Can a Narcissist Change?
ฝัง
- เผยแพร่เมื่อ 23 ส.ค. 2023
- In this interview, personality disorders and narcissism expert Dr. Ramani Durvasula talks about whether or not a Narcissist can truly change their behavior and how to navigate this delicate relationship.
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#Narcissism #Relationships #MedCircle #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealth #medcircle #psychology #narcissists #narcissisticfamily
I thought I was a narcissist. Turns out I was just an arsehole. What a relief.
😂
😂😂😂🎉😂
Lmao
😂😂😂😂😂❤
Pmsl 😂
I think I am going to create a dating site just for narcs. They can be with each other.
but they will give birth toh a new narcisst 😢
Or be brutally psychologically abusive to any offspring... To survive, offspring of Narcissists can end up ppl-pleasing and feeling blocked and unsafe to develop self-worth and well-being because Narcissists don't want their kids to be anything but more Supply.
@@himalyantraders8359 not exactly
Lol😂
Narcissists can’t date each other lol, they need pushovers
My experience is that when a narcissist no longer holds power to be the bully, they become the victim with hurt feelings. Aggression becomes passive aggression.
Thank you for pointing this out. This is exactly how someone I know behaves. Thank you for spelling it out.
Test
💯!!!
Yep, so true
💯 And especially if they don't have the power to control you further
My narcissistic dad sends this lady's videos to my mother and it blows my mind his complete lack of self awareness when watching these videos. He tells her she does to him what he literally does to her. It's actually insane and breaks my brain.
I have the same problem with my dad 😢
Many narcs are also major gaslighters too. In their minds they aren't doing anything wrong. Rather, others are wronging them.
Feel sorry for anyone who has narcissists for parents. You basically had to raise yourselves treading on eggshells.
My ex send covert female narcissist video to me and he was the one with rage, had no capacity to self reflect or when he would say sorry it was so ingenuine so he definitely had some traits but amazingly he would think I am that person. They project. It's funny In a way. Sadly its hard for him to be happy in life I feel bad for him
Couldn't we all be like your father and mind fucked while watching these? Overthinking on the subject of narcissism is brutal
That's called projection. Narcissists do it a lot.
Almost all narcissists are like a king in their world. They nearly demand worship and obedience.
Yep. One of them called her husband selfish whenever he didn’t obey her every order; one time he replied “you are the Queen of selfish”. Funny, she didn’t fight that one. It’s like she enjoyed that mental image. Her son who is a copy of her referred to himself as prince since an early age, his passwords and usernames are king of this and king of that 😂
😅 you got that right! Just wow. One just moved in with us. I felt something was off... Yikes!! We figured it out. Having a support system likev this platform helps!!
Not king, they think they are Gods but never know in reality they are demons in a human body.
They believe they "shall be as gods" just like Eve did when the serpent told her the "benefits" of eating the forbidden fruit.
Well they're shit out of luck 💯🤣🤪
The malignant narcissist gets much worse with age, meaner and more destructive.
And more trumpy every day.
Exactly. After 30 years of marriage, it recently escalated from emotional, sexual, mental, financial abuse to physical assault. I filed for divorce. They are dangerous.
Oh shoot! That is my Da and my pseudo ex boyfriend
My Dad is a very honorable person- his word is his word… there is so much good.
But I sense he is deep down inside a narc.
This scares me
Brown curly hair and a patterned shirt… someone told me Holy Spirit saw that…. And Holy Spirit doesn’t lie.
My Dad was never muscular never laid a hand….
But during COVID he lost it and actually started wrestling w me. Very very sad
It could have been him.
Also could have been a boyfriend- much older
Who used to have hair and muscle but never wore patterned shirts
Also I met him without hair and much older. When the lady saw what she said Holy Soirit showed her…. I thought it should be him but is not.
Very confused
Maybe my Dad is a narc. I don’t know
Really?@@user-sh4mv3tc3r
Absolutely true. Some days I thought we were getting somewhere. That he was becoming a better person for the sake of our baby, but it only takes a bad day to truly reveal themselves as they are
Basically, they're broken forever. We just all need to stay away and save ourselves the drama.
2 Timothy 3
Paul says to avoid such people.
This is why you never commit to a westernized women
My ex wife was a narcissist and played victim. I was dumb enough to feel bad for her. She literally left me for another guy while we were still married who White Knight her because she is all drama. They ended up divorce too. My advice never be with someone romantically because you feel bad for them. Help them once or twice and on the third time and they help you back than let them go because at that point they literally using you.
Be careful who you deem irredeemable. You're not an expert.
@arbogast4950
No, we're not the experts, God is the Expert.
He knows their/our hearts.
He's boss about redemption.
"They don't tend to retain that growth" 100% correct.
"Ever learning and NEVER able to come to the truth" 2 Timothy 3:7 KJV
That's actually so sad. In a way Narcissists are the poorest creatures on earth. Thing is, you can't be compassionate with them, cause they'll just eat you alive at the first moment they feel you're not doing what you should be. You've gotta be 100% on your guard with them while not letting them notice you're holding back. To me, they're impossible to be around and be at ease.
@@avoicetocount do they ever heal & not be a narsassist anymore? Or once they're one.. They're one for life?
This was spot on, explaining how it works, to a tee!
Basically, narcissism is a `death sentence' of sorts for the afflicted. It's a sad situation that's arguably beyond one's control.
Getting older makes narcissm more sneaky, more subtle.
Well, it depends...
What do you mean by older?
If you mean middle aged adults vs teenagers or young adults your spot on.
But when they get too old they simply stop caring about appearances anymore and they're just mean whenever they want.
Well, at least that's what I see happening with my mom as she ages.
@@tottablue yep... the older older ones get meaner & even nastier... I agree!
@@lino629I agree, people tend to look at older people with more respect due to age and supposed maturity. But a lot of people over the age of 45 especially over 50, know that they can get can get away with a lot of things and push the boundaries all the time. The youth around them think they are a leading example and follow their foot steps, its a sad cycle..
@@nilifili
You're assessment of all 45yo & +50yo as stretching the boundaries of others or being push-overs is incorrect.
@@tottablue yep. I was a live-in caretaker a couple years back, for just over a year for an aging narc in her 90's with dementia. The narcissistic traits became more apparent a few months later... it was like living with Jekyll & Hyde! She'd be all sweet & kind with me when family was visiting... but as soon as they'd hit the bottom of the stairs & exit out through the driveway, this really malicious side of her would come out... at times, it felt like I was in the middle of a Twilight Zone episode! If we were sitting on the porch together, she would slowly turn her head like a robot & look at me with this look in her eyes, that preceded that Jekyl & Hyde switchup... & some sort of head game would usually follow this.
She'd even accuse me of things at the most random of times & expect me to agree to the accusation & accept fault, without question... which I refused to do & of course, that would create contempt on her end, because even if I saw her, say, move something from one place to another, or I came up to be with her & there was something just left sitting somewhere that had nothing to do with me, then she'd go straight to me like, "why did YOU put this here? What is this sitting here for?!"... I never allowed her to place blame on me for things I had nothing to do with, but I also had to be careful how I worded responses, which was not always easy, because at times, its like she was already ready to start something. Even if I tried to express it in a "casual reminder" sort of way, without being blatantly accusatory back... for example, if something was sitting on the kitchen counter after I'd left the house. She would somehow "Remember" to accuse ME for it being there. Even though my last duty for the morning, would be making her lunch & cleaning the counters off & clearing dishes before I left. I'm a very clean & organized person by nature, so I never just left anything sitting around in random places. So I'd ask her, "did you possibly take this out when you went to grab your lunch earlier this afternoon? I've been gone since 10AM & haven't been here to be in the kitchen to make mySelf anything"... she'd get sooo pissed & be offended that I would even "Dare" put it back on her! Even though these were often situations that didn't require that level of drama, she just couldn't stand having to take accountability. Based on her attitude, it was as if she found pleasure in making me the scapegoat, so she didn't have to acknowledge her memory issues as part of this. Dementia is the worst for narc personalities because essentially, the mask is slipping & they have no control. So add that onto the aging narcs that are just becoming more nasty with age. It heightens their play on the victim card & can reduce you to a psychological mess if you're not careful.
It also became apparent to me, that she firmly believed that I was below her, like a servant. That she could talk to me or treat me however she wanted & that I had no right to stand up for mySelf to her... & if I DID, I'd generally get a sound of disgust, followed by, "how dare you?!"...
So as long as you were in a position of service or support & fed her ego, she'd be all sweet, friendly, social, etc... yet the moment you stood your ground, then YOU were the horrible person & she was the "victim"...
Thankfully about 8 months in, one of her older daughters who was in town visiting, witnessed an attempted "attack" one morning. She stood up for me to her mother & told her, "Mom, you don't talk to her like that!"... & of course, she clammed up & shot off on her scooter across the porch with this tense, frustrated look on her face, because "how dare" her daughter protect the caretaker from her mothers' bouts of rath?...
Keep in mind, this womans' older kids DREADED being around her! That also went for her older grandkids, including the ones married with spouses. Her older grandson & his wife became good friends of mine & still are. Even with all the notoriety, they want nothing to do with the family connection. They'd come visit out of obligation, cater to her for a bit, & then find a reason to leave as quickly as possible! I couldn't blame them. They did what they could to make my time there comfortable, but were essentially prisoners to their mom (& grandmother's) whims, while she was alive.
She died in January 2022. 96 years old. About 6 months after I left. Being the matriarch, she still had the final say so over various family finances & investments. So basically this person in a heavily mentally unstable state, still had the power while she was alive to direct financial decisions. I don't think ANYONE misses her. AT ALL.
So YES, the older they get, the more nastier, rude, disrespectful, hateful, resentful... they're just uglier people to be around personality-wise.. yet they STILL expect the OPPOSITE treatment back!
One of the best feelings in this world is the feeling of having and open mind and being able to change your views when confronted with new information that goes against what you believed.
Tell me about it! Was with 1 for 28 years! He never changed!!!
I've been married to one for 15yrs I've finally got out from under him and Filed for divorce.
He was physically abusive and mentally abusive.He makes sure he had control over everything in my life.I can't do it anymore.I'm done!
I was married to a narcissist...it was a horrible experience....im so glad to be single and at peace...
Me too
The rubberband analogy is spot on!
Iv seen it in my life. Stress makes them snap.💥 And there take out on you or other people.
Sometimes a rubberband will snap. I disagree with her; I believe a certain event or experience can change a narcissist.
@@Darrell-xj2gp that would be extremely rare
@@Darrell-xj2gp,
🤔 Sounds plausible.... A specific narc injury that takes them into a deep narc collapse AND only within a particular, isolated follow-up environment and interactions that look to engage that childhood development train.... Once engaged to that development train and delineating their maladaptive ~coping mechanisms since their childhood from that of, otherwise, healthy alternatives also sold as a happier/ content life, might begin to bring them forward in their development to advance beyond the ~spikes of doom - like one-way traffic spikes - becomes the modeling for ~more effective and healthy [shame/mortification & empathy drivers] and reappraisal mechanism exercising. Everyone's online access makes the conditions difficult to achieve so humanity's current social/ isolation conditions have to be considered to derive a harmonious, co-supportive set of recovery conditions.
I agree but why do you think they can never change
I unknowinglingly trained a narcissist to be empathetic..but all he did was put that into his "bag of tricks"...DISENGAGE IMMEDIATELY !!!!!DONT WASTE YOUR YEARS LIKE I DID!!!THEY ARE SUPER SNEAKY AND CLEVER!
Truth!
I did that too because I was am a social worker .. all he did was use my empathy as his own and now he is more powerful in his career … ugh
@@Sundais4freelee I TOTALLY can relate..guided them into THEIRS...TIME IS PRECIOUS...I hope you were able to recover..social work was and is my compassion..BE WELL. ❤️
Who's zooming who? The narc just having fun training off you. They eat therapists for lunch. Maybe if you have a team of psychologists. One on one you don't stand a chance with the demonically possessed ...
True 👍.
This is very true.
And a narcissist will also use this for their advantage. They know that they have a certain capacity for empathy or understanding or kindness. So let’s say, after a fight, they stretch themselves out to to show and act upon these things. And for second, they have your food that they’ve changed since they are different from what you know them to be.
And right when everything seems OK and you feel happy again. Life will throw you some challenges like it does and they will get worse than they were before since they will blame you on top of the challenge for the effort they had to make to maintain whatever they were maintaining to keep you happy. But don’t get fooled. They are not trying to change themselves even temporarily to make you happy. It’s just strategy to keep the comfortable life that you have gifted them because you didn’t know better.
Stay safe out there❤
Well said🎉
As an outsider looking at narcissists while myself being an empath, It's mind-boggling how much they explode over nothing.
I once finished cooking the 1st half of a Mexican dish at 7:05pm instead of right on the dot at 7pm and my Mexican ex-wife was gonna finish the 2nd half after she got home from work. (I'm not Mexican btw and this dish was all new to me). I got yelled at, snarls, verbal abuse, and when I walked away I got 2 hard shoves to my upper back. Her son and I ate Stouffer's lasagna since she wouldn't join us and finish the dinner. When I suggested bringing her some food his eyes shot wide open and he pleaded "NO! NO!" He said to give her 2 days to calm down. The really screwed up thing is she wasn't even home til about 8pm and yet she exploded over nothing!
@@kurtjames9487 Yeah it's a mental disorder.
Wow... what a narcissistic comment. Do you know what is going on with them? Do you know how much stress they are under? Why don't you be more empathetic.
@@simorrison6409sociopath? You should watch more videos before start labeling people. Very empathic of you, “empath” lol
@@Jurzei Weirdo get a life.
She’s completely correct. She is the most knowledgeable person that I have ever seen on narcissism she is incredible. She knows it inside out.
Absolutely. The way Dr. Ramani explains narcissism you can see and smell the narcissist in your life.
I love how she comes directly to the point, the dynamics, the enablers, the golden child. All of it. I didn't know the word narcissist before but when it was explained to me I saw my sister right there, right there. And the misery I had gone through as a child came so clear that it was never my fault. Dr. Ramani is the best
I love watching "Mental Healness" he's a diagnosed narcissist
You are all wrong 😂😂😂😂😂
@@pjj.5649my mom is a very high spectrum narcissist so I feel your pain!! Just know it’s NOT your fault, I have a hard time understanding that sometimes myself bc I interact with her almost daily, so it becomes very taxing to me and has almost completely destroyed my self esteem, self worth and my mental health!! 😢😢
@@pjj.5649are you on instagram? I wouldn’t mind talking w someone who really understands what I go through and have been through! ❤
The narcissist stops the toxic behavior at their death. Period. 🥺
Not before they pass that demon trait onto one or more of their children.
In hell
@@diamondbailey361 Empathetic and Compassionate People create Narcissistic People too. By accepting or excusing their bad behavior.
@@diamondbailey361That’s why you gotta get 50/50 custody and make sure you’re in the kids life to teach them right
@Mary-Time-Event if you say so, yeah I doubt it.
So true. This is the first time I’ve heard anyone mention this topic about narcissistic behavior changing then reverting back as soon as there’s any type of adversity in their world. It’s exactly what happens to a tee. Also, they blame and take it out on you even if you couldn’t possibly have had anything to do with their problem. It gets twisted around to being your fault. I’ve lived this for 10 1/2 years now. One of the reasons I’m still here is that I’ve seen the changes and had hope.. But they always go back to being themselves. However I use disassociation now and I have a plan. It’s going to be a long, hard road but I’m not living like this anymore. Thanks for the great, insightful video. ❤
They blame everyone without ever taking ownership or responsibility for anything. Nice you using disassociation as I will like to learn from your plan since my mom is one
@@RobertButler-dp8oj I hear you. Unfortunately, both my parents and step-mother, and significant others have been. I’ve cut them all out of my life. NO CONTACT. They were continuing to use and abuse me well into my adulthood and I was letting them with no clue. I have my own emotional health issues to work out; but no affliction I have propels me to be evil. I don’t purposely set out to destroy the people who love me, the most, like they do. Bear this in mind Robert: If your mother I a true narcissist she doesn’t love you and if not doing things to ruin your life to your face, she’s doing it behind your back. I’ve lived it over a hundred lifetimes, so it seems and have seen it happen to others. They don’t have the capacity to love. Nor do they have a willingness or desire to change….ever. I wish you the best. I hope you are able to remove yourself from any toxic situations. Take care and thanks for your reply. It’s good to know you’re not alone or crazy like the narcs tell you, you are.
@@sarahjmount9221
I honestly don’t understand why a mother won’t love her child and want to ruin their life. Maybe you are an empath since you are surrounded by them. How’s it going so far working on your emotional health
@@RobertButler-dp8oj Extremely well. Thanks for asking. I also work on myself spiritually. I’m very far from a Bible thumper or anything like that but I follow certain teachings that help coincide with my mental and emotional health. Narcissistic mothers don’t have the capacity to love anyone, really, is what I found in my life and my research. It’s all a facade for most that benefits their wants and needs. I consider myself a bit of an empath but that gets really deep. Too deep for words.
I’m sorry I implied or told you that your mother didn’t love you in my previous reply. I apologize profusely. I was sharing out of my experience with my own toxic, narcissistic mother. I had no right to say that to a perfect stranger or anyone, for that matter. I am not in your situation. I’m certainly not a psychologist. I only have my own experience and that of a few people I know; also, comments from other TH-camrs like us on different channels. I, too, have done a lot of research on narcissism. I don’t have a right, however, use rhetoric like that on you.
I hope you find assistance in that area of your life if you feel you need to. I know how painful it is to have a narcissistic mother but there are varying degrees and experiences one person might go through than another. I just hate to see others suffer like I have. No one deserves that. Do you feel you need to work on your emotional health, as well, because of it?
@@RobertButler-dp8oj Also, if you want to check out a short video on where narcissism comes from try looking up Tim Fletcher’s “narcissism and shame” under shorts. It’s very insightful.
I’m forty two, I’ve tried to have a relationship with this person since I could remember. This person has not changed. I have. I’m grateful for that. I have learned not only to set boundaries but to respect my own boundaries and that I don’t need anything from this person, including validation. I am whole and I am healed, outside of this relationship and also, in spite of this person. They get to be in my life and have access to me and my family based on them respecting my boundaries. If they don’t behave, they lose access. Not as a punishment or vindictive-passive aggressive behavior. Simply because it’s not a safe environment, so I guard myself and shut the door. I’m not a child anymore I don’t need them to protect me, I am an adult and can protect myself. They don’t understand and that’s ok. I realize it’s no longer my place to try to teach them the why’s. It never was. I cannot control their behavior, I can only control mine.
Sad but true
This comment from Dr Rami makes the strongest case for NO CONTACT!
Be warned.
Ah yes, let's continue to break apart families. It's not your place as a layman to diagnose anyone as anything.
But it is your place to judge what is or not is healthy for you as a person especially when you've tried 1000s of times in the past to make the relationship better but all you got is more mind games and messed up sense of self.
@arbogast4950 Equally, it's not your place to judge anything. I will judge as I see fit.
It is Not your place to instruct me otherwise.
End of story.
@arbogast4950 Sorry, Kid. Just curious.
Are you a narcissist? If not; have you ever been involved with one more of these creatures?
If you're a narcissist; get the hell out of the domain of decent people!
If you have not encountered a narcissist, then what are you doing here?
You are beyond useless.
Get the hell out of Dodge!
@@arbogast4950
With a True Narcissist the family is already broken and not functioning. Being together and contact is only fuel on an out of control fire. I grew up in a household with: The 4 different Narcissistic personalities types.
As I read through the information on the Four types of Narcissistic personalities, and identified my family members as which type they were: I realized I was a hypocrite as I did some of the things of each of the four types.
Being in contact with them is not healthy for me. I don't seem to be a positive influence on them. The Dr. Correctly Describes what happens. It's all an act, if they don't get their way, Tantrum and then victim drama.
What does help me is brain function supplements. Nootropics expert channel on TH-cam explains what they do.
Narcissists never change they only get better at lying that they have changed.
EXCELLENT explaining... So, we have to accept that SOME people NEVER CHANGE INSIDE! 😥
My experience with a narcissist as he grew older. His behavior became increasingly self-destructive.
It's hard to program someone to not mock , judge or manipulate when that's ALL they know 😂❤
they learned from the best, the mother who enabeled them to be who they are..
My narcissistic mother always did that
If my husband can do it anyone can. Faith is a big contributor.
So like most women in America! Right! Gotcha!
Hum never thought if that, its a good point
Key point, they don't retain growth. Thank you for making that so succinct :)
I think maybe they do. It's more like they fluctuate. other disorders are similar. I have DID and it can be like that with me. But I do grow. I just get set off course with big triggers. Maybe because people with certain disorders can be really compartmentalized, idk.
@@MiaKatharine its all based on experience, i find the fact that people rely on these types of films perpetuates stereotypes.. I do believe that people wit NPD CAN change, but they have to be willing to change and this is because science has evidenced that behaviour can change with restructuring of the neural pathways.. so it takes diligence and time. everyone falls back two steps forward , one step backward .. its normal. The problem wit saying NPD can't be cured is it perpetuates stereo types.. I believe it can be cured but the depth varies.. if the person is a psychopath i'm not sure that can be cured. Behavioural disorders.. yes.. thats behaviour change.
they don't think or believe they need growth, to them they are the epitome of maturity, intelligence, and the gift to hu.anity
@@thevocalcronehow can you truly be willing to change when your personality disorder makes you believe you do no wrong?
@@pinkybro5671 anyone can change. the person with NPD can change too. However, you make the valid point that the issue is - having them wake up to the fact that their behaviour IS a problem. That means they have to experience consequences and not be protected from them. People forget that NPD is a mental illness, its behavioural which means that it is learned although I believe that there is studies into inheritance. Also if you notice there is a lot of 'victimised' content on YT.. which i find disturbing, because everyone has become a closet psychiatrist. Every time they get offended by someone they claim the other person was a narcissist. I know when doing my training we were basically instructed to avoid making diagnosis without the facts.. a lot of the time people have 'narcissistic traits' but they aren't actually narcissists. I also know someone (extremely good specialist), who has made the point that people forget clinicians have a vested interest in keeping people unwell - because if everyone recovered full health.. they would lose their income. At this point in time I do believe that we should just let go of the title, because its a label and limiting. Rather than focussing on the 'narcissist' perhaps we would all be better exploring how we managed to get sucked in by their BS and how to protect ourselves going forward. I also have experienced narcissistic abuse, it also takes a long time to recover (I feel), but i also know that narcissism is more prevalent. And frankly I think we are talking about psychopathy to be honest, back in the day we used to call it 'corporate psychopathy' because so much of it happens in the workplace.. and if your boss is one of those.. quickly look for a new job would be my advice.
I wanna see narcissists in the same room...a battle royale
It Will end up in both complaining how much of a victims they are of each other. Lived with legit narcs for 20 years
Dr Ramani is a lifesaver! She's the best at understanding and validating when it comes to your experience dealing with people with NPD
A snake may not always bite but a snake will always be a snake. I have to remind myself this over and over to not give my mom just one more chance.
that's what I said that he was like a snake but a lier type facade of a snake.
And also the snake's slicky sailing.
I feel this in my soul. I understand 💙
Yep when a child’s eyes first open to how a mother will always first serve herself even over her very own it’s a tough pill to swallow -
But it’s also one of the most freeing. It’s a natural inclination for a child , no matter the age, to want to love & honor their mother - but once u learn she can’t be trusted or will bite or stab u in the back -
Then learn the most important lesson - always forgive this lost soul that’s ur mom, after all she did give u life & bc life is only about love & God - and God is about love ❤️and forgiveness
- but keep a safe distance so you can’t be manipulated or hurt - and then let her earn your love & trust. Once burned twice shy
I’ve traveled ur road and initially it’s mind blowing & sucks but if u take the harder higher spiritual path of love, forgiveness, & distance - in an odd way ur selfish mom still makes u a better person 😂
Good luck and may God surround you w loving people who realize the value of your love ❤️
This is such a sad, yet very spot on reality!
I was undoubtedly a full on Narc, up until the age of 47. Until one day the delusional vail was lifted from my eyes, and I seen myself for who I really was. After that moment, all other people in my life became more important and I was finally listening to what they hinting towards me. Life has been so much nicer for everyone around me since. It took some counseling and self realization but I think my family is very great-full. Once you see it in you , you can’t unsee it. I wish I could go back 20 years and start over.
Look up BPD you're probably not a Narc, very similar outwardly but it's the reasoning and internalization are different.
Maybe you were a Narc but it's basically a cut and dry thing, if you can admit your flaws and are able to seek help you aren't a Narc.
Was your motivation to literally think out and hurt others via purposefully manipulation or would you get triggered and react in toxic ways due to the massive fear of abandonment and I'm never good enough feelings you have internally?
I was accused by my ex wife of being a Narc but when she brought it to my attention I actually took it to heart, sought counseling admitted to all my faults tried to the best of my ability to take accountability got on meds all of it...
I literally accepted I was a Narc and just allowed it to be projected onto me, then I found out about BPD and holy shit that's what it is. I'm not an incurable monster (as this woman has projected to anyone who gets labeled this bs now a days) I'm just someone who has a massive fear of abandonment and I react in toxic ways because of this massive fear and negative self image.
I literally am not competent enough to manipulate people, I don't have end games, I don't see people as stepping stones to be used for a purpose that only benefits me. I'm wayyyyy to focused on my horrible internal feeling to even get to a place to plan anything like that out.
But the behaviors are very similar in action when triggered, angry outlashes, seemingly unempathic (I have empathy but most times I'm so focused on my own mental problems triggers feelings that I don't have the resources to properly express empathy), overbearing desparately trying to get you to like me which looks like controlling but it's not actually trying to control you, ect...
Idk maybe look into BPD cuz there is legit ways to overcome those toxic behaviors, Narcs literally don't care...
I suspect my mother is a narc. I do a lot better when i'm not talking with her as often. She rubs off on me and I act like her! I was also able to change once I saw it. And it was my daughter who pointed out my bad behavior. I love her so much for it!
Well done! It is so rewarding to change.
you were never a narcissist and you don't understand what a narcissist is. pity
@@RobertMJohnson Ahhh, so I was just an asshole then. Thanks. Oddly that’s still better news for me.
My cousin was a clinically diagnosed narcissist.
For some reason I was one of the few people she “loved” and oddly enough that meant a lot to me.
I also never once forgot I was dealing with a narcissist. 😅
She died a few years ago and I still miss her all the time.
I was with an undiagnosed narcissist for 9 years and that was pretty rough. Sometimes he would say he had demons living inside him, or the fact that he couldn’t care less if I ended myself right in front of him and handed me a knife while I was having a breakdown. I straight up looked at him and was just like “what kind of psycho are you?” He just watched me until I left the room to put the knife away. Getting out of there was the hardest thing I did because he couldn’t understand for the life of him why I would ever leave him.
Jesus died for our sins so we can have eternal life. Have intimacy with him, talk to him everyday and your life will change like never. If you do not accept Jesus as your lord and savior you are in danger of going to hell. Jesus loves u❗️
Sin is made up, do sin and eat hot chip.@@stelasenna9927
@@stelasenna9927this really isn't the place for that kind of thing. If anything, you're actively pushing people away from your religion.
@@stelasenna9927being judgemental also puts you in danger of going to hell, maybe you should work on yourself
Wow I can *so* relate to your story. My ex was diagnosed w/ antisocial personality disorder w/ narcissist traits several years ago. As we know, there is no treatment (meds, counseling, groups, diet, etc.) for sociopathy/narcissism/psychopathy.
You can't put empathy into someone's brain that doesn't have it. Unfortunate..
My ex asked me once what empathy means. I tried to tell him what it *feels* like, to put yourself into someone else's place, to feel compassion for others' pain.. He just could not grasp the concept. That was a *month* before he decided to grab, punch, kick, and strangle me (while saying "remember Dexter") until I lost consciousness for a bit.
One of my biggest mistakes/regrets was letting him back into my life. And, *making* him my life. For almost a decade. If I knew then what I know now, i would have walked/run away aeons ago.
Narcissists will *never* not be a narcissist. They can't change even if they wanted to. I would guess that most don't, because , according to them, there's nothing wrong with them.
Really, they should all come with a warning label. "Danger. Stay away"
The thing that keeps most narcissists on that spectrum, is a lack of self-awareness & accountability. They operate from their head, not from their heat space. Thats really the defining thing. They are in total victim mode, while also having an inflated ego, that is hyper-sensitive to criticism... or at least, what THEY deem as always being criticism. They don't know the difference. As far as they're concerned, even if they know something is wrong, they'll play head games & guilt trip, in order to avoid anything that makes them think their ability to control the narrative is being jeopardized. They live in an eternal fantasy world & illusion, to the detriment of anyone who joins them, built on lies & manipulation. Yet the moment that YOU start waking up to it & seeing through all the lovebombing, then YOU are the bad one. Anyone who exposes their lies is the enemy in their mind.
It's really a lifelong deeply ingrained victim mentality & because it makes them believe they have power & control, & becomes part of how they operate & see the world, then that's a major reason why many just don't ever "Recover"... & also, why it's no one's job to convince them to recover because they truly believe that there's nothing "Wrong" with them & how dare YOU point out their "flaws" ie their manipulation tactics, lies, mistreatment, abuse, cheating, etc etc...
If you realize you're dealing with one, you need to get away from them ASAP! Noto only do they not change, they get worse over time & they WILL drain your life force; they are living, breathing vampires. I'm surprised there's not more out there regarding statistics, or patterns, in which the long-term partners of narcissists develop health issues that often lead to bigger health issues & shorter lifespans... they WILL essentially kill you, the longer you stay. Thats why no "Relationship" with a narc is meant to be lifelong. They are very important life lessons, pointing toward our OWN need to heal the parts of ourselves that we are running or hiding from.
Thanks ❤
my God i lost my son, i had to escape, this man was like no man i ever met, saved me and my son and than he kidnapped him, turn him against me and now i see he is like pedo and no body believe me, i have gazzillion flash backs of this idiot that hated me, only reason, our son was target, idk where to report and save my kid 17yo
Wow you said a lot and it’s all true. What rang out to me is that they feel like victims and have so many insecurities, but learned to have an ego to overcome those insecurities.
I was going to ask the question, but I think I just answered it. Normal people, like us, also wear masks, but we wear them to defend ourselves. It’s still very hard for a loving person to accept and understand, because we have this empathy curse. Wild, it’s just wild. Thank you for posting this.
Perfect summation. 😢 I married one.
You're totally correct then that's why I'm totally okay with my father leaving my mother for half of the year at this age . No she is a total lunatic and I love her to death and she's a great person at the same time it's really a difficult thing because she's a successful intelligent educated talented person but when things aren't going your way she's a complete narcissistic crazy person. Which she only shows to the people that are the closest to her which have mostly been family. She was raised by two complete narcissist and one of them being a police officer and a four-term mayor I mean and then she's a teacher on top of it.. lol
Trying to tell her that she isn't correct about something.. even when it's a fact staring her and you in the face.. tell her the grass is green and you are the biggest piece of s*** Ever.
She makes a mistake & you don't Fully ignore it?
You get hell in return. Hatred for honesty & lies vs facts . That's what they do
100% The moment any element of stress occurs, they revert back to their old ways in that moment. Only when that stress is relieved can they resume behavior that seems more normal.
That is not true, not always.
Someone would have to hurt my loved ones horribly or kill my dog to get the b*tch that they used to be able to get for doing the smallest of things to me.
All narcissists I know never changed. Even with life changing wake up calls. It was a temporary change until they regain their narcissistic confidence back. They just got better at camouflaging it. If there are exceptions to the rule, that is great, but the rule still stands. @@melissasplitt158
Why do you think stress makes them revert back
I think its true. The narcissists I have known in my life.. either died as one or are alive and unchanged.
I have a brother with narcissistic tendencies and you know how I dealt with it? I no longer talk to him. No more toxicity No More drama. And by the way, there's nothing like a relationship that's a one-way street.
Yep! You can't lose if you don't play!
Gosh, this lady has helped me so much just through youtube videos. Thank you MedCirle, Dr Ramani
Too bad it's ai on a Mac in my cousins kitchen I watched
Gina I'd love to pretend like you
Same💯💯💯 Instrumental in my recovery.
Hahaha! “Can an Alligator become a duck?’
🤣🤣🤣🤣
Great point!!
Funny lol but can they ever change
You really get them to snap when you get sick of dealing with them and divorce them.
Divorce them...?! 😂
@@jennyzhang4196 yep 🤣
@@jennyzhang4196 Yep 👍 I only hung around because we had kids together. I finally had enough of her narcissism and called it quits after 17 years.
@@spamsquirrel Not trying to put up a fight! But hating someone but hanging around with her for another 17 years just because of kids, is it really a wise decision? What good did it produce? Why not left right there and right then? Although she is that bad, did she deserve to know the truth? Did your kids deserve not to suffer in that loveless, so called family? I sincerely ask if you are willing to share your thoughts.
@@jennyzhang4196 She wasn't always a narcissist. That actually happened within the last 5 years we were together. I can describe it as the scenario of the frog in a pot of water on the stove because it happens gradual. They start by separating you from friends and family, making it seem like they are the only one on your team. Then once they have you isolated, they have you questioning your own sanity, and start chipping away at your self worth in every aspect of your life. They really start turning on you when you are no longer useful to them and start blaming you for things that you have no control over. She would start up fights over the littlest things; sometimes waking me up at 1 or 2 am. And adding fuel to the fire, she also became an alcoholic. I lived in constant fear of her starting a physical fight and then threatening to call the police. I stuck around for my kids, but in the end she turned them against me. Should I have left earlier?.... yes, but when you have someone racking up debt and then keeps telling you "Sure you can leave, but you will financially have nothing after I get done with you in court". According to her she was doing no wrong and was perfectly in her right. Yes it was bad for the kids, but when you become psychologically abused, you cannot see any light at the end of the tunnel.
This is exactly true. I've experienced this first hand. This doctor is so good at explaining what I've been through and I've felt seen. As soon as they are under pressure or stress it's back to who they are again. It's so sad.
Agree 💯% I experienced this for many years. As soon as a problem arises the rage begins and you are expected to regulate them.
Humility is the key to keeping narcissistic behavior in check. The hardest part is getting them to realize this on their own.
Narcissists need to make videos too, like this.
Whitsle blower 🎉
Though many won’t hear the whistle.
This is gutting. This is me 100%. The first mindset to go under that stress is that "everything is not ok" and boom the fear of disaster takes over until the rage fit passes and remorse backfills.
Sending you so much love 💜
Oh.. this short video explained my wonder. Now I know why my Mom has kinder for awhile, then suddenly worst again when I did not agree with her accusations toward my other family members. Dr. Ramani video has answered it spot on.
This makes me so sad
Certain family members I’m only close to them when I play to their tune
If I disagree it becomes war
Very sad
could be borderline though? They can be nice and then they become a baby who needs to be fed..
@visionvixxen ; you described so spot on. I can feel you, too.
My covert narc Mom will quiet when disagreed, but behind my back, she spreads campaign & tells everyone different story which make me looks bad. Sadly, most people believe her, just because she is the Mom & her soft looking appearance.
Yeah my mom is the same way. She went to therapy but all it did was teach her how to argue better. She knows how to pretend but she can only keep the act up for so long. It use to drive me nuts trying to explain to her why she couldn’t do things and show her how the other person felt. It be funny bc the exact same thing would happen to her in reverse and I would try to use it as a teachable moment but it never made sense to her. I wish I saw these videos years ago. I wouldn’t have tried so hard.
100%. Correct 💯
yes they can change....... into a worse
evil person.
More cunning and covert
😂
Spot on. In 37 years of practicing psychology, I’ve not seen anyone dx with NPD sustain significant change 🙁
Narcissists are only satisfied when their competitors live in their shadow. As long as people are beneath them, they are content.
Yesss, I totally experienced that
Same here with ex spouse but I will succeed beyond him. My light gives me hope where he lives in darkness.
He knows I will excel before him😊 and he goes nowhere without me.
I have a narcissistic boss at work who is a Director as well! He tried to bully me and get me fired after I reported his behaviour! He went into a smear campaign, to the point nobody in the company talked to me! He kept trying to fire me…but so enraged and stupid that he ended up practically reporting on how incompetent he is! He is in a bad mood, and everyone around must be in a bad mood! People are trying to comply with him…but are so confused, since I always had a good relathionsip with them and I am their go to person! The damage he is doing to the morale of the team and whole office is unbelievable!
That's on them and their co-dependent selves!
I have empathy for you. I have had a narcissistic boss too. I retired early
This explains when they change when you think they change they will always revert back to being a narcissist
Isn't it interesting how they fake kindness and then revert back to narcissism...proves they clearly know what are doing and they prefer being evil.
they should put the topic up there when demonic females get exposed lol@@stephp7778
I don't think they EVER CHANGE!Even if they have a life altering experience...say fell off a ladder and broke their leg or something very serious...they would be laying in the hospital plotting&planning on the very people responsible for their care🙄
@@stephp7778 Yes they do!And let's not forget the BIG SHOW they put on for the public🙄super FAKE...
@@RootLady-nf8wh lolol my ex narc had a minor accident on the road and it made him more evil....to the point where he wanted the other driver locked up...and the accident wasn't even their fault
Love the camera flips to an empty couch
To all the people out there who have been labeled narcissistic, I hope you heal from your childhood trauma. I hope you take yourself from life’s conveyer belt to take care of yourself. I hope you connect with the many compassionate people out there who have make it their life’s purpose to help heal people whose souls were wounded by childhood trauma. I hope you don’t find yourselves on public stages pretending to be anything other than wounded souls you are. Always remember, we don’t judge people based on their shortcomings, we judge them based on our own wounds.
Now I cannot show my son something caring other than defeat. We need a sight that shows how people want to help them, since they don’t go in for diagnosis or therapy.🙏
This is what I noticed with my ex of 16 years. Everything was fine until things went less than perfect and he turned into an intolerable presence to be around. They cannot handle stress. Narcissists need things and life to go perfectly as planned for their lives to look and be a certain way and God forbid it doesn’t you’re going to be dealing with a very difficult person
So true! And when it comes down to it, honestly, why would they change? They are sure they are they are the most important people on the planet, they have a right to be entitled, have it all, be uncaring of others, unsympathetic, why would they want to grow and change? They are doing and getting exactly what they want from life and others.
😮
Until they find themselves alone, maybe they'll get it.
My sister wants a relationship with me.
But I'm like:
You've NEVER said SORRY.
Moreover, Your own first 3 Kids from Three Different Men, EVEN They DON'T want a relationship with You.
I didn't tell her that, but I reasoned it out in my mind.
I've overheard my mother speak to my sister on the phone with a speaker on, so. Yeah. I know she doesn't have a relationship with the first 3 kids from 3 Different men.
And who knows about her 5 kids from the man she finally married.
Poor kids must be in Hell.
This is soooo insightful!! Thanks
From the time I was 6 yrs old to when I was 17, my main concern in life was at 5:30 a.m. and again at 5:30 pm, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a yr, was to not upset the milk cows so they would hold their milk.🥛
I always had problems when I was having stressful life issues with my narcissistic ex husband, it was awful, he couldn't handle life, still can't by himself.
my x would yell at me telling me that I need to handle it because I was pushing him AWAY.
This is very clear and accurate description of the true narcissistic behavior pattern, one of the best I've heard. Here are the keys: you can "teach" them to perform, yet every small trigger snaps them right back, they blame others for everything never seeing the true consequence s ( or admitting) of their actions.
( needless to say, I have my own long term past experience living with one such individual...and yes, they do not soften with age, they actually get satisfaction in making others feel inadequate).
Thank you for sharing!
I know 2 narcissists and both have been cut off by all of their friends and all of their family and still believe they are some sort of victim and everyone has hurt them instead of owning up to the reality of what they have done that led every single person in their lives to want nothing to do with them.
That’s odd and alarming for me. Rare that an entire group will isolate and disempower a narcissist. They are experts at masking and manipulation so much so that they are able to convince many to believe and follow them that the said victim is the problem.
In other words entire families or social groups with rally around the most toxic individual (when the target dares to speak up) in order to obtain self preservation.
Idk… if I were to see an entire group isolating or cutting off 1 person? Seems that supposed narcissist isn’t good at all in narcissism.
So true- they can never be changed
Severe trama turned my narcissism off. Because when I got help for my trama (ptsd) a lot of my fathers narcissism came to the surface in my therapy sessions. It helped me realize what I was and was able to use a lot of techniques I learned from my ptsd work to help ease my narcissism and control needs. I know I’m not perfect but I have come a long way.
For instance, I now understand that all I can control in life is my reaction to things. If other people want to do something else I can’t control them.
I actually believe that when she says you can train a narcissist to be not so jerky, less entitled etc. I believe that is actually a version of a covert narcissist. Giving the narcissist the tool set to combat their rage and control issues is paramount.
You may not had a narcissistic personality disorder but narcissistic traits learned from father
I haven’t been diagnosed but I hope that you’re right… I’d like to think that I can change and be better if I put the effort in.
@@audreyxatomic It’s just as ingrained in us as anyone’s personality. It’s hard telling a narcissist they are indeed a narcissist it’s like saying someone is not who they are when it’s their personality. Some things we can change but some things we absolutely can’t change we can only be aware and choose better actions.
This
Trauma
A psychiatrist at a rehab I once went to diagnosed everyone there with NPD he told me it would take 20 years to understand. Its taken 20 years to get that I don't have NPD at all.
Addiction results in narcissistic behavior but it doesnt make someone a narcissist.
Have you ever met a narcissist that actually admitted to or even believed they were a narcissist? I haven't personally.
Great point!
I had a counselor like that, lol. Just convinced of everyone being narcissistic.
@@davidgray8089 When I was first learning about narcissism it was overwhelming. I kept questioning that maybe I was overthinking these behaviors and it was all in my head or even in denial at times because I didn’t want it to be tru about a family member. It was a harsh truth I didn’t want to except, so one day I when over to my moms and was reading out loud to her an article about narcissism; this is what she said to me, “ that sounds a lot like me and the things I do 🤷♀️ of course I was silent and didn’t comment back on that.
As the victim of many narcissistic relationships starting with my mother, I have realized that I have the ability to be a narcissist as well. The only road to recovery is to value one’s self and learn to self love. The solution is available for both the narc and the victim. If you are a victim it should be part of your understanding to realize your tendencies to play the narc as well. All the TH-cam people talking about Narcissism miss this point.
After being years and years away from my text-book narcissist ex even I was shocked at how little he had changed. He is the exact same person I met 20 years ago. I’ve never met anyone else in my life that has stalled in so many ways.
I feel like this kind of stigmatises and enables narcissists. I could see how this line of logic could reinforce narcissistic behaviors, because if a narcissist is backed into a corner, theyll embrace it and double down. Telling a narcissist that they cannot change no matter the effort, theyll just assume thats a free pass to keep on stiffarming everyone in their lives because "they cant help it"
This entire thread and video are just plain nonsense. Obviously, change is possible if you know how. Instead of relying on lackluster psychiatrists or psychologists, the real solution seems to be embracing spirituality. People need to wake up, separate themselves from their messed-up minds/egos, and realize that's not who they truly are. Most turned this way due to circumstances beyond their control. I'm a borderline, I suffered, but instead of bitching and complaining like most passes in this Commet thread, I found the actual solution to help them poor souls and their potential victims.
@@ishmamnaveel2198please tell me how… I want to separate or be with but move into healing and hope that others can heal with or without me
Yeah, this kind of talk not only convinces narcissists to double down with no remorse, but it also encouraged people who consider them non-narcs (deserved or not...we can only speculate...remember narcs are classic self-deceivers...) to put a blanket judgement on another person that never expires, ever.
I get being cautious about being hurt by people, but after a certain point I think consuming all this anti-narc content and thinking about narcs over and over and over is terrible for your psyche.
@sunkintree exactly, people are just spirituality unaware. You can not fix the disfunction of the mind with the disfunctional mind. Addressing complex mental disorders like NPD / BPD through traditional psychology is like using a broken tool to repair itself-counterproductive. In contrast, spirituality doesn't seek to repair the mind but rather aims to transcend it. By recognizing oneself as the observer rather than the mind's contents, the pain and suffering induced by mental fluctuations become insignificant, fostering a profound understanding. It's akin to stepping back from a chaotic painting to realize you are the observer, not entangled within the brushstrokes.
This thread seems to neglect the struggles these certain individuals, portraying them as villains instead of addressing their mental health issues. By playing victim and engaging in a blame game, it perpetuates a cycle of suffering and hatred. But so you just want to let them free and cause pain in themselves and others? Ultimately contributing to the collective dysfunction of the world. Where is your Empathy? You are no different from them then, atleast they have a mental disorder.
I suffered in the hands of Narcassistic people, amidst the challenges posed by them, I refrained from harboring resentment. Instead, I cultivated a profound curiosity, a compassionate inclination to understand the intricacies of their struggles. Rather than allowing negativity to take root, my experiences fueled a commitment to understanding their pain at a deeper level. This commitment, in turn, impelled me to actively seek ways to alleviate not only their suffering but also the potential harm they might unknowingly inflict on others.
In turn I ultimately found the truth that also ended my own suffering.
Nah… they are who they are, regardless of what anyone says or does.
Tried to explain this to my friend about her husband but she won't listen so i can't talk to her anymore because hearing her struggles all the time became too much for me. She won't leave him and i cannot take the pain infeel for her if i keep communicating with her. SAD.
You just can wait if she realizes/admit what is wrong with her husband, that’s the only thing you can do at this moment
Yes , there is nothing that you can do . I just got tired of hearing about the terrible things so I had to pull back from my friend . I will be here but at a distance .
My 1st though: Wondetring if she'd begin to see the light after watching some Dr Ramani vuds on the topic-- but in a SAFE PLACE & TIME. Probably NOT in their own house.
Once I was like her too
I couldn't listen to anyone who tried to open my eyes
I started to realise what I was going through by God's grace and when I started to watch this kind of videos and I was blaming myself for all depression and anxiety I was facing till I started to take medication without any sickness
And now I am about to leave him for my good
Narcissists never ever change
Any word you tell them they use it against you because gaslighting is what they do
So better not to try to change a narcissist cz they think they own everything in the world 😢
This goes to show that the narcissist's sphere of influence can be quite large and their reach quite long.
The rubberband theory is how I feel about my depression/c-ptsd symptoms. I can do great for months but one trigger can take it all away... and sometimes the trigger is just a nightmare. so frustrating.
The whole time mine was this weird curse on me that I didn’t understand and it just didn’t feel right for who I knew I really was or could be. It took me years of research and some of the most difficult realizations after straight up facing certain behaviors and eventually taught myself how to “mask” I guess the worst of it. I was never as horrible as some people get but it was bad enough that I knew I had to do something. Then after a clean and non dramatic divorce and a few really bad relationships with the worst narcissists I’d ever encountered it got all put in perspective and I have overcome probably about 90% of the behaviors I was able to identify and learned to hold myself accountable for. These days I can still feel it underneath my “good” self but I don’t ever let it come out in ways that hurt others anymore. It’s hard to explain but there has always just been this question of what is it that sets me aside from most narcissistic people because usually it’s like they believe it’s just who they are and I always felt like it wasn’t right and it wasn’t me. I’ve only ever met one other human with a similar circumstance and he knew exactly how I felt but neither of us could understand what the difference is. All I know is maybe it’s super rare but it could get better if the narcissist has this weird little glint of self awareness (for lack of better explanation) that this can’t really be who I am because it does not feel right in my soul. It’s very dark and lonely though but at least it’s only me hurting inside instead of hurting anyone else.
My narc. ex started going to therapy when we were together, mostly to work on his pathological lying, and started to become a bit self aware and work on himself, but stopped when we broke up. I was shocked when I spoke to him a few months later that he was not just back to square one but worse.. just spouting the most blatant and outrageous untruths! Definitely like a rubber band!
Lol
The only “change” a narcissist can ever do is “change” who is the next person they will make miserable. Especially when you go No Contact.
There is NO change within their demonic ways. 💯
Very sad to see you invoke the name/title of Christ and mention the demonic, yet insist that there is no hope for these people? You should be grateful that God didn't declare you hopeless.
Very good comment!
Never mind other comments; unless they are positive to yours!
@@Charles.Wrightumm they are demonic.. this is after all a spiritual problem with these people. The CHOSE to do evil.
True. You can bring God into the relationship and these type do pop back. Especially involving entitlement (deadly sins take root)..really
@@Charles.WrightIt's sad but it's true, there's an evil entity lurking behind Narcissists , their true self is dead , sacrificed for the false self
The American psychology association declared that narcissists make up less than 1 percent of the population. They are often bred into extremely wealthy families or grew up in the spotlight aka Fame. Your odds of meeting a narcissist is extremely low unless you come from one of those 2 backgrounds. Yet, here we are doing what we did in the 90s with bi polar disorder… and declaring everyone a narcissist because they broke our heart or weren’t compatible with us. Let’s get real
Yes.
On the other hand, the comments below all of these videos have been more educational to me than even the videos are. I like both.
For example, my ex-fiance. When I read "The Psychopath Next Door," I was convinced that's what she is. Then, I began wondering about one of my sisters. But after she borrowed and read it, she started looking at me funny. That's when I got off the crazy train.
Then, I started to do it again after watching all these narc channels here on TH-cam. But then started to read the comments under them, only to realize that my ex-fiance was nothing of the kind. She was just a drama queen, or insecure, or whatever. Not a narc at all.
And even more important; I was not a narc either.
The stories I've read in the comments convinced me I have never even met one. Which is good. But if I ever do, I'll have a much better idea on how to handle them.
One percent of the population is 90,000,000. It’s possible we’ve all met a narcissist.
@@iamross11 It's not only possible, it's probable. They show up as Doctors, Lawyers and CEOs. Not just Celebrities and Politicians although you can bet that Politicians are almost always Narcissists.
That’s such crap. Not only do most narcissists go undiagnosed, because they refuse contact with mental health services, but many are created out of trauma and neglect. You don’t need to come from a privileged background to be a narcissist at all.
This is the most accurate description of what a Narcissist is truly
I use to listen to Kyle's interviews with Dr.Ramani for hours . Very informative! They couldn't have been there at a better time.
Toddlers can't handle crap they cause their issues and act as if it's everyone else's fault this is just how they are and right now I do not want any relationships I was with a narcissist for 24 years and I haven't been with him for 3 years but I noticed this in me I lar him come close 3 times the first two times it was because he had another chick on the side and I didn't tolerate that and blocked him out the 3rd time I was different I gave him strong boundaries and of course he said why are you not letting me in fully right there he's upset at a healthy boundary plus I had to think he will just do the same shit and I'm not longer putting myself in a position to be hurt if he had 22 full years of me and not once did he make any changes or stuck to w single promise.I CAN'T PHYSICALLY TOLERATE THE CLOSET OF WHEN WILL HE GO OFF AND ACT ABUSIVE AND GO CHEAT AND I MEAN HES LOOKING FOR A NEW REPLACEMENT THAT'S EVEN WORST WHEN HE'D GIVE HER MORE THAN HES EVER GIVEN ME.... I'd rather be alone with nobody than to feel unsafe emotionally ever again if that means I'm single for a long time then I'm better off .way to many narcissistic people who I spotted and didn't give them a try when i tried to date a while ago.its like all the others were narcissists and why they seem to be the only ones trying to date and the rest of us who were abused by a narcissist are done dating....IF THERE'S TOO MANY NARCISSISTIC PEOPLE ITS THE WISEST THING FOR US SURVIVORS TO BE SINGLE.
True.
I hear you. If u set a boundry with them they will get enraged , if thst dosent work s complete meltdown with F*** you finger. For most of his life hes lived with his dad. Anyway now he is 30 years old and is unbearable to be around. They notvonly kill the soul , if u stsy long enough they can cause a person to drop dead.
Exactly I want to sad but true. But it’s beyond that… just true.
I do wonder if those of us who have intimacy issue or boundary issues because of our upbringing only attract these types and how long it will RVRR take to start being and attracting Healthy.
Basically. I want to grow but if it involves going through. A slew or decreasingly narcissistic narcs for the rest of my life, I just don’t think I can do it
You can get out of it!! I did, but it did took a lot of work! I am so happy.
That couch is such a good interviewer!
Omfg!!!!!! I just realized that this is also a thing....I thought he was actually making progress,so many times. And then boom,he's still a rubber band. Smdh. My heart right now.
Oh, I'm so sorry! I was married to a narcissist. He'd go into rages over anything, then love bomb me with flowers and cards.
Those "honeymoon" periods between rages got shorter and shorter.
Nothing I did was right, good enough and he was so controlling.
One day it hit me that the man I loved didn't exist. That I'd fallen in love with a facade. It is why he's my ex.
Take care of yourself!
This is the dynamic that will eventually nullify your every connection to life and yourself. Nothing is as it seems and you lose hope.
I am now a mere ether, a confused nonentity- probl because there was naricss in my family and prob because I’ve been with a very hidden one for the past 14 years
I may be one myself
I just want God to reset me
Yep- it’s so sad…. I’ve know. Mine from the first week. But said driven successful me must be this way.
I’m so overwhelmed
@@selah71
Good advice.
And a good strong testimony.
Mental health professional here.Narcissists can heal. It's rare but possible. However, there is a dangerous period of suicidality when they get truly close to healing. To get through that period they need a skilled therapist and to know that it will pass. Another challenge not talked about with narcissism is the severe dissociative defenses. It's very complex and they deserve empathy too...just from a distance, so you don't get hurt. Lots of love to anyone who's trying. ❤️
Yes. Survivor of full-blown covert NPD spouse here. Can’t help feeling that if the root cause was childhood trauma, therapy should help. But mine also had sex hormone imbalance… could smell the hormones on their breath. Chicken and egg question: did the hormone imbalance cause the sex addiction? Or did the narcissism cause the imbalance? Because if the narcissism and sex addiction is hereditary, for example causing casual risky sex with strangers in the most extreme examples… one would imagine the ailment is almost built into the fibre of their being… it’s like asking a shark or tiger to stop eating meat.
I've always hoped that was possible but after 10 years, and tons of love..... and nearly total understanding, I become the fool for hoping!
They are hopeless. Only a person who gets paid to deal with them can afford to deal with them
@@arriuscalpurniuspiso Saying a whole group of human beings are hopeless says more about you then about them. Damn. Trauma causes narcissism. Dehumanizing people only makes things worse.
The problem is that it takes so much effort and time and life out of people around them that even IF one in a hundred heals themselves, they’ve already burned so many bridges and made their loved ones lives hell in so many ways, it isn’t always worth it. After a certain point, you can’t even restore your health or trust. Would take a decade or two. Those that heal, are such small percentage that most therapists never have the pleasure of meeting an ex narcissist.
My ex-girlfriend was a narcissist..
I'm soo glad we broke up with a backlash!
Truth 100% It is the most mind blowing thing to witness the depth of disconnect these kinds of people have whether in a social setting or in private when their not trying to cover up who they really are
I am the narcissist in this case... I did not even know i was a narcissist until a found a few videos about this topic. I have 2 years of relationship with a gorgeous girl, loving and helping, but during the last year, i started to hurt her more and more emotionally. I changed parts about me and then at the stress parts i clicked back. I did not know how to react to when she was hurt because of me and did nothing to help. Other days i did great stuff and helped her fully. I saw that if there is something from outside, i can manage to help, but if I cause the damage, then i panic and fail to do what i have to do.
I will make a mission to change my narcissistic behaviour and start building her trust back.
Practice patience and kindness that's a start
Do you watch
The nameless narcissist,
Or
Lee Hammock?
Both are NPD in recovery.
I truly wish you the best on your recovery. I don't know who you are but I pray that you find your true self and heal this issue. I hope you can find all the support that you need to be Narc free. Another thing that makes it so difficult to heal is that you most likely accumulated a lot bad karma for all the pain that you have caused. You definitely should start doing as much volunteering as possible. Start daily affirmations & meditation everyday. You have got to get out of your head. Stop making up life as you go. Make yearly realistic goals for yourself and do not deviate from them. You should probably not get involved in any intimate relationships for a while. If you do happen to find someone who you have a mutual attraction for, tell them right away. Make sure that they understand. Explain to them that they will need to set strict boundaries with you. You need to make sure they know that Narcs are very, very prone to cheating and lying. You must by all means learn how to be respectful. As a matter of fact, you need to set some boundaries of ur own. Some things like being disrespectful are not an option. Violence also is not an option. That includes yelling punching walls, road rage, bullying. Try to imagine ur a little toddler and start all over. LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN! LEARN HOW TO TAKE CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM! LOVE YOURSELF. DO NOT ENTERTAIN ANY NEGATIVE THOUGHTS THAT POP UP IN UR HEAD. SPEND AS MUCH TIME AS POSSIBLE ALONE WKING ON URSELF. NEVER LOOK AT PEOPLE AS SUPPLY. JUST BE HONEST WITH URSELF. I THINK THAT IS THE BIGGEST PROBLEM. YOU REALLY NEED TO DO SOME SOUL SEARCHING/SELF DISCOVERY/SELF ACTUALIZING. TRY TO DEVELOP YOUR WILL- POWER & SELF DISCIPLINE. YOUR ARE REALLY GOING TO NEED TO CONCERN URSELF WITH BEING OF SERVICE TO OTHERS RATHER THEN THAT OF YOUR OWN NEEDS. SO THAT PERHAPS IT MIGHT HELP YOU TO FIND BALANCE IN UR LIFE. BALANCE WILL BE THE KEY TO UR SUCCESS.
I have NEVER before seen feedback from a self-identifying narcissist !
We can all have narcissistic traits. A proper diagnosis involves checking off points on a list with a minimum number of positive tests. Two very important hallmarks are that they do not self reflect and, secondly, they do not feel empathy. If you are here reflecting on your behaviour, and making efforts to improve, it isn't likely that you are one of these dysfunctional people . Selfishness and carelessness are pretty universal and do not mean that you have a personality disorder.
This is actually really discouraging for anyone who may carry or deal with having a narcissistic personality. I feel like I have traits of being narcissistic. I have been diagnosed with other mental complications, but narcissism wasn't one of them, but the videos I watch are leading me more in that direction. To hear there's no hope is hard to handle. All these videos make me feel unwanted, unmanageable, and not worthy of anyone's love or partnership.
You dont sound beyond repair at all. So maybe dont apply this to yourself.
Look up BPD before you let yourself be labeled and own the Narc tag. Trust me the fact you are wanting to seek help or are able to admit you might be a Narc is damn near a 100% sign your not.
My ex labeled me that bs and it has so severely fucked me up it's beyond comprehension, I accepted that bs, have lived with that label the past 5 years all while trying to "overcome" it and feeling hopeless cuz this bs that you cant be cured.
BPD looks very similar in outward behavior but the motivation is absolutely night and day. It sucks being told you're a monster that there is no cure for when you recognize you have a mental health problem and are seeking help.
You're not a monster, you're probably not a Narc and there is help...
Also, avoidant personalities react like narcissists sometimes, but for different motivations. And that can be fixed :) there's hope!
I've really never met a remorseful narcissist, yearning for change. That's definitely not a narcissistic trait. Maybe you just lack compassion and you're an azzhole. Only saying that for constructive criticism. You can come back from being an azzhole. I'd pray on it (learn about the sacrifice Jesus made FOR YOU SPECIFICALLY), and find a way to see the pain in others and put others before yourself, especially when you don't want to. That will eventually change your heart.
@Dacipleinc Thank you for that. I have been diagnosed with BPD, to which I have been told there is no treatment for. They tried to medicate me for anxiety to help, but all it did was make me gain a ton of weight, so I stopped taking it. I always feel like I am playing guinea pig when medications are involved. They say don't take more than prescribed, but when the meds don't work, they tell me to take more. I hate meds. I took them as a kid, which caused the same weight issue when I was 12, and the kids at school were so cruel. I had no friends really and was severely overweight. I just feel like I'm losing at life. I ruined my last relationship of 4 years, and I've come to the conclusion that perhaps my destiny is to walk and travel alone. I do want help, and I don't want to be alone, but my experiences are prohibiting that. I don't want to hurt anyone and I don't want to be hurt again.
Love Dr. Ramani! She’s so on target.
She’s an excellent therapist, speaker, and author. I highly recommend her TH-cam channel as well.
What do you love most about her
She’s a true expert who communicates difficult concepts in easy-to-understand terminology and application.
@@elizabethscott3048 I will have to check more of her videos. What have you learnt from her so far ?
@@elizabethscott3048 I will have to check her videos. What have you learnt from her so far
@@elizabethscott3048 I will have to check her videos. What have you learnt so far from her
This is very true!!! Left my kids dad almost 2 years ago. But since we habe kids together i kinda have to still deal with him on a minimum. And he swears he changed, i see the better behavior when thkngs are good. But the moment he hears something he does not like, i can see his old ways coming back. This is very very true. Thanks Dr. Ramini for your videos. It took me 2 years to truly understand his behaviors after 15 years. I finally left in Oct of 2022. The best choice i made in my life. I have peace of mind now. Even though i still have to hear his voice some days or see his face, I am much better without that life..
It never stops.Just gets more rediculous looking with age.
Thanks this matches with the answers from my prayers to God. He helped me to understand that:
We can forgive the narcissist by letting go of anger 🤬😠, but since they don't change because they don't want to, there is no NEED FOR FRIENDSHIP RELATIONSHIP with them if they keep on PURPOSEFULLY INTENTIONALLY HURTING YOU AND WON'T CHANGE.
To keep my peace I go NO CONTACT FOREVER.
God will turn one over to a reprobate mind. kjv
*
Do you ever meet someone who is not this? How can you tell that not every person you get close to will become this?
I need so much obhectivity
Damn Straight 😮.
This short not having the guy be visible and cutting to a very inquisitive sentient couch instead is funny to me
I never understood why my dad would promise to change millions of times and why I would always believe it until he broke my trust again but this analogy really helps
My narcissist (ex) husband did really well for 7 yrs. then snapped back. Like a damm breaking. It was horrible.
7 years how can someone fake himself for 7 years. 😮
@@rahulcffhPeople can't. Welcome to the I-see-narcs-everywhere-bubble. If someone is "faking" over 7 years, it's more likely this person actually changed and the observer of that person just looks for "narc indicators" as soon as something goes in a wrong direction the observer doesn't like.
There is a good chance many of those narc alarm sirens are really just projecting.
It's truly sad. It's like there is no hope for them or you.
There is hope Tracy. I am a rehabilitated/reformed Narc. It’s taken me 10 years to get to where I am now.
Wow!!!!!!@@veemal
😰😣😓 thank you, iam sure there is some way i will do my best to change myself.
@@veemalooh good to hear it .... hope every narc soon rehabilitates ... this is owsome!!
@@veemalGod bless
It is possible, not medically, but through honesty. They must be willing to change..typically through severe life crisis 😇 Rev.M
The deliverance is the ONLY WAY FOR THEM BE SET FREE!!
In as much as the term is ugly, one should realize not all who are narcissists are happy being that way. Most of them are as a result of emotional neglect whose needs were never met in childhood. And not all of them are necessarily selfish by choice. They behave that way because they are looking for what they never received during childhood. Instead of them to be selfless, they become selfish but are just trying to fulfill what was never satisfied. Narcissism is quite draining and exhausting, unfortunately we live in a world where (some) people just judge one's behaviour without knowledge of a human psychology to know that there is a deeper issue behind that behaviour. At the end of the day, "narcs" are just labeled as the bad guys not understanding that some of them are in need of help but do not know how to navigate everything and confiding in the right people without judgement.
It's sad, but unfortunately it's not one job to take that abuse cause it will drain the life out of you, doesn't mean we are not aware, we just Don't have to suffer with them
Enablers...
Then they should make a sincere effort to get into therapy and work on their own issues first and foremost so they're safe to be around. Unless you've experienced narcissistic abuse firsthand you have no idea how dangerous it can be to other's mental, emotional and physical health.
Create a formula like AA for narcs as they're alot like alcholics from what I've experienced.
It's one thing understanding the reasons why they are what they are, but it doesn't take away the abuse that they inflict on others.
No end of justification will make that acceptable!
It's kinda hard to feel sorry for them not having their needs met when they literally take advantage of that in others. Narcissists love people who were neglected in childhood because they're an easy target.
Well idk about that my mom said my narcissist dad slowly changed he’s more laid back and sweet and reliable she claimed he finally grew up 😂😭 he started acting more like a dad and more compassionate towards others feelings he’s turned around completely he’s not an angry ass bitter person no more and I’m grateful about that because I used to see the bullshit and now he’s actually putting the work in that he was supposed to do so for years and it’s making me more comfortable to trust him
Took my dad having a stroke to get nice . Glad yours did some work to achieve it .
Yeah. Mine is nice when no one else is around to support him. Otherwise he’s nasty to me
True. Ive known a couple for decades & even when you think they've had some personal growth & learned those exact things she mentions - yep, a little stress in their lives & they go right back to being unbelievably self- centered & focused on themselves. When you see/hear it, you'll immediately remember how they were "before."
I'm mainly impressed by the chair's cognitive function and ability to communicate.
God can bring about a change in anyone ❤️ 💙
Amen
I believe this, too, and have given my narcissist to Spirit God. Having done that, I have found peace. Let go and let God. ❤
She’s right. My mother is a classic narcissist and she resented the relationship I had with her mother and made sure her medications were messed with so she’d die from her heart condition, my aunt also played a roll in this as well, both are like spoiled 14 year old school girls, very manipulative and incapable of speaking the truth. Up until a couple years ago I had no idea what the definition of narcissistic behavior was so I looked it up and was shocked, it was my mother in her entirety!
I’m so sorry. That is really truly scary and evil. The whole things makes me sad and ask God why?
Bruh, sometimes I wonder if my mom killed her twin sister. They had been fighting the week before her death. My mom got together with my aunt's widowed husband a few years after. Disgusting... They aren't together anymore because he realized my mom wasnt anything like my Aunt. She has a lot of emotional problems and I suspect she's a narcissist.
RIP auntie Jan, they said it was arthritis meds that took her at the age of 49. 💖
@@Hannahsunshine- It took me a while to piece things together since not in a million years would I expect this in my family, the first clue was from when I was looking through some old pictures and one was of our last thanksgiving dinner at grandmas house in 1995, it was a few days after when I was told she died so I looked close and my wife was the one with the camera and we were all looking at the camera except my mother and aunt, they were both staring straight forward almost in contention without a smile. Then during the 2 day visit my mother who was living with grandmother at the time was strangely quiet which was odd, and she had a “duping smile” on her face whenever I saw her in the house. To get my mother to behave or do something, you have to promise her money or something she greatly wants. Needless to say that my mother was never around my daughters which is sad in the first place but she’s not well balanced upstairs.
The cure for narcissism is compassion and empathy for the results of the behavior and not for the adaptation that is the behavior. Retired LCSW here, and I have seen people with this adaptation to primal rejection heal. When the condition is more sociopathic the prognosis is worse. This very informed clinician has never displayed empathy. She says “the heartbreak of narcissism is…” and she’s smiling. I see her videos all the time and I’ve never seen her show real compassion for how lonely and isolated they are. Of course they cause harm, but they are humans seeking help. A clinician can show compassion and hold boundaries. That’s a skill that differentiates a clinician from a friend. I think she’s very smart, but not kind. Rather like having only one oar in the boat.
This woman is the truth. It's almost like a drug the feeling they get from what they do to people. Just like she said, the behavior don't retain growth. Unless they go through something that changes them on a spiritual level. And how would you know that right?