Do you want to know more about dealing with narcissists 🤔💭 and how to respond to them? 🚫💥 Join me in my FREE webinar 🎓 where I offer tips and tricks 💡. Reserve your seat here: ⬇ slay.rebeccazung.com/?el=YT120724
My covert narcissistic father restricted his food intake and my co-dependent, morbidly obese mother would over eat everything in the house. So I had to learn how to go grocery shopping and cook for myself at a very young age, and as I got older, save money to eat out on my own. My father was an unpleasant control freak at restaurants too. I've been 100% no contact for 2 years now and haven't seen them for nearly 5 years. I've never been happier. Living my best life. Your videos help me a lot.
my covert husband never compliments my cooking, always has any negative comments, but he eats all my foods like a super hungry person, words and actions never match, and proves that narc always makes us try harder and harder to make them happy
@@hibiscus1974 oh my gosh, I am the daughter of a father with very high narcissistic tendencies at the very least and it hurt to watch my mom bust her butt cooking for us for my father to always have unhappy, make everyone else miserable too etc.. my father flipped on my mom because there weren’t enough ice cubes in his drink cup another time she forgot the straw. If my mom is in the hospital he expected me to take her place.. FOR HIM! I’m sorry you experienced this.
Yes, exactly. When I was growing up, my mother became upset if I asked her to make something different than what she was determined to feed me. She used to dip out all the food on my plate and wouldn't allow me to do it myself. She never asked me what I wanted, and she became furious if I asked for anything else, even if it made sense (more affordable, easier to cook, etc.) EDIT: I just now remembered something else. She often took me to get ice cream, but her favorite flavor was vanilla and so she forced me to have vanilla also even though all other flavors were the same price.
My narc ex used to eat fast and leave the table as soon as he was finished with his food. He never waited until I finished mine. The few occasions when, in the beginning, I asked him to wait for me, he made a big show of sighing, being in a hurry, being annoyed. I'm so glad this is over.
One narcissist I once knew had a legitimate allergy to certain foods. Not only did she make a spectacle of herself gleefully verbalizing the entire list of foods she was allergic to when someone invited her to dinner or a restaurant, she also seemed to enjoy showing a terrible expression of disgust when someone unknowingly made food containing the allergen, without telling the cook or chef about the allergy until their heart sunk and they begged to know what was so wrong with the dish they prepared. It was like a setup for a chance to be the center of attention or the chance to have a "gotcha" moment no one could have possibly anticipated.
I have known a lot of middle age narcissists, and old ones too who are very angry and sensitive about how they are no longer dreamboats. And most of it is because of how they have over indulged.
So true! Yep. Been through all of these annoying eating habits and more with the classic covert narcissist-the worst being gluttony. They’ll eat more than anyone else at the table, which lets you know they are capable of taking away more from the dining experience than you, that they know how to have a better time say at a buffet than you. They are the king or queen of eating. Of course such gluttony makes them the center of attention. I’m good with it now since long ago I have carved such people out of my life. I could write a book…
Totally… my husband of almost 27 years is so overindulgent when eating. He has gained a significant amount of weight however, makes comments like “I still clean up well!” I am a retired chef and can prepare just about anything so he does eat extremely well. He brings pictures of the food I prepare to work and says he is bragging about me and my abilities. I know though he does it in his mind to brag that he has a personal chef at home! He never says “that was delicious, or was that new?, that was great or even good.” He just chokes it all down, takes his butt off the chair and never offers to wash a dish! I literally would need to beg him to wash dishes and need to hear about it for days. He has the largest scorecard mentality that I’ve ever met! If I don’t have dinner made by approximately 6 pm he is asking where it is? I am nothing but a service worker to him. This is why our marriage is now a roommate situation where we live in separate rooms.
Always fighting for a free meal at restaurants because the meal is never good enough. Belittling the waiters. Definitely never tip because the waiter doesn’t do anything right. “I’m not paying for this!” Making sure everyone in the restaurant sees the faces of discussed. 😢. Plus, everything you mentioned. It’s all an all eyes on me game. It doesn’t matter how they get the attention. Thank you for the work you are doing to educate us, validate how we feel and what we see.
This vid took me back and the control signs were there, I just didn't realize what was happening. Totally! I feel he has weaponized food in our house, the level of control he tries to exude over how I cook, when I cook, what I cook, he even criticizes or tries to control how I prep food. It is ridiculous! When it gets to be too much, I just hand him the pot, pan or knife and say, "do it yourself" and I walk out.
My narc grandmother watched me for two summers after my parents divorced. She wouldn't allow me to eat or drink all day. When the entire family was home, she'd make dinner for all of us. She'd serve us each the portion she deemed fit. For example, my aunt was a bit heavier, so she'd get half the portion the rest of us got. Although none of us got a decent-sized portion. She loved generic canned peaches from the scratch-and-dent clearance section. Each meal included a slimy chunk of peach floating in heavy syrup for each of us, as if she was really spoiling us all. She'd peer over me and force me to eat it. To this day, I cannot stand peaches.
Rebecca you hit it on the head I didn't even think about that but you're absolutely right they use food to control everything and just like how you said they pretend they're experts on everything and a certain foods are good certain foods are not and then they make a big deal about not eating certain kinds of foods on and on and on and on and on and it was AWFUL! It was so expensive to feed him because he could only have certain kinds of coffee made only certain way no chicken no pork but yes to ham and bacon no fish no turkey he made my mother feel so bad when she tried to accommodate that he could only have beef steak that she put a light teriyaki sauce on it and he just ripped her for it he was horrible!! Twice at a Chinese restaurant I ordered something with tofu in it and he picked up the tofu out of the dish and threw it at me across the table same thing with anything with ginger in it and then he was such a cheapskate that he always had to split an entree with me when I finally started to awake he really didn't like it when I started ordering my own meals at that point he refuse to go to restaurants with me anymore because he couldn't get his 2 for one meals. I could go on but it would be another 300 pages...
mine is the opposite one, he purposely sit down on the dinning chair earlier when i haven’t finished cooking ; rush and blame me saying ‘why cook simple food takes so long’
Totally! While I’ve been looking and not to be subjected to this personally, it seems that this list describes both the widespread narcissistic behaviors in groups like the hipster/foodie culture, but also the attitudes of one notorious narcissist addicted to an unhealthy diet that he forces on everyone else, even on special occasions. That being the case, I’ve been absolutely. DYING for someone to talk about this, something that even some qualified psychologist refused to do.
A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient
There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white..
Gluttony, TOTALLY! I was divorced with 3 little kids when I met him. After we married and it was dinner time, he would make sure he got to the food first and would pile most of it on his plate. When I commented on this his response was always, what!? I learned quickly that I would have to plate up the food for me and my children before calling him to dinner. He would also drink the milk anytime he wanted to and I eventually had to portion the milk to my children because he was always blaming them for drinking all the milk. I portioned it so they could have their milk and I could refute his accusations. He remained a monster for the 42 years I stayed trying to leave 3 times before. This time I made it out but only as far as the apartment on our property. He watches me from the kitchen window of his trailer. I do my best to ignore him. Mostly, that works, but sometimes not.
@@philippaferguson1327 Right! Bro always says, "It's just food." After someone compliments my cooking. After baking a cake or brownies. Only one time he said my brownies were good. I've been baking these same brownies since we were in Junior High. Cheezus! Now if we meetup, he orders too much food for the table and gets angry when we don't eat it all! FFS, Daddy and I just wanted a pizza! He orders, wings, salad, french fries...my God! Then the bill came. And it sat there for twenty minutes! Dad actually got up and went to the bathroom! He was hiding! Bro is an anesthesiologist and should pick up the bill! He's the one who ordered all this food and can afford it! Our lunch to get pizza became some big horrible ordeal! Very uncomfortable dealing with my NBro! He's always so angry! Brooding and bluzzy way about himself and he thinks there's nothing wrong. But there is! And the whole atmosphere is so charged! I can't explain it
Totally, I notice how they eat super fast. They make a big deal about eating but they really don't care or even take time to taste the food. Also I have noticed they slurp, chomp, and make noises that are very irritating. They gulp their drinks. And the way they chew gum is very disturbing. They choose not to use Kleenex and they will clear the nose with the one finger and blow technique. I will do that rarely but move to an area where it won't effect anyone. They will gas up the bed before you sleep and laugh about it.
@@SiliconBong I feel for you for the how it resonates with you. The narcs that eat the way I described are the worst of the worst. I don't know if you pray. I am trying it. I will pray @ 6 p.m. central time this evening. So maybe you can join at that time. This is my idea of how it rings true. Thank You!
My brother brought me a McDonald's child burger and handed it to me. Then he pulled out a McDonald's adult hamburger. His objective was to humiliate me.
Narcissistic people are famous for this! They will come home with food and you end up with the short end of the stick every time. They always have more on their plate and you have less. Seems petty but, it’s true. They’re greedy little creatures.
This is useful. Other examples: eating almost all of a shared plate then insisting you eat the last morsel because 'You like eating it all up, don't you?" And making you do it while they watch, looking your overweight body up and down as you do. And, should they ever cook and you don't praise it sufficiently, taking your plate and theirs and throwing it in the rubbish bin. Good to hear that these powerplays are so common!
Great and helpful video! I never thought that eating habits could also reflect a narcissist's personality. Thank you for sharing this knowledge. I hope that people who watch this video will not be caught up in the manipulation or guilt they try to create. Rebecca shared so many helpful tips in this video and you deserve to live an independent, uncontrolled life!
True. I've observed one more thing: avarice. When n. person quenches people there are abnormally modest meal on the table. We sill came back hungry. Thank You Rebecca!
My husband knew I was a picky eater from the beginning. He would always make me feel bad to the point I would have to try new things whether I liked it or not would set the mood for the rest of the night. I was a baby or ridiculous. The latter one of his favorite things to call me. This answers a lot of questions
No 1 should be the DRAMA BEFORE the meal. My ex would come home, while lm making the dinner telling all about how hard his day was, then not say a word at dinner. Making it so uncomfortable at the dinner table.
💯 I was just thinking about this the other day. My SM does this to the extreme.. she eats super slow.. like, ppl checking their watches to leave the table. Also, every narc I was with had a food superiority thing (I can be a food snob, myself on occasion, but on the INside 😉). In fact, I recently went out to eat w a guy, and his inferior/healthy food talk & behavior at the restaurant is what first cued the narc type traits.
This resonates my experiences with people. As a child and adult my mom made me eat things. As an almost teen, she made me eat a mushroom on her date and I gagged on it. She kept insisting. She'd say she hated what I ate. So did an ex who said the same thing, " hate how you eat your food" like with ketchup and hot sauce. I had many break downs with my exes bullying. At a business dinner my husband's brother pressured me to eat fish that still had the heads on them. I tried to tell him that I will throw up because I'm pregnant. But he wouldn't listen. I got so sick I threw up and they looked either guilty or embarrassed by me. A friend who's hurtful and controlling would ask me where would I like to go eat and I'd say well, I would actually like to go to luby's. Then she would pick me up and tell me let's try something new and she took me to this place that was all about just chicken. Eating the chicken was so uncomfortable going down to my stomach because I was not in the mood for chicken. At the chicken place she got one order for both of us to eat and she paid for it. Said well save money. . I kept telling her I'd like my own order and I'll pay for it and she wouldn't do it. Said she was trying to help. Then as usual she had an attitude when we go and eat. She was hot and cold. Sometimes she would tell me let's go and eat and she wouldn't go. When it's time to go it's when shes ready, slow or fast dinner. The list goes on and on it was not fun 🙄🙄🙄
A lot of early dating involves going out for lunch or dinner (and meeting the family). The behaviors discussed in Rebecca's video may be the first "canary in the coalmine" that exposes a narcissist in our midst. Happened in my dating/marriage. Observed it, was disturbed by it, but had no idea what it was.
My ex malignant narc always had to flirt with the waitress and proclaim proudly that he was a vegetarian🙄. I would tell him "She doesn't CARE! No one CARES!" Just order something! Meanwhile he was as big as a house. Beer and french fries were his "vegetarian" staples.🥴 Nerd.
I was just thinking how the narcissist in my family always says finish your drink everytime at a restaurant even if I'm buying. It could be melted ice. It drives me crazy and its embarrassing and makes me feel like a child. It turns into a big deal and I don't want to explain myself.
Whenever I stayed with my narc brother (now estranged) and his simpering wife, they knew I have IBS. He did not do amy research on IBS. lol! and lunch amd tea would be hot curry with rice or a chili concoction cooked by him.. Like most uneducated people.he assumed I'd be on the loo all night. He was sorely disappointed when I slept well and through. My IBS works like this: I eat spicy food say Monday, on Wednesday, my knees and ankles would play up, and I;d be in pain for the day. My stpe sister (Now departed) was the same. She held parties ans the food was always spicy.
I would worked alot of 10 to 12 hr days so i would be hungry when i got home . All the while he stayed home due to " disability" he would go out for lunch and then when i came home dinner would be a couple of hot dogs or a can of soup or he didn't feel like cooking so i would order a pizza. House would be amess but his stuff was clean and organized. , and mine thrown in a pile. The days i was off i was supposed to clean and cook plus do the majority of shopping because bhe would get snack foods if he did the shopping little by little everything was more of me to take care of i was so exhausted all the time. Thank God he is no longer in my life.
The covert narc I was tricked into marrying has always acted like the food authority expert. At first, before I knew better. I thought he knew what he was talking about. But as time went on, I started noticing he knows very little about food. He would give unsolicited advice about food I cooked as his excuse to pick it apart acting like he knew better ways to improve my cooking. He'd act like he's some prestigious iron chef judge. He was obsessed with trying to get me to go to culinary school (because he wants to have fancy restaurant-like food everyday at home) and would put down my cooking to try to justify sending me to culinary cooking school. I have ZERO interest in cooking school and I DO NOT wish to pursue a career as a chef. Since he was always so obsessed with culinary cooking school, I suggested why don't HE just go get that education since he thinks he's such a connoisseur that way he can be with food that he loves so much and quit the programming job he hates to become a chef. Well that never happened as I clearly called his bluff because he didn't want to put forth effort outside of his programming job. Fast forward to today, he's still employed as a computer programmer and still bitches about my cooking. I like comfort food with a healthy but tasty twist. He likes, as he puts it, "exotic food" and hates comfort food. He's always texting me recipes for "exotic meals" he wants to try. These recipes call for 20-30 ingredients and many you can only buy online. The problem with new exotic recipes like these is even when I've attempted to make some of the simpler ones, he STILL criticizes the meal that I went out of my way to accommodate for HIM (literally no appreciation for my efforts with a recipe I'm unfamiliar with)! Not anymore! NO THANK YOU! So I text back that I'd be happy to try it when HE makes it. Guess what?? He never makes the recipe! He still texts me these "exotic" recipes from time to time to try to guilt me into making them, now by saying "'We' should make this.". Nope! "We" is code for "YOU". Or, "we" is code for "you track down all the hard to find ingredients, and you plan on making this with only a little of my help if any, or surprise me if you care, or if you don't make it on time because you're so busy being the single wife that I've made you into, and if any of the ingredients go bad waiting for the meal to be made then I'll use that as my excuse to get narcissistic supply to freak out on you and call you lazy and/or wasting my money". Yep one single word is fully charged with covert double-speak. So my text responses remain the same that if HE makes that "exotic recipe" then I'll gladly try it. Ah, but he's tried to throw curve balls too by asking if I track down the ingredients then he'll make it or vicaverca. I say no to that too. I keep throwing that ball back in his court to take care of it all himself. He doesn't like putting out effort for anything outside of his computer programming job so he chooses not to move forward with his "exotic meals" that he's supposedly such an entitled authority of.
My narc ex never kept food in the house ! you can open her refrigerator and find only a gallon of milk and a carton of orange juice. The only way she ate was if her Mom cooked her something or eat take out, she is 54 years old, unbelieveable !
he ate like a toddler; sweets, chips, cookies... When I cooked real food, he would scoff it all up but never compliment me. On the days I was too busy to cook because I was employed and he wasn't, he would leave me to starve. I would literally beg him to make something and he'd tell me "later"... Thank goodness he's out of my life now.
Vulnerable may want to share but take the lions share. First, being cheap is control. Controlling the portions is about keeping you down, subject to how they dole out.
It's like he knows everything how to cook, how to make it better than you. Criticizing everything, and if you say well if you can do it better, then you do it! They say, why is it anytime I give you criticism, you say if you can do it better then you do it?! Because you act like your a god and perfect so I thought you could teach me by showing me how you would do it better 😊.
I hate this. I stopped cooking for him. Always criticized food and had to add something. And wanted to be waited on too and I could never enjoy my food.
Totally he refused to eat at the table had to be served his food in the bedroom lying down I was wondering how he could chew lying down and not choke I guess it was the over seven decades of practice he did LOL!
Totally... I'm currently documenting the food issues my daughters are encountering when they stay with my ex to support any custody changes i need to make in the future. I hate that it's come to this, and I wish I could change the past and make different choices 😔
I went somewhere to eat with them, I eat kosher food. They made it an obvious thing, because I was clearly ordering a kosher food item, they had to say to the waitress that's not pork right? Like Narcissistic code to put pork on the sandwich.
Had that when I was on the dole or food card bought mussels and steak etc . . . Then invited his friend and used my food as a grand meal for 3 , she was told she could pay with giving a haircut , when she found out was mortified that he made her accompli for 2 weeks of my food , all about how great he cooked the steak while I cooked the rest sheesh
This sounds completely like my ex all I’m studying to be a chef and they would literally tell me how to cook the meal or they would come up with. Oh, I’m on keto to complicate how I made the meal.
They order according their choice and order only less food not enough for people. If you ask for more they said oh don’t eat more loose your weight. They will say something bad during eating like you don’t know how to eat this let me tell you or don’t eat like this bla bla bla
Please don’t group people who have a restrictive diet for health reasons with narcissists. The anxiety they experience every time they order in a restaurant is significant.
It can apply to covert narcissists as well, for example, my narcissistic mother controlled what I ate, it was whatever she wanted. She didn't care if I didn't finish my plate, but she became furious if I said I didn't like what she liked. EDIT: Also keep in mind, covert narcissists become overt narcissists temporarily whenever they are high on supply. When the supply wears off, they go right back to being covert again.
@danielkaiser8971 Fair enough. I've seen one switch modes myself. Perhaps it would be most accurate to say that the convert type will not reliably display these tendencies, but it can still happen.
Another presenter who is going to try to MAKE YOU watch their commercial, whether you want to or not, by placing in midway in the video. You know, kinda like narcissists do.
Do you want to know more about dealing with narcissists 🤔💭 and how to respond to them? 🚫💥 Join me in my FREE webinar 🎓 where I offer tips and tricks 💡. Reserve your seat here: ⬇
slay.rebeccazung.com/?el=YT120724
My covert narcissistic father restricted his food intake and my co-dependent, morbidly obese mother would over eat everything in the house. So I had to learn how to go grocery shopping and cook for myself at a very young age, and as I got older, save money to eat out on my own. My father was an unpleasant control freak at restaurants too. I've been 100% no contact for 2 years now and haven't seen them for nearly 5 years. I've never been happier. Living my best life. Your videos help me a lot.
Congratulations!! Yes, they are very food starved sometimes
my covert husband never compliments my cooking, always has any negative comments, but he eats all my foods like a super hungry person, words and actions never match, and proves that narc always makes us try harder and harder to make them happy
@@hibiscus1974 Mine does this same thing sometimes.
I lived with a friend who was narcissistic.... Omg my life was Hell... Evening dinner was always a Damm battlefield
@@hibiscus1974 oh my gosh, I am the daughter of a father with very high narcissistic tendencies at the very least and it hurt to watch my mom bust her butt cooking for us for my father to always have unhappy, make everyone else miserable too etc.. my father flipped on my mom because there weren’t enough ice cubes in his drink cup another time she forgot the straw. If my mom is in the hospital he expected me to take her place.. FOR HIM! I’m sorry you experienced this.
words and actions never match - So true!!!
@@hibiscus1974 when this happens to me, I let him cook one day or let helping me.
Maybe he can do it better
This is absolutely true. They are controlling down to food and drink!!
Yep
Totally also control what you eat too
Yes, exactly. When I was growing up, my mother became upset if I asked her to make something different than what she was determined to feed me. She used to dip out all the food on my plate and wouldn't allow me to do it myself. She never asked me what I wanted, and she became furious if I asked for anything else, even if it made sense (more affordable, easier to cook, etc.)
EDIT: I just now remembered something else. She often took me to get ice cream, but her favorite flavor was vanilla and so she forced me to have vanilla also even though all other flavors were the same price.
So sorry that you grew up with someone so lacking in boundaries and in empathy..@@danielkaiser8971
My narc ex used to eat fast and leave the table as soon as he was finished with his food. He never waited until I finished mine. The few occasions when, in the beginning, I asked him to wait for me, he made a big show of sighing, being in a hurry, being annoyed. I'm so glad this is over.
They eat 5 to 6 times in a day with out bothering if others have food or not.
One narcissist I once knew had a legitimate allergy to certain foods. Not only did she make a spectacle of herself gleefully verbalizing the entire list of foods she was allergic to when someone invited her to dinner or a restaurant, she also seemed to enjoy showing a terrible expression of disgust when someone unknowingly made food containing the allergen, without telling the cook or chef about the allergy until their heart sunk and they begged to know what was so wrong with the dish they prepared. It was like a setup for a chance to be the center of attention or the chance to have a "gotcha" moment no one could have possibly anticipated.
I have known a lot of middle age narcissists, and old ones too who are very angry and sensitive about how they are no longer dreamboats. And most of it is because of how they have over indulged.
I know a few narcissists my dad used to provoke on purpose with the phrase, "You know, you're not a Spring Chicken anymore".
Interesting! I find this true...
Great insights, Rebecca! 👍😁💫💯
So true! Yep. Been through all of these annoying eating habits and more with the classic covert narcissist-the worst being gluttony. They’ll eat more than anyone else at the table, which lets you know they are capable of taking away more from the dining experience than you, that they know how to have a better time say at a buffet than you. They are the king or queen of eating. Of course such gluttony makes them the center of attention. I’m good with it now since long ago I have carved such people out of my life. I could write a book…
Totally… my husband of almost 27 years is so overindulgent when eating. He has gained a significant amount of weight however, makes comments like “I still clean up well!” I am a retired chef and can prepare just about anything so he does eat extremely well. He brings pictures of the food I prepare to work and says he is bragging about me and my abilities. I know though he does it in his mind to brag that he has a personal chef at home! He never says “that was delicious, or was that new?, that was great or even good.” He just chokes it all down, takes his butt off the chair and never offers to wash a dish! I literally would need to beg him to wash dishes and need to hear about it for days. He has the largest scorecard mentality that I’ve ever met! If I don’t have dinner made by approximately 6 pm he is asking where it is? I am nothing but a service worker to him. This is why our marriage is now a roommate situation where we live in separate rooms.
Always fighting for a free meal at restaurants because the meal is never good enough. Belittling the waiters. Definitely never tip because the waiter doesn’t do anything right. “I’m not paying for this!” Making sure everyone in the restaurant sees the faces of discussed. 😢. Plus, everything you mentioned. It’s all an all eyes on me game. It doesn’t matter how they get the attention. Thank you for the work you are doing to educate us, validate how we feel and what we see.
Rebecca, your tactics totally worked on a narcissistic judge. He relocated my case when he couldn't win. 😂😂
Which tactics are they?
@@TonyXavior please share the date of the video. Want to take a look
This vid took me back and the control signs were there, I just didn't realize what was happening. Totally! I feel he has weaponized food in our house, the level of control he tries to exude over how I cook, when I cook, what I cook, he even criticizes or tries to control how I prep food. It is ridiculous! When it gets to be too much, I just hand him the pot, pan or knife and say, "do it yourself" and I walk out.
My narc grandmother watched me for two summers after my parents divorced. She wouldn't allow me to eat or drink all day. When the entire family was home, she'd make dinner for all of us. She'd serve us each the portion she deemed fit. For example, my aunt was a bit heavier, so she'd get half the portion the rest of us got. Although none of us got a decent-sized portion. She loved generic canned peaches from the scratch-and-dent clearance section. Each meal included a slimy chunk of peach floating in heavy syrup for each of us, as if she was really spoiling us all. She'd peer over me and force me to eat it. To this day, I cannot stand peaches.
Rebecca you hit it on the head I didn't even think about that but you're absolutely right they use food to control everything and just like how you said they pretend they're experts on everything and a certain foods are good certain foods are not and then they make a big deal about not eating certain kinds of foods on and on and on and on and on and it was AWFUL! It was so expensive to feed him because he could only have certain kinds of coffee made only certain way no chicken no pork but yes to ham and bacon no fish no turkey he made my mother feel so bad when she tried to accommodate that he could only have beef steak that she put a light teriyaki sauce on it and he just ripped her for it he was horrible!! Twice at a Chinese restaurant I ordered something with tofu in it and he picked up the tofu out of the dish and threw it at me across the table same thing with anything with ginger in it and then he was such a cheapskate that he always had to split an entree with me when I finally started to awake he really didn't like it when I started ordering my own meals at that point he refuse to go to restaurants with me anymore because he couldn't get his 2 for one meals. I could go on but it would be another 300 pages...
Thank God for you girl
Mine would always find a way to delay starting the meal after I finished cooking. He would distract others by getting them involved in something else.
mine is the opposite one, he purposely sit down on the dinning chair earlier when i haven’t finished cooking ; rush and blame me saying ‘why cook simple food takes so long’
Totally! While I’ve been looking and not to be subjected to this personally, it seems that this list describes both the widespread narcissistic behaviors in groups like the hipster/foodie culture, but also the attitudes of one notorious narcissist addicted to an unhealthy diet that he forces on everyone else, even on special occasions. That being the case, I’ve been absolutely. DYING for someone to talk about this, something that even some qualified psychologist refused to do.
A perfect marriage or relationship is an illusion; there's no universal playbook for making them work. What's effective for one couple may not apply to another. Nevertheless, I've come to understand that there's always a solution to be found. Half a decade ago, my wife and I faced such trials in our marriage that divorce seemed inevitable. Yet, through perseverance and determination, we navigated through the rough waters and emerged stronger, reunited, and more resilient
There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things
Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white..
This is helpful, I will look her up online right now...Thanks.
You wont regret it
The narcissists habits sound boring TBH. How can they be happy?
Oh wait they're not.
Definitely not
Boring yes, and for that reason alone they are quite predictable.
Totally. I had completely forgotten about that. 😂
Omgosh this is so true
Gluttony, TOTALLY! I was divorced with 3 little kids when I met him. After we married and it was dinner time, he would make sure he got to the food first and would pile most of it on his plate. When I commented on this his response was always, what!? I learned quickly that I would have to plate up the food for me and my children before calling him to dinner. He would also drink the milk anytime he wanted to and I eventually had to portion the milk to my children because he was always blaming them for drinking all the milk. I portioned it so they could have their milk and I could refute his accusations. He remained a monster for the 42 years I stayed trying to leave 3 times before. This time I made it out but only as far as the apartment on our property. He watches me from the kitchen window of his trailer. I do my best to ignore him. Mostly, that works, but sometimes not.
It was always what they wanted to eat. Would gulp their food down. Wanting to cook the food in the home. Its gotta be his way.🥴🥴🥴🥴🥴
You explained exactly how my boyfriend and his mother are. I had suspected that they were narcissist.
You serve a lovely meal and they'd say offhandedly......"it's food"
@@philippaferguson1327 Right! Bro always says, "It's just food." After someone compliments my cooking. After baking a cake or brownies. Only one time he said my brownies were good. I've been baking these same brownies since we were in Junior High. Cheezus! Now if we meetup, he orders too much food for the table and gets angry when we don't eat it all! FFS, Daddy and I just wanted a pizza! He orders, wings, salad, french fries...my God! Then the bill came. And it sat there for twenty minutes! Dad actually got up and went to the bathroom! He was hiding! Bro is an anesthesiologist and should pick up the bill! He's the one who ordered all this food and can afford it! Our lunch to get pizza became some big horrible ordeal! Very uncomfortable dealing with my NBro! He's always so angry! Brooding and bluzzy way about himself and he thinks there's nothing wrong. But there is! And the whole atmosphere is so charged! I can't explain it
Totally, I notice how they eat super fast. They make a big deal about eating but they really don't care or even take time to taste the food. Also I have noticed they slurp, chomp, and make noises that are very irritating. They gulp their drinks. And the way they chew gum is very disturbing. They choose not to use Kleenex and they will clear the nose with the one finger and blow technique. I will do that rarely but move to an area where it won't effect anyone. They will gas up the bed before you sleep and laugh about it.
You have no idea just how much that rings true.
@@SiliconBong I feel for you for the how it resonates with you. The narcs that eat the way I described are the worst of the worst. I don't know if you pray. I am trying it. I will pray @ 6 p.m. central time this evening. So maybe you can join at that time. This is my idea of how it rings true. Thank You!
My brother brought me a McDonald's child burger and handed it to me. Then he pulled out a McDonald's adult hamburger.
His objective was to humiliate me.
Narcissistic people are famous for this! They will come home with food and you end up with the short end of the stick every time. They always have more on their plate and you have less. Seems petty but, it’s true. They’re greedy little creatures.
You should have said this is why I am thinner , healthier (choose your word) than you. I can't tolerate this behavior anymore.
TOTALLY.
Got one of these textbook cases in our workplace. Everything you say is spot on.
This is useful. Other examples: eating almost all of a shared plate then insisting you eat the last morsel because 'You like eating it all up, don't you?" And making you do it while they watch, looking your overweight body up and down as you do. And, should they ever cook and you don't praise it sufficiently, taking your plate and theirs and throwing it in the rubbish bin. Good to hear that these powerplays are so common!
Totally! You are so right! I sincerely appreciate and cherish you and your guidance everyday Rebecca. Thank you! ❤
Great and helpful video! I never thought that eating habits could also reflect a narcissist's personality. Thank you for sharing this knowledge.
I hope that people who watch this video will not be caught up in the manipulation or guilt they try to create. Rebecca shared so many helpful tips in this video and you deserve to live an independent, uncontrolled life!
You are 100%right
True. I've observed one more thing: avarice. When n. person quenches people there are abnormally modest meal on the table. We sill came back hungry. Thank You Rebecca!
Rebecca, great advice as always!!! Your personality is pleasant and fun!!! 🥰
My husband knew I was a picky eater from the beginning. He would always make me feel bad to the point I would have to try new things whether I liked it or not would set the mood for the rest of the night. I was a baby or ridiculous. The latter one of his favorite things to call me. This answers a lot of questions
No 1 should be the DRAMA BEFORE the meal. My ex would come home, while lm making the dinner telling all about how hard his day was, then not say a word at dinner. Making it so uncomfortable at the dinner table.
Yeah
They do all of it and more
Fortunately for me I'm no longer in close relationships with any of them for decades
My narc recently mentioned having won an eating contest!
My narcissist is always going live when cooking, has to show how he prepares his food.. like his way is the only way..
Sounds about right
my Narcisist undermines everyone he meets,.. Then wonders WHY he loses Friends!!
Hysterical
My husband and his family. Totally.
Totally seen it!
💯 I was just thinking about this the other day. My SM does this to the extreme.. she eats super slow.. like, ppl checking their watches to leave the table. Also, every narc I was with had a food superiority thing (I can be a food snob, myself on occasion, but on the INside 😉). In fact, I recently went out to eat w a guy, and his inferior/healthy food talk & behavior at the restaurant is what first cued the narc type traits.
This resonates my experiences with people. As a child and adult my mom made me eat things. As an almost teen, she made me eat a mushroom on her date and I gagged on it. She kept insisting. She'd say she hated what I ate.
So did an ex who said the same thing, " hate how you eat your food" like with ketchup and hot sauce. I had many break downs with my exes bullying.
At a business dinner my husband's brother pressured me to eat fish that still had the heads on them. I tried to tell him that I will throw up because I'm pregnant. But he wouldn't listen. I got so sick I threw up and they looked either guilty or embarrassed by me.
A friend who's hurtful and controlling would ask me where would I like to go eat and I'd say well, I would actually like to go to luby's. Then she would pick me up and tell me let's try something new and she took me to this place that was all about just chicken. Eating the chicken was so uncomfortable going down to my stomach because I was not in the mood for chicken. At the chicken place she got one order for both of us to eat and she paid for it. Said well save money. . I kept telling her I'd like my own order and I'll pay for it and she wouldn't do it. Said she was trying to help. Then as usual she had an attitude when we go and eat. She was hot and cold. Sometimes she would tell me let's go and eat and she wouldn't go. When it's time to go it's when shes ready, slow or fast dinner.
The list goes on and on it was not fun 🙄🙄🙄
Omg!!! So true!! Where do I start!!! It’s crazy!!!! So boring people!!!!
Totally - this is nuts but true!
A lot of early dating involves going out for lunch or dinner (and meeting the family). The behaviors discussed in Rebecca's video may be the first "canary in the coalmine" that exposes a narcissist in our midst. Happened in my dating/marriage. Observed it, was disturbed by it, but had no idea what it was.
It's soo true!
Bingo. Right on !
My ex malignant narc always had to flirt with the waitress and proclaim proudly that he was a vegetarian🙄. I would tell him "She doesn't CARE! No one CARES!" Just order something!
Meanwhile he was as big as a house. Beer and french fries were his "vegetarian" staples.🥴 Nerd.
Totally 💯
Binge eating! My husband says the family member is like a "pig at the trough" when at the dinner table lol.
I was just thinking how the narcissist in my family always says finish your drink everytime at a restaurant even if I'm buying. It could be melted ice. It drives me crazy and its embarrassing and makes me feel like a child. It turns into a big deal and I don't want to explain myself.
They totally control food issues
Totally
Omg! Ordering at sushi bar for me and telling others what to eat.
Whenever I stayed with my narc brother (now estranged) and his simpering wife, they knew I have IBS. He did not do amy research on IBS. lol! and lunch amd tea would be hot curry with rice or a chili concoction cooked by him.. Like most uneducated people.he assumed I'd be on the loo all night. He was sorely disappointed when I slept well and through. My IBS works like this: I eat spicy food say Monday, on Wednesday, my knees and ankles would play up, and I;d be in pain for the day. My stpe sister (Now departed) was the same. She held parties ans the food was always spicy.
I would worked alot of 10 to 12 hr days so i would be hungry when i got home . All the while he stayed home due to " disability" he would go out for lunch and then when i came home dinner would be a couple of hot dogs or a can of soup or he didn't feel like cooking so i would order a pizza. House would be amess but his stuff was clean and organized. , and mine thrown in a pile. The days i was off i was supposed to clean and cook plus do the majority of shopping because bhe would get snack foods if he did the shopping little by little everything was more of me to take care of i was so exhausted all the time. Thank God he is no longer in my life.
With a diabetic type one narcissist for 14 years. Had to maintain a very strict diet and guess what… I was required to do the same.
The covert narc I was tricked into marrying has always acted like the food authority expert. At first, before I knew better. I thought he knew what he was talking about. But as time went on, I started noticing he knows very little about food.
He would give unsolicited advice about food I cooked as his excuse to pick it apart acting like he knew better ways to improve my cooking.
He'd act like he's some prestigious iron chef judge.
He was obsessed with trying to get me to go to culinary school (because he wants to have fancy restaurant-like food everyday at home) and would put down my cooking to try to justify sending me to culinary cooking school. I have ZERO interest in cooking school and I DO NOT wish to pursue a career as a chef.
Since he was always so obsessed with culinary cooking school, I suggested why don't HE just go get that education since he thinks he's such a connoisseur that way he can be with food that he loves so much and quit the programming job he hates to become a chef. Well that never happened as I clearly called his bluff because he didn't want to put forth effort outside of his programming job.
Fast forward to today, he's still employed as a computer programmer and still bitches about my cooking. I like comfort food with a healthy but tasty twist. He likes, as he puts it, "exotic food" and hates comfort food. He's always texting me recipes for "exotic meals" he wants to try. These recipes call for 20-30 ingredients and many you can only buy online. The problem with new exotic recipes like these is even when I've attempted to make some of the simpler ones, he STILL criticizes the meal that I went out of my way to accommodate for HIM (literally no appreciation for my efforts with a recipe I'm unfamiliar with)! Not anymore! NO THANK YOU! So I text back that I'd be happy to try it when HE makes it. Guess what?? He never makes the recipe!
He still texts me these "exotic" recipes from time to time to try to guilt me into making them, now by saying "'We' should make this.". Nope! "We" is code for "YOU". Or, "we" is code for "you track down all the hard to find ingredients, and you plan on making this with only a little of my help if any, or surprise me if you care, or if you don't make it on time because you're so busy being the single wife that I've made you into, and if any of the ingredients go bad waiting for the meal to be made then I'll use that as my excuse to get narcissistic supply to freak out on you and call you lazy and/or wasting my money". Yep one single word is fully charged with covert double-speak. So my text responses remain the same that if HE makes that "exotic recipe" then I'll gladly try it.
Ah, but he's tried to throw curve balls too by asking if I track down the ingredients then he'll make it or vicaverca. I say no to that too. I keep throwing that ball back in his court to take care of it all himself. He doesn't like putting out effort for anything outside of his computer programming job so he chooses not to move forward with his "exotic meals" that he's supposedly such an entitled authority of.
Totally !
My narc ex never kept food in the house ! you can open her refrigerator and find only a gallon of milk and a carton of orange juice. The only way she ate was if her Mom cooked her something or eat take out, she is 54 years old, unbelieveable !
👍
Incredible! 😲
Alot of times , he would eat with his back to me 😮😮
he ate like a toddler; sweets, chips, cookies... When I cooked real food, he would scoff it all up but never compliment me. On the days I was too busy to cook because I was employed and he wasn't, he would leave me to starve. I would literally beg him to make something and he'd tell me "later"... Thank goodness he's out of my life now.
Vulnerable may want to share but take the lions share. First, being cheap is control. Controlling the portions is about keeping you down, subject to how they dole out.
Thank you
The narcissist I know always took my how bad Splenda and equal is for you
It's like he knows everything how to cook, how to make it better than you. Criticizing everything, and if you say well if you can do it better, then you do it! They say, why is it anytime I give you criticism, you say if you can do it better then you do it?! Because you act like your a god and perfect so I thought you could teach me by showing me how you would do it better 😊.
I hate this. I stopped cooking for him. Always criticized food and had to add something. And wanted to be waited on too and I could never enjoy my food.
Totally he refused to eat at the table had to be served his food in the bedroom lying down I was wondering how he could chew lying down and not choke I guess it was the over seven decades of practice he did LOL!
Totally... I'm currently documenting the food issues my daughters are encountering when they stay with my ex to support any custody changes i need to make in the future.
I hate that it's come to this, and I wish I could change the past and make different choices 😔
YES! 👏👏👏
my narc co-worker eats with her mouth opens and constantly picking her nose!
How can you regain your power if you never had it in the beginning being brought up in narcissistic family?
I went somewhere to eat with them, I eat kosher food. They made it an obvious thing, because I was clearly ordering a kosher food item, they had to say to the waitress that's not pork right? Like Narcissistic code to put pork on the sandwich.
Had that when I was on the dole or food card bought mussels and steak etc . . . Then invited his friend and used my food as a grand meal for 3 , she was told she could pay with giving a haircut , when she found out was mortified that he made her accompli for 2 weeks of my food , all about how great he cooked the steak while I cooked the rest sheesh
suck their food because they won't wait for it to cool down a little and 2 bites for one mouthful, such as when they eat a meat pie.
Totally.
Totally ....
Exactly
What about being the first one to take a bite of YOUR food before you do.
This sounds completely like my ex all I’m studying to be a chef and they would literally tell me how to cook the meal or they would come up with. Oh, I’m on keto to complicate how I made the meal.
TOTALLY
always something with food, the kids are skinny or fat, never the right weight, if you want to catch them weigh the kids every week
She fakes having a dairy allergy. Everything has to be organic. Told me seltzer water was dehydrating.
What is it , going to bathroom before eating ever time? What 's in the bathroom?😮
Same here with me. 😮😮
Narcissist, I’m seeing likes mirrors
Mustard
@@ChaoticPhsycotic1 bananas here
Nasal mucus, they eat snot, or is it only the narc. I know that do that?
They order according their choice and order only less food not enough for people. If you ask for more they said oh don’t eat more loose your weight. They will say something bad during eating like you don’t know how to eat this let me tell you or don’t eat like this bla bla bla
Please don’t group people who have a restrictive diet for health reasons with narcissists. The anxiety they experience every time they order in a restaurant is significant.
This only applies to the grandiose / overt narcissists.
It can apply to covert narcissists as well, for example, my narcissistic mother controlled what I ate, it was whatever she wanted. She didn't care if I didn't finish my plate, but she became furious if I said I didn't like what she liked.
EDIT: Also keep in mind, covert narcissists become overt narcissists temporarily whenever they are high on supply. When the supply wears off, they go right back to being covert again.
@danielkaiser8971 Fair enough. I've seen one switch modes myself. Perhaps it would be most accurate to say that the convert type will not reliably display these tendencies, but it can still happen.
I see it with all narcs
Mine wanted me to get the lil white thing outta every egg...
lol! I have “one of those” too!! 😅
@@lizbethkuna263 the dreaded “anchor”
I'm limiting what I eat for my health, so I'm a narcissist now for taking care of my health?
A diet?
I don't think so if you don't make a big deal about it.
What's up with the fake lashes? Pretty interesting when talking about narcissists, isn't?
Another presenter who is going to try to MAKE YOU watch their commercial, whether you want to or not, by placing in midway in the video. You know, kinda like narcissists do.
You don't have to watch, free will, lol! 😂 I've found what little Rebecca endorses are great and enjoy seeing her endorsements.
Thank you
Totally!
Totally
Totally