Yes, Erik it is all correct. All. I am infj. I am Avoidant. Lost in thought. Ghosting with Overwhelmed. Needing reassurance. Need communication. Unnecessary helping. Need support in my dreams. Don't tell me what to do. Guide in the relationship, mushy pillow.
I’m always surprised to hear how much other INFJ have these similar feelings! It’s like we all were moulded on the same planet. These feelings I thought no one on earth could feel or understand fully
I'm an INFJ, and the most appreciative thing I love about how a girl loves me is to ask questions about me. To be interested in my life. In my limited experience, the most uplifting thing a girl can do for me when I'm feeling down is to accept me.
Hi! I'm an ENFP. I felt so cared for, surrounded, protected and supported by my INFJ bestie. I don't know if I've ever been so loved! I began to feel insecure because I didn't feel like I had anything of value to offer her. Even if you need very little and are willing to care for another person with Herculean effort and superhuman kindness, please let us know if you are satisfied or if you are not. Your intuition and empathy makes you seemingly clairvoyant! We might not know how to care for you as instinctively, but most of us want to know that you are happy too. I would receive and show appreciation for the care of an INFJ but I wouldn't want to be a burden. I was happy to hear that you need reassurance and words of affirmation. I am her number 1 fan and I literally was a cheerleader! I got that on lock! I'm glad that being a place of comfort and support for another person is rewarding and receiving an authentic person means a lot to INFJs. I seem to have no other choice but to wear my heart on my sleeve. I hope another INFJ comes my way one day...but she will always have a special place in my heart.
INFJ here! My favorite way for anyone to show me love is by reaffirming my strengths and good qualities when I'm struggling to see them myself. Or a nice message out of the blue that shows me they are thinking of me. :)
I‘m an Infj and the thing I appreciate the most, is probably a partner that tries to look behind my surface more often, and not only asks superficial stuff, and when he shows me, that he actually spends time thinking about me and things that I‘d like or just shows real interest for me a person, my personality and stuff, if someone gets what I mean^^‘
My bf is an INFJ. He would nurture me to death, if I let him, and over works. He is very independent! Sometimes I find it hard to gauge what he needs. Personally, I feel empty to be on the recieving end of someone who does everything in the world to make you happy, but asks nothing in return.
Me and my gf, we have conversations where she asks me what I really want and need. When asked, I can answer pretty well, but I usually hold it as secondary
In the end if we're with someone that we truly care deeply about then their happiness is our happiness. Aside from big life altering issues we can usually put the feelings aside and deal with them later. However, if our partner is unhappy then that's when we start to have a minor meltdown. If my partner is happy then for the most part I'm satisfied, I just want the person that I love to feel okay, that's all I've ever really wanted. Sure we can be brooding if we have big decisions or issues looming over us but we'll typically deal with those on our own and retreat for a while, usually the best thing we can receive is reassurance that we've made the right decision or did the right thing, anything to put the worrying mind at ease. Also just asking what we want/need is probably the best way to get it but don't be surprised if you have to ask 2, 3, 4 maybe 5 times. We won't necessarily know what we want/need off the top of our head, we'll definitely have to think about it for a while.
Calico Bonbon I wish you don’t be so hard on yourself. You asked a question, got an answer, implemented it, and learned something from it. Sounds pretty (socially) smart to me. ;))
@@ErikThor Dude you nailed it we can be sure enough difficult to handle for sure thank you for your time and thoughts they help me quite a bit. There is so much please keep making videos i do believe there is hope for us yet.
I am an INFJ. For me its about connection and communication. Words of affirmation, and trust. I am definitely a caregiver type. I love to feel important to my significant other. To feel that I am providing them with what they need in every aspect. But also can feel overwhelmed if pressured and become avoidant. I feel that it is enough for me to know we are on each others team and there is loyalty and soul connection. Even if we are off on our own projects. I enjoy space. Just as much as I enjoy closeness and intimacy. However, i am an overthinker but I must say that I do not outwardly express my thoughts. I can seem calm while internally processing so much. I get stuck in my own head often.
I agree... it makes me very sad as an INFJ that when I’m depressed about my boyfriends actions/words.... he goes to bed and gets to sleep comfortably... while I’m deeply depressed and hurt... because the issue is unresolved. Its not possible for me to sleep when I’m hurt. This very sharp pain I feel physically and emotionally doesn’t go away on its own... it seems to worsen actually... as I now feel slighted even more than before. I always make him feel better when he is upset... and I put a great amount of energy into making sure he’s okay. He says he wants to resolve the issue that I’m upset about... but how can we resolve an issue he’s being dishonest about? Im not content unless an issue resolved... but he refuses to be honest. I end up feeling like I’m being harsh, when in reality I’m not, I want honesty and trust... and it’s being denied to me. I don’t understand how others can do this to someone they are supposed to love. I guess that’s the truth I need to accept. Actions speak louder than words... anyone can claim to love another person... but when their actions don’t align with their words... the truth is evident.
Will Harrison, Astrological Life Coach you should consider that some people need time to process their feelings, to „sleep over it“. So don’t take it personally just because you are a part of the conflict, people deal with emotions differently
I can relate. Reminds me of my relationship with an ISTJ. He could be ruthless with me and then sleep like a baby. I had to take pills in order to sleep beside someone who so clearly disregarded my feelings.
So true. Anxiety can get out of control if our partner adds to it instead of being supportive. We will more than repay the favor! The one thing I hate most is games - someone trying to manipulate with guilt trips, testing, acting like a martyr, cold shoulder instead of talking frankly. Just be real with us! But if you're mad, it's ok to cool off instead of slamming us with it. We can admit we're wrong, and will do what we can to make everyone feel comfortable and appreciated.
Yes, mind games are the worst. But so hard to find someone to not play them with you! At least you can see the ones you mentioned, as opposed to someone's flat-out lying to you.
True. I come off like I don’t need people because I always solve my own things my own way. It’s just what I do. True. I like to be a caregiver so long as recipient isn’t a needy whining mess. True. I like someone who stands apart in a crowd or conversation due to the almost undefinable quality of being different than others but not in an obvious look at me kind of way. True. I have failed in every relationship but I’m undaunted by that and am stout hearted plus by now, 66, how I am serves me well. It ok to fail in other words. Try someone else or something different or something alternative etc.... I realize people don’t get me or get me wrong even and I imagine I do the same thing myself except I have a lot of confidence in my intuition about where a person is coming from. Mostly it’s self serving....myself included. I’m working on that. I’m getting very good at getting g along with people I normally would not have gotten along with because I’m placing them in a bigger picture number one and being more objective. If a person isn’t able to go deep in a conversation I will wear them out. Most people aren’t able.....men especially! Ha ha
Well I'm an ENTJ and I thrive in Deep conversations, I seek those a lot and it's difficult to find or get because i'm around sensing types for the most part. They seem to favor light subjects which is fine for a little while until I get bored of that and need to have something more in depth to talk about because I'm a big pictured person.
Oh the part about getting overwhelmed is accurate for me, I have so many thoughts in my head, that sometimes I can get emotional just because too many things are happening around me
A chance meeting with a girl has activated a lot of my INFJ traits. Took the test back in 2015 and recently, getting to know about myself thanks to her. I get overwhelmed as well like my brain has no “off “ button but can go to low power mode like my Apple Headphones
'Tangled up in thoughts' is something I know well. Just deciding what to eat for lunch is... hard. 😂 "which is most healthy? best price? What do I want to eat? What does the other person want to eat?" sometimes I just end up not eating. Haha 😁
This is amazing. I've recently discovered that I'm an INFJ and I felt so deeply understood by you bc too many people just don't understand me. My favorite way to be loved is by affirmations, physical closeness and being there when I need you. When I'm going through a tough time, I'd like for someone to just hold me, support me and just being there. Thank you for making this video, I appreciate you so much!
9:21 this is definitely true in my case. INFJ here. I am not always blunt or direct in my communications preferring more subtle approaches which include asking people questions that begin with the words how or what. This is a good way for me to figure out with somebody else values.Once I get a sense for a person and realize that they can never meet my needs I slowly start to pull away. This is happening right now with one of my neighbors. In the past I would either forgo my needs or become the caretaker and continue giving to someone in unhealthy ways. I realized that this had to stop and it has. That said, I recently read a book on negotiating which stated in part, the most dangerous negotiation you could be in is the one you don’t realize you’re in.People who are unhealthy for me don’t realize I am actually negotiating with them to improve our relationship. When I’m unsuccessful, and I can see there is no way forward, it’s over.
Awesome video Erik; creepy accurate as usual! Being an INFJ here together for 21 years with an ESTJ I have felt to the bone every word you said in this video. I love how much your eyes are saying while you talk in this video. Keep it up!
I’m INFJ (Introverted 75% iNtuitive 44% Feeling 28% Judging 19%) and the best way for someone to love me (romantic or platonic) is to see the actions and considerations I do for love. To understand that I’m a home body and hate talking on the phone but if that’s a problem talk to me instead of blame me after a fall out because I don’t go out or call enough. Know that if I’m not always calling or coming over that I still deeply love and think of my people very fondly and often. I care enough that if you communicate with me I’m willing to show you more reassurance even if it drains me.
Wait, INFJs don’t have introverted feeling. And I disagree with the “tend to know themselves.” If anything, our capabilities to be a social chameleon makes us question who we are.
As INFJ-T, I like a partner as said is really authentic, they wouldn't need to be trying to perceive or judge us but be open minded and they can be who they are. Because INFJS can play as a mother in support or a father in guiding steps so with this introspective, yes we are one of the most flexible people out there but are easily offended by harsh criticism.
I appreciate verbal support and acknowledgement. I deeply deeply appreciate when someone takes an interest in my intellectual writing pursuits and gives me valuable feedback and supports me in doing what it is I really want to do. That shows me that they love me and respect me and respect my ideas. If I have that I am deeply contented.
I'm an infj and overall I agree with you. You've explained our tendencies as infj very well. For the "what we find attractive" part, maybe it can vary from one person to another in term of the sequence or importance, but overall It's just the same. Like, I myself, because of certain things ive experienced in relationship, now i find these traits attractive 1. Kindness and genuinity. This is the most important above all. And this is the measurement that what makes me able to trust someone. 2. Stable and understanding, to the point where sometimes I can depend on him, talk about my struggle to him and rest when I'm emotionally tired. It's exhausting if I'm always the one who act like the Caregiver and have to be independent all the time. And also because i have trouble with asking for help cause i don't wanna be a burden to others, so yeah, 3. Straightforward, please tell me what do you want directly, so i can adjust :) 4. The one with a lot of energy and enthusiasm. Moreover if he is brave and like to explore. I can absorb people's energy, and as an infj with ESTP subconscious, i actually like to explore things and place. So It's nice to have someone to bring you out of your comfort zone
My favourite way to be loved is to be genuinely apreciated by words and gestures, and also challenged in a loving way. I love to do things for people and for that to be reciprocated in a thoughtful way touches me deeply
My favorite way to be loved by a partner is for their actions towards me. Whether that be cuddling, going out of their way to express their love and affection. What I feel is the best thing a partner could do to cheer me up is simply spending time with me, whether at the park, movie at home, just anything but with that person.
INFJ here: 3 things- 1. I understand the world through art, writing and song, so that’s how I’m going to express my most genuine feelings/emotions. If you can at least just bear with me doing that, we’re fine. 2. I’m very protective (not in a jealous sense). As long as I know you’re ok, and you can check in periodically just to let me know you’re doing fine, I’m good. 3. I deeply appreciate small romantic gestures or if my partner repeats some small detail about something I said. I feel listened to and that’s the best feeling in the whole world.
Thanks man, I'm dealing with an INFJ and she is amazing. I am an ENFJ. I can recall flashbacks from the stuff you said in your video about INFJ, I am pretty sure most of the points you said are highly accurate. Peace.
These things you said are true to me, NI is about possibilities we want to achieve, big picture things in our ideal world, FE is about helping people with their feelings, TI is about what I think of in situations detached from external things, SE is about getting and giving good experiences
I’m dating an INFJ and I’m an ESFJ. There are struggles for us, but I’m a psych nurse too. I’m always researching INFJ information to better understand him. This video was helpful. We’re very different but balance each other out I Feel. 💗
I got to say, maaaan how true this is, like ALL of it! Love it. Could basically save this video and just "show" someone, instead of telling them myself hahha. This ties it all together in just a short video! :D Just det ja! Jag blev intervjuad av en kvinnlig INFJ från USA, "pucokie" igår natt ( började vid 0.30 svensk tid, good stuff, och efter intervjun var slut så snacka vi 1,5 timme till, kanske mer så somna vid sisådär 7 på morgonen, toootally worth it! ). Kom att tänka på dig igår under tiden, men minns inte längre vad det var eller varför, men kan likväl länka intervjun, som verkade vara hennes mest "well-received" än så länge, så kan du kika på den någon gång om du vill. Hon var tillsammans med "Frank James" som du säkert sett på YT någon gång, också INFJ. Du som är definitive master på psykologi och personlighets-ting, vad får du för "vibe" av vilken Enneagram-typ jag är? Jag har tänkt mig själv, efter researchat en del ganska frenetiskt en tid förra året att jag "är" 4w5 eller 5w4, men känns även som jag har något med 2 och 9 till mig också. Slog mig nyligen när jag kom in på att läsa lite Enneagram igen. Videon: th-cam.com/video/PjTu1mlEorI/w-d-xo.html&lc=z22sj5dbowuiipasnacdp434cfghckd24av1lqg41w1w03c010c.1543602588009550 Har förövrigt, efter att ha sett så mycket videos av dig ganska länge nu kommit på mig själv liksom.. "påminnas om dig" i gester, ansiktsuttryck och sådant, "out in real life" om man säger så haha, sudden "insights" som bara kommer ibland. Nog med ramble nu här tror jag! :'D Tack för ännu en värdefull video, hoppas du mår super Erik!
The part around 11 minutes, had to go back to check again where it was, anyway.. It's really so true. That is so insanely valuable, and the other person for "being or doing as such", will to say the least get so, so much back in return for being that individual in an INFJs life. I came to think of ENFPs here, over the course of the video, regarding what we "need" and want, in regards of love, authenticity and such. Of course, it can be ANY type, but I do feel like in MBTI and cognitive function-terms, that very often it could be an ENFP or INFP that has almost like a natural way of "being that individual" in the INFJs life. I don't know, it just got to me. Oh right, one more thing ( well really two, but don't wanna spam all too much :D ) do you use Facebook Erik? Would be nice to have a short chat sometimes, back and forth. Also are you in the Netherlands or in Sweden now, lately?
Wow! Var det en easy tell för dig eller? :) Jag antar att du syftar Sp till "Self presevervation" right? Går det att "läsa ut" vad "den andra delen" kan vara? T.ex Sp/Sx eller Sp/So :) Mellantyp av de alltså, jäklar. Kan jag läsa mer om just det där "mittemellan" någonstans tro? Jag kände verkligen intuitivt, sedan jag direkt började läsa på om Enneagram för något år sedan att jag nästan "visste" att 4 och 5 var sanna för mig. The Magician, indeed. Det är typ vad jag "ser/känner" mig själv som på djupet av mig, min essens typ. Vad har du för Instinctual Varitants? Känns som jag kan ha läst/hört det tidigare men Si-lack är stenhård i de flesta fall hahaha!!
13:01 who is the mushy pillow for us INFJ’s? I feel like I’ve never had someone like that. Although I have been that person for others time and time again.
I believe I'm an INFJ, possibly an ENFP or an INFJ with some ENFP tendencies. . So to answer your question towards the end...I feel most loved when someone remembers much of what I say in our conversations and takes an interest in my interests, music and so on. I guess this is what I do when I take a strong interest in someone. I want to get to know them very deeply so, I study them. Facebook and TH-cam music playlist stalking may occur. 😏 😁
Very accurate video about INFJ. Spot on! My favorite way to be loved is to be appreciated. Honesty is the only thing I know & need the same! Ty Erik Thor for being erudite, observant & excellent orator.
Hey, Erik! I'm an INFJ. All of what you said applies to me except for the ghosting and the not picking up my phone. I'm deeply appreciative of solid emotions support when I'm overwhelmed and I also value people who can be both dreamers and practical thinkers. I do have a hard time asking for help and care 😸 But I'm learning to do it without always considering that inconveniences people. Great video! Thanks!
damn bro, you described me pretty well in the first few minutes, so yeah, I can see why the entp/infj combo is a thing, except maybe I need to build my sympathy/caring side more, if thats something thats strived for. also due to low lighting, huge pupils, ~getting lost in your eyes~ hard to look away~
Jeez man you just made me so sad talking about all the ways to love and support an INFJ. It made me realize how its spot on and how I've never had it. It seems impossible.. I know I'm being sad and junk but i actually am talking to a girl now so eh staying positive haha
I appreciate your thoroughness and really thoughtful analysis. I need my intellectual/creative space but - yes, the affirmation is so important. Being helpful - really helpful to the other person - is the affirmation to one's life energy and not having that assurance in a relationship is devastating. I think INFJs want nurturing soil and true equality - not so much a wrestling over who's paying for the check - it's 'are we both growing into what we want to be?' I think the other hard part for INFJ partners is our need to hermit.
This is spot on, a really focused and accurate video, thank you for this clarification. You asked what is something a partner could do to help when I'm going through a difficult time. I think it's to be there just to listen when I need to bounce thoughts or vent feelings, to realize that I don't want to overwhelm them with thoughts or feelings and to let me know if they see me talking in circles; also to give me space when I need it, and to trust that I will give them the information that they need to know when I'm ready to share it. Also, to be committed to working at good, honest, respectful, supportive, accurate and timely communication really helps when you are dealing with life in general, but especially when you are stressed out.
Dating an INFJ and this is so helpful and seems very spot on! As is this video....so insightful! It's a relatively new relationship and when he's hard to read (which can be often), I've just learned not to take it personally and to patient, support him and be there for him should he eventually feel like opening up. It's not the easiest to do when you don't fully know someone yet especially when he doesn't freely express his feelings for me, but his constant thoughtful, caring and supportive actions, tell me all I need to know for now. The other thing that has been a challenge for me but also incredibly refreshing, is both of us being huge givers. Doing things for people I care about is what makes me happy, so it takes getting used to when someone else also wants to do the same for me.
I've always wondered why I have so few friends. Why people don't seem to understand me. I can be alone for hours on end at a Starbucks with my music and thoughts and be completely content. A number of things you said in this video were completely accurate to my life and made me think of a hurtful past relationship or my parents always trying to push me into some career path that doesn't interest me and even ends up hurting me because they dont believe in what I want and what I know I'm capable of. But I know I'm not the only one. Thank you for this insightful video.
Ricky Constancio Hey I am there too, my parents sort of stopped pushing me now but now it feels like they’ve given up hope in me. I have dreams of doing something with my art and with me feeling that they gave up on me sort of made me think “you know what I’ll just take a plain career to make them happy” brought me to tears saying that but I’m still on the fence 😔
@@Enoc63 I've convinced myself that I'm going to do what I want to do and not what they want me to do. I suggest you do what makes you happy. My love for music and lyrics often influence me. In this case: 🎶If you cut me from my dreams, reconstruct what I am made of, will I only fly like a paper airplane?🎶
At first when I saw this video I thought, "Wow, that is so totally right," and it is a very clearly stated video with a lot of good points. Then I wanted to solidify my own thinking, so I listened to it a couple more times. Some points really stood out and I strongly agreed with them, but I was noticing more and more things I didn't agree with. I think this is a typical INFJ response, to maybe at first be so excited about having things in common with another person that I don't think everything through immediately, but then I always go back and take another look, and start to sort out my own point of view. Other insights might be added along the way thanks to an intuitive inclination to synthesize information. But that tendency to rein in my feelings and think more deeply helps me to have a better sense of confidence in what I actually believe. The video for me is as significant for giving me an insight into my typical thinking matrix as it is about what preferences I have in a relationship. Thanks again for making such an insightful video. I admire your dedication to sorting things out.
Hey, to have that level of self-awareness I think is pretty cool. I notice it's pretty common for INFJs to be critical of one another, well, i think when you meet your own type, you're as happy with the similarities as you are annoyed with the flaws you've already seen in yourself
Thought I was an INFP for sure until a subscriber told me I’m INFJ, which never occurred to me. Having Ti in the tertiary makes more sense to me than Te in the fourth. I’m still learning this stuff.
Hey, like 95% of the commenters, I’m an INFJ :) The way I show I care about the other person is with actions rather than words most of the time. But when I do, it’s not the direct _I love you_ or _I miss you_ but rather it’s *good morning, have you eaten yet, don’t use your phone when you commute, take care, have you taken your vitamins*
I assume there is a powerful draw between INFJs. My ex who is a INFJ cheated on me with my exfriend who is also a INFJ and they moved intogether. They lasted a year...
Wonderful video Erik! Being an INFJ, I totally relate with needing a lot of love than it might appear. I also relate with the piece about wanting to create a healthy environment for our partners. I'm curious to know your take on what happens when an INFJ doesn't achieve creating that happy and healthy environment for our partners.
This guy looks like an ENFJ. ENFJs don't usually feel like extroverts and they enjoy alone time, so they sometimes think they're introverts. The cognitive functions are in a different order than INFJs. Just by the way this guy is talking to the camera.. wide-eyed enjoyment of extraverted feeling instead of the more reserved body language of someone with introverted intuition as the dominant function.. definitely an ENFJ. All types are good. Nature just designs us to specialize in different tasks.
The problem with this assessment is that it's an assessment as to how I appear on camera. I work in customer service and I take on an ENFJ persona frequently to be more enthusiastic than I am in real life. My close friends and those who know me know my energy is a lot more calm and mellow and non-intrusive in the way you'd expect of Fe doms. Otherwise, I see where you are coming from.
I’m an INFJ and I feel like I have been in bad depression mainly because of rejection and not being loved. I always wondered why these things would effect me so greatly, but this video does explain and make sense for my situation
Exact same shoes, makes you question “why don’t they want me” or “why won’t they accept me for who I am” we are all born to love and to be loved, perhaps this time in your life could be moments away from your discovery of a lifetime, finding love. Hold on brother
I am an INFP in the early stages of a relationship (is it a relationship, it could be but she is a wonderful, closed book) with an INFJ. She lives 2,000 miles away so that doesn't help, I am learning I have to be very patient and leave her alone if she shuts down. I am falling for her big time and being INFP I want to tell the world! but I know this would be the last thing she would want so I am tiptoeing for now in the hope she opens up a little more just enough so we can create something very special together. Wish us luck.
I am an out of the box INFJ I never ghost my partner, I am spontaneous and I admit I overthink because I push myself to be a better most authentic version of myself 💯🤣
I agree with this. Few comments, Ill post them as I think of them throughout the video in this same comment so I dont end up spamming your video again like last times. I agree in my relationships I dont think Id too much like someone who doesnt think things out. However I remember a couple things from when I was in a relationship that this reminds me. Regarding both - spontaneity / not thinking things through. For big things/changes I would think and research about the considered change for ages, even years for some things but when I decided I would do something I would do it, stubbornly and unwavering, and my partner, also INFJ would think that I had not thought it through at all because although I would occasionally mention things I was thinking about to him, I wouldnt constantly talk to him about it all the way up to the point of my deciding to do what I wanted. So id say its hard to say whether its really all that easy to judge whether a person has thought about what theyre going to do or not and it could end up being the case that just because a person didnt do things the way we think they should have done them, we adopt the thought that no they must not have thought this through at all- and after having lived with someone constantly saying things like that to me, Ive come to understand how hurtful assuming things like that can be to those close to you, especially if you assume before asking. It feels almost belittling and like its being implied that youre dumb. Not saying youre doing that here but js stuff people can consider when communicating with their partners in these situations. That said, I also noticed this tendency to be comfortable with never being spontaneous or never doing anything even small unplanned and preferring to stay in head for both of us, so I would force myself into being spontaneous to spur the feeling of being uncomfortable and trying to break out my shell a little and make sure I found a way to enjoy the experience though it was highly uncomfortable. However my hubs on the other hand was not able to reciprocate this when I tried to bring him along so a lot of the time id do a lot of fun things on my own. I felt like it was crucial for self growth to force myself to do those things and tbh I think maybe it might be for others as well. I think being uncomfortable on occasion presents opportunity for growth. So far agree highly with the list of unattractive traits apart from needing to specify that
I remember I was the one of us that had to present different options for my hubs. He would get so lost in his head and obsessively locked. He did provide the same for me as well in that aspect but he wasnt very good at words of affirmation when it was needed the most nor at supportive communication and it always felt like I was receiving a lecture and being spoken at rather than with-although I told him directly what I needed and kept trying to help him learn supportive communication so we could have a healthier closer communication in our relationship. And then whenever I tried to pursue my dreams he wasnt supportive more than he was stating things like Youre not doing enough, You should do this this n this instead. Or Do it this way and then he would belittle the work I did do. He got locked into that INFJ parenting role mindset trying to control, telling me what to do and pointing out how everything was wrong based on his ideas of how things should work rather than supportive partner role. More towards the end, at several points I tried to communicate that I believed we werent working out and detail the reasons why so we could work on fixing them together but he would shut down options to improve and refuse alternatives. I eventually left because of feeling unwanted and unappreciated - as you stated, and I felt I was in a partnership of stunted growth/separate paths. I actually ended up having such a hard time getting the emotion out when we split, I wrote a poem about it. Ill share if thats ok. Delete if not ' - ' ;
Thorn of the Sword The silence is deafening...This pain is vast, Oh so limitless, my stupidity, But it is not you I can talk to, for our paths though 1 from the start branched long ago. Although you refuse to see, I can no longer see you, for the distance has grown worlds apart. Before we parted ways, We left each other our arms to give the illusion that we are still on the same path, And though I struggle to break free, yours clasped shut & I cannot escape. For me to escape would open your eyes, & only break you again. For me to open your eyes, you will shatter, For you to realize I stifled my truth, & disallowed many untailored words to part my lips. I only allowed you to hear the altered words, Designed specifically for the purpose of not breaking you. In doing so, I allowed us to live a lie. I fed your illusion, ...your denial. Because everytime I tried to break the illusion with the inevitable thorns of truth, you shut down & again I realized my truth was too much for you to take... So as you walk willingly with the blindfold on, Just know that I have lived protecting you & only allowed this pain inside to grow because my fear of instability was too great. This pain inside was not your fault, It is my own. Soon...inevitably soon, I will shatter your world of illusions against my wish, against your wish, You cannot walk tall when stumbling through life with an illusion of leprechaun's treasures, And as much as I would love to shield you & keep my sword pointed at those who have questioned me, questioned us, Ultimately, I cannot thrive if I live with these lips sown shut & this sword I built to protect our illusion will be raised once more at the one I never wanted to hurt. For you have done so much for me from the start until our paths parted and we took up arms... Its time to lay to rest these defenses, Acknowledge our peace no longer lies in trying to hold on to a memory, but in allowing us with love to walk away & grow... I love you ..
BUTTT that said, good news is after leaving I specified that we would use this split for self work and we'll decide whether or not we're gettin back together after that. As I stated in the poem, my hesitation for leaving, it did break him for some time.. But After several months of calls that broke down into him lashing out at me, and after a particularly hard phone call where I took him down the road and had a barrier break through to addressing some of his insecurities that we couldnt get to work through while together, he put down his anger and blame realized about 5 months after I left, why I left and finally apologized and is now productively using the time for self work as we initially planned and we'll be getting back together sometime this year :) My top 2 love languages are touch/quality time.
Sorry I end up talking a lot on your videos regardless. >_< Your videos just make me so excited that Im able to listen to something that puts to words what Ive observed in myself and my interactions but havent been able to verbalize it myself so I end up detailing experiences to relate instead. Sorry.
As an INFP, in a relationship with INFJ, I have to say your statements are spot on! And a great reminder for me for when I struggle. One key thing I have noticed, though, is if i give options of other ways of tackling am issue, he doesn't seem to appreciate it. Perhaps it is my delivery, which I have been learning how to change or work on 😉 Often times I have to just let him work things out on his own, as frustrating as that is for me.
@@operoverlord thank you for offering...it really varies widely. Anything from tackling a car issue, or how to deal with an employer, ...to how to view what he sees as his own failures or inadequacies. I think, being a very straightforward talking person, I may come off too strong sometimes. And I get frustrated when he takes longer (than I think necessary 😉) to resolve these feelings of failure or to get on with a task. That frustration is hard for me to mask at times. Both of us being empathic can actually be one of the hardest parts of being a couple. There is no real hiding of emotion. He very much tries to deal with things on his own. It is taking years to get him to share what is going on in his mind.
@@tete4now Well, I was taught that everybody does things in their own time. It can be extremely frustrating b/c u can see that it would make their life better, but it wouldn't work if it's forced. It would be unhealthy defeating the purpose of helping them. U can't change anybody, only yourself. U can only control how u respond to his inaction, or indecisiveness. Patience, acceptance, forgiveness, insight are all positive. Impatience, critique, blame are negative.
@@operoverlord exactly. These things I know and recognize 😏. Our relationship has been very rich and fulfilling, with lessons for both of us along the way.
hehe yeah maybe he will appreciate it but at the first Np can stress an INFJ, we just have to process the idea first, we usually warm up to it within a few weeks :)
Hey Erik! Great video, wow!! Do you think an INFJ and a healthy ESFP could be a good match? The ESFP’s authenticity, creativity and spontaneity, coupled with a connection to reality might be a good thing for an INFJ, to bring them out of their heads. Also an ESFP can be good at speaking their minds (sometimes too much speaking, haha!). The way the INFJ wants to support and help, be more organized, work through situations and plan for the future, sounds really good for an ESFP! By the way, I would really love to see a video about the types that would work well with an ESFP. For example do you think an INTJ would be too opposite? Eek! There’s so little content about ESFPs on TH-cam because it seems like most people are exposed to unhealthy ESFPs and don’t think about the positives. Or maybe just because ESFPs are less likely to make Myers Briggs videos 😆
I don't think INTJ is too bad either, but also look at ISFJs and ISTJs, they often admire the ESFPs spontaneity and fun-loving attitude. Very common pairing. :)
Erik Thor Thanks for your reply!! I went on my first date with an INTJ on Tuesday and it went well so I’m staying open minded. He seems like a wonderful person with so much to offer! 😍 But I have this persistent thought in the back of my mind that it could be really difficult to be with someone long-term who doesn’t understand my huge buckets of emotions and might be annoyed by my constant chatter! 😂 Thoughts? Can these opposite types learn to understand each other or will we always be a (potentially annoying) mystery?
I am an INFJ who has had three ESFP love interests. They seem to be the type that really draw me but now as a more mature INFJ, I find that there is not enough depth of emotions and thoughts actually expressed by the ESFP male. I am often left feeling misunderstood and under appreciated for the value I try to bring. Electric attraction that quickly fizzles because the mind connection isn’t there. I could say so much more but I’ll leave it at that. An aloof ESFP really let me down recently. That said I admire their optimism and fearlessness. They are very good at being in the moment.
Great vid! I'm an ENFP who is currently seeing a beutiful INFJ woman.. we get along really well and i don't need to explain too many of my sarcastic jokes she gets em.. My question for you all mighty Thor. Is this relationship good? what should i lookout for? Yo i dont wana be ghosted lol. Anywho awsome vid keep up the hustle! Peace
entp here. based on mbti, infj compatibility is entp. well, entp are very direct, spontaneous, insensitive, and tend to being sarcastic (sometimes) without intentionally being mean. if infj value nice words, politeness, and attention from people and don't like being spontaneous, how could mbti conclude that infj match with entp? 😂😂😂
The more I am in personality types seems the I am INFJ thet I so much wished I am not. Unfortunately I descaverd all these truthful and useful knowledge after meny relationships left behind me. And everything you told is truth, and then you can emegend how difficult is ti find partner. Mostly I call soulmate, becouse we are caring, and I wish for simular, so someone could understand and support, and in thet way we are blowing in each other wings.
@@JosephineMilo You have, naturally with your psyche right now in this experience, a tremendous gift, many actually, that doesn't apply as much to other people. Something unique and you can bring so much value to yourself and the world when you start coming into that of acceptance, self love, letting go more and more of judgments of Self and others and so on. Meditation, mindfulness, music, do your passion and such, like art(s) can be of great help to get to a more neutral space, which is the place where we find clarity and growth potential. Don't want to sit here and preach too much, but seriously, your/our type is an absolute gift to the world, if we start allow that to be, allow the natural flow instead of having the mind and intelligence working against us. I really mean that. Namaste (:
ENTP girl recently interested in an INFJ boy. Will the infj find it attractive or weird if I'm forward with my feelings? Ugh this infj boy is sooo perfect I hope no one discovers this.
Well, I(INTP) haven't met one yet but most of my behaviours seem compatible.... But i'm still thinking if my indifference might not hurt the INFJ... Cuz when i'm angry, i tell harsh truths which are devastating for many.... And I really don't like to hurt ppl.
Just be careful you support the infj, don't take them for granted. Intps can come off as jerks but I dont think they mean to.... at least not all the time😁. Also, Sankalp, infjs can be very brutal with their words too. Me-infj husband-intp. Any relationship takes work, changes over time, and there are so many variables from one infj to another. I know this comment was left a while ago but still wanted to add my 2 cents.
The last girlfriend I had I did everything to please her but she was selfish in bed so I broke up can't do everything and get nothing back pisses me off
I know how you feel mate, I'm 42 and never dated never had a female friend. It's not easy for infj men to be around women as most women have a very entitled attitude today. Most women take one look at us and think we are easy prey, some kind of simp that will do anything for them without having to give anything back. I know what your going through mate :)
Hi eric! I love you!! You flow with an inner understanding. Truly inspirational. I am dating an infj. She is so guarded and frigid. She really likes me...flirts...but scared. 3 months...just kissing. She wants to he aloof to cont r66 ol. I think I have got to punt. I have seen her for 90 days. I reached out after a marriage and 26 years. We hit bnb it bbn off bbn immediately, but she is t hff e same aloof girl I used to k no ow. I'm always at arms length.
I used to date her 26 years ago. I facebooked her...everything looked like we were going to give it a chance, but she is putting up the drawbridge and blocking. No thank you
are most infjs avoidant? im in my first relationship currently and seem to be anxious-secure attachment style while my partner seems to be fearful-avoidant....
Yes, Erik it is all correct. All. I am infj. I am Avoidant. Lost in thought. Ghosting with Overwhelmed. Needing reassurance. Need communication. Unnecessary helping. Need support in my dreams. Don't tell me what to do. Guide in the relationship, mushy pillow.
@Gromph Baenre Mushy pillow!
I’m always surprised to hear how much other INFJ have these similar feelings! It’s like we all were moulded on the same planet. These feelings I thought no one on earth could feel or understand fully
I'm an INFJ, and the most appreciative thing I love about how a girl loves me is to ask questions about me. To be interested in my life. In my limited experience, the most uplifting thing a girl can do for me when I'm feeling down is to accept me.
You hit home so hard
You are right @operoverlord ... thatz what all infjs need. To have some one understanding, by their side...
Isn’t this everyone?
Kris McCauley thanks for taking the edge off Kris
operoverlord1984 Great I was asking INFJ what he was doing and stuff 😂 and saying how great he was so he liked me 😂
Hi! I'm an ENFP. I felt so cared for, surrounded, protected and supported by my INFJ bestie. I don't know if I've ever been so loved! I began to feel insecure because I didn't feel like I had anything of value to offer her. Even if you need very little and are willing to care for another person with Herculean effort and superhuman kindness, please let us know if you are satisfied or if you are not. Your intuition and empathy makes you seemingly clairvoyant! We might not know how to care for you as instinctively, but most of us want to know that you are happy too. I would receive and show appreciation for the care of an INFJ but I wouldn't want to be a burden. I was happy to hear that you need reassurance and words of affirmation. I am her number 1 fan and I literally was a cheerleader! I got that on lock! I'm glad that being a place of comfort and support for another person is rewarding and receiving an authentic person means a lot to INFJs. I seem to have no other choice but to wear my heart on my sleeve. I hope another INFJ comes my way one day...but she will always have a special place in my heart.
INFJ here! My favorite way for anyone to show me love is by reaffirming my strengths and good qualities when I'm struggling to see them myself. Or a nice message out of the blue that shows me they are thinking of me. :)
TRUE!
Oh yess, Words of Affirmation
I’m infj and I love this! Genuine Words of Affirmation and physical touch. I can’t stand manipulators & liars. Deadbeats. Thank you for that.
I‘m an Infj and the thing I appreciate the most, is probably a partner that tries to look behind my surface more often, and not only asks superficial stuff, and when he shows me, that he actually spends time thinking about me and things that I‘d like or just shows real interest for me a person, my personality and stuff, if someone gets what I mean^^‘
My bf is an INFJ. He would nurture me to death, if I let him, and over works. He is very independent! Sometimes I find it hard to gauge what he needs. Personally, I feel empty to be on the recieving end of someone who does everything in the world to make you happy, but asks nothing in return.
Me and my gf, we have conversations where she asks me what I really want and need. When asked, I can answer pretty well, but I usually hold it as secondary
Thank you, I tried this and it worked! -,_,- I am socially stupid!
In the end if we're with someone that we truly care deeply about then their happiness is our happiness. Aside from big life altering issues we can usually put the feelings aside and deal with them later. However, if our partner is unhappy then that's when we start to have a minor meltdown. If my partner is happy then for the most part I'm satisfied, I just want the person that I love to feel okay, that's all I've ever really wanted. Sure we can be brooding if we have big decisions or issues looming over us but we'll typically deal with those on our own and retreat for a while, usually the best thing we can receive is reassurance that we've made the right decision or did the right thing, anything to put the worrying mind at ease.
Also just asking what we want/need is probably the best way to get it but don't be surprised if you have to ask 2, 3, 4 maybe 5 times. We won't necessarily know what we want/need off the top of our head, we'll definitely have to think about it for a while.
Calico Bonbon I wish you don’t be so hard on yourself. You asked a question, got an answer, implemented it, and learned something from it. Sounds pretty (socially) smart to me. ;))
UM YOUR THUMBNAIL FOR THIS VIDEO IS FREAKING ADORABLE!
I knooowww! :D
hahaha i felt inspired
@@ErikThor Dude you nailed it we can be sure enough difficult to handle for sure thank you for your time and thoughts they help me quite a bit. There is so much please keep making videos i do believe there is hope for us yet.
I am an INFJ. For me its about connection and communication. Words of affirmation, and trust. I am definitely a caregiver type. I love to feel important to my significant other. To feel that I am providing them with what they need in every aspect. But also can feel overwhelmed if pressured and become avoidant. I feel that it is enough for me to know we are on each others team and there is loyalty and soul connection. Even if we are off on our own projects. I enjoy space. Just as much as I enjoy closeness and intimacy. However, i am an overthinker but I must say that I do not outwardly express my thoughts. I can seem calm while internally processing so much. I get stuck in my own head often.
I agree... it makes me very sad as an INFJ that when I’m depressed about my boyfriends actions/words.... he goes to bed and gets to sleep comfortably... while I’m deeply depressed and hurt... because the issue is unresolved. Its not possible for me to sleep when I’m hurt. This very sharp pain I feel physically and emotionally doesn’t go away on its own... it seems to worsen actually... as I now feel slighted even more than before. I always make him feel better when he is upset... and I put a great amount of energy into making sure he’s okay. He says he wants to resolve the issue that I’m upset about... but how can we resolve an issue he’s being dishonest about? Im not content unless an issue resolved... but he refuses to be honest. I end up feeling like I’m being harsh, when in reality I’m not, I want honesty and trust... and it’s being denied to me. I don’t understand how others can do this to someone they are supposed to love. I guess that’s the truth I need to accept. Actions speak louder than words... anyone can claim to love another person... but when their actions don’t align with their words... the truth is evident.
Sounds like you need a new partner who's capable of being honest & more considerate.
Will Harrison, Astrological Life Coach you should consider that some people need time to process their feelings, to „sleep over it“. So don’t take it personally just because you are a part of the conflict, people deal with emotions differently
What type is he... I feel this on so many levels
I can relate. Reminds me of my relationship with an ISTJ. He could be ruthless with me and then sleep like a baby. I had to take pills in order to sleep beside someone who so clearly disregarded my feelings.
Funny how this happens to me as an INFP woman dating an INFJ man. 🤔
My wonderful husband is an INFJ and I’m a ISFJ. Love and I’m a very blessed wife.
Love this , I’m an infp and my boyfriend is an infj I’ve never felt so understood and loved in a relationship ❤️
So true. Anxiety can get out of control if our partner adds to it instead of being supportive. We will more than repay the favor! The one thing I hate most is games - someone trying to manipulate with guilt trips, testing, acting like a martyr, cold shoulder instead of talking frankly. Just be real with us! But if you're mad, it's ok to cool off instead of slamming us with it. We can admit we're wrong, and will do what we can to make everyone feel comfortable and appreciated.
Yes, mind games are the worst. But so hard to find someone to not play them with you! At least you can see the ones you mentioned, as opposed to someone's flat-out lying to you.
True. I come off like I don’t need people because I always solve my own things my own way. It’s just what I do. True. I like to be a caregiver so long as recipient isn’t a needy whining mess. True. I like someone who stands apart in a crowd or conversation due to the almost undefinable quality of being different than others but not in an obvious look at me kind of way. True. I have failed in every relationship but I’m undaunted by that and am stout hearted plus by now, 66, how I am serves me well. It ok to fail in other words. Try someone else or something different or something alternative etc.... I realize people don’t get me or get me wrong even and I imagine I do the same thing myself except I have a lot of confidence in my intuition about where a person is coming from. Mostly it’s self serving....myself included. I’m working on that. I’m getting very good at getting g along with people I normally would not have gotten along with because I’m placing them in a bigger picture number one and being more objective. If a person isn’t able to go deep in a conversation I will wear them out. Most people aren’t able.....men especially! Ha ha
Well I'm an ENTJ and I thrive in Deep conversations, I seek those a lot and it's difficult to find or get because i'm around sensing types for the most part. They seem to favor light subjects which is fine for a little while until I get bored of that and need to have something more in depth to talk about because I'm a big pictured person.
Oh the part about getting overwhelmed is accurate for me, I have so many thoughts in my head, that sometimes I can get emotional just because too many things are happening around me
A chance meeting with a girl has activated a lot of my INFJ traits. Took the test back in 2015 and recently, getting to know about myself thanks to her. I get overwhelmed as well like my brain has no “off “ button but can go to low power mode like my Apple Headphones
I appreciate someone who is what they say they are
'Tangled up in thoughts' is something I know well. Just deciding what to eat for lunch is... hard. 😂 "which is most healthy? best price? What do I want to eat? What does the other person want to eat?" sometimes I just end up not eating. Haha 😁
This is amazing. I've recently discovered that I'm an INFJ and I felt so deeply understood by you bc too many people just don't understand me. My favorite way to be loved is by affirmations, physical closeness and being there when I need you. When I'm going through a tough time, I'd like for someone to just hold me, support me and just being there. Thank you for making this video, I appreciate you so much!
River Moonchild I feel that I’m misunderstood 98% of the time
9:21 this is definitely true in my case. INFJ here. I am not always blunt or direct in my communications preferring more subtle approaches which include asking people questions that begin with the words how or what. This is a good way for me to figure out with somebody else values.Once I get a sense for a person and realize that they can never meet my needs I slowly start to pull away. This is happening right now with one of my neighbors. In the past I would either forgo my needs or become the caretaker and continue giving to someone in unhealthy ways. I realized that this had to stop and it has. That said, I recently read a book on negotiating which stated in part, the most dangerous negotiation you could be in is the one you don’t realize you’re in.People who are unhealthy for me don’t realize I am actually negotiating with them to improve our relationship. When I’m unsuccessful, and I can see there is no way forward, it’s over.
Spot on 100%. Being an independent and stubborn unicorn is hard enough, need that mushy pillow when I need to feel vulnerable at times. 😊 Thanks.
Awesome video Erik; creepy accurate as usual! Being an INFJ here together for 21 years with an ESTJ I have felt to the bone every word you said in this video. I love how much your eyes are saying while you talk in this video. Keep it up!
I’m INFJ (Introverted 75% iNtuitive 44% Feeling 28% Judging 19%) and the best way for someone to love me (romantic or platonic) is to see the actions and considerations I do for love. To understand that I’m a home body and hate talking on the phone but if that’s a problem talk to me instead of blame me after a fall out because I don’t go out or call enough. Know that if I’m not always calling or coming over that I still deeply love and think of my people very fondly and often. I care enough that if you communicate with me I’m willing to show you more reassurance even if it drains me.
Wait, INFJs don’t have introverted feeling. And I disagree with the “tend to know themselves.” If anything, our capabilities to be a social chameleon makes us question who we are.
Never mind, I decided there are too many other points to make so I’ll go
Thought the same. INFJ is extroverted feeling. They tend to absorb or take on the feelings of others, correct?
As INFJ-T,
I like a partner as said is really authentic, they wouldn't need to be trying to perceive or judge us but be open minded and they can be who they are. Because INFJS can play as a mother in support or a father in guiding steps so with this introspective, yes we are one of the most flexible people out there but are easily offended by harsh criticism.
I appreciate verbal support and acknowledgement. I deeply deeply appreciate when someone takes an interest in my intellectual writing pursuits and gives me valuable feedback and supports me in doing what it is I really want to do. That shows me that they love me and respect me and respect my ideas. If I have that I am deeply contented.
I'm an infj and overall I agree with you. You've explained our tendencies as infj very well.
For the "what we find attractive" part, maybe it can vary from one person to another in term of the sequence or importance, but overall It's just the same. Like, I myself, because of certain things ive experienced in relationship, now i find these traits attractive
1. Kindness and genuinity. This is the most important above all. And this is the measurement that what makes me able to trust someone.
2. Stable and understanding, to the point where sometimes I can depend on him, talk about my struggle to him and rest when I'm emotionally tired. It's exhausting if I'm always the one who act like the Caregiver and have to be independent all the time. And also because i have trouble with asking for help cause i don't wanna be a burden to others, so yeah,
3. Straightforward, please tell me what do you want directly, so i can adjust :)
4. The one with a lot of energy and enthusiasm. Moreover if he is brave and like to explore. I can absorb people's energy, and as an infj with ESTP subconscious, i actually like to explore things and place. So It's nice to have someone to bring you out of your comfort zone
My favourite way to be loved is to be genuinely apreciated by words and gestures, and also challenged in a loving way. I love to do things for people and for that to be reciprocated in a thoughtful way touches me deeply
My favorite way to be loved by a partner is for their actions towards me. Whether that be cuddling, going out of their way to express their love and affection. What I feel is the best thing a partner could do to cheer me up is simply spending time with me, whether at the park, movie at home, just anything but with that person.
You are appreciated.
INFJ here: 3 things- 1. I understand the world through art, writing and song, so that’s how I’m going to express my most genuine feelings/emotions. If you can at least just bear with me doing that, we’re fine. 2. I’m very protective (not in a jealous sense). As long as I know you’re ok, and you can check in periodically just to let me know you’re doing fine, I’m good. 3. I deeply appreciate small romantic gestures or if my partner repeats some small detail about something I said. I feel listened to and that’s the best feeling in the whole world.
Thanks man, I'm dealing with an INFJ and she is amazing. I am an ENFJ. I can recall flashbacks from the stuff you said in your video about INFJ, I am pretty sure most of the points you said are highly accurate. Peace.
Perfectly spot on, exact accurate perspective. Thank you.
These things you said are true to me, NI is about possibilities we want to achieve, big picture things in our ideal world, FE is about helping people with their feelings, TI is about what I think of in situations detached from external things, SE is about getting and giving good experiences
I’m dating an INFJ and I’m an ESFJ. There are struggles for us, but I’m a psych nurse too. I’m always researching INFJ information to better understand him. This video was helpful. We’re very different but balance each other out I
Feel. 💗
I got to say, maaaan how true this is, like ALL of it! Love it. Could basically save this video and just "show" someone, instead of telling them myself hahha. This ties it all together in just a short video! :D
Just det ja! Jag blev intervjuad av en kvinnlig INFJ från USA, "pucokie" igår natt ( började vid 0.30 svensk tid, good stuff, och efter intervjun var slut så snacka vi 1,5 timme till, kanske mer så somna vid sisådär 7 på morgonen, toootally worth it! ). Kom att tänka på dig igår under tiden, men minns inte längre vad det var eller varför, men kan likväl länka intervjun, som verkade vara hennes mest "well-received" än så länge, så kan du kika på den någon gång om du vill. Hon var tillsammans med "Frank James" som du säkert sett på YT någon gång, också INFJ.
Du som är definitive master på psykologi och personlighets-ting, vad får du för "vibe" av vilken Enneagram-typ jag är? Jag har tänkt mig själv, efter researchat en del ganska frenetiskt en tid förra året att jag "är" 4w5 eller 5w4, men känns även som jag har något med 2 och 9 till mig också. Slog mig nyligen när jag kom in på att läsa lite Enneagram igen.
Videon: th-cam.com/video/PjTu1mlEorI/w-d-xo.html&lc=z22sj5dbowuiipasnacdp434cfghckd24av1lqg41w1w03c010c.1543602588009550
Har förövrigt, efter att ha sett så mycket videos av dig ganska länge nu kommit på mig själv liksom.. "påminnas om dig" i gester, ansiktsuttryck och sådant, "out in real life" om man säger så haha, sudden "insights" som bara kommer ibland.
Nog med ramble nu här tror jag! :'D
Tack för ännu en värdefull video, hoppas du mår super Erik!
The part around 11 minutes, had to go back to check again where it was, anyway.. It's really so true. That is so insanely valuable, and the other person for "being or doing as such", will to say the least get so, so much back in return for being that individual in an INFJs life.
I came to think of ENFPs here, over the course of the video, regarding what we "need" and want, in regards of love, authenticity and such. Of course, it can be ANY type, but I do feel like in MBTI and cognitive function-terms, that very often it could be an ENFP or INFP that has almost like a natural way of "being that individual" in the INFJs life. I don't know, it just got to me.
Oh right, one more thing ( well really two, but don't wanna spam all too much :D ) do you use Facebook Erik? Would be nice to have a short chat sometimes, back and forth. Also are you in the Netherlands or in Sweden now, lately?
I could not agree more.
Du är Sp, The Magician :) En mellantyp mellan 4 och 5!
Wow! Var det en easy tell för dig eller? :)
Jag antar att du syftar Sp till "Self presevervation" right? Går det att "läsa ut" vad "den andra delen" kan vara? T.ex Sp/Sx eller Sp/So :)
Mellantyp av de alltså, jäklar. Kan jag läsa mer om just det där "mittemellan" någonstans tro? Jag kände verkligen intuitivt, sedan jag direkt började läsa på om Enneagram för något år sedan att jag nästan "visste" att 4 och 5 var sanna för mig.
The Magician, indeed. Det är typ vad jag "ser/känner" mig själv som på djupet av mig, min essens typ.
Vad har du för Instinctual Varitants? Känns som jag kan ha läst/hört det tidigare men Si-lack är stenhård i de flesta fall hahaha!!
Och TACK för svaret!! :D
13:01 who is the mushy pillow for us INFJ’s? I feel like I’ve never had someone like that. Although I have been that person for others time and time again.
I believe I'm an INFJ, possibly an ENFP or an INFJ with some ENFP tendencies. . So to answer your question towards the end...I feel most loved when someone remembers much of what I say in our conversations and takes an interest in my interests, music and so on. I guess this is what I do when I take a strong interest in someone. I want to get to know them very deeply so, I study them. Facebook and TH-cam music playlist stalking may occur. 😏 😁
Very accurate video about INFJ. Spot on! My favorite way to be loved is to be appreciated. Honesty is the only thing I know & need the same! Ty Erik Thor for being erudite, observant & excellent orator.
Hey, Erik! I'm an INFJ. All of what you said applies to me except for the ghosting and the not picking up my phone. I'm deeply appreciative of solid emotions support when I'm overwhelmed and I also value people who can be both dreamers and practical thinkers. I do have a hard time asking for help and care 😸 But I'm learning to do it without always considering that inconveniences people. Great video! Thanks!
damn bro, you described me pretty well in the first few minutes, so yeah, I can see why the entp/infj combo is a thing, except maybe I need to build my sympathy/caring side more, if thats something thats strived for. also due to low lighting, huge pupils, ~getting lost in your eyes~ hard to look away~
Jeez man you just made me so sad talking about all the ways to love and support an INFJ. It made me realize how its spot on and how I've never had it. It seems impossible.. I know I'm being sad and junk but i actually am talking to a girl now so eh staying positive haha
Listening to your words and watching all of your deeply familiar emotions was like: "he nailed it." holy crap I am not alone!
I appreciate your thoroughness and really thoughtful analysis. I need my intellectual/creative space but - yes, the affirmation is so important. Being helpful - really helpful to the other person - is the affirmation to one's life energy and not having that assurance in a relationship is devastating. I think INFJs want nurturing soil and true equality - not so much a wrestling over who's paying for the check - it's 'are we both growing into what we want to be?' I think the other hard part for INFJ partners is our need to hermit.
Infj here.
I love when it a girl participates alongside me on a business or art project.
Shocks! Spot on! 😅😂
Kindness and Truthfulness ❤
The idea of falling in love is exhilarating and hellishly scary at the same time as an INFJ.
This is spot on, a really focused and accurate video, thank you for this clarification.
You asked what is something a partner could do to help when I'm going through a difficult time. I think it's to be there just to listen when I need to bounce thoughts or vent feelings, to realize that I don't want to overwhelm them with thoughts or feelings and to let me know if they see me talking in circles; also to give me space when I need it, and to trust that I will give them the information that they need to know when I'm ready to share it. Also, to be committed to working at good, honest, respectful, supportive, accurate and timely communication really helps when you are dealing with life in general, but especially when you are stressed out.
Yes, wait until we are ready to share, and don't pressure us, because then anything we will say will only be a half truth...
Dating an INFJ and this is so helpful and seems very spot on! As is this video....so insightful! It's a relatively new relationship and when he's hard to read (which can be often), I've just learned not to take it personally and to patient, support him and be there for him should he eventually feel like opening up. It's not the easiest to do when you don't fully know someone yet especially when he doesn't freely express his feelings for me, but his constant thoughtful, caring and supportive actions, tell me all I need to know for now. The other thing that has been a challenge for me but also incredibly refreshing, is both of us being huge givers. Doing things for people I care about is what makes me happy, so it takes getting used to when someone else also wants to do the same for me.
I've always wondered why I have so few friends. Why people don't seem to understand me. I can be alone for hours on end at a Starbucks with my music and thoughts and be completely content. A number of things you said in this video were completely accurate to my life and made me think of a hurtful past relationship or my parents always trying to push me into some career path that doesn't interest me and even ends up hurting me because they dont believe in what I want and what I know I'm capable of. But I know I'm not the only one. Thank you for this insightful video.
Ricky Constancio Hey I am there too, my parents sort of stopped pushing me now but now it feels like they’ve given up hope in me. I have dreams of doing something with my art and with me feeling that they gave up on me sort of made me think “you know what I’ll just take a plain career to make them happy” brought me to tears saying that but I’m still on the fence 😔
@@Enoc63 I've convinced myself that I'm going to do what I want to do and not what they want me to do. I suggest you do what makes you happy. My love for music and lyrics often influence me. In this case:
🎶If you cut me from my dreams,
reconstruct what I am made of,
will I only fly like a paper airplane?🎶
Ricky Constancio those lyrics are exactly right
At first when I saw this video I thought, "Wow, that is so totally right," and it is a very clearly stated video with a lot of good points. Then I wanted to solidify my own thinking, so I listened to it a couple more times. Some points really stood out and I strongly agreed with them, but I was noticing more and more things I didn't agree with. I think this is a typical INFJ response, to maybe at first be so excited about having things in common with another person that I don't think everything through immediately, but then I always go back and take another look, and start to sort out my own point of view. Other insights might be added along the way thanks to an intuitive inclination to synthesize information. But that tendency to rein in my feelings and think more deeply helps me to have a better sense of confidence in what I actually believe. The video for me is as significant for giving me an insight into my typical thinking matrix as it is about what preferences I have in a relationship. Thanks again for making such an insightful video. I admire your dedication to sorting things out.
Hey, to have that level of self-awareness I think is pretty cool. I notice it's pretty common for INFJs to be critical of one another, well, i think when you meet your own type, you're as happy with the similarities as you are annoyed with the flaws you've already seen in yourself
I just learned that I am an Infj and I am proud of it.
Very good information. I think just having the person around during difficult times is a good start.
I can’t say I have always agreed with everything you say but this one was DEAD on! Amazing job!
Thought I was an INFP for sure until a subscriber told me I’m INFJ, which never occurred to me. Having Ti in the tertiary makes more sense to me than Te in the fourth. I’m still learning this stuff.
Hey, like 95% of the commenters, I’m an INFJ :) The way I show I care about the other person is with actions rather than words most of the time. But when I do, it’s not the direct _I love you_ or _I miss you_ but rather it’s *good morning, have you eaten yet, don’t use your phone when you commute, take care, have you taken your vitamins*
Just watched to see if this was authentic. MAN I WAS pleasantly suprised!!
I assume there is a powerful draw between INFJs. My ex who is a INFJ cheated on me with my exfriend who is also a INFJ and they moved intogether. They lasted a year...
Best video I’ve seen for infj.
Wonderful video Erik! Being an INFJ, I totally relate with needing a lot of love than it might appear. I also relate with the piece about wanting to create a healthy environment for our partners. I'm curious to know your take on what happens when an INFJ doesn't achieve creating that happy and healthy environment for our partners.
This guy looks like an ENFJ. ENFJs don't usually feel like extroverts and they enjoy alone time, so they sometimes think they're introverts. The cognitive functions are in a different order than INFJs.
Just by the way this guy is talking to the camera.. wide-eyed enjoyment of extraverted feeling instead of the more reserved body language of someone with introverted intuition as the dominant function.. definitely an ENFJ.
All types are good. Nature just designs us to specialize in different tasks.
The problem with this assessment is that it's an assessment as to how I appear on camera. I work in customer service and I take on an ENFJ persona frequently to be more enthusiastic than I am in real life. My close friends and those who know me know my energy is a lot more calm and mellow and non-intrusive in the way you'd expect of Fe doms. Otherwise, I see where you are coming from.
Im an ENFP I just got rejected by INFJ on Valentines Day
Simithy 🤣😂
I’m an INFJ and I feel like I have been in bad depression mainly because of rejection and not being loved. I always wondered why these things would effect me so greatly, but this video does explain and make sense for my situation
Exact same shoes, makes you question “why don’t they want me” or “why won’t they accept me for who I am” we are all born to love and to be loved, perhaps this time in your life could be moments away from your discovery of a lifetime, finding love. Hold on brother
Brad Lewis ❤️
You hit every point bang on!
You speak to the soul! 😭
You just described my husband... So crazy!
I am an INFP in the early stages of a relationship (is it a relationship, it could be but she is a wonderful, closed book) with an INFJ. She lives 2,000 miles away so that doesn't help, I am learning I have to be very patient and leave her alone if she shuts down. I am falling for her big time and being INFP I want to tell the world! but I know this would be the last thing she would want so I am tiptoeing for now in the hope she opens up a little more just enough so we can create something very special together. Wish us luck.
I am an out of the box INFJ I never ghost my partner, I am spontaneous and I admit I overthink because I push myself to be a better most authentic version of myself 💯🤣
Spot on Erik! Keep them coming. Cheering for you!!
I agree with this. Few comments, Ill post them as I think of them throughout the video in this same comment so I dont end up spamming your video again like last times. I agree in my relationships I dont think Id too much like someone who doesnt think things out. However I remember a couple things from when I was in a relationship that this reminds me.
Regarding both - spontaneity / not thinking things through.
For big things/changes I would think and research about the considered change for ages, even years for some things but when I decided I would do something I would do it, stubbornly and unwavering, and my partner, also INFJ would think that I had not thought it through at all because although I would occasionally mention things I was thinking about to him, I wouldnt constantly talk to him about it all the way up to the point of my deciding to do what I wanted. So id say its hard to say whether its really all that easy to judge whether a person has thought about what theyre going to do or not and it could end up being the case that just because a person didnt do things the way we think they should have done them, we adopt the thought that no they must not have thought this through at all- and after having lived with someone constantly saying things like that to me, Ive come to understand how hurtful assuming things like that can be to those close to you, especially if you assume before asking. It feels almost belittling and like its being implied that youre dumb. Not saying youre doing that here but js stuff people can consider when communicating with their partners in these situations.
That said, I also noticed this tendency to be comfortable with never being spontaneous or never doing anything even small unplanned and preferring to stay in head for both of us, so I would force myself into being spontaneous to spur the feeling of being uncomfortable and trying to break out my shell a little and make sure I found a way to enjoy the experience though it was highly uncomfortable. However my hubs on the other hand was not able to reciprocate this when I tried to bring him along so a lot of the time id do a lot of fun things on my own. I felt like it was crucial for self growth to force myself to do those things and tbh I think maybe it might be for others as well. I think being uncomfortable on occasion presents opportunity for growth.
So far agree highly with the list of unattractive traits apart from needing to specify that
I remember I was the one of us that had to present different options for my hubs. He would get so lost in his head and obsessively locked. He did provide the same for me as well in that aspect but he wasnt very good at words of affirmation when it was needed the most nor at supportive communication and it always felt like I was receiving a lecture and being spoken at rather than with-although I told him directly what I needed and kept trying to help him learn supportive communication so we could have a healthier closer communication in our relationship. And then whenever I tried to pursue my dreams he wasnt supportive more than he was stating things like Youre not doing enough, You should do this this n this instead. Or Do it this way and then he would belittle the work I did do. He got locked into that INFJ parenting role mindset trying to control, telling me what to do and pointing out how everything was wrong based on his ideas of how things should work rather than supportive partner role. More towards the end, at several points I tried to communicate that I believed we werent working out and detail the reasons why so we could work on fixing them together but he would shut down options to improve and refuse alternatives.
I eventually left because of feeling unwanted and unappreciated - as you stated, and I felt I was in a partnership of stunted growth/separate paths. I actually ended up having such a hard time getting the emotion out when we split, I wrote a poem about it.
Ill share if thats ok. Delete if not ' - ' ;
Thorn of the Sword
The silence is deafening...This pain is vast,
Oh so limitless, my stupidity,
But it is not you I can talk to,
for our paths though 1 from the start
branched long ago.
Although you refuse to see, I can no longer see you,
for the distance has grown worlds apart.
Before we parted ways,
We left each other our arms to give the illusion
that we are still on the same path,
And though I struggle to break free,
yours clasped shut & I cannot escape.
For me to escape would open your eyes,
& only break you again.
For me to open your eyes, you will shatter,
For you to realize I stifled my truth,
& disallowed many untailored words to part my lips.
I only allowed you to hear the altered words,
Designed specifically for the purpose of not breaking you.
In doing so, I allowed us to live a lie.
I fed your illusion, ...your denial.
Because everytime I tried to break the illusion with the inevitable thorns of truth,
you shut down & again I realized my truth was too much for you to take...
So as you walk willingly with the blindfold on,
Just know that I have lived protecting you
& only allowed this pain inside to grow
because my fear of instability was too great.
This pain inside was not your fault,
It is my own.
Soon...inevitably soon,
I will shatter your world of illusions against my wish, against your wish,
You cannot walk tall when stumbling through life with an illusion of leprechaun's treasures,
And as much as I would love to shield you
& keep my sword pointed at those who have questioned me, questioned us,
Ultimately, I cannot thrive if I live with these lips sown shut
& this sword I built to protect our illusion will be raised once more at the one I never wanted to hurt.
For you have done so much for me from the start until our paths parted and we took up arms...
Its time to lay to rest these defenses,
Acknowledge our peace no longer lies in trying to hold on to a memory,
but in allowing us with love to walk away & grow...
I love you ..
BUTTT that said, good news is after leaving I specified that we would use this split for self work and we'll decide whether or not we're gettin back together after that. As I stated in the poem, my hesitation for leaving, it did break him for some time.. But After several months of calls that broke down into him lashing out at me, and after a particularly hard phone call where I took him down the road and had a barrier break through to addressing some of his insecurities that we couldnt get to work through while together, he put down his anger and blame realized about 5 months after I left, why I left and finally apologized and is now productively using the time for self work as we initially planned and we'll be getting back together sometime this year :)
My top 2 love languages are touch/quality time.
Sorry I end up talking a lot on your videos regardless. >_< Your videos just make me so excited that Im able to listen to something that puts to words what Ive observed in myself and my interactions but havent been able to verbalize it myself so I end up detailing experiences to relate instead. Sorry.
As an INFP, in a relationship with INFJ, I have to say your statements are spot on! And a great reminder for me for when I struggle.
One key thing I have noticed, though, is if i give options of other ways of tackling am issue, he doesn't seem to appreciate it. Perhaps it is my delivery, which I have been learning how to change or work on 😉
Often times I have to just let him work things out on his own, as frustrating as that is for me.
Can u give an example of how u can't show him alternative ways of dealing with something...? I'm an INFJ, and may be able to see his perspective...
@@operoverlord thank you for offering...it really varies widely. Anything from tackling a car issue, or how to deal with an employer, ...to how to view what he sees as his own failures or inadequacies.
I think, being a very straightforward talking person, I may come off too strong sometimes. And I get frustrated when he takes longer (than I think necessary 😉) to resolve these feelings of failure or to get on with a task. That frustration is hard for me to mask at times. Both of us being empathic can actually be one of the hardest parts of being a couple. There is no real hiding of emotion. He very much tries to deal with things on his own. It is taking years to get him to share what is going on in his mind.
@@tete4now Well, I was taught that everybody does things in their own time. It can be extremely frustrating b/c u can see that it would make their life better, but it wouldn't work if it's forced. It would be unhealthy defeating the purpose of helping them. U can't change anybody, only yourself. U can only control how u respond to his inaction, or indecisiveness. Patience, acceptance, forgiveness, insight are all positive. Impatience, critique, blame are negative.
@@operoverlord exactly. These things I know and recognize 😏. Our relationship has been very rich and fulfilling, with lessons for both of us along the way.
hehe yeah maybe he will appreciate it but at the first Np can stress an INFJ, we just have to process the idea first, we usually warm up to it within a few weeks :)
Hey Erik! Great video, wow!! Do you think an INFJ and a healthy ESFP could be a good match? The ESFP’s authenticity, creativity and spontaneity, coupled with a connection to reality might be a good thing for an INFJ, to bring them out of their heads. Also an ESFP can be good at speaking their minds (sometimes too much speaking, haha!).
The way the INFJ wants to support and help, be more organized, work through situations and plan for the future, sounds really good for an ESFP!
By the way, I would really love to see a video about the types that would work well with an ESFP. For example do you think an INTJ would be too opposite? Eek! There’s so little content about ESFPs on TH-cam because it seems like most people are exposed to unhealthy ESFPs and don’t think about the positives. Or maybe just because ESFPs are less likely to make Myers Briggs videos 😆
It all depends upon the person. Definitely be optimistic and keep all options open to maximize possibilites. Happy hunting!
I don't think INTJ is too bad either, but also look at ISFJs and ISTJs, they often admire the ESFPs spontaneity and fun-loving attitude. Very common pairing. :)
Erik Thor Thanks for your reply!! I went on my first date with an INTJ on Tuesday and it went well so I’m staying open minded. He seems like a wonderful person with so much to offer! 😍 But I have this persistent thought in the back of my mind that it could be really difficult to be with someone long-term who doesn’t understand my huge buckets of emotions and might be annoyed by my constant chatter! 😂 Thoughts? Can these opposite types learn to understand each other or will we always be a (potentially annoying) mystery?
I am an INFJ who has had three ESFP love interests. They seem to be the type that really draw me but now as a more mature INFJ, I find that there is not enough depth of emotions and thoughts actually expressed by the ESFP male. I am often left feeling misunderstood and under appreciated for the value I try to bring. Electric attraction that quickly fizzles because the mind connection isn’t there. I could say so much more but I’ll leave it at that. An aloof ESFP really let me down recently. That said I admire their optimism and fearlessness. They are very good at being in the moment.
In socionics, that's the most attractive pairing. A relationship of duality (on the INTJ ESFP part) and semi duality on the INFJ ESFP part.
This is a great video thanks. I will send this to ppl trying to understand me.
Love honesty, NO LIES!!!
Thank you, as an INFJ I can relate to all the pros and cons of my type, blessings to you!
Thank you so much for this! Hugs from an INFJ ❤
SPOT ON!!!!
🎯
Thank you. Just truly thank you.
Great vid! I'm an ENFP who is currently seeing a beutiful INFJ woman.. we get along really well and i don't need to explain too many of my sarcastic jokes she gets em.. My question for you all mighty Thor. Is this relationship good? what should i lookout for? Yo i dont wana be ghosted lol. Anywho awsome vid keep up the hustle! Peace
entp here. based on mbti, infj compatibility is entp. well, entp are very direct, spontaneous, insensitive, and tend to being sarcastic (sometimes) without intentionally being mean. if infj value nice words, politeness, and attention from people and don't like being spontaneous, how could mbti conclude that infj match with entp? 😂😂😂
i don't know haha, i think that's a point of conflict in the relationship, but it can work out still :)
I just discovered your channel. You're so wise!!! Love your vids a lot 😃
Solid advice!
wow! everything that you said is true for me
So on point.
I’m INFJ and I can’t believe case for a while I thought 💭 I’m crazy 😢.
Thank you for this!
The more I am in personality types seems the I am INFJ thet I so much wished I am not. Unfortunately I descaverd all these truthful and useful knowledge after meny relationships left behind me. And everything you told is truth, and then you can emegend how difficult is ti find partner. Mostly I call soulmate, becouse we are caring, and I wish for simular, so someone could understand and support, and in thet way we are blowing in each other wings.
Yes!!
And also, you really do seem like an INFJ, I gotta say haha, both in how you wrote this, and your picture! :D
@@JonasAnandaKristiansson thank you but I so wish to be ISF somthing.
just love yourself the way you are :)
@@JosephineMilo You have, naturally with your psyche right now in this experience, a tremendous gift, many actually, that doesn't apply as much to other people. Something unique and you can bring so much value to yourself and the world when you start coming into that of acceptance, self love, letting go more and more of judgments of Self and others and so on. Meditation, mindfulness, music, do your passion and such, like art(s) can be of great help to get to a more neutral space, which is the place where we find clarity and growth potential. Don't want to sit here and preach too much, but seriously, your/our type is an absolute gift to the world, if we start allow that to be, allow the natural flow instead of having the mind and intelligence working against us. I really mean that. Namaste (:
@@JonasAnandaKristiansson thanks, I love yoga, I prefer Ashtanga, music is my life partner :) - if I am not listening I am humming :)
I had recently found your channel and love your explanations! Please make a what it’s like to be in a relationship with ENTP, I’m very curious :)
Yup please do....
I hear ENTPs make awesome partners! Some of the most competitively romantic
THIS. So accurate!
Amen, brother, Amen ❤
I think a lot.... I make a small problem in my life a very big messy thing....
ENTP girl recently interested in an INFJ boy. Will the infj find it attractive or weird if I'm forward with my feelings?
Ugh this infj boy is sooo perfect I hope no one discovers this.
I love emotional openness, it can be overwhelming though and can feel scary, but it's very important to me. :)
@@ErikThor THANK YOU!!!
People always say INFJs seldom dare to make the 1st move in the relationship....do u think so? I am an INFP.
Hi, Love the video, Im confused about how Introverted Feeling is a strong function for INFJ's. I know that for me Introverted Feeling is problematic.
Can relate 100%
Let's hope I can attract my INFJ celebrity crush with this info 😆
Would an INTP be a good suit for an INFJ?
Go for it! :)
The best one.
Well, I(INTP) haven't met one yet but most of my behaviours seem compatible.... But i'm still thinking if my indifference might not hurt the INFJ... Cuz when i'm angry, i tell harsh truths which are devastating for many.... And I really don't like to hurt ppl.
Just be careful you support the infj, don't take them for granted. Intps can come off as jerks but I dont think they mean to.... at least not all the time😁. Also, Sankalp, infjs can be very brutal with their words too. Me-infj husband-intp.
Any relationship takes work, changes over time, and there are so many variables from one infj to another. I know this comment was left a while ago but still wanted to add my 2 cents.
The last girlfriend I had I did everything to please her but she was selfish in bed so I broke up can't do everything and get nothing back pisses me off
I know how you feel mate, I'm 42 and never dated never had a female friend. It's not easy for infj men to be around women as most women have a very entitled attitude today. Most women take one look at us and think we are easy prey, some kind of simp that will do anything for them without having to give anything back. I know what your going through mate :)
This is so accurate :D
I haven't had a date in years.. I'm curious about how I am..
Absolutely agree.
Hi eric! I love you!! You flow with an inner understanding. Truly inspirational. I am dating an infj. She is so guarded and frigid. She really likes me...flirts...but scared. 3 months...just kissing. She wants to he aloof to cont r66 ol. I think I have got to punt. I have seen her for 90 days. I reached out after a marriage and 26 years. We hit bnb it bbn off bbn immediately, but she is t hff e same aloof girl I used to k no ow. I'm always at arms length.
I used to date her 26 years ago. I facebooked her...everything looked like we were going to give it a chance, but she is putting up the drawbridge and blocking. No thank you
are most infjs avoidant? im in my first relationship currently and seem to be anxious-secure attachment style while my partner seems to be fearful-avoidant....
i am definitely avoidant