookout for help for myself.
I had a close friend who committed suicide. She was exactly as you describe. Her mother died when she was six years old, and she had to grow up fast, helping to take care of her father. By our mid thirties, neither of us had married. She was a professor of literature at a college. One day I was visiting her immaculate apartment. She had a shrine to her mother's memory. It held numerous items that had belonged to her mother. It had an eternally burning candle, too. I was looking at one of the items, holding it in my hand (maybe insensitive of me) when she came in from the other room, practically screaming for me to "PUT THAT DOWN AND DON"T TOUCH ANYTHING ON THAT TABLE!! EVER!!!" I apologized, of course. There were many other things I noticed, too many to list. I wondered if our friendship would endure. Many of her students left commentaries on her funeral page online, and I was surprised to learn that she had been reprimanded and threatened with being fired if she didn't develop a more reasonable mindset in her classroom. Most said they'd been bullied, insulted, cursed at, etc., for making a mistake in grammar on a test. They felt as though they were in training to be marines. It was only a college literature class.
When I have everything in order it makes me feel like every day I wake up is a new day and it’s fresh like if everything in my life is in order then everything will go as planned and if someone is late for dinner it’s ok
I think Dr. Ramani is super intelligent in her field of research. I am particularly astonished with her explanations. In this series, I was kind of happy to know the distinction between OCD and OCPD. As a perfectionist myself, I know I suffer a bit from OCPD rather than OCD which is a mental health disorder according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manuel for Mental Disorders (DSM-V).
I can relate so much to this however being an empath I won’t necessarily express my frustration or I’ll do it in a joking manner because I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings but I’m actually very serious. Ugh it’s kind of exhausting. 😩
I do feel that I’m like this with having a clean schedule and look at my clean house and my fridge is labeled but I love it because it gives me a sense of calm. I really think this ties in with my adhd because I forget about responsibilities easily and it makes me stressed out when I’m not like this because a lot of the time when I don’t my adhd feels like it controls my life and I always have in the back of my head like I feel like I’m forgetting a responsibility but idk what it is
I have this too !! But it could also be that the cleaning is an unhealthy coping mechanism which we think is making us feel calm, but it’s not healthy. Just because we think of clean as good and responsible doesn’t mean it’s actually helping us. Not saying you’re doing this but I think sometimes I do that. I go into a hyper focus/ paralysis when I start cleaning or something and reckon it’s to avoid doing stressful tasks that should technically be priority over scrubbing the stove for hours.
This to me describes a control freak. The perfectionist, I understand to be anyone who strives to achieve excellence in any task they take on. The problem they have, is in holding themselves and others to impossible standards. Being dissatisfied with anything less than perfection. I had this problem in my teens, and it didn't take me long to rid myself of this kind of nonsense once I was aware of it.
I became very sick and I’ve been taught through illness that my perfectionism ruined my life. I still miss it and obviously I was aware how much I suffered in life.
Wow Dr. Ramani I like to be organized it helps me to function a little easier and better in my life but I don't PROJECT myself on other people because everyone is different and I grew up military so lots of discipline. And it totaly works for me but unlike the lady that had dinner she didn't have to be so rude and kinda acted superior but that's a new one for me you are a wealth of knowledge. . Seriously good to learn something new
Wow! I've always been told I had OCD and I knew I didn't!! I got chronically ill and now I'm on a healing journey I'm studying to be a coach and were looking at the DSM and this hits me hard! This is the reason I got sick!! I knew it was perfectionism... but everything about OCPD and how I treat others... 100% me! I'm kind of flummoxed! Both my parents have NPD, and I feel this was my coping technique. Control, I don't want to feel out of control. My husband hates my controlling ways, and I've a very strong sense of morals. 0% flexible. Wow!! I admit I've no idea what to do with this. But I have just hired a psychiatrist, so that's probably a good place to start...
Dr. Ramani breaks it all down in easy to understand ways which makes her an excellent teacher. I wanna be like her when I grow up 💗🤓 And Kyle always asks some thought provoking questions. Not to mention such a cutie! Great team!
I can recognize my mum here- (though she has a Lot of friends and is an extrovert). I did the Myers 16 personalities test with her and I was not surprised at all when the results said 'Commander' I was telling her about that type and she agreed with almost everything and she was exceeding proud leader energy, replying with absolute confidence "Yes! Absolutely! I am a dictator and I want to control things and I want things going my way" (of course in a relaxed way, we both found this test pretty fun) (she felt like I was complimenting her :D which I was, I'm just the opposite character). I'm still surprised she's not a leader at her workplace because she has that energy, but she has explained it with "I don't mind because I like my job, and I like doing things my way rather than giving others commands and they can't do anything like the way I need things to be done- in precise order"
My ex, after beating me while violating a protective order, told me he was diagnosed with this condition. He said he would have thoughts running over and over in his head. For example, one time I said, "You're being boring." He said that that thought ran over and over in his head and he needed me "to take it back and apologize" - sometimes the thoughts would happen until finally he would beat me and then I would have to apologize. Can you talk about the violent nature of one with OCPD? How to combat it? We share a child and it's constant litigation. He's not gregarious and he's always trying to hold me in contempt for something only because he "doesn't agree". I really need more information on this, and help to show the people who are involved in the litigation process how devastating this is for me and our son.
Oh wow... this spoke a bit too close to me. I used to be similar to this- always wanting things to be ordered in a certain way, controlling, strict morals etc... but this also did coexist alongside OCD and intrusive thoughts, so perhaps for me, the two were closely linked, despite not being the same thing. Thankfully since going to therapy I'm a lot healthier now. I'm still orderly and have strong morals, but WAY less controlling. I now only become controlling when I'm very stressed out. I've boosted my self-esteem and confidence so I really don't care if everything isn't 'perfect'. 80% and getting the job done is good enough for me haha! Besides, you also get wayyy more done. It's honestly incredibly liberating.
That scenario happened to me with my ex, but he never gave me a time for dinner. So he just assumed I knew that dinner was at 7. So when I called him on my way and he was like "diner's over" and went on about how long it took him to cook it, also told me not to come over, canceled all of our weekends plans. Of course, I apologized. Well at least I know what's going on now. Thanks Dr. Ramani
Holy shit this describes my best friend perfectly. He’s been diagnosed with ocd but all of his symptoms are really just rigidity and control. It gets really annoying to deal with sometimes but this helps me understand it better.
I thought I had OCD until I stumbled upon this video. I would usually be called a perfectionist by my friends and would also get comments like "Not everything in life has to be perfect." Hm.. I might have to do more research in this, because I am suspected to have OCD.. I was diagnosed by a professional psychologist..but.. this definitely brings a new light to me.
I have OCPD and my psychiatrist was very kind explaining that we are all unique in this world and there are variations blended with others. For this person could see that she is very egocentrically to not feel for a person who has high IQ, most OCPD are and are also extra-sensorial and she lacks empathy. We can have empathy to even hope and come closer for the other to grow with us into the heaven. For us perfection is what in Greek Myth represents Heaven a state of perfection. We are many times raised as a Golden Child from a narcissist mother who loves us, as part of her, and sometimes we are simply under her rules. So we have this rules, I thanks my mother for giving me all her love and giving me such a good education. I'm a loving person who came to this world to show others how to be in harmony. If you are aware there is harmony. That is ego-sin-tonic. We are in harmony with others, something she placed in a rudely heart broken manner as if she knows everything, when is she is her self someone to pin as dangerous to trust on everything. Take what you feel is and what's not. Everyone for diner at 6 and if you don't consider other's time you are welcome to eat dessert. So, is fine. Each one has its own rules, this is whom we are. And most of Genius and Successful people have OCPD, most of us do fulfil our tasks and think for the greater in the world, others and around us as part of the pattern. For an extend It felt that this woman studied psychiatric to have licence to talk bad about others in a gossiping manner that is far away from reality and the beauty in all of us. Many us surrender to the occasions and give our selfs to others to make a better place with much tolerance and patience loving people for whom they are and what they can be.
A question I would ask Dr. Ramani would be if any of these symptoms can be confused with someone who is on the autism spectrum? I know that especially for girls and women it can be very hard to diagnose them with autism spectrum disorder unless it is very obvious with them being very high in the spectrum or if they are lower in functioning. With that in mind, I know that people (men or women) who may be harder to diagnose for ASD could also match some of the characteristics of OCPD or any number of other diagnoses like BPD, OCD, GAD, other mood disorders, etc. I am also very passionate about autism studies even though I am only an undergrad, but I think there needs to be more comprehensive and involved testing so those who are dealing with ASD get the help they need and don't end up seeking treatment based on a misguided or inaccurate assessment.
i have aspergers and several family members do too and 100% yes they have overlapping symptoms with many kinds of personality disorders, just as those disorders have overlapping symptoms amongst themselves. it's completely possible to have asd and a personality disorder, too. i know a few people with both, i also potentially have both (my doctors confirmed they agreed), and it definitely is a struggle for them. it's a pain having issues ontop of autism because it's so hard to tell if something is a part of something else, a sign of my autism or simply a mix of both making things worse.
I had some similar thoughts listening to this too.... like how I’ve heard that people who suffer from bulimia struggle with perfectionism... yet, (if I am correct), many times bulimia can manifest from an upbringing with caretakers who demanded perfectionism. This would not be the same as OCPD, would it? The perfectionism would be more inward directed I imagine. Also... a person with ADD may strive to highly control their physical environment to help keep them organized internally and feel uncomfortable when their physical environment is not ‘squared away’. What I’m thinking is... there must be different manifestations, causes and a spectrum of perfectionism that is not being addressed here... as well as if it outward or inward focused or both. Am I wrong?
Fran Lawrence another doc here on TH-cam said that they sometimes coincide. The eating disorders (which I’ve had bulimia that lead to anorexia), asperger’s has been linked, I wondered if I was on the spectrum for decades as I can be incredibly socially inept at times, I blamed it on extreme bashfulness. also... a random symptom/sign that the doc said was that us with OCPD experience higher rates of celibacy. This was one thing I always wondered about myself. Felt relief to know it’s part of my personality (disorder 😏🤷🏽♀️).
I have sisters with Fragile X Syndrome, a genetic development disability, and one sis who also is on the autism spectrum. She has dual diagnoses and has mental health challenges. I can see a lot of her behavior in OCPD and most people with developmental disabilities are very rigid with thinking and perseverate (they rehash the same thing, repeat the same statement, etc). I used to work as an independent life skills instructor for adults with developmental disabilities (DD) and most of my clients had dual diagnoses--meaning they had mental health diagnoses along with their DD. It is fairly common for those on the autism spectrum to experience mental health challenges as well. My sister experiences high anxiety, paranoid thinking, and is also very rigid. She is on medication (and most of my clients were on anti-anxiety meds and some were on a combo of anti-psychotics and mood stabilizers). My sister sees a therapist who specializes in working with clients with dual diagnoses and also sees a psychiatrist who specializes in Fragile X. I would love to see Medline do a series on development disabilities and mental health. It can be very challenging to work and help people with dual diagnoses. I would have a lot of personal insight to share since I have experienced first-hand with family and past clients.
Whooo lived with an ocpd lad in uni... This is helping me come to terms with so much stuff. I felt so awful and helpless that what started out as a promising friendship, ended up as toxic falling out. Kid took an art course of all things, a subject that's very self directed and requires a high degree of flexibility and open mindedness. I understand now why he, despite being a sharp lad, just flunked like a fish out of water. Quit in his second year and went home, but not before we ended up not speaking over... I don't really know. He had a thing about light switches..? But I think it was more that he was extremely emotionally manipulative and controlling, and had very rigid pigeon holes for people which he made no secret of. I'm a very loose and messy person, and I think I just confused and stressed him. I've also dealt with emotional abuse before, and I think I just instinctively withdrew from him. He also ended up taking a lot of drugs, and even went off his anti-depressants deliberately so that they wouldn't interfere with him taking ecstasy and ketamine. I think he knew he was losing the ability to cope. Ended up living back at home with family and I haven't seen a peep off him since. I sometimes think back and hope he's doing alright, because he wasn't a bad kid. Just lost. Real shame.
Regarding inflexibility and rigidity, is OCPD the difference between having a very high set of expectations for oneself vs. ALSO demanding that everyone else follow them too? Time, orderliness, organization, moralism in minor things, etc?
people classify me as OCD but I've never accepted it....I knew I was a perfectionist but not to the point of OCD I feel like people should learn the difference between a perfectionist and someone with OCD :)
Most annoying people are the ones that are unaware oft their adult ADHD bundled with a bit of narcissism. Thinking that being totally unreliable, being always too late, busting all private meetings with something they “forgot”, not sticking to any kind of norms or mutual respectful behaviour is “normal”. They accuse other people of being “OCPD” when being told that they have a pattern there in order to deflect their totally incoherent and chaotic personality style. Energy draining, passive aggressive sympathy seekers.
I just came from Kati Morton’s OCPD video which shed a lot of light on the subject and actually helped me realise that perhaps I do have OCPD as I very much identified with all the points she made; however, this video came across as incredibly biased and paints those with OCPD in such a negative light. I was so confused when Dr Durvasula started describing the negative relationships around those with ocpd. Perhaps the OCPD patients she has dealt with are like she says but personally I am very family orientated and have great interpersonal relationship. Although I, myself, have to “follow the rules” or do things a certain way and sure I would like others to do the same, I know that they won’t nor do I expect them to. This condition is mine, not theirs, and I would never subject others to feeling bad just because I like things a certain way. She’s painted those with ocpd as having narcissistic tendencies which again I find appalling. Having studied psychology, I always thought those who are in that particular field viewed things in an objective way and that we should not be swayed by personal opinions but I guess that’s just human nature. It just goes to show that we should do a heck of a lot more research of our own instead of solely relying on one source. Though I hope the good doctor’s intention was not to portray OCPD sufferers as tyrants; to those reading this, please do not think that those with OCPD lack sympathy, empathy or kindness. They (we) are not heartless robots. (I’m an empath btw) Anyway! Have a lovely day! [If anything I wrote seems weird I apologise, I re-read / re- wrote many times and now I’m just pressing ‘enter’ before I delete it all because I can’t stop obsessing over it 😂]
Yeah, as someone with OCPD who's been working on my symptoms/characteristics/behaviors for a while now I can say while much of this video was accurate, it was really hurtful. I'm NOT a narcissist! And I'll still feed you after six, but in my high OCPD younger days I would have been very upset with you about it. I might not even have said it out loud to you, but you'd know. Anyway, thank you for sharing this perspective. I've felt this way about quite a few of their videos and I'm just sure if the education part is worth the negative stereotypes they're often feeding into.
The term OCPD is very new to me so I wouldn't know its accurate definition, but what is described here sounds a lot like a narcissist weaponizing their orderliness, as the one thing they're good at and makes them feel superior to others (so, basically, it sounds like it could be any other feature or skill, these ones just happen to be especially good at being tidy)... and boy are there a bunch of people like that. She did acknowledge that not everybody who's very orderly is the way she described, so maybe in her book, you guys would have a different diagnosis, or none?
I think the point is that unchecked OCPD is harmful to those around them. Meaning, if they do not seek treatment, they can be very rigid in ways that is damaging to their partners and children. This level of control interferes with relationships. That being said, I can see how it might be regarded as ableist, but I don't think it's biased to state that OCPD affects the people around them in negative ways. I think it's important that people with OCPD are not shamed, but that they do get an opportunity to understand that their disorder affects others negatively. Deadlines at work, children walking on eggshells and developing anxiety, a power imbalance in relationships, etc. She's speaking from her experience, and stating that their control prevents them from seeking treatment, or surrendering to effective treatment. It doesn't mean they are immoral or bad people. That being said, living with OCPD is hard for those who have it, those living with them, and to some degree even the people who are supposed to help them, like therapists. I think this precisely demonstrates how difficult it is.
I think you are what you are because you have the knowledge of psychology. when a person of OCPD didnt have the knowledge of who they really are they tend to think that they are the most right in all things and people cant have another opinion. I myself living with OCPD spouse. the first 3 years she didnt tolerate any lateness, though it is several seconds late..the wet clothes were not properly hang, because it will crumple when it is dry..and when it is dried..it is must taken out immediately and fold it.. I mean, yes, people see it as virtue, but doing it religiously and any defect ritual will be punished by hours of yells and long face...that is another thing.
I have never heard of this. Actually I don’t see how this disorder would ever work because life is so unpredictable and therefore uncontrollable. I have a saying that the best and worst thing about life is how unexpected it is. So many wonderful things have happened but so many challenges and tragedies also have happened and most were things I never expected. How can anyone control their own life without trying to control the world and other people. Maybe I just don’t understand how this works.
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Min 7:20 to 7:50... Yes!!! That uncomfortable moment when they just snap out on you like that... When they do that in front of other people & you feel so embarrassed. Or they even get their own children to criticize you. Oh please!!!😤😤😤😤😤😤😤😤 Then the flying monkeys tell you that you are just being "sensitive about the whole thing" when you do not want to ever again visit their places or participate in any of their gatherings.
What about the enneagram? I feel like you've described a type 3 and 8 and possibly a 1? Where it's not OCD (over think, anxiety out of fear/worry) when someone tries to be organized otherwise nothing would get done. Or trying to improve themselves because they see where they are "slacking" that that might be the only "peace" predictability in their lives when chaos has caused harm in the past example lost a loved one, osha sets rules because people get hurt on the job and sue, life changing injuries if it was a big enough accident. Building code for fires, etc.
The website seems to be not working while i was trying to register. I tried different browsers.
👍❤️
Uuu8u
I love her. Such a wealth of knowledge but in an approachable and non judgemental way. And Kyle is a great host
Same
I love how respectful she is
my Life situation, and the one people more powerful than me put me in, requires me to talk bizzarrely, since I have nothing to base my persona on....... but that isn't me lying at all
I Failed due to having been destroyed by people a lot more powerful than me......
Except for the "emotional support 🐕" in the videos! 🤨
Non -judgemental you believe ? Wake up
She's just perfect. They way she talks, her voice and the way she delivers the information in a simple and easy way. I can listen to her for hours. I wish I was her student 😍
Sahar 92 - I have a crush on her too
Perfect, huh? Interesting choice of words. Might want to get that looked at.
She's a queen.
Get her audio book, I'm listening to Don't You Know Who I Am?: How to Stay Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement, and Incivility written and narrated by Ramani S. Durvasula PhD on my Audible app.
she's ocpd but recognizes and deflates it.
SO appreciative she made the distinction between OCD and OCPD. I experienced severe OCD as a teenager and in my early 20s and it was ANYTHING but perfectionistic. Not only was I acutely aware that the compulsions were not in line with societal norms, I was extremely debilitated by them. It's so frustrating when people use language like 'I'm so OCD about that' just because they're orderly or rigid. OCD causes major anxiety and often greatly hinders the day-to-day functioning of the sufferer.
It’s also important to realize that as a sufferer of OCPD, we don’t have it easier. I suffer from depression, anxiety, low self esteem, and frequent panic attacks. When people say ‘I am such a perfectionist’, because being a perfectionist is so involved in OCPD, it can get quite annoying when people say that as well. People don’t realize how tough both OCPD, and although I have never had it, OCD is.
This is so true. I dont know anyone with ocd. What information i have gathered it seems like a debilitating disorder and i feel really sad for anyone who has to go through it. We need to make other people understand that ocd is not something that can be just colloquially used and attributed to just minor quirks in behavior. I wish more was actually being said about it and more people were being made aware of the complexities and the dysfunction it causes in people who suffer from the disease.
@@gracie3403 Absolutely. I am not OCD, but I am an extreme OCPD sufferer. It is so, so, so hard. I am extremely uncomfortable and anxious about how rigid I get with cleanliness inside my home, and I know it affects my relationship with my boyfriend. All this stems back to my being punished as a kid growing up if things weren't perfect around the house -- I would be screamed at, disciplined for.. being a damn kid!!! Now that I'm older and living on my own, I can't let go of those habits. It's too deeply engrained in me, this notion that everything has to be spic and span for me to feel comfortable, and it's pretty debilitating (as Dr. Ramani stated, it leads to lack of productivity).
..
It's almost like how some people would call anything that is a mental illness "schizophrenia."
"They make lists but don't get things done" omg... I feel so seen! The amount of hours I have spent writing and tweaking lists and perfecting them over time but never actually getting the stuff done
yeah me too, the thing about lack of empathy, it hits hard as I reflect back on some of my actions in the recent past.
Same🤦
Exactly! That stuck out too. Thought they are so controlling they would do it but nope!
Yup. An exhaustingly perfect and complete and logical to do list, followed by exhaustion because of the need to execute it perfectly. We make life very uncomfortable
I dated someone with OCPD. Everything in his house had an EXACT place, it was overly organized to the point it actually made me nervous. He would even take his car apart every Sunday and clean every single part of it and put it all back together and put in new oil, every single Sunday like a religion. Speaking of which we met because we went to the same church, and we broke up because one day I broke my heel coming into the church and because of that we were 2min "late" to his normal time he liked arriving at the church, and there was an elderly couple sitting in "his" pew. He wanted to demand they leave, but I stopped him and told him they were both very old and it wouldn't be fair nor nice to ask them to move, so let's just sit in another seat today, there was plenty of room. He did end up doing it, but was white knuckled the entire time and after mass was over he dumped me because I didn't respect him and couldn't understand how important his was of doing things was to him. I was shocked and hurt at the time, but really looking back it's very easy to see this was an individual who needed more help than I or any average person could give him. I hope he did finally start seeking therapy and is doing well in life, but who knows. I never heard nor saw him again after that day.
You dodged a bullet, sister. Count your blessings.
Your lucky he dumped you because living with a person who has OCPD is very, very hard. I know first hand because my mom has OCPD and has never looked for help because she thinks her way is the only way. I am 57 yrs and still find dealing with my mom difficult!
He was OCD, not OCPD. My niece is living with a guy who is OCPD. He doesn't want children and does not allow kids into his home except her niece and 2 nephews. His niece and nephews are not allowed in his home. He is a germophobe and nobody can clean anything to his liking. He finds any little thing to poke holes in and his staff is constantly praising him and jumping for him. When he goes home at the end of the day and told to put his shoes away he says to my niece really? He gives the orders and everybody jumps even my niece. He doesn't like the word no because he lives in a bubble because he is very wealthy.
Yeah that sounds like OCD not OCPD
@@man4437 It sounds like OCPD to me. People with OCD usually have rituals of repetitious behaviors, such as hand washing, tapping specific patterns, and things like that.
She also said that OCD is more likely to bother the person with OCD while the person with OCPD is more likely to be proud and feel virtuous about it.
Even the dog was like "let me lay down & listen to this, she really knows her stuff."
I love how she explains the topic. She is clear and wise. Very informative.
마나루마리안 And controlling. Might be a psychopath.
I fill some of the criteria but I'm such a people pleaser and super empathetic I only direct these thought patterns at myself.
Jade Auburn Exactly the same here, you are probably Codependent.
are you never pleased with your husband’s decently washed dishes?
Jade Auburn That's what she gets wrong. She oversimplifies it and creates some kind of a strawman. Each person is a different case and there may be individuals who are very lovely and empathic who suffer from this!
@@Analysis_Paralysis One's own issues are never so difficult as we make them. What complicates things is actually playing everyone else's problematic noise in our heads. When drowning out the noise of others, you can hear your inner and true self much better and looking at yourself from the outside, it really IS that simple. This woman is a master! Admit it...and stop being so hard on yourself...which what you just did was projecting your own crap on this woman.
Same. I’m an introvert/empath. But for those truly close to me experiences my rigidness. If they don’t adhere I become distant. It’s kind of messed up but I take as intentional disrespect otherwise. It’s funny how my astrological sign, Taurus, fits the bill. My sis with BPD is a Gemini and we all know the stories when it comes to Gemini’s.
I see Dr.Ramani, I click ❤❤ Thank you again, Medcircle.
I have OCPD. The way she describes it she makes me feel like I am a terrible person. 😞 it doesn’t always feel good. I have anxiety and depression too. Also, chasing perfection really sucks, I work all time to organize but I also keep things I shouldn’t keep. So it’s a struggle. I’m also a very empathetic person. So who knows. I am not very flexible but I’m not so bad like she explains here. I do notice that when I am going through more issues, my anxiety goes up and I need to control the organization around me more. But I’m not controlling people, although it does come up in my mind, I don’t.
I wish she didn’t make us sound like villains.
I agree people like us are the work horses of any company. I see people around me as lazy or dumb
I felt the same way watching this. Although she explains the disorder very well, there is a negative quality to her description of people with OCPD and the way she believes people view them. Most of us are well-intentioned people who don't want to be this way and are struggling with this disorder. We want love and to be loved. This disorder didn't happen in a vacuum. It likely stems from a bad childhood where we were mistreated, controlled, or neglected, which wasn't discussed here. The patterns of OCPD are our (maladaptive) way of coping with our environments.
@@valentinakren8816 There are great workers at companies who don't have this disorder. It sounds like you have a lot of pride and look down on others.
I love how the dog just sits there and chills
So apparently you didn't hear nor learn much from this video.
I am always in awe of people who are very tidy and organized but notice that attachment can make them anxious just like us slobs suffer from our clutter.
Your analogy about the plastic-covered furniture but no grand children was SO easy to see. Yes, we make things important that shouldn’t be. Thanks to you both.
kyle’s consistent appreciation of making this series and speaking with such an expert is also really heartwarming. she is a star in her field and i’m so glad to live in a time where i have access to these explanations and understandings of a condition i might have is explained in clear and concise detail with such care, and similarly kyle’s genuine enthusiasm and approach towards extrapolating that information is so soothing in a world that heavily stigmatizes these personality disorders. never change, kyle.
I've often read and experienced hoarding as a symptom of OCPD
"I said 6. Dinner's done." lol
My mother! LOL! If we decided to sleep past 10:00 am on a Saturday (and that was the limit), "Breakfast is OVER, the kitchen is closed. You can start Lunch at noon." I raised my children the same way. :/
Spectacular Rich Beauty & Brilliance people will just look at you and think who the fck does this b&tch think she is?
@@Blue_Azure101 Yes, lol! But it makes sense to me... adhere to the expectations. When you get your OWN, run it the way that YOU want to run it. In the mean time and in-between time, these are my expectations... follow my lead. :/ . You don't have to like it but you should respect it.
This helped with dating too. As a teenager, If our dates were more than 15 minutes (too long) late. At just 7:30 p.m.: My mother turned off the porch light, didn't allow us to answer the phone, and when the guy arrived, SHE answered the door, "My daughter is in the bed, GOOD NIGHT." LOL! We were mad at herrrr, but I am glad she taught us to demand respect and to have high-expectations. We laugh about to this today! I LOVE MY Narc MOTHER
That part killed me LOL
malachi van haynes yes l get very anxious if people show up late eg 15 min, l wonder how they get to work on time 🌸
To much of anything is an issue. Life is about balance
Balance is another controlling issue. There is no balance in reality. A good life is about flexibility.
@@SecretaryBirdable bulshit mate
moderation
Life is about balancing. Not achieving perfect balance.
@@SecretaryBirdable agree 100%. Being flexible means, being able to understand the other person's situation and being empathetic. That would make life lot easier.
I relate to the time management-rigidness very much. I remember a specific story when I was like 8, my mom raised me by herself but she was very very depressed, she basically never worked, cooked, cleaned, or left her bed, and after a while of none of my teachers meeting a parent or a guardian for me, my teacher sent me home with a note that either my parent/guardian would show up to a PTA appointment or she would have to get CPS involved. So I gave her the note, we had a 9am apt with a teacher of mine, and she said she would go, but at like 8:50am I still could not drag her out of bed and force her to wake up, I remember actually physically dragging her and crying and just being like mom, please, they're gonna take me away if you dont get up. Ever since I was a kid, I've been obssesivelly showing up to places hours and hours ahead of time, waking up for school at like 4am because I was horrified of being late, and even now, in my twenties, that is how I treat all my obligations. Someone being even five minutes late will literally bring me to tears. I cannot mentally handle it. Even if it's like my birthday and I'm supposed to go out and have a good time with friends, if they're late, I will end up sobbing and breaking down. It's kind of ruining my life to be honest, just doing everything so specifically and so much ahead of time than I need to, I literally have no time for myself anymore.
You are heard! I think we develop this because of how are childhood was. My mom was a stay at home mom with no high school diploma or jobs. Then both parents had bad drug addiction. I lived in a rural area and had no options. I’m still dealing with healing and trying to be successful.
My eyes watered while reading your words I so feel you, may you find peace
I am so sorry you had to go through this. Please try seeking professional help. From what you wrote you had a hard childhood , and you deserve healing and enjoying life ♥️
Omg. I’m sorry you went through that. I felt agony reading it. I felt desperate to help. I hope your mom was able to get up and attend the meeting.
But anyway, just know that you’re not the only one. So many of us have traumas. So next time you cry because someone is late, remember me, and know I’m rooting for you while I’m also dealing with my issues. I have ocpd.
Yes it takes md over 2 hours to get ready for work in the morning and 2 hours to get ready for bed 🥹
I see Dr. Ramani, I click the video.
My aunt is one. When we got into an argument she told me once how my house was dirty. She had only been to my home on the day I moved. It will always be a mess on the day I'm moving. But it was nice to know how she really felt.
Love love love Dr Ramani!!! Such a great teacher - thank you!!
I have OCP and OCD. It's super weird and confusing. Really appreciate that they differentiated the both! Always love watching these two. Dr. Ramani ❤️
As a person with OCPD, just know some of us aren’t that rude. As much as I hate people being late and such I’m never going to be like that to someone. I take a deep breath and I walk away if I’m really mad. Some people just need therapy to improve upon themselves so they are not assholes.
I came to this video as a diagnosed self perfectionist. It's worth having some compassion for the perfectionist because it can be a terrible affliction. Perfectionism has ruined my life and lead me to a near complete break down. This is not me expecting other people to be perfect but self perfectionism. It can be a debilitating affliction. I've been in therapy for years and on medication sometimes just to get through the week.
I was a perfectionist about getting a grade
Dr Ramani is such a GOOD teacher! Love videos with her. Kyle's great interview skills makes it even better!
I’m definitely married to someone with OCPD. But thankfully, I have some OCPD traits myself, not to his extent but I can have understanding and compassion for it. I think it’s because there is something painful inside due to the desperate level to control
How the need for control is expressed? Is he controlling towards you as well?
Klicked immediately the second I saw a new video with Dr Ramani
She is magnetic, Perfect explanations on every topic. God bless! :')
I grew up with my father with OCPD. Never diagnosed but finally I have a word to call it. I thought he was OCD but now learning about it the problem was much deeper and worse to the extent of personality disorder. Man he DESTROYED me. Hyper critical, SUPER ANAL about the stupidest things, super controlling, no mistakes allowed, only his way is the right way, would always have something to intrusively teach about HOW to do things(THE RIGHT WAY), how to put cutleries in the dishwasher, how much water we would use, how long the hot shower should be used(to the point of interrupting my shower to enforce the rule on how much hot water to consume), basically anything which wasn't "productive" was a waste of time, restless, always doing something running up and down the house fixing stuff, obsessive about keeping the humidity level in the rooms monitored and between 50% and 60%, a drop of water spills on the floor in the kitchen is a fucking national emergency, he'd be standing behind me while brushing teeth to switch off the water the moment it wasn't precisely used to rinse the toothbrush. When i was a teen he wouldn't even allow me to make TEA the FUCKIN WAY I LIKED IT and would interrupt me to teach me the "ultimate way to make tea so that you can enjoy it" disregarding the fact that what mattered to me was DOING IT MYSELF in MY WAY. And the list goes on I could write a bible on the number of ABSURD obsession of my father which made my life a living hell because there was NEVER NEVER NEVER peace and relaxation. To this day his house doesn't have a single spot meant for "relaxing" only. What a fucking nightmear. and when I was a kid and would try to rebel I'd be constantly gaslighted that it was "NORMAL" and "how things are supposed to be" even tho as a child I could tell that shit was off for how it made me feel. My father would hide behind him being an "environmentalist" or a "frugal person". Now I know he was fucking mad(with all due love and respect) and he suffocated me. I'm still working on healing the damage cause by the deadly cocktail of him and my covert narcisist mother. Man it was so fucked up. Rest in peace mom.
“Most of us don’t know what to do with it”. I’m not disordered to my understanding but had a father who joked “I’m oc, not ocd” growing up that was also a narcisist.
I became an accurate scientific processs over beliefs - tech spot on Know it all who became like an “expert bulldozer” I’ve realized time and time again I’ve been right and if not right shooting in the right direction enough to iterate my self there.
Though I remember dating a girl and I did my best to try and be good to her given how I was at the time. I wanted to be good in her eyes etc. I was willing to listen to things, but not willing to budge when it came to makeing decisions in a certain way. I felt kinda embarrassed and conflicted when I asked her about something after we broke up, like she made it seem like I didn’t care about her or what she felt. And honestly I did. In my eyes, I cared enough to make sure we were not doing emotional mistakes.
But I felt like a deer in the head lights not knowing what I should have done when she acted like I didn’t care but at the same time I knew that I couldn’t allow us to make the decision in a Non-accurate and logical way.
It’s like I didn’t know how to really let go, for fear that we would be headed down a path that unconsciously represented all the pain I grew up with.
One clue that can help distinguish OCPD from OCD is identifying if it agrees with a person's sense of self, and who suffers most because of the disorder. OCPD is ego-syntonic and everyone else suffers the most; OCD is ego-dystonic and the person with the disorder typically suffers the most. It's a bit more complicated, but picking up on this distinction will probably point you in the direction of the right diagnosis. OCPD and OCD can also co-occur in the same individual, btw.
Thank you for this I have ocpd and anxiety. I’ve gone to therapy and that helped alot
Me too.
How can you find a good therapist to help with this?
Me too.
I like the way she talks, so calm and elegant. It takes me more time to get what she's saying since english is not my native language and sometimes she expresses herself with an strange word, so I have to go and look it up but I like it!!
Dr Ramedi is literally amazing. Great teacher too. Her students are very lucky.
I'll never call myself a perfectionist again....I don't think I'm this bad at all
I'm open to to other people's ideas and theories even if I don't believe in it myself
Me too! 🤣 🤣 🤣
🤣 🤣 🤣 im worse
I am a perfectionist and I like things to be orderly and organized. I can't stand dirty, disorganized people and I make no apologies to anyone.
yeah, this gives an all together different view on perfectionism
Finally. I've been waiting for this. Thank you MedCircle for bringing OCPD to discussion
Trying to diagnose myself with a personality disorder by listening to Dr. Ramani
"You never see a sloppy person and say YOU GO!" 😂😂😂😂
Love her so clear
I'm dealing with this and my parents in a big fashion.... appreciate these videos. It is hard to process at times, that it is not me, it is their perfectionism. I see where that trait has passed into my personal life. Working to identify and do things differently.
I could listen Dr. Durvasula taking about walk in the park, and it would still make my day. She is so educated, and her semantics and diction are smooth and on the spot at the same time.
I love her sooo much..She is sooooo charming!!!!!! ❤🌻🌹😘🎀 She is my role model🌹
She is awesome!
Same, she's the reason I subbed here ❤❤
Brilliant psychologist and simply wonderful woman.
The irony in your comment given Dr. Ramani's views about the word 'charming'
@@jesuschristthesecond lolol so true, to her charming=narcissistic 😂 but she is charming just in a nonmanipulative way. Her charm is genuine and welcoming.
I will listen to her always above everyone else when it comes to these topics. Perfection!!!!
Relatable.Another piece of the jigsaw.Definitely a streak of this in the family.The coldness and apparent lack of empathy.You can see how family members have gravitated towards partners that share the same characteristics as their parents.Not surprising.The difficult thing is that we're talking about traits that are pathologies When you have a cluster of different personality disorders in the family nothing around you is very person-friendly. Thankyou for a very enlightening video.
I love her so much and Kyle is absolutely incredible.
Honestly, I would have to say I am a perfectionist. Whenever I do something I always do it perfect. I was just born this way.
You should touch more on the "why people are the way they are" angle I think. I feel it would help our understanding a great deal to consider that, someone with this level of rigidity feeling such a deep need to control things and keep everything orderly, probably at one time in their life felt deeply OUT of control. Seems to me that behaviour of this nature is an adaptation of sorts to feeling overwhelmed and anxious and unable to manage easily things that are simple tasks for others. Maybe I'm wrong, but I think I suffer from this sort of perfectionism, certainly feel the need to have all mu ducks in a row, everything orderly. And for me personally, I do this because I don't feel I have a great deal of control in my life. It helps me feel like things are more manageable. In the house where I live with my family, our chaotic and unorganized kitchen is a constant source of stress for me. It makes something so simple as cooking a meal feel like an overwhelming and daunting task.
very good point
This video makes me so sad. I have OCPD and videos like this paint us in a bad light. Most of this is ANECDOTAL. Meaning it's all in her personal experience with clients with parts of the OCPD disorder. I can personally say that the people I know with OCPD including me have VARYING levels of the symptoms of OCPD and none of us act the way she describes. That is an example of ONE KIND of OCPD. I wish I could have a phone or video interview with her to discuss this. I want everyone to know that people with OCPD are not monsters and are not unpleasant to be around. So far, the people I know, including myself, are happy, social beings. We are genuine and honest people. Some of us are antisocial, but some of us are incredibly extroverted! Like me! Videos like this make me never want to share that I have this disorder. This is why we don't see therapists!!!
Mariah_Papaya Right!? Your comment actually encouraged me to write my own. I was seriously contemplating if I even had OCPD because I couldn’t relate to the part about treating others negatively / not being able to have good relationships and only caring about having things done my way. So disheartening.
@@swilde3422 Thank you for making your own comment! I'm glad I could encourage that! Just know that if you feel you have OCPD that doesn't mean you're a bad person. Talk to someone about it. Family or therapist. Mine was hereditary, so my father helped me a lot. OCPD at least in my experience makes me a better person because I'm always self aware and self improving. I hope this helps and that you find out if you have it!
She does mention that not everyone who's orderly is necessarily dismissive or disdainful with other people, or has OCPD. I recognize I don't know the first thing about OCPD, so if you guys have been diagnosed, then I humbly retract. I'm just trying to understand what she said, and I noted she did acknowledge that NOT everybody who needs a lot of order in their life has the disorder she describes.
Thank you I appreciate this. I strongly suspect i have it (working to get therapy) only for me I don't try to disregard others, i'm just socially oblivious.
Well, someone’s offended.
She’s talking about the extreme cases, or the cases that needed professional help. You may have mild OCPD or some traits from it, but the people she’s describing are very real cases, very real people. She’s not painting anyone in a negative light, she’s just explaining it neutrally. Don’t dismiss these people and this therapist just because you have not experienced what they did.
She’s not talking about everyone, she’s not placing everyone in a box, she’s not talking about you. She’s just talking about the general idea of it.
Can OCPD people improve when they retire from work? Since most of their energy is spent on work, what usually happens to their lives when work is no longer a task? I couldn't be more grateful for your existence and help, Dr. Ramani. You are saving my life!❤️
In the case of my stepdad, no. And it's AWFUL! My mom and I work together in the salon she owns and have been struggling to find employees to work the tanning and front desk so he's been filling in a lot. We're grateful but it's getting ridiculous the things he has to control and organize. He even tried to move our hair colors! It's like Don't You Dare Touch Those! WE are the ones who put them exactly how we need them to be for our convenience. We can't spend hours trying to find things you've moved while we have clients waiting. Cameras have went up everywhere! It's an invasion of our clients privacy! There's simply no need for all those cameras and door dinger. It's becoming very uncomfortable. And he's always putting fake customers into the tanning appts so the spots are taken when they try to book online because he's tired and doesn't want to work that late. I'm sorry but people pay for tanning packages and they need to be able to get in after work or on their breaks! It's like he's trying to ruin our business in high speed because he wants my mom to retire with him. I don't think she's going to be able to stand being around him that much cuz she already wants him out of the salon BAD! His need for control is going to ruin their marriage.
@@j_fitzu damn, that sucks. I send you good thoughts.
My boss is super mega controlling to the point of doing micro management. He fits all the patterns she has highlighted, a very rigid and difficult person as she pointed out. Very smart woman.
"This is not an easy pattern to coexist with." You said it, Dr. Ramani. My landlords are both like this, and it's suffocating and anxiety-inducing to be around. Everything is about rules, orderliness, perfection, and I get texts from the wife almost daily about some new thing to be aware of or something they do or don't want me to do.
I call it a stronghold, and I pray they are freed from it one day b/c I can't imagine how this has affected their large and extensive family. I'd move out tomorrow, but there is a housing crisis and it's my only option at the moment.
Right mam. Very noble service for the Painful people. May Almighty keep U EVERGREEN 🍀, HAPPY, HEALTHY, ENERGETIC Forever. please keep continue.
My mother has OCPD and she has no friends and could not keep a job for very long and none of her children or grandchildren, greatgrandchildren ever go see her. It is miserable to be around her for any length of time, but she also has sadistic narcissistic qualities as well and no one likes her abusive demands or demeanor.
I've experienced shit jobs where Sociopathy and High levels of Narcissism can create that along with a close and emotionally negligent parent/caregiver in one's childhood can cause that. Childhood neglect has fucked up a lot of people who fuck up a lot of people! In America, you have Edmund "Jerry" Brown and Ronald Reagan to thank for the pervasiveness of this because they shut down the state run mental institutions nation wide! Crazy keeps breeding crazy! Now society is in the biggest mess ever since the first insane asylum closed in the early 80's!
My dad has it too. It’s rough.
just like my mother in law..
My gosh, Dr Ramani. You have described my present husband to a T. I have jumped from a narcisist to an OCPD-man. Thanks, I'll be on the lookout for help for myself.
She did a fantastic job describing the disorder. Dr. Ramani is awesome! :)
I had a close friend who committed suicide. She was exactly as you describe. Her mother died when she was six years old, and she had to grow up fast, helping to take care of her father. By our mid thirties, neither of us had married. She was a professor of literature at a college.
One day I was visiting her immaculate apartment. She had a shrine to her mother's memory. It held numerous items that had belonged to her mother. It had an eternally burning candle, too. I was looking at one of the items, holding it in my hand (maybe insensitive of me) when she came in from the other room, practically screaming for me to "PUT THAT DOWN AND DON"T TOUCH ANYTHING ON THAT TABLE!! EVER!!!" I apologized, of course.
There were many other things I noticed, too many to list. I wondered if our friendship would endure.
Many of her students left commentaries on her funeral page online, and I was surprised to learn that she had been reprimanded and threatened with being fired if she didn't develop a more reasonable mindset in her classroom. Most said they'd been bullied, insulted, cursed at, etc., for making a mistake in grammar on a test. They felt as though they were in training to be marines. It was only a college literature class.
When I have everything in order it makes me feel like every day I wake up is a new day and it’s fresh like if everything in my life is in order then everything will go as planned and if someone is late for dinner it’s ok
I think Dr. Ramani is super intelligent in her field of research. I am particularly astonished with her explanations. In this series, I was kind of happy to know the distinction between OCD and OCPD. As a perfectionist myself, I know I suffer a bit from OCPD rather than OCD which is a mental health disorder according to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manuel for Mental Disorders (DSM-V).
I can relate so much to this however being an empath I won’t necessarily express my frustration or I’ll do it in a joking manner because I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings but I’m actually very serious. Ugh it’s kind of exhausting. 😩
she is perfect and amazing, so knowledgeable and articulated. love how she give examples and makes it a safe space for us
Love Dr R!!!!
All I can say is... phewf.
Reading the signs and symptoms is very different from hearing an expert talk about it. Thank you Doctor.
I do feel that I’m like this with having a clean schedule and look at my clean house and my fridge is labeled but I love it because it gives me a sense of calm. I really think this ties in with my adhd because I forget about responsibilities easily and it makes me stressed out when I’m not like this because a lot of the time when I don’t my adhd feels like it controls my life and I always have in the back of my head like I feel like I’m forgetting a responsibility but idk what it is
I have this too !! But it could also be that the cleaning is an unhealthy coping mechanism which we think is making us feel calm, but it’s not healthy. Just because we think of clean as good and responsible doesn’t mean it’s actually helping us. Not saying you’re doing this but I think sometimes I do that. I go into a hyper focus/ paralysis when I start cleaning or something and reckon it’s to avoid doing stressful tasks that should technically be priority over scrubbing the stove for hours.
I love these vids.When I watch anything to do with physcology and or mental health it's like a treat to me.obsessed with them 🖤
You both are so valuable to this world. Love you both.
As always, very informative. I love her videos, I can watch her all day long!
This to me describes a control freak. The perfectionist, I understand to be anyone who strives to achieve excellence in any task they take on. The problem they have, is in holding themselves and others to impossible standards. Being dissatisfied with anything less than perfection. I had this problem in my teens, and it didn't take me long to rid myself of this kind of nonsense once I was aware of it.
The host loves you, and so do I! You're really faboo, thank you for sharing so much ☺️
I became very sick and I’ve been taught through illness that my perfectionism ruined my life. I still miss it and obviously I was aware how much I suffered in life.
Wow Dr. Ramani I like to be organized it helps me to function a little easier and better in my life but I don't PROJECT myself on other people because everyone is different and I grew up military so lots of discipline. And it totaly works for me but unlike the lady that had dinner she didn't have to be so rude and kinda acted superior but that's a new one for me you are a wealth of knowledge. . Seriously good to learn something new
Wow! I've always been told I had OCD and I knew I didn't!! I got chronically ill and now I'm on a healing journey I'm studying to be a coach and were looking at the DSM and this hits me hard!
This is the reason I got sick!! I knew it was perfectionism... but everything about OCPD and how I treat others... 100% me! I'm kind of flummoxed!
Both my parents have NPD, and I feel this was my coping technique. Control, I don't want to feel out of control.
My husband hates my controlling ways, and I've a very strong sense of morals. 0% flexible.
Wow!! I admit I've no idea what to do with this. But I have just hired a psychiatrist, so that's probably a good place to start...
Dr. Ramani breaks it all down in easy to understand ways which makes her an excellent teacher. I wanna be like her when I grow up 💗🤓 And Kyle always asks some thought provoking questions. Not to mention such a cutie! Great team!
This was really awesome 👏 info. I always fig I had a less severe form of OCD ( now I realize it OCPD ). I have lessened the severity of it though. 👏
I can recognize my mum here- (though she has a Lot of friends and is an extrovert). I did the Myers 16 personalities test with her and I was not surprised at all when the results said 'Commander' I was telling her about that type and she agreed with almost everything and she was exceeding proud leader energy, replying with absolute confidence "Yes! Absolutely! I am a dictator and I want to control things and I want things going my way" (of course in a relaxed way, we both found this test pretty fun) (she felt like I was complimenting her :D which I was, I'm just the opposite character). I'm still surprised she's not a leader at her workplace because she has that energy, but she has explained it with "I don't mind because I like my job, and I like doing things my way rather than giving others commands and they can't do anything like the way I need things to be done- in precise order"
Quite the contrast in constructs, I have run into this in family and work envionments.
WOW!! This describes my mom to a T is crazy!! Thank you for this video it has helped me understand my mom
always great information.... as well as explaining it in a way everyone can understand... this is a very relatable subject in my life
Love your show and your famous guest! Thank you so much for doing it!
My ex, after beating me while violating a protective order, told me he was diagnosed with this condition. He said he would have thoughts running over and over in his head. For example, one time I said, "You're being boring." He said that that thought ran over and over in his head and he needed me "to take it back and apologize" - sometimes the thoughts would happen until finally he would beat me and then I would have to apologize. Can you talk about the violent nature of one with OCPD? How to combat it? We share a child and it's constant litigation. He's not gregarious and he's always trying to hold me in contempt for something only because he "doesn't agree". I really need more information on this, and help to show the people who are involved in the litigation process how devastating this is for me and our son.
Oh wow... this spoke a bit too close to me. I used to be similar to this- always wanting things to be ordered in a certain way, controlling, strict morals etc... but this also did coexist alongside OCD and intrusive thoughts, so perhaps for me, the two were closely linked, despite not being the same thing. Thankfully since going to therapy I'm a lot healthier now. I'm still orderly and have strong morals, but WAY less controlling. I now only become controlling when I'm very stressed out. I've boosted my self-esteem and confidence so I really don't care if everything isn't 'perfect'. 80% and getting the job done is good enough for me haha! Besides, you also get wayyy more done. It's honestly incredibly liberating.
Oh my lord... I think this may be my father... I am going to follow this series and see if I some patterns apply.... thank you Dr.Ramani
Finally, been waiting for this video from you guys.. thank you so much.
That scenario happened to me with my ex, but he never gave me a time for dinner. So he just assumed I knew that dinner was at 7. So when I called him on my way and he was like "diner's over" and went on about how long it took him to cook it, also told me not to come over, canceled all of our weekends plans. Of course, I apologized. Well at least I know what's going on now. Thanks Dr. Ramani
Holy shit this describes my best friend perfectly. He’s been diagnosed with ocd but all of his symptoms are really just rigidity and control. It gets really annoying to deal with sometimes but this helps me understand it better.
I thought I had OCD until I stumbled upon this video. I would usually be called a perfectionist by my friends and would also get comments like "Not everything in life has to be perfect." Hm.. I might have to do more research in this, because I am suspected to have OCD.. I was diagnosed by a professional psychologist..but.. this definitely brings a new light to me.
I have OCPD and my psychiatrist was very kind explaining that we are all unique in this world and there are variations blended with others. For this person could see that she is very egocentrically to not feel for a person who has high IQ, most OCPD are and are also extra-sensorial and she lacks empathy.
We can have empathy to even hope and come closer for the other to grow with us into the heaven. For us perfection is what in Greek Myth represents Heaven a state of perfection. We are many times raised as a Golden Child from a narcissist mother who loves us, as part of her, and sometimes we are simply under her rules. So we have this rules, I thanks my mother for giving me all her love and giving me such a good education.
I'm a loving person who came to this world to show others how to be in harmony. If you are aware there is harmony. That is ego-sin-tonic. We are in harmony with others, something she placed in a rudely heart broken manner as if she knows everything, when is she is her self someone to pin as dangerous to trust on everything.
Take what you feel is and what's not. Everyone for diner at 6 and if you don't consider other's time you are welcome to eat dessert. So, is fine. Each one has its own rules, this is whom we are. And most of Genius and Successful people have OCPD, most of us do fulfil our tasks and think for the greater in the world, others and around us as part of the pattern.
For an extend It felt that this woman studied psychiatric to have licence to talk bad about others in a gossiping manner that is far away from reality and the beauty in all of us. Many us surrender to the occasions and give our selfs to others to make a better place with much tolerance and patience loving people for whom they are and what they can be.
A question I would ask Dr. Ramani would be if any of these symptoms can be confused with someone who is on the autism spectrum? I know that especially for girls and women it can be very hard to diagnose them with autism spectrum disorder unless it is very obvious with them being very high in the spectrum or if they are lower in functioning. With that in mind, I know that people (men or women) who may be harder to diagnose for ASD could also match some of the characteristics of OCPD or any number of other diagnoses like BPD, OCD, GAD, other mood disorders, etc.
I am also very passionate about autism studies even though I am only an undergrad, but I think there needs to be more comprehensive and involved testing so those who are dealing with ASD get the help they need and don't end up seeking treatment based on a misguided or inaccurate assessment.
Great question to answer. You MAY have to study and do more extensive research on autism.
i have aspergers and several family members do too and 100% yes they have overlapping symptoms with many kinds of personality disorders, just as those disorders have overlapping symptoms amongst themselves. it's completely possible to have asd and a personality disorder, too. i know a few people with both, i also potentially have both (my doctors confirmed they agreed), and it definitely is a struggle for them.
it's a pain having issues ontop of autism because it's so hard to tell if something is a part of something else, a sign of my autism or simply a mix of both making things worse.
I had some similar thoughts listening to this too.... like how I’ve heard that people who suffer from bulimia struggle with perfectionism... yet, (if I am correct), many times bulimia can manifest from an upbringing with caretakers who demanded perfectionism. This would not be the same as OCPD, would it? The perfectionism would be more inward directed I imagine.
Also... a person with ADD may strive to highly control their physical environment to help keep them organized internally and feel uncomfortable when their physical environment is not ‘squared away’.
What I’m thinking is... there must be different manifestations, causes and a spectrum of perfectionism that is not being addressed here... as well as if it outward or inward focused or both.
Am I wrong?
Fran Lawrence another doc here on TH-cam said that they sometimes coincide. The eating disorders (which I’ve had bulimia that lead to anorexia), asperger’s has been linked, I wondered if I was on the spectrum for decades as I can be incredibly socially inept at times, I blamed it on extreme bashfulness. also... a random symptom/sign that the doc said was that us with OCPD experience higher rates of celibacy. This was one thing I always wondered about myself. Felt relief to know it’s part of my personality (disorder 😏🤷🏽♀️).
I have sisters with Fragile X Syndrome, a genetic development disability, and one sis who also is on the autism spectrum. She has dual diagnoses and has mental health challenges. I can see a lot of her behavior in OCPD and most people with developmental disabilities are very rigid with thinking and perseverate (they rehash the same thing, repeat the same statement, etc). I used to work as an independent life skills instructor for adults with developmental disabilities (DD) and most of my clients had dual diagnoses--meaning they had mental health diagnoses along with their DD. It is fairly common for those on the autism spectrum to experience mental health challenges as well. My sister experiences high anxiety, paranoid thinking, and is also very rigid. She is on medication (and most of my clients were on anti-anxiety meds and some were on a combo of anti-psychotics and mood stabilizers). My sister sees a therapist who specializes in working with clients with dual diagnoses and also sees a psychiatrist who specializes in Fragile X. I would love to see Medline do a series on development disabilities and mental health. It can be very challenging to work and help people with dual diagnoses. I would have a lot of personal insight to share since I have experienced first-hand with family and past clients.
Whooo lived with an ocpd lad in uni... This is helping me come to terms with so much stuff. I felt so awful and helpless that what started out as a promising friendship, ended up as toxic falling out. Kid took an art course of all things, a subject that's very self directed and requires a high degree of flexibility and open mindedness. I understand now why he, despite being a sharp lad, just flunked like a fish out of water. Quit in his second year and went home, but not before we ended up not speaking over... I don't really know. He had a thing about light switches..? But I think it was more that he was extremely emotionally manipulative and controlling, and had very rigid pigeon holes for people which he made no secret of. I'm a very loose and messy person, and I think I just confused and stressed him. I've also dealt with emotional abuse before, and I think I just instinctively withdrew from him.
He also ended up taking a lot of drugs, and even went off his anti-depressants deliberately so that they wouldn't interfere with him taking ecstasy and ketamine. I think he knew he was losing the ability to cope. Ended up living back at home with family and I haven't seen a peep off him since. I sometimes think back and hope he's doing alright, because he wasn't a bad kid. Just lost. Real shame.
Super helpful for my practice. Great applicable info. thank you!!!
Absolutely Awesome Episode
Regarding inflexibility and rigidity, is OCPD the difference between having a very high set of expectations for oneself vs. ALSO demanding that everyone else follow them too? Time, orderliness, organization, moralism in minor things, etc?
people classify me as OCD but I've never accepted it....I knew I was a perfectionist but not to the point of OCD
I feel like people should learn the difference between a perfectionist and someone with OCD :)
Yep. OCPD is different. It's a personality disorder. It can be a learned behavior as opposed to a glitch in the hard wiring we are born with.
Most annoying people are the ones that are unaware oft their adult ADHD bundled with a bit of narcissism. Thinking that being totally unreliable, being always too late, busting all private meetings with something they “forgot”, not sticking to any kind of norms or mutual respectful behaviour is “normal”. They accuse other people of being “OCPD” when being told that they have a pattern there in order to deflect their totally incoherent and chaotic personality style. Energy draining, passive aggressive sympathy seekers.
@@katana5562 Yep ,I Know What You Mean
Its music for my ears listening to beautifuly verbalised thoughts with an excelent melody. Her voice tone is hypnotising. :)
I know people like this and it is difficult, i try to minimize discussions as possible avoid to confront them and tell them YOUR WRONG.
I just came from Kati Morton’s OCPD video which shed a lot of light on the subject and actually helped me realise that perhaps I do have OCPD as I very much identified with all the points she made; however, this video came across as incredibly biased and paints those with OCPD in such a negative light. I was so confused when Dr Durvasula started describing the negative relationships around those with ocpd. Perhaps the OCPD patients she has dealt with are like she says but personally I am very family orientated and have great interpersonal relationship. Although I, myself, have to “follow the rules” or do things a certain way and sure I would like others to do the same, I know that they won’t nor do I expect them to. This condition is mine, not theirs, and I would never subject others to feeling bad just because I like things a certain way. She’s painted those with ocpd as having narcissistic tendencies which again I find appalling.
Having studied psychology, I always thought those who are in that particular field viewed things in an objective way and that we should not be swayed by personal opinions but I guess that’s just human nature. It just goes to show that we should do a heck of a lot more research of our own instead of solely relying on one source. Though I hope the good doctor’s intention was not to portray OCPD sufferers as tyrants; to those reading this, please do not think that those with OCPD lack sympathy, empathy or kindness. They (we) are not heartless robots. (I’m an empath btw) Anyway! Have a lovely day!
[If anything I wrote seems weird I apologise, I re-read / re- wrote many times and now I’m just pressing ‘enter’ before I delete it all because I can’t stop obsessing over it 😂]
Yeah, as someone with OCPD who's been working on my symptoms/characteristics/behaviors for a while now I can say while much of this video was accurate, it was really hurtful. I'm NOT a narcissist! And I'll still feed you after six, but in my high OCPD younger days I would have been very upset with you about it. I might not even have said it out loud to you, but you'd know.
Anyway, thank you for sharing this perspective. I've felt this way about quite a few of their videos and I'm just sure if the education part is worth the negative stereotypes they're often feeding into.
The term OCPD is very new to me so I wouldn't know its accurate definition, but what is described here sounds a lot like a narcissist weaponizing their orderliness, as the one thing they're good at and makes them feel superior to others (so, basically, it sounds like it could be any other feature or skill, these ones just happen to be especially good at being tidy)... and boy are there a bunch of people like that. She did acknowledge that not everybody who's very orderly is the way she described, so maybe in her book, you guys would have a different diagnosis, or none?
I think the point is that unchecked OCPD is harmful to those around them. Meaning, if they do not seek treatment, they can be very rigid in ways that is damaging to their partners and children. This level of control interferes with relationships. That being said, I can see how it might be regarded as ableist, but I don't think it's biased to state that OCPD affects the people around them in negative ways. I think it's important that people with OCPD are not shamed, but that they do get an opportunity to understand that their disorder affects others negatively. Deadlines at work, children walking on eggshells and developing anxiety, a power imbalance in relationships, etc.
She's speaking from her experience, and stating that their control prevents them from seeking treatment, or surrendering to effective treatment.
It doesn't mean they are immoral or bad people. That being said, living with OCPD is hard for those who have it, those living with them, and to some degree even the people who are supposed to help them, like therapists. I think this precisely demonstrates how difficult it is.
I think you are what you are because you have the knowledge of psychology. when a person of OCPD didnt have the knowledge of who they really are they tend to think that they are the most right in all things and people cant have another opinion. I myself living with OCPD spouse. the first 3 years she didnt tolerate any lateness, though it is several seconds late..the wet clothes were not properly hang, because it will crumple when it is dry..and when it is dried..it is must taken out immediately and fold it.. I mean, yes, people see it as virtue, but doing it religiously and any defect ritual will be punished by hours of yells and long face...that is another thing.
Dr Ramani is amazing! Great interview!
Dr Ramani is so amazing! Thank you
Dr. Ramani sets the bar!
I have never heard of this. Actually I don’t see how this disorder would ever work because life is so unpredictable and therefore uncontrollable. I have a saying that the best and worst thing about life is how unexpected it is. So many wonderful things have happened but so many challenges and tragedies also have happened and most were things I never expected. How can anyone control their own life without trying to control the world and other people. Maybe I just don’t understand how this works.