What Liz is saying helps when you’re trying to build your self-esteem up from scratch, but once you actually start respecting yourself, she becomes irrelevant. When you’re confident, you realise that kindness towards others is in fact about inner harmony and satisfaction with your life. Seeing others as a threat is a sign of unresolved traumas
omg this !! i stopped watching liz once i realized how repetitive her talking points were (in all her videos). she seems genuine but i don’t find her videos to be all that helpful anymore.
And that's okay, its kinda what her videos are there for, you watch them, get confident, get your life together, and then you don't watch her anymore! That's what she wants you to do, it's what you SHOULD do. Of course it's fine to watch her even after your perfectly happy but you don't need to.
She makes some good points ngl but there are also things that she says that, to me, sounds like it comes from someone who has been through trauma in relationships (whether it's platonic or romantic), and it's just really not applicable for everyone. It could be a good advice to people who have been through the same things as her, but not really for everyone.
I don't think there's anything necessarily wrong with that. It makes more sense for a recovering people-pleaser to focus on cutting certain people off their lives or prioritizing their needs and wants until they recover and then start to be genuinely kind to others and pour out of a full cup. Her target audience are people-pleasers. There's also nothing wrong with disagreeing with some of her content.
@@EL-ksvkvLiz always mentions that she always talks from a place of experience. She says how she is talking to her audience and tries to help because she knows how certain experiences can fuck you up. I guess that’s why she us so genuine. And it makes sense how someone would stop watching her once they actually feel confident. That’s her goal. She said she has insecurities too so she isn’t trying to make everyone confident beasts. I noticed how she always mentions how mind control is extremely important. What she does with her videos is helping us to actually be mindful.
The "brutally honest" people only ever seem to be honest when they have something mean to say, and keep their mouths shut when there is an opportunity for sincere kindness
yup and niceness isn’t kindness you don’t have to be nice all the time, but (in my opinion) the goal in every interpersonal interaction should be to foster kindness.
@@James-rq3bu continue to be nice, but have enough boundaries to not let this consume your life. Don't seek validation, validate yourself first. sorry for any mistake in my english
Yes..Liz also has videos where she says " you are 100% in control of how you treat others, if you can't be kind to people, you stay away from people" and so on.. she is trying to convey the balance we all need. If someone is getting influenced to become self centred then they were already self centred in the first place and never chose kindness.
I've always loved the analogy of oxygen masks on a plane. The advice is to put on your own oxygen mask first before helping others. They don't tell you to put oxygen masks on everyone else first. Because you'll pass out quickly and nobody is helped there. But they also don't tell you to only put on your own mask. Because that's just cruel, watching everyone die around you. The advice is to help yourself first, to make sure you are able to help others effectively. Same is true in life imo
I love this analogy too! In fact, I'm going to bring in some math here (boo!!!). You're either good at putting your own mask on (hopefully most adults) and so preserving your life first is wholly beneficial to the rest because you can now help others in this process. Similarly, if you're bad at putting your mask on (babies) it is in your best interest that the adults finish up quick and help you with your mask. Babies clearly win here-they offer no upside to the adults (unless you count the evolutionary gene-preserving factors) but the adults are GOOD, so they choose to help. So yes, please be an adult or try to be a very grateful baby. You can also choose to be mean and hyperindividualistic and carry a parachute and jump off the plane when the smallest inconvenience occurs. The world is your oyster after all.
it’s funny because I remember that when I was younger, I watched an episode of MLP that dealt with fluttershy (one of the nicest characters) being taken advantage of. She attends a seminar from this guy who tells her to be assertive, and she ends up being extremely rude to people and drives away her friends. At the end of the episode, she realized that being kind does not mean you are weak, and she is able to be firm while still being polite. insane how much childhood shows can teach you about how to act in life
People underestimate the value of cartoons, what they can teach you and how it shapes your life and views. Thats why making sure entertainment is good and truly educational should be a priority! I was a MLP girl and related to fluttershy! I really liked your comment and thank you for reminding us of this episode. I’m glad you exist and thank you for being here!
My opinion is that you should definitely be nice BUT dont forget to set your boundaries as well. Have a limit. Be nice to everyone including yourself. Dont let others use you but always have pure intensions.
@@RetroPlusThey’re basically exaggerated thought patterns that are bad for mental health. Black and white thinking is a major one. Jumping to conclusions and dwelling on negatives are more types. My therapist only recently told me about them so I’m not well versed in them but they are definitely worth looking into.
There is a quote I try to live by: "Never regret being a good person to the wrong people. Your behavior says everything about you, and their behavior says enough about them."
I agree. I rarely regret being nice to people. Holding the door open or smiling at people is kind of bare minimum manners but it still brings positivity
People can be in bad mood and wrongly taken as wrong, thay can become nice to you too when their problem is solved. But I think if a person is really wrong don't waste your time and energy for him - he will never value your effort. It's like a dog barking on you - you had better pass over that dog and give your love to another one. You can not be nice to every body 'cause every body is different
I think the word you’re looking for is ego centric, narcissistic involves personality disorder, but can still apply here. and ikwym. i know too many people in my life who have claimed to heal and turn to self respect, while in reality, they’re just filling that void with narcissism. that’s why on my self love and recovery journey i’m making sure that while i’m reminding myself of my own worth and prioritizing myself (because i am a people pleaser, and have very low self esteem,) i am also making sure not to lose empathy and selflessness all together. stopping being selfish, and stopping being so selfless it harms you, aren’t good if you’re replacing one with the other. i’m doing my best to find balance and i’m glad it’s being discussed more so others can too
Yeah, but you know .. most people don’t understand moderation. “I was a people-pleaser for too long, so one day I decided to just not give a fuck”. They switched from one kind of unconscious to another.
Why would I want a middle-ground tho? Full-throttle down the "fuck you" path seems to be going great for me lol, if someone else is too weak to sustain this path and keep winning that's on them. If you can stand on your own two feet, then do so; the rewards are great.
I have a question and I’ll leave it here. She talked about how following the second order is autonomy hence it’s not unauthentic to be nice even tho your first order was to be “brutally honest”. But isn’t the first thought still more authentic than the second one? I mean the first thing that comes to your mind is not necessarily what comes to the mind of everyone else, so it does differentiate you and make that opinion sound more authentic.
I hold off on being honest sometimes. When someone is so emotionally broken, their emotions need to calm down before I can deliver the hard truth. A broken person needs comfort first and when they are somewhat more sound of mind I will tell them the truth to avoid having them feel worse and they make irrational decisions.
I’ve noticed people nowadays are quick to “match energy” when it’s something negative just so they have an excuse to be mean, but they never “match energy” when it comes to supporting one another
A teacher who is a psychologist once told us that truth told without empathy is violence. And I think that breaks down the whole "brutally honest" discourse.
I mean i'm brutaly honest and i'm actually a very kind person but im horrible at sugarcoating things and have trouble trying to explain or rephrase my words unless im writting or typing so people say im an "annoying bitch" when im just trying to be genuine with them but still want my advice 5 days later.
@@n.m.3995 assuming you're a nt, then are you accepting that you have to think before being nice/normal and it doesnt come natural to you and nts in general?
@@iii9591Yes, being vulnerable outside is rarely doing any good for me. Most often being honest about themselves gets oneself judged unnecessarily. It would be lovely if judgements just stay as judgements. But no, judgements affect the way we are treated by others and also our future circumstances. So, there's a need to be a persona when with others. I can only be honest with others so rarely, that is when I feel secure. Yeah, security is such a rare feeling, even with the one I call my best friend. Art is better than humans, for expression. I've stopped depending on being understood and connect with others socially. Rather art and media help me. Like even talking to some AI is more satisfying and more creative.
@@iii9591Yes, there is a constant need to analyse and be careful of the consequences my actions carry, small or big. Maybe I'm paranoid but this is the way reality works for me.
The thing with wizardliz is that if it reaches the right audience , they are good videos that help people find confidence . It's for people who are extremely insecure and let other people take advantage of them .but this video is very relevant too since we can infact see people be narcissistic if all the advices are taken too literal .for insecure people , after they find confidence within themselves .we should focus on helping others find theirs and trust me , helping others does not have to do with breaking yourself .it's all about finding the right balance btwn both
Yes you’re right not all her advice is to be taken literally, but she has to add all of the extremes to reach those who are extremely insecure and always taken advantage of
The problem is that insecure people will have the hardest time taking this advice while people who are already narcissists will assume this advice is for them
As a people pleaser her advices are so helpfull. People pleaser dont know how to say no and stop, and do things for ourself. So being self centured is what we need to carry on and not be depress. When I will be capable showing for myself and be happy of course i will share. Liz was one of these poeple she knows what she is talking about.
I agree. I surrounded myself more with wizardliz videos and it helped me to unconsciously start to get the confidence to look people in the eyes and such stuff. It can help if you set some kind of boundary ig?
I heard someone online say that when their friends begin to talk about their problems, they have to tell their friends to stop. They said “I am not your therapist. Get a therapist for that.” This really blew my mind…. I am so close to my closest friends BECAUSE we share our feelings…. Thought that was really strange.
That's honestly weird on surface level. Unless that friend had a problem with CONSTANTLY telling them their feelings and in turn emotionally weighing down the listener (this has happened to me before) then its strange
Down change what Liz said caus eirmemeber she said when that friend is continously talking badly about themselves I am not beautiful I am not like that abd they don't try to progress or something they put their negative energy on you and I experienced that you have right to tell them stop it when they don't want to after lot of advices
(first of all sorry for mt broken english) I think it's very important to talk about your feelings and also your problems with your friends but sometimes it just goes too far. I had mental health issues myself, I've lived with people who had anorexia, I've had suicidal friends, I've dated people with serious psychological problems so I think I'm in a pretty good position to speak from experience. Many of these people opened up to me about the difficulties they were facing and it did a lot of good for them as well as for me. To them because they could feel free to be themselves and frank with me (and because it always feels good to talk to someone), and to me because I knew they trusted me and would talk to me if one day they really needed help. HOWEVER. Im not terapist. I didnt take studies about how to act with a suicidal person, a person with ed or anything else, i can make mistakes, i an say the wrong things ad everything. In addition, I am a person with feelings too, a person who can feel bad. Having to deal with someone with psychological problems is very complicated, because we wonder all the time what we should do, do we do enough, we feel extremely bad for the person in front of us, because as humans it is painful to see people suffering. So I think that when you hang out with people with psychological problems it is also essential to protect yourself even by not hesitating to tell your loved ones that you do not feel comfortable talking so much about such a subject and that he should talk to a psychologist. This obviously does not mean that you should never talk to your friends, I even think it is essential and restorative to do so, but it must be done to a certain degree only.
As a person who was raised on a philosophy of “treat others how you want to be treated” and spent a lifetime of helping others at my own expense without that ever being reciprocated, I’ve added to that philosophy to “treat myself the way I want others to be treated too,” and maybe that’s selfish but I personally think it’s a good compromise.
yes because its hard to treat others good if you dont also treat yourself good, same as you have to love yourself first if you want to give or be loved by other people
To me the saying "treat others how you want to be treated" has nothing to do with reciprocity. It's more related to the bouddhist mantra "be the change you want to see in the World". Because if you expect reciprocity from others by giving them something : then it means you'll automatically meets disappointment. It's not free, your EXPECTING something in return : but who are you to expect anything from anyone?
How about you just adopt the more practical, sensible, mature philosophy of "treat others the way you want to be treated [at first], then treat them as they treat you.' You shouldn't reward bad behavior by continuously being good to people. That's how you get exploited.
why is self care considered selfish though? in this context, treating yourself the way YOU want to be treated is not wrong at all and i think it's a good thing. why should one treat themselves like shit? it's not selfish.
A street preacher believes he is being loving while others think he's being hateful.... Kindness is nuanced. It is contextual, both on the situation at hand, and the values of those involved. Values determine what you believe to be kind or unkind. Values are not a monolith.
Indeed. It's a rebellious act, to be kind in today's society. I remind myself of this daily, and find solace in it. Share this point of view with other rebels and punks. Ppl unite!
@@IrhaablackroseAmen thank you, and end up telling you it's God's plan to just suffer honey, if you can't save yourself, while entitled in her current privilege and luxurious circumstances
It's like a lot of people have lost the sense of nuance its insane. The pendulum keeps swinging between "be nice to everybody no matter what" to "Fuck over everybody you can if it gives you even a 0.5% advantage" how about just being a kind person with BOUNDARIES? You don't have be a total pushover but you don't have to be a dickhead for no reason either, nobody sees somebody treating a homeless person like shit and thinks "woah they're so cool!".
Nuance is complicated. Binary is easy. The fact that you called people with no sense of nuance 'insane' is case in point for binary thinking. There are times when people hide their hurt from being taken advantage of or disappointed by other people by being ultra self oriented.
Isagi Yoichi balances this well. He's kind, caring, and gentle most of the time but when he needs to put himself first he puts himself first. Even that kindness has its limits. We see this in the contrast between his off the field and on the field behavior throughout blue lock.
I genuinely do not understand why people think that being nice is a weakness. Like, did y'all skip preschool or something? Edit: I get that what most of the people in the video meant that being TOO nice is a weakness, and that I can agree with. I definitely know what it's like to be taken advantage of because of kindness. But I hate it when people think they're being "strong" by turning down smiles and waves or refusing to let someone help with their chores. It's sad and frankly kind of embarrassing.
When you try to be nice all the time you become prey to narcessists to take advantage of you (even this got mentioned at the start of the video). When you are conditioned to always put others before yourself it can be quite dangerous in fact. That one person you decided to give an extra chance on a date might take advantage of you, because well you wanted to be nice. My best example is plane instructions on how to take on a mask during an emergency. You are instructed put it on yourself first, before you put it on others. You cant help others if you cant help yourself first. When you care and love yourself it becomes easier to love others. In actuality, when you try to be nice all the time, you are actually not a nice person. You are a people pleaser that wants to be nice for some other reason, most likely a selfish reason like to get the feeling of being liked, or you want to avoid drama. Which is to be frank selfish, because you dont truly know what the other person truly want you are just guessing and is centering your opinion from the ego, trying to avoid conflict yourself.
you have to be selfish to a certain degree, you can pretend its not true but you'd be suprised how fast people lose morals or become selfish for money or survival
@@Elfyja Being a chronic people-pleaser with serious self esteem issues led me to the receiving end of a lot of blame and mistreatment thanks to a friend who turned out to be a covert narcissist. It destroyed my life, not by itself but due to other problems caused by the failure of multiple doctors and therapists to recognize the role of ADHD in my life. People pleasing opened me up to those, but I would rather learn things the hard way through people-pleasing than risk exhibiting the self-centeredness, narcissism, selfishness, apathy, and ESPECIALLY the totally accidental lack of consideration that caused all those problems in the first place. It even leads the medical field to be completely useless when it comes to treating ADHD, as if nobody with ADHD seems to be involved with creating the diagnostic criteria. The friend that destroyed my life may have a little more success than me right now, but he’s also lost a lot because of his narcissism and if he doesn’t learn to generate empathy on his own without needing to feel like he’s benefitting from it, one day his life is going to collapse under that weight and I, his ex and many of the mutual friends he and I once shared will not be willing to reach out to help him. On the other hand, those people were there for me, and I’ll be there for them. If you fixate on taking care of #1 and make everyone else secondary, you end up alone. Putting others ahead of yourself all the time can be just as destructive but it’s not nearly as big a problem today as people just being hostile to kindness as if it’s a form of weakness. Leave that to the “might makes right” crowd that think the deranged orange guy has his head on straight.
when people say being nice is a weakness, they mean being /too/ nice, to the point where you can be more aptly described as "selfless." when you're *so nice* that you cater to *everyone,* you give up yourself, leading to it being a weakness.
the way everyone is so self centered and cold on the internet is so concerning. I always see tiktoks of people with conventionally unattractive appearances and the comments are always so unnecessarily rude as if people owe them beauty. it's even worse if they're doing something that's considered cringey. of course I think a lot of things are cringey too but I never feel the need to make hurtful comments unprovoked. this is especially true for younger teenagers, especially teenage boys who have no shred of empathy whatsoever. you know these people would make any of these comments irl either, they just hide behind screens.
It makes me so mad, I agree I find some of those types of tiktoks cringey but I just move on to the next one. The comments on the otherhand make it their mission to just be as rude as possible, and I'm just like why? Do they get enjoyment out of it? Is it the whole "I'm going to make you as uncomfortable as you made me" but in this scenario the person didn't deserve it, like why are you trying to take revenge on this person who make you the tiniest bit of uncomfortable? The comments act like their appearance personally affected them.. i don't get it, I don't understand. What do you get out telling someone their ugly or unattractive? I really don't get it?????? People say that being online doesn't represent the real world, we created this, its apart of real life, or at least its an aspect of it. Everything people say and interact with is real because its a form of communication we humans created. They act like social media is a dream that has no permanence. Sorry for this rant.
I agree with you and it genuinely makes me loose faith in humanity. I don’t get how someone can be so cruel to an extent to enjoy bringing others down.
As a tik tok outsider, the comments especially, sound like the trenches. If there are people putting themselves on there despite not meeting the ridiculous levels of attractiveness, confidence, dance ability; their bravery triumphs over all of that imo. I can’t imagine going out of my way to comment something hurtful to a stranger online. If something isn’t my cup of tea why would I give my time and energy to it if it adds nothing of substance? It must just be teens going through their ‘I hate everything & that makes me cool’ phase 😂
and not to mention how they get put into cringe compilations even if whatever they do is normal or even considered cute or cool when an attractive person does it. like god forbid a person who isn't conventionally attractive exist and not try to change their appearance or actively hate themselves 24/7
I wonder this too. There just seems to be so much more mean people on the internet than in real life. I think people are afraid to portray this side of them in real life. But then again, why does there seem to be more mean people than good people on the internet? Is this the reality that people normally hide? Is it true that our world has more “unkind” or “bad” people than good people?
The wizard Liz is one of my fav TH-camrs. The thing is only people who actually watch her and not just clips will understand her intent. She helps people put themselves first and not be tolerant to disrespect but she is am VERY sincere and nice human being imo. She is actually quite laid back alone.
exactly she literally added random clips and tried to villainize her, without even getting the context of her entire video or any of her videos or messages.
@@18smnweirdoi don’t think her intent was to demonize her but i defibetly agree that she took her videos out of context and added random clips that portray her in a specific way
I think that the thing to remember is that humans are under a social contract: to do as little harm to the next person as possible. However, as a people pleaser, there comes a time when you have to choose yourself. This doesn't mean that you can hurt people left right and centre,you know
@@beckysuperswag fair point, the narcissists I see love to gobble up and coat their abuse with the "self help" / therapy-speak, but it's all about control. they only exist to make others suffer so I have no sympathy for them, mental illness or not. may they never know a moment of peace
as a people pleasure myself, Liz really helps me to stop sacrificing my own happiness all the time for others. She didnt influence me to stop being nice, rather stopped to me from being a ppl pleaser
real, i am still nice but i don't take sh1t from anyone else anymore. i used to let myself be a punching bag but i've realized that i was sacrificing my own peace of mind to make others feel better
Yes, love Liz but her videos are for people who have 0 self esteem but for others it might make them self-centered. Yes don't take shit from people but don't ignore their shit absolutely
It pisses me off when people use “sensitive” like it’s a bad thing. No, you’re not being honest, you’re being a jerk. While being too nice doesn’t always get you anywhere, being mean doesn’t get you anywhere in the long run. Yes, we should all be assertive, honest and direct, but we should be kind and respectful about it!
being too sensitive is in fact a bad thing. someone can be honest without being a jerk while also not sugarcoating something just to spare you your own feellings.
@@klr5695 i’m aware, and i pointed out the fact that while being sensitive might not be a bad thing, being too sensitive is (which even some people who consider themselves to be just sensitive are) .
There’s innate respect and that one is a given. You respect people’s rights and their boundaries. But there’s also a kind of respect you earn through your character / actions. I think most of us can think of a few people that we don’t really respect.
Wrong. You are confusing common courtesy and decency to all with respect. Respect is to consider worthy of high regard or esteem, which can only be earned through evaluation. Sometimes it is the default position, for instance, respect for one's elders, made through a long life and hopefully wisdom. Respect for one's peers who have mastered something. But then again, some elders are fools and peers who have learned a mastery and can also be unworthy of respect through their actions. In the military we respect the rank of the people in command, but we need not respect the person holding it if they are incompetent. You also said disrespect and admiration are earned; this is understood already, but it is not some deep revelation. People need to stop being dazzled by bullshit.
I don’t understand how people say kindness doesn’t give get you anywhere in life. I have gotten a lot of opportunities because of demonstrating kindness, and learning to be polite and honest at the same time definitely helped. Being kind and truthful aren’t opposites, they go hand in hand.
Agreed. Kindness gets you VERY FAR in life. What they're actually talking about it allowing others to take advantage of you - now that's the thing that gets you nowhere. But being kind and allowing others to use you are two very different things. These people seem to not understand that. They also don't seem to understand the difference between looking out for yourself and not caring too much about others' opinions, and being a generally awful a-hole.
There is a core understanding in sociology of the pay it back mentality. Even if you do something kind for someone else with no strings attached, people want to mirror your actions. There is a feeling of indebtedness that doesn't have to be negative. It's quid pro quo. Being kind to people who find you to be a threat or want to take advantage of you will have mixed results with the former and bad with the latter. You can have a good defense while still having open arms to others. Predator type persons lose that basic level of decency and respect when they show what they are. Then they get apathy (provided you've done what you feel you can to warn others of them taking advantage of people), because the best way to shut down a behavior is to not feed it. Shame and guilt generally work on people who care what you think. If someone takes advantage of you, they usually don't think of you as a person, but a target. Cutting someone like that out of your life like they don't exist tells them that you think as little of them as they do of you, if not even less, because they're not even worth the revenge instinct we get when we've been wronged.
@user89389 Just working all the time and not questioning social norms is also a tragedy though. Throughout history the masses have been proven wrong even though most people believed it. I'd like to think kindness, compassion and empathy are a big part of moving forward. Fear is a huge factor too though. Fear has been used to do some of the worst things in human history and hate to say this but it's still gonna be a long hard road fighting that.
@@shadyd2544 There's nothing wrong with questioning social norms, some of the greatest improvements came exactly because people questioned the norm and the rules. But there has to be a method to the madness. You can't just go around stepping on everyone to raise yourself up, glorify it, and call it a positive movement of questioning the social norms and doing the best without doing anything wrong. It doesn't work that way, but that's what many of these movements are about. Like yeah, maybe what you try to change IS wrong... But changing it to another wrong won't make it right.
Kindness, friendliness or politeness won't get you very far in life, unless you suck up to people with connections. Being reliable and honest gets you far in life. People's good opinion of my character and my reliablity are what got me opportunities not afforded to someone who's kind or polite. Since with these kinds of opportunities the ones recommending you also risk their own reputation.
It’s not only that people are devaluing niceness, they’re also devaluing forgiveness. That one I feel is far more harmful and makes the world a much worse place…
@@sawyoucoming22 I didn't realize this until reading your comments, but yes. The last time I heard about forgiveness is religion and Christianity particularly. Bully Maguire had a point. If people don't talk about it, we're going to lose it. The world could be an even more ruthless place.
@sawyoucoming22 Christianity has forgiveness as a foundation. It equalizes everyone because we all have wickedness in us that God freely forgives us for, and for that same reason we have to forgive others. I think a lot of people don't like believing that they have evil in them, and maybe some take it too far so they hate themselves, which isn't at all what Christianity is about. The problem is ignoring that everyone else is no better than you, either. But once you believe you aren't sinful, you have a reason to hate others and not forgive them, because when they wrong you, you think they have no reason to do so and that you would never do something similar (which isn't true).
@ferret4111 see every time I bring this up people bring up religion and abusers. You don’t have to be Christian, and you don’t have to let abuse happen. What you do have to do is be willing to forgive people in your day to day life every day because that is how the world becomes a better place. I’m asking you to give people the benefit of the doubt in your day to day life and forgive transgressions from people who are close to you. I am not telling you to accept abuse and if you are being abused you should report it, do everything you can to get out of that situation, and do everything to help be sure that you’re safe. But you can still be a forgiving person.
for me who’s been through an extremely toxic relationship with a very fragile sense of self worth and confidence, liz really helped me a lot and she made me realize how much im really worth and how i deserved to be treated. but i think its true that this kind of mindset can be dangerous for the wrong types of people, or for people who can’t interpret it very well. thank you so much for making this video :)
I think with Thewizardliz’s videos, it depends on how you take it. From personal experience, i was in a very dark place with suicidal thoughts, letting anyone walk over me, and overall letting myself wither away… when I watched her videos on gaining confidence, making positive/effective change in your life and making life enjoyable REALLY helped me. I often skip over her videos about treating men on a lower pedestal and/or the “overly confident” ones because they always feel too harsh and self centered. While watching “empowering” videos like that I believe it’s important to not completely lose yourself or turn into the person your watching because those videos are usually dramatized and if you watch/study them enough.. you will adapt to the toxic habits being highlighted.
i agree but thats what this video is addressing. She’s saying that people are taking liz’s advice as either side of the extreme. For example, rather than believing that you must love yourself before others, her viewers tend to see her words as only loving yourself. And while Liz has some very valid but harsh truth, some things she says is more on the extreme side of narcissism rather than empowerment. And while it does matter how u take it, without any bias, that advice is wrong.
I watch her videos to reflect on myself and others. So like you said it depends on every person. She obviously has a certain concept in her videos she does on purpose to actually message getting through you (honestly works) but how is that unkind? Liz talks about how she doesn’t see herself more valuable than others. But what I learned is that disregarding your own needs will bite you in the future and I see it happening with people around me. And they can’t escape now. So it depends on how people perceive her videos. Liz too has a Internet personality like anyone else on here.
Not in a mean way, but if it’s too “harsh” you need to grow up. I am nice to anyone when I have the chance but it’s important to hear things Liz has to say because she doesn’t sugar coat. Don’t be weak-minded!!
Admittedly I wasn't being aware that my attention was drawn to acquiring the same things/accessories she has (the person I subscribed to) rather than just seeing her ways as an example (her being kind and humane). It took me almost 2 years to unlearn and disentangle myself from clinging to the reality I have of her.
I find the mentality of "nice = weak" to be so strange because I literally got a leadership position partially due to the fact that I was nice, like I was kind to people and they needed someone who would be good at gently critiquing work and shooting down ideas that they felt were inappropriate or offensive (it's a satire newspaper) and I stood out BECAUSE of the fact that I was nice. I still speak up for myself, I still say "hey that joke wasn't appropriate" and set boundaries, but at the end of the day, I try to be kind as much as I can just for the sake of being kind and that alone has taken me so far in life, earned me positions in leadership, healthy and loving relationships, respect, and self love.
it’ll also be your downfall. All “nice” people get older and come to this realization. “Nice” is not sustainable long-term. Assertiveness will be your new “nice” when you reach that point in your life.
@@JA-xq6eqThis comment is so patronizing it's almost comedic. You have not only added zero substance to the conversation, you've actually managed to detract from it. Go watch the video again, or maybe realize that your poor outlook on life does not universally apply to everyone else "after a certain age." Pathetic 😒
@@JA-xq6eqJesus fucking Christ you are such a loser it's not even funny. Being nice is fine, it refers to basic politeness in casual every day interactions. I'm nice and polite to the cashier at the store because it's the decent thing to do. Holy shit, touch grass.
the problem is that weak ppl get labeled as nice, and weak ppl welcome the label of nice. i think if we started calling pushovers pushovers, things would change, but this is unlikely because ppl enjoy pushovers
@@JA-xq6eq There is being nice to the point people think you are a pushover and then theirs is nice but I have boundaries that way people won't walk all over you. In the end, it's all about being able to respect someone but still be able to say no when it is necessary.
putting yourself first is about making your own self happier, and focusing on yourself because it is YOUR LIFE. that never means being mean to others, it simply means to be able to recognize bad situations regardless of who they are and to be able to see that you deserve better.
@@protectomegax2674 well for most people yes, but sure there are those with greater responsibilities than me or the ordinary person which makes it not totally "their life" bc their decisions won't just affect them yk?
I watch The Wizard Liz's videos from a perspective of overcoming people pleasing. Her videos help me. Put your needs first so then you can help others. People pleasing can be very draining when you put your needs on the back burner. She comes from a place of wanting people to stop people pleasing. Look after yourself so then you can help others without it ruining or breaking you.
A big example of this is people who tout themselves as brutally honest: They are using the honesty as an excuse for their brutality. Brutal honesty shouldn't be a starting point, it's what you fall back on when kinder words fail to make an impact. Also, when people are honest, they should examine why they are doing so. It's like if you see someone with an issue with their appearance, the advice I've seen on whether to mention it is to ask how fixable is it in that moment. A coffee stain on a shirt while out and about? Stay quiet. Shirt buttoned incorrectly? Let them know.
@@sebrussell I disagree, brutal honesty should always be used. Theres a difference between brutal honesty (which sounds worse than it is) and being an asshole but honest. Sugarcoating or trying to soften the blow by any means can easily become a white lie if you choose to back down and not double down on the truth.
i think people have really started leaning into a very black and white, unnuanced manner of thinking these days. they create false dichotomies of being honest/real vs being kind. they forget that one can be both, they forget that you can be kind while also not letting others walk over you.
@@sebrussell I read somewhere people who say they are brutally honest often enjoy the brutality more than the honesty . and it stuck with me. there are a million kinder ways to say a thing but certain ppl choose a way that would hurt that person the most . on purpose
I’ll never understand how people consider being kind as being weak. I think everyone underestimates how hard it is to be and remain genuinely kind in such demanding times, whereas being shitty under the disguise of being “honest” is rather simple for the most of us
I always be kind but I also was seen as ''weak person'', but the truuth is that being too kind is not really good, and that's the point that influencers are explaining (obviously some of them are to extremfull butthe ideas is still there).
@@sarah05k38 yeah I agree, you shouldn’t let ppl take advantage of you. but my point is, ppl forget how hard it is to remain kind and treat others well despite this. so I feel like the fact that kind ppl are easily seen as weak or like they can be taken advantage of, shows how hard it is to remain kind actually. I don’t think society is functioning because of the ppl who are looking out for themselves first, its drive force are the ppl who take it upon themselves to care about everyone else too and treat them with respect although it isn’t easy for themselves
You don’t know what happen to kind people , kind people are always seen as weak and last option . The moment I become stronger and little rough , people started treating me better . I always have been really super kind person , my family used to say don’t be this soft and kind . Yes it is true , we get exploited and taken advantage of it .
@@haifaashraf1955I agree (even if i'm not sure if i'm just nice or if i'm kind). I don't think we should treat others bad though, I think that we should try to mantain respect but be always wary and esceptical of others. I don't exactly give the image of a kind person when I say: "why would I help you with that?", "no, *you* do that", "I don't want to, why should I?", and stop being nice to people that have bad behaviours (like, i know someone who is openly homophobic, sexist and other things more even though he knows i'm from the lgbtq+ community. I try to not be cold to others even though I wish to, but he already crossed a line for me), but it's more healthy. I try to be hard on people that don't need help or could be/have a history of trying to use me, and soft with those who do really need help. It's kinda hard but being cold without being too cruel when it's not needed to, and being soft when it *is* needed to, seems like the best way to take care of yourself.
What I find triggering is how we’re letting random strangers on the internet we know nothing about dictate how we should live. I used to follow The Wizard Liz and I have to admit she has a point most of the times, yet there’s something about her that comes off as toxic. She gives off “if you don’t live your life in this exact way you’re embarrassing and you deserve to be in pain” energy idk.
She's literally Andrew Tate tbh but people are too blind to see it because they "relate" to each of them and worship them in a sentimental kind of way. Wizard Liz was actually fine in her early moments but her fame is getting into her head
Some of her points are filled with just emotion with vey little backing, she at times can be hypocritical imo. She really does come off as a female ver of Andrew Tate, just a more tolerable one. Some of her advice is helpful, but she is going down a bumpy road.
I'm glad you said this because I also feel the same way. She makes good points (which are mainly common sense but I like nevertheless because it's a good reminder) but it's the way she delivers her message. For some one who makes self help videos she comes across as very negative and toxic, I'm not sure if she'd be a nice person to know in real life. Her whole vibe is off. Most of the time when I watch self help videos I feel calm, relaxed and motivated but with her it's the opposite.
Nothing is black and white. Our society loves to classify EVERYTHING while completely ignoring that most if not all things fall on a spectrum. There is a healthy balance of being kind and empathetic and still standing up for yourself and creating boundaries. The whole rise of everything being made into a curated aesthetic is proof that we just have to name and classify everything to be able to create a 'stable' identity. We don't have to fall into an aesthetic. Dress how you feel, act in ways you deem right, be friends with the people you deem healthy and cool regardless of their style or personality. Exist outside all these classifications. And I promise you that once you do, you will feel so much more confident and authentic in who you are. You can be everything at once and that's the beauty of being human.
Black and white, classify and to not classify. Its the same, one should ignore what u dont like, cuz sometimes the best is no move at all. Discussing classifying and to take a stand agaisnt it is what gives life to each, cuz in the end both of those standpoints is to classify.
One of the things that helped me stop being a people pleaser is when I realized that most “people-pleasing” behaviors are actually unkind. ie Saying yes to something you don’t want to do upfront and then either doing it halfheartedly and resenting it or canceling last minute - instead of just saying “no” upfront, or being passive aggressive instead of simply communicating boundaries.. That’s when I realized that self care and kindness go hand in hand. It’s about being considerate of BOTH yourself and others - not either/or!
"You will at best be momentarily praised and then ignored" This line assumes that we all crave attention so badly while some people generally like to be nice for themselves and it makes them feel better
it’s because we’re deprived of real human friendships. That’s just the mindset under capitalism. don’t get me wrong, you can have real friends that you like in a capitalist system, but it is much much harder to let yourself be that open. our societies praise ruthlessness, when that is not how people were meant to function. If we were all ruthless and didn’t care about each other, we wouldn’t have brains. We’d be dumb stupid animals that mated and died never knowing or caring about our full potential. it’s a very backwards system if you think about it.
Doesn't everyone fall into that category though? Being nice to people DOES feel good. Regardless of whether they consciously think it or not, people are nice to each other at a fundamental level because it triggers positive emotions. If being nice to people was agonizing, nobody would do it.
@@Fuar11I find that majority (maybe not but a lot) of people are nice with the expectation that it will be appreciated. Most of the time when somebody is nice and it is met with indifference the person will start to complain.
I remember when some girls and i were talking about fictional characters and one said " i hate characters that are too nice, i feel like they're hypocrites, it doesn't feel real i don't trust people like that, i prefer toxic ones, at least they're honest" and i was like, "wtf so you wouldn't like drinking water because oh no~ what if its poisoned, I'd rather straight up drink pure poison right now " stupid logic tbh
I am so happy that somebody finally speaks on this! I've been noticing that many people in my life have been starting to be very self-centered and straight up rude to other people with the excuse of it being "self care". They started loosing sight of the bigger picture and don't really concentrate on important things anymore, or even just how they treat people, because they are too busy with: - seeing themselves as the victim of everything - talking about their appearance - just circling around themselves It's so tiring to be friends with them and honestly very boring, trying to talk about it with them is also impossible
change your friends, mine were the same and i stopped talking to them and im the most happy human being right now. I do understand the tiredness of listening to people talking about themselves and nothing else, and as you said, the most boring thing
Agreed!! It's such a breath of fresh air to hear this being talked about. I have a family member with that toxic mindset right now and it makes it hard to spend time with her. We used to be so close too. Self love and care is important, but the conversation feels more like justified narcissism in the way it's evolved.
This is what happened to me in the beginning of my healing journey, and now I’m taking a step back and realizing how my attitude may have destroyed relationships that could’ve been good
there's nothing i hate more on the internet than people glamorizing rudeness. being a people pleaser does not equal being polite and having basic decency. trate os outros da mesma maneira que gostaria de ser tratado. anyways i love how well you get your point across in all videos!! its clear how much thought and how much work you put in all your videos ❤ looking forward to your next subject
It's funny how 90% of the comments here are about WizardLiz (which I like a lot); that was cited in about 2 minutes of the video, and ignored all the other 35 minutes. This is an excellent video that says a lot about how, nowadays, our conception of being a "good person" is solely based o what people on the internet accept as good and forget the essential things of life. The same people who are fighting against big causes are being rude and disrespectful to people on TikTok, for example. It's not that we shouldn't fight for those big things, but as Olivia said, it's kinda hypocritical to care superficially, and in reality, you don't respect the people around you or even those who you don't know in the vast online world.
Liz actually usually speaks of grooming both looks and personality wise. She is not telling ppl to be mean or not nice, she's just telling listeners to stop ppl pleasing to stop letting ppl walk all over you. And actually multiple times she's spoken of to be kind and nice. If you think she's telling ppl to be unkind ur just a little confused. It's totally fine if u don't relate cuz that means you've never had the unfortunate past of people pleasing.
Olivia explained that she doesn't define Liz's entire life and personality only by her videos, she used Liz as an example about self-centeredness since she does talk about that at times (I used to watch Liz's videos at times). But using Liz's videos as an example doesn't mean she fully believes her identity to be self-centered rather that she sometimes tend to give some questionable advices and motivation to people and that most if not all people will take this as literally and it creates a group of people that is unable to give basic respect to those of opposing views both in the internet and in real life(since people nowadays can't really think for themselves)
I agree. I like watching Liz’ videos and she does advocate for kindness. However, sometimes she does teeter on the edge of telling people to be inconsiderate. For example, she strongly advices to not try to understand or empathize with someone who has hurt you because she thinks that that’s the same as letting it slide or giving them excuses (even though those are very different things). In another video she also says to immediately cut someone off the second they do something you don’t appreciate, even if it’s something like not holding the car door open. Again, I really enjoy most of her videos but sometimes her advice does lean towards the extreme individualism mentioned in this video
@@mcfrog5473 exactly, I have watched her videos before and some of them are extreme, like what you have put out as an example. Liz is great for other parts (ex. Self-esteem, mental wellbeing) but in giving advices about relationships and behaviors around others (partners, friends, etc..), not so much.
I am not going to lie; as someone who grew up being either extremely brutally honest or too much of a people pleaser, I can say this: Be a respectful person who speaks with decorum and breaks the truth to people with love. If you try to go too far one way or the other, you will fail. If you're too brutally honest, your correct opinions can go overhead. If you're too nice, no one respects you. But, if people hate you for being right while you express your knowledge and wisdom with a kind attitude, you can't hold yourself accountable for someone taking offense and overreacting. It's that person's fault for being unable to consider your words with maturity.
Very true, it's also very frustrating to live this way sometimes and you have to remember that key point: you can't control how others react to your actions and so you shouldn't let those reactions change you into being more of a doormat or more of an asshole. Be resolute, be structured, be disciplined, and above all be good.
Being nice is the default. The only people who are mean are those who were hurt by others who were also hurt. Pain leads to fear, fear leads to hate, hate leads to suffering. The only remedy for suffering is gratitude.
@@KaleighCee I paraphrased it because anger and hate in the original quote are not too dissimilar so I decided to start from pain. The main point is that the phrase: is true.
My older sister is a perfect example of being brutally honest .. while she was visiting me cross-country, I overheard her gloating to our friend "I don't care about being nice." And I said to her "You should care a *little* bit about being nice." I should have also told her- if I didn't care about being nice, I wouldn't have given you my king sized bed in order for you to have your own room while you visit me for a week .. which she practically demanded she had an enclosed space, for the sake of her anxiety. So my husband and i were "being nice" and decided to share the couch while she visited. She also pressured me into buying even more food for her while she was visiting, even tho I already spent extra cash so she could be comfortable and eat in our home .. and that was all because I care about "being nice." I don't think she realizes the weight of what she said.
@tee3835 well we didn't even mind doing those things for her in the first place. It was the fact that she continued to be so demanding during her stay, and being rude that we regretted being so nice to her. She had visited us in previous years before and was never that bad
The problem is that the word "nice" means different things to different people. Some people use the word "nice" to mean friendly. Some people associate it with being respectful and polite. Some use it to mean accommodating or helpful. But it also has a negative connotation. Some people think "nice" means being a pushover, or tolerant of bad behavior. Of course, when talking about dating or showing interest in a person, a man is afraid of being called nice, because nice in that context usually means that you are in the friend zone.
I'm sorry, but it makes me laugh how everyone says that it's very bad to be "selfish" when literally every human being is, that's precisely why we are where we are. I always thought it was horrible, but in the end it's our reality and nature, just accept it and control your level of "selfish", because not being selfish is impossible.
Being selfish on survival mode and being selfish on entitlement mode are two different things.... even though it's in our nature so is being conscious of our cerebral decision and being a social animal is. Now figure out if that's ur primal instict or just an excuse to just be overly self centric without being cancelled by society.!!
Being nice is good. Being TOO nice is only going to attract people who wants to take advantage of you. You can be nice AND have boundaries. And believe me, if you don't put yourself first, nobody will. It's not about stepping on other's toes, it's knowing that in the end, you are the one fighting for yourself. The only real one. Being a people pleaser will just hurt you
Basically summarizing what I wanted to say. There is a point where people have to be realistic and prioritize yourself for the greater good, never meaning harming others.
I will never shame anyone for running away from an external conflict they’re not a part of. They cannot arrange any side of the conflict with their beliefs and therefore choose not to betray their soul to fight for something they don’t stand behind. There is no cowardice at all, just courage for thinking clearly under the pressure of others
@@Lanuzos I think that's a nice way of thinking. But many people online are truly selfish and I think the "you're with me or against me" mentality can be very damaging.
I had a teacher who isn’t living anymore. He was harsh, I thought. Very militant in his methods. One day I felt targeted by his example setting so I asked him after class, “why do you hate me?” He said, “Why do you think I hate you?” And I responded, “You think I’m stupid.” He said, “I don’t hate you. And I don’t think you’re stupid. I know you’re intelligent, and I know you’re lazy. And that infuriates me because you could be so much, but you just don’t care.” My favorite moment where someone was harsh and true … and also probably showed me a grander kindness than I’d ever seen up to that moment. He saw right through me and didn’t sugar coat it.
Kinda sad though that if you had never felt brave enough to ask him about it, you would have only remembered that teacher as the one that hated you for no reason.
@@MangaMarjan strongly agree! (From what little was told) that was just bullying in my eyes. My family used to bully ppl for "their sake". Also having ADHD, it's a typical trauma-theme to be described as "so talented and intelligent - if only I applied myself and not be lAzY.", while "applying myself" into burn-out....
So true , my maths teacher is the same I felt so much terror and irritation around him but them I understood he is trying to motivate us to do more better because he knows we can do much better . Then I started to be better not because of him but because knowledge is powerful , then he started to praise me a little but too, I don't fear him anymore .When I look at the past, I can say, those moments were important for making me the one I am now , I got to learn so much and humbled soo much, slow to criticize and judge and understand the motives of people actions first .
F that noise. He arbitrarily decided to treat you without dignity because your personality made him upset. He wouldn't tolerate the same behavior from you if you just suddenly felt like some aspect of how he behaves warranted being berated and embarrassed in front of other people.
This is what I have struggled with as well. I do have to say when I view one’s humanity despite their mistakes or even hatred, I feel incredibly proud of myself and receive a deep feeling of calm & peace within who I am.
I read somewhere people who say they are brutally honest often enjoy the brutality more than the honesty . and it stuck with me. there are a million kinder ways to say a thing but certain ppl choose a way that would hurt that person the most . on purpose. I'm glad you realized that you did this too - it takes self awareness! you should be proud of your progress! sending love!
Yeah, that's true! I believe the people that watch these videos were people pleasers and such & they feel so connected cause they literally have someone telling them "Start ghosting, no one deserves your love, be selfish, if you're not getting smth out of a relationship you are wasting your time...etc" Well obviously, they'd feel empowered (in a bad way) 😷 So much selfishness & ego based content!!
The couple I have known over the years are also the most likely to freak out if you critique them. Brutally honest with skin thinner, then tracing paper.
Yeah I said this in another comment section but I'll say it here: this mentality is purely an ego stroke. Simply put, they want to put you down so they can feel better about themselves. They're rotten miserable people and you're better off not associating with them. All they're going to do is drag you down until you feel absolutely worthless around them.
my ex’s favorite thing to say was “i don’t owe anyone anything”, they always told me they’d put themselves above me and criticize me for not being the same. one time we got into an argument and she said that i didn’t deserve basic respect for just being a human. glad i got out lmao
Being "brutally honest" as a personality is one of the most annoying things that has grown on the internet. I can't imagine what being a teen today must be like, I haven't even graduated that long ago.
so true I’m only 21, not very far removed from these kids and yet the way we grew up/are growing up seems so different. they have a lot of pressures that I wouldn’t have been able to cope with at all - like people just put your face on the internet without asking or walk up to you and start asking random questions like if someone interviewed me in school and put it online I would’ve been so upset 😭
I think the term “brutally honest” has lost its meaning all together. I don’t think people are brutally honest most of the time. Most people are instead “brutally opinionated” and will go to great lengths share their views without stopping to consider anything else. Brutally honest people care about what their saying and consider what other people are feeling but say what needs to be said without sugar coating and acknowledging the harshness of what their saying.
@@emilie6466 I resonate with this so much. Brutally honest people will rarely be honest about their feelings and needs (especially towards themselves) and always act out of a hurt ego and wounded inner child. That has nothing to do with authenticity and I do my best to avoid such people.
Yeah a lot of people in my high school would just flame you for the most meniscule things and they would call it being "real" or being "honest". Like no you're not being real You're just a douchebag who found justification to lean into your unpleasant nature.
thank you! finally someone is talking about it. she really did help me at first, but at some point it’s giving me toxic positivity. idk how to describe but it’s just the feeling i get now if i watch her videos.
She sometimes give me the vibe of a female Andrew Tate. Not too much, just when she's overly chasing the philosophy of "I". If you are confident, you don't shout about it. Who are you trying to convince? Maybe try and teach about being a healthy person overall.
I used to be so gentle and small and apologize for existing the "wrong way" and at some point I became incredibly angry and vengeful and like I needed to hurt everyone who had hurt me and be on defense to anyone who might hurt me and it was the most exhausting mindset I've ever had. I truly thought the world was against me so I needed to be against it, but then I grew up and found a middle ground of self respect and dignity for myself and gentleness and consideration for everything else. And I feel so much happier and lighter and like the sun is brighter and its easier to live.
I'm in the middle of finding this middle ground. Sometimes I feel like it will never happen, sometimes I go back to hate and to apologizing for existing. Thanks for inspiration and motivation.
I've noticed the same people who claim to "not owe anyone anything"or go by "i'm just being real if you can't handle it you're a snowflake" usually get emotional over the same things,they don't practice what they preach they just want to seem nonchalant to look like they're emotionally unbreakable when really they're even more sensitive than the rest
agreed. theres a lot of sensitive people who are surprisingly insensitive when they're being mean to others. and sometimes it's as an automatic reaction, as though on instinct. purely because it's "in vogue" to be cool and indifferent these days! 😅
@@ianianio Right, I've met so many people like that, they get their egos hurt so easily but go around acting like they're careless when talking down on others
The thing with the lizard Liz is that even if some of her advice is good, the way she justifies it on “prioritizing yourself above everyone” can backfire SO BAD. Life don’t always reward those who put themselves above everyone, in fact, it can attract horrible situations and people
I disagree, you need to help yourself before you can help anyone else. Small metaphor would be how they teach adults on planes to mask first before they help their children. If the adult masks first they have eliminate their risk of passing out therefore they can help the ppl around them. If they mask the child first, they might not be awake the next second to help themselves or others. Always put yourself first, but never forget to extend kindness.
@@eebedebee8915 I think there's a difference between putting yourself above everyone and helping yourself. It seems yall are talking about 2 separate things.
I'm only a couple minutes in but I needed to bring something up. Way before people started pushing this idea (probably about 15 years ago), I had a friend whose brother was a total asshole. He would be so mean for no reason and if you tried to call him out, he would say he was just being "honest" and that I would appreciate that when I'm older and I understand that people outside my home won't "coddle" me. It's been a long time since then, I've grown up and almost have my master's degree and I still see that for the bullshit it was at the time. He wanted to be mean and he wanted an excuse to do it. I'm not saying that's how all these people are, but that's immediately what I go back to any time I see someone saying that they're just being honest. No, you're being mean. I do believe that there is a time to be honest and that sometimes honesty will hurt, but that doesn't need to be every single conversation. I work with the public in a library setting and if a teenager comes to me with artwork they did or a kid wants to show me the lego creation he did, I would be 100% in the wrong if I told them their creations sucked or that they should just give up. Anyway, that's my rant about this kind of thing. I would like to believe I'm a kind person and I don't think that's a bad thing.
I don't agree with the 100% 'wrong' if it sucked part - if it sucks it sucks And if they change their mind from persuing art from one unfavorable feedback, maybe they are in it for the wrong reasons I agree with the part that you don't have any right to tell them to give it up - I mean that's just messed up
I aspire to be a person like you when I grow up - You proved your strength and competence but you kept compassion in your heart through it all. It’s not much, but you have my admiration.
People don't seem to understand the difference between being nice and having bounderies. A lot of people think that being nice means you have no bounderies and then go to the opposite extreme and become selfsh assholes.
It's important to find a nice balance. A lot of people start out as people-pleasers, get hurt too many times and wise up, and become completely narcissistic because they believe they're protecting themselves. Hell, it's what I'm struggling with rn.
Human beings can decide to be whatever they want to be, which is both a blessing and a curse. If you believe the bible and I do the GOOD and EVIL is the consequences of the fallen and sinful nature of human beings. However fallen or not humans are still moral beings with moral choice and free will as complex and problematic as this can often be. Unfortunately in modernity and. post modernity to define freedom in negative not positive terms as freedom from not as freedom for. This is where socially irresponsible morally dubious or repugnant conduct can be rationalized and justified by cynical arguments from selfishness and self interest.
I always remember the quote "people who say they are brutally honest seems to like brutality more." Also being individualistic and empathic can coexist
I am so concerned for the future if empathy, common sense and kindness dissapears. I think the internet is slowly killing us by making us mean and self sentered.
We’ve always been mean and self-cantered. It’s not Liz’s fault that some people think giving up themselves for others is normal and proves you’re not self-centered. If you constantly put up a farce and are faking nice to others, it’s gonna drain you. Be genuine, you should be nice sincerely also instead of faking it. And how do you sincerely be nice to others? By not putting on a mask all the time. You don’t feel like talking? Don’t force yourself to. Those closest to you will understand if you had a bad day. Don’t intentionally not talk to them for a long time. Just don’t when you don’t feel like it. How do you know you’re genuine? When you feel more relaxed around others. You’re not trying to please them, you’re just in the same place with them breathing the same air.
@@bogang5119 Yout don't have to give up on yourself in order to not be self sentered. It doesn't take much effort to be kind. Im not saying people have to go around smiling constantly and saying hello to everyone on their path.
Some people are extremely shy or socially awkward.. But even those people nowadays get friends because they get into anime circles or just befriend other introverts who stay quite.
my goal is to be kind, not nice. i do not have to make you comfortable, thats your job. but it is my responsibility to make sure that myself and everyone around me are both physically and emotionally safe in my presence
as a people pleaser this video inspired me to change my motto from "it doesn't matter what others think, it only matters what i think" to "how i feel is just as important as how others feel" i'm trying to stop living by other peoples rules, but it always irked me how much shallow i thought i'd have to get...this video opened my eyes so thank you
correct me if i'm wrong, but liz's point if view doesnt seem to come from a selfish one, rather from the notion of "charity begins at home". you have to take care of yourself before you can for others. and also basic politeness and respect should be a given for each and every individual i believe.
yes, actually, I think Liz talks about the balance between being humble and kind to others without letting others walk all over you or make you feel bad. I think many have misunderstood it :/
Ok her vids are ok the only thing is that not everyone watching her videos are going to be talking the stuff she says in a good way. Some people really want a reason to be self centered and she (not on purpose) definitely feeds into this kind of stuff
@@val836yeah but people don't see all of her videos, people watch clips on ig or tiktok and believe that acting like assholes and all the "energy shit" is the jam, and is not
Thank you for sharing this. I have always had trouble making friends, but my addiction to the internet has made me a selfish individualistic piece of flesh. The pandemic quarantine also made me completely disconnect from reality. This entire video really, REALLY called me out. I will try fixing this situation, and thanks once again.
“you don’t need to be ‘brutally honest’ when it’s just an excuse to not have to consider other people’s feelings.” THANK YOU. people need to stop masking their abusive behaviors with “brutal honesty”. i encountered a couple people like this in the past and they did a number on my mental health.
Honestly I believe it's just the internet, because in real life I've always been kind and polite and I've never had a problem, other people like me and nobody has ever told me I'm a pushover or I that should toughen up Also most if not all people I know personally dislike rudeness and value altruism
Don't get me wrong, I agree with some of the things that Liz says about accountability and hard work; telling her audience to get off their asses and make something of themselves (I sure as hell need that push sometimes). However; on the matter of always putting selfishness and pride over others and their feelings/well-being- I will never agree with that. It's important to take care of yourself, but that doesn't change the fact that helping others when you can and treating them kindly is just as important in my book. Maybe those kinds of people are just "the nice women" who often choose to do things for others instead of themselves, I think that's someone EVERY person should strive to do more of. We need far more kindness in this world than there is right now, and more people becoming selfish is only another step back.
i think i missed that bit, but agree that helping others is crucial for a peaceful, thriving, and just society, especially as long as there is tons of disparity and violence.
i think we also ought to be patient with ourselves too. with how immense our social and global problems are, we are also quite disempowered, and sensationalised discursively, on top of presently being in the midst of broad scale redistributions of power, namely the transfer from boomers to gen X, and this is also paramount in politics, media and how our institutions function, from schools, to corporations and so on-- especially with respect to values. And we are also very prevalent online on platforms which are predicated on division and absurdity.
@@alchemist825 like i know hard work is a neolib dog whistle but no society functions without hard work. hard work in the sense of ‘you’re lazy, not a victim of oppression’ is def bad, but hard work in the sense of ‘literally nothing will just fall into your lap, you at least need to take some steps yourself’ is universal. sorry if i’m misreading you
i’m so glad you talked about thewizardliz because everytime i see vids of her on my fyp it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth, everyone says to act like her and take her advice for a healthier lifestyle but all it is encouraging is self centeredness
meaning you've never really watched her videos.. you're just passing a comment based on a 10 sec clip you saw on reels or smwh just like the owner of this video
I grew up with my father who was diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder and a mother who never defended me when my father abused me. Funny enough, all the abuse didn’t turn me into a narcissist or self centered person. I became more kind, i realized that helping other people made me so god damn happy. Its nice meeting people who reciprocate help, kindness, and respect. The world would be a much better place if we all just helped each other reach our goals. I do see often (especially after the pandemic, and social media) a large portion of the public in America is selfish and narcissistic. But don’t let those people drag you in. The best advice i could give is this: Try to help everyone you love and care about. You can’t hold everyone’s hand but you can be there right next to them when they need you. Don’t expect anything in return when you give kindness, that’s a bad reward system you dont want to develop. Chase your own dreams and goals, continue to be kind, and you’ll find the same kind of people like you. Be patient, there are great people out there.
@@TM-wt5wq definitely scares the sh!t out of me too. That’s why i will continue to go to therapy for the rest of my life. And just try my best to be kind and respectful to other people.
I also relate to this comment. For me being "selfless" is what i base my self esteem and my identity on. Which means i know full well that it's faaaar from althruism but i never demand any payback. I give that to myself from within. It is hard though that the world frustrates me so much because of what people make out to be "suffering". It feels that in a very specific way a lot of people are very sensible to minor disturbances which they overplay by pretending to face far greater challenges than they actually do which is very close to the typical narcissistic strategy of stabelizing social networks through self pity and theatrics.
Something I learned from a hard life (was trafficked on and off until I was made homeless at 15, where I was very much abused by a society that hates what they deem to be "troubled youth" even if you're a really good kid desperate for approval), is that love and kindness saves lives. The little bit of kindness I had been shown saved mine and it is the only reason I get to do anything I want today. A lot of survivors of this stuff, some amazing people I got to know, didn't make it because of society's cruelty after escape. The weakest people are cruel. The strongest people are those who are kind and lead with loving hearts, understanding, and never give up on personal growth in a world where people will frown upon you for it. We are a "pack species" for all intensive purposes, and we only made it this far together. Currently I have the honor of working in a small indigenous community with under 400 members. Their loyalty, comradery, and standing together is something we should all learn from. Cruelty breeds cruelty and everyone will be happy. Love and kindness breeds love and kindness, and that's the only way we are every going to achieve happiness. I don't believe the people who present these selfish mindsets are happy. I believe they were hurt and are weakly taking it out on others by continuing the cycle of abuse. We are better together.
I feel like Olivia's videos really express these inner frustrations that I have with modern society. I agree that an inherent amount of selfishness is needed to make sure that people don't manipulate or use you, but with too much self-centeredness, you develop a superiority complex, making you think that others' criticism is invalid for the sake of maintaining your mental health. I am Gen Z, but I am really disappointed in how Tiktok has pushed younger people to adopt this sassy, attention-seeking personality. Please be prepared to take shit if you want to talk shit. Fantastic educational video by the way.
well said! I feel like Gen Z popular culture lacks a genuine humanness. Everything is about image, vibe, brand, and memorizing “politically correct” rhetoric. As the video states: the macro-scale has the right idea in advocating for human kindness, respect, and decency; yet it is forgotten that any change starts with self. I feel like the internet has extremely desensitized Gen Z and alienated them from the nuance and true exchange of human connection.
I think wizard Liz more so gives a more extreme effect to people who have genuinely struggled with trauma and abusive households. It’s like detaching yourself from other people in order to heal yourself because for a while I cared so much for what others thought I literally lived for others and not for myself, and it was so deep I lost myself. So for a while you kind of have to be a little narcissistic to get back into a neautral zone of loving yourself because your so deeply in the dark you have to teach yourself how to be obsessed with yourself to the extreme in order to see that neautral side again and that side where hey, I’m allowed to take care of myself too. You can’t charge something else if your not fully charged yourself. So I don’t think the wizard Liz promotes narcissistic ways but she teaches those who have never been taught to love themselves or prioritize themselves how to do it so theycan balance out both sides of loving others but also having boundaries. But some people can misunderstand her message and take it as I’m the only thing that matters and everyone else can lick my dirt that isn’t the case, you just have to see both sides in order to balance them both.
Cause I never thought having boundaries was okay or telling people no was okay, but it’s okay to say no to people and to put yourself first if your uncomfortable. Not just to be above others though. I think that’s what Liz is more so trying to say with her message
Basically what everyone else is saying, people these days only see in black and white and can’t see that it’s actually grey. There has to be a balance.
@@Mattaeawould it not be infinitely more effective to have someone confidently and honestly deconstruct those issues in themselves as opposed to see someone run to the opposite side of the spectrum?
@@DavidJones-ot8quno, because it’s not impactful enough. It may seem extreme to you if you already believe that it is okay to take up any amount of space or say no to someone. But to her target audience, it is brand new information. Once you make it to neutral ground, you don’t need a message that extreme any longer and you move on to other messengers. If her message doesn’t resonate with you it’s extremely easy to not engage or find someone else who does without even leaving the app.
@@afroaesthete3701 the idea that extremes are necessary to change minds or behavior is absurd and makes legit no sense. not to mention, as shown by the comments here and under her vids, most ppl do not come back from the extreme which is bad
Everything requires balance. You can't be too much of anything. Generally speaking I treat people how they treat me. If you're nice to me, I'll be nice. If you hit me, I'll hit you back. If you ignore me, I'll ignore you. That's it. Being calm and nice is always my default disposition but there's a cut off point.
In dutch there’s a saying “who does good, meets good”. A society where people are encouraged to do good by each other is a society where people are encouraged to do good by me. From a purely selfish perspective, encouraging altruism is actually extremely helpful
Always putting others before you could be pretty dangerous. The person should love the most is yourself. Let’s say 10 people asked me to do their homework. Because of my generosity, I do all their homework. But because I’m busying doing their homework, I don’t have the time to do my homework. As a result, my grades drop and I get stressed out. That’s when you need to put your well-being first and set a boundary. So now, I stop doing people’s homework, making sure myself is doing okay first. When my grades have finally gotten better, I can give out some answers for my friends that are struggling. But this time, I only do it for 2 people, instead of 10. That’s a boundary I set to look out for MYSELF. I can put myself first while also be kind and giving. I will be kind and donate and sympathize with people and all of that stuff, but as soon as it starts hurting me, I’m stopping. And no one should feel bad about that
@@Alxie_e yeah you have a point but no one's saying you should go bent over backwards trying to help everyone else, that's being a people-pleaser. You can't pour from an emptycup so definitely put yourself first and then help other people after or figure problems out together
@@meryllejoyercilla5387Yes, I agree. I replied with that comment because she mentioned altruism. When I searched up the definition altruism, it said “the belief in or practice of disinterested and selfless concern for the well-being of others.” This can be good just first looking at it, but you have to be selfish sometimes. Literally everyone is at least a bit selfish. The things is having TOO MUCH selfishness which turns into greedy, narcissism, toxicity, and being straight up rude. Be kind, but set boundaries and your physical health, mental health, and overall well-being first. I just don’t think altruism is the word to best describe that. Sometimes, being concerned about the well-being others could hurt your own well-being.
@@Alxie_e I think we both agree here, we're just caught up on the use of words but from what I interpreted, I think OP used the word in good faith because there are situations out there that definitely calls for it and I'll double down by saying, it still should be encouraged. I'm a bit lost with your last statement though, can you site an example where being concerned can hurt your well-being?
Your videos always leave me feeling hopeful for humanity and less alone in my desire for kindness, community, and nuance. So refreshing to watch, like a warm hug 😊🫶🏼
I think we, as content consumers, should learn how to absorb and analyze information, especially contents about feelings and self-identity because we all are very different from each other. So, for example, I also watch Wizard Liz but only when I feel like my self-respect is going low, and I stop watching her when I feel like yeah that's all the energy I need for now. So, choosing the kind of information to absorb is very important, we cannot just blame an individual for creating a trend because we also contributed to it. You have the choice to choose which is right for your path.
pffff, you do not want to know how happy I am to finally find a female influencer who fully supports and advocates very important psychology, self-improvement/self-emancipation and more. We need this woman to get more recognition!
@@kphoria1009 nah this comment section and the video has NOTHING to do with gender, All Men aren’t intelligent either, this seriously got nothing to with it. I don’t understand why men think every women is dumb and aren’t intelligent like-
GIRL, this is what i have been noticing too nowadays from many “infuencers”. Growing up with narcissistic fam members, i just couldn’t get how others can romanticize it.
Honestly this was a much needed video for me to see just as I discovered thatwizardliz’s Chanel yesterday and this video popped up today. But I’m am saying this in the same sense that thatwizardliz’s video I saw yesterday was also a much needed video for me to watch. Like many other people have said in this comment section, I think Liz has successfully helped people become more confident in themselves and immerse/reimmerse themselves into self care if it was much needed. I mean just to put myself as an example, I currently have Covid and quarenteening without social interaction plus feeling bad physically has sent me for quiet a whirl as it has increased my stresses and anxieties as I was so fixated on focusing on my bad current feelings and not thinking about longer term goals that I could work towards to make me happier now and in the longer run, since we as humans have conscious thoughts about our consciousness which results in us thinking about our future and past selves. She motivated me to get back on track and prioritize my well-being by focusing on my self again when I lost track of it briefly and was just drowning in sorrow and boredom. But this video reminded me to watch her videos and everyone’s videos including this one with a grain of salt, because everyone’s experiences in life are different, they can only express what they know that might apply to their own person or others around them. The importance of that will make a world of difference because like Olivia said, listening to that wizard Liz’s advice for lots of people can be very inspiring and make people more confident, but if it reaches the wrong crowd it could also make people more delusional and think that they have a pass to be an asshole because they are “prioritizing themselves” to a fault that is. You can’t help others if you’re not helped yourself first, but you should always help other if you have the privilege to do so, because it’s what makes life beautiful, what creates communities, friendships, partnerships in businesses, success, inventions, etc. none of it will be possible if we didn’t trust, be kind, help and be helped.
this makes me think of the post that's like "people pleasers having their villain era but it's really just setting boundaries". like I had to "stop caring" about people at one point in life because I was dealing with a lot of abuse, but looking back...I still generally cared about people. I had to turn off my empathy for a few select people just to make myself stop letting them into my life. now that I'm in a better place, I can recognize their humannness while still acknowledging they were horrible to me and I never want to see them again ever. but I do have people in my life who I do care about and trust now, and they help me generally care about people.
Wow…the exact same situation happened to me last year. I used the same phrase, I felt like I had to “turn off my empathy” around these two people because they would use it against me. I don’t hate them, but I never want either of them around me ever again. I’m a better friend/ family member now to the people who are good to me, rather than being drained by those who were treating me terribly.
My friend started watching her and she literally became arrogant. She thought everyone was obsessed with her and when you did something that pisses her off she would just stop talking to you. She lost a lot of friendships because of meaningless conflicts (she can’t even assume she’s wrong because if she thinks she’s right, she’s right) she dropped friends like that. I love her confidence but now I feel it’s just overconfidence. She only talks about herself nonstop like she doesn’t care about what I have to say. I would literally roll my eyes it’s so boring listening to someone’s stories without even having the chance to participate and feeling included in the relationship
Just out of curiosity, how did you deal with her acting out this way ? Did you draw away from her ? Also how did you know that watching this person was the cause of the change in her behaviour ?
Thanks for this video I recently lost about 70 pounds in 6 months for health reasons and people have been telling me that I'm to nice all of the sudden and they've been telling me that I'm to much of a people pleaser. This actually had me doubting myself because I've always tried my best to be considerate of others not because I want them to like me but because I know what its like to be physically, verbally, and emotionally abused so my biggest thing as a person has been to treat others with the patience and kindness I wished my parents had treated me with so that I don't make others feel the way they made me feel. I started going down the self help rabbit hole and I just found myself running into ideologies like putting myself first and I soon started feeling like an absolute asshole and I felt like there was something wrong with me for feeling bad about doing things everyone was telling me were okay and the right things to do. I felt like I was discarding myself because everyone was telling me that I deserved better then to be a people pleaser but I know the reason I do the things I do doesn't come from a sense of I need to make people happy but from a genuine desire to be a kinder person so I that I don't hurt others the way I felt I was hurt. It also comes from sense of understanding that my actions as little as they can be can have an impact on others and I rather that impact be a good one rather then a bad one.
After being hurt and taken advantage of, I "chose me". Being self-centered lead me to reject and hurt someone who would later be my now boyfriend, a man that made me truly happy. I stopped being selfish. I started doing things for him too. Opening up, trusting the other, giving so I can receive back. Think about that : you give, and when you do, you receive back. Not all the time. But as my boyfriend says "People being mean to me because I'm nice isn't a me problem, it's a them problem. I don't have to change myself because of others". And that my friends is truly choosing yourself. It takes trusting and maturing.
totally agree with your boyfriend. I've had friends use me or backstab me. I'm not going to turn into an asshole just because they did it and it might happen again. Being a jerk doesn't make me feel good and just continues the cycle.
What Liz is saying helps when you’re trying to build your self-esteem up from scratch, but once you actually start respecting yourself, she becomes irrelevant. When you’re confident, you realise that kindness towards others is in fact about inner harmony and satisfaction with your life. Seeing others as a threat is a sign of unresolved traumas
omg this !! i stopped watching liz once i realized how repetitive her talking points were (in all her videos). she seems genuine but i don’t find her videos to be all that helpful anymore.
And that's okay, its kinda what her videos are there for, you watch them, get confident, get your life together, and then you don't watch her anymore! That's what she wants you to do, it's what you SHOULD do. Of course it's fine to watch her even after your perfectly happy but you don't need to.
She makes some good points ngl but there are also things that she says that, to me, sounds like it comes from someone who has been through trauma in relationships (whether it's platonic or romantic), and it's just really not applicable for everyone. It could be a good advice to people who have been through the same things as her, but not really for everyone.
I don't think there's anything necessarily wrong with that. It makes more sense for a recovering people-pleaser to focus on cutting certain people off their lives or prioritizing their needs and wants until they recover and then start to be genuinely kind to others and pour out of a full cup. Her target audience are people-pleasers. There's also nothing wrong with disagreeing with some of her content.
@@EL-ksvkvLiz always mentions that she always talks from a place of experience. She says how she is talking to her audience and tries to help because she knows how certain experiences can fuck you up. I guess that’s why she us so genuine. And it makes sense how someone would stop watching her once they actually feel confident. That’s her goal. She said she has insecurities too so she isn’t trying to make everyone confident beasts. I noticed how she always mentions how mind control is extremely important. What she does with her videos is helping us to actually be mindful.
The "brutally honest" people only ever seem to be honest when they have something mean to say, and keep their mouths shut when there is an opportunity for sincere kindness
And they’re always around to make sure they kick you when you’re down. Not a kind word in sight
Anyone who tells me they are brutally honest is immediately cut out and blocked for me 🤣 absolutely no such thing. You can be honest and still be kind
@@side-room-21 People forget that there’s a time and place for everything too. And they just excuse it with “sorry I’m honest”
Had a friend like this recently, we grown and I don’t need that in my life lol.
I mean, it’s called being “brutally” honest for a reason.
being people-pleasing is something utterly different from being nice to people.
What if you did both?
yup and niceness isn’t kindness
you don’t have to be nice all the time, but (in my opinion) the goal in every interpersonal interaction should be to foster kindness.
@@James-rq3bu continue to be nice, but have enough boundaries to not let this consume your life. Don't seek validation, validate yourself first.
sorry for any mistake in my english
@@richardpapenapologist1703 what is your distinction between niceness and kindness?
Yes..Liz also has videos where she says " you are 100% in control of how you treat others, if you can't be kind to people, you stay away from people" and so on.. she is trying to convey the balance we all need. If someone is getting influenced to become self centred then they were already self centred in the first place and never chose kindness.
I've always loved the analogy of oxygen masks on a plane.
The advice is to put on your own oxygen mask first before helping others.
They don't tell you to put oxygen masks on everyone else first.
Because you'll pass out quickly and nobody is helped there.
But they also don't tell you to only put on your own mask.
Because that's just cruel, watching everyone die around you.
The advice is to help yourself first, to make sure you are able to help others effectively.
Same is true in life imo
Exactly!
I love this analogy too! In fact, I'm going to bring in some math here (boo!!!). You're either good at putting your own mask on (hopefully most adults) and so preserving your life first is wholly beneficial to the rest because you can now help others in this process. Similarly, if you're bad at putting your mask on (babies) it is in your best interest that the adults finish up quick and help you with your mask. Babies clearly win here-they offer no upside to the adults (unless you count the evolutionary gene-preserving factors) but the adults are GOOD, so they choose to help. So yes, please be an adult or try to be a very grateful baby. You can also choose to be mean and hyperindividualistic and carry a parachute and jump off the plane when the smallest inconvenience occurs. The world is your oyster after all.
@@user-mk3ec4bu7y and you'd be dead, unable to help more people :/
Like it
What if I don’t put on my mask
it’s funny because I remember that when I was younger, I watched an episode of MLP that dealt with fluttershy (one of the nicest characters) being taken advantage of. She attends a seminar from this guy who tells her to be assertive, and she ends up being extremely rude to people and drives away her friends. At the end of the episode, she realized that being kind does not mean you are weak, and she is able to be firm while still being polite. insane how much childhood shows can teach you about how to act in life
People underestimate the value of cartoons, what they can teach you and how it shapes your life and views. Thats why making sure entertainment is good and truly educational should be a priority! I was a MLP girl and related to fluttershy! I really liked your comment and thank you for reminding us of this episode. I’m glad you exist and thank you for being here!
@@okikiolaemeonye9219yes they literally developed my personality and teached me about life so much, they really have so much impact
Its not "insane" more than its "the point of those shows"
@@okikiolaemeonye9219 I was gonna type this almost exactly! Hello twin flames 😂😭
I'm 20 & still binge watch MLP bc of this reason😭
My opinion is that you should definitely be nice BUT dont forget to set your boundaries as well. Have a limit. Be nice to everyone including yourself. Dont let others use you but always have pure intensions.
This 🙌
That’s so obvious it’s not even a point.
Exactly
@@kylerichardson8405common sense isn’t always so common
@@kylerichardson8405well nowadays it is a point actually
I think people online have genuinely lost the ability to think or feel in shades of grey, instead only in black and white
Fr
yup, and that's a cognitive distortion.
@@brittanyadays What does that mean? I've never heard of this before
@@RetroPlusThey’re basically exaggerated thought patterns that are bad for mental health. Black and white thinking is a major one. Jumping to conclusions and dwelling on negatives are more types. My therapist only recently told me about them so I’m not well versed in them but they are definitely worth looking into.
Yes
There is a quote I try to live by: "Never regret being a good person to the wrong people. Your behavior says everything about you, and their behavior says enough about them."
I agree. I rarely regret being nice to people. Holding the door open or smiling at people is kind of bare minimum manners but it still brings positivity
So true, because I used to be toxic and it was completely my fault. I had things to work on and I still do to this very day.
People can be in bad mood and wrongly taken as wrong, thay can become nice to you too when their problem is solved. But I think if a person is really wrong don't waste your time and energy for him - he will never value your effort. It's like a dog barking on you - you had better pass over that dog and give your love to another one. You can not be nice to every body 'cause every body is different
I'm never a good person to the wrong people, if someone bullys me or any of my friends, we call them out, I treat everyone how they treat me
I gave a hitchhiker $60.00 and a ride. I do not regret it, even if he wasn’t necessarily being completely honest with me.
There is a fine line between respecting ourselfs and being narcissistic
But currently this "fine line" became blurry almost invisible which is exactly what she's pointing out
@@oumaaboubaker2600 I think they agree, they were just accentuating that point :')
the line is in fact pretty clear
....hardly.
I think the word you’re looking for is ego centric, narcissistic involves personality disorder, but can still apply here. and ikwym. i know too many people in my life who have claimed to heal and turn to self respect, while in reality, they’re just filling that void with narcissism. that’s why on my self love and recovery journey i’m making sure that while i’m reminding myself of my own worth and prioritizing myself (because i am a people pleaser, and have very low self esteem,) i am also making sure not to lose empathy and selflessness all together. stopping being selfish, and stopping being so selfless it harms you, aren’t good if you’re replacing one with the other. i’m doing my best to find balance and i’m glad it’s being discussed more so others can too
I love this. There’s a middle ground between “doormat” and “fuck you”, and it’s a very healthy place
Lmao agreeedddd
And being very honest, it really isn’t that hard
Yeah, but you know .. most people don’t understand moderation.
“I was a people-pleaser for too long, so one day I decided to just not give a fuck”. They switched from one kind of unconscious to another.
Why would I want a middle-ground tho? Full-throttle down the "fuck you" path seems to be going great for me lol, if someone else is too weak to sustain this path and keep winning that's on them. If you can stand on your own two feet, then do so; the rewards are great.
@@KevinJohnson-cv2no the rewards are not great at all, you are lonely and bitter when you hate everyone
Being honest is good, but there is a difference between being honest and being cruel. That difference is kindness. And it feels good to be kind.
💯
bars
I have a question and I’ll leave it here. She talked about how following the second order is autonomy hence it’s not unauthentic to be nice even tho your first order was to be “brutally honest”.
But isn’t the first thought still more authentic than the second one? I mean the first thing that comes to your mind is not necessarily what comes to the mind of everyone else, so it does differentiate you and make that opinion sound more authentic.
Yes, you can be honest without delivering it with a sledgehammer.
I hold off on being honest sometimes. When someone is so emotionally broken, their emotions need to calm down before I can deliver the hard truth. A broken person needs comfort first and when they are somewhat more sound of mind I will tell them the truth to avoid having them feel worse and they make irrational decisions.
I’ve noticed people nowadays are quick to “match energy” when it’s something negative just so they have an excuse to be mean, but they never “match energy” when it comes to supporting one another
that part
literally
You said my thoughts
Being confident doesn't mean being narcissistic. Just be a kind person in this toxic world. That is not sadness. That is the real happiness.
And you'll see your confidence getting crushed down
@@sansabhushrestha7623 if you have a weak mind , yes. But if you truly are strong , you can be confident while being kind also.
@@Faceon6790 She already said that in the video just with different words.
@@InsatiableKitty-n2b I replied to someone. Maybe u didn't see that.
@@sansabhushrestha7623.
A teacher who is a psychologist once told us that truth told without empathy is violence. And I think that breaks down the whole "brutally honest" discourse.
I mean i'm brutaly honest and i'm actually a very kind person but im horrible at sugarcoating things and have trouble trying to explain or rephrase my words unless im writting or typing so people say im an "annoying bitch" when im just trying to be genuine with them but still want my advice 5 days later.
sounds like a typical college professor
That’s a stretch…😭💀
@@wodensreign9839right??? 🤦
that’s a reach. it’s their opinion i guess, but being brutally honest isn’t violence, people can’t and shouldn’t sugarcoat everything.
I always say: Being honest isn't a excuse to be mean. You can say a hard truth to someone without belittling or hurting them more than necessary.
and what if i dont know how to do that?
@@iii9591think before you speak
@@n.m.3995 assuming you're a nt, then are you accepting that you have to think before being nice/normal and it doesnt come natural to you and nts in general?
@@iii9591Yes, being vulnerable outside is rarely doing any good for me. Most often being honest about themselves gets oneself judged unnecessarily. It would be lovely if judgements just stay as judgements. But no, judgements affect the way we are treated by others and also our future circumstances. So, there's a need to be a persona when with others. I can only be honest with others so rarely, that is when I feel secure. Yeah, security is such a rare feeling, even with the one I call my best friend.
Art is better than humans, for expression. I've stopped depending on being understood and connect with others socially. Rather art and media help me. Like even talking to some AI is more satisfying and more creative.
@@iii9591Yes, there is a constant need to analyse and be careful of the consequences my actions carry, small or big. Maybe I'm paranoid but this is the way reality works for me.
The thing with wizardliz is that if it reaches the right audience , they are good videos that help people find confidence . It's for people who are extremely insecure and let other people take advantage of them .but this video is very relevant too since we can infact see people be narcissistic if all the advices are taken too literal .for insecure people , after they find confidence within themselves .we should focus on helping others find theirs and trust me , helping others does not have to do with breaking yourself .it's all about finding the right balance btwn both
Yes you’re right not all her advice is to be taken literally, but she has to add all of the extremes to reach those who are extremely insecure and always taken advantage of
The problem is that insecure people will have the hardest time taking this advice while people who are already narcissists will assume this advice is for them
As a people pleaser her advices are so helpfull. People pleaser dont know how to say no and stop, and do things for ourself. So being self centured is what we need to carry on and not be depress. When I will be capable showing for myself and be happy of course i will share. Liz was one of these poeple she knows what she is talking about.
I agree. I surrounded myself more with wizardliz videos and it helped me to unconsciously start to get the confidence to look people in the eyes and such stuff. It can help if you set some kind of boundary ig?
nah
I heard someone online say that when their friends begin to talk about their problems, they have to tell their friends to stop. They said “I am not your therapist. Get a therapist for that.” This really blew my mind…. I am so close to my closest friends BECAUSE we share our feelings…. Thought that was really strange.
That's honestly weird on surface level. Unless that friend had a problem with CONSTANTLY telling them their feelings and in turn emotionally weighing down the listener (this has happened to me before) then its strange
Down change what Liz said caus eirmemeber she said when that friend is continously talking badly about themselves I am not beautiful I am not like that abd they don't try to progress or something they put their negative energy on you and I experienced that you have right to tell them stop it when they don't want to after lot of advices
Some people overdo it and talk at you constantly, not to you. You might want to try having fun with friends, not dumping all your "trauma" onto them.
(first of all sorry for mt broken english)
I think it's very important to talk about your feelings and also your problems with your friends but sometimes it just goes too far. I had mental health issues myself, I've lived with people who had anorexia, I've had suicidal friends, I've dated people with serious psychological problems so I think I'm in a pretty good position to speak from experience. Many of these people opened up to me about the difficulties they were facing and it did a lot of good for them as well as for me. To them because they could feel free to be themselves and frank with me (and because it always feels good to talk to someone), and to me because I knew they trusted me and would talk to me if one day they really needed help.
HOWEVER. Im not terapist. I didnt take studies about how to act with a suicidal person, a person with ed or anything else, i can make mistakes, i an say the wrong things ad everything. In addition, I am a person with feelings too, a person who can feel bad. Having to deal with someone with psychological problems is very complicated, because we wonder all the time what we should do, do we do enough, we feel extremely bad for the person in front of us, because as humans it is painful to see people suffering.
So I think that when you hang out with people with psychological problems it is also essential to protect yourself even by not hesitating to tell your loved ones that you do not feel comfortable talking so much about such a subject and that he should talk to a psychologist. This obviously does not mean that you should never talk to your friends, I even think it is essential and restorative to do so, but it must be done to a certain degree only.
People forget that "sharing your problems" and "constantly dumping them into one person" are two different things alot
As a person who was raised on a philosophy of “treat others how you want to be treated” and spent a lifetime of helping others at my own expense without that ever being reciprocated, I’ve added to that philosophy to “treat myself the way I want others to be treated too,” and maybe that’s selfish but I personally think it’s a good compromise.
yes because its hard to treat others good if you dont also treat yourself good, same as you have to love yourself first if you want to give or be loved by other people
To me the saying "treat others how you want to be treated" has nothing to do with reciprocity. It's more related to the bouddhist mantra "be the change you want to see in the World".
Because if you expect reciprocity from others by giving them something : then it means you'll automatically meets disappointment. It's not free, your EXPECTING something in return : but who are you to expect anything from anyone?
How about you just adopt the more practical, sensible, mature philosophy of "treat others the way you want to be treated [at first], then treat them as they treat you.' You shouldn't reward bad behavior by continuously being good to people. That's how you get exploited.
why is self care considered selfish though? in this context, treating yourself the way YOU want to be treated is not wrong at all and i think it's a good thing. why should one treat themselves like shit? it's not selfish.
Treating others how they treat you >>>>>> Treating others how you want to be treated
It makes me sad that kindness is seen as fake. We need more kindness in our society.
What if you consider my kindness to be unkind?
A street preacher believes he is being loving while others think he's being hateful.... Kindness is nuanced. It is contextual, both on the situation at hand, and the values of those involved. Values determine what you believe to be kind or unkind. Values are not a monolith.
what if my kindness is seen as weakness
@@jeffinjoseph8916if someone attacks you, you can stand up for yourself it’s ok it doesn’t make you any less of a nice person. weakness isn’t niceness
Indeed. It's a rebellious act, to be kind in today's society. I remind myself of this daily, and find solace in it. Share this point of view with other rebels and punks. Ppl unite!
i’d describe liz as a catalyst, she’s that push we need at a certain point, before and after that, it no longer works.
She gives me the major ick
nah she is not a push she is person who push you to hard that you will fall and she will be like it's ur fault
@@IrhaablackroseAmen thank you, and end up telling you it's God's plan to just suffer honey, if you can't save yourself, while entitled in her current privilege and luxurious circumstances
@@Irhaablackroseand this is why yall are never leaving your situation 😂😂😂
@@Irhaablackroseliz is right about most thing about most things
It's like a lot of people have lost the sense of nuance its insane. The pendulum keeps swinging between "be nice to everybody no matter what" to "Fuck over everybody you can if it gives you even a 0.5% advantage" how about just being a kind person with BOUNDARIES? You don't have be a total pushover but you don't have to be a dickhead for no reason either, nobody sees somebody treating a homeless person like shit and thinks "woah they're so cool!".
The trouble with nuance is that it requires you to think every time you exercise it.
Nuance is complicated. Binary is easy. The fact that you called people with no sense of nuance 'insane' is case in point for binary thinking.
There are times when people hide their hurt from being taken advantage of or disappointed by other people by being ultra self oriented.
EXACTLY, u said it perfectly. But nowadays it seems like people don't think for themselves anymore
@@emilyrlnur making it deeper than it actually is. Be kind, but don't allow urself to be disrespected. It's as simple as that imo ofcourse
Isagi Yoichi balances this well. He's kind, caring, and gentle most of the time but when he needs to put himself first he puts himself first. Even that kindness has its limits. We see this in the contrast between his off the field and on the field behavior throughout blue lock.
I genuinely do not understand why people think that being nice is a weakness. Like, did y'all skip preschool or something?
Edit: I get that what most of the people in the video meant that being TOO nice is a weakness, and that I can agree with. I definitely know what it's like to be taken advantage of because of kindness. But I hate it when people think they're being "strong" by turning down smiles and waves or refusing to let someone help with their chores. It's sad and frankly kind of embarrassing.
When you try to be nice all the time you become prey to narcessists to take advantage of you (even this got mentioned at the start of the video). When you are conditioned to always put others before yourself it can be quite dangerous in fact. That one person you decided to give an extra chance on a date might take advantage of you, because well you wanted to be nice. My best example is plane instructions on how to take on a mask during an emergency. You are instructed put it on yourself first, before you put it on others. You cant help others if you cant help yourself first. When you care and love yourself it becomes easier to love others.
In actuality, when you try to be nice all the time, you are actually not a nice person. You are a people pleaser that wants to be nice for some other reason, most likely a selfish reason like to get the feeling of being liked, or you want to avoid drama. Which is to be frank selfish, because you dont truly know what the other person truly want you are just guessing and is centering your opinion from the ego, trying to avoid conflict yourself.
you have to be selfish to a certain degree, you can pretend its not true but you'd be suprised how fast people lose morals or become selfish for money or survival
@@Elfyja
Being a chronic people-pleaser with serious self esteem issues led me to the receiving end of a lot of blame and mistreatment thanks to a friend who turned out to be a covert narcissist. It destroyed my life, not by itself but due to other problems caused by the failure of multiple doctors and therapists to recognize the role of ADHD in my life.
People pleasing opened me up to those, but I would rather learn things the hard way through people-pleasing than risk exhibiting the self-centeredness, narcissism, selfishness, apathy, and ESPECIALLY the totally accidental lack of consideration that caused all those problems in the first place. It even leads the medical field to be completely useless when it comes to treating ADHD, as if nobody with ADHD seems to be involved with creating the diagnostic criteria.
The friend that destroyed my life may have a little more success than me right now, but he’s also lost a lot because of his narcissism and if he doesn’t learn to generate empathy on his own without needing to feel like he’s benefitting from it, one day his life is going to collapse under that weight and I, his ex and many of the mutual friends he and I once shared will not be willing to reach out to help him. On the other hand, those people were there for me, and I’ll be there for them.
If you fixate on taking care of #1 and make everyone else secondary, you end up alone.
Putting others ahead of yourself all the time can be just as destructive but it’s not nearly as big a problem today as people just being hostile to kindness as if it’s a form of weakness. Leave that to the “might makes right” crowd that think the deranged orange guy has his head on straight.
when people say being nice is a weakness, they mean being /too/ nice, to the point where you can be more aptly described as "selfless."
when you're *so nice* that you cater to *everyone,* you give up yourself, leading to it being a weakness.
Being too nice IS A WEAKNESS. People will hurt you and use you, because people love taking advantage of people. Be nice but be wise.
the way everyone is so self centered and cold on the internet is so concerning. I always see tiktoks of people with conventionally unattractive appearances and the comments are always so unnecessarily rude as if people owe them beauty. it's even worse if they're doing something that's considered cringey. of course I think a lot of things are cringey too but I never feel the need to make hurtful comments unprovoked. this is especially true for younger teenagers, especially teenage boys who have no shred of empathy whatsoever. you know these people would make any of these comments irl either, they just hide behind screens.
It makes me so mad, I agree I find some of those types of tiktoks cringey but I just move on to the next one. The comments on the otherhand make it their mission to just be as rude as possible, and I'm just like why? Do they get enjoyment out of it? Is it the whole "I'm going to make you as uncomfortable as you made me" but in this scenario the person didn't deserve it, like why are you trying to take revenge on this person who make you the tiniest bit of uncomfortable? The comments act like their appearance personally affected them.. i don't get it, I don't understand. What do you get out telling someone their ugly or unattractive? I really don't get it?????? People say that being online doesn't represent the real world, we created this, its apart of real life, or at least its an aspect of it. Everything people say and interact with is real because its a form of communication we humans created. They act like social media is a dream that has no permanence. Sorry for this rant.
I agree with you and it genuinely makes me loose faith in humanity. I don’t get how someone can be so cruel to an extent to enjoy bringing others down.
As a tik tok outsider, the comments especially, sound like the trenches. If there are people putting themselves on there despite not meeting the ridiculous levels of attractiveness, confidence, dance ability; their bravery triumphs over all of that imo. I can’t imagine going out of my way to comment something hurtful to a stranger online. If something isn’t my cup of tea why would I give my time and energy to it if it adds nothing of substance? It must just be teens going through their ‘I hate everything & that makes me cool’ phase 😂
and not to mention how they get put into cringe compilations even if whatever they do is normal or even considered cute or cool when an attractive person does it. like god forbid a person who isn't conventionally attractive exist and not try to change their appearance or actively hate themselves 24/7
I wonder this too. There just seems to be so much more mean people on the internet than in real life. I think people are afraid to portray this side of them in real life. But then again, why does there seem to be more mean people than good people on the internet? Is this the reality that people normally hide? Is it true that our world has more “unkind” or “bad” people than good people?
The wizard Liz is one of my fav TH-camrs. The thing is only people who actually watch her and not just clips will understand her intent. She helps people put themselves first and not be tolerant to disrespect but she is am VERY sincere and nice human being imo. She is actually quite laid back alone.
exactly she literally added random clips and tried to villainize her, without even getting the context of her entire video or any of her videos or messages.
foreal i feel like people often take her videos out of context cuz they just watch short clips of her on tt
@@18smnweirdoi don’t think her intent was to demonize her but i defibetly agree that she took her videos out of context and added random clips that portray her in a specific way
YES
@@18smnweirdo she didn’t “try” to villainise her her lol, but she def put them a bit out of context. her points are still right tho
ive lost so many relationships to this “self help” mindset. people really don’t understand that it quickly manifests itself into narcissism
I think that the thing to remember is that humans are under a social contract: to do as little harm to the next person as possible. However, as a people pleaser, there comes a time when you have to choose yourself. This doesn't mean that you can hurt people left right and centre,you know
SAME GIRL OMG like the relationship one is so true on trying to possess each other as objects ❤️
narcissism is a psychological condition, not something that “quickly” manifests
@@beckysuperswag fair point, the narcissists I see love to gobble up and coat their abuse with the "self help" / therapy-speak, but it's all about control. they only exist to make others suffer so I have no sympathy for them, mental illness or not. may they never know a moment of peace
YUP.
as a people pleasure myself, Liz really helps me to stop sacrificing my own happiness all the time for others. She didnt influence me to stop being nice, rather stopped to me from being a ppl pleaser
real, i am still nice but i don't take sh1t from anyone else anymore. i used to let myself be a punching bag but i've realized that i was sacrificing my own peace of mind to make others feel better
Yes, love Liz but her videos are for people who have 0 self esteem but for others it might make them self-centered. Yes don't take shit from people but don't ignore their shit absolutely
I changed a lot with her, but for worse, all her followers are extremely conceited and rude, not forgetting that they also hate men.
She influenced many people to be selfish and "delulu"
@@missmaria5002 she didn't if that's what you saw it as then that's a skill issue babes
It pisses me off when people use “sensitive” like it’s a bad thing. No, you’re not being honest, you’re being a jerk. While being too nice doesn’t always get you anywhere, being mean doesn’t get you anywhere in the long run. Yes, we should all be assertive, honest and direct, but we should be kind and respectful about it!
Totally agree!
being too sensitive is in fact a bad thing. someone can be honest without being a jerk while also not sugarcoating something just to spare you your own feellings.
@@anastasia-ly9jnI agrée !
@@anastasia-ly9jn She just said sensitive not "too sensitive"
@@klr5695 i’m aware, and i pointed out the fact that while being sensitive might not be a bad thing, being too sensitive is (which even some people who consider themselves to be just sensitive are) .
knowing that there are people like Olivia makes me happy.
Respect is not earned. Respect to all is default.
Disrespect is earned. Admiration is earned.
Wow very well said.
Waoh
This🙌🏻
There’s innate respect and that one is a given. You respect people’s rights and their boundaries. But there’s also a kind of respect you earn through your character / actions. I think most of us can think of a few people that we don’t really respect.
Wrong. You are confusing common courtesy and decency to all with respect. Respect is to consider worthy of high regard or esteem, which can only be earned through evaluation. Sometimes it is the default position, for instance, respect for one's elders, made through a long life and hopefully wisdom. Respect for one's peers who have mastered something. But then again, some elders are fools and peers who have learned a mastery and can also be unworthy of respect through their actions. In the military we respect the rank of the people in command, but we need not respect the person holding it if they are incompetent. You also said disrespect and admiration are earned; this is understood already, but it is not some deep revelation. People need to stop being dazzled by bullshit.
I don’t understand how people say kindness doesn’t give get you anywhere in life. I have gotten a lot of opportunities because of demonstrating kindness, and learning to be polite and honest at the same time definitely helped. Being kind and truthful aren’t opposites, they go hand in hand.
Agreed. Kindness gets you VERY FAR in life. What they're actually talking about it allowing others to take advantage of you - now that's the thing that gets you nowhere. But being kind and allowing others to use you are two very different things. These people seem to not understand that.
They also don't seem to understand the difference between looking out for yourself and not caring too much about others' opinions, and being a generally awful a-hole.
There is a core understanding in sociology of the pay it back mentality. Even if you do something kind for someone else with no strings attached, people want to mirror your actions. There is a feeling of indebtedness that doesn't have to be negative. It's quid pro quo. Being kind to people who find you to be a threat or want to take advantage of you will have mixed results with the former and bad with the latter.
You can have a good defense while still having open arms to others. Predator type persons lose that basic level of decency and respect when they show what they are. Then they get apathy (provided you've done what you feel you can to warn others of them taking advantage of people), because the best way to shut down a behavior is to not feed it.
Shame and guilt generally work on people who care what you think. If someone takes advantage of you, they usually don't think of you as a person, but a target. Cutting someone like that out of your life like they don't exist tells them that you think as little of them as they do of you, if not even less, because they're not even worth the revenge instinct we get when we've been wronged.
@user89389 Just working all the time and not questioning social norms is also a tragedy though. Throughout history the masses have been proven wrong even though most people believed it. I'd like to think kindness, compassion and empathy are a big part of moving forward. Fear is a huge factor too though. Fear has been used to do some of the worst things in human history and hate to say this but it's still gonna be a long hard road fighting that.
@@shadyd2544 There's nothing wrong with questioning social norms, some of the greatest improvements came exactly because people questioned the norm and the rules.
But there has to be a method to the madness. You can't just go around stepping on everyone to raise yourself up, glorify it, and call it a positive movement of questioning the social norms and doing the best without doing anything wrong. It doesn't work that way, but that's what many of these movements are about.
Like yeah, maybe what you try to change IS wrong... But changing it to another wrong won't make it right.
Kindness, friendliness or politeness won't get you very far in life, unless you suck up to people with connections. Being reliable and honest gets you far in life. People's good opinion of my character and my reliablity are what got me opportunities not afforded to someone who's kind or polite. Since with these kinds of opportunities the ones recommending you also risk their own reputation.
It’s not only that people are devaluing niceness, they’re also devaluing forgiveness. That one I feel is far more harmful and makes the world a much worse place…
@@sawyoucoming22 I didn't realize this until reading your comments, but yes. The last time I heard about forgiveness is religion and Christianity particularly. Bully Maguire had a point. If people don't talk about it, we're going to lose it. The world could be an even more ruthless place.
@sawyoucoming22 Christianity has forgiveness as a foundation. It equalizes everyone because we all have wickedness in us that God freely forgives us for, and for that same reason we have to forgive others. I think a lot of people don't like believing that they have evil in them, and maybe some take it too far so they hate themselves, which isn't at all what Christianity is about. The problem is ignoring that everyone else is no better than you, either. But once you believe you aren't sinful, you have a reason to hate others and not forgive them, because when they wrong you, you think they have no reason to do so and that you would never do something similar (which isn't true).
What is, and what isn't, this 'nice' you're talking about?
@@emmagrace6396Very good point!
@ferret4111 see every time I bring this up people bring up religion and abusers. You don’t have to be Christian, and you don’t have to let abuse happen. What you do have to do is be willing to forgive people in your day to day life every day because that is how the world becomes a better place. I’m asking you to give people the benefit of the doubt in your day to day life and forgive transgressions from people who are close to you. I am not telling you to accept abuse and if you are being abused you should report it, do everything you can to get out of that situation, and do everything to help be sure that you’re safe. But you can still be a forgiving person.
for me who’s been through an extremely toxic relationship with a very fragile sense of self worth and confidence, liz really helped me a lot and she made me realize how much im really worth and how i deserved to be treated. but i think its true that this kind of mindset can be dangerous for the wrong types of people, or for people who can’t interpret it very well. thank you so much for making this video :)
I think with Thewizardliz’s videos, it depends on how you take it. From personal experience, i was in a very dark place with suicidal thoughts, letting anyone walk over me, and overall letting myself wither away… when I watched her videos on gaining confidence, making positive/effective change in your life and making life enjoyable REALLY helped me. I often skip over her videos about treating men on a lower pedestal and/or the “overly confident” ones because they always feel too harsh and self centered. While watching “empowering” videos like that I believe it’s important to not completely lose yourself or turn into the person your watching because those videos are usually dramatized and if you watch/study them enough.. you will adapt to the toxic habits being highlighted.
i agree but thats what this video is addressing. She’s saying that people are taking liz’s advice as either side of the extreme. For example, rather than believing that you must love yourself before others, her viewers tend to see her words as only loving yourself. And while Liz has some very valid but harsh truth, some things she says is more on the extreme side of narcissism rather than empowerment. And while it does matter how u take it, without any bias, that advice is wrong.
I watch her videos to reflect on myself and others. So like you said it depends on every person. She obviously has a certain concept in her videos she does on purpose to actually message getting through you (honestly works) but how is that unkind? Liz talks about how she doesn’t see herself more valuable than others. But what I learned is that disregarding your own needs will bite you in the future and I see it happening with people around me. And they can’t escape now. So it depends on how people perceive her videos. Liz too has a Internet personality like anyone else on here.
Not in a mean way, but if it’s too “harsh” you need to grow up. I am nice to anyone when I have the chance but it’s important to hear things Liz has to say because she doesn’t sugar coat. Don’t be weak-minded!!
Admittedly I wasn't being aware that my attention was drawn to acquiring the same things/accessories she has (the person I subscribed to) rather than just seeing her ways as an example (her being kind and humane).
It took me almost 2 years to unlearn and disentangle myself from clinging to the reality I have of her.
For getting the wrong idea, it became an expensive, unpractical, imitative, and impulsive mess. There it proved that time is unforgiving.
I find the mentality of "nice = weak" to be so strange because I literally got a leadership position partially due to the fact that I was nice, like I was kind to people and they needed someone who would be good at gently critiquing work and shooting down ideas that they felt were inappropriate or offensive (it's a satire newspaper) and I stood out BECAUSE of the fact that I was nice. I still speak up for myself, I still say "hey that joke wasn't appropriate" and set boundaries, but at the end of the day, I try to be kind as much as I can just for the sake of being kind and that alone has taken me so far in life, earned me positions in leadership, healthy and loving relationships, respect, and self love.
it’ll also be your downfall. All “nice” people get older and come to this realization. “Nice” is not sustainable long-term. Assertiveness will be your new “nice” when you reach that point in your life.
@@JA-xq6eqThis comment is so patronizing it's almost comedic. You have not only added zero substance to the conversation, you've actually managed to detract from it. Go watch the video again, or maybe realize that your poor outlook on life does not universally apply to everyone else "after a certain age." Pathetic 😒
@@JA-xq6eqJesus fucking Christ you are such a loser it's not even funny. Being nice is fine, it refers to basic politeness in casual every day interactions. I'm nice and polite to the cashier at the store because it's the decent thing to do. Holy shit, touch grass.
the problem is that weak ppl get labeled as nice, and weak ppl welcome the label of nice. i think if we started calling pushovers pushovers, things would change, but this is unlikely because ppl enjoy pushovers
@@JA-xq6eq There is being nice to the point people think you are a pushover and then theirs is nice but I have boundaries that way people won't walk all over you. In the end, it's all about being able to respect someone but still be able to say no when it is necessary.
putting yourself first is about making your own self happier, and focusing on yourself because it is YOUR LIFE. that never means being mean to others, it simply means to be able to recognize bad situations regardless of who they are and to be able to see that you deserve better.
Facts!
factssss
Also the people around you deserve better. Focusing on yourself will make you strong enough to pick up others eventually
But is the life you are living actually *your* life?
@@protectomegax2674 well for most people yes, but sure there are those with greater responsibilities than me or the ordinary person which makes it not totally "their life" bc their decisions won't just affect them yk?
I watch The Wizard Liz's videos from a perspective of overcoming people pleasing. Her videos help me. Put your needs first so then you can help others. People pleasing can be very draining when you put your needs on the back burner. She comes from a place of wanting people to stop people pleasing. Look after yourself so then you can help others without it ruining or breaking you.
And she has always preached about helping others, being kind and grateful
"Honesty without Compassion is Cruelty"
- Bruce Kasanoff
That’s acc so true ppl mistake honesty for ignorance
A big example of this is people who tout themselves as brutally honest: They are using the honesty as an excuse for their brutality.
Brutal honesty shouldn't be a starting point, it's what you fall back on when kinder words fail to make an impact.
Also, when people are honest, they should examine why they are doing so. It's like if you see someone with an issue with their appearance, the advice I've seen on whether to mention it is to ask how fixable is it in that moment. A coffee stain on a shirt while out and about? Stay quiet. Shirt buttoned incorrectly? Let them know.
@@sebrussell I disagree, brutal honesty should always be used. Theres a difference between brutal honesty (which sounds worse than it is) and being an asshole but honest. Sugarcoating or trying to soften the blow by any means can easily become a white lie if you choose to back down and not double down on the truth.
i think people have really started leaning into a very black and white, unnuanced manner of thinking these days. they create false dichotomies of being honest/real vs being kind. they forget that one can be both, they forget that you can be kind while also not letting others walk over you.
@@sebrussell I read somewhere people who say they are brutally honest often enjoy the brutality more than the honesty . and it stuck with me. there are a million kinder ways to say a thing but certain ppl choose a way that would hurt that person the most . on purpose
I’ll never understand how people consider being kind as being weak. I think everyone underestimates how hard it is to be and remain genuinely kind in such demanding times, whereas being shitty under the disguise of being “honest” is rather simple for the most of us
👏👏👏👏
I always be kind but I also was seen as ''weak person'', but the truuth is that being too kind is not really good, and that's the point that influencers are explaining (obviously some of them are to extremfull butthe ideas is still there).
@@sarah05k38 yeah I agree, you shouldn’t let ppl take advantage of you. but my point is, ppl forget how hard it is to remain kind and treat others well despite this. so I feel like the fact that kind ppl are easily seen as weak or like they can be taken advantage of, shows how hard it is to remain kind actually. I don’t think society is functioning because of the ppl who are looking out for themselves first, its drive force are the ppl who take it upon themselves to care about everyone else too and treat them with respect although it isn’t easy for themselves
You don’t know what happen to kind people , kind people are always seen as weak and last option . The moment I become stronger and little rough , people started treating me better . I always have been really super kind person , my family used to say don’t be this soft and kind . Yes it is true , we get exploited and taken advantage of it .
@@haifaashraf1955I agree (even if i'm not sure if i'm just nice or if i'm kind). I don't think we should treat others bad though, I think that we should try to mantain respect but be always wary and esceptical of others. I don't exactly give the image of a kind person when I say: "why would I help you with that?", "no, *you* do that", "I don't want to, why should I?", and stop being nice to people that have bad behaviours (like, i know someone who is openly homophobic, sexist and other things more even though he knows i'm from the lgbtq+ community. I try to not be cold to others even though I wish to, but he already crossed a line for me), but it's more healthy. I try to be hard on people that don't need help or could be/have a history of trying to use me, and soft with those who do really need help. It's kinda hard but being cold without being too cruel when it's not needed to, and being soft when it *is* needed to, seems like the best way to take care of yourself.
What I find triggering is how we’re letting random strangers on the internet we know nothing about dictate how we should live.
I used to follow The Wizard Liz and I have to admit she has a point most of the times, yet there’s something about her that comes off as toxic. She gives off “if you don’t live your life in this exact way you’re embarrassing and you deserve to be in pain” energy idk.
Yeah you are right
She's literally Andrew Tate tbh but people are too blind to see it because they "relate" to each of them and worship them in a sentimental kind of way. Wizard Liz was actually fine in her early moments but her fame is getting into her head
Some of her points are filled with just emotion with vey little backing, she at times can be hypocritical imo. She really does come off as a female ver of Andrew Tate, just a more tolerable one. Some of her advice is helpful, but she is going down a bumpy road.
@@ReformationUA took the wrods outta my mouth.
I'm glad you said this because I also feel the same way. She makes good points (which are mainly common sense but I like nevertheless because it's a good reminder) but it's the way she delivers her message. For some one who makes self help videos she comes across as very negative and toxic, I'm not sure if she'd be a nice person to know in real life. Her whole vibe is off. Most of the time when I watch self help videos I feel calm, relaxed and motivated but with her it's the opposite.
One of my main personal philosophies is that niceness and kindness are two different things, and it's always better to be Kind than to be Nice
what i understood is that a person can be kind and nice but not too kind and too nice basically balancing both
Nothing is black and white. Our society loves to classify EVERYTHING while completely ignoring that most if not all things fall on a spectrum. There is a healthy balance of being kind and empathetic and still standing up for yourself and creating boundaries. The whole rise of everything being made into a curated aesthetic is proof that we just have to name and classify everything to be able to create a 'stable' identity. We don't have to fall into an aesthetic. Dress how you feel, act in ways you deem right, be friends with the people you deem healthy and cool regardless of their style or personality. Exist outside all these classifications. And I promise you that once you do, you will feel so much more confident and authentic in who you are. You can be everything at once and that's the beauty of being human.
This is so good. Well said ❤
you've just put into words what i've been constantly thinking of for like the last year, you're so right.
Be yourself
Black and white, classify and to not classify. Its the same, one should ignore what u dont like, cuz sometimes the best is no move at all. Discussing classifying and to take a stand agaisnt it is what gives life to each, cuz in the end both of those standpoints is to classify.
This comment brings me so much comfort💗Major thanks stranger.
One of the things that helped me stop being a people pleaser is when I realized that most “people-pleasing” behaviors are actually unkind. ie Saying yes to something you don’t want to do upfront and then either doing it halfheartedly and resenting it or canceling last minute - instead of just saying “no” upfront, or being passive aggressive instead of simply communicating boundaries.. That’s when I realized that self care and kindness go hand in hand. It’s about being considerate of BOTH yourself and others - not either/or!
That's really smart.
Exxxxxactly how I got over it
I think that's a really good way of putting it. It's unkind to yourself too.
I think that's a really good way of putting it. It's unkind to yourself too.
You have to be happy yourself to effectively make others happy.
"You will at best be momentarily praised and then ignored"
This line assumes that we all crave attention so badly while some people generally like to be nice for themselves and it makes them feel better
it’s because we’re deprived of real human friendships. That’s just the mindset under capitalism. don’t get me wrong, you can have real friends that you like in a capitalist system, but it is much much harder to let yourself be that open. our societies praise ruthlessness, when that is not how people were meant to function. If we were all ruthless and didn’t care about each other, we wouldn’t have brains. We’d be dumb stupid animals that mated and died never knowing or caring about our full potential. it’s a very backwards system if you think about it.
Doesn't everyone fall into that category though? Being nice to people DOES feel good. Regardless of whether they consciously think it or not, people are nice to each other at a fundamental level because it triggers positive emotions. If being nice to people was agonizing, nobody would do it.
@@Fuar11I find that majority (maybe not but a lot) of people are nice with the expectation that it will be appreciated.
Most of the time when somebody is nice and it is met with indifference the person will start to complain.
I remember when some girls and i were talking about fictional characters and one said " i hate characters that are too nice, i feel like they're hypocrites, it doesn't feel real i don't trust people like that, i prefer toxic ones, at least they're honest" and i was like, "wtf so you wouldn't like drinking water because oh no~ what if its poisoned, I'd rather straight up drink pure poison right now " stupid logic tbh
I am so happy that somebody finally speaks on this!
I've been noticing that many people in my life have been starting to be very self-centered and straight up rude to other people with the excuse of it being "self care". They started loosing sight of the bigger picture and don't really concentrate on important things anymore, or even just how they treat people, because they are too busy with:
- seeing themselves as the victim of everything
- talking about their appearance
- just circling around themselves
It's so tiring to be friends with them and honestly very boring, trying to talk about it with them is also impossible
change your friends, mine were the same and i stopped talking to them and im the most happy human being right now. I do understand the tiredness of listening to people talking about themselves and nothing else, and as you said, the most boring thing
Agreed!! It's such a breath of fresh air to hear this being talked about. I have a family member with that toxic mindset right now and it makes it hard to spend time with her. We used to be so close too.
Self love and care is important, but the conversation feels more like justified narcissism in the way it's evolved.
This is how coworker conversations tend to go 😭😭
This is what happened to me in the beginning of my healing journey, and now I’m taking a step back and realizing how my attitude may have destroyed relationships that could’ve been good
Preach
there's nothing i hate more on the internet than people glamorizing rudeness. being a people pleaser does not equal being polite and having basic decency. trate os outros da mesma maneira que gostaria de ser tratado.
anyways
i love how well you get your point across in all videos!! its clear how much thought and how much work you put in all your videos ❤ looking forward to your next subject
It’s very annoying seeing people trying to imitate being the “IT GUY/GIRL” by being annoyingly rude.
BOJACKK
No one is hated more than he who speaks the truth
It's funny how 90% of the comments here are about WizardLiz (which I like a lot); that was cited in about 2 minutes of the video, and ignored all the other 35 minutes. This is an excellent video that says a lot about how, nowadays, our conception of being a "good person" is solely based o what people on the internet accept as good and forget the essential things of life. The same people who are fighting against big causes are being rude and disrespectful to people on TikTok, for example. It's not that we shouldn't fight for those big things, but as Olivia said, it's kinda hypocritical to care superficially, and in reality, you don't respect the people around you or even those who you don't know in the vast online world.
oooo fr
100% agree
‼️‼️
bc she had to get attention by commenting liz first to appeal this nice video lol
Isn’t that how Olivia got 1 mil views on this vid tho? your comment is very true either way.
Liz actually usually speaks of grooming both looks and personality wise. She is not telling ppl to be mean or not nice, she's just telling listeners to stop ppl pleasing to stop letting ppl walk all over you. And actually multiple times she's spoken of to be kind and nice. If you think she's telling ppl to be unkind ur just a little confused. It's totally fine if u don't relate cuz that means you've never had the unfortunate past of people pleasing.
Literally. I don’t think she gets it
Olivia explained that she doesn't define Liz's entire life and personality only by her videos, she used Liz as an example about self-centeredness since she does talk about that at times (I used to watch Liz's videos at times).
But using Liz's videos as an example doesn't mean she fully believes her identity to be self-centered rather that she sometimes tend to give some questionable advices and motivation to people and that most if not all people will take this as literally and it creates a group of people that is unable to give basic respect to those of opposing views both in the internet and in real life(since people nowadays can't really think for themselves)
I agree. I like watching Liz’ videos and she does advocate for kindness. However, sometimes she does teeter on the edge of telling people to be inconsiderate. For example, she strongly advices to not try to understand or empathize with someone who has hurt you because she thinks that that’s the same as letting it slide or giving them excuses (even though those are very different things). In another video she also says to immediately cut someone off the second they do something you don’t appreciate, even if it’s something like not holding the car door open. Again, I really enjoy most of her videos but sometimes her advice does lean towards the extreme individualism mentioned in this video
@@mcfrog5473 exactly, I have watched her videos before and some of them are extreme, like what you have put out as an example.
Liz is great for other parts (ex. Self-esteem, mental wellbeing) but in giving advices about relationships and behaviors around others (partners, friends, etc..), not so much.
(opens the video talking about her experience as a people pleaser and literally explicitly says she isn't making a comment on Liz as a person)
I am not going to lie; as someone who grew up being either extremely brutally honest or too much of a people pleaser, I can say this: Be a respectful person who speaks with decorum and breaks the truth to people with love. If you try to go too far one way or the other, you will fail. If you're too brutally honest, your correct opinions can go overhead. If you're too nice, no one respects you. But, if people hate you for being right while you express your knowledge and wisdom with a kind attitude, you can't hold yourself accountable for someone taking offense and overreacting. It's that person's fault for being unable to consider your words with maturity.
I'm going to reread this everyday. You couldn't have said this better.
very on point. thank you!
Very true, it's also very frustrating to live this way sometimes and you have to remember that key point: you can't control how others react to your actions and so you shouldn't let those reactions change you into being more of a doormat or more of an asshole. Be resolute, be structured, be disciplined, and above all be good.
beautiful mindsets people 🫶🏼
Great mindset. It's all about balance
Being nice is the default. The only people who are mean are those who were hurt by others who were also hurt. Pain leads to fear, fear leads to hate, hate leads to suffering. The only remedy for suffering is gratitude.
❤
@@KaleighCeethey did not, but it's very close. "Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering."
@@KaleighCee I paraphrased it because anger and hate in the original quote are not too dissimilar so I decided to start from pain. The main point is that the phrase: is true.
I always think about who got hurt first and started the chain
@@eliiphim That's not so different than asking "where do we come from?" at an existential level.
My older sister is a perfect example of being brutally honest .. while she was visiting me cross-country, I overheard her gloating to our friend "I don't care about being nice." And I said to her "You should care a *little* bit about being nice." I should have also told her- if I didn't care about being nice, I wouldn't have given you my king sized bed in order for you to have your own room while you visit me for a week .. which she practically demanded she had an enclosed space, for the sake of her anxiety. So my husband and i were "being nice" and decided to share the couch while she visited. She also pressured me into buying even more food for her while she was visiting, even tho I already spent extra cash so she could be comfortable and eat in our home .. and that was all because I care about "being nice." I don't think she realizes the weight of what she said.
I think this is a good example of being 'nice' to your detriment. Boundaries are also important x
@@tee3835 yep 😅 working on it
@tee3835 well we didn't even mind doing those things for her in the first place. It was the fact that she continued to be so demanding during her stay, and being rude that we regretted being so nice to her. She had visited us in previous years before and was never that bad
The problem is that the word "nice" means different things to different people. Some people use the word "nice" to mean friendly. Some people associate it with being respectful and polite. Some use it to mean accommodating or helpful. But it also has a negative connotation. Some people think "nice" means being a pushover, or tolerant of bad behavior. Of course, when talking about dating or showing interest in a person, a man is afraid of being called nice, because nice in that context usually means that you are in the friend zone.
@anyadarlingg9732 you should really have a talk with your sister. i'm sorry she's treating you guys like that💖
I'm sorry, but it makes me laugh how everyone says that it's very bad to be "selfish" when literally every human being is, that's precisely why we are where we are. I always thought it was horrible, but in the end it's our reality and nature, just accept it and control your level of "selfish", because not being selfish is impossible.
Talk about yourself. And keep believing that
Being selfish on survival mode and being selfish on entitlement mode are two different things.... even though it's in our nature so is being conscious of our cerebral decision and being a social animal is. Now figure out if that's ur primal instict or just an excuse to just be overly self centric without being cancelled by society.!!
Being nice is good. Being TOO nice is only going to attract people who wants to take advantage of you. You can be nice AND have boundaries. And believe me, if you don't put yourself first, nobody will. It's not about stepping on other's toes, it's knowing that in the end, you are the one fighting for yourself. The only real one. Being a people pleaser will just hurt you
i wish we’d stop referring to it as being “nice,” and start calling it an expression of low self esteem
Basically summarizing what I wanted to say. There is a point where people have to be realistic and prioritize yourself for the greater good, never meaning harming others.
@@DavidJones-ot8qu Being nice isn't a byproduct of low self esteem? Were you not taken care of as a child LOL
@@haybale287 i’m talking about being “too nice”
@@DavidJones-ot8qu Okay, then you should have clarified that.
Internet has such a "you're with me or you're against me" mentality
I will never shame anyone for running away from an external conflict they’re not a part of. They cannot arrange any side of the conflict with their beliefs and therefore choose not to betray their soul to fight for something they don’t stand behind. There is no cowardice at all, just courage for thinking clearly under the pressure of others
@@Lanuzos I think that's a nice way of thinking. But many people online are truly selfish and I think the "you're with me or against me" mentality can be very damaging.
I had a teacher who isn’t living anymore. He was harsh, I thought. Very militant in his methods. One day I felt targeted by his example setting so I asked him after class, “why do you hate me?”
He said, “Why do you think I hate you?”
And I responded, “You think I’m stupid.”
He said, “I don’t hate you. And I don’t think you’re stupid. I know you’re intelligent, and I know you’re lazy. And that infuriates me because you could be so much, but you just don’t care.”
My favorite moment where someone was harsh and true … and also probably showed me a grander kindness than I’d ever seen up to that moment. He saw right through me and didn’t sugar coat it.
Kinda sad though that if you had never felt brave enough to ask him about it, you would have only remembered that teacher as the one that hated you for no reason.
@@Fallingtonowhere1 Second that! You shouldn't have to ask If he wanted to help you with it.
@@MangaMarjan strongly agree! (From what little was told) that was just bullying in my eyes.
My family used to bully ppl for "their sake".
Also having ADHD, it's a typical trauma-theme to be described as "so talented and intelligent - if only I applied myself and not be lAzY.", while "applying myself" into burn-out....
So true , my maths teacher is the same I felt so much terror and irritation around him but them I understood he is trying to motivate us to do more better because he knows we can do much better . Then I started to be better not because of him but because knowledge is powerful , then he started to praise me a little but too, I don't fear him anymore .When I look at the past, I can say, those moments were important for making me the one I am now , I got to learn so much and humbled soo much, slow to criticize and judge and understand the motives of people actions first .
F that noise. He arbitrarily decided to treat you without dignity because your personality made him upset. He wouldn't tolerate the same behavior from you if you just suddenly felt like some aspect of how he behaves warranted being berated and embarrassed in front of other people.
This is what I have struggled with as well. I do have to say when I view one’s humanity despite their mistakes or even hatred, I feel incredibly proud of myself and receive a deep feeling of calm & peace within who I am.
Love this comment 🤍
People who often say "i'm just being honest," just want to use "honesty" as an excuse to be asshats. I should know. I was one of them.
I read somewhere people who say they are brutally honest often enjoy the brutality more than the honesty . and it stuck with me. there are a million kinder ways to say a thing but certain ppl choose a way that would hurt that person the most . on purpose. I'm glad you realized that you did this too - it takes self awareness! you should be proud of your progress! sending love!
Yeah, that's true!
I believe the people that watch these videos were people pleasers and such & they feel so connected cause they literally have someone telling them
"Start ghosting, no one deserves your love, be selfish, if you're not getting smth out of a relationship you are wasting your time...etc"
Well obviously, they'd feel empowered (in a bad way) 😷
So much selfishness & ego based content!!
The couple I have known over the years are also the most likely to freak out if you critique them. Brutally honest with skin thinner, then tracing paper.
Yeah I said this in another comment section but I'll say it here: this mentality is purely an ego stroke. Simply put, they want to put you down so they can feel better about themselves. They're rotten miserable people and you're better off not associating with them. All they're going to do is drag you down until you feel absolutely worthless around them.
my ex’s favorite thing to say was “i don’t owe anyone anything”, they always told me they’d put themselves above me and criticize me for not being the same. one time we got into an argument and she said that i didn’t deserve basic respect for just being a human. glad i got out lmao
I’m glad you got out of that. I was also in a relationship with a narcissist. Be careful. Now you know what red flags to look for.
"nobody owes you anything" BIG RED SELFISH FLAG
@Tonysopranoyafinook oh my goodness, breaking up is enough. Get help.
@Tonysopranoyafinook no
@Tonysopranoyafinook you need to get help. did we even watch the same video?
Being "brutally honest" as a personality is one of the most annoying things that has grown on the internet. I can't imagine what being a teen today must be like, I haven't even graduated that long ago.
so true I’m only 21, not very far removed from these kids and yet the way we grew up/are growing up seems so different. they have a lot of pressures that I wouldn’t have been able to cope with at all - like people just put your face on the internet without asking or walk up to you and start asking random questions like if someone interviewed me in school and put it online I would’ve been so upset 😭
I think the term “brutally honest” has lost its meaning all together. I don’t think people are brutally honest most of the time. Most people are instead “brutally opinionated” and will go to great lengths share their views without stopping to consider anything else. Brutally honest people care about what their saying and consider what other people are feeling but say what needs to be said without sugar coating and acknowledging the harshness of what their saying.
@@emilie6466 I resonate with this so much. Brutally honest people will rarely be honest about their feelings and needs (especially towards themselves) and always act out of a hurt ego and wounded inner child. That has nothing to do with authenticity and I do my best to avoid such people.
real life isn't like how it seems online. i'm sure teens are the same, just different era.
Yeah a lot of people in my high school would just flame you for the most meniscule things and they would call it being "real" or being "honest". Like no you're not being real You're just a douchebag who found justification to lean into your unpleasant nature.
thank you! finally someone is talking about it. she really did help me at first, but at some point it’s giving me toxic positivity. idk how to describe but it’s just the feeling i get now if i watch her videos.
She sometimes give me the vibe of a female Andrew Tate. Not too much, just when she's overly chasing the philosophy of "I". If you are confident, you don't shout about it. Who are you trying to convince? Maybe try and teach about being a healthy person overall.
I used to be so gentle and small and apologize for existing the "wrong way" and at some point I became incredibly angry and vengeful and like I needed to hurt everyone who had hurt me and be on defense to anyone who might hurt me and it was the most exhausting mindset I've ever had. I truly thought the world was against me so I needed to be against it, but then I grew up and found a middle ground of self respect and dignity for myself and gentleness and consideration for everything else. And I feel so much happier and lighter and like the sun is brighter and its easier to live.
I'm in the middle of finding this middle ground. Sometimes I feel like it will never happen, sometimes I go back to hate and to apologizing for existing. Thanks for inspiration and motivation.
@@leahmarten I'm proud of you, progress isn't linear
@@semiautumatic thank you. For real, thank you so much.
How inspiring
I went through this too. It gets better ya’ll!!! Find your balance
I've noticed the same people who claim to "not owe anyone anything"or go by "i'm just being real if you can't handle it you're a snowflake" usually get emotional over the same things,they don't practice what they preach they just want to seem nonchalant to look like they're emotionally unbreakable when really they're even more sensitive than the rest
Fr
agreed. theres a lot of sensitive people who are surprisingly insensitive when they're being mean to others. and sometimes it's as an automatic reaction, as though on instinct.
purely because it's "in vogue" to be cool and indifferent these days! 😅
No
@@ianianio Right, I've met so many people like that, they get their egos hurt so easily but go around acting like they're careless when talking down on others
really well said!!
We seriously have an empathy problem, people should be embarrassed.
True
Saw a comment that said “Empathy is the bare minimum”
And I explained to the comment of what that person meant and as expected, no response
👏🏾 👏🏾 👏🏾
womp womp
maybe shame isn’t the best tactic here?
@accutane666 they clearly didn't respond to the empathetic route. You don't have to be nice to rude people. That was also a message in this video.
self help for me is community and kindness i refuse to die knowing i only cared for myself
Like my math teacher once said; confidence is good, overconfidence is not
why? i don't understand
@@Isa_astleywhen you’re overconfident or egotistical, it comes off as arrogant or narcissistic if that’s makes sense
@@hearts4pinkie_ makes sense, thanks for answering! ^^
ironically, overconfidence is a sign of low self confidence
@@DavidJones-ot8qu seriously? :0
The thing with the lizard Liz is that even if some of her advice is good, the way she justifies it on “prioritizing yourself above everyone” can backfire SO BAD. Life don’t always reward those who put themselves above everyone, in fact, it can attract horrible situations and people
I disagree, you need to help yourself before you can help anyone else. Small metaphor would be how they teach adults on planes to mask first before they help their children. If the adult masks first they have eliminate their risk of passing out therefore they can help the ppl around them. If they mask the child first, they might not be awake the next second to help themselves or others. Always put yourself first, but never forget to extend kindness.
Life doesn’t always reward those who put themselves last either so there should be a balance.
“lizard liz” i’m dyingggg😭
Her name is wizard liz 🙏
@@eebedebee8915 I think there's a difference between putting yourself above everyone and helping yourself. It seems yall are talking about 2 separate things.
I'm only a couple minutes in but I needed to bring something up.
Way before people started pushing this idea (probably about 15 years ago), I had a friend whose brother was a total asshole. He would be so mean for no reason and if you tried to call him out, he would say he was just being "honest" and that I would appreciate that when I'm older and I understand that people outside my home won't "coddle" me. It's been a long time since then, I've grown up and almost have my master's degree and I still see that for the bullshit it was at the time. He wanted to be mean and he wanted an excuse to do it. I'm not saying that's how all these people are, but that's immediately what I go back to any time I see someone saying that they're just being honest. No, you're being mean. I do believe that there is a time to be honest and that sometimes honesty will hurt, but that doesn't need to be every single conversation. I work with the public in a library setting and if a teenager comes to me with artwork they did or a kid wants to show me the lego creation he did, I would be 100% in the wrong if I told them their creations sucked or that they should just give up.
Anyway, that's my rant about this kind of thing. I would like to believe I'm a kind person and I don't think that's a bad thing.
reminds me of the saying, honesty without tact is cruelty
I agree completely!
I don't agree with the 100% 'wrong' if it sucked part - if it sucks it sucks
And if they change their mind from persuing art from one unfavorable feedback, maybe they are in it for the wrong reasons
I agree with the part that you don't have any right to tell them to give it up - I mean that's just messed up
I aspire to be a person like you when I grow up - You proved your strength and competence but you kept compassion in your heart through it all. It’s not much, but you have my admiration.
I agree with that setiment at the end because artistic value is subject and as a casual artist, enjoying art is crutial to the craft.
I’m so freaking happy that people are taking about this!!! The self centeredness has been so normalized that people don’t even notice it anymore
People don't seem to understand the difference between being nice and having bounderies. A lot of people think that being nice means you have no bounderies and then go to the opposite extreme and become selfsh assholes.
Yeah, they often either have no boundaries or cross others' boundaries.
It's important to find a nice balance. A lot of people start out as people-pleasers, get hurt too many times and wise up, and become completely narcissistic because they believe they're protecting themselves. Hell, it's what I'm struggling with rn.
this hits home
Youre not narcissist, you just need time and love for something.. good luck ❤
Sycophants and jerks are two stems of a root called insecurity. True good is having the strength to be gentle and the courage to be kind.
Im like in the middle. I know i can develop a god complex- but i also know better now.. so now its an endless tug a war
Human beings can decide to be whatever they want to be, which is both a blessing and a curse. If you believe the bible and I do the GOOD and EVIL is the consequences of the fallen and sinful nature of human beings. However fallen or not humans are still moral beings with moral choice and free will as complex and problematic as this can often be. Unfortunately in modernity and. post modernity to define freedom in negative not positive terms as freedom from not as freedom for. This is where socially irresponsible morally dubious or repugnant conduct can be rationalized and justified by cynical arguments from selfishness and self interest.
I always remember the quote "people who say they are brutally honest seems to like brutality more." Also being individualistic and empathic can coexist
I don’t believe there’s such a thing as too nice, it’s a lack of boundaries.
I am so concerned for the future if empathy, common sense and kindness dissapears. I think the internet is slowly killing us by making us mean and self sentered.
then get off the internet
Same here.
We’ve always been mean and self-cantered. It’s not Liz’s fault that some people think giving up themselves for others is normal and proves you’re not self-centered. If you constantly put up a farce and are faking nice to others, it’s gonna drain you. Be genuine, you should be nice sincerely also instead of faking it. And how do you sincerely be nice to others? By not putting on a mask all the time. You don’t feel like talking? Don’t force yourself to. Those closest to you will understand if you had a bad day. Don’t intentionally not talk to them for a long time. Just don’t when you don’t feel like it. How do you know you’re genuine? When you feel more relaxed around others. You’re not trying to please them, you’re just in the same place with them breathing the same air.
Facts. Individualism is going to be our next downfall. It will allow society to fall for us vs them thinking and diminish community.
@@bogang5119 Yout don't have to give up on yourself in order to not be self sentered. It doesn't take much effort to be kind. Im not saying people have to go around smiling constantly and saying hello to everyone on their path.
It will always confuse me how many people will complain they’re lonely and you try to talk to them and they’re like the worst people you’ve ever met
They are alone for a reason
Everytime someone says things like that or say things like "I don't need friends", I think they're actually the problem.
Lmfao true
Some people are extremely shy or socially awkward.. But even those people nowadays get friends because they get into anime circles or just befriend other introverts who stay quite.
I hate that because then it makes people who are actually really lonely but not by choice seem like they’re the problem when they’re not 😓
my goal is to be kind, not nice. i do not have to make you comfortable, thats your job. but it is my responsibility to make sure that myself and everyone around me are both physically and emotionally safe in my presence
Wow, well said! ❤
That is a good mindset over there, keep it up!
You dont want to make others uncomfortable tho
I always tell people I'm polite not nice and people confused the two..
@@hhoneymamii oh my god yes 😭 i rlly get that
as a people pleaser this video inspired me to change my motto from "it doesn't matter what others think, it only matters what i think" to "how i feel is just as important as how others feel" i'm trying to stop living by other peoples rules, but it always irked me how much shallow i thought i'd have to get...this video opened my eyes so thank you
This woman is so emotionally intelligent it makes me feel emotionally stupid and maybe that feeling is accurate
@miau9362how did u get here
You’re basically invalidating what she said in the video by saying that
@@roycebandora9652how exactly did you come to that conclusion
nah you can get better at it
Emotionally stupid people wouldn't even be able to watch or comprehend this video. You're a better person just for watching this and trying to learn.
correct me if i'm wrong, but liz's point if view doesnt seem to come from a selfish one, rather from the notion of "charity begins at home". you have to take care of yourself before you can for others. and also basic politeness and respect should be a given for each and every individual i believe.
yes, actually, I think Liz talks about the balance between being humble and kind to others without letting others walk all over you or make you feel bad. I think many have misunderstood it :/
Ok her vids are ok the only thing is that not everyone watching her videos are going to be talking the stuff she says in a good way. Some people really want a reason to be self centered and she (not on purpose) definitely feeds into this kind of stuff
@@val836 i completely agree with you
@@val836yeah but people don't see all of her videos, people watch clips on ig or tiktok and believe that acting like assholes and all the "energy shit" is the jam, and is not
isn't that the same advice jordan peterson gives? "clean your room"?
Thank you for sharing this. I have always had trouble making friends, but my addiction to the internet has made me a selfish individualistic piece of flesh. The pandemic quarantine also made me completely disconnect from reality. This entire video really, REALLY called me out. I will try fixing this situation, and thanks once again.
“you don’t need to be ‘brutally honest’ when it’s just an excuse to not have to consider other people’s feelings.” THANK YOU. people need to stop masking their abusive behaviors with “brutal honesty”. i encountered a couple people like this in the past and they did a number on my mental health.
Society is slowly losing its moral values and basic courtesy, being nice to others is often seen as having a 'weak' and timid personality.
Honestly I believe it's just the internet, because in real life I've always been kind and polite and I've never had a problem, other people like me and nobody has ever told me I'm a pushover or I that should toughen up
Also most if not all people I know personally dislike rudeness and value altruism
@@luisa146 even in internet people dont like rude people and always against bullies. bullies only like each other for beneficial gains
@@luisa146 Hmm, I agree. You can have a larger extent of control over the people whom you physically surround yourself with rather than people online.
I think someone who is rude has a weak personality
🔊🔊🔊
Don't get me wrong, I agree with some of the things that Liz says about accountability and hard work; telling her audience to get off their asses and make something of themselves (I sure as hell need that push sometimes). However; on the matter of always putting selfishness and pride over others and their feelings/well-being- I will never agree with that. It's important to take care of yourself, but that doesn't change the fact that helping others when you can and treating them kindly is just as important in my book.
Maybe those kinds of people are just "the nice women" who often choose to do things for others instead of themselves, I think that's someone EVERY person should strive to do more of. We need far more kindness in this world than there is right now, and more people becoming selfish is only another step back.
i think i missed that bit, but agree that helping others is crucial for a peaceful, thriving, and just society, especially as long as there is tons of disparity and violence.
i think we also ought to be patient with ourselves too. with how immense our social and global problems are, we are also quite disempowered, and sensationalised discursively, on top of presently being in the midst of broad scale redistributions of power, namely the transfer from boomers to gen X, and this is also paramount in politics, media and how our institutions function, from schools, to corporations and so on-- especially with respect to values. And we are also very prevalent online on platforms which are predicated on division and absurdity.
Yeeeah... hard work and accountability. This is just a neoliberal propaganda
Hi petrariii i think were friends on MAL
But i might have got the wrong person sorry if that s the case
@@alchemist825 like i know hard work is a neolib dog whistle but no society functions without hard work. hard work in the sense of ‘you’re lazy, not a victim of oppression’ is def bad, but hard work in the sense of ‘literally nothing will just fall into your lap, you at least need to take some steps yourself’ is universal. sorry if i’m misreading you
i’m so glad you talked about thewizardliz because everytime i see vids of her on my fyp it just leaves a bad taste in my mouth, everyone says to act like her and take her advice for a healthier lifestyle but all it is encouraging is self centeredness
meaning you've never really watched her videos.. you're just passing a comment based on a 10 sec clip you saw on reels or smwh just like the owner of this video
Ikr ❤@@hanneuljjang
I grew up with my father who was diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder and a mother who never defended me when my father abused me. Funny enough, all the abuse didn’t turn me into a narcissist or self centered person. I became more kind, i realized that helping other people made me so god damn happy. Its nice meeting people who reciprocate help, kindness, and respect. The world would be a much better place if we all just helped each other reach our goals. I do see often (especially after the pandemic, and social media) a large portion of the public in America is selfish and narcissistic. But don’t let those people drag you in. The best advice i could give is this:
Try to help everyone you love and care about. You can’t hold everyone’s hand but you can be there right next to them when they need you. Don’t expect anything in return when you give kindness, that’s a bad reward system you dont want to develop. Chase your own dreams and goals, continue to be kind, and you’ll find the same kind of people like you. Be patient, there are great people out there.
relate to this 100% except both my parents are narcs (from being abused as children themselves). continuing the cycle terrifies me
I relate to you on personal levels✨🙌🏻
@@TM-wt5wq definitely scares the sh!t out of me too. That’s why i will continue to go to therapy for the rest of my life. And just try my best to be kind and respectful to other people.
probably the best advice I’ve ever heard 🙏🏻 wishing you all the best ♥️
I also relate to this comment. For me being "selfless" is what i base my self esteem and my identity on. Which means i know full well that it's faaaar from althruism but i never demand any payback. I give that to myself from within.
It is hard though that the world frustrates me so much because of what people make out to be "suffering". It feels that in a very specific way a lot of people are very sensible to minor disturbances which they overplay by pretending to face far greater challenges than they actually do which is very close to the typical narcissistic strategy of stabelizing social networks through self pity and theatrics.
Something I learned from a hard life (was trafficked on and off until I was made homeless at 15, where I was very much abused by a society that hates what they deem to be "troubled youth" even if you're a really good kid desperate for approval), is that love and kindness saves lives. The little bit of kindness I had been shown saved mine and it is the only reason I get to do anything I want today. A lot of survivors of this stuff, some amazing people I got to know, didn't make it because of society's cruelty after escape. The weakest people are cruel. The strongest people are those who are kind and lead with loving hearts, understanding, and never give up on personal growth in a world where people will frown upon you for it. We are a "pack species" for all intensive purposes, and we only made it this far together.
Currently I have the honor of working in a small indigenous community with under 400 members. Their loyalty, comradery, and standing together is something we should all learn from. Cruelty breeds cruelty and everyone will be happy. Love and kindness breeds love and kindness, and that's the only way we are every going to achieve happiness. I don't believe the people who present these selfish mindsets are happy. I believe they were hurt and are weakly taking it out on others by continuing the cycle of abuse.
We are better together.
Your comment is very insightful and brave, it helped me. Thank you. ❤
You're amazing ❤
I feel like Olivia's videos really express these inner frustrations that I have with modern society. I agree that an inherent amount of selfishness is needed to make sure that people don't manipulate or use you, but with too much self-centeredness, you develop a superiority complex, making you think that others' criticism is invalid for the sake of maintaining your mental health. I am Gen Z, but I am really disappointed in how Tiktok has pushed younger people to adopt this sassy, attention-seeking personality. Please be prepared to take shit if you want to talk shit.
Fantastic educational video by the way.
well said! I feel like Gen Z popular culture lacks a genuine humanness. Everything is about image, vibe, brand, and memorizing “politically correct” rhetoric. As the video states: the macro-scale has the right idea in advocating for human kindness, respect, and decency; yet it is forgotten that any change starts with self.
I feel like the internet has extremely desensitized Gen Z and alienated them from the nuance and true exchange of human connection.
@@pocket-slimehumanity has not been present in human society since tribal society
This!!!!!
So glad someone’s saying this. It really does cost nothing to be nice and it’s one of the biggest changes you can make in your immediate community.
I think wizard Liz more so gives a more extreme effect to people who have genuinely struggled with trauma and abusive households. It’s like detaching yourself from other people in order to heal yourself because for a while I cared so much for what others thought I literally lived for others and not for myself, and it was so deep I lost myself. So for a while you kind of have to be a little narcissistic to get back into a neautral zone of loving yourself because your so deeply in the dark you have to teach yourself how to be obsessed with yourself to the extreme in order to see that neautral side again and that side where hey, I’m allowed to take care of myself too. You can’t charge something else if your not fully charged yourself. So I don’t think the wizard Liz promotes narcissistic ways but she teaches those who have never been taught to love themselves or prioritize themselves how to do it so theycan balance out both sides of loving others but also having boundaries. But some people can misunderstand her message and take it as I’m the only thing that matters and everyone else can lick my dirt that isn’t the case, you just have to see both sides in order to balance them both.
Cause I never thought having boundaries was okay or telling people no was okay, but it’s okay to say no to people and to put yourself first if your uncomfortable. Not just to be above others though. I think that’s what Liz is more so trying to say with her message
Basically what everyone else is saying, people these days only see in black and white and can’t see that it’s actually grey. There has to be a balance.
@@Mattaeawould it not be infinitely more effective to have someone confidently and honestly deconstruct those issues in themselves as opposed to see someone run to the opposite side of the spectrum?
@@DavidJones-ot8quno, because it’s not impactful enough. It may seem extreme to you if you already believe that it is okay to take up any amount of space or say no to someone. But to her target audience, it is brand new information. Once you make it to neutral ground, you don’t need a message that extreme any longer and you move on to other messengers. If her message doesn’t resonate with you it’s extremely easy to not engage or find someone else who does without even leaving the app.
@@afroaesthete3701 the idea that extremes are necessary to change minds or behavior is absurd and makes legit no sense. not to mention, as shown by the comments here and under her vids, most ppl do not come back from the extreme which is bad
Everything requires balance. You can't be too much of anything. Generally speaking I treat people how they treat me. If you're nice to me, I'll be nice. If you hit me, I'll hit you back. If you ignore me, I'll ignore you. That's it. Being calm and nice is always my default disposition but there's a cut off point.
In dutch there’s a saying “who does good, meets good”. A society where people are encouraged to do good by each other is a society where people are encouraged to do good by me. From a purely selfish perspective, encouraging altruism is actually extremely helpful
Always putting others before you could be pretty dangerous. The person should love the most is yourself. Let’s say 10 people asked me to do their homework. Because of my generosity, I do all their homework. But because I’m busying doing their homework, I don’t have the time to do my homework. As a result, my grades drop and I get stressed out. That’s when you need to put your well-being first and set a boundary. So now, I stop doing people’s homework, making sure myself is doing okay first. When my grades have finally gotten better, I can give out some answers for my friends that are struggling. But this time, I only do it for 2 people, instead of 10. That’s a boundary I set to look out for MYSELF. I can put myself first while also be kind and giving. I will be kind and donate and sympathize with people and all of that stuff, but as soon as it starts hurting me, I’m stopping. And no one should feel bad about that
@@Alxie_e yeah you have a point but no one's saying you should go bent over backwards trying to help everyone else, that's being a people-pleaser. You can't pour from an emptycup so definitely put yourself first and then help other people after or figure problems out together
@@meryllejoyercilla5387Yes, I agree. I replied with that comment because she mentioned altruism. When I searched up the definition altruism, it said “the belief in or practice of disinterested and selfless concern for the well-being of others.” This can be good just first looking at it, but you have to be selfish sometimes. Literally everyone is at least a bit selfish. The things is having TOO MUCH selfishness which turns into greedy, narcissism, toxicity, and being straight up rude. Be kind, but set boundaries and your physical health, mental health, and overall well-being first. I just don’t think altruism is the word to best describe that. Sometimes, being concerned about the well-being others could hurt your own well-being.
@@meryllejoyercilla5387👍🏾
@@Alxie_e I think we both agree here, we're just caught up on the use of words but from what I interpreted, I think OP used the word in good faith because there are situations out there that definitely calls for it and I'll double down by saying, it still should be encouraged.
I'm a bit lost with your last statement though, can you site an example where being concerned can hurt your well-being?
Your videos always leave me feeling hopeful for humanity and less alone in my desire for kindness, community, and nuance. So refreshing to watch, like a warm hug 😊🫶🏼
I think we, as content consumers, should learn how to absorb and analyze information, especially contents about feelings and self-identity because we all are very different from each other. So, for example, I also watch Wizard Liz but only when I feel like my self-respect is going low, and I stop watching her when I feel like yeah that's all the energy I need for now. So, choosing the kind of information to absorb is very important, we cannot just blame an individual for creating a trend because we also contributed to it. You have the choice to choose which is right for your path.
this!!!!
So true
Yes also do the same thing
literally
Exactly!
pffff, you do not want to know how happy I am to finally find a female influencer who fully supports and advocates very important psychology, self-improvement/self-emancipation and more. We need this woman to get more recognition!
What does this got to do with gender
@@Merymm_rbecause women also need publicly intelligent women to relate to
@@kphoria1009 nah this comment section and the video has NOTHING to do with gender, All
Men aren’t intelligent either, this seriously got nothing to with it. I don’t understand why men think every women is dumb and aren’t intelligent like-
Same girl same
@theycallmeC it’s mainly men doing it in my opinion 💀
GIRL, this is what i have been noticing too nowadays from many “infuencers”. Growing up with narcissistic fam members, i just couldn’t get how others can romanticize it.
Absolutely
Honestly this was a much needed video for me to see just as I discovered thatwizardliz’s Chanel yesterday and this video popped up today. But I’m am saying this in the same sense that thatwizardliz’s video I saw yesterday was also a much needed video for me to watch. Like many other people have said in this comment section, I think Liz has successfully helped people become more confident in themselves and immerse/reimmerse themselves into self care if it was much needed. I mean just to put myself as an example, I currently have Covid and quarenteening without social interaction plus feeling bad physically has sent me for quiet a whirl as it has increased my stresses and anxieties as I was so fixated on focusing on my bad current feelings and not thinking about longer term goals that I could work towards to make me happier now and in the longer run, since we as humans have conscious thoughts about our consciousness which results in us thinking about our future and past selves. She motivated me to get back on track and prioritize my well-being by focusing on my self again when I lost track of it briefly and was just drowning in sorrow and boredom. But this video reminded me to watch her videos and everyone’s videos including this one with a grain of salt, because everyone’s experiences in life are different, they can only express what they know that might apply to their own person or others around them. The importance of that will make a world of difference because like Olivia said, listening to that wizard Liz’s advice for lots of people can be very inspiring and make people more confident, but if it reaches the wrong crowd it could also make people more delusional and think that they have a pass to be an asshole because they are “prioritizing themselves” to a fault that is. You can’t help others if you’re not helped yourself first, but you should always help other if you have the privilege to do so, because it’s what makes life beautiful, what creates communities, friendships, partnerships in businesses, success, inventions, etc. none of it will be possible if we didn’t trust, be kind, help and be helped.
this makes me think of the post that's like "people pleasers having their villain era but it's really just setting boundaries". like I had to "stop caring" about people at one point in life because I was dealing with a lot of abuse, but looking back...I still generally cared about people. I had to turn off my empathy for a few select people just to make myself stop letting them into my life. now that I'm in a better place, I can recognize their humannness while still acknowledging they were horrible to me and I never want to see them again ever. but I do have people in my life who I do care about and trust now, and they help me generally care about people.
Wow…the exact same situation happened to me last year. I used the same phrase, I felt like I had to “turn off my empathy” around these two people because they would use it against me. I don’t hate them, but I never want either of them around me ever again. I’m a better friend/ family member now to the people who are good to me, rather than being drained by those who were treating me terribly.
“To be conscious of oneself right to the core is to perceive, at the depths of the self, an Other.” - Luigi Giussani
Is one is so true
My friend started watching her and she literally became arrogant. She thought everyone was obsessed with her and when you did something that pisses her off she would just stop talking to you. She lost a lot of friendships because of meaningless conflicts (she can’t even assume she’s wrong because if she thinks she’s right, she’s right) she dropped friends like that. I love her confidence but now I feel it’s just overconfidence. She only talks about herself nonstop like she doesn’t care about what I have to say. I would literally roll my eyes it’s so boring listening to someone’s stories without even having the chance to participate and feeling included in the relationship
Just out of curiosity, how did you deal with her acting out this way ? Did you draw away from her ? Also how did you know that watching this person was the cause of the change in her behaviour ?
Hater alert
@@seeker-108 real
So sad your friend couldn't understand her point, now how is this her fault? Like you're gonna block her of something?
watching who
Thanks for this video I recently lost about 70 pounds in 6 months for health reasons and people have been telling me that I'm to nice all of the sudden and they've been telling me that I'm to much of a people pleaser. This actually had me doubting myself because I've always tried my best to be considerate of others not because I want them to like me but because I know what its like to be physically, verbally, and emotionally abused so my biggest thing as a person has been to treat others with the patience and kindness I wished my parents had treated me with so that I don't make others feel the way they made me feel. I started going down the self help rabbit hole and I just found myself running into ideologies like putting myself first and I soon started feeling like an absolute asshole and I felt like there was something wrong with me for feeling bad about doing things everyone was telling me were okay and the right things to do. I felt like I was discarding myself because everyone was telling me that I deserved better then to be a people pleaser but I know the reason I do the things I do doesn't come from a sense of I need to make people happy but from a genuine desire to be a kinder person so I that I don't hurt others the way I felt I was hurt. It also comes from sense of understanding that my actions as little as they can be can have an impact on others and I rather that impact be a good one rather then a bad one.
After being hurt and taken advantage of, I "chose me". Being self-centered lead me to reject and hurt someone who would later be my now boyfriend, a man that made me truly happy. I stopped being selfish. I started doing things for him too. Opening up, trusting the other, giving so I can receive back.
Think about that : you give, and when you do, you receive back. Not all the time. But as my boyfriend says "People being mean to me because I'm nice isn't a me problem, it's a them problem. I don't have to change myself because of others". And that my friends is truly choosing yourself.
It takes trusting and maturing.
totally agree with your boyfriend. I've had friends use me or backstab me. I'm not going to turn into an asshole just because they did it and it might happen again. Being a jerk doesn't make me feel good and just continues the cycle.
THISSSS
Yup , after I met my friends, I too am changed . It's about meeting the right people and choosing who you give your emotions to .
We totally need more of this mentality omg 🙌