Why Film & TV Erased Asexuality
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- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 17 ต.ค. 2024
- This script was written by Anya Formozova. You can see more of her work here: / cue22
The saying goes that sex sells - so how do you market characters who aren't driven by sexual attraction? Asexuals have long been ignored by movies and TV, and while they have gained some onscreen representation in recent years, modern cinema still lacks proper conversations about non-sexual connection.
So a discussion of asexual representation opens up a broader conversation - why does everything have to be about sex, anyway? It's limiting to make a sexual relationship the only thing characters seek or need to be fulfilled, and surely there are better ways represent asexuality on screen. Here’s our take on Asexuals in media, and why it's important to recognize that romance and sex are just a part of how we connect.
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There is love with sex. There is sex without love. Why is it so difficult to understand that there's love without sex too?
That's really well put!
Its not real love
@@djyua9157 how so.....
@@walkz007 if there's no sex there's no passion or desire that's going to make you feel the way that person does
@@djyua9157 so couples that can't physically have sex have no love ,no passion and should basically just end things. Sex is important for most but not the most important, you can have great sex still won't keep the two of you together if all you do is argue,the most fulfilling relationships you'll ever have might never be those framed around sex so keep your heart open, sex is great but it's not everything.
You know what sucks? When NO ONE accepts you. Straight people think you're broken, LGBT people say you don't belong with them and aren't oppressed, and everyone refuses to accept that you just don't feel what they feel. You aren't a prude, you aren't afraid of sex, you don't have a sexual disorder, you just don't feel sexual attraction.
I am ace. I would describe it as being a non-smoker in a world in a world of nicotine addicts.
@@wynkelly1389 I'm not ace myself but doesn't that analogy sorta imply that sexual desire towards others is bad? Asexuality is certainly underrepresented and misunderstood but for those who do experience sexual attraction that's something normal that shouldn't be shamed or looked down upon.
@@mirelramirez7296 the entire world is obsessed with sex. How many shows, movies, books, and plays have romantic subplots that culminate in sex that have no bearing on the greater plot? How many ads are sexually charged, since "sex sells"? Even the hierarchy of needs has sex as an essential need. And we have never fit into that.
@@AndrewSchlegel hmm, kinda agree with you, but isn’t sex important because it’s the foundation of life?…I say this as a gay guy
@@LuisFlores-tx4ee what makes sex the foundation of life? Why not have life focus on leading a fulfilling life instead?
What's sad is that the story trope of “I thought I was asexual but then I met the right person” COULD be treated as a story of a demisexual person finding themself, but screenwriters always seem to frame the message as “asexuals are just wrong or confused and we're going to prove it!!” 🙄
@Jayden Klaus What woulf suck?
@Radien Yes! Omg, as a demisexual, I knew I had an interest in sex, but I had a hard time with just "having sex". I personally need to have a deep connection with someone in order to even feel comfortable being naked around them. And that kind of trope made me feel so confused, like "wait, im not fully ace, but i dont want to have sex with everyone im attracted to", and it really messed with my head on what i actually am sexually
It's like the old trope that a gay man just needs the right woman to come along, or vice versa. Gigli comes to mind...
I also think that some screenwriters don't fully understand it and so they're "romanticizing" it. Like "Wow, there is just this one person, blablabla". Like yeah, how you just said, they could make them demisexual.
@@sakurawitch1303 Isn’t that pretty normal? It’s not like people are regularly walking around naked in public…
"Being gaslit by the entire world." Yeah, that's pretty much how it feels.
OMG RIGHTTTTT
Yep this.
THIS
It really does; I hope you can find all the love and happiness you deserve!
Yup.
Big Bang Theory made me so angry, his friends and girlfriend basically bullied and coerced Sheldon into sex. He literally had a panic attack on screen when his girlfriend was about to break up with him due to not wanting to have sex and so he just ended up “going with it” for her sake. How is that okay or romantic when he didn’t want it..?
@@jangofett1599 we could think that evolution doesn't select gay people either but it seems like it does, in a reproductive point of view what is the difference between ace and gay people?
@@jangofett1599 If you write a character having a panic attack over the idea of sex and then just bully him into it anyway and frame it as romantic, the issue is not "don't quite understand asexuality." It's "I don't understand or care about consent."
I'm so glad someone is finally saying it.
@@jangofett1599 When 99% of stories already cater to people who aren't ace, that sympathy gets stretched thin.
Also, please consult more updated sources when you mention natural selection; the idea you put forth is extremely simplistic and ignores factors like kin selection (among a host of other things).
@@jangofett1599 interesting that you assume evolution has to dow the human worth. If thats the case, then white people shouldn't exist in your eyes either, since their genetic mutations actively harm the gene pool in the grand scheme of things... but no, you dont want white people to disappear, because thats ridiculous and human worth doesn't depend on evolution or genes. Did you know that there are actually more asexual people in the world than there are red-heads? Small percentages does not equal worth either, otherwise you'd want redheads to go extinct too. Your arguments are so flawed its laughable, but also sad, that you're getting upset about people simply existing in a different form than you...
“You guys have no right to make someone’s sexuality or lack of sexuality a disability.”
At the two minute mark, I already was sobbing in relief and appreciation.
Thank you so much for making this.
My sentiments EXACTLY! Everyone has the right to be valued in our society, and not to be mocked for their Sexuality or identity.
Same.
Same here, friend. You're not missing out, you're awesome!
Couldn't agree more. This is a video I've been needing to see for a long time to make me feel appreciated
That's from High Maintenance. And absolutely beautiful show. One of favorite of all time.
The "married to work" asexual trope is hurting too. It is often portrait as the only acceptable way for aces. It's ok not to "love" someone, if you make a career. As if living is only about procreation and productivity.
I think for women asexuality also is often paired up with the 'I' m too much of a feminist to be tied down by a man' narrative, which is similar in a sense. The notion that you have to ideologically oppose relationships if you are ace is completely false.
The "asexual because of trauma" is also a typical thing that makes me roll my eyes. I am not saying that doesn't happen but c'mon!
It's a fair point to say that it's a trope that isn't always true, but as a "married to the job" type who adopted that phrase long before discovering asexual/aromantic were things one could be, it was the thing that made the most sense to me and the easiest way to explain myself to other people. And it's still very much the way that I feel about the priorities in my life. Calling it a hurtful trope feels like shaming those of us who feel a connection to this, which isn't helping anyone. It's fine to expand the perceptions of aspec people beyond this, of course, but can we not drag a portion of the community down in the process?
I'm asexual and watched this video to procrastinate from doing grad work. Where are the asexuals drinking beer and eating chex mix while watching random TH-cam videos?
@@bevinbrand4637 I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings and anyone elses in our community with my wording. It is totally fine to be that way. I ment that it's one sided way and overly dominant depiction is exerting too much pressure and disregarding lifes outside or inbetween hustle culture and traditional life. I generalised and didn't use enough I and me. I feel pressured into the married to work trope. It's only okay to not have found "The Right One" yet, because I pursued my career.
I like Bojack Horseman's representation better than Sex Education's because Todd is a full character with flaws and humour and not just a small reoccurring character
Any Saiki Kasuo Fans here?
Omg yess
They gave him an entire arc, too!
His character literally changed my life. Bojack Horseman is one of the most smartly written series that has ever existed. They can be so unapologetic yet so empathetic. One of my favorite shows of all time. It helped me see myself in a way I never did before, and once I saw my reflection, it took so much pressure off of me. That is PRICELESS.
@@LadyAstarionAncunin amennn !
It's funny, when I had a crush on my current boyfriend, I knew I was asexual, but I was willing to "give it a try" to make him happy. Turns out, while he doesn't really see himself as queer in any way, he's admitted that he's never really been into intimacy.
So we've basically been cuddle-buddies for about 5-6 years now. We share a deep, intimate passion for Marvel and D&D. XD
This is really wholesome!
That's extremely wholesome. Sounds like life goals to me
This is absolutely super wholesome!
I'm with an Allosexual partner, but pur relationship is kinda shifting into a more romantic relationship, where we go on dates and cuddle, but where he also doesn't miss out on what he enjoys. It's a perfect balance
That sounds lovely, happy you found each other!
This made me tear up a little. This is what I want and it's so encouraging to know that someone has found it. Thank you.
This was well done, but I wish they had clarified that asexuality is about lack of sexual attraction, not lack of sexual activity.
Agreed. Asexuals can have sex and even enjoy it. We're still asexual though because we don't experience sexual attraction.
@@xzonia1 how can you enjoy sex but not experience sexual attraction?
@@finn1666 it's like someone who enjoys a piece of cake if it's offered to them, but never having a craving for cake.
@@finn1666 You experience sexual attraction to others, yes? But do you experience it towards everyone you meet? I would hope the answer is no. That does not mean you cannot find sex enjoyable with a person you don't find sexually attractive.
Sex feels good, whether or not you feel attracted to the person you're having sex with. That's why there's this whole phenomenon of men raping or consensually having sex with men in prison saying they're straight (heterosexual). They have no access to women, still want sex, and will settle for having it with a man because they want sex. They're not at all attracted to their partner, but they still enjoy the sex.
There's the whole of human history of women who are lesbians who were forced to marry men and have kids. I don't believe for a minute absolutely none of those women were able to enjoy sex with their spouses on occasion, even though they did not find men attractive. They may have been married to kind and good humans that they genuinely liked as people, and were able to enjoy being with them sexually even though they were not physically / sexually attracted to them.
Humans are remarkably adaptive, and even in less than ideal situations we can sometimes find a way to enjoy sex, if we really want it. One can have a sex drive, want sex, and still not be attracted to anyone sexually.
To take the food analogy, think of a food you do not like the taste of. Personally, I dislike olives. Gross. But if I were starving, and all I had to eat were a can of olives, I might actually enjoy eating them because they satisfied a need. This doesn't mean I wanted olives, or wouldn't have been thrilled to have another option, but olives were the only thing available to me, so that's what I ate, and maybe I even enjoyed the taste because eating made me feel better. Fortunately, I won't die from not having sex. And, perhaps more fortunately, I've always had other food options than just olives. :)
@@xzonia1 that kind of makes sense. i dont think id be able to have sex with a woman as a gay man myself, because the very idea seems so repulsive and like i would be engaging with my internalized homophobia, but then again ive never been in that situation. thank you for explaining, though.
There's also the attitude that sex fixes your attitude. "Someone needs to get laid." It's really bad to hear as an asexual.
It's hurtful towards me.
They are saying that we are "broken" needs to be "fixed"
Or "corrective rape"
Am a Sex Repulsed Panromantic Asexual.
I really don't want Sex at all, I find it really disgusting and have no desire for it at all.
Am not against it, I just don't care for it.
sex does give an endorphin rush. you know what else does? going on a jog. They do have a point that an endorphin rush can act as a bit of a reset button for your mood, but that they equate sex as the only way you can get it is so weird.
Other sources of endorphins:
Running/Biking/exercise in general.
Brainteaser puzzles.
Positive and Noval social experiences.
Trying out new things.
Finishing an art piece.
Playing D&d/ tabletop/boardgames
playing some kinds of videogames
petting and playing with dogs
petting and playing with cats
comedy routines
and virtually every hobby that you enjoy.
Also they mostly all asume that asexuals don't m4sturbate, being asexual is a spectrum, and there are asexuals that don't m4sturbate nor like to do anything sexual related while others enjoy it
Its so hard for allos to understand that asexual means lack of sexual attraction to a PERSON, you can still enjoy the feeling of sex and pleasuring yourself without thinking about a person
that sentence pissed me off so much
It made me afraid of becoming an adult
Well i gave into the presure and had sex. A lot of it and it didnt change anything. What theyre saying is bs. They just have a hard time accepting not everyone is like them.
When Todd came out as asexual, my pals and I felt so seen. To have a character embrace his Sexuality was so empowering. Just as there can be sex without love, there can be love without sex.
That’s awesome! Todd is a great character and I’m so happy that he means so much to the Ace community. He is just one of the many reasons why Bojack Horseman is such an important show. There is a lot to learn from.
I am glad to see you happy Trina.
@@jessicavictoriacarrillo7254 Thanks so much, Jessica, you've just made my entire day! 😍
@@tariqthomas9090 Thanks so much! The Ace Gang needs more on screen representation, and to normalise the asexual experience.
Might I also suggest ‘Loveless’ by Alice Oseman? The main character in it is aroace and it talks a lot about platonic relationships being stronger than romantic ones. Also, I’m so glad you and your friends felt seen.
Screenwriters having to write a motivation for a character that doesn’t revolve around romance or sex? Sounds like a lazy screenwriter
That makes no sense at all. writing sex/romance is common, easy, and tropey. Writing asexual relationships is the real narrative challenge.
@@Marialla. I think that's what they meant?
@@Marialla. it was sarcasm
Omg yes, the best character motivations cannot be resolved by a quick wank
Tbf, even if most wanted to move from that formula, in the end the executives want money and that narrative is easy for people to digest and people seem to like it, even if it's the same thing over and over.
As an asexual I don’t desire sex, and barely seek romance. But what I do seek is companionship, comradeship, friendship, family style relations, and love.
This is so true for me too
Me too :,)
I'm so scared to never find it
You need to seek all of those things with another asexual. Mixed relationships are usually doomed to fail. It is unfair to the allosexual.
I think one of the reasons I still love things that are for kids, like Disney movies and cartoons and animated shows, is because those stories don't feature sex at all. I mean, I do like the odd story about sexual love, but there is something so pure and meaningful in the ways that kid's programming shows different kinds of bonds. Family love, found family, ride-or-die besties, mentors and apprentices, it's all so good
I agree with you. That’s also why Jane Austen’s adaptations are so popular, because they don’t include sexual content and resolve on the beauty of wooing and interaction. I suggest you to watch the Korean (though there is English spoken in it) show Mr. Sunshine on Netflix, which is also historical but set at the beginning of the 20th century and has a mature and political storytelling (with a little bit of violence, but it’s not too graphic) and feature romantic relationships that don’t necessarily feature sexual content. It’s the best example out there if anyone is looking for a serious and entertaining period drama that doesn’t feature sexual content and is still fascinating, because of its incredible writing and storylines.
Hayao Miyazaki/Studio Ghibli movies are so great for this (and a multitude of other) reason(s). They don’t need to have some stupid, contrived plot about sex- they don’t even necessarily have to be love stories. The movies are just stories about people and friendship.
Why I love Asian shows! There's no sex and in some of them very little romance. Or even if there is some sex, then mostly implied.
@@IzzysTravelDiaries Exactly! The romantic pairs in Mr. Sunshine have such a subtle sensual tension and I find it beautiful!
If you're not romance-repulsed, I think you may also like many Korean series, even the romcoms. You can start with Run On (great friendships + they even had an ace character), or if, like me, thrillers are your thing: Nobody Knows (friendship between a boy and a female detective out to get the culprit of her childhood friend's death)..
I sincerely hope Elsa remains ace/aro (or single). I started to realize my own lack of interest in non-platonic relationships when people were pushing to give Elsa a lover. I was so happy and relieved when she made it through the second movie without a boyfriend or girlfriend. Her apparent asexuality is a big part of why she’s so dear to me as a character
Same. Just watched frozen 2 last week and i‘ve been obsessed with Elsa since then! I feel so validated and represented by her, i was cheering so much at the end of the movie when she still didnt show interest in romance but stayed her independent badass queen! I just wish i had had a role model like her in my childhood
I watched Both parts of Frozen
At the beginning, I thought Elsa was gay since everyone were saying so and "proving" she'll have a partner in Frozen 2 . So I kind of dislike the idea because I thought it was something unnecesary for the story. It was about sister's love, not another type of love. Then I watched the movie and was soooo relieved she remain true to herself, without a forced relationship. But also was sooooooo pissed that everyone STILL insisted she was gay. Like so invalidated. I'm happy that someone said she might be Ace/Aro because, to be honest, that's something that we as a society need.
@@paulinareynosoalvarez8718 same. I thought for sure they were going to shoehorn a relationship into the story. So glad they didn’t
@@paulinareynosoalvarez8718 The problem was that Disney NEVER even confirmed Elsa to be gay and there was no real evidence that she was. Yet fans saw an opportunity, took it, and invented a gay Elsa in their heads and wanted to force everyone else to believe it, and hoped that Disney would obey because "their version of Elsa was the reality". The whole "gay Elsa" is nothing more than a fool's paradise idea. They never even asked "Hey Disney, is Elsa a lesbian?" No they just went on to demand that Disney give Elsa a girlfriend without even getting a confirmation from the very people who created her. Kinda nuts.
My parents when I was a kid: NO boys! NO dating!
Me: Sure!
My parents now, when I'm an adult: Where's your boyfriend?
Me: ???
Why do we easily understand that there's sex without love, but refuse to acknockledge that it can be the other way round?
Human Ultra Instinct
Because it's a cultural taboo, I guess
In old days...it's called "platonic"
@@nfspbarrister5681 *romantic
@@patchworkat no no....platonic! A romance without lust.
Omg this is also the problem with platonic friends of opposite genders in media too: they ALWAYS have to pair them! I love the rare examples where they don't.
I love books that portray male-female friendships that remain that way, "Bridge to Terabithia" being one.
Yes, exactly! One of the reasons I love film Kingsman the secret service
Best situations where they didn't pair them up: Joey and Phoebe from Friends. Also, Jake from B99 had totally platonic female best friends.
Those always ruin it so hard for me too uhg lol
sherlock and joan from elementary are my favourite example. they're essentially in a queerplatonic partnership for most of the show and it never gets romantic. like 'yeah we live together, work together, raise a tortoise together, deeply care about each other, are the most important people in each others' lives, and are willing to move to a different country for the other person if necessary. and we're not dating. what about it?'
"Sex doesn't make us whole, so how could you ever be broken" is that one quote that made me accept my sexuality and still makes me tear up every single time I hear it. It's just so relieving to hear it's okay to be ace, that we're valid and deserve love just like any other human on this earth.
I saw that clip on a Twitter post and burst into tears. It made me want to watch the show. I only wish that character got more screen time and that asexuality was talked about more as a whole in that show.
Being asexual DOES feel like you are gaslit by the entire world. To the point where most people actually have a lot of trouble telling if they really are asexual or not because it feels impossible that the sexual desire thing is not going to come at some point and because most people really don't want to be. Thank you for the video! It's nice to get some representation!
Holy Fluff.
People have NOT forgotten the EXISTENCE of Asexuality?!?!
I literally and literally thought i was one of the very few that still remembered this is a Thing.
Theres even literally TH-camr that deny this to exist; or whole Mindsets that are build upon it not existing.
I mean, what i call Perversionpropaganda alone relies so heavily on the wrong idea that Humans insta-die without Sex, it spreads and spreads. I’m so happy this video here exists, even though its not perfect.
Sex Sells would be a Problem in itself even if it wouldnt take away valuable Screen-Time and such, but the fact that criticizing Sex Sells makes people instantly ask if youre not healthy is even f-ing worse!
!
Theres multiple things that modern Media tries to literally Erase, but I’d definetly say Autism and Asexuality literally share the Number ONE Spot.
This Society hates the Idea
of A-uality being POSSIBLE.
Its f-ed up.
Much.
Omg yes im literally having an identity crisis rn, i never considered that I’m asexual but now seeing this i feel like i might be 🤠
@@motashred4718 Kinda off-topic but i think it has also to be said:
Part of Erasure of A-sexuality is kinda the channel 'Normalizing Nudity', which has so many Issues i literally sometimes go and use the reportbutton on them.
Why?
Well, let me just give you a 'Hint': The Gender-Ratio. Take a look at the massively Off Gender-Ratio...
...And maybe you find a reason to report them also, so youtube get become less messy...
@@loturzelrestaurant woah thats crazy that they allow this on TH-cam they literally have a million views minimum on all their videos, im all for normalizing women bodies but there just something off about this
I know this video discusses asexuals in romantic relationships, however I feel there’s still confusion between asexuals and aromamtics in this video. For example, shipping asexual characters is not erasure unless that shipping involves sex. Kissing and physical touch are also not inherently sexual, so showing an asexual kiss is not erasure either. (And some asexuals do enjoy the act of sex, just don’t feel sexual attraction, though I feel like nonasexuals writing asexuals as enjoying sex can be pretty iffy and suspect)
Thank you! I'm a married biromantic gray asexual!
Yup! Gray-asexual romantic here.
@@jessatlife I just looked up this sexuality, & I have finally found out that this is who I am! Jesus, at 45 yrs old, I have an answer! I thought there were no other people like me.
THANK YOU! As an Asexual with romantic wants, this is SUPER important to understand!
this is confusing the shit out of me, I had no idea that there are all these ways of defining asexuality and also don't really understand asexuality in the first place, but I appreciate that you share it, now I know that there's a lot I might have to be aware of in the future.
The thing about fans actively erasing canonically asexual characters immediately reminded me of Alastor from Hazbin Hotel (who is asexual *and* aromantic) who keeps being shipped and drawn explicitly. It's a huge slap in the face for an hugely underrepresented group. My sister is asexual and aromantic and I love her! More representation please!
He’s aroace ? Not just ace ?
I'm probably gonna get hate for this, but Let me bring this up right here right now: While it is true that VivziePop has stated that you can ship the characters however you want, I also thinks it's important to remember who the characters are in their canon universe sexuality and gender identity wise. Otherwise, misinformation about them will be EVERYWHERE. Either that and/or a HUGE misunderstanding of the character for who they are canonically versus what the fans want.
What I'm saying is that nonsexual versions of otherwise Asexual characters CAN exist (in the fandom), but it shouldn't actively replace their canonical asexual selves to the point where practically EVERYONE forgets it by the time everything is said and done.
Now if I sound straight-up stupid saying this please let me know, I don't want to sound like I'm being inconsiderate towards ANYONE on the asexual spectrum.
That's not my intention here.
@@darthestar8791 imo, Vivzie saying you can ship characters however you want without specifing that Alastor is ace/aroace and can't be ship romantically or sexually is just forgetting his sexuality.
If he is alloromantic, then you can ship him romantically.
And from my point of view, I feel like shipping cannonically aroace characters in a romantic or sexual way is like shiping a lesbian with a man. It's aroace erasure and to a certain extend, aphobic. Again, i know Alastor is ace but i haven't heard anything about him being aromantic so if anyone knows anything, please tell me !
@@aerascreamer4345 Fair point.
As for the aro alongside the ace thing, I heard he might be both.
But I know with certainty he's ace according to Vivzie herself.
@@aerascreamer4345 I'm sorry, I can see that you mean well, I really do, but as someone who is both aromantic and asexual, I still want the same emotional closeness and intimacy that people tend to associate with fully alloromantic/allosexual relationships. I'm still a human being that wants connection and closeness with other people, who has a libido (if undirected) and experiences (again, undirected) sexual fantasies, and the idea that people shouldn't ship a canonically ace and/or aro character with another character because of their orientation is disingenuous. I only see a problem with the shipping if the writer/artist *denies* that asexuality or, worse, *fixes* that character's asexuality because that's not how it works. That being said, people have to learn how to write characters somehow, even characters very different from themselves, and they will definitely make mistakes (out of ignorance) along the way, so I'd rather they do it with existing characters as fan works than putting them into original fiction.
As children, we grow up with asexual narratives but then that comes to an abrupt halt as adults exposed to sex-positive narratives. It’s almost like we’re thrust into it so quickly that we end up confused in both childhood and adulthood.
Yes this has been my experience too. Thank you for putting this into words!
Yes!! I feel like we’re told being extremely sexual is a key marker of transitioning into adulthood. Sm of what constitutes being an adult according to mainstream media revolves around sexual activity
@@arifabeh-afarin6748 You’re welcome! So happy to hear that.
@@kayalvizhi7611 Exactly!
Generally I'm a fan of sex-positive narratives, because that's part of a movement to stop people feeling shame and embarrassment around sexuality, and is especially liberating for women (who in the past have been characterised as not having sexual desire or sexual autonomy).
However, I agree that there's a definite EXPECTATION of sexuality. I'm very happy for there to be a narrative that 'sex is OK, nothing to be ashamed of', but not so much the part where it's implied that '... and if you're not having sex, it's because something's wrong with you.'
Sex is perfectly healthy and normal, but that doesn't mean that a lack of sex is unhealthy and abnormal. Sex is healthy and normal for allosexuals. A lack of sex is healthy and normal for asexuals.
Never have I been more insulted at the lack of asexual representation than the blatant disregard for it in the character of Jughead Jones.
Agreed! Jughead from the comics had literal zero interest in dating but Riverdale is such a hypersexual show that even Jughead had to do bdsm for all things??? I get ace is a spectrum and there are ace people that do have sex but it didn't feel like representation as it did just an excuse to have Jughead be a part of the horny teen writing. The ace label for him in that show if actually exists is really just diversity points with zero commitment. Same with Sherlock, it's all just fan service over representation.
I grew up reading the comics and that change to his character was the one thing that I was actually upset about when the show came out.
This is why I refused to watch Riverdale and probably never will. Jughead was my favorite comic character from a young age because I always felt like I understood him and he seemed to lack interest as much as I did. When they finally put the label of aroace on him I legit cried. What's infuriating is that Riverdale admits that they are well aware that Jughead is aroace, but they don't care. If people straight washed any other character, everyone would be furious, but it doesn't count if it's aroace right? INfuriating.
Just this week Jughead Jones came up in a conversation with a friend, and I realised how mad I still am and probably always will be.
Yes!!!!!! Like, im cool if you want to give him a romantic partner but sex? Like I hated that scene so much. I thought maybe they would have him realized he didn't like it or want 5he sex, but no....
I honestly can’t wait for asexual orientation to be taught in schools or at least known, it would help a lot for all of us who thought the other kids were just lying about love ect.
I work in a school and that's totally something I would like to bring someday (though I'm not the one who has to, I think other teachers don't refuse help on these subjects lol). But I have a colleague who wanted to build a projet around transgenders : she has a transgender comedian in her family and who create a play about that, that person were ready to come in the school to talk about it after the teacher studied the play with her students. But the school refused because "there are not even people that are concerned by that". The irony being that we think there may be at least a kid in this school who could be concerned or questioning (the parents themselves told the school that he (or she) has signs that it is a possibility, though I'm not sure they worded this way). Also some other teachers are not as educated about it : one of them says this kid was too young for this (personnally when I was told, the only thing I think was "oh, so these things that I observed could be link and it makes total sense").
So in that condition I think it would be even harder for me to convince people to talk about it, because it is even less talked and common than trangender. Some people in the school could also come at me to fight about the whole existence of asexuality. I do have a colleague that deny my aroaceness when I came out to her. Things change but changes are slow.
Hit me harder than it should have, damn. The amount of times I snapped in highschool whenever my classmates pressured me into naming a crush is surreal. Default answer was: “If I name someone, I'd be lying. If I say "no one", all of you will just call me a liar anyway so I always lose. You'd be bitter too if you kept being forced to rush love instead of do the smart decision and wait to figure yourself out.”
At my school we learnt a bit about it, not as a full lessson just as a part of a slide show where the lesson title was about finding yourself :D
I was thaught that sex was important for mental health. Lots and lots of people kept pressuring me to have sex with my boyfriend I tried to break up with (long story).
Even today there are people who explain my sexuality (or lack thereof) with me being too lazy to put in the work needed to form a relationship
Can't wait for them to teach about furries either.
Finally! Someone who gets it. Asexuals just wanna go through life without being bothered with "oh, you're just in a phase" and "everyone is sexually attracted to someone" bullshit.
God damm that's a hard life, cobalt miners in africa have it easy I tell you!
@@dogbreedsareamyth9409 I'm not saying our lives are worse than anyone's. Just finally glad The Take made an analysis of what we have to usually deal with.
@@dogbreedsareamyth9409 you are joking right?
@@Zoki4444
Part of Erasure of A-sexuality and this whole 'Modern World is s-ual' is kinda the channel 'Normalizing Nudity', which has so many Issues i literally sometimes go and use the reportbutton on them.
Why?
Well, let me just give you a single 'Hint': The Gender-Ratio.
,,,Take a look at the massively Off Gender-Ratio...
...And maybe you find a reason to report them also, i hope.
Go and see for yourself why i feel this channel is so problematic it literally needs Reports and Deleting...
@@loturzelrestaurant go study, person
We def need more talk about asexuality because it's by far the most overlooked and misunderstood orientation. If you say that you are ace it's automatically assumed you are childish or insecure and most people are just rude and don't even try to understand or respect it.
people get mad when your sexuality its different bc they cant manipulate you, the rules don't apply to you, its very confusing for them.
Or others asexuals mock u cuz yo are NOT aromantic either
@@LuanaSantos-rl4sb for sure, aces are liberated from objectifying others and have the mental space to focus on so many different pursuits and have the ability to value other aspects of relationships more.
Totally, I remember telling one of my friends I never had sex (she asked for some reason) and the answer to that was "aw" like... the fact that you're not interested in sex makes you inherently childish and other people believes that they have the right to judge how adult and mature you are
@@LuanaSantos-rl4sb wow THIS ONE!! you're so right like they basically have no power over us so they have to shame us and make us feel abnormal (treat us like outcasts) when they fold over naked bodies?? insane
"Sexuality is fluid. Sex doesn't make us whole, so how could you ever be broken?" My absolute favourite quote from "Sex Education", which really acknowledges the struggle by Asexuals to be depicted in the media! 🖤🤍💜
GAGAGAGAGA I just disliked my own face because I am unpretty. HOWEVER: I always like my GOOD videos however. No dislikes allowed where I come from. Don't be mean, dear tri
Whenever this scene comes up there slips a tear out ....
Aww that's a really good quote! 💗
Sex Education is such a great show in general ❤️
Sex Education offers much more than sex education, that's for sure
I think Todd from Bojack Horseman is the best representation of asexuality I've seen so far. For a show about such a messed up person in Bojack, they handled asexuality with respectful humor and compassion.
I agree strongly. Todd made me realize that I was ace. Like, it clicked for me, and I then did extensive research to be sure. I realized that was what was going on all my life. Never have had sex nor am motivated to. And now I understand why.
Technically Bojack Horseman is a horse, not a person.
Personally feel like even IRL everythign is about relationships, sex, dating.. ppl being “incomplete” when being single.. that is how we, as a society, are toxic. Stop pushing ppl into something and making us all believe that we cannot thrive alone.
Agreed, the whole using words such as "virgin" as a slur/insult, looking down on someone for being single, claiming they're "losers" if they can't "get laid" or find a romantic partner, is all allosexual/alloromantic nonsense and bullsht.
We need to embrace that a support system doesn't always need a romantic/sexual partner.
even the idea that you’re alone if you’re single is toxic. are friendships so meaningless? I only fell in love with my partner because he was a good friend.
also, I heard a theory that being truly independent is moving away from depending on a single person/a few people(i.e. parents) and creating a network of people to rely on so that no single person is responsible for you but you can still get help and be independent at the same time. but the pressure to be in a relationship encourages dependency on a single person, which can trap a person in an unhappy or unhealthy relationship.
I agree. People want to be in toxic relationships, just so they're not single. And being single is something you have to fix or get out of as soon as possible or else you won't be happy.
This stereotype landed me in unhappy first relationships, but also pushed me to be with my current partner of four years, who luckily accepts me being asexual
Fr like so what if I’m single or alone? I did it on purpose bc I like being myself and independent so I don’t need to deal bullshit 🤨
I'm 49 - I've never had any sexual feelings ever.
Nobody understands it.
UPDATE - After the responses I've received - I'm 100% wrong.
I am understood and I appreciate the comments.
Cheers.
I understand it :)
@@babyblue3717 Thank you for your comment - its appreciated.
Its nice knowing I'm not alone.
I'm 73. You're far from alone.
I do, I get you.
@@louparis1909 Thank you.
As an asexual, what bothers me the most about people thinking aceness a biological "mistake" is that nature doesn't make "mistakes", it just is. We should only qualify natural variability as an issue (and try to treat it) when it results in pain or discomfort to the person, which isn't the case for most asexuals, so everyone arguing against it is just wasting their breath. Go focus on real issues, like cancer, or depression.
Being labeled as a "Mistake" hurts. 🤕
Well being ace does cause me pain and discomfort. Because it alienates me from a society which constantly tries to gaslight me and either wants to "fix" me or throws horrible insults and assumptions at my face. It's hard not to be in pain and discomfort when you're constantly subjected to psychological violence.
So even that "distinction" some people make about how you can tell if you're ace rather than if you have a disorder is by assessing if you're in distress about it or not, seems pretty violent to me.
@@dma93-ch I see what you're saying, the clarification would then be "neurodiversity is pathological if it /inherently/ causes distress to the person or others". It's worth the note, since that's exactly what marked the shift in psychiatry that depathologized most (harmless) paraphilias and identities.
@@danielrebora1350 yeah, but it's still not clear in many texts, educator and professionals' words, and people's minds lol
unfortunately
Also there is such a thing as medical gaslighting, and it's frighteningly common. Like that thing where you go "doctor I don't feel good because my head hurts" and the doctor says "no no no you got it all wrong, your head hurts BECAUSE you don't feel good! just relax it'll go away".
Now do the same with the previous subject, and you get people wanting to treat you for something that you would be okay with if the whole world wasn't gaslighting you into denying your reality. Even if things are officially depathologized, since there always seems to be a pathological "equivalent", it's still to the individual professional to decide on which side to put you, if you seek their help.
People don’t being an antisocial is a mental disorder but being ace is being called that, why
Isaac Newton lived to be 86. Near the end of his life he said that one of his greatest achievements was... Dying a virgin.
I think, if I recall correctly, that Nikola Tesla was also (probably) ace. I believe that, while trying to understand human love/sexual attraction, he said something about how he thinks his feelings for his pet birds are probably just like the ones humans feel for each other. The guy just wanted to experiment with electricity and keep birds. Tesla's got to be one of (or just) my favorite famous scientists.
The ONE thing that was SUCCESFULLY Erased!
Holy muffin.
I want a variation of this quote on my yearbook lmao
@@mikejeffries3333 this just made my day
@@mikejeffries3333 this is like me but with turtles and astronomy instead of birbs and electricity
I found that episode of House so damaging back when I was baby Ace who was just starting to question my reactions to things. When it turned out the guy was ace because he had a brain tumor I spent a few months actively worrying that I had one too.
Yeah House was very dismissive of things and if you saw the wrong episode at the wrong time I can imagine that being quite damaging... So sorry you went through that ☹️
I've never really watched House before, but I've heard all about that infamous episode.... it's literally one of the worst forms of representation out there
Also the fact that his wife was just “pretending” so as not to hurt his feelings or whatever? Horrible
As an ace who actually had to see a neurosurgeon for years before I figured out I was ace (and is now haunted by the specter of neurosurgery), I am so glad I never watched that show because that would've triggered such a horrible spiral. I'm so sorry you went through that, OP.
I am so sorry you went throught that
I also LOVE that you mentioned how romantic relationships are often prioritized as more important/better than friendship/family relationship which I have always disliked. Having a partner is not more important or better than having solid friendships. They're just different types of relationships but they're all equally valid. It sucks how society places romantic love as the highest/most important form of love and how one's partner is expected to be one's 'everything' which is unhealthy and too much pressure to place on a person.
They are better because there's no families and continue of genes without them.
if there had to be a guess for the mixed-up priorities(dash wrong messages), it's a given that because of societal expectations, that having a romantic relationship was better than feeling isolated(let alone for people that have trouble making &maintaining friends) especially with the naive solution that when you get a romantic partner, you'll automatically get friends,
I agree. I value my friendships VERY highly!
also, don't forget that a person who is asexual might not be sex-repulsed. Asexuals may be interested in/curious about sex. Asexuality is a lack of sexual atraction. Many (including myself) are/ were "imprisoned" by the idea that they can't be ace 'cause they enjoy or are curious about sex
Yeah! Some asexuals do enjoy partnered sex, and some even prefer it (over masturbation), despite not being attracted to their partner.
The personal attitude towards sex is described by the continuum _sex-favorable - sex-indifferent - sex-repulsed._ Both asexuals and allosexuals (non-asexuals) can be any of these three. Sexual actions don't define (any) sexual orientation.
Yup! One of my favorite ways to describe asexuality is that it’s possible to have a sexuality that doesn’t necessarily have to include other people!
I am not asexual, but I have definitely heard this. There is also the fact that sexual attraction and romantic attraction can be fluid. Sheldon Cooper is an example of this. He started off as being not into sex at all, and slowly evolved into being okay with it when he realized he had romantic attraction to Amy. He certainly did not seek it out, but he was fine with having sex when Amy wanted to. I didn't like that they dismissed that part of the asexual identity.
Asexuals, if I am stepping over the line, let me know, and if you agree/have a better explanation, let me know 😊
@@whimsyrosie you're absolutely right!
Your description would make Sheldon heteroromantic asexual (or biromantic or panromantic if he was romanticly attracted to not only women), and he would be sex-indifferent - not really desiring partnered sex, but having it for the sake of someone he was romanticly attracted to, and fine with it and able to enjoy it.
Asexuality is an umbrella term so yeah, 👍🏻
Subtle but important nuance: "sexual attraction" is not the same thing as either libido or having sex. You can be asexual and have a high libido. You can be an asexual and have sex, if it's for reasons other than sexual attraction (e.g. wanting children, or because your partner likes it and you want to make them happy, or because once you start it feels nice but you might not necessarily seek it out to start off with). When I first came out as asexual, the first comment I got from both my mother and my at-the-time mother-in-law was whether I'd had my hormones checked. And I had to have a long conversation with both of them that there was nothing wrong with my libido; I just didn't experience sexual attraction.
I am a ( mostly) sex neutral ace. I do go through some periods of sex repulsion but usually only happens when a partner( the two i had lon term) tried to get me into having sex more often that i was ok with, maybe not even consciously but i did started to feel pressured and like i could not meet them without having to be refusing sexual advances all time so when that happens i just start to feel disgusted about sex. My best way to explain how i feel about it is comparing it to a tv show. Sex for me is liks that tv show that you are not really very interested in watching, you would not suggest watching it, you don't care what happens in the nex episode, but if your partner wants to watch it , you are ok with watching an episode together once in a while and you can find it entertaininf and enjoy things about it...but you still would not sit through a marathon of episodes and you are asked to watch an episode every day or several times every week, you start to get sick of it.
@@nessyness5447 That's a nice analogy -- I like that.
Yes! Thank you!
Yeah! Some asexuals do enjoy partnered sex, and some even prefer it (over masturbation), despite not being attracted to their partner.
The personal attitude towards sex is described by the continuum _sex-favorable - sex-indifferent - sex-repulsed._ Both asexuals and allosexuals (non-asexuals) can be any of these three. Sexual actions don't define (any) sexual orientation.
THANK YOU! What people don't understand also is that even asexuality is on a spectrum. I'm gray ace which for me sometimes I do get se xually attracted but rarely.
There’s so much more than sexual relationships and you can tell some writers have no idea how to make their characters interesting without sex or ‘love’.
Because most sexual people find those stories to be missing something.
I always felt that the Big Bang Theory used Sheldon’s asexuality as an excuse to make sexist jokes
They used the whole programme to do that.
Yes! Look up “adorkable misogyny” on the channel pop culture detective. Excellent analysis of exactly that issue.
Chuck Lorre uses everything as an excuse to make sexist jokes, so at least he's acknowledging it's a thing.
Edit: That was me being condescending. Not sure it came through in written form.
That show was riddled with issues 😒
BBT never sat well with me. Oftentimes the joke was “haha nerd said something nerdy” and it was demeaning to women and just all around pretty awful. Honestly, as someone who was a woman in tech in Silicon Valley in the mid-2000’s, I’m experienced enough to say I could handle real life, but couldn’t deal with that show.
Asexuals DOESN'T equal aromantic. I'm pretty sure they can get into romantic relationship. And kissing isn't sex so, no, putting asexual people in romantic relationship isn't erasure
Ugh, bad take lol
THANK YOU LOL. I found that point so odd, kissing is NOT inherently sexual, if so why do family, parent and child, and close friends kiss? Answer lol its not, it's simply just sexualized in the context of a romantic relationship, but that doesn't mean an asexual person doesn't want a kiss. Maybe some don't want a full on make out with tongue ya know but asexual ppl still want to have love and kisses like everyone else, Asexual doesn't = Aromatic, and I think equating the both of them is ignorant within itself
I think the point being made is more about physical vs emotional connection. Kissing may not be sex but it is still a physical connection that many asexuals may not be interested in. Of course, I’m aroace so i might not have the clearest understanding of the distinction.
@@mr.e7541 words have multiple meanings so yeah Asexual does mean a person that does not desire the sexy time, not just a creature that reproduces asexually, and hetero means you desire a partner of the opposite sex? which asexual people can still desire romantic attraction which means they can have a preference for gender lol
@@mr.e7541 yeah, we've all heard that "joke" before, and it is annoying to the point of becoming offensive. I am going to assume you didn't know that, and am therefore not offended, but please don't repeat it. Asexuals are fully aware of the scientific use of the word, and are exhausted by the constant comparison to plants or being told to F ourselves. (We also get tired of being characterized as robots or androids too, just FYI)
To me, it feels like there’s a super popular TV show that 95% of the world likes but I don’t.
When you tell people that you don’t like it, reactions vary from “Oh, you probably just watched a bad episode, keep watching and you’ll find a good one” to “You’re just not mature enough to understand it.” When someone makes a reference to it, I get the reference because of how popular it is, and I may even find it a little funny, but I’ll get board if they keep making those references and I certainly don’t want to sit around and discuss the show with them.
This needs to get more likes
That’s a really good analogy
*ahem* gameofthrones *ahem*
put it perfectly! all my teenage years and even now, and im almost 23
Ooo, nice analogy!
When you're ace, it's like the world is revolving on the basis of an injoke you don't understand. And instead of finding other ways to communicate with you they just you tell don't worry, one day you'll get the joke, or aw poor little baby don't be scared it's just humour, or I'll fix your sense of humour, or what do you mean you don't get it? Everyone gets it.
And in the end you're just left out of the conversation altogether. Sat in your room alone wondering if you're just the only unfunny person.
So yeah, I'm glad characters like Todd exist. I'm glad people are trying to speak up more for and about asexuality. It's very lonely over here sometimes 💜 but I promise you we're hilarious.
@Dani Difranza. You literally summed up my whole life as a high schooler here. The second para hit me the mostt because I have always been isolated by others for not understanding their "joke" and no one ever tried to understand why I didn't feel that way and why I didn't like hearing about it all the time. I do actually always sit at the last bench alone because my classmates think I'm naive. The fact that you understood my situation perfectly even though you're a stranger to me really means a lot to me and not feel like I'm the only one who thinks that way.🥺😌thank u
@@violetgirl7960 I can promise you you're not alone! I mean, we just found each other! It makes me so sad to hear that you're sitting at the back, you don't need to isolate yourself for other people's behaviour. There's a place for you where you'll get to sit right at the centre of everything, you'll find it 💜🤍🖤
Nah that was never my thing, I started out hypersexual then realized. I rather enjoy things I want to do than date women. They're the ones in the side joke they're basically chasing their own tail, upset the dating world ain't working for them. Maybe focus on things you like don't make your whole existence on "love". Find a hobby, maybe see people a real friends and not somebody to "ask a favor" or some "networking asset"
The moment I stopping chasing sex and romance, I was much happier. People beat themselves up with this dating thing and it's their own fault. See them as a human and maybe just maybe they might treat ya right. Yet, nah, people aren't that smart at times.
The ONE thing that was SUCCESFULLY Erased!
Holy muffin.
I love the way you wrote this
Mind if I quote this to others to explain my asexuality to them?
_"Isn't it limiting to make a sexual relationship the only thing characters seek or need to be fulfilled?"_ Legit just had a conversation this past week with a friend about how limiting this is for people IRL, because it leaves people not understanding how to value different forms of relationships and different forms of love. It's the root of "men and women can't be friends" and "sex is the most intimate relationship" and so much other nonsense. It's _limiting._ A sexual view of the world doesn't just create harm for asexuals, it hurts everyone by shutting out possibilities for love and connection.
What's really wild about the timing of this video, though, is I just happened to see on my company's diversity page some well-intended but misguided line about "there's a role for allies in the fight for equality, that's why LGBT+ added the 'A'." and I actually went out of my way to email them and say "That 'A' belongs to Asexuals/Aromantics, actually. I hope you consider revising this so you're not inadvertently participating in the erasure of a whole group." 48 hours late, The Take talks Asexuality. Insane timing.
And Agender, don't forget them too. We're a triple A threat :P
Have they revised it? I hope so! Good on you for letting them know!
Elsa wasn’t erased by film, she was erased by fans that wanted her to be Lesbian instead.
this is why I like headcannons. multiple things can be simultaneously true and even contradictory
Especially as I feel like her being in a romantic relationship would somewhat undercut the message of frozen, I liked seeing a film proclaim that non romantic love is still true love, and can bring fulfillment like romantic love could
@@sarahcicle8592 Yes!
Why not both? She can be romantically lesbian and asexual
@@GeeseAreJustBastardizedSwans
The point of _Frozen_ is that non-romantic love is still true love. It ending in a romantic relationship would undercut it's own message.
I hate childhood friends to lovers story arcs because they convinced society that if you just wait long enough that we’ll change our minds. Or if you just be persistent and keep asking that you’ll get a date. Also perpetuates the idea that you can’t have platonic relationships with the opposite sex which takes an emotional toll on person you project your movie-inspired ideals onto
Yes this, or that we are just blind and that why we don't see all the romantic feelings. That's annoying. Childhood friends can stay friends forever! Also I don't know, but it always seem crazy to me because most of the time, the friend are aware of his romantic feelings make no attempts to date and just watch the other having relationships with other people and still not think "maybe it would be sane to find another love interest"... That's crazy for me.
And the worst is that not taking no as an answer is seen sometimes drawn as romantic perseverance and not an abusive behabior. I watch Miraculous Ladybug, there is this episode where Cat Noir wonder if he should gave up on Ladybug after she says no, and then he thought "no, I'll wait forever if I must but I won't gave up!" or something like that. And he continues to flirt with her in every episode. Who thought it was a good model to put in a kid show, seriously?
For me it depends how it’s written. People are complex. Like my mom says every mind it’s is own world. Kim possible for example handled friends to lovers really well. Another way is the demisexal approach. Falling in love with someone overtime isn’t a bad thing. Unfortunately a lot of the media can’t write a friends to lovers arcs.
I actually like these stories where best friends become lovers. Because the relationship has a foundation on which to stand on instead of "Love at first sight". Can't say the same about myself. I had a good friend who was a girl (I am a boy) and we were neighbors. We used to talk and play all the time and now, 5 years later, my siblings still think I have a crush on her.
omg!1!1! society is making ec36dbone straight!!!! humans 7827363828 b.c were gay but aliens and society made them striaght111!!
Yes! It also oftentimes undermines platonic relationships.
Miss Honey from Matilda always struck me as asexual as well.
i thought she had a boyfriend? i might watch again
@@a.l.cresta4183 no she didn’t have a love interest at all. She even says herself in the movie that she is fulfilled by being a teacher. And her most significant relationship in the movie is with Matilda which culminates with Miss Honey adopting her and being a single parent. In fact, none of the characters fulfilment comes from sexual or romantic relationships which is one of the reasons I love the movie so much.
yesss i always thought she was an ace lesbian
I wanted to be Miss Honey when I grew up. That would explain a lot.
@@Lily-ni5po yes! I firmly believe that Miss Honey is an Ace icon.
"Why does everything have to be about sex anyway?"
Oh thank god someone says it.
Agreed!
I can’t believe it, I’m overwhelmed, I came out as asexual to my friends in the beginning of this year, and I felt relieved, because they always said that I was “too innocent” or that I “wasn’t grow up yet” whenever I didn’t get sex references or that I closed my eyes during THAT part or almost every movie target to adults, but they were so supportive and actually made sense to them in retrospective, and now when they recommend me movies tell me if the amount of awkward scenes if something that I can tolerate or when to skip it
I don't think my friends would understand. I'm still questioning and I discussed it with one friend and asked her to not say it to anybody.
Heck even I don't understand it. It's like asexuality fits, but I feel like an imposter.
It's really very confusing.
Its always the 'youre so innocent'. No, media is oversexualised, dont they see it? 🙄
I hope you can make peace with it, I'm not ready to tell to my parents, my family or my classmates but for now with a few people supporting me, i felt relieved, I'm glad that at least one friend of you can know it
@@hobihobi1858 I KNOW RIGHT?? That's the main reason with I prefer general audience or PG-13 films because if is +18 is almost guaranteed that would have a sex scene, doesn't !matter if is a comedy, action or drama, they put it everywhere in "adult media" and I personally am sex repulsed ace and it literally takes me out of the story (and most of the times doesn't add to the story at all) now of days they don't even imply than two characters have made it, they SHOW it ¿And the people like to see it ??!! Wtf
@@josefagomezschmeisser8356
Yeah I joined a few ace communities in Reddit. Its the only place I feel understood
Simply put as an asexual person myself that scene from Sex Education made my eyes bawled.
Seeing myself and my experience represented makes me feel valid .
Sameee👀
Saaame
Yeah.. sadly, the rest of the show is kinda bad...
To the asexual ppl reading this, you are LOVED, SEEN, and IMPORTANT
Btw, it reeeeeally bugs that the trope of the "genuis/married to the job" Asexual exists. I am Asexual and neither. Odd and eccentric for sure, but not an extremist, pretty balanced in my own way. I think that trope/stereotype is lazy writing too tbh.
Kinda off-topic but i think it has also to be said:
Part of Erasure of A-sexuality and this whole 'Modern World is s-ual' is kinda the channel 'Normalizing Nudity', which has so many Issues i literally sometimes go and use the reportbutton on them.
Why?
Well, let me just give you a 'Hint': The Gender-Ratio. Take a look at the massively Off Gender-Ratio...
...And maybe you find a reason to report them also, so youtube get become less messy...
Go and see for yourself why i feel this channel is so problematic it literally needs Reports and Deleting...
thats me!!!
I feel like it's even more difficult for us men who are Ace. We're more expected to enjoy sex. We're measured by how much sex we have.
Im sorry :( but just keep doing you
I 100% agree. Especially if your a gay ace man, since sex is all that most gay men care about from my experience.
I honestly think it's just as difficult for women and men. As a romantic ace I think it's harder to find men who'll be in a relationship without sex because of what you said. And with the added misogyny and threat of corrective rape (which happens to men too, but more often women), and how society deems women worthless if they don't get married and have children, I think it's about equal at least
@@NS-et5wh no now that I think of it I agree with you. I'm Hetero Ace myself. I totally get it.
@@joebaumgart1146 Yeah I get why you said it too :) I do think men are more shamed for not having/ wanting sex, and men's masculinity is put into question if they're ace (or queer in any way). It's just all the other tings that kind of evens it out. All of those problems are very valid tho
Fun fact: Todd's girlfriend Maude is voiced by asexual youtuber Echo Gillette!
That's a form of representation in casting too.
There is a difference between aromantic and asexual. The writers missed on this one.
Definitely
@@tenshimoon May i say something related but not blood-realted?
Kinda off-topic but i think it has also to be said:
Part of Erasure of A-sexuality and this whole 'Modern World is s-ual' is kinda the channel 'Normalizing Nudity', which has so many Issues i literally sometimes go and use the reportbutton on them.
Why?
Well, let me just give you a single 'Hint': The Gender-Ratio.
,,,Take a look at the massively Off Gender-Ratio...
...And maybe you find a reason to report them also, i hope.
Go and see for yourself why i feel this channel is so problematic it literally needs Reports and Deleting...
Yeah
I don't quite see where have they missed it, because I saw both being represented (romantic ace and aro ace)...
Can you explain it to me?
I took away that a-romantic is a kind of sub-set of asexual, like a person can be a-romantic, or, want platonic romance, but at the end of the day, the idea of banging genitals is off-putting and depressing for both of them, so they are both asexual.
French girl here ! Talking about asexuality, there is a serie called "Ici tout commence" in where the character of Elliot is asexual. In my opinion, his story is well written. The show talks about his asexuality but not only that, he is in a relationship with another male character, he is so confident about who he is, he cares deeply about his friends among other things. For a serie on a big French channel, at a time where everyone watch the TV and 5 days a week, I think it is a great way to start the representation of asexuality on TV !
Oooh I would love a French series with a good ace character! Do you perhaps know if the series would be available outside of francophone countries? 🥺🙏
Je connais pas du tout cette série! On peut la regarder où??
@@yueliadragonflavour731 je crois que c'est soit sur TF1 ou France3
also something that i really hate: tv and media loves to portray being a virgin as a bad thing, like a “you’re going to be lonely forever” thing.
as if people can’t have relationships (romantic or otherwise) without sex.
Right
Sex is unnecesary
To be fair, there are nuns and priests that obstain from sex by choice due to their religion. If they want to talk about being a virgin is bad, I'd like to see them say it to a priest's or nun's face to see what happens next.
@@deannal.newton9772 To be clear, I am not religious, so don't take this as me agreeing, I'm just explaining: Taking a vow of abstinence is seen as righteous in the church because the expectation is that these people WANT sex, and can have it, but are avoiding it and choosing to ignore and expel those feelings for the sake of putting their religion above their earthly desires. It's seen as very clean and powerful of them to be denying themselves pleasure that they WANT for the sake of the church because being tempted but rejecting the temptation is an act that proves them loyal to god rather than to themselves. In this ethos, it is still considered the standard to have sexual desire. That's why there's so much horny nun and priest art/content - it's the idea of luring them into their own temptations and corrupting their religious doctrine by doing so. It is absolutely not asexual or a violation of it.
@@jijitters Ok, thanks for explaining this to me.
One thing I will add as An Asexual is that-
As much as I love head cannoning ALL my favorite characters as asexual, I wish more shows would explicit say the word. I personally don’t particularly care if they explain it, I just want them to say the word.
Ah yes. The ace headcanon. I 100% agree on both parts of your comment.
Absolutely this! Most non-Aces wouldn't have the vocabulary or knowledge to be aware of a character actually BEING Asexual. If the word were included in the show at some point, in reference to the character, perhaps people who like the character would then be interested to learn more.
@@alexandrialeonora6542 Kinda off-topic but i think it has also to be said:
Part of Erasure of A-sexuality and this whole 'Modern World is s-ual' is kinda the channel 'Normalizing Nudity', which has so many Issues i literally sometimes go and use the reportbutton on them.
Why?
Well, let me just give you a 'Hint': The Gender-Ratio. Take a look at the massively Off Gender-Ratio...
...And maybe you find a reason to report them also, so youtube get become less messy...
Go and see for yourself why i feel this channel is so problematic it literally needs Reports and Deleting...
One of my really close firends is Ace and she shared her experiences on her channel. We need more representation. One i am glad about is on the British soap opera Emmerdale with the character of Olivia 'Liv' Flaherty. The world is so over sexualised and we need to start changing the narrative more.
I totally agree, there should be more Ace representation in the media, and it's alright to be open about not wanting what the rest of the world seems to be obsessed over.
The world is not oversexualized lol
@@marlboroprime657 lol what world do you live in? Yes, it is. Films and tv basically show porn now a days.
‘Loveless’ by Alice Oseman is also wonderful aroace representation
@@marlboroprime657 What? Sex is litterally everywhere, in songs, movies, ads, tv and most conversations. As an ace you're constantly reminded of what's expected from everyone in society
Also Im honestly so tired of people saying Asexual when they mean Aromantic (or AroAce)-now that's aromantic erasure, but that doesn't get talked about.
Hopefully aromantism gets more exposure soon too
Shipping characters in a Romantic way isn't necessarily erasure of their Asexuality. There's a difference between being Aromantic and Asexual. And while some Asexuals don't like kissing, some really do like kissing. And especially in Peridot's case it's canonically really unclear if she's only ace or aroace.
yeah it kind of bothered me about the video that first they were like "don't ship ace characters!!!4!4" and then "ace ≠aro" like why did they feel the need to put the fanarts there
@@megamindsfreshmintycum plus shipping and canon are separate things. You can ship whomever you want IMO.
She canonically aro too, even her design is inspired by the first aro flag with green and yellow
Yeah I am ace and do ship a lot of characters. I think the issue is that MOST people ship characters as them being allosexual, not as ace. Like the majority of fics depict them as feeling sexual attraction completely erasing their asexulity :/
Agreed, as long as they explicitly explain the difference and not just erase aromantics.
Thank you The Take for representing the Asexual community
I agree, the Take have struck gold again, and really help their audience to feel seen and heard!
I’m thrilled. They have a huge audience so this definitely does a lot in shining light into something that is not known by many people. Perhaps some people could even realise that they’re asexual from here. Big props to The Take.
This🌸🌸
"NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT SEX" 🌸🌸
Now if they also did the research to catch that it's about sexual attraction and not libido, being sex-negative or aromatic ....
I'm not ace (aromantic or asexual) but HOLY- Why does everything have to do with sex?? Just calm down, make something wholesome with a big spice of angst, characters going through sad things that humans usually do and you might get a decent show/movie?
I KNOW, it's one of the reasons why I just either watch animated movies or documentaries because at least I don't have sex right in my face.
I’m Ace. I love The Take. I never clicked on a video so fast.
Ditto, I really love how they address many diverse tropes and sexualities, and really appeal to their fans! 🏳️🌈
same.
same.
Same here
SAME I thought I read the tittle wrong because I never thought they’d cover Asexuality, its so exciting!!
Great video overall. All I can add is how media likes the autistic asexuals trope despite many autistic people not being asexuals. Which is already not great considering the lackluster that is autistic representation in media.
Thank you! There's so many ideas of autistic people that just aren't true, but that's a really good point.
That's a good point. It's probably part of media seeing autistic people (and asexual people) as children. Or robots.
@@litchie5836 Oh, it certainly has a lot to do with that, you're right. There are so many people infantizing autistic characters it's crazy.
The brightest example when She-ra fandom decided they can't ship Entrapta with Hordak (or anyone for that matter) because "she's minor coded". When that's not the case at all, but they thought she was BECAUSE of her autistic traits.
And the robots one sounds like an old tale at this point.
@@kappapride6332 What. Entrapta, "minor-coded"‽‽‽ The literal smartest person in the whole story, who lives alone with her employees and has an actual job as a scientist. Just... What.
I was misdiagnosed with autism for 3 years until i finally got the right, Schizoid Personality Disorder diagnosis. Most people with this disorder are ace, and i finally felt seen by a psychiatrist!
I don’t like when people describe asexuality as “lacking an interest in sex.” I’m ace, and I like sex. Sometimes, albeit rarely, I crave it.
As an ace, what I don’t feel is sexual attraction. I don’t feel sexually attracted to anyone. But I can have sex with someone without feeling sexual attraction- I just like the actions and the sensations.
But yeah- lack of sexual attraction, not lack of interest in sex. Whether an ace is repulsed by, indifferent to, or interested in sex comes down to the individual ace.
i call it the hubbhuabbas. i do not comprehend sex without attraction the idea makes me panic
I'm asexual and it bothers me when people describe it that way because I do enjoy sexual content. But more in the way that I enjoy slasher movies. Like, yes I love watching Jason Voorhees cut off the heads of some annoying teenagers but do I wanna do it myself? No. In fact, if I ever were forced to kill someone it'd be a traumatizing experience for me.
Perfectly placed
Exactly. I'm Aroace and aegosexual. I like porn and sex in fantasy but in real life sex is boring for me. I can only be aroused when I'm horny in my thoughts watching porn. People don't understand. No, I don't have a porn addiction I just don't desire partnered sex.
Thanks, that's the good answer
"sex doesn't make us whole. so how could you ever be broken" SOBBBBBBBBS and this is why I watch Sex Education.
also, my hubs has pointed out that the character is not "Doctor Who" but just "The Doctor"...
*nods in demisexual
Greetings, I also identify as demisexual, and think that there should be more emphasis on emotional connections and bonds prior to sexual ones.
Me too
@@trinaq Media has so much power. I have so many demi friends and they all forced themselfs, because they thought - thats how everyone works.... :C
I had enough - I wrote a whole book about a demisexual person, so I can relate with someone. We need more q_q
We need a bigger spectrum for all. Sex is fluid. And media could show this so easy as normal - because it is normal. D:
Learnt a new word today
@@HoneyballLP That's fantastic, major kudos on your book! 🎊📙 We definitely need more demi representation, and for people who identify as such to know that it's perfectly normal to want to get to know someone before you feel any sexual attraction, and that you're not being "picky."
I'm actually sick and tired of sexuality in media. My eyes were opened when I started watching anime and there were so many that just never had any sex scenes. Meanwhile every single Netflix original has a sex scene in the FIRST EPISODE.
Anime is better then most Netflix original series anyway.
Or kdrama. I absolutely love the. Like you can have 16 hours of watching a relationship between two people slowly form and maybe you get a kiss 14 hours in and a bit of hand holding and cuddling or something.
While in most western series the people had sex in the third episode, cheated in the 8, had a triangle drama afterwards and got back together at the end.
(ofc there are also kdramas that are different but I think percentage wise they have a way higher ratio of these couples than western productions).
This is why I've stopped watching television/Netflix, to be honest.
Woah, you're right, it's always the first episode! I'm demisexual, I dated an asexual person for a while. She pointed out once how every movie has to shoehorn in a romantic plot and usually also a sex scene, even if it's completely superfluous to the storyline and might even distract from the movie. She found it tiring. I've started noticing it everywhere now. It IS tiring.
I loved watching 'The West Wing' because it was a great TV show with no sex scenes! Sex was mentioned occasionally, sure, but never shown. Phew.
I float somewhere between demisexual and gray-asexual and I will never forget when I got to college and some acquaintances found out I was a virgin at 19 and told me "don't worry, one day you'll meet someone and you'll just wanna jump their bones" and the only thing that I could think of was "I really wasn't worried about it".
Kinda off-topic but i think it has also to be said:
Part of Erasure of A-sexuality and this whole 'Modern World is s-ual' is kinda the channel 'Normalizing Nudity', which has so many Issues i literally sometimes go and use the reportbutton on them.
Why?
Well, let me just give you a 'Hint': The Gender-Ratio. Take a look at the massively Off Gender-Ratio...
...And maybe you find a reason to report them also, so youtube get become less messy...
Go and see for yourself why i feel this channel is so problematic it literally needs Reports and Deleting...
Tbh, yeah I wasn't worried about being a virgin until other ppl started bothering me about it. I lost my virginity at 19 maybe 20, but I made sure it was on my terms with someone who I truly loved and loved me back. I haven't regretted it since. I think that all people ace or not deserve to have that same experience with their sexuality rather then be pressured by society.
(Also virginity and purity is mostly a myth anyway but I digress)
I think every ace person has been told some arrangement of "you'll want it eventually" like it's something we were concerned about lmao
I've concluded that people who say those sorts of things mean well and aren't trying to be cruel -- they literally think it's something we're upset about because they were worried about it once too. But we're not allo. We don't care. Some aces do want sex, but even for them it's not like the allo experience. For allos, that desire is a need. For us, it's like "damn I want tacos." It's not a big deal, yeah? Many allosexuals are completely incapable of understanding us, and I think the same might also be true in reverse. Like the amount of times I've been left baffled by something one of my allo friends said is ridiculous, and most of the time my knee-jerk response is "well don't then" and them acting like I told them to run laps around the gym for 30 minutes. Like those abstinence people who came to talk at my school a long time ago saying 'resisting the temptation of sex is hard but--" and I was like no?? It literally isn't??? lmao?? Just don't??? I still don't fully understand now as an adult the "it's hard not to" thing tbh. I've been told all the analogies but relating it back to what we're discussing doesn't connect properly for me.
(sort-of-side tangent: am I the only one confused by f-buddy/hookup culture? Like why? If you don't want a partner but still want the sex, why... why? There's so much risk and russian roulette involved with whether that person is going to 1, know what they're doing 2, be considerate enough to care about you and 3, be honest and/or communicative. There are toys for this like?? And the toys always know what they're doing as long as you do, they aren't selfish, they don't have bugs, they don't have kinks you aren't comfortable with, etc. It's so impossible to wrap my head around why people hookup. Is it the kissing part? You can't makeout with the toys, I guess. Is it like a clout thing, like casanova BS gotta divide and conquer so the bros don't think you're a beta-- I don't know, I don't understand).
First person I ever suggested I might be asexual to treated me like I was a baby who didn't understand how great orgasms were. I... held my tongue because I didn't want to go into the fact that I know what orgasms are, how they feel, and am still not the least bit attracted to anyone, nor see the appeal in getting someone else involved. Way TMI.
When I was in my 20s and my grandmother found out I was still a virgin, she looked at me with genuine concern, in front of my mother and said, "[insert name], what's wrong with you?" To my mom's credit, she defended me, said it wasn't a bad thing. I think it interesting now given the hell my grandma and my mother (on account of my sisters) were going through on account of raging teen/young adult hormones that brought a lot of drama home in both houses.
Can you do Aromantics next!
Because we are also a very romantic society and romantic relationships are considered the ultimate goal even if you don't want to be married you are still considered weird if you never or don't want a romantic partner
Thanks for all the likes ;) We all have the right to be represented!
i think my husband is aromantic and i kinda wish we'd figured that out before getting married.
Hear, hear!
Seconded! Aros are treated like they’re subhuman, even in the ace community. Look how many comments rush to dismiss aroace narratives’ existence to look more “normal”.
I would love that take, Samantha Jones from Sex and the city feels like a great example of this, she tried having relationships but she simply doesn't want to deal with them in the long term, I feel that was a perfect example of an aromantic.
Mmmmm amatonormativity
I feel like there's a conversation to be had too about autistic coded characters being defaulted into being ace.
Yep. And the sister-conversation where ace characters are defaulted into being cold, childish or autistic.
Both conversations are insidious.
Big thing I noticed about the She-Ra reboot fandom's treatment towards Entrapta. Just because she is short, autistic, and likes "childish" things doesn't mean she is asexual. One can be any or all those things and still be asexual but having those traits isn't the reason why someone is asexual.
Not all asexuals hate sex. Some of us are happy to have sex with our spouse, pretty much the way we'd be happy to do any other favor for them, like cooking a nice meal or something. We just don't feel saddened by a lack of sex, and might not even notice its absence if it stops for any reason.
My first husband felt really hurt/rejected by me, even though i never denied him sex, just because he couldn't use 'withholding sex' as a power play over me, or he couldn't get me to 'feel horny' by anything he did. I never rejected him, but asexuality wasn't a conversation being had anywhere at the time (early 90's).
I'm glad the conversations are being had now. It might save a few marriages. Things really weren't that bad between us except for his misunderstanding of my lack of sexual need.
Exactly, thank you for putting that into words.
He sounds a bit abusive if he wanted to use sex as a weapon against you or to manipulate you, though. Maybe it's for the best that marriage fell apart? Still, if you wish it hadn't, I'm sorry for your loss. I hope this is something the next generation won't have to deal with due to better education and representation for asexuality.
@@xzonia1 you may be right. He interpreted my lack of sexual need as a lack of sexual interest just in him, and he assumed I would look elsewhere to get my chimes jingled. He didn't have the worldview in place to understand anyone simply not needing jingly chimes. His assumption that I would definitely cheat on him someday was a real problem.
It's ironic, because I would have been the last person ever to seek out an affair, since I was already having all the sex I could ever need, and more.
I actually did enjoy the sex too. But not in such a way that I felt/feel bad about not having it. It's just over now, and I'm rather glad to not have those complications any more. I miss having a partner, but I don't know if I could ever find someone able to love and accept me the way i am. Better to be okay alone than to be stressed all the time with someone else.
@@Marialla. I understand what you're saying. I'm also asexual. I've never had a partner, thinking at this point I never will (I'm 50), and that's okay. I'm glad you're in a good place now. :)
@@Visplight Well, hang on. I did say i enjoyed the sex. I never meant to imply that it was just being tolerated or rapey. Only that I never felt sad or hungry or whatever if i didn't have it, that's all.
It wasn't a chore like doing the dishes. It was more like playing a game that they really really wanted to play, and i took pleasure in it because i was sharing that joy with them, even if it's not a game I'd be likely to suggest on my own.
I desire intimacy with a mate, and sex is one way to share that. But it's not the only way, and there are many different ways sex can be expressed and still be genuine.
I find Elsa, without Disney showing it, to be one of their first Asexual characters. Everyone else is all about wanting her to be a lesbian and scrapping for literally anything to declare her as such (like her small talk with that random female named Honeysomething) but the way Elsa has been portrayed she comes across more as not having any romantic feelings and such,.. or just not needed for the story right now.
Still I find Asexual Elsa to be more likely than suddenly making her gay because "if she hasn't expressed Romantic desires for a Man than it must be because she's gay!!" 🙄 rather than Elsa just not looking for love at the moment because it isn't a priority in her life now.
Sure people want more LGBT characters but Asexuals are the ones who need representation right now, or to be acknowledge they exist. Especially as many people (even those who support LGBT) still refuse to believe that there are people who don't have sexual attraction and wrongly assume it's "because you haven't found the right man/woman yet".
I mean Lesbians can still claim her though. An Ace can be straight, gay, bi, pan, etc. but simply not feel motivated to engage sexually with their ideal (or preferred) gender/s. I'm attracted to everybody (pan) and nobody (ace). The former is in relation to romantic attraction, and the latter is in relation to sexual attraction.
I agree with your point about Elsa. What's wrong with her just being single and happy to be so?
I reckon it isn't a competition between LGBTQ representation and asexual representation though - we could do with more of both!
@@YourMajesty143 The problem with Elsa being homoromantic is that this is Disney. They will NOT mark the difference between asexual aromantic and asexual homoromantic. It will play like she is lesbian and that’s it. So I do think it’s important that she is aroace.
Thank you. Yes.
Yes, a lot of people think I'm just a closeted lesbian because I don't show interest in men, but I'm not interested in women either :/ This erasure happens irl too.
I also think Elsa is aroace, but the Let it Go song is a LGBTQ+ anthem for anyone tho, and I even think it fits better for other identities that let their sexual/romantic desires free after coming out. Elsa is a queer icon that I think we all can relate to no matter how she's interpreted :)
It gets even dicier when:
-ace, still romo
-ace, romo-curious
-ace, really do experience romantic attraction/wanna date …but kiss-repulsed. Like same levels as sex-repulsion
-ace, but sex-favorable (moreso than an ace being greysexual or demisexual)
-aroace, but still experience aesthetic attraction
-ace, but aro-spec
-and far, far more that all have their own names
…like. We get policed so much about how we experience attraction, and for whether we want or don’t want relationships. (if I had a dollar for every time I heard “close friendship” this and “platONiC mARRiaGE” that-nO!! Queer platonic is a different thing entirely!! And still under represented, and different from close/longterm friendships, but it is NOT the same as Ace Romance!! And there IS no “physical affection tell” for relationships, only what the persons involve feel and how they choose to label it.)
Honestly. As invisible and erased asexuality is (it DEFINITELY is) I swear people get even madder if we’re not all this very narrow definition of Aroace-which also hurts aros, too; since many aros are NOT ace. They’re aro!!!
Im propably Demi Ace
I need to learn more about Queer platonic relationships, just heard in once in a post and it resonated so profoundly with my former dreams of living as an adult
Crowley and Aziraphale from Good Omens are canonically asexual and in love :’)
Yes! They're such sweethearts! 💜
That makes sense given how angels are portrayed. It's like Michael from The Good Place, "human affection is all jamming your different holes together."
I cried when I saw Neil Gaiman talking about their asexual relationship. I love them.
that's what i'm saying!! characters can be both gay and ace which i think is good rep
Can I get a wahoo?
“You cannot compare sex to love, because there you are talking about the greatest thing on earth. There’s a difference.”
-Freddie Mercury ❤️
As an asexual, this quote gives me strength❤️❤️
"Sex doesn't make us whole, so how could you ever be broken?"
loved ending on that quote, especially after years of feeling broken
I wonder... Has anyone ever been backed into a corner when they were asked that question?
I'm so glad you guys did this video. I think that the Take should tackle virgin-shaming and representations of virgins in the media. This video touched on it a bit but I believe that people would love a more in-depth look into this topic. Our media needs to start saying that there is nothing wrong with being a virgin, they are people who are not broken and don't need to be fixed.
YES. And I believe virgin-shaming has done immense damage by driving a portion of men into inceldom who then become radicalised overtime (not all ofc), because for many of them, part of the reason they're so bitter is because of the social stigmas/ridicule that comes with being a virgin. Yeah sure, most probably are also bitter about their virginity because they're not on the ace spectrum so they genuinely place a high degree of importance on sex and pursuing it, but also society has certainly played a role in making so many feel ashamed & angry about being virgins when there's absolutely nothing wrong with it, and driving people to think they have to "lose" it in order to not be a loser. Or similarly with society & ppl insulting someone for "still being single" when that might just be what they actually want to be. And the whole "oh it must be sad to live your whole life alone, poor you for being forever alone :( "
@@tenshimoon Indeed.
But i know stuff even worse than virgin-shaming:
Kinda off-topic but i think it has also to be said:
Part of Erasure of A-sexuality and this whole 'Modern World is s-ual' is kinda the channel 'Normalizing Nudity', which has so many Issues i literally sometimes go and use the reportbutton on them.
Why?
Well, let me just give you a 'Hint': The Gender-Ratio. Take a look at the massively Off Gender-Ratio...
...And maybe you find a reason to report them also, so youtube get become less messy...
Go and see for yourself why i feel this channel is so problematic it literally needs Reports and Deleting...
Thank. You. I don’t know if I’m asexual, I heard this term “gray sexual” l find very few people sexually appealing. But regardless, it is so boring to me that every tv show and movie is driven by sex. Like it’s the most important thing in the world. I like sex, I like cake, I like pets, I like comedy… all about the same amount. Sex is fun, so is swimming. It’s weird to me how peoples lives are driven by it. I the movies make people believe they are supposed to be obsessed like the character they see on tv.
Sex is fun, so is swimming
LOL that's soooo true! 💚
I'm aromantic. I can't really say I'm asexual as I have a high sex drive and I think I'm demisexual. I think I am actually sexually attracted to close male friends.
literally i feel like our society places so much importance on romantic relationships, to the point where it comes across as “weird” if you ARE single. like relatives i haven’t seen in forever, the first time i see them they’ll ask “do you have a partner?”. like why do people care so much?!?! it makes me so mad. i get it’s the “norm”, but we don’t have to judge people who DONT fit that norm so much. how is it so hard to believe that some people just don’t desire that kind of intimacy :(
This video confuses between asexuality and aromanticism most of the time, and erases aromanticism.
While shipping characters is usually romantic, it doesn't erase asexuality.
Asexuals can love kisses.
And, if we go back to the confusion between asexuality and aromanticism - aromantics can love kisses, too.
The video mentions a good bit that asexual want romantic relationships but that some don't (the aromatic)
@@wiseforcommonsense Yes, I've noticed that, a few times, but in many other instances, in seems like not wanting romance is a part of asesuality.
Aromanticism was also mentioned by its name, which is good, but presenting it like that often makes it seem to people who aren't aware of aromanticism like aromanticism is a subcategory of asexuality.
@@Ayelet_BringThemHome In the end, Asexuality stems from those who aren't interested in sex. Romance and love can be enjoyed by Asexuals. Just because some people don't like it doesn't mean others don't. You saying that romance equates to people not being Asexual is the same as erasing Asexuals. Just because some of us don't fit your narrative does not mean we're not Asexual. At the end of the day, Asexual people all agree that sex is not the end all be all of life.
@@oldladytrexarms That's not what I said. I said that confusing between aromanticism and asexuality is a problem.
Some asexuals (including me) are aromantic, but not everyone (also, not all of the aromantic people are asexual, but this is a different subject).
Some asexuals are interested in sex, if they enjoy it without experiencing sexual attraction or if they do experience sexual attraction but are on the asexual spectrum.
Very true. It feels that people forget that aces and aros can want various types of affection. And it's annoying for aromanticism to be treated like a subset of asexuality
The BBC daytime TV series Doctors actually had an episode which had an asexual character and they weren't treated as 'broken' or whatever. It was really nice to see such casual positive representation of a group who I know don't get much of it, on something which was just on briefly in the background after something else.
"being asexual must at times feel like benig gaslit by the whole world". yup. that right there, hit the nail on the head.
I discovered I was ace at a young age and my parents don't really understand it so thanks you for making this video.
Yes . So much of us feel the same way.
It took me years to realize I'm asexual, mostly because I didn't even know what it was. I didn't even realize my lack of desire was abnormal until I got older and realized how sexualized everything is. There was no ace rep in what I watched and read (and I still, have as of yet, to find accurate representation). I thought I was broken because literally every character I read got an SO by the end of their story and I just wasn't looking for that.
The sad thing is always when people understand asexuality or aromanticism as something that exists but their reaction is "but they can still have sex/get in a relationship/kiss/etc" to try and make them more "normal". It's like when a character is revealed as ace in a show but people completely ignore how it interacts with romance because they can just have sex or kiss anyway. Or when a character is aromantic but they're always shipped because they can be in a relationship anyway.
Because, yes, lots of asexual or aromantic people do have sexual/romantic relationships despite not having the inherent desire for one, but at the same time, lots don't. Few people would insist a straight person be in a gay relationship or vice versa despite not having that attraction just because they could technically do it. A lot of the time, if you don't feel a want to do something, you just don't care about it. Being aroace doesn't mean I'm incapable of being in a romantic relationship or having sex but why would I force myself to do that when I legitimately don't care? People telling me to get married anyway are essentially telling me to dedicate my entire life to juggling or something else ridiculous I have no interest in.
Amen! I got married twice in my 20s. I’ve now lived alone for 13 years and whenever I try to go on dates I’m usually thinking about what I’d rather be doing. I haven’t had a date if a few years now. I just prefer it that way.
I know there’s a big discussion around queerbaiting for Johnlock, and a lot of people (like Sarah Z here on TH-cam) have made really good analyses on it that are completely valid-but as an asexual person myself, I felt so represented not just by Sherlock in that show, but by the queerplatonic relationship he has with John. I think that a lot of the elements that make it queerbaited (characters always assuming they’re gay and dating when they say they’re not) can also be interpreted as what people in queerplatonic relationships, especially ones who live together, experience on a frequent basis. There’s no room for the idea that two men, one who’s aroace-coded, can be so important to each other and live together and be dedicated to each other, and not be romantically involved. But whenever I write queerplatonic stories, they end up as parallels to Sherlock. Characters assume they’re dating or in love, and my characters often are much more physically affectionate than Johnlock ever was. But they’re queerplatonic and a-spec. And they deserve their story to be told, too.
Edit: changed “asexual-coded” to “aroace-coded” bc that’s more accurate to what I meant
YES! Thank you! I also resonated really strongly with Sherlock in that series, and all of the assumptions by other characters made about the relationship between Holmes and Watson rang very true for my personal experience as well. My best friend of two decades and I were constantly assumed to be a romantic couple despite neither of us feeling that way. We were roommates for five years, slept in separate rooms, kept separate finances, and in no way wanted to be romantic or sexual with each other, but emotionally we were close enough to consider each other family. It never made sense to me how difficult it was for people to grasp this and how confused and disbelieving many people were when we'd have to explain yet again that no, we were friends and nothing else. Seeing this reflected in Holmes and Watson, and especially with how incredibly aroace-coded Sherlock was, was incredibly validating to see.
You make an extremely valid point, because while on the subject of representation in media, the LGBT+ community almost always automatically assumes that relationship dynamics (especially if surrounding characters even just make jokes about them being together in a normal romantic way) such as Johnlock is queerbaiting. And all those who argue about needing more representation in media, and using queerbaiting as a major argument, forgets about queerplatonic being a thing that needs rep too.
Thanks for pointing that out because it was something I missed before
@@tenshimoon Yeah, this has been a huge problem for me for years. Frankly, regardless of the nature of the relationship between these two characters, Sherlock himself can still be easily read as aroace and, as such, is queer. To call the show queerbait because it isn't explicitly gay (which the showrunners and actors all said repeatedly the relationship wasn't) is to divide aros and aces from queerness. Accusing any story of queerbait when it has queer characters existing, only their primary dynamics aren't romantic or sexual, is a really reductive requirement for representation for any orientation, but is particularly exclusionary for those of us under the queer umbrella who cannot and do not want to fit into those specific dynamics.
@@bevinbrand4637 agreed!
The problem I have with this is that the general public doesn’t know what a QPR is, even within the Queer community. Therefor there is only the options of friends or romantic partners for them. So without spelling it out it’s hard to make them see it. Also I don’t think gatiss/Moffat know what a QPR is, unfortunately..
In BBC’s Sherlock 2010, Sherlock was considered to be asexual by a lot of viewers after the first two seasons. He was even referred to as ‘the virgin’ by Moriarty. But, in later seasons, it felt like they were changing their stance and trying to push him into a relationship.
Moffat called asexuality boring and didn't want to commit to it
Moffat being Moffat I see...🙄
Asexuals can still have romantic attraction and even have/like sex tho. But BBC Sherlock also reads like he's a sex-indifferent asexual on the aromantic spectrum, at least grey-romantic or demi-romantic if not fully aro.
@@luanagullotta6218 yeah, gotta love the casual acephobia 😑
That's a problem with so many characters in general even if we don't know their gender/sexuality.
1st season/s: no romance or sex
Later seasons: ALL THE SEX AND ROMANCE
Like dang it's terrible writing even for characters who aren't ace or aro.
I nearly didn't watch this because I'm bi and hyper-sexual. But it's really important to learn more about other people's perspectives. Thanks for the great video, it was very informative and respectful.
Aces can be bi also. Biromantic.
Ace and aro here. My ideal friendship would be with someone like Sherlock from canon...he is a very loyal friend and is incredibly close to his friends and treats them like family. *chef's kiss*
Hello Allosexual!, thanks for learning about us Asexuals.
As someone in their early 40s, who only learned of the term asexuality a few years ago, and immediately identified with it, I'm glad more people are now talking about asexuality from either a personal experience or from an educational standpoint.
So, thank you for making this video and talking about how our community is represented (or not) in TV and movies and bringing this to the wider masses.
i wonder how we can start making asexual and aormantic characters for kids that are kids. so they know what they are asexual. as well as even characters as such for younger kids so they know it's normal and a thing
I didn't realize I was asexual until my mid to late 30s (I'm 41 now), so I've experienced sex and yes, I hated it. For awhile, I thought I was demisexual, but realized even with people I loved, I still couldn't get out of my own head. I'm not aromantic, though, as mushy soft things make me happy.
I do like Sheldons asexuality though, he doesn't become more sexual. You can have a fulfilling relationship and even enjoy sex with your partner while asexual. And he does say that he has to shedule sex or he might simply forget about it, so in my opinion, that was fine representation and not inconsistent.
From reading other’s comments, it seems to me that most people are upset with the fact she kinda forced him too. The whole “otherwise I’ll break up with you thing.”
@@marissam3176 He basically had to let himself be raped to stay with his girl... he should have just Broken up with her and found someone who would pressure him... if the roles where swapped everyone would be up in arms over it!
I completely agree. I'm an asexual in a happy relationship with a hetero male, whose sexual. I did not like how Amy acted like she deserved sex despite dating an asexual. It would've been better I think if he came to want to do it with her because he wanted to make her happy because he loves her. Not because she'd leave him otherwise. The fact he has to schedule it tho is a very good demonstration I think of how an asexual feels with a sexual partner
There’s also a book featuring an asexual character (who is presumably pan or bi romantic since she’s literally dumped by a woman and later has a male love interest) who is also African American. It’s called Let’s Talk About Love by Claire Kann.
Since books apparently are super underrated when talking about representation
Thanks for mentioning that! I'm always looking out for a good book, especially one where the main character looks like me! I very rarely see black ace characters so I'm excited to check it out.
Also loveless by alice oseman
@@xtrff2024 Yes! Alice Oseman writes a lot of books featuring aro and ace characters. She's one of my favourite authors.
That's a good one, even if you're not super into romance.
For anyone who's considering reading, Alice does explicitly call herself a biromantic ace. The book spells out a lot of significant discussion and description about how alloromantic asexuality can feel. Very good for someone who thinks they might be allo ace, or has learned that somebody they know is ace and wants to understand better how it can affect their approach to relationships and what acephobia looks like, or just wants to see someone like them find a believable "happily ever after".
Let's Talk About by Claire Kann
Copy-paste
Hard to use YT app on phone damnit
my friend recently told me that the end goal for all relationships is sex, and honestly that made me feel really insecure because i don't know if that's something i want. sometimes i can't help but feel it would be selfish of me to pursue a relationship knowing that i might never want sex.
Sometimes I feel the same thing about the possibility of not wanting sex.
But believe me, this is not selfish. A person who doesn't accept the limits you set is not worth it. Don't have sex with someone if you don't feel comfortable or just don't want to.
Punt your friend in the face and ditch them. Nobody has any right at all to make you feel bad or doubtful about your own feelings. You know yourself best of all and if sex isn't something you desire, just so be it, doesn't mean it is not less fulfilling.
5:45 I remember when I was in the SU fandom years ago and I was a huge fan of the ship Lapidot (peridot x lapis), but I never really saw them in sexual context. People can ship characters strictly romantically, and that's how I viewed Lapidot.
Probably bc im neurodivergent and asexual but that's besides the point. Me when peridot kin
People always assume that Ace must have had trauma that made them abstain sex or be repulsed by it, like FGM.
That's why I don't want to talk to my mom about it. She doesn't always listen to me and would probably try to "explain" my feelings to me. :/
We're slowly seeing asexual people appear in media but it's particularly annoying seeing fandom continue to write sexual fanfic with the characters with the excuse that "some asexuals like sex" which may be true but they're just saying that to not seem asexual-phobic while also ignoring their asexuality because it gets in the way of their ship.
Yes, exactly! Every time they pull that routine, it’s so obvious. “Yeah, aces deserve rep, but NOT MY FAVES WHO ARE JUST LIKE ME RIGHT DOWN TO KINKS!”
As an AroAce, I‘m not opposed to alloromantic ace rep at all but I feel that particularly in fan content, “Ace =/= Aro“ is used way too often as a loophole to push characters into relationships for the age-old reason of „they look cute together“.
Which wouldn’t even be all that dramatic if it wasn’t for the accounts of real life AroAces who have to deal with people attempting to poke those same loopholes in their actual real life sexuality to pressure them into having sex or entering relationships when they’re not interested: „You say you want no sex in our relationship because you’re asexual, but here it says some asexuals have sex to please their partners. Why aren’t you doing this for me? Don’t you love me enough?“ ect.
I don't get this...
They would never ship a lesbian with a man, but fail to see shipping aro charcters romantically or forcing asexual characters into sexual ships is basically the same thing.
The excuse of "asexuals can still like sex" gets on my nerves so much. They say that, but don't understand the complexity of the relationship. Yes asexuals can still like sex, but the attraction is different. They say that and continue writing as if the asexual character feels attraction in the same way an allosexual (not asexual) person would feel. It drives me crazy. They just use it as an excuse.
I was fortunate to have grown up watching the Sherlock Holmes series ('84-'94) with Jeremy Brett. True to the books, he was unabashedly asexual. My childhood hero for many reasons.
Red, from Overly Sarcastic Productions, does an amazing job breaking down story troupes in her Troupe Talks series. She has also self described herself as Ace. Their content is awesome!
Yo! I LOVE that channel, and when I found out Red was Ace, I was ecstatic!
@@MadMage1993 Red was actually how I was introduced to asexuality. Before that I just thought I was a prude or everyone was exaggerating
@@alexanderthegreat6682 My introduction was 2019 Hazbin Hotel's Alastor. Lol