It occurs to me that although Charlie and his Mom have a somewhat strained relationship at times, they both seem very similar to me. They have a lot of fear and anxiety about controlling things; it shows up in different ways, but I feel like the core of it is very similar. At least, that's my read of them. I love the conversation between them a few episodes later.
Yes, and we also see that Jane’s mum is critical and controlling toward her, just as Jane is toward Charlie. My theory is that because that was Charlie’s first template for relationships with others, the next link in the chain was him being controlled and criticised by Ben.
I keep seeing in these comments that Charlie should have taken Tori with him. Which to me is missing the point. In that moment Charlie was in fight or flight mode. It wasn't that he didn't care about his sister. In that moment for him it was about getting someplace safe. And not staying in a toxic situation to make his sister feel better. He wasn't abandoning his sister he was saving himself from a situation that was triggering him and pushing head long to a set back where he was feeling so anxious he might have harmed himself to cope with the ignorance of his extended family. And the tolerance of that ignorance from his immediate family including Tori. Because NO ONE stood up for Charlie even though they all saw how uncomfortable he was getting.
Thank you for well articulating my thoughts. Tori could've said "let me come with you" and I'm sure he would have accepted her joining and staying with him. Why is it Charlie's job when he is in a heightened moment of fight flight response?
Also in the books they have a little brother,Oliver. She felt like it was her job to take care of both of them, so her leaving wasn’t really an option until the extended family left.
Some of the things his family said reminded me so much of things my own family said my first Christmas after treatment. I’m pretty sure one of my cousins also asked me if I met anyone “totally insane”. People have no sense, I swear!
Honestly the whole family dinner was a freaking relatable nightmare 😬 I'm latina, raise and living in Chile, our culture is very "family central" BUT also we have this toxic mentally of "standing when our relatives are being jerks low key bully us because they are guess/family and you don't want to make an scene". Is specifically crappy when your own parents don't stop that because for them is normal, so being the one that break that awful dynamic is so tiring because you know it's not right that way these adults are acting but they make you feel "bratty" "rude" and "bad child" when you put boundaries. We latinos take glorification of trauma to the max, like we never acknowledge or talk about it until we are literally "swinging in the chandelier", we are proud of "overcome tough situation" so the old generations except the new one to do the same. Oh when I went to therapy in my teens it was the adults that shame me, and make so much ignorant and cruel questions that my teens peers, like how freaking teens have more empathy that adults? Thankfully my parents are very supportive about me coming back to therapy in my late 20s and actually being very vocal about my feelings, especially my mom is very proud that I don't take any sht of my crappy relatives, like this changes toke me years but I'm learning, and if anyone acts offended she's always "Well I warn you, my baby isn't going to stay quiet, if you are being an asshole she's going to respond😉" Maybe in things they would never understand (my dad is very ehm... Stoic but a mix of very seriosy, yet chill but loving, very open minded but so stubborn and tradicional at the same time) but this scene of the family dinner, nah my parents would be giving everyone the death stare and let me go to my room, and remarking "this is our house, we won't tolerate you treating her that way". Again many things they don't understand but if something is hurting me they do the work to change it for me sake.
I feel like it might have been helpful for Charlie's parents to have a conversation with the extended family and just set up some boundaries with them. Like yes we all charlie is dealing with some things, but these topics aren't acceptable for conversation. If the topics are brought up, the result will be (insert consequence).
The advocacy for yourself being tiring is so accurate! I feel like I'm fighting to be understood and not mistreated most of my life and it is so flipping exhausting! It's important to try and be understanding especially if people are trying to understand and learn so they can be supportive but when they don't it's just painful! Anyone out there also feeling this don't lose hope there are people out there who can help and listen and support if you don't have them rn you can find them and things will get easier ❤
I like how it's easy to empathize with pretty much everyone in this messy situation (well, not the rude, tone-deaf relatives, but everyone else). Charlie's parents are both trying really hard to do the right things, to be there for Charlie and help him manage his issues, but they're a bit out of their depth and don't really know what to do or say; they can't realate to him, they don't entirely understand what he's going through, so they say or do the wrong thing sometimes. Which can unfortunately be quite triggering for Charlie. But you can tell they're trying. They're all just learning how to deal with the situation. You don't get a manual for that kind of thing. And especially when it's your kid and you're so worried, it's hard to stay above it. Sometimes, our emotions and anxieties just get the better of us. Not to mention, it's really hard to break old patterns. But damn it if they both aren't trying really hard. And Tori, poor Tori is trying so damn hard. But she also doesn't quite have the courage or the words to properly stand up for Charlie when his relatives are grilling him. But one can't fault her for that. She's always trying to be there for Charlie, no matter what. But it really, really breaks my heart how she's made Charlie her entire life... She cares for him so much more than she cares for herself... She wants to keep him safe and happy to the point of making that her entire life's mission, and supressing all of her own struggles, pains, desires, dreams, needs... in the process, it feels like. It's honestly hard to watch sometimes. -(Maybe because as an older sister, I can relate to a point...)- She feels so... idk, repressed. I really, really hope we get to see her come into her own and blossom, reveal a bit more of her personality and inner life, instead of just making herself essentially a tool for Charlie, his safety blanket. Tori deserves to be her own person and take up space of her own, she has value and SHE DESERVES SUPPORT TOO!!!, and I hope she gets to a point where she recognizes that for herself.
im very lucky that my mom is understanding and accomodating of me. i dont have ed/ocd like charlie does, but i do have adhd and some anxiety issues, and during family gatherings my mom is always okay with me taking a break from the room, standing outside for a bit etc if something gets too much for me. im also older than charlie, so i have more practice handling these situations. i wish charlie had been able to ask to take a break outside, or eat in his room, something like that.
I get why he leaves- his mom is trying but she is fixating on the wrong thing and not actively listening to Charlie and why he is upset - him leaving and going to nicks where it is safe and no-one will bring anything up about his mental health is what he needs right now - why he didn't bring tori along to nicks when she ends up there anyway I don't know! it's obvious that his mom loves him but what she is doing is not helpful -when parents fixate on aspects of your mental health disorders in certain ways and do not actually listen to you on why your are angry - whether it's at them or different reasons it's so frustrating and can make the situation worse when you just want them to listen to you- and then you either walk away, yell at them if you feel safe to if staying calm has reached its end or is not working and/or you leave the enviroment (personal experience). He should have had tori come with him though. until he is able to have a better relationship with his mom that house is never going to feel fully safe and so he will leave and go to where he does feel safe which is at nicks- he was also able to eat at nick's because of how comfortable he was! Charlie's worried about nick seeing his scars and there's also his body dysmorphia. being vulnerable no matter how safe and loved you feel by that person can still be terrifying especially if you are someone who doesn't like to feel vulnerable around others
I don’t have an ED so can’t possibly understand what people with one go through but I know that I despise Christmas and all the pressure put on people to gather together with extended family and do things they dont necessarily want to do in a high tension environment. We need to make it easier for people to do what they want to do at that time of year without all the guilt and pressure.
As a person who has no relatives I've often felt lonely around Christmas. The stories my friends tell after Christmas make me feel I'm often the lucky one. Odd really.
The pressures from them and to see them are big around the holidays too! It's okay and valid to feel like you wish you had that but you are lucky in a lot of ways too. And there is a lot to be said for found families and how much better they can be for folks with difficult or no biological ones ❤
It was really good. My family pretended/pretends my ED doesn't exist, so there was no pestering like this. Friends were always concerned and pestering me to eat, but they've moved on. I'm in my 30s now. I think my chronic seemingly untreatable mental illness-mainly bipolar, has driven away any friends that supported me. I don't blame them, who wants to be around someone who is constantly in the hospital, and who's only life update is that they are unwell. My extended family says "hi" at events, but then avoids me. It's isolating.
I feel that there is an argument that some of charlie's mum missteps with Charlie this episode comes from the anxiety and pressure the grandmother is putting in her. I'll be interested in seeing your opinions of the inpatient psych ward care presented in Everything calls for salvation, I feel that it is a better and possibly more accurate representation of what it's like on a ward. It is a great series.
Honestly getting to see her parents really cleared up why she’s the way she is and it’s also like Charlie was struggling and they didn’t catch it so now it’s like she hovers so she doesn’t miss it anymore
@marcusmelancon3426 Yeah, I think there is definitely something generational here. If the grandmother is her mother, maybe it's the way she was treated, and it has affected how she parents Charlie. Though I wonder if that hovering aways happens at the Christmases as she doesn't want to disappoint the grandmother (you get that with the comment about the champagne)
my ed (arfid) really flared up last christmas, and my parents were telling me they wearnt celebrating so i was like ‘lit, no Christmas dinner!’ they then proceed to tell me no were going out to a family christmas dinner and i cant get out of it. And i was like, ok 🫠 i managed a tiny bit of food and then spent the next day crying over how much nice food their was that i couldnt eat. Hoping this year is better! Because i really enjoy christmas, just minus the christmas dinner lol
Dr Elliott (Elliott), your comments have me suspended to your every words. I haven’t found any YT video that packs so much meaningful content in so little time. Every time, the end comes as a shock (What ? Over already ??). THANK YOU ! I’d love to have you react to some movies like Handsome Devil, The Way He Looks or The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Please consider it !
this episode made me really, really angry at his mother at how utterly tone deaf she is. "I know, let's have an eating event a day or two after my child gets back from the hospital for anorexia! what could possibly go wrong? must keep up appearances though!" and why the hell does the family need to know in the first place?
I only recently realized how messed up our discussions on "attention seeking" behaviors is. I dismissed my issues for some time because I felt they were attention seeking. I never really told anyone about them. I was humiliated that I was "seeking attention" from myself. I wanted to talk to others for help and chided myself for it.
Ugh! I can’t watch the scene with the uncle. I’ve seen this episode a handful of times and every time I either leave the room till it’s over or skip past the scene
I'm almost at loss for words. I love how the show choose to portray Christmas and all the unbelievably complex and large amount of stress that all the family gathering brings with it. As someone with by now chronified ED i hate and fear these Christmas family events with a passion. All the pressure, ignorance, inappropriate, in my case downright abusively hurtful comments, prologed bullying almost... as I said it's hard to even find words for it. It was worstb when my anorexia (and depression, but they preferred to ignore/dismiss that and rather targeted the ED). All that obsession about food... It was hell, for lack of words, just pure burning in hell. Still is to a certain amount. And I fear these days, still, tremendously. So much it would not be unusual for me to be all stressed weeks in advance, get literally sick and diarrhea just by all the ruminating. I also have AVPD, si I worry about every scenario, every single detail on how best to "survive" that all too well known hell, once more. An unescapable hell. I get hate when I don't go, i get hell when (and while) I'm there. I can't possibly do right. And IF I go, endure all the bs, I get pretty sick afterwards. Which of course nobody believes. I freak out about all the detals, going as far as bawling my eyes out trying to decide what to wear. Because oh the comments I got... I will get comments anyway for my underweight. This year might be extrta hard. The first time after my mom's (alos she did not attend the "party" since years any more) and my grandfather's death. Grandfather will be bigger. The event alllways takes place at hid house, and he was the "patriach of the family" so to say. And mean and very judgemental and dismissive of mental health. So now there's just my grandmother left. Side note, just yesterday I got the (almost standard, yearly) pressuring "make sure you are fit for christmas!" from her. When I gave her a call to tell her I'm back home. Because I actually was hospitalized for a few days. Initially planned to stay in psych ward for a while, but at my admission my kalium levels were dangerously low (2), I had to be on contsant supervision, with monitor for 1 day in urgent care (and was in pain the whole time for the highly concentrated kalium infusion), then another 2 days on drip (slower drip rate and thus not painful anymore) an mobile heart waves control. For organization issues, I was skipped my usual psych medication, all 3 of them, abruptely. Some other thing too that went wrong. I was so fed up that I preferred to be home again instead of facing yet another hustle of being tranferred to the psych ward after my electrolyte levels were stable again. Sorry for the long digresson, I just felt like illustrating the absurdity(?). No clue if that's even the right word. It likely would still not be too bad for me to be in a psych ward for a while. All she cares s I attend Christmas fesrivities. And it goes without saying that I have to be perfecly fine and happy and cheering. She allways demands that... Ah yes, and she was she inisted how wierd it was they let me go without having taken (much) weight. As if that was the criterium.... she does not get it. Never will. That I could weight many kilos m0ore and stll die from hypokalemia. Sorry for the long comment. Sorry for the TMI, sorry for the ranting. I hate Christmas with a passion. I fear Christmas with a passion. I'm starting to get nervous already. I wish it was over.... or just wiped out of the calendar. Great great portrayal in this episode. And thnak you Dr. Eliot for getting it, for your wise understanding words, for the light on how hellish it can be especially for people suffering from an eating disorder. And/or mental health and being part of the queer community. I haven't even really outed myself as ace to the family. (But I got "get laid and you will be cured" from the now deceased grandfather mentioned above. He really had the meanest, most hurtful and most blatantly ignorants comments/views...) Sending a whole truckload full of strengt and courage and love to all those people in this audience who, just like me, can't but dread the horror that the family Christmas celebrations have to offer year after year after year (and infortunately, I'm quite sure that there are many, too many who can relate).
I think it's hard on everyone. The problem you see with Charlie's relatives is so common in all types of family gatherings. We're expected to show an interest in what's going on in someone's life as it would be rude to not to but we don't really know them and rarely have a clue what to say about what's going on in their life beyond some base stereotypes and assumptions. Small talk just sucks in general.
Also historically anorexia was associated with religiosity and saints because of the Christian tradition of fasting. A lot of saints and religious historical figures like Catherine of Aragorn would today be diagnosed as mentally ill, many of them would now be considered anorexic or bulimic, schitzophrenic, or self harmers Today we hospitalise people who hear God talking to them and have visions. Self harm was also perceived as religious holy behaviour historically. MANY saints would today be perceived as mentally ill Saint Rose of Lima self harmed. One saint cut off her breasts. Many female saints self harmed to make themselves unattractive to men and avoid getting married as they came from wealthy families and were being pressured to marry when they wanted to live a life of celibacy and prayer in devotion to God Just saying because you mentioned cases of anorexia being documented hundreds of years ago. Emily Brontë died from anorexia according to Dr Katherine Frank
It occurs to me that although Charlie and his Mom have a somewhat strained relationship at times, they both seem very similar to me. They have a lot of fear and anxiety about controlling things; it shows up in different ways, but I feel like the core of it is very similar. At least, that's my read of them. I love the conversation between them a few episodes later.
Omg I never thought about that but you're so right! Nice catch!
Yes, and we also see that Jane’s mum is critical and controlling toward her, just as Jane is toward Charlie. My theory is that because that was Charlie’s first template for relationships with others, the next link in the chain was him being controlled and criticised by Ben.
OCD can be passed genetically ;)
I keep seeing in these comments that Charlie should have taken Tori with him. Which to me is missing the point. In that moment Charlie was in fight or flight mode. It wasn't that he didn't care about his sister. In that moment for him it was about getting someplace safe. And not staying in a toxic situation to make his sister feel better. He wasn't abandoning his sister he was saving himself from a situation that was triggering him and pushing head long to a set back where he was feeling so anxious he might have harmed himself to cope with the ignorance of his extended family. And the tolerance of that ignorance from his immediate family including Tori. Because NO ONE stood up for Charlie even though they all saw how uncomfortable he was getting.
Thank you for well articulating my thoughts. Tori could've said "let me come with you" and I'm sure he would have accepted her joining and staying with him. Why is it Charlie's job when he is in a heightened moment of fight flight response?
Also in the books they have a little brother,Oliver. She felt like it was her job to take care of both of them, so her leaving wasn’t really an option until the extended family left.
Some of the things his family said reminded me so much of things my own family said my first Christmas after treatment.
I’m pretty sure one of my cousins also asked me if I met anyone “totally insane”. People have no sense, I swear!
Honestly the whole family dinner was a freaking relatable nightmare 😬
I'm latina, raise and living in Chile, our culture is very "family central" BUT also we have this toxic mentally of "standing when our relatives are being jerks low key bully us because they are guess/family and you don't want to make an scene".
Is specifically crappy when your own parents don't stop that because for them is normal, so being the one that break that awful dynamic is so tiring because you know it's not right that way these adults are acting but they make you feel "bratty" "rude" and "bad child" when you put boundaries.
We latinos take glorification of trauma to the max, like we never acknowledge or talk about it until we are literally "swinging in the chandelier", we are proud of "overcome tough situation" so the old generations except the new one to do the same.
Oh when I went to therapy in my teens it was the adults that shame me, and make so much ignorant and cruel questions that my teens peers, like how freaking teens have more empathy that adults?
Thankfully my parents are very supportive about me coming back to therapy in my late 20s and actually being very vocal about my feelings, especially my mom is very proud that I don't take any sht of my crappy relatives, like this changes toke me years but I'm learning, and if anyone acts offended she's always "Well I warn you, my baby isn't going to stay quiet, if you are being an asshole she's going to respond😉"
Maybe in things they would never understand (my dad is very ehm... Stoic but a mix of very seriosy, yet chill but loving, very open minded but so stubborn and tradicional at the same time) but this scene of the family dinner, nah my parents would be giving everyone the death stare and let me go to my room, and remarking "this is our house, we won't tolerate you treating her that way". Again many things they don't understand but if something is hurting me they do the work to change it for me sake.
The way you just described my dad 😭🙈 fellow Latina here. Born and raised in Canada
I feel like it might have been helpful for Charlie's parents to have a conversation with the extended family and just set up some boundaries with them. Like yes we all charlie is dealing with some things, but these topics aren't acceptable for conversation. If the topics are brought up, the result will be (insert consequence).
The advocacy for yourself being tiring is so accurate! I feel like I'm fighting to be understood and not mistreated most of my life and it is so flipping exhausting! It's important to try and be understanding especially if people are trying to understand and learn so they can be supportive but when they don't it's just painful! Anyone out there also feeling this don't lose hope there are people out there who can help and listen and support if you don't have them rn you can find them and things will get easier ❤
I like how it's easy to empathize with pretty much everyone in this messy situation (well, not the rude, tone-deaf relatives, but everyone else). Charlie's parents are both trying really hard to do the right things, to be there for Charlie and help him manage his issues, but they're a bit out of their depth and don't really know what to do or say; they can't realate to him, they don't entirely understand what he's going through, so they say or do the wrong thing sometimes. Which can unfortunately be quite triggering for Charlie. But you can tell they're trying. They're all just learning how to deal with the situation. You don't get a manual for that kind of thing. And especially when it's your kid and you're so worried, it's hard to stay above it. Sometimes, our emotions and anxieties just get the better of us. Not to mention, it's really hard to break old patterns. But damn it if they both aren't trying really hard.
And Tori, poor Tori is trying so damn hard. But she also doesn't quite have the courage or the words to properly stand up for Charlie when his relatives are grilling him. But one can't fault her for that. She's always trying to be there for Charlie, no matter what. But it really, really breaks my heart how she's made Charlie her entire life... She cares for him so much more than she cares for herself... She wants to keep him safe and happy to the point of making that her entire life's mission, and supressing all of her own struggles, pains, desires, dreams, needs... in the process, it feels like. It's honestly hard to watch sometimes. -(Maybe because as an older sister, I can relate to a point...)- She feels so... idk, repressed. I really, really hope we get to see her come into her own and blossom, reveal a bit more of her personality and inner life, instead of just making herself essentially a tool for Charlie, his safety blanket. Tori deserves to be her own person and take up space of her own, she has value and SHE DESERVES SUPPORT TOO!!!, and I hope she gets to a point where she recognizes that for herself.
im very lucky that my mom is understanding and accomodating of me. i dont have ed/ocd like charlie does, but i do have adhd and some anxiety issues, and during family gatherings my mom is always okay with me taking a break from the room, standing outside for a bit etc if something gets too much for me. im also older than charlie, so i have more practice handling these situations. i wish charlie had been able to ask to take a break outside, or eat in his room, something like that.
The intrusive questioning happens if you're disabled too and you meet people you don't know. It's awful!
I get why he leaves- his mom is trying but she is fixating on the wrong thing and not actively listening to Charlie and why he is upset - him leaving and going to nicks where it is safe and no-one will bring anything up about his mental health is what he needs right now - why he didn't bring tori along to nicks when she ends up there anyway I don't know! it's obvious that his mom loves him but what she is doing is not helpful -when parents fixate on aspects of your mental health disorders in certain ways and do not actually listen to you on why your are angry - whether it's at them or different reasons it's so frustrating and can make the situation worse when you just want them to listen to you- and then you either walk away, yell at them if you feel safe to if staying calm has reached its end or is not working and/or you leave the enviroment (personal experience). He should have had tori come with him though. until he is able to have a better relationship with his mom that house is never going to feel fully safe and so he will leave and go to where he does feel safe which is at nicks- he was also able to eat at nick's because of how comfortable he was! Charlie's worried about nick seeing his scars and there's also his body dysmorphia. being vulnerable no matter how safe and loved you feel by that person can still be terrifying especially if you are someone who doesn't like to feel vulnerable around others
I don’t have an ED so can’t possibly understand what people with one go through but I know that I despise Christmas and all the pressure put on people to gather together with extended family and do things they dont necessarily want to do in a high tension environment. We need to make it easier for people to do what they want to do at that time of year without all the guilt and pressure.
This
As a person who has no relatives I've often felt lonely around Christmas. The stories my friends tell after Christmas make me feel I'm often the lucky one. Odd really.
Relatives make things very hard
The pressures from them and to see them are big around the holidays too! It's okay and valid to feel like you wish you had that but you are lucky in a lot of ways too. And there is a lot to be said for found families and how much better they can be for folks with difficult or no biological ones ❤
It was really good. My family pretended/pretends my ED doesn't exist, so there was no pestering like this. Friends were always concerned and pestering me to eat, but they've moved on. I'm in my 30s now. I think my chronic seemingly untreatable mental illness-mainly bipolar, has driven away any friends that supported me. I don't blame them, who wants to be around someone who is constantly in the hospital, and who's only life update is that they are unwell. My extended family says "hi" at events, but then avoids me. It's isolating.
I feel that there is an argument that some of charlie's mum missteps with Charlie this episode comes from the anxiety and pressure the grandmother is putting in her.
I'll be interested in seeing your opinions of the inpatient psych ward care presented in Everything calls for salvation, I feel that it is a better and possibly more accurate representation of what it's like on a ward. It is a great series.
Honestly getting to see her parents really cleared up why she’s the way she is and it’s also like Charlie was struggling and they didn’t catch it so now it’s like she hovers so she doesn’t miss it anymore
@marcusmelancon3426 Yeah, I think there is definitely something generational here. If the grandmother is her mother, maybe it's the way she was treated, and it has affected how she parents Charlie. Though I wonder if that hovering aways happens at the Christmases as she doesn't want to disappoint the grandmother (you get that with the comment about the champagne)
my ed (arfid) really flared up last christmas, and my parents were telling me they wearnt celebrating so i was like ‘lit, no Christmas dinner!’ they then proceed to tell me no were going out to a family christmas dinner and i cant get out of it. And i was like, ok 🫠 i managed a tiny bit of food and then spent the next day crying over how much nice food their was that i couldnt eat. Hoping this year is better! Because i really enjoy christmas, just minus the christmas dinner lol
Dr Elliott (Elliott), your comments have me suspended to your every words. I haven’t found any YT video that packs so much meaningful content in so little time. Every time, the end comes as a shock (What ? Over already ??). THANK YOU !
I’d love to have you react to some movies like Handsome Devil, The Way He Looks or The Perks of Being a Wallflower. Please consider it !
I'm sorry. But as a french, yes you did butcher that name 😂
Would you ever react to solitaire the audiobook? It’s got SO much mental health stuff and gives a great insight into Tori!
If solitare ever gets an adaptation he needs to react to it asap
this episode made me really, really angry at his mother at how utterly tone deaf she is. "I know, let's have an eating event a day or two after my child gets back from the hospital for anorexia! what could possibly go wrong? must keep up appearances though!" and why the hell does the family need to know in the first place?
I only recently realized how messed up our discussions on "attention seeking" behaviors is. I dismissed my issues for some time because I felt they were attention seeking. I never really told anyone about them. I was humiliated that I was "seeking attention" from myself. I wanted to talk to others for help and chided myself for it.
Ugh! I can’t watch the scene with the uncle. I’ve seen this episode a handful of times and every time I either leave the room till it’s over or skip past the scene
I'm almost at loss for words.
I love how the show choose to portray Christmas and all the unbelievably complex and large amount of stress that all the family gathering brings with it. As someone with by now chronified ED i hate and fear these Christmas family events with a passion. All the pressure, ignorance, inappropriate, in my case downright abusively hurtful comments, prologed bullying almost... as I said it's hard to even find words for it. It was worstb when my anorexia (and depression, but they preferred to ignore/dismiss that and rather targeted the ED). All that obsession about food...
It was hell, for lack of words, just pure burning in hell.
Still is to a certain amount. And I fear these days, still, tremendously. So much it would not be unusual for me to be all stressed weeks in advance, get literally sick and diarrhea just by all the ruminating. I also have AVPD, si I worry about every scenario, every single detail on how best to "survive" that all too well known hell, once more. An unescapable hell. I get hate when I don't go, i get hell when (and while) I'm there. I can't possibly do right. And IF I go, endure all the bs, I get pretty sick afterwards. Which of course nobody believes.
I freak out about all the detals, going as far as bawling my eyes out trying to decide what to wear. Because oh the comments I got... I will get comments anyway for my underweight.
This year might be extrta hard. The first time after my mom's (alos she did not attend the "party" since years any more) and my grandfather's death. Grandfather will be bigger. The event alllways takes place at hid house, and he was the "patriach of the family" so to say. And mean and very judgemental and dismissive of mental health. So now there's just my grandmother left.
Side note, just yesterday I got the (almost standard, yearly) pressuring "make sure you are fit for christmas!" from her. When I gave her a call to tell her I'm back home. Because I actually was hospitalized for a few days. Initially planned to stay in psych ward for a while, but at my admission my kalium levels were dangerously low (2), I had to be on contsant supervision, with monitor for 1 day in urgent care (and was in pain the whole time for the highly concentrated kalium infusion), then another 2 days on drip (slower drip rate and thus not painful anymore) an mobile heart waves control. For organization issues, I was skipped my usual psych medication, all 3 of them, abruptely. Some other thing too that went wrong.
I was so fed up that I preferred to be home again instead of facing yet another hustle of being tranferred to the psych ward after my electrolyte levels were stable again.
Sorry for the long digresson, I just felt like illustrating the absurdity(?). No clue if that's even the right word. It likely would still not be too bad for me to be in a psych ward for a while. All she cares s I attend Christmas fesrivities. And it goes without saying that I have to be perfecly fine and happy and cheering. She allways demands that...
Ah yes, and she was she inisted how wierd it was they let me go without having taken (much) weight. As if that was the criterium.... she does not get it. Never will. That I could weight many kilos m0ore and stll die from hypokalemia.
Sorry for the long comment. Sorry for the TMI, sorry for the ranting.
I hate Christmas with a passion.
I fear Christmas with a passion.
I'm starting to get nervous already.
I wish it was over.... or just wiped out of the calendar.
Great great portrayal in this episode.
And thnak you Dr. Eliot for getting it, for your wise understanding words, for the light on how hellish it can be especially for people suffering from an eating disorder. And/or mental health and being part of the queer community. I haven't even really outed myself as ace to the family. (But I got "get laid and you will be cured" from the now deceased grandfather mentioned above. He really had the meanest, most hurtful and most blatantly ignorants comments/views...)
Sending a whole truckload full of strengt and courage and love to all those people in this audience who, just like me, can't but dread the horror that the family Christmas celebrations have to offer year after year after year (and infortunately, I'm quite sure that there are many, too many who can relate).
You should most definitely checkout solitaire. I would like to hear your thoughts on mental health expressed in it. It's tori's story
I think it's hard on everyone. The problem you see with Charlie's relatives is so common in all types of family gatherings. We're expected to show an interest in what's going on in someone's life as it would be rude to not to but we don't really know them and rarely have a clue what to say about what's going on in their life beyond some base stereotypes and assumptions. Small talk just sucks in general.
Commenting on someone’s body or criticising haircut is just plain rude, it’s not “hard on everyone” some people just suck
I´m learning english through your channel. But 1:36 killed me 💀
the holidays are hard for me, their is so much pressure to be happy that I never am at that time and that feels like failing
I love your reaction my favorite series.
💖
Also historically anorexia was associated with religiosity and saints because of the Christian tradition of fasting. A lot of saints and religious historical figures like Catherine of Aragorn would today be diagnosed as mentally ill, many of them would now be considered anorexic or bulimic, schitzophrenic, or self harmers
Today we hospitalise people who hear God talking to them and have visions. Self harm was also perceived as religious holy behaviour historically. MANY saints would today be perceived as mentally ill
Saint Rose of Lima self harmed. One saint cut off her breasts. Many female saints self harmed to make themselves unattractive to men and avoid getting married as they came from wealthy families and were being pressured to marry when they wanted to live a life of celibacy and prayer in devotion to God
Just saying because you mentioned cases of anorexia being documented hundreds of years ago. Emily Brontë died from anorexia according to Dr Katherine Frank