@@MrBOBhakimipendobombies For me it's bcs at times I feel pretty, sophisticated and confident enough to approach them. When I feel shitty and not up to their level then I move the furthest away lol.
@@feistyeverly8718 haha yeah that’s true... it’s probably due to our mood swings... though like I don’t know if its just me but I don’t like people knowing how i am actually feeling (unless i open up to them) so i try to be calculative so that people cant read me...
And when i ignore them so intently while at times giving so much attention to them, it is just me having self control in my action which is again a sign of calculative interactions... the reason i get so affectionate when I actually give them attention is cause probably at that moment its hard to control urself while i became a little bit too cold so that they won’t assume i like them...
People who are loved by a mature INFJ are fortunate. The love offered is fairly unconditional. However it is often overlooked and taken for granted. Our way of loving is subtle and deep but also has an element of demand people don't want to meet. We need to be seen while we remain hidden to many. After 65 years of loving the world I have accepted that love is not as important to most people, just look at the choices people make. Love has been everything to me and will remain so but I feel I live in the wrong dimension for it to be realized. Earth life is not a natural fit for our type. It is a burden to have love as a primary calling in this world. I have been married for decades to an INFP who is a good man but it took him many many years to really see the sacrifices I made for him in my efforts to support his Being. He sees now and is deeply appreciative. It is a good match. Our loyalty to each other has created a security we both desired and needed for life to be bearable.
Relationships are always give or take or 50/50 there is no in-between. If your watching this and you are not an infj.. then you're probably here because you think you've found one or are just curious. Well here are a few things.. Don't break their hearts. It takes months to years to get over for us. Love is not a play word for us. We covet this feeling and if you say it back we well want you to show it as often as possible. If you text.. be consistent, if you can't.. tell us why.. we understand. Don't make us chase. We won't. If you have our heart. It's yours. Don't worry. Give us challenges. Tell us to make something for you. We love creativity. Please pick up on our emotions. If we are even acting slightly off. Internally we may be a wreck and are just looking for understanding or to be consoled. We like sad music. If you like to build playlist off what we might share to you. You'll notice alot of sad songs. We just like the emotion they produce. We hate physical contact. Unless it's with the one we love. If we don't do it to you well almost love it when you do it to us. Even if we don't say. We think you hate us at every little sign of desolation. Going back to texting. If you up and leave our conversation then come back a long time later well think it's because we've momentarily lost you. Be prepared to hear "you hate me" alot from your infj Just a few things I noticed so far.. -An infj-t
Also thank you from me. I think you guys are unicorns, I really do, but in all aspects, I have discovered: the sheer beauty, like you're looking at a miracle, but also in the sense that I just don't understand you guys and I could just chase you away before I'm even aware. I just discovered that I have no clue of how to treat you, because all the things Erik said... Is that something you really enjoy or is it something... a lack of protecting yourselves from possible emotional abuse, the way I see it, causing me to prevent you from doing what actually makes you happy? Just wondering how to even treat you... - an infp-t :)
It's so beautiful how my INFJ will accept my feelings, even the "bad" ones. He empathizes with me and takes my side, even when we both know I'm being irrational. The result is that, knowing I'm safe with him, I can relax enough to work through the feelings and gain perspective. He teaches me not to judge myself for having strong emotions. At the same time, he tells me I make him feel deeply understood, in that he can explain something in his roundabout Ni way, and I can interpret him accurately without making him correct or censor himself. Though it's not one of the most advertised pairings, I think INFJ and INFP make a powerful, empathetic bond. I feel so grateful to be loved by an INFJ!!
Yeah I forgive.. but only for a certain amount of times. I’m a bit of a pushover yet even I have my limits. Once the other person goes over that limit, I become distant and doorslam them
"..being the other person's hero". Yes. I think this can happen especially if an INFJ has a limited or even fragmented view of what true relationships are comprised of. Typically, it is extremely unhealthy behavior to put yourself in the position of being the other person's hero, savior, happiness...etc. It is a sure path to being absolutely miserable because you will never measure up to your ideal of what you 'should' do, as opposed to reality. I think a part of it is wanting to have a sense of control over the relationship (consciously or not). I used to struggle with this a lot because it seemed like I always attracted very broken individuals who needed me in some way. No one is perfect, but they shouldn't feel like they are your 'project' to 'fix' either. It isn't fair to them, and it isn't fair to you. At any rate, the other topics you mention in this video are definte points to consider. As an INFJ, I have found that I love very intensely and passionately, and have been told by past partners that my intensity was overwhelming for them. It stems from a deep need to know them wholly (mind, body, and soul). I require a great deal of honesty and openness in a relationship, and nothing scares me or makes me shy away. In the same regard, I am very honest and loyal to the person I'm with, and I will stick by them no matter what happens. Also, I think, or at least I hope, I honor the person's needs and desires in a respectful way without overshadowing them with my own. Good video Erik! Thanks for sharing.
I'm an INFJ & every point here is spot on. It's an unsual, subtle, stubborn, tenacious, freedom giving kind of fierce love. We'll always try to understand you, and that's absolutely what I'm hoping for in return.
I almost cried!!!! I am an INFJ I'm listening to this video ( because I'm supposed to be working) my husband of almost 17 years is a ENFP he is my soulmate!!! We knew each other for 3 weeks & I asked him to marry me I knew he had something I couldn't live without 😊 it's been challenging but we ALWAYS seem to have a bond & connection that's unbreakable! ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING YOU SAID WAS CORRECT!!!! I THANK YOU!!! I've been guilty about the love I've shown & the sacrifices I make yet my husband is ALWAYS appreciative when others NEVER understand!!! I needed this & sent this video too him 😉 Thank you!!!
Many people love ENFP’s. They are full of life yet empathetic and abstracted minded, so it should come to no surprise that us INTP’s really like them as well
Eric, I am an infj and I think you are right, that we do spend a lot of unobtrusive time and inner mental energy, trying to "clear the way" for those we love - even when it means taking on a lot of small concrete, detailed tasks that we dislike, and that wear us out. The flip side of that is, if we do this for a very long time without our effort and thoughtfulness being appreciated, we begin to feel very trapped and desperate and tired............. Also, another way infj people show love is by spending time, or social or emotional energy on you - if we didn't love you, we would truly rather be alone, recharging and resting from social effort, and thinking great thoughts! I mean, we reach out to people we don't really like hugely, if we want to be compassionate, but we won't Keep On Doing That (and being "stupidly loyal"??) if we don't love you. So: pay attention to an infj's persistence in staying in touch!!!!!! If we didn't truly care, we would let it slide.
What a wonderful topic. People with INFJs who care for them are so lucky. I aspire to practice this kind of empathy and understanding in my own life. 🤍 Now I'm thinking about how other types show love. It sure is a varied world out there. ✨
I am an INFP.... I really treasure my INFJ friends... I felt totally and amazingly understood, supported, cared and accepted by them. They are the 💎 💎 💎!!!
My INFJ friend always listens to me and helps me to think things through because I’m often not secure in my thinking, as an ENFP. He’s always empathetic and we always go very deep. He’s a treasure. 💖
as an infj with a major interest in a man, a man who accepts my quirkiness and is amazed at what i've done and always makes time for me, i would do anything to help him in his vocation. we talk every day and make it a point to see each other quite a lot. we talk about many subjects, nothing off limits. we are so good for each other!
The hot and cold treatment with loved ones. Totally understand. A good way to protect our emotions, especially when we are often misunderstood, or deemed too intense, creepy, or weird.
All of the above...I find myself doing everyone of them when I love someone. The protect mode is obvious with me and freedom is most obvious as a parent.
Wow, my mother is an INFJ, and I thought I appreciated all the dedication and sacrifice she has gone through for my sake. But I realise from watching your videos, as a "third-party" INFJ, how I've underestimated that. How can I ever pay it back? And yes, you can probably guess I'm an ENFP.
Im in infj, its so hard to be one of this personality. I left the 8 years relationship from a virgo man. Four years his been cheating on and off to other woman. I been loyal, helpful to him, i work my ass off so I can help him especially paying bills, everything you said its true. We do that, thats why man take advantage of us. We're very loyal. We give and give in the relstionship but we're just getting a crumbs. Its very hard in the relationship for us. But when we start moving on they want us back. If infj start moving on aint no coming back. We only comes once in people life when we move on thats it for us. We are very passionate to our partner needs, we think about more for them than our self.
Hmmz.. Does it ever occur to you... All the things you do... Are things a man maybe not need? But its your own projection and love language hence its not aporeciated. If your favorite dish is lasagna. And you give me every day lasagna. While my favorite dish is chicken curry. You might even think you are doing me a favor...
ISFJ want loyalty and safety above all else. INFJs will leave more easily from my experience with the ones I have known. They r always freaked when I ask them about their visions or precognitions. They always say no one has ever noticed or I have never known anyone that sees this.
I cried after watch this Vid (try to share my feeling like ENFJ). It is quite true that I as an INFJ gave all loved ones the freedom... and so it ended up like I am just a passing memory in others' lives but eventually, I feel happy about that, I like them to be themselves. Everyone is so beautiful as the way they are ...What a paradox
10_ I really take care of my money, I never got any troubles/issues money. I don't count, I try to spend as less as possible. It's important to me to be close to 50/50.
Fr the first 2min of the video , I know u are an advanced INFJ, that u notice that what u shown love might not be the way the receiver felt. (This happened in all 16MBTI, we are here to learn how ourselves works and how others work and balance the misunderstand in between of the communication) Thx for the video👍🏻 Wish u luck in all area
As an Infj-t I can tell you I do care about my past. Door slams do not happen because I feel like it. I have no choice because of what I know from the past. I would be way far lost if I didn't consider or think about the past. For me, that would be pure sabotage to not care about the past. I do believe that for all of us, the past is a guide to our future. Thank you for the wonderful informative video!!!
True, infj best describes I guess that they find happiness thru charity works most of the time.it doesn't matter how hectic is their time.jiust to see person happy.
I searched for this topic because I suspected myself...and I had to check my own feelings against the majority of relatable TH-cam videos...but I already knew the answer...but I had to do a more thorough inspection than just accepting it... 🆘...😅 -Sigma INFJ female
That is sooooo true!!!😊 we crave for become theis savior, their hero...We are stupely cut, stupidly loyal, stupidly romantic, stupidly sweet, stupidly generous..And we want to give the whole world to ours beloved or people we love...And be everything they need...😅 I do everything for my mon, I usualy hate household chores but I don' t want she does it so I do for her feeling happy because I am doing for her. Everything you said it is so tue!I love to hear about INFJs because I reconize myself and that sounds very funny to me.... I laught a lott of myself sometimes I think to myself: "Ok, when god creates you he put one million of Juliets inside of your heart and oceans of honey!" 🤭
I cannot speak in the presence of the person I love... He's so self sufficient I can't read him and feel naked around him, I can't harmonise the room because he does it better and the only choice I have is to focus on just being in the moment. Update : aaaaaaaand actually his quiet attitude hides a judgemental reading of people and me no likey... Done.
@Benjaminsmallwood Hu there, you absolute stranger: please save your energy by not taking personally something that speaks of someone she knows which is Not You, stranger. If somebody says shitty things about people as they go about their business: that's judging. I am not speaking of people in general, I wrote an update about someone who was making me anxious all along and I got to identify the anxiety once I got to listen to him speaking, describing others : it was not pretty. I was only trying to get validation from the wrong guy instead of looking at what made me seek such type of people despite a lot of work against this. This story does not speak of you. Mystery can be plenty of things and often I love going slow with getting to know someone, usually it's great discoveries. For this one, my story didn't end with me assigning Menai g to an absence of info. I got the ick from finding out ^^' and I was functioning on repeating an unhealthy pattern of going towards people who wouldn't treat me well.
@marionmetathink3234 I was freely speaking...fear of quietly being judged is an indication of fear of intimacy...it's not the same as being evaluated, which is something a narcissist does...judgements are made in light of something greater....evaluation occurs when someone has plans( secret) for you . Very unhealthy. Sooo.....you are trying to DO something ( harmonize a room?) sounds like he's just observing...the truth is not a stranger.
I always think you're more ENFP like you have the soft face the eyes the rapid eye movement. And I feel your describing ENFPs more than some of the INFJS I have met who always seem very interested in money and having side hustles. But maybe they are like that because of their star sign.
My old living situation was 2 INTP males, an INFJ female, and an ENFP female. The INFJ female was on all of our asses about cleaning. She came up with her own itinerary and chore list and jammed it down all of our throats. I love her as a person but goddamn we all had secret meetings about her behavior
Well I'll just treat them like an enemy because they trigger me, so if I'm mean to you then congratulations I love you, but if I'm nice to you then you're an ordinary person to me.
Keep no expectations and do things for them because you want to do it and not hoping that you will get something in return. Seems unfair however an infj will see through it and return your favour 10 folds if they are interested.
Are they still there? They already know you are afraid of them leaving and it probably gives them pain - they must think they are hurting you. Tell them how you feel anyway, and try to pick up on how it makes them feel that you have fears like that. On the other hand, maybe if you sense they might want to leave, it has a foundation. Ask them if they ultimately would like to work for it, if it ultimately has meaning to them. If it does, and they promise to work for the relationship, your part is to overcome the fear of them leaving. Get brave. Or leave. Generally, communicate, communicate, communicate. But take heart, trust in the best and don't dwell in darkness, remember the bright side, joke and laugh. There's no doom in any difficulty.
My empathic powers and door slamming are a power I really embrace. I can spot a con a mile a million miles away. Had this since a kid. People have always thought I was a little strange. I could empathize with some of the crowd but saw the cons who try to enter and if others said oh a good person I'd or still door slam only to find I was right about the con but my time away from the group keep me moving away to a new path . Can you do more of door slamming?
Hi lol that's me stupidly loyal and forgiving. Sometimes absent minded. And hate hate to let people down which i feel i am always doing. Ughhh i don't even know what type I am. Everything says ENFP T but i can identify w a lot of this
Yes, I do that. I treat the person around me the way I want that person to treat me. I have a question.. Why do I get the feeling we are talking about an ENFPs in this case? Because they don't get our way of showing affection. If you asked me about ENTPs.. lol.. I don't know. Some seem to think that I know more stuff about them better then they do themselves. xD To be fair.. They seem to take their time to make up their mind about what they actually want. Well.. I think we all do that in some ways. But for me.. I know I'm going after the person because I can feel the pieces falling into the rightful places.. but that doesn't necessarily means that I'm the right one for that person. Does it? I'm gonna get myself burned, don't I? If it happens.. Then I just go back to my isolated weird way of living and be confused by myself. I think other people should let INFJs know how they feel about us.... It's not all about what we give others, but what they give and share with us to make sure that the connection is right. I mean... Open you mouth and speak up! Show us! Don't walk around as some dense person who expect us to read their minds. As INFJ Sexual/secure type. I'm gonna share my way, because I don't do this to randoms.. I'm not a social person. When I'm attracted to a person.. THAT PERSON. I'll be around that person. I don't do that with other people. I'm interested in that person and I wanna talk to the person. Connect to that person and ignoring everyone else.. That is basically what I do. From my perspective.. You are extremely good if you misjudge this. I've seen desperate people who thinks I like them when I'm being kind, rarely, but it has happened.. but that is not the same as being interested and attracted to the person. I've also seen a guy I liked try to put me in a room with another guy... I could see what they were doing. That was a huge disrespect to my heart though. My heart chose the person I liked, not some random guy because there is no one else around.. seriously.. It's stupid.
Hang in there you remind me of me definitely INFJ 😉 we are more powerful than you know! Don't doubt yourself!!! Understand the people you attract may not be forth coming about their own feelings because they feel inadequate or intimidated.... Believe me I've been married to my ENFP almost 17 years he's a handful, they clam up but deep inside they're thinking as hard as we are, but are to scared to tell us 😘 Hang in there baby girl!!! YOU GOT THIS!!!
See if you can relate to this? I worked at a company for a long time, and I was known as a loner, though I did have some friends there. One time one of those friends set me up with some girl to go on a date with her. I don't know why, other than that girl MIGHT had liked me. I did like her somewhat, but she was updateable in my view, mostly because she had a filthy mouth for a girl. So when this friend (a girl) told her I said no, she just went off and cried rather loudly for like a minute in another room. Why? I never told anybody I liked her, as I didn't like her that much. BTW, the girl who set me up, I told a group of guys once that I considered her a friend, since they were cornering me and trying to claim I had no friends (yes, maybe no friends with the backstabbers there, but not so outside the job), and they annoyed that friend after that too, I guess because they wanted to keep me as legendary friendless or something. I guess they couldn't annoy me any other way, so that was the easiest. I never went to ANY of their company parties BTW. Now if we had one with just my department, I might had very well gone, but working in IT, do you think that ever happened😂🤣?
@@charles2241 Interesting story! When you wrote: "One time one of those friends set me up with some girl to go on a date with her." " I never told anybody I liked her, as I didn't like her that much." (sounds like internal conflicted emotions?:o) I was like: No, don't do that. It wouldn't work on me... I've seen people try doing it, but it doesn't work on me for some reason. I would know what kind of type I like or not and if I didn't like that person 100% I would never do anything about it because it would be wrong. It includes ENFPs actually.. I don't have anything against them.. It just doesn't work out for my brain or what it IS.. I can't explain it. I recently sold my bike to an random ENFP guy I hadn't met before.. I had to admit.. He had style, but he isn't my type and I wouldn't find myself to go on a date with a guy like that. " I did like her somewhat, but she was updateable in my view, mostly because she had a filthy mouth for a girl." I'm not sure I understand what kind of filthy mouth you're talking about.. I've heard a lot of different once... and some of them are just way off my way of thinking.. like.. I have to learn to accept it to even be able to stick around and that is somewhat wrong for me, interal wise. "BTW, the girl who set me up, I told a group of guys once that I considered her a friend, since they were cornering me and trying to claim I had no friends (yes, maybe no friends with the backstabbers there, but not so outside the job). I guess because they wanted to keep me as legendary friendless or something. I guess they couldn't annoy me any other way, so that was the easiest. I never went to ANY of their company parties BTW" That is just mean towards you. People often choose the life they have for multiple reasons.. including staying away from people who are not good to or for us. I'm sure you know what you are doing underneath even though it may not seem clear to others. "BTW. Now if we had one with just my department, I might had very well gone, but working in IT, do you think that ever happened😂🤣?" I guess it depends on who is joining you. x) Then you can have all the parties you want, and enjoy yourself having it.
@@siljealexandraonarheim4091 No, there wasn't any conflict between me liking that girl and not. Most every girl has something to like about them. Let's say she was a 6 with a decent mouth. With the mouth, however, she shot down to a 4 or less. She still had some appeal, but the mouth overshadows that. I'll give you perhaps a somewhat funny character contrast concerning dating. I dated two girls at once, one time. One was a friend of mine who talked to me a lot. The other was a blind date she set me up with, and we all went on the same date. My friend was fat and talkative (and probably attractive if she lost weight), whereas the blind date was in good shape and attractive, but barely said ten words to me. It basically turned into the two girls talking to each other the whole time. I talked to my friend a bit, but basically it was as if I wasn't there, between the two of them. When all was over and the friend left, I got the blind date into my car (we all drove to the places, all with our own cars) and played her a song she hadn't heard. When that was over I asked if she would like to go do something else (where at least I might get some words out of her, if it's just her and I). She said no, as she had some place she had to be. That rang somewhat hollow to me, because as we were leaving the first place, we bumped into some hippy guy she knew, and that left me behind, with them arm-in-arm. The two of them got away from me, so I don't know if he got a date with her or what, so I think that's where she had to be, a date with him, which if true, is pretty damn rude (of both of them). My friend tried to get the three of us together again, and I was willing, but the blind date just always found some reason she couldn't come. As much as my friend liked me, I don't think she liked me at all. My friend was married BTW.
I'm INFJ and I'm a big time lover on my 5th marriage, and each person I fall love with step all over my heart and my soul and leave me in loneliness and then I have to rebuild my life.
5th? I stopped at 1, took a 36 year hiatus and may be allowing a Gemini into my precious world but I'm hopeful. Its about triggers. Can you stay true to yourself? Be you.
@@marycain5668 yeah I think I keep falling into the Trap of getting into relationships with narcissists or people with serious mental health problems so once I get done with this fifth marriage whenever that will be? I don't think I will be getting remarried anytime soon I'm kind of tired after being in a married from twenty one all the way up to 54 I'm just done with relationships and I want to crawl into a cave and go to sleep for a while read a few books and drink lots of coffee and just be alone thanks so much for getting back to me. I hope you have a really happy fun safe weekend many great big bear hugs.
This sounds so stupid for a lot of feelers especially infjs: marry ur self an estj. They are annoying with their rationality. But we infj need them. They stick to reality. They May not give you al these things, but its a stable relationship. I still have difficulties with estj. But if you see Through the surface they are quite handsome with their sense of straightenes. As infj i have learnt my estj to show more love. And appreciation. Since infj love appreciation and love of affirmation. It needs a lot of time. But its the most stable relationship ever in my opinion, also its a good team. Both have a lot of good skills especially when combined. Its good teamwork. Estjs are also creative, not si much as jnfjs. Estj love how creative we are. We need to be less dreamy and more productive, thats what estj love. And they need to be more relax not rushing into everthing and have a bit of rest. Since the estj personality type is the most productive personality they need to relax. And infj can help them in that.
@@MaryDunford No i dont want her to be sneaky. For example, if she washes the dishes, i tell her that i noticed and I appreciate that she did wash the dishes. I think your answer is for another point. Erik said somewhere in the video that INFJS do things for the people they love and do it in a sneaky way. So, if i tell her i noticed, its not in a sneaky way anymore. So thats why i said im confused as to should not i not tell her i noticed she did something for me.
As an INFJ, you know I love you when I ignore you like a plague or giving you the most attention there is no in between 😂
HAHAHAHAHHA THIS IS SCARY...
Cause we calculate our every move... u agree? ;D
@@MrBOBhakimipendobombies For me it's bcs at times I feel pretty, sophisticated and confident enough to approach them. When I feel shitty and not up to their level then I move the furthest away lol.
@@feistyeverly8718 haha yeah that’s true... it’s probably due to our mood swings... though like I don’t know if its just me but I don’t like people knowing how i am actually feeling (unless i open up to them) so i try to be calculative so that people cant read me...
And when i ignore them so intently while at times giving so much attention to them, it is just me having self control in my action which is again a sign of calculative interactions... the reason i get so affectionate when I actually give them attention is cause probably at that moment its hard to control urself while i became a little bit too cold so that they won’t assume i like them...
People who are loved by a mature INFJ are fortunate. The love offered is fairly unconditional. However it is often overlooked and taken for granted. Our way of loving is subtle and deep but also has an element of demand people don't want to meet. We need to be seen while we remain hidden to many.
After 65 years of loving the world I have accepted that love is not as important to most people, just look at the choices people make.
Love has been everything to me and will remain so but I feel I live in the wrong dimension for it to be realized. Earth life is not a natural fit for our type. It is a burden to have love as a primary calling in this world.
I have been married for decades to an INFP who is a good man but it took him many many years to really see the sacrifices I made for him in my efforts to support his Being. He sees now and is deeply appreciative. It is a good match. Our loyalty to each other has created a security we both desired and needed for life to be bearable.
There is no such thing as unconditional love. Conditions are always attached.
I appreciate so much the deep and genuine and heartfelt care I have received from a person whom I think is a mature INFJ.
Mmm Or perhaps your definition isn’t realistic
@@pecan11 ironic since her love is still enduring.
well said 👏👏
Relationships are always give or take or 50/50 there is no in-between.
If your watching this and you are not an infj.. then you're probably here because you think you've found one or are just curious.
Well here are a few things..
Don't break their hearts. It takes months to years to get over for us.
Love is not a play word for us. We covet this feeling and if you say it back we well want you to show it as often as possible.
If you text.. be consistent, if you can't.. tell us why.. we understand.
Don't make us chase. We won't.
If you have our heart. It's yours. Don't worry.
Give us challenges. Tell us to make something for you. We love creativity.
Please pick up on our emotions. If we are even acting slightly off. Internally we may be a wreck and are just looking for understanding or to be consoled.
We like sad music. If you like to build playlist off what we might share to you. You'll notice alot of sad songs. We just like the emotion they produce.
We hate physical contact. Unless it's with the one we love. If we don't do it to you well almost love it when you do it to us. Even if we don't say.
We think you hate us at every little sign of desolation. Going back to texting. If you up and leave our conversation then come back a long time later well think it's because we've momentarily lost you. Be prepared to hear "you hate me" alot from your infj
Just a few things I noticed so far..
-An infj-t
Thank you.. that was very useful :)
Also thank you from me. I think you guys are unicorns, I really do, but in all aspects, I have discovered: the sheer beauty, like you're looking at a miracle, but also in the sense that I just don't understand you guys and I could just chase you away before I'm even aware. I just discovered that I have no clue of how to treat you, because all the things Erik said... Is that something you really enjoy or is it something... a lack of protecting yourselves from possible emotional abuse, the way I see it, causing me to prevent you from doing what actually makes you happy? Just wondering how to even treat you...
- an infp-t :)
Yup
It's so beautiful how my INFJ will accept my feelings, even the "bad" ones. He empathizes with me and takes my side, even when we both know I'm being irrational. The result is that, knowing I'm safe with him, I can relax enough to work through the feelings and gain perspective. He teaches me not to judge myself for having strong emotions. At the same time, he tells me I make him feel deeply understood, in that he can explain something in his roundabout Ni way, and I can interpret him accurately without making him correct or censor himself. Though it's not one of the most advertised pairings, I think INFJ and INFP make a powerful, empathetic bond. I feel so grateful to be loved by an INFJ!!
I'm an INFJ but I can't totally agree with the fact that "they forgive you no matter what" honestly I rather cut that people off my life.
Infj usually try to forgive and forget. However it takes time.
@@simonefritz4687 don't confuse a high recall value with not letting go.
Yeah I forgive.. but only for a certain amount of times. I’m a bit of a pushover yet even I have my limits. Once the other person goes over that limit, I become distant and doorslam them
@@infjgirl3850 you couldn't have said better 👌🏻🧐
Me too I just thought of my exes, I never forgave any of them, I will just ghost them and never reply to them again.
"..being the other person's hero".
Yes. I think this can happen especially if an INFJ has a limited or even fragmented view of what true relationships are comprised of. Typically, it is extremely unhealthy behavior to put yourself in the position of being the other person's hero, savior, happiness...etc. It is a sure path to being absolutely miserable because you will never measure up to your ideal of what you 'should' do, as opposed to reality. I think a part of it is wanting to have a sense of control over the relationship (consciously or not).
I used to struggle with this a lot because it seemed like I always attracted very broken individuals who needed me in some way. No one is perfect, but they shouldn't feel like they are your 'project' to 'fix' either. It isn't fair to them, and it isn't fair to you.
At any rate, the other topics you mention in this video are definte points to consider. As an INFJ, I have found that I love very intensely and passionately, and have been told by past partners that my intensity was overwhelming for them. It stems from a deep need to know them wholly (mind, body, and soul). I require a great deal of honesty and openness in a relationship, and nothing scares me or makes me shy away. In the same regard, I am very honest and loyal to the person I'm with, and I will stick by them no matter what happens. Also, I think, or at least I hope, I honor the person's needs and desires in a respectful way without overshadowing them with my own.
Good video Erik! Thanks for sharing.
I'm an INFJ & every point here is spot on. It's an unsual, subtle, stubborn, tenacious, freedom giving kind of fierce love. We'll always try to understand you, and that's absolutely what I'm hoping for in return.
I almost cried!!!! I am an INFJ I'm listening to this video ( because I'm supposed to be working) my husband of almost 17 years is a ENFP he is my soulmate!!! We knew each other for 3 weeks & I asked him to marry me I knew he had something I couldn't live without 😊 it's been challenging but we ALWAYS seem to have a bond & connection that's unbreakable! ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING YOU SAID WAS CORRECT!!!! I THANK YOU!!! I've been guilty about the love I've shown & the sacrifices I make yet my husband is ALWAYS appreciative when others NEVER understand!!! I needed this & sent this video too him 😉 Thank you!!!
Many people love ENFP’s. They are full of life yet empathetic and abstracted minded, so it should come to no surprise that us INTP’s really like them as well
infp here and the infj I've been w/ for a year now has been the most freedom loving human being
Eric, I am an infj and I think you are right, that we do spend a lot of unobtrusive time and inner mental energy, trying to "clear the way" for those we love - even when it means taking on a lot of small concrete, detailed tasks that we dislike, and that wear us out. The flip side of that is, if we do this for a very long time without our effort and thoughtfulness being appreciated, we begin to feel very trapped and desperate and tired............. Also, another way infj people show love is by spending time, or social or emotional energy on you - if we didn't love you, we would truly rather be alone, recharging and resting from social effort, and thinking great thoughts! I mean, we reach out to people we don't really like hugely, if we want to be compassionate, but we won't Keep On Doing That (and being "stupidly loyal"??) if we don't love you. So: pay attention to an infj's persistence in staying in touch!!!!!! If we didn't truly care, we would let it slide.
What a wonderful topic. People with INFJs who care for them are so lucky. I aspire to practice this kind of empathy and understanding in my own life. 🤍
Now I'm thinking about how other types show love. It sure is a varied world out there. ✨
I am an INFP.... I really treasure my INFJ friends...
I felt totally and amazingly understood, supported, cared and accepted by them. They are the 💎 💎 💎!!!
So kind of you 😊🙌
My INFJ friend always listens to me and helps me to think things through because I’m often not secure in my thinking, as an ENFP. He’s always empathetic and we always go very deep. He’s a treasure. 💖
This hit home... showing love and the other person doesn't understand it...
I think, as an INTP, that INFJ woman is exactly what I need in my life
As an INTP female, I find that I do connect with INFJ’s really well, but do connect with INFP males better. My oldest brother is an INFJ
In addition to it , they never tell what they obviously do favors, they really ready to help all the time without any reason sometimes.
as an infj with a major interest in a man, a man who accepts my quirkiness and is amazed at what i've done and always makes time for me, i would do anything to help him in his vocation. we talk every day and make it a point to see each other quite a lot. we talk about many subjects, nothing off limits. we are so good for each other!
The hot and cold treatment with loved ones. Totally understand. A good way to protect our emotions, especially when we are often misunderstood, or deemed too intense, creepy, or weird.
INFP is very careless about money too!!!😅😆 We are same same!!
All of the above...I find myself doing everyone of them when I love someone. The protect mode is obvious with me and freedom is most obvious as a parent.
Great video,thank you for making me understand the way my infj soulmate loves me 💌
Putting our needs above others...*sigh* to a fault. I'm trying not to do this
Wow, my mother is an INFJ, and I thought I appreciated all the dedication and sacrifice she has gone through for my sake. But I realise from watching your videos, as a "third-party" INFJ, how I've underestimated that. How can I ever pay it back? And yes, you can probably guess I'm an ENFP.
I thought my mom was INFJ too but she took the test, she’s not INFJ.
Im in infj, its so hard to be one of this personality. I left the 8 years relationship from a virgo man. Four years his been cheating on and off to other woman. I been loyal, helpful to him, i work my ass off so I can help him especially paying bills, everything you said its true. We do that, thats why man take advantage of us. We're very loyal. We give and give in the relstionship but we're just getting a crumbs. Its very hard in the relationship for us. But when we start moving on they want us back. If infj start moving on aint no coming back. We only comes once in people life when we move on thats it for us. We are very passionate to our partner needs, we think about more for them than our self.
Hmmz..
Does it ever occur to you...
All the things you do...
Are things a man maybe not need?
But its your own projection and love language hence its not aporeciated.
If your favorite dish is lasagna.
And you give me every day lasagna.
While my favorite dish is chicken curry.
You might even think you are doing me a favor...
ISFJ want loyalty and safety above all else. INFJs will leave more easily from my experience with the ones I have known. They r always freaked when I ask them about their visions or precognitions. They always say no one has ever noticed or I have never known anyone that sees this.
I cried after watch this Vid (try to share my feeling like ENFJ). It is quite true that I as an INFJ gave all loved ones the freedom... and so it ended up like I am just a passing memory in others' lives but eventually, I feel happy about that, I like them to be themselves. Everyone is so beautiful as the way they are ...What a paradox
10_ I really take care of my money, I never got any troubles/issues money. I don't count, I try to spend as less as possible. It's important to me to be close to 50/50.
Fr the first 2min of the video , I know u are an advanced INFJ, that u notice that what u shown love might not be the way the receiver felt.
(This happened in all 16MBTI, we are here to learn how ourselves works and how others work and balance the misunderstand in between of the communication)
Thx for the video👍🏻
Wish u luck in all area
As an Infj-t I can tell you I do care about my past. Door slams do not happen because I feel like it. I have no choice because of what I know from the past. I would be way far lost if I didn't consider or think about the past. For me, that would be pure sabotage to not care about the past. I do believe that for all of us, the past is a guide to our future. Thank you for the wonderful informative video!!!
why am i crying? lol, ty for this video btw :>
True, infj best describes I guess that they find happiness thru charity works most of the time.it doesn't matter how hectic is their time.jiust to see person happy.
Really sweet message
Im an intp, and my fiance is an infj, I agree with what you said btw, especially that patience part XD
I searched for this topic because I suspected myself...and I had to check my own feelings against the majority of relatable TH-cam videos...but I already knew the answer...but I had to do a more thorough inspection than just accepting it... 🆘...😅
-Sigma INFJ female
That is sooooo true!!!😊 we crave for become theis savior, their hero...We are stupely cut, stupidly loyal, stupidly romantic, stupidly sweet, stupidly generous..And we want to give the whole world to ours beloved or people we love...And be everything they need...😅 I do everything for my mon, I usualy hate household chores but I don' t want she does it so I do for her feeling happy because I am doing for her. Everything you said it is so tue!I love to hear about INFJs because I reconize myself and that sounds very funny to me.... I laught a lott of myself sometimes I think to myself: "Ok, when god creates you he put one million of Juliets inside of your heart and oceans of honey!" 🤭
I'm an INFJ, I have been in financial trouble but when I focus on making it positive then it's really positive
I cannot speak in the presence of the person I love... He's so self sufficient I can't read him and feel naked around him, I can't harmonise the room because he does it better and the only choice I have is to focus on just being in the moment.
Update : aaaaaaaand actually his quiet attitude hides a judgemental reading of people and me no likey... Done.
Gosh...thought for a sec you were my girlfriend.....no.....we are not judging YOU....just the truth of what you may have said or done
@Benjaminsmallwood Hu there, you absolute stranger: please save your energy by not taking personally something that speaks of someone she knows which is Not You, stranger. If somebody says shitty things about people as they go about their business: that's judging. I am not speaking of people in general, I wrote an update about someone who was making me anxious all along and I got to identify the anxiety once I got to listen to him speaking, describing others : it was not pretty. I was only trying to get validation from the wrong guy instead of looking at what made me seek such type of people despite a lot of work against this. This story does not speak of you. Mystery can be plenty of things and often I love going slow with getting to know someone, usually it's great discoveries. For this one, my story didn't end with me assigning Menai g to an absence of info. I got the ick from finding out ^^' and I was functioning on repeating an unhealthy pattern of going towards people who wouldn't treat me well.
@marionmetathink3234 I was freely speaking...fear of quietly being judged is an indication of fear of intimacy...it's not the same as being evaluated, which is something a narcissist does...judgements are made in light of something greater....evaluation occurs when someone has plans( secret) for you . Very unhealthy. Sooo.....you are trying to DO something ( harmonize a room?) sounds like he's just observing...the truth is not a stranger.
You are so on point. Love this video. You nailed it.
I always think you're more ENFP like you have the soft face the eyes the rapid eye movement. And I feel your describing ENFPs more than some of the INFJS I have met who always seem very interested in money and having side hustles. But maybe they are like that because of their star sign.
Hi, infj. I am a female entp. I want a male infj as a boyfriend.
And they will not be able to keep up. Your values of truth and honesty don’t line up well with feelings of Infj
@@pecan11 no. I have found one. He like truth
@@qianyizhao4295 Hes values centered There is a difference
My old living situation was 2 INTP males, an INFJ female, and an ENFP female. The INFJ female was on all of our asses about cleaning. She came up with her own itinerary and chore list and jammed it down all of our throats. I love her as a person but goddamn we all had secret meetings about her behavior
Well I'll just treat them like an enemy because they trigger me, so if I'm mean to you then congratulations I love you, but if I'm nice to you then you're an ordinary person to me.
Yes, spot on, thank you for verbalizing it
Can you please make a video on how infjs act in relationship they want to leave or are thinking about leaving please 🙏😐
Keep no expectations and do things for them because you want to do it and not hoping that you will get something in return. Seems unfair however an infj will see through it and return your favour 10 folds if they are interested.
Are they still there?
They already know you are afraid of them leaving and it probably gives them pain - they must think they are hurting you. Tell them how you feel anyway, and try to pick up on how it makes them feel that you have fears like that.
On the other hand, maybe if you sense they might want to leave, it has a foundation. Ask them if they ultimately would like to work for it, if it ultimately has meaning to them. If it does, and they promise to work for the relationship, your part is to overcome the fear of them leaving. Get brave. Or leave.
Generally, communicate, communicate, communicate. But take heart, trust in the best and don't dwell in darkness, remember the bright side, joke and laugh. There's no doom in any difficulty.
You're brilliant Erik. I love watching you speak
I love ur videos
I only ever felt drawn to one woman so much I had no fear. Sadly (massive understatement) she rejected me.
Very, very interesting. Thanks a lot!
I think INxJS are like this. Well said.
You make it sound like Infj is like ninja helpers some kind off :)
My empathic powers and door slamming are a power I really embrace. I can spot a con a mile a million miles away. Had this since a kid. People have always thought I was a little strange. I could empathize with some of the crowd but saw the cons who try to enter and if others said oh a good person I'd or still door slam only to find I was right about the con but my time away from the group keep me moving away to a new path . Can you do more of door slamming?
I’m an INTP, whom as an INFJ older brother
Are you sure that you are an INFJ? You move your body like a Perceiver type, not controlled.
Body language isn’t a reliable indicator of type
I am hoping you will see this do you have any videos on INFJ liking or loving themselves?
Hi lol that's me stupidly loyal and forgiving. Sometimes absent minded. And hate hate to let people down which i feel i am always doing. Ughhh i don't even know what type I am. Everything says ENFP T but i can identify w a lot of this
Call me and said " i love you with a wink. "
Not sure about clearing up the way for my loved one... I give independence.
Yes, I do that. I treat the person around me the way I want that person to treat me. I have a question.. Why do I get the feeling we are talking about an ENFPs in this case? Because they don't get our way of showing affection. If you asked me about ENTPs.. lol.. I don't know. Some seem to think that I know more stuff about them better then they do themselves. xD To be fair.. They seem to take their time to make up their mind about what they actually want. Well.. I think we all do that in some ways. But for me.. I know I'm going after the person because I can feel the pieces falling into the rightful places.. but that doesn't necessarily means that I'm the right one for that person. Does it? I'm gonna get myself burned, don't I? If it happens.. Then I just go back to my isolated weird way of living and be confused by myself. I think other people should let INFJs know how they feel about us.... It's not all about what we give others, but what they give and share with us to make sure that the connection is right. I mean... Open you mouth and speak up! Show us! Don't walk around as some dense person who expect us to read their minds.
As INFJ Sexual/secure type. I'm gonna share my way, because I don't do this to randoms.. I'm not a social person. When I'm attracted to a person.. THAT PERSON. I'll be around that person. I don't do that with other people. I'm interested in that person and I wanna talk to the person. Connect to that person and ignoring everyone else.. That is basically what I do. From my perspective.. You are extremely good if you misjudge this. I've seen desperate people who thinks I like them when I'm being kind, rarely, but it has happened.. but that is not the same as being interested and attracted to the person.
I've also seen a guy I liked try to put me in a room with another guy... I could see what they were doing. That was a huge disrespect to my heart though. My heart chose the person I liked, not some random guy because there is no one else around.. seriously.. It's stupid.
Hang in there you remind me of me definitely INFJ 😉 we are more powerful than you know! Don't doubt yourself!!! Understand the people you attract may not be forth coming about their own feelings because they feel inadequate or intimidated.... Believe me I've been married to my ENFP almost 17 years he's a handful, they clam up but deep inside they're thinking as hard as we are, but are to scared to tell us 😘 Hang in there baby girl!!! YOU GOT THIS!!!
See if you can relate to this? I worked at a company for a long time, and I was known as a loner, though I did have some friends there. One time one of those friends set me up with some girl to go on a date with her. I don't know why, other than that girl MIGHT had liked me. I did like her somewhat, but she was updateable in my view, mostly because she had a filthy mouth for a girl. So when this friend (a girl) told her I said no, she just went off and cried rather loudly for like a minute in another room. Why? I never told anybody I liked her, as I didn't like her that much. BTW, the girl who set me up, I told a group of guys once that I considered her a friend, since they were cornering me and trying to claim I had no friends (yes, maybe no friends with the backstabbers there, but not so outside the job), and they annoyed that friend after that too, I guess because they wanted to keep me as legendary friendless or something. I guess they couldn't annoy me any other way, so that was the easiest. I never went to ANY of their company parties BTW. Now if we had one with just my department, I might had very well gone, but working in IT, do you think that ever happened😂🤣?
@@charles2241 Interesting story!
When you wrote: "One time one of those friends set me up with some girl to go on a date with her."
" I never told anybody I liked her, as I didn't like her that much."
(sounds like internal conflicted emotions?:o)
I was like: No, don't do that. It wouldn't work on me... I've seen people try doing it, but it doesn't work on me for some reason. I would know what kind of type I like or not and if I didn't like that person 100% I would never do anything about it because it would be wrong. It includes ENFPs actually.. I don't have anything against them.. It just doesn't work out for my brain or what it IS.. I can't explain it. I recently sold my bike to an random ENFP guy I hadn't met before.. I had to admit.. He had style, but he isn't my type and I wouldn't find myself to go on a date with a guy like that.
" I did like her somewhat, but she was updateable in my view, mostly because she had a filthy mouth for a girl."
I'm not sure I understand what kind of filthy mouth you're talking about.. I've heard a lot of different once... and some of them are just way off my way of thinking.. like.. I have to learn to accept it to even be able to stick around and that is somewhat wrong for me, interal wise.
"BTW, the girl who set me up, I told a group of guys once that I considered her a friend, since they were cornering me and trying to claim I had no friends (yes, maybe no friends with the backstabbers there, but not so outside the job). I guess because they wanted to keep me as legendary friendless or something. I guess they couldn't annoy me any other way, so that was the easiest. I never went to ANY of their company parties BTW"
That is just mean towards you. People often choose the life they have for multiple reasons.. including staying away from people who are not good to or for us. I'm sure you know what you are doing underneath even though it may not seem clear to others.
"BTW. Now if we had one with just my department, I might had very well gone, but working in IT, do you think that ever happened😂🤣?"
I guess it depends on who is joining you. x) Then you can have all the parties you want, and enjoy yourself having it.
@@siljealexandraonarheim4091 No, there wasn't any conflict between me liking that girl and not. Most every girl has something to like about them. Let's say she was a 6 with a decent mouth. With the mouth, however, she shot down to a 4 or less. She still had some appeal, but the mouth overshadows that.
I'll give you perhaps a somewhat funny character contrast concerning dating. I dated two girls at once, one time. One was a friend of mine who talked to me a lot. The other was a blind date she set me up with, and we all went on the same date. My friend was fat and talkative (and probably attractive if she lost weight), whereas the blind date was in good shape and attractive, but barely said ten words to me. It basically turned into the two girls talking to each other the whole time. I talked to my friend a bit, but basically it was as if I wasn't there, between the two of them.
When all was over and the friend left, I got the blind date into my car (we all drove to the places, all with our own cars) and played her a song she hadn't heard. When that was over I asked if she would like to go do something else (where at least I might get some words out of her, if it's just her and I). She said no, as she had some place she had to be. That rang somewhat hollow to me, because as we were leaving the first place, we bumped into some hippy guy she knew, and that left me behind, with them arm-in-arm. The two of them got away from me, so I don't know if he got a date with her or what, so I think that's where she had to be, a date with him, which if true, is pretty damn rude (of both of them). My friend tried to get the three of us together again, and I was willing, but the blind date just always found some reason she couldn't come. As much as my friend liked me, I don't think she liked me at all. My friend was married BTW.
Some people treat love like buying a car.
dont forgive cheating
... I'm just being "nice".
im an infj who also likes an infj but he makes me feel so stressed when im around him
I love entp..should i chase? How to accept this rejection
I'm INFJ and I'm a big time lover on my 5th marriage, and each person I fall love with step all over my heart and my soul and leave me in loneliness and then I have to rebuild my life.
5th? I stopped at 1, took a 36 year hiatus and may be allowing a Gemini into my precious world but I'm hopeful. Its about triggers. Can you stay true to yourself? Be you.
@@marycain5668 yeah I think I keep falling into the Trap of getting into relationships with narcissists or people with serious mental health problems so once I get done with this fifth marriage whenever that will be? I don't think I will be getting remarried anytime soon I'm kind of tired after being in a married from twenty one all the way up to 54 I'm just done with relationships and I want to crawl into a cave and go to sleep for a while read a few books and drink lots of coffee and just be alone thanks so much for getting back to me. I hope you have a really happy fun safe weekend many great big bear hugs.
This sounds so stupid for a lot of feelers especially infjs: marry ur self an estj. They are annoying with their rationality. But we infj need them. They stick to reality. They May not give you al these things, but its a stable relationship. I still have difficulties with estj. But if you see Through the surface they are quite handsome with their sense of straightenes. As infj i have learnt my estj to show more love. And appreciation. Since infj love appreciation and love of affirmation. It needs a lot of time. But its the most stable relationship ever in my opinion, also its a good team. Both have a lot of good skills especially when combined. Its good teamwork. Estjs are also creative, not si much as jnfjs. Estj love how creative we are. We need to be less dreamy and more productive, thats what estj love. And they need to be more relax not rushing into everthing and have a bit of rest. Since the estj personality type is the most productive personality they need to relax. And infj can help them in that.
I am an enfj muslim female Arabic, Erik try knowing Islam, there are in it: truth, honesty, deep conscience, true love, clear vision......
بارك الله فيك ❤️
Thank you
So im confused, usually i tell my INFJ that i notice and appreciate the things she does for me, but if she wants to be sneaky, should i not tell her?
@@MaryDunford No i dont want her to be sneaky. For example, if she washes the dishes, i tell her that i noticed and I appreciate that she did wash the dishes. I think your answer is for another point. Erik said somewhere in the video that INFJS do things for the people they love and do it in a sneaky way. So, if i tell her i noticed, its not in a sneaky way anymore. So thats why i said im confused as to should not i not tell her i noticed she did something for me.
so true
Amar jana lagbe na
Timely vid lol😅😓
im an infj-t he is infj-a i just want to figure him out 😭🥺
Same for me am an infj a my crush is infj t idk how to find 😭😭
Why are we attracted to the same personality? They said opposite attracts but Im also attracted to introvert like me
☺
Man Give yourself a break. Truly u couldn’t always empathize with another bec u aren’t rhem