For those wondering about the inheritance story: OPs grandparents already have lawyers and they're looking into the matter. According to OPs comments his moms will had SPECIFICALLY stated that the money could only be used in certain situations regarding OP (medical needs and such) if needed before 18 and not anything else. On top of that, dad has been getting those checks the government gives you if your spouse dies when the child is really young
@@RobGMun it wasn't the dad's money to give. Legally or morally. End of. Courts DO NOT like it when one parent takes the inheritance of a deceased parent to use for a child not related to the deceased person; the dad put his kids in a worse situation cause the chances the courts side with OP and the grandparents are HIGH
@@RobGMun No, dad's in huge trouble. The mom's will says the money can only be used for OP's needs. The half sibling's medical issue is not a need for OP. A need for OP would be if OP had a medical condition, or if the home OP lived in burned down or something. What dad did was theft, plain and simple. Even if it wasn't, dad had to have other options than taking the future of one child to give to another child. Unless OP's dad is living paycheck to paycheck, is homeless, living of government assistance such as food stamps, etc, he likely had cars he could sell, nice things, a house he could mortgage, all before taking OP's money. Finally, OP is not selfish for being upset about his future being stolen. Maybe if the half-sib was going to die, I'd at least be more sympathetic towards dad, but there's other options, or should have been. Your first option should never be to steal from your own child
@@dannycomellas That doesn't really make sense given the circumstances. Why would the children of an abusive parent, try to gaslight the abuser into staying with them? Were that me, I would be *relieved* that the abuser left.
It's less about what the husband was feeding the kids, and more that they don't know he cheated while the mom was pregnant He likely did lie to them and tell them it was like, while he and their mom were engaged or something, but this isn't an uncommon reaction from children
The cheating BF in Understanding story has the audacity to tell OP he can't trust her anymore? He was cheating with multiple girls lying and bragging about it... What a jerk.
"I can't trust you to no longer understand the secrets I shouldn't have kept in the first place." I speak 4 different languages at varying levels as I'm not English and kind of mixed. I don't owe anyone the knowledge of what language I can speak unless it's relevant to the conversation. I'm not going to start talking and just causally drop the "And I can speak English almost to native level, poor french, italian (duh!) and Russian at a very fluent level because I told you earlier I'm part Russian and ukrainian!" the most that comes out usually is my heritage. And at times they ask me to say something in Russian expecially cuss words (I know them after being yelled them by my mom) but I never say these words in Russian. I only cuss in English and italian. And this usually gets asked by teenagers or kids. Most times they ask how to say please and thank you or how to say their name. But it doesn't come out unless it's relevant and I'm asked about it. I'm a reserved person and I don't think it matters. Edit: forgot to make a point. The thing is if anyone speaks any of these kind of common foreign language, I will understand them most likely without them knowing.
@nikitatavernitilitvynova there's a bit of a difference between I'm not going to mention it until it comes up and I'm going to actively pretend I can't to the point where I will have other people speak specifically in one language to me as if I'm unable to speak the other one when I can. I mean it's not like she lied and said she couldn't speak French but also, I mean it's still just a smidge dishonest.
Story 4: the guy is acting like he was speaking klingon the whole time instead of french. I don't mean to say that french is an easy language to learn but it's not a secret code that only a few select know. Boyfriend is definitely the AH
Yeah for that story NTA for OP. Her idiot boyfriend was flaunting his cheating just because he thought OP didn’t understand him. He’s an idiot, and a total AH.
Brother doesn’t give a damn about his niblings, the CPS call was just to satisfy his own arrogance. He’s not sorry in the slightest, he’s just sorry his pathetic little stunt epically failed because that means he’s wrong and he can’t handle that blow to his ego.
The brother is a recovering addict. OP stated he was 'clean and sober'. The brother and SIL just walk into OP's home like they own the place. This is entitled behavior. ANY use of a substance is forbidden for them but not other people and they can't tolerate it in other people. I understand this, I've seen it in a friend of mine. However, calling CPS and lying is a jerk move! OP needs to go no contact with the brother because he will never see (or admit) that he is wrong.
CPS worker here: frivolous and/or fake reports can be just as upsetting as the real thing. CPS worker’s response that it’s a waste of time is a relatable feeling.
@@LewsTherin I'm sorry if I'm being harsh and mean, but I heard the CPS doesn't care about children and just puts them in even more toxic and manipulative families. Just how could they care less about kids baffles me honestly.
As I previous cps kid, the news LOVE the awful stories, and will often bury the success stories because its not as sensational. I can attest, most of us live very normal life as adults.
Once in the system with cps you never get out, even though the case is closed. That’s terrifying and he’s a danger to have around until at least the kids are grown.
About the French story- I read this one and this took place in the UK (from the comments). In the UK people lean French as part of the national curriculum from ages 11 to 16, sometimes schools will start at age 7. Even if OP can't speak French, it is absolute idiocrasy to think they wouldn't be able to catch the gist of different sentences. A lot of people here can. We're not conversational at all, most people forget, but you kind of retain the simple words and sentences and structures so "fucked 3 girls" would not be hard to deduce.
Story 4: Bad take on giving her a BH score. Never assume someone doesn't know a language, a lot of partners learn a language to surprise their SO with it. Dude was cheating, he got caught, how does not matter. Op doesn't deserve a BH scare just for understanding a language.
I'm on your side she's doesn't deserve a butthole score, but he gave it because she was hiding the fact she understood French. That STILL doesn't mean she deserves condemnation for it. She wasn't hiding it to be mean or suspicious she was hiding because she was afraid of being judged for not speaking 100% fluently.
Can’t agree. Ignoring the cheating part purely for the context of this: It’s not that she learned the language to surprise him. She kept that information from him effectively calling trust into question. Is it a big deal in the grand scheme. No because it wasn’t malicious. Did he do something way worse? Absolutely. I’d say .5 is fair.
I'm on the fence about this. But we can't apply BF's perspective to Dabney, as Dabney does know the truth (as presented by OP), which is that she in fact knew it the whole time and didn't learn it as a surprise. Was the BF's reaction off? 5000% Does she deserve a BH score from an unbiased 3rd party? I'm... leaning towards yes. The thing is that speaking french was such a prominent aspect of his life. Not just his family he might see twice a year, but all his friends, perhaps his job. He's using many times a day. It would be one thing to not speak it, but withhold that you understand? Yah i'd give that a 0.5 at least. To be honest I would have some trust issues with that (not that affects in anyway the BF's atrocious behavoiur or gives him an out).
Story 6: Yeah, the abuse is basically conditioning OP into being a doormat to "keep the peace" while the brother gets the Golden Child treatment. Any moment that OP decides to do something different, she'd be met with the response of "I'm so upset and blindsided" that would guilt her into going along with her brother. Well, they never said beforehand that OP couldn't go on the trip (they have no power to anyway), and OP mentioned before that she was going on the trip, so that "upset and blindsided" response is just BS. OP, go on the trip, maybe reduce contact as well and seek therapy
Divorce: I can't help but wonder if the dad is poisoning the well against the mom, you know, "if your mom loved you, she wouldn't leave you." That or something else is going on. Sad no matter what.
I completely agree. He is likely telling the kids it was so long ago. But for OP it is brand new. If I was OP I would go back and make his life miserable. He would be begging for a divorce
@@kg5626 Maybe it’s “so long ago” for the kids too? Maybe they knew but their dad told them that cheating is forgivable but breaking up a family is something you can never take back or some garbage like that? I’m just trying to figure out how/why they’re so firmly on his side?
Something a lot of people don't realize about the 1st story that makes it so much worse. Most of the time if you have ever had a case opened about you from CPS that usually disqualifies you from adopting even if it was proven false. So if they wanted to in the future it's a good probability that they couldn't.
Does it? If the claim isn't substantiated?CPS investigations usually don't mean anything on their own. They can happen for innocent reasons. It may appear in a records search but should smooth over.
1st story " UPDATE: I just want to thank you for all this reassurance that cutting him off is the best choice, this has helped strengthen my resolve moving forward. The thing that stings the most from this is we went through the system at very young ages and then being adopted by a monster of a man, but I will do right and plan to never speak with him again UPDATE 2: Don't know if this is the update you are all looking for but I never mentioned that my father also lives with us and yesterday he invited them and their children over so we kept our kids in our room and stayed away from them. The issue starts with the fact that their kids overheard us saying how we don't want my brother and his wife over here cause it makes us uncomfortable, well fast forward to this morning they told my brother what we had said and with that we got the following message from my SIL. "I have been thinking a lot and I am totally done with you and (My sisters name) I am just so pissed at you both you can hate me or your brother all you fucking want what I will not stand for is you both hurting our kids they heard you yesterday that we aren't allowed there cause (MY Spouses Name) and they are never included in f*cken anything it's so fucked to treat a f*cken child like that and make them f*cken cry all the f*cken time and I will not put up with that and have my kids cry and hurt no more and I will protect my kids so fuck you both." I feel bad the boys heard us but to tell you the truth my SIL will never understand the fear and anger I have whenever I even catch a glimpse of her and my brother, they think it is bad that their kids heard a little badmouthing about them. Well my kid was interviewed by a goddamn CPS caseworker because they thought it would be the best way to get us from smoking at night outside of our house sad they still think they have a soap box to stand on. This will probably be the last update cause they are blocked and I have found a place to move far away too, so thanks for the support strangers of the internet. "
Something tells me the husband spun a tall tale and they believed him. Meanwhile, OP didn’t want to subject her daughters to the details and is now suffering for it.
@@Tustin2121I was thinking that or they are religious nuts. Some people think you should stay married if the partner cheats because you’ll be the one to burn and not the cheater
Story 2: You can love someone and be disgusted and disappointed with their actions. And you know sis is fully aware of how terrible her actions were because she tried to hide it. Even as the proof was in OP’s face. She doesn’t get to be sad, this is the consequences of her 5 year affair.
2nd story Update + Final Update "First, I'd like to clarify a few things: I am not going to tell my sister to get rid of the baby-that's not my place, and I would never suggest such a thing. Also, I am not going to install tracking software on her phone or demand access to all her devices. That's invasive and wrong. I've been thinking a lot, and while I can't say that I don't love my sister, it's very hard to feel that love right now. I don't know who she is anymore. It's not just that she lied to me; it's what she did and how convinced she is that she was justified because they were "in love." She's brought chaos into my home that I opened up to her. I'm deeply disappointed in her, and I just don't like her at the moment. I'm letting her stay with me because I don't want her to become dependent on him. I don't think he's a good man either, and as a social worker, I've seen these scenarios too many times. My sister is already deluded; I don't need to open the door to a dependency that's also financial. Now, onto the update: I haven't been punishing my sister, but I've been treating her like a roommate. This is driving her crazy. She's begging me to go back to how things were before, but I can't. I told her that I need time and that things can't just return to normal overnight. She tried to explain how it all happened. She admitted that she always knew he was married but believed she could tell how unhappy he was and felt he deserved to be happy. They met at a bar a few weeks after his son's accident. He told her that his wife hadn't touched him since it happened and that he was "about to explode." I asked her why she would involve herself with a married man, knowing the hurt it would cause. She said she wanted to be a wife and a good mom, and that included his kids. She had hoped he would divorce his wife so they could all move on and finally be happy together. I just stared at her, unable to comprehend how she could rationalize her actions. A few days later, he appeared at our house, claiming he had left his wife and wanted to be with my sister. I told him to leave immediately or I would call the police. My sister was furious with me, accusing me of ruining her chance at happiness. I made it clear to her: if he comes over again, I will evict her. She's free to date anyone she wants, but not under my roof. I also told her that if she plans to have him around after the baby is born, she'll need to find her own place. Word has gotten around our community about the affair. While we were grocery shopping, a woman even spat on my sister. Many of her friends have cut ties with her, calling her a homewrecker. Some are married themselves and don't want her near their husbands. I haven't said "I told you so" even once. We unexpectedly ran into his wife at a local café. My sister wanted to apologize and suggested that maybe they could all have a good relationship for the sake of the kids. The wife laughed coldly and said, "You made your choices; now live with them. Don't expect me to make this easier for you." My sister is devastated and has been lying in bed ever since. I'm taking care of her physical needs-making sure she eats, stays hydrated, and attends her prenatal appointments-but I can't bring myself to comfort her emotionally. I just don't have it in me right now. -------------------------------------------------- My sister just won’t stop talking about him. Every day, it’s the same story: their "perfect future" together, the apartment they’re moving into, how everything will be great once his divorce is done. She’s completely lost in this delusion, acting like none of the lies and betrayal matter. I can’t stand it. She made him write me letters. Yes, actual letters. As if that’s going to magically make me approve of him. She leaves them around the house, thinking that if I just read them, I’ll suddenly understand how “sorry” he is and how much he “loves” her. I haven’t responded to a single one. It’s ridiculous. I told her over and over that I don’t want anything to do with him, but she keeps pushing, as if she can wear me down. It’s beyond frustrating. Then came the talk of moving in together. She sat me down and asked for my blessing, telling me how important it was to her that I support their relationship. She actually wanted me to meet him, to give him a chance. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. That’s when I drew the line. I told her flat out, if she moves in with him, I’m done. I told her I would go low-contact, that I wouldn’t be part of their life, and that she’s on her own if she goes through with this. If she wanted my support, she had to leave him, full stop. For a moment, I thought she was finally getting it. She showed me screenshots from his ex-wife. The ex had pretended she wanted him back, and this guy fell for it immediately. He told her how much he missed her, how my sister was a mistake, how he wanted to fix things with his family. My sister was crushed. She came to me with the screenshots, crying, and I thought, for a couple of days, that maybe, just maybe, she would finally see him for who he really is. I was hopeful. But then, as usual, he wormed his way back in. He told her he only said those things because he was afraid his ex would take the kids away, and of course, she bought it. Now she’s actively moving in with him, packing up her things and making all these plans like nothing happened. The screenshots? Forgotten. The lies? Excused. She’s determined to be with him no matter what, and I am done. I told her I’m not helping her anymore. No more driving her to appointments. No more checking on her. Nothing. I’m not going to pretend everything’s okay while she’s diving headfirst into this disaster. Now, I barely talk to her. If she asks where the tea is, I’ll tell her. If she wants to know if there’s milk left, I’ll answer. But that’s it. I’m emotionally cut off, and I told her straight: I’ll be here if things fall apart, if she’s in danger, but I am not going to be a part of this trainwreck. She’s on her own now. The community backlash hasn’t slowed down either. Everywhere we go, people are whispering, staring, and judging. They’re not just looking at her; they’re looking at me too. People know she’s living with me, and I’ve started hearing comments at work about why I haven’t completely cut her off. It’s affecting my life now, and I just can’t carry her mistakes anymore. Her friends? All gone. The ones who were married have cut ties completely. She’s isolated herself, but instead of waking up, she’s clinging harder to him, holding on to this fantasy that everything will work out. But I’m done caring. She’s made her choice, and now she has to live with the fallout. This is the final update because I’m finished. I’m done trying, done caring, done dealing with the mess she’s made. She can have her life with him, but I’m not going to be part of it."
It's so disappointing when he doesn't include the updates on stories that are several weeks old. I've heard the full story on other TH-cam videos and was hoping to to get Dabney's take on the updates.
If this is all true it's very sad. I hope the man is experiencing this community backlash but I doubt he is. He also cheated and he's lied over and over just to get what he wants. I feel the worst for the children and the baby on the way. Not a good way to enter the world.
About Story 5, I would have sat the kids down and asked them why they were doing this. If they refused to say, I would ask them if they really want to side with their Father. If they did, I would give him full custody and leave and never speak to them again. Sometimes, you have to do what others tell you to do and sometimes, you have to do what's best for you. What's best for OP, is to leave and get away from her toxic husband and toxic kids ASAP!
For story 5, it doesn't matter when the betrayal happened, for the person betrayed, the moment of life shattering PTSD trauma is the moment they find out about the betrayal. If the children are unable to understand that, then they are blaming the victim & not recognizing they are victims of their Father's betrayal as well.
Third story: OP is NTA. That money was left for OP, not for OP's father, and not for OP's half sister. You'd have to be insane to blame OP for not forgiving his father and Louise, and for telling his grandparents. I hope OP is able to move in with his grandparents because his home is toxic.
@@lancerevell5979 based on the story, he absolutely violated the terms of the trust. OP can and should sue. This is literally theft. It's sad foe the daughter, but not OPs responsibility.
French story: boyfriend can’t _trust_ OP while he was the one who slept around with 3 women and tried to be sneaky about it?? Nope. He’s only mad that he got caught and saw an opportunity to reflect back. Learning a language and not saying anything about it is not as bad as cheating on your partner and trying to speak about it in your partner’s presence in a language, you think they don’t know.
My husband's sister called CPS on him when his daughter was little. Who knows why. He was a stay at home dad who doted on his little girl. I'm shocked he ever forgave her, but he did, & then she did some more fucked up shit. So she's been bye-bye for years now.
*First OP:* This is grounds for going no contact, IMO. OP is NTA. *Second OP:* It's hard to like someone who is knowingly someone else's side piece. OP is NTA. I hope the wife gives her hopefully stbx h377 (typed that way because of YT). *Third OP:* I understand wanting to do anything for your child, but it shouldn't be at the expense of your other child(ren). OP is NTA. The _real_ AH is the healthcare system. *Fourth OP:* LOL at OP's boyfriend saying he can't trust her after she heard him talking about hooking up with three different women behind her back. OP is NTA, and she needs to break up with that cheating hypocrite. *Fifth OP:* Change is hard, but it's better for OP to divorce her cheating husband than for her to stay and build resentment just to keep the peace. OP is NTA. She didn't break up the family unit; her husband did. Hopefully, her daughters will come around. *Sixth OP:* At this point, OP should consider limiting contact with her side of the family, if not completely cut off contact. OP is NTA.
Third OP: This feels like OP's dad is in the Trolley Problem kinda situration where he rather makes his youngest daughter's life better, even if it's at the cost of OP's life for the future. Feels more like he doesn't really care about OP anymore because he now has a replacement wife.
Story 5 : it may have happened nearly 2 decades ago for the husband but OP is finding out her husband cheated on her twice while she was pregnant now. Edit : also, who knows how many times he's cheated since then cause he definitely didn't stop with the first two😮💨
Story 2: I've heard this before, and I'm sure sis got pregnant on purpose, hoping her AP would finally leave his wife for her. IIRC, he does, but still hasn't filed for divorce as his wife is "begging" him not to leave. Moron is hoping to have his cake and eat it, too.
I disagree completely. While it is bad for the father to use that money it's for a substantuially better cause. Curing somebodies severe health issues is more important than college by a mile
@@Rudeus-r7r OP didn't give a good reason they needed the money. College is a waste of time and their half sister would have lived life with a permanent and bad disability. If I was in OP's situation I would have had that money go towards my half sister because they needed it far more than me.
@@zillasaiyan1m274at the end of the day it’s op’s money given to her by her mum. She doesn’t need to justify it; it doesn’t matter that YOU think college is worth it or not. The dad could of easily come up with a deal with op or her grandparents to use the money now and pay her back but it seems he just wanted to easy way to pay and make op feel bad about it
9:23 - Story 3: I really wish OP's reply was that her dad showed her how to be that way. He was heartless enough to deny his dead spouse's final will, afterall.
Story 4. NTA, defo deserves a 0 AH score. People who speak their native language should understand the risks of talking smack around people who might actually understand them lol
Yeah, for all the bf knew, OP could have been learning on her own. He may not have spoken it around her, but that doesn't mean she can't stream shows or podcasts.
Story 5: OK, time to play devil’s advocate a little here. From everything that’s been explained by OP in this story, giving the two daughters the same rating as the father is too harsh. Why? Because anyone who has ever been the child stuck between parents will recognise instantly that the father got into his kids’ ears first. He’s had a chance to already form their impression on the situation, he’s had the opportunity to make the mother look like the villain despite his affairs (of which there is no way there were just two.) Are the daughters wrong? Yes, absolutely. But I can almost guarantee it’s because they are working with a story that their father gave them first and now their mother is the one breaking up the family, not him. Source: I was that kid. At 15, my mother left and my father filled my brain with vitriol for her, making himself the victim because she left for another man…right up until the point where I replaced her as his new favourite punching bag and I suddenly had no support. The father in this story is absolute garbage, but something tells me the two daughters are becoming victims in this situation too. Not to the same degree that happened to myself, but they will be hurt all over again once they actually have time to process the truth without their father’s influence. The girls need therapy, they need an outside perspective to help them realise what’s going on.
2:41 story 1: The same thing happened to me and my family when I was in high school. We were poor, but we were not neglected. My neighbor had an issue with my mom. They were friends and then something happened between them two, so the neighbor thought it was a good idea to call CPS and tell them that we were being neglected and that we were not eating. Instead of coming to the house, they went to my brother’s school and talked to him while he was at school and asked him if he was eating right. At the time My brother was a little bit of a chunky kid so he pulled out his stomach and said does it look like I’m not eating? I guess that closed the case because they never ended up coming talking to me, but I’ve also always been a bigger girl so they definitely would’ve seen that I was eating good.
Similar thing happened with my family. My mom had six kids, which three (including me) were my dads and he raised my half siblings too. My older brother's dad got into an argument with my mom and decided to call CPS on my parents. They came and told them about how they were starving us. My dad called my brother (who was 10 at the time) over, and he was a chunky kid. My dad looked at the social worker and said, "Does this kid look like he's being starved?"
I can understand a father doing anything for his children, except stealing from one to benefit the other. it's compounded by the fact that he child can't do anything about it... except take him to court.
It depends if the father could afford to treat his daughter or not. Honestly, I would also save my daughter from severe disability. Like is this really a question?
@@notthatguy4703 Even in the states, a lot of procedurals like that are FORCED due to being considered "high risk of lost of limb or death". He's not saving the child from disability, he's saving himself from serious debt by putting it on another.
@@notthatguy4703 Here's the problem, You ever hear "like taking candy from a baby?" It's easy to steal from your child there are no repercussions, the father could choose to work extra shifts and get a second job, but no , that money is right there and why work for it if you can get it for free. I could understand taking the money, then working really hard to replace it. but that's not what's happening here. He is just ruining one child's future to have a chance and saving another's.
You know, this reminds me of the Zack D. Films video where he talks about the Trolley Problem theory where the theory is you got a hypothetical situation where you have five people whom their lives are endangered and you save the 5 people, but at the cost of the life of one person and the question is "Does taking one person's life really justify saving the lives of five people?". Same thing here, the father basically wants to make his daughter have a better life, but at the cost of the life of his first child and just like how most people would rather save the five people over the one person in the hypothetical scenario, he thinks ruining OP's life justifies having his youngest child's life better. To me, it feels like OP's father doesn't really like OP anymore now that he's remarried.
Story 1: I remember someone called CPS on my parents once because they were starving me and my brothers. It was really odd because we were all overweight and my brother simply went through a growth spurt at this time and he was fine, he even went to the doctor the day before CPS came!!! Never forgive someone who called CPS under false pretenses.
Story 4: Dabne how the ACTUAL f do you brag about your mixed racial marriage then DARE to say it is EVER someone else's problem to not disclose they speak another tongue? did they ASK if she spoke it? No, they DECIDED they had a way to keep secrets while in the same room as OP, and gladly took it Nobody is ever AT FAULT for understanding a conversation occurring within earshot. You don't want to be heard, GO ELSEWHERE. That's not privacy, that's audacity and rudeness.
The understanding story : OP has no obligation to disclose her knowledge to anyone about anything. She does NOT deserve anything other than 0/5. Her bf deserves a good 4 out of 5 for not obly cheating but also having the nerves to be mad when caught.
It was to help his daughter who had severe health issues. If OP wasn't planning on wasting the money on college I would agree but since they are pretty much just throwing the money away I agree with the dad.
@@zillasaiyan1m274hey, sorry bro. Not sure what planet you’re on but This is *earth* internet. And on earth: not having a college degree is a mark against you at any and every job
@@zillasaiyan1m274 I don't agree with the education system as much as the next person but at least most people who go to college think they are not waisting the money and actually trying to learn. I don't think college is a total waste and should at least be respected for what it is supposed to be.
@@zillasaiyan1m274 there was literally a way for them to get the treatment for free (as mentioned). The b*stard just wanted to waste his son's college tuition cause he was impatient and the stepmother is a selfish and petty b*tch for stealing another woman's money intended for that woman's child to use for her own child.
Americans are unfortunately raised to be incredibly self-centered, and have no issue with watching a sibling suffer for life even when they have the power to help. What a sad society.
Story 4: I'm glad she kept it a secret, and she should be, too. He cheated on her, and she might have not found out except for this hidden fact. NTA. Story 5: The girls may realize how stupid their stance is when they experience what OP is experiencing. Meanwhile, they can live with their ridiculous choice.
Story 4: "What's the bigger issue here- me understanding a language, or my boyfriend exploiting the perceived language barrier as a means of going behind my back?" This is so absolutely a problem on the BFs part it's not funny
Fourth story: OP is NTA. Her boyfriend cheated on her and gloated about it in front of her thinking she couldn't understand. He learned the hard way that he shouldn't cheat, which is the real problem.
I think .5 is fair. Rslash isn’t scoring her in favor of her trash can (hopefully now ex) bf. It’s relevant to the action she took. It wasn’t malicious so it can be forgiven but she continuously chose to hide something from him for their whole relationship. If he hadn’t cheated this still would’ve been the wrong choice. Unfortunately for her he was a terrible human being.
4th story. Mighty rich for the cheating boyfriend to say he cant trust his girlfriend becase she didn't tell him she understood French. Like dude YOU CHEATED!
Story 1: NTA - OPs brother crossed the bridge of no return by filing a false CPS complaint. There is no going back from this. Story 2: NTA - Your sister is a cheater, and you were being honest Story 3: NTA - Your father is a thief, end of story. Story 4: NTA - I disagree with R/slash. People should not be talking crap in any language. OPs boyfriend is silly with his willy. Story 5: NTA - OPs daughters are AHs for siding with a cheater. Story 6: NTA - OP, why are you even thinking you could be the AH in this situation? You are far from it! Your family is toxic and has strong favouritism to your brother
@@j-zk6tfofcause not. Which is why I generally take it at face value +about 30% more negative in my mind, and even if I try to think of reasons here and OP making themself sound better, it still doesnt make sense to me
Story 1: There is absolutely no forgiveness for this!!! These are harassment charges! The brother called CPS just cuz OP “indulges in the green” and disapproves?! This wasn’t just like a “prank” or something…this could have had catastrophic consequences if someone more power crazy caught the case and made up reasons to take OP’s kids!!! NTA the brother is an absolute idiot as well as his wife!! Story 2: WOW this is friggin crazy! I mean don’t have affairs with MARRIED PEOPLE when it can (and will) blow up in your face when you least expect it!! OP is NTA because she’s right. Who can actually love their sibling when they find out their sibling is actively destroying a marriage with no care for the consequences. The sister is major delulu. The whole “he’s gonna leave his wife for me because he isn’t happy in his marriage” is the oldest lie in the cheater handbook because, spoilers, THE CHEATER WILL NEVER LEAVE THEIR SPOUSE!!! Story 3: so the dad basically financially screwed over OP to save his other child and expected OP to just accept it….had a tantrum when OP said no….OP got the grandparents involved because of getting screwed over….then the dad is scared because the cozy financial assistance he received got cut off DUE TO HIS OWN ACTIONS!!! And he had the gall to beg OP for help when HE was the one who was “selfish” first?! Bruh pot meet kettle!!! Story 4: I kinda love stories like these because if it never comes up in casual conversation that your partner knows your mother tongue, the shocked pikachu face when you find out you partner not only speaks your mother tongue but knows all the terrible stuff you (and your friends likely) have been saying about them?! It’s hilarious. Plus the deflections are classic cheaters guilt. OP is NTA but if she was sleeping with her BF…she needs to go get checked cuz who knows what 3 girls he’s been with…and who they may have been with Story 5: Ok so a divorce story…and the kids are old enough to know the consequences of the cheating. But to emotionally guilt OP into not divorcing her cheating husband just because they don’t want to uproot their lives over a “mistake”?? Shows they will likely have low standards for partners when they “find their soulmate”. They’ll likely come crying to their mom when they too feel the sting of a cheaters betrayal. Story 6: So the brother married into a terrible family…and has been made to choose between holidays nasty in-laws or a peaceful vacation where her family is happy???? Ok soooo NTA because there is a child being bullied and the grandparents are of course gonna choose the snob family cuz “we get luxuries we never get otherwise”. And why is it families like this always think “oh I can’t make you trip because we usually spend holidays with her family” automatically equals “you’re coming to the holiday family gathering since we declined your trip, right???” So delulu! Hope OP posts some happy holiday pics.
Story 4: Why is OP even remotely wrong for not telling him? What’s the real harm and not knowing that information? Other than him being able to blatantly talk about cheating with her in the room. Screw him, he just trying to make a mountain out of an ant hill to distract from the fact he cheated with three different women in one night. People yell loud enough everything seems like the worst thing ever.
She’s wrong on principle. You shouldn’t be deceitful to your partner. She had a garbage bf so she’s not wrong but if he was a decent guy and this came out then she would be a little in the wrong. Her score isn’t relevant to his.
Story 5: This is the father manipulating the daughters. My dad did this to me when he cheated on my mom and proceeded to hit her. He would try to apologize and ask for her forgiveness and when she wouldn't, my dad would turn it all around and make her the bad guy saying things like, "I'm admitting my mistakes and your mom isn't willing to be the bigger person to forgive me!". And what's worse is he's probably gonna get away with it but until the daughters grow up and realize what he did, it'll be far too late before they realize who the real bad one is.
Calling cps for weed with no evidence of abuse or neglect is almost an insult to the actual victims of abuse cps doesn't have the time or resources for.
The money story is a prime example of why you don't put the surviving parent in control of inheritance funds for the kids...ALSO there's this really cool way to pay for the sisters care without using the inheritance, it's called a job or a paycheck
Even in the messed up system that is the states, if an operation is needed to avoid severe disability and or death, hospitals LEGALLY have to do it, or they're considered negligent. Whether or not you can pay them doesn't matter. It'll just mean debt. Essentially, he's forcing debt onto one child to spare HIMSELF debt for another.
Story 5: What is he saying to those girls to make them this selfish and terrible? Most kids would get mad at the parent who caused the divorce not the one who would cheated on. Unless they’ve been manipulated., so what’s up? OP hopefully they’ll see reason and understand. But I’ll be damned if I ever say someone is wrong for not being a pushover and pretending their anger isn’t valid.
Story 1: OP should ignore all his messages and calls all together. He’s not even remotely sorry, and just doesn’t want to feel like he’s a d*ck. He’s lucky that shrugging didn’t lead to a black eye.
How does op get 0.5 buttholes dude that's not a casual thing to bring up oh hey i speak such and such language just in case you wanted insult me in that language how does that make sense
She did not tell her bf for years that she spoke his native language, and made him and his friends only talk to her in her native language. The BF is the huge cheating AH, but OP was low-key a very minor AH for years. The issue is the length of time, if they only started dating a few months then it eould not be an issue but it was years of dating.
@threecards333 I know a few languages I am not confident SPEAKING in. I can UNDERSTAND what is being said though. op mentions this. I wouldn't be advertising it either cuz I would hate him trying to get me to speak it. On that note. What boyfriend thinks after years of being with a guy she won't pick up his language? He was just mad he got caught, op did nothing wrong 😂
Story 3: shouldn’t have stolen OP’s money then. What else is there to say, that may have had a good reason, but the bottom line is he stole money that was his to take. Maybe if he was at the very least remorseful there be room for forgiveness, but the guilt tripping ruined any of that. Now the grandparents probably going to try to recoup some of that loss and they can’t do that and hand out freebie to thieves.
Second to last story. OP should give them a life lesson on trust. Relationships are built on trust, if someone breaks that trust, even if it happened years ago, you can't simply just forgive and move on. Lowkey I don't think its over for OPs relationship with her daughters. Once they start dating, they'll probably grow more sympathy for their mother, and probably even cut their dad out of their lives
OP in the French story deserves a zero score; if she had let on earlier that she understood French, she never would have found out about the cheating and would be stuck in a broken relationship.
Second story: OP is NTA. Fact #2 says it all. OP's sister was sleeping with a married man, while his wife was home alone with the 4 children, one of whom was disabled. OP's sister is a home wrecker and the drama literally followed her home. The shit has hit the fan and OP was sadly caught in the middle of it. OP clarified in updates that her sister has only doubled down and now OP is gonna be effectively no contact when her sister moves in with sister's affair partner.
Inheritance story; I love how the person that steals the inheritance is always the person calling someone else (the inherit-ee) selfish. "How can you be so selfish?" "You taught me how, by stealing my money"
The story about the stolen inheritance: This is just one example of many is to why people go no contact with their parents as adults. When kids say they will never forgive, the parents don't take them seriously and expect them to get over it. No one gets over being screwed over by their own parents. It's not her job to take care of her sister. They laid down and had her, not her sister.
No one should get an AH score because they know a language, that's ridiculous. You're not obligated to list off every language you understand to everybody you meet, that's stupid.
That's a pretty ignorant takeaway. It wasn't "everybody she met." It was her significant other of several years... who she lived with. And it was his native tongue! Super weird.
She still lied about it for years. That's not a good thing. Not siding with the boyfriend obviously, he's only focusing on that detail to deflect off his cheating but had he never cheated and had found out by for example, her reading something in French in front of him without realizing, then she would be in the wrong. The AH score isn't for knowing the language it's for lying by omission.
Story:4 you gave her a BH score? You were completely wrong on this one. The guy cheated. She simply never told him she could understand. That fact is irrelevant.
Story 4: Rslash, I disagree. She was under no obligation to tell him she understood French. Even if he never cheated on her, there was no secret contract stating she had to tell him about any languages she learned.
I think OP is TA while the dad is NTA because he wanted to not waste the money on college and instead spend it on curing his daughters medical issues which is far more important
@@zillasaiyan1m274College is needed for many, MANY jobs in the modern age. So not a waste. Furthermore, hospitals HAVE to perform those types of surgeries, or else be held criminally legible. He wasn't saving her, he was saving himself debt.
That third story, what he did is illegal in most countries. There are definitely avenues that this kid can take to get their money returned and even have Dad thrown in jail.
Story one: Never forget, never forgive! This goes far beyond simple pushing of boundaries! OP needs to go total NC with Bro. This should be an arrestable crime. 😡
Story 1: As somebody who went through foster care for a few years, the life OP's children would have been inflicted with had they been taken away is horrible. This would have been a much bigger issue for them than the parents. I would argue this story warrants 5/5 because sending kids into the system is basically sending them to be abused by strangers.
Yo the no more story is super complicated. Just because the sister wasn't going to die isn't enough. A life time of disability is almost worse than death. You cease to be seen as you, and instead are seen as just your disability by most, especially kids. While the dad should have gone a different route like getting loans or work out a payback schedule I do sympathize with his choice. And for anyone who might ask what makes you an expert on this, I was born with a disability. I know how hard it is and how confidence because a fleeting notion.
All this fuckin talk about a lifetime of disability being worst than death is one main reason I can't look at myself and be happy I'm alive. I was born with bone deformities, I am cursed to hurt when I walk, and be in pain till I die. But, everyone I know loves me, they care about me. However, people that talk like you do and so many others is why I feel like a burden, because you guys all make us sound like we have to be.
@lillylovegood2300 @lillylovegood2300 First I would like to say that I'm glad you found the strength to push through the challenges that life has placed before you. It's no small feat. 5 years ago I got into an accident the left me even more disabled and in constant nerve pain so I do relate. My intent wasn't to say that being disabled is worse than death, and I apologize if it came off that way. I'm still trying to work more on my communication skills so thank you for pointing out where I can still improve. What I was trying to make a point of is that if a disability can be prevented then that is something bigger than what people without disabilities can really comprehend. I want to say I'm glad you found the strength, I'm still trying to build that kind of strength with the support of my family.
Yeah no. All hospitals, even in the states, are REQUIRED BY LAW AT PENALTY OF CRIMINAL INVESTIGATIONS to perform surgeries that carry risk of death or lost of bodily functions. What the dad was saving himself was the heavy debt that comes with that, by putting it on another child.
@slimej2202 I'm glad that is the case. Though some states differ on what that means. Like in Washington pain is considered cosmetic even if that pain will stay with you for the rest of your life. Which completely ignores the mental strain that that puts on a person. Otherwise I'd have been able to get a cervical spinal stimulator for the pain I'm in as the drugs they gave did kinda work but after my brother died they ended up intensifying my negative thoughts. They also just messed with my mind like crazy. And I do believe that the dad needs to take out loans OP until he pays back what was taken with appropriate interest.
@@devinbahm Yeah, it's kind of messed up that chronic pain "doesn't count." But in this case, it's "severe" enough that all states (from what I can see) would literally hold criminal charges if they refused because he couldn't pay for it. Even private clinics.
Story 4: OP is NTA at all. Why does she have to tell her boyfriend that she knows French when she never speaks it around him and he never speaks it around her? She's under no obligation to tell him. And for all he knew, she might have been learning French FOR him, because some people do that in relationships. The BF is just trying to guilt OP so she isn't mad at him about the cheating.
The separation story: It’s a damn shame that there are people who will not learn their lesson until they fall flat on their face without anyone to turn to. With behavior like those daughters, they won’t understand their mother until they get cheated on themselves. Hopefully it won’t be too late for them to come back to sense but for some they just refuse to learn and stubbornly keep throwing themselves deeper into the pits they make for themselves. I’m experiencing something much similar in my own life right now so I just have so much sympathy for the OP of the story.
Story 1: Listening to the story, I'd usually say ESH if it weren't for the fact that whatever he's having is legal where he lives. I'm gonna say NTA, because the brother is narrow-minded and only realizes he made a mistake _after_ being thwarted! Story 2: Preliminary NTA, because even I would have a hard time even being around my own brother if he had an affair with his wife for _any_ length of time! *listens to story* Brotha- Eugh, what's that!? She _knew_ she was a mistress!? wtf!? OP os definitely NTA for what she did. Story 3: Before listening, Imma say that it depends on what he did, cause if he took something from you, I'd say NTA. *listens to story* Oh, he definitely deserved to have his financial support removed by his in-laws! He should not be in charge of anything even _remotely_ related to finances! Story 4: Before listening, I'm gonna say that it depends on what he said about you in his native tongue. If it was derogatory, I'd say you are NTA, if it _wasn't_ derogatory, I'd be inclined to lean more towards ESH than YTA because I'd imagine he'd speak his native language when he wanted to have a private conversation with a friend while you were there. *listens to story* Okay, it is _so_ much worse than saying derogatory things. He literally said he'd cheated on OP with 3 women! Definitely NTA! Story 5: Hearing the first two sentences of the story, I'm already saying NTA because cheating is solid grounds for a divorce. *listens to story* :| ... Yep, NTA. They made their choice as well.
13:43 okay what the hell? as a daughter of divorce, i’d understand if they were children, but teenagers??? i was ten when mine divorced, and i still acted more mature than that. seriously wtf. he CHEATED.
Story 4: why give her a score for not telling that she knew French? Every parallel I can think of, that's just "I know something and never said so." "Oh, I know Warhammer 40k lore, I've known it for years, I just never brought it up." "Oh, I know electrical engineering, I've known how it works longer than you've known me, I just never mentioned it." "Oh, yeah, I know how much car repairs are supposed to cost by parts and labor, I just never told you that I know."
Story 6: NTA. Again, what is with parents favoring one child over the other? This destroys relationships dude! I honestly wouldn't be as calm as OP is tbh.
I have a half-brother - it feels weird calling him that because he's my brother.. he's 11 years younger. . If he ever needed anything, including a kidney or liver let alone money, I would give it to him- I used to take him shopping and get him a new wardrobe...all 3 of us full siblings, who fought a lot when younger (not at all now) but we all adored our baby brother - I can't even imagine not letting him have my money for healthcare (of course being Canadian that won't ever happen). I was in a car accident and am in disability and he helps me financially a lot- re the story: I agree with it's not ok for parents to take a child's money against their will I also think why would you not want to help your sibling? It doesn't make sense to me- all I can say is that I feel so incredibly lucky to have the people I have in my life,- they are all supportive and we help each other regularly.
Story 1: Want to point out another angle of doing this too; if you KNOW there's no reason to call CPS then you're also compromising resources that could be spent on families who actually need it. Imagine this social worker had to put off investigating a house where a kid is actually being abused because they also got this issue on their plate. Seriously, don't call resources like this if you know it's unnecessary. They aren't going to bully people for you.
R/slash is completely wrong on the French boyfriend cheating story. The only person who did anything wrong was the boyfriend. He assumed she didn't understand French. That's on him. The part where he talks about cheating on his girlfriend while in the house with his girlfriend was on him also. It makes him a ultra creep because him talking about it where she could hear is almost like he is taunting her. He may as well have said "stupid American girl" at the end of each sentence. Then he tried to gaslight her when she called him on it. He is garbage, and pathetic. She needs to not worry about anything he says because he is a cheater. Go find someone better and don't waste time on him.
Story 3; I wonder if OP would feel the same way if situations were reversed. If OP was raised with their half-sister I agree they’re heartless. OP was stolen from, but I don’t think I would blame OP’s dad for stealing from anyone under the circumstances. I would still be upset if I was stolen from, and a possible future was stolen from me, but this is about the best reason to steal from someone. I really hate our healthcare system. This “your money or your life” bs has to stop.
Story 3: the next person OP should tell is a lawyer. Wills and trusts are very legally bound, so OP could pretty assuredly get someone to help her sue her father for breach of contract with the will.
Why do you drink soda? Coffee. Take a painkiller? Antidepressants? How about any candy or sugar? Because it's legal and you like them? Bright red flag. All of these are mind-altering substances. No, weed is not some devildrug that makes you crazy and evil. No it is not a "gateway" drug. That's literally just bunk propaganda from fifty years ago that was OUTDATED even THEN.
The morale behind OP hiding that she knows french is irrelevant anyway. This relationship should already be over since he cheated. Is she planning on staying with this guy?
For those wondering about the inheritance story: OPs grandparents already have lawyers and they're looking into the matter. According to OPs comments his moms will had SPECIFICALLY stated that the money could only be used in certain situations regarding OP (medical needs and such) if needed before 18 and not anything else. On top of that, dad has been getting those checks the government gives you if your spouse dies when the child is really young
So the dad is in the clear then? Becaus yeah, the boy is coming off pretty selfish.
@@RobGMun found the dad's alt account 📸
@@RobGMun it wasn't the dad's money to give. Legally or morally. End of. Courts DO NOT like it when one parent takes the inheritance of a deceased parent to use for a child not related to the deceased person; the dad put his kids in a worse situation cause the chances the courts side with OP and the grandparents are HIGH
@@RobGMun No, the will is a contract. The contract has been violated for use of funds on someone who isn't OP. He is toast.
@@RobGMun No, dad's in huge trouble. The mom's will says the money can only be used for OP's needs. The half sibling's medical issue is not a need for OP. A need for OP would be if OP had a medical condition, or if the home OP lived in burned down or something. What dad did was theft, plain and simple. Even if it wasn't, dad had to have other options than taking the future of one child to give to another child. Unless OP's dad is living paycheck to paycheck, is homeless, living of government assistance such as food stamps, etc, he likely had cars he could sell, nice things, a house he could mortgage, all before taking OP's money. Finally, OP is not selfish for being upset about his future being stolen. Maybe if the half-sib was going to die, I'd at least be more sympathetic towards dad, but there's other options, or should have been. Your first option should never be to steal from your own child
*5th Story:* I would love to know what kind of poison the unfaithful dad was feeding these kids for them to turn against OP like they did.
I genuinely wonder if there's context that the mother is leaving out. Maybe she was abusive?
@@dannycomellas That doesn't really make sense given the circumstances. Why would the children of an abusive parent, try to gaslight the abuser into staying with them? Were that me, I would be *relieved* that the abuser left.
@@dannycomellasbut if that’s the case they wouldn’t be close with op
It's less about what the husband was feeding the kids, and more that they don't know he cheated while the mom was pregnant
He likely did lie to them and tell them it was like, while he and their mom were engaged or something, but this isn't an uncommon reaction from children
@@1Kapuchu100exactly , this is totally him manipulating them
The French story: Boyfriend says he can’t trust OP after she hid her understanding of French as if that, in any way, compares to his cheating
Seriously I hate people that use a language barrier to screw with people figuratively and literally.
That’s just amateur gaslighting. I hope OP can see this
"How dare you hide your language skills. My cheating is nothing compared to this betrayal" 🙄
It’s honestly just the hopefully ex boyfriend trying to redirect the conversation so it doesn’t have to be about his cheating.
"It does! She's supposed to be completely oblivious so I can say anything I want without her knowing!"
The cheating BF in Understanding story has the audacity to tell OP he can't trust her anymore? He was cheating with multiple girls lying and bragging about it... What a jerk.
Had she said that she understood the language, I suspect he might have hidden his cheating.
Unless he was lying some boys make up that kind of thing to brag to their friends to sound cool
It was never verified as true in the story
He's not a jerk he's a dumbass
"I can't trust you to no longer understand the secrets I shouldn't have kept in the first place." I speak 4 different languages at varying levels as I'm not English and kind of mixed. I don't owe anyone the knowledge of what language I can speak unless it's relevant to the conversation. I'm not going to start talking and just causally drop the "And I can speak English almost to native level, poor french, italian (duh!) and Russian at a very fluent level because I told you earlier I'm part Russian and ukrainian!" the most that comes out usually is my heritage. And at times they ask me to say something in Russian expecially cuss words (I know them after being yelled them by my mom) but I never say these words in Russian. I only cuss in English and italian. And this usually gets asked by teenagers or kids. Most times they ask how to say please and thank you or how to say their name. But it doesn't come out unless it's relevant and I'm asked about it. I'm a reserved person and I don't think it matters.
Edit: forgot to make a point. The thing is if anyone speaks any of these kind of common foreign language, I will understand them most likely without them knowing.
@nikitatavernitilitvynova there's a bit of a difference between I'm not going to mention it until it comes up and I'm going to actively pretend I can't to the point where I will have other people speak specifically in one language to me as if I'm unable to speak the other one when I can. I mean it's not like she lied and said she couldn't speak French but also, I mean it's still just a smidge dishonest.
Story 4: the guy is acting like he was speaking klingon the whole time instead of french. I don't mean to say that french is an easy language to learn but it's not a secret code that only a few select know. Boyfriend is definitely the AH
"Yeah I cheated but YOU can't be trusted for understanding me talking about it"
Yeah for that story NTA for OP. Her idiot boyfriend was flaunting his cheating just because he thought OP didn’t understand him. He’s an idiot, and a total AH.
Thats the same logic my mom uses for her affair...OP is NTA
Ofcouse it's called gaslighting
@@dylanlevesque235 a total Amber Heard? 😂 I'm kidding, but they are synonymous
Brother doesn’t give a damn about his niblings, the CPS call was just to satisfy his own arrogance. He’s not sorry in the slightest, he’s just sorry his pathetic little stunt epically failed because that means he’s wrong and he can’t handle that blow to his ego.
The brother is a recovering addict. OP stated he was 'clean and sober'. The brother and SIL just walk into OP's home like they own the place. This is entitled behavior. ANY use of a substance is forbidden for them but not other people and they can't tolerate it in other people. I understand this, I've seen it in a friend of mine. However, calling CPS and lying is a jerk move! OP needs to go no contact with the brother because he will never see (or admit) that he is wrong.
Story 1: There is no forgiveness for someone who tries to have your kids taken from you for fraudulent reasons.
CPS worker here: frivolous and/or fake reports can be just as upsetting as the real thing. CPS worker’s response that it’s a waste of time is a relatable feeling.
@@LewsTherin I'm sorry if I'm being harsh and mean, but I heard the CPS doesn't care about children and just puts them in even more toxic and manipulative families. Just how could they care less about kids baffles me honestly.
@@jennawebb4225 what you hear isn’t always true. Just like the reports are not always true.
fact I got a theory that OP brother and wife was going adopt Op kids by get them take away from him
As I previous cps kid, the news LOVE the awful stories, and will often bury the success stories because its not as sensational. I can attest, most of us live very normal life as adults.
Once in the system with cps you never get out, even though the case is closed. That’s terrifying and he’s a danger to have around until at least the kids are grown.
About the French story- I read this one and this took place in the UK (from the comments). In the UK people lean French as part of the national curriculum from ages 11 to 16, sometimes schools will start at age 7. Even if OP can't speak French, it is absolute idiocrasy to think they wouldn't be able to catch the gist of different sentences. A lot of people here can. We're not conversational at all, most people forget, but you kind of retain the simple words and sentences and structures so "fucked 3 girls" would not be hard to deduce.
Story 4: Bad take on giving her a BH score. Never assume someone doesn't know a language, a lot of partners learn a language to surprise their SO with it. Dude was cheating, he got caught, how does not matter. Op doesn't deserve a BH scare just for understanding a language.
My thoughts exactly
I'm on your side she's doesn't deserve a butthole score, but he gave it because she was hiding the fact she understood French. That STILL doesn't mean she deserves condemnation for it. She wasn't hiding it to be mean or suspicious she was hiding because she was afraid of being judged for not speaking 100% fluently.
Exactly! And as a woman, it is smart to hide something like that for her own safety.
Can’t agree. Ignoring the cheating part purely for the context of this: It’s not that she learned the language to surprise him. She kept that information from him effectively calling trust into question.
Is it a big deal in the grand scheme. No because it wasn’t malicious. Did he do something way worse? Absolutely. I’d say .5 is fair.
I'm on the fence about this. But we can't apply BF's perspective to Dabney, as Dabney does know the truth (as presented by OP), which is that she in fact knew it the whole time and didn't learn it as a surprise. Was the BF's reaction off? 5000% Does she deserve a BH score from an unbiased 3rd party? I'm... leaning towards yes. The thing is that speaking french was such a prominent aspect of his life. Not just his family he might see twice a year, but all his friends, perhaps his job. He's using many times a day. It would be one thing to not speak it, but withhold that you understand? Yah i'd give that a 0.5 at least. To be honest I would have some trust issues with that (not that affects in anyway the BF's atrocious behavoiur or gives him an out).
Story 6: Yeah, the abuse is basically conditioning OP into being a doormat to "keep the peace" while the brother gets the Golden Child treatment. Any moment that OP decides to do something different, she'd be met with the response of "I'm so upset and blindsided" that would guilt her into going along with her brother.
Well, they never said beforehand that OP couldn't go on the trip (they have no power to anyway), and OP mentioned before that she was going on the trip, so that "upset and blindsided" response is just BS.
OP, go on the trip, maybe reduce contact as well and seek therapy
What you recommended would be the best thing for her. If only OP knew to do this after the first time the rude person lashed out at her son.
Story 4:Guy's just trying to deflect the blame on OP,He cheated and that's all we need to know to properly judge,NTA at all
HE can’t trust YOU?! What a hypocritical, gaslighting weasel!!
I know! Pretty freakin rich of him. The audacity of this jerkwad!
I know, right?! Pretty freakin rich of him! I literally laughed at his audacity.
@@kristashafer93098 Hey babe you left both versions of the comment up
@@kranberry3318 Eh, who cares. Both are very accurate tbh.
That's not gaslighting.
Divorce: I can't help but wonder if the dad is poisoning the well against the mom, you know, "if your mom loved you, she wouldn't leave you." That or something else is going on. Sad no matter what.
I completely agree. He is likely telling the kids it was so long ago. But for OP it is brand new. If I was OP I would go back and make his life miserable. He would be begging for a divorce
@@kg5626 Maybe it’s “so long ago” for the kids too? Maybe they knew but their dad told them that cheating is forgivable but breaking up a family is something you can never take back or some garbage like that? I’m just trying to figure out how/why they’re so firmly on his side?
Story 2: “She knew she was the other woman and liked it.” Well that’s a red flag the size of a continent right there
Even if OP wanted to use the inheritance for the half sister, he legally can’t. The money is specifically only for his own needs like college.
Lying to CPS that's BS I wouldn't speak to the brother again.
I would see what trouble I could get him in for falsifying a claim to CPS. He’s only sorry that the outcome didn’t turn out as he hoped.
Something a lot of people don't realize about the 1st story that makes it so much worse. Most of the time if you have ever had a case opened about you from CPS that usually disqualifies you from adopting even if it was proven false. So if they wanted to in the future it's a good probability that they couldn't.
Does it? If the claim isn't substantiated?CPS investigations usually don't mean anything on their own. They can happen for innocent reasons. It may appear in a records search but should smooth over.
And let’s face it? The brother found a different addiction; bullying.
1st story
" UPDATE: I just want to thank you for all this reassurance that cutting him off is the best choice, this has helped strengthen my resolve moving forward. The thing that stings the most from this is we went through the system at very young ages and then being adopted by a monster of a man, but I will do right and plan to never speak with him again
UPDATE 2: Don't know if this is the update you are all looking for but I never mentioned that my father also lives with us and yesterday he invited them and their children over so we kept our kids in our room and stayed away from them. The issue starts with the fact that their kids overheard us saying how we don't want my brother and his wife over here cause it makes us uncomfortable, well fast forward to this morning they told my brother what we had said and with that we got the following message from my SIL. "I have been thinking a lot and I am totally done with you and (My sisters name) I am just so pissed at you both you can hate me or your brother all you fucking want what I will not stand for is you both hurting our kids they heard you yesterday that we aren't allowed there cause (MY Spouses Name) and they are never included in f*cken anything it's so fucked to treat a f*cken child like that and make them f*cken cry all the f*cken time and I will not put up with that and have my kids cry and hurt no more and I will protect my kids so fuck you both." I feel bad the boys heard us but to tell you the truth my SIL will never understand the fear and anger I have whenever I even catch a glimpse of her and my brother, they think it is bad that their kids heard a little badmouthing about them. Well my kid was interviewed by a goddamn CPS caseworker because they thought it would be the best way to get us from smoking at night outside of our house sad they still think they have a soap box to stand on. This will probably be the last update cause they are blocked and I have found a place to move far away too, so thanks for the support strangers of the internet. "
Thank you paragraph person.
OP should have been like "well good fucking riddance!"
I have been sober a loooong time. One of the first things I had to accept was that the world didn't stop drinking when I did.
couldn't the brother calling CPS under false pretenses be considered a false report and he could be arrested?
Unfortunately not. I have had friends who had numerous false reports against them. CPS reports are often made anonymously as well.
@@weareallbronies9031 the problem is proving that the pretenses were false. But generally it would be a crime I think.
@@FireOnTheBreath same here. My friend's vindictive husband keeps calling CPS on her and trying to get her children away to hurt her
Nah, they reserve that crime for when you try accurately reporting authorities themselves.
Morally? Yeah, it'd be a crime. Legally? Unfortunately not.
Seperation story: Wow... What the heck is wrong with these daughters..... Poor lady :-/
Something tells me the husband spun a tall tale and they believed him. Meanwhile, OP didn’t want to subject her daughters to the details and is now suffering for it.
The daughters are hilariously dumb and/or being very skillfully manipulated
@@Tustin2121reason why I always say tell your kids the truth ASAP.
@@Tustin2121I was thinking that or they are religious nuts. Some people think you should stay married if the partner cheats because you’ll be the one to burn and not the cheater
@@lorilancaster5917 As soon as religion is on the table, they are N-V-T-S nuts, full stop.
Story 2: You can love someone and be disgusted and disappointed with their actions. And you know sis is fully aware of how terrible her actions were because she tried to hide it. Even as the proof was in OP’s face. She doesn’t get to be sad, this is the consequences of her 5 year affair.
She can be sad all she wants. You don't get to dictate her emotions.
2nd story Update + Final Update
"First, I'd like to clarify a few things:
I am not going to tell my sister to get rid of the baby-that's not my place, and I would never suggest such a thing. Also, I am not going to install tracking software on her phone or demand access to all her devices. That's invasive and wrong.
I've been thinking a lot, and while I can't say that I don't love my sister, it's very hard to feel that love right now. I don't know who she is anymore. It's not just that she lied to me; it's what she did and how convinced she is that she was justified because they were "in love." She's brought chaos into my home that I opened up to her. I'm deeply disappointed in her, and I just don't like her at the moment.
I'm letting her stay with me because I don't want her to become dependent on him. I don't think he's a good man either, and as a social worker, I've seen these scenarios too many times. My sister is already deluded; I don't need to open the door to a dependency that's also financial.
Now, onto the update:
I haven't been punishing my sister, but I've been treating her like a roommate. This is driving her crazy. She's begging me to go back to how things were before, but I can't. I told her that I need time and that things can't just return to normal overnight.
She tried to explain how it all happened. She admitted that she always knew he was married but believed she could tell how unhappy he was and felt he deserved to be happy. They met at a bar a few weeks after his son's accident. He told her that his wife hadn't touched him since it happened and that he was "about to explode."
I asked her why she would involve herself with a married man, knowing the hurt it would cause. She said she wanted to be a wife and a good mom, and that included his kids. She had hoped he would divorce his wife so they could all move on and finally be happy together.
I just stared at her, unable to comprehend how she could rationalize her actions.
A few days later, he appeared at our house, claiming he had left his wife and wanted to be with my sister. I told him to leave immediately or I would call the police. My sister was furious with me, accusing me of ruining her chance at happiness.
I made it clear to her: if he comes over again, I will evict her. She's free to date anyone she wants, but not under my roof. I also told her that if she plans to have him around after the baby is born, she'll need to find her own place.
Word has gotten around our community about the affair. While we were grocery shopping, a woman even spat on my sister. Many of her friends have cut ties with her, calling her a homewrecker. Some are married themselves and don't want her near their husbands.
I haven't said "I told you so" even once.
We unexpectedly ran into his wife at a local café. My sister wanted to apologize and suggested that maybe they could all have a good relationship for the sake of the kids. The wife laughed coldly and said, "You made your choices; now live with them. Don't expect me to make this easier for you."
My sister is devastated and has been lying in bed ever since. I'm taking care of her physical needs-making sure she eats, stays hydrated, and attends her prenatal appointments-but I can't bring myself to comfort her emotionally. I just don't have it in me right now.
--------------------------------------------------
My sister just won’t stop talking about him. Every day, it’s the same story: their "perfect future" together, the apartment they’re moving into, how everything will be great once his divorce is done. She’s completely lost in this delusion, acting like none of the lies and betrayal matter. I can’t stand it.
She made him write me letters. Yes, actual letters. As if that’s going to magically make me approve of him. She leaves them around the house, thinking that if I just read them, I’ll suddenly understand how “sorry” he is and how much he “loves” her. I haven’t responded to a single one. It’s ridiculous. I told her over and over that I don’t want anything to do with him, but she keeps pushing, as if she can wear me down. It’s beyond frustrating.
Then came the talk of moving in together. She sat me down and asked for my blessing, telling me how important it was to her that I support their relationship. She actually wanted me to meet him, to give him a chance. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. That’s when I drew the line. I told her flat out, if she moves in with him, I’m done. I told her I would go low-contact, that I wouldn’t be part of their life, and that she’s on her own if she goes through with this. If she wanted my support, she had to leave him, full stop.
For a moment, I thought she was finally getting it. She showed me screenshots from his ex-wife. The ex had pretended she wanted him back, and this guy fell for it immediately. He told her how much he missed her, how my sister was a mistake, how he wanted to fix things with his family. My sister was crushed. She came to me with the screenshots, crying, and I thought, for a couple of days, that maybe, just maybe, she would finally see him for who he really is. I was hopeful.
But then, as usual, he wormed his way back in. He told her he only said those things because he was afraid his ex would take the kids away, and of course, she bought it. Now she’s actively moving in with him, packing up her things and making all these plans like nothing happened. The screenshots? Forgotten. The lies? Excused. She’s determined to be with him no matter what, and I am done.
I told her I’m not helping her anymore. No more driving her to appointments. No more checking on her. Nothing. I’m not going to pretend everything’s okay while she’s diving headfirst into this disaster. Now, I barely talk to her. If she asks where the tea is, I’ll tell her. If she wants to know if there’s milk left, I’ll answer. But that’s it. I’m emotionally cut off, and I told her straight: I’ll be here if things fall apart, if she’s in danger, but I am not going to be a part of this trainwreck. She’s on her own now.
The community backlash hasn’t slowed down either. Everywhere we go, people are whispering, staring, and judging. They’re not just looking at her; they’re looking at me too. People know she’s living with me, and I’ve started hearing comments at work about why I haven’t completely cut her off. It’s affecting my life now, and I just can’t carry her mistakes anymore.
Her friends? All gone. The ones who were married have cut ties completely. She’s isolated herself, but instead of waking up, she’s clinging harder to him, holding on to this fantasy that everything will work out. But I’m done caring. She’s made her choice, and now she has to live with the fallout.
This is the final update because I’m finished. I’m done trying, done caring, done dealing with the mess she’s made. She can have her life with him, but I’m not going to be part of it."
It's so disappointing when he doesn't include the updates on stories that are several weeks old. I've heard the full story on other TH-cam videos and was hoping to to get Dabney's take on the updates.
He records these way in advance @nonyabiz2013
If this is all true it's very sad. I hope the man is experiencing this community backlash but I doubt he is. He also cheated and he's lied over and over just to get what he wants. I feel the worst for the children and the baby on the way. Not a good way to enter the world.
About Story 5, I would have sat the kids down and asked them why they were doing this. If they refused to say, I would ask them if they really want to side with their Father. If they did, I would give him full custody and leave and never speak to them again.
Sometimes, you have to do what others tell you to do and sometimes, you have to do what's best for you. What's best for OP, is to leave and get away from her toxic husband and toxic kids ASAP!
For story 5, it doesn't matter when the betrayal happened, for the person betrayed, the moment of life shattering PTSD trauma is the moment they find out about the betrayal. If the children are unable to understand that, then they are blaming the victim & not recognizing they are victims of their Father's betrayal as well.
Third story: OP is NTA. That money was left for OP, not for OP's father, and not for OP's half sister. You'd have to be insane to blame OP for not forgiving his father and Louise, and for telling his grandparents. I hope OP is able to move in with his grandparents because his home is toxic.
OP needs to check with a lawyer, it's possible Dear Old Dad can be sued to return the money. 😮
@@lancerevell5979 based on the story, he absolutely violated the terms of the trust. OP can and should sue. This is literally theft. It's sad foe the daughter, but not OPs responsibility.
French story: boyfriend can’t _trust_ OP while he was the one who slept around with 3 women and tried to be sneaky about it?? Nope. He’s only mad that he got caught and saw an opportunity to reflect back. Learning a language and not saying anything about it is not as bad as cheating on your partner and trying to speak about it in your partner’s presence in a language, you think they don’t know.
My husband's sister called CPS on him when his daughter was little. Who knows why. He was a stay at home dad who doted on his little girl. I'm shocked he ever forgave her, but he did, & then she did some more fucked up shit. So she's been bye-bye for years now.
*First OP:* This is grounds for going no contact, IMO. OP is NTA.
*Second OP:* It's hard to like someone who is knowingly someone else's side piece. OP is NTA. I hope the wife gives her hopefully stbx h377 (typed that way because of YT).
*Third OP:* I understand wanting to do anything for your child, but it shouldn't be at the expense of your other child(ren). OP is NTA. The _real_ AH is the healthcare system.
*Fourth OP:* LOL at OP's boyfriend saying he can't trust her after she heard him talking about hooking up with three different women behind her back. OP is NTA, and she needs to break up with that cheating hypocrite.
*Fifth OP:* Change is hard, but it's better for OP to divorce her cheating husband than for her to stay and build resentment just to keep the peace. OP is NTA. She didn't break up the family unit; her husband did. Hopefully, her daughters will come around.
*Sixth OP:* At this point, OP should consider limiting contact with her side of the family, if not completely cut off contact. OP is NTA.
Third OP: This feels like OP's dad is in the Trolley Problem kinda situration where he rather makes his youngest daughter's life better, even if it's at the cost of OP's life for the future. Feels more like he doesn't really care about OP anymore because he now has a replacement wife.
Last story: NTA. No one is obligated to accept abuse, especially of a child. And OP's family are disgusting.
Story 5 : it may have happened nearly 2 decades ago for the husband but OP is finding out her husband cheated on her twice while she was pregnant now.
Edit : also, who knows how many times he's cheated since then cause he definitely didn't stop with the first two😮💨
Story 2: I've heard this before, and I'm sure sis got pregnant on purpose, hoping her AP would finally leave his wife for her. IIRC, he does, but still hasn't filed for divorce as his wife is "begging" him not to leave. Moron is hoping to have his cake and eat it, too.
Isn't that a baby trap; or am I misunderstanding the concept?
Story 3: NTA. This was theft, plain and simple. I hope the grandparents do help OP go after the dad in court.
I disagree completely. While it is bad for the father to use that money it's for a substantuially better cause. Curing somebodies severe health issues is more important than college by a mile
So what you’re saying is that it’s okay for family to steal from family just because someone has a severe illness?
@@Rudeus-r7r OP didn't give a good reason they needed the money. College is a waste of time and their half sister would have lived life with a permanent and bad disability. If I was in OP's situation I would have had that money go towards my half sister because they needed it far more than me.
@ I didn’t ask about if OP gave a reason or not. Go back and read my question again
@@zillasaiyan1m274at the end of the day it’s op’s money given to her by her mum. She doesn’t need to justify it; it doesn’t matter that YOU think college is worth it or not.
The dad could of easily come up with a deal with op or her grandparents to use the money now and pay her back but it seems he just wanted to easy way to pay and make op feel bad about it
9:23 - Story 3: I really wish OP's reply was that her dad showed her how to be that way. He was heartless enough to deny his dead spouse's final will, afterall.
Story 4. NTA, defo deserves a 0 AH score. People who speak their native language should understand the risks of talking smack around people who might actually understand them lol
Yeah, for all the bf knew, OP could have been learning on her own. He may not have spoken it around her, but that doesn't mean she can't stream shows or podcasts.
Story 5:
OK, time to play devil’s advocate a little here.
From everything that’s been explained by OP in this story, giving the two daughters the same rating as the father is too harsh. Why? Because anyone who has ever been the child stuck between parents will recognise instantly that the father got into his kids’ ears first. He’s had a chance to already form their impression on the situation, he’s had the opportunity to make the mother look like the villain despite his affairs (of which there is no way there were just two.) Are the daughters wrong? Yes, absolutely. But I can almost guarantee it’s because they are working with a story that their father gave them first and now their mother is the one breaking up the family, not him.
Source: I was that kid. At 15, my mother left and my father filled my brain with vitriol for her, making himself the victim because she left for another man…right up until the point where I replaced her as his new favourite punching bag and I suddenly had no support. The father in this story is absolute garbage, but something tells me the two daughters are becoming victims in this situation too. Not to the same degree that happened to myself, but they will be hurt all over again once they actually have time to process the truth without their father’s influence. The girls need therapy, they need an outside perspective to help them realise what’s going on.
2:41 story 1: The same thing happened to me and my family when I was in high school. We were poor, but we were not neglected. My neighbor had an issue with my mom. They were friends and then something happened between them two, so the neighbor thought it was a good idea to call CPS and tell them that we were being neglected and that we were not eating. Instead of coming to the house, they went to my brother’s school and talked to him while he was at school and asked him if he was eating right. At the time My brother was a little bit of a chunky kid so he pulled out his stomach and said does it look like I’m not eating? I guess that closed the case because they never ended up coming talking to me, but I’ve also always been a bigger girl so they definitely would’ve seen that I was eating good.
Similar thing happened with my family. My mom had six kids, which three (including me) were my dads and he raised my half siblings too. My older brother's dad got into an argument with my mom and decided to call CPS on my parents. They came and told them about how they were starving us. My dad called my brother (who was 10 at the time) over, and he was a chunky kid. My dad looked at the social worker and said, "Does this kid look like he's being starved?"
11:45 they don’t deserve any bh wtf
I can understand a father doing anything for his children, except stealing from one to benefit the other. it's compounded by the fact that he child can't do anything about it... except take him to court.
It depends if the father could afford to treat his daughter or not. Honestly, I would also save my daughter from severe disability. Like is this really a question?
@@notthatguy4703 Even in the states, a lot of procedurals like that are FORCED due to being considered "high risk of lost of limb or death".
He's not saving the child from disability, he's saving himself from serious debt by putting it on another.
@@notthatguy4703 Here's the problem, You ever hear "like taking candy from a baby?" It's easy to steal from your child there are no repercussions, the father could choose to work extra shifts and get a second job, but no , that money is right there and why work for it if you can get it for free. I could understand taking the money, then working really hard to replace it. but that's not what's happening here. He is just ruining one child's future to have a chance and saving another's.
You know, this reminds me of the Zack D. Films video where he talks about the Trolley Problem theory where the theory is you got a hypothetical situation where you have five people whom their lives are endangered and you save the 5 people, but at the cost of the life of one person and the question is "Does taking one person's life really justify saving the lives of five people?". Same thing here, the father basically wants to make his daughter have a better life, but at the cost of the life of his first child and just like how most people would rather save the five people over the one person in the hypothetical scenario, he thinks ruining OP's life justifies having his youngest child's life better. To me, it feels like OP's father doesn't really like OP anymore now that he's remarried.
Story 1: I remember someone called CPS on my parents once because they were starving me and my brothers. It was really odd because we were all overweight and my brother simply went through a growth spurt at this time and he was fine, he even went to the doctor the day before CPS came!!!
Never forgive someone who called CPS under false pretenses.
Story 4: Dabne how the ACTUAL f do you brag about your mixed racial marriage then DARE to say it is EVER someone else's problem to not disclose they speak another tongue? did they ASK if she spoke it? No, they DECIDED they had a way to keep secrets while in the same room as OP, and gladly took it
Nobody is ever AT FAULT for understanding a conversation occurring within earshot. You don't want to be heard, GO ELSEWHERE. That's not privacy, that's audacity and rudeness.
The understanding story : OP has no obligation to disclose her knowledge to anyone about anything. She does NOT deserve anything other than 0/5. Her bf deserves a good 4 out of 5 for not obly cheating but also having the nerves to be mad when caught.
Story 3: The dad really has the balls to ask how OP could be heartless when he literally stole his own son's money that is legally and rightfully his
It was to help his daughter who had severe health issues. If OP wasn't planning on wasting the money on college I would agree but since they are pretty much just throwing the money away I agree with the dad.
@@zillasaiyan1m274hey, sorry bro. Not sure what planet you’re on but This is *earth* internet. And on earth: not having a college degree is a mark against you at any and every job
@@zillasaiyan1m274 I don't agree with the education system as much as the next person but at least most people who go to college think they are not waisting the money and actually trying to learn. I don't think college is a total waste and should at least be respected for what it is supposed to be.
@@zillasaiyan1m274 there was literally a way for them to get the treatment for free (as mentioned). The b*stard just wanted to waste his son's college tuition cause he was impatient and the stepmother is a selfish and petty b*tch for stealing another woman's money intended for that woman's child to use for her own child.
Americans are unfortunately raised to be incredibly self-centered, and have no issue with watching a sibling suffer for life even when they have the power to help. What a sad society.
Story 4: I'm glad she kept it a secret, and she should be, too. He cheated on her, and she might have not found out except for this hidden fact. NTA.
Story 5: The girls may realize how stupid their stance is when they experience what OP is experiencing. Meanwhile, they can live with their ridiculous choice.
Story 4: "What's the bigger issue here- me understanding a language, or my boyfriend exploiting the perceived language barrier as a means of going behind my back?"
This is so absolutely a problem on the BFs part it's not funny
Fourth story: OP is NTA. Her boyfriend cheated on her and gloated about it in front of her thinking she couldn't understand. He learned the hard way that he shouldn't cheat, which is the real problem.
I think .5 is fair. Rslash isn’t scoring her in favor of her trash can (hopefully now ex) bf. It’s relevant to the action she took. It wasn’t malicious so it can be forgiven but she continuously chose to hide something from him for their whole relationship. If he hadn’t cheated this still would’ve been the wrong choice. Unfortunately for her he was a terrible human being.
4th story. Mighty rich for the cheating boyfriend to say he cant trust his girlfriend becase she didn't tell him she understood French. Like dude YOU CHEATED!
Story 1: NTA - OPs brother crossed the bridge of no return by filing a false CPS complaint. There is no going back from this.
Story 2: NTA - Your sister is a cheater, and you were being honest
Story 3: NTA - Your father is a thief, end of story.
Story 4: NTA - I disagree with R/slash. People should not be talking crap in any language. OPs boyfriend is silly with his willy.
Story 5: NTA - OPs daughters are AHs for siding with a cheater.
Story 6: NTA - OP, why are you even thinking you could be the AH in this situation? You are far from it! Your family is toxic and has strong favouritism to your brother
Are we not going to question why the children chose their cheater father over their mom?
We did and it is messed up... Wtf.
Either the father got in their ears or there is another factor to this.
@@natanoj16I'm sure op told the whole unbiased story. They always do
@@j-zk6tfofcause not. Which is why I generally take it at face value +about 30% more negative in my mind, and even if I try to think of reasons here and OP making themself sound better, it still doesnt make sense to me
Story 1: There is absolutely no forgiveness for this!!! These are harassment charges! The brother called CPS just cuz OP “indulges in the green” and disapproves?! This wasn’t just like a “prank” or something…this could have had catastrophic consequences if someone more power crazy caught the case and made up reasons to take OP’s kids!!! NTA the brother is an absolute idiot as well as his wife!!
Story 2: WOW this is friggin crazy! I mean don’t have affairs with MARRIED PEOPLE when it can (and will) blow up in your face when you least expect it!! OP is NTA because she’s right. Who can actually love their sibling when they find out their sibling is actively destroying a marriage with no care for the consequences. The sister is major delulu. The whole “he’s gonna leave his wife for me because he isn’t happy in his marriage” is the oldest lie in the cheater handbook because, spoilers, THE CHEATER WILL NEVER LEAVE THEIR SPOUSE!!!
Story 3: so the dad basically financially screwed over OP to save his other child and expected OP to just accept it….had a tantrum when OP said no….OP got the grandparents involved because of getting screwed over….then the dad is scared because the cozy financial assistance he received got cut off DUE TO HIS OWN ACTIONS!!! And he had the gall to beg OP for help when HE was the one who was “selfish” first?! Bruh pot meet kettle!!!
Story 4: I kinda love stories like these because if it never comes up in casual conversation that your partner knows your mother tongue, the shocked pikachu face when you find out you partner not only speaks your mother tongue but knows all the terrible stuff you (and your friends likely) have been saying about them?! It’s hilarious. Plus the deflections are classic cheaters guilt. OP is NTA but if she was sleeping with her BF…she needs to go get checked cuz who knows what 3 girls he’s been with…and who they may have been with
Story 5: Ok so a divorce story…and the kids are old enough to know the consequences of the cheating. But to emotionally guilt OP into not divorcing her cheating husband just because they don’t want to uproot their lives over a “mistake”?? Shows they will likely have low standards for partners when they “find their soulmate”. They’ll likely come crying to their mom when they too feel the sting of a cheaters betrayal.
Story 6: So the brother married into a terrible family…and has been made to choose between holidays nasty in-laws or a peaceful vacation where her family is happy???? Ok soooo NTA because there is a child being bullied and the grandparents are of course gonna choose the snob family cuz “we get luxuries we never get otherwise”. And why is it families like this always think “oh I can’t make you trip because we usually spend holidays with her family” automatically equals “you’re coming to the holiday family gathering since we declined your trip, right???” So delulu! Hope OP posts some happy holiday pics.
14:07 yet when OP is a man and the daughter wants him to disappear somehow OP was the AH?
Story 4: Why is OP even remotely wrong for not telling him? What’s the real harm and not knowing that information? Other than him being able to blatantly talk about cheating with her in the room. Screw him, he just trying to make a mountain out of an ant hill to distract from the fact he cheated with three different women in one night. People yell loud enough everything seems like the worst thing ever.
She’s wrong on principle. You shouldn’t be deceitful to your partner. She had a garbage bf so she’s not wrong but if he was a decent guy and this came out then she would be a little in the wrong. Her score isn’t relevant to his.
Story 5: This is the father manipulating the daughters. My dad did this to me when he cheated on my mom and proceeded to hit her. He would try to apologize and ask for her forgiveness and when she wouldn't, my dad would turn it all around and make her the bad guy saying things like, "I'm admitting my mistakes and your mom isn't willing to be the bigger person to forgive me!".
And what's worse is he's probably gonna get away with it but until the daughters grow up and realize what he did, it'll be far too late before they realize who the real bad one is.
The daughters I need to learning about right and wrong.
What the dad did was wrong.
Calling cps for weed with no evidence of abuse or neglect is almost an insult to the actual victims of abuse cps doesn't have the time or resources for.
The money story is a prime example of why you don't put the surviving parent in control of inheritance funds for the kids...ALSO there's this really cool way to pay for the sisters care without using the inheritance, it's called a job or a paycheck
Even in the messed up system that is the states, if an operation is needed to avoid severe disability and or death, hospitals LEGALLY have to do it, or they're considered negligent.
Whether or not you can pay them doesn't matter. It'll just mean debt.
Essentially, he's forcing debt onto one child to spare HIMSELF debt for another.
Story 5: What is he saying to those girls to make them this selfish and terrible? Most kids would get mad at the parent who caused the divorce not the one who would cheated on. Unless they’ve been manipulated., so what’s up?
OP hopefully they’ll see reason and understand. But I’ll be damned if I ever say someone is wrong for not being a pushover and pretending their anger isn’t valid.
The nerve of that boyfriend in story 4 is mind blowing 😂
Acting like an arrogant French man what he is.
Story 1: OP should ignore all his messages and calls all together. He’s not even remotely sorry, and just doesn’t want to feel like he’s a d*ck. He’s lucky that shrugging didn’t lead to a black eye.
You never think you’ll need an attorney till you need an attorney till you need an attorney. 8:15
How does op get 0.5 buttholes dude that's not a casual thing to bring up oh hey i speak such and such language just in case you wanted insult me in that language how does that make sense
And for the second to last story i say screw the daughters cya wouldn't wanna be ya and give them exactly what they want
And i hope their future boyfriends cheat on them and they'll know the pain op went through
She did not tell her bf for years that she spoke his native language, and made him and his friends only talk to her in her native language.
The BF is the huge cheating AH, but OP was low-key a very minor AH for years. The issue is the length of time, if they only started dating a few months then it eould not be an issue but it was years of dating.
@@threecards333 she didn't make them speak English, they chose to speak English in front of her
@threecards333 I know a few languages I am not confident SPEAKING in. I can UNDERSTAND what is being said though. op mentions this. I wouldn't be advertising it either cuz I would hate him trying to get me to speak it.
On that note. What boyfriend thinks after years of being with a guy she won't pick up his language?
He was just mad he got caught, op did nothing wrong 😂
Story 3: shouldn’t have stolen OP’s money then. What else is there to say, that may have had a good reason, but the bottom line is he stole money that was his to take. Maybe if he was at the very least remorseful there be room for forgiveness, but the guilt tripping ruined any of that. Now the grandparents probably going to try to recoup some of that loss and they can’t do that and hand out freebie to thieves.
Second to last story. OP should give them a life lesson on trust. Relationships are built on trust, if someone breaks that trust, even if it happened years ago, you can't simply just forgive and move on. Lowkey I don't think its over for OPs relationship with her daughters. Once they start dating, they'll probably grow more sympathy for their mother, and probably even cut their dad out of their lives
OP in the French story deserves a zero score; if she had let on earlier that she understood French, she never would have found out about the cheating and would be stuck in a broken relationship.
Second story: OP is NTA. Fact #2 says it all. OP's sister was sleeping with a married man, while his wife was home alone with the 4 children, one of whom was disabled. OP's sister is a home wrecker and the drama literally followed her home. The shit has hit the fan and OP was sadly caught in the middle of it. OP clarified in updates that her sister has only doubled down and now OP is gonna be effectively no contact when her sister moves in with sister's affair partner.
Inheritance story; I love how the person that steals the inheritance is always the person calling someone else (the inherit-ee) selfish.
"How can you be so selfish?"
"You taught me how, by stealing my money"
The story about the stolen inheritance: This is just one example of many is to why people go no contact with their parents as adults. When kids say they will never forgive, the parents don't take them seriously and expect them to get over it. No one gets over being screwed over by their own parents. It's not her job to take care of her sister. They laid down and had her, not her sister.
What OP’s response in story 3 should have been:
Dad: “How could you become so heartless and selfish?”
OP: “I learned it from you.”
2:13 I’m sorry but the way you said “NO??” Here is flooring me
Story 1 NTA, the brother permanently burnd the bridge with OP
Last Story: Just going to call it what it is, that's a cult
No one should get an AH score because they know a language, that's ridiculous. You're not obligated to list off every language you understand to everybody you meet, that's stupid.
That's a pretty ignorant takeaway. It wasn't "everybody she met." It was her significant other of several years... who she lived with. And it was his native tongue! Super weird.
Exactly I felt like rslash giving op a AH score just because she didn't say she understood French was a AH thing to do.
@seekeroftruth6728 buddy spoke French to try and avoid getting caught cheating. That's on him.
She still lied about it for years. That's not a good thing. Not siding with the boyfriend obviously, he's only focusing on that detail to deflect off his cheating but had he never cheated and had found out by for example, her reading something in French in front of him without realizing, then she would be in the wrong. The AH score isn't for knowing the language it's for lying by omission.
@@seekeroftruth6728 I didn't mean that she did that, I meant that people in general aren't obligated to do that.
Story:4 you gave her a BH score? You were completely wrong on this one. The guy cheated. She simply never told him she could understand. That fact is irrelevant.
Nah, you just tell him "I was learning French because I love you so much, and wanted to surprise you!"
story 1
I'm surprised the brother made it out alive from OP's house that day
Imagine potentially traumatizing children because someone does something that's legal and causes no harm to their children
Story 4: Rslash, I disagree. She was under no obligation to tell him she understood French. Even if he never cheated on her, there was no secret contract stating she had to tell him about any languages she learned.
Story 3:Guy stole his daughter's money and seriously expected no consenquences?!?
Wow,NTA at all
I think OP is TA while the dad is NTA because he wanted to not waste the money on college and instead spend it on curing his daughters medical issues which is far more important
Son, not daughter. The daughter is the one that would be receiving the stolen money.
@wingracer1614
Oops,Should've said kid's instead of daughter's
@@zillasaiyan1m274College is needed for many, MANY jobs in the modern age. So not a waste.
Furthermore, hospitals HAVE to perform those types of surgeries, or else be held criminally legible. He wasn't saving her, he was saving himself debt.
That third story, what he did is illegal in most countries. There are definitely avenues that this kid can take to get their money returned and even have Dad thrown in jail.
Going late into work just to listen for a few minutes while I eat in my car lmao
criminal !!
Good luck on your job! 😂 and I hope you don't get in trouble
@misoppas thank you! We have a 10 minute grace period, so I made it lol
Story one: Never forget, never forgive! This goes far beyond simple pushing of boundaries! OP needs to go total NC with Bro. This should be an arrestable crime. 😡
Story 1: As somebody who went through foster care for a few years, the life OP's children would have been inflicted with had they been taken away is horrible. This would have been a much bigger issue for them than the parents. I would argue this story warrants 5/5 because sending kids into the system is basically sending them to be abused by strangers.
Yo the no more story is super complicated. Just because the sister wasn't going to die isn't enough. A life time of disability is almost worse than death. You cease to be seen as you, and instead are seen as just your disability by most, especially kids. While the dad should have gone a different route like getting loans or work out a payback schedule I do sympathize with his choice. And for anyone who might ask what makes you an expert on this, I was born with a disability. I know how hard it is and how confidence because a fleeting notion.
All this fuckin talk about a lifetime of disability being worst than death is one main reason I can't look at myself and be happy I'm alive. I was born with bone deformities, I am cursed to hurt when I walk, and be in pain till I die.
But, everyone I know loves me, they care about me. However, people that talk like you do and so many others is why I feel like a burden, because you guys all make us sound like we have to be.
@lillylovegood2300 @lillylovegood2300 First I would like to say that I'm glad you found the strength to push through the challenges that life has placed before you. It's no small feat. 5 years ago I got into an accident the left me even more disabled and in constant nerve pain so I do relate. My intent wasn't to say that being disabled is worse than death, and I apologize if it came off that way. I'm still trying to work more on my communication skills so thank you for pointing out where I can still improve. What I was trying to make a point of is that if a disability can be prevented then that is something bigger than what people without disabilities can really comprehend. I want to say I'm glad you found the strength, I'm still trying to build that kind of strength with the support of my family.
Yeah no.
All hospitals, even in the states, are REQUIRED BY LAW AT PENALTY OF CRIMINAL INVESTIGATIONS to perform surgeries that carry risk of death or lost of bodily functions.
What the dad was saving himself was the heavy debt that comes with that, by putting it on another child.
@slimej2202 I'm glad that is the case. Though some states differ on what that means. Like in Washington pain is considered cosmetic even if that pain will stay with you for the rest of your life. Which completely ignores the mental strain that that puts on a person. Otherwise I'd have been able to get a cervical spinal stimulator for the pain I'm in as the drugs they gave did kinda work but after my brother died they ended up intensifying my negative thoughts. They also just messed with my mind like crazy. And I do believe that the dad needs to take out loans OP until he pays back what was taken with appropriate interest.
@@devinbahm Yeah, it's kind of messed up that chronic pain "doesn't count." But in this case, it's "severe" enough that all states (from what I can see) would literally hold criminal charges if they refused because he couldn't pay for it. Even private clinics.
Story 4: OP is NTA at all. Why does she have to tell her boyfriend that she knows French when she never speaks it around him and he never speaks it around her? She's under no obligation to tell him. And for all he knew, she might have been learning French FOR him, because some people do that in relationships. The BF is just trying to guilt OP so she isn't mad at him about the cheating.
The separation story: It’s a damn shame that there are people who will not learn their lesson until they fall flat on their face without anyone to turn to. With behavior like those daughters, they won’t understand their mother until they get cheated on themselves. Hopefully it won’t be too late for them to come back to sense but for some they just refuse to learn and stubbornly keep throwing themselves deeper into the pits they make for themselves. I’m experiencing something much similar in my own life right now so I just have so much sympathy for the OP of the story.
Story 1: Listening to the story, I'd usually say ESH if it weren't for the fact that whatever he's having is legal where he lives. I'm gonna say NTA, because the brother is narrow-minded and only realizes he made a mistake _after_ being thwarted!
Story 2: Preliminary NTA, because even I would have a hard time even being around my own brother if he had an affair with his wife for _any_ length of time! *listens to story* Brotha- Eugh, what's that!? She _knew_ she was a mistress!? wtf!? OP os definitely NTA for what she did.
Story 3: Before listening, Imma say that it depends on what he did, cause if he took something from you, I'd say NTA. *listens to story* Oh, he definitely deserved to have his financial support removed by his in-laws! He should not be in charge of anything even _remotely_ related to finances!
Story 4: Before listening, I'm gonna say that it depends on what he said about you in his native tongue. If it was derogatory, I'd say you are NTA, if it _wasn't_ derogatory, I'd be inclined to lean more towards ESH than YTA because I'd imagine he'd speak his native language when he wanted to have a private conversation with a friend while you were there. *listens to story* Okay, it is _so_ much worse than saying derogatory things. He literally said he'd cheated on OP with 3 women! Definitely NTA!
Story 5: Hearing the first two sentences of the story, I'm already saying NTA because cheating is solid grounds for a divorce. *listens to story* :| ... Yep, NTA. They made their choice as well.
Story 6: Before listening, Imma say it depe- *hears how OP was treated* D: ... NTA, right off the bat!
"How could you be so selfish and heartless!" *continues stealing from his kid and dead wife*
13:43 okay what the hell? as a daughter of divorce, i’d understand if they were children, but teenagers??? i was ten when mine divorced, and i still acted more mature than that. seriously wtf. he CHEATED.
Story 4: why give her a score for not telling that she knew French? Every parallel I can think of, that's just "I know something and never said so."
"Oh, I know Warhammer 40k lore, I've known it for years, I just never brought it up."
"Oh, I know electrical engineering, I've known how it works longer than you've known me, I just never mentioned it."
"Oh, yeah, I know how much car repairs are supposed to cost by parts and labor, I just never told you that I know."
Story 6: NTA. Again, what is with parents favoring one child over the other? This destroys relationships dude! I honestly wouldn't be as calm as OP is tbh.
I have a half-brother - it feels weird calling him that because he's my brother.. he's 11 years younger. . If he ever needed anything, including a kidney or liver let alone money, I would give it to him- I used to take him shopping and get him a new wardrobe...all 3 of us full siblings, who fought a lot when younger (not at all now) but we all adored our baby brother - I can't even imagine not letting him have my money for healthcare (of course being Canadian that won't ever happen). I was in a car accident and am in disability and he helps me financially a lot- re the story: I agree with it's not ok for parents to take a child's money against their will I also think why would you not want to help your sibling? It doesn't make sense to me- all I can say is that I feel so incredibly lucky to have the people I have in my life,- they are all supportive and we help each other regularly.
11:43 I was thinking the same thing! The 0.5 score cuz yea it was messed up but thats nothing compared to the cheating
Story 1: Want to point out another angle of doing this too; if you KNOW there's no reason to call CPS then you're also compromising resources that could be spent on families who actually need it. Imagine this social worker had to put off investigating a house where a kid is actually being abused because they also got this issue on their plate. Seriously, don't call resources like this if you know it's unnecessary. They aren't going to bully people for you.
R/slash is completely wrong on the French boyfriend cheating story. The only person who did anything wrong was the boyfriend. He assumed she didn't understand French. That's on him. The part where he talks about cheating on his girlfriend while in the house with his girlfriend was on him also. It makes him a ultra creep because him talking about it where she could hear is almost like he is taunting her. He may as well have said "stupid American girl" at the end of each sentence. Then he tried to gaslight her when she called him on it. He is garbage, and pathetic. She needs to not worry about anything he says because he is a cheater. Go find someone better and don't waste time on him.
Story 3; I wonder if OP would feel the same way if situations were reversed. If OP was raised with their half-sister I agree they’re heartless. OP was stolen from, but I don’t think I would blame OP’s dad for stealing from anyone under the circumstances. I would still be upset if I was stolen from, and a possible future was stolen from me, but this is about the best reason to steal from someone.
I really hate our healthcare system. This “your money or your life” bs has to stop.
Story 3: the next person OP should tell is a lawyer. Wills and trusts are very legally bound, so OP could pretty assuredly get someone to help her sue her father for breach of contract with the will.
Why do you smoke weed? "Because its legal"
So, all it takes for them to use any substance, is if its legal where they live? Bright red flag.
Why do you drink soda? Coffee. Take a painkiller? Antidepressants? How about any candy or sugar? Because it's legal and you like them?
Bright red flag.
All of these are mind-altering substances. No, weed is not some devildrug that makes you crazy and evil. No it is not a "gateway" drug. That's literally just bunk propaganda from fifty years ago that was OUTDATED even THEN.
The morale behind OP hiding that she knows french is irrelevant anyway. This relationship should already be over since he cheated. Is she planning on staying with this guy?
Story 4: op stop with trying to come up with excuses why you can understand French just dump his cheating ass and don't look back